RELATIONSHIPS Archives - Page 14 of 24

Openers or Nope-ners: What Kind Of First Message Should You Send On Dating Apps?

October 13, 2017January 22, 2024 by Terri-Jane Dowin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

The new series of Master of None shows Aziz’s character using the same opener on every single Tinder swipe — does that ever work?

Series two of Aziz Ansari’s award-winning Netflix show, Master of None, features a standalone vignette episode called “First Date.” In the episode, Ansari’s character, Dev, matches with a dozen women on a dating app, and takes each one to the same restaurant, bar, and taxi journey.

Around halfway through the episode, we learn that not only are the dates identical, but the app openers are too.

going to whole foods — *“Going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?” says Dev to every match.*

Is it a good idea to just keep sending out the same thing — or is that a “nope-ner”?

A good opener is the thing that’s going to get you a conversation, and hopefully a date. A bad one adds you to the list of left-swipes. The “going to whole foods” message seems to be working for Dev, and sums up his foodie nature pretty accurately in just one sentence.

But, unfortunately for Dev, most of my friends’ responses to this stock-messaging was an absolute no. No one did it, and no one admitted to replying to obvious cut and paste openers.

There are swathes of instagram accounts, such as @tindernightmares, filled with screengrabs of the worst, most obvious nope-ners, and the overall response was that it really doesn’t, and shouldn’t, take too much effort to tailor an opener to someone you’re interested in.

One friend, though, admitted a standard cut and paste for her dating app exploits:

asking someone — *Asking someone what state they want to “eliminate” helped her get to know them AND is probably the least sexy question ever — a win-win that any woman could spot.*

Her afterthought made me despair as much as it made me lol — and this is the crux, maybe.

Women on dating apps, as noted in “First Date,” are mostly trying to avoid unsolicited dick pics.

Coming up with a standard opener that not only manages to check a person’s political inclinations, but also is almost impossible to subvert, is actually pretty smart.

I wanted to know, though, if wiping a US state off the face of the earth ever actually got her a date. When I asked, she put it at “an 80 percent success rate” of getting a conversation, which seems like fairly impressive odds.

One of my friends actually admitted to that dating app faux pas — the opening of “hey.”

In the interest of fairness, I also quizzed some boys on whether they ever used the same opening gambit on their dating app adventures. They all said no, but varyingly admitted that their chat depended on whether they were particularly interested in the first place.

I think every single person on a dating app has either sent or received a lazy “hey.” It’s one of the fundamentals of dating apps — you’re swiping left and right and not really paying attention. Maybe you’re multitasking, or maybe it isn’t even you doing the swiping because sometimes a group swiping session is necessary.

Dating apps are convenient. They’re sitting there on your phone, ready and waiting for when you have a spare few minutes. The lazy “hey” almost betrays the lack of care in who you’re actually meeting.

I pushed at this conversation a little bit more, intrigued at whether there was much difference in date-success rates. Somewhat disappointingly, lazy openers apparently ended up on about the same amount of dates as tailored ones. (The non-lazy dates went better, though, apparently.)

Dating apps exist in a strange limbo between the intimate and the impersonal.

Maybe a good cut and paste opener isn’t actually a bad thing (not that we’re advocating no-effort “hey” messages!). People are busy, and dating is time-consuming, especially on an app where you aren’t invested in any one person yet. You need some chat to get to know each other, and then make a decision based on that.

But, putting some effort into the process is a good idea, too, and maybe using the same openers all the time does acknowledge that. It’s a quick way of finding out if something important to you matters to someone else. If they hate the state you love, or if their idea of doing groceries is keeping condiment sachets from their takeaway in the fridge, those are things you’ll want to know pretty quickly.

In that spirit, then: can I pick you up anything from Whole Foods?

For more reading on modern dating, check out “Why I Am Loving The First Date” or “5 Hopeful Dating Tips, From A Woman Who Finally Found Love.”

17 Fall Dates That Cost You Absolutely Nothing

October 19, 2017January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Isn’t fall the best? Cozy sweaters, falling leaves, crackling fires, hot chocolate—everything about the season screams cuddly romantic days and nights with your significant other. Personally, I love apple picking, pumpkin picking and the ever-ubiquitous pumpkin spice lattes. For couples on a budget like myself, here are 17 fall dates that cost you absolutely nothing.

1. Take a hike—literally.

Hikes are one of the easiest and most beautiful dates in the fall. Plan your date when the foliage near you is best. These maps are perfect for planning your hike to see the prettiest leaves. New to hiking? This site offers great tools to find the best trail for you, near you. Think of all the Insta-worthy photos that will come out of your hike.

2. Netflix and chill with a horror movie marathon.

One of you is bound to already have a Netflix subscription. Pop some popcorn and curl up under a super comfy throw and watch any of the countless horror movies streaming in October in honor of Halloween. Available right now are movies like The Sixth Sense, Jaws, Gremlins, It Follows and more.

3. Scare yourself silly with reading ghost stories in the dark.

Head to your local library and check out the creepiest anthology of ghost stories you can find. Turn out the lights and add some candlelight for a romantic yet spooky touch. Get into bed and see who can make the other scared enough to sleep with the lights on.

4. Go on a hayride.

Many farms offer free hayrides with the expectation patrons will purchase pumpkins or apples. Skip the fall produce and just go on a relaxing afternoon hayride together, taking in the fresh air and beautiful scenery.

5. Volunteer together.

Volunteering is a great, completely free way to have a fall date together. Search for the perfect cause for you both and get to doing some good! Whether you want to work at a soup kitchen, or spend time with adoptable animals, there’s something for everyone.

6. Take little cousins, friends or your own young ones trick-or-treating.

Get nostalgic and take your friends’ kids, your kids, little cousins or whoever is young enough to trick-or-treat out and feel like a kid again. If you ask extra nicely maybe they’ll share some candy with you. Snickers fun size anyone?

7. Bake something with supplies in your pantry.

Everybody knows fall and winter are baking season. Check out what’s in your pantry and create something delicious in your oven. When it’s ready, feed each other your baked delight and get ready for some serious fun in the bedroom afterwards.

8. Go star-gazing.

Put some hot chocolate in thermoses and drive out to an open field or remote area near you. Lay out a cozy blanket, curl up next to each other and enjoy a night under the stars, gazing at our gorgeous universe. Fall is the perfect time for checking out the stars, as your partner and you can stay nice and warm with each other’s body heat.

9. Have a game night in.

Get seriously sexy and have a night of strip poker by a roaring fireplace. Loser does whatever the winner wants to do once clothes are all off.

10. Go to your local high school football game.

You don’t necessarily have to actually go to the game and sit on the bleachers. Park your car close enough so you can see what’s going on and have fun together in your car, constantly making sure no teachers or adults are watching. Call it a little nostalgic fun!

11. Try on Halloween costumes.

Head to your local pop-up Halloween shop (think stores like Spirit Halloween) and see who can find the most ridiculous costume to try on. Take photos for a super funny Snapchat feed.

12. Make care packages for the troops.

The last half of the fall, particularly Thanksgiving leading up to the holidays can be very rough on troops overseas working to keep us safe. Pack care packages and send them through organizations like Operation Gratitude, which is currently looking for donated Halloween candy for deployed troops and first responders.

