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Could The Eclipse Still Have An Effect On Your Relationship?

September 20, 2017January 22, 2024 by Meg Scanlonin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

The planets and solar eclipse may affect our love lives here on earth. Here’s how.

On August 21, 2017, we experienced a very rare and very cool natural phenomenon: a solar eclipse. Hopefully, you went out there at the designated time for your city and put on your NASA approved solar shades. Or maybe you made a homemade viewing device out of cereal boxes or tin foil and caught a glimpse of this amazing moment.

But, did you know that astrologists believe that this event can have a major impact on your personal life and relationships? Maybe you experienced some of this solar eclipse astrology first hand? Was it good, bad, or ugly? Maybe all three?

But first — here’s how to think about astrology.

We all know our sign. We may even ask people what their sign is (although hopefully not as a cheesy pick up line). But what does it really mean? Is it really a player in our everyday lives?

According to astrology, our individual birth dates profoundly impact who we are. CafeAstrology.com explains it as, “the study of the correlation between the astronomical positions of the planets and events on earth.” It’s the energetic connection between all things.

For those who use horoscopes, they see it as about knowing yourself from a specific sense and using that information to live your best life. “[Understanding ourselves] and others through the astrological lens makes us more capable of healing, compassion and forgiveness” says AstrologyHub.com. “And a deep understanding of your basic blueprint gives you permission to express, with uncensored abandon, your unique gifts and talents in the world.”

Astrology is more than just horoscopes, however — it has a long history. Astrologer and journalist Donna Woodwell expresses, “Astrology is a vast and ancient art. Some form of astrology is practiced by many indigenous cultures around the world as they’ve sought to discover meaningful connections in the appearance of events in the sky with humanity’s more mundane world.” When you view it through this sense, it is a very cool metaphor for our connection to nature and the cosmos.

Solar eclipse astrology is known to bring about change and shake things up in our lives.

Donna Woodwell explains that “eclipses are all about working with shadows. A solar eclipse is literally the Moon’s shadow falling on the surface of the Earth. Metaphorically speaking, eclipses then are moments when we must face our individual and collective shadow, to allow us to find healing through a new level of understanding.”

Wow! This is getting real! Relationships can be our greatest teachers. They can mirror back to us what we may be too fearful to look inside and see within. They can bring light to our biggest fears and unhealed emotional wounds. Eclipses are about change and moving us forward. They are often a major turning point for us. They bring the truth out into the light.

Eclipses are seen as bringing big life events with them.

Astrologer Susan Miller states, “An eclipse can bring news of a birth of a baby, an engagement or marriage, a promotion or career breakthrough, important travel, the signing of a vital business contract, or the start of one’s own business.” She adds, “Monumental events, meetings and partings, or changes within your career may also take place at an eclipse.”

Solar eclipses bring about positive changes and beginnings. So look out for positive steps forward in a relationship, new career opportunities and other new adventures.

An important person may be literally “eclipsed” out of your life.

Susan Miller explains, “A solar eclipse generally points to a prominent male in your life, so often a man may leave. If you are to be affected, you may break up a relationship with a man, or see that your boss has quit and is leaving, as another example.”

The symbolism! Now that your heart is racing, here’s some relief — Miller says that it only happens occasionally. So while not highly likely, you should be aware that the change that comes could possibly be of the painful variety. And sometimes people being eclipsed out of our lives is a necessary, albeit difficult, change.

Eclipses don’t affect everyone the same, and for some it may be ongoing.

Susan Miller explains that not all of these changes will affect every person. She goes into the details here. The specifics have to do with your birthdate, sign, personal chart, and other factors.

So, too, will the timeline of effects be different for everyone. Maharani Rutan, a certified Vedic Reader, says “it is often noted that things which happen, focusing around the eclipse do not happen on the day of the eclipse, but could reasonably happen months later as triggers of other events or planetary changes interacting with changes.”

So keep on the lookout for these happenings in your life and relationships. Maybe you noticed things on the day, a few days later, or maybe some surprises are still to come!

