Mindfulness improves your sex life. Oh, I know meditation probably doesn’t excite you in that way. On the other hand, mindfulness is about being more in your physical body, enjoying and experiencing the present moment. And that, dear readers, is what great sex is all about.
What I’ve found over the years is that people have their priorities confused. Think about it. When we engage in our phobias, our worries, our nagging self-doubts, we do so in a way that easily becomes a full-body experience. For instance, someone afraid of flying probably makes big movies in their mind about a plane crashing. We place ourselves smack dab in the middle of the terrible action until adrenaline slams through our veins, making our hearts race and our palms sweat.
Yet, when it comes to lovemaking, so many of the problems that clients complain about – erectile dysfunction, low libido, boredom, etc – occur because of an inability to stay in the body. Instead, the mind wanders and for many people the mood is lost or diminished.
There are two approaches to using mindfulness as a method of enhancing physical pleasure. First, meditate daily to discipline yourself to remain physically grounded in the here and now. This lays the groundwork and, as you probably know, offers a host of benefits. Specifically, when it comes to sex, practising mindfulness helps to unplug from emotions such as shame and embarrassment. It will help you turn off any thoughts of inadequacy which may contribute to low libido or impotence.
The second way is to remain mindfully present during the act itself. This is difficult. In a sense, it’s easier to remain conscious of a sore back during a sitting meditation practice because discomfort tends to increase. Pain forces us to pay attention, while intense pleasure is fleeting and tends to cause the mind to lose itself amid the good feelings.
Nevertheless, I hope you’ll persevere because making love mindfully also increases intimacy and is fun. Just imagine how motivated you’ll be next time your significant other says, “Honey, do you want to meditate tonight?”
Curated by Erbe