13. Make a bonfire and invite friends over for a group date.

Have a group date around a bonfire and have friends bring over s’more supplies. Group dates can be a fun change from just the two of you. Bonfires are great for some quality time catching up with friends.

14. Head to your local park and play like kids again.

Swing on the swings, slide down the slide, go across the monkey bars—everything you did when you flirted with those you were interested in in the fifth and sixth grades, have at it as adults. Enjoy feeling like kids again for an extra flirty time on the playground.

15. Visit a local yard sale.

Many households tend to do a big fall clean and yard sales begin popping up in September and October. Wander around local yard sales and check out the zany items people sell.

16. Have an in-home spa day.

Give your guy a mani-pedi and have him give you a massage in return. Make it one of the most relaxing date nights you’ll ever have with spa treatments using just your hands and simple tools you have at home.

17. Tour your local city or town.

Spend a beautiful fall afternoon in your local city or town, touring all the local landmarks and chances are, you may stumble across some fun (and free!) events.

How Will and Grace Changed the Way We See Relationships

October 20, 2017January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Will and Grace was always funny, sexy, and clever — but it was also incredibly inclusive when it comes to relationships.

Will and Grace is back, and I couldn’t be more excited. I’ve always loved the show. I cried when it ended, I reminisced over reruns, and I threw a party in my head when I heard of its return.

I loved it not just because it was hilarious and fun — I loved how it called out societal problems and represented real, modern relationships. The show addressed issues with laughter and wit — something I think is needed now, more than ever.

Back when the series started in 1998, Will and Grace was not only a big step for representation for the gay community, but it was a huge step for modern and non-traditional relationships in general. So many shows at the time had a story that went like this: a boy and a girl like each other, they go back and forth about getting together, and eventually end up getting married (just in time for the series finale).

Meanwhile, Will and Grace depicted relationships that we rarely saw on TV.

It defied the traditional romance story, and recognized that in the real world, there are so many different kinds of relationships. Some people are gay, some people are straight. Some take a lot longer to find love while some find themselves in troubled marriages.

It was a big deal to see Will and Jack’s dating lives on the show because same-sex relationships didn’t have that kind of representation before then. Sure, there were gay people on TV, but they were usually secondary characters or guest spots in episodes that dealt with the drama of them coming out. Such episodes would usually feature the character’s family and friends accepting (or not accepting) them, then the gay character would often disappear, returning the show’s focus to the straight characters and their relationships.

Just the fact that we could see the men in Will and Grace date around, find love, and experience heartbreak just like everyone else on TV, was amazing.

The show was groundbreaking for the gay community, but it was important for women’s relationships, too.

The other two main characters, Grace and Karen, didn’t follow the mold of other leading ladies at the time.

At the time the show came out, most female leads fell into two categories. One type was the young, fun, and pretty ingenue who searched for love and eventually ended up getting together with either a supportive guy friend or a long-time crush (Boy Meets World, The Nanny). The other was the nagging wife and mother who spent most of the show telling her husband to do something (and getting mad when he didn’t), taking the kids to soccer practice, and arguing with other moms (Married with Children, Everybody Loves Raymond). Karen and Grace weren’t either of these.

Grace was struggling in relationships, but was in a different situation than the bright-eyed high school or college-aged ingenue searching for “the one.” She was a little older, quirky, had a successful design business, and a lot of trouble finding love. She went on bad dates, had strained relationships, and was even cheated on by her husband.

Meanwhile, Karen was married, but wasn’t the “happy housewife” we so often saw in other shows. She was fun-loving and wild, but had real problems in her marriage. She was faced with boredom, had a strained relationship with her step-kids, and wondered if her marriage would last.

These characters, with their issues and quirks, seemed so much more like modern women I knew than a lot of what I’d seen on TV before.

They had complicated relationships and difficult problems, and they showed different options for a woman’s romantic life. Grace and Karen’s lives weren’t simple, and maybe they didn’t represent most women’s relationship goals, but I think these characters brought something real and honest to television.

When I heard about the Will and Grace reboot, I couldn’t wait to see what had happened in the characters’ lives. Those of us that loved the show before couldn’t wait to see what our old friends were doing, but we were also excited to see how they would work with today’s romantic climate.

So far, I haven’t been disappointed. In just the first few episodes, we’ve seen Grace struggling to move on after a divorce, Will dealing with the question of dating outside his political party, and Will and Jack realizing their age when they try to go out with millennial guys. These issues seem real for these characters, but are also current to the modern relationship scene.

In the 11 years Will and Grace has been off the air, relationships have changed.

Online dating is huge and relationship expectations have evolved. Plus, there’s so much potential in exploring middle-aged and older character’s relationships in a time when more and more people find themselves divorced, widowed, or still single later in life. There’s much to explore, so many angles to analyze and critique, and I can’t think of a better team to do it.

Although it’s a different decade, much of what the show taught us about relationships when it first aired is all still true. People are different, and their lives aren’t simple. Some find love, while some learn that their best relationships are with their friends.

For more stories at the intersection of TV & modern romance, check out this discussion about romance on “Dancing With The Stars” or this piece about what Supergirl’s sister taught us about coming out.

20 Relationship Memes That Will Give You All The Feels If You’re In Love

November 2, 2017January 22, 2024 by Meg Scanlonin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Being with the love of your life is the best! Here are some awesome relationship memes that capture just how great it is.

1. You really really love each other.

2. You perfectly complement each other.

3. Neither one of you are perfect but you are both trying your best.

4. You think each other are just adorable.

5. You both love to cuddle.

6. You are excited to share your favorite things.

7. You are very comfortable together.

8. You’ve been together for a long time.

9. You want to shout your love from the rooftop.

10. You have the same interests.

11. You’re bananas about each other.

12. You are on the same page.

13. You never go anywhere with out a goodbye kiss.

14. You can’t even imagine being with anybody else.

15. You think they are perfect.

16. You are soul mates.

17. You are a team.

18. You have similar taste in fashion.

19. You support each other.

20. You tell each other everything.

Being in a loving relationship is awesome!

It’s great having someone to share your life with. Being with a partner who truly gets you and helps you be your best self is the ultimate relationship goal. Not to mention the inside jokes! Share some memes with the one you love today!

For more articles about true love, check out “How I Hit The Cosmic Love Lottery” or “The Best Marriage Advice I Ever Received Was from My Parents.”

Writing Your Own Vows: 10 Steps to Prepare For Your Most Romantic Conversation

November 2, 2017January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Actually putting words on paper can be scary. Here are some things to keep in mind while you’re writing your own vows.

If you’re like most engaged people, you’ve been so busy with the venue, and the catering, and the guest list that you somehow forget about the vows until the last minute.

And if you’re like me, you were totally distracted looking at cakes (I’m a sucker for sugar) and got very behind.

But while it sometimes gets shuffled to the back of your mind, you can’t forget about the vows. They’re the most central part of the wedding, and you want to give a lot of attention to what you say to your partner.

In my scramble and frustration to get my vows written, I asked a lot of married friends for their advice, consulted every website I could think of, and watched a hundred (or so) Youtube videos of ceremonies. Here are 10 things I learned.

1. Think about how you want to set the mood.

Before you start writing your own vows, you and your sweetie should decide on a “feel” for your ceremony. Maybe you’re a fun-loving, giggly couple and you want your vows to show that. Or maybe you want the ceremony to be a little more serious, and a major tear-jerker. Maybe it’s really important that your vows are very traditional, or maybe you want to center it around your history together. Vows can go in so many directions and its best to start on the same page with the same goal.

