When Finding “The One” is Nothing More Than Just a Numbers Game

May 18, 2018January 22, 2024 by Nikki Yeagerin DATING ADVICE, LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

When people want something (a job, a house, a change of scenery), the advice is always the same: “work hard and go get it.” But what about love?

When we want to find love, we’re told to follow an all together different approach: “wait and it will find you.”

In my experience, that’s a bunch of nonsense.

When I was in my early 20s I moved back to NYC after a year of working abroad. I found a reliable job doing something I loved and an apartment that I could afford. Everything was falling into place and I was ready for a relationship that matched where my life was; I wanted something serious. If you’re in the same boat, don’t forget to check out the LOVE TV membership.

I decided it was time to find “the one.”

So I started to look. By my calculations, there were about 8 million people in the city. Since raising kids outside of New York was a non-starter, I could keep my search local. Once I accounted for my gender preference (male), my native language (English) and my desired age range (20-30), I figured there couldn’t be more then 2, maybe 3 million men that fit the bill.

Those were numbers I could work with. After all, I was still pretty young.

To me, love is not serendipitous, it’s something we can seek out with intention. By meeting more men, I felt I could increase the odds of finding the right one for me. He was out there somewhere, I just had to comb through my options until I found him.

Everyone gets a number!

I started the easiest way possible, by giving out my phone number. Everyone who asked, regardless of my initial attraction level, would get a chance.

Walking into a bar was like stepping into Oprah’s shoes. Instead of giving out cars, I was giving out digits. “You get a number! And you get a number!” I remained as open minded as possible, unless someone reeked of out-right danger, they got a follow up.

Even with that, the process moved slowly. I felt as thought I’d put my resume up on a job recruitment site without a cover letter – sure, I was getting a lot of calls, but no one knew what I was really looking for.

So I flipped the script. Instead of me giving my number to men who asked, I started approaching men myself. If this was a numbers game, I figured I’d meet more people if the effort was coming from both sides. I also had more control over who I approached, which felt more targeted.

Because I was the one initiating the conversations, I’d choose locations I loved (the bookstore, a coffee shop, a museum during free nights) and strike up conversations with anyone I found even mildly appealing. I figured we already had something in common based on the location, so I was already a step ahead.

Online dating

A month or two later I’d been on a lot of dates, but the process felt inefficient. The men I met were nice, but they weren’t necessarily looking for something serious. So I started to explore online dating. I wanted to put my exact requirements out there so I could weed out anyone who wasn’t interested.

I found a website that was mostly text based, rather than just a profile picture with text boxes – Tinder wasn’t going to cut it for finding a soul mate. I’m a writer, and as a writer, I wanted to express myself and my relationship goals. To me, a well worded profile is more effective at introducing two people than a coffee date.

So I sat down and crafted a call for submissions, so to speak. Titled “Not a psycho killer or a scary stalker. Yay!!” I explained what I was looking for: someone who wanted to find their forever partner, who was passionate about what they did in life and would have patience with my long office hours (which I intended on keeping).

I didn’t put a picture. I didn’t describe my looks. This wasn’t about physical attraction, this was about finding my match.

After it went live, I refreshed my inbox to find at least a dozen replies. They just kept coming over the next day or so.

Anyone who wrote more than three sentences got an answer. Anyone who replied with several paragraphs got a date.

One of the first men I met was my age, which made him stand out considering everyone else was at least three years my senior. He had long black hair like Severus Snape and a face that made him look fifteen.

That being said, the date was perfect.

He took me on a historic tour of Chinatown pointing out underground gambling rings and discussing the history of human trafficking. Before meeting up, he’d googled me and read years of blog posts about my travels abroad, learning the things I cared most about. Then we wandered to one of the original pizzerias in NYC, his favorite when he ranked them for a college paper on the subject. He was odd and interesting and I spent the whole date laughing.

As the night was winding down, I asked him where he lived. The answer blew the whole date to bits. He still lived at home. For someone whose main identity revolved around independence, it was a no-go for me.

When we parted ways, he gave me a hug and asked to see me again. I politely let him know that that probably wouldn’t happen.

The next day I continued with the dates, but I found myself comparing other people to that first guy. I texted him despite the standing rejection that I’d issued.

Two weeks later, during a particularly emotional evening, I called him on a whim. He showed up 45 minutes later, the exact time it took to get from his parents house to my apartment.

And in that moment, I let the fate-driven part of love take over. I’d done my job, I searched the entire city for the right person. It turned out that person lived at home deep in Brooklyn, but despite that, he was better than anything I could have hoped for.

Since then he’s cut his Snape-like hair so the world can see his beautiful eyes and at nearly 30, his face looks just as boyish as it did ten years ago. He stands by me through all of my crazy whims and understands that “settled” often means “let’s take our newborn baby to Thailand just because.”

His weird fits mine in a way I never anticipated, and it only took about a thousand dates to find him.

Harry and Meghan Markle’s Royal Wedding Was The Perfect Representation of a Modern Empowered Couple

May 19, 2018January 22, 2024 by Sarah Burrisin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

While there was a great sense of beauty, love and faith on full display at Saturday’s royal wedding, the event and the marriage itself, is the prefect example of a modern empowered couple.

The history of Britain hangs on a timeline of nobility, arranged marriages, and royalty bound by duty over love. Today’s wedding was a different kind of fairytale — one worth getting behind.

The relationship of the Prince Harry and Meghan Markle was able to grow into one of mutual respect, care and understanding outside of the public arena. Unlike others throughout royal history, Harry was able to choose Meghan based on her intelligence and her dedication to making the world a better place.

The late Princess Diana was the perfect guide for selfless devotion to others, particularly children. Perhaps that is the reason Harry was so moved by Meghan, who served as the Global Ambassador for World Vision, the world’s largest international children’s charity.

The couple breaks many traditions, from diversity, with a divorcee, and that the bride no longer needed to be a virgin, a requirement no longer demanded of royal brides. The last to be required to follow the edict was Diana in 1981.

Unlike the fairy tales of old, Meghan was not in need of a prince to ride up on a white horse and rescue her as a damsel in distress. Nor was her new sister-in-law Kate. The two are fully empowered women with their own successes in life and careers.

Finally, today, the world watched a royal bride walk herself down the aisle, and while Prince Charles escorted Meghan to her beloved, there was no one to “give her away.”

The tradition of giving a woman away dates back to the days when women were considered property by their parents. The idea of giving them away typically also came with a dowry. Today, Meghan proved she belongs to no man, only to herself. She walked down the aisle and entered into a partnership, not a new ownership.

The times have changed and finally those changing times have come to the British royal family. Both Harry and William have proven they want strong and empowered women as their partners. There’s no going back to the stuffy, old-fashioned era. Thankfully.

Why Couple Fights Over the Little Things is Just Plain Silly

May 24, 2018January 22, 2024 by Rae Meghanin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Looking back, we all laugh at little couple fights. But in the moment, they can seem like a big deal.

A few months ago I lost my umbrella on the bus. It was a purple umbrella that I had just unpacked from my big move, and only one of two in the house. When I told Chris, he got annoyed.

Apparently, Chris had thought there was only one in the house, belonging to our roommate. He told me that I lost my roommate’s umbrella, which was brown. I told him over and over that the umbrella I lost was, in fact, purple, but he told me I needed to take responsibility for losing one that wasn’t mine..

The next morning, we found the brown umbrella. “I owe you the biggest apology in the world,” Chris said before hugging me. I was annoyed, but also smug about being right.

