Author: Gina Cloud

Unleashing your inner Wild W.O.M.A.N.

by Gina Cloudin Body, Mind, Wellness

I’ve promised to explore each of the letters in W.O.M.A.N, and so I want to begin with the “W,” wild.  When I speak of wild in all that I write, I am not speaking of the Girls Gone Wild, MTV version or the kind that emulates male promiscuity.  I speak of a primal wildness borne of the soul and rooted in our bodies.  It is a most crucial aspect of who we are as women, and sadly a place most never visit within themselves or share with another.  That other is the truly wild man (speaking as a heterosexual woman), and I’ll get to him a little bit later, but let’s focus on the Wild Woman for now.

As I often share from my life, I can speak about the Wild Woman from a place of deep personal knowing.  She is the creature that feeds and renews my soul, and always has been, even before I knew her name.  So often in my life people refer to me as a “creature,” and it always makes me smile, because it means that they can “see” that wildness in me, front and center.  There is a duality in us as women – a tenderness of heart and this wild creature.  We are socialized to love and treasure that heart, and burned at the stake when we celebrate the wildness.  As you read this, see if you can call up a memory, a time in your life that you felt truly free, alive and instinctual.  If you can, then you have known your Wild Woman.  But don’t despair if you haven’t.  She is and always has been with you.

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Of late, I’ve found myself ruminating on past relationships and realized that I have almost always let my heart, and not my Wild Woman choose my partners.  With the exception of one man, who was truly wild, they were not.  What I also realized is that because my Wild Woman was not part of that decision making process, but such a huge part of who Gina is, she ultimately was the one who made me move on.  I had not integrated her in my relationships, but she was fully present in my aloneness.  And so after what was usually several years, she would whisper or yell loudly, depending on my level of disconnect from her at the time, that she was bored and unfulfilled and would ultimately lead me out of every relationship of which she had not been a part from the beginning.  And then I would languish with her for a very long time in my aloneness.  This is part of the duality of which I speak.  Somehow we end up needing to be alone to feed her, and she will not go hungry, let me tell you!!!!!!  But having known one wild man, I know there are more.

Some women are afraid of their Wild Woman.  Many women experience her for the first time in dancing or in their sexuality.  Since society has tended to label us as promiscuous for enjoying our bodies and our sexuality (or witches!), most women subscribe to that in large or small part, and just send her packing.  But she will not be silenced for long.  For some reason in my own life, she has always been the voice I hear most clearly, and is the reason I crave freedom beyond all else.  I was never a woman who daydreamed about a wedding, and in actuality saw marriage as a prison for women.  I feel my wildness in my very core, and would rather be alone than to be with a man who is not truly wild.

So what is true wildness versus the idea that wildness equals naked bodies acting crazy?  We have all seen nature programs on TV.  When you watch wild cats or wolves stalk, hunt and devour their prey, you don’t judge them or call them bad.  You recognize that this is nature; natural, wild and pure,  that those animals are acting instinctually.  They don’t judge themselves or their actions.  They are simply free and true to what they are.  They live as their nature instructs them, through all of their senses.  They eat when hungry, sleep when moved to, have sex when it feels natural to.  They are naked and wild.  To live in harmony with our instincts and our senses, animated by our souls is what I speak of as wildness.
Does it make your heart race to see wild animals hunting one another?  Yes, but it is survival and it is part of being wild.

I love not knowing what I’m going to do next.  That might sound peculiar, but it’s the truth.  Living in total harmony with my Wild Woman means I don’t know what’s next.  I am a slave to the drives and hungers of my body most of the time, and what those are vary from day to day. Needless to say, being this way can scare people – men specifically.  My daughter also tells me that I scare her sometimes because I am unpredictable, though  not in a bad way.  What I have learned is that in honoring her, my Wild Woman, I can live, really live free.  Whenever I feel imprisoned in my life, it is because I have not fed and cared for Her.  And when I do, I am electric, fearless and attract-ive.

One of my favorite books is “Women Who Run With the Wolves,” by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.  It is filled with stories about the various aspects of our instinctual natures as women.  She speaks of the duality of woman in this way: “Anyone close to a wildish woman is in fact in the presence of two women; an outer being and an interior criatura(creature), one who lives in the topside world, one who lives in the world not so easily seeable.  The outer being lives by the light of day and is easily observed.  She is often pragmatic, acculturated, and very human.  The criatura, however often travels to the surfaces from far away, often appearing and then as quickly disappearing, yet always leaving behind a feeling: something surprising, original, and knowing.”

