T&A are In Bed With Tripp & the Podcast “How to Talk to Girls”!

October 11, 2016January 22, 2024 by T A Talk Sexin Sex

T&A get personal with the man behind the smart and honest podcast, How To Talk to Girls. His experience has helped guys open up and develop themselves for the betterment of men and women dating. We are grateful!

On The Podcast: T&A get solid advice from a guy who’s learned the hard way about dating and talking to women. A social scientist of his own accord, Tripp shares some of his fascinating insights that are also- practical. From key differences in men and women’s communication styles, attraction and the friend zone, this is a great conversation to listen to if you want to be more natural, and succesfful, with women without having to follow douchy, dis-ingenuous ‘bro’ how-to’s. Listen here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/tatalksex/podcast

Check Tripp out @Trippadvice

T&A IN BED WITH Jayson Thibault from Punch Drunk Sports Podcast

October 27, 2016January 22, 2024 by T A Talk Sexin Sex

T&A hop in bed with Jayson to ask him personal questions, and he sure delivers honest answers – so fun!

Wow, we totally had a show topic for this week- and then Jayson Thibault from Punch Drunk Sports happened! Which made for an epic episode. His candid discussion about all things relationships, sex, family, and growing up with lesbian parents bring us to a higher level of honesty! How does a young boy growing up with all women affect him as a man? How does T growing up with her father affect her as a grown woman? A shares her personal story about her mom’s ovarian cancer, and how she handled the experience. And so much more real talk happens in this episode. Enjoy!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/tatalksex/2016/10/20/why-waste-87-laps-around-the-sun-jayson-thibault-speaks-his-truth

T&A IN BED WITH Lora of Between the Sheets with Lora Somoza

November 28, 2016January 22, 2024 by T A Talk Sexin Sex

T&A hop in bed with Lora from the podcast Between The Sheets with Lora Somoza. She answers some silly questions with honesty and humor about sex and her preferences!

On the Podcast:

Giving Thanks for Vibrators, Small Breasts, Big Lips, and Daddy Issues Ep.121
It’s Thanksgiving week, which means time for T&A to reflect on all the things they’re grateful for this year- the not so suitable for the dinner table things. Lora Somoza from the podcast, ‘Between the Sheets with Lora Somoza’ joins this roundtable chat which sparks scintilating conversation on vibrators, masturbation, their body issues growing up as kids and even some deeper family issue stuff. Fun and entertaining, yet always deep, Happy Thanksgiving from T&A!

Thx guys!
C

Top Tips for the Best BJ

January 30, 2017January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin Sex

People often think that their own saliva will be enough lubrication to get the job done.

Ever wonder what goes down behind closed doors at blow job workshops? Wonder no more!

Below, sex educators and other experts from around the country share their best advice from BJ classes. (NSFW material ahead!)

1. Start slow.

“It’s fun to start soft. Let your partner get hard in your mouth, without any motion. Just let them experience the warmth of your breath and wetness of your tongue then gently begin to suck. Anticipation will make your partner even hotter.” ― Rebekah Beneteau, a sex, kink and intimacy coach and co-host of the webinar “The Joy of Oral: Make Your Next Mouthful Matter”

2. Don’t shy away from lube.

“People often think that their own saliva will be enough lubrication to get the job done. It’s actually best to add a bit of lube to get started: either water-based or silicone. After a few minutes, you may build up enough of your own juices to keep the action going. Sucking on a hard, sugar-free candy can also help you build up saliva.” ― Melissa Jones, a sexologist and executive director of the Sexology Institute and Boutique in San Antonio, Texas

3. Get handsy.

“Remember: A good blow job is 50 percent hands. Using your hands, with even pressure and friction in concert with your mouth, does more than what your mouth can do on its own. It can make or break a blow job experience.” ― Elle Chase, a sex educator and author of Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body-Positive Positions to Empower Your Sex Life

4. Ask questions.

“Ask questions before you start and even during if you aren’t sure he’s having a good time. Every man is different. They don’t all like the same thing. Don’t ask broad questions like ‘Is this good?’ Instead, ask yes or no questions that give you concrete information, like, ‘Would you like it faster?’” ― Trevor Jones, a sex, kink and intimacy coach and co-host of the webinar “The Joy of Oral: Make Your Next Mouthful Matter”

Pages: 1 2

T&A Talk Sex – In Bed with F*ck Yes Team

February 20, 2017January 22, 2024 by T A Talk Sexin Sex

***T&A hop in bed with the F*CK YES team to learn more about their funny and heartfelt stories around sex!***

We laughed a lot on this one! Emily Best and Erica Anderson also created Seed&Spark – pretty cool!

Erica and Emily talk openly with us on our podcast about recent awkward sex that T&A had, and how we as men and women can just make it …SO MUCH BETTER – Listen here:

This is What Compromising a Woman Looks Like, Ep131: T&A have bad and almost… Rape-y sex?! But instead of pointing fingers, the ladies chat with F*ck Yes series creators to unpack the situation and look at the underlying mindsets, beliefs and cultural influences that made T&A feel compromised.

Click Here for the ‘This Is What Compromising a Woman Looks Like, Ep131‘

Find all of our videos, podcasts, blogs, & more: http://www.tatalksex.com/

Defining Your Normal: Some Like Having It a Lot and Some Don’t

February 21, 2017January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin Sex

Society, the media, politicians, and religions are often obsessed with sex as an idea – not as it really happens in the flesh.

The idea of sex is most often portrayed in extremes.

Sex is, at times, depicted as a sure path to unwanted pregnancy, STIs, and hellfire.

At the other end of the spectrum, sex is portrayed as the core motivation for all human pursuits, selling everything from cologne to makeup to magical weight loss yogurt, because it’s that amazing and vital!

