WHY Do You Weigh Yourself?

January 19, 2017January 22, 2024 by Gina Cloudin Body, Wellness

Yesterday as I was leaving my gym, I noticed a young woman 20-ish, standing naked on the scale in the locker room. I also noticed standing near her was another naked woman who was probably her grandmother, waiting for her turn to weigh in. This caught my attention because I thought to myself why do we weigh ourselves?

Now a lot of you are thinking, “Gina done lost her mind! Duh!” But hang with me here, because you all know that I look at things from a different angle, and generate new perspectives that I share with you. The important thing, as I am prone to do with EVERYTHING is to ask the question WHY. Since I was a kid, that question is so prevalent in my life that I should be known as a whyman, instead of a woman. ( Ok, you know I always sneak in a weird pun. Let’s hope that’s the only one today.)

Today I want to invite you to explore the WHY to this question so that you have a vehicle to become more conscious of the many things we all do unconsciously and to break away from the herd and THINK FOR YOURSELF. This way of thinking is like a muscle, and the more you use it, the stronger it gets.

Ok, so seriously, why do we weigh ourselves? What real purpose does it serve? What does that number on the scale have to do with anything important or relevant in our lives? I’m speaking here of a healthy person, just as a disclaimer. I know that there are some perhaps medical conditions where weight is a determinant or a marker of something, or professional fighters weight themselves for fairness in the ring, but I’m speaking just of the average person and particularly women. What’s the first thought that came to your mind in answer to that question? Did your brain go all fuzzy with, “hmmm, to find out what I weigh?” Think again…

That number on the scale has absolutely no meaning other than its purpose to frustrate and lower the self-esteem of almost every woman who steps onto one. Once you get that number, you IMMEDIATELY (talk about instant non gratification) feel that there’s something wrong with you. The number is wrong and you need to change it, even if it’s only a couple of pounds. Which then leads to your endless googling and obsessing about the ultimate weight-loss products, or deciding to go on a diet. That number leads to comparison of what other people weigh, like that woman you saw in the magazine (which one, so many!) that made you hate your thighs even more than you already do, or your facial lines, or your eyebrows,or your butt, or your…..fill in the blank.

THAT FREAKIN’ NUMBER is a trigger, a catalyst that’s damned near Pavlovian to make you feel bad about you! Pretty soon all you have to do is SEE a scale and you’re terrified. All those bad feeling start a rush of chemicals in your body, aka hormones, that make you feel like crap about yourself and soon you’re depressed. In fact, most women will tell you that just the sight of a scale provokes anxiety. I saw a statistic that said most women weight themselves an average of twice a week, or 104 times a year! Think about the repetition of an act that makes you feel bad about yourself that many times in a year and the effect that has on your psyche. That irrelevant number on the scale leads to depression and the sense of inferiority for almost every woman. Tragically, even anorexics experience exactly the same thing because the number is never small enough.

Realizing they’re not their “ideal” weight, some women eat their feelings, so may end up self-soothing with food, and voila, when you step on the scale, guess what?? That sneaky number is bigger. So you’re now more depressed, and you end up on an anti-depressant, which can make you eat more, eat less, feel suicidal, lose your sex drive, and affect your hormones. Do you see the vicious cycle that develops just from stepping onto a scale?? Do you see the path of disempowerment that can be triggered by this practice of weighing ourselves? To some of you it may seem I’m exaggerating, but for many this is truth.

You might argue that someone who is chronically overweight and on a program to lose weight would be inspired by the number coming down, and while that is true to some degree, it is also setting them up to define their successes by THAT NUMBER, rather than celebrating their discipline, commitment and choices, and the obvious visual that they’re shrinking.

Is that number a goal, a target, a golden ticket? Is it like winning the lottery? And what is the RIGHT number? There is no right number on a scale. It’s an insidious tool to keep you in the marketplace of all the consumerism revolving around deflating and destroying women’s bodies and beauty — and ultimately our power. The right number comes from you living a healthy, balanced life; body, mind and spirit. Our mindset is to reward ourselves for a number goal, rather than the goal of living in integrity with our authentic selves. I wrote a blog post a while back called “Joy, the Key To Weight Loss” (in the archives), and in it I talk about the idea that when we are content inside, we are content outside, and our weight arrives at our most healthy, natural number.

So you see the scale is actually a tool that undermines your self-esteem, your self-worth and a healthy sense of your body. What if instead of stepping on the scale you simply paid attention to how you feel, to the way your clothes fit? What if you ate a healthy diet and allowed your body to take the shape that it naturally wants to inhabit? What if you exercised regularly, were emotionally healthy, self-loving and had a strong and comfortable connection to your sexuality?What if you became guided by what you felt on the inside, instead of by the number reflected on the outside? A number, by the way, chosen by an industry focused on taking your money and your self-worth. As it’s used by most women, that scale is a weapon of self-destruction

What if you decided to never ever set foot on a scale again to find out what that number is? What if you decided right now to chuck the one you may own?

Because I do share personally, I can tell you that I have truly lived this way. I’ve never personally owned a scale, nor will I. Like any woman, my weight has fluctuated throughout my life, and I’ve had a child, so weight gain was part of that experience obviously. I know personally that when I’ve been unhappy or in self-betrayal, my weight has increased or decreased from what was MY HEALTHY. My feelings and how my clothes fit were my clues that I needed to make changes in my life. I wasn’t striving to arrive at a number on a scale, but to arrive at a place of equanimity and joy within me. And only I know where that place lives inside me. That place determines my weight, but the number has been unknown to me for years.

Yes, of course I’ve weighed myself at times, but it’s how I know NOT TO. I’ve been just as affected by seeing a number not aligned with the “ideal.” I live in the same world with all my sisters and I’m not immune to the subliminal and overt mental manipulations all around me. I CHOOSE to unplug from them and listen to the voice within me. She is my compass, my wise woman, and the keeper of my health; body, mind and soul. In my opinion, our mental health, aka our belief system, is more of a determinant in our self-esteem and physical health than almost anything else we do. When you pay attention from the inside, life changes radically.

So I ask you again: why do you weigh yourself?

I’m now asking you personally as you read this to stop and to answer what may seem like the most mundane and simple question, but to answer it for YOU personally. Answer it with the ideas in mind which I’ve shared with you in this post. This will give you a window into your own feelings which may be unconscious about your body and your relationship to it. And I truly hope it inspires you to become a WHYman about EVERYTHING. (sorry, there it is again.)

If you enjoyed this post, please share it with someone you care about, Especially the women in your lives. And that goes for you guys reading this, too. I hope that for the guys who read my posts, that doors and windows open in your mind to generate a better understanding of some of the challenges women face in the struggle to feel good about themselves.

And ladies, if you’d like some help in learning how to chuck the scale and to love yourself from the inside out, my NATURAL BEAUTY AND TRANSFORMATIONAL LIFE COACHING is an aspect of what I do that I LOVE and am passionate about. Explore the page to learn more and to watch my video.

And remember to share this post with those you feel would appreciate the message. And I invite you to weigh in here with me (got one last one in!) and leave a comment below. I’d love to know your thoughts and have you share your feelings. I’m deeply passionate about helping you shine your light and your beauty as fully and brightly as you can.

With wild, fierce love and gratitude,

Gina Cloud

I’m Embracing Vanity. Here’s Why You Should, Too.

January 18, 2017January 22, 2024 by RJ Newellin LOVE, Mind, Wellness

I believe we should redefine the word ‘vanity’ for ourselves.

Confession time.

I’ve been guilty of hating on other people’s Instagram selfies. I’ve unfollowed other women in the past, because their photos made me feel insecure about myself. Sometimes, I look in the mirror and wish that I could wear a filter in real life. How dare I feel beautiful? Self-acceptance feels unreachable…forbidden, even.

But on other days, when I’m feeling lucky, I look in the mirror and think: “Damn, I look good today.” But before long, shame drags me down. The cycle of self-loathing begins all over again.

Why did so much of my confidence come to hinge on passing feelings, or validation from others online? Since when did comparison start ruling my life? And why can’t I just freakin’ love myself consistently?

It’s because of a little word called ‘vanity.’

The dictionary defines Vanity as “excessive pride in or admiration of one’s own appearance or achievements.”

I realize I’m being vain. Then the shame kicks in.

I grew up in an environment where self-love was a sin. Taking any pleasure in my appearance was wrong. I was instructed that Vanity was a woman’s downfall. The guilt still creeps in when I least expect it, sucking me dry of self-esteem. And the hatred I’ve developed towards my appearance comes out as insecurity, jealousy, and social anxiety.

Vanity. I’d be committing a sin for liking myself at all, so I just choose not to. It’s a virtue to be humble, right? Maybe someone, somewhere will notice how pious I am in my self-deprecation. They’ll say I’m pretty, but I won’t believe it. Somehow, that will make me worthy of their love.

After all, poor little Cinderella didn’t get to be a princess until a handsome prince fell in love with her. In a chick-flick, the geeky girl doesn’t get to know she’s hot until someone takes her glasses off.

“Hot Girl Who Doesn’t Know She’s Pretty” is one of the most popular female archetypes in TV and film. On the other hand, confident women who flaunt their beauty are almost always painted as “the bitch.”

Somewhere, right now, in a high school bathroom: a group of girls are standing around the mirror, competing for lowest self-esteem:

“I’m so fat.”

“No, you’re not! You’re so skinny. I’m the one with a tummy.”

“Well, at least you have boobs. I’m so flat.”

“But all the guys like you. None of them notice me.”

…Chances are, the youngest girl might not have thought to hate herself until this very moment. If all of her older, prettier, more popular friends hate their bodies, then who does she think she is?

