SEX TIPS Archives - Page 4 of 4

16 Women On The One Thing They Appreciate Most From A Man In Bed

December 8, 2017January 22, 2024 by Becca Martinin Sex, SEX TIPS

Your sex life might be good, but here’s how you’ll make it better for her.

Last night I was sitting at a bar with a friend getting drinks. I saw a hot guy across the bar drinking a Coors Banquet, eating chips and salsa, watching the game on TV. He looked completely uninterested in everything going on around him, as he sat there alone, never looking away from what was right in front of him.

“The man in the baseball hat across from us is so hot,” I said to my friend.

“Yeah, he really is. Just by the looks of him though, I bet he wouldn’t go down on a girl in bed, he’d just expect you to do all the work,” she said.

She probably wasn’t wrong, but we’ll never know if the man at the bar drinking a Coors Banquet could please a woman the way she wants to be pleased.

The conversation inspired me to ask 16 women from my life and the Internet what they appreciate most from a man in bed, here are their answers:

1. “I appreciate a guy that tends to my needs first before he *expects* me to put his dick in my mouth. It shows he cares a little more for me than just the sex and that he also cares about making me feel good in bed.” – Jess, 24

2. “When the guy actually wants me to orgasm and is turned on by it rather than just focusing on himself getting off. That is not enjoyable and it doesn’t make me want to continue to have sex with him when he’s only focused on himself.” – Lacey, 23

3. “When you can openly say what you like and they actually listen to you, instead just assuming I like what they’re doing, especially when it’s in the moment. It makes the connection better and it’s way more fun for both of us.” – Sara, 28

4. ‘“I appreciate when a man communicates in bed. Silent sex is boring and awkward. I want to know that your world is being rocked, what you want more or less of, how good it all feels or asking me to ride you harder or who my pussy belongs to. That’s the kind of stuff that turns me on and makes it WAY more enjoyable.” – Catrina, 27

5. “Open, honest, raw and real communication about wants, needs and desires without judgement.” – Julia, 36

6. “The warmth that radiates from their body.” – Macy, 26

7. “His voice when he cherishes me.” – Emily, 30

8. “I appreciate when a man acknowledges other parts of my body than just my tits and ass. I know he’s enjoying my ass when he’s grabbing it but it would be nice to be reminded that he also thinks I’m beautiful or that he likes my eyes. It makes me feel like less of a just a body for him to fuck and more like he appreciates me.” – Kaitlyn, 33

9. “FOREPLAY! I get that he can go from 0 to 100 real quick, but like, I don’t. I appreciate when a man is gentle and slow, instead of just trying to do it quickly (unless that is what we’re going for). I want foreplay, it makes everything feel better and makes me so much more into the sex.” – Bella, 26

10. “I appreciate when a man takes control. I am strong and independent as hell, but the bedroom is the one and only place I want to be dominated by a man. I want him to be rough, to a healthy extent, and take control. That is so hot to me and such a turn on.” – Nicole, 34

11. “A man who makes sure I also cum! I’m sick of dudes cumming then just flopping down beside me all out of breath. Like that’s awesome he just got a load off, but he better not think he’s done without making sure I’m taken care of. Not how it works, buddy.” – Rachel, 23

12. “I appreciate a man who is willing to try new things with me in bed. Routine is boring, even in the bedroom. Doing missionary then finishing doggy style gets old REAL quick. I want some excitement and I appreciate a man who is also into switching things up and experimenting in the bedroom.” – Cheryl, 41

13. “His praise telling me he likes what I’m doing. I enjoy giving him head but only when he communicates to me that he likes what I’m doing. It makes me feel really good and I appreciate his words of affirmation.” – Kylie, 25

14. “When a man is aggressive with me, but only after we’ve communicated what we’d like to do to each other and are on the same page. It allows me to feel more comfortable with him and myself in bed.” – Michaela, 29

15. “A guy who takes things slow and makes me feel special, when he kisses down my neck, whispers in my ear, tells me that I’m beautiful. Those things all make me feel so appreciated and confirms that I’m not just someone he wants to fuck but actually cares about. Sometimes it’s so easy to feel worthless in bed and like I don’t matter so when he does little things like that it shows me he really cares.” – Brooke, 24

16. “When he stays and cuddles after! There is no worse feeling than when a guy comes over, has sex with you and leaves. When he stays and I know he enjoys spending time with me after it makes me feel so loved and cared for.” – Suzy, 23

May this information empower you to new and exciting adventures!

For more ways to please women, check out: Tongue-Tied During Sex? Here’s the Sexy Talk Women Want to Hear.

How Ride-Shares are Completely Changing The One-Night Stand

December 14, 2017January 22, 2024 by Ola Faletiin Sex, SEX TIPS

The trusty one-night stand. Whether you’re rebounding from a break up or just having some good old singles fun, it’s a way for we modern, single women to enjoy and empower ourselves (in all good, consensual fun of course).

Lucky for us things have become more convenient. Who needs a walk of shame when you could call a Lyft?

Rideshares have changed how we travel in major cities – traveling to and from one-night stands included. In the old days, after some horizontal hustling, you’d have to figure out how to call a cab home. Or feel obligated to spend the night. Thankfully the times have changed.

1. It’s easier to leave right after sex

There’s still awkward conversation around things, the nature of the conversation is just different. Are you spending the night? If not, what’s the correct time threshold post-coitus, to avoid maximum rudeness? Is it polite for the guy to call a Lyft? But you have Lyft on your phone, right?

While there are plenty of questions to dance around, having an affordable rideshare app on your phone is incredibly convenient. You have so many choices because the ball is, truly, in your court. I see nothing wrong with basking in some post-sex glory for a few minutes before saying, “This was fun, I hope you don’t mind if I call my Uber now.” No need to feel obligated to stay if you don’t want to.

If you’re going to dip early, be prepared to call your own Uber. It’s the 21st century and independent women can call their own rideshares. But maybe your partner, if willing, will offer to split.

2. It’s cheaper to make it to those last-minute booty calls

You’re in bed one January night, tucked under a comforter and watching your favorite movie on Netflix when you get that text. You know the one. “Hey what are you up to?” “How are you?” “Wyd? You look at the time. It’s 11pm. Where will this go?

When I get this text I usually opt to stay in bed because I’m lazy and don’t want to pay for a late night uber all the way to the far end of the city. But if you’ve got nothing better to do and have the energy for a late nighttime romp, go get your groove on!

If you live in a big city you even have Uber Pool or Lyft Line, which can cut your fare to a third of normal price, as long as you’re not in a hurry and don’t mind passengers along the way.

3) Speaking of Lyft Line and UberPOOL….More Dates?!

When I get into a shared rideshare, I tend to look at my phone or stare out my window awkwardly. Then again, I’ve never shared a ride with someone cute.

This suggestion is for the more bold/aggressive among you. If you’re feeling friendly you can strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. It might be hard for some to spark genuine, organic conversation, but you could make a new friend. Who knows, you might see yourself on the “Missed Connections” on Craigslist. You’d be surprised to see how many of them come from Uber rides. If you’ve been thristing for some more dates, shared rideshares can be a goldmine.

As for starting up a conversation, if you live somewhere with terrible weather, that’s always an option. Traffic is another safe option. Or say you like their shoes. Being a little tipsy probably helps bring you out of your shell. The UberPOOL and Lyft Line are opening a whole new realm of relationship potential, if you’re looking for it.

4. Guess who cares about your sex life?

In 2014 Uber caught flack for tracking the prevalence of one-night stands in major cities (or, “Rides of Glory” as they called them). Then they posted their findings on the Uber blog.

After getting bad press and lawsuit threats, Uber took the information down. It’s still unsettling though. With the amount of our lives being tracked through our phones, it could be a matter of time before this information is tracked again.

Companies collect information to improve the services they offer. Collecting data on when people like to get frisky can change the way they market, who they market to or areas that are perceived as “hot” zones for drivers. This could also mean an end to the clandestine fun of a one-night encounter. Don’t count on that happening anytime soon, but never say never.

Even so, our foremothers probably would’ve loved the chance to leave a less-than-satisfactory tryst on their own terms. The marvels of the modern age never cease.

Remember that we’re always here at LOVE TV to help you begin your next adventure in love. We are an empowering resource and guide for moving forward and finding new ways to love again.

