Tag: sex

Using Goddess Energy…In Bed

by RJ Newellin Mind, Sex

Giving zero care about what your body looks like. Game?

No matter where you identify across the gender spectrum, conscious connection with divine feminine energy can be a powerful practice in love and sex. This can be as simple as imagining yourself with goddess-like qualities, invoking the deity herself in loving ritual, or even engaging in full-on role-play with your partner. If the natural order of magic is love…the natural order of love is magic. Your inner goddess is waiting to be freed…so choose your energy wisely!

Here are five tips for using Goddess Energy in bed.

1. Discover the Divine in You.

Which Goddess do you identify with? This can change from day to day, depending on your mood. For myself, there is one multi-dimensional goddess in particular that helps in all occasions. What matters most is how you feel, so find what’s right for you.

Here are a few ancient archetypes that might get your imagination going…but keep in mind: these are only four of thousands of options.

– Aphrodite:

One of the most popular of the ancient love deities, Aphrodite is the Greek goddess of love, beauty, pleasure and sex. The Romans knew her as Venus. Worshippers invoked her for all things seduction. Fine art depicting Aphrodite’s famous curves is everywhere. Even the word “aphrodisiac” was derived from her name. It’s safe to say that Aphrodite is the O.G. of all things love.

Element: Water / Colors: Pink, Red, Gold, Seafoam Green / Mineral: Rose Quartz / Aphrodisiacs: Pomegranates, Chocolate, Roses, Perfume

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The Scent of Your Rose…Top Influences

by zfortadminin Sex

Maybe you’ve wondered, “Does my vagina smell normal?” 

I don’t care how comfortable you are with your own body, we all have those moments where we think about how we smell down there. Maybe it’s at the doctor’s office before a pelvic exam, or it might be as your partner is making their way to your vagina for some up-close and personal fun. You wonder, “Do I smell normal? And what is normal anyway? What is a vagina supposed to smell like?”

Healthy vaginas often do have smells! Most of the time, these vagina scents aren’t awful—they just smell like a vagina; like the way you sometimes smell sweaty or how your feet stink in certain shoes. We smell like humans, and the smell of our vaginas depend on certain factors. If you just took a shower and washed your lady-bits, there probably isn’t any smell. But if you just had a marathon sex session, your vagina will have an odor.

Every vagina has its own unique scent, which is a combination of the normal bacteria that reside in your vagina, your diet, if you wear natural fabrics or synthetics, your level of hygiene, your bathroom habits, and what your glands secrete.

It’s important not to forget that your vagina also secretes pheromones that are supposed to trigger sexual interest and excitement.

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T&A Talk Sex – In Bed with F*ck Yes Team

by T A Talk Sexin Sex

T&A hop in bed with the F*CK YES team to learn more about their funny and heartfelt stories around sex!

We laughed a lot on this one! Emily Best and Erica Anderson also created Seed&Spark – pretty cool!

Erica and Emily talk openly with us on our podcast about recent awkward sex that T&A had, and how we as men and women can just make it …SO MUCH BETTER – Listen here:

This is What Compromising a Woman Looks Like, Ep131: T&A have bad and almost… Rape-y sex?! But instead of pointing fingers, the ladies chat with F*ck Yes series creators to unpack the situation and look at the underlying mindsets, beliefs and cultural influences that made T&A feel compromised.

Click Here for the ‘This Is What Compromising a Woman Looks Like, Ep131‘

Find all of our videos, podcasts, blogs, & more: http://www.tatalksex.com/

Skip the Gym and Do It in the Morning

by zfortadminin Sex

There are some small moments in life that are really great. Turning on the television at the exact moment Robin Williams is giving his moving “Dead Poet’s Society” speech.

Unexpectedly learning that your entire purchase has been discounted 30 percent at checkout.

Glancing down at your phone to see a surprising text from a potential mate. All these instances make us feel like the universe is on our side.

The same goes for sex. While getting laid is always good, there are some choice encounters that qualify as really, really great.

In the morning haze, when you’re at your most vulnerable and still easing into the day, nothing beats the feeling of having someone next to you wrap his arms around you and make you feel wanted.

Morning sex is like eating chocolate cake for breakfast — it’s decadent, indulgent and comforting. Plus, who doesn’t want to linger in bed just a little longer?

