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Tag: Sex Tips

How to Tell if It’s Time to Get Help for Your Sex Life

by zfortadminin Sex

Relationships have sexual ups and downs — and that’s normal. Factors, from stress to busy schedules to hormones, can get in the way of intimacy and make our sex lives feel less exciting than they likely did at the beginning of a relationship.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your bedroom problems, it may be time to consider calling in some professional backup and seeing a sex therapist. “There are always one-offs here and there, such as stress, lifestyle, and hormones,” says sex therapist Kat Van Kirk, PhD, “but the real indicator that you need someone to address your issues it is to look for a pattern.”

Sex therapist Vanessa Marin agrees, pointing out that waiting to solve an issue can be unhealthy for your relationship. “Too many couples put off sex therapy and the problem snowballs,” she says. “If you’re in crisis mode by the time you land in a therapist’s office, you’re going to have to spend more time trying to address your anger and resentment than you will addressing the original issue.”

Here are seven signs you might benefit from sex therapy from Drs. Kat and Marin.

You’re Constantly Fighting With Your Partner

If you find that you and your S.O. are bickering more than usual, don’t get too alarmed. “What you have to do is make sure the fighting is constructive,” Dr. Kat says. If you feel like your arguments are getting unproductive and repetitive, a therapist can help you walk through exercises to turn your fighting from nasty to constructive. Dr. Kat, for example, works with couples “on getting them aware of what their triggers are, what the signs are in their bodies [when they’re reaching to triggers], and what their negative self-talk is.”

Once patients are aware of why they’re feeling what they’re feeling during a disagreement with their partner, Dr. Kat helps them with tools for managing their emotions and getting out of “fight or flight” mode, which encourages people to get defensive or abandon a discussion altogether.

“This can involve breath work, verbalizations, eye-gazing, advocating for two-minute breaks to regroup, counting to 10, or even reaching out for body-to-body contact in order to switch up the energy of the interaction,” she explains. “Also, having established ‘fair fighting rules’ can be helpful. What works can be different for every couple.”

You Can’t Orgasm

Let’s say you’ve been having sex with your partner for a while, but you haven’t orgasmed from it yet. While orgasm isn’t the be-all and end-all of your sex life, it can be a great part of it and you deserve to figure out what’s going on. Take a look at what’s happening in your life and your relationship: Have you been feeling more stressed than usual? Have you been communicating your desires to your partner? If it’s been a while and you still don’t know why you haven’t been able to come with your partner (and that’s an experience you’d like to have), it’s time to think about sex therapy.

And what if you’ve never had an orgasm — like, ever? Seeing a sex therapist is a great step. “The main issue is that women are made to feel guilty for not knowing how to orgasm, but they’re never given the opportunity to learnhow to orgasm,” Marin says. “They feel really lost about what they need to get there, and it’s hard to find accurate information.”

Sex therapists can be like detectives, working with you to pinpoint what’s holding you back from maximum pleasure and giving you action items, such as masturbation techniques, to help you get there.

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Don’t Assume Your Issue Is Resolved… Several Rules on Make Up Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

The best part of arguing, some might say, is what comes after: make up sex so good it could heal all wounds.

Make-up sex is a way to maintain your intimacy and bond together despite the disagreement. But before you jump into bed after a bickering match, experts say, there are a few rules you must follow.

1. Never have make-up sex out of spite

You can’t carry your anger into the bedroom, our experts warn. It can backfire. Instead, learn to channel your anger and frustration into passion. It’s all just energy. Make-up sex can be healing if you allow it to be. Allow your vulnerability to shine through.

And while you can’t go to bed still bickering, Greer believes make-up sex can be more passionate than your normal between-the-sheets action. It’s okay if this sex is a little more intense or aggressive, or not necessarily your usual style. Both parties are coming at it with heated feelings that may still be bubbling up from your disagreement. It’s okay to release that in your lovemaking.

2. Don’t assume just because you are having sex that the issue is resolved

Tabling your serious talk for dirty talk doesn’t mean you’ve magically healed your heated argument. Do not think make-up sex is a substitute for problem solving the underlying issue. It’s a bridge to help you get to where you’re going, but it’s not the destination.

Instead, think of make-up sex as a magic pause button that will help you bond before you get back to the real issue. Sometimes make-up sex can be a pause from your argument so that you can come to a resolution. You don’t have to agree about what you were fighting about to have make-up sex. It may allow you to agree to disagree.

