LOVE Archives - Page 31 of 36

A True Love Confession About Learning Love

January 9, 2018January 22, 2024 by Sierra Mercierin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

I have a confession, a true love confession, I want you to know that I’m learning these lessons along the way with you. I’m not a love guru, my lessons are not the answers, they’re just what’s worked for me and has helped open my life up to receiving love.

I’m also actively applying these lessons to my own relationship. I hope that you’re able to apply these lessons to your relationships, and please let me know what’s working for you, what’s not, and if there’s anything you’re seeking in love that I haven’t talked about yet. Let’s learn and love together!

Tune in next time, for more True Love Lessons, and confessions, with Sierra!

Here are 5 Resolutions to Empower Women After the #MeToo Movement

January 9, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Women’s Christmas present to America was an outburst of honesty, bravery, and a whole bunch of eye-opening truth bombs. My New Year’s resolution is to help do more to support #MeToo.

Every year in December I look back on the big things that happened that year. It’s therapeutic to reflect on my accomplishments and write my thoughts down in a journal. I make notes on how I’ve grown, what I’ve done, and how the world changed.

This year, I did a lot: I finally figured out what to do when the internet stops working at my house, I won eleven dollars on two seperate lotto scratchers (Las Vegas here I come), and finally figured out how to do sit-ups properly (they’re way harder than I thought).

But more importantly, I helped bring sexual harassment into the spotlight and take down predators who took advantage of less powerful men and women. Of course, I wasn’t alone — I joined a chorus of brave voices standing for change.

Since the New York Times reported sexual harassment allegations on Harvey Weinstein in October, women have been stepping forward in droves to name their harassers. It seems that everyone has a story they want to share: from co-workers, to parents, to friends we haven’t seen in years.

As a woman, life can be challenging. Women are often afraid for their safety and well-being, and not without reason. Studies show that one out of every six women will be a victim of attempted or completed rape within her lifetime.

But that’s not to say sexual harassment or violence is only a threat to women. Studies also show that one in ten rape victims are male and one in every thirty-three men are the victims of attempted or completed rape.

So while this certainly isn’t an exclusively female issue, women still stand as the majority of victims. This, when paired with unequal pay and rates of domestic abuse against women, makes for a grim reality.

Every woman I know has a story about being harassed or taken advantage of. But, finally, after struggling through years, nay, centuries of mistreatment and silencing, women are finally being heard. They’re being listened to, and being allowed to tell their stories.

Suddenly, employers care about reporting inappropriate behavior, about creating a better workplace, and making sure this doesn’t happen to others. The internet is filled with stories on how to fight back against harassment, how to help survivors, and even how to raise children that won’t mistreat others. It’s about time.

I’m amazed at the heroism of these women, the ones who told their stories in 2017, and every one before that. Telling the story of what was probably the worst time of your life, the most embarrassing and dehumanizing, can be incredibly challenging.

It can be even more intimidating knowing that many people might not believe you, try to discredit you, or say you have ulterior motives. Every woman who has ever stepped forward has had to face all of that. And every person who has been able to tell their story should be applauded for their bravery.

These women are helping change a generation. And while I’m so proud of everything we’ve accomplished in 2017, I want to make sure that all of this continues in 2018.

Here are some resolutions you can make this year to help continue the movement.

1. Help each other out.

I once had a friend at work who was often scheduled in shifts with an older co-worker. She was 18, and when this 30-something man starting hitting on her, she told him right away that she wasn’t interested. She expected his advances to stop, but when he started saying sexual things to her and began touching her inappropriately, she became scared.

She mentioned her problem to me one day and told me about how the man made her uncomfortable. She was new to the job and didn’t want to cause any trouble, and the man was known for being a good worker. She felt stuck.

I told her how serious this was, how what he was doing wasn’t right, and, when she was ready, I went with her to Human Resources. I waited for her as she made a written statement and told her to call me if she needed anything. Soon after, the man was let go.

If I hadn’t listened to my friend, supported her, and helped her go to HR, that guy would probably still be working there.

It’s easy to tell yourself that something is none of your business, to ignore an issue by reasoning that it’s “not your problem.” But we all have to live in this world, and staying silent helps no one. If you can help someone, do it. New employees, especially those who are young or inexperienced, might be scared or not know what to do when they encounter harassment. Helping someone might mean saving them from a nightmare.

2. See something? Say something.

While you should definitely help someone if you know they’re being harassed, it’s also important to point out anything that seems fishy.

In February 2017, a flight attendant, saved a teen from human trafficking because she felt something wasn’t right. It pays to follow your gut and call attention to whatever seems strange. Whether your friend is acting odd or your co-worker is noticeably avoiding someone, don’t ignore it. If something doesn’t seem right, it probably isn’t.

3. Stop the “it’s not so bad” mentality.

You might brush off the occasional uncomfortable interaction with someone from work. Maybe you think something’s not big enough to blow the whistle on, so you try to forget about it. But don’t let those things slide.

If someone is being inappropriate to you, they’re probably doing it to a lot of other people as well, or will do it to others in the future. Even if their actions “aren’t that bad” think about how many people he or she could be treating this way as well. If 20 people had the same “uncomfortable but not serious” interactions, that really means something. Plus, if the perpetrator thinks they can get away with inappropriate behavior, they might try something worse in the future.

Let people know when these “not so bad” incidents happen. Let your co-workers know. Even if your voice doesn’t feel very big, it can be made stronger by those around you.

4. Keep an open mind and provide a safe space.

If you’re an employer or a manager, work this year to keep an open door, have an open mind, and provide a safe space for employees to talk to you. The best thing you can do for your employees and your company is to make sure your workers are comfortable and feel safe in their workplace, which might mean dealing with some uncomfortable things.

Make sure that people feel like they can talk to you. Stay open-minded and investigate complaints. You’ll gain respect from your employees and you’ll be able to correct issues fast.

5. Talk to someone about it

The #metoo campaign was so powerful because it showed how many women were affected by sexual harassment, but it also gave women a platform to tell their stories. It encouraged women to speak up — and a woman’s voice is a powerful thing. Continue talking, telling, and listening in 2018.

These five resolutions are a great way to kick off your year. They’ll help you support the brave men and women who stepped forward to tell their stories — and help make a change. By the end of the year, I know you’ll be especially proud of all that you did in 2018.

The Difference Between Finding “The One” and “Someone”: A Note on Soulmates

January 10, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

For many, trying to find “the one” is an epic journey filled with pitfalls, quicksand, twists, turns, and lots of surprises. But if you know what to look for, the journey might surprise you.

In just a few months, I’m getting married to the perfect guy for me. We laugh together, play games together, and, even after all these years, we want to spend all our time with each other. My friends always tell me I’m so lucky to have found my soulmate, my other half, “the one.”

And while I feel blessed in my relationship, I don’t think I’m lucky because I found “the one.” I think I’m lucky because I found someone I’m compatible with, and over the years, we were able to grow together and get closer until we got to be a such a great fit. Finding “the one” isn’t a matter of finding one specific person, it’s about choosing someone who’s a good match and fostering a life-long relationship.

Romantic comedies are movies, they’re not exactly real life.

When I watch romcom movies or read fairy tales about meeting “the one,” the couple always falls in love at first sight. The two have an unbreakable bond instantly and they know they’re meant to be together. Usually the rest of the story includes outside forces keeping them apart or a long journey to find each other again, but in the end they always live happily ever after.

But that’s not how it happens in real life. Stories give many of us unrealistic ideas about love, and leave couples disappointed when finding the best partner isn’t so easy.

A relationship doesn’t just mean being the right “fit” and feeling a connection. Relationships also mean learning how to be a great partner for each other and work together as a team. Your mate’s ability to be “the one” depends as much on them as it does on you.

So, while you shouldn’t give up your search for your soulmate, you might need a new road map.

Here are some traits to look for when searching for “the one” and tips to make that relationship last forever.

1. Find someone you can disagree with… in a healthy way

So many people think that living with their partner should be a jaunty skip through a field of flowers… which is why so many couples are disappointed when the honeymoon phase ends.

No one can agree with another person completely (and all the time). To be human is to think and make decisions and have ideas. There are so many opportunities everyday to make choices, and there’s no way someone else will have all the same ideas as you.

And even if you did: dating them would probably be pretty boring.

