Body Archives - Page 2 of 3

Having Sex After A Dry Spell: What Your Body Is Trying To Tell You

November 17, 2017January 22, 2024 by Kelley Lynnin Body, RELATIONSHIPS, Sex, SEX TIPS

Here’s what to know before getting back in the saddle after a sexual dry spell.

Sometimes, life doesn’t go quite as we may have pictured it or planned it. Every now and again, life enjoys tossing a few curve balls at us, just for kicks. Sometimes these changes in life can cause us to take a short, or very long, “dry spell” — or hiatus from being intimate with someone.

Whatever your reasons are for taking a break from dancing in the sheets, there are some things you should know before diving in again.

First, try and imagine your body having an actual, physical voice.

What would your body’s voice sound like when it spoke to you? Now that you have that voice in your head, give this a read. These are all the things your body has been trying to tell you, about how it might react to intimacy after an epic dry spell.

So, grab a glass of wine and listen to your body’s important messages about re-entering a world where sex happens.

“Ouch! That Hurts!”

If you’re feeling pain, that might be your body saying:

“Hey there sister, remember me? Your body? The one you’ve been beating up and not taking great care of lately? The one you’ve been feeding Doritos and Coke to at midnight and then expecting me to relax and fall asleep? The one you’ve been neglecting to give any exercise to, other than that walk back and forth to the refrigerator?

“Look, lady – I want it just as much as you do. I mean, let’s face it. It’s been awhile. But please, for the love of God, try and remember that we are both out of practice, and that maybe my parts don’t move that way anymore. We need to train for this. Until then, and for now, be gentle.”

Did some weird, unusual sounds happen?

If you’re surprised by your new vocal reactions, your body is probably trying to say:

“So, the last time that you and I went down this sex road, I was just a tad more of a spring chicken. I, your body, may have been a lot more silent in the bedroom. Now – and I hate to mention this, but things might be a bit … well … louder. There may be flatulence involved. Just sayin’. Maybe you might be trying to kiss your lover and have a hot make-out session, when suddenly your insides feel like they might explode, and then … BURPPP!!!! Yeah.

“You see, 5 years ago, when we had sex for the last time, I was able to eat a big bowl of chili and have zero side effects whatsoever. Now? That chili residue ends up wafting in the air, seconds after your sexy kissing session. So, be careful what you eat before love-making, and it will reduce the noises involved. Capisce? Good.”

“Maybe we should practice together…”

Your body may may be feeling neglected, especially when it tells you a story like this:

“The only action I ever get is when your hands and fingers graze over me while you’re in the shower and applying body gel. Or when your back is itchy and you scratch it with one of those long back scratcher type things. Hell, the other day I felt your fingers wandering down in the direction of your honeypot, and I thought: ‘Finally! She’s gonna give me a little somethin somethin.’ But no. You were just getting prepared to shave your naughty bits, and all I felt was razor burn.

“It’s time for me to make a demand of you. PLAY WITH YOURSELF ALREADY!!! SWEET JESUS, I NEED TO BE TOUCHED!!! Look, its been a long time since you’ve had some intimacy. You may have changed your mind about how you like to be touched, what feels good. How will you know what to tell your partner if you haven’t tested the product in ages? You’re just gonna have to trust me on this one. Dim the lights. Put on those silky panties that accentuate my delicious curves, throw on some Marvin Gaye, and let’s get it on.”

“I’m different now.”

You might need to give your body a pep talk. Really listen when it explains your mutual history, as if it were saying:

“We’ve been through a lot, you and I. And even though this body might be a bit less perfect or tight than the last time we did this, I feel good. Actually, I feel great. I’m no longer as concerned with how I look in this position or that one – I just want to feel good. Let’s get this party started.”

“Your sex life ain’t the only thing dry, honey.”

Let there be no shame in admitting that you may need a bit of lube to get things started. Hey, it’s no one’s fault. Your body may quip:

“The last time you touched your bush, the first Bush was still in office — and you still had a bush. Now, it’s smooth sailing down here, but it may feel more like a desert until we get some real practice in. Until then, let’s invest in some K-Y Jelly, and be on our way to heavenly bliss.”

“I’m a little bit kinkier now. How about you?”

Let your mind go where your body wants to go. Try something new.

“And hey, what do you have to lose?” your body may be telling you. “If you don’t like it, you just don’t do it anymore. But imagine if you DO like it! Then you just gave us both future hours and hours of pleasure. Last time we did this sex thing, you might not have been this open-minded, and I wasn’t this willing to go along. But now —why not? Right? Let’s go discover what our turn-ons are today. I promise you, our new sexual adventures will be a thousand times better than yet another Grey’s Anatomy marathon.”

So, what’s your body telling you?

Spend some time listening to your body before throwing a bucket of water on that dry spell. It’ll make it an infinitely more enjoyable experience as you re-enter your sexual world.

Need some encouragement to break that dry spell? Consider this article about how sex is good for your health, and this one about elevating your pleasure with meditation.

How Burlesque Let Me Claim My Body Image

January 18, 2018January 22, 2024 by Rae Meghanin Body, Wellness

Here’s how I became more comfortable with my clothes off.

I got made fun of for my body as a teen, just like everyone else. I was tall and gangly. Super awkward and never comfortable in my own skin. I was ashamed of my small breasts, of my crooked legs. Even at home, I hated looking in the mirror. I just felt so ugly, so unappealing to the eye.

While in college, I began working in the New York City comedy scene. I was super self-conscious in that community, and I never felt comfortable. It seemed like everyone was more successful and confident than I was. But one day, while working as a production assistant on a show in Brooklyn, I saw my very first burlesque act. Immediately, I was hooked.

The dancer was incredible. Her act was unlike anything I would have imagined burlesque to be. It was performance art, stripping down to nothing and writing on her body in lipstick. It was empowering to watch. I approached her after the show, as I quickly became mesmerized by her craft. I asked her about her start in burlesque, how to take classes and get involved in the scene. I told her I wanted to become more comfortable in my body.

However, she told me that to do burlesque, you need to be comfortable in your body already.

The act of asking her these questions and the idea that I could do this made me think that maybe I am becoming more comfortable with my body already. Maybe I just wanted to be confident in general. She told me they were both important.

I took her card. Immediately I went home and looked up the class schedule for the New York School of Burlesque. In that one night, I completely forgot about my dreams in the comedy world and instead focused my attention on taking my clothes off.

My first course was pretty much the basics of burlesque. Fan dancing, stocking peels, bump and grind, all of the essentials. At the end of it, I had put together my first act, a piece to a Gilda Radner song. My burlesque sister, who began classes at the same time as me, helped me choreograph it. My training in comedy came in handy, as it ended up being a highly comedic dance involving finger puppets.

Around the same time I was taking classes, I became involved with a “Rocky Horror Picture Show” shadowcast. I was cast as Janet, a character who spends a good two-thirds of the show in her underwear. Playing her week after week eventually got me completely desensitized to the idea of stripping in front of people, and at one point I realized I’m actually more comfortable onstage the less clothing I was wearing.

I had my first burlesque student showcase a few months after that. I did the Gilda number, and it was a big hit. My first time taking my top off onstage was a thrill I’ll never forget. My fellow performers and audience members were incredibly supportive, and the praise and applause I received was unlike any other response that I had ever gotten in my years of doing theatre and comedy. I fell in love.

I found that I could be funny and sexy at the same time.

After that show I began touring all around New York. I did shows at some of the most well-known burlesque theatres. At the same time, I was doing Rocky more and more, spending most of my weekends wearing little to no clothing. I was so fulfilled.

Finally I could say I was proud of my body. Finally I could be proud of my height and ganglyness. People loved me for me, and that was more I could say about any other scene I’ve been a part of. I was allowed freedom in creating my acts. I found that I could be funny and sexy at the same time. And that was what I wanted to be. Personable, entertaining, and easy to look at.

Since moving to New England, I haven’t been doing burlesque as much anymore. I’ve been focusing most of my time on Rocky and writing, but I hope to take those stripper heels and finger puppets out again one day.

For the very first time, I was unashamedly me onstage, and it was a thrill that couldn’t be replaced by any other type of performing. Every performance just proves to me more and more that I am not some scrawny, awkward teenager anymore. At least not onstage.

Reclaiming Your Sex Life After the Big C — Cancer

January 27, 2018January 22, 2024 by Maya Gottfriedin Body, Mind, Sex, SEX TIPS, Wellness

Cancer may change your body and stifle your drive, but you can still have a vibrant sex-life!