She is the part of you that is inspired and unpredictable.  She is the part that draws people to you in an inexplicable and compulsive way.  They don’t know what it is about you, but they can’t take their eyes off of you.  She is the part that makes you feel comfortable in your own skin, especially when you are naked.  If you feel at all afraid of this part of yourself, please don’t!!  You must simply remember that she is YOU.  You can begin to get to know her at any time.  How?  It’s really very simple, as she requires little to feel fed.  Sensuality is a very big part of the Wild Woman, as it is in the animal kingdom.  Pay attention to how you move through space, what you smell, what you see, how things taste and feel, what you hear, and what you sense.  That sixth sense is so present in animals, and it is in woman as well.  Simply begin to explore it.  I suggest picking one sense a day and zeroing in on it as much as you can throughout the day, until you can begin to integrate all of them at once.  Eat with your hands.  There is something very sensual and primal about using your hands to put food into the mouth – yours or someone else’s. Let your hair down!  Seriously, if you tend to wear it up or control it with clips and bands, let it be free.  Try to stay as close to your natural state of beauty as possible.  For example, I have very curly hair, thanks to my ancestral gumbo.  When I have occasionally decided to wear my hair straight, I’ve found that I can’t take it.  It makes me feel contained and restrained!  I end up washing it by day’s end to get back my curls.  They are how I was born and they are a part of my integral wildness.  Find yours!  This may sound cliched, but take off your clothes and walk around naked.  Love your body as a woman’s shape, and let go of self-judgment about that size and shape.  Find some music that is dripping in percussion and dance to it until you are dripping in sweat. Move your hips, move your hips, move your hips!!!  They are the seat of a woman’s soul.   There is nothing like drums to bring you to your wildness and your primal truth.  And make sounds from your throat, especially when you are having sex, but when you are dancing, too.  When your hips are moving, let the sound move from your throat and past your lips.  Hips and lips are intimately connected.  A woman’s whose hips are free, can also express herself freely verbally.  There is an esoteric connection between the throat and the vagina.  To open them both is to achieve ecstacy – and to share it with your partner.  Estes offers this in her book: “The way to maintain one’s connection to the wild is to ask yourself what is it that YOU want.  This is the sorting of the seed from the dirt.  One of the most important discriminations we can make in this matter is the difference between things that beckon to us and things that call from our souls.”

There could not be a discussion about wildness in its true, primal sense, without sex being part of that.  To really express it, we must free ourselves in our sexual expression.  That means that we need to have a partner that respects and understands our sexuality.  If you are wild and free and he is not, then you will not be able to go where you would like to.  If your partner doesn’t respect your boundaries, or where you are  with your current sexual expression, it will not work.  Respect and trust in bed is primordial.  Be sure that you enforce your own boundaries, so that you can attempt to arrive at a place of no boundaries together.  Love and sex are unquestionably the best of all, as long as both lovers are free.  I really believe that love is a free spirit, and one must be free to embrace it, for the spirit of love dies in captivity.

And finally a few words about the Wild Man.  Not the promiscuous dog we all hear about.  Not the man addicted to pornography.  He is the Wild Woman’s mate, truly, and a very rare find.  I believe that men are looking for and long for him as much as we long to love and connect with our Wild Woman.  I just think they are lost and confused for the most part, as they are trapped in society’s imprisoning ideas of masculinity.  Here is what Clarissa Pinkola Estes says about the Wild Man: “We know that the creature, Wild Man, is seeking his own earthy woman.  Afeared or not, it is an act of deepest love to allow oneself to be stirred by the wildish soul of another.  In a world where humans are so afraid of “losing,” there are far too many protective walls against being dissolved in the numinosity of another human soul.  The mate for the wildish woman is the one who has a soulful tenacity and endurance, one who can send his own instinctual nature to peek under the tent of a woman’s soul-life and comprehend what he sees and hears there… so, the wildish task of the man is to find her true names, and not to misuse that knowledge to seize power over her, but rather to apprehend and comprehend the numinous substance from which she is made, to let it wash over him, amaze him, shock him, even spook him.  And to stay with it.  It will make her eyes shine.  It will make his eyes shine.”

We all know the expression that men are dogs.  Well, they are, but on a soul level, it’s a compliment.  Wild Man’s dog nature is his instinctual nature, that which allows him access to the Wild Woman.  Estes says, “It is the dog-self that learns to overcome superficial seductions and retain the most important knowings…the dog is one entire side of man’s dualistic nature.  He is the woods nature, the one who can track, who knows by sensing what is what”    (about Wild Woman.)

I’ve had these dreams lately about dogs.  I’m not much of a dreamer by night.  I think Carlos Casteneda would call me a stalker.  Usually I just crash.  My mind is so active by day, and so when I dream, I pay attention.  I’ve seen the dog nature of man in these dreams, and it’s not the colloquial slur.  They represented a deep love from the heart, a love that flows easily and long, forgives effortlessly and can fight to the death to protect you.  These are qualities that, to me, are very appealing in a man.

So find your Wild Woman.  Make regular dates with her.  Integrate her into the fullness of your life.  Let her scare you, but don’t walk away from her.   You can’t.  When we choose not to know Her, our lives fall apart and we lose touch with what it means to be a W.O.M.A.N.  Love her and let her love you.  She is pure, wild beauty.