Vanity. We have all been conditioned to fear it, in some way or another. I realize now that this kind of shaming was designed to keep women from realizing their worth. I’ve come to believe that someone, somewhere invented “vanity” to keep his wife at home.

Shame is a cage we build to keep the heart in check. If I feel inferior to my partner, he’ll always have the upper hand. Even if he’s abusive. Even if I’m unhappy.

This might be why so many beautiful, intelligent women find themselves in unhealthy, codependent relationships. Our self-worth relies on the validation of others.

It’s not our fault. After all, we’re conditioned to be this way. Our society demands that women compete with one another for attention – romantically, professionally and physically. Most of us are expected to spend considerable amounts of time on our appearance each day, changing how we look in order to fit in.

Blaming someone for their low self-esteem is like blaming the body for feeling pain. It’s not the symptom that needs attention. We have to find the source, and change it.

Here’s one way to start:

I believe we should redefine the word ‘vanity’ for ourselves.

There’s a difference between confidence and narcissism. We should stop labeling women as “attention seekers” for celebrating their beauty. We should congratulate girls who score well on tests, speak up for what they believe in, and say ‘no.’

The moment we apologize for voicing our position, we lose our freedom to have one.

There’s nothing wrong with being smart, looking good, and knowing both are true. Let’s eradicate the shame that muddies your daughter’s reflection, before it’s too late.

When a woman looks in the mirror and loves what she sees, nothing can stop her.

I try to remember this when I put on my makeup every day. My concealer wasn’t made to diminish me. My lipstick is not applied to steal attention. My eyeliner is not for anybody else. And so what if my cat-eye isn’t perfect – I’m having fun.

Now, I wear makeup because it makes me feel powerful. I post photos of myself when I’m feeling brave. My online selfie is not a cry for validation – not anymore. Photos have become my way of expressing of self-love, without needing permission. Publishing my words online is how I celebrate my voice and invite others to do the same.

It’s not self-promotion; it’s self-possession. This is me, taking ownership of myself in a way that makes me feel empowered.

As you embrace your own confidence, it’s important to encourage it in others. I think we should stop judging other women for being hot/self-centered/sexual/oversharers, period. Everyone is entitled to free speech. And yes, this includes gratuitous selfies.

Often, individuals who seem the most self-involved are actually the most self-critical. It took me a long time to realize this. Judging other women for their “narcissism” is ultimately a reflection of my own insecurity. By the same token, encouraging others makes me feel good, too. How we treat others is a reflection of the way we see ourselves.

So here’s what I wish for you to know, if you’re still reading. You’re allowed to know you’re attractive. You’re encouraged to recognize your own brilliance. You are also allowed to acknowledge the beauty in others, with no risk of diminishing your own.

Vanity, redefined, is self-love.

It’s gratitude. It’s expression. Own it. Live it. Celebrate it. Share it.

This is not about makeup or selfies or #goals. It’s about you, beneath the filter.

If someone were to call me “vain” nowadays, I’d smile and say “thank you.” I don’t feel like I’ve committed a sin by calling what I see. The gods have not come down to smite me for admiring their creation. I haven’t hurt anyone by loving myself. In fact, I feel that embracing ‘vanity’ has made me a better person.

Lucille Ball once said, “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”

The future is a girl. She stands in front of the mirror and loves what she sees. She wears red lipstick if she feels like it; she wears nothing when she wants to. And she is not ashamed.

Getting Unstuck for 2017. Here’s How…

January 17, 2017January 22, 2024 by Eliza Hurwitzin LOVE

How My Self Esteem and Motivation are Growing With My Lunges

I’m never one to make New Year’s resolutions. Sure, I set little goals for myself, but goal-setting is something I try to remain consistent about throughout the year. This year, however, was different. I’ve been feeling stuck lately in terms of my writing. I haven’t felt inspired and have been severely lacking motivation. This lack of motivation was bleeding into all aspects of my life. I was unhappy, dissatisfied and felt a little lost. I knew I had to make a change. But I discovered that the best way for me to change my sense of self and writing abilities, wasn’t by putting pen to paper, it was through working out.

I’ve always been athletic and enjoyed exercising to some extent. I did gymnastics as a kid and was a cross country runner throughout high school and continue to run today, though not as consistently. Just like my writing, however, I’ve felt stuck in a rut with my workouts, unmotivated and bored. So when my gym was offering a promotion for a personal trainer, I decided to take a risk and go for it. Getting a personal trainer was always something I’ve wanted to do. I just never had the courage, or reason to do it. The promotional deal was just the push I needed to finally try it.

My first workout was a total wakeup call. I did sprints, burpees, squats with weights, a ton of core work in which I threw a giant medicine ball back and forth and a bunch of other things that I never thought I was capable of doing. I was sweaty, smelled awful and was exhausted, but above all else, I felt motivated again. I felt confident in myself and my abilities. I felt like I could push myself further than I had before. I could work harder and I could truly achieve any and every goal I set for myself.

Although I know my workout sessions have just begun, I continue to see and feel this major shift within myself. And, surprisingly, the biggest change hasn’t been in my physical strength, or appearance, though I’m pretty sure yesterday I could make out an outline of a single abdominal muscle in the mirror, it is my mentality, spirit and drive. The fear of writers block has been holding me back, which is something I’m slightly ashamed to admit. It’s been a daily struggle for me to get any form of writing out. Before i began to challenge myself physically, I worried about writing an article, essay or even a journal entry and writing something that I wasn’t proud of, or worse being rejected by others. But when I start my day by bench pressing (80 pounds!) I have faith that I can push myself to write at least 500 words, regardless of the outcome. I’ve learned that it’s more about the journey and less about the end goal.

I’m not advocating for everyone to get a personal trainer. Some people just don’t like exercising and that is totally fine. But I do believe that challenging yourself in some way is so important to your mental and spiritual health. Perhaps challenge yourself by delving into cooking, take a foray into a class or hobby you’ve always wanted to explore. It is only then that are able to stretch, learn, and grow. I know I’ve learned a lot about myself in my workout process. I didn’t know I sweat so much, smelled so bad, or was capable of doing a single pull-up. But, perhaps most importantly, I didn’t know how low my confidence had been until I started taking the necessary steps (and lunges) to build it.

Her and His Story of Sacred Pleasure

January 17, 2017January 22, 2024 by Riane Eislerin Sex

We have been taught that sexuality and the sacred are polar opposites, but they were united in ancient traditions across the globe.

Riane Eisler’s groundbreaking research and writings on ancient cultures reveal this exciting reality about what so many women and men long for today… more meaningful, fulfilling pleasure and loving sexuality.

Music: www.bensound.com

How Did You Pull That?! What I Learned from Dating a Male Model and You Can Too.

January 16, 2017January 22, 2024 by Stephanie Riverain DATING ADVICE, LOVE

There is a special sort of prestige that comes with dating a model.

When I first moved to New York a couple of months ago, I matched on Tinder with a guy who listed his occupation as “male model”, and judging from his photos he wasn’t lying. Even Ray Charles could have seen the man was beautiful. I was intrigued he found me as attractive as I found him attractive, but did my best to not let my insecurities get the best of me. So I allowed Model Boo (his nickname to protect his identity) to get my number so we could get better acquainted.

I showed his photos to several close friends of mine (both male and female) and the consensus was “HOW DID YOU PULL THAT?!” Honestly the answer wasn’t being myself because Model Boo would always tell me how he thought I was hot, but I still said it was my sense of humor. “Keep him around as long as possible,” my friends would urge me. Even Model Boo would tell me to not let him get away.

It was all rainbows and butterflies in the beginning. We’d see each other often, and he’d text me all day long. I model myself, so I’d constantly talk about the industry with him. It was good to talk to someone that knew and understood some of the things I encountered on a regular basis. And even though models have reps about being terrible in bed, Model Boo really knew how to work his love muscle. I was definitely satisfied.

But then, things started changing. I started hearing from him less and less. He started to be less and less generous. And then he did something to me that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Model Boo had asked me to spend the night at his place so we could have morning sex the following morning. I didn’t have any plans, so I agreed. The morning after I slept over, I am in his bathroom showering and I hear the sound of cooking commencing in the kitchen. I’m thinking to myself “Oh how great he is making breakfast for us!” Well, I leave the bathroom and come out to find a dirty dish and pan in the sink. No food in sight. Apparently, Model Boo thought only he was worthy of nourishment in the AM. I was nothing short of seething. This is one of the top five rudest things I have ever been on the receiving end of. How does one have the heart to do this? As I left his apartment I just knew that this was unforgivable and I was never talking to him again. So as soon as he was out of my sight I blocked his number.

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I Always Meet In Public First…Now

January 14, 2017January 22, 2024 by Lisa Lauretain Sex

My relationship is such that if I want to have a little somethin’ somethin’ on the side, I’m free to do so, and vice versa.

My partner and I are both pansexual, so our needs can’t always be fully met by one another, and we also have quite insatiable sexual appetites, so this arrangement works out great for us. Quite often, we like to invite others into our bedroom because as we see it, the more the merrier! I felt the urge to invite someone to join us one Friday night after a set at a show. Because many LA comedy shows are overbooked, they tend to go a little long, and this show was no exception. My attention span can be quite short, especially after having just performed, so, as in many similar situations, I started to play my favorite phone game: Tinder!

I quickly matched with a guy who had some pictures of him playing soccer. He appeared athletic, which, when all I’m in the mood for is sex, is really about all I look for in a guy, at least at first. Now, I will say that I, like everyone reading this, have heard all the reasons to be terrified of meeting up with strangers. In many people’s minds Tinder and other dating apps are filled with nothing but murderers, rapists, and other crazy types. There are a lot of warnings, especially for ladies out there, to be careful before inviting someone into their lives in general, so I tend to be careful about who I invite into my home and whose homes I go into.

