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When to Pay on a Date… A Girl’s Guide

What are your thoughts on dating etiquette for women?  Should women pay for dinner on the first date?


It’s been a great night of drinks, dinner, and conversation, but the evening is coming to a close as the bill is finally brought to the table. Questions start to flood your mind: Do I offer to pay? Did I do everything I could have to impress my date? Will there be a second date?

Dates can be stressful, especially first dates, but by following some dating etiquette, a woman can relax and enjoy the experience. Here are some guidelines to help you handle awkward situations involving the bill, and some other general dating advice for women.

How to Handle the Financial Aspect of Dating

Who should pay the bill when you go out on a date? What can you order on the date? It all depends on how long you’ve been dating, and how far you are into the relationship. The financial aspect of dating is much different for a first date, for example, than it is for a fourth or fifth date.

First Dates

Most men will pay for first dates, but some won’t pay or expect the woman to pay for her share. Here is some advice for a woman going on a first date:

  1. Go Prepared. Even if the man asked you out by offering to pay for your dinner, bring enough money to pay. The man may forget his wallet, or be unable to fully cover the bill. Perhaps he intended to split the bill from the beginning. Or maybe the date just doesn’t go well, and he no longer wants to pay for your share. With so many possibilities, it’s a good idea to carry cash with you and be prepared to take care of the bill if necessary.
  2. Be Considerate of What You Order. A first date is not the time to order the most expensive item on the menu, or to order multiple courses and pricey drinks. By the end of the date, you may quickly decide that the guy is not right for you. It would be inappropriate to let him know you are not interested, after he just spent half his paycheck on you.
  3. Be Mindful of the Restaurant You Pick. If the man asks you to pick the restaurant, choose a moderately-priced restaurant or find restaurant discounts and coupons. Don’t select an expensive restaurant, and don’t ask to go to a fast food restaurant, either. You do not want the man to have to pay for an expensive dinner, and you do not want to insult him by selecting a cheap restaurant.
  4. Subtly Offer to Pay. While most men will pay, it is important to make sure that the man knows you did not just go on the date for a free dinner. Some men will be insulted if you offer to pay, so you need to subtly hint that you are willing to pay. For instance, when the check comes to the table, reach for your purse. Chances are that the man will tell you not to worry about it as he reaches for his wallet. Just thank him, and let him know that you appreciate his gesture. If he doesn’t stop you, don’t be offended. Simply offer to split the bill, which is fair.

Subsequent Dates

Ladies, after you have been on your first date or two with a man, the rules change a little. Do not expect the man to continue to pay for nice dinners and evenings out, even though some men will still pay. Here is some advice as your dating relationship gets more serious:

  1. Continue to Offer to Pay. You always want to arrive prepared, and if this is your second, third, or fourth date, the man may or may not allow you to pay, but at least you have shown that you are willing. It all depends on his belief system, how he was raised, and his current financial situation. If you find out that your personal belief system about how men and women should split the bills on dates doesn’t match with his, perhaps this is where the relationship ends.
  2. Communicate. If you continue to date this gentleman, there may be a time when you feel it is right to discuss the financial aspect of dates. A conversation about how bills are split on dates helps both of you to understand what to expect. If this is going to be a lasting relationship, this may be the first of many difficult conversations about finances, and it is important to open the lines of communication from the very beginning.
  3. Do What Works as a Couple. In this modern era of working women, there are a lot more options when it comes to paying for a date. Essentially, it’s about what works best for each individual couple. Perhaps you decide to take turns paying, or perhaps the man decides he always wants to pay. The key is to communicate about money, so that there are no hard feelings.
dating woman wine

Learn Key Signals to Read Body Language

Is Your Date a Liar?

How do you accurately read your date’s body language? Rather than falling prey to charm and verbal seduction tactics, be observant and trust your instincts. A little knowledge of body language can help you see the reality of a potential partner’s character or intentions. For example, your date might be saying: “I really like your hair,” while flicking a hand dismissively, or suddenly for no reason, twitching a leg, or kicking a foot.

When Things do not Add Up

Do the gestures contradict the words? That is the question.

Do the gestures contradict the words? That is the question.

Source: Sue Adams

How do you Know?

How do you know when your date is not being sincere? Watch: where is the attention, the focus? They may be sidetracked by the competition parading by.

Famous modern dance choreographer Martha Graham once said: “The body can not lie”. Instinctively we all converse in body language. Noticing the meaning of certain position, gestures, expressions and involuntary knee jerking and leg twitching requires some observation skills. Yet because body language is inborn, even in animals, learning more about it is just a re-affirmation of what your own body and its subconscious mind already knows. Body language is hidden in the genes.

Millennials and Dating…Hook Up Generation Debrief

Did you hear? Dating is dead.


No, really. It’s been officially declared dead millions of times (according to Google).

And after reading some of these declarations, published in outlets like Vanity Fair and the New York Post, you might be tempted to agree.

People like to blame the demise of “real romance” on this thing called “hook-up culture” — you know, lots of sexy time with no strings attached.

There are just so many possibilities out there for instant hook-up gratification: Tinder, OKCupid, Grindr, Hinge … and probably hundreds of other sites and phone apps.

Seems like everybody’s doin’ it. So New York magazine decided to investigate. They made a video that takes a closer look at the phenomenon.

At first, it seems like it might be true: We’re getting married later, which means many of us are having more lifetime sexual partners than before.

But the folks at NYMag drilled below that trend to get down and dirty with the facts. And guess what they found? Hook-up culture — kind of a myth.

The General Social Survey (GSS) has been used since 1972 to track the experiences and attitudes of Americans every year. And based on their stats, it turns out that…

…millennials are actually less promiscuous than folks used to be.

So if the data shows that technology didn’t make us into a society full of bunny rabbits, why do people keep saying it?
Drumroll, please:

1. We tend to look at the past with rose-colored glasses.

Sort of like how every generation loves to talk about “the good old days.” (You know, when everyone only had deeply emotionally connected sexual encounters. Erm, no.) The official term for this phenomenon is “rosy retrospection.”

2. Young folks assume (incorrectly) that everyone is doing it, probably a lot more than them.

Listen, I’ve been there. Between overhearing all the late-night gossip about who’s hooking up with whom to watching “Undressed” marathons on MTV, I thought college was all sex all the time for everyone who was not me. Buying into this idea creates a vicious cycle where even more people think that everyone is hooking up, and the myth continues.

