RELATIONSHIPS Archives - Page 15 of 24

8 Ways You Can Survive Awkward Holiday Situations With Your Significant Other

December 19, 2017January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me… some totally awkward family holiday encounters.

Holidays: a time of yummy food, festive parties, and your crazy Aunt Suzy judging everyone’s outfits (c’mon Aunt Suzy, be cool). But family holiday time can be especially crazy if you’re a couple. Whether you’re in a new relationship or have been together for years, you know you’ll have to face whatever your family (or your SO’s family) dishes out during the holidays. And sometimes, it can get awkward.

Are you ready for the “so when are you guys getting married” question? Uhg! No one is. What’s your game plan for when your boyfriend’s mom cuts you off some turkey but you don’t eat meat? What on earth are you going to bring as a gift? Here are some tips on how to gracefully get through the holiday season with your honey.

1. What to do with the “when are you getting married” questions.

These are the worst. Questions about your relationship can be so intrusive, and, if you and your SO haven’t talked about things like marriage yet, it can be extra weird. The bad news is that these queries never stop.

You might be thinking: “hey, won’t people stop asking once we get married?” No, no they won’t. It’ll just turn into the when-are-you-having-kids question and then the when-are-you-having-another-kid question until it’s the when-are-your-kids-having-kids question, until, I assume, you die.

By now, I’ve tried every answer in the book. From the jokey: “I’m still holding out for Chris Pine” to the polite brush off: “we’re not really sure right now” and had mixed results. But eventually, I found a line that works almost all the time.

The next time someone asks your when you guys are getting hitched, try this: “It’s so nice that you care about our relationship. The two of us haven’t come to a decision about that yet, but when we do have news you’ll surely be one of the first to know.” It’s polite but doesn’t encourage further discussion. It suggests that you’ve talked about it before, but respects your privacy. It’s vague and I love it.

2. Here’s how you can handle dietary restrictions at holiday dinners.

I’m a vegetarian and my fiance is allergic to dairy. I know: we’re the worst to have over for dinner. We’ve both run into the awkward “sorry, I can’t eat that” at each others’ family’s house and it’s tough.

I hate it when my fiancé’s parents spend all day making a turkey or ham and I have to tell them I can’t eat it. I hate sounding ungrateful and I’m always afraid that his family will think I’m making an excuse to not eat their food. And for my fiancé, it’s a different (but perhaps worse) situation where he might really want to eat those cheesy mashed potatoes but he can’t without having an allergic reaction. Bummer.

If you have a dietary restriction, there are a few things that you can do to prepare:

If it’s your family’s house you two are visiting, make sure there will be things your SO can eat. He/she will really appreciate it and it’s a great way to show you care.

If you’re going to their family house, bring a dish you can eat. It’s nice to bring a little something when you go to someone’s house, plus, you know you’ll have at least one thing to eat. In addition, see if your SO can mention your dietary restriction to their family. It’s nice to be upfront, and if your beau can casually mention your peanut allergy before the visit, that’s all the better.

When it comes to the day of: be honest about what you can have, eat what you can, and if needed, grab some drive-through later.

3. Here’s what you can do with presents for your significant other’s family.

A lot of families exchange gifts during the holidays. A present exchange might be a ton of fun in your family, but when you’re going to someone else’s house it can cause stress.

You might not know if you should show up with gifts, and if so, what kind. You might not know everyone in the family (and what they like), and, if your date has a big crew you might not be able to afford to get a gift for every single person.

One great idea is to bring a wine and snack gift basket. It’s communal, tasty, and won’t break the bank. Bringing a snack gift can even become a tradition. I have an aunt who, in lieu of gifts, makes cookies every year and brings cute Christmas tins full of cookies for everyone… and it’s amazing. I look forward to those cookies every year and the holidays just wouldn’t be the same without them.

4. Be cautious with those holiday cocktails.

Alcohol is often free-flowing during holiday events and it’s easy loose track of how many times you’ve topped off your merlot. You don’t want to get into a situation where you (or your beau) has too much to drink or it could mean major embarrassment.

You want to be on your best behavior when visiting someone else’s family and sometimes that means switching to the virgin eggnog early. Talk to your partner about how much you both plan to drink beforehand and encourage each other to stick to just one or two cocktails with family, you’ll be glad you did.

5. Talking politics at your significant other’s holiday meal might actually be cool.

While most people think discussing politics at family gatherings is taboo, it might not be totally off the table. Some families like talking about current events, and if your family is one of those, they might find it rude if your boyfriend or girlfriend keeps trying to change the subject.

As long as everyone is polite and thoughtful, some deeper conversation might be a relief from typical small talk. Plus, if your SO and your family have the same views, it might be a great way to bond.

Talk to your sweetie about the climate of your family gatherings and what’s typical. If you’re both well-informed you’ll be able to steer the conversation in the right direction.

6. Here’s what you can do if you’re dealing with a challenging family.

Whether it be a backhanded compliment or full-on mean remark, family is famous for being rude to dates. You might end up apologizing for your dad’s remark about your new girlfriend’s job or you might find yourself taken aback by an unwelcome critique of your haircut. No matter what, rude family is tough.

If you wind up on the receiving end, brush it off with humor. If his mom says something about your clothes, try your best to make a joke about it and change the subject.

If your family’s the one causing trouble, shut it down early. Don’t be afraid to take your sister to the side and tell her to stop picking on your date. If a warning doesn’t work, know when to start heading home. It might seem harsh to leave early on a holiday, but if someone’s really causing problems, make sure they know it won’t be tolerated.

7. When things get to be a little too much with the family — there’s always the bathroom.

I love the bathroom. I really do. It’s where I go when I need to smell my pits to make sure I’M not that weird thing Aunt Carrie was smelling. It’s where I go to check if there’s spinach in my teeth, and it’s the place I go to wait out the storm at the table.

Perfectly planned bathroom breaks are the best when your boyfriend’s parents start to bicker again. It’s also super handy when your girlfriend’s uncle wants to show everyone the weird mole on his back. It’s shaped like Michigan? That’ so interesting, Frank. Excuse me, I need to use the restroom. Done.

8. The most important thing to know at a holiday dinner is when to leave.

Leaving: the most important part of your evening. While you might be having a blast hanging out with your family, know that your SO might be getting bored. Hanging out with new people (or people they don’t know very well) might not seem like such a blast for them.

Before you arrive, talk about how long you want to stay at your holiday gathering and set a time range for when you’d like to head out. You might also want to make a sign (or get a code word) to use if you’re ready to go home early. Communicating beforehand will put you two on the same page and will help you end the night gracefully.

Spending time with your SO’s family during the holidays can be challenging and awkward, but it can also be a ton of fun. It’s a great opportunity to get to know more about the important people in your boyfriend/girlfriend’s life, make some memories, and have a good time. Just remember these eight tips, and your holiday gathering is sure to be a success.

For more wedding day advice, check out “Picking And Choosing Wedding Advice That Works For You” or “7 Things I Learned From Marriage That I Couldn’t Learn Anywhere Else.”

Baby, It’s Cold Outside! Let’s Get Closer: Top Ways to Connect With Your Partner When the Winter Weather Outside is Frightful

December 20, 2017January 22, 2024 by Kelley Lynnin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

You know the rest of the song. “But the fire is so delightful. And as long as you love me so, let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!”

Sure, cuddling by a warm fireplace sounds all comfy and cozy during the holidays, and during the cold winter months. But what about dating tips for once Christmas and New Year’s is over? What about when it’s January, February, or the dreaded month of March, when it feels like it’s been freezing cold and snowing for 15,000 years, and the romance of the fireplace has worn off but your love hasn’t. What then?

Here are some fun and unique dating tips to stay connected to your partner, on those days and weeks when you are stuck inside. This list of fun and sometimes sexy activities will be so fun, you might be begging for more snow in April!

It’s time to have a snowman contest:

Anyone can go outside and build a snowman. Why not make it extra fun and unique? Try making it a contest, with a theme.

You have an hour to build your own snowman, and the best looking one wins. Build them side by side, and when you are finished, take a picture to post on social media. Let your friends vote on the winner, and then make a private bet for what the loser has to do to make the winner happy. Later on. In bed.

To put a twist on this, part of your contest could be a themed snowmen, such as “celebrity snowmen,” or making a Snowman that looks like your partner. This could provide plenty of laughter and lots of amazing memories for years to come.

You can create intimacy through music:

This is something that my partner and I do quite often, and each time, it is surprisingly moving, as well as an intense way for us to connect.

We choose 3 songs each (you can choose one to start, if three is too many), and we bring them to the CD player and play them for the other person.

We find songs that remind us of each other, of our love, or of something we want to express to one another in that moment. We take turns playing them for each other, with a short explanation of why we chose that particular song.

Some of them are silly, funny, romantic, or sweet. Others might be very deep, with profound lyrics that have a lot of meaning to us.

Everytime we do this, I feel like it brings us closer, and it also helps us learn a bit more about each other, through music.

