RELATIONSHIPS Archives - Page 8 of 24 - Love TV

Category: RELATIONSHIPS

Who is Using Who for Sex?

by RJ Newellin RELATIONSHIPS

We’ve all been there, or known someone who has.

Why do smart, compassionate, beautiful women find themselves pining after emotionally unavailable men?

For a while, I was the one my girlfriends always went to when they needed to vent about that one guy who never called them back. I’ve been texted at all hours with excited declarations like “he wants me to come over to watch a movie. It’s 2 am, but still!” And then, there’s the inevitable anguish when “he” doesn’t want a relationship. 

I’ve heard all the stories. I know all the details. Year after year, it’s the same. And it’s heartbreaking. I know too many women who are being used for sex – and none of them are willing to admit it, until it’s too late.

It’s been said to ‘never take advice from some you wouldn’t want to trade places with.’ I’m not an expert, by any means. I am not some magical relationship fairy, who’s never made a bad decision. I have been in this situation myself, but it took me years after the fact to finally look back and admit it. If you want advice on learning how to see through manipulation before it’s too late, read on. The tips I’m about to share with you came from years of my own mistakes, and from watching my friends fall into the same traps year after year.

If a woman is looking for a relationship, why would anyone think it’s okay to manipulate her? Why do one-sided relationships drag on for months and months, until someone’s self-worth has been suffocated? 

The honest answer: We may walk into these bad situations on accident, but we stay there on purpose.

Look, we live in the 21st Century. Mutual, no-strings attached, casual intercourse is totally okay. It’s also just fine for two people to start out on the same page, and change their minds later. You are entitled to end a relationship how and when you wish, and so is he. Everyone has the right to choose. But it is wrong to make the conscious decision to manipulate, coerce, or string someone along just for sex.

Men are not the only guilty parties here. Women use men for sex, as well. But for the purposes of this article, I’m taking aim at the most common scenario. Whether you are male or female, it is important to protect your heart and recognize your needs. Here’s how.

  1. Ask yourself: What are my needs?

    An emotionally healthy relationship requires having conversations that don’t always lead to sex. It requires two people who are there for each other, whether sex is a factor or not. Do you wish he’d take you out on dates? Are you hoping he’ll introduce you to his friends and family? Would you be happier if he shared more with you than just his body? All of us have needs, and you should take the time to define them for yourself.

  2. Make your needs clear before sex is even brought up in conversation.

    Millennials live in a social media-driven culture where we almost “compete” to see who is less attached and more “chill.” I’d go into the reasons behind this, but that’s a topic for another day. My point here is this: Once upon a time, it was completely normal to say “I’m interested in a relationship with you, and would love to take you out on a date.” Now, the boundaries between friendship, casual sex, and dating are a lot less clear. While it’s totally fine to want a casual relationship for sex, it’s not okay to pursue one with someone who wants more than that. If you’ve been burned in the past, recognize that every day is a new opportunity to change the pattern. You’re the captain of your own ship. Your well-being should not be left up to another person. Avoiding manipulation requires YOU making your intentions clear from the start.

  3. Recognize red flags.

    If he’s always unavailable on weekends, but he’ll call you at 11 pm on a Wednesday night to “hang out,” that’s a red flag. If you’ve made it clear you want a relationship, but he keeps ignoring the issue, that’s a red flag. If you’ve never meet his friends (or you’re introduced as merely his ‘friend’ if you do), that’s a red flag. If he goes days without answering your texts (unless it’s to set up a cozy Netflix and chill session), that’s a red flag. If he tells you that he’s not looking for anything serious…that’s THE sign it’s not happening.

…Do you see where I’m going with this?

  1. Be honest with yourself.

    All too often, we diminish our feelings to suit the person we’re hoping to impress. I know it can be difficult to assess the situation amid the endless butterflies and infatuated thoughts. But if you really examine the situation, it’s often pretty obvious when a guy is not down for commitment.

  2. The only person you can change is you. 

    At this point, you may be thinking, “I’ll be the one to change his mind!” But I am here to tell you that it doesn’t work that way. If he changes his mind for you, it won’t be because you let him sleep with you, allowed him to repeatedly ignore you, and pretended that you don’t have needs. You deserve love and respect. And this requires loving and respecting yourself. If you want a relationship, and it’s clear that he doesn’t… your friend should find a new sex buddy and you should look for commitment elsewhere.

So – are you setting yourself up for heartbreak? Most of us already have the answers, we’re just too afraid to see them. No amount of calling your girlfriends, reading advice articles, or scrolling through his Instagram will give you the validation you need. You deserve to be honest with yourself, and to find a partner who is honest, too.

How Do I Continue to Not Screw Up this Relationship

by Carlyn Hudsonin RELATIONSHIPS

I have some bad news; I’m still dangerously close to screwing up my relationship. 

I have some bad news; I’m still dangerously close to screwing up my relationship. You assumed everything would magically get easier as time went on too, right? That once you found the right person, all the bullshit you used to pull in other relationships would also disappear, right? Cool, yeah, me too, me too.

