How Do I Continue to Not Screw Up this Relationship

So Many Choices

We’re living in a world with an over-abundance of choices. Thousands, if not millions, of other single people are out there, and what’s even more bonkers is they’re accessible! Our parents dated people across the street. When I asked my Dad how he met my mom in college, he said, “Well, she and her roommate were both good-looking women, so I flipped a coin, and asked out your Mom.” They’ve been married 39 years. We, however, can date someone halfway around the globe. Therefore, there’s no stopping anyone from finding their soul mate anymore, right?

The only problem with this ideology is it provides an easy way out when things get hard. Why would I stick it out with this guy when an even better match could be out there? The old standby “maybe he’s just not the one for me” rears its head fast when my boyfriend and I have a difficult talk. And truthfully, it’s not always easy to differentiate between someone worth fighting for and someone best let go.

Dealing With It

As time goes on, it’s possible I’ll discover he’s not “the one” for me. But right now, what’s getting in the way is still me. When we’re both not being idiots, and dealing with our shit directly, it is so, so good, and that is 100% worth fighting for.

A friend of mine shared the following John Welwood passage with me recently, and I think of it often:

“The problem with running away when a relationship becomes difficult is that we are also turning away from ourselves and our potential breakthroughs. Fleeing the raw, wounded places in ourselves because we don’t think we can handle them is a form of self-rejection and self-abandonment that turns our feeling body into an abandoned, haunted house. The more we flee our shadowy places, the more they fester in the dark and the more haunted this house becomes. And the more haunted it becomes, the more it terrifies us. This is a vicious circle that keeps us cut off from and afraid of ourselves.”

That passage is a reminder that yeah, relationships aren’t always easy, but what worth doing actually is?  So here’s to letting go, opening up, and a whole bunch of other crystal-owning, new-agey LA stuff that makes me want to vom, but maybe there’s some good in it after all. (BRB buying some crystals, and by crystals I mean cheese, because I’m really really good at picking out cheese, promise, and you have to draw the line somewhere.)

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How Do I Continue to Not Screw Up this Relationship

About The Author
- Carlyn is a writer and director living in Los Angeles. She's directed work that has premiered at SXSW, LA Comedy Shorts, Brooklyn Film Fest, Austin Film Festival and more. Sometimes, companies even hire her to write and direct commercials for them (she likes this very much). Follow Carlyn's shenanigans on Instagram, talk shit with her on Twitter, or check out her work at