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How Many People Check Their Phones During Sex?

62% of women and 48% of men had interrupted sex to play with their phone.


I don’t know about you, but I was taught not to be rude. In any situation (if I can help it). And that respect extends to my bedroom, and whatever partner is lucky enough to occupy it with me for that time.

This includes minimizing distractions so I can concentrate on getting it on and getting off. And in our super-connected state, what could be more distracting than your phone? Turns out others were also curious about that, and now there are, not one, but two, studies that exist on the topic.

A 2013 study done in England surveyed 1.7K+ men and women. The results found that 62% of women and 48% of men had interrupted sex to play with their phone. It broke down into specifics: Answering a call was 34% of the time, answering a text was 24%, and answering an email comprised 22%. Weirdly, the results didn’t break down the specifics by gender.

Oh yeah, and 34% of respondents claimed to be OK with the fact that their partner had turned their attention to their phone during the act. Sure, sounds legit. (I’d be mad as hell, but that’s just me.)

Also, we don’t know the ages of the respondents. I’d be tempted to speculate that the people who can’t leave their phones alone during sex would be of the millennial cohort (since my generation’s phones are practically appendages), but of course I can’t be certain.

But wait, there’s more!

Earlier this year, researchers at the University of Virginia presented findings focused on how our phones are distracting us from everything. Including, yes, sex.

(Side note: the scientists presented said research at the aptly-named Association for Computing Machinery’s Human-Computer Interaction conference. Who knew one existed?!)

Anyway, here’s an interesting discrepancy: only 10% of people admitted picking up their phones during sex. That’s a large gap between the 48-62% that the English study claimed. I don’t know whether this boils down to different social/sexual/technological mores across the pond, but that’s a huge gap in self-reporting.

Either way, it doesn’t matter. Come on, using your phone during sex is just inexcusable. Give your partner your full attention!

If you’re one of those people, do your current/future partners a favor and put that shit on airplane mode when you’re getting down.

Almost 50% of British Women Can’t Identify the Vagina

Well, this is alarming. A new study that surveyed 1K British women found that only 56% of women could identify the vagina from a medical diagram.


For those of you who can’t do math, that’s 44% of women who can’t identify the vagina. And that’s way too high.

By contrast, nearly 70% of women could identify the male reproductive organs from a diagram. (Full disclosure: this was me in fifth grade health class. But then I got some knowledge.)

The study turned up some other things to note: Less than 30% of women could correctly identify all six parts of the women’s reproductive system from the same diagram. Also, only one in seven women were able to name a cancer that affects the reproductive organs. (The study was done by The Eve Appeal, a UK-based gynecological charity in awareness of September being Gynaecological Cancer Awareness Month.)

The study also turned up the interesting note that women ages 65 and older were most likely to have scant knowledge of their reproductive organs, with less than one of four women able to name even one part. This might speak to a divide in sexual and health education between generations.

Not to be dramatic, but knowing this information could save your life, or the life of another woman you know.

How Peace Directly Correlates to Sex

The evidence is clear: The best predictor of a state’s stability is how its women are treated.


In the academic field of security studies, realpolitik dominates. Those who adhere to this worldview are committed to accepting empirical evidence when it is placed before their eyes, to see the world as it “really” is and not as it ideally should be. As Walter Lippmann wrote, “We must not substitute for the world as it is an imaginary world.”

Well, here is some robust empirical evidence that we cannot ignore: Using the largest extant database on the status of women in the world today, which I created with three colleagues, we found that there is a strong and highly significant link between state security and women’s security. In fact, the very best predictor of a state’s peacefulness is not its level of wealth, its level of democracy, or its ethno-religious identity; the best predictor of a state’s peacefulness is how well its women are treated. What’s more, democracies with higher levels of violence against women are as insecure and unstable as nondemocracies.

