Sex Archives - Page 26 of 29 - Love TV

Category: Sex

Defining Your Normal: Some Like Having It a Lot and Some Don’t

by zfortadminin Sex

Society, the media, politicians, and religions are often obsessed with sex as an idea – not as it really happens in the flesh.

The idea of sex is most often portrayed in extremes.

Sex is, at times, depicted as a sure path to unwanted pregnancy, STIs, and hellfire.

At the other end of the spectrum, sex is portrayed as the core motivation for all human pursuits, selling everything from cologne to makeup to magical weight loss yogurt, because it’s that amazing and vital!

The reality of sex is that some people have it, some people don’t, some people have lots of it, some people have little of it, and life doesn’t revolve around avoiding it or chasing it.

The reality is that there is no such thing as a “normal” sex life, even though sex in and of itself is a normal part of life.

All that being said, it probably doesn’t deserve nearly the amount of attention it gets from all of us.

And I’m including feminists in that “all of us” because both here at Everyday Feminism and out there in the broader feminist world, we talk about sex a lot.

And rightly so! There are plenty of questions to be asked about what most of us have been conditioned to believe is normal or right when it comes to sex.

And some of the assumptions we should challenge are that sex is necessarily a part of a healthy, socially acceptable, and liberated life.

In other words, the pressure that we get from the outside world to pursue the idea of sex can be as damaging to our culture and self-esteem as the shame many women receive for being sexual on their own terms.

It’s a damned if you do it, damned if you don’t situation.

And folks who aren’t having sex or don’t want to – be they asexual, abstinent, low libido, triggered by sex, medically unable, and so on – may find themselves alienated by the ways sex gets inadvertently (or purposefully) pushed down our throats.

Peer pressure, well-meaning doctors and therapists, spouses, this article (how many times have I used the word “sex” at this point?) – they can all send the message that having a sex life is always the healthy, sociable, regular thing to do.

If a person desires sex, pursues sex, and has sex with someone else who wants to, then great.

But what if a person who is less than enthusiastic about sex pursues it only to fulfill a social expectation, only because they’ve been perversely sexualized from a young age, or only because they view being sexual as central to their own self-worth and self-identity?

Not great.

In fact, any time our culture imposes a “should” on us – women should be adventurous to “keep” their men, men should be virulent, we should not die virgins, all romantic relationships should also be sexual – there’s a problem.

Sex Is Not a ‘Should’

There is no obligation ever to have sex for any reason.

Not when you’re 15 and think everyone else is doing it (they’re not), not when you’re 21 and think everyone else is doing it (they’re not), and not when you’re 45 and think everyone else has done it (they haven’t).

My point here is that regardless of a person’s sexual orientation or lack thereof, sex isn’t about anyone else’s expectations. There doesn’t have to be shame around being uninterested, celibate, or emotionally unprepared for sex at any age.

That’s because sex is not a spectator sport (unless that’s what you’re into). It’s about the pleasure, desire, and experience of the people having the sex, not the prevailing assumptions of the people around them.

The same goes for people who deny others sexual orientations based on what kind of sex they’ve had.

No, lesbians and gay men don’t have to sample the opposite sex to know their orientation, nor do they have to have sex at all. The “how can you know unless you’ve tried” line of reasoning is like casting the first stone – only the person who’s tried it all is allowed to say it to anyone.

Sex Isn’t Super Amazing for Everyone

The other thing about sex is that it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.

Some people may find it pretty neat, but otherwise not see what the big fuss is about. Others are completely uninterested. And though there are those whose lack of interest comes from trauma or medical issues, they aren’t the only people who aren’t into sex.

I distinctly remember that after going through sex education as an adolescent, I walked away with the assumption that every person who crossed over to the other side of puberty experienced sexual attraction.

So if I’d have heard about someone who said “meh” to sex, my assumption also would have been that there was something medically or mentally wrong with them. And if that medical or mental problem were fixed, sexual desire would return.

The problem with that line of thinking is that it pathologizes a low or nonexistent desire for sex, even one with no apparent cause. And it paints the picture of the sexually interested person as necessarily more healthy and whole.

Though sex can definitely be part of wellness for someone who is sexual, the insinuation that those who want it less are missing a fundamental part of their humanity can be problematic.

Sex Is Important – But It’s Not

It’s really not that big of a deal.

As wrapped up as the media and advertisers are with sex, it isn’t central to what makes people worthwhile, attractive, and interesting human beings.

We need to reject the idea of sex, which dictates that Hollywood actresses are overly airbrushed and barely employable once they’re past a certain age. The idea of sex is obsessed with youth, the male gaze, a lack of agency, a link between a person’s value and how much they are valued as sexual objects.

In reality, our worth as human beings is related to things much bigger than our sexualities. It’s a part of us, but it’s not as much of us as we sometimes believe.

So it’s all right to not give a damn about being sexual on someone else’s schedule. Or ever.

