Women Want Sex, Too

Although we have come pretty far as a society in understanding that women are just as sexual as men, the cliché still exists that when it comes to desires men have more of them and more often, too.

But, of course, that’s far from true and any woman who’s embraced her sexuality can confirm that wholeheartedly. But because stereotypes surrounding women and sex still exist, Kindara, a fertility awareness app, set out to see what stereotypes could be confirmed and what could be finally thrown out.

The survey by Kindara researched the sex lives of 500 women between the ages of 18 and 65. They examined sexual desire, orgasm frequency, and just how important women feel sex is to their relationship. Overwhelmingly, although not surprisingly, Kindara found that women do put some heavy importance on sex with the majority of them wanting it more than they’re getting it. Apparently once a week just won’t cut it for the majority of ladies out there.

What the results of the survey reveal, among other things, is that women are equal to men when it comes to sexual desires and to assume otherwise is wrong. Thinking that women are somehow less interested in sex is simply a decades-old thinking that needs to cease. Here are six facts about women’s sexuality that Kindara uncovered in their survey.

1. The Majority Of Women Think Sex Is Very Important To A Relationship

According to the survey, 89.2 percent of women think that sex is “very” or “somewhat” important to their overall relationship satisfaction, which makes perfect sex. Happy relationships are the ones where sex and intimacy reign supreme.

2. Over Half Of Women Want More Sex

Although we’re supposed to believe that it’s women who are holding out in the bedroom while men want more sexy times, Kindara found out something else: It’s the ladies who want more. Of those surveyed, 53.2 percent of women want more sex than they’re currently getting from their partner. In fact, less than half, at 46.8 percent, felt satisfied in having their sexual desires fulfilled.

3. Over 60 Percent Of Women Want Sex Three To Five Times A Week

In findings that really blew archaic stereotypes out the window, 60.8 percent of women desire sex three to five times a week. But for some women even that’s not enough! According to the survey, 10.2 percent of women want sex six to eight times a week ― who has enough time in the week for such a thing?!

4. Majority Of Women Put Emotional Connection Above All Else When It Comes To Sex

We hear a lot about how women love foreplay ― and we do! ― but as Kindara found what we like even more than foreplay is having an emotional connection. Of those surveyed, 53.2 percent felt that an emotional was essential for great sex, 23.6 percent believed foreplay was a deciding factor in awesome sex, and 10.4 percent rated communication as most important.

5. Most Women Orgasm At Least Once During Sex

Although women reaching orgasm still remains a struggle for many, the good news is that the amount of women who are able to orgasm at least once during sex is at 72.6 percent. Within that range, 38.6 percent had an orgasm once, 10.2 percent had multiple orgasms, and 23.8 percent could report that they had an orgasm “often.”

6. Stress Is The One Thing That Can Mess With A Woman’s Sex Drive

For 39.2 percent of women, stress is the top factor that can negatively affect their sex life. The other top culprits that can make a woman not want to get it on are being out of sync with their partners at 28.2 percent, not being in the mood at 20.2 percent, and struggling with their self-image at 20 percent. For 18 percent of women, there are no factors, like none at all, that stand in the way of them having sex.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

These Christmas Cookies Increase Sexual Appetite

Ever wondered how these Christmas cookies increase your sexual drive?

Christmas cookies have multiple advantages. (Photo: Clara from Austria / Wikimedia Commons)

Not only do they taste good – they also have a special effect on your brain’s reward system. Therefore, this year you can eat as many Christmas cookies you want without feeling guilty.

During Christmas, we eat a lot of good food and gingerbread, sirupsnipper (syrup collars) and spiced cakes are common in Norwegian homes. However, researchers have found that the taste can give you more pleasure than just good coffee bread.

– Because of the spices, the cookies increase your sex drive, says Associate Professor of Pharmacology at the University of Tromsø, Aina W. Ravna to NRK.no.

Affects the Brain

Many of the spices used in traditional Christmas cookies such as cinnamon, ginger, cardamom, cloves and nutmeg contain substances that increases your libido. It also has an affect against depression.

The brain has a reward system where the molecule dopamine plays an important role. When you have a positive experience the level of dopamine increases. This also happens when you eat food containing the typical Christmas spices.

– The spices contain substances that affects the dopamine levels. This means that gingerbread can get you in a better mood and increase your sex drive, Ravna continues.

Moreover, in combination with chocolate the effect is even better.

– Chocolate contains a substance similar to dopamine that makes you feel horny and in love, she smiles.