3. The people who aren’t the norm — like those outliers who have a whole lot of sex — get a lot more attention in the media.

Think about it: How boring would it be to read about Average Annie’s sex life (or lack thereof?). That wouldn’t exactly rake in the clicks. That’s why articles like the one in Vanity Fair spread so quickly: It’s more interesting to read about the Wall Street bro bragging about having four hookups in a night than the single Jersey girl swiping alone on the couch with her bunny.

Yep. Turns out that the phrase “hook-up culture” is probably getting a lot more play than millennials actually are.


Curated by Erbe
Original Article

5 Ways to Meet a New Guy During the Holidays

During the holiday season, it seems like everyone has a boyfriend — or at least a hot date. If you’re single, don’t despair. You can find a new guy during the holidays; you just need to know where to look.


Gym

Head to the gym

Park your butt on one of the more complicated machines near a cute guy, then ask him to help you use it. Head to the free weights and ask the nearest hottie if he can spot you.

Go to a sports bar

It’s football season. Head to your neighborhood sports bar on Sunday afternoon. Plenty of single guys will be available. Brush up on your football facts to have some material to start up a conversation.

Brave it alone

Next time you are invited to a holiday party or community event, don’t turn down the invitation just because you don’t have a date. Go alone and you are sure to meet a new guy in the same boat.

Attend church functions

Around the holidays, you’ll find plenty of church functions and charity events going on. Make an appearance at as many events as possible. It’s a numbers game, and maybe you’ll meet a nice guy.

Go to the mall

You have to do your Christmas shopping anyway. Scout at the men’s section of department stores and look for single guys. If a hottie catches your eye, ask his opinion on a sweater or shirt for your brother or dad.


Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Saying ‘No’ to a Date

From the up-front “No thanks” to the “long, slow good-bye.”


Dating is hard! Awkward! Weird! But the only thing harder, more awkward, and weirder than dating (which, okay, can also be fun and pleasant and great-ish, occasionally), is actually saying no to a date. The cripplingly cringe-y factor of having to do the “I’m just not that into you” dance is the worst.

Here, nine women share their strategies for how they turn down a date—or just avoid it, depending on the style (and level of cowardice) of each particular lady.

Rachel, 28

“I am very blunt when I’m not interested. I don’t have to do that very often, though, because I’m also very blunt when I don’t want to give someone my number. So if you’re texting me in the first place, I’m probably going to say yes. If it’s any date other than the first one, I will say no and tell them why, in the way that I’d want to be told—I’m not feeling it going anywhere but thanks for your time, etc. The reason I give is true about 70 percent of the time; the only ones I lie to are the really nice ones where there was just no chemistry, because men never believe there was no chemistry if they were attracted to you. To them I say, ‘Hey, so, I really enjoyed getting to meet you, but things have gotten a bit more serious with someone else I was seeing and I’m going to see where that goes. Best of luck,’ and they are always great about it. Most of them are just like, ‘Cool, text me if it doesn’t work out.’ And that one actually works BETTER if you’ve been dodging dates/texts for a week and feeling like a dick about it, because it has a built-in explanation for your flakiness. Highly recommend, though effects on karma remain unknown.”

Sarah, 28

“During my tenure on the NYC dating scene I practiced the “long, slow good-bye” with reckless abandon. If you’re not familiar, a “long, slow good-bye” is a strategically and subtly reduced frequency of contact. (Example: He texts, you respond one day later. He responds, you respond two days later. He texts, you respond four full days later…I usually double the amount of time I wait with each response, but you can use any time frame you deem appropriate for your predisposed texting cadence.) I do realize that this technique is far from unique or unorthodox—in fact, it’s probably the most selfish easiest way to dump someone. Irrespective of my favor toward the “long, slow good-bye” method, I probably wouldn’t recommend it to anyone new to the dumping scene. My reasoning is equally as selfish as the method itself: The “long, slow good-bye” is followed by an ominous feeling of guilt and self-contempt if you have even a morsel of a conscience. Additionally, your formerly blissful nights spent at Dorrian’s and Bounce will be forever marred by hauntingly inevitable run-ins with past dumpees. I can tell you that this is an experience about as pleasant as a root canal and provides an ABRUPT reminder that time does not heal all wounds. The fling you ‘long slow good-bye-d’ when you were 24 will still loathe you when you’re 35.”

Rebecca, 34

“One time on a bus a guy asked me for my number, and instead of being honest I gave him a fake one. Because Murphy’s Law is real, the man dialed it in front of me then proceeded to shame me in front of my fellow passengers. Since then I made two promises to myself: 1. That I would always be kind but honest if asked out—usually a, ‘No thank you’ is enough—and 2. That I would never blame it on having a partner, because I should be allowed to just not like someone and not feel bad about it.”

Gillian, 23

“I don’t like to condone lying, BUT I lie constantly when it comes to dating and/or getting out of dating. I have a really nasty habit (working on it) of bailing on a date hours before it’s supposed to happen, usually with the old, ‘Oh shit, I’m sorry, my boss just told me I have to work late. So mad! Rain check?’ but that is my tamest lie. I’ve pulled the ‘family emergency out of town’ far too many times, and my real low point was when I told a guy that my sister was in the hospital when she is perfectly healthy. To be fair, I usually pull this crap with Tinder dates and I’m much nicer with actual prospects, set-ups, and people I’ve actually met IRL. But yes, I am rude and terrible, and I’m sure my karma is so stacked against me at this point that I will be single for life.”

Lauren, 28

“When a guy asks me on a date over text I pull the awkward, ‘Suuuure, let’s find a dayyyy,’ and then am vague, noncommittal, and generally annoying until we can both agree that life is SO crazy right now and…*FADED* because I’m nonconfrontational and don’t know how to be a real person. I recognize that I’m the worst and it’s so rude—and personally, I’d much rather have someone just be straightforward with me and tell me he just doesn’t want to see me anymore, but….”

Rowena, 28

“If it’s only been two or three dates (I try to give everyone a second chance unless they’re truly terrible), I usually just say I’m really busy and ghost. If it’s been more than that, though, I’ll be honest and say I don’t think it’s the right thing for me.”