Having sex is not obligatory, nor does it lead to the ultimate state of bliss. It’s neither as ideal nor as demonic as some would have you believe.

There also isn’t one way to experience it.

Not everyone is as capable of orgasm or sexual attraction as the next person, and that’s okay.

There is no one way to experience sexuality, and attempts to shame or stigmatize people for a lack of sex or attraction, even indirectly, are fraught with assumptions about how things “should” be.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Please Do This One Thing After Sex

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

How spooning can make or break your relationship

Attention all little spoons: New research shows that your love for cuddling might be the best thing to ever happen to your bond. Couples who spend more time showing affection after sex feel more satisfied with their sex lives, and in turn, with their relationship in general, according to a recent study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Researchers at universities in Toronto conducted two studies. In the first study, 335 participants (138 men and 197 women, all of whom were in romantic relationships and 90 percent of whom were heterosexual), completed an online survey about relationship and sexual satisfaction, their sex lives, and affection. Surprisingly, sex duration and foreplay didn’t predict relationship satisfaction, but post-coital cuddling did. (Big, little, and all spoons rejoice!) Researchers found that people who spend more time on post-sex affection—like cuddling, kissing, caressing, spooning, or expressing their love for each other—are more satisfied in their relationships and feel more sexually satisfied. This is especially true for couples with kids. While women’s relationship happiness depends more heavily on cuddling and canoodling than men’s, researchers also found that post-sex affection indirectly affects men’s happiness—it increases their sexual satisfaction, which in turn increases their relationship satisfaction.

For the second study, 101 couples (94 percent of which were heterosexual) answered questions about their sex lives, post-sex affection, and satisfaction with sex and their relationship every day for three weeks. Researchers found that on days when couples spent more time showing post-sex affection, they were also more sexually satisfied and more satisfied with their relationship than usual. Plus, those who felt these benefits during the three-week study were more likely to be happy with their sex lives and relationships three months down the line.

Of course, this may seem a little obvious—wouldn’t a couple who was head-over-heels for each other be more likely to cuddle after doing the deed anyway? But even though the effects could go both ways, the strongest effects were from after-sex affection to satisfaction, says study coauthor Amy Muise, Ph.D., postdoctoral fellow at the University of Toronto. This might have to do with the fact that cuddling is a positive post-sex reward; since it makes us feel good, we’re more likely to want to do it again, and we get closer to each other in the process. Plus, the power of touch can have major mental and physical benefits. While they can’t prove a cause-and-effect relationship, Muise notes, “I think couples should be aware that the period after sex could be particularly important for bonding and that, if possible, spending more time being affectionate after sex could enhance feelings of sexual and relationship satisfaction.” So we officially give you permission to cuddle a little bit longer tonight—for your relationship’s sake!

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Are Your Partner’s Fantasies Unnerving to You?

by zfortadminin Sex

Sex experts discuss the pros and cons of revealing to your partner your most private erotic fantasies.

You’ve been sharing a bed with the same partner for years. By now you know each other’s sleeping habits inside and out, right down to the exact room temperature and sleeping position preferred. But how well do you know what it takes to turn on your partner? There’s one way to find out — by sharing your most intimate sex fantasies. An open exchange of erotic fantasies can help rekindle the flames — or can they? Here’s what sex experts say on the subject.

Risky business

Many sex experts advise couples to use caution when revealing private sex fantasies. “It often backfires,” says Wendy Maltz, MSW, sex therapist and co-author of the book Private Thoughts: The Power of Women’s Fantasies. That’s because too often, says Maltz, there’s a lack of understanding about what it means to share them.

To minimize misunderstandings, Maltz suggests setting some guidelines before agreeing to reveal erotic fantasies. “Make sure you have a mutual understanding of each other’s objectives. Are you doing it simply to learn about what each other’s private sexual thoughts are, or are you creating a menu of the type of sexual activities you want to try?” she says.

Other experts agree that it’s best not to plunge head-first into a completely candid revelation of your deepest erotic fantasies. “First, test the waters. Float the idea in a general way,” suggests Barbara Bartlik, MD, assistant professor of psychiatry at Weill Medical College of Cornell University. “You could say, ‘What did you think about that scene in the movie?'”

Even when both partners willingly reveal their sex fantasies to one another, says Maltz, there’s no guarantee that the outcome will be a positive meeting of the minds, or bodies. “It’s shaky ground for a relationship. It can really enhance the sexual experience, or destroy it. It can make people very uptight and anxious,” Maltz says.

That’s particularly true if either you or your partner finds the content of a particular fantasy off-putting. “What about the person who likes to be sexually sadistic? The other person may take great offense to that,” Bartlik says. Oftentimes, explains Bartlik, it takes a lot of courage to reveal a less conventional fantasy such as one that includes sadomasochism. Further, it takes a very loving and loyal partner to listen and accept fantasies that may be outside the mainstream of sexual experience. The inability to accept an edgy fantasy may cause a rift in the relationship.