3. Make-up sex shouldn’t be the only kind of sex you are having

You need a regular repertoire of sex that includes making up, but is not defined by it. Some couples notice that they develop a dysfunctional pattern of needing to fight before sex in order to have any passion. If this is your default type of sex, you may want to look at the relationship as a whole.

You should also never pressure your partner into make-up sex if he or she isn’t feeling this healing experience. If they don’t want it, respect their feelings and needs. Perhaps they need to maintain their space by not being physical.

4. Make-up sex can be a tool to help you forgive

It’s important to use sex as a tool to heal your hurt in the same way you do using open and honest communication. Not only can an orgasm relieve the tension you’re likely feeling post-fight, “make-up sex can allow you to connect with your partner’s vulnerability and remind you what you love about them.

Getting physically intimate can actually calm your central nervous system and help you derail hurtful dialogue by doing something more positive.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Would You Let Your Partner Sleep With Someone Else? These Women Share Why They Did.

by zfortadminin Sex

Loose Women’s Saira Khan caused a storm after revealing live on TV that she would let her hubby Steven Hyde sleep with other women.

The 46-year-old mom-of-two told viewers she had lost her sex drive.

She said: “I still love my husband, we cuddle and it’s lovely. But I’m not interested [in sex]. I said to him, ‘I’m just not in that place. You can go with someone else if you want’.”

Steven, 51, has since denied he has ever strayed.

Her bold confession shocked women nationwide and drew gasps from the TV audience – as Sun columnist and Saira’s fellow panellist Jane Moore reveals below.

But not everyone was surprised.

Here, three women tell us why they send their partners into the beds of other women.

“I know he loves me. The women are just one-night stands to him”

Lauren Lockwood, 20, lost her libido after pregnancy.

She distanced herself from a sex life with partner of three years John McFadyen, 23, after feeling uncomfortable making love while expecting.

With their non-existent sex life, Lauren decided to let her man satisfy his sexual urges with other women.

The full-time mom to nine-month-old Samuel from Blackburn, Lancs says: “We’ve always had a great sex life and made love three times a week.

Men need to make love regularly, so I decided I would rather give him my blessing to go out and have fun with other women, otherwise I think he would leave me.

“But when we had been together for 18 months I got pregnant and was not in the mood for sex any more.

“At first, it was the repulsion of having sex while carrying a child that put me off, but it spiralled from there into a psychological feeling of being completely off intimacy.

“I totally get what Siara Khan means when she said she feels like running away when her husband wants sex — that’s how I felt.

“At five months pregnant, I went off it completely and it has now been over a year.

“Men need to make love regularly, so I decided I would rather give him my blessing to go out and have fun with other women, otherwise I think he would leave me.

“Many women may think this sounds like a crazy decision, but I know he loves me. It is me he comes home to, so I am completely fine with him having sex with other women.

“When we are together it’s our time, and he spends 90 per cent of his time with me so that’s good enough.

“I have some rules, John cannot have a rendezvous with anyone I know, or from where we live.

“Also I don’t want to know details and he must use protection.

“I believe he meets the girls in bars, but I have no idea of the number of girls he has seduced — that is too much information for me.

“I’m sure I will get my mojo back in the near future as I’m only a young women, but I am happy with my decision until then.

“These women are just a one night stand to him, and mean nothing.

“My friend think I’m insane and would never let their partners do the same, but it is my life and I am very open minded.”

Care worker John McFadyen, 23, says: “I love Lauren, she is my world, and I’m very lucky to have such a cool partner that lets me have sex with other women to satisfy my needs.

“My friends think I’m the luckiest bloke on earth and that my missus is a legend.”

“He told me from the start he’d no intention of being faithful”

Maria-Louise Warne lets her partner of eight years bed others after he told her he would leave her if she made him become faithful.

Teacher Maria-Louise, 59, admits she was horrified when Tim Roch, 58, first suggested it. But Tim, a general practice doctor, views sex as just an act.

She said: “To him, sleeping with another woman is as natural as eating or sleeping. It’s a physical desire every human has.”

He reckons sex is just like going to a supermarket – sometimes you fancy bacon and on other occasions you hanker after steak. For me, sex is an act of love.

Twice-wed Maria-Louise, from Guildford, Surrey, says fidelity had always been non-negotiable – until Tim.

She adds: “We became a couple in 2008 and he informed me from the start he has never been faithful and had no intention of starting now. That’s why I’ve agreed to him having a long leash.