You need to be okay with the fact that you’re going to disagree sometimes, but you should also recognize when an argument isn’t healthy.

My fiancé and I have a lot of similar ideas, but we still disagree on plenty of things — from what to eat for dinner to which color we should paint the living room. And while arguments are bound to happen, it’s important to remember to address differences with patience and understanding.

Sometimes my fiancé and I might get mad or frustrated when we don’t agree on something right away. Still, we know that it’s important to always treat each other with respect. We make it a rule to never raise our voices and to try to look at any situation from each other’s point of view.

However, if you find that you and your partner fight all the time, you don’t feel listened to, and you’re often frustrated with your communication, it might not make for a lasting relationship. Either seek professional help, or recognize that maybe this isn’t the right person for you.

2. Find someone with similar long-term goals

One important part of a relationship is priorities. No matter how well you get along, or how much you love each other, if your giant, ride-or-die, lifelong priorities don’t line up, it’s probably not going to work out in the long run.

Of course, in any relationship, you’re going to need to compromise. But in order to be truly happy together, you shouldn’t compromise too much on the big things. Remember: there are plenty of people out there, and if you’re going to make a relationship last forever, you’re allowed to be picky with the big things. The key is to be realistic in your search without settling too much.

One great thing to do, if you’re wondering if your partner is really your best match, is to make a list of long-term, super important, priorities for yourself. You should have two, or maybe three, tops. These are things that you’ve always dreamed about doing and could never, in a million years, live without. Have your partner make a list too, and compare.

For my fiancé and I, we both want to travel and both would like to have a family. While nobody can agree on every little thing in life, it’s important to us that we have similar opinions in the places that count.

If you’ve always dreamed of having kids, and your partner is actively against children, no matter what happens, one of you is going to end up severely disappointed. Neither of you deserve that.

Keep in mind: it’s okay if your lists don’t look exactly the same. One of you can be super into the idea of having kids while the other has always dreamed about becoming a doctor, but as long as they don’t directly conflict, you can probably work it out.

Everything has some wiggle room for the right person. If your partner’s education means putting off kids for a few years, or vice versa, keep an open mind.

3. Look for similarities in spirit, rather than interests

In an era when it’s so easy to “swipe left” when someone doesn’t listen to the right music or like the same movies, remember that interests and hobbies aren’t as important as personality.

My fiancé and I met in our high school theater class and, at the time, we were both interested in plays and music. While having common interests may have helped us bond in the beginning, since then, we’ve both developed other hobbies. Recently, he’s gotten into taking improv classes while I’ve been more interested in literature, but we’re still as compatible as ever.

Similarly, you don’t need to find someone who shares your love of rock climbing or needle point. In fact, it can be beneficial to have different hobbies. What really matters is that you have complimentary personalities and a similar spirit. It’s not a common hobby that sustains a relationship, it’s your personalities.

Think of it this way: if you love watching football but your partner isn’t a huge fan, that’s okay. It’s more important to find someone with the same sense of humor as you or someone you can talk to easily. Those things are much more important than sharing an interest in sports.

Focus your interests on finding someone with a complementary personality. Hobbies come and go, but attitude is forever.

4. Find someone that accepts your faults and celebrates your successes

Support is incredibly important in any relationship. It helps you and your partner feel like a team, and lets you know that you have someone to depend on. For a long term partner, find someone who supports you through the good and bad. And practice supporting them too.

For me, it’s so important when my fiancé supports my education. While he might not know exactly what a certain class is about, or how important one particular paper is, he’s so supportive of everything I’m excited about, and comforts me whenever I’m feeling down about a class that’s giving me trouble.

Of course, you might not understand your significant other’s work drama, and maybe he or she doesn’t realize how important it is that you got into the robot-building championships. Still, you both root for each other and show your support. Whether it’s sitting in the front row of a tournament your honey is playing in, or being a shoulder to cry on when things get tough, being supportive (and getting support) will help your relationship go the distance.

The search for your ideal partner isn’t like in the movies. It’s not about covering as much land and meeting as many people until you find that perfect-incredible-super-wonderful person. It’s more about finding someone great and going on a journey together.

With these tips, you’ll find that special person to create a life with and, hopefully, you’ll see each other as soulmates too.

You can read more stories like this such as How to Win at Online Dating and Spot Your Soulmate in a Crowd.

Saving on Your Wedding: The Best Money-Saving Tips from a Poor Grad Student

January 19, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

It’s no secret that weddings can get expensive, but you don’t have to empty your savings to fund the day of your dreams.

It’s no secret that wedding costs have gotten a little out of hand. Every time I watch Say Yes to the Dress I’m shocked at how much people will spend on a single gown. Each time I see Four Weddings I gawk at the priciest events, wondering who has that kind of money.

And the truth is, the amount you spend on your wedding doesn’t really matter in the long run. How tall the cake is doesn’t say anything about how big your hearts are and the length of your train doesn’t show how much you love each other.

Still, weddings are expensive even if you’re not going for a luxury wedding. Costs add up and even the most basic features can really drain your bank account.

I realized first-hand how pricey weddings can get when I began planning ours, and as a poor grad student. The only way we could make it work was to use my money-saving skills to keep the big day reasonable. I learned a lot about what corners to cut and how to save a few bucks, and in the end, I found a great balance.

Here are my 8 best life-hacks for saving money on your wedding and still having the day of your dreams.

1. Before you do anything else, take account of what you have

First things first: decide on what you need and what you already have.

From flowers, to wedding favors, to your dress, to centerpieces, things can really add up. However, you might not need to spend full-price on every item on your list. Doing some things yourself (instead of using a vendor) can save you a lot of money. But be careful… sometimes DIY can end up being even more expensive. The secret is to use what you’ve got.

I’m pretty crafty and I have a lot of friends that drink wine. So, I looked online for instructions on how to take the label off of empty wine bottles and how to paint them. Then I stuck some flowers in the bottles, added some tea candles, and boom, centerpieces: done.

But maybe you’re really good at baking and can make your own “cookie bar” for dessert at your reception. Or maybe you’re great at sewing and could do the alterations on your dress, or even make the whole thing.

I knew a woman whose family owned honeybees and they gave little jars of honey to wedding guests as favors. It was cute and personal, and cheaper than a comparable wedding favor.

Don’t be afraid to be creative and use what you have.

2. Reach out to friends for help.

When I first started planning my wedding, I wished I had friends in the industry. I thought it would be easier to hire people I trusted, rather than just depending on Yelp reviews to find all my vendors.

As it turned out, I did know some people in the industry, but I had to dig for them. I knew a girl in college who was starting a business as a wedding coordinator. Since she was a friend and just starting to do weddings, I got a serious discount when I hired her. Plus, I got someone I trusted to help me plan the big day.

Later on, I realized through Facebook that another old friend had a floral business. I got a great deal on some beautiful florals and got to connect with an old pal.

Then, I remembered my cousin used to take calligraphy classes. As a wedding gift, she helped me address my invitations, and they looked incredible.

Look up old friends on social media and ask around, you never know who’ll you’ll find.

3. Know which kinds of shops you’re going into. If they give you champagne… run.

I started my dress search at a cute boutique. The shop had lovely decorations and beautiful, sparkly dresses on display all over the place. When I walked in I was given champagne and shown into a giant dressing room. It was such a great experience…until I saw price tags.

Remember that some shops are “premium” shops, with premium prices. You might enjoy the fancy look and the royalty treatment of some stores… but you’ll pay for it.

I ended up looking for more hole-in-the-wall bridal salons near me. It was less like going to Tiffany’s and more like going to a neighborhood jeweler… but it was worth it. I paid a low price for a dress I loved, which is something I wouldn’t have gotten at the glitzier place.

Know what kind of shops you’re going into. If you want to try out one of the fancier salons for the experience, go for it. But don’t think those five thousand dollar dresses are your only option. Also don’t think they won’t have the same dress for a smaller price at another shop.

And when it comes down to it, just remember, you’ll only wear this dress for the one day. While you might want to look perfect, how you feel on that day, and the love you share with your partner, are much more important than what you wear. Your smile and the way you look at your spouse, will make you look perfect no matter what you’re wearing.

4. Use a friend as an officiant.

Usually, the services of a priest or rabbi will only require a donation to the church, but most officiants can cost around $500-$800.

