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Foreplay With Your Feet, Here’s How

by zfortadminin Sex

Kisses on the neck, a shoulder rubdown, a nibble on the nips—it’s all great foreplay, but hardly unpredictable.

Want to mix things up? Get your feet in the game. Your toes and soles are jam-packed with nerve-endings, making your tootsies one of the most sensitive parts of your body. Not a foot person? These six tricks might just win you over.

1. Tie ‘Em Up

If you haven’t tried bondage, make this your first foray. Using a scarf or necktie, loosely tie your partner’s feet to the bedposts or legs of a chair, says Jessica O’Reilly, Ph.D., Astroglide’s resident sex and relationships expert. He’ll feel vulnerable and get to zone in on whatever naughty, pleasurable thing you do to him next. Just make sure to switch turns.

2. Give a Rub Down

“There’s something sexy about playing the role of submissive and serving your lover, as long as it goes both ways,” says O’Reilly. Try washing your partner’s feet, then place a pillow on your lap and give him a massage. Use your fingers to squeeze and knead all over, or hold the ankle steady with one hand while rotating the foot clockwise and counterclockwise with the other.

3. Play Footsie

It may sound elementary, but rubbing your toes along your partner’s calves, feet, or inner thighs under the table is the perfect primer for sexy shenanigans, says O’Reilly. Slip your shoes off and don’t make eye contact at first—then, once you’ve built up enough anticipation, send over that mischievous ‘let’s get out of here’ glance.

4. Get Warm

Cold feet could literally be cock-blocking your pleasure: “Research suggests women are more likely to orgasm when their feet are warm, so have him rub them down with oil before you get frisky,” says O’Reilly. Giving the thermostat a boost before getting it on could help, too—and no judgment if your juices flow better with socks on.

5. Slip on Heels

Some dudes will notice a pedicure—most won’t. What they do see? Sexy, strappy heels and thigh-high stockings. Strut your stuff before having him unbuckle your shoes or roll down your tights in slo-mo.

6. Hit the Hot Spots

Glide your toes gently over your partner’s sensitive zones (think: hips,penis, small of the back, or breasts if he’s doing it to you.) “No technique is universally loved or loathed, but a number of my clients rave about partners who gently brush their feet up against the penis—it’s simultaneously pleasurable, taboo, and threatening,” says O’Reilly.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Make Mine a Make Out

by Virginia Jonesin Sex

Look, almost everyone likes sex.  Presidents and college students and married people all like it  and think it’s great.  But whatever happened to just making out?

In the beginning, there was kissing.  Lots and lots of sweet, hot, open-mouthed kissing.  And it was good.  We’d walk around in a daze after hours of it.  And then we moved to second base.  And lo, it was also pretty good.  Bras were stuffed under couches, not to be seen again until moving day.  Slowly, a bunch of kids who knew next to nothing about baseball moved towards a home run- and many of us never looked back.

Look, almost everyone likes sex.  Presidents and college students and married people all like it  and think it’s great.  But whatever happened to just making out?  You know, getting hot and heavy, kissing until your mouth is all tingly and puffy, feeling hands inching ever closer towards the edge of your bra- it’s fun and super hot!

Kissing Feels Great:

Kissing reduces cortisol, a stress chemical in the body.  Fifteen minutes of kissing measurably reduces levels of cortisol in academic laboratory make-out tests.  Kissing and making out releases all kinds of feel-good chemicals and hormones, including oxytocin, the love drug.  That makes making out a natural painkiller, and it also bonds you to a new person or an established partner.  Men like kissing because it’s a way to introduce more testosterone into women’s systems, which makes sex even sexier.  Women like kissing men because it’s a way to assess their appropriateness as a biological mate.   We’re usually looking for people whose genetic makeup is dissimilar to one’s own, which makes for stronger offspring.  Kissing and pheromones transfer a lot of that information about another person- unfortunately, kissing can’t help determine whether one still uses a skateboard as their main mode of transportation.

Kissing is Intense:

Kissing is done with one’s eyes closed, not just because it’s a social norm, but because kissing provides so much great information and stimulation it’s better to cut down on visual stimuli- also, because while you’re kissing, your partner probably looks like they have one big eye in the middle of their forehead.

It’s Low Risk:

For single people, kissing and making out packs a lot of the same heart-stopping thrills as sex, but without the downsides of one-time hookups- there’s virtually no STD or pregnancy scares, and it’s not as embarrassing to run into someone you made out with once at the Trader Joe’s.  If you’ve just started seeing someone, think about making out a time or two before you start having sex- you’ll be more comfortable with each other and probably have even more fun building intimacy and looking forward to the main course.

It Makes Sex Hotter:

For couples, making out makes sex hotter- building anticipation and just having fun with each other.  Try making rules- set a ten minute timer that’s only for kissing, then another timer that’s only for touching each other, and so on- by the time you get to sex you’ll be completely bonkers and have a wonderful time!

It’s Portable:

Making out can be done with your clothes on, or mostly on, so you can do it in a car or in a gazebo, in a movie theater or methadone clinic, or lots of places it wouldn’t be that great to have sex.  It’s not polite to do in a Denny’s, but many have.

In closing, the next time you’re with someone you’re into, consider making more out of making out!

Using Sex to Cope with Emotions

by zfortadminin Sex

My experience with hypersexuality involved meeting men on Craigslist expressly for the purpose of having sex.