Our findings, detailed in our new book out this month, Sex and World Peace, echo those of other scholars, who have found that the larger the gender gap between the treatment of men and women in a society, the more likely a country is to be involved in intra- and interstate conflict, to be the first to resort to force in such conflicts, and to resort to higher levels of violence. On issues of national health, economic growth, corruption, and social welfare, the best predictors are also those that reflect the situation of women. What happens to women affects the security, stability, prosperity, bellicosity, corruption, health, regime type, and (yes) the power of the state. The days when one could claim that the situation of women had nothing to do with matters of national or international security are, frankly, over. The empirical results to the contrary are just too numerous and too robust to ignore.

But as we look around at the world, the situation of women is anything but secure. Our database rates countries based on several categories of women’s security from 0 (best) to 4 (worst). The scores were assigned based on a thorough search of the more than 130,000 data points in the WomanStats Database, with two independent evaluators having to reach a consensus on each country’s score. On our scale measuring the physical security of women, no country in the world received a 0. Not one. The world average is 3.04, attesting to the widespread and persistent violence perpetrated against women worldwide, even among the most developed and freest countries. The United States, for instance, scores a 2 on this scale, due to the relative prevalence of domestic violence and rape.

My Boyfriend Didn’t Believe I Had an STI

I got the call from my gynecologist while in a van with four of my friends.


I was sitting in the front seat when I got a call from an unknown number. Obviously I don’t usually pick up when there isn’t a caller ID, but for some reason that was the day I decided to do so. I picked up the phone to hear my gyno’s voice.

“I just wanted to let you know that the results of your Pap smear are in. You’ve tested positive for HPV.” He didn’t sugar coat it.

Hanging up the phone in shock, my friends started to ask me what was wrong. I’m really bad at hiding my feelings, so I told them. They encouraged me to call my ex-boyfriend and let him know. So when we pulled over for gas, I got out of the car and called him.

This was not a good time in my life for me. My ex was extremely abusive to the point where I had a breakdown and temporarily moved across the country to get away from him. But even then, he was still torturing me from a distance. He would call me and tell me how much he missed me, but would insert backhanded compliments and straight digs about me at a time where I was extremely vulnerable. I was only 20 then, and he was my first love, so I had no idea how to fully rid myself of him.

He picked up the phone, surprised to hear from me in the middle of the day. His voice was sweet, but I knew it was just a disguise for how menacing he could truly be. I timidly told him the news.

“So my gyno called.”

“…..and?”

“And….he said I tested positive for HPV.”

My ex was silent on the other line for a moment. I didn’t know what he would say. I was hoping for some sort of support. Instead, I got questioned.

“Are you sure you got it from me?”

“Yes. You’re the only person I’ve had sex with in the past year.”

“What about the guy you lost your virginity to?”

The guy I lost my virginity to was someone I had sex with when I was 18 to get my first time “out of the way”. He was also a virgin at the time, and ended up coming out of the closet two months later. I got tested immediately after having sex with him, and everything was completely healthy. So there’s no way it could have been him.

The Fifty Shades Darker Trailer is the Most-Viewed Trailer Ever in Its First 24 Hours

Guess who’s back? Back again?


Sexy rich man in tuxedo with whip and lover indoor black and white bdsmNot Slim Shady. Everyone’s favorite telecommunications boy-genius/BDSM enthusiast/master manipulator Christian Grey and blank slate/everygirl/victim Ana Steele. Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson reprise their roles as the aforementioned twosome in the installment based on E.L. James’ second book Fifty Shades Darker.

The first trailer for the movie debuted on Wednesday, Sept. 14th and has already become notable for setting a new record: The trailer became the most-viewed trailer within 24 hours of its release.

The Fifty Shades Darker trailer was viewed 114M times within the first day of its release. It performed well across digital platforms, and received 2.5M views on the movie’s Facebook page only in the U.S. Internationally, the trailer was viewed 74.6M times, over double the number of domestic views.

The previous record for most-viewed trailer in the 24-hour period after its debut was 2015’s Star Wars: The Force Awakens. That trailer received 112M views.

With these viewing numbers for an initial trailer, I think we can reasonably expect that the second movie will do fairly well in box office take when released. If past trends are anything to go by, the first movie sold a lot of advance tickets and became the “sixth R-rated movie to gross more than $500 million.”

