Sex Tips Archives - Page 6 of 6

Did Millennials Kill The Sexual Revolution?

October 21, 2017January 22, 2024 by Virginia Jonesin Sex, SEX TIPS

Millennials aren’t as sexually active as we’re led to believe. Why is that — and what does it mean?

So, everyone knows that millennials are the most sexually active generation, right?

They’re all about hooking up and moving on, without thoughts of relationships or emotional attachment. They’re just out all day on their hoverboards, snapchatting, eating black ice cream, and designing apps for people who want their dogs to meet.

We’ve seen it on Girls and Broad City, we’ve read articles about it, some of us have even written about it. This generation just can’t get enough of strings-free hookups!

Actually, no.

According to a recent study, millennials are having LESS sex than the rest of us.

According to a report published by the Archives of Sexual Behavior, 15 percent of 20- to 24-year-olds have not had sex since turning 18, up from 6 percent in the early 1990s.

It goes on to say that younger millennials (those born in the early 1990s) are 41 percent more likely to be sexually inactive than their peers born in the 1980s and more than twice as likely to be sexually inactive in their early 20s than Generation X.

So, despite what you’ve heard, millennials are losing their virginity later, leaving sex as a lower priority, marrying later, and in general, are having less sex than any other group in the last 60 years.

How did we get it so wrong? In a word, media.

The percentage of millennials that is pursuing lots of casual sex is more visible and sexier to gossip about. And moreover, many chaste young adults may portray more of a sexy dating life online as part of their “brand” than what they’re pursuing privately.

Is this a blip on the radar, or does this reflect a change of attitude about sex?

The American sex life used to begin at marriage, or right before, which meant that in 1950, most people got married by 22. It was not socially acceptable to have children outside of wedlock, and so sex was considered dangerous and a potentially life-changing activity.

In 1960, the birth control pill became available in the United States. As the danger of accidental pregnancy dropped dramatically, people began questioning whether they needed to get married at all. By 1975, 35 percent of people thought of marriage as an “outdated concept,” and we rejected a lot of ideas about the dangers of premarital sex as old-fashioned. American society has become more secular and our morals have changed to reflect a more humanist society. Since we no longer need to get married to have sex or children, average marriage age has increased to an “elderly” 28 in 2010 and keeps going up.

But what if the sexual revolution of the ‘60s was the abnormality, and this generation is normalizing the behavior humans had for hundreds of years, limiting their number of partners and having sex later?

What’s causing this sexual abstinence in young people? Let’s explore what might be getting in the way.

They’re broke.

With tuitions going up, rents in cities rising, and job requirements also increasing, money’s tight. For the first time in more than 130 years, adults aged 18 to 34 are more likely to live with their folks than with a partner, which puts a damper on sexual activity — a factor also cooling off ardor in Tokyo. The last generation that had this level of sexual inactivity in their youth was during the Great Depression, which was another era where young people had less free time and disposable income.

They’re overworked.

For kids who do get their first jobs in high-pressure environments, they may be expected to be hyper-vigilant and perpetually available to their higher-ups via their phones, put in long hours and struggle for success. This doesn’t leave them with a lot of energy or time for meeting other people or pursuing them seriously.

They’re scared of intimacy.

A recurring theme in music and films is the danger of “catching feelings”, or, worse, of not catching them and of disappointing another person romantically. They speak of love like a disease that can happen if you’re not careful, and many would rather set that aside for now.

They feel unattractive.

The very apps we credit with every kid we know hooking up might only serve the 20 percent best looking of the population. The biggest visible effect of picture-based swiping apps is the death of the “mixed-attractiveness” couple, where one person is less attractive but may be smart, charming, or fun to be with — but only in person, not online. In their increasingly demanding world of snapchat and Instagram, average-looking kids may not even bother with dating apps.

Their meds don’t help.

As you might guess, this broke, stressed, and overworked generation struggles with anxiety and depression — and taking medication for it. Many are probably experiencing side effects that limit their interest in sexual activity.

Porn is everywhere.

Like the sexless generation in Japan, young American men are meeting many of their sexual urges with pornography, which is 100 percent dedicated to being exactly what you want it to be, without the entanglements or dangers of intimacy with other people. They are also the first generation that had pornography available to them as soon as they thought they might want to see some, with the availability of the internet on every computer, tablet, or phone they’ve ever had.

