Tradition and Dating: What I Learned about Happily Ever After

June 14, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Being a self-professed traditionalist in dating may not be the correct way to describe myself after all.

All my life my family teased me about how much I valued tradition. Whether it was holidays or dating or following certain etiquette rules, I always placed a lot of value on certain customs. Little did I know, maybe I’m a little more modern than I think.

Here is my journey of being a traditionalist in the world of dating:

The value of a title

These days, most people date casually or just hook up and don’t worry about titles. Some don’t even bother with getting married. I always wished for the marriage and kids thing and when I was young, while watching sitcoms like Full House and later dramas like Dawson’s Creek, I always wanted a boyfriend.

Fast forward to years later. I didn’t date anyone in high school so college was my first experience learning what I wanted in a relationship. I ended up getting into a very brief relationship with one of my best friends. We are still close today which is really nice. What’s even nicer is the way he asked me to be his girlfriend. It was romantic, innocent and one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me.

It was our senior year of high school and I had just moved out of a hellish suite situation into a double room with a roommate who was never there. I was watching Mona Lisa Smile in my room just relaxing on a Saturday night. I suddenly looked down at my (dating myself here) Motorola RAZR and saw a text from a friend that my male friend was in her room, nervously eating chicken nuggets and sipping vodka. With a slight push and support from her, he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend.

Cue Laura Linney in Love, Actually (fast forward to about 2:07 in that clip to know what I mean) laying there in my uncomfortable dorm twin bed. My friend took so long to work up the guts to ask me to be his girlfriend that I got almost entirely through Mona Lisa Smile again.

He finally walked in and didn’t say a word, just putting in the Phantom of the Opera movie remake, fast forwarding to the “All I Ask of You” scene. After that, he put in my worn When Harry Met Sally DVD, fast forwarding to the last scene where Harry professes his love to Sally, saying things like “I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich.” I suppose he saw us as Harry and Sally at that point in our lives, and knowing it’s my favorite movie of all time, he ran with it.

After that, he asked me to be his girlfriend and we kissed for a long time, eventually falling asleep after talking all night. I woke up and was nearly late for church the next morning, but I couldn’t stop smiling.

Moving forward another few years, I met my current boyfriend. After having a first date at Starbucks and more wonderful dinner dates at our respective apartments, I was out covering a lunch for my former job working for a newspaper.

Things were quite typical of the lunches I covered and I was getting a little bored and restless. I felt my phone vibrate in my purse and reached down to check it. I saw a text from my boyfriend that read: “I had a great time last night.” I smiled and responded: “Me too.” He wrote back, “You know what I was just thinking?” I quickly typed back a question mark, careful not to be too conspicuous. He wrote back: “That I have the best girlfriend ever.” He included a smiley face at the end.

I don’t remember much else of that day, nor anything about that lunch, but I will always remember it was May 10, 2012 and once again, I couldn’t stop smiling.

Call me old-fashioned…

I’ve always thought how cool it would be to save myself until marriage. I am a huge sucker for those old Notebook-esque couples who have only one sexual partner—each other. To me at least, there’s just such a beauty and pure romance to it all. Not that I don’t mind if others have more than one partner, I am a strong component of the phrase “You do you.” I just know that for me, it’s always something I thought I want to do.

I still have managed to save myself for marriage. My boyfriend, who also grew up with similar values, has been fully and completely respectful of my decision and thinks it’s pretty cool if we make it. While we’re working on the next step of our relationship, I honestly am happy I didn’t give in and go for it with some guys—guys like this one who walked me back to my apartment after a date and suggested an after dinner drink.

I mixed us drinks and as we got about halfway through them, he went for it and tried to start going hot and heavy. I knew exactly where it was going and I quickly wriggled my way out from underneath him. I explained that I’d at least like to get to know him first before having sex, a standard I knew I had at least wanted to hold onto, no matter how much I fell for a guy.

He left hurriedly and ultimately ghosted me. I am relieved I didn’t give in and just go for it because I knew I’d regret it.

Then there’s another guy I dated for about six months. He never wanted to meet my family and when I went to visit him in Chicago for a weekend, he didn’t want to be in any photos. It was like I went on a weekend trip with myself. The only evidence I have of him there is a faint reflection of him in my sunglasses as he snapped my photo on a boat.

While I definitely “did” more with him than the first guy, I am glad I didn’t go any further. He clearly didn’t love me and that was fine. I’m just lucky I realized it early on, and got some pizza in the process.

These times were two instances I could honestly say that I am glad I call myself a traditionalist.
…Or Maybe Not

After mapping out how I wanted to write this essay, I realized that maybe I am not so traditional after all. For someone who places so much value on the steps from when you first meet someone to marriage, I moved in with my boyfriend after dating for just a year. After a lot (and I mean a lot) of decision-making, I had a good gut feeling about the move. I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do, tradition or not.

Also, I realized how untraditional our actual relationship is. As much as I would like to get married someday, when people ask if I’m happy, I can honestly say I am. We’ve got a nice little family going on, with my boyfriend and our elderly English bulldog. That’s a lot more than most people have, which often reminds me just how much I get the warm and fuzzy feeling when the three of us are spending a cozy Saturday night together on the couch. It’s comfortable, it’s easy and it’s romantic in its own way. I realize now that happily ever after doesn’t necessarily mean engaged, married, babies—it could be a far less traditional decades-long relationship, dogs and a whole lot of Netflixing on the couch.

While thinking about this topic, I had the realization that what’s important is making sure you’re happy. Who cares what others think when it comes to your relationship, whether you’re traditional or completely out there (a Charlotte or Samantha, if you may). Most of us are in that nice in-between sweet spot anyway.

Happy dating!

Interested in learning more about dating in the modern age? Check out this piece, a talk with LOVE TV’s Karinna Karsten.

True Love Lessons with Sierra: Self-Worth

June 13, 2018January 22, 2024 by Sierra Mercierin LOVE, Mind, RELATIONSHIPS, Wellness

Self-worth!

This lesson keeps popping up for me and those around me, so let’s jump in!

What does it mean to have self-worth?

I believe it means discovering AND believing in your deep inherent value, which in turn, gives you a standard of how you deserve to be treated.

Know that you, just as you are, are a rare and precious jewel with unlimited love to give.

Recognizing that is what polishes your inner jewel making you sparkle from the inside out!

Self-worth is interconnected with self-confidence and self-respect.

These 3 powerhouse energies COMBINED are certain to help you attract an excellent match!

Tune in next time for more True Love Lessons & Confessions with Sierra.

Why the Advice “You’ll Find Love When You Stop Looking” Could be More Harmful Than Helpful

June 12, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin DATING ADVICE, LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

This cliché line is helping exactly… no one. So why are we still saying it?

When you’re single and looking for love, you’re bound to hear some useless (and cliché) dating advice.

You might be familiar with famous eye-rollers such as: “You just need to get out more” or “Just have fun, don’t overthink it.” Sigh.

But one piece of advice sticks out to me as particularly unhelpful: “You’ll find love when you stop looking.”

Don’t get me wrong, I understand where this idea comes from. After all, it sort of makes sense: if you’re not stressed out about finding love you’ll probably feel more relaxed, conversations will feel less forced, and you might even be more likely to take chances.

But there’s a problem with this “stop looking” logic.

Dr. Pepper Schwartz, a relationship expert (best known for Lifetime’s Married at First Sight), points out that it’s like saying, “You’ll find a job when you’re least looking for it.”