The benefits extend to more than just being uncharacteristically nice to everyone for the rest of the day. Multiple studies have shown that individuals who engage in morning sex are healthier and happier people. Your post-coital glow that others are noticing isn’t totally bogus.

Waking up to an eager partner sure as hell beats waking up to an alarm clock.

Here are all the reasons morning sex is the best sex.

1. Because you’ll actually remember it.

This is a win for you and your girlfriends, who will appreciate the fully detailed recap later. Normally you can’t recollect anything save a few fragments, “I think it was um, good?”; “He was hot, right? You guys saw him?” But now you’ll be able to fill in all the good stuff.

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Defining Your Normal: Some Like Having It a Lot and Some Don’t

by zfortadminin Sex

Society, the media, politicians, and religions are often obsessed with sex as an idea – not as it really happens in the flesh.

The idea of sex is most often portrayed in extremes.

Sex is, at times, depicted as a sure path to unwanted pregnancy, STIs, and hellfire.

At the other end of the spectrum, sex is portrayed as the core motivation for all human pursuits, selling everything from cologne to makeup to magical weight loss yogurt, because it’s that amazing and vital!

The reality of sex is that some people have it, some people don’t, some people have lots of it, some people have little of it, and life doesn’t revolve around avoiding it or chasing it.

The reality is that there is no such thing as a “normal” sex life, even though sex in and of itself is a normal part of life.

All that being said, it probably doesn’t deserve nearly the amount of attention it gets from all of us.

And I’m including feminists in that “all of us” because both here at Everyday Feminism and out there in the broader feminist world, we talk about sex a lot.

And rightly so! There are plenty of questions to be asked about what most of us have been conditioned to believe is normal or right when it comes to sex.

And some of the assumptions we should challenge are that sex is necessarily a part of a healthy, socially acceptable, and liberated life.

In other words, the pressure that we get from the outside world to pursue the idea of sex can be as damaging to our culture and self-esteem as the shame many women receive for being sexual on their own terms.

It’s a damned if you do it, damned if you don’t situation.

And folks who aren’t having sex or don’t want to – be they asexual, abstinent, low libido, triggered by sex, medically unable, and so on – may find themselves alienated by the ways sex gets inadvertently (or purposefully) pushed down our throats.

Peer pressure, well-meaning doctors and therapists, spouses, this article (how many times have I used the word “sex” at this point?) – they can all send the message that having a sex life is always the healthy, sociable, regular thing to do.

If a person desires sex, pursues sex, and has sex with someone else who wants to, then great.

But what if a person who is less than enthusiastic about sex pursues it only to fulfill a social expectation, only because they’ve been perversely sexualized from a young age, or only because they view being sexual as central to their own self-worth and self-identity?

Not great.

In fact, any time our culture imposes a “should” on us – women should be adventurous to “keep” their men, men should be virulent, we should not die virgins, all romantic relationships should also be sexual – there’s a problem.

Sex Is Not a ‘Should’

There is no obligation ever to have sex for any reason.

Not when you’re 15 and think everyone else is doing it (they’re not), not when you’re 21 and think everyone else is doing it (they’re not), and not when you’re 45 and think everyone else has done it (they haven’t).

My point here is that regardless of a person’s sexual orientation or lack thereof, sex isn’t about anyone else’s expectations. There doesn’t have to be shame around being uninterested, celibate, or emotionally unprepared for sex at any age.

That’s because sex is not a spectator sport (unless that’s what you’re into). It’s about the pleasure, desire, and experience of the people having the sex, not the prevailing assumptions of the people around them.

The same goes for people who deny others sexual orientations based on what kind of sex they’ve had.

No, lesbians and gay men don’t have to sample the opposite sex to know their orientation, nor do they have to have sex at all. The “how can you know unless you’ve tried” line of reasoning is like casting the first stone – only the person who’s tried it all is allowed to say it to anyone.

Sex Isn’t Super Amazing for Everyone

The other thing about sex is that it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.

Some people may find it pretty neat, but otherwise not see what the big fuss is about. Others are completely uninterested. And though there are those whose lack of interest comes from trauma or medical issues, they aren’t the only people who aren’t into sex.

I distinctly remember that after going through sex education as an adolescent, I walked away with the assumption that every person who crossed over to the other side of puberty experienced sexual attraction.