So it might not be about a change in attitude, but just some really specific circumstances that are keeping millennials from having sex.

I would guess that this group’s sexual disinterest is only temporary, and in general in keeping with their interest in delaying adulthood. As this generation finds its way in our great big beautiful world, they’re going to want to have sex with it. The revolution need not be Tinder-ized.

One Couple’s Radical Approach To Solve Their Sexless Marriage

November 1, 2017January 22, 2024 by Amy Rettein Sex, SEX TIPS

My husband and I found ourselves in a sexless marriage after having our son two years ago.

Sound familiar? That’s because it was the same problem so many other long-term, committed couples experience: one of us wanted a lot of sex, one of us wanted none.

We’d started as an extremely sexually active couple.

Even after the two year mark, when those brain chemicals that make us unbearably horny are supposed to wear off, we were unable to resist one another. When we married, it was with the mutual understanding that a healthy sex life was a top priority to both of us in a long term marriage.

So six weeks after my c-section, when I wasn’t even feeling a tingle of emotion, he started to get concerned. When we did finally try, it was the worst sex either of us has ever experienced. I hated it and my body responded accordingly. We had to stop two minutes into it as our bodies rubbed together, chaffing with the friction of dry skin against dry skin.

As months went on, he began to blame me for his growing unhappiness and I blamed him for pushing physical intimacy that I had no interest in. It was a vicious, self-perpetuating cycle.

In desperation, I made an all encompassing effort to find my missing libido. But counseling, crystals, massage, visiting an energy healer, yoga, boudoir photos, talking to a doctor, and anything else you’ve ever heard or read about didn’t work.

So, we decided to take a radical approach to solve our sexless marriage.

My husband would take a three week vacation from our family during which he was allowed (and encouraged!) to have as much sex with as many strangers as he’d like.

For any readers who may be formulating assumptions about how that conversation went, it’s important to note that I was the one who first stumbled upon the idea of a sex-cation for my husband, and I was the one who did the convincing.

We’d explored the concept of an open relationship, threesomes, and polyamory already. None of those structures sat well with us. Long term, we wanted to be in a monogamous relationship. He’s an intensely committed human who prefers stability to change. I don’t have the emotional and/or intellectual resources to grapple with the philosophical and logistical questions that come up during multi-person relationships.

In all of my journaling and therapy, I found myself coming back to one problem over and over again — and that was blame. Hormones do some weird things to both men and women once a baby enters the picture.

My husband had quietly started blaming me when our new infant cannibalized our lives. In his mind, he’d imagined becoming a father later in life and felt that I’d pressured him to move up the timeframe. In some ways, he was right, but the choice was always his.

Caught in his own disappointment and blame, he failed to meet my needs as a new, breastfeeding, semi-depressed mother. I needed empathy more than anything, and that’s the one thing he failed to give me. Unlike his quiet blame, mine was a loud, raging anger.

In my mind, the misery of that first year of motherhood was almost entirely on his shoulders. And it made my vagina clam up.

From there it spiralled. As a man with an unusually high sex drive, he was miserable. He felt rejected and abandoned. He felt as though I’d misled him in my sexual willingness before pregnancy, that I’d stolen his opportunity to experience a varied and healthy sex life while he was still young. Not knowing what else to do, he just kept propositioning me.

I, unsurprisingly, felt pressured by him, as if he believed it to be my duty to surrender my body to his needs. Even after the first year of motherhood, I found myself piled under domestic demands. On top of washing diapers, arranging childcare, keeping the house clean, and managing our schedules, I was at the helm of my startup — a company that was rapidly growing. At the end of the day, there was nothing left for me to give, and from my fed-up perspective, my husband just needed to grow up and get over it.

I know it sounds ugly; it was. There’s nothing about a suddenly sexless relationship that’s pretty.

I wanted out. He wanted out. So I made the decision to give us both what we wanted. He would leave for three weeks and finally get his sexual needs met. I would manage the household, catch up on work, and be left blissfully alone. At the end, we’d come back together and hopefully be able to view the situation with fresh eyes.

Guess what? It worked.

He left for a large city in Southeast Asia shortly after. We’d spent a significant amount of time there in the past, and he already had friends who lived in the region. Our rules stated that he could only begin his time of freedom once he left the city we lived in, and could only engage with women neither of us had previously known. All of the dating apps he used, needed to create with email accounts he’d delete after he returned. He was not allowed to give out contact information, give his last name, or meet the same person a second time. This was designed to be a physical experience, not an emotional one. Any questions I had were not only allowed to be asked, but he would be obligated to answer truthfully.