“It’s possible,” she says, “but rarely happens.” She adds that,“For the most part, people who wait for a job are unemployed. For me, it’s just an excuse for being scared to go and put the effort in. Yes, it happens, but no, it’s not a good strategy.”

And sure, maybe one day someone great will fall into your lap: you’ll have instant chemistry, everything in common, and the two of you will live happily ever after. We’ve all heard stories where something like that happens to a friend of a friend, so I guess it’s possible.

But you shouldn’t bet on it.

People like to say things like “stop looking for love” because trying to find a great relationship is hard and not finding someone after putting yourself out there can be disappointing. You could potentially do everything right: you could introduce yourself to new people, go on dating sites, join clubs, go on blind dates, and still not have that special someone to bring to your cousin’s wedding.

It can be disheartening, scary, and disappointing to be out there looking for love knowing that there are no guarantees when it comes to relationships. Dating can make anyone feel vulnerable and uncomfortable. So, taking a step back and saying “Psh, I’m not even looking for love right now” might seem like a good way to make sure you aren’t disappointed.

But stopping the search isn’t the answer.

In fact, putting yourself out there and setting yourself up for disappointment is part of the whole “relationship” thing. Looking for love and finding is all about leaning into the scary stuff: putting yourself out there, being vulnerable, and taking chances. And that doesn’t end once you get into a relationship.

In fact, it’s usually just the beginning.

I met my fiancé in high school. We’ve been together for almost a decade now and in just a couple months we’ll be getting married. I know how uncommon it is to marry your high school sweetheart (in fact, it’s statistically ridiculous). So, for a long time I thought we were the poster couple for the “you’ll find love when you’re not looking” philosophy.

After all, people were always saying I was so lucky to have found my future husband so early in life. And I am lucky. I’m blessed with a great relationship with an amazing guy, but our relationship isn’t based on luck or chance. We didn’t get to 10 years by accident.

We choose each other.

We’ve been together for so long because every day we make the choice to be together. We make ourselves vulnerable every day: taking risks and making compromises. We make plans around each other. We have love because we truly and completely want it, and are willing to work for it.

I like Dr. Pepper Schwartz’s advice because I think that getting into a relationship is a lot like landing an amazing job. To get that job you’re probably going to have to put in a lot of effort: you’ll need to go back to school or get some training. You’re going to need to do some research and improve your skills.

You might even need to update your résumé, get a new suit, and all-around make yourself a good candidate for the job. And if you don’t get one job, it could be embarrassing or disheartening, but soon you’ll find a new one and you’ll apply for that too.

But the important thing is that it doesn’t get easier once you finally do get hired. It’s really only then when the real work starts. That’s when you have to start making compromises, focusing more time on your career, and working hard to make the relationship…I mean job… great.

You can’t be afraid to do all the things you need to do to find a partner, because that same stuff is required to maintain the relationship. This idea that singles should stop looking, that they’ll get more out of trying less is only setting people up for disappointment and bad relationships… and that isn’t fair.

Like I said, when you’re single, you’re going to get all kinds of bad advice. But the idea of trying less is probably one of the worst.

Maybe there is no great advice that works for everyone, no magic words of wisdom to guarantee everyone exactly the relationship they want. But, I’ve found that if you can take the risks and do the work to find someone special, you’ll be ready for the relationship, and the love, you deserve.

For Graduates Finding Love Might be the Next Step

June 8, 2018January 22, 2024 by Sarah Burrisin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

You did it! You finally made it through those years of tedious classes, papers, dates and breakups and you’re moving on to start your life. So, where do you start?

Make this Your Summer of LOVE: For the next two weeks, you can message Relationship Expert and Founder of LOVE TV Karinna Karsten directly for free as she leads you with interactive tools and tutorials designed to speed up the success of your dating goals.

We know it isn’t easy and you’re ready to start your career off with a bang, but you deserve love too.

To sign up go here now and use special offer code Graduate when you click Start a 7 Day Free Trial.

What’s the catch?

Use this Code Graduate to receive your 14 day trial period on all subscriptions (that’s double our current LOVE TV 7 Day Free offer.)

You do have to add your credit card to get this 14 day offer. If you find the LOVE TV membership valuable for speeding up your relationship goals then do nothing and your 14 day free trial will roll over to a reoccurring LOVE TV subscription that you have chosen at the time you add your Graduate code. You can also cancel at anytime before the 14 days end and your credit card will not be charged. So you have everything to gain and nothing to lose!

Yup, you’ll be messaging through your subscription login directly with Karinna. And no, we won’t share your information with anyone, we’re only here for you.

You’ll also get access to LOVE TV’s premium love and relationship community membership, personal assessment tools and feedback, audio, video tutorials for dating, self love and building a high quality relationship too!

Welcome to Your Summer of LOVE: Learn How to find a date who is seeking a high quality match just like you.

Start Now Graduates!
Offer ends June 21st

From My First Date to My Last and Everything in Between: What I learned in 15 years of dating

June 4, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

From 13 to 28-years-old, I’ve had 15 years of dating. So, here’s what it has taught me.

My first date ever happened when I was 13 years old. It was a double date to see She’s All That and I remember I was so nervous. Fifteen years later, I had what I hope will be my last first date ever.

Here is my journey of dating, and the lessons I learned and don’t forget that we’re here at LOVE TV to help you to sort through the dating world. Join today.

She’s All That, 1999

As soon as I saw the preview for She’s All That, I knew I had to see it. I identified with Rachael Leigh Cook’s nerdy Laney Boggs and the awesome ‘90s soundtrack (hello “Kiss Me”) had me sold.

I called my best friend at the time and we soon orchestrated a double date with two guys we were into. She had turned 14 in December and I was still 13 for another six months.

I remember being so nervous calling the boys to organize the outing and freaking out teenage girl style when they said yes. We were too anxious to order food but we did have slushies and in typical eighth grader fashion, we didn’t even hold hands. We laughed through the movie and I felt myself blushing when I’d accidentally brush my guy’s hand.

When the movie was over, I remember feeling such a relief that it was done. I was happy that my first date was over and I managed to make it a double date at that. It’s fun to think about the shared experience the four of us had that winter in 1999. Firsts are always hard, but when they turn out as fun as this date did, it made me excited for my romantic future.

Prom, 2003

Four years later, when prom time came around, I was no longer wishing for romantic dates just like the movies. I went to an all-girls high school which I absolutely adored, but one thing about it bugged me.

I’m not sure if this has changed, but 15 years ago they required us to have a date. I didn’t know very many guys and all I wanted to do was go to prom with my friends. I love laughing at my picture of myself and the date I ended up going with—a friend of a friend I think. He wore a top hat and sported a cane and he was a good six inches shorter than me.

I barely hung out with him during the dance. Instead, I spent the night with my friends, dancing and having fun.

It was nice to know that I could have a good time without having a “date” per se.

Founder’s Day Ball, 2004 and a Late-Night Diner Dinner, 2007

Sometimes dates have outcomes you’d expect.

When I started college, I met a great guy who was also from Pittsburgh. Being the naive 18-year-old that I was, I instantly felt a connection that I hoped would become romantic.

I remember calling my sisters the night before the boy and I decided to go to our college’s Founder’s Day Ball. They were giddy with excitement, wondering what the night would bring. Soon enough, I realized we were much, much better as friends and we never actually dated beyond taking each other to things like school dances.

In the meantime, I found a wonderful friend in the process who has shared so many amazing memories with me.

Three years later, I briefly (I’m talking a month and a half) actually dated another man I had become close to during my college years. I remember one night we went out to a late-night dinner at a local diner we loved. I was very forward and flirtatious and remember trying to play footsie under the table and saying things I couldn’t believe were coming out of my mouth.

