How Burlesque Let Me Claim My Body Image

Here’s how I became more comfortable with my clothes off.

I got made fun of for my body as a teen, just like everyone else. I was tall and gangly. Super awkward and never comfortable in my own skin. I was ashamed of my small breasts, of my crooked legs. Even at home, I hated looking in the mirror. I just felt so ugly, so unappealing to the eye.

While in college, I began working in the New York City comedy scene. I was super self-conscious in that community, and I never felt comfortable. It seemed like everyone was more successful and confident than I was. But one day, while working as a production assistant on a show in Brooklyn, I saw my very first burlesque act. Immediately, I was hooked.

The dancer was incredible. Her act was unlike anything I would have imagined burlesque to be. It was performance art, stripping down to nothing and writing on her body in lipstick. It was empowering to watch. I approached her after the show, as I quickly became mesmerized by her craft. I asked her about her start in burlesque, how to take classes and get involved in the scene. I told her I wanted to become more comfortable in my body.

However, she told me that to do burlesque, you need to be comfortable in your body already.

The act of asking her these questions and the idea that I could do this made me think that maybe I am becoming more comfortable with my body already. Maybe I just wanted to be confident in general. She told me they were both important.

I took her card. Immediately I went home and looked up the class schedule for the New York School of Burlesque. In that one night, I completely forgot about my dreams in the comedy world and instead focused my attention on taking my clothes off.

Burlesque dancer

My first course was pretty much the basics of burlesque. Fan dancing, stocking peels, bump and grind, all of the essentials. At the end of it, I had put together my first act, a piece to a Gilda Radner song. My burlesque sister, who began classes at the same time as me, helped me choreograph it. My training in comedy came in handy, as it ended up being a highly comedic dance involving finger puppets.

Around the same time I was taking classes, I became involved with a “Rocky Horror Picture Show” shadowcast. I was cast as Janet, a character who spends a good two-thirds of the show in her underwear. Playing her week after week eventually got me completely desensitized to the idea of stripping in front of people, and at one point I realized I’m actually more comfortable onstage the less clothing I was wearing.

I had my first burlesque student showcase a few months after that. I did the Gilda number, and it was a big hit. My first time taking my top off onstage was a thrill I’ll never forget. My fellow performers and audience members were incredibly supportive, and the praise and applause I received was unlike any other response that I had ever gotten in my years of doing theatre and comedy. I fell in love.

I found that I could be funny and sexy at the same time.

After that show I began touring all around New York. I did shows at some of the most well-known burlesque theatres. At the same time, I was doing Rocky more and more, spending most of my weekends wearing little to no clothing. I was so fulfilled.

Finally I could say I was proud of my body. Finally I could be proud of my height and ganglyness. People loved me for me, and that was more I could say about any other scene I’ve been a part of. I was allowed freedom in creating my acts. I found that I could be funny and sexy at the same time. And that was what I wanted to be. Personable, entertaining, and easy to look at.

Since moving to New England, I haven’t been doing burlesque as much anymore. I’ve been focusing most of my time on Rocky and writing, but I hope to take those stripper heels and finger puppets out again one day.

For the very first time, I was unashamedly me onstage, and it was a thrill that couldn’t be replaced by any other type of performing. Every performance just proves to me more and more that I am not some scrawny, awkward teenager anymore. At least not onstage.

When Is The Right Time to Move In With a Partner?

How soon is too soon?

“I’m moving in with him!”

My excitement didn’t seem to matter to most. I was “living” in Boston at the time, and I use the term “living” very loosely, as I was journeying to Rhode Island every night to see my boyfriend anyway. It made sense to move in. But we had only been dating for two months.

“Wow, that was fast.”

I heard again and again. I would tell people, and they would respond with either this phrase, or would just give me an insane amount of side-eye. Our friend group was already throwing a lot of shade our way for dating in the first place, and this decision didn’t exactly help our cause.

What they didn’t understand was that yes, of course we were in love and wanted to spend every night together, but also why should I be paying rent for a room that I’m never in, when I could be paying less to live somewhere I’m already at every night anyway? It was the logical next step. And while some judged, plenty other friends supported and understood our decision.