So if I’d have heard about someone who said “meh” to sex, my assumption also would have been that there was something medically or mentally wrong with them. And if that medical or mental problem were fixed, sexual desire would return.

The problem with that line of thinking is that it pathologizes a low or nonexistent desire for sex, even one with no apparent cause. And it paints the picture of the sexually interested person as necessarily more healthy and whole.

Though sex can definitely be part of wellness for someone who is sexual, the insinuation that those who want it less are missing a fundamental part of their humanity can be problematic.

Sex Is Important – But It’s Not

It’s really not that big of a deal.

As wrapped up as the media and advertisers are with sex, it isn’t central to what makes people worthwhile, attractive, and interesting human beings.

We need to reject the idea of sex, which dictates that Hollywood actresses are overly airbrushed and barely employable once they’re past a certain age. The idea of sex is obsessed with youth, the male gaze, a lack of agency, a link between a person’s value and how much they are valued as sexual objects.

In reality, our worth as human beings is related to things much bigger than our sexualities. It’s a part of us, but it’s not as much of us as we sometimes believe.

So it’s all right to not give a damn about being sexual on someone else’s schedule. Or ever.

Having sex is not obligatory, nor does it lead to the ultimate state of bliss. It’s neither as ideal nor as demonic as some would have you believe.

There also isn’t one way to experience it.

Not everyone is as capable of orgasm or sexual attraction as the next person, and that’s okay.

There is no one way to experience sexuality, and attempts to shame or stigmatize people for a lack of sex or attraction, even indirectly, are fraught with assumptions about how things “should” be.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Are Your Partner’s Fantasies Unnerving to You?

by zfortadminin Sex

Sex experts discuss the pros and cons of revealing to your partner your most private erotic fantasies.

You’ve been sharing a bed with the same partner for years. By now you know each other’s sleeping habits inside and out, right down to the exact room temperature and sleeping position preferred. But how well do you know what it takes to turn on your partner? There’s one way to find out — by sharing your most intimate sex fantasies. An open exchange of erotic fantasies can help rekindle the flames — or can they? Here’s what sex experts say on the subject.

Risky business

Many sex experts advise couples to use caution when revealing private sex fantasies. “It often backfires,” says Wendy Maltz, MSW, sex therapist and co-author of the book Private Thoughts: The Power of Women’s Fantasies. That’s because too often, says Maltz, there’s a lack of understanding about what it means to share them.

To minimize misunderstandings, Maltz suggests setting some guidelines before agreeing to reveal erotic fantasies. “Make sure you have a mutual understanding of each other’s objectives. Are you doing it simply to learn about what each other’s private sexual thoughts are, or are you creating a menu of the type of sexual activities you want to try?” she says.

Other experts agree that it’s best not to plunge head-first into a completely candid revelation of your deepest erotic fantasies. “First, test the waters. Float the idea in a general way,” suggests Barbara Bartlik, MD, assistant professor of psychiatry at Weill Medical College of Cornell University. “You could say, ‘What did you think about that scene in the movie?'”

Even when both partners willingly reveal their sex fantasies to one another, says Maltz, there’s no guarantee that the outcome will be a positive meeting of the minds, or bodies. “It’s shaky ground for a relationship. It can really enhance the sexual experience, or destroy it. It can make people very uptight and anxious,” Maltz says.

That’s particularly true if either you or your partner finds the content of a particular fantasy off-putting. “What about the person who likes to be sexually sadistic? The other person may take great offense to that,” Bartlik says. Oftentimes, explains Bartlik, it takes a lot of courage to reveal a less conventional fantasy such as one that includes sadomasochism. Further, it takes a very loving and loyal partner to listen and accept fantasies that may be outside the mainstream of sexual experience. The inability to accept an edgy fantasy may cause a rift in the relationship.

But even if you find your partner’s sex fantasies a bit unnerving, there’s hope for moving forward.

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An Expanded Definition of Men’s Pleasure

by Mike Lousadain Sex

Watch as Mike Lousada with his wife discusses about male ejaculation and orgasm.

mike lousada with his wife

Mike points out:

  1. Misconceptions about male orgasm and ejaculation.
  2. Men can experience multiple orgasms.
  3. Orgasms and ejaculation can be separated.
  4. Experience of male multiple orgasms can be trained.

Do you want to know how? Watch it now!