The reality of sex is that some people have it, some people don’t, some people have lots of it, some people have little of it, and life doesn’t revolve around avoiding it or chasing it.

The reality is that there is no such thing as a “normal” sex life, even though sex in and of itself is a normal part of life.

All that being said, it probably doesn’t deserve nearly the amount of attention it gets from all of us.

And I’m including feminists in that “all of us” because both here at Everyday Feminism and out there in the broader feminist world, we talk about sex a lot.

And rightly so! There are plenty of questions to be asked about what most of us have been conditioned to believe is normal or right when it comes to sex.

And some of the assumptions we should challenge are that sex is necessarily a part of a healthy, socially acceptable, and liberated life.

In other words, the pressure that we get from the outside world to pursue the idea of sex can be as damaging to our culture and self-esteem as the shame many women receive for being sexual on their own terms.

It’s a damned if you do it, damned if you don’t situation.

And folks who aren’t having sex or don’t want to – be they asexual, abstinent, low libido, triggered by sex, medically unable, and so on – may find themselves alienated by the ways sex gets inadvertently (or purposefully) pushed down our throats.

Peer pressure, well-meaning doctors and therapists, spouses, this article (how many times have I used the word “sex” at this point?) – they can all send the message that having a sex life is always the healthy, sociable, regular thing to do.

If a person desires sex, pursues sex, and has sex with someone else who wants to, then great.

But what if a person who is less than enthusiastic about sex pursues it only to fulfill a social expectation, only because they’ve been perversely sexualized from a young age, or only because they view being sexual as central to their own self-worth and self-identity?

Not great.

In fact, any time our culture imposes a “should” on us – women should be adventurous to “keep” their men, men should be virulent, we should not die virgins, all romantic relationships should also be sexual – there’s a problem.

Sex Is Not a ‘Should’

There is no obligation ever to have sex for any reason.

Not when you’re 15 and think everyone else is doing it (they’re not), not when you’re 21 and think everyone else is doing it (they’re not), and not when you’re 45 and think everyone else has done it (they haven’t).

My point here is that regardless of a person’s sexual orientation or lack thereof, sex isn’t about anyone else’s expectations. There doesn’t have to be shame around being uninterested, celibate, or emotionally unprepared for sex at any age.

That’s because sex is not a spectator sport (unless that’s what you’re into). It’s about the pleasure, desire, and experience of the people having the sex, not the prevailing assumptions of the people around them.

The same goes for people who deny others sexual orientations based on what kind of sex they’ve had.

No, lesbians and gay men don’t have to sample the opposite sex to know their orientation, nor do they have to have sex at all. The “how can you know unless you’ve tried” line of reasoning is like casting the first stone – only the person who’s tried it all is allowed to say it to anyone.

Sex Isn’t Super Amazing for Everyone

The other thing about sex is that it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.

Some people may find it pretty neat, but otherwise not see what the big fuss is about. Others are completely uninterested. And though there are those whose lack of interest comes from trauma or medical issues, they aren’t the only people who aren’t into sex.

I distinctly remember that after going through sex education as an adolescent, I walked away with the assumption that every person who crossed over to the other side of puberty experienced sexual attraction.

So if I’d have heard about someone who said “meh” to sex, my assumption also would have been that there was something medically or mentally wrong with them. And if that medical or mental problem were fixed, sexual desire would return.

The problem with that line of thinking is that it pathologizes a low or nonexistent desire for sex, even one with no apparent cause. And it paints the picture of the sexually interested person as necessarily more healthy and whole.

Though sex can definitely be part of wellness for someone who is sexual, the insinuation that those who want it less are missing a fundamental part of their humanity can be problematic.

Sex Is Important – But It’s Not

It’s really not that big of a deal.

As wrapped up as the media and advertisers are with sex, it isn’t central to what makes people worthwhile, attractive, and interesting human beings.

We need to reject the idea of sex, which dictates that Hollywood actresses are overly airbrushed and barely employable once they’re past a certain age. The idea of sex is obsessed with youth, the male gaze, a lack of agency, a link between a person’s value and how much they are valued as sexual objects.

In reality, our worth as human beings is related to things much bigger than our sexualities. It’s a part of us, but it’s not as much of us as we sometimes believe.

So it’s all right to not give a damn about being sexual on someone else’s schedule. Or ever.

Having sex is not obligatory, nor does it lead to the ultimate state of bliss. It’s neither as ideal nor as demonic as some would have you believe.

There also isn’t one way to experience it.

Not everyone is as capable of orgasm or sexual attraction as the next person, and that’s okay.

There is no one way to experience sexuality, and attempts to shame or stigmatize people for a lack of sex or attraction, even indirectly, are fraught with assumptions about how things “should” be.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Why the Greeks Have More Sex

March 28, 2017January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin Sex

Greece has been revealed to rank atop the list of the world’s most sexually active nations, averaging 164 sessions a year, or more than three times a week, German newspaper Bild reports.

According to an international survey by a condom manufacturer, which is published by the German tabloid, Greeks are far ahead of Brazil, which ranks second with 145 times a year, followed by Russia and Poland with 143 times a year.

The chilliest citizens on the planet are found to be the Japanese, who have sex a meager 48 times a year, or less than once a week.

The world average is 103 times per year, or just less than twice a week.

According to the survey, having sex isn’t of the same importance all around the world, as 80 percent of Greeks find having sex very important, and top the list again, opposed to citizens of Thailand, only 38 percent of whom believe that sex is important.

Greeks also score high in reference to duration of sexual intercourse, ranking second with 22.3 minutes on average, following Nigeria in first place with 24 minutes.