In other circumstances, though, when is too soon? If you already live in the same city, does it make sense? According to a survey conducted by, 37% of people say that six months to a year is the appropriate waiting time before moving in with a partner. However, more than 18% of the sample said that a couple shouldn’t move in until after marriage.

It all depends on how comfortable you are in a relationship. If you’re vibing well, and can see a future together, then it makes sense to move in sooner rather than later. If a partner is still skeptical after a few years, then maybe the relationship isn’t built to last.

Money is an issue to consider as well.

couple moving in together
My two best couple friends have been together for over five years now, and while they spend most of their time at one of their houses, they haven’t officially moved in together. Their plan is to save up enough money while living with their parents, in order to be able to get their own apartment together in a nice part of town. The two of them are taking their time and planning their future in an economically feasible way.

My circumstance also mostly came down to money. While in Boston, I was paying $800 plus utilities for my room alone. In Rhode Island, the two-bedroom apartment I ended up moving into was about $825 plus utilities, split between me, my boyfriend, and our roommate. Each of us are now paying $275, which is about $400 utilities included. This plus my daily train fare to the city is still cheaper than my entire rent would be in Boston.

And of course, the idea of spending all of your time with your partner is important too. My partner and I were best friends before we started dating, so I had already spent a good amount of time staying at his place. We already knew we worked well together in a living situation. I was even already helping with chores around the house. There were no doubts going into it.

Sometimes it just makes sense.

Whether the reasons are monetary, distance, or even just because you want more time with your loved one, it truly is a person-by-person basis that determines whether or not you’re ready to make that step. My partner and I quickly realized that the judgements from others didn’t matter. It was about us and what made us happiest.

Moving in together is ultimately a great way of telling whether or not your significant other is the right person for you. It’s a nice feeling to be able to come home and see your person every night, not having to worry about a lonely night in ever again. The best part about all of it is the fact that you get to spend more time with your S.O., and isn’t that what a couple ultimately wants?

Read more stories like this such as How to Learn to Love Yourself While Loving Someone Else or When You Say “I Do,” Does That Mean “I Do Take Your Name?”

The Best Unconventional Date Movies For Your Valentine’s Day

Sometimes The Notebook just doesn’t cut it.

Movies have always been a staple in date ideas. Sitting in the back row, watching a movie with your partner (but not really watching the movie, if you catch my drift) is an appealing concept. So intimate, getting to share the experience of the movie world together, while also getting to take part in something that the rest of the world is watching as well. It can lead to stimulating conversation, and can allow you to learn more about your partner through their taste.

However, being the lover of all movies I am, I tend to see movies with partners that stray from the typical romantic fluff or current blockbuster. I like to really test my partner through the movies I show them. Here’s a few of my most memorable date movie experiences.

Little Shop of Horrors (1986)


This film is my personal litmus test of whether or not I can truly date someone. Little Shop has something for everyone- a romantic subplot, musical numbers, horror elements, 1980’s comedy stars- you name it. It’s a campy movie that will literally make you laugh and cry within minutes. Not to mention it was my childhood favorite, so liking this movie really does mean a lot to me on a personal level.

The Room (2003)

Every person I’ve ever dated has loved The Room. This unintentionally funny cult movie directed by and starring the legendary Tommy Wiseau takes the stereotypical romance movie to new heights.

The dialogue is filled with cringey gems that you’ll be quoting for the rest of your life, and will be a wholesome and fun bonding experience with your partner. Even better, pair it with The Disaster Artist (the new film about the making of the room starring James Franco), and make it a double feature.

Halloween 3: Season of the Witch (1982)

This is truly my partner and I’s movie. There was one day, before we dated, where I was taking a nap in his living room while he was in his bedroom watching this film. I woke up to the creepy stylings of the movie’s theme (“Happy happy Halloween, Halloween, Halloween…”), and without even seeing it, I was immediately hooked. We watched it when we started dating, and I fell in love with this underrated classic (even if Michael Myers isn’t in it).

The To-Do List (2013)

the to-do list

My first official date with my first real boyfriend consisted of sitting in his grandma’s living room and watching this movie on demand.

This awkward comedy about a teenage girl (Aubrey Plaza) trying to lose her virginity before college was a surprisingly great way to break the ice between us, also being young and sexually inexperienced. Afterwards we watched Juno. That, on the other hand, is not a movie I would recommend on a first date.

