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Category: LOVE

Puns, Regicide and Snowball Fights: One Couple’s Celebration of St. Valentine’s Day

by ElisaShoenbergerin DATING ADVICE, LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Some couples have romantic dinners or go on exotic vacations for Valentine’s Day. We took a different route.

My husband and I find something decidedly unsexy to celebrate this day in February. Even from the very beginning, we’ve found creative ways to play with the concept of the day.

Nothing says I love you like Shakespearean regicide.

Shakespeare's for valentine's day

Our first Valentine’s day was spent seeing A Year in Magical Thinking by Joan Didion that was her true story of her attempt to deal with the death of her husband and daughter in the same year. Sexy, no? It still remains one of the best plays I’ve ever seen.

The following year, we made a point of seeing Shakespeare’s Richard II that deals with a man child whose bad decisions end up resulting in the loss of his throne and his life. Not one of Shakespeare’s better known romantic plays. And so on and so forth.

Two times, we’ve done crisis rooms as Valentine’s day adventures. The first was part of “The Last Defenders” where we had to dress in orange jumpsuits and work with 15 other people to try to prevent a nuclear holocaust. Sadly, we failed and everyone died.

Last year, we gathered a group of friends together in order to solve a crisis room, one of those new interactive puzzle rooms where you have an hour to solve a problem. We succeeded in escaping from a runaway train car through a combination of collective problem-solving and inspiration.

Another year we were teetotalers for the Chicago Poetry Bordello, waving signs against the forbidden drink and protesting outside the venue in a snowstorm. But that’s an entirely different story.

For me, Valentine’s Day was always a little silly.

valentine's day children

I don’t mean that the holiday is silly in itself. I have yet to shake the initial meaning of the day as a child. In grammar school, I loved Valentine’s Day since it meant punny valentines and candy. Think “I Choo-Choo Choose You” valentine from The Simpsons.

 It felt like a lesser Halloween but in the middle of the winter. Sometimes, I would even hand make the valentines because it was good to make things by hand.

Even later on in my life, I still found myself drawn to the joviality of the day. I felt disconnected from the romantic overtones, the marketing that said that you were less than fully in love unless you bought them XYZ.

Even in college, I remember buying ridiculous animal valentines with punderful sayings and giving them to my friend. I even sent one in an envelope to a friend in another state.

I learned in college that not everyone felt the same way.

Everyone had a ticket on the Anti-Valentine’s Day Train. It was everyone. It didn’t matter your gender or your relationship status. I heard nothing from my friends who I sent valentines to in other states. Talking to folks in college, Valentine’s Day was perceived as this Hallmark holiday, another mark of our over consumptive society. It was a holiday to make single people feel bad.  If it was noted at all, it was with a groan. And maybe a shopping spree for discount candy on the 15th.

Even my then boyfriend was vehemently opposed to it. I asked him about it and his reply was “Shouldn’t you be treating your loved one well everyday?” I had no response to that. So we didn’t do much for the day.

In graduate school, I once asked a friend to dinner on Valentine’s Day. I remembered that it was the holiday since I bought her and her boyfriend silly Valentine’s day gift. It was two of those biting sticks with dinosaur heads. The ones where you had a head on a long stick and pressed a button to open and close the mouth.

Only after dinner, did it even occur to me that perhaps they wanted to have a romantic night. (She was delighted at the gift and clearly did not have strong Valentine’s Day opinions.)

Things changed delightfully when started dating my now husband

valentine's day ride

My now husband didn’t seem to have the same strong opinions about the day. And I still enjoyed the wackiness of it.

We treated most of these special events as a bit of a lark. Two weeks before our wedding, we had a joint bachelor party playing laser tag where we were on opposite teams. It made sense given the nature of our relationship. At karaoke, we sing classic love songs like “This is Halloween” or the Clash’s “London Calling” or on very special occasions “God Save the Queen” by the Sex Pistols.

Naturally, our Valentine’s day would continue our strangeness.

This year, as we begin planning for Valentine’s Day, we’re going in a slightly new but entirely appropriate direction. We are thinking more combative…like a snowball fight. But that depends on snow. Or perhaps laser tag like our joint Bachelor’s party.

Either way, we are going to celebrate Valentine’s day in our own way.

Looking for more adventures for Valentine’s Day? Check out The Best Unconventional Date Movies For Your Valentine’s Day or look for ways you can show your community love with How To Show Love By Making a Difference This Valentine’s Day.

How Valentine’s Day Has Completely Changed For Me Through the Years

by Kate Oczypokin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

From grade school shoe boxes full of Valentines to red roses from my longtime boyfriend, Valentine’s Day has certainly evolved for me.

Valentine’s Day was always a day I enjoyed telling my closest friends and family how much I loved them. Over the years I’ve had plenty of stories to tell, but they’ve all gone back to one central theme—love.

Whether it was choosing the perfect themed Valentine’s to write out to my class, going to the yearly “date dance” in high school or celebrating a deeper kind of love with my longtime boyfriend, I made sure everything on Valentine’s Day revolved around love.

Here are how Valentine’s Day has changed in my life from my childhood through my teenage years.

Valentine’s Day during childhood is the most adorable time ever.

valentine's day children

Remember those boxes of Valentines you could get at your local K-Mart, Wal-Mart, Target or CVS? They often revolved around what was popular among the youth zeitgeist of the time. I lived for those! I’m aging myself here, but Beauty and the Beast Valentines were an absolute must in second grade.

Later in junior high, Spice Girls Valentines were definitely something I begged my parents for. I remember sorting through the 30 or so Valentines in each pack and making sure my crush always got the one that was extra flirty (this never ended up working in my favor).

The worst classmate of mine always got the ugliest one and my best friend always got my favorite, of course.

In my family life, my parents always did something so simple that made me feel like I had so much worth. On Valentine’s Day morning, my brother and sisters and myself would each receive a heart-shaped box of candy. Just a little something to say I love you, I later have adopted this practice in my adult life. I am so grateful we grew up with parents like ours.

Valentine’s Day as a teen was like Galentine’s Day before it was a “thing.”

teen girls having fun

I didn’t date anyone until I was in college and went to an all-girls high school. Needless to say, Valentine’s Days during my teenage years were spent with friends.

Some of my favorite memories were spent on a riverboat where I grew up in Pittsburgh. My school had a yearly Valentine’s Day dance called “Date Dance.” The rules were ridiculous, that you absolutely had to bring a date so many of us awkward teens attending our all-female school had trouble finding dates (like yours truly!).

We all ended up just asking friends of friends to accompany us as our “dates” and we often abandoned the guys and danced the night away together. I still have a keychain of myself and seven of my closest girlfriends from a Valentine’s Day in the early 2000s. Chances are we had just finished dancing to some old school Britney, Backstreet Boys or N*SYNC.

The best Valentine’s Day come from the days I spent as a young adult.

My best Valentine’s Days from my young adulthood were all about self love. Every year I would head to this local restaurant just a few blocks from my apartment and get a slice of their mud pie.

This wasn’t just any mud pie, it was literally heaven on a plate. I’d always do something else too, like take a yoga class or take myself to see the Garry Marshall movie Valentine’s Day or He’s Just Not That Into You. Seeing He’s Just Not That Into You on Valentine’s Day by myself was so completely liberating.

I learned a lot about myself during those years. I learned to enjoy my own company and that spending a day about love solo really isn’t so lonely after all.

While I spent a lot of time on my own, I also started a very important tradition to me in my young adult years. When Nora Ephron’s “Julie and Julia” was released in 2009, I instantly fell in love with the film and the spirit of Julia Child.

From that year forward, I’ve made Julia Child’s boeuf bourguignon for a fancy dinner party with my closest friends. I love getting everyone together in honor of Valentine’s Day. This year will be our ninth in a row.

Today, things are different. Very different.

adorable couple on valentine's day

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for six years now. We have had plenty of Valentine’s Day memories that we laugh about and love to reminisce about too. There was a year where we were planning on going out to a fancy dinner, but a huge snow squall hit on Valentine’s evening.

We stayed in and watched Netflix with our dog and had the best time. Then there were three separate years I won the same restaurant’s Valentine’s Day contest. It got embarrassing by the third year and my boyfriend and I laughed how each consecutive year we would get just a little less prizes—eliminating roses, wine and free dessert.

They are still three of the best meals we’ve ever had with the best restaurant staff! My boyfriend always likes to buy me flowers or a sweet card or just a little something to make the day extra special too. Of course we always spoil our English bulldog Moe too. The memories we’ve made have created a deeper sort of love.