Honestly, these were the only types of arguments Chris and I really got into. I use past tense because we realized that these little spats weren’t really of anything substantial, so we became more aware of it and learned to talk things out calmly. At least we don’t argue about big things that can make or break a relationship, we thought.

However, a lot of couples aren’t able to curb these arguments. It is possible that the little things can, in fact, make or break a relationship. A lot of times, these spats can be a reflection of a lack of communication between a couple, which can lead to a very unhealthy dynamic. There will always be differences among two people who spend a lot of time together- it’s just about how you deal with them.

Chris didn’t think too much of our arguments when they were happening. While these arguments about little things like umbrellas and where to eat seemed catastrophic, in retrospect he believed that arguments happen between all couples, and that it was the sign of a healthy relationship.

I disagreed. Having been in bad relationships before, I have a hard time distinguishing between bickering and abuse, making me susceptible to feeling fragile and afraid of speaking up for myself. Chris is a wonderful boyfriend and someone who I completely trust and love with my whole heart, and I know he never wants me to feel that way. But, arguments do happen once in a while, a fact I should probably accept.

My mom, on the other hand, claims that she and her boyfriend have never had an argument in the almost two years that they have been dating. It’s a far cry from when she was with my dad, who would lash out and start fights constantly. Are she and her current boyfriend more compatible? Perhaps. More likely, though, is that the new boyfriend is much better at communicating than my father was.

I can’t stress that enough. The reason why Chris and I don’t fight anymore is because we’ve learned to communicate with each other. If one of us gets annoyed with the other over whatever reason, we talk it out. It took a few months of dating to really work out the bugs in our relationship, but now that we understand each other better, we’re able to empathize and understand our thought processes and emotions. It’s truly all about not just being self aware, but also having the patience to understand the other’s needs.

If we knew then what we know now, the umbrella fight probably wouldn’t have even happened. It probably would have started with Chris listening to me when I insisted that it was another umbrella, and me not retaliating with over-the-top emotions. We probably would have waited until we had gotten home to look for the brown umbrella, which we would have inevitably found, and we would forget about the whole thing without bickering.

Now of course, we just laugh about all of our dumb little fights. Not to say that we’ll never argue about anything ever again, but knowing what we know now, we’ll be able to avoid them as much as we possibly can. Our relationship is much healthier, due to a higher level of respect we have for each other, as well as ourselves.

Don’t forget, as you work through the world of relationships, we’re here to help. Join LOVE TV today.

How Reducing Stress Completely Changed My Relationships

May 30, 2018January 22, 2024 by Lindsay Hayesin LOVE, Mind, RELATIONSHIPS, Wellness

We all live complicated lives working hard and playing hard. But when stress tarts to take its toll, here is what you can do to keep your relationships solid.

Stress sucks. What I didn’t know was that it was tearing my relationships apart. Work stress, health problems, and life seem to have ganged up and attacked all at once. The stress and negativity quickly gave way to relationships woes.

We have to be on our A game for our clients, colleagues, boss, etc. By the time many of us get around to spending time with our SO, we don’t have much left to give. The sad truth is, the people most important to us often get our worst selves. Their unconditional love means we sometimes take the “unconditional” part for granted.

Being in love doesn’t actually mean your SO is going to stick around forever if things go south. I was unhappy, which meant he was unhappy. Things had to change. If you’re in the same boat, don’t forget we’ve got a way to help. Join LOVETV today.

So I did some research. There are lots of articles about how to de-stress. I read many of them and applied what I could to my life. Here’s what happened:

1.Finding the positive meant we were less defensive with each other.

When you complain about everything all the time, it’s easy for your friends and lover to start wondering if you’re complaining about them too. After all, if nothing makes you happy, how can they have a shot?

I made an active effort to find the positive, to appreciate it, and voice that appreciation. When I stopped complaining I eventually noticed he no longer said things like “don’t get mad but” or “don’t take this the wrong way.” Simply because I had stopped automatically taking it the wrong way.

2.Vent productively

We all need to vent. But that doesn’t give you permission to go on, and on, and on, and on about Bob or Phil at work who constantly interrupts you and talks like she’s explaining quantum physics to a 5 year old.

It’s better to express your frustration concisely and move on to more interesting conversation. This allows your SO to commiserate and then learn about the delicious lunch you had at a new place.

3.Create space to recharge

Beautiful young couple is drinking coffee talking and smiling while sitting near the window at home

When I read this my first thought was “impossible!” But then I broke down my average day and started to see where I would rearrange, reconsider, and remove some busyness. Could I give up an hour of Netflix for a long shower or warm bath? What if instead of coming home and immediately starting laundry, I did yoga for 20 minutes? Too much laundry? Maybe you can do yoga (or whatever makes you smile) while the washer is doing it’s thing.

Now when my SO comes home, instead of being drained from going from my day job to chores at home, I’m actually smiling.

4.Find a hobby you enjoy

When busyness is causing you stress, it seems odd that the answer is to add one more thing to your day. But the importance and benefit of hobbies can’t be overstated. If all you do is work of course you’re unhappy!

There were two immediate benefits of taking up a hobby. The first was that it forced some boundaries with my work schedule. Sure I could work an 11 hour day but I’m someone’s belay partner at our rock climbing gym, so they’ll have to make do with 9 (or even 8) hours.

And since I found a hobby I could do with my SO, it gave us something to smile about and new fun friends to talk to.

5.Express Gratitude

You’ve heard it a million times but that is because it’s so important. Why are you with him or her? Seriously, stop reading for a few seconds and think about their best qualities.

When is the last time you told them this? Find everyday, little ways to acknowledge what you like about him or her. Who doesn’t want a sincere compliment from someone important in their lives?

Stress sucks but it’s also a choice. You can get through your day and feel like crap because you’re dealing with crap. Or you can stop concentrating on the crap, take care of yourself, notice the good things, and maybe end the day with a smile when you cuddle up next to your sweetheart. It’s totally up to you.

15 Ways to Model Your Wedding Just Like Meghan and Harry’s

June 1, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Are you still swooning over the fairy tale romantic morning that was Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry’s wedding?

If you’re anything like me, you are still obsessing over every minute detail of the royal couple’s gorgeous wedding at St. George’s Chapel.

Whether you were smitten with the gaggle of children walking behind Meghan or the way Harry wiped tears from his eyes when he saw his bride for the first time, it wasn’t hard to get caught up in the absolute loveliness of it all.

For engaged couples getting married soon who want to emulate Meghan and Harry’s elegant and romantic style, here are 17 ways to do so.

1. Gather up your favorite kids as your bridesmaids and groomsmen.

Meghan and Harry used godchildren, nieces, nephews and children of their best friends. Sit down with your fiancé and think about what little ones you’d want to walk up the aisle with you. Family and friends may be surprised by your decision but it eliminates a lot of drama and money that bridesmaids and groomsmen would have to spend.

2. Use white flowers.

It may seem boring, but white flowers offer a gorgeous, romantic and clean aesthetic. The royal couple used white roses (one of Princess Diana’s favorites) and white peonies (Meghan’s favorite flower).

3. Choose a simple, classic wedding dress.

Part of what made Meghan look so incredibly amazing that day was her wedding dress. By going quite simple in Givenchy, she created a timeless style that would work in eras past and for years to come. In other words, if you want to create the romanticism of “my future daughter could wear this someday,” make like Meghan and go with a classic style.

4. In lieu of wedding gifts, offer the opportunity to donate to a charity.

Meghan and Harry asked for donations to their favorite charities instead of wedding gifts. They chose a diverse group—a charity for children who have lost a parent in the armed forces, a children’s HIV association and Surfers Against Sewage (perhaps a nod to Meghan’s home state of California). Think about your favorite charities and make a list for donations in instead of wedding gifts.