Carrie (1976 and 2013)

Sissy Specek as Carrie

It seems like this movie follows me with every relationship I’ve been in.

I met my first boyfriend as a teenager (who I dated for five days, or a “business week” as we called it) at a performance of Carrie: the Musical, which yes, is a real thing. After that I met the following boyfriend at the midnight premiere of the Carrie remake. And of course, strangely enough, a week after my current partner and I started dating, the original Brian DePalma classic ended up being on TV.

I don’t know what it is about this movie, but I’m not complaining. It’s a great movie.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1976)


Another instance of “if you don’t like this one, we can’t date.”

This one is kind of cheating, since my current partner and I are both part of a Rocky Horror shadowcast. We met as co-stars, and bonded over our love of the movie. He had been a fan since practically kindergarten, and had been part of the cast for 15 years. I was new to shadowcasting, but I had been going to screenings since I was 12. It brought us together, and is definitely the most important movie in my life.

Sometimes the most romantic movies are the most unexpected ones. Every couple has those films, the ones that really bring them together. Whether it’s through humor, fear, or sadness, a film can bring out emotion between you and your partner in a way that you might not get from other shared experiences. For your next date night, consider showing your partner your favorite movie. Maybe you’ll learn something new about them.

Honestly, I think I’d have a hard time dating someone who didn’t share the same weird taste as me. It’s surprisingly a big part of any relationship. Having something like that in common can be hugely beneficial. Movies can say a lot about your personality and interests. And who knows, perhaps after watching, they’ll fall for you even more.

Read more ideas for Valentine’s Day like: How To Show Love By Making a Difference This Valentine’s DayHow to Annoy People in Love on Valentine’s Day: Top 10 List, or My Complex Life and Lessons Around Valentine’s Day.

What to do When You Have to Work on Valentine’s Day

Sometimes life and responsibilities get in the way of love. For that, we’ve got some ideas for the working couple.

Since Valentine’s Day falls on a Wednesday this year, it may be hard to find time to spend with your significant other. If you work a typical nine to five job, you have a very limited amount of time in the morning and evening to do something to commemorate the holiday. Other types of shifts you may work, whether it’s retail, food service, or any other job with different hours, may make it even harder.

So how do you keep V-day special during a work day? Here are some ideas to maintain your holiday traditions.

Breakfast in bed

It might be a little cliche, but who doesn’t love waking up to the smell of pancakes in the morning? Wake up a little earlier than your S.O. on Valentine’s Day, and prepare their favorite breakfast. Give yourself time to eat together instead of rushing around like you would on any other morning. Make their special tea or coffee. Maybe get a vase put a little bouquet of flowers on the tray for a nice flourish. It’s a refreshing and lovely way to start your day.

Grab lunch at your favorite restaurant

romantic date

The best dates involve food, and never fail to bring people together. If you work relatively close to each other, find your favorite restaurant in the area and meet up for a quick meal during your lunch break. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, you are still in your work clothes after all. Treating yourself to your favorite food together keeps the day a special occasion, and makes for a nice breather from a busy work day.

Send some flowers to the office

Or wherever it is that you might work. Make your partner’s coworkers envious by sending them a special delivery of roses, chocolates, or even an edible arrangement. It’s a simple and sweet reminder that you’re thinking of them amidst the stress of the workplace. A small card proclaiming your love is a nice touch as well. It keeps the spirit of the holiday alive, even when you have to be apart.

Have a movie night

fearful young couple watching scary scene in movie

After a long, tiring day at work, it’s likely that you and your partner won’t even want to go out. So keep it at home, and spend the night watching your favorite movies. It doesn’t have to be a Nicholas Sparks movie or any other stereotypical romantic flicks, but could instead be a movie that has brought you together in the past (check out my article on my partner and I’s favorite unconventional date flicks). Order some take out, watch some Netflix, and chill out for the night.

Enjoy the long weekend

Valentine’s this year may fall on a weekday, but luckily it happens to also be the same week as President’s Day. If you have this day off, plan a long weekend for you and your partner to spend together. Whether that may be taking a trip to a romantic getaway, or just staying in and binge watching a new TV show, the extra time spent with your S.O. will make up for the fact that you might not have had a chance to spend much time on the actual day.