For more reading on our astrological love lives, check out “Time for Feathers?! Date Ideas for the Chinese Year of the Rooster” or “7 Rules For Tapping Your Intuition in Love.”

I’m Done Trying to Shrink Myself to Please You

September 27, 2017January 22, 2024 by Becca Martinin Mind, Wellness

Losing yourself in a relationship can happen both literally and figuratively. If you’ve felt this way, the following stream-of-consciousness work may resonate with you.

My entire life I’ve always felt bigger than most, especially since I’m a 5’10” female.

Growing up I was always jealous of my friends with petite bodies and natural thigh gaps. I selfishly always wondered why I couldn’t have been blessed in that way.

I’ve always tried to shrink down, to change myself, to appear smaller and hide in the back of photos to try to cover myself. I always tried to be less than I was because I always feared being too much.

One night, I was talking to my male friend at a bar in our hometown. He’s noticeably shorter than I am and I tried to slouch, to bend down, to be ashamed that I am taller, and bigger, than he is. It made me feel extremely uncomfortable.

This is not a new insecurity — it’s a feeling I’ve felt so many times but it’s a feeling that doesn’t get easier.

As I started trying to squeeze and slide through people at the bar on my way back to my friends, I realized that I had to stop feeling this way as others were bumping into me without any disregard or apology. I realized then that just like them I’m allowed to take up space. I realized that I might be tall, but that doesn’t make me any less of a woman, or person for that matter. It doesn’t matter that my thighs touch or that my stomach is a little round. None of that matters because I’m enough the way I am. I only feel lesser when I start comparing myself to other people.

Comparison is the killer — the reason I feel less and my insecurities arise.

I always tried to shrink down not only to please myself, but other people.

I tried to make other people more comfortable than myself, and I knew that had to change. Something had to give.

I realized I’m allowed to take up space, just like you are. I’m allowed to be exactly who I am with or without other people’s approval because as long as I’m enough for me that’s got to be enough. I’ve always given to others, even when I didn’t have much to give. I’ve always talked my friends up while looking down on myself. I’ve always been my own worst enemy. That night in the bar when I was getting elbowed trying to gently squeeze past people who didn’t even care to acknowledge that they were bumping into me. I finally realized I don’t deserve to treat myself that way anymore. I deserve to love myself, be proud of myself and take care of myself.

Trying to hide who I am to make other people feel more comfortable makes no sense.

I’ve done things like change my personality, pretend I don’t feel passionate about certain topics, try to quiet who I really am because I don’t want to appear too much. But through that it made me realize that I am exactly who I am and I can’t change that, nor do I want to.

I’m not going to be for everyone, it’s not possible — just like everyone isn’t for me.

There will be people who don’t like me, people who will think I’m too much or too little, people who will judge me before they know me, and that’s okay. I’m no longer worried about being enough for everyone else, as long as I’m enough for myself.

I don’t need to attract everyone; I just need to attract the right people who love me for me.

Never again will I try to shrink down parts of me to please someone else because I’m done being afraid to take up space. I’m allowed to take up space. I’m allowed to express myself. I’m no longer afraid to be “too much” or “too little” for anyone, as long as I’m enough for myself.

If you resonated with this story of losing yourself in a relationship, listen to this incredible spoken word poem on the same theme by writer Lily Myers:

There are many ways you can be losing yourself in a relationship. Check out this article about the intersection of weight loss and love for another perspective.

Arranged Marriages and Problem Solving: Is TV’s ‘Married at First Sight’ on to Something?

September 28, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

It might seem like just another reality show… but Married at First Sight brings up important points about love and relationships.

Recently I’ve been obsessed with Lifetime’s hit Married at First Sight, now in its 7th season. In this reality show, relationship experts match three sets of strangers who have agreed to meet (and marry) their future spouse at the altar. The show follows the first months of their marriages, and in the final episode, the couples decide if they want to stay married or get a divorce.

At first, the show’s concept sounded absurd to me.