Sexless? Here are Remedies for a Reboot

by zfortadminin Sex

Stuck in a sexless marriage? You’re not alone.

According to data scientist Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, the top-searched marriage complaint on Google is “sexless marriage.” (What’s more, searches for “sexless marriage” are three and a half times more common than “unhappy marriage” and eight times more common than “loveless marriage.”)

Many of those searching for answers are women struggling to understand why their spouses aren’t reciprocating their desire for sex. We reached out to marriage therapists and sex experts to share the advice they give women stuck in sexually unsatisfying marriages. Read what they had to say below.

“Many women are the ones with a higher sex drive in their marriages but women commonly don’t discuss this dynamic openly with friends. Also, the media portrayal of relationships makes women think that males have a constant high level of sexual desire. On the contrary, many women struggle in sexless marriages. Outside of therapy, I’d say that finding a support system can be invaluable. There are forums online where women share their experiences, such as the Dead Bedrooms forum on Reddit.” — Samantha Rodman, psychologist and couples’ counselor 

“It may not be you, so stop beating yourself up. It is no indicator of how sexy you are as a woman if he is initiating or not. Many times men stop initiating sex because they are stressed or they are experiencing some kind of erectile dysfunction and they’re too afraid to tell you. Men define their sexuality by their ability to perform and if they cannot achieve an erection upon demand they may withdraw. Keep being affectionate and let him know there is no pressure to get to the ‘finish line.’ Let him know you still want to cuddle and be close and then if you still want a ‘happy ending,’ well, frankly, you can take care of it yourself. If he wants to participate, he might find himself more turned on than he thought himself capable. Don’t wait for him to take charge. It is OK as the woman to be the driving force of your sex life.” — Tammy Nelson, certified sexologist and sex therapist and the author of Getting the Sex You Want 

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Why the Greeks Have More Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

Greece has been revealed to rank atop the list of the world’s most sexually active nations, averaging 164 sessions a year, or more than three times a week, German newspaper Bild reports.

According to an international survey by a condom manufacturer, which is published by the German tabloid, Greeks are far ahead of Brazil, which ranks second with 145 times a year, followed by Russia and Poland with 143 times a year.

The chilliest citizens on the planet are found to be the Japanese, who have sex a meager 48 times a year, or less than once a week.

The world average is 103 times per year, or just less than twice a week.

According to the survey, having sex isn’t of the same importance all around the world, as 80 percent of Greeks find having sex very important, and top the list again, opposed to citizens of Thailand, only 38 percent of whom believe that sex is important.

Greeks also score high in reference to duration of sexual intercourse, ranking second with 22.3 minutes on average, following Nigeria in first place with 24 minutes.

The top 10 most sexually active countries are:

Greece: 164
Brazil: 145
Russia: 143
Poland: 143
India: 130
Mexico: 123
Switzerland: 123
China: 122
New Zealand: 122
Italy: 121

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Size Never Matters, Trust Me.

by Amy Albertin Sex

Mark had established a bit of a reputation for himself within the small window of time that he was employed at this restaurant as quite the Lothario because of the fact that he was blessed with what was rumored to be a huge penis.

When I was in my early 20’s I spent a summer waitressing at this sweet, kitschy restaurant in the Bay Area when out of nowhere the guy I had been dating, who I was utterly obsessed with, dumped me. I was crushed! Like, “broken, crying in a Target dressing room, writing shitty sad songs on my guitar that I could barely play, watching back-to-back Ally McBeal episodes to cope” crushed. A bartender, who we’ll call Mark, had been working there for a couple of months, and even though I wasn’t attracted to him, I liked the attention he gave me was, for all intents and purposes, totally harmless. Mark had established quite the reputation for himself within the small window of time that he was employed at this restaurant as quite the Lothario because of the fact that he was blessed with what was rumored to be a huge penis. One of the women who was supposedly impressed with it described it as “a baby’s arm holding an apple” and another called it the “anaconda”. My best gay friend who worked with me would constantly ask questions about said “huge” penis after it was revealed that one of our co-workers would have a run-in with it. He loved hearing all the dirty details about this guys wang. I would laugh and gasp and feign being all into it as they would describe every curve and angle of this man’s anatomy, but really it sort of grossed me out! Why would I want something described as an infant’s appendage grasping a piece of fruit anywhere near my vag? Ew!