Putting Up Walls

Over the past month, I’ve been performing a fun little song and dance I like to call “putting up the walls.” At first I thought I was doing a bang-up job of hiding this fact, but it turns out I’m not such a good actress. As predicted, I wasted 80k on NYU drama school because my boyfriend can see right through that shit.

At this point I’ve invented fun, inventive ways of pushing him way, like making unwarranted comments on his haircut “mmm…I think they took too much off the top,” or suddenly believing in Astrology, “I’m just saying since you’re a water sign and I’m a fire sign, sometimes you can be a downer, by putting out my fire.” Unsurprisingly, he’s not too fond of these comments and we’ve had to address where the f*** they’re coming from.

My Therapist

Enter my therapist. Let’s call her Elaine, because, let’s be honest, is there a better name for a therapist? I think not. Elaine is the name of a dignified, educated woman in Eileen Fisher, zany glasses, and a penchant for NPR’s “All Things Considered.” She is definitely who you want to be your therapist, and I implore each of you to get your own Elaine.

Elaine and I have discovered a few interesting qualities about myself that makes it difficult for me to be in a long-term relationship, the first being, I have control issues. In work, as a director, this serves me very well. In relationships, not so much.

In the beginning, it was adorable! I mean, who doesn’t love a strong, assertive woman? (The answer to that is: many men. Please avoid them.) I remember grocery-shopping with my boyfriend in the first month when I asked his preference on which variety of cheddar to purchase. He let out a gentle chuckle.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.

“Well, it’s just that, you’re only asking me as a formality when we both know you know  exactly which one you want and will buy it regardless of my opinion.”

See: how cute is that?!

Pages: 1 2 3

Here’s How a Happy Marriage Can Be Simpler Than You Think

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

According to a new study published in the journal Personal Relationships, the key to improving a marriage is to show a little gratitude.

It seems like every other day, another study comes out promising to give us the key to a successful marriage. Why not? After all, those of us who want to be married want to stay married. In fact, a 2011 Pew Research survey found that 36 percent of adults believe that having a successful marriage is “one of the most important things” in life. While I don’t really believe that relationship success is dependent on one major “key,” and that it’s more of the right combination of the little things, a new study shows saying two small words can actually strengthen your marriage. Ready for them?

“Thank you.”

According to a new study published in the journal Personal Relationships, the key to improving a marriage is to show a little gratitude. Researchers from the University of Georgia conducted a telephone survey of 468 married individuals and asked them questions about their finances, their communication tactics, and how they express gratitude to their spouses. As the study found, expressions of spousal gratitude were a significant predictor of marital quality.

“It goes to show the power of ‘thank you,’” said Allen Barton, a postdoctoral research associate at UGA’s Center for Family Research and lead author of the study. “Even if a couple is experiencing distress and difficulty in other areas, gratitude in the relationship can help promote positive marital outcomes.”

The study also found that couples who showed higher levels of spousal gratitude were less prone to seek divorce. When couples express gratitude or show appreciation for each other, it can counteract or buffer the negative effects of conflicts. According to researchers, feeling appreciated and believing that your partner values you have a great impact on how you feel about your marriage and your commitment to making it last.

“All couples have disagreements and argue,” the study’s co-author Ted Futris said. “What distinguishes the marriages that last from those that don’t is not how often they argue, but how they argue and how they treat each other on a daily basis.”

In short, it’s the little things that matter.

Saying those two small words can do your relationship a bunch of good. But sometimes, expressing gratitude can go beyond a simple “Thank you.” Because of that, I talked to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist and author of Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Relationship With a Narcissist, on how you can express gratitude to your partner each and every day.

1. Reach Out

Set aside time each day to reach out to your partner and listen to them talk about their day. As Dr. Ramani tells Bustle, “They may not be able to respond, but it becomes a touchstone, and lets them feel heard.”

2. Take Initiative

“Do something for them that they do not like to do without asking,” Dr. Ramani says. “But do it without making lots of noise about it. For example, take the car in for an oil change, clean the toilets, or weed the garden.”

3. Surprise Them

“This does not need to be big. It can be dinner on the table, making the plans and just whisking them away to something you know they like. Even try giving them a small gift that shows up in a briefcase at work,” Dr. Ramani says.

4. Compliment Them

“I know it seems small, and likely should be happening every day. But we often forget that those little words about your partner’s work, a new dress, or their smile put a swing in our step when we get them from strangers,” Dr. Ramani says. “But they can be profoundly impactful from our partners.”

5. Ask About Stuff

Don’t just listen, but engage in conversation. If your partner tells you something that happened at work, ask a follow up question the next day (i.e. “Whatever happened with that guy at work you told me about yesterday?”).

As Dr. Ramani says, “It shows not only that you were listening initially but that it is sustained. Few of us are heard any more in such a distracted world. To hear someone listening to us is a fantastic way to show gratitude.”