Cinnamon Is the Winner

Cinnamon contains cinnamaldehyde – a substance with chemical structure similar to the body’s own dopamine where low doses stimulates and high doses makes you sedative. Modern research confirms that cinnamon boosts the sexual appetite.

– Research shows that freshly baked cinnamon buns was the smell that had the most effect on men’s libido, Ravna tells.

Good for Depression and Colds

The Christmas spices are also beneficial for those affected by the dark season, and for people with a cold.

– Mexican hot chocolate is brilliant. It is common cocoa added cinnamon and cardamom among other. It is a very good drink for the season, she concludes.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How to Remedy a Low Sex Drive

For many people, reigniting your feelings for your partner through talking and sharing more deeply is enough to get desire back on track.

I remember once going to see a film called The Tin Drum with my male partner, a film we both agreed was erotic and arousing. In a post-coital chat afterwards, it turned out that we had each found completely different scenes in the film to be a turn on.

Our sex drive is a highly personal and quixotic thing, which ebbs and flows with life’s events. The fact that sex is unpredictable, as we open up ourselves to our partner in the act of making love, the stakes are high. Sex has the power to repair a relationship, to bring people together, and to renew love.

Conversely, when desire falters, we often find it hard to accept. Couples can be devastated and worry that the relationship is coming to an end. One person may feel rejected, the other feels a failure. The stress levels can ratchet up, making things even worse.

Where is the lust?

A loss of desire can have physical or psychological origins or a mixture of both. There are many physical causes for loss of desire, associated with changes in the body as a result of health conditions and ageing. Hormone levels for both men and women are important influences as are alcohol, drugs, some medications and contraception which can often result in quite rapid changes.

The difference between desire and arousal

If you are concerned about “going off” sex, it is important to understand the difference between desire and arousal. Often the body will still respond to touch and caress so it’s still perfectly possible to have an active sexual relationship, but the desire to do so may be reliant on one partner to always initiate.

Even with some conditions like diabetes, where a man is no longer able to get a natural erection, the desire remains. The issue is that the body does not become aroused.

It’s also important to consider that in men, loss of libido isn’t the same as erectile dysfunction. A drug such as Viagra will help a man to have an erection, but not give him the desire to have sex.

Too stressed for sex

Psychological causes of the kind we see regularly at Relate can be linked to a number of relationship issues as well as life events and the effects of stress. The body does tend to cope well with everyday pressures and tiredness – there will be days when you don’t feel the desire to be sexual. However, prolonged loss of desire is often associated with more extreme difficulties such as a bereavement and other significant life events that are likely to have an impact on all aspects of your life, not just your sexual libido. Just plain weariness after the birth of a baby is a common and normal passion killer.

Underlying Issues Why Your Man Can Experience a Low Libido

What happens to a man’s libido as he ages?

It is now possible to restore crucial intimacy and sexual spontaneity to relationships when men experience erection problems without pills or surgery.

Approximately five million men in the UK suffer from mild to severe erection problems as a consequence of the natural ageing process or other medical conditions. The ‘problem’ can have a devastating effect on relationships impacting confidence and intimacy. Both partners may suffer different anxieties, concerns and confusion and research shows that approximately 20 per cent of relationships break down as a result of the loss of intimacy.

Raj Persad a Consultant Urological surgeon explains the main reasons why men experience erection problems and tells us about a new long-term solution, which will restore crucial intimacy and sexual spontaneity to relationships without the need for medication or surgery.

What actually causes erection problems?

Some men are unable to achieve or maintain an erection long or well enough to perform sexual intercourse. For other men it may be that their erection is not as good as it used to be, but they can still perform to a limited extent. Reduced erectile function is an entirely normal part of the ageing process, similar to eye sight deteriorating. But, of course, as it’s an intimate issue many simply suffer in silence whereas they find it easy to go to the optician or ophthalmologist.

There may be other physical and psychological factors causing the reduced function. The most common causes are cardiovascular conditions, chronic illnesses such as diabetes, high blood pressure, medication use, excessive alcohol consumption, smoking, stress and mental health problems – including performance anxiety and depression.

Adding to the challenge there are also a host of medications that can also impact on performance, including diuretics, blood pressure tablets, anti-anxiety and anti-depressants, antihistamines, muscle relaxants, chemotherapy as well as Parkinson’s disease and prostate cancer medications.

You don’t have to accept the situation. There are options. Here is what you can do to help your partner and rejuvenate your relationship.