2. Does the use of props make sense?

Sand ceremonies or lighting candles might not necessarily be a part of the actual vows, but they do go hand-in-hand. If you’re interested in one of these things, you’ll want to decide what you’re doing before you write the vows. For example: if you’re doing a sand ceremony, your vows can include references to how your differences blend together, so the sand will make sense when it comes time to pour it.

If you’re interested in incorporating something like this, here are a few ideas:

Handfasting: This Celtic tradition involves holding hands and wrapping a ceremonial rope around them. If you like this idea, you can talk about being bound together forever.
Ring warming: Passing your rings around to be warmed before you put them on will make guests feel like they are a part of your ceremony. This is perfect if you want to incorporate a family-feel into your vows.
Time capsule: This is when couples write letters to each other and pack them into a box (sometimes with a bottle of wine), which are opened at a later date. It’s a perfect anniversary present for future-you, and it’s a great opportunity to talk about your future together in your vows.
Plant a tree: For nature lovers out there, planting a tree can be a beautiful way to symbolize the strength of your growing relationship — and it can be a perfect theme for your vows. Whether you’re planting it in your backyard or in a public place, it will be wonderful to visit the tree down the road to see how much it (and you both) have grown.

3. Decide on what you don’t want.

So many people focus on what they want in their vows but forget to nix the things they don’t want. The most popular bit to take out in the traditional vows is the “obey” line. A lot of people find it old-fashioned, and that’s okay! Many couples choose not to change their last names when they get married, so they need to make sure their officiant doesn’t say “Mr. and Mrs.” at the end of the ceremony. These may seem like small things, but if it’s going to make you cringe every time you watch your wedding video, make sure you discuss what you don’t want with your future spouse.

4. Remember: the “repeat after me” part can be anything!

Speaking of the “obey” line in those traditional vows, remember you can have those “repeat after me” vows be completely original. You don’t have to have the “for richer, for poorer” vows for your wedding (unless it is required by your faith), and it can be fun to make up your own. They should represent what you want to promise, so make it special. Here are some great examples from The Knot.

5. Speak from the heart.

We all want our vows to be the coolest, most romantic vows in the world, but the best thing is to just be genuine. If you love playing soccer together, mention that. If you’re favorite thing about your spouse is their crazy jokes, say that. Sometimes you have to forget about what it’s going to sound like to the audience, and remember what means the most to you.

6. Coordinate with your partner.

If you’re writing your own vows separately, just make sure you coordinate with your future mate. You don’t want to both tell the same story or have one of you give a long, gooshy speech about love when the other says something short and sweet. You don’t want to give a list of all the things you promise to do while your partner skips promises in favor of saying how important your relationship is. That can come across as unorganized.

7. Keep it to one or two minutes.

It might sound short, but a minute of talking in front of all your family and friends will seem like forever when you’re up there. A minute is plenty, or maybe go to two minutes if you have a really good story to tell. Some may find they really have to edit their words down while others will feel a roadblock after the second sentence. Keep working on it, and keep this timeframe in mind.

8. Take your time.

After writing your own vows, leave them for a few days and come back. Make notes in your phone when you come up with an idea in the middle of the day. Sometimes those perfect words won’t come out right away, and that’s okay. Know that it’s hard for most people to express all those feelings on paper.

9. Talk to your officiant.

Once you have an draft of your vows, talk to your officiant and coordinate. If the officiant is a friend that has known you both for a long time, he or she might want to say a couple things about you or share some memories during the service. Make sure you guys are on the same page with anecdotes. If your officiant is your local minister who’s done all the weddings in your church for the last 20 years, they might have some ideas of what will work well and how to change it up. Either way, this is the perfect time to talk about your vision and make sure you have a plan.

10. Write them down and type them up.

This might seem obvious, but you’ll want to write your vows down. You might even want to put them in a cute notepad or on a high quality piece of paper to read at the altar. Recently, some people have been reading their vows off their phones, and while this might seem fun and modern now, it will look dated a few years down the road. Going with the classic paper version is a safe bet.

But that doesn’t mean typing them up at all isn’t a good idea. In addition to writing them on paper, it’s a good idea to put them in your computer in case you lose your notebook a week before the wedding. Then, after the wedding, you might want to make a keepsake out of your vows: like a copy to put in a book or a framed a copy for your wall. If they’re typed up, you don’t have to worry about losing the paper in your wedding festivities — you can just press print.

With these 10 simple tips, you’ll be writing your own vows with confidence — because of their quality and because you’ll cherish them for all time.

For more wedding day advice, check out “Picking And Choosing Wedding Advice That Works For You” or “Marriage 101: Expectations Vs. Reality.”

Caught Between Two Boys? One Woman Shares Her Advice

November 3, 2017January 22, 2024 by Clementine Francesin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Trying to figure out how to choose between two guys? These ways to “love out loud” might just help you make the choice.

I’ve never been in a relationship!

I used to use the excuse of school or work or Jesus. But they were just excuses. They weren’t true then and they’re not even anything I can use as an excuse now. I’m currently at a place where I’m open to doing the relationship thing (as open as a closed off person can be anyway) — and it’s the worst!

Now that my heart is open, I find myself feeling things for many guys — and two in particular.

One is attentive, and so blatantly interested in me that I don’t have any doubts he’d say yes if I asked him to go out to dinner. If I were a normal person, we’d probably have made out by now or more! But, I’m not a normal person. So it’s a walk to the train. It’s a hug after the walk to the train. And I’m scared. What comes after the hug?

The other guy I was interested in I met a few weeks before this guy, but his attention belongs to many others. I was almost certain he was interested in me, but now I’m not sure it’s interest beyond what he would have for any other woman. He’s a charming, affectionate fellow.

Trying to figure out how to choose between two guys is killing me. Because even though the other guy is almost a done deal, I am not able to turn off my heart for the other guy. And maybe he is not interested at all, or maybe he is, but he’s just as scared as I am. I want to stop feeling for him. But, I feel bad for the other guy because even though he’s great and wonderful and I enjoy our conversations, I would rather return to feeling nothing because I don’t want to hurt him.

It hurts to feel so much for so many people.

The healthy thing would be to move forward with the one who seems more interested, but God forbid the other one steps up. Then what?

I don’t know how people to do it. Commitment truly is a choice. You could fall for anyone. You could give your heart to anyone. I have this fear that if I were to choose one I could miss out on the other one. Or if I choose one, I could break someone’s heart.

I don’t fancy myself a heartbreaker. I don’t want to be the source of anyone’s pain while I’m figuring out how to choose between two guys. But, in not wanting to be the source of anyone’s pain, am I being the source of my own pain?

What if I spoke up? What if I said to the one guy, “Hey, I am interested in you! Are we going to do this or not?” If he said no then I would be free to let go. I’d be sad, but then I wouldn’t be stuck in limbo. If he said yes then I could move forward and see if he’s at all someone I’d be interested in. Then I carry on with my life and love more, meet more people, and do things I thought were impossible!

Fear lets the monsters underneath our beds grow.

Even though they are hiding under our beds they hold us captive. When we turn on the light we’ll see there was nothing to fear at all!