The top 10 most sexually active countries are:

Greece: 164
Brazil: 145
Russia: 143
Poland: 143
India: 130
Mexico: 123
Switzerland: 123
China: 122
New Zealand: 122
Italy: 121

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Yes, Women are Capable of 4 Unique Orgasms

April 12, 2017January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

There are four distinct types of female orgasm.

You gotta love routines. They get you out of the house in the morning or into the gym at the end of the day. But relying on a routine to get off in bed? Not so sweet. Here’s why: There’s more than one blissed-out, body-tingling way to a happy ending, and the more paths you travel, the more exciting sex will be (and stay). According to a recent study published in the journal NeuroQuantology, there are four distinct types of female orgasm (clitoral, vaginal, blended, or multiple orgasms). You should try them all—starting tonight.

Clitoral Orgasm

You know the external sweet spot is highly sensitive, thanks to the 8,000 nerve endings that congregate there. And if you’re like most women, it’s the go-to point of stimulation to send you over the edge. But according to Sari Cooper, a certified sex therapist in New York City and a columnist for Psychology Today, heading straight to the clitoris gives you a less pleasurable orgasm than if your partner touches, caresses, or massages other parts of your genitals before he homes in on that hot spot.

Techniques to try: “Have him make big circles with his fingers that include the shaft, labia, and upper part of the clitoral hood,” says Cooper. He can do this as foreplay or while you’re in a spooning position during intercourse. If you feel like switching to oral, have him approach your clitoris indirectly by lying perpendicular to you.
Increase your chances: Try having him use a fingertip vibrator like the Hello Touch Wearable Fingertip Vibrator ($65, jimmyjane.com). The more vocal you are about the speed, intensity, and pressure you prefer, the better the end result will be. Also, you’re going to want to read this: The Easiest Way to Have an Orgasm

Vaginal Orgasm

Though there is still some debate as to whether the G-spot exists, 30 percent of women claim they can have a big O from having the famous erogenous zone stimulated through penetration alone.

Techniques to try: First, locate the hot zone. On a solo night, explore the front wall of your vagina with your finger until you feel an area that’s rippled and spongy in texture. Touching it directly should feel pretty darn good. Then, during intercourse, have your man target his thrusting there. Try lying on your sides while facing each other, with your legs intertwined comfortably—think of two pairs of crisscrossed scissors. Keep your parts aligned and make sure his rubs against the front wall of your vagina. “This position allows for deeper thrusts that further stimulate the G-spot,” says Cooper.

Increase your chances: Achieving vaginal orgasm is more likely the longer the sex lasts, according to a study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine. Aim for about 15 minutes and, if it works for you, switch sex positions often. “This reduces the chance of your man ‘closing the deal’ too soon and helps your body experience new and fresh sensations,” says Michael Alvear, author of Not Tonight Dear, I Feel Fat. A warming lubricant can also help; try glycerin-free, water-based Pink Hot Pink Warming Lubricant for Women ($14.36, pinkapple.com).

Blended Orgasm

Experts say a combined clitoral and vaginal orgasm is the most powerful finale (it can be twice as strong and intense as either orgasm is by itself). “You’re getting the best of both worlds,” explains Cynthia Lief Ruberg, a certified sex therapist in Columbus, Ohio.

Techniques to try: The girl-on-top position is popular for a reason—it’s perfect for the double-whammy finish. But you can also try sitting on your partner’s lap facing away from him (he can stimulate your clitoris while you control the thrusting). Or, for a twist on missionary, have your guy inch his body up so your hips are aligned, and tilt your pelvis upward so that the base of his penis is on your clitoris but the rest of him is inside you. “In this position, he’s not really thrusting up and down, but rather grinding against your pelvic bone,” says Ruberg.

Increase your chances: “A blended orgasm is easier if the woman becomes very aroused before she has intercourse,” says Ruberg. Go full throttle with foreplay—lots of kissing, touching, licking, and massaging all over your bodies—and if you feel your enthusiasm waning during intercourse, go back to the heavy petting. To help your partner out a bit, tell him or her to bust out these 10 Sex Tips for Your Top Erogenous Zones All Over Your Body. (Then maybe repay the favor with these 10 Sex Tips for HIS Top Erogenous Zones!)

Multiple Orgasms

To be clear, multiple orgasms happen one right after the next, not at different times in one session (although those are great too). Studies show that multiple orgasms are possible for some women if they can withstand being continuously stimulated after their first (and second and. . .) “finishes.”

Techniques to try: Starting in foreplay, have your guy get you to your first clitoral climax using his hands or mouth (or a vibrator). Immediately afterward, he should continue to stimulate your C-spot in a slower manner for about 30 seconds, and then resume a normal pace to get you to a repeat performance. “He’s playing with your level of arousal from a heightened orgasmic state by giving your erogenous area a rest, as it may be overly sensitive to stimulation, and then increasing arousal again,” says Amy Levine, a sex coach in New York City and founder of IgniteYourPleasure.com. From there, begin intercourse, which can lead to multiple vaginal or blended orgasms, using the same technique of slowing down and speeding up, as long as you keep the stimulation going and your arousal high.

Increase your chances: If you’re feeling too sensitive, ask him to continue stroking your clitoris over a buffer like a soft silk camisole or panties, or have him switch his focus to your breasts and nipples. Cooper says touching these after climax can push some women to yet another O. (A nipplegasm? True thing, and nothing routine about that.)

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Are You Being Denied Foreplay?

April 14, 2017January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin Sex

Sex is amazing, right? Well, yes. But sex isn’t one thing. Sex is lots of things.