It used to be that reality shows were about answering quiz questions or eating worms… not getting married. Sure, there were relationship shows— but signing up to play The Dating Game or going on NEXT was one thing. Getting legally married on TV? To a stranger? That’s another.

But after watching a few episodes, I started to think that maybe these couples aren’t so crazy after all. It occured to me that maybe this show was on to something. Here are the top four relationship lessons I learned from Married at First Sight:

1. Looks (really) aren’t everything

Over the years, I’ve watched a lot of single friends swipe left on potential matches because, “her hair is weird” or because, “I don’t like his nose.”

With all these dating apps where the picture pops up first, it’s almost too easy to make decisions based on appearance. But Married at First Sight proves that looks aren’t always a good indication of a good match.

Season 1 star Jamie didn’t like her husband when they first met. She wasn’t attracted to him physically and, on day one, considered giving up on her marriage. But it’s lucky she didn’t, because today, they’re one of the show’s greatest success stories. Jamie and Doug are one of the few couples from the show who are still married, and now they have a baby girl.

Meanwhile, Season 2 stars Davina and Sean were immediately attracted to each other when they met at their wedding—but things went bad quickly. They fought about where to live and ended up barely seeing each other over the course of the show. Their passion fizzled out and it was no surprise when they got a divorce.

Whether this changes the way you Tinder (or not) it’s definitely something to think about. It’s funny to think that if Jamie had first seen her now-husband Doug on a dating app, she would have swiped left and that would have been the end of it. But if Davina and Sean had seen each other on an app they probably would have been a match.

It’s proof that looks can be deceiving.

2. It doesn’t always matter how long you’ve been together

When it comes down to it, the show is simply about arranged marriages, a tradition that was very popular for many generations and is still practiced today. While a match maker can’t always guarantee marital bliss, there were (and are) many loving, life-long, arranged marriages.

But even if you’re not up for the whole arranged marriage thing, there’s a lot to be learned by watching these Married at First Sight couples because, as it turns out, their relationships aren’t that much different from many other new marriages.

They still have to worry about finances, their living situation, and family planning. They also set goals together and they enjoy their honeymoon phase… just like any other married couple. Of course, these TV spouses have the added challenge of not knowing each other well, and that can add a lot of stress, but a lot of their issues, problems, and even their joys are similar to ones any newly married couple would have.

When I started watching Married at First Sight, I thought I would have nothing in common with these people who were marrying strangers… after all, my husband and I were together for nearly ten years before we got married. But as it turns out, I definitely saw similarities.

When Ashley and Anthony from Season 5 were decorating their new place together with mementos from their wedding, it reminded me of the fun my husband and I had putting up wedding pictures. When Mia and Tristan from Season 7 first considered moving for Tristan’s work, it reminded me of how hard it was for my husband and I to decide to move.

Like anyone trying to make a life together, these new couples practice communicating, try to account for each others’ needs, and even learn how to best show affection. Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how long a couple has been dating, marriage will always carry new challenges, new perks, and plenty of changes.

3. In a relationship, and especially a marriage, it’s important to not give up too fast

Throughout the show, every couple hits roadblocks. They fight about where they’ll live and how many kids they want. They argue about families and chores and careers—all typical things for couples to clash on at one point or another—but that doesn’t make it any easier. Like many couples who are faced with one of their first big disagreements, they sometimes talk about calling it quits.

Of course, these Married at First Sight couples can’t do that so easily. They’re married (and, I suppose, have a TV contract) so they can’t simply walk out of each other’s lives. But in typical new relationships, a lot of people decide to do just that.

Shawniece and Jephte from Season 6 had some issues early on, mainly about Jephte not opening up. Shawniece would get frustrated and start saying that she couldn’t be in a relationship with Jephte if he didn’t change. There would be a lot of tension, like they were about to break up, but after a talk, or a counselling session with one of the show’s relationship experts, the problem would be solved and everything would be fine.

The problem, which had seemed like grounds for divorce at the time, ended up being nothing. In fact, a lot of times those fights ended up being an opportunity to bond and get to know each other better.