Kim, 26

“When someone asks me out and I don’t want to go with them, it’s not that hard to make my scheduling sound so impossible that I can’t ever see them! This happens a lot. And then when they still persist, like asking for coffee or something, I tell them I don’t drink coffee and that’s not even a lie! I’m a huge bitch and that is why I am single.”

Monica, 28

“I am SPINELESS when it comes to turning down guys. To the point where, when one guy asked me out on a second date that I was not interested in going on, I typed out a very nice ‘You’re great, but I don’t think we’re right for each other’ text message to reply with and then proceeded to continually stare at it but not actually send the thing—until finally too much time passed and I had just ghosted on him by default. I’m totally guilty of just fading out/not replying in lieu of saying no. Part of it is wanting to avoid confrontation, for sure, and feeling guilty about being mean, but I also feel like I suck at dating/meeting people and therefore give myself a hard time for wanting to shoot down an interested party, however politely. So instead of saying no, I usually just say nothing.”

Charlize, 30

“When a guy asks me out on a date in person and I want to decline, I usually say that I’m in a relationship. Sometimes this is a lie and sometimes it is true. I just think there’s no constructive aspect to being honest about why you’re saying no in the initial encounter ifthey’ve approached you in the right (respectful) way. That shit takes balls on their part. However, given the gift of the scenario in which some asshole tries to do it, I relish in every opportunity for the public takedown. Then comes the all-too-familiar scenario of meeting someone—whether it’s over the Internet or in person—and being initially attracted enough to exchange numbers, then being turned off for whatever (read: any) reason. When the making IRL plans topic is broached, I initially put it off. ‘I’m going away this weekend, but let’s talk next week’ works 75 percent of the time in getting rid of human people and 100 percent of the time in getting rid of Internet people. Guys will drop anything if it becomes too hard, in New York especially, no matter how attractive it initially was. I usually save the ‘I don’t think this is a match’ for someone suggesting a second date after an unenjoyable first. In rare occasions I’ve given that halfway through a first, but only when it was really painful or offensive.”


Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Stigma-Smigma… Why STD Specific Dating Sites Are Really Popular

DATING can be difficult enough, but what about if you have a sexually transmitted infection?


Online dating has grown massively over the past few years and there’s a niche site to cater to pretty much every kinky fantasy under the sun.

But there’s a little-known sector that’s secretly thriving – dating sites for people with STDs.

Believe it or not the market is so popular that there’s tonnes of different sites out there. From STD Friends to Herpes Passions and HIV Mingle, there’s a whole host of websites for people with sexually transmitted infections looking for love.

Many have tongue-in-cheek taglines such as: “Stay positive! Find love, support and happiness” or “A seriously cool place to make friends with something in common”.

The most well-known of the sites is Positive Singles, which boasts that it’s the largest dating site and app for those with herpes, HPV, HIV, AIDs and Hepatitis.

It has the ease of Tinder, which is no doubt how it’s racked up more than 818,000 members across the world since its launch in 2001.

A recent survey revealed that most of it’s users are in their twenties and thirties.

Meanwhile, the site Date Positive lets users search for a partner according to which infection they have. Typically it’s free to join but members can pay to unlock advanced features.

Sexpert Brigitte Bard, founder of Sexual Health Revolution, Last Taboo and CEO of BioSure UK, said: “I believe websites which match people who are open about their STI status serve a really good purpose.

“They make people feel comfortable and safe when re-entering the dating scene. People I’ve spoken to say they provide hope for the future.

“For example, we must remember HIV is only three letters, not a sentence; so there is a whole life after diagnosis, even children.”

Unsurprisingly, the growth of STI-specific dating outlets goes hand-in-hand with the rising number of people getting diagnosed.

According to the American Sexual Health Association, more than half of all people will have an STD in their lifetime while the World Health Organisation says that roughly one million people catch an STI every day across the world.

In fact, herpes is one of the most common diseases in the world and it’s highly likely that you have it and don’t even realise.

A massive two thirds of the world’s population – more than 3.7billion people – under the age of 50 have herpes simplex virus type 1 (HSV-1).

The virus, also known as oral herpes, usually causes cold sores around the mouth.

But another 417 million people aged between 15 and 49 have the second type (HSV-2) which is best known as genital herpes.

And 90% of those who have the infection aren’t aware of it because it isn’t really screened for during general sexual health check-ups.

So it means you have to take it on yourself to make sure you get the all-clear.

Brigitte said: “If you think you have an STI, the most important thing is to get tested so you can get treated.

“This protects your own health and stops you passing the infection on to anyone else. The sooner treatment starts, the better the outcomes.

“You can get tested at any local sexual health clinic, some GP surgeries also offer testing services or alternatively if you can’t get to a clinic there are many self tests available now – but make sure they are CE marked so you know your result is accurate.”

If you’re still worried about your sexual health but don’t know who to talk to, here’s all of your most embarrassing questions answered.


Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Ask Him Out! Here’s How.

The tables have turned. Women are in charge, there are now even dating apps that immediately put the ball in our court to open the conversation with a man of interest. So why not do it on the street?


I was 24 years old. One morning, I went to breakfast with a friend. I noticed a man with olive skin, and slightly longer hair that took my breath away. My friend said that I should say something, but I was too timid. I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t eat anything; there was just something about this guy. My friend finally decided that she was going to say something. She walked over to his table and told him that her friend was interested in him. He asked “What friend?” She turned around and I had jumped the fence of the restaurant and was hiding in a clothing store next door. “Uh, she was just here, anyway, here’s her number…”

He called. We arranged to meet that night. He ended up coming to a Comedy Show I was performing at. He joined to grab a bite with all the comics afterwards and ended up picking up the entire bill. Thus began the passionate affair with a serious gentleman that lasted for the next three years. (I know this would be better if I said “ …and now we’ve been married for x years,” but it was a significant relationship and an experience that I learned a lot from.) He totally Pretty Woman’d me (except I wasn’t a prostitute, just a young, nerdy kid). Regardless, the relationship helped me bloom into the woman I am today.

That is an example of what can happen when you say something (albeit it, my friend spoke on my behalf). This was in 2006, it is now 2015, and fewer and fewer men have the gumption to approach a woman in public. The tables have turned. Women are in charge, there are now even dating apps that immediately put the ball in our court to open the conversation with a man of interest. So why not do it on the street?