When I received a diagnosis of stage III colorectal cancer (with tumors in my colon and rectum) at the age of 36, questions flooded my mind. What were my chances of survival? How long would I be on chemotherapy? When would my surgeon cut the cancer out of me? I can admit now that one of them was even, “What exactly is my ‘colon’?”

This was life and death and I was in warrior mode. I was only concerned about living. Death, to me, was not an option. At least that was the philosophy I was invested in.

In the discussions I had with my surgeon, oncologist, nurses, and the many other helpful people at the hospital where I was treated, we spoke about side-effects of chemo (hair thinning, neuropathy, sensitivity to cold), how to manage my ileostomy bag (or a “poop bag” that would hang off my abdomen for a few months), we talked about my temporary low fiber diet, and we chatted about what to do if I spiked a fever.

However, nobody brought up the topic of my sex-life, or that my desire level might diminish.

My treatments left me with zero sex-drive.

Despite my usual crushes, soon after treatments began, I discovered that I had zero sexual drive. In addition to the lessened desire for physical intimacy, once I had a bag of my own human waste hanging from my belly, I definitely didn’t want anyone I was interested in seeing me in the nude.

I already had body image issues. I had gone through most of my life as a compulsive overeater, and for all of my adulthood had been uncomfortable with the appearance of my naked self. Now I was thin, due to chemo, and single. But I had a bag of excrement hanging off of me. It felt very unsexy, and definitely something I didn’t want to reveal to a new potential love.

Besides the bag, my hormones had reacted to the chemicals that coursed through my body to kill the cancer. I had no desire for sex.

Cancer often leads to body image challenges.

Women with breast cancer often have similar experiences. Having one’s breasts removed in order to save one’s life can result in a negative self image (this is, admittedly, a simplification of a very complex experience for women), and a feeling of no longer being feminine or sexually attractive.

Some women even go without a potentially life-saving mastectomy in favor of keeping the breasts they feel are absolutely necessary in order to find love. However, many people love women who don’t have breasts, and those without them find partners who adore them. We can maintain our sexuality even with seeming insurmountable physical challenges to our sense of sexiness.

However, a diminished sexual desire during cancer may have nothing to do with our appearance, but instead be a physical symptom of the medical treatments we are experiencing to save our lives. Breast cancer treatments, for example, can actually cause vaginal pain that makes intercourse painful for many women.

A diminished drive may remain after the cancer is gone.

Once we come out the other side, and finish our cancer-related treatments and surgeries, challenges to our sex drives may continue. In some cases, the loss of sexual desire is without a concrete medical explanation, or solution.

However, there is a lot we can do to bring sexy back into our lives, and work with our partners to create a pleasurable experience for ourselves once again.

We can reclaim our sex-lives during and after cancer.

Though treatments, surgeries, and poop bags can pose challenges to our sexuality, they are not insurmountable. With a little creativity, persistence, and patience, we can have sex lives while we fight for our lives.

Whether we’ve lost our breasts or are flaunting an ileostomy bag, the dramatic physical changes we go through to rid ourselves of cancer can make us feel like we’re not our sexy selves. That just means we may need to go deep inside, and also use some handy tools.

If you feel unsexy due to an outward physical change, try looking at yourself in a mirror and focusing what you love about your body–making a mental list. What about your beautiful skin, your glowing eyes, your gentle touch? These are all very sexy. There’s no need to stay locked into conventional ideas of what makes a body desirable. Your body has been revised, so why not update your ideas about it?

Whatever you are feeling, you can have a romantic life.

Lingerie is fun, flirty, sexy, and lets us reveal what we want to reveal when we want to reveal it. Some talented and thoughtful designers have created lingerie for women with bodies altered by cancer.

Jasmine Stacey has made gorgeous, sexy underthings in beautiful fabrics that are specific designed for people with ostomies (like my ileostomy). Royce Lingerie makes bras with women who have had mastectomies in mind (with pockets for prostheses). However, many women are opting to go flat these days, and if that group includes you, you may want to experiment with fun flimsy lace camisoles that don’t require a breast or something shaped like one.

When chemo has you feeling like you just need to lay in bed and get some rest, but you want to spend time with your partner, you can explore a romantic mental space together. Why not go on an imagined date? Try cuddling and talking your way through what you would do together if you felt up to it. Where would you go? What foreign country? Which great national park would you hike in together? What do you see?

Painful vaginal sex due to breast cancer treatments may mean that it’s the last thing you want to engage in. However, there are a lot of ways to be physically intimate that don’t involve vaginal intercourse. Oral sex and stimulation using our hands are easy tools to use when other forms of intercourse are not in play. If you do want to try vaginal sex, then there are many lubricants on the market that may make it easier.

Whatever your situation is, be sure to communicate your experience with your partner. Though your symptoms may be obvious to you, they may not be to the person who you are involved with. Gently letting them know your sensitivities and needs will help them to treat you in a caring way.

Even without a medical explanation for your lack of interest in sex, there is something you can do.

One thing I learned from my cancer is that even long after the treatments are behind you, even once you are used to the scars, cancer can cause a diminished sex drive, which was my experience. I went to a specialist and found no good medical explanation or cure. It was up to me to find a way to cope with it.

The greatest gift I received during this process was advice to simply jump into romance and follow the feelings that come up. It worked, and when my body is just not making the sexual connection for me, I make it in my mind, and the physical usually followed.

If I put on some beautiful lingerie, look at my handsome boyfriend, think about his wonderful qualities, and dive in, soon those old feelings start to bubble to the surface.

As it turns out, despite those scars on my abdomen: the big vertical line where my surgeon cut out my cancer and the shorter kiss of red where my bag hung off of me, my partner loves my belly. The part of me I could barely bear to look at following my cancer is one that he loves.

Let others love you.

When we decide for others that we aren’t sexy, we don’t give them the opportunity to show us how much they are attracted to us. Whether we have lost our breasts or have a body covered in scars, others can still desire us.

If we “no” ourselves before giving others the opportunity to say, “yes” we may reject love before it finds us. If we have faith that we are sexual human beings deserving of pleasure, with or without cancer, then we open ourselves up to love, romance, and a healthy sexy life.

For more about dating while living with cancer, read this story by the same author.

I Stopped Changing Myself For Men And Here’s How You Can Do The Same

January 28, 2018January 22, 2024 by Becca Martinin Body, Mind, Wellness

You are enough without changing yourself or who you are for anyone.

I’ve always been the girl who needs to be liked and accepted, not just by men, but by everyone. I know it’s not possible but I still try because being accepted by other people feels good. It makes us feel good even when we don’t feel good about ourselves or like ourselves, which was what I used to obsess over.

I was always so focused on if other people, especially men, liked me. Instead of putting effort into myself and making sure I liked who I was I became so focused on if other people liked me.

I dated a guy who I’m not sure I even liked because I never evaluated him. It might sound ridiculous, but I was so focused on if he liked me that I forgot to question if I even liked him. For months, I’d scratch my head and wonder if I was good enough for him, if I’d be able to make him really mine, if I could get him to stick around for longer than a few months. I tried to be who I thought he would like instead of just being myself.

I knew it was time to change my mindset when I realized that I was compromising my own happiness and self to try to be what someone else wanted, or at least what I thought someone wanted.

Something that really stuck that helped me adjust my mindset is a conversation I had with my life coach. She asked me if I changed who I was on first dates, if I acted different, less like myself, and I said yes, to a certain extent. I told her I am usually nervous, a little more quiet, a little more reserved. She followed that up with a very insightful comment: “you don’t act different around your friends when you hang out with them, right? You just know they like you so you can be yourself. That’s how you have to go into dating.”

She’s right – that’s why I pay her to give me advice. I realized I had to start going into dating with the mindset that they’re going to like me and if they don’t then it doesn’t matter. At least if I’m going into dates as myself and not pretending to be someone I’m not they’ll get to know the real me. Some people might not like it but some will love it, either way I am who I am and I’ve learned to love myself just for that.

Knowing who you are is half the battle in loving yourself and knowing you deserve love.

I always used to try to mold myself into a cookie cutter shape of what someone else likes or wants. The truth is I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s fine. Some people hate tea, some people prefer coffee, some people prefer neither and that is what makes us all unique. That is why there are so many different types of people.

You don’t have to like everyone and everyone doesn’t have to like you! I finally decided it’s time to stop forming to please other people and just be myself.

I decided it no longer matters if he isn’t interested in me because there will always be someone else who is. I learned it’s better to not force relationships or conversations that aren’t happening. Those kinds of interactions will never leave you satisfied, because they’re not honest.

It’s not worth trying to fit into someone else’s story. It’s time to write your own! The right person will accept you for who you are, not who you try to be.

Being yourself is one of the most liberating experiences you can have.