But even if you find your partner’s sex fantasies a bit unnerving, there’s hope for moving forward.

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What Men Find Sexy About You That You Would Never Guess

by zfortadminin LOVE, Sex

If you’re sure your man is turned off by your trackie bottoms or make-up-free-face, think again.

No Make-up

Apparently women spend more than #180,000 in a lifetime on beauty products, but Relate counsellor Mo Kurimbokus says we don’t need to. “When a woman doesn’t wear make-up, her natural beauty is on display. “Also, some men find it a huge turn-off to kiss a woman and find that they are smeared with lipstick. Make-up can sometimes act as a barrier rather than a come-on.”

Rounded stomachs

We’ve all craved abs like Geri Halliwell’s but men actually find a potbelly attractive. Mo says: “Men like women to feel soft and curvy, so a little potbelly can be a turn-on and give a woman that natural look. “If she’s not ‘perfect’, then he doesn’t feel he has to be either.”

Wrinkles

“Wrinkles bother women more than they do men, as they feel it often spells a loss of youth,” Mo says. “Wrinkles can spell experience, which can trigger thoughts of them having great sex together – a huge turn-on for him.”

Stretch Marks

Those silvery lines are the bane of most women’s lives but some men actually like them! Mo explains: “What really does it for a man is a woman who is natural. “Stretch marks remind a man of the child they created together and her commitment to him. It is also an intimate detail of a woman’s body that only he is privy to.”

Phoning Him When You’re Drunk

After a night out with the girls, a phone call to confess how much you miss him seems like a good idea at the time. But Simon Moore, Academic Leader in Psychology at London Metropolitan University, says: “Letting people know how you feel is both reassuring and attractive. We all like compliments.”

Drinking Pints

Gone are the days when your man orders a pint, with “a half for the lady”. Simon says: “Drinking what you want and not caring what people think show that you are confident with yourself and the choices you make in life.”

Small Boobs

It’s not all about glamour models for some men. Simon says: “Small breasts are usually pert and this is an indication of youth and physical health. Men are more wired to seek signs of youth and vitality, indicators that she could bear children.”

Mismatching Underwear

Most women save the lacy stuff for special occasions and opt for comfort. Relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall explains: “Men love catching you in mismatching underwear because it looks like you weren’t planning on having sex, but they’ve managed to persuade you.”

Smudged Make-up

This is something that happens when we forget to take our make-up off after a night out. Surprisingly, as Paula explains: “Men find this sexy because you look like you’ve just made love. It reminds them of how great the afterglow of sex feels.”

Walking Home From a Club in Bare Feet

Heels look fabulous, but won’t feel it after dancing. Psychologist Ingrid Collins says: “Bare feet have a hint of nudity. Walking barefoot suggests naturalness and a rebel against convention, and can clue a man in to fantasies of wildness.”

Grown-out Highlights

The upkeep on highlights can be huge, but maybe you shouldn’t bother. Paula explains: “Like women, men also like a bit of rough. The unkempt roots probably remind him of the girls his mum said he should avoid – which makes them doubly attractive.”

Getting the Punchline of a Joke Wrong

We’ve all been there, sitting in the pub, everyone listening intently as you run through the latest joke you heard at the office – until you forget the ending. Mo says: “Men can be intimidated by intellectual women, so getting it wrong makes her far less intimidating and they can relax in her company. It shows vulnerability and triggers his protective instinct.”

Women Who Are Good with Kids

If you reckon your man is rolling his eyes as you play with nieces and nephews, think again. Mo explains: “It gives him visual evidence that she is patient and caring, and reminds him of his mother’s unconditional love.”

Wearing Tracksuit Bottoms and a Baggy Shirt to Bed

When we pass a certain point in our relationship, going to bed in saucy nightwear is replaced with a need for comfort. Ingrid says: “Very casual clothes suggest the woman is relaxed and confident about herself, and a man can find this very sexy.”

Muffin Top

You might think skinny jeans are impossible to wear without getting that tell-tale roll of flab over the waistband. But, according to Paula, men think a little muffin top is cute.

“The curvy shape is synonymous with fertility so the soft fleshiness is tapping directly into his unconscious evolutionary desires.”

WHAT THE GUYS SAY

Christopher Nelson, 28, a claims adjuster from Wales, says: “I think it’s really sexy when a girl is good at banter and can give back as good as she gets.”

Andrew Widdowson, 27, a plasterer from Sheffield, says: “Bed hair is so sexy. My girlfriend looks great with it, and it reminds me of the amazing night we had before!”

Andrew Wellwood, 29, a salesman from Yorkshire, says: “I love those dimples on a girl’s back just above her bum. When they lean over and I can see them, it conjures up saucy images in my head.”

Mark Spence, 30, a writer from Belfast, says: “I think the sexiest part of my girl’s body is her neck, it looks really stroke-able. There’s nothing nicer or sweeter than nuzzling into your girlfriend’s neck.”

