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When Casual Sex Becomes Less… Casual

by Jess Beaulieuin LOVE

Sex is emotional. It’s an emotional activity that us humans enjoy participating in and for me it’s hella emotional. I personally wish occasionally that I could turn off my emotion faucet. It would save me a lot of trouble and a lot of regret filled text messages and a lot of crying in the bathroom at work situations. It seems that without me even trying, I often, with the help of oxytocin, hormones, and having apes as my ancestors, become attached to the naked person beside me, and that is never not complicated. Attachment and complication are basically synonyms.

See, we’re animals and being an animal includes sometimes not choosing who our heart wants to hook up with for a long while and that sucks. It sucks the big one, and not in a good way. ‘Cause not choosing who we want to hook up with for a long while can result in feelings being hurt/torn apart/shattered into a million pieces that cannot be put back together even if you block everyone on instagram. You sleep with another person in hopes that the previous person will be lobotomized but your stupid, idiot brain won’t delete the memories of them. In fact, your brain keeps rerunning those blissful moments like they’re a goddamn episode of Seinfeld.

And you’re like “Hey, brain, can you find something else to focus your energy on for a bit?” and your brain is like “Sure! How about I focus it on your taxes and remember that time he told you that your skin was soft? Let’s think about that for three hours”. This attachment is only made more complicated when you have agreed with the naked person that there would not be any form of attachment. That your hooking up would remain at a hooking up level and Christmases would not be spent at each other’s houses ever. Yet, regardless of that iron clad agreement, your stupid, idiot brain is all “Check out this image of you rubbing his head in your bed on your birthday! WASN’T THAT FUN/ ISN’T THIS CRUEL?”

And you can always sense this unwanted attachments arrival. Suddenly, you’re waiting for them to text you every single day. Suddenly, you’re willing to lose a ton of sleep just to have a conversation with them about dinosaurs. Suddenly, you get upset thinking about how holding their hand in public will continue to be an unfulfilled desire. Suddenly, when they mention seeing other naked people, it stings. It didn’t for two months, but now, you can’t bear hearing about it. You’re attached and you don’t want to be, but there is no going back at this point. You’ve shared too many childhood experiences. You’ve romantically spooned for too many hours. You’ve gotten late morning cheap brunch together too many times.

I didn’t comprehend this idea of unwanted attachment until recently when I began doing the casual thing for the first time. Before two years ago, I didn’t know what “casual” was or why it existed or how it smelled. I was in three long-term relationships back to back and even if I thought my first intercoursing with each boyfriend could possibly only be one night of awkward passion, the oral sex always seemed to lead to them meeting my mother a few weeks later. My process of coitus was: ask out a man/be asked out, go on said date with man who asked/was asked, fornicate with above mentioned man, and repeat for two years straight.

This resulted in me only having three copulation partners at 26-years-old, thus I was curious. I was curious about boinking random strangers I met at dive bars and/or friends of mine who I had a consistent flirt-on with and/or anyone on my “crushing hard on these peens” list. I was curious about fearing that I was impregnated by a generic dude named Mike who I couldn’t communicate with because he only checked Facebook once a year. I was curious about getting tested at the doctor and wondering “BUT WHAT IF??!?!” I was curious about the stand of the one night.

It all sounded daring and delicious and dangerous. So, after my last BF and I decided to call it mutual quits, I promised myself to remain single for at least 6 months, which turned into 12 months which turned into 24 months. And while I was pursuing singledom, I wanted to make sure I banged as many butts as I could and boy did I ever! I banged them butts like banging butts was going out of style and the world was about to end by butt explosion and my butt banging coupons were going to expire any day now.

There have been fun times. There have been not-fun times. There have been fun then not-fun then fun again then definitely not-fun at all times. I am happy that I did it and proud of myself that I delved into the scary world of non-committed horizontal tangoing. But, it has come with its problems, the major one being unwanted attachment. My attached to naked persons was guaranteed wanted before two years ago. I didn’t worry about saying “I like you” or having a texting limit or PDAs. I mean, the oral sex led to them meeting my mother every single time.

But, suddenly, I was late for work ‘cause I was up until 4 am conversing about dinosaurs with a body that was not my boyfriend’s. They weren’t necessarily my friend but they weren’t more than my friend either. They were just… a guy I slept with regularly. I haven’t wanted “more” with a bunch of guys I have slept with. In fact, I’ve wanted less. I’ve wanted the sleeping with them to not exist in history. But, then, with others, I’ve desired for them to hold my hand. I’ve hoped that they weren’t seeing other naked people, or at the very least, they didn’t enjoy seeing them naked as much as they enjoyed seeing me naked. I’ve hoped that I could eat turkey with their family at Christmas.

I’ve often wondered, “What does one do in such a situation? Do they end it? Do they continue on and pretend as if they’re totally cool with it? Do they ask for something deeper?” And I still don’t have an answer. Two years later. It seems that timing is a big factor in the “more” decision. Two people can both be attached but those attachments are unwanted due to circumstances out of their control. Or the circumstances are in their control but they, like me 24 months ago, made a promise to themselves and they want to keep it. Or their attachment to another naked person is greater than their attachment to you.