The second he walked out the door, I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders (or, I guess, my loins).

Fearing the lack of help from a second parent, I’d built backup plans upon backup plans for handling our little one which resulted in our household running better than it ever had. Once I got the baby down for sleep, I’d journal and then read. Two things I hadn’t done for enjoyment since I was pregnant.

Without any external demands, I found time to run during my lunch breaks, and even hired a sitter to go out with friends on several occasions. When I came home those nights, I’d crawl into my big empty bed and sleep until morning. Those were the first times in over a year I’d slept through the night. It was positively glorious.

Instead of anxiety over what my husband was doing, I felt relief at having one less person to “service” in my life. I could actually pay attention to myself, something I’d all but forgotten how to do.

Across an ocean, my husband was working out his own issues.

He was finding that he still had worth. Women wanted, not rejected, him. And through his many encounters, he discovered something that saved us. I had not been the one to force domesticity upon him — he’d always wanted it. It was, like I’d been insisting, his choice all along. The encounters he had reminded him sex was necessary, but it didn’t make him happy. He found that he loved me deeply and craved the safety of our monogamy. His flings were physically satisfying yet emotionally devoid.

When he returned, the blame spiral reversed itself. He understood that he had chosen me as his partner willingly and any pressure he’d felt was nothing more than a way of blaming someone else for his unhappiness in early parenthood. That renewed love and understanding showed itself in the form of empathy towards me. Because of that, I felt supported. And because of the weeks alone, I felt refreshed. We had sex a few times.

Those few times encouraged him, which caused him to show me more appreciation, and so on, until the pain of our post-baby lives had dissipated.

My nether regions slowly woke up.

A year later, we can call ourselves happy without a hint of a lie.

We’re not back to our pre-baby sex lives, but we’re up to a healthy few times a week— far from a sexless marriage. Our solution may not work for everyone (heck, it may not work for most!), but my hope in writing this is that I’ll reach at least one person out there who is out of options. Someone who is looking for a solution where there seem to be none. If you’re out there, don’t be afraid to veer off the path and find a new way. Find something that works for your relationship, no matter how crazy it seems.

For more reading about solving a sexless marriage, check out this article that can help you determine how much sex is healthy, or this helpful advice on regaining your sexual confidence.

16 Women On The One Thing They Appreciate Most From A Man In Bed

December 8, 2017January 22, 2024 by Becca Martinin Sex, SEX TIPS

Your sex life might be good, but here’s how you’ll make it better for her.

Last night I was sitting at a bar with a friend getting drinks. I saw a hot guy across the bar drinking a Coors Banquet, eating chips and salsa, watching the game on TV. He looked completely uninterested in everything going on around him, as he sat there alone, never looking away from what was right in front of him.

“The man in the baseball hat across from us is so hot,” I said to my friend.

“Yeah, he really is. Just by the looks of him though, I bet he wouldn’t go down on a girl in bed, he’d just expect you to do all the work,” she said.

She probably wasn’t wrong, but we’ll never know if the man at the bar drinking a Coors Banquet could please a woman the way she wants to be pleased.

The conversation inspired me to ask 16 women from my life and the Internet what they appreciate most from a man in bed, here are their answers:

1. “I appreciate a guy that tends to my needs first before he *expects* me to put his dick in my mouth. It shows he cares a little more for me than just the sex and that he also cares about making me feel good in bed.” – Jess, 24

2. “When the guy actually wants me to orgasm and is turned on by it rather than just focusing on himself getting off. That is not enjoyable and it doesn’t make me want to continue to have sex with him when he’s only focused on himself.” – Lacey, 23

3. “When you can openly say what you like and they actually listen to you, instead just assuming I like what they’re doing, especially when it’s in the moment. It makes the connection better and it’s way more fun for both of us.” – Sara, 28

4. ‘“I appreciate when a man communicates in bed. Silent sex is boring and awkward. I want to know that your world is being rocked, what you want more or less of, how good it all feels or asking me to ride you harder or who my pussy belongs to. That’s the kind of stuff that turns me on and makes it WAY more enjoyable.” – Catrina, 27