You can do this in your living room, bedroom, or even in your car, while taking breaks from kissing.

Try making a sexy new recipe together:

Any couple can cook together, but when it’s as cold as a freezer outside, and your hands feel like popsicles, it might be fun to find new ways to be together in the kitchen.

If one of you is a great cook and the other isn’t, perhaps a cooking class with a favorite dish is in order. You can cook it together and then have dinner together with some romantic ambiance.

If both of you can cook, but you’re sick of eating the same meals over and over again, this is the perfect opportunity to try something new and different.. Take to the internet, look up some unique and fun recipes, and pick something special to attempt cooking together.

If it’s a hit, you’ve got a new meal to add to your repertoire. If it’s terrible, you have another great new memory together, and another reason to laugh with one another.

Watch stand-up comedy clips and laugh all night together:

Laughter is one of the absolute best ways to connect with another human being, especially someone that you love. Genuine laughter often leads to feelings of intimacy, which leads to teasing and back and forth banter with delicious flirting madness.

When my partner and I are giggling together over something silly, it almost always turns into more hugging, more kissing, and more of everything else. Trust me on this.

Being mostly homebound for weeks at a time, due to freezing cold or icy weather, can lead to a lot of movie watching. This time, forget the movies. Put your TV on YouTube, or Netflix, and finding some short comedy specials, or clips of favorite or classic stand-up comedians.

You can take turns at the remote, introducing a new comedian to your partner, or re-sharing a classic Carol Burnett sketch that maybe they haven’t seen. Going to sleep at the end of the day, after having just laughed a good amount, is a pretty great feeling.

Try to brave the cold and take a ski lesson together:

Not everyone lives near a ski slope, but if you are reading this article, you probably live in an area that has cold weather or winters. Have you ever tried skiing? It’s one big opportunity for laughter.

Skiing is fun, but it’s not easy. Taking a first-time lesson together on the beginner bunny slope with an instructor teaching you how to stand up and then move, can be fun and silly time. You can reward yourself afterwards with some hot cocoa and brownies or cookies back at home.

Another option is to find a local skating rink or hockey game. Any kind of one-time class can be a fun adventure to do together, and another way to stay clear of doing “the same old things.”

If you can’t go outside, try something new in the bedroom:

What better time to spice up your love life, than when you are stuck inside together during cold winter months? Having a lot of intimate time is a wonderful thing, but sometimes it can become repetitive.

A cold winter’s day is a perfect time to sit down with your partner, and each of you can share a fantasy you might like to try. Or, if you are too shy to tell each other, write down ten fantasy scenarios, put them in a bowl and pick one out. You can write two or three that are “real” fantasies and and the others can be fakes.

You can take turns reading them out loud, and try guessing which ones are the actual fantasies your partner wrote down. The next step is making them happen!

This can be another super fun way to get close again, turn each other on, and to keep discovering new things to love about your partner.

It’s certainly cold out there, but, baby, we’ve got a lot that we can dodo!!!

For more articles about dating tips check out, 15 Sexy Holiday Dates to Get You in the Mood This Festive Season or 10 Signs Of A Healthy Relationship According To Experts.

Beyond the Gender Norm: Taking a Married Name

December 21, 2017January 22, 2024 by ElisaShoenbergerin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

I realized that there were far more stories to tell about this, especially beyond the heterosexual continuum.

When a person gets married, they are presented with a choice: do they take their spouse’s name or not? How does gender and societal expectations play into it?

Several months ago, I reported on my own experiences when I got married and the decisions of two women who made their own choices about taking a married name. I elected to keep my name in part to honor my own family, a disinclination for the process and a few other reasons. For the two I interviewed, their decisions had little to do with tradition.

When the article came out, I was astonished to find out how many people responded. People I hadn’t heard of were telling me about their experiences. It was more than an either or: take the name or not. There are many more additional possibilities including combining names, and even creating new names.

I talked to three more couples about their experiences when they married. Names have been changed for anonymity.

Her husband decided to hyphenate his name too.

On a bright Sunday morning in October, I met with a lovely couple in a local coffee shop: “Samantha and Lawrence.” Lawrence had made the decision to hyphenate his name with Samatha’s.

“I had been given my grandfather’s name as my middle name because my mom very much valued her family name. I didn’t,” he said.

He went on to say that he comes from a very large family.

“While I love my mom and dad, I didn’t have an attachment to that idea.,” Lawrence continued. “So, when I got married, I just figured I would change my name. I think that hyphenating my name has made me closer to [her] family, which I really enjoy.”

Lawrence told me that he’s heard of those who take pride in their name.

“I know a lot of guys feel that they have to spread their name, but I have no intention of having children, I think helps part of it,” he said.

When I asked how his family handled his decision, he told me his parents are in denial.

“My mom still writes checks to me under my [old name],” he said.

When I questioned Samantha about how her family reacted to his decision, she said they loved it.

“My family really likes that he’s into the name,” she said.” I think my dad really likes it a lot. Not in ‘you have to pass it down’ but as a gesture, you’ve become part of this. It feels more inclusive.”

Lawrence noted that the federal government makes it easy to change your name. “It takes about 15 minutes,” he said.

However, the state they live in is a different process. “I have been trying for three and half years to change my name on all documents… the State of Illinois refuses to do it unless I provide a marriage license, proof that I have changed my name with the federal government, three pieces of mail and some other stuff.”

His former colleagues at the company he worked when they got married were fine with it. His friends don’t call each other by their last name.

“With Internet culture, it’s much easier to have a different last name then you actually have.” his wife added. “We have a shared name on Facebook, so we have the sense that we are totally together without having to jump through any of the bureaucratic hoops.”

I asked Samantha about her decision not to change her name and she told me, “I never thought I would change my name.

“I never had any intention of doing so from an early age,” she said.” I decided I would never get married. If I got married by some strange coincidence, I would stick with what I liked. This is partially based a lot on feminist ideal.”

She explained that her mother didn’t change her name and was a model for her.

“It seemed difficulty to functionally change your name in society,” she continued.The bureaucracy of it. As [my husband] was going through it, I was like this was as terrible as I thought.”

There are also professional considerations to take into account.

Lawrence and Samantha did note that they considered creating a new surname entirely.

“I believe we were going with Bloodaxe for a long period of time. Because it sounds real badass…I pulled back,” she said. “We both decided this was not, perhaps, how we wanted to be known at age 75.”

At the end of our interview, Lawrence indicated it’s something he thinks more men should try.

“It’s one of the few pieces of toxic masculinity that I kinda find surprising in people.,” he said. “Some guys are just really resistant against this when they would be otherwise great feminists. It seems like one of those things: ‘Why would I even do this?’

He explained that, for him, it wasn’t a hesitation. “I wanted to be part of this family and I had in a way make myself closer to it. So I did it.”

Deciding which last name to take after the wedding might be easier for two men.

A young gay couple in a bustling sandwich shop explained how things are easier for them. Nearby us, a guitarist crooned classic folk and rock and roll songs.

I asked “Walter and Mark” about their decision not to change their names when they got married two years ago.

“We benefit in this regard from the same thing that our wedding benefited from, which is nobody has any preset expectations about a gay marriage,” Walter explained. ”In fact, it’s because of that. So far, we have not changed our names because people do not expect men to. We just figured it would be much more of a hassle than it would be for a woman, who people expect to have a maiden name or a hyphenated name.”

He said that for a man to change his name he thought people would find it suspicious or confusing. But there were other considerations. Mark is not currently a US citizen and explained, “That really complicated things. Changing your name whilst applying for your permanent residency.”

“My parents hyphenate our names when they send us packages.,” Mark said when explaining how others respond respond to their decision. “And our dogs have hyphenated names but we don’t.”

Walter noted that his father had a different reaction. He was offended Walter’s sister-in-law didn’t change her name when she and Walter’s brother married.

“I was talking to him about us doing it. He said, ‘Yeah, it would be silly for two men to change their name,’” Walter said.“Which is kinda sexist. I then I said, if we did change it, [we would hyphenate it one way]. He immediately said, ‘That sounds really cool. You should change it.’ Because it’s an aristocratic sounding name.”

At the end of the interview, Mark noted that no one has ever asked him about their married name before.

It felt very heteronormative to ask Molly to change her last name.

My final interview was with a young lesbian couple who just had their first child.

“Molly and Megan” decided what made them hyphenate their names when they married.

“I didn’t want to lose my last name.,” Megan said. “I had a lot of identity wrapped up in it. Ironically, I am more connected to my mom’s side of the family, but the last name is very Irish and I connect with my Irish roots.”

She explained that it felt heteronormative to ask Molly to change her name.

“We also knew we wanted to have kids and we wanted to share a last name with them, especially since I wouldn’t be connected genetically to them,” Megan continued. “Molly’s last name is already hyphenated and I certainly wasn’t going to have a triple hyphenated last name! She had a connection with [one of] the last name[s] so we hyphenated [with that].”