5. Think about sentimentality when it comes to your jewelry.

For her second outfit of the day, Meghan jetted off to her reception in a show-stopping Stella McCartney dress. What many noticed though was what was on her finger—Princess Diana’s aquamarine ring. Many speculated it could have been a gift from Harry and Meghan’s “something blue.” If you have heirlooms like this in your family collection, your wedding day might be time to think about wearing them.

6. Get married early in the day.

There’s something to be said for the song “Get Me to the Church on Time” from My Fair Lady. The excitement and anticipation from the morning wedding at St. George’s chapel helped nerves to get out of the way early and allowed for partying all day long. Also, there’s less of a chance of bad weather in the morning!

7. Consider marrying in a church.

Neither Harry nor Meghan are particularly religious, but they married in the historic, 500+ year old St. George’s Chapel. If you crave the beauty of having your wedding ceremony in a church just as Meghan and Harry did, consider marrying in a religious building.

8. Incorporate both of your backgrounds into your ceremony.

Part of what made Meghan and Harry’s ceremony so beautiful was that it included traditional British wedding songs and prayers, but also included Bishop Curry and his sermon that went viral and a gospel choir singing a version of “Stand By Me” that caused many to shed a tear. If your fiancé and you are from different countries like Meghan and Harry, your wedding is a wonderful time to showcase what makes you who you are.

9. Incorporate your cultures into your reception in a clever way.

Guests at the royal couple’s reception said that table names revolved around different pronunciations of the same words by Americans and the British. There was potato, tomato and oregano just to name a few. Consider fun ways like this to mash up your two families’ backgrounds.

10. Honeymoon in a quiet, secluded place.

Nothing is worse than having so many people around that your privacy is threatened, and Meghan and Harry know this all too well. They were at first rumored to be heading to Namibia, but now rumors are swirling the couple will be visiting a secluded resort in Alberta, Canada.

11. Recreate the royal couple’s wedding cake.

The lemon elderflower confection was one to remember. Luckily, if you want to budget for your wedding, HGTV offers a copycat recipe to make on your own.

12. Honor your family.

Harry is close to his brother and father and Meghan and her mother have a deep relationship. If you have that special friend or family member, don’t forget to thank them and let them know how much you love them. Harry and Meghan gave speeches, but you could always handwrite a letter to your loved ones and deliver it on your wedding day.

13. Do things your way.

When Thomas Markle turned out to not be able to make it to the wedding, Meghan opted to walk herself down half of the aisle before she met up with Prince Charles. It was a strong statement of modern feminism and showed the royal family exactly how she planned to live her life as an ex-pat. Don’t be afraid to shun tradition and plan your wedding your way.

14. Make music a central part of your ceremony.

There’s a certain romantic and emotional nature to music. It can bring you back to certain times in your life, making you remember both good times and bad. Consider adding touches of music to your ceremony as Meghan and Harry did. From the Kingdom Choir to 19-year-old cellist Sheku Kanneh-Mason, everything was picture perfect at St. George’s Chapel that day.

15. Don’t be afraid to show your affection.

Weddings don’t have to be stuffy! Harry and Meghan are known for their adorable PDA and single-handedly have made kissing and holding hands in public sweet again.

Meghan and Harry ushered in a new generation of British royalty when they married.

It was hard not to get caught up in the breathtaking, romantic wedding that was Harry and Meghan’s big day. If you are getting married soon or newly engaged, these 15 suggestions are great ways to model your nuptials just like the modern fairy-tale that was the royal couple’s.

Can’t get enough Harry and Meghan? Check out this essay on how the duo are the perfect example of a modern, empowered couple.

From My First Date to My Last and Everything in Between: What I learned in 15 years of dating

June 4, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

From 13 to 28-years-old, I’ve had 15 years of dating. So, here’s what it has taught me.

My first date ever happened when I was 13 years old. It was a double date to see She’s All That and I remember I was so nervous. Fifteen years later, I had what I hope will be my last first date ever.

Here is my journey of dating, and the lessons I learned and don’t forget that we’re here at LOVE TV to help you to sort through the dating world. Join today.

She’s All That, 1999

As soon as I saw the preview for She’s All That, I knew I had to see it. I identified with Rachael Leigh Cook’s nerdy Laney Boggs and the awesome ‘90s soundtrack (hello “Kiss Me”) had me sold.

I called my best friend at the time and we soon orchestrated a double date with two guys we were into. She had turned 14 in December and I was still 13 for another six months.

I remember being so nervous calling the boys to organize the outing and freaking out teenage girl style when they said yes. We were too anxious to order food but we did have slushies and in typical eighth grader fashion, we didn’t even hold hands. We laughed through the movie and I felt myself blushing when I’d accidentally brush my guy’s hand.

When the movie was over, I remember feeling such a relief that it was done. I was happy that my first date was over and I managed to make it a double date at that. It’s fun to think about the shared experience the four of us had that winter in 1999. Firsts are always hard, but when they turn out as fun as this date did, it made me excited for my romantic future.

Prom, 2003

Four years later, when prom time came around, I was no longer wishing for romantic dates just like the movies. I went to an all-girls high school which I absolutely adored, but one thing about it bugged me.

I’m not sure if this has changed, but 15 years ago they required us to have a date. I didn’t know very many guys and all I wanted to do was go to prom with my friends. I love laughing at my picture of myself and the date I ended up going with—a friend of a friend I think. He wore a top hat and sported a cane and he was a good six inches shorter than me.

I barely hung out with him during the dance. Instead, I spent the night with my friends, dancing and having fun.

It was nice to know that I could have a good time without having a “date” per se.

Founder’s Day Ball, 2004 and a Late-Night Diner Dinner, 2007

Sometimes dates have outcomes you’d expect.

When I started college, I met a great guy who was also from Pittsburgh. Being the naive 18-year-old that I was, I instantly felt a connection that I hoped would become romantic.

I remember calling my sisters the night before the boy and I decided to go to our college’s Founder’s Day Ball. They were giddy with excitement, wondering what the night would bring. Soon enough, I realized we were much, much better as friends and we never actually dated beyond taking each other to things like school dances.

In the meantime, I found a wonderful friend in the process who has shared so many amazing memories with me.

Three years later, I briefly (I’m talking a month and a half) actually dated another man I had become close to during my college years. I remember one night we went out to a late-night dinner at a local diner we loved. I was very forward and flirtatious and remember trying to play footsie under the table and saying things I couldn’t believe were coming out of my mouth.

It was nice to know I had the confidence to be so sure of myself when it comes to matters of the heart. Our dates were fun, innocent and spontaneous—a nighttime trip to Dairy Queen or our local movie theater. However, speaking of matters of the heart, when we broke up it was the first time I felt truly heartbroken. While dating the boy didn’t exactly have the outcome I expected, I ended up becoming great friends with him as well.

Just those few dates with those boys resulted in a friend group that rivaled the Three Musketeers, This is Us’ Big Three, basically any friendship group of three you can think of. Those two boys turned out to be two of my very best, dearest friends. It’s funny to think about the surprising ways life can take you and turn out to be way better than you ever thought.

The most romantic date ever, 2011

While the relationship didn’t turn out with any positives except a story in a local magazine, the one I had in 2011 brought me the most romantic date I’ve ever had. As a self-described hopeless romantic, I thought going to visit my boyfriend while he was away in Chicago was straight out of a movie.