You might need a certain officiant based on your religion, but if not, think about getting a friend to do it. It only costs about $20 to $40 to get ordained online and you could end up having a really great officiant who knows you both really well.

It could make your ceremony as special and unique as your relationship.

5. Forget about the extra flowers.

Do you need flowers on the aisle seats? No. Do you need flowers on the table where people collect their name cards? No.

Look, flowers are expensive and all those extra arrangements can really add up. Many people spend at least five thousand on their flowers…and for many of us, that’s just not realistic.

See if a florist can do an à la carte service for you: just the bouquets and boutineers. It will cover what you need but will also keep your bill low.

As for decorating the ceremony and reception space, you can find some lanterns for cheap online or put together some cute pictures (in fancy frames) of you and your spouse on tables. Don’t be afraid to stray from those traditional flowers: it might end up making your decor even more special and personal.

6. Skip the photo booth: it’s a downgrade no one will notice.

Photo booths are a fun way to get your guests feeling wacky and it gives them a fun party favor to put on their fridge. But photo booths are super expensive, so what do you do?

Try to apply the same idea to something less pricey. Your guests will have just as much fun posing with props in front of a cool background. Put up a poster or some balloons and set out some fun hats and accessories. Or even put disposable cameras on tables. People will have fun posing and posting their pics and it won’t break your bank.

7. Ask for vendors instead of gifts from your close family.

Trust me: you can totally go without that pressure cooker you put on the registry. Or at least, you can wait until after the honeymoon to go get it yourself.

One great way to get the wedding of your dreams is to ask your close family and friends for a special wedding gift: something you can enjoy on the day. Ask your sister for the gift of the bridal bouquet (which usually costs about $100-$150) or ask your aunt for an hour or two of music from a DJ.

Most close friends and family will probably spend about $100 on your wedding present, and if you think they’re close enough, or not too traditional about gift-giving, ask for part of your wedding to be their gift. You get to save money, you won’t end up with eighteen sets of silverware, and your guest doesn’t have to wrap anything: win-win-win!

8. Make it a rule: no plus ones.

When I first made my invite list, I made a rule: no plus ones.

I know this can be unpopular, but plus ones are expensive and if you’re on a budget, this should be the first thing on your chopping block.

Your cousin might be upset that he or she can’t bring a date, but you probably don’t want some stranger (or someone you don’t know very well) at your wedding anyway.

Of course, if your guest is married, invite their spouse for sure. Or, if your best friend has had this boyfriend or girlfriend for many years, consider inviting their mate. Just don’t spend money on a random date someone scraped up for your event.

Weddings can be expensive, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up on your dreams of having your ideal day. Use these tips to save money in style, and save up for that honeymoon!

7 Love Lessons I Learned from the Amazon Show “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel”

January 26, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin LOVE, Mind, RELATIONSHIPS, Wellness

Did you fall in love with the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel too? I sure did.

After Mad Men ended, it seemed like we were left with a void of really good 1950s and ‘60s period shows.

Personally, I love the era and was excited to see The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, a show on Amazon that fit the bill. It premiered around the holidays and I never followed up with watching it. However, once it won a couple Golden Globes earlier this year, I was intrigued.

Here are seven love lessons I learned from the show. *Warning* Spoilers ahead.

1. Love yourself first.

Miriam “Midge” Maisel was a typical 1950s housewife, mid-20s, two children and a husband. She’s highly educated (Bryn Mawr) and was raised Jewish in the Upper West Side in New York City.

On the surface, her life seemed perfect. However, what struck a chord with me the most was how Midge couldn’t even get a good night’s sleep. She literally had to wait until her husband Joel fell asleep to creep into the bathroom and remove her makeup.

She then had to make sure she woke up before him to put the entire “face” back on before he woke up. It made me realize how important it is to love yourself first, that your significant other needs to see you, no makeup, bedhead and all. That is what true love is.

2. Love your career, even if it scares you.

Night after night of watching her husband bomb in stand-up comedy at a local café, Midge supported her significant other by bringing beef brisket to get him on stage at an earlier time.

She was meticulous about taking notes on Joel’s routine and it’s clear how much she enjoyed comedy. It wasn’t until he left her that she drunkenly headed to the same café and absolutely killed it in her own improv stand-up act.

Throughout the series, viewers see her fears combined with her “You know what, I actually don’t give a damn” attitude that made her rise to the top.

I personally chose freelance writing and teaching piano as a career path and it is scary. he money’s not the best and neither are the hours. That being said, it is a career I truly adore. I can’t imagine doing anything else now.

3. Love your co-workers.

When I worked full-time at a newspaper, I was overly cautious about my co-workers, particularly females—not Midge Maisel though.

When she gets a job at a department store makeup counter post-separation from her husband, she found a group of true female friends who support each other every step of the way. I learned that loving your co-workers is a great way to form a certain camaraderie. Support is so important, especially in this day and age.

4. Love life.

Midge didn’t take life too seriously, and that’s what made her so likeable. No matter what life brings your way, it’s important to remember to laugh at it sometimes.

Midge ended up breaking up with her partner, moved in with her parents and figured out life on her own for the first time at 26. I’ve always imagined I love life, but after watching Mrs. Maisel it is just reiterated it even more now. Loving life is so important. After all, we only get one chance.

5. Love your parents, they only want what’s best for you.

If you think your parents are meddling, just wait until you watch Midge’s. As much as I began to remember the times growing up where my own parents seemed to be prying, I also recalled how much they love me. They sacrificed so much for my four siblings and me and I know, just like Rose and Abe, Midge’s mother and father, they only want what’s best for me.

6. Love your heritage.

Midge was raised Jewish and while she often used her background as fodder for her comedy routine, she loved the heritage that made her who she was. It took until the very end of the season for her to finally use her real name, a decision she struggled with until the very end.

I learned that no matter what others say about the way I was raised, or my Catholic background, you name it, it is important to love your background. Also, as crazy as my last name is, I embrace it because it makes me unique and reminds me of my Ukrainian roots.

7. Love your city.

Midge just adored New York City, her hometown. The show did a wonderful job showing the city circa the late ‘50s.

I live in Washington, D.C. and sometimes I forget to take advantage of the gorgeous city I reside in. I realize now how much I need to be more like Midge and truly love my city. It’s important to get out and enjoy your local bars and restaurants and community events.

Often, I feel like life in my city sometimes passes me by when the weekend comes along, as I’m often too tired or lazy to get up and do something.

Amazon’s new show about a 1950s housewife has a lot of love lessons.

The winter can be a great time for binge watching a new show. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel is a wonderful new addition to Amazon’s show list. Not only is it entertaining, the show has a lot of lessons on love and life.

Interested in reading about a real-life standup comedian and her take on television? Check out this piece.

10 Signs Of A Healthy Relationship According To Experts

January 28, 2018January 22, 2024 by Meg Scanlonin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Need expert advice on love? We got you.

Meeting someone you really care for is fun and exciting. You want to make sure your relationship is a mutually fulfilling and stable one. But how do you know it’s healthy for sure?

As much as advice from our friends or family may help, an impartial and experienced perspective might give your relationship the check-up it actually needs.

Here are 10 signs of a healthy relationship according to various experts:

1. You completely trust each other.

According to psychiatrist Abigail Brenner, M.D, “Trust means that you believe that your partner has what it takes to weather the storms of life and come through them standing by your side.”

You know that your partner is there for you, through the good and the bad. You love and respect each other throughout life’s ups and downs. She adds, “Trust implies the unshakable confidence that no matter what happens, your partner will remain loyal to you and the relationship, will honor their commitments, will not lie, and will remain open to working out whatever difficulties arise.”

Ultimately, you both have each other’s backs.

2. You make room for each other’s dreams.

As much as we want to create a shared life together, it is still very important to maintain or own goals and dreams. Not doing so can lead to problems down the road. Often times couples initially put aside some of their individual goals to build a life together.

“Partners who respect and support those buried desires want them to happen,” says Dr. Randi Gunther, a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor. “They know that some of their relationship priorities may have to be rescheduled, and the resources to make that happen must be willingly reallocated.”

A great relationship means knowing your partner believes in you and wants you to fulfil your hopes and dreams.

3. You speak your mind.

Devon Corneal, writer for RealSimple states, “Relationships thrive when couples can express themselves freely and honestly. That means no topic is off limits, and you both feel heard. Consistent communication is vital to building a lasting life together.”