If you’d like to take the first step to awakening your wild W.O.M.A.N., please join me for a 2-hour interactive webinar that will change your relationship to how you feel in your body, ELEVEN TOOLS TO HELP YOU LOVE THE BODY YOU LIVE IN.

And please share this post if it moved you…or made you feel like getting on all fours…

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With fierce, wild love,

Gina Cloud

Are You Projecting Sexuality or Femininity?

by Gina Cloudin Body

Ladies, ask yourself the question am I projecting sexuality or femininity into my world? What’s the difference? It’s energy and intent and it’s a powerful attractor even if you’re clueless to its existence. It’s your vibration which brings EVERYTHING in your life right to your front door. It’s energy Fed Ex.

If you’re projecting (or vibrating to) sexuality, you’re in essence saying ” come do me.” From this place you will attract men looking to get laid. So if you’re looking for an emotionally intimate relationship, you won’t find it with this energy as your bait, as this vibe will bring men who want you in a sexual way, plain and simple. Projecting from sexuality means DOING something to get attention, generally via your appearance, and a lack of belief in your inner wealth as a woman. For the most part a projection of sexuality is shallow, acknowledging only one small part of your beauty, your gifts, your magnificent energy as a woman. It’s the part the media and the marketing world can’t live without, your sexiness, but it robs you of a deeper experience in your life when you pander to this idea that your true value resides here. It’s like saying, my value as a woman is in my appearance and as a sex object. The word object itself refers to something OUTSIDE of you. And understand projecting sexuality has NOTHING to do with how you dress and more with how you express. A man recently told me that when he was in Italy that the women there dress in these very short dresses and high heels, that here in Hollywood would make a woman be perceived as a hooker, but there, because of their internal energy, they are so beautiful and alluring. That energy is femininity.

Femininity is an exquisite quality that ALL women possess. Some feel it and dismiss it as weakness. Some feel it and are afraid of its power. Some choose Feminism instead . Some simply don’t feel it at all, because it makes them feel too vulnerable. And I’m not surprised, because our modern world does not support the very things that would allow a woman to tap deeply into her feminine essence and to offer that to everyone she meets and engages. Our world in all its masculine ways doesn’t create a space for women to feel SAFE enough to allow that vibration to flourish. And we as women have slowly but surely abandoned what keeps us connected to our core. Those of you who follow my work know that a key one is our menstrual cycle. Disconnection from this alone is responsible for more women living like men and projecting only sexuality without connection to the depth of our feminine.

Femininity is pure power in its essence. It’s magnetic. It’s in our BEING as women, not our doing. A woman projecting femininity can wear baggy overalls and no makeup and yet her radiance will be felt a mile away by both men and women, and she will be desired on MANY levels. Sexuality is part of femininity. But femininity is not necessarily part of sexuality. Why do I say this? Because the projection of sexuality is truly about using our external appearance to create lust in an attempt to bring a man to you. It creates an energy whereby in essence we allow ourselves to be used. It is one-dimensional, whereas true femininity is endlessly dimensional. It’s like seeing one piece of a puzzle, instead of the whole puzzle. Just think about those Victoria’s Secret catalogues that men love to look at. I don’t think they’re wondering what it would be like to get to know those women in a relationship. When men want you for the way you look or for the sexual energy you project, and ONLY for this, you will never feel seen, acknowledged or valued. And you will feel insecure. So why go out there projecting this energy in the first place?

If you are longing to be in a relationship but you are projecting sexuality when you go out into the world, your longing won’t be met. The men that will “relate” to you will want sexual relationships because you are overtly offering this to them through your energetic expression. And the energy driving our expression is more powerful than the expression itself. Do you believe you have to seduce with your appearance and your body to get a man? If you do, then you will attract a man who wants your body and is drawn to your appearance. You will be projecting sexuality. If you are projecting femininity, a man will want to relate to ALL of you, as your mystery as a woman will draw him into YOU, not just your body. Your sexuality expressed THROUGH your feminine energy will take you both to places of pure ecstasy. This is the whole puzzle.

So ask yourself what you believe about your value, your worth as a woman and what will draw a man to you. Is it YOU, your feminine essence, or is it your sexuality? Take time to examine this question and to observe what you believe and feel as you move through the world. And if you’re in a relationship already, these questions are still important. Did you attract from sexual projection or from being in your feminine essence? What have you manifested and is it working for you? And remember, projecting your feminine energy whether you are seeking relationship or not, will bring you into more harmony with YOURSELF, and that is truly most important. So be deliberate and intentional in how you use your energy and what you choose to create in your life, and in your world as a W.O.M.A.N.

Just some things to ponder…let me know your thoughts or leave a comment below this post.

If you liked this, please share, and visit my website, join my mailing list, and take advantage of free and paid for stuff on my products page. I have two webinars in June for you, Ladies, so check them out on the webinars page. Guys, please share this post with the women (and men!) you feel would benefit. And thanks for letting me be of service to you in your life.