Once I stopped changing myself to please others that aren’t interested, it made a world of difference. I gave myself permission to be who I am without reservation and that is a freeing feeling. It’s allowed me to meet someone for a drink and not go in with any expectations.

I can be more open and I can look in the mirror and accept that I am enough just the way I am whether someone else thinks so or not.

Allowing yourself the freedom to just accept where you are in your life, without hoping that every person you come across is going to want you is an invigorating feeling.

It’s important to realize, at the end of the day, you have to be enough for yourself. You’re worth being loved, especially by yourself.

Allow yourself to express yourself the way you want. Stand up for what you care about. Wear as much or as little makeup as you want. Don’t change yourself for anyone, instead be proud of who you are!

Ever since I started being completely myself I’ve found a new sense of freedom I didn’t realize was possible. I started going out with more guys from dating apps because I didn’t have that fear holding me back that they wouldn’t like me. I also didn’t feel that pressure I used to put on myself of being skinny or pretty enough for them. I am who I am and they either like me or not. But that’s still not as important as if I like them or not.

Putting yourself and your comfort first in these situations isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. Absolutely necessary.

Just last weekend it gave me the confidence to go up to a man in a bar (something I never do). I didn’t worry about what he would say or if he would be interested or not, I just went up to him and started talking. (I was also wearing the ugliest handmade Christmas sweater the world has ever seen.) The best part about it? He loved that I was confident to walk up and talk to him in that ugly sweater. He liked it so much he asked me on a date and it was great!

The right person will like you and love you for your unique characteristics, how you look, what you say and everything in between. If he doesn’t completely accept you then he’s not the one, but know there is someone out there who will. The right person will love you for who you are, not who you try to be.

For more ways to please women, check out Why I Am Loving The First Date.

My Top 15 Excuses for Not Going to the Gym Today

February 19, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kelley Lynnin Body, Wellness

I can’t possibly work out today — there are far too many excuses why.

Like many women, I have struggled off and on with my weight for many years. For me personally, I didn’t really have any issues in high school or college, other than the typical gaining of 20 or so pounds done by most college-aged kids.

In my mid-twenties, however, while living in my very first NYC apartment in Brooklyn, I suffered and survived through a terrible sexual trauma. This event led me to gain an enormous amount of weight, over a lot of time. I began using food for comfort, for avoidance, and for a way to shield myself against getting hurt again by men. (“If I’m fat, nobody will touch me. If nobody touches me, nobody can ever hurt me again.” That was the logic.)

Eventually, after many years, I got my weight under control. I wasn’t skinny by any means, but I was no longer dangerously large either. I was on my way. And then, out of nowhere in 2011, my 46 year old healthy and active husband, collapsed one morning, went into cardiac arrest, and died. Once again, in my grief, my weight went up and I started eating out of loneliness, pain, and boredom.

The past couple of years, I have finally started to do better. I walk most mornings, love to swim, and try to live a mostly healthy lifestyle. But it’s a daily battle. One thing that helps , for me, is having a sense of humor about life. About the things we all struggle with.

Often times, I will be all set to go and work out, and then I will somehow talk myself out of it. Motivation is so hard, and I’m sure it is something that most of us have a tough time with. I thought it might be fun to share a humorous list of ridiculous reasons I have actually used or at least thought to myself, of why I can’t possibly go work out today.

Maybe you have used some of these yourself. If you havent, you are welcome to borrow a few.

Here are my Top 15 Excuses Why I can’t possibly Go to the Gym and Exercise Today:

I can’t go because I can’t find my gym pants.
I can’t go because I found my gym pants, but they have hair on them.
Where are my sneakers? Oh, I’ll never locate them in this mansion of an Apartment! Forget it. I’m not going.
(To my mom, who I share a car with right now) Well, you need the car in 4 hours, right? Yeah. I’ll never make it back in time. Better not chance it.
I think the pool at the gym is closed today. They are working on repairs or something for it. (I have actually said this one out loud more than once, and it’s usually a lie. Once in awhile it’s true, but usually, it’s a total fabrication. )
Where the hell are those gym pants?
(This one has to be said in a panicky voice) It’s already 5pm. By the time I eat dinner, change into gym clothes, get the gym bag all packed up and ready, yadda yadda yadda, it’ll be August! They close at 10pm. I HAVE NO TIME!!!
I JUST went to the gym five days ago! Who am I, Jillian Michaels???
I can’t remember my locker combination.
It’s the weekend. It’s going to be SO PACKED!!! Screw it.
We don’t have any clean towels! Looks like Im staying home!
My bathing suit is still wet from the last time I went.
There’s not enough gas in the car. I’ll never make it there.
It’s too hot / cold / rainy / snowy outside. Who wants to be out in this weather?
It’s beautiful outside. Who wants to be stuck inside a gym in this great weather?

As you can see, ANYTHING can be used as an excuse not to get healthier, even reasons as ridiculous as the ones in this list.

If we try and create a mindset for ourselves that exercise is just another part of staying healthy and well, like brushing your teeth, good hygiene, or a balanced diet, it might become ingrained in us, and therefore easier to actually get out there and do it. I always feel better when I’m healthier. It’s just making myself get up and actually do it – that is where the challenge has always been.

So here’s a new challenge, for myself, and for everyone reading this. Each day, try and do at least one thing with the specific intention of living a healthy lifestyle. Just one thing. Start writing down your one thing, and then expand to two, and so on.

In the comments below, I’d love to hear about your “one thing!” What one thing will you do differently tomorrow? Let’s start this new list together. #OneThing

Read more stories like this such as: How Burlesque Let Me Claim My Body Image, WHY Do You Weigh Yourself?, or Truly Sexy People Do These 4 Things.

Why Yoga Pants are Important to My Feminism

February 26, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin Body, Wellness

Yoga pants are in the news again, and me and my stretchy waistband have had enough.

Maybe you read that title and thought, wow, this lady is a little too into her spandex workout wear. Yes. Yes I am. I love yoga pants. I cherish yoga pants. I wear them at the gym, at home, at work, and you know what, I’m wearing them right now.

Over the years, I’ve heard yoga pants be the victim of some seriously catty conversation, and me and my favorite pants have just about had it up to here (right to the top of my stretchy, super comfortable, waistband).

First there was the complaint that yoga pants were too revealing. Then there was the whole “you can’t wear those on airplanes” issue, and recently the New York Times article “Why Yoga Pants Are Bad For Women” complained about these pants taking away from the ideal exercising experience by making sweatpants-wearing ladies feel bad about their clothing choice.

When I sat down to read that NYT article, I was expecting it to be something else. From the title, I thought maybe it would be a piece on the importance of warm, circulation-supporting clothes at the gym, or perhaps a thoughtful and fresh perspective on choosing to go against the grain with fashion.

I love yoga pants and I wear them all the time, but I’m always up to read about a different perspective. I can always stand to learn something and I’m not opposed to new ideas. Heck, my mom was able to talk me out of my overalls-every-day phase. I’m convincible.

Stop shaming women for what we wear.

But instead of the opinion piece I was hoping for, I got a shaming article on why my trendy tush is wearing yoga pants to be sexy and how I’m making other women feel bad at the gym.

Apparently, not only are my yoga pants a symbol of my “come and get it” intentions but I’m making everyone around me uncomfortable with either my too-sexy body, or my fat, dimply ass. Plus, I’m peer-pressuring other ladies to throw away their wonderful sweatpants and conform to my spandex ways.

Unfortunately, our society has a way of telling women how they should feel and what they should do. (See: reproductive rights.) The media and individuals alike have a habit of getting all up in women’s business, pointing out things that we’re doing that they have a problem with, and telling us we need to change.

Reading that NYT article, I found myself frustrated with another voice trying to shame women into acting, or in this case, dressing, a certain way. I found myself shaking my head and thinking “et tu?”

Maybe I’m a little bit defensive and perhaps I’m taking this a little too seriously, but I love my pants. And not just yoga pants, any pants.

It’s normal for women to wear them now, but women in pants used to be downright scandalous. In the 19th century, women wanted to move away from bulky dresses and into more convenient, comfortable clothing, but many Victorians said women shouldn’t wear pants at all, claiming they were indecent and inappropriate. When women started wearing them anyway, it meant a huge change.

Pants-wearing ladies could move more freely, participate in sports more easily, and work more physical jobs. But perhaps the most important win was that women were controlling what they wore. It wasn’t just about convenience, it was about women having the choice to wear what they wanted.