Throughout my life, I’ve always loved and appreciated Valentine’s Day. While its meaning has changed over the years, or I’ve focused more on a particular kind of love (friend love, familial love, self love, the love I have for my partner) the central theme has always been love.

I believe the world can always be a kinder place, so this Valentine’s Day, no matter what you choose to do, be kind and show some love. Chances are, someone may need it!

Valentine’s Day is great, but what about showing love all year ‘round? Check out this piece.

Becoming Sex Positive: The Tentative Journey of a ‘Good Girl’

by Lacey McKennain LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS, Sex, SEX TIPS

Turns out the world (and sex) is less scary and more fun than I was told.

My husband and I have known each other for about 15 years and are polyamorous. But we didn’t start out that way. We opened our marriage up about 5 years ago and it has been a journey of self-discovery for both of us.

It’s also been a journey into a more sex positive philosophy for me. Sex-positivity is a philosophy of human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as healthy and pleasurable, encouraging sexual pleasure and experimentation rather than shaming it.

Growing up as a so-called good southern girl

I grew up in a small town in a conservative state. I also grew up watching “The Princess Bride” and “The Little Mermaid” so my ideas of love and romance (and sex when I grew older) were rooted in tradition. When I got married at 25 I was proud of the fact that I had only slept with two guys. It pains me to write this now but I thought that made me better than women who had “slept around.”

I look back on that and realize how archaic that is. I can also trace that attitude to what I now consider to misogynistic ideas of females and even rape culture. “Good girls don’t show a lot of skin” and “good girls don’t sleep with lots of guys.” Who is deciding what number constitutes “lots” anyway?

As I approached 30, I began reading some pretty salacious books thanks to ereaders and the proliferation of erotic romance. Without fully acknowledging it, I started to wonder if I had missed out on something having dated so little.

I truly was happy with my marriage or didn’t wish I’d ended up somewhere different. But I did start to wish I’d had more varied experiences along the way to my happy marriage. This is one of the reasons poly was a good fit for my husband and me.

Good southern girl

Also, check out LOVE TV’s A Beginner’s Guide To Ethical Non Monogamous Relationships. 

The good southern girl starts to explore

My first dating experience as a married woman was with a friend. It took me six months to admit to myself that I felt something for him and another 3 months to really do anything about it. But once I realized that the feeling wasn’t one-sided, the flood gates opened.

I threw myself into that relationship with abandon, knowing that it would end someday and that ending might be difficult. But I didn’t care. I’d spent so much time second guessing myself that it felt amazing to let go.

Once I got married I never thought I’d have sex with another man. I never thought to grow close with another man. I never thought I’d make French toast naked in someone else’s kitchen after a leisurely morning of sex. That relationship did end but I am grateful for all i learned from it.

All of this was a whole new world for me. For someone who never broke the rules, I was breaking lots of them and having crazy (for me) amounts of fun.

The good southern girl discovers the enrichment of new experiences

If this was so much fun, what other amazing experiences had I missed out on? Everyone else complained about dating. Even knowing that, I wanted to know what that experience was like. I wanted firsthand experience with the highs and lows of dating.

They say variety is the spice of life and I am only beginning to experience that variety. What else can I experience that will help me learn about the world? What can relationships with others help me learn? And what I can learn about myself in the process? I am excited about the possibilities.

Is this what they meant by “The world is your oyster?”

Life begins outside your comfort zone

I didn’t set out to find a casual sex partner but that’s what I did. Through online dating I met a man who was fun, smart, and pushed me into new experiences just enough. And although I wasn’t ready to open up with all my desires, he taught me new things and new a surprising amount about my body considering how long we hadn’t known each other. Casual sex? Check.

I vacationed in Europe one summer, most of it with my husband. I did however have a few nights on my own. I set a goal for myself to have a one night stand. It would be fun to sleep with a sexy European.

Thanks to the wonders of Tinder, I achieved my goal. After talking to a man for a few hours, I agreed to meet him. We went to a bar not far away and after a few drinks, I asked him if he wanted to come back to my room. I hope we didn’t bother the neighbors too much! It was fun and exactly what I wanted, only better. One night stand? Check. Affair (albeit short) with a sexy Italian guy? Check.

good southern girl makes out with cowboy

Lessons of your youth should die a slow death

I still have moments where I judge myself for my wants and desires. And I fear the judgement of others. But I know that’s the “Good Girl” talking and I have learned a lot about the world that she was never taught.

Being sex positive isn’t always easy for me. But I have close friends I can confide in and it helps to hear that they too have similar feelings and work to overcome them.

Missed opportunities turned into fully appreciated opportunities

I have moments when I regret that my world didn’t get bigger until my 30s. I said as much to one of my lovers. He told me he thought of it as “waiting until we could fully appreciate and learn from new experiences, and be mature enough have those experiences safely.”

That statement has really stuck with me. Would I have appreciated all the world has to offer in my 20’s? Would I have been responsible with these new experiences? It’s easy to regret not finding all this out when I was younger but regret is a waste of time. And I am all about maximizing my time and sucking the marrow out of life.

 

If you’re thinking about opening up your marriage or exploring new adventures in your marriage, become a full member of LOVE TV and talk with love gurus and relationship experts about your love and your life. 

Everything I Learned About Relationships from 90 Day Fiancé

by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

 

The surprisingly valuable lessons I learned from my guilty pleasure show.

I love watching TLC’s 90 Day Fiancé. It’s trashy, over-dramatized, and all-around great. For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of watching this reality trainwreck gold, let me give you the 411:

The show follows Americans and their foreign-born fiancés as they unite in America. However, their special “fiancé visa” only gives the couple three months to get married before one of them is sent home.

Of course, the couple has to plan their wedding (and one of them has to adjust to life in a new country) in a jiffy. Plus, often, the couple has only met in person once or twice before, and they need to get to know each other before tying the knot. So, it’s a busy 90 days.

With cultural differences, language barriers, and the ever-looming threat of one person being sent back home, this show is dramatic, addicting, and…surprisingly educational.

That’s right. Whether I’m making a mental note to follow one couple’s strong example, or more often, learning from their mistakes, 90 Day Fiancé has taught me a lot about relationships.

Here are some of my favorite lessons from some of my favorite 90 Day Fiancé couples.

1. Don’t be afraid to take it slow

darcey-silva-and-jesse-meester-90-day-fiance

In one of 90 Day Fiancé’s spin-off shows, 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days, the American goes to visit their out-of-the-country lover before getting engaged. They do this because before applying for the fiancé visa, they have to have met in person. So this meeting is usually their first time seeing each other in person.

That might make you say: “They’ve never met and are already on a reality show about getting married? Wow. That’s moving pretty fast.”

Sure is.

And it seems like Darcey, an American designer, really did want to move quickly towards marriage. She went to Amsterdam to visit Jesse, and while she clearly hoped to get engaged on the trip, Jesse decided to take it slow. By the end of the season he gives her an “appreciation ring” and Darcey goes home without solid marriage plans.

While this may have been a disappointment to Darcey, and many viewers, I think that Jesse’s idea to wait is commendable. So many 90 Day Fiancé couples find themselves feeling rushed to get married because of the visa process, but jumping into marriage too quickly can mean trouble later on.

Darcey and Jesse’s story really struck a chord with me. I know how hard it is to wait to get married, but I also know how important it can be as well.

In my own relationship, my fiancé and I waited 9 years to get engaged. We were young when we met and we didn’t want to move too fast. When we finally got engaged, we were glad we waited. Now, we have such a great foundation to our relationship and are certain we’re ready for marriage.

Of course, not everyone is going to wait 9 years to get engaged. “Ain’t nobody got time for that.” But when it comes to taking big steps in your relationship, follow Jesse and Darcey’s example, and remember that it’s okay to take your time.

2. Make the extra effort for your in-laws

loren-alexei-90-day-fiance

In season 3, Alexei moved from Israel to Florida to marry Loren. Despite some arguments surrounding her bachelorette party and insecurities about her tourettes syndrome, the couple seemed to have a strong relationship. One thing that stood out especially was Loren’s relationship with Alexei’s family.

At one point, Alexei’s mom came to visit them in Florida. She and Loren spent a lot of time together, going shopping and even making dinner. Lauren wanted to show Alexi’s mom a great time in the US, there’s just one problem: the two don’t speak the same language. They struggled to communicate but both mother and daughter-in-law made an effort to bond, and the segment was actually really sweet.