5. “Open, honest, raw and real communication about wants, needs and desires without judgement.” – Julia, 36

6. “The warmth that radiates from their body.” – Macy, 26

7. “His voice when he cherishes me.” – Emily, 30

8. “I appreciate when a man acknowledges other parts of my body than just my tits and ass. I know he’s enjoying my ass when he’s grabbing it but it would be nice to be reminded that he also thinks I’m beautiful or that he likes my eyes. It makes me feel like less of a just a body for him to fuck and more like he appreciates me.” – Kaitlyn, 33

9. “FOREPLAY! I get that he can go from 0 to 100 real quick, but like, I don’t. I appreciate when a man is gentle and slow, instead of just trying to do it quickly (unless that is what we’re going for). I want foreplay, it makes everything feel better and makes me so much more into the sex.” – Bella, 26

10. “I appreciate when a man takes control. I am strong and independent as hell, but the bedroom is the one and only place I want to be dominated by a man. I want him to be rough, to a healthy extent, and take control. That is so hot to me and such a turn on.” – Nicole, 34

11. “A man who makes sure I also cum! I’m sick of dudes cumming then just flopping down beside me all out of breath. Like that’s awesome he just got a load off, but he better not think he’s done without making sure I’m taken care of. Not how it works, buddy.” – Rachel, 23

12. “I appreciate a man who is willing to try new things with me in bed. Routine is boring, even in the bedroom. Doing missionary then finishing doggy style gets old REAL quick. I want some excitement and I appreciate a man who is also into switching things up and experimenting in the bedroom.” – Cheryl, 41

13. “His praise telling me he likes what I’m doing. I enjoy giving him head but only when he communicates to me that he likes what I’m doing. It makes me feel really good and I appreciate his words of affirmation.” – Kylie, 25

14. “When a man is aggressive with me, but only after we’ve communicated what we’d like to do to each other and are on the same page. It allows me to feel more comfortable with him and myself in bed.” – Michaela, 29

15. “A guy who takes things slow and makes me feel special, when he kisses down my neck, whispers in my ear, tells me that I’m beautiful. Those things all make me feel so appreciated and confirms that I’m not just someone he wants to fuck but actually cares about. Sometimes it’s so easy to feel worthless in bed and like I don’t matter so when he does little things like that it shows me he really cares.” – Brooke, 24

16. “When he stays and cuddles after! There is no worse feeling than when a guy comes over, has sex with you and leaves. When he stays and I know he enjoys spending time with me after it makes me feel so loved and cared for.” – Suzy, 23

May this information empower you to new and exciting adventures!

For more ways to please women, check out: Tongue-Tied During Sex? Here’s the Sexy Talk Women Want to Hear.

Is Your Dating Out Of This World? Here’s How to Find What Planet You Are

December 15, 2017January 22, 2024 by CJ Atkinsonin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Find out where your love life is living these days.

It was another break up that led to me and my friends trying to work out if there was a single cliche that might make it feel better. We skipped over “It’s not you, It’s me” and “I just need some space,” before we crash landed on “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. We cackled, because it’s such a trite, easy description – men are from way over there somewhere while women are from right over the other side there, right?

However, it’s the 21st century and genders and sexualities are more fluid than ever before. Whether you’re gay, straight, bisexual, pansexual, queer or other, sometimes the person you’re crazy about can feel like they’re from a completely different planet. Is every relationship going to be a forever one? Probably not, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t want to whip out your passport and go on a cosmic vacation.

It’s not the planet you’re born on, but the one that you’re visiting together. Keep reading to see which planet your love-life is living on right now.

The Sun

The Sun is the big one, or the big one for now. We’ve all been there – the passion and heat are matched with the incredible amount of energy you get from being in this relationship. They’re all-consuming, and you can feel it from your head to your toes. On the downside, it can be easy to be blinded to the rest of the world when you’re in something as bright as this, and you might end up feeling a little burned.

The Moon

If you’re like me, you’ve more than once looked at the moon and thought “Wow, this is beautiful”, or on a full moon, wondered why people are going a little wild. That’s the draw of it, after all: the mystery. Maybe it’s your first foray into a grown-up relationship, or this is a relationship that’s broken the mold of your usual habits. It’s ineffable, and intriguing, and incredibly sexy. While shaking things up and trying new things is always a good idea, remember that it’s okay to admit when things are a phase.