And now, in 2018, I’ve had enough of all this body and clothing shaming. I see the same old trick society has been using for years: if I wear too much I’m a prude, if I wear too little I’m a slut. If I’m skinny I’m just trying to show off, and if I’m fat I’m making everyone uncomfortable with my thunder thighs. And now this NYT article is telling us that, on top of all that, yoga pants are making the author feel out of place with her own clothing choices, so we should all stick to sweatpants.

Does that author like sushi? Because she just got a major eye roll.

For me personally, I don’t like sweatpants. They’re too hot and bulky. I prefer yoga pants.

Yoga pants are comfortable and functional. I can get them for really cheap at Target, they can be dressed up or down, they give me a full range of motion, and they’re easy to wash.

But functionality is important to me. I’m a grad student with four jobs and on top of that I’m planning a wedding. I’m exhausted all the time and if I can get a piece of clothing that I can roll out of bed in, slip a dress over to go to work (yoga pants double as thick leggings in my household), and then wear to the gym at night, I’m sold.

Yoga pants are versatile, comfortable, and they help me get things done without having to change outfits everywhere I go.

And sure, the author of the NYT piece is right. Some women aren’t wearing yoga pants for functionality or comfort. Many are picking up those cute Lululemons pants because they’re fashionable and because they make everyone’s butt look better.

And I say: who cares? If a nice pair of workout pants helps you get to the gym, great. If the pants are flattering to your tush, it’s all the better.

Thinking about my yoga pants reminds me of how grateful I am. Not just for the fact that the clothing gods smiled down on me the day I first found these stretchy miracles, but because I know that women in past generations didn’t get to go to school like I am, they didn’t get to work the jobs I get to work, they didn’t get to make the choices I get to make for myself.

To me, a woman choosing to wear what she wants, to choose to show off her body or wear clothing that allow her to go to class, and work, and the gym, is feminist, forward-thinking, and incredible.

I’m going to wear my yoga pants, and I don’t care who likes it.

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My Journey Toward Loving Myself at Any Weight

February 27, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin Body, Wellness

The highest weight I’ve ever been is something I never care to revisit—however, I’ve learned to love my body image no matter what the number is on the scale.

I’ve been just over 300 pounds and just under 200 pounds and everything in between. As I’ve journeyed in between those 100 pounds, I’ve learned a lot about myself.

Most importantly, I’ve learned to love myself no matter what the number says on the scale. There are days I struggle (and I mean truly struggle!) with appreciating me for me, but I know as long as I’m healthy that’s all that matters.

Here is just a brief glimpse into my journey with the scale.

I spent my childhood getting stuck in Lane Bryant dresses. In grade school, the boys in my class used to make fun of me that my butt wouldn’t fit on the small, child-sized seats. My seventh grade bathing suit consisted of a leopard print one-piece with a bust minimizer purchased from the Macy’s plus-sized women’s department—not exactly something a 12-year-old would be happy about.

I vividly remember one particularly snowy October my soccer team was losing by one goal. My coach chose to put me in as goalie and the other team’s girls were teasing me relentlessly saying “You’re putting HER in goal?” Thank God that time, my uncoordinated self blocked a kick and we made it downfield to win.

However, there was still high school when I wore size 30 tapered khakis for our school uniform instead of the flared versions most of my friends had. I rocked gold lamé pants and red velvet ones too. Both were from Lane Bryant before they started selling trendier clothes.

My freshman year of college, I decided not to walk about a mile to the grocery store with this guy I had a crush on. Every time we all took a trip to the mall, I longed to try out a Victoria’s Secret bra. Too bad most clothing manufacturers don’t understand that while you may have a large band size, cup size isn’t necessarily always large!

Years later, you know those little pictures that pop up on the side of your Facebook page? I used to hate them. I never used to like those pictures because people would see them and immediately say, “Wow you lost so much weight! How did you do it?”

Anyway, the whole weight loss thing started off as sort of an accident then grew to something a little more inspiring. When I started my freshman year of college, I automatically began walking more and the weight began to slowly come off. However, I still prided myself on never setting foot in my university’s fitness center. I was stubborn and always told my friends I was fine with being the biggest among us, or perhaps dating a guy who weighed less than me.

My senior year when the girls I lived with were giving me trouble, I began taking long walks to clear my head. Pounds began shedding a little more easily and I was hooked on the results.

This brings me into all my fat girl neuroses. I had always had a thing about going to gyms. I used to think everyone would be staring at the fat girl walking into the gym, wondering why she was there. That’s why I invested in two DVDs by the great Richard Simmons.

I kept this a secret for many weeks from my friends, but they found out quite easily. Let’s just say being friends with two boys really gives you a thick skin. It became such an ongoing joke that one of them sent me an “I party with Richard Simmons” t-shirt.

All that chorus line kicking and self-loving Richard professed in Sweatin’ to the Oldies did have its advantages though. I got down to a size 20 without even setting foot in my apartment building’s tiny overcrowded gym. This was accompanied with getting off the bus earlier and walking a few extra blocks to work and taking the stairs to my seventh floor apartment.

The other neurosis I had (and still have occasionally) involves going out to eat with friends. I would freak out if one male friend preferred a salad to French fries with his burger and constantly worried I’d be seen as “fry girl”—you know, the stereotypical fat girl munching on fries to no avail.

At one point, I only ate half of a cheeseburger I was so scared I looked bad. Now, I realize how incredibly ridiculous I was and I now know one cupcake here and there won’t hurt. Sometimes, you just have to give in to your cravings.

Then one night, I did it. I couldn’t believe I worked up the nerve to walk downstairs. My old building had a gym in the basement and I don’t know what possessed me to go downstairs but I did. I sat on the exercise bike and made it all of 20 minutes before stopping. I cranked up my iPod and tried my darnedest not to let even one thought about the other people in the gym get to me.

As much as I wasn’t sure if I wanted to continue, I knew I had to do it. Pretty soon, I was not only walking on the treadmill but navigating the elliptical and Stairmaster too. I moved apartments the following winter and I soon became a regular at my new building’s downstairs fitness center.

My lunches I packed for work got lighter and I became a fan of things I never in my wildest dreams thought I’d be eating—Greek yogurt, fresh fruit, granola. The crazy thing is, I found that I actually liked those foods. You also won’t believe it but it’s not that hard to not want to go back to greasy foods like pizza (although I definitely splurge a lot of weekends).

The first spring I was at my new building, I began jogging outside. My friends were shocked that I was exerting myself while on display to the thousands of people on my busy street.

You know what’s the crazy part? How all the women’s magazines I’m obsessed with, all the trainers and athletes, they’re all actually right about something—jogging is a huge stress reliever for me. The most I’ve ever jogged at once is about four miles but the decisions I’ve made, anger I’ve lessened and happiness I’ve achieved while pounding the pavement is countless.

I’ve always been a big lover of holidays and celebrations so naturally I had mini-celebrations with myself during all my weight loss milestones. When I lost 50 lbs, I celebrated with a slice of Cheesecake Factory cheesecake. When my size hit the teens, it was a shopping spree at the nearby Gap.

But story didn’t end here either.

Crunch Gym opened up a franchise near my apartment and I became intrigued and instantly had to join.

There was this one class, “The Athlete’s Workout,” that I took one evening. It was a warm and humid day outside and the instructor chose to take the class outdoors. My instinct told me to run far away from the situation but I told myself no.

An hour later, I’d run suicides, did Army crawls and did enough lunges that my legs felt like Jello. With dirt on my cheeks and my messy ponytail becoming undone, I practically skipped the three blocks home.

I remember wishing my grade school and high school teachers could see me now. Decades ago, I was the kid who walked the mile run, or continually moved to the back of the kickball line so I didn’t have to take a turn. Occasionally, I’d hide behind the church convent to avoid running.

Just over 10 years later, I’ve gained back some of the weight I’ve lost. I’m still proud to say I’m 60 pounds lighter than I was in high school. As a freelance writer and piano teacher to 22 kids and two adults and caring for a very needy English bulldog, life is busier than it was when I was working at a newspaper. I still try to get to my apartment’s gym three or four days per week and we have a gorgeous trail right near our apartment that I love to walk and jog on in the spring and summer.

My food choices have their good and bad days, but I know that it’s important that I am healthy. I know my “numbers” as the doctors say, and while I’ll always have to be careful, I know that I am doing okay. I’ll never be a size 2. Honestly, at 5’11” that wouldn’t look all that natural anyway!

My relationship with my weight will always be a struggle. I still think about most food that goes into my mouth and weigh myself often, if only to keep myself in line. It’s absolutely pivotal to remember that I am still the same person inside as I always was, no matter what the scale says. I’m still obsessed with chick lit novels and romantic comedies. I love entertaining friends at my apartment and hosting parties that revolve around the holidays.