There are a few things I love about this. One, Loren wanted her in-laws to like Florida so that one day they might move closer to her. She knew how important Alexei’s family was to him and she wanted to make him happy, which is great in any relationship. Not many spouses encourage their in-laws to move closer. Second, she is making an effort to communicate with Alexi’s mom, even when there’s a language barrier, which showed how much bonding meant to her.

I know that sometimes it can be hard to communicate with your significant other’s family (even when you speak the same language). Sometimes being in different families or from different generations can make you feel worlds apart, but it’s so important to try to have a good relationship with your in-laws. It helps keep the peace and shows your partner that you care about his or her family, which might be really important to them.

3. Know that you’re not always going to get your way

evelyn-david-90-day-fiance

Evelyn and David from season 5 definitely had their differences. They had a big age gap (she was 18, he was 27), different ideas about the wedding, and even conflicting thoughts on where to live.

Sharing a life with someone means compromising. Sometimes things will go the way you want, sometimes you’ll have to consider a different direction. When Evelyn welcomed fiancé David from Spain, it was clear that she expected him to go along with her plans. When he didn’t, it caused a lot of issues.

She spent most of the season arguing with David about everything from small details like what the bridal party would wear, to bigger issues like where they would live after the wedding. It was a rough way to start off a marriage.

Watching Evelyn and David helped remind me to be flexible. Living with someone means that you can’t get your way all the time, and for many people, that can be hard. I was an only child growing up so, in my early life, I didn’t have to compromise on a lot of things. When my fiancé and I started making decisions together, I had a hard time making room for his opinions. There was the issue of living room wall color and what groceries to buy, but eventually, we learned to work more as a team.

Evelyn and David remind us that opening your mind can make your relationship go a whole lot smoother.

4. Learn how to fight in a healthy way

Anfisa and Jorge 90 day fiance

Anfisa and Jorge spent much of season 4 in loud, angry fights. They brought a whole lot of drama to the season, but their arguments were often cringe-worthy. Name calling, door slamming, and even hitting were not uncommon for these two, and it cause many viewers to wish the couple would split up for good.

But their fights were a good reminder of what not to do. Those actions can be hurtful and abusive, and can be more harmful to the relationship than whatever the original fight was about.

Of course, you’re going to disagree with your significant other at some point, it’s unavoidable. The key is to strive for healthy, constructive arguments, and not to get too heated or angry.

It’s important that whenever you feel yourself getting mad, try to stay calm and take a deep breath. If possible, take a break from the fight, calm down, and come back to it later. It will give you time to think about your partner’s point of view and find a rational solution.

5. Tell the truth: lies and secrets will eventually come out

90-Day-Chantel-Pedro-90-day-fiance

I hate lying and keeping secrets. Whenever I have a secret, no matter how small, I feel guilty and am constantly afraid that someone will figure it out.

When Pedro moved to the United States to marry Chantel in Season 4, Chantel knew her parents wouldn’t be thrilled with her engagement. She decided, instead, to tell her parents that they were only dating and that Pedro was in the country on a student visa. In the end, Chantel’s parents were very hurt that she hadn’t told them the truth from the beginning. It also put Pedro in a tough spot because he was caught in a lie he didn’t want to make.

Their story is a great reminder that a lie isn’t ever really worth it. Whether the lie is to your significant other, or about your relationship, it pays to just be honest up front. The truth is more than likely going to come out eventually, so you might as well save the drama.

6. Talk about what makes you uncomfortable and let your partner know your expectations for the relationship

Andrei and Elizabeth-90-day-fiance

We all have that line that we don’t want our partner to cross under any circumstance. Maybe your “line” is your partner talking to an ex, or maybe it’s tickling you in that spot you hate. Different things bother different people, and it’s important to know what’s okay (and what’s not) when it comes to your partner.

Season 5 couple Andrei and Elizabeth had some issues before their wedding. Elizabeth’s sisters were concerned that Andrei would discourage Elizabeth from going out and partying with them. It seemed like a non-issue to Elizabeth, but it brought up a really important point.

No one should be bossed around by their partner, but sometimes you might have to do something, or even abstain from doing something, in order to keep peace in the relationship.

In the show, Andrei told Elizabeth what he wasn’t comfortable with her bachelorette party plans. They had to find common ground between what she wanted to do and what he wanted her to do during the party, and there was some tension, but in the end they seemed to respect each other’s boundaries.

Of course, you can’t make a whole list of things your partner can’t do. And you certainly can’t let your partner make your choices for you, but being upfront and honest about what makes you uncomfortable can help build trust, especially in a new relationship.

7. Be conscious of what you’re saying

90-day-fiance

It’s important to encourage your partner to do better, but insulting them is not the way to do it. Azan, from Morocco, was critical of Nicole’s weight multiple times in the show. He said he was only pointing it out because he wanted her to be healthier and share his interest in exercise… but that’s definitely not how it came off. He called her lazy and his words were often hurtful.

Azan’s situation is a good reminder to be careful about what you say to your partner.

I know I sometimes say things that end up sounding pretty harsh, even if I said them with the best intentions. It happens to the best of us. Whether you’re telling your partner to eat healthier or to take out the trash, there are certain ways to say things so that it doesn’t sound like an insult. Try not to get too personal about your partner’s issue, and use kind words when being critical.

8. Be supportive of your partner’s job and hobbies

Russ and Paola 90 day fiance

Being supportive of your partner’s job and their dreams is always so important to a relationship… but it can sometimes be hard to muster up the support when it might not have been your first choice for them.

Russ and Paola went through some trouble when Paola began modeling professionally and Russ didn’t agree with her choices. He didn’t want her posing topless and didn’t like the idea of moving to Miami. To an extent, Russ had a point. His job was in Oklahoma, he owned a home in Oklahoma, and he came from a conservative background. At first, it was hard for him to get on board with her modeling and the move.

Still, just because your partner’s dreams aren’t easy for you to support, it doesn’t mean your partner can’t pursue them. In the end, Russ was supportive of Paola’s modeling, and it made her happy. He was able to support his wife, giving the rest of us a great example to follow.

Just because reality shows highlight the craziest and most dramatic things in a relationship, doesn’t mean there isn’t something to learn from these shows. These tips are valuable lessons that can help you, and your partner, foster a great, lasting relationship.

If you want to know some tips to find the love of your life check out 5 Hopeful Dating Tips, From A Woman Who Finally Found Love. Consider signing up for a LOVE TV Membership and you can get one-on-one help from love gurus and relationship experts. 

Things Millenials Must Consider Before Marriage (Past Generations Didn’t Have to Deal With)

by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Times have changed, but so has the new millennial marriage.

I’m planning a wedding, and boy, is it tough. I’ve been asking my mom and other relatives for advice on wedding planning, but I’ve found that weddings from my parents’ generation (and my grandparents’ generation) are so different from modern weddings. It’s difficult to even compare them.

When my parents got married they didn’t have a videographer or even a photographer, which would be almost unheard of now. When my grandparents got married, they didn’t even have a reception.

But it makes sense that weddings were different back then because marriage has changed a lot too. There are so many things that have evolved over the years to make modern millennial marriage what it is, but this often means new adjustments in relationships.

My fiancé  and I have to think about things that past generations didn’t have to worry about, but we also have the benefit of options that our parents and grandparents didn’t have.

Here are the top five things that millenials have to consider before getting married that past generations didn’t think about.

1. Marriage, money, and how they relate.

millennial working too hard

Money is a big deal for a lot of people. As a couple, you might fight about spending too much or earning too little. Put simply: money habits can cause trouble in a relationship.

To add to the stress, money in marriage has gotten a little more complex in the last generation. While married couples were once expected to combine bank accounts and share everything, that’s not the norm anymore.

More and more couples have made the choice to keep their finances separate, or to at least keep a percentage of their income in a private account. There are many reasons to do this.

Some couples are afraid that being able to see every credit card transaction on each others’ accounts could cause arguments. (Maybe he doesn’t need to know exactly how much you spent at happy hour last week and perhaps you don’t have to see how much he spends on those fancy shirts.)

Some couples want to set money boundaries because they’ve experienced relationship troubles in the past, or have seen friends go through nasty divorces, and want a sense of security in case the millennial marriage has trouble down the road. And of course, many people just want their financial independence.

Whatever the reason, you and your partner might decide that the traditional money management just isn’t for you. And while it’s great to have the options, ironing out the details can get tricky.

Before you think about getting married, talk about your finances and figure out what makes sence. Make sure you’re on the same page because you don’t want any surprises when it comes to money.