It’s important we speak up. It does us no good to stay silent.

Here are five ways to “love out loud” so we can be fair in our pursuit of romance:

Don’t assume someone is or isn’t interested in you. Go make the move. Rejection hurts, but the not knowing isn’t a healthy way to live either. It keeps you stagnant.
Don’t be afraid to date more than one person. You don’t have to commit forever to anyone. Just commit to date. Or not. This isn’t Pride and Prejudice.
Don’t live your life based on signs. Signs are cryptic. People spend forever attempting to decipher them. But, no one really knows. Unless they ask the person who put up the signs!
Someone saying no to you doesn’t mean you’re less than. You’re not interested in everyone and not everyone is interested in you. A crushing blow, but once you accept that you’ll be free to stop feeling pity for yourself.
You are worth more than uncertainty.

I seldom take my own advice. It might be time to return to therapy so I can have someone holding my hand while I figure things out. Or I could just take a risk and hold my own hand as I think on how to choose between two guys! Stay tuned!

For more reading on modern dating, check out these very specific tips on how to choose between two potential mates, or this article about the pros of dating someone who “scares” you.

‘The Knot Dream Wedding’ Winner’s First Love Lesson? Love Yourself.

November 15, 2017January 22, 2024 by Sierra Mercierin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Do you believe true love exist? I do.

I’m Sierra. My husband Andre and I were the first couple to win “The Knot Dream Wedding.”

Follow me as I share how I attracted true love into my life. In my new “True Love Lessons” video series, I’ll share tips and stories that help open your heart to all love’s possibilities.

Lesson No. 1: Love Yourself!

This is probably the most important “Love Lesson” of them all because if we don’t love ourselves how can we love anyone else?

Loving yourself is an ongoing lifelong lesson that requires continued work. There are levels and layers to self love. Recognizing my value was one of the layers in my own self love journey.

As I continue to work on this lesson, I’ve discovered that accepting myself and forgiving myself are other layers, too.

There are many layers to this ever evolving lesson but it’s never too late to start finding out ways in which to show yourself love. It may come in the form of a spiritual practice, healthy eating, exercising, or even something as simple as hugging yourself everyday and saying, “I love you [your name here].”

Like I mentioned earlier, this is a lifelong lesson but one that holds the key to the door of infinite love!

Stay tuned for more “True Love Lessons” with me, Sierra, from “The Knot Dream Wedding.”

We’re going to share lots of love stories.

But in the meantime, read up on some strategies to love yourself through journaling or this emotional piece on how to stop “shrinking” yourself in a relationship.

Having Sex After A Dry Spell: What Your Body Is Trying To Tell You

November 17, 2017January 22, 2024 by Kelley Lynnin Body, RELATIONSHIPS, Sex, SEX TIPS

Here’s what to know before getting back in the saddle after a sexual dry spell.

Sometimes, life doesn’t go quite as we may have pictured it or planned it. Every now and again, life enjoys tossing a few curve balls at us, just for kicks. Sometimes these changes in life can cause us to take a short, or very long, “dry spell” — or hiatus from being intimate with someone.

Whatever your reasons are for taking a break from dancing in the sheets, there are some things you should know before diving in again.

First, try and imagine your body having an actual, physical voice.

What would your body’s voice sound like when it spoke to you? Now that you have that voice in your head, give this a read. These are all the things your body has been trying to tell you, about how it might react to intimacy after an epic dry spell.

So, grab a glass of wine and listen to your body’s important messages about re-entering a world where sex happens.

“Ouch! That Hurts!”

If you’re feeling pain, that might be your body saying:

“Hey there sister, remember me? Your body? The one you’ve been beating up and not taking great care of lately? The one you’ve been feeding Doritos and Coke to at midnight and then expecting me to relax and fall asleep? The one you’ve been neglecting to give any exercise to, other than that walk back and forth to the refrigerator?

“Look, lady – I want it just as much as you do. I mean, let’s face it. It’s been awhile. But please, for the love of God, try and remember that we are both out of practice, and that maybe my parts don’t move that way anymore. We need to train for this. Until then, and for now, be gentle.”

Did some weird, unusual sounds happen?

If you’re surprised by your new vocal reactions, your body is probably trying to say:

“So, the last time that you and I went down this sex road, I was just a tad more of a spring chicken. I, your body, may have been a lot more silent in the bedroom. Now – and I hate to mention this, but things might be a bit … well … louder. There may be flatulence involved. Just sayin’. Maybe you might be trying to kiss your lover and have a hot make-out session, when suddenly your insides feel like they might explode, and then … BURPPP!!!! Yeah.

“You see, 5 years ago, when we had sex for the last time, I was able to eat a big bowl of chili and have zero side effects whatsoever. Now? That chili residue ends up wafting in the air, seconds after your sexy kissing session. So, be careful what you eat before love-making, and it will reduce the noises involved. Capisce? Good.”

“Maybe we should practice together…”

Your body may may be feeling neglected, especially when it tells you a story like this:

“The only action I ever get is when your hands and fingers graze over me while you’re in the shower and applying body gel. Or when your back is itchy and you scratch it with one of those long back scratcher type things. Hell, the other day I felt your fingers wandering down in the direction of your honeypot, and I thought: ‘Finally! She’s gonna give me a little somethin somethin.’ But no. You were just getting prepared to shave your naughty bits, and all I felt was razor burn.

“It’s time for me to make a demand of you. PLAY WITH YOURSELF ALREADY!!! SWEET JESUS, I NEED TO BE TOUCHED!!! Look, its been a long time since you’ve had some intimacy. You may have changed your mind about how you like to be touched, what feels good. How will you know what to tell your partner if you haven’t tested the product in ages? You’re just gonna have to trust me on this one. Dim the lights. Put on those silky panties that accentuate my delicious curves, throw on some Marvin Gaye, and let’s get it on.”

“I’m different now.”

You might need to give your body a pep talk. Really listen when it explains your mutual history, as if it were saying:

“We’ve been through a lot, you and I. And even though this body might be a bit less perfect or tight than the last time we did this, I feel good. Actually, I feel great. I’m no longer as concerned with how I look in this position or that one – I just want to feel good. Let’s get this party started.”

“Your sex life ain’t the only thing dry, honey.”

Let there be no shame in admitting that you may need a bit of lube to get things started. Hey, it’s no one’s fault. Your body may quip:

“The last time you touched your bush, the first Bush was still in office — and you still had a bush. Now, it’s smooth sailing down here, but it may feel more like a desert until we get some real practice in. Until then, let’s invest in some K-Y Jelly, and be on our way to heavenly bliss.”

“I’m a little bit kinkier now. How about you?”

Let your mind go where your body wants to go. Try something new.

“And hey, what do you have to lose?” your body may be telling you. “If you don’t like it, you just don’t do it anymore. But imagine if you DO like it! Then you just gave us both future hours and hours of pleasure. Last time we did this sex thing, you might not have been this open-minded, and I wasn’t this willing to go along. But now —why not? Right? Let’s go discover what our turn-ons are today. I promise you, our new sexual adventures will be a thousand times better than yet another Grey’s Anatomy marathon.”

So, what’s your body telling you?

Spend some time listening to your body before throwing a bucket of water on that dry spell. It’ll make it an infinitely more enjoyable experience as you re-enter your sexual world.