Tokyo and the Death of Sexy

…polls report that many Japanese people don’t want to have more sex- 1 in 5 men cite extreme dislike for sex, and 46% of Japanese women 16-24 want no sexual contact at all.

To the outside world, Japan is known for being sexy and even a little kinky. The women of Japan are considered some of the world’s most beautiful, and it’s the home of crazy Harajuku street fashion, host bars, and Hentai anime pornography. However, 25% of Japanese men are still virgins at 30, so many that a new word has emerged for them- yaramiso, which means “30 years old and haven’t done it”, because if there’s anything the Japanese believe in, it’s being on the nose with slang. Even men with prior sexual experience aren’t having much sex- 50% of Japanese men who’ve had sex before haven’t had it in a year or more. Women’s numbers aren’t far behind.

This has deep repercussions throughout society, with the population dropping by 1 million people since 2008 and raising concerns about society’s ability to support their aging population.

And what seems stranger to us might be that for the most part, polls report that many Japanese people don’t want to have more sex- 1 in 5 men cite extreme dislike for sex, and 46% of Japanese women 16-24 want no sexual contact at all.

It’s worth pointing out that Japan also has the third-highest suicide rate in the world, with 100 people taking their lives each day.

So- what’s killing the Japanese sex drive?

1. Money.

Reports are that in the money-flush 80’s and early 90’s, there was plenty of dating and premarital sex, but the economy took a sharp downturn in 1995 and that changed. How does that affect getting it on? When young people can’t afford to live on their own, sharing a small apartment with your parents can really put a damper on your dating life. In Tokyo, most teens don’t even have cars to make out in! Chew on that, America! This means that courting couples must visit love hotels, hourly hotels of varying levels of cleanliness and quality, just to have somewhere to be alone.

2. Social Shame.

Men whose careers don’t produce enough money to raise a family are shamed and emasculated, even as being single is normalized in Tokyo, with single-serving meals and single tables at restaurants everywhere. The Japanese also have a cultural fear of failure, and would sometimes prefer not to try to pursue relationships for fear that they won’t work out or they’ll be rejected.

Why Millennial Sex Drive Could Be Shrinking

Why more millennials are avoiding sex.

I spent most of yesterday morning mulling over Tara Bahrampour’s article in the Washington Post headlined “‘There isn’t really anything magical about it’: Why more millennials are avoiding sex.” The crux of her argument relates to a new study in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior that finds younger millennials (i.e. those born in the 1990s) more than twice as likely to be sexually inactive in their early 20s as Gen Xers were. Compared with baby boomers, millennials’ low sex drive makes them look like nuns and priests.

The proffered reasons for millennial abstinence? A culture of overwork and an obsession with career status, a fear of becoming emotionally involved and losing control, an online-dating milieu that privileges physical appearance above all, anxieties surrounding consent, and an uptick in the use of libido-busting antidepressants.

I generally jump to the defense of millennials, not just because I am one, but because I even know some. It too often feels as though we’re reported on as an alien species: “I saw this strange person at the supermarket buying organic milk. He was ungrateful, stupid and has never worked a day in his life, if my personal inference from watching him hold the carton may be used as a categorical analysis of an entire generation, as it will be throughout this piece, and then again in the comments section.”

But if (and this is a big “if”) this is indeed how many millennials think about sex, relationships and other people — as productivity inhibitors — we’re screwed, in all ways but the fun one.

“Research-based trend pieces are useful in the same way polemics are useful — to the extent they provoke further discussion.”

OK, a couple of disclaimers before you pillory the argument: I’m not a “younger millennial.” If millennials are defined as those who are 19 to 35 years old in 2016, then at 29 I clock in on the “What are the young people up to these days?” end of the millennial spectrum. So, younger young people, weigh in in the comments please and tell me what I’m missing; I’m all ears.

Second disclaimer: I believe that everyone should have exactly as much sex as they do or don’t want to have, with whomever they do or don’t want to have it, in whatever fashion they do or don’t want to have it. So long as consent is present in any resultant exchange, one need not justify their choices. Some are not physically able to have sexual relationships, some have religious or cultural reservations about premarital sex, others do not desire sex; none are less human, none are more correct. I also don’t suggest that my choices are particularly enlightened; indeed, several sources familiar with the matter can confirm they’ve often not been. My interest in this rise in abstention has to do with motivation and meaning rather than the (lack of) action itself.