One way that I exercise precaution is to meet people in public first. However, after you’ve dated, say, a hundred or so different people, you tend to get sick of the whole meet-up-for-coffee-see-if-there’s-a-vibe routine. Every time I’ve ever done it, it’s been a formality, a fairly unnecessary step toward the inevitable goal of fucking each other’s brains out. It also wastes precious time that could’ve been spent in between, on top of, or underneath the sheets. Because I’d had such good luck up until this point, I decided to throw caution to the wind and just invite the guy right over. Part of my boldness and desire to get right to it was because my partner was going to be home, and this guy seemed to be into the idea of both of us. Pairing that with the fact that he mentioned Tantric massage, and said that was actually something he did professionally, made my decision a no-brainer. So I invited him to come over and give my partner a tantric massage training session of sorts. I felt like this was a pretty safe bet, as my partner is over six feet tall, and works with his hands for a living. He’s a very strong guy, what could be the threat?! WHAT COULD GO WRONG?!

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3 Ways to Date Yourself

January 11, 2017January 22, 2024 by Clementine Francesin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Being single can make you feel sad sometimes. We’ve been conditioned to believe that love is the most important thing in life, and maybe it is!

But, that love can start with us. We can delight in our company! So, in your loneliness, I propose dating yourself. Yes. I said date yourself. Take you out. Love you. Here are three ways you’re probably already doing it, but now change your mindset and the way you go about them:

GO TO A MOVIE! Make it cathartic

I went to see Fences and I cried. It made me realize that I wanted to watch sad movies! There’s a catharsis in them. You get lost in this journey with these people and whatever pains of the day are buried in you can be released in the end. I recommend watching the movie in the evening after the weight of the day has worn you down, you could just get lost in the lives of other and then sleep. My goal is to check out Moonlight and maybe even Manchester By The Sea (ew Casey Affleck) just because I hear they are beautiful which is code for you’re probably going to cry. And if we can’t cry away the expectations of society, how will be free for good things when they come?

TABLE FOR ONE! Own the place.

Take yourself out to a café, or to a restaurant. Yes, go to a nice restaurant, and say you’re a party for one and enjoy a nice steak dinner, or something vegan. Whatever floats your boat. It’s important to enjoy your own company. It’s important to understand that your validation is not with whom you share your company with. You’ve got to be happy with you and not feel embarrassed that other people may pity you. And if they do, so what? Eat your nice meal. But, if a steak dinner is pushing it, café spots are cute to spend some quiet time. I don’t mean Starbucks, but the quiet little café somewhere in a less crowded part of the neighborhood. You go without your laptop, and just enjoy the ambiance, cakes, or spinach crepes they have. And of course people watching!

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Real Life Dating vs. “The Bachelor”: Two Different Journeys

January 6, 2017January 22, 2024 by Kelley Lynnin RELATIONSHIPS

So, as we approach a new year of 2017, and season #847 (I lost track long ago) of The Bachelor, which began this week with 30 women competing for the love of a mop-haired dude named Nick who mumbles and has a lisp – I thought it might be fun to do a humorous but accurate comparison of reality-show life in the dating world, vs. real life in the dating world. Hey, I’m a 45 year old widow who just moved back in with her parents because I can no longer afford life as an adult in NYC. What else do I have to do right now, besides create comparison articles that give me another excuse to lightly mock the hilarity that is The Bachelor? Answer: Nothing. So here we go ….

Meeting for the First Time:

The Bachelor	In real life
On The Bachelor, a first meeting with your new guy starts off by pulling up to a literal mansion, in a limousine, followed by 29 other women who are also meeting your guy/their guy for the first time. You get about 20 seconds or less to make your first impression and say hello – and on this week’s premiere episode, we saw everything from girls feeding Nick maple syrup from their fingers, to a girl dressed up in a dolphin costume. (although everyone on the show insisted she looked more like a shark, but whatever.) Also, if you really impress your new man, you just might receive a “first-impression rose” from him. But, there’s only a 1 in 30 chance of that happening, so the competition is fierce. You also have to worry about what all the other girls are doing, wearing, how they are behaving in comparison to you. In this week’s premiere, more than 15 of the 30 women showed up in red dresses. This was a major cause of trauma and stress for them, and caused them to drink more wine. (what doesn’t on this show?) Also, when meeting your new man, and sharing a moment with him outside laughing or kissing, there is a very good chance that you will be interrupted mid-conversation, by one of the other 29 wine-swilling, red-dress wearing, determined ladies. Just trying to complete a conversation with your new love interest, in reality-tv land, is a huge challenge. Lastly, the first night you meet, might also be your last. If he doesn’t find you appealing enough, he will send you packing on night number one. Harsh.	In real life, a first meeting with your new guy might be the result of friends hooking you up, or of taking a chance on one of the many dating sites offered to us regular folk who don’t go on television to meet our future partners. If you live in a major city, your date probably doesn’t have a car, and you might not want him knowing where you live anyway, in case he’s a serial killer. So it’s really best to meet in the city and just jump on the subway. If you live in the burbs, I still think most people when meeting for the first time, probably meet at said date location. Again, he might be a serial killer. If you really impress your new guy on your date, he may or may not buy you dinner. Where this dinner takes place is another fun mystery! It could be The Ritz, or it could be McDonald’s. Or he could be really cheap and take you for coffee. Either way, there’s no guarantee that he will buy your dinner, (or coffee) as sometimes you meet ungentlemanly dudes who slide the bill over to your side of the table after dinner, and say with a smirk: “Time to settle up.” (not that that’s happened to me personally or anything).If you make a good impression, you may or may not get a goodnight kiss, or sometimes you may mutually decide to go much further, and turn it into a goodnight “hookup.” Then it may get all kinds of awkward the next week, when he never calls you back or texts you even, after exchanging bodily fluids and drinking way too much wine. So, the first night you meet, might also be the last night you ever hear from him again. Or, he might turn out to be a serial killer. Harsh.

The Bachelor

In real life

On The Bachelor, a first meeting with your new guy starts off by pulling up to a literal mansion, in a limousine, followed by 29 other women who are also meeting your guy/their guy for the first time. You get about 20 seconds or less to make your first impression and say hello – and on this week’s premiere episode, we saw everything from girls feeding Nick maple syrup from their fingers, to a girl dressed up in a dolphin costume. (although everyone on the show insisted she looked more like a shark, but whatever.) Also, if you really impress your new man, you just might receive a “first-impression rose” from him. But, there’s only a 1 in 30 chance of that happening, so the competition is fierce. You also have to worry about what all the other girls are doing, wearing, how they are behaving in comparison to you. In this week’s premiere, more than 15 of the 30 women showed up in red dresses. This was a major cause of trauma and stress for them, and caused them to drink more wine. (what doesn’t on this show?) Also, when meeting your new man, and sharing a moment with him outside laughing or kissing, there is a very good chance that you will be interrupted mid-conversation, by one of the other 29 wine-swilling, red-dress wearing, determined ladies. Just trying to complete a conversation with your new love interest, in reality-tv land, is a huge challenge. Lastly, the first night you meet, might also be your last. If he doesn’t find you appealing enough, he will send you packing on night number one. Harsh.

In real life, a first meeting with your new guy might be the result of friends hooking you up, or of taking a chance on one of the many dating sites offered to us regular folk who don’t go on television to meet our future partners. If you live in a major city, your date probably doesn’t have a car, and you might not want him knowing where you live anyway, in case he’s a serial killer. So it’s really best to meet in the city and just jump on the subway. If you live in the burbs, I still think most people when meeting for the first time, probably meet at said date location. Again, he might be a serial killer. If you really impress your new guy on your date, he may or may not buy you dinner. Where this dinner takes place is another fun mystery! It could be The Ritz, or it could be McDonald’s. Or he could be really cheap and take you for coffee. Either way, there’s no guarantee that he will buy your dinner, (or coffee) as sometimes you meet ungentlemanly dudes who slide the bill over to your side of the table after dinner, and say with a smirk: “Time to settle up.” (not that that’s happened to me personally or anything).If you make a good impression, you may or may not get a goodnight kiss, or sometimes you may mutually decide to go much further, and turn it into a goodnight “hookup.” Then it may get all kinds of awkward the next week, when he never calls you back or texts you even, after exchanging bodily fluids and drinking way too much wine. So, the first night you meet, might also be the last night you ever hear from him again. Or, he might turn out to be a serial killer. Harsh.