Neither of their families had a strong reaction and friends don’t care much either.

“The public in general is very confused by hyphenated last names and online forms often don’t let you add special characters,” Megan said. “So my name is now constantly being butchered, which is annoying.”

Sometimes the way a last name sounds determines

From these interviews, similar themes arose from my original interview. The issue of bureaucracy was a major one. Changing names has implications for one’s career or even citizenship. There’s the bureaucratic hurdles of simply getting a named changed, especially in Illinois.

I was also struck by the issue of aesthetic of the names themselves. There was a sense with almost everyone about how certain names sounded better together, whether it was a first and last name, or the order of hyphenating names. There was simply a more harmonious way to combine names.

I briefly considered hyphenating my name with my husband’s but recalled how complicated it was to spell my last name as a dyslexic school child. As for creating a new surname, my husband and I considered combining our names in interesting ways: Shiz, Shoenpriz, Prizenberger…but none seemed to satisfy either of us.

One interesting theme that came up was the issue of children. Both Megan and Molly and Mark and Walter mentioned that they wanted to change their name if they had kids while Samantha and Lawrence specifically mentioned they were not.

That became the problem with my own long last name as a child. My mom told me that was part of her rationale for changing her name. My husband and I haven’t really discussed how we’ll handle this possibility but it’s an important consideration. Especially in light of my own experiences as a dyslexic child.

I was interested in how society approached the issue of gender when it came to the names. As Mark and Walter noted, no one had any expectation of them to change their names; no one had even asked. Lawrence noted how few men even consider changing or adding their wife’s name to their own.

These contrast with the viewpoints of all the women in my little study. We all had thought about the possibility. As women, we had grown up in a society that expected it. We all just had strong decisions or attachments to our names.

Of course, I should talk to my husband about the possibility of changing our names to the Bookaxes.

Could New Dating Trends In India Help Turn Its Caste System Into A Thing Of The Past?

December 28, 2017January 22, 2024 by Sarah Burrisin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

How India’s new generation of singles is casting aside the caste system.

In India, more and more young people are putting aside tradition while in the pursuit of love. Beyond just eschewing arranged marriages or having casual sex, they’re interested in dating outside of their caste or regional ethnicity not just for the sake of modernity but in pursuit of finding the real thing.

It’s a big deal.

The caste system has dictated social norms in Indian culture for millennia.

The earliest reference to the caste system is in the Manusmriti, an ancient book regarding Hindu law practices that dates back to at least 1000 B.C. Although there are four main categories, each is further divided into tens of thousands of sub-castes that dictate social norms and segregation between communities.

Although discriminatory practices and the “untouchables” categories are outlawed, this form of status is still ingrained in tradition. However, they’re usually seen as an indication of culture than hierarchy.

“It’s about removing friction in a relationship, simply reducing the chances of two people having uncomfortable differences of opinion,” mentions one 2012 report by PRI’s The World. “Caste as an indicator of commonality in terms of things such as food, tradition or culture.”

Matrimonial websites modernized the efficiency of dating while also reinforcing the caste system.

Internet dating has been around in India for some time, first in the form of matrimonial websites that reinforce the typical steps of arranged marriages.

Amour Life, one of India’s biggest traditional dating sites, gave users more choices but reinforced traditions.

“Matrimonial dating sites achieved huge levels of popularity under the caste system as a method to increase the potential marriage pool within someone’s caste,” it says on its website.

As casual dating apps like Tinder and Woo started to permeate the mainstream, so have more modernized ideas around dating.

Despite cultural pressure from traditional Indian cultural norms, many young people are turning to their smart phones in pursuit of love. Although change is slow, it is stead.

“Exposure to western culture has seen the gradual breakdown of the traditional Indian family,” reports The Guardian. “Arranged marriages have become less formal; more people are choosing to live in separate homes to their parents or in-laws; and dating and sex out of wedlock are becoming increasingly common.”

Now young people in India are also interested in getting outside of their regional culture or caste.

In a new documentary by Online Personals Watch editor Mark Brooks, young people in India open up about their dating habits — including their desire to look for love in new communities.

Gaurav, who is interviewed in the film and featured in the clip above, describes how his parents reinforce the traditional thoughts about dating within the caste system tradition.

“See, I’m a Punjabi, so my parents would demand a Punjabi girl for me,” he says. “I am not into all these things. Personally, I would use something like Woo because I want to interact with people first and then come to a conclusion rather than just deciding that I want to marry and I want to meet new people. I would rather meet new people and then decide to marry.”

Another single person featured, Pranjal, agrees and explains how it relates to a larger cultural shift.

“My generation, in a way, we are more open-minded,” she says. “Yes, my parents expect me to find a partner the typical way. But, no. That doesn’t work for me.”

Do these new opinions indicate a change in Indian cultural attitudes toward the caste system?

The popularity of digital dating techniques has changed so much about modern life across the globe. Can it compete with millennia of cultural norms? Only time — and swipes — can tell.

This article is one in a series on modern Indian dating.

Everything I Learned About Having A Successful ‘Friends With Benefits’ Relationship From My Mistakes

December 29, 2017January 22, 2024 by Becca Martinin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Not everyone is cut out for a friends with benefits relationship, and here’s why…

Having a ‘Friends With Benefits’ relationship sounds great from the start but having sex without any strings attached is never as easy as it sounds, at least not for me.

The first time I tried to have a FWB relationship I was young. I was also very naive. I had no idea who I was, what I wanted or how to stand up for myself. All I did know was that I really, really liked the dude and he didn’t reciprocate those feelings but I thought, ‘hey, he liked me enough to hook up with me and if I hook up with him then at least I’d get to spend time with him. Which is the worst possible mindset to have.

For years (yes, years) I hooked up with him, hoping that someday it would turn into more. I wished that one day he’d realize he needed me in his life in other ways. But, no surprise there, that never happened, even after all those years. I held onto false hopes of words I dissected that he let slip out while we were in bed.

It never turned into more. I was disappointed for years but I kept doing it because I didn’t respect myself enough to walk away. I wanted to stay because for the hour or so we’d spend together it would seem worth it at the time.

After all I put myself through with him, I still didn’t learn.

I thought I could be the girl who could just sleep with men and not get attached. I convinced myself that I didn’t need a relationship or another heartbreak. So I tried again.

I pretended to be the ‘cool girl’ that doesn’t actually exist. I tried to convince myself and everyone else that I didn’t care that I wouldn’t go over to Tom’s until at 11 P.M. and leave early in the morning because when the sun came up we didn’t have anything to talk about. I liked to pretend it didn’t hurt.

I told myself I didn’t care that Josh only called when he was drunk and didn’t want to go home alone. I told myself that I was fine, that I could just sleep with these dudes and that nothing would hurt me because I didn’t want to be the “crazy” girl who needed commitment and want someone to actually stick around in the morning.

But I was. I’ve always been that girl and there’s nothing wrong with that. You don’t have to be a FWB person, because most people aren’t cut out for it, myself included and that’s okay.

I learned that you should never – under any circumstances – start a FWB relationship with someone you have feelings for, even if they’re just ‘crush-status’ feelings. They’re still feelings and the more time you spend with this person, especially in bed, will cause those feelings to grow immensely and that will only lead to you getting hurt.

Something I convinced myself of a lot was that if the guy spent more time with me that maybe I could convince him to like me and want more, but the thing is you can’t convince people to like you and you shouldn’t have to.

Sex won’t make someone stay or love you.

Another thing I learned about FWB is that sex won’t make him stay. He will come, have sex with you and he will still leave because he got what he came for. And having him stay the night with you will only make you feel a deeper connection to him. That will get you overthinking and ultimately cause more damage when things blow up because they will blow up if you’re not on the same page.

Communication is the most important thing.

You have to make sure you’re both on the same page from the start and have open communication. Sometimes it’s hard — usually it’s hard, but it’s so important. Without communication nothing works and someone is bound to get hurt.

In my experiences, I’ve always been afraid to bring up what is going on because I didn’t want to scare away the guy. I’ve always felt like guys are terrified of hearing the words, “can we talk about what’s going on here?” And that if I say those words it’s immediately over, but if you’re just sleeping together it’s important to be on the same page. It’s even important to be on the same page when you’re dating, in a relationship, and married. You have to have that open line of communication, because when you don’t things become messy.

Avoid starting a friends with benefits arrangement with someone you’re close to.

You also shouldn’t start a FWB relationship with someone who is important to you or is a big part of your life, like your roommates best friend or someone in your friend circle. If things go south it will become extremely awkward and in a way it will feel like a break up, even though you were never dating. It’s important to be mindful of who you start this relationship with.

If FWB is something you truly want, you have to keep it as focused on hooking up as possible and try to avoid keeping it personal because it’s too easy to become attached or fall for someone when you’re sleeping together and start becoming involved in their personal life. Like I said, FWB relationships aren’t for everyone, they aren’t for most people, honestly and that’s okay.