Need some encouragement to break that dry spell? Consider this article about how sex is good for your health, and this one about elevating your pleasure with meditation.

Is Choosing “Ms.” Or “Mrs.” Still A Feminist Issue?

November 22, 2017January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

I’m obsessed with subscription boxes. So when I got engaged I, of course, had to get a bridal-themed monthly subscription. And right from the beginning, I loved it. I got cute shirts, fun jewelry — the works. I was obsessed with almost everything I was sent.

However, I did get a few things that I knew I wouldn’t use — things that said “Mrs.”

Maybe this sounds odd, but the “Ms.” or “Mrs.” distinction always bothered me.

I found these titles to be old-fashioned and sexist. Why would women change their title when they get married, but not men? And why bother with a change at all? If I call a woman by a title, it’s probably because I don’t know her first name. And if I don’t even know her full name, it’s none of my business to know if she’s married or not. The whole thing seemed unbalanced and intrusive to me.

That’s why I always used Ms. — the P.C. middle ground.

The title “Ms.” has a long history, originally being proposed in 1901 when an unnamed author wrote a story in a newspaper. The article suggested using the non-specific “Ms.” to avoid the social faux pas of calling a married woman “Miss” (and vice versa). It sparked some discussion then but it would take 60 years for it to really take off.

In 1961, a New Yorker named Sheila Michaels found a piece of mail intended for her roommate that used “Ms.” instead of “Miss.” She thought it was a typo at first, but liked the idea of a title not being marital-specific. She always hated the idea of her relationship status defining her, and as it turned out, many other women felt the same way.

The big turning point in Michaels’ movement for “Ms.” was when she was interviewed on a progressive radio program, “Womankind” and gave an impassioned argument for the use of the title. Listeners were moved by her ideas, and soon, “Ms.” was widely accepted. It became a sign of women’s empowerment and equality, and it was seen a big step for feminism.

So why is Mrs. is still so popular?

Despite the girl-power history of “Ms.,” I see “Mrs.” and “Miss” a lot, especially in the wedding industry. There’s everything from “Mr. and Mrs.” mugs to “kiss the Miss goodbye” party banners. And no matter how many times I see it, I always find it strange that women still use those old titles.

But let’s get one thing straight: I’m not trying to hide my relationship status. Anyone who’s talked to me in the last year (or has ever been anywhere near my Instagram) knows where, how, and what time I’m getting married because I’m so excited. But the thing is, people would have to know me, or at least how to find me on social media, to know that stuff.

People know about my relationship because I want them to know, not because it’s in my name. It feels wrong to think that you could know absolutely nothing about a person, but know if they’re married or not.

“Mrs.” can seem reminiscent of a time where women had the option to be wives… and that’s about it.

It reminds me of when women had few choices and little opportunity. And now, in a time where women are finally making a dent on the wage gap and becoming more political, “Miss” and “Mrs.” can seem like a step backwards.

They also can seem unnecessary. People who have a Ph.D. do just fine going by “Dr.” They don’t need the male/female identifier, let alone a single/married distinction. So why do so many people use them?

The great thing about the movement in the ‘60s was that it gave women the right to make their own decisions.

Women like Sheila Michaels didn’t like having a title pushed on them, so they used their own. I think that, even more than popularizing “Ms.,” just the idea that they normalized a third title was empowering in itself. The power to choose is the important part.

I love being able to decide to go by “Ms.” but I know that a lot of women still like to use “Mrs.” I’ve seen friends wear “Future Mrs.” shirts and put up “Miss to Mrs.” signs at bridal showers. Some women like it, and don’t do it out of anti-feminism or ignorance. It is, simply, a choice. And I think options are good.

In the end, I appreciate my right to have my own opinion and choose what I go by.

Just the fact that a woman can decide between “Ms.” or “Mrs.” is empowering. I’d rather women have options than try to push “Ms.” on everyone, because I think that it would be just as bad as only having “Miss” and “Mrs.” The important part is being able to make a strong decision based on what’s important to you, and knowing that if you don’t like your options, you, like Sheila Michaels, can start something new.

So, this month I’m looking forward to seeing what I’ll get in my bridal subscription box. Maybe I won’t love everything I get, but that’s how a lot of subscription boxes work. There’s always something included that I probably wouldn’t have gotten for myself. But I think that’s okay. It reminds me of how lucky I am to live in a time when women have options.

Plus, now I have some great “Mr. and Mrs.” pillowcases to give to friends who will truly appreciate them.

For more reading

6 Literary Reasons Women Love “Fictional” Guys (And The Real Life Versions You Can Daydream About)

December 5, 2017January 22, 2024 by Freya Shipleyin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Your taste in men may be bookish but it doesn’t have to limit your romantic fantasies.

In this age of sexting and leftward swipes, a few of us women are on a whole different — or, dare we say, scholarly — wavelength. Our dates may not realize it, but we’re secretly comparing them to the hottest guys we know: guys who are — um, well — fictional.

Why are we so thirsty for men who don’t actually exist? Here are the six big reasons:

1. Every date is an adventure.

Your first night out together is likely to include:

a perilous chase across London in a hansom cab
a mad flight to Gretna Green
an untoward occurrence at the opera
witty banter in elegant surroundings
cutting a dash together on the dance floor
joining forces to solve a fiendish murder involving stolen emeralds, the vicar, and a sinister missive delivered by a veiled woman.

Some of us just crave the unexpected. We love the instant intimacy created by a shared adventure. Even when things get dangerous, we still prefer that to an evening at home with Netflix.

The Real-Life Version: Chris Pratt rented an entire ship so he could woo his beloved while sailing up the Thames — a date that Anna Faris called “wildly romantic”.

2. You prefer intensity to politeness.

If passion’s your jam, you have plenty of fictional fantasy heroes to choose from, ranging from Heathcliff all the way to Captain Hook. Those restless bad boys are some of our all-time favorites. He may be a vampire or keep his first wife locked in the attic, but he’ll never be boring.

The Real-Life Version: Oscar Isaac is far from bad, but he definitely lives life on his own terms. He started having adventures young, got expelled from school, played lead guitar in a successful ska-punk band, then graduated from the famously competitive and prestigious acting program at Juilliard.

3. To him, Debrett’s Peerage is hotter than Fifty Shades of Grey.

In our hyper-connected modern world, we’ve all read the same books and hung out on the same websites. But this man is different. We can’t begin to imagine what he’s been reading: after all, he went to college in 1920s Cambridge or 1500s Wittenberg. His whole frame of reference is deliciously mysterious.

The Real-Life Version: The smart and erudite Jason Momoa is an expert on wildlife and marine biology. His wide-ranging studies have included painting in Paris and Buddhism in Tibet.

4. He’ll restrain himself for weeks before venturing to touch your ungloved hand.

He’ll lead you out onto the dance floor or in to dinner, but he won’t touch your bare skin for a long, long time. He’ll think about it, of course. You both will. There’ll be simmering desire and barely-suppressed passion. When you finally do touch, you’ll be dizzy with lust. Yes, this will drive you crazy, but in a good way. And it definitely makes life exciting.

The Real-Life Version: Benedict Cumberbatch was friends with Sophie Hunter for seventeen years before he proposed.

