Tag: Sex Tips

Can a Risky Sex Life, Lead to a Quality Relationship?

by zfortadminin Sex

What makes for good sex? It’s an unusual question for the wife of an Orthodox rabbi to talk about publicly, but Doreen Seidler-Feller has made a career of it.

A clinical sex therapist and professor at UCLA, Seidler-Feller has been married to Rabbi Chaim Seidler-Feller, the campus rabbi at the UCLA Hillel, for more than 40 years, and she’s been talking about sex for about that long.

In fact, the two often host public talks about sex and Jewish tradition, as they did at the Limmud FSU West Coast conference in Pasadena, California, in late January. Theirs is a practiced routine. Chaim, with unruly white hair secured under a kippah, enthusiastically discusses passages about sex in the Talmud. Doreen talks about how to make Jewish sexual traditions relevant in modern times.

When Doreen first met Chaim all those decades ago, it “wasn’t in the script” to marry a rabbi and become Orthodox, she says. The daughter of a Holocaust survivor, she grew up eating pork and shrimp in her secular South African Jewish community. But her family’s history, and being a child of divorce, motivated her to help “shattered hearts” and articulate a new Jewish identity for herself, she says.

Today, that identity means helping couples work on their relationships – and sex. For a relationship to succeed, Seidler-Feller says, there must be a balance between stability and eroticism. That means risk-taking both in the relationship and in the bedroom.

“Where sex is concerned, be experimental,” she said. “Be willing to explore new territory because that’s what gets the neuro-chemicals going.”

Seidler-Feller’s specialty is Orthodox sex therapy, where she is one of only a few clinical psychologists working on the issue. Others include David Ribner, founder of the sex therapy training school at Bar-Ilan University in Israel and author of manuals for sexual intimacy for Orthodox couples, and Bat Sheva Marcus, a modern Orthodox, New York-based sex therapist.

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Are You Just Scratching an Itch or Making Love? Find Out.

by zfortadminin Sex

How do you know if you’re having SEX or ‘making LOVE’?

You wonder what difference it makes whether you call it making love or having sex. Well, if you really think, it makes a whole lot of difference. Having sex is just an act but making love is what puts soul, sense and gratification into that mere physical act. Moreover, sex can just be physically satisfying, but love-making is more soul enriching and makes you feel special and bonded to your partner.

Here are ten signs that can tell you how to differentiate between the two.

1. There is no foreplay: This is one element that makes your sex life either great or sucky. If foreplay is missing and you or your partner just wants to get into the main action, clearly you are not trying to bond but just satisfy your sudden sexual urge.

2. You don’t talk to each other: Dirty talk might not your forte, its okay. But if you fail to praise your partner or don’t whisper sweet nothings, your main action is going to be really dry and dull.

3. You are scared to talk about your fantasies: There is nothing vulgar between two people who are madly in love with each other and enjoy sex regularly. When in bed, modesty be damned, but if you are not able to talk or enact your fantasies, it clearly says that the action lacks love.

4. You don’t explore each other much: Not everyone gets aroused if you just touch down there. People have erogenous zones which remain unexplored most of the time. If your partner doesn’t make that extra effort to pleasure you and rushes into the act, then there is no question of lovemaking.

5. You want to get over the act really fast: A satisfying sex session isn’t about how long you spend time in bed but how well you bonded. At times, even quickies can be more satisfying if you both are in sync. But if you just want to rush into the act and finish it off, it is purely sex.

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San Francisco Rules for Your Romance and Sex Life

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

In the last month we asked couples what are their favorite romantic things to do in San Francisco or just at their own home… We got many creative and unique responses! Therefore, we collected 15 of the best ideas and summarized them for you. Most of the information we provide below is published online, please check the details when you plan the activities.

Cozy, romantic and fun in your own living room

1. Home picnic

Too cold to go out? Surprise your partner with organizing a picnic… in your home (or plan it together with them).

Preparation: Put a log in the fireplace, or heat up the place, set up a blanket on the floor, throw on some pillows. Place some candles all around your picnic area.

Food ideas:  A loaf of crusty bread, crackers, fresh butter, a sharp cheddar cheese and a soft brie, strawberries and a bowl of whipped cream, an antipasto platter with cured meats such as rolled up salami, large pepperonis, prosciutto and  bowl of olives.

Drinks: A bottle of wine or a good cocktail, also make sure you have a bottle of water ready.

Make it sensual:  Cover your partner eyes with a tie and begin feeding him/her the picnic’s foods ever so slowly with your fingers. Ask them to guess what they are eating. When they had enough, it’s your partner’s turn to feed you.

2. Play a childhood game…

Be cozy in your living room couch, order pizza, uncork a bottle of wine, and teach your partner how to play your favorite old-school card game or board game. Breaking out the old board games or dipping into your child’s stash can actually make you two feel closer.

3. Play sexy….

Ready for some sexy, intimate time? If you want to spice things up here are nine different sexy games…So don’t think too much, be playful. Before you start, make sure you light a candle!

Be playful in your environment

4. Play strangers in your own town

Have you noticed that when you live in a certain place you forget to actually enjoy it? Pretend you are tourists in San Francisco, spend an afternoon exploring the city or your own town, having lunch/dinner at a cool bistro you’ve never been to (because it’s full of tourists) take a tour in one of the neighborhoods or have your picture taken together by a town landmark. If you want to make it more interesting – meet at a certain location and pretend that you are two strangers meeting each other for the first time (be curious and ask all the first date questions, and…be creative). It will be like going back to the beginning.

5. Visit Lands End

Lands End is the best hike in San Francisco, with great views of the bay and Marin headlands. It’s hard to believe you are in the City. Right in the beginning of the trail there is a magnificent view of the Golden Gate Bridge. The main trail is about 1.5 miles and it deviates in some parts -some go up to the golf course and some down to the beach area, so give yourself time to explore…

The Labyrinth is located at the bottom of the stairs out of the main path, so look out for that because you do NOT want to walk past it. It also leads to a ledge that looks out over the pacific and has an incredible unobstructed view of the bridge.

Seal Rock Dr & El Camino Del Mar, San Francisco, CA 94101

6. A Romantic outlook: Grand View Park

Grand view park has stunning views stretching from downtown San Francisco and Golden Gate Park to Pt. Reyes and around to Lake Mercer, where you get a majestic view of the north and west side of San Francisco.

Home of the prettiest staircase in SF; the Funston and Moraga mosaic stairs feature bits of glass and ceramic fish, flowers, bats, squirrels, and birds. Each set of stairs leads to another and you can’t help but stop to admire the view in between. At last your trek brings you to the top of the hill, your eyes wide with delight as you take in the view. Once you climb to the top, you will find benches that are perfectly placed. It gets very windy up there, so don’t forget to take a warm jacket and maybe cuddle.

Moraga St & 14th Ave, San Francisco, CA 94122

7. Cruise the love boat – Visit Stow Lake Boathouse

Is there anything better than spending time on a romantic boat ride with your beloved partner? For an hour you can leisurely make the way around Stow Lake, taking in the scenery…the waterfall, Japanese pagoda, cobblestone bridges, and hundreds of sea turtles, ducks and seagulls. It is highly recommended to bring snacks, drinks and chocolate or go to The café at Stow Lake Boathouse. On the boat ride you can enjoy a cool beer, and discover tons of interesting creatures. It’s also beautiful and relaxing to walk on the hill in the middle of the lake.

Hours Daily 10 am – 5 pm, Boats Rentals stop 1 hour before closing. 50 Stow Lake Dr, San Francisco, CA 94118

8. Get a new perspective – Sailing in San Francisco

Sailing at day time or night is an unforgettable romantic experience. There are many companies in San Francisco that offer sailing services, which you can choose from. Tip: sometimes Goldstar offers great deals for sailing.

9. Rolling together – Golden Gate Part Segway Tours

The Segway tour is a great cool way to explore Golden Gate part, discover new areas that you wouldn’t get to by just walking. This is a fun and active thing to do together. If you are more of the cautious type, don’t worry – the Segway maxes out at 10 mph.  The tour itself didn’t feel rushed and you get loads of time to get comfortable on the Segways, check out different parts of the park, and enjoy the atmosphere. At the end of the tour you can have a romantic picnic AND enjoy each other presence…

Tip: you may found some discounts in Groupon. 70 Hagiwara Tea Garden Dr, San Francisco, CA 94118

10. Trust your partner – Indoor rock climbing

When was the last time you trusted your partner with your life? Rock climbing is a great way to practice trust and communication, some of relationship’s most important skills. Asides from that it’s a fun and exciting activity, so sharing that with you partner is bound to make you feel closer. If you are new to rock climbing you can take a class together and then practice on your own. Here are two locations in San Francisco or beyond Mission Cliffs and Planet Granite.

Indulge your senses 

11. Soak up some advanced sex-ed

Unlike in the past, sex toy stores are becoming a more regular part of the neighborhood scene and plenty offer classes for couples. Don’t worry, you won’t get naked and extra points aren’t awarded for participation; instead, there are lectures on everything from oral sex tips to sexy massage techniques. Good Vibration is well known for its workshops and have few locations around the city but you can call any of your local sex store to check if it offers classes.

12. Romantic and creative evenings with Wine and Canvas

Perfect for couple who never painted! This is your chance to let your artistic skills shine. It’s all about fun, wine, and togetherness! This is not about technique, although you will get some ideas if you ask the instructors you will learn some. And the bonus: you will take home something you’ve made! With a bottle of wine, some cheese and crackers you will have the best evening date.

Here are some possible venues: Art social, Wine and Canvas, Paint nite, Beyond canvas.

13. Eat, love, cook – cooking class

Bring your ideal date for an evening of courtship in the kitchen. Working alongside your special someone, you’ll discover together how fun and romantic it is to prepare a… San Francisco offer many cooking classes. Most of them provides all the ingredients and equipment, and after you finish cooking, you invite to eat enjoy your own creation. Here are some places to check out – Sur La Table, First class cooking, The city kitchen.

14. Open your senses – Wine class

Wine, love, wine. Do we need to say more? A wine class is a wonderful way to spend an evening together with your dear one. Learn more in depth about making wine, tasting, smelling and sensing. Comfortable environment for wine lovers at all levels.

Classes are usually limited to a little over a dozen at a large dining table.

15. Sexy, hot, and fun!  Salsa / Tango Lessons

Dancing together is another way for the two of you to connect with each other. As you dance together, your eyes meet, your bodies are close together, you can feel one another breathing. Don’t think twice, be sensual! Feel it, move it, love it… Here are some options: Salsa by the bay, Cafe Cocomo, Dance SF, Salsa by Ricardo.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Is Pornography a Modern Crisis?

by zfortadminin Sex

Pornography is becoming a primary sex educator for boys and young men, displacing explanations from parents, formal instruction in schools, and even conversations with peers.

A committee in the Utah legislature has voted to classify pornography as a public health crisis. Although this is merely a resolution and not a law, it could mark a new stage of awareness of the harms of pornography.

“Everything in the resolution is supported by science and research,” said the state senator who introduced the resolution, Todd Weiler. “It’s not just a kooky thing that some politician from Mormon Utah came up with. It’s bigger than that.”

The news was ridiculed across the internet and on social media by people who asserted that pornography is neither addictive nor harmful.

“I personally believe it is,” Weiler responded. “I think the science shows that it is. I believe that’s a discussion we should be having because it’s impacting divorces, it’s impacting our youth, it’s undermining the family”

“Public health crisis” is a term which has been used to describe Ebola, SARS, the Chinese milk scandal and smoking. Is porn really as destructive as these?

Pornography is a huge industry, although hard figures are difficult to obtain. According to a report in The Economist, there are possibly 700 to 800 million individual porn pages, 60 percent of them in the US. A portal for pornography, PornHub, claims that it had nearly 80 billion video viewings in 2014 and more than 18 billion visits.

It’s obvious that we live in a pornography-saturated culture. The figures vary from study to study but across national boundaries, the story is the same: young people are consuming lots of pornography. Michael Flood, an Australian researcher in the sociology of pornography, notes that in one Swedish study from 2007, 92 percent of young men and 57 percent of young women aged 15-18 had watched a “porno film”.

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Why Do You Really Have Sexual Experiences?

by zfortadminin Sex

Sex isn’t just something we humans occasionally think about. Sex is as important to human beings as the need to sleep, eat and live.

In today’s mainstream American culture, individuals think about sex, fantasize about sex, have sex, and spend an enormous amount of time and energy in the pursuit of sex. Why do we do all this?

First what is sex? According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, sex is defined as “physical activity in which people touch each others’ bodies, kiss each other, etc.: physical activity that is related to and often includes sexual intercourse.” Sexuality consists of values, society, learned messages and biology.

Kristen Mark, an assistant professor of Health Promotion and the director of the Sexual Health Promotion Lab at UK, has spent time and energy into researching one of the most common questions regarding sexuality: why do we have sex? From her research, Mark has compiled a list of 237 reasons for why men and women have sex.

The top 10 reasons women reported having sex were 1. Physical pleasure, 2. Feels good, 3. Show affection, 4. Express love, 5. Sexually aroused/wanted release, 6. Felt “horny,” 7. It’s fun, 8. In love, 9. Swept up in heat of moment, and 10. Please partner.

The top 10 reasons men reported having sex were: 1. Attraction, 2. Feels good, 3. Physical pleasure, 4. It’s fun, 5. Show affection, 6. Sexually aroused/wanted release, 7. “Felt horny,” 8. Expression of love, 9. Orgasm, and 10. Please partner.

These lists find that men and women are not that different when it comes to why they have sex. Results from the study found that 8 of the top 10 and 20 of the top 25 reasons men and women have sex were similar, and that the top 3 reasons for both sexes to engage in sex had nothing to do with arousal or love; the top 3 reason were based on attraction and pleasure.

Similarities were seen in the priority given by both men and women in the following areas: “horniness” (number 7 for both men and women), expressing love (number 5 for women and number 8 for men), and feeling closeness and intimacy (number 12 for women and number 14 for men).

However, men and women are not the exact same when it comes to sex. In Mark’s results, the top 10 biggest differences between men and women for having sex were:

1. Person wore revealing clothes, 2. Wanted to feel more masculine, 3. Wanted to relieve “blue balls,” (pain caused by prolonged sexual arousal in males without ejaculation) 4. Wanted to feel feminine, 5. The person had a desirable body, 6. The person was available, 7. The person’s appearance was arousing, 8. It’s fun, 9. Wanted to have an orgasm, and 10. The opportunity presented itself.

When thinking about the complexities of sex, consider this quote from sexuality expert Lonnie Barbach, “Sex is perfectly natural. However sex is not naturally perfect.”

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How to Stay Fit with Good Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

It’s more enjoyable than hitting the treadmill – and there are many documented health benefits. But is making love really an alternative to aerobic exercise?

Research has revealed that sex, which is rated as moderately intense exercise, uses up 4.2 calories in men a minute and 3.1 in women. The study, published in the American journal PLOS ONE, took 21 young couples and used a SenseWear armband to measure the effects of moderate exercise on a treadmill, compared with sex. Sex took on average 24.7 minutes, with men using up 101 calories and women using 70. Almost everyone in the study found the sex more enjoyable than the treadmill. So shouldn’t you hang up your running shoes and try “sexercise” instead?

The solution

Sex is credited with having many other health benefits. They’re not all scientifically proven because it’s difficult for researchers to measure the effects of sex on different health outcomes in a standardised way. Most research is also of heterosexual sex. But claims include reductions in heart disease and diabetes and improvements in sleep, appearance and immunity.

Sex is also credited with reducing period cramps and chronic pain – although both would put many people off having it. Saying “not tonight, I’ve got a headache” may also not be a medically valid reason for refusing: more than one study shows that it might relieve headaches, although it’s less reliable than tablets.

Sex is associated with promoting wellbeing – and you don’t even need a partner –a paper in 1986 found that older men and women who masturbated had reduced rates of depression.

Sex may also reduce stress – a small study looking at the relationship between sex in the two-week period before stressful events found that people who had had intercourse showed the smallest rise in blood pressure when dealing with these events.

Sexual activity has also been associated with longevity – a study in the BMJ conducted in south Wales that followed 918 men aged between 49-59 for 10 years found that those who had been having two or more orgasms a week had 50% lower mortality rates. The authors of the study cite other research suggesting that quality of sex is important in realising the health benefits.

But this latest study really shows that sex uses only a few calories – the treadmill used about three times as many. The sex was also likely to be more energetic than usual because people knew they were being monitored.

Sex is an indicator of good health as well as contributing to it. But the research generally suggests more is not necessarily better and that quality is what matters.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How to Remedy a Low Sex Drive

by zfortadminin Sex

For many people, reigniting your feelings for your partner through talking and sharing more deeply is enough to get desire back on track.

I remember once going to see a film called The Tin Drum with my male partner, a film we both agreed was erotic and arousing. In a post-coital chat afterwards, it turned out that we had each found completely different scenes in the film to be a turn on.

Our sex drive is a highly personal and quixotic thing, which ebbs and flows with life’s events. The fact that sex is unpredictable, as we open up ourselves to our partner in the act of making love, the stakes are high. Sex has the power to repair a relationship, to bring people together, and to renew love.

Conversely, when desire falters, we often find it hard to accept. Couples can be devastated and worry that the relationship is coming to an end. One person may feel rejected, the other feels a failure. The stress levels can ratchet up, making things even worse.

Where is the lust?

A loss of desire can have physical or psychological origins or a mixture of both. There are many physical causes for loss of desire, associated with changes in the body as a result of health conditions and ageing. Hormone levels for both men and women are important influences as are alcohol, drugs, some medications and contraception which can often result in quite rapid changes.

The difference between desire and arousal

If you are concerned about “going off” sex, it is important to understand the difference between desire and arousal. Often the body will still respond to touch and caress so it’s still perfectly possible to have an active sexual relationship, but the desire to do so may be reliant on one partner to always initiate.

Even with some conditions like diabetes, where a man is no longer able to get a natural erection, the desire remains. The issue is that the body does not become aroused.

It’s also important to consider that in men, loss of libido isn’t the same as erectile dysfunction. A drug such as Viagra will help a man to have an erection, but not give him the desire to have sex.

Too stressed for sex

Psychological causes of the kind we see regularly at Relate can be linked to a number of relationship issues as well as life events and the effects of stress. The body does tend to cope well with everyday pressures and tiredness – there will be days when you don’t feel the desire to be sexual. However, prolonged loss of desire is often associated with more extreme difficulties such as a bereavement and other significant life events that are likely to have an impact on all aspects of your life, not just your sexual libido. Just plain weariness after the birth of a baby is a common and normal passion killer.

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Why You Reject an Eager Suitor

by zfortadminin LOVE

Guys who actually like relationships and are interested in having a girlfriend find it very frustrating and baffling when women balk at early commitment.

It’s a recurring theme among the guy readers here, and in a recent comment thread reader HanSolo explained it with a metaphor:

To 80% accuracy women are like cats. Cats are not like dogs. Cats do not want to mate with dogs. So, you need to show a little more catlike behavior at first to get that pussy (-cat) interested in you. Remember how cats come up and sit on the lap of the person who ignores it and only once it’s decided it wants you does it want to be petted and start receiving the more “doglike” affection.

Not all women are more catlike but to men who tend to go overboard with too much affection too soon (that act too much like affectionate dogs that run up to their master when she gets home and bury her with attention), keeping that exaggerated metaphor in mind will help them to treat them in a less smothering and more balanced way.

HanSolo doesn’t like it that women do not appreciate eager, unconditional affection from the start, and he doesn’t quite understand why this should be so, but he does accept it:

I have developed a more catlike nature. The dog in me is always longing to get out with the right woman though and cover her with affection.

I have so much love waiting for the right woman.

I feel like I have built a dam to hold it back but the rains keep falling and the reservoir is always brimming to the top.

I want to find the woman who wants my love. That thirsts for it. Whose heart is a desert. Who will open the spillways and let me love her fully. Who will love me back. Completely, fully, with abandon.

Until then, I “DO IT” with the occasional “woman” and wait.

Women fantasize about finding that kind of love with a man, as the Romance Literature industry attests. However, it should be noted that in female fantasy, this level of commitment and devotion from a man is hard won, not a thing to be given away lightly. Women understand this instinctively – we can be extremely interested in a guy, pinching ourselves over our good fortune in attracting this gorgeous man, only to find him unappealing and yes, creepy, within a date or two. His eagerness to be immediately and deeply in love sounds alarm bells.

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Underlying Issues Why Your Man Can Experience a Low Libido

by zfortadminin Sex

What happens to a man’s libido as he ages?

It is now possible to restore crucial intimacy and sexual spontaneity to relationships when men experience erection problems without pills or surgery.

Approximately five million men in the UK suffer from mild to severe erection problems as a consequence of the natural ageing process or other medical conditions. The ‘problem’ can have a devastating effect on relationships impacting confidence and intimacy. Both partners may suffer different anxieties, concerns and confusion and research shows that approximately 20 per cent of relationships break down as a result of the loss of intimacy.

Raj Persad a Consultant Urological surgeon explains the main reasons why men experience erection problems and tells us about a new long-term solution, which will restore crucial intimacy and sexual spontaneity to relationships without the need for medication or surgery.

What actually causes erection problems?

Some men are unable to achieve or maintain an erection long or well enough to perform sexual intercourse. For other men it may be that their erection is not as good as it used to be, but they can still perform to a limited extent. Reduced erectile function is an entirely normal part of the ageing process, similar to eye sight deteriorating. But, of course, as it’s an intimate issue many simply suffer in silence whereas they find it easy to go to the optician or ophthalmologist.

There may be other physical and psychological factors causing the reduced function. The most common causes are cardiovascular conditions, chronic illnesses such as diabetes, high blood pressure, medication use, excessive alcohol consumption, smoking, stress and mental health problems – including performance anxiety and depression.

Adding to the challenge there are also a host of medications that can also impact on performance, including diuretics, blood pressure tablets, anti-anxiety and anti-depressants, antihistamines, muscle relaxants, chemotherapy as well as Parkinson’s disease and prostate cancer medications.

You don’t have to accept the situation. There are options. Here is what you can do to help your partner and rejuvenate your relationship.

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The Orgasm Code

by Riley Silvermanin Sex

I had an actual physical barrier that was keeping me from a climax! I had to investigate this.

There’s a picture of myself that I posted on my Facebook and Instagram about a month or two ago, where I’m holding my hand in front of my mouth and blushing. At the time I posted it, I said there was a sexy secret behind the look on my face. And here that story is, I was buying a vibrator for the first time in my life, and being the intense prude that I am, I was blushing my way through asking some other ladies for advice on what to buy, and a friend of mine demanded I take a selfie immediately. This is that selfie:

selfie

So here’s the thing. I am definitely a prude. When it comes to sex and talking about sex or masturbation even, personally I get very uncomfortable, flustered, and a little giggly. I used to think this was just part of who I am. Some people are more comfortable talking about some subjects than others, and this is one where I struggle a bit. But the truth is, like most things, it never is that simple. Because something happened to me recently that made me realize that I have been utterly clueless about sex and what it means to me for pretty much my entire life. Something that changed everything.

I had an orgasm.

I’m 34 years old and for the first time in my life, I have had real honest to God, bones shaking, earth shattering, throw a pillow over my face to muffle the noise so I don’t disturb the neighbors orgasm. This is a really big deal for me, because it’s something that I honestly never even realized was even missing from my life because I just took it for granted that it wasn’t going to be part of it.

It’s hard to say this next line without sounding like a lying character in an American Pie movie, but I totally have had sex, like quite a few times actually. And for lack of a more delicate term, the process was completed. But there was never any more to it than that. No intense feeling of pleasure, nothing that could really be called a climax, at least not mentally. Just a physical response to some stimulation. When I would be with a partner, the intimacy would turn me on, but often I would almost be disappointed when the action moved from intense makeout sessions into the act itself because the part that I was really enjoying would be ending and soon it would all be over.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t interested in sex, I was. I would pursue and sometimes date women, I would be interested and attracted to them, turned on by them. Despite this, I developed a bit of a sexual hangup, a dysfunction in my late twenties. It wasn’t that I had trouble starting, it was that I had trouble finishing. I’d tell myself that it wasn’t that big of a deal, even tried to spin it positively in my mind. If things remained in action mode it would be a perk for her, right? Of course that’s not the case because nothing kills the mood like an inherent sense that something is wrong.

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Wedding Night Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

If you’re hell-bent on having sex on your wedding night, set yourself up for “tired people sex.”

You may be looking forward to your wedding night with as much feverish excitement as you do your wedding day. But while society still suggests that every couple should have super-hot sex after a long day of planning and partying, the reality is that most couples are lucky if they manage to kiss goodnight before falling asleep.

If you think that sucks, take note: when it comes to your wedding night, our experts say the key is to plan for the worst and hope for the best.

Here we share tips to help you manage your wedding night expectations while preparing for a memorable and intimate evening whether it leads to sex or not.

Redefine what the night should be

You may not be able to control whether or not your new spouse get hot-and-heavy in your hotel room, but you can temper your expectations so that you don’t experience disappointment.

Wedding night sex falls short because history has created unrealistic expectations of what that sex should be. In short, we hold ourselves to unfair and unattainable standards about what wedding night sex should be based on stories we’ve been told by others.”

So rather than think of your wedding night as the opportunity to have the best sex of your lives, see the evening as an opportunity for an intimate rather than sexual encounter.

Sharing a bath, giving one another a massage, or using sensual touching creates intimacy and results in partners feeling connected to one another. Connection and intimacy create desire, and desire is what is truly necessary for satisfying sex.

If you’re hell-bent on having sex on your wedding night, set yourself up for “tired people sex.” This kind of sex is “nothing fancy  just lazy kind of sex.” By knowing fireworks don’t have to fly, you may be able to have your physical needs met without jumping through hoops for which you have zero energy.

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Tokyo and the Death of Sexy

by Virginia Jonesin Sex

…polls report that many Japanese people don’t want to have more sex- 1 in 5 men cite extreme dislike for sex, and 46% of Japanese women 16-24 want no sexual contact at all.

To the outside world, Japan is known for being sexy and even a little kinky. The women of Japan are considered some of the world’s most beautiful, and it’s the home of crazy Harajuku street fashion, host bars, and Hentai anime pornography. However, 25% of Japanese men are still virgins at 30, so many that a new word has emerged for them- yaramiso, which means “30 years old and haven’t done it”, because if there’s anything the Japanese believe in, it’s being on the nose with slang. Even men with prior sexual experience aren’t having much sex- 50% of Japanese men who’ve had sex before haven’t had it in a year or more. Women’s numbers aren’t far behind.

This has deep repercussions throughout society, with the population dropping by 1 million people since 2008 and raising concerns about society’s ability to support their aging population.

And what seems stranger to us might be that for the most part, polls report that many Japanese people don’t want to have more sex- 1 in 5 men cite extreme dislike for sex, and 46% of Japanese women 16-24 want no sexual contact at all.

It’s worth pointing out that Japan also has the third-highest suicide rate in the world, with 100 people taking their lives each day.

So- what’s killing the Japanese sex drive?

1. Money.

Reports are that in the money-flush 80’s and early 90’s, there was plenty of dating and premarital sex, but the economy took a sharp downturn in 1995 and that changed. How does that affect getting it on? When young people can’t afford to live on their own, sharing a small apartment with your parents can really put a damper on your dating life. In Tokyo, most teens don’t even have cars to make out in! Chew on that, America! This means that courting couples must visit love hotels, hourly hotels of varying levels of cleanliness and quality, just to have somewhere to be alone.

2. Social Shame.

Men whose careers don’t produce enough money to raise a family are shamed and emasculated, even as being single is normalized in Tokyo, with single-serving meals and single tables at restaurants everywhere. The Japanese also have a cultural fear of failure, and would sometimes prefer not to try to pursue relationships for fear that they won’t work out or they’ll be rejected.

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Sexless Relationship. Is It Ok?

by zfortadminin Sex

As many as 40 million Americans in romantic relationships scant on sex — and some of them are perfectly happy with it. Here’s how to tell if your sexless marriage is healthy, or in need of some sizzle.

Tune into any TV show, the radio, or your Twitter feed, and the message is clear: If you’re in a relationship, you should be having hot, mind-blowing, on-top-of-the-table sex … all the time.

Yet research shows that 10 to 20 percent of romantic relationships in the United States are “sexless,” according to Robert Epstein, PhD, a San Diego-based research psychologist and founder and director emeritus of the Cambridge Center for Behavioral Studies in Beverly, Mass. That accounts for about 40 million people in the United States.

And that may be an underestimate, because people are reluctant to ‘fess up about no-sex relationships. Because of society’s obsession with sex, some couples feel ashamed to admit that they’re not experiencing a certain level of sexual frequency or satisfaction.

In fact, one survey found that 30 percent of male participants in their 40s and 34 percent in their 50s who were in a relationship hadn’t had sex the previous year. For women in their 40s and 50s, about 21 percent reported no sex with their partner in the previous year.

So what’s really going on in America’s bedrooms?

What ‘Sexless’ Really Means

Technically, a sexless relationship is defined as when a couple has sex less than once a month or less than 10 times a year, says Dr. Epstein.

What does that mean for your relationship? One thing is for sure — it doesn’t mean your relationship lacks love, says Jennifer Freed, PhD, marriage and family therapist in private practice in Santa Barbara, Calif. She estimates that about 5 to 7 percent of the couples she sees in her practice are perfectly happy in their sexless marriages.

If you’re in a sexless relationship, the main thing you should ask yourself is: Are you and your partner content about not having sex?

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What Your Sex Dream Means When THIS Person is in It.

by zfortadminin Sex

We all have ’em — but it turns out that our raciest, steamiest dreams might not have that much to do with sex after all.

There you are — under the covers, disrobed, fooling around with some sexy mystery hunk. Suddenly, you catch a glimpse of his face and … it’s your old third-grade math teacher?

That’s when you wake up.

Yep, you were having a sex dream, and that doesn’t mean you’re weird or have a raving sex drive. On the contrary, research shows that most Americans dream about sex often: About 8 percent of nighttime reveries involve some sort of sexual activity, according to a University of Montreal study, with women getting it on in dreamland just as frequently as men.

But just why do we have sex dreams? And what does it mean when the other person involved is your boss, your best friend, a young Ringo Starr — or even all three at the same time?

“All dreams, even sex dreams, can be easily connected to things going on in your life,” says Ian Wallace, a dream psychologist and author of The Top 100 Dreams: The Dreams That We All Have and What They Really Mean. “And every character in your dream represents a small snippet of your own personality.”

Wallace explains it like this: When someone pops up in your sex dream, it doesn’t necessarily imply you want to be intimate with this person. Instead, he or she probably possesses some admirable personality trait (such as leadership skills, kindness, or a flair for fashion) that you recognize in yourself but haven’t yet fully developed. “Showing off your talents and traits requires that you open up and become vulnerable and exposed,” says Wallace — just like sex (which is why your snoozing psyche converts it into this extremely intimate act).

Psychologist Gillian Holloway, PhD, agrees: On her dream interpretation Web site, she explains that while some sex dreams may simply be “wish fulfillment” (you probably won’t be able to score with this person in real life, so you resort to your dreams), sex dreams are usually more complex, reflecting your own personal desires and fears.

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4 Tips for Getting Fit Through Good Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

I’m all about multi-tasking. If you can hit two birds with one stone, why not, right? Making love with your spouse, boyfriend or lover can make for a great time, but did you ever think about the other benefits?

If done the right way, sex can be sexercise. After all, you’re stretching, clenching, arching and propping. Doing all of those things can work out some of those muscles of yours (not just his). Read on for some position ideas!

Bend Over and Stretch

With any workout that you do, you can never forget the importance of stretching. Usually you’ll bend over and touch your toes and hold for a few seconds. When it comes to sexercising, the idea is the same, but the procedure is slightly different. In the name of the stretching sexercise, simply bend over and lay your hands on the seat of a chair, while you keep your legs as straight (and comfortable) as possible. Let your partner have at it from behind, but pay attention to your legs’ form.

Being on Top Has Other Benefits

“We must admit, woman on top is our least favorite position because it requires the most physical effort,” says The Frisky, “but then again, riding cowgirl is way more fun than the Stairmaster, ain’t it?” Though, women usually say they can orgasm quickly while on top. Even better, there’s another benefit. Sit on top of your man while he’s sitting up. Wrap your legs around him and use your hands and arms to prop yourself up and down. That will work your triceps, biceps and forearms. If your arms aren’t strong enough, employ your legs and that should work out your thighs.

Crouching Can Replace Squats

I don’t know about you, but I hate doing squats. They’re just not fun. Doing squats in bed with your lover, on the other hand, is really fun. Simply squat on top of your man while he’s laying flat. Use your arms and legs to prop yourself up and down. Be careful though – we don’t want you to hurt your back. Do this slowly and watch your form so you don’t strain anything. Take breaks if you start to get really tired. Some of us aren’t used to this position and it takes some practice to master.

Make the Missionary Position Work for You

This sexercise sounds way too easy, you wonder. He’s on top and you’re laying on your back. How is this a workout, you ask? Well it’s all about stretching, arching and tightening. While he’s working, you can do some work on your own. Stretch your back, arch it here and there and tighten your abs. It’s like you’re doing pilates right in bed. If you want to sexercise even more than that, try tightening your kegel muscles while you’re at it – your lover will be sure to enjoy it!

Straight-Legged on His Shoulders

Stretch your legs, lady. Next time he’s on top and you’re laying on your back, take your legs and prop them right on each of his shoulders. This will not only stretch out your legs and help them tone during love-making, your abs will also feel some tension. Try to focus on your form and arch your back when possible – this will help tone your abs in the process.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article