It was nice to know I had the confidence to be so sure of myself when it comes to matters of the heart. Our dates were fun, innocent and spontaneous—a nighttime trip to Dairy Queen or our local movie theater. However, speaking of matters of the heart, when we broke up it was the first time I felt truly heartbroken. While dating the boy didn’t exactly have the outcome I expected, I ended up becoming great friends with him as well.

Just those few dates with those boys resulted in a friend group that rivaled the Three Musketeers, This is Us’ Big Three, basically any friendship group of three you can think of. Those two boys turned out to be two of my very best, dearest friends. It’s funny to think about the surprising ways life can take you and turn out to be way better than you ever thought.

The most romantic date ever, 2011

While the relationship didn’t turn out with any positives except a story in a local magazine, the one I had in 2011 brought me the most romantic date I’ve ever had. As a self-described hopeless romantic, I thought going to visit my boyfriend while he was away in Chicago was straight out of a movie.

The weekend I was there, he took me to the Navy Pier and as we rode to the top of the Ferris wheel where we shared a passionate kiss. I will always appreciate the date and refer to it as “that one time I felt like I was living in a romantic comedy.”

My first and only blind date, 2012

2012 was a tough year, as it was the year I got laid off due to budget cuts from the newspaper I was working at. While it was tough, it was also a great year because it was the year I met my current boyfriend.

The woman who worked at my apartment building’s front desk was friends with my boyfriend’s coworker, who happened to live in my building. They both agreed we would be good for each other and slipped a Starbucks gift card under my door.

My boyfriend and I met at the Starbucks at the end of my block and ended up chatting for hours. Six years later and we are still together and I’ve got a good feeling that that evening at Starbucks was my last first date.

Dating can be challenging, but so many important life lessons are learned.

Whether it’s getting over the fear of my first date, wishing I didn’t need a date at all, gaining confidence, appreciating romance or finding my forever date, I’ve learned so much with the men I’ve dated. As scary as it is to put yourself out there, it’s totally and completely worth it.

Interested in getting out of a not-so-great date? Check out this piece.

15 Ways to Model Your Wedding Just Like Meghan and Harry’s

June 1, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Are you still swooning over the fairy tale romantic morning that was Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry’s wedding?

If you’re anything like me, you are still obsessing over every minute detail of the royal couple’s gorgeous wedding at St. George’s Chapel.

Whether you were smitten with the gaggle of children walking behind Meghan or the way Harry wiped tears from his eyes when he saw his bride for the first time, it wasn’t hard to get caught up in the absolute loveliness of it all.

For engaged couples getting married soon who want to emulate Meghan and Harry’s elegant and romantic style, here are 17 ways to do so.

1. Gather up your favorite kids as your bridesmaids and groomsmen.

Meghan and Harry used godchildren, nieces, nephews and children of their best friends. Sit down with your fiancé and think about what little ones you’d want to walk up the aisle with you. Family and friends may be surprised by your decision but it eliminates a lot of drama and money that bridesmaids and groomsmen would have to spend.

2. Use white flowers.

It may seem boring, but white flowers offer a gorgeous, romantic and clean aesthetic. The royal couple used white roses (one of Princess Diana’s favorites) and white peonies (Meghan’s favorite flower).

3. Choose a simple, classic wedding dress.

Part of what made Meghan look so incredibly amazing that day was her wedding dress. By going quite simple in Givenchy, she created a timeless style that would work in eras past and for years to come. In other words, if you want to create the romanticism of “my future daughter could wear this someday,” make like Meghan and go with a classic style.

4. In lieu of wedding gifts, offer the opportunity to donate to a charity.

Meghan and Harry asked for donations to their favorite charities instead of wedding gifts. They chose a diverse group—a charity for children who have lost a parent in the armed forces, a children’s HIV association and Surfers Against Sewage (perhaps a nod to Meghan’s home state of California). Think about your favorite charities and make a list for donations in instead of wedding gifts.

5. Think about sentimentality when it comes to your jewelry.

For her second outfit of the day, Meghan jetted off to her reception in a show-stopping Stella McCartney dress. What many noticed though was what was on her finger—Princess Diana’s aquamarine ring. Many speculated it could have been a gift from Harry and Meghan’s “something blue.” If you have heirlooms like this in your family collection, your wedding day might be time to think about wearing them.

6. Get married early in the day.

There’s something to be said for the song “Get Me to the Church on Time” from My Fair Lady. The excitement and anticipation from the morning wedding at St. George’s chapel helped nerves to get out of the way early and allowed for partying all day long. Also, there’s less of a chance of bad weather in the morning!

7. Consider marrying in a church.

Neither Harry nor Meghan are particularly religious, but they married in the historic, 500+ year old St. George’s Chapel. If you crave the beauty of having your wedding ceremony in a church just as Meghan and Harry did, consider marrying in a religious building.

8. Incorporate both of your backgrounds into your ceremony.

Part of what made Meghan and Harry’s ceremony so beautiful was that it included traditional British wedding songs and prayers, but also included Bishop Curry and his sermon that went viral and a gospel choir singing a version of “Stand By Me” that caused many to shed a tear. If your fiancé and you are from different countries like Meghan and Harry, your wedding is a wonderful time to showcase what makes you who you are.

9. Incorporate your cultures into your reception in a clever way.

Guests at the royal couple’s reception said that table names revolved around different pronunciations of the same words by Americans and the British. There was potato, tomato and oregano just to name a few. Consider fun ways like this to mash up your two families’ backgrounds.

10. Honeymoon in a quiet, secluded place.

Nothing is worse than having so many people around that your privacy is threatened, and Meghan and Harry know this all too well. They were at first rumored to be heading to Namibia, but now rumors are swirling the couple will be visiting a secluded resort in Alberta, Canada.

11. Recreate the royal couple’s wedding cake.

The lemon elderflower confection was one to remember. Luckily, if you want to budget for your wedding, HGTV offers a copycat recipe to make on your own.

12. Honor your family.

Harry is close to his brother and father and Meghan and her mother have a deep relationship. If you have that special friend or family member, don’t forget to thank them and let them know how much you love them. Harry and Meghan gave speeches, but you could always handwrite a letter to your loved ones and deliver it on your wedding day.

13. Do things your way.

When Thomas Markle turned out to not be able to make it to the wedding, Meghan opted to walk herself down half of the aisle before she met up with Prince Charles. It was a strong statement of modern feminism and showed the royal family exactly how she planned to live her life as an ex-pat. Don’t be afraid to shun tradition and plan your wedding your way.

14. Make music a central part of your ceremony.

There’s a certain romantic and emotional nature to music. It can bring you back to certain times in your life, making you remember both good times and bad. Consider adding touches of music to your ceremony as Meghan and Harry did. From the Kingdom Choir to 19-year-old cellist Sheku Kanneh-Mason, everything was picture perfect at St. George’s Chapel that day.

15. Don’t be afraid to show your affection.

Weddings don’t have to be stuffy! Harry and Meghan are known for their adorable PDA and single-handedly have made kissing and holding hands in public sweet again.

Meghan and Harry ushered in a new generation of British royalty when they married.

It was hard not to get caught up in the breathtaking, romantic wedding that was Harry and Meghan’s big day. If you are getting married soon or newly engaged, these 15 suggestions are great ways to model your nuptials just like the modern fairy-tale that was the royal couple’s.

Can’t get enough Harry and Meghan? Check out this essay on how the duo are the perfect example of a modern, empowered couple.