Love and Blessings,

Gina

Your Vagina Is Your Oracle

by Gina Cloudin Sex

yoniAs I begin this post, I can feel that it will be raw, visceral and deep. So grab your beverage of choice and sit with me in a place of no distraction. This topic is important, for both women and men.

The primary focus of my work, as many of you know, is teaching women the powerful and unique language of their bodies as a path for transformation. Women’s bodies speak a particular language, via our reproductive experiences; namely the menstrual cycle, pregnancy and menopause, and also via our sexuality.

After a recent conversation with a woman about her sexuality and these body messages, I began to think about the vagina (often I will refer to as yoni) and its profound wisdom and vulnerability in our lives. There are a range of experiences women have which involve this portal, both literally and spiritually. In the normal spectrum, there is giving birth, to our monthly cycles, to sex, to the undesirable experiences of rape and sexual violence in all forms, as well as female genital mutilation. Our vaginas are messengers and teachers, yet many women have shame, fear, ignorance, and numbness, to name just a few, around this area of their bodies.

Vulnerability is defined most simply as capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt. For most men, and many women, the word vulnerability provokes discomfort. Why would anyone want to be vulnerable? Because without vulnerability, we are closed. When we are closed, we cannot receive love and the many other blessings which are possible within the range of our human experience. The key is to be vulnerable and to have discernment. This is a gift of the vagina. Whether women realize it or not, your vagina speaks to you via body messages even when you are not tuned in to your truths. It is a vulnerable space and yet it is capable of stretching to birth a child. It has a profound physical resilience. Its vulnerability lies in its connection to our hearts. Its discernment is mind-blowingly clear through the messages it delivers to a woman’s body as feedback.

In teachings on tantra and other sacred texts, there is a known connection and polarity between a woman’s heart and her vagina/yoni, and a man’s heart and his penis. In a woman, the positive pole is her heart/breasts and the negative is the vagina. In a man, his heart is the negative pole and his penis is the positive. When a man and a woman embrace in a normal hug and/or sexually, these poles are activated in the same way that battery cables work. For women, the vulnerability of our hearts is tied to our vaginas. Any woman knows, and men should, that when a woman opens her heart, her legs are powerless to remain closed. When a woman surrenders her heart, her sexuality comes alive. And this is where the vulnerability of the vagina begins. In entering a woman sexually, her heart is also entered, even if she feels closed, as in casual sex.

Many women today are engaging in sex without an awareness of this aspect of themselves. But the vagina knows, even if you are completely oblivious. When a woman allows a man to fuck her without a heart connection, or respect at a minimum, penetration becomes denigration. A woman KNOWS when his has happened because she feels used, empty, sad, depressed. There are many, many shades and flavors to sexuality. When the vagina is accessed without connection, women suffer on various levels. And your body WILL tell you when a man has no business being inside you. And this doesn’t apply just to casual sex, but also to any relationship or marriage. We all choose unwisely at times in our lives, myself included. But your vagina invariably knows the truth.

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Why There’s No Such Thing as Casual Sex

by Gina Cloudin Sex

There’s no such thing as casual sex.

I was reflecting on this idea of what people commonly call casual sex, which is pretty much most sex these days it seems,  and it occurred to me when someone sticks their most intimate part of their body into my most intimate part of my body, that’s not casual on any level. Not for either person. Just because so many times people hardly know each other before they decide to get naked and explore each other’s genitals in one form or another, doesn’t mean that it isn’t something that  affects us profoundly, and on layers and levels of our psyches and souls that we can’t fathom consciously.

I recently wrote a blog post about the wisdom and vulnerability of the vagina that has been making the rounds and many of you may have read it. If you haven’t, when you finish this one you should check it out in the archives here.   It speaks in great detail to this idea for women in particular, so go check it out after you read this post.

So let’s explore how it is even conceivably possible that genital contact is casual. We can extend it to oral sex but the place where I find it most compelling to examine is of course in intercourse.

How could the merging of these two anatomical components of human existence that create new human existence be called casual in any sense? Seriously, stop and think about this. Ladies, any time you sleep with a man, any time you allow him to enter you, you have just had an intimate experience. If this man is a stranger, you basically have just participated in your own home invasion, LOL.

Guys, when you don’t know this woman, you really are using her as a receptacle, as a vehicle for your own pleasure, not saying that a woman may not be doing the exact same thing because that, after all, is the general intention in casual sex but, guys, come on, you protect your precious family jewels and then you just willy-nilly, (I really didn’t intend that pun, but let’s go with it), you find yourself inside  a stranger with your most vulnerable asset aside from your heart. You’re literally inside a woman’s body, one with her for all intents and purposes, and you’re going to tell me that’s casual? And why don’t you have enough self-respect to think with the head on your shoulders instead of the one in your pants?