It’s important to know who you are and what you can actually handle. FWB can be fun, but you have to make sure you’re on the same page, that’s the most important part of the relationship. If you start to develop feelings you have to know it’s time to walk away before you get really attached and hurt. You can’t hold onto the hope you’ve created in your mind that things will work out and he will fall for you. When guys tell you they don’t want a relationship, they mean it and you have to listen.

FWB relationships aren’t for everyone but if you go into them with respect for each other and clear communication then they are doable.

For more ways to please women, check out 16 Women On The One Thing They Appreciate Most From A Man In Bed.

The 9 Best New Year’s Resolutions for Your Relationship

January 1, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Don’t worry–I would never tell you to eat less sugar or start doing pilates for your New Year’s resolution (those sound hard), but if you set the right goals, the new year can bring amazing changes to your relationship.

1. Work on showing gratitude

Gratitude is incredibly important in any relationship. Just hearing a simple “thank you” from a friend or co-worker can brighten anyone’s day, but it’s especially great when your SO tells you how much they appreciate you.

I could be having the worst day ever, but when my fiancé tells me how grateful he is that I made dinner or that I took out the trash, it always brightens up my mood. Just knowing that someone notices my effort makes me feel appreciated and even rejuvenated, and I know that taking the time to notice my fiancé’s efforts goes a long way too.

This year, resolve to show gratitude to your partner more often. Whether you want to take time in the evenings to thank each other for something you did that day, or if you prefer to practice voicing your appreciation whenever you can, showing gratitude can strengthen your bond and make you both happier.

So go ahead, tell your honey how grateful you are that she emptied the dishwasher, tell your boyfriend how much you appreciate it when he makes you lunch. Give her a hug when he surprises you with a gift or give him a smooch when she picks up dinner.

It’s nice to appreciate your partner, and great to be appreciated.

2. Find hobbies that are all your own.

Sure, in an perfect world I’d do everything with my fiancé, we’d have all the same interests and spend all our time together. We’d be unbeatable tennis partners, perform in a two-person band (I’d play ukulele, he’d be on keyboard), and we’d have a TV show as a couple who remodel houses.

But in reality, no two people have all the same interests and, truth be told, there might be times when you don’t really want to spend time with your partner. I love my fiancé more than pizza, but sometimes I really want to do something by myself.

And that’s okay! Actually, it’s prefered. It’s healthy to spend some time without your beau and pursue your own interests or hobbies.

Maybe you want to take a woodshop class and perhaps your significant other wants to join a soccer league — perfect! Following your dreams will make you a happier person (and a better partner) and getting to do something all your own will allow you to bring something special to the relationship.

I like painting, and I love coming home from art class and showing my fiancé what I created. He’s really good with computers, and it always rocks my world when he fixes that darn internet.

So, this year, sit down with your partner and find different things you each want to do. Try to find activities that take place on the same night (so you aren’t missing two evenings of Netflix and chill together) and sign up for them. Are those book club meetings and monster truck fan club meet-ups on the same night? Excellent.

You’ll both learn something new, have fun, make friends, and at the end of the day, you’ll love telling each other all about your adventures.

3. Show an interest in your partner’s work and hobbies.

I know, I know, I just finished telling you about how awesome it is to have separate hobbies…but that doesn’t mean you can’t be interested in what your honey does with his or her time.

I love telling my fiancé about my day and about the people I talked to, and I know it means a lot to him when I show an interest in his work.

Sometimes I may feel my eyes glazing over (a little) when he talks about his very complicated job with all the marketing terms and fancy reports, but I try to get to know more about his work so I can learn more about what he goes through during the day.

4. Try to be a better listener.

This might seem obvious, but being a better listener can make your relationship so much smoother.

You’ve probably been there before: you start telling a story about what your Aunt Mabel did at lunch yesterday, and halfway through the part where she threw the salad at the waiter, your significant other looks up from a magazine and says “were you talking to me?”

Or maybe your significant other was talking about how his friend Joe was on Cake Boss. The story reminds you that you need to pick up flour from the store so you start to think about the grocery list, and before you know it, you missed the whole story.

It’s the worst.

This year, resolve to work on your listening skills together. It’s something that requires practice, so remind yourself to stay engaged in conversation and understand, not just hear, what your partner says.

In the meantime, it’s also a good idea to let your partner know when something you’re going to say is very important. I know it can be hard to focus on each other when there’s a lot going on, but sometimes you need to set aside time for talking (and listening).

When I have a problem and need advice (or just want to vent), I’ll ask my fiance for five minutes to listen to me talk. He’ll take a minute to finish that chapter in a book (or save his video game) and then focus on what I have to say.

I love this tactic because it allows your beau a chance to wrap up what they need to do and give you the attention they need, and it also sends a message to your SO that what you’re going to say is important.

It’s a good way to set up for communication success.

5. Make sure you are happy and healthy.

I have a lot of stress in my life right now: I work all day and go to grad school at night (just thinking about my schedule makes me tired). But in this day and age, a lot of people find themselves overworked or overstressed. Maybe you struggle with anxiety, haven’t been getting enough sleep, or maybe you’re mourning a death in the family.

A relationship isn’t strong without both parties feeling good, so this year, resolve to take care of yourself with some kick-ass self love.

Therapy is a great tool for a lot of people, sometimes you just need a stranger to talk to. Going to the gym is great for stress relief, and if all else fails, scheduling a massage can do wonders.

Taking the time to take care of yourself will make you a happier person, and a better partner.

6. Let the small stuff go.

Just like Elsa, sometimes you need to let things go. If your boyfriend didn’t change the toilet paper roll the 367th time you asked him to do it, he probably won’t change it on the 368th time.

My fiancé never throws things away. He’ll bring a candy bar wrapper within two feet of the trash can, but it won’t actually make it into the bin. Meanwhile, I leave water cups everywhere. At any point in the week you can find at least one cup in the living room, one on the patio, three on the nightstand, and zero in the kitchen cabinet. In the beginning, little things like that drove my fiancé and I bonkers, but eventually, we learned to live with each other’s habits.

The truth is, no couple is perfect. Nobody is truly made for each other or completely compatible. Sometimes the happiest couples are just the ones that let the small issues go so they can appreciate the big things that make them such a great pair.

Maybe your husband is the worst at sweeping the floor, but he’s also a great dad. You didn’t marry him for the clean floors. Let it go, and invest in a cleaning service.

7. Put your phone down.

I don’t mean to sound like a grandma right now, but it’s important to put your phone away… sometimes.

Imagine you’re at a restaurant with your love. You realize that you need to check your email, so you glance at your inbox and see an invitation to your cousin’s birthday party. You realize that, while you’re thinking about it, you should text him to see what he wants for a present. When you’re done texting him you see a message from your mom asking if you can pick up that box of old high school yearbooks.

By the time you put your phone down, all your food came, you had six diet cokes, the server dropped off the bill, and you’ve barely said two words to your partner.

Sometimes, you just need to put your phones away, and enjoy your time together. With such busy schedules and so many things to think about, it’s nice to have a meal where you and your beau can focus on each other.

Plan to have a phone-free meal once and awhile. If you only have time to go out to dinner once a week, make that the date where you put away your devices. You’ll be glad you spent that quality time together.

8. Try and find opportunities to volunteer together.

Lots of people make a New Year’s resolution to put in a couple hours at the soup kitchen or help plant some trees. But volunteering together doesn’t just help your community, it can help your relationship, too.

Every so often my fiancé and I will head over to our local food bank and help organize the donated food. It might not sound very romantic to spend a Saturday afternoon sorting through canned peas and boxes of macaroni and cheese, but we always have fun. We like spending the time together, and volunteering makes us feel good. It’s a far cry from the traditional dinner and a movie date night, and maybe that’s a good thing.

9. Spend time together in the kitchen.

Another popular New Year’s resolution is eating healthier. I make this resolution every year and it lasts about as long as it takes me to find a Taco Bell.

But that doesn’t mean that you can’t make a food-based New Year’s resolution. One great idea is to resolve to make dinners together.

Making a meal together requires teamwork, communication, and coordination. Practicing skills like these can help you grow closer in your relationship. Making dinner at home can also save you money, and it could (brace yourselves) be a roundabout way of eating healthier too.

If you do this right, you’ll spend time together, save some cash, and maybe even cut down on calories all in one resolution. Win-win-win!

The new year is a great time to set goals and work on improving yourself, but with these resolutions, you can improve your relationship too. From learning to listen more closely to volunteering together, these resolutions will surely make your relationship even stronger. What a way to ring in the new year!

For more on setting good New Year’s resolutions for your relationship, check out Passionate Sex Every Day for The New Year—Here is How, Healthy Relationship, Healthy New Year… Here is How and 6 SEX New Year’s Resolutions for Couples.

5 Things you Didn’t know About Polyamorous Relationships

January 3, 2018January 22, 2024 by Lacey McKennain LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS, Sex

I didn’t set out to be Polyamorous (poly). It just…sort of happened.