I love sex. Maybe more than the average person. But having had an episode of bipolar hypersexuality — defined clinically as extremely frequent or suddenly increased sexual urges or sexual activity — I’m always careful when starting a new sexual relationship. I know that I can have a healthy sex life even with this struggle in my past, but it takes some careful attention to my situation and to my feelings.

My experience with hypersexuality involved meeting men on Craigslist expressly for the purpose of having sex. Other than work, finding the next sexual partner was my primary focus during that time. As is common with this condition, I couldn’t find the pleasure that I sought with these encounters, which made me seek out even more men. The driving force behind hypersexuality is actually bipolar mania, so without proper treatment or a change in my condition, my sexual behavior was not likely to change.

After having gone through this period of intense sexuality, I sometimes view my sexual appetite as a symptom. I’ve been careful to ask myself whether I’m really feeling someone’s vibe or if I’m about to have sex because I’m driven by other feelings. That helps me make sure that I’m well emotionally, my bipolar is under control, and that I’m about to be intimate with someone for the right reasons.

Recently, I was reminded of a period when I was driven by hypersexuality in a relationship. There is a man in my life, Steven, that I see every few years. It’s one of those situations where we just can’t get out of each other’s systems — you know what I mean. The last time he called me, I was a mess. I’d recently gotten out of the hospital and was still reeling from a breakup earlier that year. Of course, I agreed to see him and we got together a few times. But what I really wanted to do was see Steven more frequently. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, calling him, imagining how wonderful it would be if we just had more sex. When I didn’t get what I wanted from him, I went to dating sites — I’ll never go back to Craigslist — but couldn’t meet anyone. That’s when I knew that I was in trouble.

Fortunately, I confessed my behavior to my therapist while getting an adjustment in medication to keep the mania at bay. I learned that, yes, hypersexuality can be a symptom of my disease, but that it can also be a symptom of unregulated emotions. My experience with Steven was probably a little of both, since I’d been a bit lonely since my breakup and I saw sex as something that I could use to replace any other negative feelings I had. I know now that it’s not healthy for me to use physical intimacy as a substitute for my emotions.

Steven called me a few weeks ago and we did get together. These days I’m healthier and clearer about the role of sex in my life, and I decided to be with Steven because of my feelings for him and not as a surrogate for anything — or anyone — else. As a result, we can have a fulfilling, honest and healthy sexual relationship and I don’t have to worry about triggering an episode of hypersexuality or other unhealthy behavior. So far its going well for me, which I believe is working out well for Steven too. If you know what I mean.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

The Birds and the Bees …Has Adult Content Become the Tutor?

by zfortadminin Sex

THE other day, I got an email from a 21-year-old college senior about sex — or perhaps more correctly, about how ill equipped she was to talk about sex.

The abstinence-only curriculum in her middle and high schools had taught her little more than “don’t,” and she’d told me that although her otherwise liberal parents would have been willing to answer any questions, it was pretty clear the topic made them even more uncomfortable than it made her.

So she had turned to pornography. “There’s a lot of problems with porn,” she wrote. “But it is kind of nice to be able to use it to gain some knowledge of sex.”

I wish I could say her sentiments were unusual, but I heard them repeatedly during the three years I spent interviewing young women in high school and college for a book on girls and sex. In fact, according to a survey of college students in Britain, 60 percent consult pornography, at least in part, as though it were an instruction manual, even as nearly three-quarters say that they know it is as realistic as pro wrestling. (Its depictions of women, meanwhile, are about as accurate as those of the “The Real Housewives” franchise.)

The statistics on sexual assault may have forced a national dialogue on consent, but honest conversations between adults and teenagers about what happens after yes — discussions about ethics, respect, decision making, sensuality, reciprocity, relationship building, the ability to assert desires and set limits — remain rare. And while we are more often telling children that both parties must agree unequivocally to a sexual encounter, we still tend to avoid the biggest taboo of all: women’s capacity for and entitlement to sexual pleasure.

It starts, whether intentionally or not, with parents. When my daughter was a baby, I remember reading somewhere that while labeling infants’ body parts (“here’s your nose,” “here are your toes”), parents often include a boy’s genitals but not a girl’s. Leaving something unnamed, of course, makes it quite literally unspeakable.

Nor does that silence change much as girls get older. President Obama is trying — finally — in his 2017 budget to remove all federal funding for abstinence education (research has shown repeatedly that the nearly $2 billion spent on it over the past quarter-century may as well have been set on fire). Yet according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, fewer than half of high schools and only a fifth of middle schools teach all 16 components the agency recommends as essential to sex education. Only 23 states mandate sex ed at all; 13 require it to be medically accurate.

Even the most comprehensive classes generally stick with a woman’s internal parts: uteruses, fallopian tubes, ovaries. Those classic diagrams of a woman’s reproductive system, the ones shaped like the head of a steer, blur into a gray Y between the legs, as if the vulva and the labia, let alone the clitoris, don’t exist. And whereas males’ puberty is often characterized in terms of erections, ejaculation and the emergence of a near-unstoppable sex drive, females’ is defined by periods. And the possibility of unwanted pregnancy. When do we explain the miraculous nuances of their anatomy? When do we address exploration, self-knowledge?