6. Again, The Little Things Count

Don’t be afraid to say “Thank you” or “I’m grateful” or “I noticed what you did.” According to Dr. Ramani, while those words are simple enough, they show that we notice the effort that our partner puts into the relationship and that we’re grateful for them.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

The Art of Compromise in a World of Me

by MONROKin RELATIONSHIPS

“I confronted my mother about this and essentially forced her to get back into bed with my dad and deal.”

I saw an advertisement for the “Sleep Number” mattress on television the other day, advertised as “the mattress for couples.” You can adjust each side of the mattress to meet each individual’s needs. Basically, it’s two separate beds.

My Mom and Dad and a Sleeping Bag

When I was a kid my mother had trouble sleeping due to my father’s asthmatic snoring. One day she decided to set up a sleeping bag for herself in her office. When I had friends come over they would pass by the office and ask “Who sleeps in there?” I was embarrassed to tell them that my parents slept in different rooms, so I would say my cat uses the sleeping bag. I confronted my mother about this and essentially forced her to get back into bed with my dad and deal. She did, and is still next to him now 35 years later.

YOU and Compromise

Couples that sleep together tend to communicate more easily and have even been found to experience better health. In modern society, are we so obsessed with individuality that we can no longer share a mattress with our partner? If we can’t share a mattress, what can we share? What happened to compromise?

Compromise is one of the most essential parts of a relationship; it’s one of the fundamental pillars. We are currently living in the world of the individual: “Be Independent! Just do YOU! YOU are perfect, just the way YOU are!” Wrong, wrong, WRONG! Everyone has things they can work on. Everyone can learn how to compromise; it is a positive skill to hone. If you are that obsessed with being independent, then maybe a relationship is not for you. Being in a relationship IS a compromise in and of itself, because you have to think of someone else every time you make a decision.

Pages: 1 2

Women Share How Their Intuition About Cheating Turned Out

by zfortadminin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

In a technology-filled world, the temptation to read your man’s Facebook messages or snoop through his texts his overwhelming. But are you in the right to do so?

When Emily Gold* logged onto her husband’s email with dread pooling in stomach, she was hoping for the best. Instead, she was met with a rude awakening: clear cut evidence of her husband’s affair scattered throughout his emails. Love notes, song lyrics, photos of the two of them together, but that wasn’t all. The worst was a pro/con list, written by her husband, on whether or not he should leave her. “It was the worst thing I have ever seen with my eyes,” Gold said.

She’s not alone: according to a 2011 study, 41-percent of women have snooped through their man’s phone or emails. Modern technology offers a whole new variety of ways to spy on your partner. Looking through drawers and checking for lipstick on the collar is a thing of the past. According to a January 2013 poll by the Daily Mail, going through your partner’s cell phone is now the top reason why cheating and affairs are exposed.

But why do we snoop? When Hannah Rolf’s* boyfriend left his cell phone at her house, the temptation was too much to resist. “Of course what girl would not wanna look at everything that was on there?” she told MC. Of course, giving into temptation can have some drastic consequences. When Rolf was reading through his phone one night while they were in bed, she saw that he had been texting quite a few other girls, which led her to end the relationship. All this sneaking around raises a big question: Is it wrong to read your man’s texts or emails if you end up learning he’s been hiding things from you, or does snooping bring you down to his level?

Snooping may be a breach of trust, but it can also expose some untrustworthy behavior. The most common of this is evidence of cheating. Steamy emails, declarations of love, notifications from dating sites, and worse. Jessica Lee* found naked photos of other women when reading through her boyfriend’s text messages.

Sometimes, you just have a sixth sense, a feeling that something is up. When your senses are tingling and a phone is ready for snatching, controlling the urge to snoop isn’t easy. Such was the case for Allison Brady*, who became wary of her boyfriend’s relationship with his ex. After hearing him refuse to say her name and bitterly reminisce about their time together, she knew he wasn’t quite over her yet. When he started mentioning her more-and-more, warning signs went off. Brady’s snooping started innocently enough: looking through his Facebook to see if he had added her again. As her lurking continued, she discovered that they had been talking again and were planning on meeting up for coffee. She broke up with him soon after.

While her snooping was instrumental in the demise of her relationship, Brady feels that snooping is sometimes necessary to find out the information you deserve. “I would snoop again only if I felt something was off,” she said. “Otherwise, I understand boundaries. I’m not that interested in what my boyfriend talks about with his friends.”

It’s not always infidelity that women catch when they snoop around. Sometimes, you learn that they’ve been doing the same thing to you. When Lindsay Young’s* boyfriend gave her his email password, she started reading his emails. The snooping didn’t end there: When he borrowed her laptop and forgot to logout, she was able to search through his Facebook, as well. She discovered that he had subscribed to her check-ins in order to receive notifications about her whereabouts. Young stressed the fact that if you’re going to snoop, you need to prepare yourself for what you may find. “I guess when you’re looking for something, you’ll find it,” Young said.