I’ve finally realized what’s five or 10 lbs. gained or lost here and there? As long as I am healthy and happy that’s all that matters. Writing about my weight loss so personally for the first time has definitely opened up my eyes to what I’ve accomplished and the fact that I should be excited about what I’ve done. If anything I’ve become so much more active than I was at 16 and 17, even 21. Why hide something that I should be proud of, right? Oh and those gold lamé pants? I can fit my whole self in one pant leg now.

Interested in reading more about self love? Check out this piece from 2016 on how you can achieve self love faster than you think. If you want to join us in more positive and affirming wellness information, join LOVE TV!

Working Out Isn’t About Being Skinny — It Should be About Uplifting your Mind and Body

March 1, 2018January 22, 2024 by Lindsay Hayesin Body, Mind, Wellness

If working out to be thinner or stronger isn’t your jam, try thinking of it as better mental health with a side benefit of increased fitness.

My vision of women in ballet barre classes are tall, lithe, ballerina-like women in expensive ath-leisure. This is not me. I am not tall. I am not skinny. I have never, ever been to a ballet class.

But here I am, in my 50th barre class. I’m addicted.

I hated barre classes

A few years ago a girlfriend asked me to buy a Groupon for 5 barre classes. I did not care for them. In fact, I may have genuinely hated one of those instructors. But last fall I found myself in a fitness rut. And perhaps in a life rut.

I wanted to avoid sliding from a rut into something resembling depression (it took me years to recognize the need for this, let alone how to put knowledge into action). I knew I needed to shake up my workouts. I also wanted to find something that lifted me up. Something or somewhere that could be my happy place.

Through Class Pass I tried yoga, pilates, aerial acrobatics, and other classes and gyms.

Don’t judge a book by its cover, don’t judge a gym by it’s classes

Wanting to give it an honest try again, I went to three different barre studios. They were vastly different. One made me remember why I had hated the class years ago, another was just too damn hot, and the third wasn’t an immediate love affair but I liked it and kept coming back.

Four months later I encouraged a girlfriend to come with me. It was then that I realized that studio had become a happy place for me. During class, I can’t check my phone and I’m working too hard to stress about life or work. This is me time that I don’t feel guilty about because I’m building a stronger body AND mind. At some point I started to value the classes because I always left feeling better than when I arrived.

I am happier and I am stronger

I have more muscle in my arms (though there’s still an annoying jiggle). My legs are stronger than they used to be. But more importantly, I have added another happy place I can feel grateful for. I take pleasure in making the time to go to the studio twice a week. I am grateful for instructors who uplift, inspire, and encourage me. They push me harder than I will push myself. So I have learned I am stronger than I thought. It’s a wonderful feeling to make this surprise discovery.

Tips to find your workout bliss

Start close to home

If you can find somewhere that fits into your drive to or from work, it’s easier to make the time. If you work in a business complex, chances are you have a studio nearby that caters to busy professionals like you. Start Googling.

Shop around for the perfect class

Sites like Class Pass, FitReserve, and offer packages to help you explore different classes, gyms, and activities. If you don’t have Class Pass in your area check out the websites of gyms and fitness studios near you. Many offer a free or discounted first class. And don’t forget about the YMCA– it’s affordable and has a surprisingly robust selection of classes.

Be fearless

Everyone in these classes was new once. They are probably concentrating too hard to judge you anyway. You got this! Really!

To learn more about ways you can improve yourself, join LOVE TV today!

How Goals For My Best Wedding Body Happily Didn’t Go As Planned

March 6, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin Body, Mind, Wellness

I struggled with the pressure of getting in shape with a “bride body” for my wedding, eventually I shifted my focus.

When I first got engaged, I was determined to get in great shape. I was all about “sweating for the wedding” and was ready to “squat before tying the knot.”

I’m already a regular gym-goer, but I thought my wedding was a good excuse to tone up my arms, get some abs, and lose a few pounds. Plus, I really wanted those beautiful, magical, perfect wedding photos where I would look toned, fit, and like I just stepped out of a magical fantasy land of unicorns and glitter.

I mean, that’s “the dream,” right?

But as time passed and I got busy with wedding planning, something weird started happening. I found that lots of people were asking me about whether or not I was doing a new workout regimen before the wedding.

Now, these weren’t friends who I’d talked to about my plan to get in shape. These were mostly acquaintances, distant family members, and Uber drivers. I would mention that I’d just gotten engaged and they’d ask questions like whether I had colors picked out, where we were honeymooning, and if I was on a special diet in preparation for the big day.

Then I started seeing the ads. Pop-ups for weight loss tips showed up on wedding websites and ads to get a “bride body” snuck into my Instagram feed. I suddenly felt a lot of pressure to have a wedding weight loss plan, and that took the fun right out of my goal.

I mean, I’m all for brides supporting brides, sharing tips and comparing notes, but this was different. It seemed like I was expected to lose weight for the wedding, or better yet, like I was expected to want to lose weight.

Then a personal challenge became a personal hell.

A fun personal challenge to get healthier and score some great pics quickly turned into a stressful situation that made me question my body and even feel a little self-conscious. I was having none of it.

So, I tried to ignore the dieting and weight loss voices in the wedding world for a while and I focused on the aspects of wedding planning that I really liked.

So far, one of my favorite parts of being engaged has been collecting old pictures of my fiancé and I for framed decorations at the wedding. Because my future husband and I have been together for nearly a decade, there’s a lot of photos to go through and it’s been a lot of fun.

I’ll look back and fondly remember that summer I got pink streaks in my hair or laugh at the time I was so sunburnt that my arms were red for a month. I’ll smile when I find pics of my fiancé wearing his old favorite jacket and my heart will melt when I find silly photo booth pictures we took during college. I love seeing us at different points in our lives, literally a snapshot of that time in our relationship.

This made me think of the photos that will be taken at our wedding: capturing our faces as we say our vows during the ceremony and forever immortalizing our awesome dance moves at the reception. Those photos will document us as we are now, on the year we’re getting married. And I really like that.

The more I thought about it, the more I wondered why I even wanted to lose weight for the wedding in the first place. I mean, sure, it’s a big event and I wanted to look good, but I couldn’t help wondering if my size really mattered.

Why do we need to be that skinny?

I’ve seen so many friends get married in the past few years (it’s that time in my mid-twenties where I’m going to weddings every other weekend) and I’ve seen a lot of brides get really thin for their weddings. I want to celebrate women who accomplish their goals, but there’s so much pressure to be skinny that some women I know ended up going on crash diets right before the big day, which isn’t healthy.

Or, even when my friends have lost weight the right way, they ended up getting discouraged when they gained it back. A big part a new regimen is keeping up the lifestyle, and if your goal is to look good for a wedding, when the day is over, it’s easy to go back to old habits.

While seeing a higher number on the scale shouldn’t be that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, gaining weight back after working really hard at the gym can be really disheartening, and I didn’t want to go through that.

At first, I told myself that I wouldn’t make those mistakes. I’d lose weight the right way, get super healthy, work out every day, and forever look like I just got off the set of a NordicTrack commercial. Hashtag: new marriage, new me.

But honestly… that doesn’t sound like something I’d do. It’s not like I have really unhealthy habits right now that need to be changed. I’m realistic with my lifestyle, I have a good balance when it comes to nutrition and exercise, and I like the way I live.

Of course, I think that brides and grooms should be able to do whatever they need to do in order to feel confident and happy on their wedding. If that includes dropping a few pounds, I say: more power to ya. But there’s so much pressure (especially on brides) to look great on their wedding day and to have those amazing pictures, and I can’t help but think that maybe I didn’t need that.

For most of those old photos of my fiancé and I, I didn’t try to look extra beautiful and I wasn’t on a special diet. I was just being me, and I think that’s part of why I like them.

Some of my favorite photos are the ones where we’re screaming on a roller coaster or wiping ice cream on each others’ faces. I like the ones where we’re just being us, maybe not even knowing (or caring) that a photo is being taken.

Some of the best pictures are ones where I don’t even look good, maybe it was taken at a weird angle or I’m making a funny face, but it’s a photo of us laughing and having fun, and that’s what makes it special.

And sure, maybe without the awesome workouts and dieting I won’t look truly “perfect” on my wedding day. Maybe I won’t look like I just stepped out of a magical fantasy land with unicorns, but I want to look back on my wedding pictures and see the people my fiancé and I are today. Not perfect, not glamorous, but definitely “us.”

I’ll show off what I have, extra few pounds and all, and be excited to look back on all those imperfect, but wonderful, photos.