How many times do you see someone in public that you find cute but are too shy to do anything about it? The next time you are on the elevator with someone that peaks your interest, or see someone at a coffee shop, just walk up to the guy and introduce yourself. What do you have to lose? It’s so easy to hide behind your computer screen or be glued to your phone that you could in fact miss an opportunity right in front of your face. Look up folks! There are men everywhere; who says we can’t speak to them? I know, it might seem super creepy and weird at first, but it’s actually not that bad. Turns out, guys are really easy to approach. THEY LOVE WOMEN and don’t mind talking to us!

I have since been helping friends have the confidence to approach men and have two relationships under my belt. Most guys think it’s sexy and a turn-on, very few feel “intimidated” by it and come on, who wants a guy that feels intimidated by a woman anyway? Confidence is always attractive regardless of gender. It shows that you aren’t afraid of failure, and that is a great quality to have in life.

How about you? Do you make the first move?

How Similar Are Your Dating Habits to Korean Daters?

Are your dating habits similar to Korean daters?


Every culture has its unique dating customs, and Korea is definitely no exception. In Korea, dating is all about showing your affection for each other – couple menus, shirts, and sneakers are everywhere, and every month has at least one special, albeit incredibly commercial, day for couples to celebrate. There’s just so much to do and experience if you’re a couple, or at least going on dates, and that’s why everyone is always looking for someone! Naturally, each and every relationship is special and unique, and there’s no guidebook to mastering the “Korean dating style.” But, if you ever find yourself getting ready for a date in Korea, nervous and clueless about what to expect, our list should give you an idea of how dating here works.

1. It’s common for your friend to set you up with someone

When in need of a date, look no further than your Korean friends. It is all about connections, and people commonly set their single friends up with each other. You’re technically going on a blind date, but at least you know (s)he’s not a creep (always a plus) and you should have something in common. In Korea, people rarely meet anyone outside their personal school or work circle unless they’re introduced by a mutual friend. Approaching people on the streets is not as common as in the West, for example, but young adults are generally more open to strangers than their parents’ generation, especially if they have had a drink or two.

2. There are two options: one for everyone, one for couples

Couple rings, shirts, sneakers, pillows, caps, underwear… You name it, Korea probably has it, and people make them look stylish, not tacky. Couples pretty much live in a fascinating parallel world of coupleness, and everyone wants to experience what it’s like to be in it. Most restaurants and cafés have menus designed specifically for couples, major attractions have romantic date packages for two, and movie theaters even offer private couches for an intimate date. For those that are not used to such couple-centric culture, this might all sound puke-inducingly sweet, but once you try everything out yourself, you realize that the couple activities are actually fun and meaningful.

3. Be prepared, and willing, to pay

It can be pretty awkward to decide who’s going to get the bill, especially if it’s your first date. While the status quo used to be that men pay for the first couple of dates (or even all of them), that is quickly changing, and women are no longer afraid to swipe their cards at the cashier. Korean couples rarely split the bill, and it’s usually the guy who gets the movie tickets, and the girl who pays for dinner afterwards. In the end, you end up paying around 50-50 or 60-40, which is what most people feel comfortable with. Some couples use money from their joint bank account for dating costs (like Hong Jong Hyun and Yura on “We Got Married”), which just makes everything a tad bit more fair and convenient.

4. Keep your phone with you at all times

Forget everything you ever learned about the ‘three day rule.’ Koreans love their smartphones with instant messaging apps and adorable emoticons, and couples will spend hours glued to their phones, chatting with their other half. Don’t be surprised if you get a text from your crush every two hours, asking what you’re doing, eating, or thinking. And remember to text back instantly, or (s)he might understand your silence as a rejection. If you like someone, don’t be afraid to send a message even if you have nothing special to say – it’s just to show that you care.

5. Anniversaries and holidays are a really big deal

Another distinctive characteristic of dating in Korea is the celebration of anniversaries, which take place every hundred days, and not just on an yearly basis. You might have seen K-pop groups and “We Got Married” couples bring out decorative cakes and gifts whenever it’s their 100th, 200th, or 1000th day together, and this is an accurate depiction of what happens in real life as well. Additionally, couples have a unique romantic holiday to celebrate on the 14th of every month. You have the traditional Valentine’s Day and White Day, but also ones like Rose Day, Wine Day, and Kiss Day. Commercial? Undoubtedly, but if you love planning romantic dinners and wrapping gifts in the cutest way possible, then you’re going to enjoy dating in Korea.

6. Hold back on the PDA

Overall, Koreans are not afraid to get touchy with close friends or family, but when it comes to public intimacy between couples, you might want to hide from judging grandmas. It’s totally acceptable to hold hands, hug, and give a gentle kiss on the lips, but try to have your passionate makeout sessions in private. While contemporary Koreans are not exactly conservative, there are still unwritten rules regarding acceptable public display of affection, and anything beyond cute pecks tends to cross the invisible line, especially in bright daylight.

7. There can be a difference between someone you date and someone you marry

It’s not uncommon for Koreans to have two “ideal types”: one you’d like to date, and one you’d like to marry. You might date a pretty girl with a wonderful personality, but if she can’t cook for her life or comes from a financially unstable family, marriage might be ruled out. Similarly, many Koreans are open to dating foreigners, but tend to be much more hesitant about interracial marriage. Naturally, there are numerous couples who unexpectedly fall in love and end up tying the knot, so don’t automatically rule out marriage with your Korean partner. Just remember that traditionally, Koreans see marriage as a union between families – not just two individuals – which means that marriage will eventually require the approval of the Korean family, and not everyone considers this when they jump into a relationship.


Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Meet a Great Catch… Here Are 10 Places

It seems like meeting people these days has become virtually non-existent. People just don’t seem to want to make connections anymore, particularly those that are single.


Whatever happened to meeting someone out and about at the local neighborhood café, or at a get-together hosted by one of your friends? It seems as if we leave school and forget how to speak to people. We become like kids at a high school dance, with boys on one side of the room and the girls on the other.

One thing I’ve observed is that singles tend to look in the wrong places for a quality mate. If you’re looking for a quality mate, bars, clubs, and happy hours are (probably) not for you. It’s not to say you can’t meet someone there, but your chances are slim to none that he or she will be the one you take home to meet the parents.