How Reducing Stress Completely Changed My Relationships

May 30, 2018January 22, 2024 by Lindsay Hayesin LOVE, Mind, RELATIONSHIPS, Wellness

We all live complicated lives working hard and playing hard. But when stress tarts to take its toll, here is what you can do to keep your relationships solid.

Stress sucks. What I didn’t know was that it was tearing my relationships apart. Work stress, health problems, and life seem to have ganged up and attacked all at once. The stress and negativity quickly gave way to relationships woes.

We have to be on our A game for our clients, colleagues, boss, etc. By the time many of us get around to spending time with our SO, we don’t have much left to give. The sad truth is, the people most important to us often get our worst selves. Their unconditional love means we sometimes take the “unconditional” part for granted.

Being in love doesn’t actually mean your SO is going to stick around forever if things go south. I was unhappy, which meant he was unhappy. Things had to change. If you’re in the same boat, don’t forget we’ve got a way to help. Join LOVETV today.

So I did some research. There are lots of articles about how to de-stress. I read many of them and applied what I could to my life. Here’s what happened:

1.Finding the positive meant we were less defensive with each other.

When you complain about everything all the time, it’s easy for your friends and lover to start wondering if you’re complaining about them too. After all, if nothing makes you happy, how can they have a shot?

I made an active effort to find the positive, to appreciate it, and voice that appreciation. When I stopped complaining I eventually noticed he no longer said things like “don’t get mad but” or “don’t take this the wrong way.” Simply because I had stopped automatically taking it the wrong way.

2.Vent productively

We all need to vent. But that doesn’t give you permission to go on, and on, and on, and on about Bob or Phil at work who constantly interrupts you and talks like she’s explaining quantum physics to a 5 year old.

It’s better to express your frustration concisely and move on to more interesting conversation. This allows your SO to commiserate and then learn about the delicious lunch you had at a new place.

3.Create space to recharge

Beautiful young couple is drinking coffee talking and smiling while sitting near the window at home

When I read this my first thought was “impossible!” But then I broke down my average day and started to see where I would rearrange, reconsider, and remove some busyness. Could I give up an hour of Netflix for a long shower or warm bath? What if instead of coming home and immediately starting laundry, I did yoga for 20 minutes? Too much laundry? Maybe you can do yoga (or whatever makes you smile) while the washer is doing it’s thing.

Now when my SO comes home, instead of being drained from going from my day job to chores at home, I’m actually smiling.

4.Find a hobby you enjoy

When busyness is causing you stress, it seems odd that the answer is to add one more thing to your day. But the importance and benefit of hobbies can’t be overstated. If all you do is work of course you’re unhappy!

There were two immediate benefits of taking up a hobby. The first was that it forced some boundaries with my work schedule. Sure I could work an 11 hour day but I’m someone’s belay partner at our rock climbing gym, so they’ll have to make do with 9 (or even 8) hours.

And since I found a hobby I could do with my SO, it gave us something to smile about and new fun friends to talk to.

5.Express Gratitude

You’ve heard it a million times but that is because it’s so important. Why are you with him or her? Seriously, stop reading for a few seconds and think about their best qualities.

When is the last time you told them this? Find everyday, little ways to acknowledge what you like about him or her. Who doesn’t want a sincere compliment from someone important in their lives?

Stress sucks but it’s also a choice. You can get through your day and feel like crap because you’re dealing with crap. Or you can stop concentrating on the crap, take care of yourself, notice the good things, and maybe end the day with a smile when you cuddle up next to your sweetheart. It’s totally up to you.

Why Couple Fights Over the Little Things is Just Plain Silly

May 24, 2018January 22, 2024 by Rae Meghanin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Looking back, we all laugh at little couple fights. But in the moment, they can seem like a big deal.

A few months ago I lost my umbrella on the bus. It was a purple umbrella that I had just unpacked from my big move, and only one of two in the house. When I told Chris, he got annoyed.

Apparently, Chris had thought there was only one in the house, belonging to our roommate. He told me that I lost my roommate’s umbrella, which was brown. I told him over and over that the umbrella I lost was, in fact, purple, but he told me I needed to take responsibility for losing one that wasn’t mine..

The next morning, we found the brown umbrella. “I owe you the biggest apology in the world,” Chris said before hugging me. I was annoyed, but also smug about being right.

Honestly, these were the only types of arguments Chris and I really got into. I use past tense because we realized that these little spats weren’t really of anything substantial, so we became more aware of it and learned to talk things out calmly. At least we don’t argue about big things that can make or break a relationship, we thought.

However, a lot of couples aren’t able to curb these arguments. It is possible that the little things can, in fact, make or break a relationship. A lot of times, these spats can be a reflection of a lack of communication between a couple, which can lead to a very unhealthy dynamic. There will always be differences among two people who spend a lot of time together- it’s just about how you deal with them.

Chris didn’t think too much of our arguments when they were happening. While these arguments about little things like umbrellas and where to eat seemed catastrophic, in retrospect he believed that arguments happen between all couples, and that it was the sign of a healthy relationship.

I disagreed. Having been in bad relationships before, I have a hard time distinguishing between bickering and abuse, making me susceptible to feeling fragile and afraid of speaking up for myself. Chris is a wonderful boyfriend and someone who I completely trust and love with my whole heart, and I know he never wants me to feel that way. But, arguments do happen once in a while, a fact I should probably accept.

My mom, on the other hand, claims that she and her boyfriend have never had an argument in the almost two years that they have been dating. It’s a far cry from when she was with my dad, who would lash out and start fights constantly. Are she and her current boyfriend more compatible? Perhaps. More likely, though, is that the new boyfriend is much better at communicating than my father was.

I can’t stress that enough. The reason why Chris and I don’t fight anymore is because we’ve learned to communicate with each other. If one of us gets annoyed with the other over whatever reason, we talk it out. It took a few months of dating to really work out the bugs in our relationship, but now that we understand each other better, we’re able to empathize and understand our thought processes and emotions. It’s truly all about not just being self aware, but also having the patience to understand the other’s needs.

If we knew then what we know now, the umbrella fight probably wouldn’t have even happened. It probably would have started with Chris listening to me when I insisted that it was another umbrella, and me not retaliating with over-the-top emotions. We probably would have waited until we had gotten home to look for the brown umbrella, which we would have inevitably found, and we would forget about the whole thing without bickering.

Now of course, we just laugh about all of our dumb little fights. Not to say that we’ll never argue about anything ever again, but knowing what we know now, we’ll be able to avoid them as much as we possibly can. Our relationship is much healthier, due to a higher level of respect we have for each other, as well as ourselves.

Don’t forget, as you work through the world of relationships, we’re here to help. Join LOVE TV today.

Harry and Meghan Markle’s Royal Wedding Was The Perfect Representation of a Modern Empowered Couple

May 19, 2018January 22, 2024 by Sarah Burrisin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

While there was a great sense of beauty, love and faith on full display at Saturday’s royal wedding, the event and the marriage itself, is the prefect example of a modern empowered couple.

The history of Britain hangs on a timeline of nobility, arranged marriages, and royalty bound by duty over love. Today’s wedding was a different kind of fairytale — one worth getting behind.

The relationship of the Prince Harry and Meghan Markle was able to grow into one of mutual respect, care and understanding outside of the public arena. Unlike others throughout royal history, Harry was able to choose Meghan based on her intelligence and her dedication to making the world a better place.