The weekend I was there, he took me to the Navy Pier and as we rode to the top of the Ferris wheel where we shared a passionate kiss. I will always appreciate the date and refer to it as “that one time I felt like I was living in a romantic comedy.”

My first and only blind date, 2012

2012 was a tough year, as it was the year I got laid off due to budget cuts from the newspaper I was working at. While it was tough, it was also a great year because it was the year I met my current boyfriend.

The woman who worked at my apartment building’s front desk was friends with my boyfriend’s coworker, who happened to live in my building. They both agreed we would be good for each other and slipped a Starbucks gift card under my door.

My boyfriend and I met at the Starbucks at the end of my block and ended up chatting for hours. Six years later and we are still together and I’ve got a good feeling that that evening at Starbucks was my last first date.

Dating can be challenging, but so many important life lessons are learned.

Whether it’s getting over the fear of my first date, wishing I didn’t need a date at all, gaining confidence, appreciating romance or finding my forever date, I’ve learned so much with the men I’ve dated. As scary as it is to put yourself out there, it’s totally and completely worth it.

Interested in getting out of a not-so-great date? Check out this piece.

For Graduates Finding Love Might be the Next Step

June 8, 2018January 22, 2024 by Sarah Burrisin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

You did it! You finally made it through those years of tedious classes, papers, dates and breakups and you’re moving on to start your life. So, where do you start?

Make this Your Summer of LOVE: For the next two weeks, you can message Relationship Expert and Founder of LOVE TV Karinna Karsten directly for free as she leads you with interactive tools and tutorials designed to speed up the success of your dating goals.

We know it isn’t easy and you’re ready to start your career off with a bang, but you deserve love too.

To sign up go here now and use special offer code Graduate when you click Start a 7 Day Free Trial.

What’s the catch?

Use this Code Graduate to receive your 14 day trial period on all subscriptions (that’s double our current LOVE TV 7 Day Free offer.)

You do have to add your credit card to get this 14 day offer. If you find the LOVE TV membership valuable for speeding up your relationship goals then do nothing and your 14 day free trial will roll over to a reoccurring LOVE TV subscription that you have chosen at the time you add your Graduate code. You can also cancel at anytime before the 14 days end and your credit card will not be charged. So you have everything to gain and nothing to lose!

Yup, you’ll be messaging through your subscription login directly with Karinna. And no, we won’t share your information with anyone, we’re only here for you.

You’ll also get access to LOVE TV’s premium love and relationship community membership, personal assessment tools and feedback, audio, video tutorials for dating, self love and building a high quality relationship too!

Welcome to Your Summer of LOVE: Learn How to find a date who is seeking a high quality match just like you.

Start Now Graduates!
Offer ends June 21st

Why the Advice “You’ll Find Love When You Stop Looking” Could be More Harmful Than Helpful

June 12, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin DATING ADVICE, LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

This cliché line is helping exactly… no one. So why are we still saying it?

When you’re single and looking for love, you’re bound to hear some useless (and cliché) dating advice.

You might be familiar with famous eye-rollers such as: “You just need to get out more” or “Just have fun, don’t overthink it.” Sigh.

But one piece of advice sticks out to me as particularly unhelpful: “You’ll find love when you stop looking.”

Don’t get me wrong, I understand where this idea comes from. After all, it sort of makes sense: if you’re not stressed out about finding love you’ll probably feel more relaxed, conversations will feel less forced, and you might even be more likely to take chances.

But there’s a problem with this “stop looking” logic.

Dr. Pepper Schwartz, a relationship expert (best known for Lifetime’s Married at First Sight), points out that it’s like saying, “You’ll find a job when you’re least looking for it.”

“It’s possible,” she says, “but rarely happens.” She adds that,“For the most part, people who wait for a job are unemployed. For me, it’s just an excuse for being scared to go and put the effort in. Yes, it happens, but no, it’s not a good strategy.”

And sure, maybe one day someone great will fall into your lap: you’ll have instant chemistry, everything in common, and the two of you will live happily ever after. We’ve all heard stories where something like that happens to a friend of a friend, so I guess it’s possible.

But you shouldn’t bet on it.

People like to say things like “stop looking for love” because trying to find a great relationship is hard and not finding someone after putting yourself out there can be disappointing. You could potentially do everything right: you could introduce yourself to new people, go on dating sites, join clubs, go on blind dates, and still not have that special someone to bring to your cousin’s wedding.

It can be disheartening, scary, and disappointing to be out there looking for love knowing that there are no guarantees when it comes to relationships. Dating can make anyone feel vulnerable and uncomfortable. So, taking a step back and saying “Psh, I’m not even looking for love right now” might seem like a good way to make sure you aren’t disappointed.

But stopping the search isn’t the answer.

In fact, putting yourself out there and setting yourself up for disappointment is part of the whole “relationship” thing. Looking for love and finding is all about leaning into the scary stuff: putting yourself out there, being vulnerable, and taking chances. And that doesn’t end once you get into a relationship.

In fact, it’s usually just the beginning.

I met my fiancé in high school. We’ve been together for almost a decade now and in just a couple months we’ll be getting married. I know how uncommon it is to marry your high school sweetheart (in fact, it’s statistically ridiculous). So, for a long time I thought we were the poster couple for the “you’ll find love when you’re not looking” philosophy.

After all, people were always saying I was so lucky to have found my future husband so early in life. And I am lucky. I’m blessed with a great relationship with an amazing guy, but our relationship isn’t based on luck or chance. We didn’t get to 10 years by accident.

We choose each other.

We’ve been together for so long because every day we make the choice to be together. We make ourselves vulnerable every day: taking risks and making compromises. We make plans around each other. We have love because we truly and completely want it, and are willing to work for it.

I like Dr. Pepper Schwartz’s advice because I think that getting into a relationship is a lot like landing an amazing job. To get that job you’re probably going to have to put in a lot of effort: you’ll need to go back to school or get some training. You’re going to need to do some research and improve your skills.

You might even need to update your résumé, get a new suit, and all-around make yourself a good candidate for the job. And if you don’t get one job, it could be embarrassing or disheartening, but soon you’ll find a new one and you’ll apply for that too.

But the important thing is that it doesn’t get easier once you finally do get hired. It’s really only then when the real work starts. That’s when you have to start making compromises, focusing more time on your career, and working hard to make the relationship…I mean job… great.

You can’t be afraid to do all the things you need to do to find a partner, because that same stuff is required to maintain the relationship. This idea that singles should stop looking, that they’ll get more out of trying less is only setting people up for disappointment and bad relationships… and that isn’t fair.

Like I said, when you’re single, you’re going to get all kinds of bad advice. But the idea of trying less is probably one of the worst.

Maybe there is no great advice that works for everyone, no magic words of wisdom to guarantee everyone exactly the relationship they want. But, I’ve found that if you can take the risks and do the work to find someone special, you’ll be ready for the relationship, and the love, you deserve.

True Love Lessons with Sierra: Self-Worth

June 13, 2018January 22, 2024 by Sierra Mercierin LOVE, Mind, RELATIONSHIPS, Wellness

Self-worth!

This lesson keeps popping up for me and those around me, so let’s jump in!

What does it mean to have self-worth?

I believe it means discovering AND believing in your deep inherent value, which in turn, gives you a standard of how you deserve to be treated.

Know that you, just as you are, are a rare and precious jewel with unlimited love to give.

Recognizing that is what polishes your inner jewel making you sparkle from the inside out!

Self-worth is interconnected with self-confidence and self-respect.

These 3 powerhouse energies COMBINED are certain to help you attract an excellent match!