For the first 5 years of our marriage we were a pretty typical monogamous couple. One day, everything changed.

My husband told me he was attracted to a mutual friend of ours and she felt the same way. That was 5 years ago (and a few new lovers) ago.

Since then I’ve become a bit of an ambassador for this relationship style because it’s made me and my marriage better. So, here are some things you might not know about what it’s like to be in multiple loving relationships at the same time.

1. Polyamory is becoming more mainstream.

When CNN’s homepage features an article called Polyamory: When three isn’t a crowd and Business Insider features an article on how to make a polyamorous relationships work, you get the feeling this oddball thing might be going mainstream. The feeling was confirmed in a more scientific way when Google revealed that two of the top relationship searches of 2017 were about polyamory and open relationships.

Stories of couples who looked the other way while their spouse slept with someone else are as old as the institution of marriage. And while the idea of openly dating and loving multiple people may be just as old, it’s only beginning to find acceptance in American culture today.

2. Poly relationships are different for everyone.

When my husband and I started down this path, one of the more difficult things was that we had no model for this kind of relationship. It wasn’t until then that I realized how much we learned about dating from “Saved by the Bell” and Seventeen magazine. We had others to tell us what we should and shouldn’t do. But with poly, we were pretty much on our own.

Sure, there’s Opening Up and The Ethical Slut. Even after reading that and more, it still felt like the blind leading the blind. As those books will tell you, there is no one right way to go about this.

Some couples never spend the night with their Other Significant Other (OSO), some couples have rules that they got to meet the OSO, other couples never want to meet or hear about the OSO. How were we supposed to know which rules were right for us?

There’s no easy answer. You just go with what feels right and occasionally make mistakes and learn from them that what you thought was acceptable doesn’t work after all.

3. Jealousy can be a challenge … sometimes.

Some poly people have a tough time with jealousy, others almost never experience it. I had a really tough time with jealousy in the beginning. But as I saw that my husband did come back to me, that our life wasn’t destroyed by his having a date with another woman, I began to trust him. And perhaps more importantly, I began to trust this new type of relationship.

Then I found someone. I truly felt comfortable having experienced, for myself, that I could date (and maybe even fall in love with), someone new who doesn’t take anything away from my marriage.

These days, I don’t feel any more jealousy over my husband having a date than some other social obligation. I’m happy that he’s happy — really!

4. Just like regular dating, it’s both fun and heartbreaking

When I started dating my OSO, I had been married for 6 years and had been with my now husband for 10. Falling in love with someone new was a seriously glorious experience. I never thought I would get the opportunity to feel the thrill of being asked by someone I liked on a date. “This is actually going to happen!”

Getting to know someone on that level was enlightening in so many ways. Most importantly, I learned a lot about myself and became more confident. My confidence grew not because I was dating but because there was something I wanted and I was courageous about going after it.

Of course, when that relationship ended I was heartbroken. And it’s been challenging to watch my husband be hurt. But we’ve grown closer and kinder to one another as we’ve supported each other through breakups. This benefit is one of the best things about polyamory; when you break up with someone, you aren’t alone!

5. It can be just as mundane as monogamy sometimes

Anyone practicing polyamory these days will tell you that scheduling can be the single most annoying part of the lifestyle. However, scheduling and time management is something we all navigate, poly or not.

Being stretched too thin and having too much to do is one of the less fantastic attributes of polyamory. But you probably already know what that’s like! Whether you’re spread too thin because of your kid’s ballet lessons or because you want time to spend with your OSO (or both), it’s a drag.

But you have the consolation of knowing that the reason (one of them at least) you’re so busy is because you’re doing something fun, enriching, and outside the bounds of what’s “normal.” “I don’t have as much time as I wish I did to have fabulous sex with my husband and my boyfriend” is a fun “problem” to have.

Exploring Your own Relationship Style

Whether you’re poly, thinking about being poly, or totally happy with monogamy, the good news is the world is becoming a more accepting place. Any relationship style is going to take some work and balance on your part but it’s always worth it in the end. Making connections with other wonderful people (however you go about it) is what life is all about!

If you want to read more about polyamory check out Monogamy = Monotony?—Why Couples Go Rogue, Millions Trying Open Marriage, or How an Open Relationship Can Possibly Work.

Making Long-Distance Relationships Work: How to Stay Connected When Your Love is Far Away

January 9, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kelley Lynnin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Finding love is tricky. Finding someone to love who lives nearby, or at least in a zip code not too far away, can be a challenge. But a long-distance relationship can present a unique opportunity to get close in other ways.

What if you connect with someone on every level, and you really like them a lot, but they are either moving away, or already live far away from you? What should you do? Keep dating them and get emotionally invested? What if it doesn’t work out? Should you continue seeing them, (gulp) long-distance? How does that even work? Can you get frequent-flyer miles for this sort of thing?

There are no guarantees that any relationship will work out in the long-run, so no one can give you a definite answer on that one. However, if you decide to go forward into a long-distance relationship with someone that you care about, there are certainly a few things you can do, to help your new love be as successful as possible.

Many years ago, back in 1998, to be exact, I was hanging out one night on my computer, in an AOL Music Trivia Chat Room. (they were all the rage back then) A man with the screenname “Wayabovepar” entered, and 5 hours later, we were still typing and chatting into the night.

He lived in Florida. I lived in NYC, and then New Jersey. We had a very happy (although challenging) long-distance relationship for almost 7 years, before he finally packed up his life and moved it to New Jersey, to start a new life with me.

We would marry in 2006, and live happily ever after, for 4 years and 9 months. He died at age 46, very suddenly, from a heart attack, and our time together was over. Would I do it all over again, knowing the ending? Of course. Love is always worth the risk. Every single time.

So, for those of you considering entering into a long-distance relationship, here are some ideas that should help you to navigate through it together, and to make it a successful love story.

Communication is key. You should do your best to start and end the day together.

Since you aren’t able to wake up in each other’s arms each morning, waking up to a good morning text or phone call is the next best thing for long-distance couples.

Know each other’s work schedules, at least generally, so that you can give your partner a nice greeting at the start of each day. “Good morning, sweetheart!”, is a lovely way to put a smile on your face, and begin the day with purpose. .

Create an outline or schedule that works for you both, a far as when you will talk each day. My late husband Don and I used to have a “nightly date” around 9pm each weeknight, where we would sit at our computers and talk on Instant Messenger. Then most nights, we would call each other for the last few minutes, to hear each other’s voices, and to say goodnight.

Set up something similar that works for the two of you, but make sure that communication is happening regularly.

Try to get as creative as possible, to make up for lack of physical time together.

It is really hard to not physically see the person you are in a relationship with, on a regular basis. However, there are several things you can do to help someone feel special, and to make up for the time you can’t be together in the same place.

My partner and I used to make care packages for each other. We would fill them with homemade cookies, goodies, magazine articles we thought the other might like to read, sexy or fun pictures (we didnt have cell phones yet, so we had to get pretty creative), and more.

We also used to make each other “mix tapes”, filled with songs we wanted the other person to hear. I used to mail him a few movies at a time that I owned, and he would watch them, and then give me his review. We would also send cards and love letters, quite often.

We would do these kinds of things spontaneously, in order to keep things fun and romantic, and to let the other person know they were being thought of.

These days, it’s easier than ever to find multiple ways to get creative. Talk to each other on Facetime or Skype. Play a board game or other game together this way. Watch a movie together on your laptops. Eat dinner together, or a nightly cup of coffee to talk about your day.

Make a short video for the other person, where you take them through a favorite neighborhood in your town, or where you just flirt with them for a few minutes and make them feel wanted. This kind of creativity is extremely important when you are miles and miles apart.

Have a plan in place for the future, and discuss your expectations.

This might seem obvious, but you’d be surprised at how many couples go into a long-distance relationship, without talking about their needs and wants for the future. If you are putting your time and energy into this person, you should at least begin discussing what your end goal is.

Will one of you be moving, eventually, to be closer to the other? If so, who? And when? Are you exclusive and committed to each other, even while this far away? How many times per month/year do you expect to see each other? Will you take turns traveling?

These are important things to know, because not everyone is capable of handling the same situation. Our long-distance relationship stretched over 7 years. I couldn’t have done it if I didn’t feel comfortable that we had a definite plan for him to relocate to where I lived.

Because he was leaving his life behind to come be with me, his expectation was that it was leading to marriage. He didn’t want to move his entire life somewhere new, unless this was the real thing. Both parties in the relationship need to be on the same page as to where this is going and when, in order for it to work.

Always keep each other in the loop when it comes to big life changes and events.

When you don’t see someone everyday, it’s easy for things to fall through the cracks when it comes to information. If you’re having a bad day, or a hard week, or if you had a wonderful thing happen to you at work, or you have to attend a good friend’s funeral – your partner should know about all that.

The thing you want to avoid is your partner not knowing what is going on in your life, and you in theirs. Keep each other informed, and be there for each other, whenever and however you can. When you’re far away, it’s even more important that you feel like the person you are doing all this sacrificing for, has your back.