Reclaiming Your Sex Life After the Big C — Cancer

January 27, 2018January 22, 2024 by Maya Gottfriedin Body, Mind, Sex, SEX TIPS, Wellness

Cancer may change your body and stifle your drive, but you can still have a vibrant sex-life!

When I received a diagnosis of stage III colorectal cancer (with tumors in my colon and rectum) at the age of 36, questions flooded my mind. What were my chances of survival? How long would I be on chemotherapy? When would my surgeon cut the cancer out of me? I can admit now that one of them was even, “What exactly is my ‘colon’?”

This was life and death and I was in warrior mode. I was only concerned about living. Death, to me, was not an option. At least that was the philosophy I was invested in.

In the discussions I had with my surgeon, oncologist, nurses, and the many other helpful people at the hospital where I was treated, we spoke about side-effects of chemo (hair thinning, neuropathy, sensitivity to cold), how to manage my ileostomy bag (or a “poop bag” that would hang off my abdomen for a few months), we talked about my temporary low fiber diet, and we chatted about what to do if I spiked a fever.

However, nobody brought up the topic of my sex-life, or that my desire level might diminish.

My treatments left me with zero sex-drive.

Despite my usual crushes, soon after treatments began, I discovered that I had zero sexual drive. In addition to the lessened desire for physical intimacy, once I had a bag of my own human waste hanging from my belly, I definitely didn’t want anyone I was interested in seeing me in the nude.

I already had body image issues. I had gone through most of my life as a compulsive overeater, and for all of my adulthood had been uncomfortable with the appearance of my naked self. Now I was thin, due to chemo, and single. But I had a bag of excrement hanging off of me. It felt very unsexy, and definitely something I didn’t want to reveal to a new potential love.

Besides the bag, my hormones had reacted to the chemicals that coursed through my body to kill the cancer. I had no desire for sex.

Cancer often leads to body image challenges.

Women with breast cancer often have similar experiences. Having one’s breasts removed in order to save one’s life can result in a negative self image (this is, admittedly, a simplification of a very complex experience for women), and a feeling of no longer being feminine or sexually attractive.

Some women even go without a potentially life-saving mastectomy in favor of keeping the breasts they feel are absolutely necessary in order to find love. However, many people love women who don’t have breasts, and those without them find partners who adore them. We can maintain our sexuality even with seeming insurmountable physical challenges to our sense of sexiness.

However, a diminished sexual desire during cancer may have nothing to do with our appearance, but instead be a physical symptom of the medical treatments we are experiencing to save our lives. Breast cancer treatments, for example, can actually cause vaginal pain that makes intercourse painful for many women.

A diminished drive may remain after the cancer is gone.

Once we come out the other side, and finish our cancer-related treatments and surgeries, challenges to our sex drives may continue. In some cases, the loss of sexual desire is without a concrete medical explanation, or solution.

However, there is a lot we can do to bring sexy back into our lives, and work with our partners to create a pleasurable experience for ourselves once again.

We can reclaim our sex-lives during and after cancer.

Though treatments, surgeries, and poop bags can pose challenges to our sexuality, they are not insurmountable. With a little creativity, persistence, and patience, we can have sex lives while we fight for our lives.

Whether we’ve lost our breasts or are flaunting an ileostomy bag, the dramatic physical changes we go through to rid ourselves of cancer can make us feel like we’re not our sexy selves. That just means we may need to go deep inside, and also use some handy tools.

If you feel unsexy due to an outward physical change, try looking at yourself in a mirror and focusing what you love about your body–making a mental list. What about your beautiful skin, your glowing eyes, your gentle touch? These are all very sexy. There’s no need to stay locked into conventional ideas of what makes a body desirable. Your body has been revised, so why not update your ideas about it?

Whatever you are feeling, you can have a romantic life.

Lingerie is fun, flirty, sexy, and lets us reveal what we want to reveal when we want to reveal it. Some talented and thoughtful designers have created lingerie for women with bodies altered by cancer.

Jasmine Stacey has made gorgeous, sexy underthings in beautiful fabrics that are specific designed for people with ostomies (like my ileostomy). Royce Lingerie makes bras with women who have had mastectomies in mind (with pockets for prostheses). However, many women are opting to go flat these days, and if that group includes you, you may want to experiment with fun flimsy lace camisoles that don’t require a breast or something shaped like one.

When chemo has you feeling like you just need to lay in bed and get some rest, but you want to spend time with your partner, you can explore a romantic mental space together. Why not go on an imagined date? Try cuddling and talking your way through what you would do together if you felt up to it. Where would you go? What foreign country? Which great national park would you hike in together? What do you see?

Painful vaginal sex due to breast cancer treatments may mean that it’s the last thing you want to engage in. However, there are a lot of ways to be physically intimate that don’t involve vaginal intercourse. Oral sex and stimulation using our hands are easy tools to use when other forms of intercourse are not in play. If you do want to try vaginal sex, then there are many lubricants on the market that may make it easier.

Whatever your situation is, be sure to communicate your experience with your partner. Though your symptoms may be obvious to you, they may not be to the person who you are involved with. Gently letting them know your sensitivities and needs will help them to treat you in a caring way.

Even without a medical explanation for your lack of interest in sex, there is something you can do.

One thing I learned from my cancer is that even long after the treatments are behind you, even once you are used to the scars, cancer can cause a diminished sex drive, which was my experience. I went to a specialist and found no good medical explanation or cure. It was up to me to find a way to cope with it.

The greatest gift I received during this process was advice to simply jump into romance and follow the feelings that come up. It worked, and when my body is just not making the sexual connection for me, I make it in my mind, and the physical usually followed.

If I put on some beautiful lingerie, look at my handsome boyfriend, think about his wonderful qualities, and dive in, soon those old feelings start to bubble to the surface.

As it turns out, despite those scars on my abdomen: the big vertical line where my surgeon cut out my cancer and the shorter kiss of red where my bag hung off of me, my partner loves my belly. The part of me I could barely bear to look at following my cancer is one that he loves.

Let others love you.

When we decide for others that we aren’t sexy, we don’t give them the opportunity to show us how much they are attracted to us. Whether we have lost our breasts or have a body covered in scars, others can still desire us.

If we “no” ourselves before giving others the opportunity to say, “yes” we may reject love before it finds us. If we have faith that we are sexual human beings deserving of pleasure, with or without cancer, then we open ourselves up to love, romance, and a healthy sexy life.

For more about dating while living with cancer, read this story by the same author.

The Best Lingerie for Hard to Find Sizes Just in Time for Valentine’s Day

February 11, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin Sex, SEX TIPS

If you’re anything like me, finding lingerie that fits can be hard.

I am a plus-sized woman with small breasts. I have larger hips and broad shoulders, but am narrower in between there. Finding lingerie can often be a nightmare. I’m sure many of you can relate.

Two years ago, I had the opportunity to meet plus-size model Ashley Graham through a work event. I immediately felt the need to approach her and tell her thank you—thank you for being a role model, for showing me that it’s so important to feel comfortable in your own skin. She told me that having confidence comes from within, then she told me I was gorgeous. I’ll never forget that brief meeting and very time I see Ashley modeling lingerie, I remember I can do that too if I really wanted to!

If your wish is to look extra sexy this Valentine’s Day, here are six different body types and some recommendation pieces of lingerie for those hard to find sizes.

1. For plus-sized women with smaller breasts.

I recommend Torrid for plus-size lingerie for women with smaller breasts who may still have larger band sizes. This gorgeous red and white bra and panty set perfect for Valentine’s Day goes up to size 44B. If a seriously sexy black is more your style, you’ll want to try this set that also goes to 44B.

2. For curvy women with large breasts.

Curvy women with larger breasts who want something on trend and provocative enough for Valentine’s Day, Lane Bryant is a wonderful option. This provocative strapless number was such a best-seller it’s only available in a size 40G—perfect for curvier ladies. If your wish is for something a little more unexpected, this fishnet lace high-neck French balconette bra is a great choice.

3. For ladies with small busts.

Small busts have just as much problems as larger ones trying to find the perfect piece of lingerie for a special night like Valentine’s Day. Luckily, sites like Agent Provocateur carry plenty of sizes for our smaller breasted brethren. There’s even a gorgeous Valentine’s Day collection!