Mercury

Let’s just say it: wit is sexy. This is one for people who like to be laughed into bed, and there are some people who just have it. Maybe they’re not your usual type, but there’s something about the killer combination of cheekiness and smarts that might as well be an erogenous zone of its own. That being said, for it to work you want to make sure that there’s some substance there or you might find yourself frustrated by the non-stop jokes.

Venus

Sometimes you meet someone that makes your insides feel like every 80’s love ballad, and you find yourself recasting the romance cover for your love story(Fabio optional). It’s overblown and a little ridiculous, and if you were to look at it from the outside you might find yourself feeling like vomiting quietly into a seasickness bag. We’ve all been there, it’s gross, and weird, and wonderful, and overblown and incredibly fun. Stop being so sensible and enjoy the moments for what they are, and give yourself over to the fact that sometimes the world hands you what you need.

Mars

Hold onto your hats, you’re in for some stormy weather. This is one of those relationships where you’ve mastered the art of the throw down. Do you love to hate each other? Do you hate to love each other? Does it matter when the sex is as explosive as the arguing?

Jupiter

Have you ever walked into a room and seen somebody standing, holding court? Or maybe that person is you. For a certain personality type (I admit it, like me), the life and soul of the party is an incredible place to be, and it gets better when you get to bring that party home and into your bed. For people who feel relationship jealousy, it can be difficult to be in the place where you’re sharing the attention, but that’s also a really important life lesson to learn.

Saturn

There’s a reason that Saturn is a mystery – even when you’re living it, it’s hard to explain. This is one of those relationships which lifts the phone bill – and your attention span – right up where they belong. When you talk, it’s deep, and intellectual, but also really connected to your body. You can talk for hours, but at some point that turns into a conversation with your bodies. Savor the feeling of being holistically linked with someone, and connecting to your deeper selves.

Uranus

Stop giggling in the back (or start, after all, laughter is widely acknowledged as one of the more potent aphrodisiacs). Whimsical and odd, this relationship feels like you’re in the middle of a Wes Anderson film. If you’re somebody who likes order and logic this might be tricky, but reach out of your comfort zone and try something new. You never know, you might like it.

Neptune

If you’ve ever wondered what’s sexy about water, try going on a date to an aquarium, or take a walk with your favorite person (or people) along a shoreline – there’s something otherworldly about this kind of connection to the world that we live in. Passionate, experimental, confusing – some relationships feel like a hot tap, where it can turn on and off before you’ve ever had the chance to settle into your groove. It can definitely wake you up, even it becomes something which feels a little unsteady. It’s good to learn to be adjustable, and to experience new things, but remember that it’s totally okay to set the limits of what you’re comfortable with.

Pluto

Is it a planet? Is it a celestial snowball? Is this a relationship? Did they just disappear? You might as well call this one Planet of the Ghosts – it was all going so well, and then suddenly it’s been three weeks and where have they gone?. Remember: it’s not your fault, sometimes these things happen. The good news is that one day you’ll be able to look back with a kind of nostalgia, and forgive yourself for going through a difficult time.

Earth

It’s the Goldilocks planet for a reason – is it perfect? Not at all, because relationships so rarely are. There are definitely things which could go better, and there are seasons as things change. There are even some points when it can feel like, well, the end of the world. Yet when it comes down to it, it’s just right.

Remember that these relationships aren’t good or bad on their own, and each one should be exciting in its own way. Relax, enjoy it, and savor that relationship for what it is, and not what you want it to be.

Related to this story? Read more about why sometimes you have to wait until it feels right on Love TV.

Everything I Learned About Having A Successful ‘Friends With Benefits’ Relationship From My Mistakes

December 29, 2017January 22, 2024 by Becca Martinin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Not everyone is cut out for a friends with benefits relationship, and here’s why…

Having a ‘Friends With Benefits’ relationship sounds great from the start but having sex without any strings attached is never as easy as it sounds, at least not for me.

The first time I tried to have a FWB relationship I was young. I was also very naive. I had no idea who I was, what I wanted or how to stand up for myself. All I did know was that I really, really liked the dude and he didn’t reciprocate those feelings but I thought, ‘hey, he liked me enough to hook up with me and if I hook up with him then at least I’d get to spend time with him. Which is the worst possible mindset to have.