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Are You Dissatisfied With Sex? That’s Good!

by Gina Cloudin Sex

When they come to me, often they feel there is something wrong WITH THEM… what I am seeing over and over is fear and disconnection, brought about by a woman’s own body wisdom.

Whenever I sit down to write these posts, I truly never have any idea how long they will be.  A title comes to me and, like a midwife, I sit down and allow myself to be used as a channel.  So before you read this, scroll down and see how long it is and if you have the 5-10 minutes to read it.  This one feels important, even before I begin to write the meat of it.

Lately I’ve had quite a few women come to me and express dissatisfaction with their sexuality/sex life.  When they come to me, often they feel there is something wrong WITH THEM because they aren’t feeling sexual, and as I begin to work with them to help them unfurl the petals of this vital part of their feminine nature, what I am seeing over and over is fear and disconnection, brought about by a woman’s own body wisdom.

Throughout my life I have always said that the most important things I’ve ever learned I have learned through my body.  Living in a world that from a very early age teaches women and girls NOT to listen to their innate body wisdom has caused a massive shut down in our ability to discern what is healthy from what may be dysfunction. We trust more what we hear outside of us, instead of what we hear from within.  So many women who feel disconnected sexually are actually in a place of awakening, as their body wisdom has taken over where the mind has failed them.  In their deepest heart, they KNOW that this version of sex they are being sold is all wrong for them, but because there is no body trust for most women, it becomes depression and a subscription to the mainstream mindset that there must be something wrong with you.

Sexuality in our culture has become a lot like fast food, and just as devoid of nutrition and satisfaction.  We are hungry for something that we know we are supposed to get via sex, both women and men, yet after living on junk food, we are physically sick and more in need of nutrition than ever.  That nutrition is the energetic component of sex that is all but lost in the way we do sex now, and yet women’s bodies are rebelling against this, even as women’s minds subscribe to the BS that there’s something wrong with you if you don’t want sex or aren’t having it.

You see the words “women’s sexual dysfunction” all over the place these days.  Women are being led to believe we are broken in our sexuality as we have been led to believe we are broken in our bodies because we get periods, have babies and go through menopause.  The more we are bombarded with these negative concepts via media messages, personal exchanges, and personal beliefs, the more “depressed” we become.  But that depression is your soul calling you to awaken and take ownership of your powerful sexuality as you reject the mainstream models.  We are in a hook up/porn culture, where sex is just something you do, for stress relief, recreation, or procreation, but there’s a whole other universe, literally, when two people who are REALLY connected merge their flesh.  Like all of what I share/teach/speak and write about, I live these truths, and my sexuality has been a FORCE in my life that has taught me so much, and I know that if I had been listening to the mainstream spewing of crap, I wouldn’t have had the powerful experiences I’ve always had.

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Using PMS to Create More Intimacy for You

by Gina Cloudin Mind

Ladies, what if I told you that by learning what PMS really is, that you could use it as a tool to improve the quality of your life and your relationships?

Guys, what if I told you that PMS, through my lens, will create more intimacy and improve the quality of your relationships with all the women in your life?

Well, ladies and gents, that’s what I’m going to attempt to share with you in this post.

First of all, let’s take a look at what PMS REALLY is.  To do that I have to explain to you that in my world and the work that I do, I love to redefine negative concepts and language, imbuing them with positivity.  Life after all is all about perspective.

We tend to believe what we’ve been told growing up by the adults in our life, as well as buying into all the media messages we are bombarded with constantly.

What I do and what I’m asking you to do is THINK FOR YOURSELF.  Reframe things outside the box so that they empower you, rather than victimize you.

PMS, as I have redefined it, stands for Powerful Monthly Sight.  Ladies, open your minds.  You guys, too.

Ladies first.  Each month, beyond our hormonal changes, we have emotional shifts that happen.  I am a firm believer that this aspect has not been examined nearly closely enough in all the “research” that’s been done on our menstrual cycle, yet every woman knows what I’m talking about when I say this.

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When Was the Last Time You Really Played With Yourself?

by Gina Cloudin LOVE

Okay, so how many of you had sexual thoughts from this post title?  Gotcha.  No, this isn’t about sex.  But it is about playing with yourself.

Why is it that we work so hard to encourage and inspire young children’s imaginations only to later allow  society to painfully and methodically sever their connections and access to them?

If you want to reconnect and remember who you really are, spend as much time as you can in the presence of children. And if you can, play with them, laugh with them, be silly with them.  It is there that you will remember the truth of your own heart.

And when you remember that part of you, probably so long ago abandoned, you may feel sad.   If that sadness comes, embrace it with gratitude for being given the opportunity to reclaim that freedom you lost, because it is  STILL attainable.

Simply stop being a “grown up” and remember.  Turn off all the media.   Put down your phone.  Go outside. Allow your own mind to be self-generative, and to have ideas come from within you , rather than having all of your imagination and creativity shut down because you’ve become just a receiver of external ideas, instead of the generator of your own.