4. For long and lean ladies.

I’ve always adored Aerie and their cute choices for undergarments. If you’re planning on a low-key Valentine’s Day give one of their pieces a try. This day to play plunge push-up comes in a provocative black and this padded plunge bralette is a casual way to take Valentine’s Day off and enjoy it in bed with your partner.

5. For short and curvy girls.

The tried and true Victoria’s Secret has so many choices, many of which short and curvy girls will find a good fit. There’s a sexy floral lace plunge teddy perfect for Valentine’s evening that comes in five different colors. There’s also a simple and sweet satin and lace slip that’s a sure bet for a fun Valentine’s Day (or any day for that matter!).

6. For larger-hipped ladies.

Hips & Curves has sizes from large all the way to 6x. Larger hips are accommodated with absolutely stunning lingerie like this Mon Amour Charmeuse Corset. Flatter hips with pieces like this tie bust babydoll with rhinestone buckle and marabou.

Shopping for lingerie doesn’t have to be frustrating.

Hard to find sizes don’t have to be hard to find with this list of great places for gorgeous lingerie. Whether you have large breasts or are long and lean, there’s something for everyone.

Make this Valentine’s Day one to remember with spectacular lingerie.

Interested in proposing this Valentine’s Day? Check out our ideas in this piece.

Where to Find Last-Minute Valentine’s Lingerie Just in Time for the Day of Love

February 13, 2018January 22, 2024 by Rae Meghanin Sex, SEX TIPS

It’s possible to have a steamy Valentine’s Day without breaking the bank.

V-day is just around the corner, and you know what that means, having a little extra bit of fun with your partner. You obviously want to look the part, but say you’ve found yourself mere days away from Valentine’s Day without any sort of lingerie to commemorate the holiday.

What can you do at this point to make your look extra-special? Here are a few suggestions to make your day great, even at the last minute.

Amazon Prime

I swear by Amazon Prime for absolutely everything. Cheap prices, no extra fees, and quick shipping times are more than enough reason to rely on Amazon for any holiday shopping. Personally, I buy all of my burlesque costumes and lingerie here, as there is obviously a very wide selection.

Whether you want your Valentine’s Day look to be extra shimmery, long and lacy, or in the spirit of the holiday itself, you can find almost anything on Amazon to suit any of your Valentine’s Day needs. Why not pick up some roses while you’re at it?

Target

Another quick-and-easy go-to. It seems Target stores are everywhere, and they are a seriously underrated source for any sort of clothing. Lingerie is no different. They have a wide selection of basic lingerie for a reasonable price.

Targets are also pretty reliable in their stock from store to store, so if you’re worried about shipping, it’s safe to say that you can find what you need locally. If not, shipping is free with orders over $35, and can be delivered in two days.

Check out this Gilligan and O’Malley babydoll lingerie. The beautiful red velvet is perfect for V-Day, and is sure to impress your lover. Or, if you’re looking for something a little less conventional, try this velvet and lace bodysuit. It’s easy to hide under your clothing, so it’s perfect for surprising your S.O. when you get home from date night.

Yandy

One of the most unique and lesser-known online lingerie sources is Yandy.com. With its wide selection, it’s easy to see why it’s so many peoples’ first choice when it comes to undergarment shopping. Lingerie sets average about $30, with about $7 flat-rate shipping (usually two to three days), so while it isn’t the cheapest, it’s certainly a reliable option.

The variety that comes with Yandy is almost overwhelming. The amount of choices in color, style, and material allows you to find exactly what you might need for Valentine’s Day. You can go traditional, like this vibrant red bustier, or try something a little different, like this lace harness teddy. And keep an eye out for coupon codes- they’re pretty easy to find on the site.

Frederick’s of Hollywood

Frederick’s has always been a staple in the lingerie game, and continues to produce high-quality and classy intimate wear. While your local mall might be a good bet in finding a Frederick’s store, their website is currently advertising 50% off all Valentine’s Day wear with $10 flat-rate shipping. They clearly want to make sure you get your lingerie in time for the big day, showing that they truly care about their customers.

There is an excellent amount of variety on their website when it comes in intimate apparel. Their Red Hot Sexy Lingerie collection boasts a number of fiery red numbers, while their Sheer Seduction line produces elegant and lacy robes, teddies, and corsets. Also check out their Megan Fox Collection, full of crushed velvet and an array of colors.

Make sure your Valentine’s Day is a sexy one this year. You may not be able to justify investing in that expensive Victoria’s Secret bodysuit for just one day, so try looking in one of these places to find that special piece that won’t drain your wallet. If all else fails, try looking in your local sex shop. No matter what the cost may be, it is possible for you to find something that works beautifully for you, not just for the sake of your partner, but also as a confidence booster for yourself.

If you’re looking for Valentine’s lingerie in different sizes, check out The Best Lingerie for Hard to Find Sizes Just in Time for Valentine’s Day.

Will #MeToo Spur a Sex-Ed Revolution for American Youth?

February 16, 2018January 22, 2024 by Ola Faletiin Sex, SEX TIPS

It’s not just about learning how to use condoms — and it never was.

When I think of my introduction to sex-ed, I think of weekday mornings in a stuffy seventh grade classroom, with diagrams of male and female reproductive anatomy.

Our teacher was a kind, dark-haired woman who entertained the questions our pubescent selves would anonymously drop in a box before each class. Things like “how much pubic hair is too much pubic hair” and “is it ok to be attracted to older men.”

I feel lucky to say that I actually learned a lot from these sessions. We covered the common and lesser known bodily anatomy (think vas deferens) while talking about our changing bodies.

One subject we absolutely did not discuss was consent. I don’t remember a unit on it, or even discussion of rape except maybe a token, brief no means no mention.

We didn’t have a unit on consent in my high school sex ed class, either. Both classes were over ten years ago.

Over the past five years, talk of sexual assault on college campuses has been covered in various news outlets. However, 2017 was the year when floodgates, seemingly, burst open. With each new account and each new accusation of men in power abusing it in the worst ways, more questions surfaced: what are we teaching our men and boys? What kind of society tolerates, even becomes accustomed to, so much sexual violence?

A patriarchal one. #MeToo is a glaring sign that a greater shift needed to happen. Not just hashtags, and protests, but fundamental education too. Sex-ed is a great place for that shift to happen.

Sex-ed in the United States remains contentious because for one, it doesn’t exist everywhere.

Eleven U.S. states don’t require any sex education in schools. The religious right is adamant in believing that any non abstinence-only education will lead to premarital sex. The U.S. education system is in shambles as is. So why even invest the resources in better sex-ed programs?

More than 20% of children are sexually abused before the age of 8. If anything, it’s more imperative that they learn the consent talk early.

I have clear memories of pre-school, being chased on a playground by a group of boys, with them catching me and attempting to pull down my skorts. This behavior isn’t uncommon. It isn’t even frowned upon. It’s saying “boys will be boys,” to the detriment of all genders.

Consent is not too complicated for toddlers to understand. They learn to share toys and space with others, why shouldn’t they learn the same with bodies?

Teaching anatomy only isn’t enough.

The young generation has unprecedented access to pornography and sexual media. In the information age, these kids are “informed” in many ways that previous generations were not. But pornography doesn’t teach consent. Most TV programs don’t teach consent either. And that’s a problem.

Sex education can only work if its teachings are being enforced by society at large. With an alleged rapist occupying the highest U.S. office, the recent near-election of an accused child rapist, and dozens, thousands, millions of victims whose voices go unheard, sex education in this country will need a stronger support than grassroots organizations.

On the other hand, can there even be a curriculum for teaching consent? While it’s easy to think of it as a black-and-white area, it’s not. Not when consent (or lack thereof) is non-verbal, and not when both parties or intoxicated, or not when one party regrets the sex in the moment but does not communicate that to their partner.

I wish my sex ed classes covered how to say no when you’ve changed your mind about sex, and how to communicate what you’re willing and not willing to do. At the very least, discussed it.

Those are good starting points for teaching young people about consent. My hope for this generation is that it will be the last to be silenced by sexual trauma. I believe a sex-ed revolution is on the rise, but it’s more of a question of whether or not a sex ed revolution is enough.