The truth is that many people who go to these places, particularly men, aren’t really looking for long term mates; rather, to “hang out,” and if they’re lucky, have a one night stand with an unsuspecting woman.

While we’re on the subject of questionable places to meet men, let’s talk about the most obvious, including online dating, churches and the gym. These places are a hit or miss when it comes to finding someone. Of course, by now everyone knows someone who met on match.com or eHarmony.com, yet they also know plenty of others who haven’t met anyone significant online and have yet to find that person.

Churches and gyms are decent places to meet someone, but you need to develop consistency because the singles that frequent these places tend to spot the ones that drop in on special occasions, like Christmas or New Year’s, and then you never see them again.

So, you may wonder, “if I can’t meet him or her in a bar, and my chances are slim with dating online, then which places do you suggest would increase my chances of meeting the right person”? Great question.

There are actually plenty of great places to meet people. I’ve listed a few below, but please keep in mind this list is not an all-inclusive list. Based on some of the ideas on this list, you may come up with some of your own to add as well. This list is just to get you started thinking in the right direction.

Top 5 Quality Places to Meet Men

1. Volunteer Activities

An example is an Usher or a greeter. This is a great way to meet men because they’re at your mercy to help them. No matter how you look (although you should still look polished and professional), they need your help. If you maintain a warm and friendly presence while answering their questions or giving them instructions, they will remember that and hopefully chat with you later after your shift is over. You may not have been someone they would normally speak to, but because you’ve helped them get where they’re going, you have earned a star in their eyes.

2. Sports/Fitness Events

Okay, this is obvious, but it bears repeating. There is no better way to meet men than through sports and fitness events. Men love games and anything that has competition in it is a winner in their eyes. It’s not just athletes who can involved in these type of events, just someone who loves to watch a game periodically and/or stay healthy and fit.

3. Business Networking/Entrepreneurial Events

Whenever there is financial opportunities, men will be there. Any type of networking event can lead to future business deals and eventually money, which attracts men to these types of events in the first place. This can also be business/entrepreneurial classes or seminars where there is a potential to make money.

4. Political Events

Men love power, plain and simple. Wherever there is a chance to gain more power and respect, men are sure to follow. There is no better way to earn more power and respect than politics. Whoever controls or influences business, and eventually the money flow, is usually holding power. Politics offer these opportunities, which is why men like it .. like bees to honey.

5. Financial Wealth-Building Events

As I’ve noted before, whenever money is a promise, you will find lots of men. Very rarely do I find lots of women at a financial type seminar, unless of course it’s aimed primarily at women. Usually, these types of seminars attract men from every age and income bracket. Women tend to shy away from these events, but if you do decide to attend them, there is always the potential that the man sitting next to you could be the next Donald Trump (without the hair, of course).

Dating When You Have Children–10 Do’s and Don’ts

Re-entering the dating pool after a relationship break up is not always easy, we are often emotionally bruised and battered, it is hard to trust again when you have lost faith in someone you once loved.


Nonetheless hope does spring eternal, man is a pair-bonding animal ……..   yada, yada, yada! ……..

Doing this with a child or two (or more!) in tow is even more fraught, both emotionally and parentally. I’ve been there – twice! Once with a 3 year-old and a six-year-old, and a second time when they were young teenagers.

After discussing the subject with all sorts of single parents, male and female, I have developed a list of do’s and do nots, from their experiences and my own.

1. Take it slowly, you may be delighted that you can feel something again, and excited to step out and have fun. You are most likely out of practice, try going out with a friend and exposing yourself to the new dating scene. In fact take it slowly all around, many counsellors suggest not dating for a full year after your separation/divorce or death of a spouse.

2. Date away from your own house; do not expose the children, no matter what their age, to a parade of one-night stands. (This should be obvious, but I’ve seen it done!) They will be confused, it sets a bad example, and they will lose respect for you in the process.

3. Make sure that the relationship is a “keeper” before even mentioning the new person to the kids. Either date on nights when they are at the other parent’s house, or get a sitter, and say you are meeting a new friend, which is true!

4. If you are fortunate and find a relationship which starts to develop into something serious, talk to the kids about what is happening, they are probably still hurt and confused, and no matter what needs you may have, theirs come first!

5. Introduce the new person as just a friend, keep it light and casual. Before you get too deep into the relationship watch how your date interacts with your kids. Trust your instincts, if something seems “off”, listen to it, and try to find out what is causing you discomfort. My “research subjects” told me that they had ignored this at their peril. Some said that years down the road they discovered that a seeming insignificant behaviour that they had noticed and discounted, became one of the reasons the relationship eventually failed.

6. When you have decided that this is a relationship you want to maintain, introduce the topic to the child(ren), but test the waters as you go, and keep it fairly casual. Perhaps go on a day-time date away from the house, and do something the younger generation would enjoy. If the other person has kids you might want to take both sets of kids to a museum, or amusement park as a first exposure. Tailor the activity to the kids’ ages, see how everyone interacts, and no PDA’s!

7. Never leave your children with a new date until the relationship is firmly established, and you would trust this person with your most precious possessions. Do not expect this new person in your life to be a baby-sitter, no matter how much they seem to get along with your kids. You are their parent and they are you’re This was mentioned many times by the guys especially, but unless it is an emergency don’t fall into the trap. Apart from the obvious danger of leaving your kid(s) with a relative stranger, it is an imposition unless it’s a mature relationship.

8. As in Rule number one, no sleepovers when the kids are around. This can be a problem, especially if your former spouse has already gone that route. It’s tough, but if you break up, even after months of dating you run the risk of inadvertently falling into rule #1 territory. In addition the kids may have developed some attachment to your new friend, and will be hurt if they suddenly disappear

9. Listen to your children, no matter how young they are. I cannot emphasise this too much. All my subject matter experts were clear. Verbal and non-verbal cues are there if you listen to them. I don’t want to scare anyone, but more than one parent has come to regret not listening to their kids, and having something awful happen.

10. Make sure from the beginning that your new other half understands that you are a package deal. If the relationship become serious this may be your baby’s new Step-parent. Make sure they know that you will probably always put your kid’s needs before the adult’s needs. This is tough for any new romance, but particularly if they have never had kids. You know the old adage, Love me – love my dog? Well this goes triple for kids. If you suspect that your new love (or their child) resents your children – RUN! This is almost always a recipe for disaster. It may be painful at the time, but you will be saving everyone a bucketful of pain down the road.