James Village, 27, a businessman from Manchester, says: “Girls who play with the hair at the back of their head are a real turn-on. It reveals their neck, which is a really sexy place on a woman.”

Gareth Carter, 35, an IT specialist from Preston, says: “I’m into racing and love the way my girlfriend comes with me, though she’s not interested. And all without moaning – unlike me when I go shopping with her.”

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

An Expanded Definition of Men’s Pleasure

by Mike Lousadain Sex

Watch as Mike Lousada with his wife discusses about male ejaculation and orgasm.

mike lousada with his wife

Mike points out:

  1. Misconceptions about male orgasm and ejaculation.
  2. Men can experience multiple orgasms.
  3. Orgasms and ejaculation can be separated.
  4. Experience of male multiple orgasms can be trained.

Do you want to know how? Watch it now!

Sexless? Here are Remedies for a Reboot

by zfortadminin Sex

Stuck in a sexless marriage? You’re not alone.

According to data scientist Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, the top-searched marriage complaint on Google is “sexless marriage.” (What’s more, searches for “sexless marriage” are three and a half times more common than “unhappy marriage” and eight times more common than “loveless marriage.”)

Many of those searching for answers are women struggling to understand why their spouses aren’t reciprocating their desire for sex. We reached out to marriage therapists and sex experts to share the advice they give women stuck in sexually unsatisfying marriages. Read what they had to say below.

“Many women are the ones with a higher sex drive in their marriages but women commonly don’t discuss this dynamic openly with friends. Also, the media portrayal of relationships makes women think that males have a constant high level of sexual desire. On the contrary, many women struggle in sexless marriages. Outside of therapy, I’d say that finding a support system can be invaluable. There are forums online where women share their experiences, such as the Dead Bedrooms forum on Reddit.” — Samantha Rodman, psychologist and couples’ counselor 

“It may not be you, so stop beating yourself up. It is no indicator of how sexy you are as a woman if he is initiating or not. Many times men stop initiating sex because they are stressed or they are experiencing some kind of erectile dysfunction and they’re too afraid to tell you. Men define their sexuality by their ability to perform and if they cannot achieve an erection upon demand they may withdraw. Keep being affectionate and let him know there is no pressure to get to the ‘finish line.’ Let him know you still want to cuddle and be close and then if you still want a ‘happy ending,’ well, frankly, you can take care of it yourself. If he wants to participate, he might find himself more turned on than he thought himself capable. Don’t wait for him to take charge. It is OK as the woman to be the driving force of your sex life.” — Tammy Nelson, certified sexologist and sex therapist and the author of Getting the Sex You Want 

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T&A Talk Sex: In Bed with Comedian Malie Mason

by T A Talk Sexin Sex, Watch

In this podcast episode, Malie Mason guest cohosts with Christina Hepburn (aka T), as we talk with Bryony Cole from the Future of Sex podcast about …the future of sex and technology!

t&a in bed

Where’s it all going? Do these toys improve or hurt our sex lives? And how can we integrate sex tech into our lives for the better? Laugh, listen, and learn with these dames!

Find all of our videos, podcasts, blogs, & more: http://www.tatalksex.com/

Going Commando: Why It’s Healthy for Women

by zfortadminin Sex

To commando or not to commando?

That is the question Shakespeare should have asked, for it would have saved women’s magazines years upon years of anguish and debate over whether or not we should suffocate our lady bits in strangling contraptions better known as “underwear” or if we should just let them be.

There are common misconceptions about going commando. Some see it as bad for your sexual health. Some see it as an indication you’re promiscuous.

And others see it as a weird publicity stunt to gasp at (see: Britney Spears, circa 2010).

But, at the end of the day, going commando is not nearly as big of a deal as we all think it is, mainly because you don’t really have to tell a single person you’re doing it. In fact, more women should embrace it.

Here’s why.

1. It’s comfortable.

The number one reason you should go commando is that it’s, honestly, really comfortable.

It’s just you, your vagina and your pants getting to know each other better, hanging out like old friends, sipping glasses of wine.

2. There are no links between going commando and contracting infections.

It might feel like your bare vagina rubbing right up against the inside of your pants would create a perfect breeding ground for bacteria, but that idea has long been debunked.

Dr. Gillian Dean, Planned Parenthood New York City’s associate medical director of clinical research and training, told The Village Voice there’s no scientific research suggesting a direct correlation between going commando and contracting infections like bacterial vaginosis or yeast infections.

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Why the Greeks Have More Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

Greece has been revealed to rank atop the list of the world’s most sexually active nations, averaging 164 sessions a year, or more than three times a week, German newspaper Bild reports.

According to an international survey by a condom manufacturer, which is published by the German tabloid, Greeks are far ahead of Brazil, which ranks second with 145 times a year, followed by Russia and Poland with 143 times a year.

The chilliest citizens on the planet are found to be the Japanese, who have sex a meager 48 times a year, or less than once a week.

The world average is 103 times per year, or just less than twice a week.

According to the survey, having sex isn’t of the same importance all around the world, as 80 percent of Greeks find having sex very important, and top the list again, opposed to citizens of Thailand, only 38 percent of whom believe that sex is important.

Greeks also score high in reference to duration of sexual intercourse, ranking second with 22.3 minutes on average, following Nigeria in first place with 24 minutes.

The top 10 most sexually active countries are:

Greece: 164
Brazil: 145
Russia: 143
Poland: 143
India: 130
Mexico: 123
Switzerland: 123
China: 122
New Zealand: 122
Italy: 121

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Size Never Matters, Trust Me.

by Amy Albertin Sex

Mark had established a bit of a reputation for himself within the small window of time that he was employed at this restaurant as quite the Lothario because of the fact that he was blessed with what was rumored to be a huge penis.

When I was in my early 20’s I spent a summer waitressing at this sweet, kitschy restaurant in the Bay Area when out of nowhere the guy I had been dating, who I was utterly obsessed with, dumped me. I was crushed! Like, “broken, crying in a Target dressing room, writing shitty sad songs on my guitar that I could barely play, watching back-to-back Ally McBeal episodes to cope” crushed. A bartender, who we’ll call Mark, had been working there for a couple of months, and even though I wasn’t attracted to him, I liked the attention he gave me was, for all intents and purposes, totally harmless. Mark had established quite the reputation for himself within the small window of time that he was employed at this restaurant as quite the Lothario because of the fact that he was blessed with what was rumored to be a huge penis. One of the women who was supposedly impressed with it described it as “a baby’s arm holding an apple” and another called it the “anaconda”. My best gay friend who worked with me would constantly ask questions about said “huge” penis after it was revealed that one of our co-workers would have a run-in with it. He loved hearing all the dirty details about this guys wang. I would laugh and gasp and feign being all into it as they would describe every curve and angle of this man’s anatomy, but really it sort of grossed me out! Why would I want something described as an infant’s appendage grasping a piece of fruit anywhere near my vag? Ew!

As the end of my shift rolled around one eve a couple of weeks after me getting dumped I was glumly cashing out my checks for the night at the kitschy bar of the kitschy restaurant. Mark made me a drink and asked what was going on. I told him how I was heartbroken and just destroyed about it. I confessed that I thought I was in love with this guy, and when I learned that he was seeing someone else the entire time we were dating I was so humiliated! Mark listened intently to my sob story, nodding at the appropriate times while refilling my glass when it got half empty.

About an hour and a half and two thirds into my third drink later, he gently tucked my hair behind my ear and said, “You know, I have a great way to get you over that guy.” He smiled and suddenly looked very cute to me. I laughed awkwardly and told him I didn’t want to mess up our friendship. He agreed, but said he was always available to me if I ever wanted to “have the best night of my life.”

“It’s the only sure fire way to move on, in my opinion. I’ll rock your world, I promise.”

I excused myself to the bathroom and stood at the sink, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I had never really done anything like that before, just slept with a guy to make myself feel better. But…maybe he was right? Surely a guy who’s confident like that must be great in bed! Maybe this guy’s legendary dick would be just the elixir to cure my blues! Maybe I was about to have the best freakin’ night of my life and my world rocked! So I marched out to the bar, grabbed my bag and told him I would follow him home.

45 minutes later I’m at Mark’s apartment and we’re making out in his kitchen. We had a little trouble getting on the same page in terms of the kissing, but I figured I was a little tipsy, and he could be too, so maybe that was it. Then he takes my hand and leads me into his bedroom, which had posters of girls with huge hair in ripped half tops with the bottom of their nipples hanging out, like he was 15. “Well”, I thought, “he clearly likes girls, so that’s good!” We start getting undressed and I noticed that he ripped his clothes off with such enthusiasm that he reminded me of a little kid tearing into a Christmas gift. He turns around to face me and I see it. The “Baby’s arm holding an apple”. The “Anaconda”. This “huge” penis. And it’s pointed right at me. Watching me. I felt like if I tried to move around the room it would follow me, like the Mona Lisa.

We get into bed and he immediately mounts me without any warning or foreplay. Just in a, “Hello, welcome to my body weight pressing the breath out of you because women think being crushed is super hot!” type of way. His face was right on my face smashed together, which felt way too intimate for the moment, and now that I think of it is probably way too intimate for any moment ever. He asks me if I’m “good and ready”, to which I reply with a “yup” that I wheezed out because I couldn’t breathe due to his man body carelessly draped across mine, and a thumbs up, always an appropriate way to start sex when you’re getting ready to have the” best night of your life!”

Then it “started” And by that I mean a solid 20 minutes of him grunting and sweating on me while his giant penis went from an “Anaconda” to one of those balloon dudes who alert people to a sale or a new car wash after they had been deflated and were just weirdly flopping around with the wind. He kept slapping it on my thigh, squeezing his eyes shut and whispering, “Come on, man!” to whom I can only assume was his penis.