Sex can mean a passionate kiss, with your bodies pressed up against each other in a hallway; it can me him in your mouth, or you in his; it can be hours of penetration or the lightest touch in the right place. Or any combination. And lots of others. But for this reader, sex is only one thing, and it’s getting a little tiring.

*I have been dating this guy for a few months now and it’s been wonderful…except for when it’s time to get intimate. He wants to go straight into sex and no foreplay whatsoever. Each time I’ve tried to initiate it, he would say “Babe, you are my girl, you don’t have to do that.” Overall that’s sweet I guess but than the problem is, I don’t get oral (he mentioned a time that he did it on a girl and the girls odor/taste that he could not handle). How or what can I do to make him feel comfortable with me to eventually perform oral sex before the actual sex? *—Foreplay Deprived

One reason sex can’t be one thing is because it’s not the same thing for everyone. That means we have to compromise. When we’re lucky enough to meet someone with the exact same sexual interests as ours, those compromises tend to be minimal: sometimes she gets to be on top when you want to be; sometimes he gets to come first; etc.

In this situation, BF isn’t really meeting anyone halfway, he’s just getting exactly what he wants. Not fair. Many of the women I know, most of them in fact, have difficulty coming without some form of clitoral stimulation, before or during. By your guy denying you foreplay, he’s basically saying “only I get to come,” which is obviously not ideal.

Sounds like he had a bad experience once with giving head and has decided it’s not for him. That’s like having a bad first day of school and deciding that education is for other people. I think you should ask him to consider trying again.

If he’s really dead-set against it, you can remind him that there are other ways to have fun before penetration: fingers, licking other parts of you, playing with toys, etc.

The most important thing is to let him know that what’s going on isn’t fair. He’ll probably change his tune. If he doesn’t, then you have an issue that actually has nothing to do with sex.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

I Was a 30-Year-Old Virgin and My First Time Wasn’t What I Had Expected

June 15, 2017January 22, 2024 by Virginia Jonesin Sex

**“I was relieved that a p*nis didn’t feel like a giant finger inside me.”**

Hi, my name is Virginia Jones and I’m a comedian and writer. I made a girlfriend six years ago who was beautiful and smart and kind and fun to be with, and at one point she told me she was a still a virgin in her late 20s, and I was pretty surprised.

In the years since we met, she has transitioned into non-virginity, and she agreed to sit down and talk with me about it.

Historically, virginity has been so important in religion, in vampire lore, and in marriage, but now it doesn’t seem as significant, and I wondered what her thoughts were on the topic. In this interview, I’m calling myself by my initials, VJ, and I’m calling her Unicorn Charmer, because in Medieval times it was said that a unicorn would only lay his head in a virgin’s lap.

VJ: At what age did you lose your virginity?

UC: I was 30. When did you lose yours?

VJ: I was 15, which at the time I felt was ancient and now I am totally grossed out by. When I see 15 year olds, I think, well, these are children.

UC: Oh myyyy.

VJ: How many partners have you had since then?

UC: I’ve had five sex partners — spread out over the past five years. Two long-term boyfriends, three shorter term. You?

VJ: Some multiple of that. Have you ever had a one night stand?

UC: I tried to have one in Europe with a sexy European man, but he kept in touch and it became an affair that kept going for a while — so I still haven’t successfully had one. I guess I maybe had one with someone I had been in love with forever — but that feels more like a continuation of our friendship. Once I had sex for the first time, he was someone I wanted to circle back and have sex with.

VJ: What was the original motivation for keeping your virginity, and did that change?

UC: I was raised in a very conservative Baptist household and was definitely taught that sex was for married people, and lots of scary stuff about STDs. When a boy first kissed me, I was quite sure I had AIDS. I was engaged for three years starting at 19, and when that engagement ended, I decided, well, I don’t have to be married, but I’d like to have sex with someone who loves me and who I love back. So, that only took… another seven years.

VJ: That’s a minute.

UC: It was. It wasn’t all the guys’ fault. I’m sometimes… fickle.

“I missed sex with people who weren’t in love with me, which I feel is missable.”

VJ: Have you ever lost partners or relationships because you didn’t want to have coitus?

UC: None of them ever admitted it, but looking back, I think, yeah. I think it’s not something you want to say is the reason.

VJ: It’s not a good look. Do you regret anything about waiting?

UC: I don’t regret my age or the timing when I lost my virginity — but I would have liked my first to be a different person?

VJ: Why is that?

UC: I thought he loved me and that he was the right partner, but it turned out that he wasn’t faithful and didn’t care for me the way I thought he did. Later, I felt like I was a conquest. It seemed like the right person at the time, but looking back, could have been better

VJ: I think most of us feel that way.

UC: Ha! But I don’t regret waiting, either. All I missed over the years was sex with people who weren’t in love with me, which I feel is missable.

VJ: What are some positive responses people have had to your sex history?

UC: Women have been 100 percent positive, girlfriends all think it’s great. Lots of men, friends and ex-boyfriends have been respectful of my decision. One man I did sleep with said it made him feel extra special. Which he is!

“I had built a lot of my self-image on being a virgin, on being that girl”

VJ: What is something that you changed your mind about after having sex?

UC: Strangely, I have changed my feelings about oral sex, which for years was my main sexual activity — now it seems VERY intimate and kind of more precious than sex — like, I can have intercourse with someone way before oral sex. I have to trust them more.

VJ: I’ve heard that’s the feeling a lot of millennials have, that sex with a condom you can have with anyone, but oral sex is more intimate. It’s the opposite of when I was growing up. What were you surprised about after the first time you had sex?