Of course you may have wonderful luck, and find your new “happily ever after”; you become just like the Brady Bunch, and everyone loves each other. Most people are great human beings, but we all come with baggage, and second marriages have a MUCH higher incidence of divorce than first ones. Our children are precious to us, and even though a parent should not become a recluse, and should expect to have a life of their own, if the kids aren’t happy – NO-ONE is happy!

Date with your kids in mind.

What Does Your Credit Score Say About Your LOVE Life?

Over at the U.S. central bank, the jury’s still out on whether inflation’s set to trend back toward policymakers’ 2 percent target.


But a new working paper published at the Federal Reserve Board draws some conclusions that might help prevent your heart from deflating.

Let’s just say you’ll never look at “credit unions” the same way again.

Economists Jane Dokko, Geng Li, and Jessica Hayes presented their findings about the role that credit scores have in predicting the stability and potential longevity of a relationship that’s starting to get serious.

The trio scoured quarterly data from the Federal Reserve Bank of New York’s Consumer Credit Panel, based on information provided by Equifax that includes a “risk score” similar to the more commonly known FICO measure of an individual’s probability of failing to meet their credit obligations in the not-too-distant future. Because personal identifiers are stripped from the data by Equifax prior to delivery, the researchers are agnostic as to whether the couples they identify are married or merely cohabiting.

“In light of the growing prominence of credit scores in households’ economic and financial opportunities, we are interested in their role in household formation and dissolution,” they write, noting that their analysis centers on the initial match in credit scores and quality at the time a committed relationship begins.

The start of a committed relationship is marked by the quarter in which two individuals who did not share an address begin to do so, and, for the purposes of this study, requires that they live together for a minimum of one year. Other filters are applied to the data in an attempt to minimize false positives.

Here’s a summary of their findings:

People with higher credit scores are more likely to be in a committed relationship and stay together
People tend to form relationships with others who have a similar credit score as them
The strength of the match, both in the headline credit score and its details, is predictive of whether or not a couple is more likely to break up for observable reasons pertaining to finance and household spending; and
Credit scores are indicative of trustworthiness in general, and couples with a mismatch in credit scores are more likely to see their relationships end for reasons not directly related to their use of credit.
Those are some pretty bold conclusions to draw. But the proof, the economists say, is in the numbers — and, although correlation doesn’t equal causation, in some instances their results also have both practical and intuitive underpinnings.

Controlling for other factors, individuals whose credit scores are one standard deviation above the mean are 14 percent more likely to enter into a committed relationship over the next year than average, according to the economists. In other words, if you’ve had trouble meeting your financial obligations, your wherewithal to stay current with someone else’s life is also probably suspect.

The results indicate that these partnerships are more likely to endure.

“Among the relationships that survive the first two years, a one standard deviation increase in the initial average credit score implies a 37 percent lower chance of separation during the third and the fourth years of the relationship,” wrote the economists.

Major imbalances between people in committed relationships — when one person is considerably more physically appealing than the other or earns significantly more — tend to be a potential source of conflict that bubbles not too far below the surface. And a wide gap in credit scores between people in a committed relationship is just another manifestation of such a powder keg.

“[T]he initial score differentials are strongly predictive of the stability of the relationship,” reads the report. “The odds ratios show that, for example, a one standard deviation increase of initial score differential (66 score points) implies a 24 percent higher likelihood of separation during the second year and during the third or fourth year, and 12 percent higher during the fifth or the sixth year.”

Moreover, the similarities between individuals when it comes to the components that go into generating a credit score (negative events, usage of lines of credit, length of credit history) also have “a statistically and economically significant bearing with the likelihood of separation in the third or fourth year,” the researchers wrote.

Credit scores, the economists reason, have a real impact on how financially intertwined two individuals will become.

Couples that have similar credit histories are more likely to take on joint ownership of a mortgage, the researchers discovered. Taking on this burden together could therefore be perceived as a pair of financial handcuffs, or something that raises the transaction cost in the event of a breakup.

On the other hand, a chasm between credit scores suggests that a couple’s access to financing, or good terms on those funds, could be impeded and blamed upon one individual. That’s a recipe for tension.

The probability of an adverse credit event is also something that increases as the credit score differential between partners widens. According to the report, “a one standard deviation increase of the initial credit score differential is associated with a 19 percent higher chance of filing for bankruptcy during the first two years of the relationship, while the odds are 10 and 15 percent higher for foreclosures and having more of derogatory records, respectively.”

The findings on the strength of partnerships with similar credit scores also speaks to the phenomenon known as assortative matching; the notion that, in relationships, “opposites attract” does not always apply.

This is true in the animal kingdom, often for practical purposes: Individuals within a species and of a similar size find the copulating process easier. For homo sapiens, this can also hold for nonphysical attributes, like religious affiliation, level of education, or, apparently, credit scores.

In a sense, this revelation also serves to amplify the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet. The star-crossed lovers came from “two households alike in dignity” — and, presumably, creditworthiness, making their compatibility self-evident. Default, to adapt a line from another of the Bard’s plays, was not in their stars.

But there is also a residual correlation between credit score differentials and conscious uncouplings — that is, the two tend to trend together for factors beyond the aforementioned observable financial channels.

This leads the economists to hypothesize that there is something about credit scores that is indicative of an individual’s “underlying trustworthiness,” and that such a trait is essential for a healthy relationship.

By introducing a pair of equations to this effect, they manage to strip out any remaining vestige of romance from human relationships:

We begin with setting forth the following stylized, conceptual framework

Pr(default) = f(trustworthiness) + η,

and

credit score = g(Pr(default)) + µ

In sum, the equations contend that an individual’s “underlying trustworthiness” — however subjective that term may be — is positively correlated with his or her credit score.

The researchers note that credit reporting agencies and lenders used to collect color on a person’s reliability and moral character, and these survey-based assessments of trustworthiness and credit scores also tend to have a large amount of overlap.

As such, the economists find support for the notion that “credit scores matter for committed relationships because they reveal information about general trustworthiness.”

So the next time your significant other asks, “What’s your number?” you might want to make sure you’re on the same wavelength before answering.