More like this, A New Way to Help Teens Foster Healthy Dating Habits and Relationships, A Consent Uprising and My Own Sexual Assault, or What You’re Getting Wrong About Sex Positivity

Becoming Sex Positive: The Tentative Journey of a ‘Good Girl’

February 20, 2018January 22, 2024 by Lacey McKennain LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS, Sex, SEX TIPS

Turns out the world (and sex) is less scary and more fun than I was told.

My husband and I have known each other for about 15 years and are polyamorous. But we didn’t start out that way. We opened our marriage up about 5 years ago and it has been a journey of self-discovery for both of us.

It’s also been a journey into a more sex positive philosophy for me. Sex-positivity is a philosophy of human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as healthy and pleasurable, encouraging sexual pleasure and experimentation rather than shaming it.

Growing up as a so-called good southern girl

I grew up in a small town in a conservative state. I also grew up watching “The Princess Bride” and “The Little Mermaid” so my ideas of love and romance (and sex when I grew older) were rooted in tradition. When I got married at 25 I was proud of the fact that I had only slept with two guys. It pains me to write this now but I thought that made me better than women who had “slept around.”

I look back on that and realize how archaic that is. I can also trace that attitude to what I now consider to misogynistic ideas of females and even rape culture. “Good girls don’t show a lot of skin” and “good girls don’t sleep with lots of guys.” Who is deciding what number constitutes “lots” anyway?

As I approached 30, I began reading some pretty salacious books thanks to ereaders and the proliferation of erotic romance. Without fully acknowledging it, I started to wonder if I had missed out on something having dated so little.

I truly was happy with my marriage or didn’t wish I’d ended up somewhere different. But I did start to wish I’d had more varied experiences along the way to my happy marriage. This is one of the reasons poly was a good fit for my husband and me.

Also, check out LOVE TV’s A Beginner’s Guide To Ethical Non Monogamous Relationships.

The good southern girl starts to explore

My first dating experience as a married woman was with a friend. It took me six months to admit to myself that I felt something for him and another 3 months to really do anything about it. But once I realized that the feeling wasn’t one-sided, the flood gates opened.

I threw myself into that relationship with abandon, knowing that it would end someday and that ending might be difficult. But I didn’t care. I’d spent so much time second guessing myself that it felt amazing to let go.

Once I got married I never thought I’d have sex with another man. I never thought to grow close with another man. I never thought I’d make French toast naked in someone else’s kitchen after a leisurely morning of sex. That relationship did end but I am grateful for all i learned from it.

All of this was a whole new world for me. For someone who never broke the rules, I was breaking lots of them and having crazy (for me) amounts of fun.

The good southern girl discovers the enrichment of new experiences

If this was so much fun, what other amazing experiences had I missed out on? Everyone else complained about dating. Even knowing that, I wanted to know what that experience was like. I wanted firsthand experience with the highs and lows of dating.

They say variety is the spice of life and I am only beginning to experience that variety. What else can I experience that will help me learn about the world? What can relationships with others help me learn? And what I can learn about myself in the process? I am excited about the possibilities.

Is this what they meant by “The world is your oyster?”

Life begins outside your comfort zone

I didn’t set out to find a casual sex partner but that’s what I did. Through online dating I met a man who was fun, smart, and pushed me into new experiences just enough. And although I wasn’t ready to open up with all my desires, he taught me new things and new a surprising amount about my body considering how long we hadn’t known each other. Casual sex? Check.

I vacationed in Europe one summer, most of it with my husband. I did however have a few nights on my own. I set a goal for myself to have a one night stand. It would be fun to sleep with a sexy European.

Thanks to the wonders of Tinder, I achieved my goal. After talking to a man for a few hours, I agreed to meet him. We went to a bar not far away and after a few drinks, I asked him if he wanted to come back to my room. I hope we didn’t bother the neighbors too much! It was fun and exactly what I wanted, only better. One night stand? Check. Affair (albeit short) with a sexy Italian guy? Check.

Lessons of your youth should die a slow death

I still have moments where I judge myself for my wants and desires. And I fear the judgement of others. But I know that’s the “Good Girl” talking and I have learned a lot about the world that she was never taught.

Being sex positive isn’t always easy for me. But I have close friends I can confide in and it helps to hear that they too have similar feelings and work to overcome them.

Missed opportunities turned into fully appreciated opportunities

I have moments when I regret that my world didn’t get bigger until my 30s. I said as much to one of my lovers. He told me he thought of it as “waiting until we could fully appreciate and learn from new experiences, and be mature enough have those experiences safely.”

That statement has really stuck with me. Would I have appreciated all the world has to offer in my 20’s? Would I have been responsible with these new experiences? It’s easy to regret not finding all this out when I was younger but regret is a waste of time. And I am all about maximizing my time and sucking the marrow out of life.

If you’re thinking about opening up your marriage or exploring new adventures in your marriage, become a full member of LOVE TV and talk with love gurus and relationship experts about your love and your life.

5 Natural or Holistic Ways to Increase Your Libido and Work Your Way Back Into Love

April 27, 2018January 22, 2024 by Nikki Yeagerin Sex, SEX TIPS

These all-natural tips can help you reignite the fire in your bedroom by tackling the common causes of libido loss.

At six weeks after the birth of my child my doctor gave me the green light for sex. Six months after that I still found myself creating excuses to avoid the bedroom. As a new mother, I was completely drained of mental and emotional resources, with nothing left to give my partner at the end of the day.

However, even after I regained some semblance of my normal sleep schedule and my life returned to what I considered normal, one thing never returned: my libido.

It turns out, I’m not alone. While my experience was related to the birth of a child, most people experience regular ups and downs when it comes to sexual desire. A loss of libido will happen to most people at least once throughout their lives.

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Here are some natural ways you can handle it:

1. Rose Essential Oil:

Rose oil is said to be incredibly calming and can help reduce anxiety levels which may be contributing to your lack of sex drive.

Throughout the history of aromatherapy, roses have shown up as an aphrodisiac. In fact, in ancient Roman times, men would sprinkle these flower petals on the beds of new brides to prepare them for their wedding nights.

However, rose is more expensive than other essential oils. To use this remedy without breaking the bank, buy a small bottle of a pre-made essential oil blend including it. Dab this mixture on the inside of your wrists and/or the backs of your ears before a date or before getting in bed.

2. Reflexology:

A good foot rub can be excellent foreplay. It can also help regulate hormone levels that may be wreaking havoc on your sex drive.

According to some holistic practitioners, pressing specific points on the feet may help stimulate the hypothalamus, pituitary gland and ovaries, all of which contribute to the hormonal aspect of desire.

To find the correct points, make an appointment with a local reflexologist who can give you and your partner a quick lesson on which parts of the foot correspond to which body systems. For those who prefer a more DIY approach, a quick internet search should do the trick.

3. Meditation:

Two major reasons for loss of libido are distraction and stress, both of which are in high supply in modern American life.

The good news is that meditation may help focus your thoughts on the present and alleviate anxiety.

To start, find five to fifteen minutes in a day when you can sit in a comfortable, quiet space. Noise cancelling headphones or relaxing meditation soundtracks are a good option for those in loud environments. As you’re sitting, breath in and out deeply and slowly, focusing on each breathe.

A mantra can also be helpful. For example, say something that makes you feel empowered and confident like, “I am beautiful” or “I love myself.” Repeat the mantra as you exhale.

Once you feel relaxed and focused, spend time paying attention to your body. Mentally check in with each part of yourself starting from your head, moving to your toes. Examine what hurts and what feels good. This can help you reconnect with your physical self, despite any changes that may occur from weight change, pregnancy, or exercise.

After meditation, many people find themselves calm and focused, which is a good time to ask your partner if he or she would like to play.

4. Exercise:

As a long-time runner, I know just how important exercise is for mental and emotional health. After all, endorphin output increases when your heart rate does. These feel-good hormones can help increase sex drive and, according to Mayo Clinic, decrease symptoms of depression (which can include a loss of libido).

If you think depression may be the reason for your decreased sex drive, check in with your doctor right away.

In the meantime, you can start integrating tiny workouts into your daily routine no matter how busy you are. For example, I didn’t have time to run after becoming a new mom so I started walking up the stairs to my apartment rather than taking an elevator.