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Why You Shouldn’t Let Your Mom’s Body Critiques Bum You Out

March 8, 2018January 22, 2024 by Ola Faletiin Body, Mind, Wellness

Not everyone is lucky to have a family that’s self-affirming in all the ways. Here’s why you should ignore their body image comments, so it doesn’t affect how you feel about yourself.

The insecurity is real. A UK study showed that 91% of women are unhappy with an aspect of their bodies. Things like Instagram, fashion ads, and the overall pervasive idea that the best thing a woman can be is beautiful, doesn’t help. We get enough crap from society about our body image, but what about when the comments come from the people we love most?

I have a mother who loves me and who has my best interest at heart, and I know this. My mom is also African, traditional, and has very clear-cut ideas about what is classically beautiful and what isn’t — and some of the ways I have fallen short of that.

Her intentions are never malicious, just honest. Maybe you too have too-honest folks, or extended family who won’t stop making snide remarks around the Thanksgiving table every year. If you find yourself getting overly frustrated with their tactlessness, here are some things to realize:

Their comments reflect more on their insecurities than yours.

You could be totally fine with your cellulite, or spindly legs, or toneless arms. But when you have relatives that have similar features, they might not be so lucky. While grappling with their own missing body image, they shoot you down in the process.

I’ll never forget the conversation I had when I first buzzed my head in high school, a beauty decision my mom did not approve of. She said, verbatim, “Only really beautiful women can be beautiful without hair. But for average women like us, our hair is our beauty.”

This wasn’t an insult per se,. but we’d all hope our mothers, if no one else, to find us beautiful. Or at least I did. I was bummed to hear that my mom didn’t see herself as beautiful either, when she had always been beautiful to me.

Sometimes family is a reflection of our biggest worries. If you know you have that one aunt who hates her complexion while you love yours, don’t let her insecurities plant seeds in your head.

The era and place in which they grew up is different from yours

The ultimate proof of female beauty’s subjectivity is how it changes with every generation. Over the past 100 years in the United States, Americans have gone from praising a thin, boyish figure (1920s), a plump, intensely hourglass figure (1950s) to big boobs, big butts and a thigh gap (now). And that’s only within the the Western world.

If you have family who grew up with a different culture, their views of what’s beautiful may be even more skewed.

In West Africa they like their women with curves. They like their women with ample hips and thighs. Solidly built. Well, that’s not my body at all. I am thin with a narrow figure, and I have almost always been.

A trip to the motherland isn’t complete without the obligatory comments about how I need to gain weight, and that maybe it’ll help mbe get a boyfriend if I eat more.

I’m not saying this to elicit sympathy; in the Western world being thin is a beauty privilege. I don’t have job offers rescinded, or have to worry about finding places that carry my size, or being berated by randoms on the street about my body. But I also believe that if you can’t say something nice about someone’s body image, no matter their size, then you shouldn’t say anything.

Understanding that your family’s beauty standards can differ due generational and cultural gaps is something that can take the sting from comments that make you self- conscious.

Their comments may reflect their own upbringing

People model their behavior after what they learned early on. The family you were raised with is your introduction to socialization. And unfortunately, not everyone grows up hearing sentiments that are bathed in sweetness.

While my parents are not cruel, they are honest in the only way they know how to be. I don’t fault them for it. But I know that I also have the ability to say, “You can feel however you want about my ____, but I like it just fine.” That shuts unyielding commenters up pretty quickly.

You are the number one person in charge of how you feel about yourself. Just because people love you, doesn’t always mean they know how to show it in soft ways.

For some, honesty is love. If you’re around family members who put you down so much that your mental health plummets, stay as far away from those folks as possible. Family can be toxic, too.

If you liked this article, try reading…: How Burlesque Let Me Claim My Body Image, I’m Embracing Vanity. Here’s Why You Should Too, or WHY Do You Weigh Yourself?

If you want to join a community of positive and affirming people eager to help you find more love in your life, join LOVE TV!

An Inside Look at Vaginal Rejuvenation

March 27, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin Body, Wellness

Is a vaginal rejuvenation procedure, or vaginal tightening, an ideal option for you? We explore the hot topic so popular it was recently part of a storyline on Grey’s Anatomy.

We explore what exactly the procedure means, hear from a medical professional based in New York City and get some opinions from real women on whether or not they think the procedure is right for them.

Here is an in-depth look at vaginal rejuvenation. And if you’re searching for a little extra help rekindling your sex life after children, join LOVE TV.

What exactly is vaginal (or more commonly) feminine rejuvenation?

Feminine rejuvenation is defined as a range of aesthetic and functional procedures in the female genital region to correct and restore the optimum structural form of the vagina and surrounding tissues and to improve hydration and elasticity in the vaginal mucosa, according to nurse practitioner Marianne Woody with input from Dr. Bruce Katz of Juva Skin and Laser, which serves the New York City and Manhattan areas.

What are the goals of the procedure?

Most women have the procedure to tighten things “down there.” A lot end up doing it to regain sexual pleasure too. Some may have more serious issues involving urinary incontinence, so they opt for a feminine rejuvenation.

Is the procedure growing in popularity?

According to Woody and Katz, it is. At Juva, they have four different devices to address feminine rejuvenation and they are non-surgical. There are options like the “Femi-lift,” which allows for three short laser procedures spaced a month apart. There’s also radiofrequency based devices like the “ThermiVa,” which treats both the labia and vagina itself to make things tighter.

“The treatment is painless and feels like a warm massage,” Woody said.

There’s also the “ULTRA Femme 360,” which provides a complete vaginal rejuvenation using radiofrequency technology and only lasts 20-30 minutes with four treatments once again, about a month apart.

The newest device in use at Juva tackles the problem of urinary incontinence. “EMSELLA” is FDA approved and is a non-invasive treatment that deals with helping not only urinary incontinence but pelvic floor prolapse and vaginal relaxation. The “EMSELLA” chair strengthens your pelvic floor muscles by focusing on electromagnetic waves and works in a way similar to Kegel exercises.

Are there any risks to these procedures?

Woody and Katz advised that no pregnant women should participate in any feminine rejuvenation procedures. There are also precautions to avoid any treatment should you currently have an active vaginal infection or current Pap smear that showed any malignancy. For certain procedures, women should abstain from intercourse for approximately three to seven days after their treatment. Some procedures, like the ThermiVa and EMSELLA, you can have sex right away.

Why would a woman be interested in one of these procedures?

“Women may not report symptoms because they are self-treating,” Woody said. “They may feel the symptoms are not important enough or are embarrassed.”

According to Woody, things like menopause, childbirth, lifestyle and weight gain can all lead to vaginal irregularities. Women may feel a loss of self-confidence or not want to exercise as often. They also may have unpleasant sexual relations or even social problems like isolation and an effect on their mental well-being.

Are the procedures typically covered by insurance companies? What is the typical cost?

The procedures are FDA approved for aesthetic devices and according to Woody, not covered by insurance. Costs range anywhere from $400 to up to $1,500 depending on what type of treatment you choose.

What has been the feedback from the procedure from those who’ve gotten it done before?

Some participants show improvement after one treatment while others respond after two or three completed procedures. “I have had patients report that the procedure ‘changed her life!’” Woody said. Katz and Woody mentioned patients have responded positively, with reports of vaginal tightening, increased lubrication and more intense orgasms.

Real women’s opinions.

“I think I would definitely do it later in life especially if I had kids,” said Jill, who is in her 30s. “I heard the extra stitch is a real thing—it’s never the same especially after having more than one kid, so if that’s the case and it makes you feel better about yourself and desirable again, why not?”

Jane*, a pediatrician in her 30s as well, said that a labiaplasty is just plastic surgery on your labia to make them look more even.

“There really is no medical reason to get one, though sometimes the extra labia can get in the way during sex or cause discomfort, so people have the procedure done,” she added. “Otherwise, any surgery to make your vagina ‘tighter’ is just ridiculous and unproven to work.”

Crystal, who is in her 30s as well, thought about vaginal rejuvenation and at first compared it to extreme vajazzling, but “just couldn’t get behind it.”

“The more I think about it, I don’t really see vaginal reconstruction as being any different than ‘mommy makeovers’ which I am all for it a woman feels self-conscious about it,” she said. “I think sexually, we are so much more in our heads and we think about every flaw we have instead of always being in the moment.”

While she can’t personally say if she would do it given she hasn’t had any children, Crystal said “if we can all get behind Kylie Jenner’s lips I support anyone who wants a tighter downstairs situation for themselves.”

Vaginal (or feminine) rejuvenation may seem a bit extreme, but for some, it might be just what you need.

Feminine rejuvenation can be a great way for women to feel less self-conscious and regain their sexual pleasure again. It also can cost up to $1,500 with no help from insurance, making it hard for many to afford.