All in all, any time spent with your partner on Valentine’s Day is time well spent. Whether you’re with them all day, or for just an hour, there are a number of possible ways to keep the holiday fun. However you may define it, Valentine’s Day is ultimately about the reasons why you love your partner, and a celebration of what brought you together.

If you’re looking for more ways to show your love, check out Valentine’s Day Is Great, But Here Are My Favorite Ways to Show Love All Year Round and How To Show Love By Making a Difference This Valentine’s Day.

Where to Find Last-Minute Valentine’s Lingerie Just in Time for the Day of Love

It’s possible to have a steamy Valentine’s Day without breaking the bank.

V-day is just around the corner, and you know what that means, having a little extra bit of fun with your partner. You obviously want to look the part, but say you’ve found yourself mere days away from Valentine’s Day without any sort of lingerie to commemorate the holiday.

What can you do at this point to make your look extra-special? Here are a few suggestions to make your day great, even at the last minute.

Amazon Prime

Valentine's day lingerie on amazon

I swear by Amazon Prime for absolutely everything. Cheap prices, no extra fees, and quick shipping times are more than enough reason to rely on Amazon for any holiday shopping. Personally, I buy all of my burlesque costumes and lingerie here, as there is obviously a very wide selection.

Whether you want your Valentine’s Day look to be extra shimmery, long and lacy, or in the spirit of the holiday itself, you can find almost anything on Amazon to suit any of your Valentine’s Day needs. Why not pick up some roses while you’re at it?


Another quick-and-easy go-to. It seems Target stores are everywhere, and they are a seriously underrated source for any sort of clothing. Lingerie is no different. They have a wide selection of basic lingerie for a reasonable price.

Targets are also pretty reliable in their stock from store to store, so if you’re worried about shipping, it’s safe to say that you can find what you need locally. If not, shipping is free with orders over $35, and can be delivered in two days.

Check out this Gilligan and O’Malley babydoll lingerie. The beautiful red velvet is perfect for V-Day, and is sure to impress your lover. Or, if you’re looking for something a little less conventional, try this velvet and lace bodysuit. It’s easy to hide under your clothing, so it’s perfect for surprising your S.O. when you get home from date night.


Yandy valentine's day lingerie

One of the most unique and lesser-known online lingerie sources is With its wide selection, it’s easy to see why it’s so many peoples’ first choice when it comes to undergarment shopping. Lingerie sets average about $30, with about $7 flat-rate shipping (usually two to three days), so while it isn’t the cheapest, it’s certainly a reliable option.

The variety that comes with Yandy is almost overwhelming. The amount of choices in color, style, and material allows you to find exactly what you might need for Valentine’s Day. You can go traditional, like this vibrant red bustier, or try something a little different, like this lace harness teddy. And keep an eye out for coupon codes- they’re pretty easy to find on the site.

Frederick’s of Hollywood

Frederick’s has always been a staple in the lingerie game, and continues to produce high-quality and classy intimate wear. While your local mall might be a good bet in finding a Frederick’s store, their website is currently advertising 50% off all Valentine’s Day wear with $10 flat-rate shipping. They clearly want to make sure you get your lingerie in time for the big day, showing that they truly care about their customers.

There is an excellent amount of variety on their website when it comes in intimate apparel. Their Red Hot Sexy Lingerie collection boasts a number of fiery red numbers, while their Sheer Seduction line produces elegant and lacy robes, teddies, and corsets. Also check out their Megan Fox Collection, full of crushed velvet and an array of colors.

Make sure your Valentine’s Day is a sexy one this year. You may not be able to justify investing in that expensive Victoria’s Secret bodysuit for just one day, so try looking in one of these places to find that special piece that won’t drain your wallet. If all else fails, try looking in your local sex shop. No matter what the cost may be, it is possible for you to find something that works beautifully for you, not just for the sake of your partner, but also as a confidence booster for yourself.

If you’re looking for Valentine’s lingerie in different sizes, check out The Best Lingerie for Hard to Find Sizes Just in Time for Valentine’s Day.

What Happens When Their Pets Become Your Pets Too

I fell in love with his cat before I even fell in love with him. So, what happens when their pets become yours?