Tune in next time for more True Love Lessons & Confessions with Sierra.

Tradition and Dating: What I Learned about Happily Ever After

June 14, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Being a self-professed traditionalist in dating may not be the correct way to describe myself after all.

All my life my family teased me about how much I valued tradition. Whether it was holidays or dating or following certain etiquette rules, I always placed a lot of value on certain customs. Little did I know, maybe I’m a little more modern than I think.

Here is my journey of being a traditionalist in the world of dating:

The value of a title

These days, most people date casually or just hook up and don’t worry about titles. Some don’t even bother with getting married. I always wished for the marriage and kids thing and when I was young, while watching sitcoms like Full House and later dramas like Dawson’s Creek, I always wanted a boyfriend.

Fast forward to years later. I didn’t date anyone in high school so college was my first experience learning what I wanted in a relationship. I ended up getting into a very brief relationship with one of my best friends. We are still close today which is really nice. What’s even nicer is the way he asked me to be his girlfriend. It was romantic, innocent and one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me.

It was our senior year of high school and I had just moved out of a hellish suite situation into a double room with a roommate who was never there. I was watching Mona Lisa Smile in my room just relaxing on a Saturday night. I suddenly looked down at my (dating myself here) Motorola RAZR and saw a text from a friend that my male friend was in her room, nervously eating chicken nuggets and sipping vodka. With a slight push and support from her, he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend.

Cue Laura Linney in Love, Actually (fast forward to about 2:07 in that clip to know what I mean) laying there in my uncomfortable dorm twin bed. My friend took so long to work up the guts to ask me to be his girlfriend that I got almost entirely through Mona Lisa Smile again.

He finally walked in and didn’t say a word, just putting in the Phantom of the Opera movie remake, fast forwarding to the “All I Ask of You” scene. After that, he put in my worn When Harry Met Sally DVD, fast forwarding to the last scene where Harry professes his love to Sally, saying things like “I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich.” I suppose he saw us as Harry and Sally at that point in our lives, and knowing it’s my favorite movie of all time, he ran with it.

After that, he asked me to be his girlfriend and we kissed for a long time, eventually falling asleep after talking all night. I woke up and was nearly late for church the next morning, but I couldn’t stop smiling.

Moving forward another few years, I met my current boyfriend. After having a first date at Starbucks and more wonderful dinner dates at our respective apartments, I was out covering a lunch for my former job working for a newspaper.

Things were quite typical of the lunches I covered and I was getting a little bored and restless. I felt my phone vibrate in my purse and reached down to check it. I saw a text from my boyfriend that read: “I had a great time last night.” I smiled and responded: “Me too.” He wrote back, “You know what I was just thinking?” I quickly typed back a question mark, careful not to be too conspicuous. He wrote back: “That I have the best girlfriend ever.” He included a smiley face at the end.

I don’t remember much else of that day, nor anything about that lunch, but I will always remember it was May 10, 2012 and once again, I couldn’t stop smiling.

Call me old-fashioned…

I’ve always thought how cool it would be to save myself until marriage. I am a huge sucker for those old Notebook-esque couples who have only one sexual partner—each other. To me at least, there’s just such a beauty and pure romance to it all. Not that I don’t mind if others have more than one partner, I am a strong component of the phrase “You do you.” I just know that for me, it’s always something I thought I want to do.

I still have managed to save myself for marriage. My boyfriend, who also grew up with similar values, has been fully and completely respectful of my decision and thinks it’s pretty cool if we make it. While we’re working on the next step of our relationship, I honestly am happy I didn’t give in and go for it with some guys—guys like this one who walked me back to my apartment after a date and suggested an after dinner drink.

I mixed us drinks and as we got about halfway through them, he went for it and tried to start going hot and heavy. I knew exactly where it was going and I quickly wriggled my way out from underneath him. I explained that I’d at least like to get to know him first before having sex, a standard I knew I had at least wanted to hold onto, no matter how much I fell for a guy.

He left hurriedly and ultimately ghosted me. I am relieved I didn’t give in and just go for it because I knew I’d regret it.

Then there’s another guy I dated for about six months. He never wanted to meet my family and when I went to visit him in Chicago for a weekend, he didn’t want to be in any photos. It was like I went on a weekend trip with myself. The only evidence I have of him there is a faint reflection of him in my sunglasses as he snapped my photo on a boat.

While I definitely “did” more with him than the first guy, I am glad I didn’t go any further. He clearly didn’t love me and that was fine. I’m just lucky I realized it early on, and got some pizza in the process.

These times were two instances I could honestly say that I am glad I call myself a traditionalist.
…Or Maybe Not

After mapping out how I wanted to write this essay, I realized that maybe I am not so traditional after all. For someone who places so much value on the steps from when you first meet someone to marriage, I moved in with my boyfriend after dating for just a year. After a lot (and I mean a lot) of decision-making, I had a good gut feeling about the move. I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do, tradition or not.

Also, I realized how untraditional our actual relationship is. As much as I would like to get married someday, when people ask if I’m happy, I can honestly say I am. We’ve got a nice little family going on, with my boyfriend and our elderly English bulldog. That’s a lot more than most people have, which often reminds me just how much I get the warm and fuzzy feeling when the three of us are spending a cozy Saturday night together on the couch. It’s comfortable, it’s easy and it’s romantic in its own way. I realize now that happily ever after doesn’t necessarily mean engaged, married, babies—it could be a far less traditional decades-long relationship, dogs and a whole lot of Netflixing on the couch.

While thinking about this topic, I had the realization that what’s important is making sure you’re happy. Who cares what others think when it comes to your relationship, whether you’re traditional or completely out there (a Charlotte or Samantha, if you may). Most of us are in that nice in-between sweet spot anyway.

Happy dating!

Interested in learning more about dating in the modern age? Check out this piece, a talk with LOVE TV’s Karinna Karsten.

I’m Not Dreaming Of A Summer Fling This Year (And I’m OK With That)

June 20, 2018January 22, 2024 by Ola Faletiin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS, Sex

The joys of summer extend beyond romance.

It’s hard not to romanticize summer. I hail from Chicago, where the winters last six months, and the first 90 degree days of the season have everyone wistful. We’re eager to break out a cold beer on a stoop, and excited to indulge in hormonal urges.

Some of us, newly single, decide we’re going to be adventurous this summer. The rest of us, long single, dust off our dating profiles on the quest for a summer fling.

I fell into the latter camp. Summer always seemed to bring out a new resolve: I’m going to have amazing sex. This body is too young, soft and supple to not be appreciated by someone else.

Two summers ago I discovered a new-found freedom in going on dates, meeting new people, and enjoying the physical experience before moving on. I didn’t want that summer to end. I’m sure I did other notable things that summer, but when all was said and done I thought, “Yes! Flings are what summer is about. I’m taking full advantage of my youth!”

Last summer, I did no such thing. The summer began with a tryst with a longtime friend, followed by lots of weird sexual tension. And, being 1000% honest with myself, I’d hoped it would become more than a one-time thing.

I entertained the thought of a summer-long friends-with-benefits type of deal. Instead I got lots of broken expectations, mixed signals, and poor communication. Things only worsened when this “friend” left me very drunk at a concert, so intoxicated I woke up in a hospital the next day.

Summer love isn’t a unique phenomenon. There are films, books, songs, beers, 60s counterculture movements and New York Times articles devoted to the topic. I wonder why nothing captivates public attention like the promise of a summer romance.

It could be that the weather puts everyone in a better mood. People are leaving their homes more, people are bearing more skin. Maybe we are more gung-ho about meeting new people and going on new adventures.