The late Princess Diana was the perfect guide for selfless devotion to others, particularly children. Perhaps that is the reason Harry was so moved by Meghan, who served as the Global Ambassador for World Vision, the world’s largest international children’s charity.

The couple breaks many traditions, from diversity, with a divorcee, and that the bride no longer needed to be a virgin, a requirement no longer demanded of royal brides. The last to be required to follow the edict was Diana in 1981.

Unlike the fairy tales of old, Meghan was not in need of a prince to ride up on a white horse and rescue her as a damsel in distress. Nor was her new sister-in-law Kate. The two are fully empowered women with their own successes in life and careers.

Finally, today, the world watched a royal bride walk herself down the aisle, and while Prince Charles escorted Meghan to her beloved, there was no one to “give her away.”

The tradition of giving a woman away dates back to the days when women were considered property by their parents. The idea of giving them away typically also came with a dowry. Today, Meghan proved she belongs to no man, only to herself. She walked down the aisle and entered into a partnership, not a new ownership.

The times have changed and finally those changing times have come to the British royal family. Both Harry and William have proven they want strong and empowered women as their partners. There’s no going back to the stuffy, old-fashioned era. Thankfully.

When Finding “The One” is Nothing More Than Just a Numbers Game

May 18, 2018January 22, 2024 by Nikki Yeagerin DATING ADVICE, LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

When people want something (a job, a house, a change of scenery), the advice is always the same: “work hard and go get it.” But what about love?

When we want to find love, we’re told to follow an all together different approach: “wait and it will find you.”

In my experience, that’s a bunch of nonsense.

When I was in my early 20s I moved back to NYC after a year of working abroad. I found a reliable job doing something I loved and an apartment that I could afford. Everything was falling into place and I was ready for a relationship that matched where my life was; I wanted something serious. If you’re in the same boat, don’t forget to check out the LOVE TV membership.

I decided it was time to find “the one.”

So I started to look. By my calculations, there were about 8 million people in the city. Since raising kids outside of New York was a non-starter, I could keep my search local. Once I accounted for my gender preference (male), my native language (English) and my desired age range (20-30), I figured there couldn’t be more then 2, maybe 3 million men that fit the bill.

Those were numbers I could work with. After all, I was still pretty young.

To me, love is not serendipitous, it’s something we can seek out with intention. By meeting more men, I felt I could increase the odds of finding the right one for me. He was out there somewhere, I just had to comb through my options until I found him.

Everyone gets a number!

I started the easiest way possible, by giving out my phone number. Everyone who asked, regardless of my initial attraction level, would get a chance.

Walking into a bar was like stepping into Oprah’s shoes. Instead of giving out cars, I was giving out digits. “You get a number! And you get a number!” I remained as open minded as possible, unless someone reeked of out-right danger, they got a follow up.

Even with that, the process moved slowly. I felt as thought I’d put my resume up on a job recruitment site without a cover letter – sure, I was getting a lot of calls, but no one knew what I was really looking for.

So I flipped the script. Instead of me giving my number to men who asked, I started approaching men myself. If this was a numbers game, I figured I’d meet more people if the effort was coming from both sides. I also had more control over who I approached, which felt more targeted.

Because I was the one initiating the conversations, I’d choose locations I loved (the bookstore, a coffee shop, a museum during free nights) and strike up conversations with anyone I found even mildly appealing. I figured we already had something in common based on the location, so I was already a step ahead.

Online dating

A month or two later I’d been on a lot of dates, but the process felt inefficient. The men I met were nice, but they weren’t necessarily looking for something serious. So I started to explore online dating. I wanted to put my exact requirements out there so I could weed out anyone who wasn’t interested.

I found a website that was mostly text based, rather than just a profile picture with text boxes – Tinder wasn’t going to cut it for finding a soul mate. I’m a writer, and as a writer, I wanted to express myself and my relationship goals. To me, a well worded profile is more effective at introducing two people than a coffee date.

So I sat down and crafted a call for submissions, so to speak. Titled “Not a psycho killer or a scary stalker. Yay!!” I explained what I was looking for: someone who wanted to find their forever partner, who was passionate about what they did in life and would have patience with my long office hours (which I intended on keeping).

I didn’t put a picture. I didn’t describe my looks. This wasn’t about physical attraction, this was about finding my match.

After it went live, I refreshed my inbox to find at least a dozen replies. They just kept coming over the next day or so.

Anyone who wrote more than three sentences got an answer. Anyone who replied with several paragraphs got a date.

One of the first men I met was my age, which made him stand out considering everyone else was at least three years my senior. He had long black hair like Severus Snape and a face that made him look fifteen.

That being said, the date was perfect.

He took me on a historic tour of Chinatown pointing out underground gambling rings and discussing the history of human trafficking. Before meeting up, he’d googled me and read years of blog posts about my travels abroad, learning the things I cared most about. Then we wandered to one of the original pizzerias in NYC, his favorite when he ranked them for a college paper on the subject. He was odd and interesting and I spent the whole date laughing.

As the night was winding down, I asked him where he lived. The answer blew the whole date to bits. He still lived at home. For someone whose main identity revolved around independence, it was a no-go for me.

When we parted ways, he gave me a hug and asked to see me again. I politely let him know that that probably wouldn’t happen.

The next day I continued with the dates, but I found myself comparing other people to that first guy. I texted him despite the standing rejection that I’d issued.

Two weeks later, during a particularly emotional evening, I called him on a whim. He showed up 45 minutes later, the exact time it took to get from his parents house to my apartment.

And in that moment, I let the fate-driven part of love take over. I’d done my job, I searched the entire city for the right person. It turned out that person lived at home deep in Brooklyn, but despite that, he was better than anything I could have hoped for.

Since then he’s cut his Snape-like hair so the world can see his beautiful eyes and at nearly 30, his face looks just as boyish as it did ten years ago. He stands by me through all of my crazy whims and understands that “settled” often means “let’s take our newborn baby to Thailand just because.”

His weird fits mine in a way I never anticipated, and it only took about a thousand dates to find him.

Here Are 5 Things You Need to Know Before Joining a Friendship App

May 15, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin Mind, RELATIONSHIPS, Wellness

My first time on a friend app I learned a lot about making friends, swiping right, and the importance of not getting discouraged. Here’s everything you need to know before setting out to find your new BFF.

Making friends as an adult is hard. There. I said it.

In elementary school, it seems so easy to make friends. You just have to show up on the playground with a good attitude and a few Pokémon cards (kids still play with Pokémon cards, right?) and you have plenty of bffs to hang out with at recess every day.

By high school, teenagers form into cliques (you’ve seen TV shows) so sometimes it can be a little harder to make friends, but if you join a club or sports team, you eventually find your group.

But by the time you’re an adult, friend-finding feels impossible. And when finding the right partner can come from a friend or a friend’s recommendation, creating a friend group is important. You’re so busy with work and relationships (and laundry) that it’s easy to lose touch with your old friends and forget to make new friends. Suddenly you find yourself feeling lonely, and no amount of Pokémon cards will help.

Thankfully, that’s when friend apps come in.

That’s right, it’s like a dating app, but for friends, and if you’re like me, you might feel skeptical about them at first. Personally, I’ve never been on a dating app. I met my fiancé before apps were even invented (back then we all had flip phones and spent most of our time talking about how awesome iPod shuffles were), so when I first heard about friend apps, I was nervous.

There are so many of them: Bumble BFF, Hey! Vina, Skout, and Peanut (which is specifically for moms) and the whole thing seemed weird and awkward. I could just picture myself saying “hey want to be friends?” and someone responding, bluntly, “no” and then feeling totally down.