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Having Great Sex, In Spite of a Rare Sexual Disorder

by zfortadminin Sex

Perhaps the hardest part of having vaginismus is the stigma associated with it.

I’m 21, in a long-term relationship with my partner AMAB (assigned male at birth), and I’ve never had vaginal sex. This is because I have vaginismus, a condition that causes my vaginal muscles to painfully tense up whenever penetration is attempted. I first became aware of my vaginal limitations when I attempted to use a tampon in middle school, and began to take it more seriously when any attempt at sexual penetration was met with the feeling of a literal wall blocking off my vagina. I’m not entirely sure of the cause, but my lifelong anxiety disorder as well as the multiple sexual assaults I experienced in my late teens definitely point to a few possible causes, or at least contributing factors that have made the condition worsen over the years. Between skeptical friends and ignorant doctors, I haven’t been met with much understanding about my condition. But thanks to the support of my loving partner and Internet friends who also suffer with vaginismus, I’ve learned to navigate life with the condition and discover possible solutions — while also learning to reshape my own definition of sex.

Lately, I had been going through a tougher time in my treatment. I purchased a dilator kit a few months back to help gradually stretch my vagina, which was going smoothly at first. However, using the very hard and plastic dilators became painful, so I stopped. Feeling slightly guilty about ceasing treatment, and feeling discouraged by the prices of the more comfortable silicone dilator kits, I turned to the corners of the internet where vaginismus forums congregate to seek some comfort. However, I was unhappily surprised when I saw most of the forums and blogs were chock full of women (who reported having had oral and other kinds of sex in their lives) lamenting over how awful life is without sex, or how depressing it is to be a 30-year-old “virgin.” This turned my chronic worry into utter confusion. Never had sex? But they had just been discussing oral sex and clitoral orgasms. Immediately, the reality set in that society’s super strict and heteronormative idea of what sex looks like was plaguing these women, making them feel virginal, infantilized, and altogether without satisfaction. Their fallacious thought process was obvious, but it still felt familiar.

My vaginismus is annoying and has caused me embarrassment and frustration in the past, but I don’t let it prevent me from having an amazing sex life. Unfortunately, what I’ve seen in society and even in conversations with vaginismus sufferers, it’s commonly believed that you can’t have sex if you can’t be penetrated.

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Can You Guess? What Times We All Like to Have Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

There’s no right or wrong time to have sex, but for whatever reason, certain days and times seem to be more popular than others.

In fact, according to a survey by the married dating site IllicitEncounters.com, there’s one time that everyone seems to be rallying around: 10:24 P.M. on Saturday nights.

It’s not too surprising, really. People don’t usually have work the next morning and couples are getting back from date nights or wrapping up romantic nights in. Whatever the reason, that’s what the survey of 1,000 couples found. People also said they hit their peak arousal at 5:35 P.M. on Saturdays, which means they must be waiting five long hours.

Generally, Saturdays were the most popular day of the week to have sex, with 42 percent of respondents saying it’s their favorite day for the activity. The least popular was Mondays, with only 1 percent of couples preferring it.

It also looks like sex drives vary by season, with 62 percent preferring to get busy in the summer, despite research suggesting higher temperatures can actually hinder our sex lives. Only four percent cited fall as their favorite time of year to get it on, and despite its reputation as “cuffing season” and its popularity among online daters, winter was the chosen season of only 20 percent of people.

For many couples, though, the timing of sex is just a matter of convenience: 45 percent said they literally schedule it to make sure they have the time. Hey, whatever works. You might even want to try scheduling it for 10:24 P.M. next Saturday to see what all the fuss is about.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Your Mind’s Interpretation of a Fetish

by zfortadminin Sex

When a person derives strong sexual arousal from some non-human object, a non-genital body part, or a bodily secretion, that’s a rough definition of a fetish, Lehmiller says.

Google the word “quicksand.” Among the many images that pop up, you’ll see a lot feature minimally clothed women half-submerged in viscous jungle sludge. Why? Because there’s an online community of sex fetishists who have a thing for quicksand. Quicksand!

“I’ve heard of everything from feet to dirt to cars,” says Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., a sex educator and research psychologist at Harvard University. “Pretty much anything you can think of, someone out there probably has sexual associations attached to it.”

When a person derives strong sexual arousal from some non-human object, a non-genital body part, or a bodily secretion, that’s a rough definition of a fetish, Lehmiller says. Activities like role-playing and bondage are also lumped into the fetish category. “Basically, it’s being aroused by something that is not arousing to the majority of people,” Lehmiller adds.

Fetishes evolve with the times, studies suggest. Historical anthropologists have found Victorian men had a thing for bare ankles or knees—probably because women were supposed to keep them covered, the researchers speculate.

The most popular fetishes, now and in the past, center on body parts (feet or toes) and items associated with body parts (shoes, boots, gloves), indicates a study from the University of Bologna in Italy. Also, “Most people who have a fetish can remember a distinctive time or event where they encountered something that unexpectedly but immediately turned them,” Lehmiller says.

But wherever they come from, fetishes tend to last, Lehmiller says. It’s also typical for people to have multiple fetishes simultaneously, he explains. “You can develop new fetishes, but the new ones won’t replace the others.” He says a lot of people have interrelated fetishes, like a hot spot for feet, shoes, and stockings. But for others, there may not be an obvious connection, Lehmiller adds.