5. The two of you share steamy, yet historical, fantasies.

Such as:

a barouche
a quizzing glass
cravats/waistcoats/top boots
a bathing machine
the Crimean War
an unexpected encounter on a balcony/in a ballroom/in the Piazza San Marco/at Almack’s/on the moor

For some of us literasexuals, pretty much anything historical can be romantic. Do you dream of torrid love-notes written on parchment with a quill pen? Would you swoon over a gent who, instead of sending body part pics, offered you a lock of his hair set in a golden brooch?

The Real-Life Version: Orlando Bloom is a luddite who never emails and doesn’t even own a computer. Plus he looks great in period costumes, and he’s probably a dab hand with a quill.

6. He owns a National Trust property in Cornwall/Derbyshire/Illyria.

The best fictional fantasy heroes always have a jaw-dropping home to sweep you away to. (Remember Elizabeth Bennet sneaking over to check out the closet space at Pemberley before saying “I do”?)

The Real-Life Version: Britain’s Prince Harry has a dazzling array of royal dwellings at his disposal. It would be hard to imagine anything more lush and gorgeous than his official London residence, Kensington Palace.

7. Whatever the obstacles between you, he’ll suffer agonies over you rather than transfer his attentions to another, less troublesome, lady.

Once your fictional fantasy guy falls for you, he stays fallen. The whole “plenty of fish” mentality is totally foreign to him. Come hell or high water, piracy, missing wills, misunderstandings, or years of enforced separation when he’s been unjustly imprisoned, you’re still the only one for him.

The Real-Life Version: When Colin Firth first spotted his wife-to-be across a crowded plaza in Cartagena, it was love at first sight. Never mind that millions of women all over the planet were fantasizing about him — he knew instantly that no matter what, Livia Giuggioli was his one and only.

Is there a way your leading man can leap off of the page and into your life?

Our examples may be too rich and famous to be attainable, but these qualities are not. Use these romantic fantasies to identify what is important to you — you just might be a date away from your own epic love story.

For more reading on our fantasies, check out this list of 30 (!) fantasies to inspire you or this wild look into the life of a phone fantasy hotline worker.

7 Ways to Empower Your Incredible Single Friends During the Holidays

December 7, 2017January 22, 2024 by Sarah Burrisin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

The holidays can be challenging for single friends or friends who just moved to a new city. Here’s how you can help.

For those worried about single friends over the holidays, now is the time to step in and show them they’re not alone and they’re loved.

Think about what works best with your friend; whether you should be funny, light-hearted or affectionate. Everyone is different and has their own unique needs.

There are several benefits to being single, however. Suddenly, you’re not being pulled in a million directions for where to spend the holidays. Presents certainly can fill credit cards up quickly. There’s the freedom of not needing to impress your significant other’s family or stress about what to get their mother.

While finding the right thing to say might vary, here are seven things you can do with your friends that show them the holidays are about your friend-family too.

1.Take your single friend to a fun holiday party.

Whether through work, charities or friend parties, there are always gatherings around the holidays to share in food and fun. Find one that gets your single pal out for a night to enjoy the season and your friendship.

2. Ask your friend to donate their old flame’s belongings to your favorite charity.

While there is nothing more cathartic than seeing your ex’s stuff go up in the smoke from a bonfire, there are so many families that are in need. For parents who struggle every day to make ends meet, gently used clothes, games, action figures, books and more can be the perfect donation to a local charity. Your friend can burn the toothbrush, though.

3. Sit down in front of a fire and help your friend write a Santa Wish List for love.

December is a great time to think about what the next year will bring. While we always set goals and New Year’s resolutions, this can be a perfect opportunity for your friend to make a new relationship plan.

Take stock in that last relationship and talk about what worked and what didn’t work. What did your friend learn about themselves? How did the ex make your friend a better or wiser person?

Then make a Santa list for what’s next. What are the things your friend now realizes they need in a relationship? What kind of lover or lovers are they seeking to bring into their love life? Let your friend dream about their next amazing lover! What qualities does that person have? The possibilities are endless and it helps your friend look love forward and not dwell in the love past.

4. Give your friend a “sexy stocking” to get them in the mood again.

Breakups can be a hit to the heart and libido, especially if you’re not over someone and having a hard time getting back out there and meeting people. Don’t let your friend go without. Spice up their stocking with some secret treats to encourage your friend to move forward. What a perfect way to bring sexy back into your friends life this season.

5. Surprise your friend with a LoveTV membership to speed up their success for love in 2018.

If your friend is ready for a new love story better than they have had historically, but tired of wasting time and feeling drained by facing the same dating challenges over and over, LOVE TV can help. LOVE TV’s membership puts the ease and fun back into their dating and relationship building experience. Your friend deserves to create a positive love life future. At LOVE TV, we can jump start that process.

6. Introduce your friend to someone in your social network whose status is “single.”

Who do you know on Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram or other social media sites that might also be single right now? Take a look through your contacts and think about who could be a good person for your friend.

7. Let your friend know just how loveable they are.

When you are single during the holidays you need your friends more than ever. Once can default into self-doubt, anxiety, and sadness over their relationship life. Do your part in helping your friend go down the love and life affirming road this holiday season.

Find ways to let your friend know why they’re a special person in your life. Express how grateful you are for what they have brought to your friendship. Help remind them what a catch they are for that special person. Most importantly, help them remember that loving themselves and especially during the holidays is an amazing opportunity to attract lots of love into their life.

Remember that we’re always here at LOVE TV to help you and your friend begin their next adventure in love. We are an empowering resource and guide for moving forward and finding new ways to love again.

15 Exciting Holiday Adventures For Single People

December 11, 2017January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Single this season but still looking to have some fun? Here are some unique ways to enjoy yourself this holiday.

Isn’t the holiday season the best? Single or attached, I’ve always loved celebrating all the magic of this time of year. When I was single, I got a little more creative to assure I had a blast in December.

Here are just some ideas on how to have a wonderful time as a single woman this season.

1. Throw your own party.

I adore entertaining and have hosted a holiday party every year since I left college. When I was single, I adored getting to see all of my friends in one place. It was fun to catch up over cocktails and hors d’oeuvres. Pinterest has tons of party ideas to make sure your holiday party is the can’t miss féte of the season.

2. Take a staycation.

Chances are, where you’re currently living has plenty to offer. Take advantage of special holiday adventure hotel deals, spa treatments and more and book a staycation. Consider taking yourself out to dinner too. It may feel over indulgent or awkward at first but by simply taking a deep breath and relishing in the moment, you’ll begin to feel it.

What is “it” you may ask? Consider this, as a single woman you won’t have to worry about finding the perfect gift for your significant other or going through the stress of meeting his parents over the holidays.

3. Let loose at a holiday party.

You’re unattached, why not have some fun? Don’t feel bashful about going to a holiday party you’re invited to solo. Who knows, you may find the perfect person to steal a kiss under the mistletoe.

4. Start a new tradition.

Being unattached means you get to do what you want. Now is a great time to start your own traditions. Whether it’s grabbing a peppermint mocha and taking a walk to check out the Christmas lights, or ordering in Chinese and watching Christmas Vacation, embrace the chance to create memories all your own.

5. Reconnect with old friends.

When you’re home for the holidays, you don’t have to worry about entertaining a significant other. Instead, use the time to reconnect with old friends you’ve lost touch with. Not only will you be making personal connections again, there are also multiple opportunities for networking.