Whatever the reason, it stings. It never doesn’t sting and the stinging does not go, disappear quickly or easily.

What I have learned is that sex is hella emotional and I can’t change that. I can’t turn off my emotion faucet. If I hook up with someone and my heart chooses them, so be it. If I want them to hold my hand or text me dinosaur images in the middle of the night or meet my mom that’s okay. I don’t have to pretend that I’m totally cool with it being casual. I’m not ashamed of becoming attached. I’m actually starting to wish it happened more often. ‘Cause I’m realizing how special that attachment is, especially when it’s wanted by everyone.

 

Powerful Way to Prevent Sexual Assault on College Campuses

by zfortadminin Body, Sex, Wellness

Could the key to ending rapes lie in a clinical trial? 

An intensive program showing female college students how to recognize and resist sexual aggression reduced their chances of being raped over a year period by nearly half, according to new research.

The study, published Wednesday in the New England Journal of Medicine, compared the effects of attending a four-session course in resisting sexual assault to a more typical university approach of providing brochures on sexual assault.

The program is one of the first to demonstrate success in a controlled trial — and among the first to be published by the medical journal, best-known as a forum for clinical drug trials.

The study comes just weeks before colleges and universities across the country are required to detail how they will deal with sexual assault. Those reports, due to the U.S. Department of Education on July 1, are mandated by the 2013 Campus Sexual Violence Elimination Act.

At least 1 in 5 women has been a victim of sexual assault that occurred while she was attending college. By far, most of the attempted or completed sexual assaults on college campuses are perpetrated by classmates, dates or acquaintances of the victim.

Freshman and sophomore women are thought to be at the greatest risk of sexual assault.

Experts say the ubiquity of alcohol, freedom from parental monitoring, and an atmosphere that celebrates macho and athletic bravado are all factors that foster sexual assaults.

Canadian psychologist Charlene Y. Senn, lead author of the study, said that the socialization of young women often prevents many would-be victims from acknowledging and responding to a sexual predator in ways that will thwart an assault.

Young women arriving at college have widely been socialized to be friendly and likable, which can blind them to the aggressive advances they might encounter at a party, she added.

In 2005, Senn devised a curriculum to help young women overcome the emotional barriers that delay or prevent their recognition of sexual aggression and respond to it.

Over four three-hour sessions, the course worked on skills to assess, acknowledge and, if necessary, rebuff unwanted sexual advances.
Those sessions included instruction in recognizing sexual coercion and the circumstances in which it can take place. Participants also had two hours of self-defense training based on the martial art Wen-Do.

Experts caution that reducing sexual violence by focusing on a victim’s will or ability to resist has fallen out of favor in recent years.

In their place are programs that address the motives of potential perpetrators and energize bystanders to intervene. Such approaches place the blame for sexual assault squarely on the perpetrator.

By focusing on a potential victim’s power to thwart her attackers, some experts warned that such a program might contribute to blaming victims.

In an editorial accompanying the study, Kathleen C. Basile, an epidemiologist with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, wrote that the study’s “primary weakness is that it places the onus for prevention on potential victims, possibly obscuring the responsibility of perpetrators and others.”

But teaching women how to identify and resist are still important strategies, Senn says.

Between September 2011 and February 2013, 893 freshman women at the Universities of Calgary, Windsor and Guelph in Canada took part in the study.

Holding three-hour sessions on weeknights and marathon sessions on weekends, Senn and her coauthors put 451 women through a series of lectures, problem-solving exercises, discussions and self-defense classes aimed at helping them define their own sexual desires and boundaries, recognize and discourage sexual aggression and resist an assault.

The remaining 442 women were assigned to a control group, in which they attended a 15-minute session and were provided brochures on sexual assault.

About a year after the sessions ended, Senn and her colleagues surveyed the participants, asking detailed questions about their sexual contacts in the preceding year.

Among women offered the brochures on sexual assault, 9.8% reported they had been raped and 9.3% reported they had been the intended victims of attempted rapes.

Some 40% reported other nonconsensual sexual contact, in which they experienced unwanted sexual touching or fondling.

An additional 14% said they had been subject to coercive sex in which a perpetrator pressured or manipulated them into compliance.

Among women who got the resistance training, 5.2% said they had been raped and 3.4% reported attempted rapes — reductions of 46.3% and 63.2% respectively.

Rates of nonconsensual sexual contact reported by this group were 34% lower than those in the control group, and reports of sexual coercion were roughly 24% less common.

Sarah Yang, a 2014 graduate of UC Davis who was president of that campus’ Women’s Health Initiative, said publication of the study in a medical journal boosts the profile of the issue.

“It validates campus sexual assault as a public health issue — and that’s huge,” said Yang, an aspiring physician. “It’s national now. It’s international.”

Senn emphasized that training only women to avert sexual assailants addresses just part of the solution.

“There’s no quick fixes,” she said. “We have to make stopping sexual violence everyone’s problem — everyone’s business — to hold men accountable, to support victims. But we also need to give women the tools they need to fight back.”