Instead of bouncing my little one to calm him down, I did squats while holding him. Thankfully, YouTube has dozens of 15 minute workouts so even the most time-crunched people can squeeze in a fitness session. My favorites include any short session from the free Fitness Blender series.

5. African Waist Beads:

From a less scientific perspective, body jewelry and lingerie can help you feel good about yourself, just like exercise. African waist beads are one alternative to traditional lingerie that may help women feel sexy. For >$15 – $20 a set, these are also much more affordable than a fancy neglige.

These beaded strings are worn around the waist and some sets have clay or porous beads that allow wearers to add scents – like rose essential oil – to increase appeal. In some cultures, these are used to signal when a woman is fertile or turned on. She might don her beads when she’s trying to attract her partner or gently rattle them to signal that she’s “in the mood”.

These might also help increase the drive of her partner as he or she learns to associate the sound or sight of the beads with arousal, turning it into a Pavlov’s dogs situation, but for sex instead of food.

I found these incredibly helpful as I didn’t always have the confidence to tell my partner when I was ready to romp around. Instead, I could use these beads as a signal, while also feeling sexy.

No matter which of these methods works for you, communication with your partner is always a top priority when it comes to sex and desire. Share your feelings and needs as they continue to change so both sides feel satisfied and included in the conversation.

How Active Hobbies Made My Relationships Better

May 1, 2018January 22, 2024 by Lacey McKennain Body, Sex, SEX TIPS, Wellness

It’s easy to get in a rut, especially when you settle into a longer term relationships.

When my boyfriend and I met neither of us were active. I would hit the gym sporadically. I asked him to come with me but he hated the gym. I didn’t blame him.

Still I knew that we should be more active. My idea of a good Saturday was reading for about 8 hours straight. Talk about sitting disease.

And while reading is sexy, so is working out. Staying in good shape means better sex. And better sex means happier couples. And don’t forget, we are here to help if you feel like your relationships are stuck. Join LOVE TV and cut through the nonsense to streamline your journey in love.

Make a run for it

One day my boyfriend begrudgingly went on a run with a friend. Before long he went on another run, and another. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about so I gave it a try. Running still isn’t my favorite, but here’s why I stick with it:

When I burn 250 calories in 30 minutes, I don’t feel guilty for eating cake.
It costs one good pair of running shoes.
It has made my relationships stronger.

That third reason is the best. I don’t love running but I do love running with him. He encourages me and keeps me going when I want to quit. We know each other better and support the other in their running goals to get faster or run farther.

It has also given us a fun new weekend activity. Some Sunday mornings we’re out of bed early to go on a run. I never thought this would be me. But when your running partner is also your favorite person, it does great things for your motivation.

I’ve even managed to talk him into several fun runs like The Color Run or The Hot Chocolate 5k. These races keep us training even when we don’t feel like it.

Running has given us something to do together and has brought us closer than ever.

On the rocks

The next hobby my boyfriend wanted to try was rock climbing at a local gym. This was definitely too adventurous for my taste. I went anyway since I wanted to encourage his healthy habits. To my surprise, I enjoyed it.

Now one of our favorite things to do together is visit the climbing gym. We encourage each other to push our limits and work together to find ways to finish challenging routes and climbing problems. We’ve met a lot of great people and made some close friends through climbing.

Something fun to do

When you’re in a new relationship, it’s easy to find fun things to do and talk about. You’re in that “get to know each other” phase that can be so much fun. But then you start to settle into patterns. While the stability is nice, it can be a relationship-killer.

The connections you make through shared activities can keep your relationships alive. It gives you something to talk about, a way to meet other people, and improves your own mental and physical well-being. And just when you think you know everything about your SO, you learn that they are terrible at mini-golf and you spend hours laughing with each other.

When you connect over shared activities, you forge an even stronger bond.

Be grateful for what you can do

Maybe you have a bad knee or somehow got tennis elbow without playing a lick of tennis. Regardless, be grateful for what your body can do. When you start to appreciate your body for what it can do, instead of how it looks, confidence comes easier. Learn more about how a little bit of appreciation can change everything in love.

Even if I’m not a super athlete or a marathon runner, I am grateful that my boyfriend and I can still find fun new things that challenge us and keep us close.

Not sure what to try? Here are a few more ideas:

Kayaking encourages communication and teamwork.
Kickboxing classes will make your butt (and your partner’s) look even better.
Trampoline parks aren’t just for kids.
Laser tag is a surprisingly good workout.
Go for a bike ride. Does your city have a bike share program?
Play frisbee at your local park.
Go paddle boating on your local lake.
Take up photography. This makes a great excuse to find new hiking trails.

Get out there and have fun!

Should Polyamorous Couples Be Welcome During Pride Month?

June 26, 2018January 22, 2024 by Lacey McKennain DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS, Sex, SEX TIPS

Big strides have been made in acceptance of alternative relationship styles but there’s still work to be done.

There’s an old joke in which someone (usually a child) says the alphabet and leaves out the letter P, prompting someone else to ask “Where’s the P?” This of course gives the child a reason to declare “running down my leg” in a fit of giggles.

But during this wonderful month of LGBTQ Pride, I too am wondering “Where’s the P?” Where are the polyamorous in all this celebration of love in all its varieties?

And don’t forget, if you’re struggling with relationship challenges or working on finding the right person, we’re here to help. Join LOVE TV today!

Progress Made

Many (though certainly not all) of those who fall outside the traditional, heteronormative spectrum have found acceptance. The amount of progress made on this front in the last 15 years is staggering (though this is not meant to ignore the places where there is still work to be done).. But those of us who are polyamorous still do not have even this level of acceptance.

How Did I Get Here?

I remarked the other day that I find it interesting that of my high school besties, all of whom happen to be either gay or bi, now have lifestyles that are more accepted than mine. The four of us had wonderful adventures after school and during the summer. Now it’s mumble mumble (don’t make me add it up) years later and we all lead different, happy lives. One is a lesbian couple, married with a beautiful child, another is a fun-loving gay man who wouldn’t be caught dead at a Mardi Gras party without a costume, and the third has been dating both men and women for years.

None of us would have predicted that I would be the one hiding my romantic proclivities. A few close friends know my husband and I are polyamorous but we are selective in who we tell. Even some friends who do know would be made uncomfortable if we talked openly of our Other Significant Others.

From the outside, my marriage looks like everyone else’s. We get up, go to work, and commute home like most people in their 30’s. Except that my day might end with my staying the night with a great guy who isn’t my husband. My husband knows where I am and every one is quite happy with the situation.

Sure there are stories of this “thruple” or that “thruple” but these are still viewed as oddities and in most cases are not legally binding marriages. I know it’s inevitable that I’ll run into a coworker or family friend while out on a date someday. They will likely assume I am cheating on my husband as anything else is actually unthinkable. Happily if they happen to be judgy they aren’t the kind of person whose opinion I would value anyway.
Let’s Celebrate

If “Love is love” (and indeed it is), why is it so different if it’s more than two?

As we saw very clearly demonstrated with gay and lesbian acceptance, once people realize a friend or family member is part is this “other” group it becomes harder to hate that group and easier to have a productive conversation about our differences and commonalities.

As Poly individuals “come out” we’ll begin to see more acceptance and understanding. I would love it if my friends knew that my guy friend and drinking buddy is actually my boyfriend and I love him dearly.

10 of the Sexiest Cocktails to Get You in the Mood

October 5, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin Sex, SEX TIPS

Sure, going to a fancy bar is fun and all but there’s something adventurous about making cocktails at home.

I’ve always loved strong, traditional drinks like martinis and manhattans. My boyfriend on the other hand prefers sweeter cocktails. I was inspired to compile a list of delicious cocktails with sexy names that look and taste equally sexy and yummy.

Here are 10 of the sexiest cocktails to get you in the mood.

1. The French Kiss

Remember how risqué French kissing was in junior high? Relive those innocent times with this cocktail.

Recipe: 1 oz. gin, ¾ oz. St. Germain, ¼ oz. Aperol, ¼ oz. lemon juice, top with sparkling rosé and garnish with an orange twist.

Best for: cozy snuggling at Netflix, role playing your junior high days in your old uniform skirt

2. The Hanky Panky

The name of this cocktail speaks for itself. The strong and vaguely citrusy flavor will get you relaxed and feeling sensual.