That being said, it is always done tactfully and respectfully. You want your partner to know what you are thinking and where you are coming from dso that they can truly know you.

4. You fight fair.

Conflict is a normal part of any close relationship. But it is how you handle it and how you treat each other during the conflict that matters most. Using it as a way to resolve the issue and move forward is one of the best signs of a healthy relationship.

“A good relationship is one where the two of you fight fair. In other words, you don’t curse, scream, talk down to each other or dismiss each other,” says relationship expert Dr. Terri Orbuch.

5. You accept each other’s imperfections.

No one is perfect, and expecting perfection from your partner is toxic. You are realistic about your expectations of others.

“No guy or girl will be able to put you first 100 percent of the time. No partner will be willing to stay up late on every single work night just to talk to you about life. No significant other can always drop what they’re doing to be available when you need them,” reflects Marisa Donnelly, author and poet.

We have to be able to cut our partner slack and accept that they will not always react perfectly. They will make mistakes and let us down at times.

She adds, “Real love is not about holding out for the perfect person or finding someone who meets all the criteria on your list. Real love is about finding an imperfect person and building a messy, beautiful love.”

6. You are kind to each other.

“Nothing is more important than treating the person you love with care, consideration, empathy, and appreciation,” says Devon Corneal.

You treat your partner with the same kindness and generosity as your best friends and close family members. You find yourself doing this because you want to, not out of obligation.

7. You have similar values.

“Ideally, you’re on the same page about key life issues — family values, raising children, religious and spiritual life, even politics. Having a similar way of looking at life creates a shorthand way to relate to each on important issues” suggests Dr. Abigail Brenner.

You aren’t the same in every way, but you are on the same page about the important things in life. This helps you plan for accomplishing life goals together and on the same timeline.

8. You keep your promises.

You keep your word and your partner trusts that you will. You keep your promise even if you partner will not find out if you broke it.

“When you experience true love, your moral conscience becomes very strong when it comes to this one special person,” says writer Elizabeth Arthur at Love Panky.

You also don’t say you will do something you have no intention of doing just to keep the peace. You say what you mean and mean what you say.

9. You value each other’s individuality and boundaries.

Dr. Abigail Brenner states, “Our individual differences should never be seen as being “less than” someone else’s, but as opportunities to gain a new perspective. A healthy relationship nurtures and embraces each of our special qualities.”

This also means you spend time apart to focus on your own interests. You understand that you each need time alone and with your own friends.

10. You feel really happy.

“Just watching this special person smile or laugh out loud fills you with intense happiness, even if you’re suffering or having a hard day,” notes Elizabeth Arthur.

You enjoy each other’s company and brighten each other’s day. You both can’t wait to share good news with each other and fill them in on what is happening in your life.

When you see these signs of a healthy relationship, 10 out of 10 experts would agree: you’re in a loving partnership.

The road to love may be difficult at times, but that’s to be expected. Keeping good and optimistic advice on your mind may not only make the journey a bit smoother, but also more rewarding. Who doesn’t want that?

For more articles about lasting love, check out “True Love Lessons from Sierra: Be Yourself” and “20 Relationship Memes That Will Give You All The Feels If You’re In Love.”

Five Journaling Exercises To Help You Accept Compliments From Others

January 29, 2018January 22, 2024 by Freya Shipleyin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Many women have a hard time with compliments. These journaling exercises may help.

When a colleague says something nice, we may automatically contradict her (“Are you hammered? I’ve gained four pounds this month.”) or deflect it (“My team members did the real work.”) or sometimes we get all flustered and awkwardly try to force the compliment back on the giver. (Them: “You’re one of the most enchanting women I’ve ever met.” Me: “No, you are!”)

Even when we respond “correctly” by thanking the person, not arguing or dissing ourselves, or visibly writhing, in our hearts we may still discount the positive words. “He wouldn’t say that if he really knew me,” you may think.

There are reasons for the way we respond to compliments, most of them related to the ways girls are taught to handle power, status, and confidence in social situations.

I’m not going to tell you that you should never argue or deflect. But sometimes the problem comes down to our own self-esteem and the critical voices in our heads. When that happens, it’s worth taking a fresh look at old patterns that may be holding us back.

The following five journalling exercises can help you become more aware of your habitual responses to compliments.

Why journaling? Your first goal is to just notice what’s going on for you: not to critique or correct anything. (You can move on to that later if you decide to.) Journaling is a private way to do that while being kind to yourself.

And as you try the following journaling exercises, keep these things in mind:

You can do these practices in any order.
Each one will take at least 15 minutes to complete.
Claim some quiet time and space to make sure you won’t be interrupted.
Try to write without editing.

Ready? Here we go:

1. Experiment with acceptance.

Write down a meaningful compliment for yourself. It can be something someone else said to you, or it can come from you. Write it down. Imagine accepting it as authentic truth: what would that feel like? Is there resistance? Write about the feelings that come up, both positive and negative.

Pick someone who admires you and describe yourself from their point of view. If you finding your “voice” in this exercise is difficult, pretend you’re a novelist writing as a character. Keep your pen or cursor moving for the whole time, no matter what. What did you learn by seeing yourself through someone else’s eyes?

3. Use the power of projection.

Write down three things you admire about someone you know. For instance, I wrote about my friend, saying: “I love Pamela’s creative imagination, her elegance, and her authority.” Now set a timer for five minutes, and write about how those same three qualities manifest in you. Be specific. No stopping or editing allowed.

Everything that we see out in the world is a projection of something that exists inside us. If you didn’t have those great characteristics in you, you wouldn’t be able to see them in anyone else.

4. Be mindful of unconscious habits.

Focus your attention on that split second when you’ve just been complemented, and you’re about to react. What automatic thoughts and feelings come up? Is there shame there? Fear? Anxiety? Stay with that moment for a while. Write down your discoveries.

When I did this journaling exercise, I realized that I often contradict compliments because I’m scared of seeming cocky. I’m worried that if I sound too confident, somebody will demand that I prove my worth on the spot or else be judged an arrogant fake.

5. Start a “compliment collection.”

Each time you get a compliment, write it down. You can also keep track of how you responded, especially if you’re working on changing that. This practice is valuable if you’re the kind of person (like me) who instantly forgets compliments. Some demon in my brain believes I have no right to them, so it flings them away. Instead of arguing or deflecting, I just erase.

True story: I recently finished a month-long intensive storytelling workshop. We ended with a lovely exercise where we took turns being showered with genuine praise and appreciation from the group. I was so thrilled and moved and honored by people’s feedback on my work, I actually cried.

Yet a half hour later, I couldn’t have told you what a single one of those comments was.

A compliment is a gift of human connection: one person taking the time to hold the mirror up to another person’s worth.

That’s something that each of us deserves. As you try these journaling exercises, use them as opportunities to remind yourself about that.

For more self-care techniques beyond journaling exercises, check out eight more ways you can spend time appreciating you. And don’t take our word for it — Brie Larson also has some great advice on this!

When Is The Right Time to Move In With a Partner?

January 31, 2018January 22, 2024 by Rae Meghanin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

How soon is too soon?

“I’m moving in with him!”

My excitement didn’t seem to matter to most. I was “living” in Boston at the time, and I use the term “living” very loosely, as I was journeying to Rhode Island every night to see my boyfriend anyway. It made sense to move in. But we had only been dating for two months.

“Wow, that was fast.”

I heard again and again. I would tell people, and they would respond with either this phrase, or would just give me an insane amount of side-eye. Our friend group was already throwing a lot of shade our way for dating in the first place, and this decision didn’t exactly help our cause.

What they didn’t understand was that yes, of course we were in love and wanted to spend every night together, but also why should I be paying rent for a room that I’m never in, when I could be paying less to live somewhere I’m already at every night anyway? It was the logical next step. And while some judged, plenty other friends supported and understood our decision.

In other circumstances, though, when is too soon? If you already live in the same city, does it make sense? According to a survey conducted by Rent.com, 37% of people say that six months to a year is the appropriate waiting time before moving in with a partner. However, more than 18% of the sample said that a couple shouldn’t move in until after marriage.

It all depends on how comfortable you are in a relationship. If you’re vibing well, and can see a future together, then it makes sense to move in sooner rather than later. If a partner is still skeptical after a few years, then maybe the relationship isn’t built to last.