 

Curated by Timothy
Original Article

Tantric Yoga for Lovers

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex

These moves look sensual and grow intimacy! 

Improve the quality of your relationship and loving, increase the flow of sexual energy, and share a gentle yoga routine with your partner. Develop a regular practice for toning your bodies, and balance body mind and spirit – in and out of the bedroom.

Tantric Yoga for Lovers
Simple yoga moves can connect you deeper with your partner and make your lovemaking stronger.

Curated by Erbe
Original Source

A Practical Guide To Threesomes: And Lady Makes Three… 

by Virginia Jonesin Sex

The Menage a Trois: It’s said to be every man’s fantasy, and maybe it’s yours, too- but it can be intimidating.  Of course, there are many flavors of threesomes- I’m going to address the M-F-F scenario here, but there are some good tips for everyone.

Full disclosure: (Ooh! Sounds Sexy)

I’ve been both women in the threesome scenario.  I’ve been in the couple that invites another woman in, (the host), and I’ve been the visiting woman, the guest.

For many years I wondered what the motivation for the guest could be.   As a host, I’m having a sexy adventure with my partner that we can enjoy reliving together again and again, and she’s likely just having a one-night stand with us when she could be out having sex with single people.  Later, I had my first experience as a guest and found that the advantage of being the visitor is that you’re the dang superstar!  Being the guest is giving everyone that electric first kiss, helping a couple you’re attracted to have good sex, and hopefully having some yourself!

I know that there are sometimes three-ways where nobody is a couple, but that sounds like chaos, just two girls climbing over each other, hissing, trying to establish dominance.  I have no tips for that one but hide your wallet and use condoms.

 Good advice for the host:

  1. Despite what happens in porn, don’t invite your close friend, or someone you see all the time to join you in the bedroom. That can make relationships awkward.  Do you really want your fella to know what having sex with your bestie is like?  The internet gives opportunities to meet all sorts of people!  Take advantage of it!  In the 1950’s, you would have had to take a personal out in a swinger’s magazine distributed exclusively in truck stops to find a willing third.  Now, you can put an app on your phone and screen partners over lunch!
  2. Concentrate on finding a woman you feel curious about- odds are good your honey will agree.
  3. Don’t pick someone as a third that either of you are romantically interested in – the situation is too complicated as it is.  Be honest with yourself.
  4. Talk rules over with your partner and set boundaries beforehand.  Would you prefer to limit sex to oral?  Are there things you want your partner not to do?  Discuss them with your new friend.
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The Most Steamy Sexual Phrases From Romance Novels

by zfortadminin Sex

Steamy phrases from Romance Novels can be quite funny on their own! 

Why can’t we just say … *whisper* penis and vagina?

Romance novels have a language and style all their own. Though they contain sex scenes, they’ve always aimed to be more tasteful than your standard pornography fare. Hence, the flowery descriptors for male and female genitalia and sexuality. Romance novels are the proper, eloquent statesman to pornography’s grunting caveman.

What makes romance novels so much fun on a comedic level is just how creative the authors often get with the language. What do you say when you don’t want to mutter penis or vagina?

Blogger John Ferri found the humor in romance novels, as well. His wife is a fan of the genre and after reading a few himself, Ferri started compiling lists of some of the more hilarious sexual descriptions.

WARNING: Blushing and junior high-level giggling ahead.

RomanceNovel_penis2  RomanceNovel_sex2 (1) RomanceNovel_vagina3 (1)

 

Curated by Timothy
Original Article

Building Your Soundtrack for Getting It On

by Lexi Notabartoloin Sex

Everyone has been there. The amazing meal has been eaten, the clever and engaging chit chat has been had, and you’re ready to get down. Just as you really lean in to the moment – BOOM. Bloodhound Gang’s “Bad Touch” blares out of the speakers, the result of an unfortunate mixture of the shuffle feature and a “90s Novelty Playlist.”

Don’t let this happen to you.

There is no rule that you must engage in amorous congress with a backing track. In fact, there is often nothing sexier than listening to your partner during lovemaking. If you do opt to underscore your sexual congress, however, there are some important things to consider:

Give it a name that makes you feel powerful

Look, sex can be awesome and weird and fun all in the same moment. Preparation is key for a fun and safe time, music choices included. I have several playlists built out for sex at different times of day (more on that in a second), and they each have a name that makes me feel like a silly badass. For example: “Do It For Buffy,” “How To Seduce a Smart Lady,” or “Foxy Brown is My Boo” might all be sexually-focused playlists on my computer RIGHT NOW.

Sexy Girl Listening To Music At Home - Point Of View Photo

When in Doubt, Say Nothing

Instrumental music is your friend when it comes to makin’ bacon. Some people find lyrics very distracting, either because they’re physically incapable of not commenting on a deep cut track you included or because they can’t help singing along to music they know. Everyone has some go-to songs that just get them into the mood. Include them, but if deciding between two options always go for the less lyrically-focused.