Recipe: 1.5 oz Martini Rosso vermouth, 1.5 oz. Bombay Sapphire gin, garnish with an orange peel. Stir ingredients in a mixing glass, strain into a chilled martini glass and then garnish.

Best for: before a night out with the girls, a fancy dinner at home with your significant other

3. Between the Sheets

Remember the best sex you ever had? Channel that feeling again with this tantalizing beverage, a take on the classic sidecar.

Recipe: 1 oz. white rum, 1 oz. triple sec, ¼ oz. lemon juice, 1 oz. cognac. Shake the rum, triple sec, juice and cognac with cracked ice then strain into a chilled cocktail glass and garnish with an orange peel.

Best for: sipping after a romp between your own sheets, making before a fancy party with your significant other.

4. Afternoon Delight

If you’ve ever fantasized about leaving work in the middle of the day for a long lunch—and dessert in the form of a quickie—then mixing up this drink is a great idea.

Recipe: 3 oz. Bacardi 151 rum, 3 oz. Southern Comfort peach liqueur, 16 oz., cranberry juice, 16 oz., Gatorade, 2 oz. ginger ale

Best for: actually leaving work early for a little “afternoon delight.”

5. The Full Monty

If bums are your thing, you’ll want to celebrate your love of them with this cocktail.

Recipe: 1 measure Smirnoff vodka, 1 measure Galliano liqueur, cracked ice and grated ginger or gingseng. Shake the vodka and Galliano over ice until it’s well frosted. Strain into chilled cocktail glass and sprinkle with ginger or ginseng.

Best for: before shaking your bottom at the club, dancing in front of your mirror while getting ready.

6. Amaretto-Cranberry Kiss

The nostalgia, romance and sexiness of the holiday season are rolled into one with this drink.

Recipe: (makes 8 cocktails) 2 cups cranberry juice cocktail, 1 cup vodka, ½ cup amaretto, 3 tbsp. Orange juice, ice cubes and clementines, peeled and separated into segments

Best for: being paired with your favorite red dress this holiday season.

7. Strawberries & Cream

This cocktail is meant to be enjoyed poolside in your favorite bikini with your partner. The drink is crisp and refreshing.

Recipe: 2 oz. strawberry vodka, 1 ½ oz. whipped vodka, 2 strawberries, thinly sliced (+ more for extra garnishes), soda water. In a shaker, add ice and both vodkas, shake and set aside. Uddle the strawberries and then fill the glass with ice and top of vodka. Stir gently and garnish with an additional strawberry.

Best for: summertime soireés, after-hours skinny dipping with your love.

8. Vanilla Old-Fashioned

Sometimes good old vanilla sex is just what you want. Adding a tasty matching cocktail makes things more fun.

Recipe: ¼ oz. simple syrup, 3 dashes Angostura bitters, 3 dashes orange bitters, orange peel twist, 1 ½ oz. vanilla whiskey. In an old-fashioned glass, combine the simple syrup and bitters. Fill glass halfway with ice, then stir. Add enough ice to fill the glass then squeeze an orange peel over the glass to extract oils, add peel to the glass then add whiskey. Stir just until the drink is cold and serve.

Best for: Good old-fashioned vanilla sex with your partner, a nightcap.

9. Sweet Orange + Tequila Cocktail

The first sign of spring and warmer weather always gets everyone in the mood. This equally sweet and strong cocktail is the perfect way to ring in sunnier weather.

Recipe: 1 oz. triple sec, 1 ½ oz. 1800 Blanco Tequila, 2 oz. orange juice, 3 oz. tonic water, navel orange slice, ice. Put triple sec, tequila, OJ, tonic water and ice into a cocktail shaker. Stir with a long-handled bar spoon. Strain into a chilled margarita glass filled with crushed ice. Garnish with a slice of navel orange.

Best for: that first dinner on the patio together, making out under the stars on a warm night.

10. Bit of Tongue

Surprised and a bit turned on, there’s always that first time your new boyfriend or girlfriend and you are making out and they slip you a bit of tongue. This drink recreates all that uncertainty and excitement.

Recipe: 1 oz. aperol, ¾ oz. grapefruit shrub, 1 bar spoon of Copper & Kings absinthe superior, cava to top.

Best for: the first time you invite your new boyfriend or girlfriend over for drinks.

Cocktails taste even better when you make them yourself. Get in a sexy mood with these 10 drinks.

Beat the Winter Blues: 15 Sexy Songs to Get You in the Mood

February 6, 2019January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin Sex, SEX TIPS2 Comments

Let’s face it—winter can be long, dark, cold and sometimes downright depressing.

I’ve always thought the time after the holidays until the first day of spring is the darkest, most “blah” time of the year. Sometimes, you may not want to do anything but just curl up with the latest Netflix show to binge and call it a night. If your sex life seems to be lacking when it gets chilly outside, music can sometimes do the trick.

Here are 15 sexy songs to get you in the mood and beat those winter blues.

1. Maroon 5, “Secret”

Sample lyric: “I know I don’t know you, but I want you so bad.”

This song has been on my sexy playlist for as long as I can remember. You can’t beat Adam Levine at his most raw. Not to mention, the steady rhythm is perfect for a serious bump and grind session.

2. Aretha Franklin, “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman”

Sample lyric: “Oh baby what you’ve done to me, you make me feel so good inside.”

I first discovered how sexy this song was when I saw The Big Chill when I was about 13 or 14. There’s nothing like Aretha’s soulful voice to get you in the mood. Play this during a candlelit dinner to get things started.

3. Taylor Swift, “Dress”

Sample lyric: “Only bought this dress so you could take it off.”

Don’t laugh at me for this one! Taylor has grown up. Long gone are the oversized glasses and t-shirts. Enter the era of sophisticated snake necklaces and lots of black leather. Taylor has been dating British actor Joe Alwyn for awhile now and it shows—this is one of her sexiest songs to date.

4. Christina Aguilera, Pink, Lil’ Kim & Mya, “Lady Marmalade”

Sample lyric: “She said, ‘Hello, hey Joe, you wanna give it a go?”

This super fun 2001 remake is a great bop to get ready for a sexy date. It’s fun to dance around in lingerie, to prep yourself for a fun and sexy date (confession: I’ve done this more times than I can count!).

5. Boyz II Men, “I’ll Make Love to You”

Sample lyric: “And I’ll hold you tight baby all through the night.”

Nothing like a classic Boyz II Men jam to get you feeling ready for some serious between the sheets action. The 1994 song was most likely your first makeout song or perhaps even what was playing during your first time.

6. Ginuwine, “Pony”

Sample lyric: “If you’re horny, let’s do it, ride it, my pony.”

The blush-worthy lyrics are just begging for a striptease from your significant other. Have your partner channel their inner Magic Mike and deliver a sizzling performance to get you feeling extra sexy.

7. Phil Collins, “In the Air Tonight”

Sample lyric: “And I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord.”

The drum break in the middle of the song is just as orgasmic as the real thing. Play this one for a new flame when you just can’t wait to get it on.

8. Queen, “Fat Bottomed Girls”

Sample lyric: “Hey big woman, you made a bad boy out of me.”

For all my fellow curvy ladies, this one always bumps up my confidence a few notches and makes me feel ultra-sexy.

9. Usher, “You Make Me Wanna”

Sample lyric: “You make me wanna, leave the one I’m with, start a new relationship with you.”

I am by no means advocating cheating, but the late ‘90s smooth jam is extremely sensual. We’ve all had that friend we’ve wanted to be something more—if anything, this is a great one to listen to on your own, if you get my drift!

10. Etta James, “I Just Want to Make Love to You”
Sample lyric: “I don’t want you sad and blue, and I just wanna make love to you.”

You can’t beat a vintage Etta James tune, especially one of her finest. Save this one for Valentine’s Day, it’s just begging for a striptease.

11. Solomon Burke, “Cry to Me”
Sample lyric: “Well here I am, my honey, c’mon baby cry to me.”

Any Dirty Dancing fans will remember this song as the big (spoiler alert!) sex scene between Baby and Johnny. The movie’s producers picked it for a reason. It automatically makes you think of making love on a hot summer night.

12. The Righteous Brothers, “Unchained Melody”
Sample lyric: “Oh my love, my darling, I’ve hungered for your touch.”

The iconic Ghost scene made this song what it is today—the OG sexy song. It’s tender opening notes are perfect for a cozy night of lovemaking with your longtime partner.