The Living Environment:

THE BACHELOR	IN REAL LIFE
On The Bachelor, your new love interest lives in a mansion, paid for by a television network. There are lots of cocktail parties and pool parties at this mansion, and there are always lots and lots of other girls at these parties too. YOU also live in a different mansion, or sometimes in various beautiful hotels, whenever your man decides to travel somewhere “amazing”on this “journey” that the network also pays for. You do not live by yourself though. You live with all the other women who are also desperately competing for your man’s love. There are lots of roses given out at random times, and also, during a “ceremony” where multiple girls receive roses. If you get one, you get to stay longer in the mansion or hotel. The living environment you will be in is extremely emotional. You will be living with loads of women, and these women are hormonal, have periods, and have been cut off from the internet and television while on this reality show.	In real life, your new love interest hopefully lives on his own, in a house or an apartment that he rents or owns himself. This is not a guarantee, however. You may be dating a guy who lives with his mommy, or who is “separated” from his wife, but in reality, he’s “never going to leave her.” Your alcohol situation is up to you in real life, so the amount of wine you choose to drink is optional. If you receive roses or other flowers from your man, it is because he really likes you, and you should thank him. You will not be living with multiple women, unless you live in NYC – then you may live in a 2 bedroom apartment with 21 people. If you go on a date with your new man, at least you know that at the end of that date, you won’t be asked to leave your own home. Its pretty much guaranteed that as awful as your date is, you will still be allowed to return home when it has ended. No sad rejection limo necessary. In fact, no limo at all.
The producers also supply them with endless amounts of wine and other alcoholic beverages. They drink wine for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Whenever food appears, nobody eats it. They only drink more wine, and they drink it out of the hugest wine glasses you have ever seen in your life. Your roommates will walk around sometimes in bikini tops, towels, mini-skirts, and sometimes they will make innuendo comments about not wearing underwear. There is a lot of crying. Endless amounts of sobbing coming from all of these women, and you may find yourself sobbing too, should your new man not be paying enough attention to you on a particular day, or should you find yourself out of wine for an hour or more. In between dates, you will spend a lot of time at the mansion, gossiping about other people’s dates with Nick, and making assumptions and probably crying. There is also a lot of sitting around and staring longingly out various windows, like in those commercials for depression medication.
Your roommates will also do a lot of the same, because apparently nobody on this show works, or they have fake jobs that allow them to take 3 months off to film this ridiculous show. You will be rooming with a lot of dental hygenists (there are a minimum of 3 in each season – I think its in the contract), spokesmodels, “dolphin-enthusiasts”, small business owners, and other made up careers that don’t actually exist. There will be a lot of sitting around in hot tubs, holding your giant glass of wine. You may go on a date one night, and come back to find your suitcases sitting out by the front door of the mansion. This means that Nick has sent you home, and you have to go ride in the sad rejection limo.

THE BACHELOR

IN REAL LIFE

On The Bachelor, your new love interest lives in a mansion, paid for by a television network. There are lots of cocktail parties and pool parties at this mansion, and there are always lots and lots of other girls at these parties too. YOU also live in a different mansion, or sometimes in various beautiful hotels, whenever your man decides to travel somewhere “amazing”on this “journey” that the network also pays for. You do not live by yourself though. You live with all the other women who are also desperately competing for your man’s love. There are lots of roses given out at random times, and also, during a “ceremony” where multiple girls receive roses. If you get one, you get to stay longer in the mansion or hotel.

The living environment you will be in is extremely emotional. You will be living with loads of women, and these women are hormonal, have periods, and have been cut off from the internet and television while on this reality show.

In real life, your new love interest hopefully lives on his own, in a house or an apartment that he rents or owns himself. This is not a guarantee, however. You may be dating a guy who lives with his mommy, or who is “separated” from his wife, but in reality, he’s “never going to leave her.” Your alcohol situation is up to you in real life, so the amount of wine you choose to drink is optional. If you receive roses or other flowers from your man, it is because he really likes you, and you should thank him. You will not be living with multiple women, unless you live in NYC – then you may live in a 2 bedroom apartment with 21 people. If you go on a date with your new man, at least you know that at the end of that date, you won’t be asked to leave your own home. Its pretty much guaranteed that as awful as your date is, you will still be allowed to return home when it has ended. No sad rejection limo necessary. In fact, no limo at all.

The producers also supply them with endless amounts of wine and other alcoholic beverages. They drink wine for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Whenever food appears, nobody eats it. They only drink more wine, and they drink it out of the hugest wine glasses you have ever seen in your life. Your roommates will walk around sometimes in bikini tops, towels, mini-skirts, and sometimes they will make innuendo comments about not wearing underwear. There is a lot of crying. Endless amounts of sobbing coming from all of these women, and you may find yourself sobbing too, should your new man not be paying enough attention to you on a particular day, or should you find yourself out of wine for an hour or more. In between dates, you will spend a lot of time at the mansion, gossiping about other people’s dates with Nick, and making assumptions and probably crying. There is also a lot of sitting around and staring longingly out various windows, like in those commercials for depression medication.

Your roommates will also do a lot of the same, because apparently nobody on this show works, or they have fake jobs that allow them to take 3 months off to film this ridiculous show. You will be rooming with a lot of dental hygenists (there are a minimum of 3 in each season – I think its in the contract), spokesmodels, “dolphin-enthusiasts”, small business owners, and other made up careers that don’t actually exist. There will be a lot of sitting around in hot tubs, holding your giant glass of wine. You may go on a date one night, and come back to find your suitcases sitting out by the front door of the mansion. This means that Nick has sent you home, and you have to go ride in the sad rejection limo.

The Dates:

The Bachelor	In real life
On The Bachelor, you should be prepared emotionally and physically for some pretty bizarre dates. You will or will not be chosen for the honor to go out on a date with your new guy, via a “Date Card” that is send via host Chris Harrison. Should you be chosen for a date, you may be lucky and receive a “one on one” date with your man, where you actually get to be alone together for a few hours, or you may be selected as one of a dozen or so others, to participate in a “group date”, which sounds like an orgy but it’s not. Group dates often involve silly activities such as pretending to be comedians and telling jokes about your man onstage, playing a sport of some kind to compete for more time with your man, or other silly-ass things. You will have to find a way to stand out in the crowd on this group date, like maybe pretending to fall ill or faking an injury during the sport playing, so that said man-meat will come running to your rescue. Your man, and other women on the show, may use words to describe the date or to describe anything at all, like “journey”, ‘amazing,” or “terrified.” Please know that in the world of this reality-show, everything is always amazing, and everyone is always terrified. Terrified of getting their heart broken, terrified of rejection, terrified that they won’t get the rose tonight. Terrified, terrified, terrified. If you are lucky enough to get a one-on-one date with your new man, who, in this case is a mumbling fool named Nick who says stuff like: “I don’t know how to sit sideways on a couch” – you will be in store for an incredibly cheesy, manufactured romance-filled day. It may start out with a picnic on a beach or in a park. You may be taken on a helicopter ride over some exotic island somewhere (this show looooves helicopter rides almost as much as they love the word “journey”), or you may be asked to jump off a cliff or skydive or some other risky thing, with your new man, to show that you can trust each other and take chances together. Because everyone knows if you can skydive together and not die, that means you are compatible for marriage and for life. Your date may include dinner, which nobody in the history of the show ever eats. You will drink wine, because not a day goes by without wine drinking. Cameras will follow you everywhere, and you may or may not receive a rose on your date. If you do not receive a rose, you may be asked to get into the rejection limo and go home, because your new guy doesn’t see a future with you. Sorry. If things go well, your date may end with a “private performance” outside somewhere, by some random country artist that is supposedly famous but that nobody has ever heard of. You may make out during this dance, because you get so lost in the moment of thinking that any of this is real in any way, shape, or form. You may tell the cameras that you felt so special and that this was one of the best nights of your life. Then, the very next night, Nick will go out with someone else, and it will probably involve a helicopter or picnic or rock climbing, and you will be sad and jealous. Enter more wine. If you should be one of the lucky ladies to make the top three choices for Nick’s heart this season, your last date with him will be an ‘overnight date”, that comes with the option of staying in the “fantasy suite”, where they turn off the cameras so the two of you can sleep together. If you are the third girl of the three women on dates, you should be aware that this man-whore has probably just got done sleeping with another chick, and then another chick before that – just hours before you sleep with him. In the morning, you will enjoy breakfast with your new man served in bed, and then you will leave promptly so he can get ready for his next date soon. Nothing like feeling special!	In real life, you should be prepared for some pretty bizarre dates. You never know what you’re getting into on the dating sites, or through friends, or out at singles bars. Once you are dating your person for awhile, and have gone on some dates together, you will probably decide to see each other exclusively, and so you will not be competing with a bunch of other women. Yay! You may decide to stay home one night as a date, and rent a movie together and cuddle. No cameras will be following you on your date, so you can do as you please. You can keep getting to know each other, and let yourself be adaptable to different things happening on your dates. Explore new places and conversations. You may get lost in the moments, and there may be intimacy. Enjoy it. When you date someone, whether its two times or for 7 months, try to think of it as getting to know someone new. Making a new connection. If you look at it that way, then no connection will ever feel pointless or like a waste of time. In real life dating and in life, every connection serves a purpose. As for intimacy, I prefer the real life way to the reality show one. Both parties involved in the relationship shall decide if and when the time is right for intimacy. You will not receive a creepy invitation from TV host Chris Harrison, inviting you to stay overnight and supplying you with a key. Instead, you and your partner will make these decisions together, like adults. Real life sex is very complicated and messy, and not as seamless as they make it look on TV. Sometimes you might be having your period. Or the condom doesn’t work right. Or he can’t perform right with the condom. Or you aren’t sure if this guy is really worth you starting up a whole new birth control plan (its a huuuuuge pain in the as, and expensive!) for. Or one of you just isn’t in the mood. Or one or both of you has children, so you have to figure out WHERE to do it and when the kids won’t be around. And then after you have sex, a whole new set of emotions emerges. Things become closer. More intimate. In real life relationships, there are no producers or cameras or manipulating tactics going on. Its all up to the two of you, and where you want to go next.

The Bachelor

In real life

On The Bachelor, you should be prepared emotionally and physically for some pretty bizarre dates. You will or will not be chosen for the honor to go out on a date with your new guy, via a “Date Card” that is send via host Chris Harrison. Should you be chosen for a date, you may be lucky and receive a “one on one” date with your man, where you actually get to be alone together for a few hours, or you may be selected as one of a dozen or so others, to participate in a “group date”, which sounds like an orgy but it’s not. Group dates often involve silly activities such as pretending to be comedians and telling jokes about your man onstage, playing a sport of some kind to compete for more time with your man, or other silly-ass things. You will have to find a way to stand out in the crowd on this group date, like maybe pretending to fall ill or faking an injury during the sport playing, so that said man-meat will come running to your rescue. Your man, and other women on the show, may use words to describe the date or to describe anything at all, like “journey”, ‘amazing,” or “terrified.” Please know that in the world of this reality-show, everything is always amazing, and everyone is always terrified. Terrified of getting their heart broken, terrified of rejection, terrified that they won’t get the rose tonight. Terrified, terrified, terrified.