“He reckons sex is just like going to a supermarket – sometimes you fancy bacon and on other occasions you hanker after steak. For me, sex is an act of love. I’ve laid down ground rules. I’ve told him to lie to me if he’s going out to see his latest fling. He’s also banned from relationships with women from our town, I refuse to be publicly humiliated.

“Our bed and home are off limits to his extra-curricular activities too. He insists he uses condoms. But how can I really know?

“Friends think I’m nuts for putting up with his sexual shenanigans.

“Although it makes me sad sometimes, I put up and shut up.”

Tim says: “I love Maria and I absolutely see us growing old together. But as I’ve always said to her, ‘If you love me, you’ll accept me as I am’.

“Maria can also come and go as she pleases. The fact she chooses not to is her choice – not mine.”

“I never feel jealous. It’s just sex and I totally trust him”

Angharad Jefferies lets her partner sleep with other women as she feels it helps them create a healthy relationship.

Full-time mom-of-two Angharad says it means she and baker Tian Reece, 34, have no secrets.

Angharad, 26, said: “I’d rather Tian sleep with other women and I know about it than him do it behind my back. I never feel jealous as I know it’s just sex and I totally trust him.

“To me, it’s just like sending him off to see a friend then coming back and telling me about it.”

The couple, from Llanelli, Carmarthenshire, met on a night out in April 2013 and clicked. Tian was engaged to another woman. The pair began an affair and eventually he left his partner for Angharad.

I completely understand he feels the need to not just sleep with me. It doesn’t mean he loves me any less

But they feared their relationship could fall into a rut.

Angharad says: “We both agreed we could sleep with other people, as long as we told each other.”

But after a year, Angharad decided she didn’t need to sleep with other men.

She says: “Tian was fine with it, but I knew he still wanted to. I was happy for him to still sleep with other women if it made him happy.

“He has to tell me everything about it, and he always does.

“I completely understand he feels the need to not just sleep with me. It doesn’t mean he loves me any less. We have a healthy sex life so it doesn’t affect that either.

“A lot of people tell us they do the same.”

Tian says: “It is very nice that she lets me sleep with other women, it means there are no lies or doing things behind her back.

“It makes me respect her a lot more. For me it’s just sex.

“It’s happening all over the country – the difference is we are very open about it.”

Stress and exhaustion are the enemies of a regular sex life

It takes a very brave woman to go on live television and say she can’t remember the last time she and her husband had sex.

After all, admitting that your sex drive has stalled is one of the ultimate taboos.

But Saira Khan has faced Sir Alan Sugar in The Apprentice boardroom, so it’s fair to say little fazes her.

Just as well, because her comments on ITV’s Loose Women provoked a massive response from those who were either appalled at her frankness or applauded her for it.

I was sitting next to her at the time and am very much in the latter camp.

In fact, it’s very much what Loose Women is all about – a show presented by women who talk about their own life experiences that reflects many of the daily issues faced by its legion of loyal viewers.

Each morning there’s a pre-show meeting, in which that day’s panelists chat through possible discussion points. But often a confession is swiftly followed up with the caveat: “I can’t possibly say this on the show, my husband/boyfriend/mother/kids would kill me.”

So when the usually forthright Saira quietly admitted she had gone off sex with her husband, I fully expected it to be something she wasn’t prepared to actually discuss on air. But to her credit, she went right ahead and came out with it.

“We used to have fantastic sex life. I still love my husband, we cuddle and it’s lovely. But I’m not interested [in sex].”

She then made the remark that she had told him he could “go with someone else if you want” – an offer that she meant as a throwaway remark and he didn’t act on.

But there was an audible gasp from the audience as she said it and almost immediately the show’s social media sites exploded with viewer reaction.

During the next ad break, she leaned across to me and whispered: “Oh God, do you think I’ve gone too far? Steve is going to kill me. I just think it’s important to be honest about these things because if someone watching feels the same way as me, then it might help them come through it. My worry is that maybe I’m the only one who feels like this.”

Any misgivings Saira had about her honesty must surely have vanished after reading the online response. She had struck a chord with hundreds of women who have lost their sex drive while juggling the exhausting demands of, among other things, young children and work.

“Women are so many things to so many people . . . one minute you’re at work, the next you’re cleaning, then next you’re Mummy or looking after your parents . . . it’s hard to get in the sex zone and switch off,” said one.