13. Jeremih, “Birthday Sexy”
Sample lyric: “See you sexy in them jeans got me on ten.”

Jeremih celebrates the most special sex of all—the kind you get on your birthday.

14. Beyoncé, “Partition”
Sample lyric: “He bucked all my buttons, he ripped my blouse, he Monica Lewinskyed all on my gown.”

Everyone can relate to keeping private what goes on behind closed doors. Beyoncé just lets us in for a peek and it’s sexier than ever.

15. The 1975 “The Sex”
Sample lyric: “*But if we’re gonna do anything we might as well just f***”*

The 1975 talks about getting it on in the back of a van with this one. If anything, it will make you reminisce about trysts in the back of your parents borrowed car in high school.

Sex is better with some music. Beat the winter blues with these deliciously sultry tunes.

Notes From My Final Bachelorette

March 15, 2019January 22, 2024 by Virginia Jonesin Sex, SEX TIPS

How We Prepared Emma For The Adventure Of Marriage

Meeting The Crew

My baby sister Emma is getting married, and we meet up in New Orleans to celebrate. Her bachelorettes are a combination of big-city career women and her high-school friends, and of course her two sisters, who have already been married and divorced, but are trying to maintain a good attitude. We’ve got single people, people in long term relationships, and lots of married women. Lots of advice, lots of perspectives.

Joni got married early and dotes on her two adorable kidlets. She doesn’t always know about internet slang, memes, who’s president, or other minor trivia. She’s a busy lady.

Amanda is a corporate woman, also with two small kids, who has just relocated to the midwest with her family.

Sadie, our other sister, is divorced with a kid. She’s looking for Mr. Right and has been frustrated with the men she meets on dating sites.

I’m divorced, childless, and happy about it. I disliked being married and won’t seek it again.

Asha is desperately beautiful, partnered, and a doctor. She’s seriously intimidating.

Marie is European, never married, and sometimes seems a touch naive.

“It’s not going to be one of those embarrassing Bachelorettes” we say to one another.

“We’re not going to have penis necklaces and straws. We are sophisticated people. We went to college. We like art. We’re not going to be basic.”

When we say it, we mean it.

My sister is getting married to a lovely man. I’m very happy for her. Men she has dated before have been toxic or distant. This man is loving, handy, and seems to take real pleasure in making projects for her. He is kind and smart and I am so excited to have him in my family.

The Adventure Begins

We start the first day with a fancy breakfast and doting waitstaff. We are offered $24 bottomless mimosas, but we giggle and stick to tea. My sister is wearing all white and a veil, which she assures us she will be wearing all weekend.

Marie points out that in Europe, the bachelorette party is called a Hen Night. Because so many of us are married and divorced, I identify more with Hen Night than Bachelorette, just busty busybody chickens clucking around. Joni asks if the bachelors have a Cock Night. This is very funny of Joni until I realize she didn’t mean it to be. Marie says no, in Europe the men have Stag Night, and then, I guess, a chicken and a buck get married.

We break for after-brunch drinks. We explain to Joni that sometimes people pee on each other in bed, and that eggplants are emoji for penises. Sadie is swiping idly through her Tinder matches, explaining that her only demands are that the applicants have hair and don’t demand NSA hookups. We explain to Joni what NSA hookups are. Marie wants to stop on the pictures with taut, hairless abs, but I tell her that if a guy leads with his abs, he’ll show them to everyone. I want to swipe right on a cute artist named Will but Sadie stops me. “He doesn’t have a job and he doesn’t have a kid. I know that right now.” She dismisses him. I keep trying to tell her that, as we move into our fourth decade on earth, she might have to be flexible on hair. “Nothing doing”, Sadie says. “I’m not matching with a bald POS like my ex-husband.” She tells us that, hilariously, he blamed her for his hair loss. “Look”, he said, “I wasn’t balding when we met.” I laugh, but I’m also sad.

We have a day of bachelorette adventure. We drink terrible drinks. We dance to jazz bands. Our bride is congratulated, over and over. We beam with pride. We drink. We take a ghost tour. We drink. We see a psychic, and drink.

We compare our psychic readings. Asha has been told she’s very lustful, and not apologetic about it. She agrees 100%. She enjoys sex, and resents how her mother talked to her about sex, that it was something men always wanted and that women never wanted, but which had to occasionally be tolerated. She has a healthy sex drive but spent most of her young adulthood feeling ashamed.

Sadie was told that, after a terrible marriage and some disappointing dating, she is still too angry to successfully partner with a new person, that she is a teflon pan on which no-one can find purchase.

Emma’s reading is exciting and rosy, about her new role as wife and her new life.

My reading is mostly about career and goals, but at one moment the psychic cocks her head and asks, and you’re seeing someone? And I say yes, and she says, and it’s good, and I agree, it is. It may seem like faint praise, but it is good, and I’m grateful.

Yelling At Clowns

The second morning, we head to the famous Cafe Du Monde for coffee and beignets. A colorfully dressed clown crows when he sees my sister’s veil and he starts making her a penis crown out of balloons. It is almost pornographic in its detail. This is not his first penis crown. We refuse it. “This,” I tell him, “is not that kind of bachelorette. We are not interested in being covered in penises.” He spreads his hands and pretends to be offended. “And besides,” I continue playfully, “all penises are pretty much the same. They don’t matter.” The clown angrily starts listing types of penises. “They can be big! Small! Curved! Straight!” We are grateful to be seated and get away from the clown yelling about penises.

I think we try to simplify down to penises because love itself is so scary and full of unknowns. People can change, their goals and life veer away from each other, they can fall in love with other people or just out of love with each other, so we like to simplify it. Penises it is. I get up to go to the bathroom and when I get back, my sister is wearing a penis crown. It has been given to her by a stranger. As we eat our beignets, we explain to Joni the concept of polyamory. “Is that”, she asks, “legal?” We assure her that it is. What she’s thinking of is polygamy. If you don’t marry everyone, we tell her, you can sleep with as many people as you want. She smiles and shakes her head.

SAME PENIS FOREVER

That afternoon, we have a lingerie shower. Suddenly, there are penis straws and a penis pinata and a sign that reads “SAME PENIS FOREVER.” Where did all the penises come from? No-one knows.

My sister opens all her fancy underwear and we laugh and clap.

I ask the room for marriage advice for Emma.

Joni offers, “always give him a blowie on his birthday.” I raise my eyebrows at the idea of an annual blowjob.

Asha protests. “What if”, she asks, “ you really like giving them?”

Joni blushes and says, “Oh, I guess you could do more! Just- not less.”

I tell Emma that you should always support each other. You should always try to give them the best of your time and attention. This, because it is not about sex, is boring the room. I also give them my Dad’s advice to me, which was never to do a chore that you don’t want to do for the rest of your life. On some level, your spouse is a roommate that you hope will never move out.

Sadie says that although Emma has been distracted by the wedding, that’s just a fun party. The thing to concentrate on is the marriage, that’s the long term project that will shape her life and her partner’s life. Emma nods and smiles but doesn’t really seem to take it in. Sadie and I laugh together because this is the best advice she got on her wedding day, but didn’t recognize until years later. Weddings are a lot of noise and dresses and expense, maybe to distract you from the profundity of sealing your life to another person.

Amanda offers that you should marry your best friend. This is simple but profound. We all nod. Beauty fades and they lose their hair, but when you really like each other, you’ll get through the hard parts.

“There is no long relationship”, I say, “Without hard work. Everyone has to work. The idea that your relationship will be good without work is the biggest lie of all.” Joni agrees and says, “it’s weird, all the movies end with the couple getting married and nobody wants to talk about what happens after that, which is the rest of your life.” “That’s true”, interjects Sadie- “if a couple is married at the beginning of the movie, they’ll either split up and get back together, or split up and meet other people, or one of them is going to get kidnapped or die. There is nothing interesting to Hollywood about a successful marriage.” After all of our deep thoughts on partnership, we’re ready to go out.

By the end of the second day, I am wearing a themed bachelorette t-shirt, a sash, and a light-up twinkly flower crown. I now understand how dogs feel when we dress them up for Halloween.