If you are lucky enough to get a one-on-one date with your new man, who, in this case is a mumbling fool named Nick who says stuff like: “I don’t know how to sit sideways on a couch” – you will be in store for an incredibly cheesy, manufactured romance-filled day. It may start out with a picnic on a beach or in a park. You may be taken on a helicopter ride over some exotic island somewhere (this show looooves helicopter rides almost as much as they love the word “journey”), or you may be asked to jump off a cliff or skydive or some other risky thing, with your new man, to show that you can trust each other and take chances together. Because everyone knows if you can skydive together and not die, that means you are compatible for marriage and for life. Your date may include dinner, which nobody in the history of the show ever eats. You will drink wine, because not a day goes by without wine drinking. Cameras will follow you everywhere, and you may or may not receive a rose on your date. If you do not receive a rose, you may be asked to get into the rejection limo and go home, because your new guy doesn’t see a future with you. Sorry. If things go well, your date may end with a “private performance” outside somewhere, by some random country artist that is supposedly famous but that nobody has ever heard of. You may make out during this dance, because you get so lost in the moment of thinking that any of this is real in any way, shape, or form. You may tell the cameras that you felt so special and that this was one of the best nights of your life. Then, the very next night, Nick will go out with someone else, and it will probably involve a helicopter or picnic or rock climbing, and you will be sad and jealous. Enter more wine. If you should be one of the lucky ladies to make the top three choices for Nick’s heart this season, your last date with him will be an ‘overnight date”, that comes with the option of staying in the “fantasy suite”, where they turn off the cameras so the two of you can sleep together. If you are the third girl of the three women on dates, you should be aware that this man-whore has probably just got done sleeping with another chick, and then another chick before that – just hours before you sleep with him. In the morning, you will enjoy breakfast with your new man served in bed, and then you will leave promptly so he can get ready for his next date soon. Nothing like feeling special!

In real life, you should be prepared for some pretty bizarre dates. You never know what you’re getting into on the dating sites, or through friends, or out at singles bars. Once you are dating your person for awhile, and have gone on some dates together, you will probably decide to see each other exclusively, and so you will not be competing with a bunch of other women. Yay! You may decide to stay home one night as a date, and rent a movie together and cuddle. No cameras will be following you on your date, so you can do as you please. You can keep getting to know each other, and let yourself be adaptable to different things happening on your dates. Explore new places and conversations. You may get lost in the moments, and there may be intimacy. Enjoy it. When you date someone, whether its two times or for 7 months, try to think of it as getting to know someone new. Making a new connection. If you look at it that way, then no connection will ever feel pointless or like a waste of time. In real life dating and in life, every connection serves a purpose. As for intimacy, I prefer the real life way to the reality show one. Both parties involved in the relationship shall decide if and when the time is right for intimacy. You will not receive a creepy invitation from TV host Chris Harrison, inviting you to stay overnight and supplying you with a key. Instead, you and your partner will make these decisions together, like adults. Real life sex is very complicated and messy, and not as seamless as they make it look on TV. Sometimes you might be having your period. Or the condom doesn’t work right. Or he can’t perform right with the condom. Or you aren’t sure if this guy is really worth you starting up a whole new birth control plan (its a huuuuuge pain in the as, and expensive!) for. Or one of you just isn’t in the mood. Or one or both of you has children, so you have to figure out WHERE to do it and when the kids won’t be around. And then after you have sex, a whole new set of emotions emerges. Things become closer. More intimate. In real life relationships, there are no producers or cameras or manipulating tactics going on. Its all up to the two of you, and where you want to go next.

The Proposal:

The Bachelor	In real life
On The Bachelor, should you survive the creepy and tacky “Overnight Date”, and make it into the top two choices for the best wife, you will then have to wait around anxiously, wondering if you are the one that Nick will propose to, or if your love story will end with a sad limo ride to the airport and nothing to show for it. Your man will meet some key members of your family, on television, in a contrived visit where they all get to know him in the course of an hour or two. You will meet his family as well, and they will all pretend as if this is all a perfectly normal way to meet the person you choose to spend your life with. Your man will be visited by a man representing an expensive jewelry store, and he will choose engagement rings, not only for you, but also for the other woman who may become his wife if you don’t. You will get up on the morning of your proposal/non-proposal, and you will stare longingly out at some gorgeous ocean or misty skyline, as you sip your coffee in your silk bathrobe and cameras film you pondering life’s events. Eventually, a limo will pick you up, you will be all dressed up in an elegant gown, and you will walk down a ridiculously long and complicated path to get to your future fiance or your future ex-boyfriend jerk who dumped you on national television. He will take your hands in his, he will review your entire few weeks relationship so the TV audience has a nice build up, and then he will keep us in suspense just a bit longer before either letting you go, or proposing.	In real life, a marriage proposal can happen anytime, in a number of ways, places, circumstances. Real life families are messy and dysfunctional, and their involvement will depend on your relationship with them. A proposal can be planned or spontaneous, and can happen in so many different ways. My husband proposed to me the Sunday before Christmas, in NYC, underneath the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree. It was magical, and meaningful for us, because I’ve always been a christmas freak. A friend of mine proposed to his now wife while they were sitting on the couch together watching a movie. He just decided in that moment that he wanted to be with her like that every day, so he turned to her and said casually: “Would you do me the honor of being my wife?” She said yes, and they went out ring shopping the next morning after breakfast. Every kind of proposal in real life is beautiful to me, because it is so real and it is two people deciding to blend their lives together. There are no cameras or pomp and circumstance (unless you want that), like on a TV show, but to the two people involved, it’s the biggest and most important thing in the world. And it should be. Love IS the biggest thing in the world, and it always will be.
If you are proposed to, you should know that literally 5 minutes earlier, he just dumped the other chick. You should also know that as soon as just a few hours ago, he wasn’t even sure which of you he was going to choose TO BE HIS WIFE. Again, way to make someone feel special! If you are proposed to, sweeping music will play under you as you kiss and he picks you up and spins you in the air and you laugh and laugh. Three months later, you will be all over People magazine, there will be some weird cheating scandal, and you will break up.

The Bachelor

In real life

On The Bachelor, should you survive the creepy and tacky “Overnight Date”, and make it into the top two choices for the best wife, you will then have to wait around anxiously, wondering if you are the one that Nick will propose to, or if your love story will end with a sad limo ride to the airport and nothing to show for it. Your man will meet some key members of your family, on television, in a contrived visit where they all get to know him in the course of an hour or two. You will meet his family as well, and they will all pretend as if this is all a perfectly normal way to meet the person you choose to spend your life with. Your man will be visited by a man representing an expensive jewelry store, and he will choose engagement rings, not only for you, but also for the other woman who may become his wife if you don’t. You will get up on the morning of your proposal/non-proposal, and you will stare longingly out at some gorgeous ocean or misty skyline, as you sip your coffee in your silk bathrobe and cameras film you pondering life’s events. Eventually, a limo will pick you up, you will be all dressed up in an elegant gown, and you will walk down a ridiculously long and complicated path to get to your future fiance or your future ex-boyfriend jerk who dumped you on national television. He will take your hands in his, he will review your entire few weeks relationship so the TV audience has a nice build up, and then he will keep us in suspense just a bit longer before either letting you go, or proposing.

In real life, a marriage proposal can happen anytime, in a number of ways, places, circumstances. Real life families are messy and dysfunctional, and their involvement will depend on your relationship with them. A proposal can be planned or spontaneous, and can happen in so many different ways. My husband proposed to me the Sunday before Christmas, in NYC, underneath the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree. It was magical, and meaningful for us, because I’ve always been a christmas freak. A friend of mine proposed to his now wife while they were sitting on the couch together watching a movie. He just decided in that moment that he wanted to be with her like that every day, so he turned to her and said casually: “Would you do me the honor of being my wife?” She said yes, and they went out ring shopping the next morning after breakfast. Every kind of proposal in real life is beautiful to me, because it is so real and it is two people deciding to blend their lives together. There are no cameras or pomp and circumstance (unless you want that), like on a TV show, but to the two people involved, it’s the biggest and most important thing in the world. And it should be. Love IS the biggest thing in the world, and it always will be.

If you are proposed to, you should know that literally 5 minutes earlier, he just dumped the other chick. You should also know that as soon as just a few hours ago, he wasn’t even sure which of you he was going to choose TO BE HIS WIFE. Again, way to make someone feel special! If you are proposed to, sweeping music will play under you as you kiss and he picks you up and spins you in the air and you laugh and laugh. Three months later, you will be all over People magazine, there will be some weird cheating scandal, and you will break up.

So, after this humorous look at reality-TV dating and love versus real-life dating and love, what do you think? Which sounds better to you? For me, I think I will stick with real life. I don’t really like wine enough to stand around drinking vads of it on the daily, I cant see living in a giant house with 29 other women, and there’s no way in hell I’m going skydiving to prove my love for someone. Even though there is a lot of risk in real-life dating of getting your heart broken, or getting rejected – life is all about risks, and taking a chance could often lead you to the most wonderful, beautiful thing in the world. Everything beautiful starts with somebody making that first move, and then it just grows from there. I think that most of the audience for The Bachelor is young women. At least from what I have seen, a lot of women watch the show. I don’t think they watch it because they WANT what they see on the show. I think they watch it because it’s a form of escape, its a form of fantasy, and it’s a form of silly, meaningless fun. This might seem like a strange comparison, but I think that a lot of women watch The Bachelor for similar reasons that men watch porn. We KNOW none of it is real, we know its all fake and manipulated and that most of the couples that get engaged on the show end up breaking up later anyway – but watching it is a turn-on anyway. It brings to life that image of the knight in shining armor, coming to rescue us. More importantly, we see ourselves as that final girl that was chosen. Out of all those women, he chose HER. We see ourselves as HER, and then we think about the relationships we have in our own lives, and consider how lucky we truly are – because that person, my person, chose me. Out of everyone in the universe they could have chosen, they chose me.