6. Volunteer.

Use the holiday downtime to consider volunteering at a local organization near you. If you’re feeling lonely or unfulfilled during this season, getting involved with a place you’re passionate about could work wonders.

7. Get to know your neighbors.

Apartment life can get lonely sometimes. Knock on your neighbor’s door this season and invite them to coffee or lunch. I mean, it did wonders for Leonard and Penny in The Big Bang Theory.

8. Get to know your city.

While everyone else is frantically figuring out what to wear for the ultimate holiday date night, you can have the opportunity to really get to know your city. Try that new restaurant or bar around the corner, or visit the museum you’ve always wanted to check out. Some holiday romance may be just outside your door.

9. Embrace hygge.

Hygge, pronounced “hygge,” is a Danish term that refers to a general sense of coziness and charm, whether alone or with friends, in your home or out. By embracing this philosophy, your solo holiday season may become just a bit brighter.

10. Take a holiday-themed class.

Look for classes on ornament making, wreath designing or cooking a holiday dish. Before you know it you just may turn into the next Martha Stewart!

11. Take your little nieces and nephews to visit Santa.

Relive your childhood with a trip to the mall to see Santa. Get nostalgic and jump in for a photo yourself!

12. Buy yourself a sexy new outfit.

You’ve given so many gifts this season, it’s time you treat yourself. Head to your favorite boutique or clothing store and pick out a sexy new holiday outfit for all the parties you’ll head to. Buy some lingerie to match too for some extra oomph.

13. Organize a holiday-themed girls’ night.

Get all your best girlfriends together and see a holiday movie (may I recommend Bad Mom’s Christmas?) and go out for drinks after. No boys allowed!

14. Visit your local ice-skating rink.

Unleash your inner Tara Lipinski and head to your local ice-skating rink with your best friends. Enjoy an evening under the stars, laughing as you glide over the ice and fall down a few times too. End the day with some spiked hot chocolate back at your place.

15. Host a tree-trimming party.

Visit your local Christmas tree stand and buy a tree to put up in your home. Invite all your friends over for a fun evening decorating your tree.

Stay positive as a single person this season with these fun holiday experiences.

Being single during the holiday season isn’t a sentence for six weeks of loneliness. The truth is, being single over the most festive time of the year is a great time to enjoy yourself, have fun and explore new opportunities and experiences. These ideas don’t require lots of time and money, just an open mind and lots of optimism during this sparkly season.

If you’re still feeling lonely, check out these tips on how to cope with the blues this season.

Is Your Dating Out Of This World? Here’s How to Find What Planet You Are

December 15, 2017January 22, 2024 by CJ Atkinsonin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Find out where your love life is living these days.

It was another break up that led to me and my friends trying to work out if there was a single cliche that might make it feel better. We skipped over “It’s not you, It’s me” and “I just need some space,” before we crash landed on “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. We cackled, because it’s such a trite, easy description – men are from way over there somewhere while women are from right over the other side there, right?

However, it’s the 21st century and genders and sexualities are more fluid than ever before. Whether you’re gay, straight, bisexual, pansexual, queer or other, sometimes the person you’re crazy about can feel like they’re from a completely different planet. Is every relationship going to be a forever one? Probably not, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t want to whip out your passport and go on a cosmic vacation.

It’s not the planet you’re born on, but the one that you’re visiting together. Keep reading to see which planet your love-life is living on right now.

The Sun

The Sun is the big one, or the big one for now. We’ve all been there – the passion and heat are matched with the incredible amount of energy you get from being in this relationship. They’re all-consuming, and you can feel it from your head to your toes. On the downside, it can be easy to be blinded to the rest of the world when you’re in something as bright as this, and you might end up feeling a little burned.

The Moon

If you’re like me, you’ve more than once looked at the moon and thought “Wow, this is beautiful”, or on a full moon, wondered why people are going a little wild. That’s the draw of it, after all: the mystery. Maybe it’s your first foray into a grown-up relationship, or this is a relationship that’s broken the mold of your usual habits. It’s ineffable, and intriguing, and incredibly sexy. While shaking things up and trying new things is always a good idea, remember that it’s okay to admit when things are a phase.

Mercury

Let’s just say it: wit is sexy. This is one for people who like to be laughed into bed, and there are some people who just have it. Maybe they’re not your usual type, but there’s something about the killer combination of cheekiness and smarts that might as well be an erogenous zone of its own. That being said, for it to work you want to make sure that there’s some substance there or you might find yourself frustrated by the non-stop jokes.

Venus

Sometimes you meet someone that makes your insides feel like every 80’s love ballad, and you find yourself recasting the romance cover for your love story(Fabio optional). It’s overblown and a little ridiculous, and if you were to look at it from the outside you might find yourself feeling like vomiting quietly into a seasickness bag. We’ve all been there, it’s gross, and weird, and wonderful, and overblown and incredibly fun. Stop being so sensible and enjoy the moments for what they are, and give yourself over to the fact that sometimes the world hands you what you need.

Mars

Hold onto your hats, you’re in for some stormy weather. This is one of those relationships where you’ve mastered the art of the throw down. Do you love to hate each other? Do you hate to love each other? Does it matter when the sex is as explosive as the arguing?

Jupiter

Have you ever walked into a room and seen somebody standing, holding court? Or maybe that person is you. For a certain personality type (I admit it, like me), the life and soul of the party is an incredible place to be, and it gets better when you get to bring that party home and into your bed. For people who feel relationship jealousy, it can be difficult to be in the place where you’re sharing the attention, but that’s also a really important life lesson to learn.

Saturn

There’s a reason that Saturn is a mystery – even when you’re living it, it’s hard to explain. This is one of those relationships which lifts the phone bill – and your attention span – right up where they belong. When you talk, it’s deep, and intellectual, but also really connected to your body. You can talk for hours, but at some point that turns into a conversation with your bodies. Savor the feeling of being holistically linked with someone, and connecting to your deeper selves.

Uranus

Stop giggling in the back (or start, after all, laughter is widely acknowledged as one of the more potent aphrodisiacs). Whimsical and odd, this relationship feels like you’re in the middle of a Wes Anderson film. If you’re somebody who likes order and logic this might be tricky, but reach out of your comfort zone and try something new. You never know, you might like it.

Neptune

If you’ve ever wondered what’s sexy about water, try going on a date to an aquarium, or take a walk with your favorite person (or people) along a shoreline – there’s something otherworldly about this kind of connection to the world that we live in. Passionate, experimental, confusing – some relationships feel like a hot tap, where it can turn on and off before you’ve ever had the chance to settle into your groove. It can definitely wake you up, even it becomes something which feels a little unsteady. It’s good to learn to be adjustable, and to experience new things, but remember that it’s totally okay to set the limits of what you’re comfortable with.

Pluto

Is it a planet? Is it a celestial snowball? Is this a relationship? Did they just disappear? You might as well call this one Planet of the Ghosts – it was all going so well, and then suddenly it’s been three weeks and where have they gone?. Remember: it’s not your fault, sometimes these things happen. The good news is that one day you’ll be able to look back with a kind of nostalgia, and forgive yourself for going through a difficult time.

Earth

It’s the Goldilocks planet for a reason – is it perfect? Not at all, because relationships so rarely are. There are definitely things which could go better, and there are seasons as things change. There are even some points when it can feel like, well, the end of the world. Yet when it comes down to it, it’s just right.