It’s important to remember that sometimes small arguments can seem like a big deal, but that doesn’t mean you’re incompatible or you can’t build a relationship. Shawniece and Jephte ended up staying together after the show ended, and now have a baby on the way.

4. Know when to not waste your time

While Shawniece and Jephte made it work, that doesn’t mean that sticking with a relationship is always the right choice. Some couples are simply not meant to be together, sometimes people change, and often breakups and divorces are the best option.

Season 6 couple Molly and Jonathan had a difficult time from the beginning. Molly didn’t feel comfortable getting physical, they had explosive fights, and it seemed like they never got along. So, it was no surprise when they decided to get divorced before the show ended.

They knew that the marriage wasn’t going to work and they didn’t want to waste their time. They came to the season finale to talk about their decision and left on good terms.

While there is value in not giving up on a relationship, of maximizing the best parts of your chemistry and not dwelling on your challenges, there is a point where a couple has to acknowledge when they’re simply not compatible.

While you may want to put all your energy and time into a relationship to try to make it work, sometimes you shouldn’t. And that’s okay.

These Married at First Sight stars took a big risk when they agreed to marry a stranger, and while most of us would never agree to get married at first sight, we can still learn something from these couples. Their relationships show viewers how to get passed differences, how to find and create love, and how to create a life together. Not every relationship is built to last, but some are worth fighting for, and I think, in the end, that’s all that really matters.

12 Telling Signs That You Should Let Your Relationship Go

January 22, 2019January 22, 2024 by Becca Martinin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Sometimes letting go is easier than hanging on to someone that no longer serves you.

I’m a relationship person through and through. I will always root for relationships because I know I am much happier when I am sharing my life with someone, but that doesn’t always mean the person you’re with is the right person for you or that it works.

Letting go of a relationship and a life with someone is an extremely challenging thing to do but staying in that relationship when you’re more often than not having thoughts of doubt about it can be equally as challenging. The decision and thought process of knowing when it’s time to let go of your relationship is different for everyone, but here are some signs it might be time to let go.