Fifty Shades Darker will be released Feb. 10, 2017.

My 50 Shades of Grey: Interview with a True Sub

I must admit, I’ve always been fascinated by the BDSM world which is why I jumped at the opportunity to interview someone who’s been immersed in the community for the past five and half years. For those who don’t know, BDSM is an acronym meaning Bondage & Discipline/ Domination & Submission/ Sadism & Masochism. Usually, the first thing that comes to my mind when I hear the term BDSM is someone getting spanked while down on all fours and a ball gag in their mouth. This may very well be the case for a lot of people who practice BDSM, but there is so much more in terms of the relationship that is built between the two people who practice – one usually being dominant (a “daddy” or “master”), the other being submissive.  My friend (who Is a sub, and shall remain anonymous), was kind enough to answer some questions I had.

What exactly is a Daddy/Master? What is a sub? What’s the dynamic of that relationship?

A Master (sometimes referred to as ‘Daddy’) is a man who, within the game, owns your body and mind. The two terms (Master and Daddy) are not always used interchangeably. My first foray into this world was with a Master and he liked to be referred to as either ‘Master’ or ‘Sir’ in the beginning. Once we became more emotionally bonded, I was able to call him ‘Daddy’ and we mostly stayed in that world of age-play (the parent/child dynamic).

The term ‘Master’ usually denotes a more dominant tone and there will be some tenderness during the sessions together, but your job as a sub (which is what you are if you have a master) is to please your Master; your pleasure is unimportant. With a Master, a sub will experience more humiliation and degradation games.

The term sub is short for submissive, so that applies to the person in the relationship that is NOT the Master; the sub’s job is to worship and please their Master.

A man who likes the ‘Daddy’ title is still the dominant one and, as the ‘baby’, your job is still to please your Daddy, but your Daddy is usually also very interested in pleasing his baby girl. You almost always receive more sweetness and affection from the Daddy/baby relationship.

When did you first get into the world of BDSM?

I first got into it when a guy I thought was cute asked me if I wanted to be owned and I was like, “What does that mean??” And then we engaged in a Master/sub relationship where I was walked on a leash, spanked, etc. and I loved it.

Which relationship dynamic do you personally prefer?

I prefer the Daddy dynamic. I like to be submissive, and I will take some humiliation, but I really enjoy the sweetness of cuddling and having my needs meet.

My Response: Just Kill Her Already – Millennial Women Respond to Adult Content…Take 1

Whether we like it or not, explicit film is a big part of our culture. Millennial women weigh in on their viewing experiences, responses and red hot opinions. Do you agree?


I’ll never forget the first porn I ever saw. It was called “Paradise Cove” and it was a softcore porn that took place in, well, Paradise Cove. I was 15 years old. Looking back, it all seemed so innocent. I was becoming a woman and I was curious. The scrambled porn, aol chat rooms, a/s/l? Discovering sexuality through good ol’ Windows 95.

Now if you want to watch something like Paradise Cove, you can just watch an episode of Showtime’s Shameless. Actual porn is horrifying, and feels wrong to watch. Gangbangs, violence, choking, slapping, it feels more like a horror movie than a way to relieve yourself. A friend was telling me about various sexual encounters of hers and how quickly men resort to spanking and choking as if it’s “the norm.” She said she went on one date and was making out with a guy and told him that she didn’t want to go any further and he seemed to understand but then suddenly took out his penis and ejaculated on her thigh as she sat there frozen in horror. WHAT IS GOING ON OUT THERE? Is this what our daughters are going to grow up expecting to tolerate?

Adult Preferences vs. Real Life – Millennial Women Respond to Adult Content…Take 2

Whether we like it or not, explicit film is a big part of our culture. Millennial women weigh in on their viewing experiences, responses and red hot opinions. Do you agree?