As the end of my shift rolled around one eve a couple of weeks after me getting dumped I was glumly cashing out my checks for the night at the kitschy bar of the kitschy restaurant. Mark made me a drink and asked what was going on. I told him how I was heartbroken and just destroyed about it. I confessed that I thought I was in love with this guy, and when I learned that he was seeing someone else the entire time we were dating I was so humiliated! Mark listened intently to my sob story, nodding at the appropriate times while refilling my glass when it got half empty.

About an hour and a half and two thirds into my third drink later, he gently tucked my hair behind my ear and said, “You know, I have a great way to get you over that guy.” He smiled and suddenly looked very cute to me. I laughed awkwardly and told him I didn’t want to mess up our friendship. He agreed, but said he was always available to me if I ever wanted to “have the best night of my life.”

“It’s the only sure fire way to move on, in my opinion. I’ll rock your world, I promise.”

I excused myself to the bathroom and stood at the sink, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I had never really done anything like that before, just slept with a guy to make myself feel better. But…maybe he was right? Surely a guy who’s confident like that must be great in bed! Maybe this guy’s legendary dick would be just the elixir to cure my blues! Maybe I was about to have the best freakin’ night of my life and my world rocked! So I marched out to the bar, grabbed my bag and told him I would follow him home.

45 minutes later I’m at Mark’s apartment and we’re making out in his kitchen. We had a little trouble getting on the same page in terms of the kissing, but I figured I was a little tipsy, and he could be too, so maybe that was it. Then he takes my hand and leads me into his bedroom, which had posters of girls with huge hair in ripped half tops with the bottom of their nipples hanging out, like he was 15. “Well”, I thought, “he clearly likes girls, so that’s good!” We start getting undressed and I noticed that he ripped his clothes off with such enthusiasm that he reminded me of a little kid tearing into a Christmas gift. He turns around to face me and I see it. The “Baby’s arm holding an apple”. The “Anaconda”. This “huge” penis. And it’s pointed right at me. Watching me. I felt like if I tried to move around the room it would follow me, like the Mona Lisa.

We get into bed and he immediately mounts me without any warning or foreplay. Just in a, “Hello, welcome to my body weight pressing the breath out of you because women think being crushed is super hot!” type of way. His face was right on my face smashed together, which felt way too intimate for the moment, and now that I think of it is probably way too intimate for any moment ever. He asks me if I’m “good and ready”, to which I reply with a “yup” that I wheezed out because I couldn’t breathe due to his man body carelessly draped across mine, and a thumbs up, always an appropriate way to start sex when you’re getting ready to have the” best night of your life!”

Then it “started” And by that I mean a solid 20 minutes of him grunting and sweating on me while his giant penis went from an “Anaconda” to one of those balloon dudes who alert people to a sale or a new car wash after they had been deflated and were just weirdly flopping around with the wind. He kept slapping it on my thigh, squeezing his eyes shut and whispering, “Come on, man!” to whom I can only assume was his penis.

At one point he abruptly stood up and went over to the corner of his bedroom, like a scene out of The Blair Witch Project, where he got really quiet. I figured he trying to reason with it, talk it out like bros. When he returned to his bed, which didn’t have a fitted sheet by the way, there was a glimmer of hope in his eye, so I assumed they had worked out their differences and were ready to proceed as scheduled. Unfortunately it appeared that the penis and the man were on two different pages completely that evening.

Eventually I told him I had to go. “Early morning.” I said, like I was a regretful fella dressed in a cheap suit in an 80’s movie who just cheated on his wife with his best friends fiancé, “Gotta get my beauty sleep.” I got up and started to get dressed as fast as I could. I didn’t feel the need to hang out and make it even more uncomfortable than it was. He just lay in his bed on his side with his head propped up in his hand, nodding and telling me he “had to get up early too, so it was probably a good move to hit the sack.” I pulled on my shoes and waved goodbye and I exited his place so quickly I practically left a cartoon puff of smoke in my wake. I walked to my car noting to myself that in the future I should ask what one’s definition of rocking a world is, because I probably would’ve taken a rain check in this case.

The next day as I rolled silverware Mark noticed me and sat down at the booth. He casually mentioned that he had a “good time” the night before, but this time when he smiled he had reverted back to the version of himself that I didn’t find attractive at all. He asked me if I’d like to come by for “a little round two action”, which I politely declined. He told me that if I ever needed him again, I knew his number. “Oh, I got your number alright, stud.” I said under my breath as he walked away.