Money is an issue to consider as well.

My two best couple friends have been together for over five years now, and while they spend most of their time at one of their houses, they haven’t officially moved in together. Their plan is to save up enough money while living with their parents, in order to be able to get their own apartment together in a nice part of town. The two of them are taking their time and planning their future in an economically feasible way.

My circumstance also mostly came down to money. While in Boston, I was paying $800 plus utilities for my room alone. In Rhode Island, the two-bedroom apartment I ended up moving into was about $825 plus utilities, split between me, my boyfriend, and our roommate. Each of us are now paying $275, which is about $400 utilities included. This plus my daily train fare to the city is still cheaper than my entire rent would be in Boston.

And of course, the idea of spending all of your time with your partner is important too. My partner and I were best friends before we started dating, so I had already spent a good amount of time staying at his place. We already knew we worked well together in a living situation. I was even already helping with chores around the house. There were no doubts going into it.

Sometimes it just makes sense.

Whether the reasons are monetary, distance, or even just because you want more time with your loved one, it truly is a person-by-person basis that determines whether or not you’re ready to make that step. My partner and I quickly realized that the judgements from others didn’t matter. It was about us and what made us happiest.

Moving in together is ultimately a great way of telling whether or not your significant other is the right person for you. It’s a nice feeling to be able to come home and see your person every night, not having to worry about a lonely night in ever again. The best part about all of it is the fact that you get to spend more time with your S.O., and isn’t that what a couple ultimately wants?

How To Show Love By Making a Difference This Valentine’s Day

February 1, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, Mind, Wellness

Trying to give back this year? Here are some great ways to show your community some love on Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day is all about love, relationships, and romance. It can be so much fun, but it can get a little cliché too. Okay, okay, it can get a lot cliché.

If you’re in a long term relationship, you might not feel like doing the traditional chocolate-and-flowers-thing every single year, and if you’re living the single life, Valentine’s might feel like one giant eye roll.

This year, why not consider celebrating Valentine’s in a different way?

While so many of us get into the giving spirit during December, most people forget to give back during the rest of the year. Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to help your the community and show love to those who need it the most.

Whether you’re celebrating being single, or you’re looking for an original date idea for you and your beau, these ways to give back on Valentine’s will surely warm your heart, and make someone’s else’s holiday much brighter too.

1. Your date isn’t the only one who likes flowers. Help brighten a room at a nursing home.

In college, I helped plan a Valentine’s Day event with lots of balloons, flowers, and so much pizza. Of course, at the end of the night we were left with a giant mess, but we were told to save the centerpieces.

Someone on the party planning committee had the idea to pack up all the flowers and send them to the local retirement community. It sounded like a good idea until I found out that it was my job to put the vases filled in boxes and wake up early the next day to drive them over.

When I got there, I expected to unload the boxes and be on my way, but one of the women at the front desk stopped me. She said they didn’t have anywhere to put them in the lobby, and I’d have to drop off the flowers to the individual rooms.

Honestly, I didn’t want to pass them out, I didn’t know anyone in the hospital and I wasn’t in the mood to socialize, but the moment I shuffled into the first bedroom, I knew how important it was to do just that.

I met a lot of seniors who weren’t doing well, who were sick and lonely, and I loved dropping off some flowers to brighten their day. Plus, most residents really appreciated getting to talk to someone new, and knowing that I had made their morning a little better really made my Valentine’s Day.

This year, consider bringing a stranger flowers. You don’t have to throw a party to find some florals, but you also don’t have to break the bank getting bouquets. You can get involved with a charity like Random Acts of Flowers, and pass out flowers as a team. Or, if you want to fly solo, any stores have Valentine’s Day arrangements on sale on the 15th, and picking some up and bringing them to your local retirement home or hospital will make any resident feel special.

2. Everyone Deserves a Valentine’s Day Card

While passing out florals might sound nice, maybe flowers just aren’t your thing. Instead, you might consider making a few cards.

I adore Valentine’s cards: they were so much fun to collect in elementary school and now I love getting sweet cards from my fiancé every year. But these Valentine’s cards don’t have to stop with people you know. The My Golden Valentine project has been making a difference by writing cards for people who may not have many people around for the holiday.

This year, they’re hoping to deliver 10,000 cards to assisted living and nursing homes in North Dakota and Nebraska. That’s a lot of love!

But even even if you’re not in the North Dakota/Nebraska area, don’t think you can’t get involved. You can write your own cards and deliver them to your local nursing home. Plus, you can make an event out of it by inviting friends to write cards and watch Valentine’s-themed movies. Or, if you have kids or young nieces and nephews, this could make for a great kid-friendly Valentine’s activity.

3. Bring Valentine’s Day to your local children’s hospital

On Valentine’s Day, kids should be in school making hearts out of construction paper for their parents, but many kids are missing out.

This Valentine’s, you can make a difference by volunteering at your local children’s hospital or joining a toy drive. I used to volunteer in a children’s hospital, talking to long-term patients and keeping them company. It was so rewarding, but there are so many other ways to get involved too.

One barber shop has worked hard for more than a decade to collect stuffed monkeys to give to children in hospitals and children who have been neglected.

Something as simple as a stuffed monkey can brighten a child’s day and make them feel special on Valentine’s.

So, whether you’re donating toys or if you plan to get more involved with a hospital, like with the CHOC Children’s Hospital volunteer program, your effort could mean a lot to a child in need of some Valentine’s spirit.

4. Show your love to some furry friends.

One of my favorite places to volunteer is at animal shelters. Come on, what better way to spend your time than with cute, lovable animals?

And the animals, and the shelters, really appreciate your effort.

There are so many animals that don’t have homes and they need a lot of love, so shelters often depend on volunteers to help show love to those pups and kitty-cats.

Celebrate V-Day by taking a shelter dog for a walk or playing with some animals at your local rescue. These furry friends will appreciate your attention, and who knows, maybe you’ll fall in love and bring one home as a Valentine’s Day gift to yourself.

5. Donate Blood

This gives a whole other meaning to “heart day.” While romance might get your blood pumping, donating blood can help you show love to the people who need it.

Of course, at first I was squeamish about giving blood, but I’ve found that it is totally worth it to know that you are making a difference. Plus, it’s the perfect way to celebrate Valentine’s Day.

It doesn’t take long to donate, it costs nothing to do, and you get a cookie out of the deal. And hey, you deserve some extra sweets on Valentine’s Day! Check out blood drives near you, The Red Cross is always out and about, and could be hosting a blood drive near you!

6. Give a gift that really means something

For me, the hardest part of Valentine’s Day isn’t finding something to do, it’s finding the right gift. I always get something for my fiancé, but I also like to get something for my mom, and who could forget my BFF (gotta celebrate Galentine’s Day!)

I would usually end up buying a few trinkets and maybe a picture frame or two, but I know that a lot of these presents were ending up just being clutter.

This year, make a pact with your sweetie or your best pals to get each other a donation to each other’s favorite charities. It will mean a lot to the charity, and you’ll feel good doing it.

Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to get involved in your community and show your love to those who will need it the most. With these six ideas, your Valentine’s Day will be as memorable, and meaningful as ever.

Show Us What #LoveIs To Win A Love TV Membership!

February 2, 2018January 22, 2024 by Sarah Burrisin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

We want to know what #LoveIs!

We’re so excited to announce that we’ve partnered with PicsArt for a Valentine’s Day photo editing challenge! You can now use the colorful and sparkling LOVE TV stickers to start spreading the love through the #LOVETVchallenge.

You start by taking a photo that shows us what love means to you. Declare your love for your sweetheart and show us what that looks like in a photograph.

But it doesn’t have to just be your girlfriend, boyfriend, partner or undeclared aspirational love. Do you love your pets? Love your mom or your sister? Tell us about loving your best friend. Show us what you do every day to express your love to those around you or to your community. Do you love the weather, the sunshine, or the beach? Do you love your favorite coffee shop, bar, or park bench?

Show us everything that you love and tell us why you love it and you just might win a free LOVE TV membership.

Submit your love images to the challenge in PicsArt and the top 10 edits (as chosen by LOVE TV) will be featured on their site and social channels. Share your submissions using #LOVETVchallenge #LoveIs and #PicsArt.