I met Samson when I became friends with Chris. He was the sweetest kitty I had ever met, and he immediately took to me. In our pre-dating days when I was still sleeping in the living room, Samson would come and sleep on the arm of the couch next to me. I think Chris was a little jealous.

Now of course, Samson sleeps in the bed with both of us. He’s basically our son at this point. Chris has had him for about ten years now, but after spending days sitting at home, working on my writing with Samson curled up on my lap, I think it’s safe to say that he’s become my cat too.

It goes both ways too. If he isn’t nice your pets your even his, you know something is off. And if you’re searching for the perfect pet parent,  bypass the noise and time of creating the perfect relationship, then sign up for the LOVE TV membership.

So at what point in the relationship does this tend to happen?

Obviously, you would be meeting their pets as soon as you were brought to their house for the first time. It’s like an early contender to meeting their parents, if their furbaby accepts you, then it could be a sign of a good relationship to come.

I’ve had situations where the opposite was the case.

My ex-boyfriend had a cat who HATED me, and I never understood why. I spent a lot of time with her, and I dated him for about nine months, so I found it weird that she never warmed up to me.

But just like my relationship with that cat, my relationship with him was doomed. Maybe it was coincidence, or maybe the cat was trying to warn me of bad times to come. She was a black cat, after all.

When you start to spend a lot of time at your S.O.’s house, it’s typical that the animals there would get used to your presence. They might even come to expect you to be there. And once you start being one of the ones to feed them, it’s pretty much set in stone that you’re part of the family.

In a way, it can even be as daunting as meeting their parents.

You want their mother to accept you, sure, but typically they no longer live with their parents, whereas you will see their pets every time you visit them. It can be hard to have a good time with your partner if their cat or dog keeps hissing/barking at you every time you enter a room.

It can even be disruptive to a relationship, in a more pressing way than their parents would be. After all, pets do want attention all the time, and might get jealous if their person is spending more time with a new partner rather than them.

You might have to compete for attention regardless.

when their pets become your pets

The pet came first, and their human loves them in a pure, untainted way that they reserve for pets alone. They still love you too, but in a completely different way. Sometimes they might be playing with their cat or dog and devote all their attention to them in that moment. Let them know they are just as enamored with you in a way different than they do with any other humans.

Besides, why compete with a cute little animal?

Samson and I don’t really have to compete. Chris and I dote on him like nothing else. We make up songs about him, we talk for him, and we make sure he gets all the love he deserves. He’s super chill, especially for a cat, and pretty much goes with the flow with our craziness.

Samson also loves everyone, which makes it easy to transition him with new people. He’s become one of the most important things in my life, second only to my boyfriend.

Their pets can become your pets at a pretty fast rate. If you’re spending all of your time at their place, it’s safe to say that they’ll start to love you and your presence in their lives quickly. Allow them into your life they same way they will allow you into yours, and it might actually strengthen your relationship with your loved one as well.

Falling in Love Onstage: Finding My Lover Through the Magic of Theatre

I’ve been a performer for my entire life. Now, I’ve met my love thanks to the theatre.

A majority of my friends are involved in the theatre scene, which isn’t especially surprising since I was part of a theatre troupe in high school and studied theatre in New York City. It also isn’t especially surprising that the only people I’ve really dated have been involved in the entertainment world as well.

High school and college was filled with romantic drama surrounding my theatre crushes. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m guilty of falling for people that have played my onstage love interests a few times. Onstage chemistry is very important to me, and sometimes those feelings bleed into real life.

Do I always act on it? No. That would be unprofessional. But I have slipped up once or twice.

However, there was one time where it was actually successful. I met my dream man through my “Rocky Horror” shadowcast. Which was, in all honesty, something that I expected would happen since I was a kid. Rocky is incredibly important to me, and there’s no way I could have ever dated someone that didn’t like it.

I met Chris a little after I joined Rocky around last year. We had known of each other in passing at cons and such, but didn’t become friends at first. One of the few times we did talk was via Facebook message, where he gave me advice about how to construct a costume piece. I didn’t think anything of it.