We are walking up and down Frenchman street, being congratulated by fellow celebrants. I get away from my sisters for a moment and rejoin them in a bar moments later.

“Where”, my sister asks, “is your crown?”
“I don’t know”, I tell them, but I do know. It’s in the trash can outside.

We go sing karaoke, taking over a small room. We sing all the songs about what we want from marriage, “Respect” by Aretha Franklin, “I Will Always Love You” sung by Whitney Houston, and Joni sings “Goodbye, Earl” by the Dixie Chicks, about friends getting together to murder an abusive husband. I am not sure this is what we want for wedding wishes, but that’s what we’ve got. We go to a late night dance party hosted by one of the parade Krewes and have a great time before heading back to the hotel, picking our way through the streets strewn with beads and beer cups.

The last morning of the trip, I spend some quiet time with Sadie. We talk about what we’ve learned from our marriages, and how we wish we could give Emma everything we know. We love her and we love her intended, and that has to be enough. We separate, hugging and crying, to see each other in our matching gowns in a month.

Away on Holiday Sex

July 16, 2019January 22, 2024 by Terri-Jane Dowin Sex, SEX TIPS

With holiday season upon us, we were interested to know just how different the sex we’re having on vacation is, compared to the sex we have at home. Whether it’s the weather or the break in routine, we set out to discover how couples respond to each other on holidays, and if they’re really having more sex or not.

We set up some polls on twitter, and it turns out, perhaps unsurprisingly, that most couples do have more sex on vacation, with 100% of the people we asked saying that they spend more time having sex on holiday than they do at home. The people we additionally asked in person weren’t quite as sex-driven on vacation, but the majority said that yes, they did have more sex away from home. We wanted to know why, too: 33% thought that the reason was that they are more relaxed on a trip, and 40% found a break from their usual routines was the biggest contributor. Another factor was the amount of time couples spent together; whereas at home they were distracted with work and family commitments, a holiday was a solid amount of time spent together, and so there’s more opportunity for having sex.

Routine, it’s frequently said, is the killer for most sex lives. We go to work, we go home, we go to sleep. Once we add in a few nights out with friends, or visits to see family, there’s not much time left over, and sometimes quality time with a partner slips on the list of priorities. Taking a vacation as a couple can be a good time to remedy that. A loss of libido can have many different causes – find some natural ways to boost yours here.

For the few who said that they had less sex on holiday, it was mostly due to the proximity of family members, and we get it. Sharing a holiday rental with your in-laws is probably not going to turn you on. If you’re in a situation where penetrative sex isn’t an option, here are some intimacy techniques to try.

Activity-based holidays were a factor too. Sharing hobbies is a great way to reconnect with a partner, but sometimes, you just want to sleep, especially if you’ve spent the day hiking, or if you’re in a cramped tent adventuring somewhere in the great outdoors.

But what about a different kind of holiday adventure? Most people we asked (71%) didn’t have (or didn’t want to have) more adventurous sex on holiday — they said that they would rather be in their own homes, especially if they were planning to try something completely new. But some said that a vacation is a good excuse to try out more adventurous sex, especially if the trip was mostly for relaxing, with no family or activities around. “For me, this totally depends where we are and what kind of holiday we are on,” was one response.

Shaking up your sexual style totally depends on the relationship you have, and how comfortable you are with being more adventurous away from home plays into that. Your hotel room might have some opinions about you installing a swing, but a lazy vacation can be a great time for trying out new toys. (Don’t forget that lithium batteries can’t go in your checked baggage!) If roleplay is your thing, being in a new setting can give you some inspiration.

Finally, solo vacationers were sometimes having more sex too – though the kind of holiday had the most impact. A boozy beach week away with friends was more likely to end in hooking up than a culture soaked city break.

LACK OF LOVE – TRAFFICKING SURVIVOR SEEKS FREEDOM

April 16, 2021January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS, Watch

Tiffany Simpson is a survivor of child sex trafficking who is currently in Pulaski State Prison. This is her story.

When you feel the ocean water pull you in, it’s warm. A warm that brings you to this peaceful place where all your troubles float away. That is what I have heard. I am Tiffany Simpson, and I am 27 years old. I have never swam in the ocean.

Too Hurt and Empty

My dad was never around. He was convicted of murder when I was six. Neither was my mom. Her real child was the bottle. I came second to her addiction. I know she was hurting.

My grandmother and Aunt got custody of me when I was 13. They tried to raise me, but I was too hurt and empty. So, even that tiny bit of affection that my trafficker offered me, felt like an ocean of love.

In high school, it was hard to fit in. After a while, the only friends I had were the guys who were having sex with me. I didn’t go to school much anymore.

I still craved the whole family thing with a mom and dad and me in the middle. By 16, I knew that was never going to happen. So, I left looking for a different kind of love. That’s when I was introduced to cocaine, and pretty soon guys were trading it for sex with me. Each time the police would find me with another guy, they just sent me home.

I Met My Trafficker

Right after my 17th birthday, I met Sean. He was 34 years old. It really felt like love, like all those butterflies and stuff. Only to him I was just a walking paycheck. My heart was the bank where he deposited all his sweet thoughts and took out all his abuse. Love was my real addiction. I knew, he didn’t love me, but I felt warm when he said it anyway.

He would take me to strange places and force me to have sex with the men there, men who didn’t listen when I asked for help. I just kept thinking, there was nowhere for me to run to, even if I had tried. to go back to a home where I felt no love or to a school where teachers looked at me like I was trash.

Sean said, he loved me, that he would take care of me. Now, I know it wasn’t love.

It was an ocean of fear that drowned me.

Beatings and Death Threats -My Grandmother, My Baby, Me

I started getting sick in the morning. Some people say, it brings a couple closer. But he said he would kill me and my baby if I didn’t have sex for money. Most of the time when he would force me to have sex with men, he would be in the other room robbing them of their stuff. Things got worse, more men, more beatings and my belly was growing.

One day, I actually called my grandmother to come and get me, but when she arrived, he was behind me holding me by my hair. I told her, I changed my mind. Sean said, he was set my grandmother’s house on fire, and kill her if I tried anything like that again. I believed him. I was trapped, ashamed and alone. The chains were heavier.

I didn’t have the word then, but I do now. I was a slave. I would go months without seeing my family because my face was covered in bruises. I started thinking of suicide. This started to sound sweet.

When I found out I was having a baby boy, I told Sean, I want out. He dug a knife into my leg and refused to take me to the hospital. I started to lose so much blood that he finally took me but he never left my side. I wanted to ask for help but was so scared. I wish to this day that I had risked it all and spoken up.

CAITLYN

Sean was being nice to me. It turned out that he wanted me to lure a 13 year old girl to him.

I said no, but he beat me again. I had to save my baby.

When she texted me she was going to run away, he grabbed my phone and started texting her to meet soon. Soon, we were driving to pick Caitlin up.

He drove us down a dirt road to a house, where four men were waiting. Caitlyn was scared when they touched her, but she was eventually forced into a room with one of them. He handed Sean the money. I had to have sex with the other three men. I was too scared to try and help her.

When the police came, I thought they were here to help me. I thought that I would have my baby and be a normal girl. Only they treated me like the criminal, and said, I was a child prostitute.

CHARGED and PRISON

The police charged me with sex trafficking. They found me as a bad person. The lawyers and judge did too. My own attorney called me, damaged goods.

I started to believe I was guilty. I felt like I had disappeared off the face of this earth or maybe no one had ever seen me at all. I feel that people see us as statistics unless it happens to them, or someone they love. Society wanted me in a cement box so they didn’t have to look at their mistake.

ASKING A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION

A year later, I read a U.S.A.Today article about sex trafficking. I wrote to Andrea, the woman in the article and asked her, Am I a victim of sex trafficking, or am I, just a prostitute?

It’s been eight years since I wrote to Andrea. Eight years of having Andrea and all of Karana Rising by my side.

Caitlyn says, someone raped her. I believe her. I guess the mistake Sean made was thinking Caitlyn would stay quiet like me. I believe Caitlyn.

I didn’t know what love was but now I know that love does not beat you, degrade you, or sell your body. I understood true love when I had my baby boy.

They say that when you die you see the most beautiful things. I hope to see myself with my child by the ocean. If you believe survivors today, then tomorrow there will be less victims.

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For more information visit www.karanarising.org