Visit our #LoveIs challenge page on Picsart to learn more and show us your love!

Also, be sure to check out the details and fine print below.

Details

Enter your love edits from 2/2-2/9.
Use your own photos or #FreeToEdit images on PicsArt to create an edit that fits the LOVE TV challenge theme.
Submissions are limited to three entries per user.
Voting for the challenge will take place 2/10-2/12.
Winners will be announced on Valentine’s Day, 2/14.

Fine Print

The Challenge closes at X PT on February 9th.
Winners must be 18+ to claim prize.
Winners will receive the following — 1st place- 1 Year Membership to LTV; 2nd place 6 Month Membership to LTV; 3rd place- 3 Month Membership to LTV; 7th-10th place -1 Month Memberships to LTV.
Winners acknowledge that in claiming their prize, they will be sharing their personal information with PicsArt and LOVE TV.
Winners will be contacted via email or direct message and will have 10 days to claim their prize.

10 Creative Proposal Ideas Just In Time For Valentine’s Day

February 3, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin DATING ADVICE, LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

If your wish is for a completely untraditional proposal, you’ll want to read these 10 ideas for some inspiration.

If you’re thinking of popping the question this Valentine’s Day, you’ll want to read up on these creative proposal ideas.

There’s nothing better than being completely surprised by a marriage proposal. These ideas make for a memorable moment in the history of your partner and you. Taking the next step in your relationship is huge, why not make it special?

For couples who want a completely creative proposal experience, here are 10 one-of-a-kind wedding proposal ideas.

1. Use your furry loved one.

If your significant other and you own a dog or cat, tie the ring on a ribbon on their collar. Use one of those chalkboard signs like this cute bone-shaped one to write “Will you marry me?” on it. You can also design a pet-sized t-shirt that pops the question. I’m hoping our adorable English bulldog is how my boyfriend chooses to propose to me someday.

2. Hide the ring in a new article of clothing.

Set up the scene for a typical date night with a fancy twist—make dinner reservations or maybe get tickets to a musical. Here’s the twist—get your partner a new piece of clothing.

One of my best friends did this for his wife. He bought her a dress with pockets and laid it out for her before seeing the opera. She, being a woman who loves pockets on a dress, instantly stuck her hands in them and boom—there was the ring. Cue the awws!

3. Take out an ad in the newspaper.

As a journalist, I just swoon over this idea. Take out an ad in the newspaper and pitch a morning of croissants and coffee at your favorite park. Watch the surprise of your loved one as they find an ad that says “will you marry me?”

4. Use those glow-in-the-dark star stickers from your childhood.

Remember those glowing stars you used in your bedroom as a child? Spell out “WILL U MARRY ME?” on your ceiling or a wall. Take your significant other into a room, turn out the lights and make them look up. Grab some champagne and toast “underneath” the stars.

5. Create a custom puzzle.

I love making custom gifts for the holidays. This site has the opportunity to create a customized puzzle. Make it say “Marry me?” with your favorite picture of you two. Give it as a birthday or holiday gift. Wait until the perfect snowy or rainy afternoon comes up and suggest putting it together. Watch your future fiancé’s face light up as he or she begins to read what the puzzle says.

6. Channel Love Actually.

Everyone’s favorite holiday movie actually has the perfect proposal idea that’s glaring us all right in the face. Grab some poster board and channel Mark pining over Juliet with his message while “carolers” played.

This one works especially well if you live separately. Knock on your love’s door and get ready for some serious happy tears.

7. Use your partner’s co-workers or students.

I used to love watching The Office and thought that Jim and Pam’s wedding scene was tear-jerkingly perfect.

See if you can get your partner’s co-workers or students (if they’re a teacher), for a line dance or special proposal reveal. I’m not going to lie either, I still entertain the idea of making my future bridal party do a “Forever”-style dance down the aisle!

8. Grab a cereal box.

Remember the prizes inside cereal boxes you used to covet as a kid? This one is super cute—stuff the ring at the bottom of a cereal box and ask for help getting the prize out over breakfast one morning. Try not to give away how excited you are!

9. For TV fanatics, use Stranger Things

This one is definitely for the tech-savvy. You know how Joyce Byers had her ABC wall of holiday lights to communicate with Will? Set a similar one up and make it say “Marry me?” Chance are your Netflix-obsessed loved one will say yes in a heartbeat.

10. Breakfast in bed.

This may seem so simple and sweet but getting creative with food is always a fun idea. You can use blueberries atop fluffy pancakes to spell “WILL U MARRY ME?” or use bacon too if you’ve got a meat-loving significant other.

Use creative and unique ideas to propose this Valentine’s Day.

Sometimes, it seems like every fun proposal idea is taken. You’ve seen every down-on-one-knee, flowers in hand, perfect scene.

To wow your partner, try something new like these 10 unique proposal ideas that will make the day you get engaged one to remember.

Wondering if you’ll change your name after getting engaged? Check out this piece on changing your name after you’re married.

Valentine’s Day Is Great, But Here Are My Favorite Ways to Show Love All Year Round

February 5, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin DATING ADVICE, LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

On a mission to set my marriage up for success, I’ve made a plan to bring Valentine’s Day to every month.

I’ve always loved Valentine’s Day.

As a kid, I always looked forward to collecting paper Valentine’s Day (especially the ones that came with candy or temporary tattoos). As I got older, I loved going out for special dates and getting spoiled with gifts or flowers. Plus, no matter what my age or relationship status, I’ve always looked forward to the day after Valentine’s Day when I can score all the half-priced candy.

All around, it’s a good holiday in my book.

And yet, I’m always left wanting more. Not to say that the holiday is disappointing, but I wish that Valentine’s Day didn’t end so quickly. I want to celebrate my relationship, and have an excuse to do something special, all year long.

This year is my fiancé and my last Valentine’s Day as a unmarried couple, and as our wedding gets closer, we want to do everything we can to set our marriage up for success. So, we’ve been focusing on bringing the spirit of Valentine’s Day to every part of the year and practicing showing each other love whenever we can.

Boy, has it made a difference! It’s amazing what a small gesture can do, and how easy it is to make your partner’s day. It brings you closer together, makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside, and reminds you both of how much you love each other.

Here are some ways that you too can bring Valentine’s Day to every month:

1. If your partner likes flowers and chocolates… buy them more often

Last year, I made a point to make pies during the Summer. Why? I love pie, and I realized I hadn’t had a slice for months. I only thought to buy or make pies during November and December, because I thought of them as a “holiday only” dessert.

I had ten whole other months to enjoy pie that I wasn’t taking advantage of. And that’s just silly.

It’s the same thing with Valentine’s Day.

Every year when February hits, stores stock up on their flowers and chocolates. It’s always fun to see the heart-shaped candies and beautiful roses in vases, but we shouldn’t be waiting for February to get our partners some chocolates or buy them flowers.

If your significant other likes those chocolate turtles (don’t we all?), surprise him or her with a box of them any time of the year. If your honey loves fresh flowers, you’ve got a whole 12 months to buy them. Plus, different flowers will be in season at different times, so you can bring home a different bouquet every time.

I love dark chocolate, and it means so much when my fiancé brings some home just because. It’s a nice way to say he was thinking of me and getting a special treat always makes me happy.

Okay, okay, I’ll admit: some things are strictly seasonal. You’ll have to wait for that pumpkin spice latte and it’s hard to find peppermint bark in June. Just don’t miss out on an opportunity to surprise your sweetie with a special treat he or she loves.

2. Valentine’s cards aren’t just for February, share your thoughts whenever you can

I love Valentine’s Day cards. They’re cute, romantic, and sometimes a little dirty.

Giving your partner a card on Valentine’s Day is nice, but it might mean even more when you give them one out of the blue. Surprising your love by writing some nice things in a card and slipping it into their bag before work, or packing it with their clothes before a business trip, can go a long way.

It’s sweet, flirty, and could really brighten up their day. Play with the idea of getting a few romantic cards during the Valentine’s season, and using them all year. You can write a funny poem, list some things you love about your relationship, or write something sexy. It’s sure to make your partner feel special and appreciated.

Not into the card idea? Maybe stick to text. I’ll never forget the time my fiancé sent me some photos he’d taken of flowers in a garden, saying he was thinking of me. It was such a simple thing, and only took a minute to do, but it really brightened my day and reminded me of how much he cares about me.