You keep trying to go back to the way things were. You more often than not find yourself looking back at the beginning of the relationship instead of looking forward to the future together. You find yourself talking about the way things used to be and you fear you can never get back to that. You avoid questions about engagements, weddings and kids like they’re the plague.
One of you is always trying to change the other. I’ve struggled with this with nearly every partner I’ve had, I go for people who I think I can fix or change, and I can’t. One partner even called me out for it and said, “why can’t you just accept me for who I am? Maybe I have something to offer you.” He was right. Trying to change someone or project your point of views onto them isn’t fair. Having the urge to constantly change someone will leave you with disappointment and them with resentment toward you. You have to accept your partner for who they are and if you can’t you have to let them go. You can’t change people, it’s as simple as that.
The fighting has become constant. You feel like you’re arguing more than you’re talking. You’re always super cautious and filter your thoughts and feelings because you don’t want to set them off. You’re essentially walking on eggshells around your partner, and that’s not healthy. Filtering your thoughts and emotions to keep them from exploding it not ok.
You feel your needs aren’t being met. You no longer feel fulfilled in your relationship and you’ve tried explaining to your partner what you need but it doesn’t seem to affect anything, at least not for more than a few days or weeks at a time. Then things go back to the way they were and you’re finding yourself bringing it up again. Some people aren’t capable of loving you the way you need and it’s not their fault. We all have different needs and love languages, and sometimes you fall in love with someone who can’t meet those needs. It sucks but you have to accept that they can’t give you what you need, and that has to be ok.
You don’t listen to each other. I’ve dated a couple of people where all we do is circle the drain. We have the same conversations which lead to the same fights and the same feelings of disappointment because we can’t get on the same page. We each have different expectations and wants of the relationship, and we simply can’t communicate effectively enough to come to an understanding. It’s like, you hear what each other is saying but you’re not actively listening or at least understanding the information your partner is explaining. You feel like you’re constantly repeating yourself and explaining the same things to them but it just doesn’t get through. This builds more frustration in the relationship which often leads to more fighting or built up resentment.
You make excuses for their behavior. This is always a red flag. I dated a guy once who I realized had a drinking problem. Every time we did anything we drank, even at the dog park he would bring beer, and I’d make excuses for him in front of my friends. I dated another guy who would get angry and make a scene, I’d find myself always making excuses for his behavior, too. If you’re finding yourself constantly trying to make your partner out to be better than they are to your friends and family then it’s a good idea to sit down and reflect on why you’re doing this. If everyone in your life has cautioned you about the relationship then you should reflect on what’s really going on and consider if they’re seeing something you’re pretending isn’t there.
You feel embarrassed by them. You feel like you can’t bring them to work events or family dinners because you’re excessively worried about what they might do. Whether that be to say something wildly inappropriate or get too drunk, you feel like you have to babysit them instead of just knowing things will be ok and that’s not a good feeling to have.
You keep them around because you feel like having someone is better than having no one. I dated someone years ago and the relationship should have ended a few months in. Even though I knew it should have ended I kept it going for another year and a half because the thought of going through the breakup process and being alone again terrified me. Was I happy? No, absolutely not. But I kept him around for the rare good moments and because I thought having someone was better than having no one, which is a terrible reason to stay with someone.
You feel there’s something more for you out there. You keep thinking there’s someone better for you than the person you’re currently with whether it’s because they don’t challenge you or fulfill you the way you need. You’re scared this is all it’s ever going to be with them, and you’re probably right. People get comfortable and the romance can die out, if you’re not feeling hopeful that you can spark it again or you’re constantly wondering if there’s something better for you, that’s a chance you might have to take.
The trust is gone. One of you did something to affect the trust in your relationship and it doesn’t feel like you can do anything to mend it back together. The other person keeps bringing it up and holding it over the other’s head. If you feel there’s no coming back from the broken trust then all you can do is leave, instead of constantly begging and trying to prove yourself time and time again.
You’re not being respected. The foundation of a relationship should be mutual respect because without respect you have nothing. If you’re feeling like your partner doesn’t respect you, or they belittle you, or don’t think you work as hard as them, or don’t appreciate when you do things for them than chances are they don’t respect you and they’re never going to start.
You’re not able to depend on them. You should be able to rely and depend on your partner when they say something to you. If they promise you they’ll be somewhere or do something at a certain time and they never follow through you can’t depend on them. You can have conversation after conversation about how it hurts your feelings but if they don’t respect you then they won’t make it a priority to be there when you need them. It’s as simple as their actions don’t match their words, and as much as they apologize they keep leaving you with the same lousy feeling over and over.

If you see your relationship in a lot of these bullets then it’s probably time to really consider letting go. Ending a relationship with someone you love, despite these points, will still be painful and heartbreaking, but if your gut is telling you it’s the right thing to do, it’s time to listen.

Next article: 11 Relationship Problems That Might Be Sabotaging Your Love Life

7 Ways My Boyfriend and I Built a Relationship Living Apart in a Big City

August 30, 2019January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

When my boyfriend and I first started dating, we lived in separate places about 20 minutes from each other.

Washington, D.C. is a pretty big city. My boyfriend and I were excited when we met that we actually lived closer than some—often some couples we knew would have one half in Virginia the other in Maryland.

Before we moved in together, we had to cultivate our relationship to know each other. Here are seven ways my significant other and I built a relationship living apart in a big city.

1. Cooking for Each Other

One of the first things we did for each other was cook. In fact, our second date was me inviting my boyfriend over for baked ziti, garlic bread and salad. Later, he would invite me for chicken with his signature barbecue sauce. We had a failed attempt at chicken pot pie and a perfect attempt at our own spaghetti sauce.

We bonded through making our favorite recipes for each other. Now, years later, I learned how to make that from-scratch barbecue sauce and my partner has learned that baked ziti will be on the dinner menu at least a few times each month!