Rhythm Nation 2015

The key to a great getting down mix is music that has a consistent, driving baseline and repeating rhythm. Not only does this help our heartbeats synch with our partner but it also sets a pace of sorts for adult activities. 

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How to be Physically Intimate without Having Sex

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex

We love rethinking foreplay and building intimacy!

It is understood that sex between two people is the most intimate activity there is. This is because sex is an event where the reproductive parts of the persons involved meet and experience very ecstatic feelings and emotions. They cannot be translated into words or expressed in any way, shape, or form other than saying that they are sexual pleasures. All men and women from the beginning of their teenage years start having these urges to explore their sexuality in a lot ways.

Sex happens to be the most extreme and the most pleasurable one for everyone. As such doing it brings a lot of satisfaction and enjoyment to people. However sex is also very overrated and there are a lot many perfectly happy couple in the world without having had sex at all. It can be hard to understand this is if you have never been in a relationship without sex; however it is very true.

When it comes to physical intimacy, people get very confused because for most, sex is intimate. Yes, this is true, and while sex is intimate, people must also know and remember that there are a lot of levels of physical intimacy in a relationship. The most basic one being holding hands. This is also an act of physical intimacy, and while some may regard it as futile, silly, and childish, it is in fact frowned upon in a lot of cultures around the world.

Anyhow, one need not have sex to achieve physical intimacy in a relationship. Sex is a quite a big deal for people, especially girls and if they are not ready then forcing them into it is a very shameful act on your part. As such respect their decisions and choices. In turn, explore and find other ways to be physically intimate with your partners. There are four

Experiencing First Base

If it is your first date, then it is time for observing the color of her eyes and perhaps the way she smiles. It is not the time for picturing her body naked. As for the girl, it is important to notice how the guy behaves generally and not if he is demanding in bed. If you two cannot find a level of compatibility with each other right at the beginning then it is futile wondering anything else. As such the first base is when you meet and hug each other for the first time.

Or even if you are meeting after a two-month vacation, and you have missed each other so much that you just keep on hugging for 5 minutes. This is intimacy at its best. This is the moment where you simply love the presence of each other in your lives and not sex. This is how you can avoid sex, by understanding the value of the other person in your life.

In addition to that kissing is the main part of the first base. It is when you two kiss so passionately that nothing else seems to matter. Your kisses are just so passionate that you feel like wanting to hold time still in order to be able to preserve this moment as it is. Hugging, holding hands, and kissing each other are the main parts of first base.

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17 Reasons to Definitely Have Sex Tonight

by zfortadminin Sex

Who is getting lucky tonight?

1. It’s, you know, sex. And one of only a couple ways to have an orgasm, which is pretty great in and of itself. For most people, this is pretty high on the list of reasons to have sex. In some cases, it’s all about the journey, but the orgasm is a pretty great destination regardless of how you arrive there. If I need to explain to you why an orgasm is great, then get off this website and go tell your parents to install parental controls on your computer.

2. It’ll be the happiest you are all day. Sex releases endorphins, which are a great cure for a bad mood. Bad day at the office? Bang. Just feeling sort of down? Bang. You really can’t be that upset after sex.

3. Your power is out. Your options are basically read by candlelight or have sex. Guess which one isn’t going to be a strain on your eyes.

4. You’re about to go on vacation and don’t want to get sick. Studies show that sex can actually strengthen your immune system. So if you’re worried about getting sick, just have sex. It might not be as efficient as a flu shot, but it’s definitely the more fun way to have something stuck inside you of the two.

5. You haven’t done it in a while. You don’t want to get rusty. Make sure you still got it.

6. Your boss was so mean to you today. If it’s stressing you out, have sex. Getting it on can actuallylower your blood pressure and alleviate stress. Plus, getting naked yourself is way more fun than picturing all those weirdos at work naked anyway.

7. Your vibrator is out of batteries. This is the better alternative even if your vibrator isn’t out of batteries.

8. You didn’t go to the gym but you don’t want to be completely lazy. Sex counts as exercise, so if you can’t be motivated to drive there and spend an hour lifting weights, have sex instead. You won’t even realize you’re exercising.

9. There’s a knot in your shoulder you can’t work out. Sex can actually relieve aches and pains, so if you’re feeling sore or you slept on your neck weird, have sex.

10. You just got out of the shower. You’re already naked! You’re pretty much halfway there (though you might want to jump in the shower again afterward).

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5 Exercises That Make You Better At Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

These exercises are great for your health and libido!

Having sex uses a lot of muscles you don’t normally use during the course of the day. “The last thing you want to worry about during the act is getting tired or losing stamina,” says Patti Britton, Ph.D., clinical sexologist, and author of The Art of Sex Coaching: Expanding Your Practice. You’ll enjoy yourself a lot more—and be more adventurous—if your body is prepped for better performance in bed. Here are 5 exercises you should add to your workout routine today to make these 5 sex positions hotter tonight.