This is the part where I tell you to have phone sex or cyber sex together.

You knew it was coming.(Get it? “Coming?”) It’s vital that you make priority time for one another, to be intimate in whatever ways you can be together.

There are many ways to do this in today’s modern technology world, so find what works for the two of you, and go for it. Make sexy videos. Plan a hot phone call. Create fantasies together and then bring them to life. Talk about all the naughty things you want to do next time you see each other. You get the idea.

Bottom line: Sex is important, especially when you are in a long-distant relationship.

If visits are an option, do it as much as you can.

People are in long-distance relationships for all sorts of reasons, and sometimes visiting is not an option (such as a partner in active duty military). If you are lucky enough to have the option to make visits to one another, plan them as carefully and as often as you can, and make them a priority.

Each time you see each other again and spend more time together in person, you will discover new parts of this person, and you will learn more about them. This will help you to know what they might be like on a day to day basis, and may help you determine what will eventually come of the relationship.

If it’s with the right person, and you both work at it, long-distance relationships can be very happy and successful. If I hadn’t have been willing all those years ago, to be patient and date this person even though he lived far away, I wouldn’t have met and fell in love with, one of the most beautiful people I have ever known.

Love is always worth the risk. Every single time.

For more ways to make your relationship stronger, check out “Normal” Sex for a Long-Distance Couple, 5 Ways You Can Make a Long Distance Relationship Work, or Long Distance Relationships: Do They Make the Heart Grow Fonder?.

A True Love Confession About Learning Love

January 9, 2018January 22, 2024 by Sierra Mercierin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

I have a confession, a true love confession, I want you to know that I’m learning these lessons along the way with you. I’m not a love guru, my lessons are not the answers, they’re just what’s worked for me and has helped open my life up to receiving love.

I’m also actively applying these lessons to my own relationship. I hope that you’re able to apply these lessons to your relationships, and please let me know what’s working for you, what’s not, and if there’s anything you’re seeking in love that I haven’t talked about yet. Let’s learn and love together!

Tune in next time, for more True Love Lessons, and confessions, with Sierra!

Here are 5 Resolutions to Empower Women After the #MeToo Movement

January 9, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Women’s Christmas present to America was an outburst of honesty, bravery, and a whole bunch of eye-opening truth bombs. My New Year’s resolution is to help do more to support #MeToo.

Every year in December I look back on the big things that happened that year. It’s therapeutic to reflect on my accomplishments and write my thoughts down in a journal. I make notes on how I’ve grown, what I’ve done, and how the world changed.

This year, I did a lot: I finally figured out what to do when the internet stops working at my house, I won eleven dollars on two seperate lotto scratchers (Las Vegas here I come), and finally figured out how to do sit-ups properly (they’re way harder than I thought).

But more importantly, I helped bring sexual harassment into the spotlight and take down predators who took advantage of less powerful men and women. Of course, I wasn’t alone — I joined a chorus of brave voices standing for change.

Since the New York Times reported sexual harassment allegations on Harvey Weinstein in October, women have been stepping forward in droves to name their harassers. It seems that everyone has a story they want to share: from co-workers, to parents, to friends we haven’t seen in years.

As a woman, life can be challenging. Women are often afraid for their safety and well-being, and not without reason. Studies show that one out of every six women will be a victim of attempted or completed rape within her lifetime.

But that’s not to say sexual harassment or violence is only a threat to women. Studies also show that one in ten rape victims are male and one in every thirty-three men are the victims of attempted or completed rape.

So while this certainly isn’t an exclusively female issue, women still stand as the majority of victims. This, when paired with unequal pay and rates of domestic abuse against women, makes for a grim reality.

Every woman I know has a story about being harassed or taken advantage of. But, finally, after struggling through years, nay, centuries of mistreatment and silencing, women are finally being heard. They’re being listened to, and being allowed to tell their stories.

Suddenly, employers care about reporting inappropriate behavior, about creating a better workplace, and making sure this doesn’t happen to others. The internet is filled with stories on how to fight back against harassment, how to help survivors, and even how to raise children that won’t mistreat others. It’s about time.

I’m amazed at the heroism of these women, the ones who told their stories in 2017, and every one before that. Telling the story of what was probably the worst time of your life, the most embarrassing and dehumanizing, can be incredibly challenging.

It can be even more intimidating knowing that many people might not believe you, try to discredit you, or say you have ulterior motives. Every woman who has ever stepped forward has had to face all of that. And every person who has been able to tell their story should be applauded for their bravery.

These women are helping change a generation. And while I’m so proud of everything we’ve accomplished in 2017, I want to make sure that all of this continues in 2018.

Here are some resolutions you can make this year to help continue the movement.

1. Help each other out.

I once had a friend at work who was often scheduled in shifts with an older co-worker. She was 18, and when this 30-something man starting hitting on her, she told him right away that she wasn’t interested. She expected his advances to stop, but when he started saying sexual things to her and began touching her inappropriately, she became scared.

She mentioned her problem to me one day and told me about how the man made her uncomfortable. She was new to the job and didn’t want to cause any trouble, and the man was known for being a good worker. She felt stuck.

I told her how serious this was, how what he was doing wasn’t right, and, when she was ready, I went with her to Human Resources. I waited for her as she made a written statement and told her to call me if she needed anything. Soon after, the man was let go.

If I hadn’t listened to my friend, supported her, and helped her go to HR, that guy would probably still be working there.

It’s easy to tell yourself that something is none of your business, to ignore an issue by reasoning that it’s “not your problem.” But we all have to live in this world, and staying silent helps no one. If you can help someone, do it. New employees, especially those who are young or inexperienced, might be scared or not know what to do when they encounter harassment. Helping someone might mean saving them from a nightmare.

2. See something? Say something.

While you should definitely help someone if you know they’re being harassed, it’s also important to point out anything that seems fishy.

In February 2017, a flight attendant, saved a teen from human trafficking because she felt something wasn’t right. It pays to follow your gut and call attention to whatever seems strange. Whether your friend is acting odd or your co-worker is noticeably avoiding someone, don’t ignore it. If something doesn’t seem right, it probably isn’t.

3. Stop the “it’s not so bad” mentality.

You might brush off the occasional uncomfortable interaction with someone from work. Maybe you think something’s not big enough to blow the whistle on, so you try to forget about it. But don’t let those things slide.

If someone is being inappropriate to you, they’re probably doing it to a lot of other people as well, or will do it to others in the future. Even if their actions “aren’t that bad” think about how many people he or she could be treating this way as well. If 20 people had the same “uncomfortable but not serious” interactions, that really means something. Plus, if the perpetrator thinks they can get away with inappropriate behavior, they might try something worse in the future.

Let people know when these “not so bad” incidents happen. Let your co-workers know. Even if your voice doesn’t feel very big, it can be made stronger by those around you.

4. Keep an open mind and provide a safe space.

If you’re an employer or a manager, work this year to keep an open door, have an open mind, and provide a safe space for employees to talk to you. The best thing you can do for your employees and your company is to make sure your workers are comfortable and feel safe in their workplace, which might mean dealing with some uncomfortable things.

Make sure that people feel like they can talk to you. Stay open-minded and investigate complaints. You’ll gain respect from your employees and you’ll be able to correct issues fast.

5. Talk to someone about it

The #metoo campaign was so powerful because it showed how many women were affected by sexual harassment, but it also gave women a platform to tell their stories. It encouraged women to speak up — and a woman’s voice is a powerful thing. Continue talking, telling, and listening in 2018.

These five resolutions are a great way to kick off your year. They’ll help you support the brave men and women who stepped forward to tell their stories — and help make a change. By the end of the year, I know you’ll be especially proud of all that you did in 2018.

The Difference Between Finding “The One” and “Someone”: A Note on Soulmates

January 10, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

For many, trying to find “the one” is an epic journey filled with pitfalls, quicksand, twists, turns, and lots of surprises. But if you know what to look for, the journey might surprise you.

In just a few months, I’m getting married to the perfect guy for me. We laugh together, play games together, and, even after all these years, we want to spend all our time with each other. My friends always tell me I’m so lucky to have found my soulmate, my other half, “the one.”

And while I feel blessed in my relationship, I don’t think I’m lucky because I found “the one.” I think I’m lucky because I found someone I’m compatible with, and over the years, we were able to grow together and get closer until we got to be a such a great fit. Finding “the one” isn’t a matter of finding one specific person, it’s about choosing someone who’s a good match and fostering a life-long relationship.

Romantic comedies are movies, they’re not exactly real life.

When I watch romcom movies or read fairy tales about meeting “the one,” the couple always falls in love at first sight. The two have an unbreakable bond instantly and they know they’re meant to be together. Usually the rest of the story includes outside forces keeping them apart or a long journey to find each other again, but in the end they always live happily ever after.

But that’s not how it happens in real life. Stories give many of us unrealistic ideas about love, and leave couples disappointed when finding the best partner isn’t so easy.