2. Spending equal time at each other’s apartments

Sometimes it’s hard to figure out a routine that works. My apartment was right off a Metro stop, so it was a lot easier to spend more time there. However, it was studio compared to my boyfriend’s more spacious one-bedroom.

After dating a few weeks, we found a schedule that worked for us. My boyfriend would often stop after work for dinner at my place on weeknights. Weekends we’d spend at his place as it was bigger and allowed for more room to hang out for longer periods of time.

The important thing to remember is that everyone’s different—what may work for your best friend and his or her partner may not work for your boyfriend and you.

3. Lots and lots of texts and phone calls

We kept in touch a lot in the first year. From the text after the first three weeks that said “I’m lucky I have such a great girlfriend,” a cute nod to asking him to be my boyfriend, to phone calls at the end of a work day, we always made an effort to contact each other.

Some of the sweetest phone calls where we got to learn a lot about each other were falling asleep at night. Good thing cell phones hang up automatically when someone says goodbye, because I can’t tell you how many times one of us accidentally fell asleep!

4. Well executed date nights

When we were living apart, date nights had to be very well planned out. Given that we both didn’t have a car, most of the dates involved my boyfriend Ubering to me then us both heading out on the Metro from my place.

When we took the Metro home, we would settle into my bed, but if we took an Uber home, we often ended up at my significant other’s place.

No matter where you end up at the end of a date night, definitely discuss the question before you head out. No one wants to deal with debating where to crash for the night if you’re headed home from a fun and romantic evening.

5. Sweet and thoughtful gifts

The sweet and thoughtful gifts I’m referencing in this one aren’t particularly expensive or showy, but they were very considerate. The gifts also helped our relationship grow. For example, once on his way home from a business trip, my boyfriend met me at my place with six red roses from a flower cart at Union Station. It was so meaningful to know he thought of me on his trip.

I would sometimes do things like bake chocolate chip cookies and wrap them up, head over to his place while he was working from home and leave them at his door. Once I was back at my apartment, I would text my boyfriend to say check outside your door. These little surprises were just enough to keep us thinking about each other while also cultivating the romance.

6. Showing each other our mutual interests

As a native Pittsburgher, I loved football growing up (go Steelers!). I wasn’t all that into hockey, unlike many Pittsburghers who love the Penguins and Steelers equally. It wasn’t until I met my boyfriend and we went to a few hockey games together that I became a huge fan. Now, dates to the local arena to see the Pens vs. the Washington Capitals are some of our favorite nights out.

While I got into hockey, I expressed to my boyfriend how much I loved movies and TV. We both realized we loved a good HBO show. The show The Newsroom ran from 2012 through 2014, when we first started dating, so it ended up being the perfect show to get into together.

By sharing our personal interests, we got to know each other more and were able to have our relationship evolve. We found mutual interests that we love to share with each other now.

7. When the relationship got serious enough, discussing moving in together

About a year into our relationship, my boyfriend and I knew that things were pretty serious. We thought about how much money we were blowing on bus and cab/Uber fare to see each other. We ended up having a serious discussion about moving in together.

After touring places around the area, we eventually ended up where we are now. It was tough to explain with our both equally traditional parents but in the end I’m glad it happened. We’ve been living here since June 2013 with no plans to move anytime soon. I credit the steps we took in our relationship while living apart for a smooth transition to living together.

Want to read more on relationships? Check out this piece about fun ideas for a couple photoshoot.

Redefining Relationships in a Pandemic

June 29, 2020January 22, 2024 by Jennifer Ashley Greenein LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Day 98 of COVID-19 quarantine with my boyfriend…and my parents.

I live in an apartment in Manhattan with my boyfriend and our dog. Fourteen weeks ago, as NYC was rapidly rising to become the epicenter of the Coronavirus, we packed an overnight bag and headed upstate to hunker down with my parents in their house in the country. It meant not only more space for the three of us, but way less possible social interactions than we would have had in NYC.