There’s nothing wrong with being excited for summer flings. They can be fun, exhilarating, and offer a new perspective. It’s only a problem when you build a summer fling to be the pinnacle of your summer.

For me, last summer’s “fling gone awry” is what I remember the most. Not the other amazing things that happened – like the fact that I received a significant promotion at my job, or that I was starting to get freelance assignments for the first time. I was even published in a book!

It was learning that someone I considered a good friend, at some point, is actually not the best person. The goals I achieved that summer were dwarfed by my cocktail of negative emotions surrounding that situation. It’s silly to give someone else the power of “messing up your summer,” so I’m not going to do that this year. This year will be amazing!

I’m not discouraging anyone from being excited about hookup or romance potential, but I am encouraging everyone to be excited about other opportunities for personal growth. Make some exciting travel plans. Take a new class, learn more about your professional industry. Embark on a personal project for fun. Read more books. Make goals for yourself and earnestly work toward them.

These are things you can control. Love and romance — not so much. That’s what makes love and romance exciting, but that’s also what can make it stressful.

There are many things I am looking forward too this summer. Such as: creating a business plan for the first time, going to some street festivals, taking full advantage of my new apartment’s proximity to the beach, working on long-abandoned essays, traveling to see childhood friends, and overall, making the best of my last three months of being 25.

If a fling happens, it happens. But there’s no way I’ll let my summer fulfillment depend on who I’m with or not with between the sheets.

Happy summer everyone! Don’t forget, LOVE TV is here to help with advice on all of your summer romances and help you find love for the summer and forevermore. Join LOVE TV today!

How to Decide if You Should Stay Together (or Break Up) After Graduation

June 22, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin DATING ADVICE, LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Lots of couples call it quits after school is over, but that doesn’t mean that you have to. So, what graduation mean for your relationship?

The time just after graduation is exciting, challenging, and completely terrifying. You’re heading out into the world with a fresh new degree, wild dreams, and, if you’re like me, tons of important organic chemistry knowledge that you’ll definitely forget in just a few months.

In your post-grad life, you’re going to learn new things about yourself, likely struggle professionally, find new dreams, and definitely grow as a person. And with all those changes and challenges, it can be complicated to keep a relationship going strong.

Which is why graduation time means cutting ties for so many couples.

Often, high school and college sweethearts find themselves splitting because of distance (maybe one of them moves to another state, or country). But a lot of times people break up because they grow apart emotionally.

But that’s OK. You’re bound to change and grow into yourself in the time after graduation, and that often means new relationship needs.

However, it doesn’t mean it’s impossible to stay together, either.

Personally, I’ve gone through three graduations with my fiancé: we went to high school together, stayed together through college (even going to different schools), and I just recently I finished up my masters degree just months before our wedding. And while some periods of our lives were more challenging than others, we were able to grow together (instead of growing apart) and our relationship worked out in the long run.

Sometimes, the hardest part of juggling love and life after graduation is just knowing when to try to keep a relationship going and when to simply part as friends.

Here are some things to consider when thinking about your relationship after graduation. And don’t forget, we’re here to help when you have relationship questions or just want to cut through the challenges of the dating world. We’re offering a special membership to new graduates as well. Use the code Graduate to receive your 14 day trial period on all subscriptions (that’s double our current LOVE TV 7 Day Free offer.)

1. Do you feel like you have room to grow?

I knew a couple at my university who seemed like the perfect childhood sweethearts. They were so cute that Topanga and Cory from “Boy Meets World” would have seriously been put to shame.

They’d been together since middle school and seemed to be so compatible. They were interested in the same things (like acting classes and soccer), made the same friends, and seemed to be so in love with each other.

Which is why I was so confused when they broke up. One day they were sitting together with our friend group in the cafeteria at lunch, the next they were on opposite sides of the dining room, avoiding eye contact.

Then, to make things even stranger, they both started hanging out with new people and joining new clubs. She joined a sorority and spent her time going to parties and planning weekend trips to the beach. Meanwhile, he started getting really into law, joined the mock trial team, and started interning at the governor’s office. They both found new friend groups, stopped going to soccer games, and I never saw either of them taking a theatre class again.

At first, I thought they were trying to distract themselves from a hard breakup, trying new things and experimenting to keep from feeling sad. But eventually, I learned that this wasn’t just a phase, they were just both growing… in separate directions.

People change and grow, and sometimes being in a relationship can stall you from trying new things. If you two have something in common, you might devote more time to whatever that is, rather than exploring whatever really calls to you. While successful couples can figure out how to balance their own interests with their partner’s, sometimes people just need some room to grow by themselves.

Never feel like you have to compromise your interests, or your opportunity to find yourself, to maintain a relationship. If you feel like you need some room to grow, on your own, give yourself that time.

2. Are you worried about missing out on other love interests?

Johnny Depp once said that “if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.” I think that his idea is true, even if you haven’t met that second person yet.

When I was starting college (with a committed relationship), a friend asked if I was worried about missing out on dating hot college guys. I honestly was not. In fact, I hadn’t even thought about it. I was satisfied with my relationship and didn’t want to date anyone else. Being on a new campus, around new people, wasn’t going to change that.

But, I was also very lucky. I found my future husband early and I knew where I wanted the relationship to go. Not many people have that kind of relationship in high school.

If the idea of a whole new world with lots of cute singles sounds enticing, it’s probably because (maybe even subconsciously) you know that your current partner isn’t going to be the love of your life. You deserve a relationship that makes you certain that you’re not missing out on anything, and if you don’t have that already, maybe now is your chance to start looking.

3. Is your love circumstantial?

We’ve all had friendships out of convenience: those friends that you feel so close to, until you don’t have to see them every day. There’s that friend that you love hanging out with at work, but as soon as you switch jobs, you never see them again. Or the pal you hang out with all the time during ultimate frisbee practice, but once the season is over, you realize you don’t actually have much in common.

Many casual relationships, especially in high school and college, are often formed out of convenience. You might start dating someone because they live in your dorm building or you take classes together. And with them always nearby, you might stay in the relationship because it’s easy.

Now, I’m not saying that you can’t meet your future spouse in a class, because you absolutely can (I did!) but there’s a whole great big world of people out there. You shouldn’t settle for that convenient relationship because it’s easy and comfortable, there could be a greater love out there waiting for you.

A good trick is to ask yourself if you would still be together if you lived an hour away from them, or two hours. You’ll know right away if you should try to keep the relationship together, or if you should part ways.

4. How much time are you willing to spend with them?

Every weekend in college, either my fiancé (then boyfriend) or I would drive the 45 minutes to the other’s school to spend time together. While I loved getting to see him so often, I can’t say it was always easy to make the time. I had to work extra hard on weeknights to finish as much homework as I could before I drove up to see him, and there were definitely a number of events and parties at school that I had to skip.

No matter what exciting thing you do next, whether it’s more school or a great new career, know that a relationship is a time commitment and your relationship has to be a priority in order to succeed.

If that time spent with your significant other doesn’t feel worth missing out on something else (or if you feel like you don’t have the time to devote to maintaining a relationship) it’s probably time to move on to what’s next.

5. What do you really want to accomplish in this next phase of life? Will your partner help or hurt you in achieving your goal?

Graduation often means new adventures and new goals, and if your plans don’t align with your partner’s, it might be hard to move forward. For example, if you’re dreaming of moving to Japan, but your partner wants you both to get a job locally, you might find yourself giving up on a dream.