Final disclaimer: Many trend pieces are hot garbage. See: the New York Times article on“the explosion” of women who dye their armpit hair. The trend piece is a form that’s plagued by the “To a hammer, everything looks like a nail” problem. If you begin with any premise and set out to prove it, you can generally find a handful of folks in this world of 7.4 billion to confirm your suspicion.

That said, research-based trend pieces are useful in the same way polemics are useful — to the extent they provoke further discussion. And this research is based on a nationally representative sample of more than 25,000 American adults. So here are my thoughts in brief on points made in the Washington Post article (edited here for clarity). You’ll have others.

“It’s a highly motivated, ambitious generation,” says Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University and chief scientific adviser to the dating site Match.com. “A lot of them are afraid that they’ll get into something they can’t get out of and they won’t be able to get back to their desk and keep studying.”

As Michael Cunningham wrote, “You cannot find peace by avoiding life.” Sure, any attempt to have a life outside of work will keep you away from your desk. And it’s true that we live in fraught times, with massive student loan debt and decreased job security. But overwork, with all else perceived as a distraction, is no tool to cultivate joy.

The sense of caution sometimes manifests itself as a heightened awareness of emotional pitfalls. For example, many young people speak disparagingly of the messy emotional state love and lust can engender, referring to it as “catching feelings.”

Humans have feelings. Fairly unavoidable. See: brain chemistry.

Noah Patterson, 18, has never had sex. “I’d rather be watching YouTube videos and making money.” Sex, he said, is “not going to be something people ask you for on your résumé.

Lots of miserable people with cool resumes out there.

Online life “ends up putting a lot of importance on physical appearance, and that, I think, is leaving out a large section of the population,” said Twenge, who teaches psychology at San Diego State University. Unlike in face-to-face meetings where “you can seduce someone with your charm,” she said, dating apps are “leaving some people with fewer choices and they might be more reluctant to search for partners at all.”

What’s even sexier than an avatar? A flesh-and-blood human with flaws and personality.

That is Patterson’s takeaway. “Third-wave feminists seem to be crazy, saying that all men are participating in this rape culture.” He opts for porn instead. “It’s quicker. It’s more accessible. What you see is what you get.”

Flesh-and-blood humans carry traumas born of their experiences on a complicated and oft-cruel planet. Some of these traumas are sexual. Rather than pathologizing humans who’ve survived sexual trauma, perhaps you could recognize that they did not create the environment that harmed them, and work to be a source of understanding and support.

Abstinence may not be such a considered choice for everyone, though; there can also be environmental factors. For example, the use of antidepressants, which doubled between 1999 and 2012, can reduce sex drive.

This is real. Those who take antidepressants: Good on you for getting the help you need. Those who don’t: Find a way to understand and support flesh-and-blood humans dealing with depression.

“The decision to indefinitely avoid sexual relationships from a place of fear is deeply understandable.”

Why is sex a necessary or good thing, given all these concerns?

It isn’t an absolute good. It’s only good if it’s a thing you want to do, if it’s an act that brings you fun or connection or pleasure. The problem isn’t that millennials are having less sex, but that many of their reasons reveal warped values and a fear-based approach to existence. Here’s a generation swearing off a life-affirming and life-creating act in record numbers, simply because they don’t know what to do with it.

Most people are rational actors, in so far as their fears are connected to their experiences. There are many anecdotal and quantitative indications that sex among millennials is a real landmine for hurt and misunderstanding. In some ways, this hurt is heightened by the advent of distancing technologies like Tinder and texting. But the challenge of navigating closeness with and care for others has always been a central human story.

Rather than forgoing sex, we can be strive to be more creative and generous in our interpersonal relationships, whether they be sexual or otherwise. That starts by thinking deeply about what we want so that we can articulate it to another person. It continues by finding a receptive and respectful person or people to have sex with. It continues by being a receptive and respectful person. It ends never.

The emotional work that sex asks us to do is the same emotional work a life of growth requires. The decision to indefinitely avoid sexual relationships from a place of fear is deeply understandable. But it is also a decision to constrict the edges of one’s experience; it is a decision to disengage from that which induces greater vulnerability, and greater tenderness.

Curated by Timothy
Original Article

5 Natural or Holistic Ways to Increase Your Libido and Work Your Way Back Into Love

These all-natural tips can help you reignite the fire in your bedroom by tackling the common causes of libido loss.

At six weeks after the birth of my child my doctor gave me the green light for sex. Six months after that I still found myself creating excuses to avoid the bedroom. As a new mother, I was completely drained of mental and emotional resources, with nothing left to give my partner at the end of the day.