2. Having kids

terrified of having kids

It used to be that pretty much everyone had kids. Couples needed children to work on the farm or in the family business, and before birth control, pregnancy was pretty inevitable anyway.

But times are changing.

One huge difference in child rearing from past generations is that kids have gotten more expensive. Families in the past had kids so that they could support themselves, but now, having children is a major financial blow.

Back in the day, people dressed their babies in homemade clothes and hoped that they lived long enough to work. Today, we spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on diapers, doctor’s visits, cute outfits, toys, and, of course, college.

But besides the cost, some millennials may decide to not have kids because, well, they simply don’t want children. Couples don’t need to reproduce to have a fulfilling millennial marriage and living without kids has gotten to be a more and more popular lifestyle. Many couples choose to focus on their careers (and each other) rather than have children.

So, don’t listen to that old “sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g” nursery rhyme: getting married does not mean a baby will follow soon after. Decide on what you want your family to look like and find a partner who has similar goals.

3. Priorities and partners’ roles

hidden figures math genius Katherine G Johnson

When it comes to women’s roles in the home and at work, priorities have changed a lot since our grandparents’ times, thank goodness for that! With it, the way millennials have relationships has also changed.

Back in the day, both of my grandmothers had jobs and even went to school beyond high school, but that wasn’t necessarily the norm. Most women were expected to stay home and take care of the house (and the kids). Even women who were educated and had careers (like both of my grannys) quit working when their kids were young so they could take care of the house.

Now, we thankfully don’t live in a world that (for the most part) dictates what we’ll do by our gender. Men and women can be anything they want, which is why couples need to make sure that their priorities are compatible.

Before you commit to each other forever, talk about your long term goals and what your priorities are going to be down the road. Don’t expect that your partner is going to quit their job, or drop out of school, or move across the country because you want them to. Your partner might have other plans.

4. Sex and living together

millennial couple moving in together

Around the middle of the 20th century, there was a big shift in having sex and living together before millennial marriage. In fact, Census Data from 2012 showed that two thirds of couples in 2012 lived together for at least two years before getting married.

What used to be scandalous is now totally expected.

While it’s great that people now have more socially acceptable options, this might be something you’ll have to figure out together as a couple. Do you have a problem with living together before a millennial marriage? Some people do. Maybe it’s religious reasons or maybe you want to be financially committed before you start paying for a place together.

Then again, getting to live together without the pressure of getting married right away could benefit your relationship in the long run. Every couple is different and it’s important to find the arrangement that works best for you.

5. Open and plural millennial marriages

millennials in open marriage

Maybe the recent popularity of shows like Sisters Wives, Seeking Sister Wife, or Three Wives One Husband will make plural marriages seem a little trendy. But the truth is that many people enjoy a plural or open marriage, and find that a non-traditional marriage works best for them.

Also, check out LOVE TV’s A Beginner’s Guide To Ethical Non Monogamous Relationships. 

Maybe this sounds really exciting, or maybe you’re sure that this isn’t the right lifestyle for you. Either way, make sure that you and your partner are on the same page. While older generations might be shocked at the idea of a relationship beyond two people, remember that same-sex or interracial marriages were once shocking to some people too. Keep an open mind and talk about what your needs are. Talk about how you see the future of your relationship and your family.

Just because your parents and grandparents did marriage one way doesn’t mean you have to follow in their footsteps. As times change, relationships evolve, and knowing which points to talk about can help your marriage last for many years to come.

If you’re interested in ways that millennials are changing what so-called “grown-up relationships” look like. You can also check out these 10 ways millennials do relationship but don’t date.

5 Essential Rules to Make Polyamory and Open Relationships Work

by Lacey McKennain LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Some rules were made to be broken. Others weren’t.

There is no one right way to practice polyamory (poly) or open relationships. Part of the charm of this relationship style is that when the rules don’t work for you, you create your own or in some case throw them out altogether.

But there are a few underlying principles and best practices to increase your chances of success with an open relationship of any kind.

Also, check out LOVE TV’s A Beginner’s Guide To Ethical Non Monogamous Relationships. 

1. Everyone must be comfortable with what you are doing

I dated a guy who was poly for 2 years. He never stopped referring to what we were doing as cheating. Despite the fact that his wife was happy with the situation and was one of my closest friends, he was in some ways still uncomfortable with the situation. And that put a strain on our relationship.

Just like in regular dating, you’ll meet people who challenge your assumptions about yourself and help you grow.

I met a guy who was into sensual Japanese rope tying and surprised myself (but only little) by being into it. I had to work through some awkward feelings about what I wanted to do with certain people. There were things I wanted from the guy I was dating that I didn’t want from my husband.

Feeling guilty and confused, I talked to my husband. I had never stopped to consider that he had felt the same things and that the bedroom activities with his other partner were different from what he and I did. Feeling less guilty, I dived into the other relationship. And had a blast.

Sometimes you may be unsure about something or someone new. The key is to get to the root of why you’re uncomfortable and get past it.

2. Never, ever lie

never lie in poly relationships

This is the one universal rule of poly. Every couple (or thruple, etc) makes their own rules according to what works for them. But this is the one constant.

It’s been interesting to step back and examine the occasions when I have been tempted to lie. In my case, it usually revolves around fear of being judged. On one occasion, I was on a second date with a guy and stayed out longer than I intended.

Not wanting my husband to think I was some sort of hussy, I was tempted to tell him I was already home rather than just then leaving my date (he was away from home but I always text to let him know I’m safe).

To be clear, my husband would have been fine with a long date or even if I had gone home with the other guy. The judgement was all mine. The temptation I felt was a sign that I had some work to do with being comfortable with myself and my decisions.

3. Planning is your friend (and your partner’s)

Many of us are operating at about 110% capacity most days. Knowing when your partner is going to be home for cooking duties or snuggles (or both) helps everyone’s keep life balanced. Dating can complicate things.

One of the most complex things about dating someone who is married or in another relationship is that if the date goes well you can’t necessarily go back to their place without some planning ahead.

It’s not uncommon to see those in the poly community praise the usefulness of Google Calendar. Shared calendars let everyone know that responsibilities are taken care of while giving each other some space to spend time with whoever they are seeing on that particular evening.

Make plans and communicate them clearly.

4. Find out what your partner (all of them) is comfortable with

poly couple talking

One important rule in Poly is that the group moves at the pace of the least comfortable person. If you or someone in your dating circle is new to poly, recovering from a bad relationship, or just plain unsure about the situation, everyone needs to work within that person’s comfort zone.

When we first opened our marriage I was scared. So we took baby steps. As I saw that our marriage wouldn’t crumble, I relaxed many of the rules I had initially needed.

One example was letting them go on a long weekend trip. That was a big step. Big enough that we went back to our marriage counselor, something we hadn’t done in a couple of months.

When she asked us the reason for the visit I told her “He might go on a short trip with his girlfriend and I think I’m OK with it. But this is a big deal and I want to be sure we don’t f*ck this up.”

We spent the hour talking through fears, expectations, and exploring questions. I made fun plans for myself to ward off jealousy or resentment, they went on the trip, and everyone was fine. That was the first of several trips with Other Significant Others over the last few years.

5. Set specific expectations

plural relationship open relationship poly

One of the best ways to avoid disagreements and misunderstandings is to communicate expectations. Especially for those starting out with poly, specifics are really important.

When my husband first started dating, we would agree that he would be home around 10. I meant be home by 10, he heard that he should head home close to 10. So when he came home at 10:10 or 10:15 I had had 10 or 15 minutes to overthink everything.

I did not want to be that rigid and I tried to be OK with the differences in understanding. But by the third date I had to accept my own limitation and communicate that to my husband. Once I did so, he understood the importance of being home by 10.

These days things are much more loosy-goosy. But the importance of specific expectations and mutual understanding of those expectations can not be overstated.

Successful relationships in every style

All of these rules exist in healthy monogamous relationships too. Being poly simply means you need to apply the rules a little differently and consider more people’s needs when doing so. And if you make a mistake, fess up, have a productive conversation about why the mistake was made, and determine ways to prevent a recurrence.

If you’re thinking about opening up your marriage or exploring new adventures in your marriage, become a full member of LOVE TV and talk with love gurus and relationship experts about your love and your life. 

One Man Analyzed The World’s Languages to Discover At Least 14 Different Kinds of Love

by Sarah Burrisin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

There are at least 14 different kinds of love that one man was able to uncover simply by analyzing the world’s languages.

