Caught Between Two Boys? One Woman Shares Her Advice

Trying to figure out how to choose between two guys? These ways to “love out loud” might just help you make the choice.

I’ve never been in a relationship!

I used to use the excuse of school or work or Jesus. But they were just excuses. They weren’t true then and they’re not even anything I can use as an excuse now. I’m currently at a place where I’m open to doing the relationship thing (as open as a closed off person can be anyway) — and it’s the worst!

Now that my heart is open, I find myself feeling things for many guys — and two in particular.

One is attentive, and so blatantly interested in me that I don’t have any doubts he’d say yes if I asked him to go out to dinner. If I were a normal person, we’d probably have made out by now or more! But, I’m not a normal person. So it’s a walk to the train. It’s a hug after the walk to the train. And I’m scared. What comes after the hug?

The other guy I was interested in I met a few weeks before this guy, but his attention belongs to many others. I was almost certain he was interested in me, but now I’m not sure it’s interest beyond what he would have for any other woman. He’s a charming, affectionate fellow.

Trying to figure out how to choose between two guys is killing me. Because even though the other guy is almost a done deal, I am not able to turn off my heart for the other guy. And maybe he is not interested at all, or maybe he is, but he’s just as scared as I am. I want to stop feeling for him. But, I feel bad for the other guy because even though he’s great and wonderful and I enjoy our conversations, I would rather return to feeling nothing because I don’t want to hurt him.

Woman Lost In Thought

It hurts to feel so much for so many people.

The healthy thing would be to move forward with the one who seems more interested, but God forbid the other one steps up. Then what?

I don’t know how people to do it. Commitment truly is a choice. You could fall for anyone. You could give your heart to anyone. I have this fear that if I were to choose one I could miss out on the other one. Or if I choose one, I could break someone’s heart.

I don’t fancy myself a heartbreaker. I don’t want to be the source of anyone’s pain while I’m figuring out how to choose between two guys. But, in not wanting to be the source of anyone’s pain, am I being the source of my own pain?

What if I spoke up? What if I said to the one guy, “Hey, I am interested in you! Are we going to do this or not?” If he said no then I would be free to let go. I’d be sad, but then I wouldn’t be stuck in limbo. If he said yes then I could move forward and see if he’s at all someone I’d be interested in. Then I carry on with my life and love more, meet more people, and do things I thought were impossible!

Fear lets the monsters underneath our beds grow.

Even though they are hiding under our beds they hold us captive. When we turn on the light we’ll see there was nothing to fear at all!

It’s important we speak up. It does us no good to stay silent.

Young woman relaxing

Here are five ways to “love out loud” so we can be fair in our pursuit of romance:

  • Don’t assume someone is or isn’t interested in you. Go make the move. Rejection hurts, but the not knowing isn’t a healthy way to live either. It keeps you stagnant.
  • Don’t be afraid to date more than one person. You don’t have to commit forever to anyone. Just commit to date. Or not. This isn’t Pride and Prejudice.
  • Don’t live your life based on signs. Signs are cryptic. People spend forever attempting to decipher them. But, no one really knows. Unless they ask the person who put up the signs!
  • Someone saying no to you doesn’t mean you’re less than. You’re not interested in everyone and not everyone is interested in you. A crushing blow, but once you accept that you’ll be free to stop feeling pity for yourself.
  • You are worth more than uncertainty.

I seldom take my own advice. It might be time to return to therapy so I can have someone holding my hand while I figure things out. Or I could just take a risk and hold my own hand as I think on how to choose between two guys! Stay tuned!

For more reading on modern dating, check out these very specific tips on how to choose between two potential mates, or this article about the pros of dating someone who “scares” you.

Related Post

Comments

comments

Caught Between Two Boys? One Woman Shares Her Advice

About The Author
- Clementine Frances is a renaissance woman based in Brooklyn.