Another commented: “I look at my husband every day and think how gorgeous he is. He’s loving, hard-working, 100 per cent loyal, an amazing dad . . . yet the whole SEX thing doesn’t happen.”

A 23-year-old said she had been with her boyfriend for five years but always found herself making excuses not to have sex.

There were hundreds of similar responses and they can perhaps all be summed up by the viewer who told Saira: “What a great woman you are. You will be talking for many who have stayed silent for years. Me included.”

The experts say that stress and exhaustion are the enemies of a regular sex life and who could be more worn out than someone with a demanding work schedule and energetic young children?

Going off sex at such a time is a reality in all too many relationships and finding a way through it is the challenge – something I know Saira and Steve will manage.

On today’s show Steve will join Saira and have his say on the matter – which I’m sure will resonate with the thousands of men who have seen their wives’ sex drive plummet off a cliff and think it’s because they don’t fancy them any more.

It isn’t, and it will pass.

And the more that people like Saira bring such issues out in to the open, the greater the chance that more marriages will pull through the sex wilderness years.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

A Consent Uprising and My Own Sexual Assault

by Carlyn Hudsonin Mind

I think about this word often, because I was raped when I was 15. In fact, that’s how I lost my virginity.

A friend of mine recently posted on his Facebook asking what he should teach his young daughter. Immediately, the word that popped into my head was, “consent.” I think about this word often, because I was raped when I was 15. In fact, that’s how I lost my virginity.

It’s not an accident that I’m writing this on the heels of the Stanford rape case. Like so many others, I’ve been incredibly moved by the sharing of the survivor’s letter, the condemnation of his father’s words “a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action,” and by other friends coming forward, waving their hands, and saying “hey, I’m one of those 1 in 5 women who’ve been sexually assaulted, and I don’t want to be silent anymore.” Neither do I.

Here’s my story.

I grew up in a small town in Texas, where our sex “education” was an abstinence-only course called “Your Gift.” We were taught that our virginities were the ultimate gift to our husbands, and if you’ve already given it away, no problem, just wrap it up again!

Two pregnant classmates sat in my row. That year, Texas had the second highest teen birth rate in the nation, and we had the on-campus daycare center to prove it. Point is, kids were having sex in my town, and a lot of it.

At the beginning of sophomore year, I had just turned 15 and was the lead in the school play, Beauty & the Beast. To be more specific, I was the understudy, but I was promoted when the original Belle got (you guessed it!) pregnant.

Every day after rehearsal I sat behind the theatre and watched the soccer guys leave practice before my parents picked me up. I had a massive crush on one of them, and sometimes he would smile at me and say “Hey Carolyn” and pronounce my name incorrectly. He was supposedly some kind of sock model, too, which is crazy that we even had those in Seguin, TX! But I believed it.

At this point, the only boy I’d kissed was the Beast in rehearsals, who was gay and always smelled like hot cheetos. I had braces, hadn’t started my period yet, and generally had a gangly, colt-like figure that didn’t exactly draw all the boys to the yard.

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How to Reenergize Foreplay

by zfortadminin Sex

One of the secrets to a more satisfying sex life is by mastering more enjoyable foreplay.

And while we here at LELO treat foreplay as serious business (because it’s our business after all – and business is good), having even more fun before you get frisky is a great way to connect with your partner; so take it from us, and you’ll be a foreplay pro in no time!
But first…

Why is Foreplay Important?

Here’s the thing; while a guy can take just 3 minutes to orgasm during sex, we ladies need a little more time and TLC to get us to climax. The orgasmic plateau – where climax is imminent – takes most women more than double the time it takes for men, so the added intimacy of a little foreplay can go a long way to your complete intimate enjoyment.
With that in mind, we’ll begin by looking at how we can extend foreplay to where you’re ready to enjoy a satisfying climax, and making him absolutely ravenous to get to the main event.

Foreplay Tip #1: Start Early

Send him a sultry sext message to start off his day thinking about what you’ll be doing to him at the end of it. After he’s arrived at work – please don’t encourage texting and driving – receiving a message from you saying something along the lines of ‘I can’t wait for you to come back tonight so I can rock your world!’ will have his mind racing until it’s time to punch out.
Having trouble thinking of the right words to send to your partner in sexual crime? Check out our list of tried and tested Best Example Sexts to get your creative juices flowing.