Curated by Timothy
Source: bloomberg.com

5 Special Tips to Create a Meaningful Valentine’s

For couples this can be a relationship-defining holiday. 


I’ve spent more Valentine’s days painfully single than I’d like to admit. When you’re single, it’s easy to get distracted by all the flowers and candy you’re not getting.  The holiday is about celebrating love not candy hearts and having someone to share a meal with.  When I have had a Valentine I’ve been sure to make it special because we’re celebrating intimacy and romance. They’re more important than wasting time and money going through the motions. Here are a few ways to make your Valentine’s Day extra special:

  • Get an Original Gift – Valentine’s Day isn’t exactly Christmas. But for new couples it can be a relationship-defining holiday. For longtime couples, it can be a chance to reaffirm your connection. Why not show your love by showing your partner exactly how much you know about them? Does your partner like art? You can get them art supplies or a book of paintings by their favorite artist. How about sports? Get them a small piece of swag with their favorite sports team. Does your partner collect anything, have a unique hobby, or is a hardcore fan of something? You’ve got your gift idea right there. The old adage is it’s the thought that counts. A little thoughtfulness and effort can go a long way in getting the perfect gift. Intimate doesn’t always mean sexual. I’ve found my best luck getting gifts that truly represent the person they’re for.
  • Happy With Handmade – Establishing you have the same values is an important part of a long lasting relationship. Does your partner actually like a big spectacle? You could just as easily invest time and effort rather than cold hard cash. A really great mix-tape can show your partner your favorite music and songs you think are romantic. Bare in mind this mixed tape might look more like a CD or a playlist on a mp3 player or iPod. You could give your partner an hour-long massage with oil and candlelight. This has served me in having a really special evening. There’s also something to be said for making them a unique piece of jewelry, painting, or even a love poem. Just make sure you’re doing it inspired by your love and not by the prospect of saving a few bucks. I like to make handmade cards and share how I’m feeling. It’s a way more valuable keepsake than a store bought card.
  • Sexy Gifts – Tis the season for some sex toys. There are rarely gift-giving occasions where toys or lingerie are appropriate. But Valentine’s is that day. You may not be married but you can still invest in marital aids. Sex is a very important part of any relationship. But, these should be gifts that your partner wants not something that you’ve been dying to try. Either way, Valentine’s is a great time to invest in that special toy or outfit you’ve had your eyes on. We all strive for sex to happen on Valentine’s Day. A little spice can go a long way.
  • Plan an Outing – It’s easy to get sucked into the con of spending twice as much on a prix fix menu to eat at a restaurant you wouldn’t choose otherwise. Why not try a trip to a museum, a well-planned hike turned picnic, or even a weekend away. Hotel prices may be at their peak but a well-timed surprise weekend can be transformative both for your relationship and day-to-day life.  My friend won major points a couple of Valentine’s ago by surprising his lady with a trip to San Francisco. It was a pretty major coup for him in their relationship.
  • Collaborate – A surprise can be a really great part of any gift. But this holiday is about celebrating your relationship. Why not show your couple pride by collaborating? Talk to your partner and get a feel for what they want. Talk about ideas and plan your special day together. After all there are two parts to any couple and both should get to enjoy the day. It may be the luxury of being queer but I find that it’s best when my guy and I discuss our plans for the holiday. It’s not fair to put all your expectations on the holiday on one person, regardless of their gender. A relationship is rarely one-sided so why should a holiday about relationships be?

Valentine’s Day is a simple holiday but when you’re in a relationship it does take on a whole new meaning. I know I’ve spent many of them alone so I know my partner may need a little extra special attention. But there are also some people who are super low maintenance and may not want to make a big fuss. The trick to making the most of the holiday is to show your partner you really care. Buck the system of expectations and an overreliance on pink hearts and remind yourself to celebrate your partner. The most important tip to surviving Valentine’s Day is to show you know your partner and honor their feelings. Have a very Happy Valentine’s Day!

The First 12 Minutes —Do’s & Don’ts When Meeting Someone New

Countdown to LOVE: A new survey reveals that it takes just 12 minutes to discover whether or not you like someone.


Body odour was found to be the most off-putting characteristic for six in ten hopeful singles (59 per cent), followed by bad breath (53 per cent).

Meanwhile, four in ten of us (38 per cent) get turned off if their date starts swearing – and it appears we start judging people even before we meet face-to-face.

One in 20 singles (6 per cent) research their date online by viewing their social media pages on Facebook and Twitter.

A quarter (25 per cent) of people will also make drastic changes to their appearance so they impress a potential partner on a big date with a new haircut, new perfume or a manicure being cited as the most popular options for women.

You’re being judged! Singletons will be immediately judged on their smile, whether they make eye contact and their tone of voice, while swearing, bad breathe and body odor are big turn-offs.

Meanwhile one in 20 men (5 per cent) will grow designer stubble to impress on the day.

One in sixteen women (6 per cent) and one in 20 men (5 per cent) go on a diet in the lead up to a first date.

Making a good impression: A quarter of people will also make drastic changes to their appearance so they impress a potential partner on a big date

And it appears almost twice as many men are more forgiving and will offer their date a second chance after a bad first encounter.

Psychologist Donna Dawson said: ‘It is the little things you can do that will mean a lot and will put you ahead in the dating game.

‘For example, good hygiene and fresh breath reveal self-respect and consideration for others.

“Wearing clothes which make you feel both smart and comfortable will help you to relax, which in turn provides the confidence to create a great first impression.

‘Eye contact conveys sincerity and trustworthiness, and shows you are interested in the other person.

‘Human beings are programmed to return a smile so smiling, even when you are nervous, will get you and your first date off to a good start.’

A spokesperson from AXA, who commissioned the research, added: ‘That initial step in a relationship can be a nervous experience, but an important one.

‘You need to think about the little things that will mean a lot on that first date; it appears first impressions are formed very quickly!’


Curated by Erbe
Original Article

New Normals for Dating Today

If you are asked what modern dating means to you, what will be your answer?


When I first moved to New York in 2010, OkCupid and PlentyOfFish were the big things to join. I was 21, fresh out of a bad relationship and more than ready to meet (what I thought were) attractive, successful, smart men living in the big city. Over the course of the past six years, four of which I’ve spent single, I’ve watched the dating game change dramatically.