Around the time I joined his cast was when we really became friends. I had a falling out with a few friends, so I turned to him for help getting through the tough time. We ended up quickly becoming best friends, with me staying at his house often and going on adventures constantly. He treated me well, but again, I didn’t think anything of it in a romantic sense.

Whether on stage or off, whatever relationship situation you are in, we can help cut through the noise and shift to something new. Join LOVE TV today.

Falling in love on stage

Then the on-stage romance began.

A few months into our friendship, I started playing Columbia. He plays Eddie, so it made perfect sense that he would be performing with me in my first show. I was so nervous about the performance, and I couldn’t put my finger on why. Something just felt weird about playing my best friend’s girlfriend. Maybe it was a subconscious thing, who knows.

Cut to a month later, and we’re dating. After a three-show day in late October (our prime season), we realized we had something more to our relationship and took it to the next level.

Now, Chris and I have performed together as Eddie and Columbia with three different casts, traveling as far as Toronto.

It’s an interesting life we have, being two performers who date, not to mention live together. Our life consists of making costume pieces, constantly practicing at home in front of the TV, and me reminding him which days he’s performing (I’ve become almost his Rocky secretary in that sense).

Before every show, we usually get ready at home, me sitting in front of a mirror for an hour trying to cover my eyebrows with a glue stick, and him making sure his beloved leather vest is good to go.

Doing Rocky on tour feels akin to being in a traveling circus, and it can be a very high-strung and energetic environment. For that, I am grateful for Chris. He keeps me grounded through all of the stress of performing, and it’s comforting to know that whenever I feel insecure or nervous on stage, he’s right up there with me.

finding love on stage with rocky horror picture show

Even when one of us isn’t performing, the other is usually in the audience showing support. The amount of pride I feel when I’m in the crowd watching him emcee a show is like nothing else, in fact, I usually tend to turn to the person next to me and say something along the lines of “He’s so weird. I’m so proud of him.”

Once the show’s over, and after we’ve had a traditional late night breakfast with our castmates, we usually go home and immediately pass out. We tend to spend the rest of the next day at home, doing chores and watching “Friday the 13th” movies like the homebodies we truly are. It’s important to find balance.

I’m eternally grateful for the life I currently live. I get to write all day, perform all night, and get to do it alongside the love of my life. It honestly everything I could have asked for, and it’s only the beginning. We have plans to travel all around the world to perform, and we hope to continue doing for as long as we possibly can.

Can Age Differences Affect a Relationship?

I can’t say I didn’t expect to fall for an older man.

I’ve always been attracted to older men. Not as a fetish simply as a preference. In college, I always felt like guys my age didn’t really get me. So when I was 19/20, I tended to usually have crushes on men around 25/26. Not a huge age difference, but it still makes a world of a difference.

Growing up, I always hung out with people older than me. I was the freshman in high school hanging out with the seniors, and falling for the 17 year old guys and girls rather than someone closer to 15, my age at the time. It may not seem like a big deal, but in middle and high school, even liking someone one grade higher can be cause for a scandal.

Why do some people seek an older or younger partner? It could be a number of things. Psychology dictates that women in particular seeking an older male partner is typically indicative of the need for a father figure.

However, in an article by Psychology Today, the idea of an older man/younger woman relationship stems from the sociological perspective that explains “not just that younger women seem physically more attractive to aging males, but that the older man represents socially valued attributes that lead his younger partner to want to bond with him.”

Whether younger or older, LOVE TV is here to help you cut through the noise and speed up your relationship successes. Join today.

So, how does this affect the relationship?

age difference in a relationship

The younger of the pairing seems to require a special type of bond that might not occur when dating someone their age. It seems to be about more security, in that finding a person to date that truly knows themselves and their place in the world.

A person in their twenties dating someone in their thirties, forties, or fifties is evidently seeking someone that has their life together, and provides a type of role-model that the younger person aspires to be.

I am one of those people. I am 23 and dating a man eleven years my senior. It’s not something we really talk or think about too much (except in jest), but sometimes it’s all too evident that he is the older one. He has a secure job, is happy with his life, and generally knows how to “adult.”

Being a fresh-faced college graduate in a town I’ve only recently moved to, my life as a mentally-ill artist and writer stands in stark comparison to his. It can be a good thing, though, as he inspires me to be a better, happier person as a result.