Note to reader: a single overnight bag for two people does not last 3.5 months.

I prefer to think of myself as an optimist; though admittedly I identify more with the word “realist”, (which the more you say aloud and try your damndest to dress up with positivity, you eventually surrender to the fact that you’re really just a pessimist living in disguise).

Optimism is a hard find these days for many of us. Envisioning life post Covid-19 seems like a daunting task. Hell, remembering life pre-pandemic doesn’t really ring a bell for me right now tbh.

I fluctuate daily on my grasp of this whole quarantine situation.

Some days I wake up and do a mental scan while I lie in bed, running through a list of things I’m grateful for in my head before my feet even hit the floor. These are the days I meditate, work out, take a long walk around the neighborhood, call a friend or two, make 3 healthy meals and probably listen to some country music. I’m the best version of myself on these days.

Other days I wake up with a slightly different mentality. My first thought here is AGHHHHHHHHHH ANOTHER DAY OF THIS CRAP? WHAT THE HELL! I tend to speed right past my gratitude list on these mornings, heading instead directly for the mental list of things I hate about quarantine. Wearing masks and gloves, the lack of any kind of structure whatsoever, sleeping in my parents’ guest room with my boyfriend while we pay an arm and a leg for an apartment in Manhattan that we haven’t lived in for three and a half months, and I could continue but I’m having one of the other days so I’ll pause here for your sake. Days like this are a struggle, and I know I’m not alone in experiencing them.

Relationships of all sorts are being challenged right now.

We’re spending a LOT of time with some people and barely any time with others. The relationships we have with ourselves, our romantic partners, parents, kids, friends, and pets are all being redefined and we’re all simply trying to manage and figure out how to do life under this new normal. I for one, never thought I’d be living with my boyfriend and my parents simultaneously, but here we are. It’s not easy to take four adults and put them under one roof for an extended period of time, you can take my word on that. We’ve all had to make adjustments to our normal routines to make cohabitating work, and for the most part, we’ve adjusted pretty well. There have been some bumps along the way; trying to give each other space can be challenging, add in the fact that we’re all working from home and that’s downright difficult.

Luckily, my parents have a finished basement with two bathrooms, otherwise I’m sure by now we would have all gone totally insane. There have been silver linings to quarantining with my boyfriend and parents, believe it or not. For instance, we all love to play games. There have been many fun game nights over the last few months, and I’ve learned that I get my competitive gene entirely from my mom.

Suddenly we’ve been given all this time and we’re all trying to decide what to do with it.

It’s sort of ironic. If you’re anything like me, you frequently have thoughts like (pre-quarantine at least) “there’s never enough time”. Now that we have more than enough time, we’re at a loss for how to fill our days. Much of this is attributed to the fact that restrictions are in place, so our options are limited, but there are still ways to cope under quarantine. What I’ve found helpful is to create a “bucket” list (a small bucket, more of a jar than anything really) of things I want to do during quarantine. Think less skydiving and more learning a new language, but I think Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson would still dig it.

In making my list (and it’s an ever growing one as restrictions stay in place and getting creative is of the utmost importance) I considered the important relationships in my life. I have things on my list that I want to do for myself: write more, speak spanish and practice yoga. I want to read new books to my 2.5 year old niece (thanks to Zoom, this is very doable). I want to get more creative in the kitchen with my mom. We really enjoy making plant based meals together and I get to expand my recipe repertoire while doing so. I have fun ideas for dates with my boyfriend; we’ve done movie nights with popcorn and wine, we did a wine and paint date where we drank wine, listened to Frank Sinatra, and attempted to draw an orchid. This was equally romantic and hilarious. We also recently did a virtual escape room. Look it up. You’re welcome.

We will get through this.

No it’s not ideal, but we can choose to make the most of this time. There will come a time in the future when we wish we had the time that we have now. We just have to get a little creative, stay positive and pick each other up when we are struggling. I’m trying to remember to find the joy in spending this time with my boyfriend and my parents. It’s making me appreciate the relationships I have with them even more than I used to.