A relationship doesn’t just mean being the right “fit” and feeling a connection. Relationships also mean learning how to be a great partner for each other and work together as a team. Your mate’s ability to be “the one” depends as much on them as it does on you.

So, while you shouldn’t give up your search for your soulmate, you might need a new road map.

Here are some traits to look for when searching for “the one” and tips to make that relationship last forever.

1. Find someone you can disagree with… in a healthy way

So many people think that living with their partner should be a jaunty skip through a field of flowers… which is why so many couples are disappointed when the honeymoon phase ends.

No one can agree with another person completely (and all the time). To be human is to think and make decisions and have ideas. There are so many opportunities everyday to make choices, and there’s no way someone else will have all the same ideas as you.

And even if you did: dating them would probably be pretty boring.

You need to be okay with the fact that you’re going to disagree sometimes, but you should also recognize when an argument isn’t healthy.

My fiancé and I have a lot of similar ideas, but we still disagree on plenty of things — from what to eat for dinner to which color we should paint the living room. And while arguments are bound to happen, it’s important to remember to address differences with patience and understanding.

Sometimes my fiancé and I might get mad or frustrated when we don’t agree on something right away. Still, we know that it’s important to always treat each other with respect. We make it a rule to never raise our voices and to try to look at any situation from each other’s point of view.

However, if you find that you and your partner fight all the time, you don’t feel listened to, and you’re often frustrated with your communication, it might not make for a lasting relationship. Either seek professional help, or recognize that maybe this isn’t the right person for you.

2. Find someone with similar long-term goals

One important part of a relationship is priorities. No matter how well you get along, or how much you love each other, if your giant, ride-or-die, lifelong priorities don’t line up, it’s probably not going to work out in the long run.

Of course, in any relationship, you’re going to need to compromise. But in order to be truly happy together, you shouldn’t compromise too much on the big things. Remember: there are plenty of people out there, and if you’re going to make a relationship last forever, you’re allowed to be picky with the big things. The key is to be realistic in your search without settling too much.

One great thing to do, if you’re wondering if your partner is really your best match, is to make a list of long-term, super important, priorities for yourself. You should have two, or maybe three, tops. These are things that you’ve always dreamed about doing and could never, in a million years, live without. Have your partner make a list too, and compare.

For my fiancé and I, we both want to travel and both would like to have a family. While nobody can agree on every little thing in life, it’s important to us that we have similar opinions in the places that count.

If you’ve always dreamed of having kids, and your partner is actively against children, no matter what happens, one of you is going to end up severely disappointed. Neither of you deserve that.

Keep in mind: it’s okay if your lists don’t look exactly the same. One of you can be super into the idea of having kids while the other has always dreamed about becoming a doctor, but as long as they don’t directly conflict, you can probably work it out.

Everything has some wiggle room for the right person. If your partner’s education means putting off kids for a few years, or vice versa, keep an open mind.

3. Look for similarities in spirit, rather than interests

In an era when it’s so easy to “swipe left” when someone doesn’t listen to the right music or like the same movies, remember that interests and hobbies aren’t as important as personality.

My fiancé and I met in our high school theater class and, at the time, we were both interested in plays and music. While having common interests may have helped us bond in the beginning, since then, we’ve both developed other hobbies. Recently, he’s gotten into taking improv classes while I’ve been more interested in literature, but we’re still as compatible as ever.

Similarly, you don’t need to find someone who shares your love of rock climbing or needle point. In fact, it can be beneficial to have different hobbies. What really matters is that you have complimentary personalities and a similar spirit. It’s not a common hobby that sustains a relationship, it’s your personalities.

Think of it this way: if you love watching football but your partner isn’t a huge fan, that’s okay. It’s more important to find someone with the same sense of humor as you or someone you can talk to easily. Those things are much more important than sharing an interest in sports.

Focus your interests on finding someone with a complementary personality. Hobbies come and go, but attitude is forever.

4. Find someone that accepts your faults and celebrates your successes

Support is incredibly important in any relationship. It helps you and your partner feel like a team, and lets you know that you have someone to depend on. For a long term partner, find someone who supports you through the good and bad. And practice supporting them too.

For me, it’s so important when my fiancé supports my education. While he might not know exactly what a certain class is about, or how important one particular paper is, he’s so supportive of everything I’m excited about, and comforts me whenever I’m feeling down about a class that’s giving me trouble.

Of course, you might not understand your significant other’s work drama, and maybe he or she doesn’t realize how important it is that you got into the robot-building championships. Still, you both root for each other and show your support. Whether it’s sitting in the front row of a tournament your honey is playing in, or being a shoulder to cry on when things get tough, being supportive (and getting support) will help your relationship go the distance.

The search for your ideal partner isn’t like in the movies. It’s not about covering as much land and meeting as many people until you find that perfect-incredible-super-wonderful person. It’s more about finding someone great and going on a journey together.

With these tips, you’ll find that special person to create a life with and, hopefully, you’ll see each other as soulmates too.

You can read more stories like this such as How to Win at Online Dating and Spot Your Soulmate in a Crowd.

How The World’s Oldest Indian Dating Site Helped Them Find Love

January 15, 2018January 22, 2024 by Sarah Burrisin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

When one couple found each other on Shaadi.com, they had everything working against them. Yet, they still found love.

“I wrote a very lengthy letter to her and tried to woo her with my words,” Darshan told Online Personals Watch editor Mark Brooks. Brooks has compiled a documentary on Indian dating. “Because that’s all you got apart from your profile picture.”

When he and his wife Pooja met she was searching for someone after a divorce. He had never been married. Darshan explained that there was a dramatic difference between those seeking a hookup and those seeking marriage.

“You know, there are a lot of freeloaders on the net, I realized,” she told Brooks. “The people who don’t pay for the websites, they are the ones who are actually there to fool around. So, I feel that, you know, don’t go for the free profiles because when someone’s paying it really makes a difference.”

While both of them set up their own accounts and were interacting with each other, some searching for the perfect mate end up with their parents creating their dating profiles. In the first installment of this series, we heard from one woman who opened her email only to discover an email conversation between her father and the father of a young man. Darshan and Pooja, however, went a different route.

The world’s oldest dating service helped them find love.

Many users of personals sites believe the same in the United States. Sites like Match.com, eHarmony, JDate and even fetish sites like FetLife all allow paid accounts that unlock a higher level of commitment to the dating adventure. While it isn’t necessarily always the case, those who are paying for matchmaking services or an online dating profile are usually seen as being more serious about finding a long term match.

Shaadi.com is an online wedding service founded by Anupam Mittal in the late 1990s. While the majority of its market is India, it operates globally to serve anyone willing to join. With over 35 million users, the site only allows you to message people with their premium service. As Pooja explained, the ones that are there to fool around aren’t paying to contact you.

Get rid of the wish list you have in your mind.

“Scrap off your wish list,” Pooja said about finding the right person. According to her, Darshan was different. First, the two were “poles apart,” which made her think they were already sunk. Already, because she is divorced, it limits her options, she explained.

Then, he sent the long and passionate email that made her think again.

She had a list of “criteria of what [a] husband should be,” she said. “Just destroy it, throw it. It doesn’t work.”

Sometimes having a list of things you want means you end up limiting your options. It might be one of the main reasons that a href=”https://lovetv.co/dating-caste-system-india/” target=”_blank” rel=”noopener”>the online dating world has flipped India’s caste system. For thousands of years, those in each caste only married within that caste. Today, a new generation of Indian youth are searching for another world. For Pooja and Darshan, that meant being willing to try anything to find a partner.

>Whether it’s a caste system, a demand your lover be a certain height or weight or even seeking out a nice doctor, consider looking outside your criteria. Pooja and Darshan knew that the right match can come from anywhere. Darshan wanted Pooja to take his interest seriously and give him consideration despite the differences. Anything is possible in love!

LoveTV Founder and CEO to Address iDate International Dating Conference

January 17, 2018January 22, 2024 by Sarah Burrisin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Next week, the 15th annual Internet Dating Conference kicks off in Del Rey Beach, Florida and LoveTV founder and CEO Karinna Karsten will be delivering a must see speech.

“I will be speaking about creating reoccurring revenue long after your dating user has left,” Karsten said in a video promoting the speech, which is scheduled for Thursday, January 25 at 2:30 p.m.

Since 2004, iDate has been a leading conference for executives in the dating industry, managing companies dedicated to helping people find love. Whether it’s matchmaking, dating, app dating, niche dating and social media, the iDate conference gives experts an opportunity to tell their own stories of how they’ve helped create personal connections, relationships, and lasting love in the era of technology.

According to the conference site, leaders in the field will discuss ways to increase traffic and conversations and how to improve and bring about a new generation of ideas.

“I will also be detailing how we can repackage the biggest pain-points for our dating customers to create greater dating brand success,” Karsten explained. “Simple wins to have your dating customer stay loyal to your dating brand. And, lastly, how to transform churning dating customers from pessimists to evangelists.”