Foreplay Tip #2: Positive Reinforcement

When you’re in the middle of foreplay, use the power of communication and tell him what it is you like and how you enjoy being touched. For example, whisper that you ‘love being touched here’ and then guide his hand to wherever that may be for you. Knowing that he’s doing something right will make him want to keep doing it for the sole reason that he knows you like it – simple, right?

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What Spots May Inspire You to Get Down and Get Sexy

by zfortadminin Sex

Don’t knock ’em til you try ’em

You know that recurring sex dream you have about getting it on under the stars with your partner (or, you know, Ryan Gosling)? Well we think you should totally make that a reality—the outdoors part that is. And we’re not the only ones. Expanding your sexual experiences by having sex outside the bedroom can bring you closer to your partner, teach you about what turns you on, and help you feel sexually empowered, says sex and relationship expert Emily Morse, Ph.D., co-founder of Emily & Tony.

Changing locations removes you from things in your home that stress you out and gets your adrenaline pumping, which helps you get even more aroused than usual, says Morse. And get this: Sharing feelings of excitement can help couples get connected during the experience and after. “If you have these cool experiences together, you can pull from those memories when you’re having sex at home and channel that excitement,” she says.

One thing to keep in mind: Getting it on in a new location is more about having a new thrilling experience than trying to achieve a mind-blowing orgasm, says Morse. The fact is, some women could struggle to reach the big O because they might not be focused or they are limited in the kinds of positions they can do. But don’t let that stop you. It’s definitely possible to have great sex without an orgasm, and the experience will be totally worth it. Here, 11 places you should put on your sex bucket list.

Your Backyard

Morse says getting busy in your backyard is a great way to get all the benefits of having sex outdoors and away from home—without having to worry that you’ll get caught. Plus, you can always pitch a tent so your guy can, um, pitch a tent in private.

On the Couch

Maybe you’ve covered this base already, but did you know that the living room staple could actually help you orgasm? Morse says that stacking up the cushions under your lower back makes it more likely that you’ll reach an orgasm. Or you could lean over the side for an awesome twist on the usual doggy style.

At a Hotel

“Hotel sex is amazing because there isn’t any clean up. You can just check in and it can be all about sex,” says Morse. She suggests getting out of your comfort zone by doing some role-playing (you’re now officially two hot strangers on vacation). If you’re looking for something a little wilder, Morse also says that sex on a private hotel balcony is super hot—you know, if it’s actually private. “No one knows you, it’s dark, you can look over the city, and you’re still close to your room.”

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T&A IN BED with Leah Knauer

by T A Talk Sexin Sex

T&A are in bed with Leah Knauer, comedian voted one of Twitter’s Funniest Women by SMOSH! Leah dishes on her personal details in this lil’ video, before we chat with her in a full podcast: http://bit.ly/28QCEdf

On our podcast episode: Leah Knauer – actress & comedian voted one of Twitter’s Funniest Women by SMOSH, & appeared on Not Safe with Nikki Glaser and Corporate, both on Comedy Central – talks with T&A about her time in abstinence club, and then the ladies talk openly about how to get over those breakups that hurt our hearts, and the age old problem of guys who don’t get the hint that you’re just not that into him.  What’s the best way to handle all of these?! Leah shares openly, honestly, and with humor.

How to Enhance, Enjoy and Better an Orgasm

by zfortadminin Sex

Just can’t seem to quite get there? Or would you like your big moment to be even bigger?

We’ve got the dish from sex experts on how you can have your best orgasm yet.

Hit the hot spots

A friction position may help you have an orgasm during intercourse. Get on top, for example, so the top of your clitoris is rubbing directly on your partner’s pubic bone. Or lay on your back with a pillow underneath your butt.

You may even want to try using a vibrator during intercourse, says Laura Berman, PhD, assistant clinical professor of psychiatry and OB-GYN at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University.

Talk the talk

“Men really want direction,” Berman says. Let your partner know when he’s on the right track, either by telling him what feels great or by moaning.

Learn on your own

You can’t talk the talk if you don’t know what turns you on. “To train your body to be orgasmic, you have to masturbate,” says Danielle Cavallucci, a sex coach with sex information company Sexuality Source.

Exercise your orgasm muscles

“Kegels are the classic exercise for women who want to transform feeble orgasms into fabulous ones,” sex educator Dorian Solot says. Locate these muscles in your pelvic floor by stopping yourself from peeing midstream. Then tone them by clenching when you’re not peeing. Do Kegels every day, ideally a few times a day. And keep breathing while you squeeze.