One thing that’s certain: The emergence of the Internet has been a huge boon for fetishists. “It gives people a place to express their desires and find other people who may have the same interests,” Lehmiller says. (Quicksand lovers, unite!) Here, four of the most popular theories on how fetishes made their way into your brain.

1. The brain-overlap theory.

The areas of your noodle that control your sexual body parts and impulses are located alongside areas that control other appendages and emotions, studies show. (The brain region that manages your genitalia is nestled against the region that manages your feet.) These adjacent brain regions can engage in crosstalk, or overlapping activity, shows research from V.S. Ramachandran, Ph.D., of the University of California, San Diego. And crosstalk between the foot and genital regions may explain why foot fetishes (and other infatuations with non-sexual body parts) are so common, Ramachandran suggests.

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How Often Should We Be Having Sex?

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

Are you having enough sex? You might have wondered if you should up your bedroom activity after reading about other couples’ resolutions to have sex every day or about all the health benefits of getting horizontal.

In what might be welcome news for everyone exhausted from work and frazzled from kids, research suggests you don’t have to get down every day to reap the rewards of sex, at least in terms of happiness and relationship closeness.

A recent study found that, although married people or people in committed relationships who had more sex tended to report feeling happier, the benefit leveled off at a sexual frequency of once a week. Those who said they did the deed four or more times a week did not report feeling any happier than those who had trysts only weekly.

I do think couples can end up feeling pressure to try to engage in sex as frequently as possible,” said Amy Muise, a postdoctoral researcher studying sexual relationships at Dalhousie University in Canada. Once a week “is maybe a more realistic goal to set than thinking you have to have sex everyday and that feels overwhelming and you avoid it,” said Muise, who is lead author of the study, which was published in November in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science.

The study found that sex could boost happiness because it makes people feel more satisfied in their relationship, based on survey data from two separate cohorts, including 2,400 married couples in the U.S. National Survey of Families and Households.

“For people in relationships, their romantic relationship quality is one of the biggest predictors of their overall happiness,” Muise said. “Having sex more than once a week might not be enhancing that (relationship connection), although it is not bad.”

However, there are a couple of rubs with this research, Muise said. One is that it is not clear which came first, sex or happiness. It may be that people who have sex once a week or more were happier in their relationship and life to begin with, and not that the sex helped make them happy. Or both may be true: Sex enhances happiness and happiness enhances sex.

The other catch is that, although a weekly romp might be just what some people need, it might be too much or too little for others. “Certainly there are couples for whom having sex less frequently will be fine for their happiness, and there are couples who will get increases in happiness if they have sex more than once a week,” Muise said.

What’s the right number for you?

One of the best effects of an article like this (by Muise and her colleagues) is that it opens up conversations with couples” about their sex life, said Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist based in Berlin. For some couples, the question of how often they should have sex might not have come up, which could be a sign they feel sufficiently close and satisfied — or that they are just too busy or disconnected to think about it.

Most couples want to be having more sex and I think this is really a result of how busy and full most of our lives are,” Marin said.

Marin avoids prescribing an amount of sex that couples should have, because every couple is different, and instead recommends couples test it out for themselves. “I’m a big fan of having clients experiment, like, one month try to have sex twice a week and see how that goes, or once a week, try to play around with it,” Marin said.

As for those lucky couples that are content with how often they get busy under the sheets, one study suggests they may not want to change a thing. Researchers asked couples that were having sex about six times a month to double down on getting down. Couples that doubled their sexual frequency were in worse moods and enjoyed sex less at the end of three months than couples who had stuck to their usual level of bedroom activity.

Being told you should do something always makes it less fun,” said George Loewenstein, a professor of economics and psychology at Carnegie Mellon University and lead author of the study. That is another reason Marin does not make recommendations to couples about sexual frequency — for fear they could worry they are not living up to expectations and lose their mojo.

However, there’s a far bigger relationship problem than couples worrying they aren’t having quite enough sex — “couples that have pretty much stopped having sex,” Loewenstein said. For these couples, “I think once a week is a good final goal. … It is almost like a natural constant to do it once a week,” he said.

Even if these abstinent couples want to be having more sex, they may lack the desire for their partner. These couples can try conventional strategies, such as scheduling more quality time together or trying a change in scenery. “What couple has not had the experience that you go to a hotel in a new location in a new environment and the person you’re with seems different, and different is good when it comes to sex,” Loewenstein said.

But if these tricks aren’t enough, couples may have to appeal to their rational rather than lustful side and tell themselves to just do it. “These couples might be surprised how enjoyable it would be if they restarted,” Loewenstein said.

Should you schedule your sex?

It might sound like the least romantic thing in the world to pencil in sexy time with your partner. But if you and your partner are game to try, there is no reason not to make a sex schedule.

“For some couples, scheduling sex works really well, it gives them something to look forward to, they like the anticipation, they like feeling prioritized,” Marin said. “Then other couples (say) scheduling sex feels horrible to them, like sex is transactional and just another item on their to-do list.”

Again, Marin recommends couples experiment with scheduling sex to see if it helps them, as long as neither is opposed to it.

A good idea for all couples, whether they like the idea of scheduling sex, is to plan for quality time together — just the two of them. Ideally, this would be about 20 minutes a day with the TV off and cell phones away, but for extra busy couples, it can help to reserve just five minutes a day for a tete-a-tete, Marin said. This time is also the “container for sex,” the time and privacy when sex can be initiated, but you don’t have to feel pressure about it, she added.