UC: I thought it would be really bloody and painful, and it wasn’t. I was surprised that it wasn’t actually that big a deal — I wasn’t a different person, I wasn’t transformed in one way or another — it was strange, I had built a lot of my self-image on being a virgin, on being that girl, and I had to figure out who I was again!

VJ: Ha! Right, part of our worth as a woman is your sexual purity — It gives you the idea that you will be a different person once you have sex, but you’re not. Like a button is pressed and POOF you are a different being.

UC: I guess so! But I just had to train myself out of thinking of myself in relation to what I hadn’t done, and think about myself in the context of what I have.

VJ: Have you had any negative feedback on staying a virgin for longer?

UC: Unfortunately, yeah- it usually gets thrown in my face by partners or men when they’re angry with me or want to hurt me? Stuff about I’m frigid or not normal or can’t come during sex, which I can — Lots of men want to tell me that because I waited, I’m gonna have hang-ups or other issues, that I’ll never be normal in bed.

VJ: That’s cruddy.

UC: It is. One guy in particular has hit that one same note over and over, that I’m not normal, normal people just hook up a lot and don’t put a lot of importance on sex, but you know, I know those people, and they don’t seem that happy to me.

VJ: Maybe not.

UC: And I know that I’m worth more than that.

VJ: Well, I think everyone is worth more, both women and men. But we believe what people tell us, which is that the only thing available to us is hookup sex, so we’d better take it, or get nothing. (laughs)

UC: Ha! Right.

“I was relieved that a penis didn’t feel like a giant finger inside me.”

VJ: What were you relieved about when you lost your virginity?
UC: I was honestly glad not to worry about it anymore. Also…Oh, god…

VJ: What?
UC: I was relieved that a penis didn’t feel like a giant finger inside me.

VJ: Haaaaa!

UC: Well, I wasn’t sure.

VJ: Well, how could you be? Thank you for sharing your sex history with me, babe.

The Unicorn Charmer has just ended a serious relationship and is currently out meeting new dates and potential partners in her new city, and is having fun, mostly!

Are you reinventing your own love life? Work with the experts at LoveTV to have better sex, love and intimacy.

Want the Best Sex of Your Life? Start by Being Sober.

August 9, 2017January 22, 2024 by Jessica Grahamin Sex

Great sex may be one (or several) mocktails away.

The first time I had sex I was intoxicated. Same thing the second time. And the third. I wasn’t up for any kind of intimacy or real connection with myself or my partners.

Plus, it seemed that most people I knew were having checked out sex. I was high, drunk, or emotionally shut down during most sexual interactions until I was in my late 20s.

Then I started a spiritual practice which involved daily meditation.

This radically changed my relationship with myself. I found that as I practiced focusing on thoughts and emotional sensations without judgment, my reactions and behaviors began to change. The more I sat still with my body and my mind, the more I wanted to be present in all things, even my sex life.

I started down the path of sober and mindful sex.

When I began having sober sex my world was turned upside down and inside out. I could feel so much more sensation in my body, so much more pleasure! I had a much greater intimacy with my partners. It felt like we were there together, rather than each on our own pumping away.

I went from checked out and stuck in my mind to fully present and grounded in my body during sex.

As I healed my sexual wounds and deepened my meditation practice, my sex life bloomed in beautiful ways. But it wasn’t just my sex life that transformed, my whole life underwent a major emotional and spiritual renovation.

My friends and family noticed the change in me and started asking what I was doing. I began to teach and coach in a casual way, but soon my teachers asked me to start teaching formally.

I began by offering lessons on mindfulness and spiritual awakening, but not long after that I incorporated mindful sex coaching. Lucky me, I got to combine two of my favorite things, meditation and sex!

Sober is sexy

If you told me 10 years ago that I would be teaching other people to have mindful and conscious sex, I would have laughed out loud. But the transformation that occurred for me when I brought my mindfulness practice into sex was just too good not to share. Now one of my greatest passions is to help others do the same.

One of my top suggestions for people new to mindful sex is to put the drugs and booze down while nurturing this new way of connecting sexually. Having a few martinis or a joint might make you feel randy or help you to relax; but, ultimately, being intoxicated will limit your ability to be present with your partner.

Sex just isn’t as good when you are cut off from your body and your full mental capacity. You lose the opportunity to deeply and intimately connect with your partner. Even wild, kinky, or multi-orgasmic sex will lose its luster and become rote if it continues to be exclusively unconnected.

It’s also much easier to have unprotected sex, or hook up with someone you later wish you hadn’t while intoxicated. When I’m working with a client who is single and dating, I always suggest that they stay sober for first dates and when having sex for the first time.

Our culture is all about “going for drinks,” which, if the date is going well, can lead to drunken sex and possible regrets. It’s a radical act to date without getting tipsy.

Without the social lubrication of alcohol, you are available to be truly present with this other person. While this might be uncomfortable at first, it will also be more real.

There will be no drunken (or even buzzed) filter, so you’ll get a chance to find out who this person really is, and if you want to get to know them better.

I’m not saying that it’s necessary to have sober sex all the time. It’s totally possible to have amazing and connected sex without being sober. But if you are like I was, rarely sober during sex, it’s well worth trying it out.

Hello, sexual hangups

You may find that a lot of emotions and even old traumas resurface when you have sex without the aid of libations.

When I started having sober sex I also had to face the reasons why I needed to be intoxicated in the first place. There was a lot of shame, trauma and grief to work through, and it wasn’t always easy. It’s hard to sit with those old, painful feelings.

The good news is if you truly face your past pain without resistance and with lots of love, you can transform. Working through the traumas of my past allowed me to open myself up to life on a whole new level. As those old layers fell away, my sexuality blossomed like never before.