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T&A IN BED with Sarah Afkami

by T A Talk Sexin Sex

T&A in bed with Sarah Afkami

T&A are in bed with Sarah Afkami, comedian and tv writer for Chelsea Handler’s latest Netflix show and others. Sarah answers T&A silliest and naughtiest questions with honesty and a bit of bashfulness, before we chat with her on our podcast here: http://bit.ly/28SLl6o. Don’t miss her killer shoes featured at the end of the video 😉

On our podcast episode: What weird sexual fantasies are you keeping to yourself? T&A share openly about their sexual fantasies with their guest, Sarah Afkami, comedian and writer for Chelsea Handler’s latest Netflix show, Chelsea, and Comedy Central’s The Legend of Chamberlain Heights, coming out this fall! We all have images and ideas that maybe surprise even ourselves. Do you have shame or judgement around your own fantasies? What if you expressed them without judgment to understand yourself and your partner better? Join us as we explore our own fun, surprising fantasies honestly and openly, as well as our earliest fantasies that have shaped our sexual identity. We just might activate your imagination! Tweet Sarah @safikomen and write us with thoughts & questions at advice@tatalksex.com

Advice: How to Relax into Sex

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

One of the best ways to help your girlfriend to feel more relaxed about sex may be to stop having it for a while.

Q. My girlfriend is self-conscious during sex. She seems unable to fully let go and really enjoy herself.

She’s in her early 30s and has had a few partners, so it’s not lack of experience.

How can I help her to feel more comfortable so that we can enjoy a good love life?

A. Although your girlfriend has had a few previous partners, they either didn’t notice, or weren’t willing to challenge this issue, so she is lucky to have found a partner who cares enough to try to help her let go.

There are a million and one reasons why your girlfriend might be finding it difficult to relax during sex.

Some women are worried about not being able to orgasm, others just can’t switch off their inner critic.

However, if she is very sensitive, there is a risk that she will interpret what you are saying as a criticism, so a conversation about it needs to be broached with great sensitivity.

You need to let her know gently that you can feel her discomfort and reassure her that your sole motivation is to help, not to humiliate.

Whatever the cause, one of the best ways to help your girlfriend to feel more relaxed about sex may be to stop having it for a while.

That might sound counterintuitive, but sex therapists commonly use a system called “sensate focus” to help couples with sexual difficulties to go back to basics and build trust and intimacy — essential for truly great sex.

Sensate focus is not useful for couples who are having relationship problems, or who are dealing with sexual dysfunction, but it can be a very enriching exercise for couples who want to become more sexually connected.

The idea is to create an environment where you and your girlfriend can learn how to receive and give pleasure to each other.

Sensate focus is intended to be an experience in itself, so it is not a prelude to “sex” or a form of foreplay.

The central tenet is non-sexual touching and, in the initial phase, all other contact is restricted.

Instead, you focus on creating and experiencing sensation by taking turns exploring each other bodies.

Because this is non-sexual, it is non-threatening and your girlfriend should be able to respond by telling you what tickles, what scratches and what feels really, really good.

It is important to separate this experience from sex because the more relaxed she feels with touching and being touched in this phase, the more likely she is to remain relaxed when you escalate to genital touching in phase two.

Although the entire exercise is focused on helping her to relax, phase two offers you the opportunity to explore sexual responses.

When you progress to genital touching, you will be able to see how, with stimulation, her body changes as she becomes aroused.

The skin on her chest and torso will become flushed — stimulating her nipples will magnify these sensations.

Keep it slow and gentle at first, and ask her to tell you what she likes and what she doesn’t like.

Every woman has a different sensory threshold.

When it is her turn, make sure to give her positive feedback to build her confidence.

When your girlfriend is comfortable with phase two, you can move on to penetrative sex, but let her dictate the pace and always include non-genital and genital touching beforehand.

This slows everything down and ensures that she is fully aroused before intercourse.

Even at this stage, the only ‘goal’ is intimacy and connection, but orgasm is permitted.

Although sensate focus can sound like a rather prescriptive remedy, it will give your girlfriend the opportunity to unravel negative sexual associations so that she can begin to associate sex with fun, not fear.

That’s the greatest gift you could possibly give her.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Sexually Dissatisfied? Here is Why

by Gina Cloudin Sex

What I am seeing over and over is fear and disconnection, brought about by a woman’s own body wisdom.