At one point he abruptly stood up and went over to the corner of his bedroom, like a scene out of The Blair Witch Project, where he got really quiet. I figured he trying to reason with it, talk it out like bros. When he returned to his bed, which didn’t have a fitted sheet by the way, there was a glimmer of hope in his eye, so I assumed they had worked out their differences and were ready to proceed as scheduled. Unfortunately it appeared that the penis and the man were on two different pages completely that evening.

Eventually I told him I had to go. “Early morning.” I said, like I was a regretful fella dressed in a cheap suit in an 80’s movie who just cheated on his wife with his best friends fiancé, “Gotta get my beauty sleep.” I got up and started to get dressed as fast as I could. I didn’t feel the need to hang out and make it even more uncomfortable than it was. He just lay in his bed on his side with his head propped up in his hand, nodding and telling me he “had to get up early too, so it was probably a good move to hit the sack.” I pulled on my shoes and waved goodbye and I exited his place so quickly I practically left a cartoon puff of smoke in my wake. I walked to my car noting to myself that in the future I should ask what one’s definition of rocking a world is, because I probably would’ve taken a rain check in this case.

The next day as I rolled silverware Mark noticed me and sat down at the booth. He casually mentioned that he had a “good time” the night before, but this time when he smiled he had reverted back to the version of himself that I didn’t find attractive at all. He asked me if I’d like to come by for “a little round two action”, which I politely declined. He told me that if I ever needed him again, I knew his number. “Oh, I got your number alright, stud.” I said under my breath as he walked away.

He walked back to the bar where he immediately started putting the moves on a woman sitting there alone,  and I realized that for the first time in a while I wasn’t bummed about the guy who dumped me. And while he certainly didn’t rock my world, or give me the best night of my life, I realized in that moment that I appreciated him and his baby’s arm for taking my mind off things and giving me a pretty decent bad sex story to write about many years later.

Til Death Do Us Part: Noir Humor of Sex, Dating, and the Animal Kingdom

by Virginia Jonesin Sex

It’s Springtime, when the earth renews itself and mating season begins for many animals!

People go on dates and remember that sex and dating can be hard.

It can wear you out emotionally.

But at least you can physically survive it- not like in many parts of the animal kingdom.

Here’s a list of animals that die for sex- to remind you that things could be worse!

Praying Mantis

Oftentimes, the female praying mantis bites the head off her mate while they have sex, and apparently the male thrusts more vigorously after he’s dead, making the sex more likely to generate progeny. (This is probably not true of human men.)

Remember that the next time a woman you’ve exchanged a week of flirty text messages with flat doesn’t show up at an Italian restaurant and won’t call you back- you might leave with your head hanging down, but at least it’s still attached.

The Antechinus

This very cute ratlike Australian marsupial, goes on a mad sex parade with multiple partners for up to 14 hours and then drops dead of exhaustion.  There are advantages to this, for example- he doesn’t have the opportunity to get in trouble with any of the multiple cute ratlike partners he had sex with in the same half-day, but on the other hand the Antechinus never meets his children, nor coaches them in Soccer, which he would call Football, because he’s from Australia.

That’s better than the time you went on a drinks-filled double date with your best friend Allison and your boyfriend’s roommate, and she came home with him, but after you’d left for your house, she snuck into the other bedroom and did your boyfriend as well.  Right?  Still better than the cute little dead sex rat. And you don’t have to speak to Allison ever again.

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How Women’s and Men’s Pleasure Can Actually Sync for the Better

by Mike Lousadain Sex

Mike and Louise’s Book is hitting the press: 

mike lousada

Real Sex: Why everything you learned about sex is wrong is Mike & Louise’s first book, published by Hay House in May 2017.

Real Sex will reveal how almost everything that society has told us about sex is wrong. It is a practical guide that sets out seven keys to teach you how to transform guilt, fear and shame into love, pleasure and intimacy. It shows how transforming your sexuality transforms your whole life.

Real Sex is a journey into the heart of your sexual self, a way of creating meaningful and fulfilling intimacy. Pre-order here.

Julia Leigh’s “Sleeping Beauty” Film Subverts Traditional Sexual Politics and Why We Should Care

by Sarah Ewaldin Sex

Are you sleeping through power and consent dynamics?

Leigh has interesting things to say about who wields the male gaze, power and consent.

In the opening scene of Julia Leigh’s 2011 erotic drama “Sleeping Beauty,” we see a researcher wearing a white lab coat guiding a long tube down college student Lucy’s (Emily Browning) throat. Lucy sits perfectly still, with only intermittent gagging as slight signs of resistance.