When women find incriminating information through snooping, as you might expect, they oftentimes won’t stand for it, and they act out. Such was the case for Donna Crane*. Crane had a bad feeling about the man she had been seeing. One night after he had fallen asleep, she grabbed his phone and quickly scrolled through his text messages. Turns out her intuition had been right—there were texts from three different women in his inbox.

Instead of confronting him, she quickly wrote back to the other women in his phone, telling them that he was ending it with them, and he was getting serious with another girl. She then proceeded to delete all of his contacts—her own number included. Maybe it’s true what they say—hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

But perhaps the best way to satisfy your curiosity is simply to ask. Men with nothing to hide may be more willing to share the contents of their phone or email with you. “The easiest way to find out if your boyfriend is hiding something is to simply ask him if you can look through his phone and if he says no, well then there’s your answer,” Rolf said.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How to Move On from Your Ex in Social Media and Elsewhere

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

So how do you start getting over the break-up (and him)?

We totally get it: break-ups are tough. When it comes to bad break-ups, we collegiettes have all been there–curled up on the couch with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, moping about our (now ex-) boyfriend and browsing though the newly posted pictures of him and his new girlfriend on Facebook. Getting over a break-up with your boyfriend is hard enough, but figuring out how to stop obsessing over him can be even harder. Maybe you constantly find yourself reaching for your cell phone to text him or you can’t seem to go anywhere without hearing Adele’s “Someone Like You” on the radio, but either way, you can’t get over him.

Regardless of what caused the split between you and your boyfriend, it’s understandable when you start to have hurt feelings and a sense of loss. Sometimes, you can fall into the trap of obsessing over the break-up, or even worse–reaching back out to him. But no matter what happened between you and your ex, it’s time to move on. So how do you start getting over the break-up (and him)? We consulted founder of Pink Kisses and expert on break-ups, Ellie Scarborough, to bring you the HC-approved guide to stop obsessing over your ex.

Unsubscribe to him on Facebook… or un-friend him altogether.

We social media-savvy collegiettes like to keep connected, checking sites like Twitter and Facebook multiple times a day. But there’s nothing that’s more of a downer than seeing your ex (in a picture with his new girlfriend) pop up in your newsfeed. While stalking your ex on his Facebook wall can be tempting, this only lets you desperately obsess over him. That’s why you should block or, at the very least, unsubscribe from your ex-boyfriend on Facebook.

Annie Pei from UChicago says that for her friend, breaking up with an ex online was an important first step to moving on with her life post-break-up. “A friend of mine unsubscribed to her ex’s updates on Facebook so he wouldn’t appear in her newsfeed,” Annie says. “This basically took away a lot of the incentive to look at his profile. She still did so once in a while, but the fact that he didn’t appear on her newsfeed took away most of the temptation.”

Evelyn, a collegiette from Amherst College, says that although it can take a lot of self-discipline, going on a digital hiatus for a while can be a great way to get over him. “When my ex and I broke up, I made a pact with myself that I’m not allowed to Facebook stalk him until I can be 100 percent sure that I won’t care if I see pictures of him with another girl (which will probably be in like another 5 years),” Evelyn says. “I still haven’t gone on his profile once!”

Pages: 1 2 3

Relationship Resolutions — Why They Are So Important to Your Happiness

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

…more people regard maintaining healthy relationships as the most important factor to their wellbeing.

Whether your circle of friends grows every weekend or has shrunk down to a handful trusted confidantes, it is undeniable that we are all social creatures who seek the comfort and support of others from time to time.

But as with many aspects of life, from diet to exercise, we don’t always pay enough attention to what we know will help our wellbeing – and relationships are no different. The neglect our social lives suffer is highlighted by new research released by the Mental Health Foundation to mark Mental Health Awareness Week. It shows that more people regard maintaining healthy relationships as the most important factor to their wellbeing than those who cited healthily, exercising or avoiding negative habits including smoking combined.

Nevertheless, 46 per cent of the 2,000 adults in the UK who took part in the survey also admitted that they regret not investing more time in their relationships – a figure which hits 50 per cent among men. And despite the fact that most people claim to value their social lives above their physical health, only 11 per cent of people surveyed made it the focus of their New Year’s resolutions.

In response to the findings, the Mental Health Foundation is encouraging people to make a relationship resolution. Those who sign up on their website will receive a text on New Year’s Eve to check their progress, and prompt them to continue their efforts into 2017. “What we hear time and again from our supporters is how important friends and family are on the road to recovery from severe mental illness,” says Nia Charpentier, a spokeswoman from the charity Rethink Mental Illness.

“Having people in your life who are understanding and supportive, be they a full-time carer or just someone to share a cup of tea and a chat with, can make a big difference,” she says, adding that peer support groups are also a vital tool for many people.

As the taboos surrounding mental health have been gradually stripped away in recent years, the physical and mental impact of loneliness was thrust into the public consciousness by John Lewis‘s 2015 Man on the Moon Christmas advert, which depicted a young girl attempting to contact an elderly man enduring a solitary existence in space.