Whenever I sit down to write these posts, I truly never have any idea how long they will be. A title comes to me and, like a midwife, I sit down and allow myself to be used as a channel. So before you read this, scroll down and see how long it is and if you have the 5-10 minutes to read it. This one feels important, even before I begin to write the meat of it.

Lately I’ve had quite a few women come to me and express dissatisfaction with their sexuality/sex life. When they come to me, often they feel there is something wrong WITH THEM because they aren’t feeling sexual, and as I begin to work with them to help them unfurl the petals of this vital part of their feminine nature, what I am seeing over and over is fear and disconnection, brought about by a woman’s own body wisdom.

Throughout my life I have always said that the most important things I’ve ever learned I have learned through my body. Living in a world that from a very early age teaches women and girls NOT to listen to their innate body wisdom has caused a massive shut down in our ability to discern what is healthy from what may be dysfunction. We trust more what we hear outside of us, instead of what we hear from within.

So many women who feel disconnected sexually are actually in a place of awakening, as their body wisdom has taken over where the mind has failed them. In their deepest heart, they KNOW that this version of sex they are being sold is all wrong for them, but because there is no body trust for most women, it becomes depression and a subscription to the mainstream mindset that there must be something wrong with you.

Sexuality in our culture has become a lot like fast food, and just as devoid of nutrition and satisfaction. We are hungry for something that we know we are supposed to get via sex, both women and men, yet after living on junk food, we are physically sick and more in need of nutrition than ever. That nutrition is the energetic component of sex that is all but lost in the way we do sex now, and yet women’s bodies are rebelling against this, even as women’s minds subscribe to the BS that there’s something wrong with you if you don’t want sex or aren’t having it.

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You’re Hot When… You Believe in Yourself

by T A Talk Sexin Sex

T&A

‘Sexuality is based on attraction.  And attraction is based on what you put out in the world which means, in order to be hot, sometimes you gotta go deep and look at numero uno, yep, that’s YOU’

‘In this episode, A’s dead mom comes to her in a dream and tells her the #1 disempowering thing she’s doing to herself… which you may be doing too!’

Sex Robots… Are They Ethical?

by zfortadminin Sex

A sexy robot could be in your future.

By 2050, if you don’t have a sex robot, chances are your neighbor will.

In less than 15 years, humans will be having emotional and casual sex through virtual reality (VR), at least that’s the opinion of futurologist Ian Pearson as reported in online magazine Breitbart.

In the meantime, as scientists and programmers figure out artificial intelligence (AI) of these robots to make them socially interactive, others are debating the ethics of this new development to satisfy a basic human need.

Human sexuality and intimacy with robots were discussed at Thursday’s The Human Choice and Computers Conference in Salford, UK.

A contingent of those opposed to robot sex, the Campaign Against Sex Robots, maintain that AI contained in a humanlike synthetic body would never substitute the need for a person’s relationship and intimacy. There are even calls for sex robots to be banned.

Dr. Kathleen Richardson, a senior research fellow in the ethics of robotics at De Montfort University in Leicester, UK, and who heads the campaign told Sky News, “One of the first impacts of something like sex robots would be to increase human isolation because once you try to tell people that they don’t need other human beings anymore, one of the consequences of that is more isolation.”

However, such a ban might be interpreted as denying rights to technology for someone who could benefit from it. Such a person may be anti-social, have sexual phobias or have a medical problem.

In December, the second International Congress on Love and Sex with Robots will be held in London to discuss topics such as roboethics. The event will be for academics and industry professionals to share thoughts on human-computer and human-robot interactions.

Unlike today’s unemotional sex toys, it’s predicted robotic sex partners will be an important part of someone’s life by engaging with that person through AI. “There’s not just going to be two models on the market, you’re going to be able to pick robots where you can customize their appearance…they’ll be customizing the appearance of that so that they find it attractive,” Pearson told Breitbart.

From ethical and social standpoints, questions arise on whether regular human relationships will become less important. Pearson told Breitbart, “I don’t have any reason to expect that people won’t still want human partners, I don’t think we’re gonna just have sex with robots. It’ll be very much human relationships I think that still dominate, people will still prefer humans.”

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

What Sexual Inheritance Did We Receive from Victorians, Romans and the Renaissance

by zfortadminin Sex

What would you like to receive as a intimate inheritance?