However, even after I regained some semblance of my normal sleep schedule and my life returned to what I considered normal, one thing never returned: my libido.

It turns out, I’m not alone. While my experience was related to the birth of a child, most people experience regular ups and downs when it comes to sexual desire. A loss of libido will happen to most people at least once throughout their lives.

If you need some extra help with your relationships, cut through all of the noise by joining LOVE TV today.

Here are some natural ways you can handle it:

1.  Rose Essential Oil:

rose oil to increase libido

Rose oil is said to be incredibly calming and can help reduce anxiety levels which may be contributing to your lack of sex drive.

Throughout the history of aromatherapy, roses have shown up as an aphrodisiac. In fact, in ancient Roman times, men would sprinkle these flower petals on the beds of new brides to prepare them for their wedding nights.  

However, rose is more expensive than other essential oils. To use this remedy without breaking the bank, buy a small bottle of a pre-made essential oil blend including it. Dab this mixture on the inside of your wrists and/or the backs of your ears before a date or before getting in bed.

2.  Reflexology:

reflexology to increase your Libido

A good foot rub can be excellent foreplay. It can also help regulate hormone levels that may be wreaking havoc on your sex drive.

According to some holistic practitioners, pressing  specific points on the feet may help stimulate the hypothalamus, pituitary gland and ovaries, all of which contribute to the hormonal aspect of desire.

To find the correct points, make an appointment with a local reflexologist who can give you and your partner a quick lesson on which parts of the foot correspond to which body systems. For those who prefer a more DIY approach, a quick internet search should do the trick.

3.  Meditation:

meditate to increase your Libido

Two major reasons for loss of libido are distraction and stress, both of which are in high supply in modern American life.

The good news is that meditation may help focus your thoughts on the present and alleviate anxiety.

To start, find five to fifteen minutes in a day when  you can sit in a comfortable, quiet space. Noise cancelling headphones or relaxing meditation soundtracks are a good option for those in loud environments. As you’re sitting, breath in and out deeply and slowly, focusing on each breathe.

A mantra can also be helpful. For example, say something that makes you feel empowered and confident like, “I am beautiful” or “I love myself.” Repeat the mantra as you exhale.

Once you feel relaxed and focused, spend time paying attention to your body. Mentally check in with each part of yourself starting from your head, moving to your toes. Examine what hurts and what feels good. This can help you reconnect with your physical self, despite any changes that may occur from weight change, pregnancy, or exercise.

After meditation, many people find themselves calm and focused, which is a good time to ask your partner if he or she would like to play.

4.  Exercise:

exercise to increase libido

As a long-time runner, I know just how important exercise is for mental and emotional health. After all, endorphin output increases when your heart rate does. These feel-good hormones can help increase sex drive and, according to Mayo Clinic, decrease symptoms of depression (which can include a loss of libido).

If you think depression may be the reason for your decreased sex drive, check in with your doctor right away.

In the meantime, you can start integrating tiny workouts into your daily routine no matter how busy you are. For example, I didn’t have time to run after becoming a new mom so I started walking up the stairs to my apartment rather than taking an elevator.

Instead of bouncing my little one to calm him down, I did squats while holding him. Thankfully, YouTube has dozens of 15 minute workouts so even the most time-crunched people can squeeze in a fitness session. My favorites include any short session from the free Fitness Blender series.

5.  African Waist Beads:


From a less scientific perspective, body jewelry and lingerie can help you feel good about yourself, just like exercise. African waist beads are one alternative to traditional lingerie that may help women feel sexy. For >$15 – $20 a set, these are also much more affordable than a fancy neglige.

These beaded strings are worn around the waist and some sets have clay or porous beads that allow wearers to add scents – like rose essential oil – to increase appeal. In some cultures, these are used to signal when a woman is fertile or turned on. She might don her beads when she’s trying to attract her partner or gently rattle them to signal that she’s “in the mood”.

These might also help increase the drive of her partner as he or she learns to associate the sound or sight of the beads with arousal, turning it into a Pavlov’s dogs situation, but for sex instead of food.

I found these incredibly helpful as I didn’t always have the confidence to tell my partner when I was ready to romp around. Instead, I could use these beads as a signal, while also feeling sexy.

No matter which of these methods works for you, communication with your partner is always a top priority when it comes to sex and desire. Share your feelings and needs as they continue to change so both sides feel satisfied and included in the conversation.