*Name has been changed

Interested in intimacy techniques that don’t require penetrative sex? Check out this piece.

How Men in the Media are Creating a Healthy Image of Masculinity: A Tale of Queer Eye, Tough Guys, and Broken Kitchen Appliances

April 5, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin Body, Mind, Wellness

Netflix’s “Queer Eye” taught me a lot about masculinity (and helped me realize that it’s time to make a change).

A couple months ago, my fridge broke. Water leaked everywhere and weird, wailing noises from the freezer got so loud that I worried the neighbors would call the police to report what they might assume is a dying camel. It was a problem. I ended up buying a new fridge and praying to the god of floor boards that after days of water pooling on my kitchen floor, I didn’t have water damage.

I’d heard that sometimes mold in the walls or floors of old houses can make people really sick, and because that sounded like exactly what I did not need, I asked my dad to come over and check it out.

My dad does home renovations, so he’s a handy guy to have around when you need to identify a moldy kitchen, but sometimes he says things that drive me totally crazy. He’ll make a comment that’s mildly sexist or complain about a guy who wore a pink shirt because it’s “girly.” I’ll try to ignore his comments because, well, my dad is from a different era and most of the time he doesn’t say this stuff in public. Still, it makes my eye twitch.

Anyway, my dad stopped by, looked at my kitchen, and decided my floors were okay (phew). There was a little damage to the paint on the baseboard, but that was an easy fix. Dad grabbed some white paint from his truck and when I dipped a paintbrush in the tin to get started, he grabbed the brush away and said, “Hey, girls can’t paint.”

Hold up. What?

Girls can’t paint? What kind of crazy rule is that? Was he trying to say that girls are not physically able to move colored pigment across a surface? If I picked up a paintbrush would it explode? Or, was he saying that girls just can’t paint baseboards? Because, somehow it’s even stranger when it’s that specific.

“No,” he clarified, “girls are bad at it.”

He explained that whenever my stepmom tries to paint she fails miserably, which brings up a whole other issue of generalization based on gender (as well as the issue of insulting one’s partner) but I was still focused on this ‘girls can’t paint’ problem.

I was so confused that I had no idea what to say… which doesn’t happen often. Even long after my dad left, I was baffled.

I have definitely heard my dad make judgements based on gender stereotypes but this didn’t seem to follow the gender assumptions I usually hear. I know that that girls are “supposed” to like pretty things like ponies and glitter while boys are usually associated with dirty metal things, like cars, lawn mowers, and rusty tug boats. But paint (white paint, I might add) seems insanely gender neutral.

This whole paint thing bothered me for weeks until I came up with a theory: maybe my dad didn’t want me to paint, or rather, didn’t want women (in general) to paint, because he uses paint for work all the time. He paints walls and fences and kitchen baseboards every day. In fact, he paints so much that he just happened to have paint all ready to go at a moment’s notice.

I think that somewhere deep in his subconscious, something told my dad that if a woman could paint, then painting was a “feminine” activity. It would be harder for him to reject all things feminine, to make fun of men who wear pink, to call himself “pure man” if boundaries were shaken between genders and men and women had some overlapping skills or attributes.

I realized that my dad’s attitude on masculinity, which I once thought was a harmless attribute of a man living in the past, could in fact be quite dangerous.

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Then I found “Queer Eye.”

Soon after the paint incident, I stumbled upon Netflix’s new show Queer Eye, and fell in love. This reboot of the 2000’s show is relevant, modern, and so important. Instead of looking for straight guys in New York to makeover, the 2018 Fab Five head to Georgia to not only change clothes, but to change ideas of masculinity.

In each episode, the Fab Five meet a man (and his family) and set to work fixing up his style. The show is sure to be incredibly entertaining for anyone, but I found it particularly relatable. When I watched a few of those Atlanta men, the ones who wouldn’t take care of their appearance for fear of seeming “girly” and the ones who wouldn’t show affection because they were busy acting tough, I definitely saw a hint of my dad.

There’s a moment in episode 4 when Tan, who handles the fashion side of the makeover, talks candidly to that episode’s subject, AJ, about his hesitations with dressing “too feminine.”

Neal, a messy techie from episode 2, is afraid to give hugs.

Some of these men were so afraid to show emotion, so afraid to seem even slightly weak or vulnerable, that it was affecting them, and often their relationships and family. I felt so connected to these men, and their stories, that every time they had an emotional breakthrough and cried to the Fab Five, I found myself tearing up too.

But the fight against toxic masculinity doesn’t end with Queer Eye. Recently, many men have stepped up to talk about the dangers of toxic masculinity, and how to fix it. Actor Justin Baldoni did an amazing TED talk on the concept of being ‘man enough,’ and Michael Ian Black wrote an insightful essay after the Marjory Stoneman Douglas shooting about how toxic masculinity contributes to boys committing violent acts.

The truth is, my “girls can’t paint” situation is a very small part of a large problem. Toxic masculinity isn’t just annoying or uncomfortable, it’s also destructive. These absurd societal expectations that men have to be tough and unemotional, even inhuman, are at the root of many cases of abuse and even violence.

I’m so proud to see Baldoni and Black talking about the negative effects of toxic masculinity because I’m not sure if we could fix this problem without people like them.

We need smart, confidant men to show that it’s okay for men to take care of themselves and that it’s good, even encouraged, to do things that have been deemed “feminine.” That it’s not shameful to show emotion, to be a little vulnerable.

Every time I look at the newly painted baseboard next to my fridge I’m reminded that the men and the women of our society deserve better than a world filled with toxic masculinity. The boys and girls of the next generation deserve to not be told what they can and cannot do based on their gender. They deserve the right to be able to do what they love, to express themselves, to be themselves and not be ashamed.

And maybe it will take more than some articles, a few TED talks, and five guys with a Netflix show to fix this problem, but I think, at least, it’s a start.

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How Active Hobbies Made My Relationships Better

May 1, 2018January 22, 2024 by Lacey McKennain Body, Sex, SEX TIPS, Wellness

It’s easy to get in a rut, especially when you settle into a longer term relationships.

When my boyfriend and I met neither of us were active. I would hit the gym sporadically. I asked him to come with me but he hated the gym. I didn’t blame him.

Still I knew that we should be more active. My idea of a good Saturday was reading for about 8 hours straight. Talk about sitting disease.

And while reading is sexy, so is working out. Staying in good shape means better sex. And better sex means happier couples. And don’t forget, we are here to help if you feel like your relationships are stuck. Join LOVE TV and cut through the nonsense to streamline your journey in love.

Make a run for it

One day my boyfriend begrudgingly went on a run with a friend. Before long he went on another run, and another. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about so I gave it a try. Running still isn’t my favorite, but here’s why I stick with it:

When I burn 250 calories in 30 minutes, I don’t feel guilty for eating cake.
It costs one good pair of running shoes.
It has made my relationships stronger.

That third reason is the best. I don’t love running but I do love running with him. He encourages me and keeps me going when I want to quit. We know each other better and support the other in their running goals to get faster or run farther.

It has also given us a fun new weekend activity. Some Sunday mornings we’re out of bed early to go on a run. I never thought this would be me. But when your running partner is also your favorite person, it does great things for your motivation.

I’ve even managed to talk him into several fun runs like The Color Run or The Hot Chocolate 5k. These races keep us training even when we don’t feel like it.

Running has given us something to do together and has brought us closer than ever.

On the rocks

The next hobby my boyfriend wanted to try was rock climbing at a local gym. This was definitely too adventurous for my taste. I went anyway since I wanted to encourage his healthy habits. To my surprise, I enjoyed it.

Now one of our favorite things to do together is visit the climbing gym. We encourage each other to push our limits and work together to find ways to finish challenging routes and climbing problems. We’ve met a lot of great people and made some close friends through climbing.

Something fun to do

When you’re in a new relationship, it’s easy to find fun things to do and talk about. You’re in that “get to know each other” phase that can be so much fun. But then you start to settle into patterns. While the stability is nice, it can be a relationship-killer.

The connections you make through shared activities can keep your relationships alive. It gives you something to talk about, a way to meet other people, and improves your own mental and physical well-being. And just when you think you know everything about your SO, you learn that they are terrible at mini-golf and you spend hours laughing with each other.

When you connect over shared activities, you forge an even stronger bond.

Be grateful for what you can do

Maybe you have a bad knee or somehow got tennis elbow without playing a lick of tennis. Regardless, be grateful for what your body can do. When you start to appreciate your body for what it can do, instead of how it looks, confidence comes easier. Learn more about how a little bit of appreciation can change everything in love.