The Sex Position: Missionary

The Exercise to Make it Hotter: Bowing Pushup

It’s not very creative, but missionary is the go-to move for most people, says Britton. The reason: It’s an intimate position that allows for face-to-face contact. And while she enjoys feeling your weight on her body, you can’t let all pounds rest on her.

“You need strong arms and shoulders to hold yourself up the entire time,” says BJ Gaddour, C.S.C.S., a Men’s Health fitness advisor and CEO of Men’s Health StreamFIT. “But a tired upper body can lead to extra strain on your lower back and an unenjoyable experience for the both of you.” Before you hit the sheets, increase your upper-body strength and shoulder stability with the bowing pushup

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4 Steamy, Fun Sex Games To Help You Rock It In The Bedroom

by zfortadminin Sex

These games are sexy and lots of fun! 

Say goodbye to bedroom boredom. These fun sex games will definitely spice things up.

Constantly searching for things to keep your sex life fun can get very tiring. That’s why I wanted to show you my 4 favorite fun sex games to play with your partner. Just a quick warning though: Don’t feel like you have to try every single one of the sexy games with your man. You don’t. Only try the ones that you are comfortable with.

You’ve Got 30 Seconds

This first fun sex game is called ‘You’ve Got 30 Seconds’ because you are going to be giving each other a time limit of just 30 seconds to turn each other on and get each other off. To play the game, ideally you should have an egg timer as it makes quite a loud buzzing noise when the time is up. But if you don’t have one, a stopwatch on your phone will do. Set the timer to 30 seconds and then start it.

Your man will now have just 30 seconds to try and give you as much pleasure as possible. Usually this isn’t enough though…which turns out to be a good thing as it’s now your turn. You’ll have 30 seconds to try and give your man as much pleasure as possible and try to bring him to orgasm.

Now, when you are the person receiving the pleasure, you are not allowed to do anything at all other than sit back and enjoy it. You’re especially not allowed to give any directions or tell your partner what you are enjoying and disliking. It’s up to them to discover it themselves. You’ll find that you will both need multiple 30 second sessions to get each other off. Many couples often report that they get quite competitive when playing, ‘You’ve Got 30 Seconds’, trying to win, by getting their partner off first.

You can also add to the fun by inventing prizes for the winner (the person who orgasms last) and evenforfeits for the loser (the person who orgasms first).

Hot & Cold

‘Hot & Cold’ is much simpler to play, but that doesn’t make it any less of a fun sex game to play with your man. What you are going to be doing is arranging a few foods (usually about 3-4) that are either warm or cold. Think ice-cream, champagne and sorbet for the cold foods and heated honey, melted chocolate and warm maple syrup for the warm foods.

Note: Make sure that the warm foods aren’t hotter than your man, otherwise you may accidentally burn him.

‘Hot & Cold’ is a sex game that works best after dinner, I’ll explain why in a minute.

Next, you are going to bring your man somewhere private, take off his pants and then blindfold him. You now want to tell him that you want to give him a bj, but not the regular type of bj. Tell him that you’d like some dessert and have a few things prepared. If he asks what, then just say that it’s a surprise and will be quite pleasurable.

Then take a little scoop of ice cream into your mouth and start to very slowly give him oral sex. Starting slowly is crucial as you don’t want to give him too much of a shock. You can continue to give him oral sex, while slowly eating more and more of the ice cream/sorbet/champagne off his penis.

Next, you can then switch to something completely different…like some warm honey. The change should surprise your man, but more importantly it will make for a completely different texture.

The only problem when performing ‘Hot & Cold’ sex game is that your man will often come before you have a chance to try all the foods on him. That’s why I always recommend to use no more than 4 different foods.

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What’s Your Risk Factor for Not Orgasming?

by zfortadminin Sex

Great tips and a fun quiz! 

Feel like you’re playing orgasm Russian roulette every time you get busy? Yeah, you’re not alone. Those sneaky O’s can come easily on some days, take sooo freaking long on others, and just not show up at all when they feel like it. So what the hell is up with that?

One of the biggest reasons why women aren’t climaxing every single time is because they don’t realize they need clitoral stimulation before and even during sex to reach an orgasm, says Mary Jane Minkin, ob-gyn, M.D., clinical professor at the Yale School of Medicine.

We scoped out other factors that are blocking your big O on the regular to help your assess your risk, switch up your sex game plan, and reach sweet, sweet victory.

Read through the risk factors below, and tally up how many you frequently deal with. Then, see what your no-orgasm risk is.

1. You don’t spend enough time with foreplay. If you think that penetration and G-spot action are all it takes to get to the finish line, you’re sadly mistaken, says Minkin. Since the clitoris has more nerve endings than the vagina, stimulation there is more likely to result in an O, she says. Here’s how to prolong your foreplay and have the best sex ever.

 

2. You’re not speaking up when something feels off. Many women aren’t vocal about what feels good to them, says Minkin. And if he’s not doing it for you, you’re not going to reach the end zone—or it could take forever, she says. Find out how you can tell him what gives you the goose bumps.

 

3. You’re not wearing socks during sexy time. Seriously, getting cold feet might be keeping you from feeling warm and fuzzy all over, according to a Dutch study. Apparently, only 50 percent of women were able to have an orgasm at the beginning of the trials, but when the women wore socks, 80 percent had an orgasm.