Limos and roses and exotic islands and hot tubs aside, give me real-life romance and love any day of the week. Fantasy is fun and a nice escape to look at, when you don’t feel like thinking about anything. But real life, true, intense, beautiful, all-encompassing love??? That’s hot!!! And I don’t even have to rush out of the Fantasy Suite the morning after, so they can prep it for the next girl.

If You Have Broken Up with Your Partner, Can You Get Those Feelings Back?

January 5, 2017January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

Is it really over?

Good news: You can rekindle love.

Researchers call it “love regulation.” A new study by psychologists at the University of Missouri—St. Louis and Erasmus University Rotterdam found that people can use thoughts to increase how much they love someone. People can also willfully decrease love, say after a breakup.

In the study, published in August in the journal PLOS One, 40 participants—half of whom were in a romantic relationship and half of whom had recently broken up with a partner—each brought 30 pictures of their beloved into a lab. First, they were instructed to look at the pictures while thinking positive thoughts about their partner, the relationship and their future together. Then, they were instructed to look at the pictures again and think negative thoughts about their partner, the relationship and their future.

Before they started and after each task, the participants were asked how attached to and infatuated with their partner they felt. Researchers also measured their brain waves, homing in on the Late Positive Potential Brainwave, which becomes stronger when people focus on something they find emotionally relevant.

When the participants had positive thoughts while looking at the pictures, they were able to “up regulate” their love—they reported feeling more attached to their partner, the researchers found. And their LPP Brainwave was stronger. When the participants had negative thoughts they “down regulated” their love, reporting less attachment and infatuation. The people in a relationship also had weaker LPP Brainwaves.

“People think they can’t control love so they might not even try,” says Sandra Langeslag, lead researcher on the study and assistant professor in the department of psychological sciences at the University of Missouri—St. Louis. “But this study shows you that you can.”

Psychologists are mixed on whether love is an emotion. Like emotions, it is complex and produces physiological and psychological changes. But it isn’t fleeting and doesn’t have a clear trigger as do anger or joy. Love may be more like a mixture of other feelings, some say.

People often feel like love is something that happens to them rather than something they can influence. It is true we can’t control love, as “control implies suppressing it and being king or queen of it,” says Susan David, a psychologist at Harvard Medical School and author of “Emotional Agility.” But we can, and do, shape and manage our emotions every day, and love is no different, Dr. David says.

Love in Control

To regulate love, we need to use cognitive and behavioral tactics early and often:

- Think positive thoughts.Focus on what you like about your partner and the relationship. Imagine happy future scenarios, such as dancing at your child’s wedding. And write these things down. Research shows that people who write about loving their partner improve their relationship.
- Make small tweaks.Hug goodbye in the morning; greet your partner warmly when you come home; listen when he or she talks. Engaging with your partner is an antidote to apathy and complacency, which kill love.
- Smile at your partner.Smiling produces neural messaging in your brain that makes you happier. Some studies have shown that when we smile our facial muscles contract, which slightly distorts the shape of the thin facial bones. This leads to an increase in blood flow into the frontal lobes of the brain and the release of the feel-good chemical dopamine. And when we smile at someone, that person tends to smile back. So we’ve created a feel-good loop.
- Have sex.Even if neither of you really feels like it, advises Nando Pelusi, a clinical psychologist in New York. It too releases feel-good chemicals in the brain, including oxytocin, the bonding hormone. You can actually be more attracted and attractive to your partner after sex.

Broaden your perspective.You see your partner a certain way. But how do others see him or her? Psychologists employ an “empty chair” exercise to help clients imagine having a conversation with another person. Envision your partner’s best friend or mother sitting in a chair across from you. What would that person say your partner’s best qualities are? Why does he or she love your partner? “We get consumed by focusing on what someone didn’t do, by the qualities a person lacks,” says Dr. David. “This helps us flip the focus.”
Let it go.We all have the proverbial sock on the floor—the seemingly small thing our partner does that comes to represent everything wrong in the relationship. Dr. David suggests reminding yourself it is just a sock. Try to pick it up without resentment. This applies to any pet peeve you have about your partner. Your spouse didn’t leave the sock on the floor because he doesn’t love you. He’s just messy. “If he ever weren’t alive, you’d do anything to have that sock back on the floor,” Dr. David says. Remember that.
Try new things together. Research shows that when romantic partners try something new together they feel more attracted to each other. So explore a new part of town or take up a new hobby jointly. Bonus tip: The more exciting the new thing is—the more adrenaline producing—the more attracted you will be.
Ask questions. When people first meet, they talk nonstop. And researchers have learned they can foster intimacy, and even love, between two strangers simply by having them answer a set of questions that gradually become more intimate. Start talking about your hopes and dreams again. Ask each other what you’d each eat for a last meal, where you want to go before you die, what time of life were you happiest.

Curated by Timothy
Original Article

Do You Need Couples Therapy or Just a Rest?

January 5, 2017January 22, 2024 by Mike Lousadain RELATIONSHIPS

What is your realization from the past year?

By any standards, 2016 was one hell of a year for most people. Horrors from Syria, the continued threat of terrorism and the geo-political upheavals that we saw have made most of us more on-edge than usual. I had my own personal battles with professional and personal challenges and issues coming up left, right and centre it seemed. In the second half of the year I felt more or less constantly bombarded by painful reflections back from others, difficult situations or things demanding that I grow.

It’s not surprising that this took a toll on my relationship with my beloved. Our stress turned in on ourselves and at some point on one another. We got into a pattern of criticizing and blaming far more than we would normally do. Was there something wrong in our relationship? Had the magic left us? Are we falling out of connection? All these things worried us until I had one of those life changing a-ha moments.

I realized that no matter how much we tried to find each other, no matter how conscious we were about our feelings, our stories, our projections, we still ended up going round in self-destructive patterns or creating separation from the other. It seemed like no amount of conscious relating was going to change the pattern.

And then I got it. I realized that there wasn’t anything fundamentally wrong in our relationship. There was something going on at a cellular level in my body. My nervous system had been under pressure for so long that it was constantly looking for what it perceived might be a threat. And of course when we start looking, we find something!

I realized that the Fight-Flight part of my nervous system (the sympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system for those neuro-geeks out there) was over-firing. That part of our nervous system is designed to keep us safe by looking out for danger. It’s part of why we’re so successful as a species, because we have this innate radar for danger hard-wired into us.

But the system can go wrong. Part of what happens when the Fight-Flight is activated is that our perception of people’s emotional expressions changes; we see friendly faces as neutral or even hostile. In effect it creates an altered state of reality. In this place, allowing intimacy is very difficult – because my beloved’s caring face was being perceived by my nervous system as a threat – even though it wasn’t one.

Since both our nervous systems had been more activated than usual we were both at a raised level of alert – much closer than normal to the level where our brain tells us “watch out, this is dangerous”. So the smallest thing would set us off into a defensive pattern of behavior – basically we went into Fight or Flight at every perceived mis-step from the other.

The moment I realized this, things began to shift. We didn’t need couples therapy or counseling or time apart – it was some down time, a period to allow our nervous systems to recalibrate and calm down.

Fortunately the Christmas holidays were just around the corner and this allowed us both to have some time away from the stresses of work, have some lie-ins and duvet days and just calm ourselves down.

Our culture puts so much pressure on us to be “on” all the time, to work longer hours, to be more social or to always be “doing” something. Even the background hum of noise in a city creates a raised level of nervous system response, activating our Fight-Flight reaction more easily than is healthy for us. All these things make our nervous system shift into a lower gear, watching more closely for danger. In this place it’s much harder to be loving, to not be defensive or critical (of yourself or others).

What most of us need is to recalibrate our nervous systems so that we bring down our base-level of activation to allow more ease and calm in our lives. I’m happy to say that since this realization we’ve quickly got back to our old loving selves, we’ve reconnected and intimacy is flowing between us once more – it’s a relief for us both.

If you’re in a similar position, maybe there’s nothing wrong with your relationship at all, maybe you don’t need a break or even therapy for this. Maybe you just need a good rest.

So how can you calm your nervous system? Here are a few ways to help you.

Make sure you get enough undisturbed sleep: Disrupted sleep makes people grumpy and more alert to danger. If you can, take short “power-naps” of 15-20 minutes in the daytime.

Slow down: Eat slowly, don’t rush late to appointments and give yourself time. The more we rush the more our nervous system gets activated. Slowing down helps calm your body and mind.

Breath: Deep breathes with an emphasis on the out breath, slightly extending the exhalation activate the opposite of your Fight-Fight reaction, helping change your body chemistry and calm you.

Enjoy a higher quality experience of love this year. Become a LOVE TV Member today.

My New Year’s Resolution: Real Human Connection

January 3, 2017January 22, 2024 by Jennifer Ashley Greenein RELATIONSHIPS

It’s so much more rewarding to say hello and share a laugh with someone than to beat your last level of Candy Crush.

You know when you’re talking with someone and you zone out for 30 seconds and come back only because you’ve realized she’s stopped talking and you have to say something to acknowledge that you’ve been listening (which you haven’t) and now your only option is to nod, say “mm hm” and pray that you didn’t just call your friend fat or tell her to quit her job or get a divorce? Yeah. That’s the worst. It’s called not being present, and we could all use a lot of work on this, especially in this day and age where people snapchat while they’re on a date.