Although scheduling sex can help couples that want to be having sex but just can’t find the time, it can make things worse for some. “If there are relationship issues or psychological issues such as stress or anxiety, then scheduling sex might just add to the pressure,” said Acacia Parks, associate professor of psychology at Hiram College.

As for when to schedule the sex, the best time is probably the time when you are least likely to be pulled away by life’s obligations. One of the perks of rise-and-shine sex is that testosterone levels are highest in the morning, and this hormone drives sexual desire. On the other hand, tuck-you-in sex could help lull you to sleep, as hormones released during orgasm could help you relax and feel tired.

According to Muise, the participants in her research typically reported having sex at night before going to sleep, which is not that surprising. But it has to work for both parties. “This is another point of negotiation between partners,” Muise said. “One of them is just too exhausted. That might be something to play around with, is there a time on the weekend that we could try instead.”

Curated by Timothy
Original Article

To Barter or Not to Barter for Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

“The idea that anyone can just turn sex off and on for their partner when there may be a reduced or insufficient connection, is absolutely ludicrous.”

ON LAST night’s episode of the Seven Year Switch, Channel Seven’s reality dating show where unhappy couples swap partners, one couple was given some pretty dodgy relationship advice.

Jason and Michelle have been together for seven years – they have four-year-old son and an eight-month old daughter – but they haven’t had sex in 17 months.

During an exercise with the show’s therapist Peter Charleston, Michelle watches a video of herself having an argument with Jason.

The fight covers all bases: She wants help with the kids, she thinks he works too much, he wants sex, she doesn’t want to have sex.

“Michelle, what if you tried to appeal to Jason by talking about something that he will listen to — something that’s important to him,” suggests Mr Charleston. “Think about it as a bargaining tool. What bargaining tool do you have?”

Michelle immediately blurts out, “sex”, and is told to use Jason’s desire for sex to her advantage.
But withholding or offering up sex to get what you want – be it a home cooked meal, an unpacked dishwasher, or actual human interaction – is not a great idea, says Matt Tilley, a clinical professional fellow from Curtin University’s Department of Sexology.

“I wouldn’t support a strategy of bargaining. I would look at the root cause of the dissatisfaction in the relationship to see how the lack of sex could be resolved,” Mr Tilley told news.com.au.

“The idea that anyone can just turn sex off and on for their partner when there may be a reduced or insufficient connection, is absolutely ludicrous.”

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Here’s the Hidden Meanings of Women’s Sounds During Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

Does sex feel different based on the amount of noise you make? Here’re the true reasons behind why women moan during sex.

A couple of nights a week, I hear my next door neighbor having sex. At first, I honestly thought it was one of her little yappy dogs barking, but then I realized it was her moaning in pleasure. I could also hear her boyfriend smacking her on the ass, making her moan even more. It occurs to me that yelling, “Who’s your daddy?!” through the wall would be a bit inappropriate, although highly tempting, so I usually just bang on the wall a couple of times after they’ve finished their noisy sex and begun their noisy arguing. It seems to be their rhythm.

I also wonder if they ever hear me having sex on those rare occasions I get laid.

Do I moan? Yes. Do they hear it? I have no idea. But the real question is: Even if they do hear it, could I NOT moan? What causes women to moan when they have sex?

I’ve narrowed it down to these 10 reasons. While I know I’m probably missing a reason or two, this list is based on personal experience and interviews with other moaning women. I did not interview my neighbor; that would be awkward. Take a look at this list and see if one of these numbers is yours.

1. Automatic Response to Pleasure

One of the most common reasons women moan during sex is simply because it’s an automatic response to pleasure. Just like sighing when you sink into a hot tub, the pleasure you get from sex can cause an audible and involuntary response.

2. Automatic Response to Pain

Of course, women also moan in pain. If your man is going a little too rough, or he’s hitting that place inside you that feels uncomfortable, or even if you’ve suddenly developed a leg cramp, you’re just as likely to moan in response to pain during sex just as you are in response to pleasure during sex.

3. To Increase Your Libido

It’s hard to move past the day and get over the stress of real life. Even during sex, some of those emotions can seep into your brain, or you could just be so overwhelmed with things to do that you’re busy concentrating on the grocery list and not the sex. Moaning is a way of getting your head back in the game so to speak. By moaning, you take your mind off your chores and put it back into the sex where it belongs—which is exactly where it should be.

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Oral Foreplay — What’s Sexy and What’s Not

by zfortadminin Sex

If you’ve ever given or received oral sex, then you already know that doing it for the first time comes with more than a few surprises.

When I think about the first time I had oral sex, I remember it being as disappointing and awkward as it was hilarious — and I don’t think my story is a unique one. The truth is, there’s just a lot of things no one tells you about oral sex. If you’ve ever given or received oral sex, then you already know that doing it for the first time comes with more than a few surprises. Some of these surprises are pleasant ones; others, not so much. Regardless, there’s just a lot of things about it that you can only learn from experience.