According to the Campaign to End Loneliness, social interaction can cut the risk of mortality and developing certain diseases, and help individuals to recover more quickly from illness. However, socialising can be a daunting prospect for those struggling with their mental health. But it is important that people do not become withdrawn, explains Stephen Buckley, head of information at the charity Mind.

Pages: 1 2 3

Keeping Things From Your Ex. Good or Not?

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

The relationship ended. You never imagined that you would be here. You stand in your place full of memories, looking at all the little reminders of the person with whom you thought you had a promising future. What do you do with the mementos, the gifts, the personal things that are left behind?

At Relationup, an app that provides 24/7 live relationship advice from professionals via chat, we were curious about how people handled the keepsakes they accumulated during their relationships after they had fizzled. We conducted a survey and discovered that 56% of people (70% women; 33% men) kept mementos from a past relationship(s).

Our data also revealed that there were 5 common ways people dealt with their keepsakes in the aftermath of their relationship.

They held onto a few unique gifts they loved. This group described keeping unique items (e.g. jewelry, vintage jazz shirt, sweatshirts, teddy bear) because they loved them and didn’t want to part with them—regardless of who gave it to them or the circumstances surrounding the ending of the relationship. One man commented, “I loved that t-shirt so much that there was no way that I was going to throw it out”.

They kept things about which they were sentimental. This group hung onto items (e.g. plush dog, ticket stubs, airline boarding pass, mementos from travel) because they represented meaningful and significant experiences. Some kept things that represented the relationship (“my first love,” “the first time time my heart was broken,” “the first time that I felt that someone was really paying attention to me”), while others kept things that related to an event/experience (“the first time I went to Europe,” “my first concert,” “being at Coachella”).

They kept everything and boxed it up. This group liked to avoid facing their feelings by packing up everything to deal with later. In the majority of scenarios, this was motivated by painful endings and people wanted to wait until they felt emotionally ready to do a post-mortem on the relationship. One woman commented, “I just couldn’t look at anything to do with him for months.”

Pages: 1 2

Relationship Types You Can Find Yourself In

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Before you find “the one,” you’ll date a bunch of other ones. Only the truly lucky find a great relationship—built on compatibility, mutual respect, and sexual attraction—early on.

Most of us have to have all the other types of relationships, to understand what a functional relationship should look like.

Here are 14 types of relationships you will almost certainly have before you find long-term happiness.

CODEPENDENT

In this relationship, you or your partner (or both of you) cannot function without the other person. You feel anxiety and depression when you’re not around one another. Other areas of your life suffer. You’ll often do out of the ordinary things to keep this person’s love—like cancel a trip you planned years ago with friends, to stay with this person, or give up a great job to have more time with your partner.

INDEPENDENT

You’re a “power couple.” Or at least, you think you are. What you really are is this: two people who do not know how or are not willing to compromise and sacrifice for the relationship. You always put yourself ahead of your partner, and visa versa. You’re both highly focused on your careers, or your own separate social lives. You essentially just meet up when it’s convenient for both of you. But love is not a priority.

DOMINATING

At one point, unfortunately, you’ll date someone who controls you. He will set all the rules for the relationship, and you will follow them. Something about this person makes you spineless. You don’t even see how ridiculous his rules are, such as a rule that you not go out with friends without him, or that you stop talking to your male friends, or that all holidays are spent with his family instead of yours. You’ll be under a spell that will be clear to your friends, but for some reason not to you. And you’ll feel great anxiety around ever speaking your mind or demanding something from this person.

REBOUND

You, and possibly the other person involved in this relationship, have just gone through breakups and need love to cover up the pain. This relationship almost never works out because it is built on the fear of facing the reality of your recent breakup, rather than focusing on this new person and whether or not they are compatible for you. So it is fragile.

OPEN

We all get a little new age at some point and give this relationship a try. In this relationship, the two individuals are emotionally committed to one another, but are both free to sleep with other people. This type of relationship mostly only works when both parties aren’t that emotionally invested in one another. And for this reason, it usually ends anyways.

WORKING HARD

You really want love, you meet someone who really wants love, and so you’re willing to make a lot of changes for it. You change the way you talk, dress, think and socialize for him. He does the same for you. You actually have zero interest in one another’s passions and hobbies, but you attend all related event and feign interest. You look happy to the outside world, but it’s actually the most exhausting relationship you’ve ever been in.

TOXIC

Okay, the previous relationship is the second most exhausting relationship you’ll ever be in. This is the one that will leave you feeling emotionally, mentally and physically immobile. The toxic relationship is one in which you and your partner have an extreme attraction to one another, but have such drastically different morals, opinions, or integrity that all you do is fight. You bring out the worst in each other. But you can’t stay away from each other. You’re always on edge in this relationship. It’s like being on a drug: the highs are very high, but the lows leave you incapacitated.

TEMPORARY

It’s fun for now, but you wouldn’t make plans for the future. You couldn’t claim anything is wrong with the guy. You enjoy having sex with him and spending time with him. But that real umph isn’t there—that can’t live without him sensation. But it’s easy, and it’s a good distraction for a while.

BASICALLY FRIENDS

Everything is great except one thing: you and him do not feel like having sex with one another. It feels like kissing your cousin. You can have a fun day, connect on many levels, but when it comes to the bedroom, your blood runs cold.

PURELY SEXUAL

You’ll also have the opposite to the basically friends relationship: the purely sexual one. When you call or text one another, it’s almost always to spend time immediately. You’re mostly in the bedroom together. You have great sexual chemistry, and for some reason never feel compelled to explore your chemistry in other areas.

PRIZE POSSESSION

At one point you will date a rich or insanely handsome man, because you’re just intrigued by what life is like with that guy on your arm. You’ve seen gold diggers who seem happy with filthy rich gentlemen, or your giddy friend who is always with a model. So you give it a go. If you’re an emotionally sound person, you typically can’t carry this one on for long. You crave a real connection.

GOOD ON PAPER

You’ll date one guy because you should. Everybody—your friends, your family, complete strangers—think this guy is perfect. He’s handsome, he has a great job, he has a good sense of humor, he is kind, he is totally marriage and father material and he treats you like a queen. But again, the umph factor is missing. He doesn’t excite you. You can have great conversations, but a certain inexplicable connection just isn’t happening.

LONG DISTANCE

During one of your romantic phases, you’ll try out a long distance relationship. You’ll tell yourself yours will be the one to work out. And you’ll love going to visit him—it will feel like a vacation every time. But eventually, you’ll realize you don’t want to move to him, he doesn’t want to move to you, flights are getting expensive and you’re tired of missing out on what’s going on with your friends back at home.

EMOTIONAL AFFAIR

You probably will not realize it the first time you get into one of these, so we’ll give you a freebee. But at one point, you will develop an intimate, emotional connection with a man who is already in a committed relationship, or when you yourself are in a committed relationship. Nothing physical ever happens, but you share secrets with this person, you get anxious when you’re going to see him, and if you think about it, your or his partner wouldn’t really approve of it.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Up Level Your Relationship – Here’s How

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

“It is astonishing how little one feels alone when one loves.” ~John Bulwer

If there’s one thing we all want, it’s to feel loved.

We want to feel deeply connected to other people, fully seen and appreciated by them, and secure in those relationships.

We can have a million and one acquaintances online, but if none of our connections feel intimate and meaningful, we will ultimately feel alone.

There’s actually some interesting research that shows we tend to value physical possessions less when we feel loved and accepted by others, because relationships can provide a sense of comfort, insurance, and protection. They truly are the most valuable things in our lives.

I remember when I completed my last promotional tour. It’s something I used to do for work—travel around the country promoting products at sporting events, concerts, and retail locations. I chose this career partly because it seemed adventurous, and partly because it allowed me to distract myself with constant change and motion.

Although there were more than 20 people on the tour, I frequently stayed in separate hotels because my responsibility was to care for the tour dog, and the group often stayed in places that didn’t allow pets.

I’d just decided to leave NYC shortly before this job, after slowly climbing out of years of self-loathing, depression, and isolation. I wanted nothing more than to make real friendships, but I simply didn’t know how.

I saw it happening all around me. I saw women forming bonds that I knew would last for years, while I frequently felt awkward and insecure. I saw romantic relationships blossoming, while I had a superficial fling with someone I hardly knew, who hardly knew me back.

Though I was trying to open up to people and create space for them to open up as well, I still felt alone, love-deprived, and terrified that these feelings would endure. As a consequence, I frequently sabotaged myself and potential connections.

Pages: 1 2 3 4

Sharing Milk

by Amy Albertin RELATIONSHIPS

Breast milk is amazing, it’s full of antibodies, and helps babies develop, and there have even been studies recently that show breastmilk can help cure some kinds of cancer.

Recently on the website LittleThings an Australian mom named Meg Nagle posted a picture on Facebook of her breast feeding her nephew while her sister was away at work, and the baby was very hungry. Meg had the milk, and didn’t think twice about it. It should also be mentioned that Meg is a lactation consultant who happens to know a thing or two about the subject, and also got permission from her sister beforehand. Oddly (please note the sarcasm here) people lost their minds over it, and it caused a firestorm of Internet remarks, some that were supportive, and many others that were not.

So why do people have such strong opinions about this? Wet nursing as a concept has been around for hundreds of years, and women donating their milk to infants in orphanages, or simply to other mothers who for whatever reason can’t breast feed, or produce enough of their own milk. Breast milk is amazing, it’s full of antibodies, and helps babies develop, and there have even been studies recently that show breastmilk can help cure some kinds of cancer. So why does the idea of a woman who is not the baby’s mother breastfeeding them freak us out so much?