I live in NYC. I take the subway daily. Often, I look around and observe my fellow commuters, hoping to make eye contact with, or smile at, someone. What I’ve noticed more and more in recent years, is how rarely people actually look up when they’re on the train. It seems people would rather focus their attention on their phones than interact with another human being. I find this incredibly unfortunate, as human connection is such a basic need in life. It’s so much more rewarding to say hello and share a laugh with someone than to beat your last level of Candy Crush.

I’m not sure when it became such an endeavor to engage with other people. I want to say it was around the time that smart phones surfaced, but I know they’re not entirely to blame. Truth be told I think not being present is a bigger issue. It’s a choice that we actively make to disconnect in our daily lives. We are all so very busy. We pile more and more “stuff” on our plates because we think we need to fill every minute of the day with something. We don’t. Constantly multitasking, we’ve convinced ourselves that there’s just not enough time. There is. We text while we drive, email while we walk, and scroll Facebook while we eat. The problem with multitasking is that, as with most things, the more we practice it, the easier it becomes.

What would be the worst thing that would happen if we didn’t look at a text message while in the company of a friend? Or check for new emails at a red light or while working out? The text/email would still be there right? It might go unanswered for an hour, but for that hour we would have been in the moment and enjoyed time with a friend, driven safely, or had a great workout! We might have connected with another person, and fulfilled the basic need of human connection that smartphones simply can’t replace.

Have you ever been on a date with someone who checked his/her phone several times during your conversation? Have you been on a date with someone who didn’t? Who would you prefer to date? When we refrain from looking at our phones, we send a message to the person we’re with, that his/her time is more valuable than our screens, and that’s a pretty great feeling. The guy who chooses to make his date feel more important than his incoming email, will 9 times out of 10 get a second date, and that’s the goal, right?

I once read that you should put your phone down for an hour a day. Whether you silence it or turn it off is up to you, but you can’t touch it for an hour. I also suggest leaving your phone in your purse (or pocket) when you’re having dinner with a friend. Whatever you do, just remember that you never know whose day you might be making by simply saying hello. It’s the safe choice to avoid eye contact and go into zombie mode playing Sudoku. The alternative is so much more rewarding. As with everything else we practice, if we really work on staying in the moment, it’ll become second nature, and we’ll be able to truly connect with people and possibly form a lasting connection; and at the very least, we’ll know just how to respond to our friend when her story ends.

Financial Health and Real Resolutions to Make Your Relationship Fit

January 2, 2017January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin LOVE

You make new year’s resolutions every year for yourself. But now that you’re in a twosome, it’s time to tackle this year’s to-do together.

“Making resolutions as a couple bonds you,” explains relationship expert April Masini. And, bonus, making relationship resolutions with a partner holds you accountable to them, says Rachel Needle, Psy.D, clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist.

But where to begin? Here are six new year’s relationship resolutions our experts say you should take on together.

1. Schedule a set time to connect each day.

Life sometimes gets in the way of connecting with our partners. This year, promise to set aside a specific time each day that you and your significant other will spend quality time together, suggests Needle. “Many couples touch base throughout the day but spend that time only reviewing the mundane details,” she says. With your resolution, decide the time you set aside is time you’ll really connect. “You can catch up on the day,” she says, “but also discuss feelings about the day or try asking your partner questions that help you to continue to get to know them more intimately.”

2. Get financially fit.

Make this the year you hit your financial goals. “Whether it’s a financial bucket list, a debt reduction plan, a vacation savings plan, or deciding what to do with a gift, financial goal-setting as a couple is a wonderful way to start off the new year,” says Masini. “It lets you feel you’re taking charge of your money, together. That’s not just a good feeling, it’s a relief of stress over financial issues that you’ve not dealt with.”

3. Plan more time to be sexual together.

Sex is a key component of a healthy relationship. So if your sex life could use a boost, set a resolution to no longer put sex on the back burner. “Make a commitment to prioritize being sexual together and plan it,” says Needle. “Having one of your new year’s resolutions devoted to this shows that you understand the importance of continued physical intimacy in your relationship and makes it more likely it will happen.” Needle also suggests planning new things to try this year in bed — or out.

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Ashley Graham Is First Plus-Size Model to Cover British “Vogue”

December 31, 2016January 22, 2024 by Sarah Ewaldin Wellness

Model Ashley Graham is busting boundaries left and right.

Earlier this year, she covered Maxim and the coveted Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Now, she’s landed the cover of the fashion bible of the U.K., the British version of Vogue. Shot by famed photographer Patrick Demarchelier, Graham’s cover will be for the January 2017 issue.

Graham is a plus-size model, so her covering these storied publications shows that the fashion industry is coming around to including a wider variety of body types. Let’s hope American Vogue sees this, and follows suit.

Graham’s cover for British Vogue arrives on newsstands today.

What 2016 Taught Me About Love: A Widow’s Perspective

December 31, 2016January 22, 2024 by Kelley Lynnin LOVE

If there is one thing I have learned and continue to learn from my husband’s sudden death, it is that Love Heals. It’s true.

In the summer of 2011, I thought I already knew everything about love. After all, I was 35 years old, and very happily married for 4 years, 9 months, and counting. It had taken me such a long time to find my soul-mate, my best friend, my everything – and I had already been through traumas and past relationships an boyfriends that were absolutely awful and that weighed heavily on my heart.Most of the men previous to my husband that I had been with, did not treat me too well. And then there were the ones I wasn’t with. None of the good guys were ever interested in me. They always wanted my skinnier, blonder, smaller friends. I had been through rejection so many times – un-returned love – that phrase: I love you as a friend – it could have been my bumper sticker. So after all that, I was finally gifted with this beautiful and loving and decent and kind and inspiring man, who wanted nothing more in life than to spend every day finding more ways to make me safe and happy. And we would love each other and laugh together and grow old together and live in NYC and then retire in Florida, and live happily ever after. Well, that was the plan.

Yeah. I knew everything I needed to know about love.

Until I didn’t.

On July 13th, 2011, everything that I thought I knew about life and about love, got tossed into a blender on high-speed, and hasn’t stopped spinning since. For that was the day that life, as I knew it, stopped. My beautiful husband of 4 years and 9 months, who was just 46 years old and had zero symptoms or warnings, left for work and never came home. He went into cardiac arrest, and they found him collapsed on the floor. Massive heart-attack. His life gone, and mine forever changed. I was about to learn so many new things about love, whether I wanted to or not.

2016 was my fifth year without him. It was, by far, the year that was filled with the most amount of changes, transitions, emotions, and questions. I had a lot of “firsts” in my 5th year of life without my husband. For the first time since his death, I could actually begin to see and feel what it might be like to consider the possibility of someone else. I met someone in a completely unexpected way, where neither one of us was pursuing the other, but there was a very natural connection between us as we continued to talk and get to know one another. We met in person this past spring, and face to face, that connection was undeniable. Because he is also widowed, we shared special moments together such as going to visit his wife at the cemetery, and going to my husband’s favorite beach in Florida, where I had scattered his ashes. I had my first kiss since my husband’s death, with this person, and it was really quite lovely. I was so afraid that kissing someone else would feel weird, wrong, or incredibly sad. But it was none of those things. It was special and in the moment and somehow in slow-motion, and I could feel my husband’s presence there, and he was insanely happy for me. I think I heard him breathing a sigh of relief for me. All the things that I had feared, about having feelings for someone else, turned to dust. Like I said, I thought I knew all there was to know about love. But before my husband’s shocking death, I actually knew very little. Here are just a few of the bigger lessons I learned about love, in the year 2016:

It’s Possible to Get Butterflies Again

Remember that feeling of being 16 or 17, and going out with a boy that you really liked a lot, and your stomach did these sort of flips and went upside down and back around again, and you felt like you were floating on a cloud? Yeah. I had no idea that it was possible to feel that again at age 44, and as a widow, to boot! When I met my widower friend in Florida this past spring, I felt exactly that, and it was magical. It was also kind of hilarious. After spending almost an entire day together driving around to different places in his truck, and being treated like a lady by the most genuine gentleman I had ever witnessed, he drove me back to my parent’s friend’s house where I was staying, and we stood next to his truck and said goodnight. The front light went on as we were out there, which I found hysterically funny. Even funnier was walking into the house, where my mom’s friend anxiously awaited my news. “So … how was it? Was there that same connection in person? Did he kiss you?” – “I think I kissed him!”, I responded, giggling like a teenager. I can’t explain it, but something took over that night, and that week, inside me. It was like I had this courage in saying and acting upon how I was feeling. I had no problem at all telling this person that I wanted him to kiss me, and I had no problem being flirtatious and slightly forward, in the hopes of that happening. The “other” me would have never done something like that. I would have been way too afraid, too shy, and too concerned with what he would think about me. But let me tell you something – nothing is as terrifying as losing your love and the life you knew, and having to start over again, when you don’t even want to. Having to live life again, when everything inside you just wants to lay down and stop the pain. Everything else pales in comparison. So taking a chance and going in to kiss someone, because I really like them, and it feels nice? Sure. Why the hell not?

Modern Day Dating is a Shit-Show

So, as it turns out, this wonderful man who I still have this beautiful connection and growing friendship with, is not yet in a place to label us as something, or to take that risk on love or a relationship. So, we continue to build and marinate in what we now have, and we see what happens. In the meantime, spending time with him in person opened me up to the realization that I no longer wish to be alone in this life. I will love my husband forever and he will always be my soul-mate, but the heart expands for more love, and humans were not meant to be alone. The thought of not having someone to share life with, ever again, just makes me feel awful inside. So, on the suggestion of my grief-counselor back in April, I joined a couple of dating sites, in the hopes of having some light-hearted and casual fun again, and maybe going on some nice dates again, and feeling attractive and wanted again, because those were things that were now awakened inside me. I wanted more.