Though I think I’m pretty skilled at the act of giving head now, and I genuinely enjoy doing it, it’s only because I’ve had plenty of practice. Whether you love it or hate it, though, I think we can all agree there’s a lot of things no one tells you about oral sex. Lots of sex education passes right over it. Romance novels would have us believe that receiving oral sex results in multiple orgasms, typically within five minutes. The majority of heterosexual porn makes giving head to men look straight up painful and degrading. None of these depictions are accurate (and also, no one bothers to tell you that giving head for very long at all will make your jaw sore AF the next day).

So if you’ve never had oral sex and you want to know what to expect, or you’re an oral sexpert who wants to remember what it was like when you started out, then read on. Here’s 13 things no one tells you about oral sex.

You’re Probably Going To Suck At Oral In The Beginning

Yes, the pun was intended in the headline. Hey, you could be the one person in history who’s a champ at oral sex from their very first time. Realistically, though, you’re probably not going to have any idea about what you’re doing in the beginning, even if you’ve studied a lot. And that’s OK. Oral sex isn’t as easy as it looks. Whether you’re giving oral to a man or a woman, your mouth, throat, and jaw are doing all sorts of things that they’ve never done before. So don’t be upset if you’re not a head-giving rock star when you’re just starting out.

2. Giving Oral Can Be Super Fun

Maybe someone told you this prior to your first experience with oral, but no one told me — and I wish they would have. Although I’ve never had oral sex with a woman, I can tell you from experience that giving oral sex to my male partners has generally been super fun, and I never expected that.

Before I ever had oral sex with a man, I viewed it as something women endure during heterosexual sex out of the kindness of their hearts — it’s what people and popular culture told me. In actuality, unless my sexual partner gets too aggressive during the act, giving head can be a very serious turn on. I love making my partners feel good, and the feeling of being in charge for a little bit.

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Falling in Love and Having Sex in Spanish

by zfortadminin Sex

In Spanish penis is polla, chicken is pollo. And you have no idea how many times I’ve ordered a dick sandwich. 🙂

We were back at his apartment after a long night of partying in my Madrid barrio, La Latina. On his couch, kissing sloppily, with our arms reaching and grabbing at body parts in the dark, I got my hands down to his belt buckle and undid it with a ferocious appetite. He exhaled a long drawn out “siiiiiiiii.” I flicked the button to his pants open and pulled down his zipper with what I thought was surprising dexterity, considering just how many vinos blancos I had.

Then thinking I was the embodiment of sexuality itself, I slowly made my way up to his ear. Breathing heavily, I placed my lips up to his lobe as I felt a shiver run through his body. Then in my best Spanish and with all the confidence in the world, I said: “Mmmm … I want to suck your chicken.”

You see in Spanish, the words for chicken and dick are extremely similar. I guess it makes a certain amount of sense: what is a chicken but a cock by any other name? In Spanish penis is polla, chicken is pollo. And you have no idea how many times I’ve ordered a dick sandwich. These are just some of the issues you run into when you are screwing/dating/in a relationship with someone who doesn’t speak the same language as you. On the other hand, lovemaking with a language barrier can also be a beautiful thing.

I moved to Madrid, Spain in 2010 right after college. The U.S. was in a recession and I had a degree in anthropology and political science. I figured I’d rather live in a different country working at a job I was overeducated for than in the States working such a job. So some friends and I got our TEFL certificates, packed our bags and set out to be English teachers in Madrid.

I hardly spoke a word of Spanish when I arrived. My high school Spanish was long forgotten, and I took Russian, a language I was already fluent in, as my required language in college for an easy A. The first month or so in Madrid was stressful. My friends and I tried to maneuver around the city, asking for directions to job interviews in bastardized Spanish and lots of hand gestures. We eventually landed our first jobs and got a shithole apartment with no windows in La Latina.

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How an Apple a Day Keeps Sex in Play

by zfortadminin Sex

According to the study, “daily apple use is associated with higher FSFI scores in sexually active female patients

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a new study reveals it also boosts sexual pleasure in women. Italian researchers, who published their findings in the journal of Archives of Gynecology and Obstetrics, have found apples have the ability to sexually stimulate arousal in women.

Researchers evaluated the apple to sex appetite of 731 healthy Italian women from 18 to 43 years old. After splitting them up into two different groups, one that ate apples more than once a day, and another group who ate less than one a day, they were asked to fill out a Female Sexual Function Index (FSFI).

The FSFI survey asked them to answer 19 questions about their sexual activeness from the frequency of their sexual engagements to the overall satisfaction. Those who ate more apples had increased lubrication and sexual function. According to the study, “daily apple use is associated with higher FSFI scores in sexually active female patients, thus increasing their lubrication and overall sexual function.”

The researchers think the reason behind the sexually stimulating apple consumption may be because apples contain phloridzin, a key compound that mimics the female sex hormone estradiol, which plays a huge role in vaginal lubrication and female sexuality.

In addition, apples may improve sexual function because of all the polyphenols and antioxidants they contain, which help stimulate blood flow to the genitalia and vagina, making it easier to climax. Guess what else contains sexually stimulating polyphenols and antioxidants? Red wine and chocolate have also been known to help women become aroused, and also have heart healthy benefits in previous studies thanks to the resveratrol compound found in both.

“This study suggests a potential relationship between regular daily apple consumption and better sexuality in our young women population,” the researchers conclude.