But as it turns out, friend apps are kind of awesome. They’re fun, easy to use, and they help you connect with people who you may have never met. I ended up using Hey! Vina, met some amazing people, and learned a little bit about how to become a better friend. Now, I’m hooked, and I think everyone should have a chance to find friends this easily.

Here is my list of the top five things you need to know before getting on a friend app (and meeting your new BFF!) And don’t forget, if you’re trying to cut through the noise of the dating scene, join LOVETV today.

1. Your bio is everything.

I’ve heard that your picture is everything on a dating app, but in a friend app, your bio takes priority. When I first got on an app I didn’t spend a lot of time on that “about me” section. I quickly typed and honest, but simple, “I like cats, pizza, and wine” and drowned the text with a crap ton of emojis.

I knew my bio was nothing fancy, but when I started swiping through profiles, I realized that I should have put some more work into it. I found that so many people had spent a lot of time describing themselves, creating descriptions that were funny, sweet, and really clever. And those awesome bios were what made me want to reach out to these cool women. I quickly made it a priority to update my profile.

I wrote more about me and tried my best to showcase my personality. By the end, I was proud of my bio, and sure enough, pretty soon I was getting more matches too.

2. You don’t have to find your perfect match.

On a dating app you’re probably looking for a great match: a like-minded person who has a lot in common with you. And that’s probably a good tactic, you need common ground when it comes to starting a relationship.

But with friends, that’s not always the case.

In the beginning, I only swiped right on potential friends who seemed to have a lot in common with me. It seemed like a good idea at first but after awhile I found that I wasn’t swiping right very often. (I mean, come on, how many twenty-seven-year-old grad students getting married in July could I have possibly have found?)

Plus, I realized that it was more fun to strike up a conversation and share experiences with someone who was in a different place in their lives or had different interests.

Don’t swipe left because someone likes country music while you’re into classic rock, or loves waffles when you’re all about pizza. You learn from people who are different from you, so embrace those friendships.

3. You want to take the pressure off your first hangout.

It’s scary to meet up IRL with someone you met online, but if your goal is to make friends, you’ll need to meet up with them eventually.

Still, asking someone if they want to have lunch one day can feel a little intimidating, and your first hangout might end up feeling a little stiff or awkward. The best way to avoid this is to simply tell your new friend where you’re planning to be one particular day, and invite them to join you.

Do you have a coffee shop that you like to hang out in on Saturdays? Are you planning on going to a local concert one day? Telling a new friend what you’re doing, and inviting them to join, is a great way to take the pressure off a new friendship.

If they can’t make it to your weekly bowling hangout, no sweat, but if they do stop by, it can be a great way to make a first meeting feel casual and natural. No pressure, just friendship.

4. You might end up using every app as a friend app.

The truth is that any social media is a great place to connect, and once you get into the mindset of making friends, you can do it anywhere.

After signing up for a friend app, I realized that I was sending more texts and direct messages to old friends from high school or college. I started reaching out to old classmates and acquaintances who had added me, and I ended up connecting with a lot of people.

Friend apps will give you a friend-making mindset, meaning you’ll always be on the lookout for friends. You might not be close with every person you’re friends with on Facebook, but you just might start messaging someone you used to be in a class with, or a friend of a friend you met once or twice.

5. Know that making friends is hard, even on an app

One of the hardest parts of making friends is forming a strong connection, and that doesn’t change on an app. But don’t get discouraged. Finding the right people, and cultivating a friendship, might take some time, but there are some great people out there.

With some time, a good mindset, and maybe a little bit of luck, you’ll find your friends—and together, you guys are going to have the coolest happy hours, the best movie nights, and the most amazing brunch dates.

Maybe making friends isn’t quite like it was when we were kids… and maybe that’s okay. Friend apps are here to help us meet our new besties, and I can’t wait to keep swiping.

Dating in the Modern Age and How Women Can Succeed Now: A Talk With LOVETV’s Karinna Karsten

May 11, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kelley Lynnin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

When I sat down for my phone chat with author, producer, speaker, and internationally recognized relationship expert Karinna Karsten, I knew I was in for an enlightening and intelligent conversation.

After all, the LOVE TV creator, innovator, and “The Love Educator,” has had an interesting life so far, so I went into our conversation with high expectations.

Little did I know, that Karinna’s wealth of knowledge and passions goes way beyond studying and making sense of relationships. She has a passion for human beings, for empowering people, and for helping both men and women become the very best version of themselves.

Her 5 books, including the best-seller Intimate Wisdom: The Sacred Art of Love, are just one of many ways she has honed in on love and meaningful relationships. In short, Karinna is definitely living the best version of herself, and she exceeded all of my expectations. Here is my sit-down with the refreshingly honest and wonderfully layered Karinna Karsten:

So tell me a little bit about your early adult years, and your background.

Sure. So, I have always taken an interest in relationships, and in gathering information and personal knowledge about the ways in which people communicate with each other that is based on history, philosophy, systems and anthropology.

Years back, when I was beginning my relationship teaching career, and I worked with various people who were in the public eye; executives, athletes, lawyers, A-list celebrities, I thought it would be fantastic to get a different perspective, from bringing down to earth people together in my living room who were trying to navigate through dating, love, relationships. I was living in NYC, which as you know is this great big melting pot, right?

So I started inviting a group of women over from every corner of the world, once a month, for about 3 years, to talk about relationships.

That must have been pretty fascinating. You know I lived in NYC for the past 26 years, and you really do meet people from every culture, every viewpoint, every background.

Yes! It was wonderful, and interesting, and we would get into these incredible discussions and constantly learn from one another. We covered so many topics, everything from sexual health to not getting discouraged in the dating world. Often times, we would bring in guest speakers, so that we would get a new perspective on a certain subject.

We even had tactile experiences like a sculpting night, where each participant was asked to sculpt their hidden feminine self-very revealing. So, eventually, word got around about my gatherings, and it led to me being asked to speak at places such as N.Y.U., and everything sort of snowballed from there.

What would they ask you to speak about at these events?

Relationships. Wellness. How they affect one another. I started becoming very passionate about the integration of the two.

And how would you define the word ‘wellness?’

Well, my very first company was actually called Paradise Wellness, and those were the kinds of things that we explored. What is wellness? I think there are several components. Wellness is a state of body, and a state of mind, coming together. Having total awareness of your mind and body, at all times. Everything from breathing, to movement, to overall mindfulness. The most important thing to remember about wellness, is that we never really arrive there. As human beings, we are always in a state of learning and becoming more aware.

So how do wellness and relationships affect one another, or connect to one another?

I believe, in every single way. It is extremely difficult to find access to or experience high-quality relationships, unless you are on a path of self awareness yourself. The more aware you are, in terms of wellness, the richer your relationships will be.

I have seen evidence of this connection, in all my collected research and data, of all the many people I have worked with over the years in relationship development. My biggest passion is helping people individually, and collectively, to find and build higher-quality relationships. If I can help move that needle, and assist people in adding a new level of value to their love lives, I will feel like I’ve truly succeeded.

Wow. It sounds as if you have found multiple ways to help people do these things. Tell me about “Sacred Love-Making.”

Sacred Love-Making is a film project I both created and produced, which was distributed by Netflix. It’s a spicy documentary in which we explore ways that couples can add more meaning to the bedroom.

There is so much to deal with in today’s dating world, that people just didn’t have to deal with years and years ago. How do you feel the internet / modern age has changed love and the dating scene?

Technology is powerful. What we do with it determines whether it is empowering or not. I believe that as we have accelerated into being a digital society today, we have lost something in translation for relationships that was part of our DNA in prior generations. We used to get to know someone before we started dating them. The fundamental complexity of today’s world is that relationship building has become transactional. We have lost sensitivity and common courtesy, because this is just a transaction, right? So if I don’t get what I need immediately, I’m going to cut you off or disappear …

Ghosting. I found out all about that when I started dating again after losing my husband to sudden death. It was shocking to me how I’d just be talking to a guy, and think that things were going along wonderfully, and he would just stop contact with no explanation or reason. I never thought about it being a “transaction” for people, but you are so right. That’s the perfect word for it.

Yes, the human factor is missing. We often forget that there is a human being on the other end of that conversation. There are so many amazing people out there dating, such as you, and who are seeking quality experiences in their love life. As a society, we need to crack through this “transaction” mindset, in order to keep evolving forward.

Now, with all that being said, I do want to make it clear that I think online dating is pretty amazing. I am really impassioned by it, because it exposes us to so many people that we would never know otherwise. This is why at LOVE TV — we are giving daters the support and guidance they need, so they can speed up their online dating success. It is so easy to get lost on the apps and sites and actually make headway when what you need is a real buddy system. We provide that for you, as part of a LOVE TV membership.

You have so many ideas in your head. Do you ever sleep?

(laughs) Yes. Because sleeping is part of wellness. I definitely receive inspiration though, first thing in the morning.

Any recent or new ideas going on at LOVE TV?

Yes, actually. We are launching a new set of ongoing fictional, narrative videos — based on real scenarios people are going through right now — designed to help people relate and move through dating and relationship building challenges.

That sounds awesome. Here’s an important question. How can women take on more of a leadership role, instead of a reactionary one, when it comes to love, dating, and sexuality? Why is this so important?

Oh boy, how long do you have? (both laugh) It is so, so important. Women innately understand relationships, because of our makeup, our ability to bear children if we so choose, our natural caring, nurturing, and maternal instincts. The instinct to care and nourish — these are so fundamental in relationship building. This is a good thing.

The complex part arises when we look at what women are exposed to, historically, from a young age. The Cinderella or Snow White fairy tales that helped shape us. The Prince Charming coming to rescue us, the happily ever after. The idea that we need to be led into love by the masculine, when, in actuality; the feminine has natural leadership in this area.

This is good stuff. I think you should run for President. (laughs) So how do we begin to change this passive expectation, into something healthier and more realistic?

We have to take initiative. We have to flip that switch on with bright lights, own these innate qualities, and be leaders in our own love lives. If we start to do that, we can create real change on the behaviors that feel insensitive or transactional towards us. We can care for ourselves better, we can choose higher quality relationships, we can share resources that inspire us. This is what LOVE TV is all about, this is that collective support we offer. We say: ‘support your girlfriends, but don’t be their therapist.’

There is a lot of pain around relationship development, more than I have ever seen. Step out of the pain, by moving toward resources that are more empowering and constructive. We can help each other by guiding one another toward more quality connections in our lives. And keep in mind, when I say quality, that word is defined differently for everyone.

There are endless types of relationships, and ways to feel connection. The word “poly” was one of the most googled terms in 2017. People are open-minded today, people are curious, and they define quality in different ways. LOVE TV provides an open platform, in a safe environment; so that whoever you are, wherever you are in your relationship journey, whatever you want to explore, you can find topics that are helpful to you and the relationship life that you want to create.

What advice would you have for men who are trying to navigate both the modern age and the modern woman?

One huge challenge is that too many men and some women do not have the emotional intelligence needed for the dating process. Behaving as adolescents when you are in your twenties and thirties or playing games when others take dating seriously is not helping anyone to find the love they seek.

Dating is challenging. Young men living at home or not hitting their career stride are often insecure and act out when in the dating process. Also, the media often over caters to the immature male and can support their staying undeveloped rather than inspiring and educating them to grow up.

Emotional development can vary from person to person. Playing too many video games doesn’t necessarily help. My advice for men dating online would be to go to LOVE TV and become a LOVE TV subscriber. Here, men can enhance their emotional intelligence with interactive quizzes, and learn from the content library of tutorials in the membership.

Once men have a better understanding of their EQ, when on dating apps explore profiles of a potential date who would match your EQ or be in the same zone. Does the profile match how you would naturally communicate or hold your interest? Men need to seek to advance their relationship development skills, just as they would in business. If you were in a business deal, would you move right to the close? No. So, with females, don’t communicate to close right away. Get to know her, build some trust and develop a relationship.

This has been so educational for me. Writing articles for LOVE TV is such a pleasure, but getting to do this interview with you is definitely ranking up there as my favorite LOVE TV experience so far. When I was doing all my dating, after losing my husband, and before meeting him, I wish I had a “Love Educator” such as you to help guide me through. So on that note — we will end with this — what inspires you? What gives you hope?

Without a doubt, love! Love has the innate power to change any individual’s life, and our collective experience. Whether it be a community, set of friends, romantic love — having the ability to truly see another person for who they are, and understand them — those are the things that inspire me. Those are the things that we will care about in our last breath. It is all that really matters. Love.

LOVE TV is offering a 20% off membership for the summer for new readers using code OFF20.

10 First Tender Dates: It’s a Swipe Left — Swipe Right World

May 8, 2018January 22, 2024 by Rebecca Leibin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

When I set out to do the interviews for “We met on Tinder,” I assumed I had a few questions that needed answering. However, spoiler alert: I left the swipe world with more questions than answers.

But I’ll have to go into that another time. At the root of everything was the question of experiences: the way we all date, what we are looking for and how we go about doing it. Maybe it was all just about hookups.

If you haven’t read “Swipe 1” you can do it here.

Swipe 2 was a guy named Matt. We recounted our dating experiences. He told me about a girl he hooked up with in Santa Cruz and his experience with the dating scene in Los Angeles. What I liked most about Matt was the ease of talking with him. It felt less like an interview and more like a date, which was not what I thought would happen. In the dates that followed, I had a new question to access.

How much of this was a date? How much was just an interview? Could I end up falling for one of these guys? What do I do if I fall for someone?

This show became something else. It became about answering questions myself. While I had the interviews set up for the guys I choose to question, I also had to discover things on my own. And if I were to fall for someone, what would that mean for the show and the way I made it?

This is when “We met on Tinder” began to shift for me and become about something more complicated than just a girl going on ten Tinder dates in one month. It became about what I was willing to explore in this swipe left, swipe right world. It became about what Tinder meant for me as a twenty something trying to find love.

You can listen to the full show below. And don’t forget, if you’re searching for a way to maximize your dating successes, you can join LOVE TV today!

Education, Careers and More: Do They Really Affect Dating?

May 4, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

I set out to talk to women from various urban areas and also had an interesting conversation with a sociology professor and a man’s opinion too.

I recently read a Washingtonian magazine article on how difficult dating can be in my city, which is populated by mostly professional people that work in or with government and policy issues. It claimed that dating is difficult because we’re all too educated. I don’t think women necessarily have a hard time dating due to education. I think it’s all about weeding through your choices until you find someone that’s right for you.

I’ve dated a law student, med student, DJ and finally found my match in a government employee. I do place value on education, but I know it’s not for everyone. While it sometimes seems like it’s hard to find men in general, I am a firm believer that the right person is out there. Call me a hopeless romantic and idealist but I think if you’re meant to find someone you will.

If you’re having trouble finding the right person, you’re not alone. Let us help you streamline the process. Join LOVE TV today.

Professor Paula England, Sociology, New York University

Right now more women than men are going to and completing college than men and that’s been true for approximately 20 years. Actually, the gap is increasing not because the statistic is going down for men, it’s because women’s numbers are actually going up faster.

If you go back far enough in history, there were many more men getting college degrees, but it’s since been reversed. There’s been more stigma in the past when a wife has more education than the husband compared to vice versa.

Many women with college degrees are marrying men without them. What this article says about the education gap is correct. This used to be a predictor of divorce because nobody was meeting gendered expectations, however it seems to not be predicting divorce as much anymore.

Mostly, the thing to know is this isn’t so much about big cities. It’s really a national phenomenon, there’s nothing unique about cities like Washington, D.C. or New York City.

Teresa, Pittsburgh

Teresa has lived in Pittsburgh her entire life except three years spent on active duty in the Army in the Carolinas. She has a master’s degree in international affairs. She considers herself not overworked as she is a 100 percent disabled veteran and has a psychiatric disability.

“Little, everyday things are stressful so the thought of dating right now is not on my mind,” she said.

As far as dating apps, Teresa thinks they’re good for people like her as she doesn’t go to work or out to bars so she doesn’t have a lot of opportunities to meet people.

When it comes to dates, Teresa said that usually when men or women ask what she does, she says she’s a disabled vet. “Then I have to explain what’s wrong with me,” she said. “I usually don’t get a second date after that.”

Lily*, New York City

Lily has lived in New York City since 2010. She has a bachelor’s degree with some additional certifications in her field.

She believes that being overworked or overstressed affects your dating prospects only if you want it to. “There is always an excuse to find reasons why dating isn’t working for you, especially in a place like New York City,” Lily said. “However, if you’re able to separate work from life it becomes a lot easier.”

None of Lily’s dates really talk about education or career extensively as that’s usually covered in the texting and online portion before she meets them.

Memorable stories from Lily’s dating past include a firefighter that had free access to the top of the Empire State building. “You could tell he took women on this date pretty much every night because he rushed through the whole thing, knew the exact spots to point out and then immediately tried to come home with me.” Yikes.

There was another that showed up 45 minutes late with bad breath (ugh). There was a post-season Yankees game on and Lily is a huge fan. She sat in silence with the guy through the extra innings and finally made an excuse to leave. “The time in between leaving and getting home, Derek Jeter broke his foot,” she said. “I will never forgive that man.”

Kat, Washington, D.C. area

Kat has lived in the D.C. area for 33 years—her entire life. She has a bachelor’s degree.

She considers herself an introverted person, so if she doesn’t practice self-care, she will have no energy to interact with strangers even through a dating app. “At one point in my 20s, I was working over 80 hour weeks for not enough money and I basically had no time for anything except falling exhausted into my bed each night,” Kat said.

If Kat works too hard she scrimps on things like cooking healthy meals or prepping lunches then she ends up feeling “gross and unattractive.”

“As I’ve gotten older, I do a better job screening potential employers for work/life balance and other benefits,” she said. “But yeah, it was especially tough in my 20s when I was trying to establish a career.”

Education hasn’t been discussed on any of Kat’s first dates, as far as she can remember. “Careers used to be discussed extensively, but now feels very taboo to bring it up too early because D.C. people are over it,” she said. “Usually someone who is discussing their career, bragging about a Hill job is someone you don’t really want to be with.”

In her 20s, Kat came across a lot of men who outright lied about their careers. One told her he worked for D.C. United (an American professional soccer team based in D.C.). Kat later found out he volunteered once a month with the team. The same man implied heavily he had graduated with a four-year degree when he’d never finished. “I really don’t care too much about that stuff, but lying about it is certainly a red flag.”

Bill, Orlando

Bill is married and lives in Orlando, Florida. To him, when he was dating, education wasn’t as high of a priority as worldliness and an intelligent sense of things and the ability to learn.

“I lived in Washington, D.C. and Orlando when I was single and dating a lot,” he said. “I don’t think too much about statistics that more women are going to college because to me, education, or rather a degree has become a commodity.”

Bill added that investing many years and dollars can hopefully parlay into a career, if you get lucky. “Other than that, you’re doing to have to marry into your success,” he said.

How Active Hobbies Made My Relationships Better

May 1, 2018January 22, 2024 by Lacey McKennain Body, Sex, SEX TIPS, Wellness

It’s easy to get in a rut, especially when you settle into a longer term relationships.

When my boyfriend and I met neither of us were active. I would hit the gym sporadically. I asked him to come with me but he hated the gym. I didn’t blame him.

Still I knew that we should be more active. My idea of a good Saturday was reading for about 8 hours straight. Talk about sitting disease.

And while reading is sexy, so is working out. Staying in good shape means better sex. And better sex means happier couples. And don’t forget, we are here to help if you feel like your relationships are stuck. Join LOVE TV and cut through the nonsense to streamline your journey in love.

Make a run for it

One day my boyfriend begrudgingly went on a run with a friend. Before long he went on another run, and another. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about so I gave it a try. Running still isn’t my favorite, but here’s why I stick with it:

When I burn 250 calories in 30 minutes, I don’t feel guilty for eating cake.
It costs one good pair of running shoes.
It has made my relationships stronger.

That third reason is the best. I don’t love running but I do love running with him. He encourages me and keeps me going when I want to quit. We know each other better and support the other in their running goals to get faster or run farther.

It has also given us a fun new weekend activity. Some Sunday mornings we’re out of bed early to go on a run. I never thought this would be me. But when your running partner is also your favorite person, it does great things for your motivation.

I’ve even managed to talk him into several fun runs like The Color Run or The Hot Chocolate 5k. These races keep us training even when we don’t feel like it.

Running has given us something to do together and has brought us closer than ever.

On the rocks

The next hobby my boyfriend wanted to try was rock climbing at a local gym. This was definitely too adventurous for my taste. I went anyway since I wanted to encourage his healthy habits. To my surprise, I enjoyed it.

Now one of our favorite things to do together is visit the climbing gym. We encourage each other to push our limits and work together to find ways to finish challenging routes and climbing problems. We’ve met a lot of great people and made some close friends through climbing.

Something fun to do

When you’re in a new relationship, it’s easy to find fun things to do and talk about. You’re in that “get to know each other” phase that can be so much fun. But then you start to settle into patterns. While the stability is nice, it can be a relationship-killer.

The connections you make through shared activities can keep your relationships alive. It gives you something to talk about, a way to meet other people, and improves your own mental and physical well-being. And just when you think you know everything about your SO, you learn that they are terrible at mini-golf and you spend hours laughing with each other.

When you connect over shared activities, you forge an even stronger bond.

Be grateful for what you can do

Maybe you have a bad knee or somehow got tennis elbow without playing a lick of tennis. Regardless, be grateful for what your body can do. When you start to appreciate your body for what it can do, instead of how it looks, confidence comes easier. Learn more about how a little bit of appreciation can change everything in love.

Even if I’m not a super athlete or a marathon runner, I am grateful that my boyfriend and I can still find fun new things that challenge us and keep us close.

Not sure what to try? Here are a few more ideas:

Kayaking encourages communication and teamwork.
Kickboxing classes will make your butt (and your partner’s) look even better.
Trampoline parks aren’t just for kids.
Laser tag is a surprisingly good workout.
Go for a bike ride. Does your city have a bike share program?
Play frisbee at your local park.
Go paddle boating on your local lake.
Take up photography. This makes a great excuse to find new hiking trails.

Get out there and have fun!