For years (yes, years) I hooked up with him, hoping that someday it would turn into more. I wished that one day he’d realize he needed me in his life in other ways. But, no surprise there, that never happened, even after all those years. I held onto false hopes of words I dissected that he let slip out while we were in bed.

It never turned into more. I was disappointed for years but I kept doing it because I didn’t respect myself enough to walk away. I wanted to stay because for the hour or so we’d spend together it would seem worth it at the time.

After all I put myself through with him, I still didn’t learn.

I thought I could be the girl who could just sleep with men and not get attached. I convinced myself that I didn’t need a relationship or another heartbreak. So I tried again.

I pretended to be the ‘cool girl’ that doesn’t actually exist. I tried to convince myself and everyone else that I didn’t care that I wouldn’t go over to Tom’s until at 11 P.M. and leave early in the morning because when the sun came up we didn’t have anything to talk about. I liked to pretend it didn’t hurt.

I told myself I didn’t care that Josh only called when he was drunk and didn’t want to go home alone. I told myself that I was fine, that I could just sleep with these dudes and that nothing would hurt me because I didn’t want to be the “crazy” girl who needed commitment and want someone to actually stick around in the morning.

But I was. I’ve always been that girl and there’s nothing wrong with that. You don’t have to be a FWB person, because most people aren’t cut out for it, myself included and that’s okay.

I learned that you should never – under any circumstances – start a FWB relationship with someone you have feelings for, even if they’re just ‘crush-status’ feelings. They’re still feelings and the more time you spend with this person, especially in bed, will cause those feelings to grow immensely and that will only lead to you getting hurt.

Something I convinced myself of a lot was that if the guy spent more time with me that maybe I could convince him to like me and want more, but the thing is you can’t convince people to like you and you shouldn’t have to.

Sex won’t make someone stay or love you.

Another thing I learned about FWB is that sex won’t make him stay. He will come, have sex with you and he will still leave because he got what he came for. And having him stay the night with you will only make you feel a deeper connection to him. That will get you overthinking and ultimately cause more damage when things blow up because they will blow up if you’re not on the same page.

Communication is the most important thing.

You have to make sure you’re both on the same page from the start and have open communication. Sometimes it’s hard — usually it’s hard, but it’s so important. Without communication nothing works and someone is bound to get hurt.

In my experiences, I’ve always been afraid to bring up what is going on because I didn’t want to scare away the guy. I’ve always felt like guys are terrified of hearing the words, “can we talk about what’s going on here?” And that if I say those words it’s immediately over, but if you’re just sleeping together it’s important to be on the same page. It’s even important to be on the same page when you’re dating, in a relationship, and married. You have to have that open line of communication, because when you don’t things become messy.

Avoid starting a friends with benefits arrangement with someone you’re close to.

You also shouldn’t start a FWB relationship with someone who is important to you or is a big part of your life, like your roommates best friend or someone in your friend circle. If things go south it will become extremely awkward and in a way it will feel like a break up, even though you were never dating. It’s important to be mindful of who you start this relationship with.

If FWB is something you truly want, you have to keep it as focused on hooking up as possible and try to avoid keeping it personal because it’s too easy to become attached or fall for someone when you’re sleeping together and start becoming involved in their personal life. Like I said, FWB relationships aren’t for everyone, they aren’t for most people, honestly and that’s okay.

It’s important to know who you are and what you can actually handle. FWB can be fun, but you have to make sure you’re on the same page, that’s the most important part of the relationship. If you start to develop feelings you have to know it’s time to walk away before you get really attached and hurt. You can’t hold onto the hope you’ve created in your mind that things will work out and he will fall for you. When guys tell you they don’t want a relationship, they mean it and you have to listen.

FWB relationships aren’t for everyone but if you go into them with respect for each other and clear communication then they are doable.

For more ways to please women, check out 16 Women On The One Thing They Appreciate Most From A Man In Bed.

17 Ways to Spice Up Your Valentine’s Day if You’re Tired of Flowers and Candy

January 25, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Tired of the same old flowers and candy? Here are 17 ways to make your V-Day memorable.

Many have a love-hate relationship with Valentine’s Day. Sometimes, the same old roses and chocolates routine year after year can get boring.

Personally, I love doing something different every Valentine’s Day, even if it’s just a simple movie and making dinner at home. My favorite romantic meal to make is steak, veggies and popovers, but the options are limitless.