Aside from the sexual stimulation, you can reap plenty of other benefits from apples. The bountiful benefits, for example, can be attributed to apple’s high-fiber content to protect against Parkinson’s disease. Eating one also helps achieve a whiter smile by producing more saliva to reduce teeth decay. It can detox your liver by clearing toxins with fruits, and one study found women who ate an apple a day decreased their risk of diabetes by 28 percent.

Source: Bartoletti R, Malossini G, Cai T, et al. Apple consumption is related to better sexual quality of life in young women. Archives of Gynecology and Obstetrics. 2014.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Craving Intimacy or is it Sex?

by zfortadminin Sex

Hi,

After coming off a long-term relationship (think nearly a decade) I need to stay single for a while and rediscover myself. That said, good sex is something that I very much enjoy and am looking for. While I am looking for casual sex or friends with benefits right now, advertising this seems to degrade conversations to focus on just sex and I tend to be more attracted to personalities. So either I meet people who are just looking to get laid and the sex is mediocre because the emotional connection isn’t there or have a great connection and break hearts when I no longer want to hook up. I have also been in a wonderful relationship with an amazing woman in this time but I was struggling to find the space I needed for myself. And despite how good everything else was, I needed the space to find myself more.

Ultimately, I’m just frustrated. I’m learning a lot about myself and what I want. I have tried to be as upfront with everyone as possible about where I am and what I am looking for, but I only seem to disappoint and hurt people. Maybe I can stop caring so much about the people I meet and their feelings toward me, but everyone I have met so far has been wonderful and worthy of some respect.

Thanks,

Frustrated

Hey Frustrated,

A long time ago I had a voice coach who I saw once a week. This guy was incredible. He had a big wide grin and a gap between his front teeth and a voice that could hit notes I didn’t even know existed. He also had a rare ability to make me believe in myself. More than that even — he could make me believe in my voice. And while all this coaching and singing was going on, there was also sometimes a little chatting. I’d tell him about what was going on in my life and he’d give me some advice. The thing about his advice was that it was better than advice I’d ever gotten from anyone else, and to be fair, better than most advice I’ve gotten since.

Anyway, one time we were talking sex and dating. Now, this guy was cool as hell. So it struck me when he said, “One of the problems with having sex super early in a relationship is that it can create a false sense of intimacy between two people getting to know one another. Like, sex is a form of intimacy but it’s a kind of intimacy that, when you don’t really know each other, can serve as shorthand or escape when the emotional intimacy rears its head.” He interlaced his fingers and touched the tips of his thumbs together, and he held up his hands so I could see the hole in the center. “That physical intimacy connects you, and it’s a pretty strong glue. That glue can keep you together even when you shouldn’t be together, even if you don’t fill in the center with something solid that keeps your connection from slowly collapsing over time.”

I’ve been thinking about that advice for a very long time. Somehow it never quite stuck, as much as I wanted it to, and as much as I wanted to wait and get to know people. I ended up stuck to at least one person for a long time because the sex was so good, and I ended up feeling connected to plenty more based on what amounted to very little closeness.

PHYSICAL INTIMACY CAN KEEP YOU TOGETHER — EVEN WHEN YOU SHOULDN’T BE.

When I read your letter I feel the same sort of tension my coach was talking about, even though what you’re experiencing is from another angle. You feel like leading with your interest in “just sex” means you can’t find someone you have good sex with. Right, that makes sense! I mean, yes, sex with a total stranger can be great. Some people prefer to have sex with people with whom they don’t have an emotional attachment or don’t even know. Maybe, like you, they don’t want the entanglement. Some people think the emotional aspect can make sex too heavy or less hot or comfortable in the boring way. Some people find a lot of pleasure in the purely physical, or at least the physical as heavily privileged over the emotional.

Similarly, I bet you’ve met some strangers with good personalities and still had mediocre sex with them. But what I think you’re experiencing is that “leading with sex” doesn’t “degrade” the conversation so much as it allows sex to stand in for intimacy in general. You prefer to connect with people emotionally as well as physically. And that’s okay! Being close to and comfortable with someone brings in trust and allows you to relax in very special ways. You can perform a lot less, be a lot more honest, and (hopefully) learn how to please one another. It’s partly why sometimes (but not always) the first with a new person are fumbly and awkward, because you’re nervous and unsure and still learning each other’s bodies, desires, languages.

IT’S OKAY IF YOU PREFER TO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE EMOTIONALLY AS WELL AS PHYSICALLY

And hey, I’ve had what I thought were strong cerebral and / or emotional connections that resulted in some of the worst sex of my life! In those cases what I found was that selfishness plays a big role, and in fact, a role that I hadn’t previously considered. It’s okay if both (or all, depending how many folks you’ve got) people are equally selfish in sex — and maybe this is why a lot of stranger sex can be hot, because that desire to please the self is pretty strong on both sides. But maybe this is why it’s frustrating for many, because a lot of people want sex to be a thing both people enjoy. Also many people (especially heterosexual women) don’t know how to be selfish during sex, or are unsure how to communicate what they want and stop what they don’t enjoy. (Note: here I mean consensual sex, as stopping non-consensual sex is a different topic.)

So yeah, there’s a lot of tangling and disentangling, a lot of being unsure of how to mesh those fingers without either side getting stuck. But there’s another tension I hear in your letter, and I’m wondering if you hear it, too, now that it’s been a little while since you wrote it.