He walked back to the bar where he immediately started putting the moves on a woman sitting there alone,  and I realized that for the first time in a while I wasn’t bummed about the guy who dumped me. And while he certainly didn’t rock my world, or give me the best night of my life, I realized in that moment that I appreciated him and his baby’s arm for taking my mind off things and giving me a pretty decent bad sex story to write about many years later.

Til Death Do Us Part: Noir Humor of Sex, Dating, and the Animal Kingdom

by Virginia Jonesin Sex

It’s Springtime, when the earth renews itself and mating season begins for many animals!

People go on dates and remember that sex and dating can be hard.

It can wear you out emotionally.

But at least you can physically survive it- not like in many parts of the animal kingdom.

Here’s a list of animals that die for sex- to remind you that things could be worse!

Praying Mantis

Oftentimes, the female praying mantis bites the head off her mate while they have sex, and apparently the male thrusts more vigorously after he’s dead, making the sex more likely to generate progeny. (This is probably not true of human men.)

Remember that the next time a woman you’ve exchanged a week of flirty text messages with flat doesn’t show up at an Italian restaurant and won’t call you back- you might leave with your head hanging down, but at least it’s still attached.

The Antechinus

This very cute ratlike Australian marsupial, goes on a mad sex parade with multiple partners for up to 14 hours and then drops dead of exhaustion.  There are advantages to this, for example- he doesn’t have the opportunity to get in trouble with any of the multiple cute ratlike partners he had sex with in the same half-day, but on the other hand the Antechinus never meets his children, nor coaches them in Soccer, which he would call Football, because he’s from Australia.

That’s better than the time you went on a drinks-filled double date with your best friend Allison and your boyfriend’s roommate, and she came home with him, but after you’d left for your house, she snuck into the other bedroom and did your boyfriend as well.  Right?  Still better than the cute little dead sex rat. And you don’t have to speak to Allison ever again.

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How Women’s and Men’s Pleasure Can Actually Sync for the Better

by Mike Lousadain Sex

Mike and Louise’s Book is hitting the press: 

mike lousada

Real Sex: Why everything you learned about sex is wrong is Mike & Louise’s first book, published by Hay House in May 2017.

Real Sex will reveal how almost everything that society has told us about sex is wrong. It is a practical guide that sets out seven keys to teach you how to transform guilt, fear and shame into love, pleasure and intimacy. It shows how transforming your sexuality transforms your whole life.

Real Sex is a journey into the heart of your sexual self, a way of creating meaningful and fulfilling intimacy. Pre-order here.

Are You Being Denied Foreplay?

by zfortadminin Sex

Sex is amazing, right? Well, yes. But sex isn’t one thing. Sex is lots of things.

Sex can mean a passionate kiss, with your bodies pressed up against each other in a hallway; it can me him in your mouth, or you in his; it can be hours of penetration or the lightest touch in the right place. Or any combination. And lots of others. But for this reader, sex is only one thing, and it’s getting a little tiring.

*I have been dating this guy for a few months now and it’s been wonderful…except for when it’s time to get intimate. He wants to go straight into sex and no foreplay whatsoever. Each time I’ve tried to initiate it, he would say “Babe, you are my girl, you don’t have to do that.” Overall that’s sweet I guess but than the problem is, I don’t get oral (he mentioned a time that he did it on a girl and the girls odor/taste that he could not handle). How or what can I do to make him feel comfortable with me to eventually perform oral sex before the actual sex? *—Foreplay Deprived

One reason sex can’t be one thing is because it’s not the same thing for everyone. That means we have to compromise. When we’re lucky enough to meet someone with the exact same sexual interests as ours, those compromises tend to be minimal: sometimes she gets to be on top when you want to be; sometimes he gets to come first; etc.

In this situation, BF isn’t really meeting anyone halfway, he’s just getting exactly what he wants. Not fair. Many of the women I know, most of them in fact, have difficulty coming without some form of clitoral stimulation, before or during. By your guy denying you foreplay, he’s basically saying “only I get to come,” which is obviously not ideal.

Sounds like he had a bad experience once with giving head and has decided it’s not for him. That’s like having a bad first day of school and deciding that education is for other people. I think you should ask him to consider trying again.