Dating sites are not for the faint of heart. I learned this pretty quickly after joining them. People communicate differently today. To me, it’s barely communicating at all. Most of the men don’t want to actually TALK – they just want to get your phone number IMMEDIATELY, and then text endlessly until one of us dies. Whenever I would mention meeting up in person, they would run away like little boys and disappear forever. (I’m guessing most of them were probably married and looking for a discreet side-piece. Yuck.) You run into all types on there. Lots of liars. Lots of guys who don’t know what the hell they want at all. Guys who will talk up 4 or 5 women at the same time, then just stop contact with the ones who probably won’t sleep with him immediately. There are mean people, nice people, weird as hell people, people with unbelievably strange sexual fetishes that they feel comfortable telling you about after a 5 minute chat on the site. (I could have done without knowing that Jerry from Long Island wants to sniff my dirty feet and panties, for example. Eewwwww.) There are people who will hurt you and say mean things, just because they can. My very first date from the dating sites, sent me a text the day after our date, to inform me that we will not be going out again, because “I don’t date fat girls, and you’re fat. You don’t look fat in your profile pic, but you are.” I told him that he didn’t look like an asshole in his profile picture, but he is. It wasn’t all bad though. Really. I grew a thicker skin being on those sites, and I realized pretty quickly that none of it was about me. The way people act, the way they treat women, how they behave – all of that is a reflection on them, not me. And for all the jerks and the guys who were mean or just disappeared entirely, I met many more both in person and in chatting, that were simply just nice and down to earth people. I had a couple of really nice dates, and one that blossomed into a great friendship that I think will be a life-long one. There were quite a few guys on the sites who genuinely thought I was beautiful, and who found me attractive. This did wonders for my ego, which was so wounded by my husband’s death, and by going 5 years without anyone wanting me or saying I look pretty or that they miss me or love hearing my voice or seeing my face. In the end, going on the dating sites gave me evidence that other men in the world, besides my dear husband, would find me desirable again. It gave me some of my confidence back, and that is a beautiful thing.

Having Your Heart Broken Really Sucks

So after a couple of months on the dating sites, I met someone. Another widower (I’m sensing a pattern here) here in NY. We began talking, and then met in person a few weeks later. Things went well. I knew early on that this was not a person I would end up with long-term, for several reasons, but he made me feel good about myself. He couldn’t keep his hands off me, and for a girl who was told her whole life I love you as a friend, it felt kind of amazing. I got lost in it. I let the tiny little red-flags that I felt pinging in my heart about him slide, because it felt so damn good to feel wanted and sexy again. My heart cried out for him and felt for him, because he is a widower, and his loss was so sudden and tragic, and his story tugged at my heart. I treated his heart with extra gentle care, always being 100% honest with him about my intentions and where we were headed, because I never wanted to be the person that caused him additional pain. We drifted into a relationship with each other, and for the first time since my husband’s death, I was intimate again. The sex was new and exciting and often, and I brought him into parts of my life that are special to me. He met my friends. He met my widowed community, and I took him with me to the support/social group I run for widowed people through Soaring Spirits International. We continued our relationship for about 5 months, and then things ended rather abruptly and badly. He lied about a lot of things. He tried to make a fool of me. He replaced me in a hot second, with another widow even, and in the cruelest of ways. I’m pretty sure he was seeing her while he was also with me, which means he was cheating and not being honest with me for months. The worst part of all this, is that he refused to acknowledge ANY of it, and didn’t respond to my attempts to get some clarity on why he would do this to me. I was not in love with him, but I did love him. As a human being. As a friend. As my first relationship and intimacy after my husband’s death. All of those things were special to me. Thinking they were special to him too, and that I was special – and then finding out otherwise, really hurt. And whenever things really hurt for a widowed person, it just makes us long to have everything we lost, back again.

Good Things Take Time

So as 2016 comes to a close, I have learned so many things about myself, about others, and about love and dating after loss. One big thing I learned is that you can’t force someone to see something or feel something, when they just aren’t there yet. Sometimes its simply not possible to see something that’s right in front of you, until you are truly ready to see it. Just 2 years ago, if you had told me that someone would have given me butterflies in my stomach or that I would be having my first kiss soon, or that I would be in my first relationship, and suffer an awful heartbreak – I would have laughed in your face. I couldn’t even picture myself in any of those positions at that time. I have come to know and believe that good things take time, and you can’t live someone else’s grief or pain or process for them. They have to do it themselves. But you CAN offer support and friendship, let them know that you truly care and that you aren’t going anywhere. And then you just say that over and over, and find ways to show them, and then you sit back and hope that they can hear you.

If there is one thing I have learned and continue to learn from my husband’s sudden death, it is that Love Heals.It’s true. Love is the great healer of all things, and all good things are born out of love. If there is someone out in the world that feels like there is no point, or feels like they are not worthy or capable of a joyous life, the love of another person, when accepted, can heal those wounds. Simply loving another person for everything they are, right this minute, today, without expecting them to be anything additional or anything different – can heal even the most damaged of hearts.

I heard something soon after my husband’s death, in the days where I felt darkest and most hopeless, that resonated with me deeply. A married couple who had been been together for decades, were dealing with the husband’s illness. As he lay there dying, in his last days, his wife cried to him and she asked: How am I supposed to live without you?

He replied: Take the love you have for me, and spread it around.

That’s it right there. Grief is just love, with no outlet. It is love, with nowhere to go. When you open your heart and continue to let love in, that is what brings the person you lost feel closer than ever, and that is how you can live again.

Happy New Year, and Happy Loving!

DIY a Holiday Relationship Wish List with Your SO

December 23, 2016January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin Mind

There are likely many items you are hoping for this holiday season, but did you know that gift giving is a perfect opportunity to think about how to improve your life.

You can ask for self care items, such as a massage gift card or a Fit Bit. Maybe you’ve had your eye on a special symbolic piece of jewelry or the newest electronic that will bring you joy. As you are thinking about your answer to that very popular question this time of the year, “what do you want for Christmas?” I urge you to consider making your relationship a priority.

Here are 5 things to think about when putting together your wish list that will lead to improvements in your relationship.

1. Think about something that will help you connect:

The foundation to a great relationship is having a solid friendship. Having a satisfying connection with another person can be difficult when life is busy and other tasks get in the way. Think about items for your wish list that will allow you to spend time together doing something that enhances your enjoyment and provides the space for quality time. Some ideas: Board games, Cookbooks, DIY books, dance lessons, couples spa day, Topgolf membership, Dave and Buster’s giftcard

2. Items that will help you reach a common goal or complete a project:

Research has shown that couples who share dreams and goals have longer-lasting, more satisfying relationships. Talk about your ideas for your future with your partner and come up with a project that will help you get there. You can work on the activity together, which also creates a stronger bond. Some ideas: tools and supplies for a home improvement venture, funds for a family vacation, a nice camera to document special memories, a personalized calendar to schedule family events

3. A Couples Retreat or Workshop:

A couples retreat can be the perfect way to work on enhancing your relationship and have fun. You can search for one out of town or stay local. They are typically based in scientific findings and involve engaging activities. You can use the time away to relax, have deep conversations with your partner, and do something you both enjoy like eating at a new restaurant, and learn new skills to make your relationship last. If you are unable to go out of town or feel uncomfortable with the idea of attending a workshop or retreat, you can buy a home workshop.

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I believe we should redefine the word ‘vanity’ for ourselves.

Confession time.

I believe we should redefine the word ‘vanity’ for ourselves.

The moment we apologize for voicing our position, we lose our freedom to have one.

When a woman looks in the mirror and loves what she sees, nothing can stop her.

It’s not self-promotion; it’s self-possession. This is me, taking ownership of myself in a way that makes me feel empowered.

Vanity, redefined, is self-love.

How My Self Esteem and Motivation are Growing With My Lunges

We have been taught that sexuality and the sacred are polar opposites, but they were united in ancient traditions across the globe.

Music: www.bensound.com

There is a special sort of prestige that comes with dating a model.

My relationship is such that if I want to have a little somethin’ somethin’ on the side, I’m free to do so, and vice versa.

Being single can make you feel sad sometimes. We’ve been conditioned to believe that love is the most important thing in life, and maybe it is!

GO TO A MOVIE! Make it cathartic

TABLE FOR ONE! Own the place.

Meeting for the First Time:

The Living Environment:

The Dates:

The Proposal:

Is it really over?

Good news: You can rekindle love.

Love in Control

What is your realization from the past year?

It’s so much more rewarding to say hello and share a laugh with someone than to beat your last level of Candy Crush.

You make new year’s resolutions every year for yourself. But now that you’re in a twosome, it’s time to tackle this year’s to-do together.

But where to begin? Here are six new year’s relationship resolutions our experts say you should take on together.

1. Schedule a set time to connect each day.

2. Get financially fit.

3. Plan more time to be sexual together.

Model Ashley Graham is busting boundaries left and right.

If there is one thing I have learned and continue to learn from my husband’s sudden death, it is that Love Heals. It’s true.

Yeah. I knew everything I needed to know about love.

It’s Possible to Get Butterflies Again

Modern Day Dating is a Shit-Show

Having Your Heart Broken Really Sucks

Good Things Take Time

He replied: Take the love you have for me, and spread it around.

Happy New Year, and Happy Loving!

There are likely many items you are hoping for this holiday season, but did you know that gift giving is a perfect opportunity to think about how to improve your life.

Here are 5 things to think about when putting together your wish list that will lead to improvements in your relationship.

1. Think about something that will help you connect:

2. Items that will help you reach a common goal or complete a project:

3. A Couples Retreat or Workshop: