Tag: couples advice

Sexual Reboot Travel, the Latest Trend for Couples

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex

Among the various travel trends that are predicted to rule 2016, sexual well-being resorts are in the forefront.

While wellness is something that most people would focus on this year, sexual well-being becomes an increasingly popular part of vacations and spa treatments for most couples around the world. This could be for reasons like — ignite the fire again, address sexual dysfunction or to explore individual sexuality, without inhibitions. Here’s a lowdown on what you could expect at one of these resorts, or the planned retreats that happen at some of the most sensuous and picturesque locations around the world.

Activities at a sexual well-being resort Sex talk

This is for those couples who are shy and do not feel comfortable talking about sex — be it talking about their sensitive parts or some of their most intimate desires. The activities will encourage them to indulge in talking about their likes and dislikes when it comes to lovemaking. Through active sex talk, this activity is aimed at helping them know each other’s body well and deepen their sexual and emotional connections.

Perfecting the art

There are activities that would help you learn the art of starting a kickass lovemaking session. While men would learn how to reciprocate a sexual action and find ways to help the women feel at ease, women are taught to perfect the art of striptease with a burlesque dance instructor. In fact, there are sessions that also indulge couples to feel body positive around each other, and learn to touch each other at pulse points to ignite arousal.

Massage therapies

Couple massages are a must for most couples, when it comes to leisure travel. It is also an important element of sexual wellness — deep penetrating strokes and pleasurable touches relieve stress as well as releases several pleasure hormones. Massages are a great way to heat up foreplay and boost your sex drive. In fact, most of these sessions allow the couple to indulge in self massage, there are instructors who guide them stroke by stroke to learn effective sequences that could help better their experience. Starting with foot and hand massages to relieve stress, and proceeding to a deep back and shoulder massage for ultimate relaxation and finally the secret butt massage for profound pleasure and incredible arousal.

Overcoming issues

These sessions involve talkers and healers who help couples get over their sexuality issues. Similarly, they also have detailed sessions with experts who advice on therapeutic solutions to the several sexual dysfunctions faced by couples. Most of these therapies are Ayurvedic and based on various tantras of Yoga, which help in their healing.

Kundalini Tantra Yoga

One of the most widely practised form of Yoga, Kundalini Tantra Yoga has a detoxifying effect on the body and mind. It involves a unique set of postures and dynamic breathing along with a serpent-like movement of the spine and pelvis. “The movements make the body enter a meditative space where the body and mind easily surrender blockages and tensions. Tantra is the balancing and union of polarities within the mind and body. And, it is this intimacy and union with the self that allows one to be more intimate with others, which is why it is a great way to ignite the fire within,” adds Kushal Chandra, a yoga practitioner.

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Divorce Lawyers Share What to Do to Stay Married

by zfortadminin LOVE

The best source for marriage advice? Divorce attorneys. Before you protest, just think about it: Every day at work they see the types of marital problems that lead otherwise happy couples to split up.

With that in mind, we recently asked 11 family law attorneys to volunteer their best love and relationship advice. See what they had to say below.

1. A sustainable marriage is not about love, it’s about tolerance.

“Can you tolerate all your partner’s quirks? Even the ones that you don’t like, are they tolerable? Don’t marry your partner thinking that any of his or her quirks are going to change, improve or wane. As we get older, your partner’s quirks will only magnify. So if you can’t tolerate it now, you for sure are not going to be able to tolerate it in the future. Tolerance may not be romantic, but it is the key to a long lasting marriage.” — Melissa B. Buchman, an attorney in Beverly Hills, California 

2. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. 

“Unfortunately, many couples I see going through a divorce ascribe bad — or sometimes terrible — motives to everything their spouses do. What is the harm in assuming or presuming the best? Even if you’re wrong, it hurts no one. And it may be the start of a better relationship.”  — Randall M. Kessler, an attorney based in Atlanta, Georgia

3. Don’t be afraid to feed your spouse’s ego now and then.

“Silly as it may sound, your spouse wants to feel strong, sexy and attractive. I have seen spouses cheat because someone else showed them attention and made them feel good.” — Christian Denmon, an attorney in Florida 

4. Put your spouse before your kids. 

“This may not be the most popular piece of advice, especially for parents, but after watching countless people get divorced because they allowed themselves to slowly drift apart over the years, I honestly believe it’s true. We are all busy these days. It’s far too easy to put your job, your house, your activities and your kids before your spouse. Don’t do it! While many people believe that their kids have to come first, if they don’t put their spouse first and their marriage eventually sours, it’s not going to be doing the kids any favors. If you value your marriage, choose to put it first.” —Karen Covy, an attorney and divorce coach based in Chicago, Illinois 

5. Don’t wait until it’s too late to work on your marriage.

“Work on your marriage while it’s still a good marriage, don’t wait until there’s a problem. ‘Work’ does not have to mean counseling, it can simply be having a set date night once a month.” — Carla Schiff Donnelly, an attorney based in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

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The Married Millennial – Are We Too Young?

by RJ Newellin LOVE

A mistake is only a failure if you don’t learn from it. Marriage and divorce shouldn’t be any different.

I got married at 21. By today’s standards, that makes me a unicorn.

When I show up with a new tattoo, nobody bats an eye. But the second I say I’m married? I might as well have joined a cult.

“How old are you, again?” my yoga teacher asked.

I answered honestly. “I’m 21.”

Her face must have gone through fifty shades of pity. “Are you sure?”

In our early twenties, we are expected to make adult decisions. Finishing college, choosing our careers, voting in elections – these are not tasks for children. As an adult, I’m allowed to make choices for myself. I’m allowed to make mistakes.

If we can smoke cigarettes in our twenties (risking cancer), own a credit card (and a lifetime of student loan debt), or joining the military (at 18, mind you) – why is marriage such a scary concept to us?

Traditional marriage goes against what many of us have come to know.

“How long have you been together? Because when I was in my twenties…”

This is a trick question. It doesn’t matter how long we have been together – her mind is made up that I am too young. Her conclusion is probably drawn from her own experiences at 21 – and that’s not a bad thing.

A year before, I would have agreed with her. I’ve had every reason to not believe in marriage. My experiences with long-term relationships began much younger than most, and nearly all of them ended in heartbreak. I know what it’s like to think you’ll spend forever with someone, only to leave – or be left. My own parents divorced. My friends’ parents divorced. I’ve been to more divorce dinners than actual weddings…and that’s because I don’t like weddings.

Before my husband came along, I swore off the possibility of long-term relationships completely. Monogamy was a lie. Marriage was an outdated system. Why would a strong, career-minded feminist like myself willingly give herself legally to another person?

I argued this point whenever marriage was mentioned. I questioning my friends’ life choices and cut my own relationships short when things got too serious. I was content to spend the rest of my life as a happily single woman. Now, here I am, with a ring on my finger.

Is it scary? Yes. Do I question my decision? No.

A mistake is only a failure if you don’t learn from it. Marriage and divorce shouldn’t be any different. I can’t predict the next ten, twenty, thirty years. But no matter how my life turns out, I will be grateful for having shared it with him.

Nobody can predict the future, and that’s what makes marriage so huge.

I know a couple that dated for ten years before getting married. They divorced after one year. I also know a couple that got married six months after they met. They’ve been married for thirty years, and counting.

There is no guarantee that any relationship will survive. Our generation has been raised to value reward over risk. We want results, now. To many of us, marriage just sounds like a really expensive mistake. It’s easier to live together and have children together, without the hassle of expensive paperwork.

“Why invest in a marriage when you can have all the perks without it?” asked basically everyone.

As soon as our engagement announcement went live on social media, my inbox overflowed with congratulations…and concern.

“Have you been with him long enough to be sure?”

“Does this mean you giving up your career?”

“Are you pregnant?”

“I know it’s not my business, but…”

Sixty years ago, getting married in your twenties was totally normal. But then again, more of us had stable jobs in those days. People weren’t as afraid of the future then as we are now.

Nobody knows where – or who – we’ll be in five, ten, or twenty years. For many, this is why being “tied down” to any one person is terrifying. But for some, this is all the more reason to commit to something – or someone.

We’ve now been married for one year. So far, so good. We know that marriage is hard work. And it’s more than likely that we won’t be the same people in ten years. That’s not a bad thing. It means we’re growing – and hopefully, we’ll grow together.

Maybe you are also in your twenties, and you were hoping this article might help you decide whether to get married or not. My question for you, is – why?

Do your life choices reflect what you want, or what other people want? This applies to everything, not just marriage. Self-sabotage occurs by comparing ourselves to others and waiting for outer validation.

When my lover got down on one knee, he didn’t say, “Hey, friends and family, should she marry me?”

And I didn’t say, “Hold on a second,” and then get out my phone to Google national divorce statistics.

He simply asked, “Will you marry me?”

And I said, “Yes.”

Marriage is a choice between two people, to be made every day for the rest of life. I feel ready, but that doesn’t mean you have to. Love is all that matters. Embrace the way it lives for you.

Are we TOO young?

Fixing Competitive Attitude in Your Relationship

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

Good communication is the foundation of a strong marriage. Many marriages could be saved if spouses improved the ways they communicate with each other.

It’s often the simplest bad habits that get couples into trouble. Once a marriage gets on a rough track, negativity grows. Problems escalate as both spouses repeat their mistakes again and again. Take a look at the following communication mistakes and learn how they can be resolved.

1. Yelling at your spouse.

When you feel angry, you probably start raising your voice. Anger creates tension. As tension builds, you look for a way to release or express it. Yelling at your spouse becomes a quick and easy option, although it often causes more trouble than relief.

It may feel good to unleash your tension on your spouse when they upset you, but the sense of satisfaction is often short-lived. Whatever you say in your angry state is likely to add fuel to the fire.

Yelling unleashes lots of strong, negative emotion. No matter what you are trying to communicate at that point, the emotion is going to take center stage. That’s what captures the listener’s attention most. Unfortunately, your spoken message will be diminished or even misunderstood, because you set up your partner to be defensive and frustrated rather than responsive and understanding.

It’s not that you can’t express some strong emotion when you speak – you’re not a robot, after all. But yelling goes well beyond the line. It sets the stage for an exchange of heated emotions rather than clearly communicated words. Even if your emotion is the message you need to share, a purely emotional exchange can easily transform into an exhausting, destructive habit. At some point, emotions need to be communicated in a way that allows you to move past them, not fuel them.

Let Your Words Speak Volumes To Your Spouse

When you can keep your emotion in check, your message can really shine through. This doesn’t mean you should try to shove your emotions out of the way. They may be a very important part of your situation. But remember – the whole point of communicating is to be clearly understood. To do that, your channel of communication must go two ways. Excessive emotion interferes with that. Take a little time alone to help you ride the wave of feelings and let them settle on their own.

Another option is to take a quick exercise break before you continue the conversation. Exercise is a terrific stress reducer and it can easily distract you from your intense feelings. It’s pretty tough to focus on your troubles when you are nearly out of breath … You may also find it helpful to write out the things you want to say so you take care to deliver your message more clearly.

It’s OK to take your time talking about something that makes you really emotional. You’ll get through the problem more easily if you can keep your spouse on your side instead of pushing them away.

2. Having a Competitive Attitude.

Some competition is OK, but anything that isn’t mutual and playful could build a wall.

Competition is all around us. Football games on TV, soccer games at the high school, getting ahead at work, Christmas displays in the neighborhood — you name it and someone will try to win it. You may have to stay ahead of the game in some areas of your life, but your marriage is not one of them. When one person is always the winner, both spouses lose.

Maybe a little competition between the two of you at the racquetball court is OK. And perhaps you can rib each other with your basketball tournament predictions. But that’s about it. Anything that isn’t mutual and playful could build a wall between you.

If you find yourself building a “case” in the back of your mind with supporting bullet points for every disagreement, you may win the argument nearly every time. However, you may do more to exhaust and demoralize your spouse than anything else.

Think about Why You Need To Win

A person with emotional insecurities may overcompensate by trying to look superior to his or her spouse. When they stay on top, they feel stronger and more confident. They may have trouble being vulnerable, even with their spouse. To do so would expose their insecurities. This would clash with their belief that they are successful.

Does this sound like you? Does your spouse tire of your victory dance and your need to always have the upper hand? Maybe they just want you to come back to earth a little. They are probably far happier to be around you when you show some imperfections. You may not be used to your spouse showing tenderness toward you. If you married a great person, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You don’t have to win to feel satisfied.

3. Making Marriage about Me Instead of We.

Have you ever stopped to listen to the chatter going on in your mind? Most likely, it’s focused on you — what you look like, how you just messed something up, what you have on your schedule later, what you are looking forward to, etc.

Naturally, this chatter is somewhat biased because it’s from your perspective. But how about the chatter that relates to your spouse? Is it all about how much fun you will have later, what you expect from your husband or wife, and what kind of mood you are in?

Take Your Spouse’s Viewpoint and Make Their Day Better

Generosity and considerate behaviors can go a long way toward nurturing a great marriage. Instead of wondering if they’ll ever load the dishwasher right, do something you know your spouse will appreciate. Be forewarned: they may not throw you a ticker-tape parade because you did it. Don’t get caught up in the “what’s in it for me” trap again.

If you continue a pattern of being more generous and thoughtful toward your spouse, they’ll eventually say or do something as a response. They might hold their comments back at first because they don’t know if this trend will stick. They may be waiting to see if this generosity is a gimmick or a set of new, positive habits. When they see that you are genuine and consistent with your efforts over time, your message will be clear. Let those selfish thoughts pass by and keep doing loving things for your spouse.

Here’s another secret about making an effort like this: Feelings follow actions. In other words, you may not feel loving at first when you do these generous acts. If they don’t say anything at first, you may really wonder why you are bothering at all. Keep going anyway. The more you act with generosity, the more you’ll naturally feel generous and loving toward your spouse.

Change Marriage Communication Mistakes by Changing Habits

It takes some practice to change old marriage communication mistakes. It’s amazing how the energy between spouses can change so much with just a few changes. When you understand how it all fits together, you can make real progress in your relationship right away.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Millions Trying Open Marriage

by zfortadminin LOVE

For many couples, the idea of monogamy is evolving. Is it open season on sex outside of commitment?

For the first time in history, more Americans are single (50.2 percent) than married. But for those who do tie the knot, the general idea is still the same: You’re now emotionally and sexually exclusive with your partner. Even if you never marry but have long- term relationships, monogamy is usually part of the unspoken agreement.

That’s starting to change. “Monogamy is no longer going to define marriage,” predicts couples therapist Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., author of The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity, who says she’s seeing more couples experimenting with open relationships (in which a couple decides what sexual activities outside their relationship are fair game) and polyamory (having actual romantic relationships outside a primary commitment). It’s not cheating or “looking the other way,” but having relationships or encounters with the consent and support of your partner.

While it’s impossible to know exactly how many U.S. couples are consensually nonmonogamous, estimates range from 1.2 to 2.4 million, Elisabeth Sheff, author of The Polyamorists Next Door, wrote last year in Psychology Today. Couples have made “agreements” since marriage was invented, but as open relationships become more established in popular culture—some Hollywood couples have talked about theirs; two of last summer’s indie comedies (The Overnight and While We Were Young) featured subplots centered on nonmonogamy—more people are comfortable coming out about their lifestyle.

“MANY PEOPLE IN THEIR 20S AND 30S ARE CHILDREN OF DIVORCE, AND THEY WANT A DIFFERENT CODE OF HONESTY.”

It sounds counterintuitive, but many people practicing nonmonogamy see it as a way to preserve their relationship, not implode it, says Esther Perel, marriage therapist and author of Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, whose TED talks on marriage and infidelity have been collectively viewed more than 10 million times. “Many people in their 20s and 30s are children of divorce, and they want a different code of honesty,” she says. “The idea of consensual nonmonogamy is in service of the longevity of the couple: ‘With this, we can avoid lying, cheating.’ They’re taking the concept of sexual freedom inside the marriage.”

Below, three happily married couples in open relationships explain how they, well, do it.

The Modern Family

The Couple: Nicole Sharette, 38, and Luke Sharette, 35. LOCATION: Eugene, Oregon.

Status: Married for 12 years.

Kids: Six.

Our Arrangement: “I’m a stay-at-home mom. Outside of our sex lives, we’re a traditional family. Luke has casual hookups; I have long-term relationships. I’ve had one boyfriend for eight years, another for three, and I’ve dated a couple for four. We go out anywhere from every three months to three times a month.”

How It Began: “I’ve always wanted to do this. When we first got together, Luke was very vanilla [sexually], and that slowly changed. I said, ‘Wouldn’t it be nice to enjoy this with others?’ He came around to it, then we talked for a year. First I just dated women, and Luke realized that I wasn’t going to leave. When he had his first experience, he saw that my feelings wouldn’t get hurt.”

The Rules: “We used to have rules about who we could and couldn’t sleep with (like, I didn’t want him to hook up with my best friend). Now we don’t, except that we have safe sex with everyone else. Luke doesn’t tell me how often I can go out, and I don’t tell him. We just respect each other.”

“WE USED TO HAVE RULES ABOUT WHO WE COULD AND COULDN’T SLEEP WITH (LIKE, I DIDN’T WANT HIM TO HOOK UP WITH MY BEST FRIEND). NOW WE DON’T.”

Jealous Much? “I like the feeling. Jealousy excites me.”

The Good: “We don’t get bored with each other. It makes us communicate and grows our trust, love, attraction, and appreciation for each other. It also keeps us both feeling young, which is hard when you have a lot of kids.”

The Bad: “We have kids in their late teens. When they were younger, they saw Luke out with another woman and thought he was cheating. We explained that we love each other but we have other friends. They get it now. They’re also very monogamous and paranoid about cheating.”

The Poly Partners

The Couple: KC, 34, and Marissa, 31.

Location: New York City.

Status: Together for three years, married since September.

KIDS: Zero.

Our Arrangement: KC: “We have a circle of polyamorous friends. We have sexual interactions with them at parties, either together or separately. Or we’ll have friends over and one thing will lead to another—but then they go home.” Marissa: “We don’t have other romantic partners.”

“WE DON’T HAVE OTHER ROMANTIC PARTNERS.”

How It Began: Marissa: “KC and I have both tried open relationships, but this is the first time it has worked out well. We started our relationship like this. Going from monogamy to nonmonogamy is very difficult, especially between people with disparate levels of relationship experience and insecurity.”

The Rules: KC: “I wouldn’t want either of us to hook up with someone who expected more than what we’ve offered.” Marissa: “Or if we know they’re emotionally unstable.”

Bilateral Support: Marissa: “I’m bisexual, so I still get to explore that. KC might say, ‘You’re talking about dudes a lot lately. Do you want to make some calls?’ “KC: “People have different sex drives and ways of connecting. If you thrive on that, to shut off that part of yourself can be suffocating, even if you have a good sex life with your partner.”

The Good: KC: “You can be yourself and not constantly self-monitor.” Marissa: “You’re not afraid that the other person is going to stray. Why would they?”

The Bad: KC: “I’m not out to my family. When I tried to talk about being in an open relationship, it got dismissed: ‘Oh, it must not be serious.’ If we’re not romantically involved with others, my sex life isn’t my parents’ business.”

The Lawmakers

The Couple: Susan Coates, 43, and Taj Moore, 40.

Location: Denver.

Status: Together eight years, married for four years.

Kids: One.

Our Arrangement: “Taj sees someone every week and talks to her daily. She’s married and has a child. I also have a weekly date with someone who has another partner and kids. I see other partners intermittently.”

How It Began: “When we first met, I had been in a relationship steeped in jealousy and wanted to explore an open relationship. Taj said, ‘Yeah, I’m curious, too.’ We sat down to check in before his first date. I said, ‘I’m OK if you give her a kiss.’ Afterward, we did a play-by-play. It took quite awhile before I was OK with him having sex with another person.”

The Rules: “Taj and I check in before each date. At the beginning, this was very lengthy. Now it’s just a text: ‘Are there any parameters?’ If our relationship is struggling, we’ll simmer it down and not date much.”

Terms of Disclosure: “When I’m out with my other partner, we talk about Taj a lot. There might be an intimate moment that feels special with someone else, but if it feels like I’m withholding from Taj, I question why.”

“IF THERE’S SOMETHING MY PRIMARY PARTNER CAN’T GIVE ME—MAYBE I’M DRAWN TO SOMEONE WITH A DIFFERENT SENSE OF HUMOR—I DON’T HAVE TO COMPARTMENTALIZE.”

The Good: “I learn a lot about myself, because relationships with different people bring out other parts of me. If there’s something my primary partner can’t give me—maybe I’m drawn to someone with a different sense of humor—I don’t have to compartmentalize.”

The Bad: “Since what we’re doing is generally taboo, we’ve lost friends because there’s a lot of judgment. We don’t hide, and there are people who seem pretty uncomfortable when they find out.”

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

To Barter or Not to Barter for Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

“The idea that anyone can just turn sex off and on for their partner when there may be a reduced or insufficient connection, is absolutely ludicrous.”

ON LAST night’s episode of the Seven Year Switch, Channel Seven’s reality dating show where unhappy couples swap partners, one couple was given some pretty dodgy relationship advice.

Jason and Michelle have been together for seven years – they have four-year-old son and an eight-month old daughter – but they haven’t had sex in 17 months.

During an exercise with the show’s therapist Peter Charleston, Michelle watches a video of herself having an argument with Jason.

The fight covers all bases: She wants help with the kids, she thinks he works too much, he wants sex, she doesn’t want to have sex.

“Michelle, what if you tried to appeal to Jason by talking about something that he will listen to — something that’s important to him,” suggests Mr Charleston. “Think about it as a bargaining tool. What bargaining tool do you have?”

Michelle immediately blurts out, “sex”, and is told to use Jason’s desire for sex to her advantage.
But withholding or offering up sex to get what you want – be it a home cooked meal, an unpacked dishwasher, or actual human interaction – is not a great idea, says Matt Tilley, a clinical professional fellow from Curtin University’s Department of Sexology.

“I wouldn’t support a strategy of bargaining. I would look at the root cause of the dissatisfaction in the relationship to see how the lack of sex could be resolved,” Mr Tilley told news.com.au.

“The idea that anyone can just turn sex off and on for their partner when there may be a reduced or insufficient connection, is absolutely ludicrous.”

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How to Tell if It’s Time to Get Help for Your Sex Life

by zfortadminin Sex

Relationships have sexual ups and downs — and that’s normal. Factors, from stress to busy schedules to hormones, can get in the way of intimacy and make our sex lives feel less exciting than they likely did at the beginning of a relationship.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your bedroom problems, it may be time to consider calling in some professional backup and seeing a sex therapist. “There are always one-offs here and there, such as stress, lifestyle, and hormones,” says sex therapist Kat Van Kirk, PhD, “but the real indicator that you need someone to address your issues it is to look for a pattern.”

Sex therapist Vanessa Marin agrees, pointing out that waiting to solve an issue can be unhealthy for your relationship. “Too many couples put off sex therapy and the problem snowballs,” she says. “If you’re in crisis mode by the time you land in a therapist’s office, you’re going to have to spend more time trying to address your anger and resentment than you will addressing the original issue.”

Here are seven signs you might benefit from sex therapy from Drs. Kat and Marin.

You’re Constantly Fighting With Your Partner

If you find that you and your S.O. are bickering more than usual, don’t get too alarmed. “What you have to do is make sure the fighting is constructive,” Dr. Kat says. If you feel like your arguments are getting unproductive and repetitive, a therapist can help you walk through exercises to turn your fighting from nasty to constructive. Dr. Kat, for example, works with couples “on getting them aware of what their triggers are, what the signs are in their bodies [when they’re reaching to triggers], and what their negative self-talk is.”

Once patients are aware of why they’re feeling what they’re feeling during a disagreement with their partner, Dr. Kat helps them with tools for managing their emotions and getting out of “fight or flight” mode, which encourages people to get defensive or abandon a discussion altogether.

“This can involve breath work, verbalizations, eye-gazing, advocating for two-minute breaks to regroup, counting to 10, or even reaching out for body-to-body contact in order to switch up the energy of the interaction,” she explains. “Also, having established ‘fair fighting rules’ can be helpful. What works can be different for every couple.”

You Can’t Orgasm

Let’s say you’ve been having sex with your partner for a while, but you haven’t orgasmed from it yet. While orgasm isn’t the be-all and end-all of your sex life, it can be a great part of it and you deserve to figure out what’s going on. Take a look at what’s happening in your life and your relationship: Have you been feeling more stressed than usual? Have you been communicating your desires to your partner? If it’s been a while and you still don’t know why you haven’t been able to come with your partner (and that’s an experience you’d like to have), it’s time to think about sex therapy.

And what if you’ve never had an orgasm — like, ever? Seeing a sex therapist is a great step. “The main issue is that women are made to feel guilty for not knowing how to orgasm, but they’re never given the opportunity to learnhow to orgasm,” Marin says. “They feel really lost about what they need to get there, and it’s hard to find accurate information.”

Sex therapists can be like detectives, working with you to pinpoint what’s holding you back from maximum pleasure and giving you action items, such as masturbation techniques, to help you get there.

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What Matters to these Couples and Why We Should Care

by zfortadminin LOVE

Love is love.

Interracial relationships are beautiful.

This country didn’t always think so, however, since it wasn’t until less than 50 years ago that it became legal for mixed race couples to marry.

On June 12, 1967, the Supreme Court struck down state laws which banned individuals of different races from marrying in the Loving v. Virginia decision. Sunday marks the 48th annual celebration of this progressive milestone, aptly named “Loving Day.”

“I see Richard and Mildred Loving as strong yet soft-spoken heroes for me, my family, and generations to come,” Loving Day founder Ken Tanable wrote of the couple who helped make this decision possible. “They simply loved each other and wanted equality for all. This basic notion of celebrating love continues to be just as important today. I strongly encourage everyone to learn more about them and the gift they left us. Through knowledge, shared stories, and support, we can build a community that believes love is love.”

To celebrate Loving Day, HuffPost Black Voices asked its readers who are in interracial marriages and relationships to share their love with us. We received 30 responses from couples echoing Tanable’s sentiments and telling why their love matters. Their love for each other is absolutely heart warming.

Check out these wonderful couples below and if you’re in an interracial relationship, tell us why your love matters in the comments sections below.

TaRaea and Bryan

“My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years and together for almost 9 years. Both of our parents are in interracial marriages that have lasted 30+ years.Our parents embodied the freedom to love someone based on who they are, regardless of their skin color. We are immensely thankful for Mr. & Mrs. Loving for fighting for the basic human right of marring whomever you want.” – TaRaea Todtenhoefer

Keosha and Jonathan

“Our interracial relationship matters because love isn’t simple but family is. We are getting married in August of this year, and it each day I see the strength in our love and our family. I have no need to prove our love to people who assume we are not together because the idea of a black woman and a white man being in love is beyond their reality, and quite frankly, confuses them. I cannot stop people who see me holding his son’s (now my son’s) hand in the street from assuming that I am the nanny. Not seeing our love makes things complicated and fuels an ignorance that has plagued our society for generations. I realized that I cannot fix those thoughts in people. I can just love my family. Yes, I am Black and he is White but more importantly, he is the man that loves me. And just as important, I love him.” – Keosha Bond and Jonathan Shank

Franklyn and Niki

“My relationship with my girlfriend Niki matters to me because I can freely love someone who makes me a better person and keeps me happy. She understands that being with me will be a challenge, especially in a world where some people think interracial couples are to be looked down upon. One of the most important things about my relationship is that she loves me being unapologetically Black. 

The amount of love I feel isn’t quantifiable. I’ve been with Niki for less than a year, and we’re already having our first child, but I feel so connected to her in multiple ways. Knowing that less than fifty years ago, she and I could have never been together is a daunting thought. When loving someone becomes a crime, upheld by white supremacy, I think of how fortunate I am to have someone like her.” – Franklyn Brown

David and Karl

“My relationship with my partner, Karl, matters most of all because we support each other, bring joy to each other, and help challenge each other to become our best selves.

But in doing that, we daily commit “personal as political” acts that we believe have an impact, however subtle, on how others perceive both race and sexual orientation.  As an interracial couple, we demonstrate that individuals of different races have more in common than not. This is particularly important in the gay community where race continues to be a polarizing factor in the pursuit of sexual and romantic interactions.  In the hetero-normative world, our presence has a double impact, helping to break down pre-conceived notions regarding racial divisions as well as challenging others regarding how they view same-sex relationships.A recent event serves as an illustration: we attended Karl’s 25th college reunion at Colgate University in early June.  By publicly identifying and acting as a loving couple in a mostly white and heterosexual environment, our presence required his classmates, other attendees, and their families to acknowledge our legitimacy as a gay couple and as an interracial couple.  As we also attended several events for Alumni of Color, we served a similar purpose in those social situations.” – David Pasteelnick

Jasmine and Roope

“My wonderful partner, Roope, was living 4000 miles away in Finland when we met during his first visit to New York City in 2014. We fell in love deeply and quickly soon after that. Our interracial relationship matters because we can live, laugh, and love out in the open and free of ridicule, which is a privilege that I know many still do not have even in 2016. We have both learned a lot about each other’s cultures and how different life is when you’re both a different race and nationality in America. Our relationship has opened both our minds to each other’s worlds and, I think, we’ve become better people because of it.“ – Jasmine Bayron

Sharon and Vincent

“Love transcends racial and cultural differences.  Although we come from very different backgrounds, the two of us share important values.  The silk screen in the background of our wedding picture says it all, ‘One Race-Human-One Love.’” – Sharon Dole

Chima and Laura

“Since youth, I was told that I was only allowed to marry a girl of my own race. I was warned that straying away from my dark brown skin was unethical, and unacceptable. I was informed that a relationship outside of my melanin could never work. Until I met my Laura. She was the first person to ever disprove the warnings I had been given, and helped me realize that I can truly spend my life with someone despite our differences in pigmentation. My relationship matters, because in Laura, I found a best friend, a lover, and a soon to be wife. None of this would have been possible without Loving v. Virginia.” – Chima Odinkemere

Tre and Jamie

“We are not a couple because of, or in spite of, our race or ethnicity. We are with each other because of the individuals we are and the love we share. Race and culture play a big part in our identity and life, but what makes us appreciate one another is how we as individuals integrate our experiences, think about things, and react to situations. We both believe that our relationship is more interesting than any previous, and part of the reason is our differing races. We have learned a lot about diversity from one another. While we have learned more about the cultures each one of us is from, we have also found that our relationship has made us more understanding of how individuals from all different cultures vary in amazing ways. Noticing differences in race and ethnicity does not make us think that people should be separated by their skin tone, but rather, it makes us realize that we should all come together because we have so much to learn from one another. (And we have so much different, delicious food to share among cultures!) We choose to share what we have learned from our interracial relationship with family, friends, and classmates in the hopes of spreading, understanding and promoting acceptance of diversity. The two of us have been open and honest about race and its impacts on our relationship and society as a whole from the beginning and we will continue to do so, even if the conversations get tough. All in all, we know that we are in an awesome relationship and we wouldn’t trade it for anything.” – Jamie Bergmiller

Susanna and Nikia

“My interracial relationship matters because I want our future children to look at us and experience freedom, on so many levels. When kids can see the future of the world in front of them, a reality that has overcome (but continues to fight) racism, homophobia and sexism, then we start to see real change in our lifetime. I want them to live in and celebrate that freedom.” – Susanna Speed

Darrell and Keia

“My interracial relationship matters because it shows what love really is. Two people being brought together to share their life. Skin tone should not be deal breaker for anyone. Loving a person’s heart, mind, and spirit is what’s important. Looks will fade but knowing you are with someone that is your partner in life (and sometimes crime lol) is what matters when my boobs drop and his six pack fades, we will be sitting on the porch talking crazy to another. #loveislove” – Keia Foster

April and Parker

“This is my boyfriend Parker and I. We met as campus counselors in Oklahoma. We met from his sister introducing us and we hit it off right before sophomore year of college! We found out we both went to the same college and from there it was chemistry! I love him so much and wouldn’t change a thing. We have been together for almost two years. Our interracial relationship matters because we love each other beyond our skin color and our cultures. We have to fight everyday basic prejudice from others, but we know we want to have a life together one day.Our families were initially hesitant but are both behind us. We do plan to marry soon. Our relationship matters for other people like us who want to love in the open without being banned from their families and they just want to love who they want freely. #LovingDay” – April Garrett

Olivia and Matt

“There are so many reasons why he is my person, but one reason he’s special is because he is so incredibly woke. I’ve never met a white man that tries so hard to be in tune with the black American experience. He’s been raising his adopted 17 year old African-American brother for the past 5 years since his mom passed. From watching (and re-watching) “Lemonade” or “Girlhood” to attending panels with Janet Mock and Angelica Ross or discussing the PBS Black Panthers documentary, he’s such a gem! I was so nervous to show him my natural hair, but on this day, he said he wanted to get “crown crunk.” It’s not the most flattering picture of us, but I love it. And him ✨” – Olivia Morris

Adia and Benjamin

“My relationship matters because it’s rooted in our shared faith in God and deep respect for who were are as individuals. Our relationship has helped bridge the gap on a small scale; of cultural divides in our social circles. This is my first inter-racial relationship and his and we’ve learned there are differences, but not as many as we both originally believed. Loving Ben is like home to me, a home that has no color or limitations.” – Adia Hamer

Nora and Todd

“Our interracial relationship matters because we prove to the world everyday that love has and should have no boundaries. We have been together for 25 years and have 3 amazing children. We have experienced our share of racism and bigotry from all sides but we remain and will remain steadfast in our conviction that love sees no color, and despite hardships our love is stronger and our bond is unbreakable.“ – Nora Johnson

Altheria and Francisco

“Francisco is as proud of his Mexicanness as I am of my Blackness! Instead of pretending to be blind to our differences, we acknowledge our cultural backgrounds as they have helped shaped us into the individuals we each love and admire. Our distinct cultural traditions make our lives rich and vibrant! We watch Mexican soccer and we watch U.S. football. We celebrate Dr. Martin Luther King and we celebrate Cesar Chavez. We eat tortillas and we eat cornbread. We listen to Maná and we listen to Beyoncé. We speak English, and we speak Spanish.

As individuals of color, we have a shared consciousness of how colonialism and racism and nativism and capitalism continually work together to oppress our folk. Our relationship matters for many reasons, but perhaps most importantly because we are a symbol of resistance. We resist those who want to define interracial love as deviant. Our union is not miscegenation. There is nothing “mis” or “bad” about it. Instead, it is a striking amalgamation of all the richness that our cultures means to us. Our relationship matters because we choose to live and love in a society that is intent and strategic in positioning Mexicans and Blacks at odds with each other. We resist this positioning. Through our friends and family, we are purposeful in bringing members of both ethnicities together. We were married on March 28 last year in Guadalajara, Mexico. Since our first date in 2012, we have visited more than ten countries together, our mere presence attesting to our right to choose the partner who makes our hearts sing and to the beauty of Blexican love!” – Altheria Caldera

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Inheritance? Who Is and Isn’t Talking About It With Their Partner.

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

A survey also found that more than half admitted to not openly discussing their finances with their loved ones.

Nearly one in two people keep an inheritance secret from their partner, according to a new survey.

The poll quizzed 1,000 couples from around the UK about whether they were ‘completely honest’ with each other about their savings and debts .

The survey found that 57 per cent of those polled admitted not openly discussing their finances with their loved one.

Amazingly, the survey, for pensions advice specialist Portafina, also found that just over 40 per cent – almost one in two – admitted not telling their partner about a windfall from an inheritance.

A total of 43 per cent of those quizzed also failed to tell their loved one about all the debts they owed.

One in 10 even said they had ‘intentionally gone out of their way’ to hide their assets or debts from their loved one.

More than half of those polled said they don’t openly discuss finances with their partner

The poll found that 92 per cent of those quizzed admitted not ‘taking steps’ to protect themselves financially – such as opening a separate savings account – just in case their relationship hit the rocks.

The main reasons given for financial secrecy were that they had lost out financially after a break-up with a former partner, and also ‘feeling uncomfortable’ discussing cash, especially if one partner earned considerably more than the other.

Top of the secretive list were people from Birmingham, with just under 55 per cent confessing to keeping their financial affairs ‘top secret’.

This was closely followed by Liverpudlians, with 51 per cent, and people from Leeds and Glasgow came in joint 3rd place, with 50 per cent saying they didn’t share financial information with partners.

Couples in the Republic of Ireland were the most honest about their finances, with only 40 per cent keeping their finances secret.

secretive couples

The poll also found that 35 per cent didn’t like discussing pensions with their partner – and 30 per cent said they even kept a health problem secret from their loved one.

Jamie Smith-Thompson, managing director at Portafina, said: “It’s not unusual for friends or colleagues to talk about money when things get tight before payday, but we wanted to know just how far these conversations go and how much we share.

“We were surprised to find that over half of those in relationships don’t discuss details such as salary, debts and savings with their partner, with debts being at the bottom of the sharing list.

“While some people see this as a way of protecting themselves in the future, the benefits of sharing important financial details and knowing about potential pressure points – such as debts or changes to retirement planning – should not be underestimated.

“More openness and communication in relationships can really help people create the future lifestyle they want.”

Curated by Timothy
Original Article

Why Couples Status Updates Look Like This

by zfortadminin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

We’ve all seen couples who flood our timelines with photos of themselves on vacation, out to dinner, walking around, at home, doing nothing….you get the drift.

A few aren’t an issue, but when it gets obsessive, there may be a psychological reason at play, and this Science of Us video explains why.

You’ve probably seen these types — the ones who change their avatars to a photo of the two of them, who seem to post another saccharine photo update or Instagram video every single day, and you’ve probably been annoyed more than once by them. Here’s the kicker though: It’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Researchers point out that this behaviour is related to what’s called Relationship-Contingent Self Esteem (RCSE). It’s often tied to lower individual self-esteem in general, and, as the video notes, can be more common in people who have difficulty outwardly expressing their feelings to people offline, or people who have higher social anxiety in general. It’s also more common among introverts, who may be less inclined to share their lives in person.

Of course, those things may sound bad, but in reality, all of those status updates may still just be a way for those people to share their lives with the people who matter to them the most, and to reaffirm their happiness with their partner. So yes, they may actually be that happy, and this may just be their own kind of therapy.

So while it may be a little annoying, you always have the freedom to unfollow or hide their updates, and of course, keep in mind that even if it’s clutter in your Twitter feed or Facebook stream, try to be happy that they’re happy, and scroll on by.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Through Thick and Thin …Your Biggest Argument Before and After the Wedding

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

There is one fight that all couples have before they tie the knot.

Mike reared his wide eyes toward Julie. “That is NOT the reception budget that we agreed on last week!”

Julie, dumbfounded, blinked back at her red-faced betrothed. “We’ve discussed this at least three times already. You always go back on your word about these things.”

Lacy: “Which color do you like better for the boutonnieres, pink or teal?”
Robert: “Sure. Whichever. I really don’t care.”
Lacy: “Why can’t you act like you care about this wedding for five seconds??”
Robert: [Blank stare]
Lacy: “Pick your own colors. I’m done.”

Jake: “You do realize that once we’re married, you can’t go to your parents every single night for dinner.”
Josh: “Um, dear, you knew you were marrying my whole family when you said yes.”

It is the fight for control

Although this fight is usually subdued, it can be emotionally reactive and masked by the denial of both partners. Engaged couples are especially at risk of mishandling this pattern because greater issues are often disguised as wedding planning stress, or the conflict is avoided altogether because of the myth that premarital couples shouldn’t fight.

Behaving in controlling ways – either overtly or covertly – gives a person a semblance of certainty and comfort, usually as a way to manage their own insecurities about the relationship or their own self-worth. In the moment when we should team up with our partner and share our vulnerabilities with them most, we wall ourselves off to emotionally protect ourselves.

Marriage is about bringing two completely different worlds together to create a shared experience of life and love. It makes sense, then, that this transition often consists of friction, disagreements, and a normal resistance to change – like a “my way or the highway” mentality.

Underneath all fights for control are deeper questions of:

“Can I really trust that we are a team? That you will stand up for me to the rest of the world above all else? Do you really, truly GET me? Will you still love me, even if I completely disagree?”
Dr. John Gottman’s research revealed that couples wait an average of six years before seeking help. So, what can you do to tackle the pattern of control before it starts?

Do not wait until things get worse to address them. Learn how to manage these patterns in a healthy way for your relationship right now.

Here are some ways to avoid getting caught in the fight for control:

1. Don’t sweep it under the rug

Avoidance will only prolong conflict and make it messier and harder to deal with the next time. When you are experiencing frustration, resistance, or insecurity with your partner about something, bring it up by using a softened startup. A trap that couples often struggle with is the “I was waiting for you to bring it up first” paradox. Be assertive, be brave, and be respectful of your partner’s otherness when it comes to conflict and differences.

Control is about winning. If 69% of the things couples fight about are completely unsolvable, then the goal should be less about being right and more about understanding, validating one another’s point of view, and maintaining respect.

2. Know yourself

Become aware of how you tend to fight for control. Do you put others down, shame your partner, or shame yourself? Do you play the victim role or manipulate through blame or entitlement? Do you hide your emotions from your partner but feel lonely, disconnected, or anxious about certain aspects of marriage?

Self-awareness takes mindfulness, vulnerability, and a willingness to accept responsibility for your part in the conflict. It is not your partner’s job to uncover your tactics. Accountability will allow you to be more assertive and honest in those moments when you want to shut down or lash out the most.

3. Check your connection

How are you doing at staying connected to each other? Feeling validated by your partner through the thick and thin of wedding planning holds so much value. Dr. John Gottman’s research has shown the importance of maintaining intentional connection by creating shared meaning and responding to your partner’s bids for connection. Prioritize date nights and quality time together with no wedding talk allowed.

As marriage and family therapist Terry Real, author of The New Rules of Marriage, says: “control is just an illusion.” You will never be able to control, change, or know with complete certainty that your partner will be there for you and show up for the relationship at all times. There is no guarantee that your marriage will last. This is the risk of being in a relationship.

What you can guarantee is your own willingness to show up, to resist the need to be right or to control your partner, and to turn towards the opportunities to address your differences in order to build a strong foundation toward lasting marital vitality and success.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

6 Steps to Create a Breakthrough in Your Love Life

by Jo Millerin LOVE

I’ve been helping a dear client through the unraveling of her eleven-year marriage, which is giving me pause to reflect back on the gold of my illuminations surrounding relationship breakups. Six years ago, I was facing the disillusionment of my own marriage, and struggling with a “why me?” belief that life was happening to me. But as the fog of fear slowly began to lift, I caught a glimpse of a gift that would heal my heart and change the relationship I had with Love forever. There is nothing quite like adversity for discovering who we really are at our core. Whilst I had zero control over the behavior, actions and choices of others, I clung to the realization that I had full control over my own, and in that illuminating moment, I realized that life was actually happening for me. What follows is a self-compassion guide of what I learned when I chose Love over fear.

Acknowledge the hurt you feel is very real. There’s a certain brand of pain reserved specifically for the ending of a romantic relationship or marriage and it’s often a bitter tasting cocktail of disappointment, anger, resentment and just plain suckery. So often, we’ll do anything to avoid the taste, but these shadow emotions are just as important for us to feel as the brightness of joy, peace and love. They’re all essential parts of living the whole human experience. Glossing over this critical step not only sets you up for the likelihood of a rinse, repeat heartbreak, it denies you access to the illumination you’ll need for empowering different choices required by your future self.

Take a morning, a weekend or a “Get me outta here” reprieve to sit with the suckery and acknowledge the heft of the blow. Write, rant, cry it out. The pain needs to release. Setting it up and allowing it to do its job doesn’t have to feel like you’re rubbing salt on the wound, its simply a self-honoring act of kindness you can give to yourself.

Be Kind. It’s hard when everything hurts. Lashing out, talking trash, blaming, dissing, judging, and attacking may feel justified and downright entitled, but ultimately we’re adding suffering to the pain, and more pain will surely ensue. I’m a big fan of self -compassion; I like how it softens my edges and the edges of those around me. It sets the bar of what to expect of myself and offers an invitation for others to follow suit. If you have kids, be mindful of their own pain and the fact that they see and feel everything. Our words, and our behavior are the lessons we’re learning and teaching. Kindness takes crappiness to higher ground.

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Absolutely Beautiful Spilt Milk…the Hardest I’ve Ever Acted in a Relationship

by Lisa Lauretain LOVE

“I couldn’t believe it was you ‘cause it’s so unlike you!”

I guess that’s why they call it acting.

I’ve been performing since I could walk. Once I could talk, I was taking acting classes. I was always the goof and liked to do weird scenes where I could play an animal or a hunchback. My heroes were people like Jim Carey, the men of Monty Python, and by fifth grade, Conan O’Brien. Once I discovered that he had written for my favorite show of all times, The Simpsons, well, let’s just say the seemingly giant red headed goofball had my heart.

So when I was cast to be the expectant mother in a scene where Mr. O’Brien was to pour milk down the drain behind me, let’s just say I was elated. But I was also in for the biggest acting challenge of my life. From an attention whore of a performance artist to failed male comedians, I’ve played a lot of different roles in my life. But up until this point, I had never played someone quite so…”normal.”

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Here’s What Not to Do In the Bedroom

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

You probably didn’t need a study to tell you this, but research confirms that sex is one of the ingredients that’s most crucial to making long-term relationships thrive. Early on, feeling sexy and passionate isn’t hard—but things can get trickier as the years go on. Hoping to bust out of a dry spell or prevent those embers from fading? Don’t make these common mistakes.

Mistake #1: Thinking you need a “date night” to connect

If you’re like most couples, the first thing you do when you want to reconnect with your partner is put a “date night” on the calendar. “The idea is that after a fancy dinner, candlelight, and wine, you’ll come home and want to jump each other,” says Tammy Nelson, PhD, a sex and relationship therapist and author of The New Monogamy. But what really happens after a meal of rich food, a few glasses of wine, and a late night out? “Most couples want nothing more than to go to sleep,” Nelson points out.

The fix:

Send the kids out while you and your partner stay home alone. “Think of this as a sacred time for the two of you to practice ‘planned’ spontaneity,” Nelson suggests. “It’s a much better way to act out all of your fantasies, without feeling bloated and hungover the next day.”

Mistake #2: Forgoing sex because you’re not in the mood

“Having a grown-up life is exhausting, and stress and fatigue can decrease desire,” acknowledges Nelson. But if you wait to have sex until you have plenty of free time and boundless energy, you may be waiting a long time.

Plus, “for many people, particularly women, desire comes after arousal, not the other way around,” Nelson notes. “That means once your body is sufficiently aroused, you may find you are more into sex than you realized.”

The fix:

Just do it, and you’ll probably be glad that you did. If you’re genuinely crazed from obligations and short on time, you can still fit in a quickie, says Nelson. “The sexual contact will make you feel connected to your partner and can reduce the stress in your marriage.” Sex also helps release endorphins and dopamine, serotonin, and other brain chemicals that can reduce your stress during the day and help you sleep better at night.

Mistake #3: Falling into a rut

There’s something to be said for sex so familiar that you can anticipate what’s coming next. “Each of you knows the buttons to push for the other, and if you have a routine that’s giving the other a good orgasm, then by all means, keep at it,” says Nelson. That’s said, it’s not uncommon for couples to get entrenched in habits that aren’t working. They just aren’t sure how to change them or worry that speaking up will hurt the other’s feelings.

The fix:

“Pick one day a week to do something different,” suggests Nelson, “maybe a morning or an afternoon when you have more leisure time to expand on the erotic connection in your relationship.” Start by telling your partner three things you appreciate about him sexually, plus one bedroom move you’d like more of. Then listen as your partner does the same.

“Talking about sex can increase the sexual tension between you, and if you do this exercise in bed, it can really turn up the heat,” Nelson says.

Mistake #4: Worrying how your sex life stacks up

From leaked sex tapes to the latest episode of Game of Thrones, we’re inundated with sexual images—which can put an outsized amount of pressure on us to look or act a certain way in the bedroom. “Sex isn’t supposed to look like porn,” says Amy Levine, a sex coach in New York City and founder of IgniteYourPleasure.com. “Sex in real life can be awkward, takes practice, and has the potential to be incredibly intimate and vulnerable.”

The fix:

Be open-minded, Levine says. “Be present, know what feels good to you, communicate your wants and desires, be yourself, and find your confidence.” In other words, approach sex with your partner, she says, “without judgment or expectations.”

Mistake #5: Taking your emotional connection for granted

When was the last time you really spoke to your partner, other than to confirm what’s for dinner or who’s on duty to pick up the kids after soccer practice? Thanks to hectic, overscheduled days, the majority of time we spend with our partners takes place when we’re asleep, notes Paul Hokemeyer, PhD, a licensed marriage and family therapist in New York City. “But quality relationships require an intimate emotional connection during awake times,” he says.

The fix:

Carve out 30 minutes of connection with your partner before shutting your eyes, Hokemeyer advises. “Turn off all electronics and snuggle or discuss the events of the day.” And while you love your kids (or the family pet) dearly, having them around at this time will “squeeze out the romance,” he notes. “Set clear boundaries and enforce them.”

Mistake #6: Not talking about sex

“The inability to have open and honest communication is at the heart of many couples’ problems in the bedroom,” says Elona Landau, a sex educator in Portland, Oregon. “Even with the people to whom we’re committed, we can’t openly talk about our wants, desires, and needs.” We either never learned how, she says, or keep quiet for fear of being judged, shamed, or shut down.

The fix:

Your partner isn’t a mind-reader, and neither are you. Want to have sex more often, try something new, or have concerns about your waning libido? Speak up. Meanwhile, ask your partner to weigh in on the state of your physical union. Just as relationships grow and evolve over time, so does your sexuality.

“Listen with ‘fresh ears’ and try to hear what your partner wants without putting it through your own filter,” says Landau. Pay attention to how you’re responding, whether you’re intrigued, uncomfortable, or somewhere else on the spectrum—and approach that with curiosity as well. “Being willing to hear the other person, acknowledge their vulnerability, and be empathetic to their needs can go a long way.”

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Financial Health and Real Resolutions to Make Your Relationship Fit

by zfortadminin LOVE

You make new year’s resolutions every year for yourself. But now that you’re in a twosome, it’s time to tackle this year’s to-do together.

“Making resolutions as a couple bonds you,” explains relationship expert April Masini. And, bonus, making relationship resolutions with a partner holds you accountable to them, says Rachel Needle, Psy.D, clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist.

But where to begin? Here are six new year’s relationship resolutions our experts say you should take on together.

1. Schedule a set time to connect each day.

Life sometimes gets in the way of connecting with our partners. This year, promise to set aside a specific time each day that you and your significant other will spend quality time together, suggests Needle. “Many couples touch base throughout the day but spend that time only reviewing the mundane details,” she says. With your resolution, decide the time you set aside is time you’ll really connect. “You can catch up on the day,” she says, “but also discuss feelings about the day or try asking your partner questions that help you to continue to get to know them more intimately.”

2. Get financially fit.

Make this the year you hit your financial goals. “Whether it’s a financial bucket list, a debt reduction plan, a vacation savings plan, or deciding what to do with a gift, financial goal-setting as a couple is a wonderful way to start off the new year,” says Masini. “It lets you feel you’re taking charge of your money, together. That’s not just a good feeling, it’s a relief of stress over financial issues that you’ve not dealt with.”

3. Plan more time to be sexual together.

Sex is a key component of a healthy relationship. So if your sex life could use a boost, set a resolution to no longer put sex on the back burner. “Make a commitment to prioritize being sexual together and plan it,” says Needle. “Having one of your new year’s resolutions devoted to this shows that you understand the importance of continued physical intimacy in your relationship and makes it more likely it will happen.” Needle also suggests planning new things to try this year in bed — or out.

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