Dr. Tim Lomas at the University of East London has been a lecturer in positive psychology for the past five years. In a report from The Conversation this month, Lomas explained that there is nothing more expansive than the feeling of love. It ranges from the love you have for your favorite pair of shoes to the love you have of your child or partner.

In the 1970s, psychologist John Lee put together his own identification of love. So, Lomas noted that he isn’t the first to look into the way the world loves. However, there’s more than just the six “styles” of love Lee developed, and Lomas has them.

Lean more about love by joining LOVE TV, where you’ll have access to love gurus and experts.

Check out the full article reprinted with permission from The Conversation below:

Happy couple in love. Stunning sensual portrait of young stylish fashion couple indoors. Young man playing guitar for his beloved girl.

No emotion, surely, is as cherished and sought after as love. Yet on occasions such as Valentine’s day, we can often be misled into thinking that it consists solely in the swooning, star-crossed romance of falling deeply “in love.” But on reflection, love is far more complex. Indeed, arguably no word covers a wider range of feelings and experiences than love.

So how can we ever define what love really is? In my new study, published in the Journal for the Theory of Social Analysis, I’ve made a start by searching the world’s languages for words relating to love that don’t exist in English.

Most of us use the word love fairly liberally. I use it for the deep ardour, care and respect I have for my wife. But I will also call upon it to describe the unshakeable bonds of kinship and history I share with my family, and the connections and allegiances I have with close friends. I’ll even use it in relation to our cheeky dog Daisy, the music of Tom Waits, Sunday morning lie ins and many other things.

Clearly, whatever love is, it spans a great deal of emotional and experiential territory. Needless to say, I’m not the first to notice this. For instance, in the 1970s, the psychologist John Lee identified six different “styles” of love. He did so by studying other languages, in particular the classical lexicons of Greek and Latin, which boast a wealth of precise words describing specific kinds of love.

Lee identified three primary forms of love. “Eros” denotes passion and desire, “ludus” refers to flirtatious, playful affection, and “storgē” describes familial or companionate bonds of care. He then paired these primary forms to produce three secondary forms: ludus plus storgē creates “pragma,” a rational, sensible long-term accommodation. However, eros combined with ludus generates “mania,” signifying possessive, dependent, or troubled intimacies, while eros and storgē form the charitable, selfless compassion of “agápē.”

This analysis seems like a good start, but an incomplete one. After all, it mostly just concerns romantic partnerships, and doesn’t account for many of the feelings that fall within the ambit of love.

Untranslatable words

I decided to expand on this work as part of a broader lexicographic project to collect so-called “untranslatable” words that pertain to well-being, a work-in-progress which currently features nearly 1,000 words. Such words can reveal phenomena which have been overlooked or under-appreciated in one’s own culture, as I explore in two forthcoming books (a general interest exploration of key words, and an academic analysis of the lexicography). In the case of love, then, untranslatable words help us understand the bountiful variety of emotions and bonds that are in English subsumed within the one word “love.”

My enquiry yielded hundreds of words from around 50 languages (which of course leaves many languages still to be explored). I analysed these thematically, grouping the words into 14 distinct “flavours” of love. Some languages were particularly prolific in their lexical dexterity, especially Greek, which contributed the most words by far.

As such, in a spirit of poetic consistency, I gave each flavour a relevant Greek label. I call these “flavours” to avoid implying that relationships can be exclusively pigeonholed as constituting just one form. A romantic partnership, say, might blend several flavours together, generating a unique “taste” which might subtly change over time.

14 flavours

Happy lovers are enjoying breakfast in cafe outside. Man is feeding woman with croissant and smiling. He is covered by warm blanket

So, what are these flavours? The first three do not concern people at all. They refer to people’s fondness and passion for certain activities (meraki), places (chōros) and objects (eros). Note that this usage of eros reflects its deployment in classical Greece, where it was often used in the context of aesthetic appreciation rather than romance. Indeed, like love itself, all these words can be used in varied and changing ways.

Each of these flavours is a “compound” of related terms from various languages. For instance, the connection to place denoted by chōros is reflected in concepts such as “turangawaewae,” “cynefin” and “querencia” – from Māori, Welsh and Spanish respectively – which all pertain in some way to the sentiment of having a “place to stand” on this Earth, somewhere secure that we can call home.

When it comes to love between people, the first three are the non-romantic forms of care, affection and loyalty we extend towards family (storgē), friends (philia), and ourselves (philautia). Then, embracing romance, Lee’s notions of pragma, mania, and ludus are joined by the passionate desire of “epithymia,” and the star-crossed destiny of “anánkē.”

Again, these labels all bring together related terms from diverse languages. For instance, the spirit of anánkē is found in terms like the Japanese “koi no yokan,” which roughly means “premonition of love,” capturing the feeling on first meeting someone that falling in love will be inevitable. And likewise the Chinese term “yuán fèn” can be interpreted as a binding force of irresistible destiny.

Finally, there are three forms of selfless, “transcendent” love, in which one’s own needs and concerns are relatively diminished. These are the compassion of agápē, ephemeral sparks of “participatory consciousness,” such as when we are emotionally swept up within a group dynamic (koinonia), and the kind of reverential devotion that religious believers might hold towards a deity (sebomai).

Clearly, there any many ways we can love and be loved. You and your life partner might well experience feelings of epithymia, pragma, or anánkē, but may also – or alternatively, instead – be blessed with moments of storgē, agápē and koinonia. Likewise, a deep friendship could similarly be suffused with some mixture of flavours such as pragma, storgē, agápē and anánkē, in which we feel a profound and fated bond of lifelong connection.

Moreover, this list is merely preliminary, with other flavours potentially yet to be acknowledged. So hopefully we can be reassured that even if we are not romantically head-over-heels “in love” – in that archetypal Hollywood fashion – our lives may still be graced by love in some precious and uplifting way.

 

Read more about love such as: Love and Obsession: How to Tell Them Apart and Leave One Behind or Who Knew this LOVE Potion Actually Had Science to Back it Up.

The Happiest Moment of My Life (So Far) Was With Those I’ll Love Forever

by Kate Oczypokin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

No, it’s not what you think. The happiest moment of my life so far was a day I felt unequivocally carefree with friends I love.

The happiest moment of my life so far wasn’t the day my boyfriend asked me to be his girlfriend. Sure, that was a very happy time, but the one I’m about to tell you about was a different kind of love.

It wasn’t the day we got my dog Moe either. That too was a wonderful moment I’ll always remember. This day happened on vacation in Europe with my two best friends when I was in my mid-20s.

Here is a snippet of a time in my life I felt truly, utterly happy.

Many would probably expect me to answer this question as the day I met my boyfriend, or the day I got my dog, or perhaps something involving my family. Sure, those days are all joyful ones in my life of course, but there’s one moment in one day that I remember feeling truly and incredibly happy. I’ve always considered myself a happy person but this particular moment stood out for me for the past six years as my happiest.

It was the summer I turned 26 and I was on my first trip across the world, to Munich, Germany, Brussels, Belgium and Paris, France. A self-described hopeless romantic, I was so excited to be in Paris. I was on this trip of a lifetime with my two best friends, both males.

The three of us had become a The Hangover-like trio, even nicknaming ourselves after characters in the movie. We were constantly on all kinds of adventures. I felt safe and secure with the two, and had been in love with both of them (and very briefly dated one) at some point over the eight years previous. I was dating another man at the time and was eager to get away for a bit as I wasn’t sure exactly if I was all that excited about him (we ended up breaking up later that fall).

We gallivanted all around Paris for three glorious days. It was the time before ISIS threatened in the shadows and we could safely walk the streets without any worry. I remember seeing Versailles, Notre Dame and the Moulin Rouge. One evening, the three of us were sitting outside one of the quintessential Parisian cafés, sipping beers while taking a break from sightseeing. We were laughing hysterically at excerpts from my diary, which I had brought along to chronicle my European travels.

friends traveling and hanging out

After some loud stomach rumbling, we all agreed it was time to find somewhere to eat dinner. We stumbled upon a small and cozy-looking restaurant tucked into a corner of Paris, near the Sainte-Chapelle. From the outside, there’s nothing all that special about L’Auberge Café. Its brown and beige exterior is elegant but not too fancy.

Either way, we were excited about finally getting some food and the menu posted outside looked good. When we sat down, we took in the rustic atmosphere at the quiet restaurant. It was intimate and homey, a completely perfect surprise to us.

The dinner we had that night was for lack of a better term, incredible. There wasn’t anything too fancy about it either but it hands down was one of the most delicious meals I’ve ever had in my almost 33 years.