It’s a good idea to make a list of what you want to do in the next few years, and have your partner do the same. Keep in mind that you shouldn’t necessarily break up if your lists don’t fit together absolutely perfectly right now. Plans almost always change and even if you are confident in your list now, you might change your mind down the road.

The important thing is that you’re able to work together to make sure you both get what you want, compromise when you can, and work as a team in the long run. If you don’t think you can do that, or your paths are too different, it’s best to talk about that now.

6. Do you picture yourself with your partner forever?

Sometimes, it’s good to date simply for fun. You could be seeing someone who is really cool and interesting, but that doesn’t exactly mean you see yourself marrying that person. At different phases in life you might want something different out of your relationships, and if right now all you need is a casual date to hang out with on a Friday night, that’s OK!

But, making a relationship last post-graduation can be hard work. You don’t want to go through all that trouble for someone you don’t see yourself having a meaningful (and long) relationship with. Simply ask yourself if you want to be with this person a year from now, or perhaps two years from now. Hopefully you’ll know your answer right away.

These six questions are sure to give any graduate a lot to think about. Just remember that graduation may be one of the craziest but most exciting times of your entire life, and navigating your love life on top of that can be a challenge for anyone. Hopefully, this list will help you realize the best path for your relationship, and set your love life up for success!

And don’t forget, we’re offering a special membership to new graduates as well. Use the code Graduate to receive your 14 day trial period on all subscriptions (that’s double our current LOVE TV 7 Day Free offer.)

Should Polyamorous Couples Be Welcome During Pride Month?

June 26, 2018January 22, 2024 by Lacey McKennain DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS, Sex, SEX TIPS

Big strides have been made in acceptance of alternative relationship styles but there’s still work to be done.

There’s an old joke in which someone (usually a child) says the alphabet and leaves out the letter P, prompting someone else to ask “Where’s the P?” This of course gives the child a reason to declare “running down my leg” in a fit of giggles.

But during this wonderful month of LGBTQ Pride, I too am wondering “Where’s the P?” Where are the polyamorous in all this celebration of love in all its varieties?

And don’t forget, if you’re struggling with relationship challenges or working on finding the right person, we’re here to help. Join LOVE TV today!

Progress Made

Many (though certainly not all) of those who fall outside the traditional, heteronormative spectrum have found acceptance. The amount of progress made on this front in the last 15 years is staggering (though this is not meant to ignore the places where there is still work to be done).. But those of us who are polyamorous still do not have even this level of acceptance.

How Did I Get Here?

I remarked the other day that I find it interesting that of my high school besties, all of whom happen to be either gay or bi, now have lifestyles that are more accepted than mine. The four of us had wonderful adventures after school and during the summer. Now it’s mumble mumble (don’t make me add it up) years later and we all lead different, happy lives. One is a lesbian couple, married with a beautiful child, another is a fun-loving gay man who wouldn’t be caught dead at a Mardi Gras party without a costume, and the third has been dating both men and women for years.

None of us would have predicted that I would be the one hiding my romantic proclivities. A few close friends know my husband and I are polyamorous but we are selective in who we tell. Even some friends who do know would be made uncomfortable if we talked openly of our Other Significant Others.

From the outside, my marriage looks like everyone else’s. We get up, go to work, and commute home like most people in their 30’s. Except that my day might end with my staying the night with a great guy who isn’t my husband. My husband knows where I am and every one is quite happy with the situation.

Sure there are stories of this “thruple” or that “thruple” but these are still viewed as oddities and in most cases are not legally binding marriages. I know it’s inevitable that I’ll run into a coworker or family friend while out on a date someday. They will likely assume I am cheating on my husband as anything else is actually unthinkable. Happily if they happen to be judgy they aren’t the kind of person whose opinion I would value anyway.
Let’s Celebrate

If “Love is love” (and indeed it is), why is it so different if it’s more than two?

As we saw very clearly demonstrated with gay and lesbian acceptance, once people realize a friend or family member is part is this “other” group it becomes harder to hate that group and easier to have a productive conversation about our differences and commonalities.

As Poly individuals “come out” we’ll begin to see more acceptance and understanding. I would love it if my friends knew that my guy friend and drinking buddy is actually my boyfriend and I love him dearly.

10 Ways to Keep your Self-Esteem High While You’re Dating

June 26, 2018January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Sometimes dating can be a challenge. But we’ve got some simple ideas that will transform you from emotionally drained to warrior of love, guaranteed!

Dating can be really hard on the emotional self-worth even when you’re in a good, healthy place. Why? Because meeting people is freaking hard, and connecting with people? Even harder.

In the same vein, there are 5 billion reasons why a date can go poorly, just like there are 5 billion reasons why a date can go well, and yet as humans we privilege the negative…clouding our brains with why she didn’t call, what did I do wrong, am I not attractive enough, etc.

It’s not up to you to try and “solve” rejection or confusion behavior; no, it’s up to you to keep on keeping on, the gorgeous emotional warrior of love that you are. The key is keeping that self-esteem high so you can enjoy dating, and not feel bogged down by it.

You can do just that by following these 10 fun and easy ways to feel like a million bucks while you get your dating game on…and beyond! And don’t forget, we’re here to help you find love. Join LOVE TV and we’ll help make your dating life more efficient.

Keep your eye on the prize

Know what you’re looking for. Write it down. Stick to it. So if someone is being shady, flaky or confusing and is acting or communicating against your dating goals, you will have the power and the boundaries to say no to the situation. Sure, I like tomatoes, but if my goal is to make a cake I won’t make excuses for adding tomatoes to the recipe.

Dating someone who doesn’t fit your goals is exactly the same! Also, it’s easier on our brains to be like “he didn’t fit in MY plan” and let somebody go, then wonder why they didn’t want to fit into ours. You’ll be well on the way to a delicious relationship cake, my friends.

Follow the feel good.

What feels good? What feels sexy? What makes you feel happy? When you’re dating, try to pile on as many feel-good elements as possible to make the whole process fun.

Have a power song to listen to while you Tinder? Listen. Like a certain top? Wear it a bunch. Like a bar? Go there for dates. Enjoy making name puns when you put dates into your iphone? Clark-scared-of-the-dark probably doesn’t but who cares, it makes YOU laugh. Everything that makes you feel good in the process is a great thing.

Try the four-man-plan.

I know this is tricky, but the more people in the mix the better, because the less you’ll care when someone acts poorly or against your dating goals. My pal calls this the “4 man plan,” and swears by it. You’ll be so used to juggling people- good and bad, that things won’t phase you at all. And when you’re above it, busy and enjoying yourself, you’re also at your most desirable!

Keep yourself busy.

This is simple but an idle brain can go bad places! Keep busy in your life, in dating (see 4 man plan) and in everything you enjoy, and time will pass quickly. You won’t even notice when a guy doesn’t text you…or does.

Try using the “sexy selfie strategy.”

A picture of a sexy woman lying on sofa and taking selfie

I like dressing up for dates, and I do it well. I have a ritual: after I get done up and before the date, I take a couple sexy selfies to “Formation,” and channel my inner Beyonce. Sure, it’s basic, but it makes me feel good. Whatever happens on the date- now you have a pic looking hot, confident and can channel that (or post on Insta) any time you need!

Think about memorizing some key quotes

Although they might seem cheesy, the brain LOVES succinct phrases in repetition. I love the phrase “look at him and look at YOU” as a motivator before I go out on dates, after I go out, and everything in between. Pick a couple phrases that strike you as empowering and write them in a place you can see them every day. Let that sink in…and the rest will be fabulousness.