I, like most women my age, have watched porn at least once or twice in their lives. Like it or not porn is a huge part of sex today and it’s never been simpler to check out with the ease in which to access it. Gone are the days of having to walk into a video store while pretending to have interest in the New Releases wall before peering into the “back room” and forging a “aw, this should be amusing!” look on your horny face. Then attempt a casual perusement of VHS tapes with the well worn boxes with catchy titles like Tiger’s Wood, or How Stella Got her Tube Packed, all the while chucking audibly as if to inform the other customers that you’re in that room “as a joke” and “boy, this would be such a fantastic gag for my buddies to come over to watch a movie and whoops! There’s a porno in here! Ha-ha!” And finally the awkward small talk one would automatically engage in with the clerk with the hope of broadcasting “I’m very interested in the film aspect of this, and in no way am I going back to my one bedroom apartment to lock my three cats in the bathroom and masturbate furiously to this tape! I’m a cinephile after all!”

Now you can Google the word “sex” or simply type in the p and an o and you’re instantly directed to hundreds of sites where you can view your most sordid fantasies while stuck in traffic on the 405. And for FREE! The future is now!

I will freely admit that I am one of those women who likes to watch porn from time to time, and when I do I have a very specific kind of porn that I like to watch. I developed my preference through viewing experience. I put in the work people, it takes time! Here’s the thing about my porn viewing pleasures; the things I like to watch that I find sexy and titillating are NOT the things I like in my actual, real life sex life. In fact, if my husband attempted to recreate one of my favorite scenes, I would probably be freaked out!

Can You Still Have a Good Relationship With Different Sexual Desires?

Is it possible to have a good relationship regardless of the differences in sexual desires?


Sex is all about trying new things. It’s generally good to keep a level of openness regarding the act, considering there is so much to try. It’s about having a good time and being with a person you like and should be treated as such. However, if your partner doesn’t feel comfortable with trying new things, or has tried something before and didn’t like it, it’s important to respect that.

I’ve personally had partners whose ideologies on sex did not entirely line up. One in particular constantly would try to pressure me into trying new sex acts. Sometimes I would try them and like them, but other times I wasn’t entirely comfortable. I’ve learned since then that maintaining open communication is the most important part of experimentation.

It’s totally possible to have a good relationship regardless. If anything, this exploration could bring the two of you even closer together. Coming to a compromise is crucial regarding sex, and allows a stronger bond. At the same time, being open and honest about your desires is what matters the most. If you aren’t comfortable, be sure to communicate, otherwise it will be entirely physically and even emotionally unpleasant for the both of you.

Her and His Story of Sacred Pleasure

We have been taught that sexuality and the sacred are polar opposites, but they were united in ancient traditions across the globe.


Riane Eisler’s groundbreaking research and writings on ancient cultures reveal this exciting reality about what so many women and men long for today… more meaningful, fulfilling pleasure and loving sexuality.

Music: www.bensound.com

We Discovered Some Amazing Ancient Erotica

We have been taught that sexuality and the sacred are polar opposites, but they were united in ancient traditions across the globe.


Riane Eisler’s groundbreaking research and writings on ancient cultures reveal this exciting reality about what so many women and men long for today… more meaningful, fulfilling pleasure and loving sexuality.

Music: www.bensound.com

The Real Love Drug

“Oh oh catch that buzz

Love is the drug I’m thinking of

Oh oh can’t you see

Love is the drug for me”

– Roxy Music (Brian Eno/Andy Mackay)


Head and Brain Gears in Progress.think about loveWe’ve known for a long time that people who have just fallen in love feel like they’re on drugs – their systems flood with the feel-good hormone oxytocin, they don’t feel as great a need for food or sleep, and they can feel like they’re floating on air.  In cartoons, their hearts beat out of their chest and they hear Klaxon horns when they look at the object of their affection.  Sometimes their eyes bulge out until they fall out of their heads and are revealed to be light bulbs, which would be challenging to most people, but it doesn’t seem to bother them at all.

We also know that sometimes, people take drugs like MDMA or ecstasy to feel like they’re in love – which floods their brains with serotonin so that they develop deep emotional connections with strangers in a sand-filled tent at Burning Man.

This week, researchers at the Imperial College London may have discovered a real love drug that stimulates not just sexual but romantic feeling – Kisspeptin.