I had a beef tenderloin, potatoes, peas and onions in a dark, savory sauce. My one friend dined on duck, a signature entrée of the restaurant and the other chose a fish fillet. We sampled fresh prawns, spicy gazpacho and an absolutely to die for molten chocolate dome dessert with the most decadent of melted French dark chocolate inside. With a bottle of the house wine, we made sure to make it a truly incredible night.

I know what you’re thinking—this doesn’t seem like it deserves the title “happiest moment of your life.” The funny thing is, despite how brief that dinner was in the hindsight of things, while I was sitting there I felt truly completely happy. It was a moment of my life I will remember forever. It was young enough not to have to worry too much about the future but old enough to truly appreciate that moment in time.

Now, whenever I am feeling anxious or just need to take a moment to close my eyes and relax, I always recall that dinner with my two best friends in one of my favorite cities in the world—remembering what it feels like to be completely, unapologetically happy.

 

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These Inspirational Celebrity Couples Will Fill Your Heart With Love

by Kelley Lynnin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

With the recent passing of Valentine’s Day, and this month being The Oscars, I thought it might be uplifting, hopeful, and fun, to create a list of famous or celebrity couples that feel inspirational and exude positivity in some way.

In Hollywood, hearing about couples separating, or bouncing from partner to partner, is practically commonplace these days.

The list below are couples from all walks of life, famous or well-known for different reasons/things, and are, at the time of publication, still together.

While I cannot guarantee these couples will remain together forever, I will say that right now, on this day, they definitely inspire me, for many various reasons. Some got together out of difficult circumstances, others use their love and influence to help other people, while some seem to have a really beautiful and genuine love story.

Let’s take a look at some of the famous couples in the modern day age, that have given me inspiration about love. And if you want to speed up your search for the kind of love that lasts, let us help you! Join LOVE TV today.

Michael J. Fox and Tracy Pollan:

Tracy Pollan, Michael J. Fox

The couple first met on the set of Family Ties, back in 1982, started dating a few years later, and have been going strong ever since. This year, they will celebrate 30 years of marriage, with 4 children between them.

Fox told People magazine that one of the things that keeps their relationship strong, is keeping “separate bathrooms and separate DVRS, because we don’t watch a lot of the same shows, and knowing what goes on in the bathroom with your partner, sort of kills the mood in the bedroom.” I agree totally!

Fox was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease in 1991, and the couple decided to go public with it in 1998. In living with this disease, the couple feels they have grown closer over the years and through the hardships.

Pollen told Oprah Winfrey in an interview that it is because of Fox’s positive and realistic attitude about his condition, that they are able to live life with joy. Eventually, Michael stepped into his new role as founder of the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research, where he and Tracy have been able to create great change and hope for thousands of people.

Fox is dedicated to finding a cure, through aggressively funded research. To date, the foundation has been able to award $56 million and counting, in grants, to accelerate Parkinson’s research.

Tracy and Michael are an inspiration, because they have longevity and love, through incredibly difficult times. They work as a team to give hope to themselves and others.

George and Amal Clooney:

Save Download Preview George Clooney, Amal Clooney

This is one supercouple who uses their collective influence to make great change in the world.

Even before he met Amal, Clooney was always known as a bit of an activist in the Hollywood world, and a man with a big selfless heart. So, it seems almost fitting that after years of being an unmarried bachelor dating lots of different women, he would end up with a powerful human-rights lawyer, someone who worked on the famous Enron case, and fights for Syrian refugees, and against genocide.

Clooney met Amal without ever having to leave his house, because why should he have to go out and find love like the rest of us? He was sitting at home one July day in 2013, when his agent called and said he had a friend he was going to bring over for dinner, and told George “this is the woman you are going to marry.”

After a long friendship through emails, they fell in love while Clooney was filming a movie at Abbey Road, in London. He invited Amal to come watch, meet him for lunch, and the rest is history.

“How do you impress someone who has fought on behalf of victims of ISIS? Bring them to Abbey Road, I guess”, Clooney has joked.

In April of 2014, Clooney proposed in his L.A. home, over homemade pasta dinner (he cooks too)! Ever the romantic, he got down on one knee in his dining room, with a 7-karat diamond ring, while his Aunt Rosemary Clooney’s song “Why Shouldn’t I?” played in the background.

They married in Venice, Italy, in front of friends and family.

The pair unexpectedly had 2 kids, and Clooney, who is 17 years older than his wife, is now a dad in his late 50’s, and loving it. The two spend their time working, raising their family, and giving back in several ways.

Most recently, they took in a teenage Syrian refugee boy, who who had escaped war, poverty, and genocide. This couple is an inspiration because they found love later in life (especially George), and they genuinely care about others, and about doing their part to make the world a better place.

Ellen and Portia DeGeneres:

Portia de Rossi, Ellen DeGeneres love

The two prominent female figures had met a few times at events over the years, but the timing was never right. Then, in 2005, at a photo shoot, they connected again, and Portia said later of Ellen: “She took my breath away.”

By 2006, they were sharing a home, a ranch, and several rescue animals they took in as pets. In fact, the couple has devoted much of their life and time together to rescuing animals, and giving back.

The couple is also known for being historic. When they first got together, gay marriage was still not legal in the state of California. On May 15th, 2008, after the California Supreme Court struck down a law blocking gay marriage as unconstitutional, Ellen announced on the air of her Daytime Emmy Award winning talk show, that the two would marry. She and Portia got married August 16, 2008, at her Beverly HIlls estate.

The couple remains very much in love, and both have given back to the community in so many ways. DeGeneres, as well as winning over 16 Emmys Awards for her show, Ellen, has earned her reputation as one of the most giving celebrities ever, donating millions of dollars over the years to help animals, kids, and education.

She and Portia have vocally fought on behalf of many causes from endangered elephants to LGBTQI rights.

This couple is inspirational to me, because they care so much, they take action, and they work so well together as a team, in support of each other. IT has been beautiful to watch.

Barack and Michelle Obama:

Barack and Michelle Obama by chuck kennedy

Their story began early, when a young Michelle was assigned to mentor a young Barack, at a Chicago law firm. The two connected, but kept things professional. Their first date, later on, was seeing the film “Do the Right Thing” in 1989.

They dated for three years, and married in 1992. A campaign run, 2 kids, and a Presidency with 8 years in the White House later, the Obamas now live in a regular house of their own, just a few miles down the road from that famous address.

There are a few reasons I chose them. I don’t think I have ever seen a couple, especially one in politics, that is so very obviously, deeply in love with one another. The hundreds of pictures taken of them together by the White House photographers, show one thing for certain; there is a very real and genuine love between these two.

Second, they are one of the few couples in the White House, to never have any major scandals or weirdness surrounding their relationship. No affairs, no bad behaviors with interns, no disrespect toward one another, none of that.

Whenever you hear former President Obama speak of his wife Michelle, it is always with great admiration, respect, and romance. He lights up when he talks about her. This goes the opposite way as well. Michelle has said that not only was Barack a great President, but a wonderful father, husband, and man.

They are historic in every way. The first black president. The first black first lady. The first African-American family in the White House. And just like with their marriage, their children also seem to be respectful and lovely people.

They seem like a family of people I’d love to hang out with. Michelle and Barack seem like the real deal —  just regular folk, who happen to have been our president and first lady, for 8 historic years.

They are inspirational because they changed what was possible in America. They gave us hope and they continue to try and make change when it comes to our country’s future.

These are the couples I chose to highlight, but several others also come to mind with Honorable Mentions, such as: Meryl Streep and Don Gummer, Katie Couric and John Molner, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, and Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos.

What couples would you choose to add to this list as inspirational or hopeful in some way? Why did you choose them? Add your favorite famous couples below!

What Should You Do If Your Friends Have Dropped Off the Face of the Earth and You’re Worried?

by Clementine Francesin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Sometimes your friend doesn’t text you, or says no to all your invites and you decide to stop trying. But, I assure you, your depressed friend who dropped off the face of the earth is not always terrible.

Reach out to them.

Love is a verb. Maintaining relationships can be a challenge because we’re taught to think, “what’s in it for me?” but sometimes kindness for kindness sake even when it doesn’t make sense to others is good enough. Here are some ways you can reach out and help them out.

And don’t forget, if you are feeling depressed because your relationships have been lingering in limbo for a while, join LOVE TV and we can help speed up your success.