This scene isn’t sexy (though of course some might disagree), but it tells the audience some key concepts. First, the facts about Lucy’s personality: Loner. Passive. Emotionless. We see how these traits play out in her future. Then there’s the power and sexual dynamics at play: Lucy, the woman, receives from the man, who gives. Throughout the film, these dynamics twist and turn, fighting for supremacy.

Lucy works odd jobs and, like many a broke college student, is always on the lookout for extra cash. She answers a want-ad, and meets with Clara (Rachael Blake), the madam of the operation. Lucy’s job will be to provide silver service (essentially, high-end waitressing) for rich clients, working in a team with other girls. And she does this a few times. After she’s proven herself, Lucy is offered a more lucrative gig: Sleep in bed for one night while a male client can do anything he likes with her, except no penetration and later, leaving no marks on her body.

This film displays its sensuality openly. Leigh has interesting things to say about who wields the male gaze, traditional sexual politics, and consent.

When Lucy arrives for an initial interview with Clara, Clara asks after her health and then asks Lucy to strip down to her bra and underwear. Clara’s male assistant then lightly runs his hands over Lucy’s body, with Clara watching from the side (after lightly cupping Lucy’s breast). Lucy remains motion- and emotionless during this inspection, passive to the end.

Any woman has probably felt the way Lucy felt in this moment: frozen to the spot while being visually dissected. But the other male gaze in the room comes from a woman: Madam Clara eyes Lucy keeping in mind what her clients will like. It adds an unexpected energy and another dimension to the scene.

The silver service scenes are overtly erotic, with Lucy clad in white lingerie and the other girls in black strappy one-pieces with their breasts exposed. This world’s sexual politics are called out from the beginning, with Lucy and the other girls serving a dinner to a group of older men. But Leigh subtly subverts this old boys’ club feeling by giving an older woman a seat at that dining room table. It lends a frisson of tension that this exclusive club admits women, and leads the audience to wonder what might have been, or what could be.

Once Lucy consents to the sleeping gigs, another sexual dynamic plays out. Lucy, while sleeping, is completely passive (which was her choice, as she took the job). This point is hammered home by the men who pass through the bedroom and are curious to see just how “asleep” this beautiful girl is. They push the boundaries: yelling at her, roughly moving her body around, one even burning her with the lit end of his cigarette. It can be hard to watch. Violence can be the flip side of sexual expression, and the two are closely linked in this film.

Lucy’s final action of the film is screaming hysterically, due to an unexpected event. It’s a significant moment: It’s the first time we see Lucy experience such intense emotion, that she makes the choice to feel something. It also happens right when she wakes up. It’s an apt metaphor for the film itself: After being thrust into a world where nontraditional sexual and power dynamics are the norm, you’re thrown back into reality. The dream is gone, and it’s time to wake up.

Yes, Women are Capable of 4 Unique Orgasms

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

There are four distinct types of female orgasm.

You gotta love routines. They get you out of the house in the morning or into the gym at the end of the day. But relying on a routine to get off in bed? Not so sweet. Here’s why: There’s more than one blissed-out, body-tingling way to a happy ending, and the more paths you travel, the more exciting sex will be (and stay). According to a recent study published in the journal NeuroQuantology, there are four distinct types of female orgasm (clitoral, vaginal, blended, or multiple orgasms). You should try them all—starting tonight.

Clitoral Orgasm

You know the external sweet spot is highly sensitive, thanks to the 8,000 nerve endings that congregate there. And if you’re like most women, it’s the go-to point of stimulation to send you over the edge. But according to Sari Cooper, a certified sex therapist in New York City and a columnist for Psychology Today, heading straight to the clitoris gives you a less pleasurable orgasm than if your partner touches, caresses, or massages other parts of your genitals before he homes in on that hot spot.

Techniques to try: “Have him make big circles with his fingers that include the shaft, labia, and upper part of the clitoral hood,” says Cooper. He can do this as foreplay or while you’re in a spooning position during intercourse. If you feel like switching to oral, have him approach your clitoris indirectly by lying perpendicular to you.
Increase your chances: Try having him use a fingertip vibrator like the Hello Touch Wearable Fingertip Vibrator ($65, jimmyjane.com). The more vocal you are about the speed, intensity, and pressure you prefer, the better the end result will be. Also, you’re going to want to read this: The Easiest Way to Have an Orgasm

Vaginal Orgasm

Though there is still some debate as to whether the G-spot exists, 30 percent of women claim they can have a big O from having the famous erogenous zone stimulated through penetration alone.

Techniques to try: First, locate the hot zone. On a solo night, explore the front wall of your vagina with your finger until you feel an area that’s rippled and spongy in texture. Touching it directly should feel pretty darn good. Then, during intercourse, have your man target his thrusting there. Try lying on your sides while facing each other, with your legs intertwined comfortably—think of two pairs of crisscrossed scissors. Keep your parts aligned and make sure his rubs against the front wall of your vagina. “This position allows for deeper thrusts that further stimulate the G-spot,” says Cooper.