This hormone has a couple of important functions related to sex and reproduction– it triggers puberty, but it also turns a young man’s fancy to thoughts of love and romance, based on a study of 29 young men and their fancies.  Men were shown sexual images, nonsexual couple-bonding images, and neutral images, and their brains were scanned to determine their stimulation – those who were injected with kisspeptin did not just experience increased physical arousal, they also saw increased desires for couple-bonding and affection.  Their brains lit up in the areas associated with love and sex.  They also found neutral-to-negative images to be less negative when they were on the hormone, just as a person in love finds their mood elevated.

T&A Talk Sex – In Bed with Trisha Hershberger

T&A hop in bed with Trisha Hershberger (from her Youtube series, The Naked Truth) to find out more about her relationships, favorite sex positions, and what’s it like to have sex with a baby growing inside!


Check out our 2017 New Year episode with Sina Amedson and Trisha Hershberger about what we learned in 2016 about relationships and what we plan do do differently in 2017. Episode 127! How will you make your relationship better in 2017? Podcast here

http://www.tatalksex.com/

Noisy Sex…Who Is Having It and Why

So is vocalization during sex just a performance?


All you have to do is watch nearly any depiction of female orgasm on screen to get an idea of how a woman is “supposed” to react during sex.

From “When Harry Met Sally” to “Sex and the City” to your basic porn film, women in the throes of passion aren’t just shouting their ecstasy from the rooftops, they’re moaning with pleasure. Loudly.

But is this just cinematic license, or is there really something to noisy sex?

Experts wondered the same thing. In 2011, Gayle Brewer of the University of Central Lancashire and Colin Hendrie of the University of Leeds published their research on the topic — technically known as “copulatory vocalization” — in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. In the study, they asked 71 sexually active heterosexual women between ages 18 and 48 for more details about vocalization during sex.

The researchers found that many of the women did make noise but not necessarily while they were having an orgasm. Instead, 66% said that they moaned to speed up their partner’s climax, and 87% stated that they vocalized during sex to boost his self-esteem.

“While female orgasms were most commonly experienced during foreplay, copulatory vocalizations were reported to be made most often before and simultaneously with male ejaculation,” the researchers wrote. Women also reported making noise to relieve boredom, fatigue and pain/discomfort during sex.

So is female vocalization during sex just a performance for a guy’s benefit? (After all, Meg Ryan’s over-the-top moans were meant to prove a point to “Harry” that men are easily duped by a fake orgasm.)

How “Secretary” Set the Bar for #Fifty Shades of Grey

How Lee (#Maggie Gyllenhaal) found confidence in kink?


Lee Holloway and E. Edward Grey did it first. And did it better.

Many people may think Ana Steele and Christian Grey of the “Fifty Shades” trilogy set the bar for a modern D/s (dominant/submissive) relationship. But that bar was cleared back in 2002 with “Secretary.”

If you haven’t seen the movie (and you really should), here’s what happens: Lee Holloway (Maggie Gyllenhaal) gets a job at a law firm run by lawyer E. Edward Grey (James Spader). Grey orders Holloway around (in both personal and professional ways), and each person soon realize that the other is into it. This back-and-forth battle of wills then evolves into a mutual dominant/submissive relationship.

When “Secretary” arrived on the scene 15(!!) years ago, sexual mores were a lot different, especially regarding D/s and kink. BDSM was lot more closed off, and wasn’t as mainstream as it is now. (Hell, Beyonce and Kim Kardashian have both rocked high-end latex dresses, once seen as solely part of kink costume, at mainstream high-profile events.) Consequently, people may have held misconceptions about what a D/s relationship was.

“Secretary” showed a woman who was willing to explore her kink, learn about it, and grow with it. The film doesn’t demonize or judge the kink (though it places other supporting characters in those roles). It simply sits back and lets Lee evolve into her true self. As she evolves, Lee gains confidence in her newfound submissiveness. She displays a more polished appearance that hints at her sexuality (including employing the classic tight black pencil skirt) and becoming more vocally assertive. She also becomes more active in pursuing her sexuality, educating herself on submissiveness and answering kinky personal ads.