For couples who want to spice up their Valentine’s Day, here are 17 ways to make it a great one.

1. Book a boudoir photography session.

This will take a bit of planning before the big day. Find a local photographer and book a sexy boudoir session with them. Sometimes there are even Groupons.

Boudoirs are reminiscent of pin-up girls and are often intimate and romantic. Be sure to pose in your significant other’s favorite lingerie of yours for an erotic touch. Gift the photos to your partner on Valentine’s Day to get them in the mood. Then get ready for a night of bedroom fun.

2. Start the day off with some shower sex.

Even if you don’t have any plans, given that Valentine’s Day is on a Wednesday, start your work day off right and surprise your loved one with some good old-fashioned shower sex. Chances are, it will leave them wanting more post-work fun.

3. Consider adding some edible accessories to the mix.

If you’ve always wanted to try adding some flavor to sex, consider the ever ubiquitous whipped cream or some flavored lube. Some flavors are actually really tasty! You could even buy a few different flavors an do a taste test.

4. Volunteer together.

Valentine’s Day is all about love, right? Show some love to others and change up your Valentine’s routine with a volunteer session. VolunteerMatch.org pairs you with the best option for you.

5. 50 Shades it.

Get seriously sexy and take a page from the popular 50 Shades of Grey books and movies. There’s nothing like a little BDSM to spice up the most romantic day of the year. You don’t have to be a billionaire to tie your partner up and most floggers are available for under $50.

6. Get home from work before your partner and transform your place.

Leave work early on Valentine’s Day and transform your home into a romantic wonderland. Light candles, turn on a playlist of your favorite love-making music and lock the door so you have to answer it wearing just a little babydoll chemise.

7. Go hands free.

Post dinner when things get sexy, instead of touching each other with your hands, use every other part of your body—breasts, thighs, hair, tongue—the possibilities are endless.

You have incredibly soft parts of your body you don’t even think about. You might be surprised how great it feels to have a soft nose tracing up your neck or little sucking kisses on different places like the back of your knees or inside of your elbow.

8. Play middle school games.

It might sound silly, but there’s something fun and cute about remembering when you were first learning about falling in love or dating.

Make some cocktails then play a game of Truth or Dare (the sexier dares the better!). Later, you can even make some room in your closet for a little Seven Minutes in Heaven.

9. Send some naughty flowers.

Send a bouquet to your partner’s work. This seems innocent enough right? Make the note extra dirty with a fun message about what you plan to do to them when work’s over. Last year my boyfriend went the sweet route and surprised me with a bouquet of roses. He was traveling over Valentine’s Day and I didn’t expect anything at all!

10. Breakfast in bed.

A simple and sweet gesture like breakfast in bed can be an incredibly romantic way to start your Valentine’s Day. My boyfriend and I started this tradition and every Sunday we have breakfast in bed.

11. Take a couple’s massage class—then try out what you learned on each other.

Research and find a reputable local couple’s massage class. When you’re home and cozy, practice on each other.

The best part about this is that it’s the gift that keeps on giving. It’s great to get a sexy massage on your anniversary or Valentine’s Day, but when my love gives me a relaxing massage it always leads to something else.

12. Get naughty at dinnertime.

If you’re heading out to dinner, get a little naughty under the table in between courses. Use your hands or your feet to make him feel a little extra excited for what comes after dessert.

13. Make dessert—and eat it off each other.

Some of my favorites are whipped cream, sprinkles, a scoop of ice cream, chocolate dipped fruit—the possibilities are endless.

14. Have sex before dinner.

There’s nothing more surprising than initiating a steamy love-making session before you leave for dinner. It’s enough to make you burn with passion over your appetizers and melt your dessert with lust.

15. Role play.

Even Modern Family’s Phil and Claire like to get a little role play going on Valentine’s Day. If you’re clueless on how to even start role playing, start simple—think of everyday scenarios between two people.

You could be teacher and student, doctor and patient, or repairman and homeowner.

16. Use a toy in front of your partner.

There’s just something I find utterly arousing about turning myself on while a significant other watches. Right before you finish, have a little romp together.

17. Take a staycation.

Book a hotel room or Airbnb together and enjoy fresh surroundings. Sometimes that’s all you need to rekindle the romance.

There are so many beautiful places that are different or creative. Boutique hotels or a bed and breakfast are all great options. One thing I love to do is find an Airbnb with a hot tub.