Whether you are working with trauma or not, it’s a good idea to have lots of support as you venture into sober sex. A meditation practice, trusted friends, and therapy were very helpful for me.

If drugs and alcohol are a problem for you in general, you might want to check out a 12-Step meeting or some other form of addiction recovery support.

It’s also great to have partners that are willing to try some sober sex with you. You can treat it like an adventure, albeit a sometimes hilarious and awkward adventure.

At the very least, try writing your feelings about sex down in a journal. It can be your sex diary! Try writing a few pages, stream of consciousness, every day.

Embrace the awkwardness

If you are feeling nervous about the prospect of sober dating and sex, don’t fear. You are a human and it’s totally normal to have some butterflies in your stomach before a date or a first sexual interaction. The truth is the nerves are part of the fun! If you let go of the fearful thoughts and instead feel into the sensations in your body, those butterflies might start to feel good.

Sometimes anxiety is just excitement with a different name. Numbing out with alcohol or drugs keeps you from feeling all the subtle information your body is giving you. Our bodies have so much capacity for pleasure if we only drop in and feel it.

The best sex of your life

Embodied sex is good sex. The more you get to know your body, the more it will offer you. As you become more mindful of your body and more grounded in the present moment, you will begin to awaken sexually. Once you find out how great mindful sex can be, you’ll wonder how you ever did it any other way.

Sober doesn’t necessarily equal mindful, but it is a first step toward priming yourself for the best sex of your life. As you become more comfortable being fully present during sex you can start bringing good old mindfulness into the equation. Then you will start to experience the utter mind-blowing joy of sex.

The cool thing about sex, and life in general, is that the possibilities are endless. Having sober sex, even some of the time, opens you up to a whole new world of pleasure and intimacy.

I offer you the challenge of having sober sex for the next month. If you are dating, try sober dating for the next month too. Give yourself the chance to have a new experience. You just might like it.

Inspired? Here’s an article to learn more about improving your sex life with meditation.

This Cartoon Can Lead to Mind-Blowing Sex. Tonight.

August 18, 2017January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin Sex

Here’s how to help your lover (or yourself) discover those spots. Trust us, you’re going to want to share this.

It should come as no surprise that it was a man, an Italian one no less, who claimed to discover the clitoris in the 1550s. Hundreds of years later, we’re still learning that the Little Man in the Boat is really just the tip of a white-hot iceberg.

Whether you’re on solo expedition or with a partner, why not make it a no-pants party? By simply exploring the capabilities of the whole clit, you could find that the best sex of your life is right at your fingertips, if you’ll pardon the pun. So, let’s roll up our sleeves (literally) and get to know our nubs, for to know them is to love them.

Know your history

Start with this quirky and charming cartoon by French animator Lori Malépart-Traversy as an icebreaker. Her award-winning three-minute short guides us through various men’s claims that they were the Chris Columbus of the clit. After viewing you might be a little closer to discovering the multifaceted areas of stimulation found on the clit or at least a little intimated.

Le clitoris – Animated Documentary Trailer (2016) from Lori Malépart-Traversy on Vimeo.

Now, let’s see what’s happening below the belt.

Know your body

Surely we’ve all met Captain Rosebud, the pink helmeted sentry above our vaginas. Often referred to as the female penis, blood rushes to the Commander in Queef when we’re turned on, yielding little lady boners.

While we are grateful for his years of service, turns out the Cap has minions fanned out in a wishbone-shaped formation (the legs) on either side of the vagina itching for active duty. The clit extends two to three inches down either side of your vagina and is populated with your own personal foot soldiers.

These overlooked “G men,” if not put to use, can atrophy just like a muscle.

Anxious lovers might rush to poke and press on your main chicklet like a stalled elevator button and often when we masturbate, we stick to the mountaintop and ignore the valleys.

A woman’s orgasm, however, is not just one and done. Stimulating the top dog (glans clitoris) with its 8,000 points of pleasure will, naturally, cause you to come faster, but a slow grind incorporating the entire clitoris (corpus cavernosum) can produce mind-blowing multiples, but also the elusive, deeper vaginal orgasm.

It can also be the gatekeeper of the G-spot, which we believe is a bundle of nerves located inside your vagina along the vaginal ceiling more towards your stomach than back. Whether or not it is an extension of the clitoris is a long-debated topic.

When you’re super juiced or even a few minutes after a session with the pocket rocket, explore your inner labia and apply pressure with your fingers or the entire palm of your hand. You may feel something akin to a pulse. That’s your clitoris at work! Now, take it one step further: Insert two fingers inside your sugar walls. Feel that little pebbly patch? That’s your G spot!

Psst! Want to learn more about your G-spot? Love TV’s got you. Become a member and learn more about how to hit the spot, so to speak.

Find your orgasm

All right, we made contact with the G-spot. Now, take it out for a spin. At this point, bringing yourself to climax shouldn’t require that much spelunking. Stick around for the fireworks and let yourself feel your own orgasm. You might find that your vaginal walls are actually pulsating and tingling. Mazel Tov!

Now, let’s mix it up, take it behind closed doors and explore sex positions with your partner targeting that area.

We’ve found that Doggie Style, the Valedictorian and the Pinball Wizard, positions where your partner’s pelvis knocks against your clit in more of a circular or up and down grinding motion, can produce neighbor waking/angel singing results. Toss in some cunnilingus and consider your world (and your partner’s) officially rocked.

Make tonight’s sex the best sex ever with 7 more intoxicating sex positions.

Is Your Dating Out Of This World? Here’s How to Find What Planet You Are

December 15, 2017January 22, 2024 by CJ Atkinsonin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Find out where your love life is living these days.