If he’s really dead-set against it, you can remind him that there are other ways to have fun before penetration: fingers, licking other parts of you, playing with toys, etc.

The most important thing is to let him know that what’s going on isn’t fair. He’ll probably change his tune. If he doesn’t, then you have an issue that actually has nothing to do with sex.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Millennials: What Do ‘Grown-Up Relationships’ Look Like?

by RJ Newellin LOVE

Have you seen these headlines?

‘Millennial Commitment-Phobia Threatens the Future of Love.’

‘Are Dating Apps the End of Romance?’ 

‘Love is Dead, and Millennials Killed It.’

Thanks for the laughs, Google. I wholeheartedly disagree.

While everyone is different, I believe that most Millennials do believe in love and commitment in some form or another. The fact that we’re free to feel otherwise and/or change our minds can actually strengthen our ultimate resolve to have these needs met. Millennials want joy and fulfillment in our relationships, in whatever way we feel is best for us.

Maybe that’s the key difference that’s scaring everyone. We don’t choose partners based on “whatever society says is best,” or even “what our parents think we should do.” We love in whatever way we feel is best for us.

The ways in which today’s singles ‘hunt and gather’ in relationships looks drastically different than previous generations, but that’s not necessarily new. Our parents’ love lives were different from their parents, just as their parents’ were different from their grandparents. As technology and culture jump forward, so do the ways in which we live our lives. Call it evolution, development, advancement, whatever – change can be uncomfortable for some, but it’s important.

In the 60s, ‘free love’ was said to be the end of relationships. Was it?

When women began prioritizing their education and careers, they were said to be ‘destroying traditional family values.’ Did they?

When divorce was legalized, it was an outrage. “Commitment is dead!” they said.

Fast forward to 2017: same kids, new toys. Millennials are not the first generation to shake things up, and it’s okay. Commitment phobia, ‘ghosting’ and one-night stands are not new concepts. We just have flashy new apps, websites and catchphrases for them now.

Instead of going out for milk and never coming home (as great-grandpa did back in the day), we can just press ‘block,’ ‘delete’ and then go on with our lives. It’s cheaper and safer than the old-fashioned alternatives, especially if marriage hasn’t entered the picture. Millennials aren’t forced to enter legal contracts before they’re ready (risking long-term unhappiness, family dysfunction, infidelity and more). We are free to pick and choose the kinds of relationships we actually want.

So why isn’t everyone celebrating?

As great as evolution is, these advances do make things a little more complicated.

In Scientific American, Helen Fisher (a relationship expert at Rutgers University and chief scientific advisor at Match.com) has said that she does not subscribe to the idea of a ‘relationship apocalypse.’ Instead, she describes modern dating trends as “slow love,” meaning that Millennials are taking more time to experiment and find out what they don’t want before they settle down with what they do want. 

Thanks to dating apps, we have infinitely more choices when it comes to selecting a partner. This makes love more complicated than it was for our grandparents, dating only within their own towns and cities.

If I’m offered three types of breakfast cereal to choose from, it might take five minutes to pick. But what about three hundred choices? I might be in the breakfast aisle forever.

I’m not fickle or indecisive for using multiple dating apps. Like any sensible human, I want to consider all the options before making a decision. It isn’t impulsiveness or fear that leads Millennials to jump around; it’s actually a sense of responsibility.

The behaviors we engage in are not new; our openness about them is. LGBTQ+ Americans have always been around, whether we were socially accepted or not. The gender spectrum hasn’t changed, our language for it has. Single parenthood, premarital sex, polyamory, fetishes, and infidelity are not new ideas. Neither is blaming ‘those damn kids’ for things that make us uncomfortable.

Being open about our needs has a number of positive benefits: safer sex, improved psychological health, better relationships, increased acceptance of ourselves and others, and fewer wasted years trying to hide and fit into lives that aren’t genuine. With that said…I get it. Dating is fine and dandy, but what about commitment?

In a generation that notoriously struggles to ‘adult,’ what do Grown-Up Relationships look like?

I remember sitting in the schoolyard at five years old, trying to picture myself at twenty. I imagined I’d be married, have a house, two kids and a dog. Now that twenty has come and gone, I can’t help but giggle at this outlandish fantasy. The vast majority of today’s twenty year-olds can’t afford their own rent, let alone support a family.