Other people’s thoughts and ideas in this age of information are constantly permeating our  being, our minds, and our hearts; movies, the Internet, TV, billboards, magazines, podcasts, webcasts.  The list is endless.  And while some of it can be beneficial, I feel so much of it is heart-numbing and overly stimulating our minds in unhealthy ways.

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The Intimacy of Tango

by Gina Cloudin RELATIONSHIPS

Tango conjures up images of passion, but little know that it is a microcosm of intimacy, and a practice which allows us to heal the places inside of us that fear connection.

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Having danced her whole life, Gina discovered Argentine tango 2 years ago and it has changed her in ways she could not have imagined. Her realization that Argentine tango is also a healing practice inspired her to share the tools and benefits of this art form as a way of helping others heal the most important aspect of their lives: their relationship with themselves and the ability to connect with others. Gina will explore the profound and scientifically documented effects of Argentine tango on the nervous system and the neuroendocrine system as a path for healing body, mind and spirit, and awakening our capacity for deeper intimacy in our lives.

Gina Cloud is the creator and founder of GinaCology, a 10-tenet path for women to live fully awake, alive and empowered, from the inside out, free of media influence. She is the author of “W.O.M.A.N: A New Definition,” and a co-author in the national and international bestselling book, “The Power of Being A Woman” She is also a women’s health expert, speaker, life coach, tango dancer and the single mother of a 20-year-old daughter. She has hosted her own radio show, with more than 150-episodes, as well has being a guest expert on many radio and TV programs, including KPFK Pacifica, Playboy Radio and The Ricki Lake Show. Her passion for empowering others comes through her words and her presence. She is deeply committed to helping every human being awaken to and live through their fullest potential. www.ginacology.com

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

Sexually Dissatisfied? Here is Why

by Gina Cloudin Sex

What I am seeing over and over is fear and disconnection, brought about by a woman’s own body wisdom.

Whenever I sit down to write these posts, I truly never have any idea how long they will be. A title comes to me and, like a midwife, I sit down and allow myself to be used as a channel. So before you read this, scroll down and see how long it is and if you have the 5-10 minutes to read it. This one feels important, even before I begin to write the meat of it.

Lately I’ve had quite a few women come to me and express dissatisfaction with their sexuality/sex life. When they come to me, often they feel there is something wrong WITH THEM because they aren’t feeling sexual, and as I begin to work with them to help them unfurl the petals of this vital part of their feminine nature, what I am seeing over and over is fear and disconnection, brought about by a woman’s own body wisdom.

Throughout my life I have always said that the most important things I’ve ever learned I have learned through my body. Living in a world that from a very early age teaches women and girls NOT to listen to their innate body wisdom has caused a massive shut down in our ability to discern what is healthy from what may be dysfunction. We trust more what we hear outside of us, instead of what we hear from within.

So many women who feel disconnected sexually are actually in a place of awakening, as their body wisdom has taken over where the mind has failed them. In their deepest heart, they KNOW that this version of sex they are being sold is all wrong for them, but because there is no body trust for most women, it becomes depression and a subscription to the mainstream mindset that there must be something wrong with you.

Sexuality in our culture has become a lot like fast food, and just as devoid of nutrition and satisfaction. We are hungry for something that we know we are supposed to get via sex, both women and men, yet after living on junk food, we are physically sick and more in need of nutrition than ever. That nutrition is the energetic component of sex that is all but lost in the way we do sex now, and yet women’s bodies are rebelling against this, even as women’s minds subscribe to the BS that there’s something wrong with you if you don’t want sex or aren’t having it.

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The Vulnerability and Wisdom of the Vagina

by Gina Cloudin Sex

Vulnerability is defined most simply as capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt.

For most men, and many women, the word vulnerability provokes discomfort.  Why would anyone want to be vulnerable?  Because without vulnerability, we are closed.  When we are closed, we cannot receive love and the many other blessings which are possible within the range of our human experience.  The key is to be vulnerable and to have discernment.  This is a gift of the vagina.  Whether women realize it or not, your vagina speaks to you via body messages even when you are not tuned in to your truths.  It is a vulnerable space and yet it is capable of stretching to birth a child.  It has a profound physical resilience.  Its vulnerability lies in its connection to our hearts.  Its discernment is mind-blowingly clear through the messages it delivers to a woman’s body as feedback.

Excerpt from Gina Cloud’s Original Post

Pushing Your Man to Be Who You Want Him to Be Won’t Change Who He Is

by Gina Cloudin RELATIONSHIPS

Ok, so this is a LONG one.  You may want to sit down with a cup of tea or coffee, or maybe a glass of wine or, my favorite, a shot of top-shelf tequila.  Ready?

How often, ladies,  do you end up looking at the man that you are in a relationship with or married to and thinking that you wish he could be a certain way, or that he would do something that you’ve always longed for him to do or the big one,  things he used to do?