You’re a person who likes emotional connection. I think you are trying to be honest with your partners, but I also think part of the problem is that you’re not being entirely honest with yourself. It’s not simply personalities that turn you on, it’s personalities in people with whom you are able to feel comfortable and intimate and close. But that’s scary because that’s relationship territory. You want to be out there discovering who you are as a non-relationshipped person — which I totally encourage. But you still want to be close to people, to be intimate and caring.

What I think is happening is your partners are picking up on this desire. You’re saying “I don’t want anything serious!” but you’re investing in them emotionally and allowing them to invest in return, because that intimacy makes sex wonderful for you and them. Maybe you’re not going the full “we’re in a relationship” distance with your intimacy, but you might be going farther than you realize. So a partner hears “I don’t want anything serious” and then isn’t sure how to interpret your emotional intimacy as something other than “more than casual.” It can be confusing. Compounding that is the fact that people — all of us! — have a bad habit of ignoring when someone says, “Hey this is who I am and where I am.” Instead we focus on the cues and behaviors that play into what we want.

WE CAN NEVER FULLY AVOID HURTING PEOPLE WITH WHOM WE ARE INTIMATE, NO MATTER HOW HARD WE TRY

Look, I can’t think of anyone who actively wants to have bad sex, although there’s a fetish for everything so who I am to say. And most of us don’t want to have mediocre sex either. I guess some people would be okay with mediocre or bad sex rather than no sex, but I am not one of them. You don’t seem to be either! I also get that you don’t want to be celibate either while you’re out finding who you are as a person not defined by that last relationship. But I think what you need to be is honest and up front with yourself as much as with your partners. You like emotional intimacy. You like closeness. Maybe you really like being in a relationship, even if you don’t feel ready. It’s okay to be nervous or scared because of a recent breakup, or because you don’t want to rush back into something and not give yourself time to breathe. I applaud everyone and anyone who doesn’t hop from relationship to relationship because they are scared to be single. But I also want to encourage you to think about what it is you’re really telling people when you’re with them, not with your words but with your actions and behaviors. I want to encourage you to think about what you’re possibly afraid of, and what it is you might want — besides a lot of hot sex. I want you to explore what kinds of honest relationships you can have besides “friends with benefits” vs. “monogamous, long-term relationship.”

We can never fully avoid hurting people with whom we are intimate, no matter how hard we try. But I believe we can mitigate the hurt a little bit by moving through the world with a stronger, deeper self-awareness, especially in terms of how our actions and behaviors affect and impact those around us. Other people are going to interpret what we say and do in ways we can’t anticipate or control. So get honest with yourself. Observe yourself. Listen to your own voice. Get a better sense of what you ask for and what you give, and of what deeper desires are really driving you. That will help guide you. I think it might even help guide you to relationships with people who want the kinds of intimacy you want right now, with the boundaries and constraints that allow you to explore who you are while exploring who they are, too.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

These Sex Health Benefits Are Just What the Doctor Ordered

by zfortadminin Sex

Sex has no barrier. No matter the differences between the partners involved, race, colour, age, or class, sex dissolves them instantly.

It needs no interpreter as sex speaks a universal language and aims to achieve same goal anywhere in the world. And no matter what name we want to call it, or our psychological disposition towards it, the fact is, sex is a beautiful and natural part of adult relationships which science and research has continued to reveal its benefits and importance to the human race.

If you are one of those with a negative attitude to sex, I have listed a couple of reasons you must drop them right away and improve your sex life.

And if you are already enjoying the fun of it, now it is time to explore sex for the great benefits you can derive from it because a good sexual health can improve your physical and psychological health, putting you in a positive frame of mind. One thing must be noted however, if you are not doing sex right, you are not likely to enjoy these benefits.

Sex promotes healthier sexual organs

Studies have shown that men who have five or more ejaculations per week while in their 20s cut their risk of prostate cancer by a third. Also, 21 or more ejaculations per month are linked to a lower risk of this cancer in older men, compared to men who have only four to seven ejaculations per month.

Sexual activity increases the flow of blood to male and female genitalia, causing it to function better and maintain a healthier condition. Women’s vaginal muscles also stretch and contract during sex, which makes them stronger. For the women, getting down could actually help our reproductive health. The more sex we have, the more we produce hormones that help to increase sexual desire, thus wanting more sex.

More sex increases the level of Estrogen in women which helps protect against osteoporosis, alzheimer’s, prevent endometriosis, regulates menstrual cycles and even helps to trigger the onset of labour and speed up delivery in pregnant women. Sex can help reduce the risk of breast cancer for women who have never given birth. A study showed that if a female increases the frequency of sex, she decreases the risks of breast cancer. Also, lovemaking strengthens the pelvic floor muscles that control the flow of urine, improving bladder control.

A study published by The Journal of Sexual Medicine reported that women who have sex less than twice a month fell sick more often than those who have regular orgasm. Another report by researchers from the Women’s Health Program at Monash University in Australia found that women who had more orgasm had higher level of energy, fewer illnesses and a better psychological outlook to life.

In a related research work, A psychologist at the University of Albany, Gordon Gallup, has discovered that semen consumption helps prevent morning sickness in pregnant women. Gordon affirmed that morning sickness is a reaction of the body to a foreign substance, and that regular consumption of semen will build the body’s tolerance, diminishing the effects of morning sickness.

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