 

4. You don’t pee before sex. “If a woman is thinking about how she might have to go to the bathroom, she’s more focused on controlling that function than enjoying the sensation,” says Minkin. “It’s a distraction.” So go pee before the action heats up.

 

5. You’re not in a relationship. Sadly, an exciting one-night stand doesn’t always end in the fireworks you imagined when you first made eye contact with that random hot guy. Research shows that you’re less likely to orgasm when hooking up with someone you’ve just met than when you’re with someone you’re dating. Womp. But giving one of these positions a shot might up your chances.

 

6. You worry about having an orgasm during sex. When you’re anxious about not having an orgasm fast enough—or anything else going on in your life—it can make reaching orgasm more challenging, says Minkin. But don’t let a little thing like stress keep you from getting busy.

 

7. You’re not masturbating. “If you know how you like to be aroused, you can guide your partner when you’re having sex,” says Minkin. Learnhow to make getting busy with yourself so much better.

 

8. You’re not using sex toys. “I always encourage people to use toys together because it can make foreplay more fun and make it more likely that you’ll orgasm,” says Minkin. Check out these crazy, sexy, cool gadgets for couples.

 

9. You usually have sex after several cocktails. “Having one glass of wine or cocktail to relax is fine,” says Minkin, “but if you have two or three, it starts to dull your senses and makes it harder for you to really feel the stimulation.”

 

Three or fewer issues: Orgasm over-acheiver
You know how to go from zero to a mind-blowing O in no time, and you should be proud of that! Keep up the crazy-good habits; you’ve got this under control, girl.

Four to seven issues: C O-face student 
So maybe you’re not hitting the high notes every. Single. Time. But you could get there with just a few simple tweaks to your routine—now that you know where to start. Once you’ve got those down, you’ll be on your way to O-town on a more regular basis. Enjoy the ride. Wink.

Seven to nine issues: Bliss beginner
The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Okay, so maybe your lack of orgasms isn’t quite that serious, but bliss is still important, right? Use the helpful hints above to knock out the random things that could be ruining your roll in the hay. May the odds be ever in your favor.

Vaginal Kung Fu

by Susanna Leein Sex

Warning: This is not for everyone. Seek out an expert if you are interested in learning.

There’s three things I’m afraid of: a mass bird attack, a mass zombie attack, and having a lazy pussy.  I realize that the first 2 are irrational fears, but muscle atrophy is a real thing, and the reason behind years of obsessive kegeling on my part. I’m not ashamed of it.  I think everyone has a vanity issue, I have one friend who will not leave her house with chipped nail polish, and another who is a slave to her eyebrows, carrying not one, but two tweezers with her at all times (I can’t imagine the emergency situation which would require double-fisted plucking in public, but I respect her preparedness).  When I was a teenager, I heard an undoubtedly exaggerated, and terrifying story about a woman whose uterus prolapsed, just fell right out of her body.  Like most urban legends, there was a disclaimer on the end of it…”she could’ve prevented this tragedy, if only she’d done her kegels…”, and from that day forward, I was a devotee of the ol’ clench-and-release.

We’ve all read articles about it, where doctors and other sexual health experts promote the benefits of strong vaginal (PC, pubococcygeus) muscles, explain how to kegel (tighten the muscles you’d use to stop your flow while urinating, hold for a few seconds, release, and repeat about a million times), and then tell you how easy it is to find the time to do it.  Because it’s such a discrete exercise, you can do it anywhere: behind the wheel in traffic, waiting in line at the grocery store, sitting with your family in church.  Anywhere you can daydream, you can kegel.  And that’s what I do.  It’s become something I don’t even think about, I just catch myself doing.  So when I was offered the opportunity to take a class on vaginal weightlifting for free, I jumped on it.

It was called Vaginal Kung-Fu, and from what I’d heard, was a sort of super kegel.  A kegel with actual weights involved.  But because the vagina has no hands to grip a barbell (mine doesn’t, anyway), the weighted objects are held in a small pouch, connected to a string, which is tied through a hole in the middle of a jade egg, which is held inside the vagina by activating the PC muscles.  It sounds a little complicated, and thus intimidating, and to make it more so, I was to do this in front of tv cameras.

See, my friend is a producer on a popular tv show, and his friend produces another show for the same network, which focused on unique jobs, one of which was teaching this class.  In order to film the segment, they needed to find women to take the class, who wouldn’t be put off by the thought of millions of people watching.  Being a comedian, exhibitionist, and charmingly shameless weirdo, I take any opportunity to be seen en masse.  I never turn down tv, regardless of what it entails.  Play a fake bride, getting treated like tattooed trash by some Beverly Hills wedding dressmaker who could’ve been Methuselah’s older sister, for a reality show only seen in Canada?  Sure.  Be a fake defendant on a daytime court show that general viewing public doesn’t know is fake?  Hell yes!  Anything.  If it’s on tv, I will do it.  Now, when the producer explained it all to me, he said that if I wanted, I could fake it, with a string tied around my waist, instead of actually having to insert the jade egg, but I didn’t want to miss the actual experience.  Given the opportunity to have fun vs pretend to have fun, I will choose the actual authentic experience.  And really, I’ve had tons of things and people inside me who weren’t worth half the value of a jade egg, so I was totally down for the real deal.  No faking it, I’m a method actor all the way.