Remind yourself: “I’m going to have fun!”

Before every date- no matter how I feel- I say “I’m going to have fun” or “dating is fun” ten times, out loud. And LOUD, people. Reminding yourself that you are fun, dating is fun, and this whole wild n’ crazy experience should be fun is super, super important. No better way than out-loud repetition in that “fake it till you make it” school of thought to really drive the sentiment home!

Don’t forget to find the funny.

Much like follow the feel good, follow the funny is something that should also get privilege. Keeping in touch with how wild and silly dating is-and having a sense of humor about it- is so incredibly important to finding humanity in others and weathering the meet-ups strung together that become our dating life. Relax! Don’t take it too seriously! It isn’t life or death, just life or vodka sodas, people.

You can even bring a friend in on the fun.

This one’s my favorite. You see, if you keep your friends abreast of your dating life and cute people who might be a part of it, they’re invested. Which means you have an enthusiastic and hopefully fun sounding board for all the trials and travails of dating. Also, they probably know YOU and your preferences better than you do, which means a whole lot of opinions, levity and camaraderie.

Go work out.

Go work out. A lot. It releases serotonin and other various brain chemicals that will definitely make you feel fit, alive and relaxed. It’ll also boost your energy so you can run to more places to booze with attractive people. Seriously, it can only HELP! Now get out there and date, you beautiful people, you!

Dating can be a challenge and it can get old and tired after a while, but using some of these tips, you can persevere! And if you’re looking for experts who can help you target your search, join LOVE TV today!

A Guide to Planning, Attending (and Surviving) Bridal Showers

July 5, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Because wedding season doesn’t start and end the day they say “I do.”

This year, I’m getting married. Being engaged has been exciting and wonderful, but the wedding planning itself has been, well, pretty stressful.

Organizing any event can difficult, and if you’re not a professional party planner (I can barely plan my own meals), putting together a wedding can be downright exhausting.

And to make matters worse, there’s more than just the wedding to focus on. There’s the bridal shower, a bachelorette party, an engagement party, and the rehearsal dinner. There’s so much going on that it’s almost impossible for the engaged couple to do it all themselves.

In the end, a lot of the responsibility usually falls on the bridal party, the couple’s families, and close friends. I’ve seen it from both sides: I’ve been bridesmaid offering to help pick up some slack, to being the bride delegating numerous tasks to the kind (and unsuspecting) friends who offered to help.

So, I know that it can be a bummer if you’re suddenly being given a ton of responsibility. You’re stuck between what the bride and groom wants, what you’re able to do, and how much time/energy you can actually dedicate to making it all happen.

So, in order to help ease the stress of party planning, here’s my guide to planning, assisting with, and enjoying this year’s bridal showers. Whether you’re a bridesmaid, a close family member, or the bride, this list will help you feel confidant, have fun, and get through wedding season with ease.

1. Find out what your role is.

First things first. Before you start booking the venue and ordering champagne, find out what exactly you’re expected to do when it comes to this shower. Because when it comes to showers, there isn’t exactly a hard and fast rule on who is going to be taking the reins.

Sometimes a maid of honor will throw the whole bridal shower herself, other times it’s a parent or grandparent who wants to host it. Sometimes the couple decides to throw a shower together.

With all these different options and expectations, sometimes it can be tricky to walk the line between offering to help and stepping on someone’s toes.

Just make sure you know what the couple wants and what your role in it is. If that means stepping back to watch someone else handle it, great, but you also don’t want to be surprised with a “so… you guys are throwing me a shower right?” — when you had no plans to do so.

On that note, If you’re the bride, remember to be clear about what you want.

For me, I’m really close with my mom and she was so excited to throw me an amazing shower, but we did need some help. My maid of honor did a bunch of crafts for me leading up to the party, and on the day of, we couldn’t have gotten everything set up without my bridesmaids’ help.

2. A good theme is your best friend.

A shower theme can add a little extra fun to the party, serve as inspiration for games and decorations, and help tie everything together.

There are fun and simple themes like “afternoon tea” or “love in Paris” that are easy to find decorations for, but don’t be afraid to think outside of the box too.

It could be a scavenger hunt or a pool party bridal shower. You could decorate the party area to look like the set of Stranger Things or model the party after Great Gatsby parties.

For my shower, I decided on a Sound of Music theme. It’s my favorite movie and getting to live in The Sound of Music world made the party extra special for me. Two of my bridesmaids and I dressed up as “girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes” (from the song “My Favorite Things”) and my mom had a dress made to look like one Julie Andrews wears in the movie. I had pictures from the film decorating the party space, tables were named after the von Trapp children, and I even had themed party favors and desserts.

I had so much fun finding new ways to incorporate the theme into the party. For example, I liked the idea of candles for party favors, so I ordered ones that were apple strudel scented. I even had themed tea cups made for prizes.

In a world of Etsy and Amazon it’s easy to order almost anything for your party-planning needs, so it’s easy to get creative.

3. Put a new twist on old games.

You’ve probably played the typical bridal shower games a million times. There’s a certain sense of comfort in a good “how well do you know the bride” quiz or a “make a wedding dress out of toilet paper” game, but that doesn’t mean you can’t mix it up a little.

For my Sound of Music shower, I took inspiration from the movie when it came to games. I always liked the scene where Maria gets the idea to make her old curtains into play clothes for the children. So, I went to Target and got a few packs of curtains (whichever ones were on sale) and split my guests into teams to create dresses. Everyone got into it and I had a lot of fun judging the best dress.

We also had a sound of music quiz with questions like “What city is The Sound of Music set in?” and “What are the names of the seven von Trapp children?” to test guests’ movie knowledge.

4. A gift-giving guide.

Gifts are often a big part of a bridal shower. In fact, it’s in the name: you’re supposed to “shower” the bride with love, attention, and of course, new stuff.

A lot of times, guests are expected to bring gifts from the registry and watch as the bride opens them. But that doesn’t mean that’s what happens every time. At lingerie parties, guests bring cute underwear (or fun pajamas) and at a “stock the bar” party guests are expected to bring bottles of alcohol for the couple’s home.

When it came to my bridal shower, I decided that I really didn’t want gifts. My fiancé and I already have everything we need, plus, I wanted to fill the shower time with games and socializing rather than gift opening. So, I asked guests to instead make donations to charity.

If you’re the bride, just remember that you have options, and if you’re a guest, remember to be appropriate. Don’t bring crazy kinky underwear to your friend’s shower if she would be embarrassed to open it in front of family and future in-laws.

5. Take plenty of pictures.

For my shower, I decided to have my wedding photographers come to take pictures. It worked out wonderfully and I got a lot of great shots, but not everyone has the budget to do that.

If you’re attending as a guest, take the time to snap some pictures for the bride. She’ll love to have memories of the decorations, candids from the party, and photos of her having a good time. It’s a thoughtful gesture that she’ll enjoy for years to come.

And, if you’re the party planner, think about posting the wedding hashtag up somewhere for people to see. That way, guests can get pictures to the bride easily.

6. Know when to come and go.

One key to surviving bridal showers is knowing when to end it. Make sure that there’s a start and end time for the event, and figure out how much time you’re willing to dedicate to putting up and pulling down decorations.

You might consider offering to come twenty minutes early to help set up, or plan to stay past the end time to help load everything in the cars. Or, if you know you’ve got to head out early, just make sure everyone knows ahead of time that you have somewhere to be.

While planning all those wedding events may seem daunting, these tips will definitely help make it all less stressful. Whether you’re planning the event or just helping out, you’re sure to have a fun shower and a great wedding season.