To understand why we most likely aren’t married (yet or ever), let’s consider some of the factors surrounding our life decisions. According to the Pew Research Center, Millennials are more educated but significantly less affluent than previous generations. Adults in their 20s and early 30s are more likely to still live with their parents; this comes not out of desire or laziness, but of need. Most of us can’t afford to throw a wedding in our twenties, let alone buy a house and start a family. While the bar for success has risen with our education, the odds for a stable career are lower than ever. Is it any wonder then, that most of us won’t marry young?

If by ‘grown up’ you mean financially stable, most of us aren’t there yet. But if maturity is a measure of emotional independence, personal commitment to improvement and working hard to attain stability – then yes, we’re all adults, here.

Millennial relationships are Grown-Up Relationships. And modern grown-ups don’t need to get married. We need love and support – and that doesn’t necessarily mean following blueprints set by our parents. Most of my Millennials friends don’t consider marriage a bad thing, but they also aren’t ready (or willing) any time soon.

I married my partner, but I am definitely not a “grown-up” with a house and two kids the way my five-year-old self had anticipated. Our world is not that of our grandparents, so today’s typical marriage looks a little different. I wouldn’t expect anyone else to make the same choices as me, or vice versa. My grown-up relationship is not your grown-up relationship, just as my  day-job is not your day-job. As Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Don’t let outdated standards determine your modern needs.

Perhaps instead of worrying that our love lives aren’t ‘mature’ by ancient standards, we can look at the big picture and accept that we are exactly where we’re supposed to be for this time in history. If you’re one of 1.8 billion Millennials navigating love in an unprecedented world, I applaud you. You’re not alone, you’re not the first, and you’re certainly not the last.

Welcome to Millennial Love. What does it mean to you?

Pubic Opinion

by Virginia Jonesin Sex

Where does your pendulum swing for body hair?

virginia jones

Recently, I was staying over with my best girlfriend and we were getting ready for a night out together, like we were in high school.  (We are not in high school, or, at least, I’m not.  I wouldn’t ask her age, because that’s rude, but she never seems to do any homework, and she drinks, so she’s either an adult or a bad student.)

“And I haven’t waxed my bush in weeks, so, you know” she said, pulling a high ponytail through an elastic, “that keeps me from going home with anyone.”

I couldn’t keep my face from scrunching up as I asked her, “What?  Why?”

“Oh, you know…”she said, “I just wouldn’t want anyone to see it like that.”

“Like what?” I asked.

“You know.  It’s a mess.”

“Well, you know,” I replied, a little annoyed, “my bush is so old-school it once beat Billie Jean King at tennis, and nobody has ever complained about it.”  She looked at me with a look of shock and disbelief, but it’s true.  I’ve been naked in front of lots of people, I mean a lot, (sorry mom), and the response to my hair has either been positive or no stated opinion, according to the exit polls.

Deforestation

Now, don’t get me wrong.  Body hair is 100% a personal decision and whatever you choose to do with it is A-OK, but there was a cultural moment when it felt compulsory- I understand that if you do sex work, deforestation is part of the uniform, but does every barista and blogger HAVE to go full Vin Diesel?  But it is, no pun intended- a touchy subject.

In the 1900’s, only art models and prostitutes (and let’s face it- many times the same people) got rid of their pubic hair, and because of this, the pre-Raphaelite artist John Ruskin was totally unprepared for his wife’s hair on their wedding night and was unable to perform sexually.  She went crying to a doctor, was told that she was perfectly normal and lovely, and left her unconsummated marriage and married another painter friend of his who thought her pubis was nice.

Pub Fashion

It’s been in vogue for so long, it seems like the Brazilian has always been the dominant geographic region affecting our areas-but the fact, Americans left their sites untouched for years and years, until the bikini was introduced in the 50’s.  The swimsuit was named after the A-bomb testing site in the Bikini Atoll, and it was like a bomb was dropped on natural bush.

In the 70’s, women burned their bras and let themselves grow free, but in the 80’s we had maillot one-pieces and Donna Karan bodysuits and women adopted the “landing strip” look- flattering for lots of fashions, but still delineating one from a prepubescent.  Hard-edged, graphic, it was probably what the ladies in the Nagel drawings had, if we ever saw a naked one. 

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