Increase your chances: Achieving vaginal orgasm is more likely the longer the sex lasts, according to a study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine. Aim for about 15 minutes and, if it works for you, switch sex positions often. “This reduces the chance of your man ‘closing the deal’ too soon and helps your body experience new and fresh sensations,” says Michael Alvear, author of Not Tonight Dear, I Feel Fat. A warming lubricant can also help; try glycerin-free, water-based Pink Hot Pink Warming Lubricant for Women ($14.36, pinkapple.com).

Blended Orgasm

Experts say a combined clitoral and vaginal orgasm is the most powerful finale (it can be twice as strong and intense as either orgasm is by itself). “You’re getting the best of both worlds,” explains Cynthia Lief Ruberg, a certified sex therapist in Columbus, Ohio.

Techniques to try: The girl-on-top position is popular for a reason—it’s perfect for the double-whammy finish. But you can also try sitting on your partner’s lap facing away from him (he can stimulate your clitoris while you control the thrusting). Or, for a twist on missionary, have your guy inch his body up so your hips are aligned, and tilt your pelvis upward so that the base of his penis is on your clitoris but the rest of him is inside you. “In this position, he’s not really thrusting up and down, but rather grinding against your pelvic bone,” says Ruberg.

Increase your chances: “A blended orgasm is easier if the woman becomes very aroused before she has intercourse,” says Ruberg. Go full throttle with foreplay—lots of kissing, touching, licking, and massaging all over your bodies—and if you feel your enthusiasm waning during intercourse, go back to the heavy petting. To help your partner out a bit, tell him or her to bust out these 10 Sex Tips for Your Top Erogenous Zones All Over Your Body. (Then maybe repay the favor with these 10 Sex Tips for HIS Top Erogenous Zones!)

Multiple Orgasms

To be clear, multiple orgasms happen one right after the next, not at different times in one session (although those are great too). Studies show that multiple orgasms are possible for some women if they can withstand being continuously stimulated after their first (and second and. . .) “finishes.”

Techniques to try: Starting in foreplay, have your guy get you to your first clitoral climax using his hands or mouth (or a vibrator). Immediately afterward, he should continue to stimulate your C-spot in a slower manner for about 30 seconds, and then resume a normal pace to get you to a repeat performance. “He’s playing with your level of arousal from a heightened orgasmic state by giving your erogenous area a rest, as it may be overly sensitive to stimulation, and then increasing arousal again,” says Amy Levine, a sex coach in New York City and founder of IgniteYourPleasure.com. From there, begin intercourse, which can lead to multiple vaginal or blended orgasms, using the same technique of slowing down and speeding up, as long as you keep the stimulation going and your arousal high.

Increase your chances: If you’re feeling too sensitive, ask him to continue stroking your clitoris over a buffer like a soft silk camisole or panties, or have him switch his focus to your breasts and nipples. Cooper says touching these after climax can push some women to yet another O. (A nipplegasm? True thing, and nothing routine about that.)

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Are You Being Denied Foreplay?

by zfortadminin Sex

Sex is amazing, right? Well, yes. But sex isn’t one thing. Sex is lots of things.

Sex can mean a passionate kiss, with your bodies pressed up against each other in a hallway; it can me him in your mouth, or you in his; it can be hours of penetration or the lightest touch in the right place. Or any combination. And lots of others. But for this reader, sex is only one thing, and it’s getting a little tiring.

*I have been dating this guy for a few months now and it’s been wonderful…except for when it’s time to get intimate. He wants to go straight into sex and no foreplay whatsoever. Each time I’ve tried to initiate it, he would say “Babe, you are my girl, you don’t have to do that.” Overall that’s sweet I guess but than the problem is, I don’t get oral (he mentioned a time that he did it on a girl and the girls odor/taste that he could not handle). How or what can I do to make him feel comfortable with me to eventually perform oral sex before the actual sex? *—Foreplay Deprived

One reason sex can’t be one thing is because it’s not the same thing for everyone. That means we have to compromise. When we’re lucky enough to meet someone with the exact same sexual interests as ours, those compromises tend to be minimal: sometimes she gets to be on top when you want to be; sometimes he gets to come first; etc.

In this situation, BF isn’t really meeting anyone halfway, he’s just getting exactly what he wants. Not fair. Many of the women I know, most of them in fact, have difficulty coming without some form of clitoral stimulation, before or during. By your guy denying you foreplay, he’s basically saying “only I get to come,” which is obviously not ideal.

Sounds like he had a bad experience once with giving head and has decided it’s not for him. That’s like having a bad first day of school and deciding that education is for other people. I think you should ask him to consider trying again.

If he’s really dead-set against it, you can remind him that there are other ways to have fun before penetration: fingers, licking other parts of you, playing with toys, etc.

The most important thing is to let him know that what’s going on isn’t fair. He’ll probably change his tune. If he doesn’t, then you have an issue that actually has nothing to do with sex.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article