Just a few years ago, my friends couldn’t go into one bar in any part of time without being hit on by multiple guys, and nowadays, we all snicker to ourselves as we watch the same type of guys swiping on their phones while they’re waiting on a Jack and Coke. While there’s no one way to define ‘modern dating’ — I think it’s safe to say that technology, and dating apps specifically, have changed how singles view and respond to meeting the right person. Or in some cases, hundreds of ‘right now’ people.

“Modern dating is moving more and more towards dating apps,” Psychologist and counselor, Nikki Martinez, Psy.d., LCPC, tells Bustle. “This is an immediate gratification or rejection in many ways, and often times skips the normal courtship of talking and getting to know each other. I see the dating start and burn out much faster before they find the one. Dating has changed due to people focusing more on career into longer years, and prioritizing this, or they were married young, divorced, and are back out in the dating world. They need new avenues to meet people and connect.”

So while having options and unlimited swipes can be a way to come across folks you typically wouldn’t, how are singles responding to modern dating? Here, I asked men, women, straight, gay, divorced and more about what modern dating means to them:

1. Modern Dating Is… Netflix & Chillin’

“I am old-fashioned in that I still expect to go out for drinks or dinner with a guy on a first date (drinks if he’s from an app). But most other people view ‘modern dating’ as going to someone’s house to ‘Netflix and Chill.’ -Jenna, 31

2. Modern Dating Has… A Character Limit

“Modern dating is being able to sum yourself up in 500 characters or less and hoping you get super likes on Tinder. That being said, I don’t hate it. It takes a lot of legwork out of romance.” -Kathryn, 27

3. Modern Dating Is … Instant Gratification Relationships

“Any and all relationships happening now, now, now. We’re the generation of instant gratification in everything, and dating is not exception.” -Zoe, 28

4. Modern Dating Is… A Big Balancing Act

“At my age, modern dating is about squeezing in dates in between other priorities like work, exercise and friends. Modern dating is also very Tinder-esque: maybe not taking enough time to get to know someone before dismissing them. I don’t think people are willing to put as much time into dating.” -Hilary, 40

5. Modern Dating Is… Tedious

“The game has changed over the years and online/app based dating has replaced the once charming ‘meet-cute’ that I as a hopeless romantic still hope for.” -Jonathan, 32

The Married Millennial – Are We Too Young?

A mistake is only a failure if you don’t learn from it. Marriage and divorce shouldn’t be any different.


I got married at 21. By today’s standards, that makes me a unicorn.

When I show up with a new tattoo, nobody bats an eye. But the second I say I’m married? I might as well have joined a cult.

“How old are you, again?” my yoga teacher asked.

I answered honestly. “I’m 21.”

Her face must have gone through fifty shades of pity. “Are you sure?”

In our early twenties, we are expected to make adult decisions. Finishing college, choosing our careers, voting in elections – these are not tasks for children. As an adult, I’m allowed to make choices for myself. I’m allowed to make mistakes.

If we can smoke cigarettes in our twenties (risking cancer), own a credit card (and a lifetime of student loan debt), or joining the military (at 18, mind you) – why is marriage such a scary concept to us?

Traditional marriage goes against what many of us have come to know.

How long have you been together? Because when I was in my twenties…”

This is a trick question. It doesn’t matter how long we have been together – her mind is made up that I am too young. Her conclusion is probably drawn from her own experiences at 21 – and that’s not a bad thing.

A year before, I would have agreed with her. I’ve had every reason to not believe in marriage. My experiences with long-term relationships began much younger than most, and nearly all of them ended in heartbreak. I know what it’s like to think you’ll spend forever with someone, only to leave – or be left. My own parents divorced. My friends’ parents divorced. I’ve been to more divorce dinners than actual weddings…and that’s because I don’t like weddings.

Before my husband came along, I swore off the possibility of long-term relationships completely. Monogamy was a lie. Marriage was an outdated system. Why would a strong, career-minded feminist like myself willingly give herself legally to another person?

I argued this point whenever marriage was mentioned. I questioning my friends’ life choices and cut my own relationships short when things got too serious. I was content to spend the rest of my life as a happily single woman. Now, here I am, with a ring on my finger.

Is it scary? Yes. Do I question my decision? No.

A mistake is only a failure if you don’t learn from it. Marriage and divorce shouldn’t be any different. I can’t predict the next ten, twenty, thirty years. But no matter how my life turns out, I will be grateful for having shared it with him.

Nobody can predict the future, and that’s what makes marriage so huge.

I know a couple that dated for ten years before getting married. They divorced after one year. I also know a couple that got married six months after they met. They’ve been married for thirty years, and counting.

There is no guarantee that any relationship will survive. Our generation has been raised to value reward over risk. We want results, now. To many of us, marriage just sounds like a really expensive mistake. It’s easier to live together and have children together, without the hassle of expensive paperwork.

“Why invest in a marriage when you can have all the perks without it?” asked basically everyone.

As soon as our engagement announcement went live on social media, my inbox overflowed with congratulations…and concern.

“Have you been with him long enough to be sure?”

“Does this mean you giving up your career?”

“Are you pregnant?”

“I know it’s not my business, but…”

Sixty years ago, getting married in your twenties was totally normal. But then again, more of us had stable jobs in those days. People weren’t as afraid of the future then as we are now.

Nobody knows where – or who – we’ll be in five, ten, or twenty years. For many, this is why being “tied down” to any one person is terrifying. But for some, this is all the more reason to commit to something – or someone.

We’ve now been married for one year. So far, so good. We know that marriage is hard work. And it’s more than likely that we won’t be the same people in ten years. That’s not a bad thing. It means we’re growing – and hopefully, we’ll grow together.

Maybe you are also in your twenties, and you were hoping this article might help you decide whether to get married or not. My question for you, is – why?

Do your life choices reflect what you want, or what other people want? This applies to everything, not just marriage. Self-sabotage occurs by comparing ourselves to others and waiting for outer validation.

When my lover got down on one knee, he didn’t say, “Hey, friends and family, should she marry me?”

And I didn’t say, “Hold on a second,” and then get out my phone to Google national divorce statistics.

He simply asked, “Will you marry me?”

And I said, “Yes.”

Marriage is a choice between two people, to be made every day for the rest of life. I feel ready, but that doesn’t mean you have to. Love is all that matters. Embrace the way it lives for you.


Are we TOO young?