3. Plan romantic date nights all year round

My fiancé and I are so busy with work, grad school, and life in general, that our date night dinners usually turn into scarfing down Chipotle in front of the TV before going to bed.

Oh, the romance.

You don’t have to wait until February (or you anniversary) to have a special meal together. Make a plan to have those romantic date nights on non-holiday times.

When my fiancé and I want to have a romantic meal, we love going to this cute little Greek restaurant down the street. But don’t assume that you have to go out to have a good time. You can stay home, dim the lights, pour some wine, and even light some candles.

If you and your honey work late or have kids, downsize the same idea to a late-night dessert. Even with less time, you’ll get the same benefit. You’ll spend some uninterrupted alone time together and get a chance to turn up the romance.

4. Breakfast in bed isn’t just for special occasions

Speaking of meals, I love breakfast in bed. It’s one of those Valentine’s Day traditions that should really be an “everyday thing.” Yet, somehow, most of us have to go to the kitchen for breakfast every single day. Exhausting.

Make one day a week (or maybe one morning a month) a “breakfast in bed day.” It doesn’t have to be a big deal: toast a couple slices of bread, scramble some eggs, pour that coffee, and share it with your honey in your room. It could make a lazy Saturday the best day of the week.

Or, if you’re not sure you can get out of bed in the morning without waking your light-sleeping cutie, plan a stay-at-home breakfast date. I love to put on my cute pajamas, slip on those bunny slippers, and make breakfast with my fiancé.

You can flip pancakes while your honey squeezes orange juice, then sit down to watch some saturday morning cartoons. It’s a nice way to relax together, and this special date is the perfect way to show you care without breaking the bank.

5. Give “just because” presents

There’s always pressure to give gifts at holidays or anniversaries, but I find that the more I expect to get gifts, the less I really enjoy them. I already know I’m getting a present, so when it’s not exactly what I want, I might feel a little disappointed, rather than thankful, like I should.

And yet, whenever my fiancé brings home a DVD of a movie I wanted to see but missed in theaters, or orders me a funny cat t-shirt off Amazon, I’m always amazed and incredibly grateful. I wasn’t expecting anything, so even the smallest, silliest thing will seem so sweet.

Surprise your cutie with a little something every now and then, it doesn’t have to be much: maybe just grab a trinket the next time you’re in Target or buy a magazine you think your partner will like when you’re at the grocery store. A little can go a long way, and it tells your special someone that you were thinking of them, which makes it even better.

6. Walk down memory lane

Sometimes we forget to appreciate each other, and all the things we’ve done together. Bringing up a fun date night or looking at some old pictures can really spark those romance vibes and remind you of fun memories.

I like to surprise my fiancé with a framed picture from a special day or even just share a post on Facebook from this time last year. Looking back on memories you’ve shared can make you both feel especially appreciative of your relationship.

7. Plan an event

You don’t need to wait for a special day to plan an event. It’s popular to buy tickets for a show or concert to celebrate Valentine’s Day, but there are fun events going on all year.

Planning an activity is a nice gesture that tells your partner that you want to do cool things with them, and it’s a great way to bond over memorable experiences.

My fiancé and I love seeing comedy shows, so we’re always on the lookout for when our favorite comedians are coming to town. It’s so much fun to go out and do something extra special once in a while, and we get to share something we both love.

Of course, not everyone’s bank accounts will allow for an event every weekend, but getting tickets to a midnight movie or concert a few months in advance will give you something to look forward to together, and that’s half the fun.

8. Remember to listen

While little surprises and kind gestures will go a long way, communication may be the most important thing in your relationship.

I always try my best to show an interest in what my fiancé says, because I know how important it is to feel listened to.

There’s nothing more romantic, and nothing that will show how much you care, more than listening to your partner. Focus on their stories, ask questions about their day, and take care to remember what they talk about so you can ask about it later. Showing how interested you are in their successes, and their challenges, will mean so much to your beau, and will help your love thrive.

Because I always have so much fun on Valentine’s Day, I use these practices to bring the Valentine’s Day spirit to my relationship, and soon, my marriage, all year long. Hopefully some of my tips will help you and your partner to show your love all year round too.

Need some more ideas for Valentine’s Day? Check out 17 Ways to Spice Up Your Valentine’s Day if You’re Tired of Flowers and Candy, How To Show Love By Making a Difference This Valentine’s Day, or Perfect Bedroom Tips for Valentine’s.

How to be a Great Vegan Lover

February 6, 2018January 22, 2024 by Maya Gottfriedin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Vegans are passionate people, which is a great quality between the sheets!

Committing to a vegan lifestyle, eschewing animal products in our lifestyles, applies to every aspect of our multifaceted lives, even the time we spend with our lovers between the sheets.

When I went vegan I was warned by some of those close to me that my love-interests might be put off by my cruelty-free lifestyle, but I stood proud in my vegan shoes.

Being vegan means I’m compassionate and considerate of others’ feelings, I have ambitions to make the world a better place, and I’ve been told that my skin has that mysterious vegan glow. To me, that all seems sexy. Would I want to be with someone who was turned off by those qualities? Of course not.

I’ve also heard from more than one lover of a vegan that we taste better than meat-eaters. Very sexy.

Valentine’s Day offers a wonderful opportunity to spread vegan love

We vegans are great lovers because of the passion and compassion we bring to the bedroom. There are also some tools we can take into our dating lives and to bed to supercharge the vegan love.

Being a fantastic vegan lover can mean sharing the delights of vegan food, and most dates appreciate the effort of a meal prepared by their love-interest.

For Valentine’s Day, why not seduce your love with a delectable vegan lasagna followed by sweet cruelty-free cookies and coconut milk ice cream for dessert? You can serve it all picnic-style on your living room floor, lounging on pillows and lit by soy candles.

For vegans, there are lots of fun ways to get sexy

When it comes time to slip on protection, it helps keep things hot to be fully prepared. When we avoid animal products, that means doing a little more research into our protection that looking at the brands on display at the drugstore.

Some condoms contain casein, a milk derivative, and others are made from lamb intestines. Not vegan.

With a little research ahead of time, sexy vegans will know to pack a brand like Sir Richard’s condoms when going on dates, which are vegan certified. Being prepared will keep you safe, keep you in the mood, and keep you vegan. Other brands offering vegan condoms include Glyde, L., and Durex (their non-latex options are vegan).

You can heat up Valentine’s Day with sexy cruelty-free lingerie

Though many of us like to cut to the chase, some of us prefer to slow things down, and Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to invest in some fun lingerie to enjoy as part of a romantic evening with a lover.

However, being vegan means avoiding animal products in our clothing, including silk, which is the result of insects losing their lives. In fact, every pound of silk comes at the cost of the lives of thousands of silkworms. So not sexy.

There might be an historic association between silk and sexy lingerie, but there are plenty of gorgeous cruelty-free options available for those who want to avoid the suffering caused by the fabric. We can be great vegan lovers by decorating ourselves in tantalizing pieces that are made without harm to animals.

My all-time favorite lingerie designer is Agent Provocateur and lucky for us vegans they offer plenty of beautiful silk-free pieces including garter belts and corsets, bodysuits and bras (like the gorgeous Daliah bra made out of 100% polyamide). Just remember to check the fabric content to be sure your piece of choice is cruelty-free.

The Brand Luva Huva also offers beautiful lingerie in fabrics other than silk. Their beautiful Cosette Bamboo Slip is slinky and sexy and completely cruelty-free.

Vegan lubricants may take sex to the next level

For many, lubricants take sex to the next level, with a magic touch. For others, they are necessary due to pain caused by medical conditions. Whatever the case, they are a wonderful addition to an intimate evening with your lover.

To be great vegan lovers, we can tote one of the assortment of cruelty-free lubricants available. The brand Sliquid boasts 60 vegan products for between the sheets, including Sizzle lubricant which cools on contact and warms with friction. A great way for vegans to heat things up in bed.

Also available from Sliquid are vegan flavored lubricants in cherry vanilla, strawberry pomegranate, and other tasty options. For the adventurous, these are a great way to invite creativity into the bedroom and have fun more fun with your lover while keeping things 100% vegan and cruelty-free.