It’s really not that big of a deal.

There’s a clear stigma surrounding a couple with a large age difference, but at the end of the day, it isn’t as big of a deal as it originally seems. We’re both adults, making the decision together to be a couple.

I personally think that once you hit your twenties, age doesn’t really matter in these situations. Being with someone who has already experienced the highs and lows of young adulthood is a comforting thing, and makes him a great partner in my own times of confusion and stress that come with being young.

Sure, there are situations where people view such relationships as the older man taking advantage of the younger woman. They see it as a power move, as a way to have someone subordinate to them. However, if the older person is successful and secure in themselves, that usually won’t even be a thing that crosses their mind, and won’t even think about the age difference that exists.

I, for one, am extremely grateful for my partner, as he is my rock. Maybe that doesn’t necessarily come from the fact that he is older, but it the fact that he has had more life experience than me is an accurate one. He guides me through my own hardships, as he’s been through them all before. That’s one of the things that makes our relationship so great.

Age differences can be tough due to the general stigma surrounding them. But, as in any relationship, as long as there is an equal amount of trust and respect on either side, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s doomed to fail.

Why Couple Fights Over the Little Things is Just Plain Silly

Looking back, we all laugh at little couple fights. But in the moment, they can seem like a big deal.

A few months ago I lost my umbrella on the bus. It was a purple umbrella that I had just unpacked from my big move, and only one of two in the house. When I told Chris, he got annoyed.

Apparently, Chris had thought there was only one in the house, belonging to our roommate. He told me that I lost my roommate’s umbrella, which was brown. I told him over and over that the umbrella I lost was, in fact, purple, but he told me I needed to take responsibility for losing one that wasn’t mine..

The next morning, we found the brown umbrella. “I owe you the biggest apology in the world,” Chris said before hugging me. I was annoyed, but also smug about being right.

Honestly, these were the only types of arguments Chris and I really got into. I use past tense because we realized that these little spats weren’t really of anything substantial, so we became more aware of it and learned to talk things out calmly. At least we don’t argue about big things that can make or break a relationship, we thought.

small couple fights

However, a lot of couples aren’t able to curb these arguments. It is possible that the little things can, in fact, make or break a relationship. A lot of times, these spats can be a reflection of a lack of communication between a couple, which can lead to a very unhealthy dynamic. There will always be differences among two people who spend a lot of time together- it’s just about how you deal with them.

Chris didn’t think too much of our arguments when they were happening. While these arguments about little things like umbrellas and where to eat seemed catastrophic, in retrospect he believed that arguments happen between all couples, and that it was the sign of a healthy relationship.

I disagreed. Having been in bad relationships before, I have a hard time distinguishing between bickering and abuse, making me susceptible to feeling fragile and afraid of speaking up for myself. Chris is a wonderful boyfriend and someone who I completely trust and love with my whole heart, and I know he never wants me to feel that way. But, arguments do happen once in a while, a fact I should probably accept.

My mom, on the other hand, claims that she and her boyfriend have never had an argument in the almost two years that they have been dating. It’s a far cry from when she was with my dad, who would lash out and start fights constantly. Are she and her current boyfriend more compatible? Perhaps. More likely, though, is that the new boyfriend is much better at communicating than my father was.

I can’t stress that enough. The reason why Chris and I don’t fight anymore is because we’ve learned to communicate with each other. If one of us gets annoyed with the other over whatever reason, we talk it out. It took a few months of dating to really work out the bugs in our relationship, but now that we understand each other better, we’re able to empathize and understand our thought processes and emotions. It’s truly all about not just being self aware, but also having the patience to understand the other’s needs.

If we knew then what we know now, the umbrella fight probably wouldn’t have even happened. It probably would have started with Chris listening to me when I insisted that it was another umbrella, and me not retaliating with over-the-top emotions. We probably would have waited until we had gotten home to look for the brown umbrella, which we would have inevitably found, and we would forget about the whole thing without bickering.

Now of course, we just laugh about all of our dumb little fights. Not to say that we’ll never argue about anything ever again, but knowing what we know now, we’ll be able to avoid them as much as we possibly can. Our relationship is much healthier, due to a higher level of respect we have for each other, as well as ourselves.

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