I was reflecting on something in a conversation I was having with a friend of mine about the reality that as women, in our current modern world, we have a tendency at the beginning of our relationship to try to lead the man that we are getting involved with and who we are attracted to in the direction that we want to go.  It feels natural, because we all want  what we want, especially in relationship,  but this is our fatal mistake.  Because you can lead a horse to water, but as the adage goes,  you can’t make him drink.

Now when he is very thirsty, he will drink. Using that as a metaphor for early on in relationship where men are inclined to give us what we want in order for them to bed us.   This is true, ladies, even of men who care about us or love us or who will love us.  That’s BIG motivation for them to deliver all the goods we want.

So let me give you some examples of what I’m speaking to so that I can make what’s clear in my mind, clear to you as well.

Let’s say early on in a relationship, we want the man in our life to know that we love to be spoiled.   Now that means different things to different women, but let’s just say for the sake of this piece( and for simplicity’s sake) that we want our guy to know that we love to be taken out to dinner three or four times a week, (ok, so it’s a shallow example but that’s the way it’s coming through!)  and we want to be able to spend a certain amount of time together each week.

But when we start booking the reservations for the restaurant, or saying to him, “why don’t we go out to dinner tonight,”  rather than allowing him to suggest what he would like to do, we just go ahead and take charge and make it happen. and this is leading the horse to water, or in this case to the restaurant table.   So in those early stages you end up thinking all this is so romantic and he takes me out to dinner. But the reality is you set it up.

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WHY Do You Weigh Yourself?

by Gina Cloudin Body, Wellness

Yesterday as I was leaving my gym, I noticed a young woman 20-ish, standing naked on the scale in the locker room.  I also noticed standing near her was another naked woman who was probably her grandmother, waiting for her turn to weigh in.  This caught my attention because I thought to myself why do we weigh ourselves?

Now a lot of  you are thinking,  “Gina done lost her mind! Duh!”   But hang with me here, because you all know that I look at things from a different angle, and generate new perspectives that I share with you.     The important thing, as I am prone to do with EVERYTHING  is to ask the question WHY.    Since I was a kid, that question is so prevalent in my life that I should be known as a whyman, instead of a woman. ( Ok, you know I always sneak in a weird pun.  Let’s hope that’s the only one today.)

Today I want to  invite you to explore the WHY to this question so that you have a vehicle to become more conscious of the many things we all do unconsciously and to break away from the herd and THINK FOR YOURSELF.  This way of thinking is like a muscle, and the more you use it, the stronger it gets.

Ok, so seriously, why do we weigh ourselves? What real purpose does it serve? What does that number on the scale have to do with anything important or relevant in our lives? I’m speaking here of a healthy person, just as a disclaimer. I know that there are some perhaps medical conditions where weight is a determinant or a marker of something, or professional fighters weight themselves for fairness in  the ring,  but I’m speaking just of the average person and particularly women.  What’s the first thought that came to your mind in answer to that question?  Did your brain go all fuzzy with, “hmmm, to find out what I weigh?”  Think again…

That number on the scale has absolutely no meaning other than its purpose to frustrate and lower the self-esteem of almost every woman who steps onto one.    Once you get that number, you IMMEDIATELY (talk about instant non gratification)  feel that there’s something wrong with you. The number is wrong and you need to change it, even if it’s only a couple of pounds.   Which then leads to your endless googling and obsessing about the ultimate weight-loss products, or deciding to go on a diet.   That number leads to comparison of what other people weigh, like that woman you saw in the magazine (which one, so many!) that made you hate your thighs even more than you already do, or your facial lines, or your eyebrows,or your butt, or your…..fill in the blank.

THAT FREAKIN’ NUMBER is a trigger, a catalyst that’s damned near Pavlovian to make you feel bad about you! Pretty soon all you have to do is SEE a scale and you’re terrified.  All those bad feeling start a rush of chemicals in your body, aka hormones, that make you feel like crap about yourself and soon you’re depressed.    In fact, most women will tell you that just the sight of a scale provokes anxiety.   I saw a statistic that said most women weight themselves an average of twice a week, or 104 times a year!   Think about the repetition of an act that makes you feel bad about yourself that many times in a year and the effect that has on your psyche.   That irrelevant number on the scale leads to depression and the sense of inferiority for almost every woman.  Tragically, even anorexics experience exactly the same thing because the number is never small enough.

Realizing they’re not  their “ideal” weight, some women eat their feelings, so  may end up self-soothing with food, and voila, when you step on the scale, guess what??  That sneaky number is bigger.  So you’re now more depressed, and you end up on an anti-depressant, which can make you eat more, eat less, feel suicidal, lose your sex drive, and affect your hormones.  Do you see the vicious cycle that develops just from stepping onto a scale?? Do you see the path of disempowerment that can be triggered by this practice of weighing ourselves?  To some of you it may seem I’m exaggerating, but for many this is truth.