1. Help Them Clean Their Room

help your friend clean up if they are feeling depressed

Sometimes your depressed friend finds leaving the house taxing. They may call it being introverted, they may call it anxiety, they may call it exhausting. If you’re friend denies your request to meet them go to them. Meet them where they are.

If they’re like me, they don’t want anyone to come over because their place is an absolute mess. If they use that as an excuse offer to help clean their place. You can spend the whole day together, talking, but also help them deal with the overwhelming weight of dread they have about the mess, and listen to music, and eat.

Hanging out is not just about where you go, but about being together with someone you care about.

2.   Check in on them during tragic incidents

check in on your friend if they are depressed

Sadly, there are so many tragic incidents in the world, that Facebook asks people to check in if they are safe. If you’re friend has dropped off the face of the earth, you might not be the only person they are isolated from.

So, if something happens, ask them if they are alright. Believe me, they will feel grateful that someone somewhere remembers they exist, because I’m sure they probably feel forgotten.

3. Ask them what they want to do

If you find yourself telling a depressed friend what you should do, where you should go, try asking them what they want to do.

Having the choice might make them feel more inclined to go. They probably won’t bail because it’s something that they put into motion. Sometimes people say no, because it makes them feel out of control. Let them have the power every once in awhile and they’ll have to keep their word.

4. Invite them over for the holidays

surviving holidays as a couple

Some of your friends may not enjoy hanging with their family on the holidays, or they may live too far from/can’t afford to/didn’t book the flight soon enough to visit family. So, please, please, if you’re having a big holiday get together, invite your friends. Don’t assume that they have plans. Maybe they won’t ask to join because they don’t want to be a burden or impose themselves, so ask them.

Even if they say no, most people will notice the effort eventually and say yes. Trust me, you don’t understand the brutality of being alone on the holidays if you’ve never been alone, so invite them if you can.

5. Pay for their dinner.

if your friend is depressed pick up their dinner check

I’ve experienced this kindness that people will just pay for my meal. I can’t tell if it’s because I portray myself as a downtrodden damsel, because they appreciate my invite, or what, but oh, man, it feels good when people buy you a drink, or buy you an appetizer, or buy you a whole meal.

I think it’s best as a surprise when the bill comes but doing it before works too. On occasion I’ll pay for things even if I think I’m a downtrodden damsel because I understand that my friendship is sometimes more important than my need to play that role.

There are tons of other ways to keep friendships alive but I wanted to give you a taste of some things that have made me feel special. Relationships, like gardens, have to be nurtured. Even if the garden will not bear anything you don’t have to let it die.

It’s beautiful existing as is. And your friends are beautiful even if you don’t speak to them or see them everyday. If you can try once a month to reach out to friends who have drifted away but whose company you enjoy. Friends come in many forms so keep the good ones around!

Falling in Love Onstage: Finding My Lover Through the Magic of Theatre

by Rae Meghanin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

I’ve been a performer for my entire life. Now, I’ve met my love thanks to the theatre.

A majority of my friends are involved in the theatre scene, which isn’t especially surprising since I was part of a theatre troupe in high school and studied theatre in New York City. It also isn’t especially surprising that the only people I’ve really dated have been involved in the entertainment world as well.

High school and college was filled with romantic drama surrounding my theatre crushes. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m guilty of falling for people that have played my onstage love interests a few times. Onstage chemistry is very important to me, and sometimes those feelings bleed into real life.

Do I always act on it? No. That would be unprofessional. But I have slipped up once or twice.

However, there was one time where it was actually successful. I met my dream man through my “Rocky Horror” shadowcast. Which was, in all honesty, something that I expected would happen since I was a kid. Rocky is incredibly important to me, and there’s no way I could have ever dated someone that didn’t like it.

I met Chris a little after I joined Rocky around last year. We had known of each other in passing at cons and such, but didn’t become friends at first. One of the few times we did talk was via Facebook message, where he gave me advice about how to construct a costume piece. I didn’t think anything of it.

Around the time I joined his cast was when we really became friends. I had a falling out with a few friends, so I turned to him for help getting through the tough time. We ended up quickly becoming best friends, with me staying at his house often and going on adventures constantly. He treated me well, but again, I didn’t think anything of it in a romantic sense.

Whether on stage or off, whatever relationship situation you are in, we can help cut through the noise and shift to something new. Join LOVE TV today.

Falling in love on stage

Then the on-stage romance began.

A few months into our friendship, I started playing Columbia. He plays Eddie, so it made perfect sense that he would be performing with me in my first show. I was so nervous about the performance, and I couldn’t put my finger on why. Something just felt weird about playing my best friend’s girlfriend. Maybe it was a subconscious thing, who knows.

Cut to a month later, and we’re dating. After a three-show day in late October (our prime season), we realized we had something more to our relationship and took it to the next level.

Now, Chris and I have performed together as Eddie and Columbia with three different casts, traveling as far as Toronto.

It’s an interesting life we have, being two performers who date, not to mention live together. Our life consists of making costume pieces, constantly practicing at home in front of the TV, and me reminding him which days he’s performing (I’ve become almost his Rocky secretary in that sense).

Before every show, we usually get ready at home, me sitting in front of a mirror for an hour trying to cover my eyebrows with a glue stick, and him making sure his beloved leather vest is good to go.

Doing Rocky on tour feels akin to being in a traveling circus, and it can be a very high-strung and energetic environment. For that, I am grateful for Chris. He keeps me grounded through all of the stress of performing, and it’s comforting to know that whenever I feel insecure or nervous on stage, he’s right up there with me.

finding love on stage with rocky horror picture show

Even when one of us isn’t performing, the other is usually in the audience showing support. The amount of pride I feel when I’m in the crowd watching him emcee a show is like nothing else, in fact, I usually tend to turn to the person next to me and say something along the lines of “He’s so weird. I’m so proud of him.”

Once the show’s over, and after we’ve had a traditional late night breakfast with our castmates, we usually go home and immediately pass out. We tend to spend the rest of the next day at home, doing chores and watching “Friday the 13th” movies like the homebodies we truly are. It’s important to find balance.

I’m eternally grateful for the life I currently live. I get to write all day, perform all night, and get to do it alongside the love of my life. It honestly everything I could have asked for, and it’s only the beginning. We have plans to travel all around the world to perform, and we hope to continue doing for as long as we possibly can.

Can Age Differences Affect a Relationship?

by Rae Meghanin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

I can’t say I didn’t expect to fall for an older man.

I’ve always been attracted to older men. Not as a fetish simply as a preference. In college, I always felt like guys my age didn’t really get me. So when I was 19/20, I tended to usually have crushes on men around 25/26. Not a huge age difference, but it still makes a world of a difference.

Growing up, I always hung out with people older than me. I was the freshman in high school hanging out with the seniors, and falling for the 17 year old guys and girls rather than someone closer to 15, my age at the time. It may not seem like a big deal, but in middle and high school, even liking someone one grade higher can be cause for a scandal.

Why do some people seek an older or younger partner? It could be a number of things. Psychology dictates that women in particular seeking an older male partner is typically indicative of the need for a father figure.

However, in an article by Psychology Today, the idea of an older man/younger woman relationship stems from the sociological perspective that explains “not just that younger women seem physically more attractive to aging males, but that the older man represents socially valued attributes that lead his younger partner to want to bond with him.”

Whether younger or older, LOVE TV is here to help you cut through the noise and speed up your relationship successes. Join today.

So, how does this affect the relationship?

age difference in a relationship

The younger of the pairing seems to require a special type of bond that might not occur when dating someone their age. It seems to be about more security, in that finding a person to date that truly knows themselves and their place in the world.

A person in their twenties dating someone in their thirties, forties, or fifties is evidently seeking someone that has their life together, and provides a type of role-model that the younger person aspires to be.

I am one of those people. I am 23 and dating a man eleven years my senior. It’s not something we really talk or think about too much (except in jest), but sometimes it’s all too evident that he is the older one. He has a secure job, is happy with his life, and generally knows how to “adult.”

Being a fresh-faced college graduate in a town I’ve only recently moved to, my life as a mentally-ill artist and writer stands in stark comparison to his. It can be a good thing, though, as he inspires me to be a better, happier person as a result.

It’s really not that big of a deal.

There’s a clear stigma surrounding a couple with a large age difference, but at the end of the day, it isn’t as big of a deal as it originally seems. We’re both adults, making the decision together to be a couple.

I personally think that once you hit your twenties, age doesn’t really matter in these situations. Being with someone who has already experienced the highs and lows of young adulthood is a comforting thing, and makes him a great partner in my own times of confusion and stress that come with being young.