Even if I’m not a super athlete or a marathon runner, I am grateful that my boyfriend and I can still find fun new things that challenge us and keep us close.

Not sure what to try? Here are a few more ideas:

Kayaking encourages communication and teamwork.
Kickboxing classes will make your butt (and your partner’s) look even better.
Trampoline parks aren’t just for kids.
Laser tag is a surprisingly good workout.
Go for a bike ride. Does your city have a bike share program?
Play frisbee at your local park.
Go paddle boating on your local lake.
Take up photography. This makes a great excuse to find new hiking trails.

Get out there and have fun!

Taking Up Aerial Yoga and Its Benefits for Health and Wellness

August 1, 2018January 22, 2024 by Terri-Jane Dowin Body, Wellness

I am trying not to fall on my face. That’s not a metaphor for anything; I mean that I am quite literally trying not to fall on my face. I’m in a hammock, but rather than lying inside it, gently swaying in the breeze, maybe on a beach somewhere, I am crossways with it under my hips. My arms and legs are outstretched, and because “you go where your gaze is,” I am trying to look up and meet my own eyes in the mirrored wall in front of me, and not look down at the floor (causing aforementioned falling). This is my second aerial yoga class, and if anything it’s even more difficult than the first, because I’m now painfully aware of my lack of upper body strength.

Aerial yoga is a combination of yoga, stretching, and acrobatics.

It’s a small class, so that there is enough space for swinging around, and so that the instructor can get around to everyone. Silk-like hammocks are hung from the ceiling, and yoga mats are placed beneath them. I’m still unsure if these are more for cushioning than for the floor-yoga parts of the class. There are warm up stretches done on the floor, and then stretches move into the hammocks. Once everyone is warmed up properly, the inversion part of the class starts. This is where you’ll see people hanging upside down, or wrapping one foot in the hammock to shimmy up it with the other.

Camaraderie is built very quickly in an aerial yoga class, I’ve found. I think this is partly because every inversion feels like a huge accomplishment, and partly because when you are hanging upside down, holding on to the hammock with your ankles, it’s helpful to be able to ask the person who has already flipped through their own hammock which leg you are supposed to cross over where. The mirrored wall in the yoga studio is equal parts help and hindrance when trying to work out left/right and front/back whilst upside down.

Yoga – on its own – is good for your wellbeing. It forces you to focus on your breathing, and to take slow, measured breaths. Movements are purposeful, and generally a yoga class is a calm environment, where you gradually build up your practice into more challenging poses. Yoga isn’t goal-focused (which can be a challenge in itself), and it’s a small, quiet break in our hectic day-to-days. Aerial yoga has all of those benefits, with the additions of having to trust yourself, and of the endorphin hit of having realised that you have indeed managed to scramble up the hammock to the ceiling, and tuck your foot behind your head at the same time. It’s a yoga class, but amped up in the best possible way: more effective, more focused, and with more of an adrenaline rush.

The Hammock both supports your weight and helps you balance, so yoga stretches which are difficult unaided (I’m looking at you, standing splits) are made easier. With the help of the hammock, you’re more flexible because there’s less stress on your joints and muscles. It’s almost a complete body workout, because your core is constantly engaged whilst you’re stretching out your limbs, but because you’re supported by the hammock, and because inversions and poses are aided by gravity, there’s less effort involved than if you were in a HIIT class.

Swinging Like a Spider Monkey

On top of the physical benefits of aerial yoga, the adrenaline rush of finding yourself swinging around like a spider monkey does wonders for your mental wellbeing. It boosts your body’s endorphin, serotonin, and dopamine levels, making you feel happier and have more energy. There’s definitely something to be said for the feeling of achievement in finding yourself in what you thought was a difficult pose. Mostly, though, aerial yoga is a lot of fun. It feels almost childlike, to be suspended upside down, rummaging around inside a giant silk scarf, and using muscles you had forgotten you had. More than once, someone in the class has yelled “woo!” as they fly through a 180. It’s a playground for grown-ups, a workout that feels nothing like working out. It’s more difficult than I imagined it would be before I started, but it’s also much more rewarding.

We’re at the end of the class, and now – finally – comes the lying down, swaying gently part. I highly recommend savasana-ing in a dark green silky cocoon. It’s very relaxing. As the lights come on, and people emerge from their hammocks, there are smiles all around.

Learning Self-Love During Swimsuit Season

August 13, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin Body, LOVE, Wellness

I’ve always been a bigger person and being in a bathing suit has often made me self conscious.

Ever since I was little, I’ve always been bigger than my peers. Now that I’m in my 30s, it’s something I’ve gotten used to over time and have fully embraced now that the body positive movement is so prevalent.

My journey toward self-love in a bathing suit was a long, but ultimately fulfilling one.

11 in my Leopard Plus Print

Growing up, boutiques like Charlotte Russe and Wet Seal were out of the question. In middle school I was well off the charts for both height and weight, which ultimately gave my mom the only choice but to try taking me to Macy’s. Back then, the only plus-size options were in the women’s department. The options were slim. I remember standing in a dressing room at about 11 years old, trying on a leopard print tank suit. I noticed the label on the suit said it had a “bust minimizer.” I was 11 and barely had a bust, why did I need a bust minimizer? It was frustrating and made me sad. You know that scene from This is Us where Kate wore a t-shirt at the pool around the same age? It definitely made me emotional because I identified with it so much.

My mom later ended up cutting out the minimizer so I could feel like the small hills I did have for breasts meant something. At 11, that meant a lot to me. I still remember feeling like I didn’t love my bathing suit. Compared to my peers, I was in a leopard-print suit while they donned bright colors and Lisa Frank bikinis. Since I didn’t love my suit, my confidence was definitely not the best.

Sweet 16, Self Conscious Pool Party

Despite not being comfortable in a bathing suit, I still chose to have my 16th birthday party as a pool party. My parents had built a backyard pool four years prior, and I longed to have a Sweet 16 just like I saw in the movies. I convinced them to hire a DJ and let me invite 30 friends. N’SYNC, Britney, Christina and the Backstreet Boys blared from speakers on our patio and the pool was hopping. I wanted to wear a chic blue halter-style tankini and felt just the teensiest bit confident in it.

Once my friends came and cover-ups started coming off I was immediately self-conscious. The truth is, we were all different body shapes and types but to my 16-year-old self, I was the nearly six-foot-tall, 280 lb. giant.

During the party, we played Truth or Dare and Seven Minutes in Heaven (okay more like three) in this gigantic inflatable rocket float that you could climb inside. My friends tried to no avail to get my crush to go into the rocket with me but he refused. I wanted desperately to have my first kiss and wondered if maybe I’d have to continue waiting impatiently. There was just something so special about getting my first kiss on my 16th birthday though.

After cake and ice cream (where most of my photos have me crossing my arms over my stomach), a male friend of mine at the party approached me and said he’d heard I didn’t get my first kiss. He asked to give it to me instead. I briefly considered saying no, as it wasn’t someone I was romantically attracted to, but I let my teenage hormones take the lead. I said yes and that kiss, that pizza and Surge soda tasting kiss, helped me become slightly less self conscious about my body.

Body Positive Now

It’s been 22 summers since that day I spent in a dressing room with my leopard print tank suit. I bought my first bikini a couple years ago from Forever 21’s plus-size department. I was so scared to wear it to my apartment complex’s pool. The thin stripe of my stomach that hadn’t seen the light of day for decades made me so nervous. I realized though that what was important was that the two piece suit made me happy. For once, I actually felt confident in a bathing suit.

In recent years, the body positive movement has taken off. I admire women like Hunter McGrady and Tess Holliday and have personally had the opportunity to interview Chrissy Metz and speak with Ashley Graham at a party. I even nerded out and asked her for a picture that day—see below.

I am so grateful I can sign onto social media and see girls who look like me celebrated. Even more importantly, I am glad middle and high school girls have access to much better fashion than I did and gorgeous, smart, talented and kind women like these ladies to look up to. I’ve learned that everybody and every body deserves to be in a swimsuit.

Not to sound cliché, but life’s too short to care about what other people think of you as you’re sipping a margarita poolside with your best friends. Don’t miss out on making memories because you’re embarrassed about thighs that touch, a flat chest or a full belly. It took me some time, but I know now most people embrace others no matter what they look like. Summer is meant for fun so don’t stop having it because of a body hang up. You know what the kids say these days…YOLO.

Learning self-love is hard, especially during swimsuit season

Sometimes, it’s hard to put on that bathing suit. Girls are so hard on themselves, author Kate Oczypok included.

Kate takes us on her journey learning to love her body in a swimsuit.

Want to read more on the body positive movement? Check out this piece on how big girls should be able to wear bikinis.