Enjoy fun and easy ways to spice up your Valentine’s Day.

Sometimes, this time of year can be downright depressing. Days are shorter and winter can be long and cold. Make your Valentine’s Day memorable this year with these suggestions. Hopefully it will be all you need to kick start your romance during the coldest time of the year.

Single this Valentine’s Day? Check out this guide to owning Valentine’s Day this year.

10 Ways to Cultivate Your Sexual Energy and Self-Worth Without Actually Having Sex

September 6, 2019January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin RELATIONSHIPS, Sex

Developing your sexual energy and self-worth without actually doing the deed can be quite the journey.

When asked to write about this subject, I at first found it daunting. Then I began to realize just how many times I felt sexually alive without actually having sex.

Here are 10 ways to cultivate your sexual energy and self-worth without actually having sex.

1. Buy yourself sexy lingerie.

Do a little online shopping or make like the ‘90s kid you were and head to your local mall. Find a gorgeous, lacy, risqué and utterly sexy bra and panties set and purchase it. By having something sexy on that’s just for yourself, you create a fun mystery that only you know about.

2. Experiment with masturbation.

If you’ve never masturbated, I encourage you to give it a try. It took awhile to figure out exactly what I liked. Once you do though, embrace it. Buy a vibrator if you think you’d enjoy one—Amazon sells a ton, believe it or not! By experimenting with what you like, you’ll be better able to direct your partner to do what makes you feel good.

3. Do something spontaneous.

There’s just something innately sexy about doing something spontaneous. If you’re with someone, grab a deck of cards and play strip poker, but stop before things get too intimate. If you’re single at the moment, book a flight to your closest beach for a long weekend with your best girlfriends. Being spontaneous feels so invigorating that one just naturally feels sexy doing something so spur-of-the-moment.

4. Explore how sex is more than just the physical deed.

Yes, sex is a physical act but it is so much more than that. There are deep emotional ties to having sex with someone, and there is also a mental act. Journaling about how you feel when you do have sex may be helpful to figuring out where you are physically, emotionally and psychologically. Sometimes extra stress from work can cause your sexual prowess to take a hit. Perhaps you’re super self-conscious about a part of your body. Writing about what’s bugging you when it comes to sex can ultimately help you get through your issues and come out with better self-worth overall.

5. Educate yourself.

Read up on sex! If you’re trying to grow your sexual energy or realize just how worth it you are, read anything and everything you can when it comes to sex. Sometimes reading about sex can be funny too—one of my favorite evening pasttimes when I’m bored is perusing Urban Dictionary, looking at all the ridiculous names kids have for sex positions these days!

6. Watch a film or read an erotic romance novel.

Watch a sexy film to figure out what turns you on, or if you’re a reader, grab an erotic romance novel. If you haven’t read the 50 Shades of Grey series yet, you could always give it a try. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed the books–both laughing at them and fantasizing a bit as I read the sex scenes. Watching porn or reading romance novels are great ways to continue to explore your sexuality.

7. Take control next date night—without the sex.

Taking control of date night and what happens when it’s over is a great way to channel your sexual energy. If your significant other and you don’t live together, end the night at the goodnight kiss, leaving him or her wanting more. If you are living in the same place, have a super steamy makeout session. If you end that session before sex, you can claim your sexual self-worth—it will serve as a great reminder to your partner that you are indeed worth waiting for.

8. Take a pole-dancing class.

I know it seems cliché, but pole dancing classes have popped up all over the country. Release your inner stripper and sign up for a class near you. If you’re shy and a bit self-conscious, pole dancing is a great way to overcome that. Take a few of your friends and get ready for some serious fun.

9. Take up yoga.

Yoga ultimately makes you more flexible, which would therefore make for better sex, right? The easier you can move, the easier sex will be. There’s no need to take things to contortionist levels, but the earlier you start a practice like yoga, the easier sex will be as you age into your 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond.

10. Practice self-care.

One of the easiest ways you’ll be able to make sure your sexual energy and self-worth are at the utmost level is to practice self-care. Sex usually makes you feel good. Why not do what else makes you feel good, like getting a blowout at your local salon or reading a good book outdoors on a gorgeous day? By assuring your happiness and mental health, your sexual health should thrive as well.

Want to read more on sex? Check out this piece about natural or holistic ways to increase your libido.