You might argue that someone who is chronically overweight and on a program to lose weight would be inspired by the number coming down, and while that is true to some degree, it is also setting them up to define their successes by THAT NUMBER, rather than celebrating their discipline, commitment and choices, and the obvious visual that they’re shrinking.

Is that number a goal, a target, a golden ticket?  Is it like winning the lottery?  And what is the RIGHT number?  There is no right number on a scale.  It’s an insidious tool to keep you in the marketplace of all the consumerism revolving around deflating and destroying women’s bodies and beauty — and ultimately our power.  The right number comes from you living a healthy, balanced life; body, mind and spirit.  Our mindset is to reward ourselves for a number goal, rather than the goal of living in integrity with our authentic selves.  I wrote a blog post a while back called “Joy, the Key To Weight Loss” (in the archives), and in it I talk about the idea that when we are content inside, we are content outside, and our weight arrives at our most healthy, natural number.

So you see the scale is actually a tool that undermines your self-esteem, your self-worth and a healthy sense of your body.  What if instead of stepping on the scale you simply paid attention to how you feel, to the way your clothes fit? What if you ate a healthy diet and allowed your body to take the shape that it naturally wants to inhabit?  What if you exercised regularly, were emotionally healthy, self-loving and had a strong and comfortable connection to your sexuality?What if you became guided by what you felt on the inside, instead of by the number reflected on the outside? A number, by the way,  chosen by an industry focused on taking your money and your self-worth.    As it’s used by most women, that scale is a weapon of self-destruction

What if you decided to never ever set foot on a scale again to find out what that number is? What if you decided right now to chuck the one you may own?

Because I do share personally, I can tell you that I have truly lived this way. I’ve never personally owned a scale, nor will I.  Like any woman, my weight has fluctuated throughout my life, and I’ve had a  child, so weight gain was part of that experience obviously.   I know personally that when I’ve been unhappy or in self-betrayal, my weight has increased or decreased from what was MY HEALTHY.  My feelings and how my clothes fit were my clues that I needed to make changes in my life.  I wasn’t striving to arrive at a number on a scale, but to arrive at a place of equanimity and joy within me.  And only I know where that place lives inside me.  That place determines my weight, but the number has been unknown to me for years.

Yes, of course I’ve weighed myself at times, but it’s how I know NOT TO.  I’ve been just as affected by seeing a number not aligned with the “ideal.”  I live in the same world with all my sisters and I’m not immune to the subliminal and overt mental manipulations all around me.  I CHOOSE to unplug from them and listen to the voice within me.  She is my compass, my wise woman, and the keeper of my health; body, mind and soul.    In my opinion, our mental health, aka our belief system, is more of a determinant in our self-esteem and physical health  than almost anything else we do.   When you pay attention from the inside, life changes radically.

So I ask you again: why do you weigh yourself?

I’m now asking  you personally as you read this to stop and to answer what may seem like the most mundane and simple question, but to answer it for YOU personally. Answer it with the ideas in mind which I’ve shared with you in this post.  This will give you a window into your own feelings which may be unconscious about your body and your relationship to it.   And I truly hope it inspires you to become a WHYman about EVERYTHING.  (sorry, there it is again.)

If you enjoyed this post, please share it with someone you care about,  Especially the women in your lives.   And that goes for you guys reading this, too.  I hope that for the guys who read my posts, that doors and windows open in your mind to generate a better understanding of some of the challenges women face in the struggle to feel good about themselves.

And ladies, if you’d like some help in learning how to chuck the scale and to love yourself from the inside out, my NATURAL BEAUTY AND TRANSFORMATIONAL LIFE COACHING is an aspect of what I do that I LOVE and am passionate about.  Explore the page to learn more and to watch my video.

And remember to share this post with those you feel would appreciate the message.  And I invite you to weigh in here with me (got one last one in!) and leave a comment below.  I’d love to know your thoughts and have you share your feelings.  I’m deeply passionate about helping you shine your light and your beauty as fully and brightly as you can.

With wild, fierce love and gratitude,

Gina Cloud

Know Your Body Intimately

by Gina Cloudin Body, Sex, Wellness

GinaCology Principle No. 2 is that women (and men, too really!) should be intimate with their bodies, both from a health perspective and a sexual one.

Your health is YOUR responsibility and without an intimate relationship with your body, all aspects of your life become problematic; mentally, emotionally, spiritually and definitely physically.  Becoming aware of how aware or not aware you are of your own body is critical.

I made a video on this topic and share a lot on my philosophy about this, as well as give tips on how to approach and accomplish living connected to your body this way.  It’s part one, covering the health aspect. I’ll be sharing the second video on the sexuality aspect soon.

If you’re new to my work, please VISIT MY WEBSITE and join my mailing list to stay up to date with what I’m up to.  And please spend time on my blog, as I have many great topics I’ve written on that will really enrich your life!

And ladies, when you join my mailing list, you’ll receive a free body inventory assessment of 60+ questions to help you get more attuned with your body around this topic.

Much love,

Gina Cloud