It was another break up that led to me and my friends trying to work out if there was a single cliche that might make it feel better. We skipped over “It’s not you, It’s me” and “I just need some space,” before we crash landed on “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. We cackled, because it’s such a trite, easy description – men are from way over there somewhere while women are from right over the other side there, right?

However, it’s the 21st century and genders and sexualities are more fluid than ever before. Whether you’re gay, straight, bisexual, pansexual, queer or other, sometimes the person you’re crazy about can feel like they’re from a completely different planet. Is every relationship going to be a forever one? Probably not, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t want to whip out your passport and go on a cosmic vacation.

It’s not the planet you’re born on, but the one that you’re visiting together. Keep reading to see which planet your love-life is living on right now.

The Sun

The Sun is the big one, or the big one for now. We’ve all been there – the passion and heat are matched with the incredible amount of energy you get from being in this relationship. They’re all-consuming, and you can feel it from your head to your toes. On the downside, it can be easy to be blinded to the rest of the world when you’re in something as bright as this, and you might end up feeling a little burned.

The Moon

If you’re like me, you’ve more than once looked at the moon and thought “Wow, this is beautiful”, or on a full moon, wondered why people are going a little wild. That’s the draw of it, after all: the mystery. Maybe it’s your first foray into a grown-up relationship, or this is a relationship that’s broken the mold of your usual habits. It’s ineffable, and intriguing, and incredibly sexy. While shaking things up and trying new things is always a good idea, remember that it’s okay to admit when things are a phase.

Mercury

Let’s just say it: wit is sexy. This is one for people who like to be laughed into bed, and there are some people who just have it. Maybe they’re not your usual type, but there’s something about the killer combination of cheekiness and smarts that might as well be an erogenous zone of its own. That being said, for it to work you want to make sure that there’s some substance there or you might find yourself frustrated by the non-stop jokes.

Venus

Sometimes you meet someone that makes your insides feel like every 80’s love ballad, and you find yourself recasting the romance cover for your love story(Fabio optional). It’s overblown and a little ridiculous, and if you were to look at it from the outside you might find yourself feeling like vomiting quietly into a seasickness bag. We’ve all been there, it’s gross, and weird, and wonderful, and overblown and incredibly fun. Stop being so sensible and enjoy the moments for what they are, and give yourself over to the fact that sometimes the world hands you what you need.

Mars

Hold onto your hats, you’re in for some stormy weather. This is one of those relationships where you’ve mastered the art of the throw down. Do you love to hate each other? Do you hate to love each other? Does it matter when the sex is as explosive as the arguing?

Jupiter

Have you ever walked into a room and seen somebody standing, holding court? Or maybe that person is you. For a certain personality type (I admit it, like me), the life and soul of the party is an incredible place to be, and it gets better when you get to bring that party home and into your bed. For people who feel relationship jealousy, it can be difficult to be in the place where you’re sharing the attention, but that’s also a really important life lesson to learn.

Saturn

There’s a reason that Saturn is a mystery – even when you’re living it, it’s hard to explain. This is one of those relationships which lifts the phone bill – and your attention span – right up where they belong. When you talk, it’s deep, and intellectual, but also really connected to your body. You can talk for hours, but at some point that turns into a conversation with your bodies. Savor the feeling of being holistically linked with someone, and connecting to your deeper selves.

Uranus

Stop giggling in the back (or start, after all, laughter is widely acknowledged as one of the more potent aphrodisiacs). Whimsical and odd, this relationship feels like you’re in the middle of a Wes Anderson film. If you’re somebody who likes order and logic this might be tricky, but reach out of your comfort zone and try something new. You never know, you might like it.

Neptune

If you’ve ever wondered what’s sexy about water, try going on a date to an aquarium, or take a walk with your favorite person (or people) along a shoreline – there’s something otherworldly about this kind of connection to the world that we live in. Passionate, experimental, confusing – some relationships feel like a hot tap, where it can turn on and off before you’ve ever had the chance to settle into your groove. It can definitely wake you up, even it becomes something which feels a little unsteady. It’s good to learn to be adjustable, and to experience new things, but remember that it’s totally okay to set the limits of what you’re comfortable with.

Pluto

Is it a planet? Is it a celestial snowball? Is this a relationship? Did they just disappear? You might as well call this one Planet of the Ghosts – it was all going so well, and then suddenly it’s been three weeks and where have they gone?. Remember: it’s not your fault, sometimes these things happen. The good news is that one day you’ll be able to look back with a kind of nostalgia, and forgive yourself for going through a difficult time.

Earth

It’s the Goldilocks planet for a reason – is it perfect? Not at all, because relationships so rarely are. There are definitely things which could go better, and there are seasons as things change. There are even some points when it can feel like, well, the end of the world. Yet when it comes down to it, it’s just right.

Remember that these relationships aren’t good or bad on their own, and each one should be exciting in its own way. Relax, enjoy it, and savor that relationship for what it is, and not what you want it to be.

Related to this story? Read more about why sometimes you have to wait until it feels right on Love TV.

The Joys of a Sexless First Date Are a lot Better Than You Might Think

March 4, 2018January 22, 2024 by Ola Faletiin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

There’s nothing wrong with setting out to get laid on the first date, but there’s fun in going on a date that leads to no sex, or even not kissing.

I’ve been in a total “dating sucks” state of mind lately. Maybe it’s the winter weather that makes me want to bog down in a sea of fleece blankets, warm tea mug in hand. I’ve been apathetic, because all I can think about is how much work it is to make plans, get dressed, go somewhere, and keep up the effort even with someone who isn’t the one. I started thinking, there’s got to be more.

People who are hyper-focused on being in a relationship will approach dates with tunnel vision. The same can be said for folks who are hyper-focused on only dating for sex, too. But there’s so much more!

I had to remind myself of all the fun times I’ve had on first dates that didn’t “go anywhere.” No sex, not even a kiss, and not even a second date. What ever happened to the joy of meeting people for the sake of meeting people?

1. A sexless first date can make you see a friend in a new light or build a foundation of intimacy.

The first time I went on a date with a friend was kind of odd, which, I guess, is to be expected. I saw it coming. He’d hint at his interest with suggestive comments about my outfits, my smile, not-so-overt innuendos, etc.

But it’s fun to see the different side of someone you’ve always viewed platonically. He held open doors and looked nicer than usual and gave me puppy dog eyes a lot. The charm was turned all the way on, and I thought “okay, I can see why someone would date you.”

It was cute! We didn’t work out romantically for a number of reasons, but it’s good to remember why you’re friends with people to begin with, and it’s good to see someone turn on the charm for you.

At the same time, if your date goes horribly that can be a sign that your friendship isn’t as solid as you think it is.

2. There are no post-sex regrets.

I’m lucky to say (and it’s sad that I feel lucky in this) that I haven’t had too many sexual encounters I’ve regretted. It helps that I generally don’t have sex if I’m really intoxicated.

When you want sex you want it, and I tend to listen to my carnal desires if I don’t think they’ll have unpleasant repercussions. That being said, there have definitely been underwhelming coital encounters that left me thinking, “I could have had a V8.”

I believe that no sex is better than bad sex. At least with a sexless first date, the worst you get out of it is an hour wasted. There’s no lamenting over how you could have gone home and just pulled out your vibrator.

3. You can focus better on who you’re with.

I know what it’s like to go on a date with only the end goal of smashing in mind. You entertain the person you’re with, have amiable-enough conversation, lest they say something that turns you off completely and ruins any chance of you getting naked for them. No amount of friendly laughter and offhand jokes will hide what you want at the end of the night.

And hey, I’m not knocking this at all. If you’re being safe and smart about casual sex, get your groove on.

But what would it be like to go into a date with no expectations at all?

I heard some good advice once about dating and “meeting people”: focus on friendship first.

Think of a first date as a potential friend. Find out their interests, see if they’re fun to hang out with at a museum, or if they like 90s sitcoms, or what they do outside of their day job.

We don’t go around sleeping with our friends when we first meet them – or at least I certainly don’t. If you do, you might have some things to work on. (Don’t we all?)

The key to an enjoyable first date is the “no expectations” part. I live in a big city with so many interesting, weird, wacky and beautiful people – I wouldn’t do them (or myself) justice if I were only focused on sleeping with them, or making them my significant other.

Wow, I think I’ve actually convinced myself to go on some more dates! After all, the snow is melting, the days are getting longer, the sun is showing itself a bit more. Anything goes in Chicago though – we know it doesn’t really get nice until Memorial Day.

If you’re searching for more dating tips and tricks, join LOVE TV and work with our gurus and love experts to find the best solutions for you.

Away on Holiday Sex

July 16, 2019January 22, 2024 by Terri-Jane Dowin Sex, SEX TIPS

With holiday season upon us, we were interested to know just how different the sex we’re having on vacation is, compared to the sex we have at home. Whether it’s the weather or the break in routine, we set out to discover how couples respond to each other on holidays, and if they’re really having more sex or not.

We set up some polls on twitter, and it turns out, perhaps unsurprisingly, that most couples do have more sex on vacation, with 100% of the people we asked saying that they spend more time having sex on holiday than they do at home. The people we additionally asked in person weren’t quite as sex-driven on vacation, but the majority said that yes, they did have more sex away from home. We wanted to know why, too: 33% thought that the reason was that they are more relaxed on a trip, and 40% found a break from their usual routines was the biggest contributor. Another factor was the amount of time couples spent together; whereas at home they were distracted with work and family commitments, a holiday was a solid amount of time spent together, and so there’s more opportunity for having sex.

Routine, it’s frequently said, is the killer for most sex lives. We go to work, we go home, we go to sleep. Once we add in a few nights out with friends, or visits to see family, there’s not much time left over, and sometimes quality time with a partner slips on the list of priorities. Taking a vacation as a couple can be a good time to remedy that. A loss of libido can have many different causes – find some natural ways to boost yours here.

For the few who said that they had less sex on holiday, it was mostly due to the proximity of family members, and we get it. Sharing a holiday rental with your in-laws is probably not going to turn you on. If you’re in a situation where penetrative sex isn’t an option, here are some intimacy techniques to try.

Activity-based holidays were a factor too. Sharing hobbies is a great way to reconnect with a partner, but sometimes, you just want to sleep, especially if you’ve spent the day hiking, or if you’re in a cramped tent adventuring somewhere in the great outdoors.

But what about a different kind of holiday adventure? Most people we asked (71%) didn’t have (or didn’t want to have) more adventurous sex on holiday — they said that they would rather be in their own homes, especially if they were planning to try something completely new. But some said that a vacation is a good excuse to try out more adventurous sex, especially if the trip was mostly for relaxing, with no family or activities around. “For me, this totally depends where we are and what kind of holiday we are on,” was one response.

Shaking up your sexual style totally depends on the relationship you have, and how comfortable you are with being more adventurous away from home plays into that. Your hotel room might have some opinions about you installing a swing, but a lazy vacation can be a great time for trying out new toys. (Don’t forget that lithium batteries can’t go in your checked baggage!) If roleplay is your thing, being in a new setting can give you some inspiration.

Finally, solo vacationers were sometimes having more sex too – though the kind of holiday had the most impact. A boozy beach week away with friends was more likely to end in hooking up than a culture soaked city break.