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9 Tips for the Partner with a Higher Sex Drive

by zfortadminin Sex

Great tips to even the sexual desire playing field!

If you are someone whose sexual desire needs no boosting, but your partner is not, that doesn’t mean that you sit back and wait for him or her to change—you are equally responsible for changing how you handle this issue. This post will offer you nine tips to approach your spouse in ways that will increase the likelihood that she or he will want to be close to you:

1. Don’t take it personally.

Differences in sexual desire among couples are very common. Although it is hard to have your advances rejected repeatedly without taking it personally, you need to remind yourself that a partner’s lack of interest in sex just may not be about you, your attractiveness, or your qualities as a human being. It may be a matter of a hormone deficiency or other physiological problems—or feelings the person has about himself or herself. Although you undoubtedly want things to change, try to develop a little empathy. Chances are, given the choice, he or she would prefer to feel turned on easily. It’s no picnic to feel disinterested in something your spouse or partner thrives on. He or she may feel inadequate, for example. The situation hurts you, but don’t underestimate how painful it is for your partner. Even if he or she acts defensively, your partner probably spends lots of time wondering why things aren’t easier between you. Try to be understanding.

2. Break free from the Catch-22.

If you are a man whose partner is less interested in sex than you, start paying attention to your friendship. Many women are wired this way—they can’t get turned on unless they feel close to you. This means doing the things that are important to her—doing things as a couple, pitching in more at home, being more available, and asking about her day. These are the things that can soften a woman’s heart. Do small things as well: Bring her a cup of coffee in the morning. Leave a note professing your love. Call her from work just to say you’re thinking of her. Bring home a single rose. Show your affection through random acts of kindness. She may be more likely to want to be close to you sexually when you do.

If your wife has been rejecting your advances, the last thing you might feel like doing is being kind and thoughtful. All I can say is that if you want to improve your sex life and your wife needs to feel close to you emotionally as a prerequisite, doing the things that bring you closer to her is the only way you are going to get there. You can either hold out because you’re angry, or break free of the Catch-22 and be loving. Experiment and watch what happens. Friendship is a great aphrodisiac.

If you are a woman and the more highly-sexual partner, the same theory applies: So many men have told me that their wives’ nagging about such issues really turns them off. Men can become passive-aggressive, agreeing to your demands but turning off to you emotionally and sexually. Why not approach things differently? You might feel hurt or rejected or unsexy because your spouse has been apathetic, but don’t be critical, be kind. Be complimentary. Catch your husband in the act of doing something right and tell him about it.

Look at your own behavior as well: Figure out what you might be doing that could be making your partner respond defensively. Become more of the person he wants you to be and he might become more of the person you want him to be.

3. Do something different.

Without knowing you, I can say with some certainty that your “more of the same” behavior has been to pursue your spouse for sex. And since this has become a heated, ongoing issue, you’ve gotten into roles with each other. You pursue him or her for sex, and he or she declines. The more you push, the more your partner feels pressured or angry and pulls away.

It’s time for you to try a new approach.

First, back off for a while. No matter how attracted you might be to your spouse or how ready you might be to make love, for a certain period of time you should commit to not approaching him or her. Do not initiate sex for a while and see what happens. Don’t talk about this plan; just back off and wait. Sometimes the lower-sexed person simply needs more time to allow his or her batteries to recharge. When the tug of war has ended, he or she might feel more amorous. It’s worth a shot.

Backing off isn’t easy, especially if you’re feeling turned on. But if you haven’t tried it yet, at least for a few weeks at a time, put this on your short list of things to try.

Also, stop talking about sex and focus on yourself for a change. You may have been so focused on your relationship, at least the sexual part of it, that you have probably put your other needs aside. Rather than arguing about what is or isn’t happening in your relationship, use the time to focus on yourself and find things to do that fulfill you. Go out with friends. Join a health club. Volunteer. Once your partner sees you focusing on yourself rather than your sex life, he or she just might want to be more involved in your life—in every way.

Or do a 180: Wouldn’t it just blow your partner’s mind if you were to tell him or her that you have been doing some reading and that you now have a better understanding about his or her feelings and you’re sorry about all the fighting? Think about it: Your partner has been making you feel like a sex maniac and you’ve been making him or her feel like a celibate. You’re convinced that you’re right and he or she is convinced of the opposite. And where has all of that gotten you? I can’t guarantee that telling your spouse that you understand his or her feelings better will make your partner want to jump into bed, I can tell you that making your spouse “wrong” won’t.