Some myths might have you believe that vegans aren’t as sexually engaged as omnivores, but with a great deal of passion, delicious lingerie, and some fun tools in bed, those who avoid cruelty to animals make fantastic vegan lovers.

Check out Vegan: An Expert Guide to Plant-Based Dating by the same author.

What Does The Future Hold for Valentine’s Day?

February 7, 2018January 22, 2024 by Ola Faletiin DATING ADVICE, LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

It’s February, and I know the drill: candy aisles filled with heart-shaped boxes, jewelry ads bombarding my web feeds with Valentine’s Day.

For what initially started as a brutal Roman holiday, Valentine’s Day has become a capitalist wet dream. According to Hallmark, over 151 million cards are sold annually. Which is funny to me, since I’ve bought Valentines (think the pack of 32 that come with stickers and candy sometimes) but never an actual card.

I’ve always been single for V-Day. I’m in good company; as of 2014, Gallup says that 60% of people ages 18-29 have never been married. Another survey says that 58% of millenials view V-Day as overrated.

With student loan debt through the roof, and plenty of millenials living paycheck to paycheck, lots of us don’t have the means to splurge on gifts. So, how will a holiday that thrives on compulsory gift giving and flower buying bode for a decidedly anti-capitalist generation? Well, I have some ideas. Picture this: it’s 2118 and Valentine’s Day means…

Including lovers of all varieties (not just romantic ones)

The Spice Girls said it best: “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.” Except in this case, lovers can take a backseat.

Over the past few years, self-care has become a buzzword, a movement, and a market all at once. So yes, self-love, but this also means not placing as much importance in romantic relationships, and whether or not you’re a part of one.

With phenomena like “Galentine’s Day” taking off, millenials are over this couples-only world. More adult are single folks. More women are growing comfortable in living perfectly stable, fulfilled lives without a romantic partner. I’ve always liked the idea of a Valentine’s Day that uplifts all the people we love, not just the ones we’re romantically intimate with.

In 2118, Marketers realize that unabashed singles are an untapped market. If you try to sell me something on a couple’s pretense, I’m not interested. But in the name of self-care? Take my money, why don’t you!

Advertisers Switch Up Their Tactics

Not too many people genuinely enjoy ads, but I prefer to avoid them altogether. I hit the “skip ad” button on YouTube so quickly. If that’s not an option, I mute them. The case is even more extreme for younger millennials; Generation Z is the most difficult audience to market to yet.

Not only are younger generations less tolerant of commercials, but also the most sexually varied generation. This is a problem when V-Day largely caters to straight couples.

We are the most queer generation ever. We also have an awareness of different intersections of identity (racial, ethnic, sexual) that’s unprecedented. It’s simply not realistic for all marketing toward us to be a white man and a white woman kissing. Evolve or die, as they say, and I imagine V-Day evolving.

Since Millennials value authenticity above else, I picture more folks getting their Valentine’s paraphernalia from places like Depop and Etsy, rather than big box stores. Or, V-Day cards in the Hallmark aisle with a bunch of different categories (women loving men, women loving women, men loving men, nonbinary, asexual). Instead of e-cards, think meme cards.

Overall, I imagine a more underground V-Day celebration. Which brings me to…

Renegade Holidays Will Pop Up

We’ve seen this happening with the reclaiming of Columbus Day as Indigenous People’s day. For we non-Christmas celebrating folk, there’s Festivus. As a generation that’s already combating gender and sexuality norms, and all other norms, it would make sense for many millennials to flat out reject V-Day with our own alternative holiday.

We already have that in Galentine’s Day. Some places are ahead of the curve: in Finland, February 14 is National Friendship Day.

In 2118, I forecast celebrations like “Asexual Awareness Day”, “International Vibrator Day” or “International Singles Day,” many of which, incidentally, already exist, taking over. Because commercialism is boring and the internet is a wildly imaginative place.

I’m no psychic, so I may be off target. What I do know is that the existing Valentine’s Day model (dates, heart-shaped chocolates, nice jewelry) isn’t very old at all. Millennials aren’t your mother’s generation. And getting a stale box of Russell Stover’s chocolates is something I can do for myself, thank you.

V-Day 2118 may still have the big box store vestiges of white, pink and red. But before long, the holiday will largely be in the hands of the independent retailers. No matter what V-day looks like in future, some things won’t change. There will always be folks who, like me, celebrate the holiday on their own accord by eating heart-shaped pizza and watching raunchy comedies.

5 Ways to Discreetly Declare Your Love to Someone by Next Week

February 9, 2018January 22, 2024 by Clementine Francesin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Sometimes, it can be challenging to confess your love to someone or tell them that you like them.

For me, it is always hard to tell people that you like them, so you fear you will die alone because you want people to be able to read your nonverbal cues, but what if you your nonverbal cues were actions?

Maybe you won’t hold a boombox over your head outside of their window, and maybe you don’t have your own Cyrano de Bergerac (but you’re also a Cyrano de Bergerac who doesn’t have a Christian) so the one you love won’t accidentally fall in love with you.

So, how can you discreetly tell the one you love that you love them without being too obvious? Here are some options:

Try getting a movie pass.

Tell them you haven’t used movie pass since it went down to $10/month even though you’ve had it since it came down to $10. Say to them the only way you’re going to watch a movie is if someone holds you accountable.

This will work if they are a fan of movies and are also behind on watching movies. Say, you need to watch all the Oscar Nominated movies that are still in theaters. Hard to do if you’re in small town, but you could always check out the DVDS via Netflix.

Since, you’re allowed to watch one movie a day using Netflix you can spend 28-31 days with this person and actually get to know them. And if they’re not interested in Oscar movies, you can always just rewatch Black Panther in 2D.

Pay attention to their interests.

If they say they like a book, a movie, a TV show, a band I recommend you read, watch, and listen to what they’re interested in. If you like someone it can give the two of you something to talk about if you’re also interested in what they have to say and what they think.

After you read, watch, listen you can ask them questions, offer your opinions, suggest things they can read, watch and listen to. Reciprocate, my friend.

Make a few affectionate mix tapes.

Mix tapes are not just spotify playlists, but if your crush has a CD player, you can send them a mix tape (mix CD). Of course, if you “pay attention,” you’ll learn if they are the type of person who wants mix tapes. Or, at the very least, tolerate them. Some songs I recommend:

Baby, I’m Dyin’ by Lolawolf
Don’t You Wanna Stay by Kelly Clarkson and Jason Aldean
Check On It by Beyoncé (featuring Bun B and Slim Thug)
Sex With Me by Rihanna
Moments by Tove Lo
Whatever You Like by T.I.
I’ve Got This Friend by The Civil Wars
Goodnight and Go by Imogen Heap
Yayo by Lana Del Rey
Starving by Hailee Steinfeld & Grey
Heaven Sent by Keyshia Cole

Mind you these may be not so discreet and quietly subversive, but should get the message across. But, please know who they are before you send them mix tapes

Make sure you know what’s happening on their blog.

So, your crush has a weekly blog where they talk about their life, or critique pop culture, or offer advice? Like their posts every week. Comment every week.

All bloggers love the attention that’s why the blog. It gives you great things to bring up in conversation. i.e. “I loved your blog last week about what Pluto being reclassified means to a generation and how it’s shaped your view of yourself and your ability to return to who you’ve always been, but bigger and better.”

This is almost like “pay attention” but is strictly about bloggers and blogging. Seriously, they write because they want you to engage in what they wrote, so engage.

Add them as your “plus one” to events.

Invite them as your plus one to every event you can invite a plus one. I have been invited to birthday parties, to shows, and game nights (none of which I have attended) but I was always allowed to bring a plus one.

If you keep showing up to these events with the same person soon enough people will ask you if you two are together. Of course, you’ll deny it, but the seeds are planted.

Honest to God, two of my friends who have been married for 8 years now got together because someone asked them if they were together. The thought “never” entered their mine, but once they thought about it, they asked if it was something they both wanted try and it worked out! It’s not just for rom coms!

This might seem like a lot to due by next week, but you’ve got some time and you can keep working at it after Valentine’s Day. You know that calendar you have? Start making a to do list. You don’t have a calendar? Go buy one and prepare!

Check out more interesting ideas for Valentine’s Day with your crush like: The Best Unconventional Date Movies For Your Valentine’s Day or start your relationship off right with these 10 Signs Of A Healthy Relationship According To Experts.