Maybe it’s because in America boobs are sacred, sexual, hidden images for the most part, and viewing them as a source of food for a newly born human isn’t sexy. Americans LOVE our sexy, but not if it’s served with a side of breast milk. A friend of mine just the other day asked me after I remarked on how sad my breasts will be after I’m done nursing my baby in a few months said, “well, yeah, but you don’t really care about that, right? I mean, their real purpose is to feed your child, and you did that!” She’s right, I did do that. I fed my daughter from my breasts just as I was supposed to. Good job boobs! But if I’m being honest with myself, I still don’t want my once perky, small nippled, perfectly sized C’s to look bad! My husband is a big fan of my boobs, and I worry he won’t be attracted to me after they stop producing milk and I wake up with what can only be described at “porn star D’s”. Will my breasts resemble a hastily discarded sock puppet, thrown to the side by a child who has no interest in playing with is anymore? Is that even a thing? Even the thought of that makes me have panic sweat. Oh great, so I’ll have pancake boobs on top of my flop sweat. Not sexy.

Pages: 1 2

Here is Why Some Couples Never Cheat

by zfortadminin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Wondering how and why some couples never tend to cheat on each other? Here is the answer.

Perceptual downgrading of attractive persons who can turn out to be potential threats may help in sustaining relationships from temptation and keep couples from cheating on one another, finds a new study.

The findings showed that to keep up a steady relationship, couples are likely to use an unconscious ‘turn-off’ mechanism where either partner perceptually downgrades individuals who can act as possible threats to their relationships, as less attractive than they really are.

Couples who are highly satisfied with their current partners are more likely to use this mechanism.

“Committed individuals see other potential partners as less attractive than other people see them, especially if they see the attractive person as a threat to their relationship and even more so if they’re happy with their partner”, said lead author Shana Cole, Assistant Professor at Rutgers University in the US.

Both men and women indulge in this protective bias called ‘perceptual downgrading’ and which helps couples’ maintain their commitment to their current partners.

“When people encounter an enticing temptation, one way to reduce its motivational pull is to devalue the temptation”, Cole added in the paper published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

“This study suggests that there are processes that may occur outside of conscious awareness to make it easier to stay committed to one’s partner”, she noted.

For the study, the team designed two studies. In the first study, the researchers told participants that they would be working with a very attractive person – who is either romantically unavailable or single.

They were shown the imaginary person’s face with its 10 morphed images and asked to pick the image that matched the original. The results shows that they consistently picked images morphed toward unattractiveness.

In the second study, the participants provided more information about their own romantic situations and the team described the imaginary person as single, and therefore, available.

Participants in relationships who thought the person was interested in dating found that person less attractive than individuals who were single.

People who were in relationships and were happy with their partners, perceived the imaginary person as less attractive than any other participant.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

What to Do When You Want an Honorable Man and You Are With Someone that Keeps You In The Gray

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

Remember that song, “R-E-S-P-E-C-T” by Aretha Franklin in the 60’s? Well, it’s about time you got some. A man will respect you when you respect yourself. If he doesn’t, you shouldn’t be dating him. Period. 

As a married man standing on the side lines, I must say you single ladies have got to put up better boundaries in your dating relationships! Think: fences, walls, lines in the sand, and some firm non-negotiables. Some of you may even need to put some barbed wire and shards of glass on top of those walls if you know what I mean…

Yes, relationships are two-way streets. Yes, I understand that you want to be loved. But don’t you want to be loved by an honorable man and not a jackass? If you recognize you’re in a lawless, renegade relationship that is going nowhere, it might be time to get some better boundaries, and quick. But first, here are a few clarifying points about boundaries:

1. Setting a boundary is not making a threat

Setting a boundary is not making a threat – it is communicating clearly what the consequences will be if the other person continues to treat you in an unacceptable manner. It is a consequence of the other person disrespecting your wishes. Setting a boundary shows that you respect yourself. Which is a critical piece of communication in the first 3 months of dating.

2. Setting a boundary is not an attempt to control

Setting a boundary is not an attempt to control the other person – although some of the people who you set boundaries with will certainly accuse you of that – just as some will interpret it as a threat. Setting a boundary is part of the process to define what is acceptable to you. It is a major step in taking control of how you allow others to treat you. It is a vital responsibility to yourself and your life.

Pages: 1 2

5 Tips for Non-Violent Communication to Use in Any Relationship, Inspired by John Cena

by RJ Newellin RELATIONSHIPS

On July 4, John Cena reached the hearts of millions with a simple, yet powerful PSA called We Are America.

You can watch it here.

This video could not have come at a better time. Today, war is everywhere; racism is a deadly epidemic; homophobia is a danger…and the political climate is stormy, to say the least. Chances are, you will run into a great deal of heated conversations this week – both on social media and IRL.

“Non-Violent Communication” is a term you might hear thrown around in meditation classes or therapy sessions – but it’s much more than that. It’s a powerful tool that everyone can use.

  1. Consider the issue from all angles.

    In We Are America, Cena asks viewers to close their eyes and picture the “average” American. He doesn’t start out by telling us what we’re “supposed” to think; he simply asks for our point of view.

Aristotle once said, “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” You can listen to another person’s views without giving up your own. Keeping an open mind gives you a better chance of discovering what you have in common. This creates a foundation of trust.