4. Focus on what works.

Have there been times in your marriage when your sex life was more passionate? (Yes, I know, in the very beginning—newness makes hormones run amuck. That is not the case any longer.) Examine your marriage beyond the very beginning. Ask yourself, “What was different about the times when my spouse was more interested in sex?” See if any of those conditions are reproducible. Then reproduce them.

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4 Easy, Erotic Ways To Get Your Man BEGGING For More

by zfortadminin Sex

Who doesn’t want their partner on the edge of their seat ready for sex? 

With these tips, you’ll have him begging for more.

Learning how to satisfy your man sexually is a lot easier than you think. You don’t need to be a porn star or a some sort of sex crazed nymphomaniac to make sure that you give him a good time. In this article I want to teach you how to have sex to give your man the most pleasure he’s ever had in his life.

1. Find Out His Kinks, Fantasies And Fetishes:

Every guy has certain things that are massive turn ons for them. It could be when you wear an extra tight pair of jeans or a pair of sexy heels or that top that reveals your cleavage more than usual. But with that being said, it could perhaps be something a little more wild. He might love the idea of seeing you with another woman or even another man. Or maybe he really wants to try anal sex with you. Or maybe he has a thing for feet.

If you are serious about satisfying your man sexually in the bedroom, then the most powerful thing that you can do is find out what his kinks, fantasies and fetishes are and then do them with him. Doing them with your man is actually the easy part. Finding them out and getting your man to open up is the hard part. Often your man may be slightly embarrassed or reluctant to talk about them with you. To get him to relax and open up to you is not that easy unfortunately.

One way to approach it is to tell him some of yours first. Being the first to share is a great way to get him to reciprocate. Another way is to just say that you want to try lots of different things with him. As you explain to your man each thing that you want to try with him, try to judge his reaction. Obviously he is going to look more keen and excited about certain ideas than others.

Sexy couple in the car2. Learn How To Talk Dirty:

Yes, we all know that men are turned on mostly by what they see. But what you may not know is that if you want to vastly increase his sexual satisfaction when you are in bed together, then you need to learn how to talk dirty to him. Talking dirty to your man takes a little practice and work. But once you master it, you’ll have another skill in your sex toolset that most other girls don’t possess. The first stage to talking dirty to your man doesn’t actually involve words. It simply involves you getting louder and louder during sex. You need to accentuate your moans and groans. This is quite easy. A

ll you are going to be moaning is, “Mmmmmm” or “Ooooooo” or “Ahhhhh.” Easy, right? The next stage to talking dirty is just using 1 or 2 words. Try slowly saying, “Yes” or “That’s it” or “Yes, Yes” or “Keep Going.” When you are saying these 1 or 2 word phrases, try drawing them out and moaning as you say them.

Many women don’t ever even get to the second stage. So if you do, you are already ahead of them! Getting dirtier is actually pretty easy if you’ve mastered the first 2 stages. You just need to start telling your man what you enjoy about him and what he is doing, “I love how big you feel” or “Keep hitting that spot” or “Keep going, harder” or “You feel so good inside me.” But dirty talk during sex is only a start! Don’t forget that you can talk dirty to him during the day as well as through text if you want to turn him on and keep him satisfied.

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How To Play Dominant In The Bedroom

by zfortadminin Sex

What a hot way to spice up your routine! 

Surprise your man and take charge in the bedroom tonight!

Learning how to be dominant in the bedroom is something that I think every woman should learn. (No, dominance during sex is not just for men.)

While it’s not one of the usual techniques that I teach in the Bad Girl’s Bible, it can help expand your horizons in the bedroom and help give you more ideas as to what’s possible with your man. With this in mind, I want to give you four tips on mastering dominance in the bedroom with your man.

I’m going to start easy and then progress to tips that take a bit more effort and courage to try.

There Is Both A Physical & Mental Aspect to Dominance

The first thing that comes to most people’s minds when they think about being dominant in the bedroom is usually whips and chains. This is certainly a whole lot of fun when dominating your partner, but it’s not always necessary and is actually on the extreme side of domination.

There are much more subtle and sometimes more powerful ways exert dominance over your partner. These range from simply saying something subtle to him like, “I really like it when you do things for me,” to a bit more assertive language like saying something like, “I’m going to decide when you get to orgasm.”

But that’s just the verbal aspect of being dominant. There is also the physical aspect. This might start as something small like giving him some soft, subtle spanks during sex or it land on the more extreme end, like insisting on woman-on-top sex positions only or even giving him some very dominant oral sex.

Start With A Dominant Sexual Position

Probably the easiest way to introduce a more dominant side of yourself in the bedroom is through new sex positions. Instead of the usual positions like missionary and “doggy-style”, where your man is on top and the one in control, try switching to positions where you’re on top and calling the shots.

The obvious position that comes to mind for this is “cowgirl”, where your man is on his back and you are on top of him, straddling him, but there are other great positions for dominating your man, too. These include positions like “sofa surprise”, where your man sits down on a sofa, couch or chair and you straddle him. In this position it’s very hard for him to go anywhere and again, you’re the one in control.

Now that we have covered some of the physical things, it’s time to learn some of the advanced verbal aspects of dominating your man.

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