Sure, there are situations where people view such relationships as the older man taking advantage of the younger woman. They see it as a power move, as a way to have someone subordinate to them. However, if the older person is successful and secure in themselves, that usually won’t even be a thing that crosses their mind, and won’t even think about the age difference that exists.

I, for one, am extremely grateful for my partner, as he is my rock. Maybe that doesn’t necessarily come from the fact that he is older, but it the fact that he has had more life experience than me is an accurate one. He guides me through my own hardships, as he’s been through them all before. That’s one of the things that makes our relationship so great.

Age differences can be tough due to the general stigma surrounding them. But, as in any relationship, as long as there is an equal amount of trust and respect on either side, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s doomed to fail.

How a Little Bit of Appreciation Can Change Everything in Love

by Sierra Mercierin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

appreciation

True Love Lessons: Appreciation

I believe it has the ability to transform and heal ANYTHING!

Appreciation in a partnership is something that can revolutionized your relationship.

Do you ever find yourself dwelling on the things you feel your partner did wrong or maybe didn’t do at all? The next time one of those thoughts arises immediately turn your focus to something you appreciate about your partner. The more you do this, the more all you will see are the things you appreciate.

This little exercise isn’t meant to replace dialogue or communication in any way. It’s only meant to get your mind in the mode of appreciating. Which, like I mentioned earlier can TRANSFORM AND HEAL ANYTHING!

You can incorporate appreciation into every aspect of your life. Appreciate your body and all the incredible workings it contains.

..the safe roof over your head… the food you put on your table or your clean running water…

…the shoes on your feet…

I promise you, once you get started on this list, it will be pages, and pages long.

Expanding our appreciation causes everything around us to glow with LOVE!

Tune in next time to the ‘True Love Lessons and Confessions with Sierra’.

 

When Finding “The One” is Nothing More Than Just a Numbers Game

by Nikki Yeagerin DATING ADVICE, LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

When people want something (a job, a house, a change of scenery), the advice is always the same: “work hard and go get it.” But what about love?

When we want to find love, we’re told to follow an all together different approach: “wait and it will find you.”

In my experience, that’s a bunch of nonsense.

When I was in my early 20s I moved back to NYC after a year of working abroad. I found a reliable job doing something I loved and an apartment that I could afford. Everything was falling into place and I was ready for a relationship that matched where my life was; I wanted something serious. If you’re in the same boat, don’t forget to check out the LOVE TV membership.

I decided it was time to find “the one.”

So I started to look. By my calculations, there were about 8 million people in the city. Since raising kids outside of New York was a non-starter, I could keep my search local. Once I accounted for my gender preference (male), my native language (English) and my desired age range (20-30), I figured there couldn’t be more then 2, maybe 3 million men that fit the bill.

Those were numbers I could work with. After all, I was still pretty young.

To me, love is not serendipitous, it’s something we can seek out with intention. By meeting more men, I felt I could increase the odds of finding the right one for me. He was out there somewhere, I just had to comb through my options until I found him.

Everyone gets a number!

young couple dating

I started the easiest way possible, by giving out my phone number. Everyone who asked, regardless of my initial attraction level, would get a chance.

Walking into a bar was like stepping into Oprah’s shoes. Instead of giving out cars, I was giving out digits. “You get a number! And you get a number!” I remained as open minded as possible, unless someone reeked of out-right danger, they got a follow up.

Even with that, the process moved slowly. I felt as thought I’d put my resume up on a job recruitment site without a cover letter – sure, I was getting a lot of calls, but no one knew what I was really looking for.

So I flipped the script. Instead of me giving my number to men who asked, I started approaching men myself. If this was a numbers game, I figured I’d meet more people if the effort was coming from both sides. I also had more control over who I approached, which felt more targeted.

Because I was the one initiating the conversations, I’d choose locations I loved (the bookstore, a coffee shop, a museum during free nights) and strike up conversations with anyone I found even mildly appealing. I figured we already had something in common based on the location, so I was already a step ahead.

Online dating

online dating

A month or two later I’d been on a lot of dates, but the process felt inefficient. The men I met were nice, but they weren’t necessarily looking for something serious. So I started to explore online dating. I wanted to put my exact requirements out there so I could weed out anyone who wasn’t interested.

I found a website that was mostly text based, rather than just a profile picture with text boxes – Tinder wasn’t going to cut it for finding a soul mate. I’m a writer, and as a writer, I wanted to express myself and my relationship goals. To me, a well worded profile is more effective at introducing two people than a coffee date.

So I sat down and crafted a call for submissions, so to speak. Titled “Not a psycho killer or a scary stalker. Yay!!” I explained what I was looking for: someone who wanted to find their forever partner, who was passionate about what they did in life and would have patience with my long office hours (which I intended on keeping).

I didn’t put a picture. I didn’t describe my looks. This wasn’t about physical attraction, this was about finding my match.

After it went live, I refreshed my inbox to find at least a dozen replies. They just kept coming over the next day or so.

Anyone who wrote more than three sentences got an answer. Anyone who replied with several paragraphs got a date.

One of the first men I met was my age, which made him stand out considering everyone else was at least three years my senior. He had long black hair like Severus Snape and a face that made him look fifteen.

That being said, the date was perfect.

He took me on a historic tour of Chinatown pointing out underground gambling rings and discussing the history of human trafficking. Before meeting up, he’d googled me and read years of blog posts about my travels abroad, learning the things I cared most about. Then we wandered to one of the original pizzerias in NYC, his favorite when he ranked them for a college paper on the subject. He was odd and interesting and I spent the whole date laughing.

NYC dating

As the night was winding down, I asked him where he lived. The answer blew the whole date to bits. He still lived at home. For someone whose main identity revolved around independence, it was a no-go for me.

When we parted ways, he gave me a hug and asked to see me again. I politely let him know that that probably wouldn’t happen.

The next day I continued with the dates, but I found myself comparing other people to that first guy. I texted him despite the standing rejection that I’d issued.

Two weeks later, during a particularly emotional evening, I called him on a whim. He showed up 45 minutes later, the exact time it took to get from his parents house to my apartment.

And in that moment, I let the fate-driven part of love take over. I’d done my job, I searched the entire city for the right person. It turned out that person lived at home deep in Brooklyn, but despite that, he was better than anything I could have hoped for.

Since then he’s cut his Snape-like hair so the world can see his beautiful eyes and at nearly 30, his face looks just as boyish as it did ten years ago. He stands by me through all of my crazy whims and understands that “settled” often means “let’s take our newborn baby to Thailand just because.”

His weird fits mine in a way I never anticipated, and it only took about a thousand dates to find him.

Harry and Meghan Markle’s Royal Wedding Was The Perfect Representation of a Modern Empowered Couple

by Sarah Burrisin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

While there was a great sense of beauty, love and faith on full display at Saturday’s royal wedding, the event and the marriage itself, is the prefect example of a modern empowered couple.

The history of Britain hangs on a timeline of nobility, arranged marriages, and royalty bound by duty over love. Today’s wedding was a different kind of fairytale — one worth getting behind.

The relationship of the Prince Harry and Meghan Markle was able to grow into one of mutual respect, care and understanding outside of the public arena. Unlike others throughout royal history, Harry was able to choose Meghan based on her intelligence and her dedication to making the world a better place.

The late Princess Diana was the perfect guide for selfless devotion to others, particularly children. Perhaps that is the reason Harry was so moved by Meghan, who served as the Global Ambassador for World Vision, the world’s largest international children’s charity.

The couple breaks many traditions, from diversity, with a divorcee, and that the bride no longer needed to be a virgin, a requirement no longer demanded of royal brides. The last to be required to follow the edict was Diana in 1981.

Unlike the fairy tales of old, Meghan was not in need of a prince to ride up on a white horse and rescue her as a damsel in distress. Nor was her new sister-in-law Kate. The two are fully empowered women with their own successes in life and careers.

Finally, today, the world watched a royal bride walk herself down the aisle, and while Prince Charles escorted Meghan to her beloved, there was no one to “give her away.”

Meghan Markle walks herself down the aisle

The tradition of giving a woman away dates back to the days when women were considered property by their parents. The idea of giving them away typically also came with a dowry. Today, Meghan proved she belongs to no man, only to herself. She walked down the aisle and entered into a partnership, not a new ownership.

The times have changed and finally those changing times have come to the British royal family. Both Harry and William have proven they want strong and empowered women as their partners. There’s no going back to the stuffy, old-fashioned era. Thankfully.