Remember that these relationships aren’t good or bad on their own, and each one should be exciting in its own way. Relax, enjoy it, and savor that relationship for what it is, and not what you want it to be.

Related to this story? Read more about why sometimes you have to wait until it feels right on Love TV.

15 Sexy Holiday Dates to Get You in the Mood This Festive Season

December 16, 2017January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Looking to spice it up this holiday season? We’ve got some perfect sexy date ideas for you.

The holiday season can be a hectic time of year. Take some time out for your significant other and yourself and enjoy these super sexy dates.

Here are just some ideas on how to make this holiday your sexiest yet.

1. Dinner and a striptease.

Make a cozy dinner together at home with some known aphrodisiac foods. When you’re done, surprise your partner with a sexy striptease with a holiday twist. Santa Baby or better yet, Jingle Bell Rock with the “Plastics” outfit from Mean Girls anyone?

2. A winter workout.

Go for a frosty hike or some old-school sledding. Your flushed cheeks and having to grab on to your guy or girl will be sure to ignite some “warming” up by the fire later.

3. Visit a cozy bar.

Curl up by the fireplace at your favorite cozy bar and get extra cuddly as you sip cold weather cocktails like a Manhattan or hot toddy. All that cuddling in public will inevitably lead to some private fun at home.

4. Take a bubble bath together.

Take an extra soapy, hot bubble bath together. Light some candles and play some smoky, jazzy holiday music (Diana Krall’s “Christmas Songs” is a great pick). It’s your call as to what goes on below the bubbles.

5. Have a snowball fight.

Think about when you were younger and how you flirted by chasing after boys on the playground. Having a snowball fight is a fun and flirty precursor to some seriously hot sex later that night.

6. Bake holiday cookies.

I find baking seriously sexy. Why? Think about how much fun you can have as you make cookies–licking icing off each other’s fingers, flinging flour at each other, kissing lips that taste sweet. Yum.

7. Take a ski weekend.

Go skiing for a weekend together. If you aren’t much of a skier, settle in the cabin’s hot tub with some bubbly and get ready for steamy seductive fun.

8. Take a couple’s massage class.

Sign up to take a couple’s massage class and learn all the techniques that make your partner swoon. There’s nothing like a good massage as foreplay to get you in the mood.

9. Role play—holiday style.

Tongue and Cheek role play together with a holiday theme. Maybe you’re two people in an airport who meet over drinks when their plane is delayed and end up joining the mile high club. You could be home alone while your significant other is traveling for the holidays. Your SO role plays as your neighbor who fulfills your needs just at the right time.

10. Eat a fancy dinner out—and get a little handsy.

Go for a holiday dinner out to a fancy restaurant in town. Get a little kinky under the table with your hands while you wait for your main course to arrive. The thrill of potentially being caught is enough to keep you going for a long time.

11. Watch holiday movies—in your underwear.

Netflix your favorite holiday movie and get cozy in bed or on the couch. Don some sexy lingerie and reindeer antlers and have your guy put on boxers and a Santa hat. See how long you actually watch the movie.

12. Play your favorite childhood games, with a dirty twist.

Heat up some hot chocolate, light a fire and snuggle by the tree. Think of steamy games you played growing up and make them extra racy. Ideas include strip poker or sexy truth or dare. The possibilities are endless!

13. Attend a tree lighting.

Your city or neighborhood tree lighting seems innocent enough right? Not when you make out during the ceremony. Chances are the tree won’t be the only thing lighting up as you two make merry.

14. Get a quickie in during your work’s holiday party.

If you’re headed to your significant other’s work party this season, sneak off during the festivities for a quickie in the bathroom or an office. You’ll be sure to spice up an otherwise boring holiday party.

15. Volunteer.

There’s something positively sexy about doing some good, isn’t there? Volunteer at your favorite organization this season and when you’re done, chances are you’ll feel ready to have a romp in bed when you get home.

These sexy holiday dates will surely get you in the mood this festive season.

Skip the boring old dinner and a movie. Take any of our 15 sexy holiday date ideas and get ready for some seriously hot fun. From dinner and a striptease to an extra fizzy bubble bath, there’s something for every couple to try this holiday.

If you want some advice on how to make the most of your holidays together, check out these romantic relationship tips for the holidays.

In India Your Parents Run Your Dating Profiles to Find You Dates

December 18, 2017January 22, 2024 by Sarah Burrisin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Anita Jain wrote for New York Magazine earlier this year that one day she found herself cc’ed on a surprising email exchange.

“We liked the girl’s profile. The boy is in a good state job in Mississippi and cannot come to New York. The girl must relocate to Mississippi,” the email read.

It isn’t unusual. Murugavel Janakiraman, the founder and CEO Matrimony.com told Online Personals Watch editor Mark Brooks that parents oftentimes set up personals accounts for their children and seek out mates on their behalf.

In India, a lot has changed over the decades, but arranged marriages remain. These days, the choice may come directly from parents, friends or families, and through dating services and apps that use old-fashioned arranged-marriage specifications in a new way to match mates.

Services like the Indian dating site Matrimony.com are using behavioral sciences to better match people. Parents can create the profile for their child, the algorithms can help generate matches that go beyond recommendations from friends and family.

Brooks’ documentary walks through how roguish behavior surfaces and what they do with users who break the rules or create a bad environment for others. It also shows the differences between dating and matrimonials and how the two categories are changing.

Apps aren’t just for flings — in Indian they’re for forever.

While many are looking for marriage and the perfect long term relationship, some have rejected the whole system.

One bachelor in India confessed that he’s more interested in hook-up apps thank thinking about his future wife. In fact, he doesn’t even like to use the word “date” when he meets a woman.

“It’s weird, it’s like a very heavy word to use,” Shivam told Brooks in the video above. “It’s like, it’s a lot of pressure when you call it a date.”

He explained that it’s easier when people call it “hanging out.” But after two people hang out a few times, things get serious.

“In my personal experience it’s always been, like, you meet once, you meet twice, you meet thrice and then, ‘Hey, where do you think this is going?'” Shivam said.

More often than not, swiping right leads straight to engagement.

Courtship periods are much more prevalent today. When arranged marriages were the only way, brides could meet their spouse to be at the wedding. Today, in both family-arranged and in “self-arranged marriages,” longer engagements are a way couples can get to know each other.

Ashiba Jain told The Times of India that six to eight months was perfect to give her and her fiance the time they needed to interact.

“During our six- month engagement, my husband and I would meet every day, though it became less frequent as we approached the D-day. But it was during these meetings that we really got to know each other,” she said.

Right now, marriage is the last thing on Shivam’s mind. He explained in an interview that he’s not sure if he’ll ever get married. He’s only using the hook-up apps.

“In India, normally there’s a lot of pressure on girls to marry, 25 and after that,” Shivam confessed.

The interview with Shivam is the first in a three-part series exploring the uniqueness of dating, marriage and love in Indian culture. Stay Tuned for our next installment featuring Pranjal, a young woman whose mother set up her Matromony.com profile.

For more about modern dating check out “Openers or Nope-ners: What Kind Of First Message Should You Send On Dating Apps?” or “5 Hopeful Dating Tips, From A Woman Who Finally Found Love.”