Remember – the goal is ultimately for the other person to entertain your point of view, just as you’re entertaining theirs. If you offer yourself as an example of what peaceful communication looks like, they may be more likely to reciprocate.

  1. State your observations, facts first.

    After asking viewers to picture their “average” American, John Cena offers some rapid-fire facts about our country. “51 percent [of American citizens] are female,” he states. “So first off, the average American is a woman.” By offering hard data to support his position, Cena solidifies his perspective as true.

In personal conversations, using “I” statements and presenting undisputable facts are the most effective ways to communicate peacefully. For example: “I’ve noticed that you use a number of racial slurs from time to time,” is a lot less divisive than just saying “You’re a racist.”

Rather than labeling them outright (“racist”), present some facts and/or previous incidents (“racial slurs”) to support your position.

  1. Empathy is a superpower. Use it.

    By expressing your feelings about a certain subject, you’re initiating an emotional exchange. In the PSA, Cena argues against the wrong definition of “patriotism” that people use to justify hatred. But he doesn’t say “stop being bigots, America.” Instead, Cena offers empathy: if we really want to love our country (and he believes we do) then we ought to love the people in it – regardless of gender, orientation, religion or race.

“After all, what’s more American than freedom to celebrate the things that make us – us?”

Notice he said “us.” We all deserve acceptance; that’s the point.

To receive empathy, you must also give it. By saying something like, “I feel sad and scared that you would _____,” you’re being vulnerable. And that gives the other person space to lower their defenses and be vulnerable, too.

  1. Add value.

    In the video, John Cena gives us a choice to add value to our lives by contributing directly to the country we love. He effectively communicates that our point of view matters. And to be needed is to be important.

Instead of saying “you’re holding me back,” one might instead say “I need support from you in _____.” Articulating your needs in this way shows others that they can be a meaningful part of the solution.

When we explain our needs to others, we add value to their cooperation. And cooperation is the goal of non-violent communication.

  1. Don’t be afraid to make requests.

    For people planning to celebrate their patriotism with fireworks and flags, John Cena ends the PSA with a simple call to action (of sorts). “Remember that to love America means to love all Americans…because love has no labels.”

You can’t change a person’s mind; all you can do is offer them an alternative. This can be done with a final request: “Would you be willing to stop using words like ____?” “Would you like to talk to a professional?” or, “Would you be interested in hearing more about this next time we meet?” Questions like these leave the ball in their court. The rest is not in your control.

Nonviolence means knowing when to walk away.

At the end of the day, your opinions are yours. But facts belong to everybody, so here’s the most important one: Love is the single most powerful force on the planet. It’s available to all of us, free of charge. And the more you practice it, the stronger love gets. Nonviolent communication is one of the most effective ways to bring lasting change in a world that really needs it.

Inheritance? Who Is and Isn’t Talking About It With Their Partner.

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

A survey also found that more than half admitted to not openly discussing their finances with their loved ones.

Nearly one in two people keep an inheritance secret from their partner, according to a new survey.

The poll quizzed 1,000 couples from around the UK about whether they were ‘completely honest’ with each other about their savings and debts .

The survey found that 57 per cent of those polled admitted not openly discussing their finances with their loved one.

Amazingly, the survey, for pensions advice specialist Portafina, also found that just over 40 per cent – almost one in two – admitted not telling their partner about a windfall from an inheritance.

A total of 43 per cent of those quizzed also failed to tell their loved one about all the debts they owed.

One in 10 even said they had ‘intentionally gone out of their way’ to hide their assets or debts from their loved one.

More than half of those polled said they don’t openly discuss finances with their partner

The poll found that 92 per cent of those quizzed admitted not ‘taking steps’ to protect themselves financially – such as opening a separate savings account – just in case their relationship hit the rocks.

The main reasons given for financial secrecy were that they had lost out financially after a break-up with a former partner, and also ‘feeling uncomfortable’ discussing cash, especially if one partner earned considerably more than the other.

Top of the secretive list were people from Birmingham, with just under 55 per cent confessing to keeping their financial affairs ‘top secret’.

This was closely followed by Liverpudlians, with 51 per cent, and people from Leeds and Glasgow came in joint 3rd place, with 50 per cent saying they didn’t share financial information with partners.

Couples in the Republic of Ireland were the most honest about their finances, with only 40 per cent keeping their finances secret.

secretive couples

The poll also found that 35 per cent didn’t like discussing pensions with their partner – and 30 per cent said they even kept a health problem secret from their loved one.

Jamie Smith-Thompson, managing director at Portafina, said: “It’s not unusual for friends or colleagues to talk about money when things get tight before payday, but we wanted to know just how far these conversations go and how much we share.

“We were surprised to find that over half of those in relationships don’t discuss details such as salary, debts and savings with their partner, with debts being at the bottom of the sharing list.

“While some people see this as a way of protecting themselves in the future, the benefits of sharing important financial details and knowing about potential pressure points – such as debts or changes to retirement planning – should not be underestimated.

“More openness and communication in relationships can really help people create the future lifestyle they want.”

Curated by Timothy
Original Article