The 2018 conference will be heavily focused on new technologies that are important for running a dating business for the millennial generation. According to the iDate site, executives can walk through cutting edge techniques specifically for the internet era of dating. Using a “take the ball and run with it” approach, this isn’t the place for introductions and business philosophy. The conference will give specific tools for leaders in the field to come away with expert ideas and strategies for moving forward.

Over the course of three days, featured speakers include leaders in companies like eHarmony, Spark and EliteSingles, The League, Brainspace, Love Works, LoveQuest, FriendFinder, and more.

LOVE TV empowers your relationships in the digital age and during the iDate conference Karsten will be touting our own site’s successes and challenges that have made us the gathering place for members searching for top relationship experts.

If you’d like to join us at the premier dating conference, you’re welcome to use our special discount code and participate.

Saving on Your Wedding: The Best Money-Saving Tips from a Poor Grad Student

January 19, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

It’s no secret that weddings can get expensive, but you don’t have to empty your savings to fund the day of your dreams.

It’s no secret that wedding costs have gotten a little out of hand. Every time I watch Say Yes to the Dress I’m shocked at how much people will spend on a single gown. Each time I see Four Weddings I gawk at the priciest events, wondering who has that kind of money.

And the truth is, the amount you spend on your wedding doesn’t really matter in the long run. How tall the cake is doesn’t say anything about how big your hearts are and the length of your train doesn’t show how much you love each other.

Still, weddings are expensive even if you’re not going for a luxury wedding. Costs add up and even the most basic features can really drain your bank account.

I realized first-hand how pricey weddings can get when I began planning ours, and as a poor grad student. The only way we could make it work was to use my money-saving skills to keep the big day reasonable. I learned a lot about what corners to cut and how to save a few bucks, and in the end, I found a great balance.

Here are my 8 best life-hacks for saving money on your wedding and still having the day of your dreams.

1. Before you do anything else, take account of what you have

First things first: decide on what you need and what you already have.

From flowers, to wedding favors, to your dress, to centerpieces, things can really add up. However, you might not need to spend full-price on every item on your list. Doing some things yourself (instead of using a vendor) can save you a lot of money. But be careful… sometimes DIY can end up being even more expensive. The secret is to use what you’ve got.

I’m pretty crafty and I have a lot of friends that drink wine. So, I looked online for instructions on how to take the label off of empty wine bottles and how to paint them. Then I stuck some flowers in the bottles, added some tea candles, and boom, centerpieces: done.

But maybe you’re really good at baking and can make your own “cookie bar” for dessert at your reception. Or maybe you’re great at sewing and could do the alterations on your dress, or even make the whole thing.

I knew a woman whose family owned honeybees and they gave little jars of honey to wedding guests as favors. It was cute and personal, and cheaper than a comparable wedding favor.

Don’t be afraid to be creative and use what you have.

2. Reach out to friends for help.

When I first started planning my wedding, I wished I had friends in the industry. I thought it would be easier to hire people I trusted, rather than just depending on Yelp reviews to find all my vendors.

As it turned out, I did know some people in the industry, but I had to dig for them. I knew a girl in college who was starting a business as a wedding coordinator. Since she was a friend and just starting to do weddings, I got a serious discount when I hired her. Plus, I got someone I trusted to help me plan the big day.

Later on, I realized through Facebook that another old friend had a floral business. I got a great deal on some beautiful florals and got to connect with an old pal.

Then, I remembered my cousin used to take calligraphy classes. As a wedding gift, she helped me address my invitations, and they looked incredible.

Look up old friends on social media and ask around, you never know who’ll you’ll find.

3. Know which kinds of shops you’re going into. If they give you champagne… run.

I started my dress search at a cute boutique. The shop had lovely decorations and beautiful, sparkly dresses on display all over the place. When I walked in I was given champagne and shown into a giant dressing room. It was such a great experience…until I saw price tags.

Remember that some shops are “premium” shops, with premium prices. You might enjoy the fancy look and the royalty treatment of some stores… but you’ll pay for it.

I ended up looking for more hole-in-the-wall bridal salons near me. It was less like going to Tiffany’s and more like going to a neighborhood jeweler… but it was worth it. I paid a low price for a dress I loved, which is something I wouldn’t have gotten at the glitzier place.

Know what kind of shops you’re going into. If you want to try out one of the fancier salons for the experience, go for it. But don’t think those five thousand dollar dresses are your only option. Also don’t think they won’t have the same dress for a smaller price at another shop.

And when it comes down to it, just remember, you’ll only wear this dress for the one day. While you might want to look perfect, how you feel on that day, and the love you share with your partner, are much more important than what you wear. Your smile and the way you look at your spouse, will make you look perfect no matter what you’re wearing.

4. Use a friend as an officiant.

Usually, the services of a priest or rabbi will only require a donation to the church, but most officiants can cost around $500-$800.

You might need a certain officiant based on your religion, but if not, think about getting a friend to do it. It only costs about $20 to $40 to get ordained online and you could end up having a really great officiant who knows you both really well.

It could make your ceremony as special and unique as your relationship.

5. Forget about the extra flowers.

Do you need flowers on the aisle seats? No. Do you need flowers on the table where people collect their name cards? No.

Look, flowers are expensive and all those extra arrangements can really add up. Many people spend at least five thousand on their flowers…and for many of us, that’s just not realistic.

See if a florist can do an à la carte service for you: just the bouquets and boutineers. It will cover what you need but will also keep your bill low.

As for decorating the ceremony and reception space, you can find some lanterns for cheap online or put together some cute pictures (in fancy frames) of you and your spouse on tables. Don’t be afraid to stray from those traditional flowers: it might end up making your decor even more special and personal.

6. Skip the photo booth: it’s a downgrade no one will notice.

Photo booths are a fun way to get your guests feeling wacky and it gives them a fun party favor to put on their fridge. But photo booths are super expensive, so what do you do?

Try to apply the same idea to something less pricey. Your guests will have just as much fun posing with props in front of a cool background. Put up a poster or some balloons and set out some fun hats and accessories. Or even put disposable cameras on tables. People will have fun posing and posting their pics and it won’t break your bank.

7. Ask for vendors instead of gifts from your close family.

Trust me: you can totally go without that pressure cooker you put on the registry. Or at least, you can wait until after the honeymoon to go get it yourself.

One great way to get the wedding of your dreams is to ask your close family and friends for a special wedding gift: something you can enjoy on the day. Ask your sister for the gift of the bridal bouquet (which usually costs about $100-$150) or ask your aunt for an hour or two of music from a DJ.

Most close friends and family will probably spend about $100 on your wedding present, and if you think they’re close enough, or not too traditional about gift-giving, ask for part of your wedding to be their gift. You get to save money, you won’t end up with eighteen sets of silverware, and your guest doesn’t have to wrap anything: win-win-win!

8. Make it a rule: no plus ones.

When I first made my invite list, I made a rule: no plus ones.

I know this can be unpopular, but plus ones are expensive and if you’re on a budget, this should be the first thing on your chopping block.

Your cousin might be upset that he or she can’t bring a date, but you probably don’t want some stranger (or someone you don’t know very well) at your wedding anyway.

Of course, if your guest is married, invite their spouse for sure. Or, if your best friend has had this boyfriend or girlfriend for many years, consider inviting their mate. Just don’t spend money on a random date someone scraped up for your event.

Weddings can be expensive, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up on your dreams of having your ideal day. Use these tips to save money in style, and save up for that honeymoon!

“Behind the Swipe” with LOVE TV — The Story of 10 Tinder Dates in One Month

January 23, 2018January 22, 2024 by Rebecca Leibin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

My name is Amor Yates and I’m the girl who went on ten Tinder dates in one month for a podcast. That’s my pitch. If you’re questioning my sanity right now then you’d be right.

Ten Tinder dates in a month is a huge undertaking even if you weren’t trying to produce a show. But I was trying to produce a show. So, I set myself a target goal: ten dates in one month, ten interviews, ten hours worth of audio. Easy, right? It seemed like enough material to make a compelling story, especially when online dating has become as ubiquitous as it is today.

I thought the show would write itself. I was wrong.

There were a few factors that I did not consider when I got the idea for “We met on Tinder.” I thought that once I had done the interviews, collected the tape that the hard part would be done. However, that wasn’t the case. It also wasn’t the case that I was entirely interested in documenting this dating digital age. I wish it were that easy.

Instead, I had a few hundred different motivations, but one in particular that was compelling me more than ever. So I had to make the show. There was no question that I had to make even when friends and family thought it was a weird concept. But I don’t want to ruin the story for you. Instead, I want to let you in on a few “We Met on Tinder” secrets.

I am teaming up with LOVE TV to showcase a behind-the-scenes of “We met on Tinder.” As I release the swipes on iTunes and anywhere you listen to podcasts, I’ll also be releasing articles discussing what happened behind each swipe. Swipe 1 has been released and is available to listen now. Enjoy the swipes.