Some things never change but sex isn’t one of them. Marcus Field looks back on some surprising episodes in the centuries-long evolution of Western sexual attitudes, from the ancient Greeks to the present day

Let’s start with the Greeks

Aphrodisiac, eroticism, homosexuality, narcissism, nymphomania, pederasty all these terms are derived from the language of ancient Greece which tells you something about its society. The myths of Homer and Plutarch told stories such as that of Aphrodite, goddess of sexual intercourse, who emerged from the foaming semen of her father’s castrated testicles. Then there were the mortal heroes such as Hercules, who it is said ravished 50 virgins in a single night, but who also had an affair with his nephew Iolaus and fell in love with “sweet Hylas, he of the curling locks”.

From the early 6th century to the early 4th century, the culture of pederasty flourished in Athens, with adult men taking adolescent boys to serve as their lovers (although how much physical sex actually happened is a matter of some debate). Women in ancient Greece were generally the property of men and rarely enjoyed the exalted status of the young homosexual partner. But we know that there was a strong culture of female prostitution, with the most successful courtesans often wielding power and wealth and with brothels paying a state tax on their profits. Neglected wives found ways to satisfy their desires. Lesbians (called tribades) certainly existed, and the culture is associated most particularly with the island of Lesbos “where burning Sappho loved and sung”. There are also plenty of literary references to the use of dildos, which in ancient Greece were made of padded leather and anointed with olive oil before use.

And then along came the Romans…

In Rome, as elsewhere in the ancient world, wives and children belonged to the man of the family. A woman caught in the act of adultery could be killed by her husband on the spot, while a wife who drank more than a moderate amount of wine gave grounds for divorce. Despite this, the orgiastic culture of legend certainly existed during the Bacchanalian festivals, when all restraint was abandoned. Such was the hedonism and lawlessness of these rites, with rampant couplings of both heterosexual and homosexual nature, that public worship of Bacchus was finally outlawed in 186 BCE. Prostitution was widespread and legal, and the Greek tradition of pederasty was significant enough to cause concern when the Roman birth rate dropped. Much attention was given to the development of contraception.

Pliny recommended “mouse dung applied in the form of a liniment” or pigeon droppings mixed with oil and wine. Much more successful was the method devised by the gynaecologist Soranus of Ephesus who suggested a wool plug for the uterus impregnated with gummy substances. However, it is more likely that outbreaks of plague and disease led to the catastrophic fall in the population of the Roman empire than the success of primitive contraception.

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How Many People Check Their Phones During Sex?

by Sarah Ewaldin Sex

62% of women and 48% of men had interrupted sex to play with their phone.

I don’t know about you, but I was taught not to be rude. In any situation (if I can help it). And that respect extends to my bedroom, and whatever partner is lucky enough to occupy it with me for that time.

This includes minimizing distractions so I can concentrate on getting it on and getting off. And in our super-connected state, what could be more distracting than your phone? Turns out others were also curious about that, and now there are, not one, but two, studies that exist on the topic.

A 2013 study done in England surveyed 1.7K+ men and women. The results found that 62% of women and 48% of men had interrupted sex to play with their phone. It broke down into specifics: Answering a call was 34% of the time, answering a text was 24%, and answering an email comprised 22%. Weirdly, the results didn’t break down the specifics by gender.

Oh yeah, and 34% of respondents claimed to be OK with the fact that their partner had turned their attention to their phone during the act. Sure, sounds legit. (I’d be mad as hell, but that’s just me.)

Also, we don’t know the ages of the respondents. I’d be tempted to speculate that the people who can’t leave their phones alone during sex would be of the millennial cohort (since my generation’s phones are practically appendages), but of course I can’t be certain.

But wait, there’s more!

Earlier this year, researchers at the University of Virginia presented findings focused on how our phones are distracting us from everything. Including, yes, sex.

(Side note: the scientists presented said research at the aptly-named Association for Computing Machinery’s Human-Computer Interaction conference. Who knew one existed?!)

Anyway, here’s an interesting discrepancy: only 10% of people admitted picking up their phones during sex. That’s a large gap between the 48-62% that the English study claimed. I don’t know whether this boils down to different social/sexual/technological mores across the pond, but that’s a huge gap in self-reporting.

Either way, it doesn’t matter. Come on, using your phone during sex is just inexcusable. Give your partner your full attention!

If you’re one of those people, do your current/future partners a favor and put that shit on airplane mode when you’re getting down.