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Category: RELATIONSHIPS

How to Date When You Have an Anxious Attachment Style

by Becca Martinin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Because playing hard to get isn’t an option.

“You don’t need someone to be happy.” I’ve heard over and over from my friends but I’ve always felt the exact opposite.

When I’m alone I feel incomplete in some way and I know that’s not healthy. And worse than that, I’ve always clung to partners, even partners I know are not good for me because I convinced myself it was better to have someone — even if they don’t care about me — than to be completely alone. It’s a vicious cycle that I keep allowing to repeat, like my existence is useless without someone to share my life with, and friends just don’t do it, I need that ‘romantic’ connection, even if it’s just me begging for attention and feeling validated every few days.

I never knew this had a name until I was asked, “do you know what an anxious attachment style is?”

I didn’t.

So, I bought (and completely indulged myself in) Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller and my world changed.

I realized I wasn’t the only one who felt this gross, off-putting clinginess and I felt more understood. I felt like I had answers and was more aware of what I was doing. I felt like I might finally be able to change my behavior.

Standard dating tips don’t work when you have an anxious attachment style. You can’t pretend you’re uninterested, unavailable or that you don’t want a relationship because that’s total bullshit.

Here’s what I’ve learned about dating with an anxious attachment style:

1.  Wait before reacting to small things.

People with anxious attachment styles are more in tune to changes in others’ emotional expression and can have a higher degree of accuracy and sensitivity to other people’s cues. This essentially means that we tend to jump to conclusions very quickly and can often self-sabotage our relationships. I once dated a guy who lived two hours from me and I invited him to come camping for a weekend and he said yes. I was thrilled! Then he texted me shortly after that he couldn’t make it because he got called into work. So we adjusted and made plans to hang out on Sunday since I was driving back past his town. When I started driving Sunday morning I had a three-hour drive ahead of me to get there. I hadn’t heard from him so I texted him to tell him I was excited to see him only to find out he couldn’t hang out because he got called into work, again. I was convinced he was lying and that he just didn’t want to hang out with me before my (much more reasonable) friend told me that I was going to self-sabotage the relationship if I started acting short or accused him of lying.

2. Don’t mistake the anxiety, obsession, and the short bursts of joy with love.

Mixed messages from your partner, or potential partner, often lead us to believe we are in love but it’s more often than not our attachment style activating. Every time you get mixed signals and you’re left guessing your attachment system is activated and you become preoccupied with the relationship. Then when he compliments you it creates validation and you tell yourself he’s into you after all. You’re activated attachment system is confused with passion. I never realized before why I was so attracted to people who mostly treated me like they wouldn’t have cared if I died, but now it makes sense. It’s the one little comment or gesture that makes it feel like they care. It creates that feeling of reassurance and makes me feel loved, even if it’s short-lived.

3. Acknowledge and accept your true relationship needs.

There have been so many guys I’ve dated who have made me feel “needy.” I always felt like I was asking too much from them or that I was the reason that things never worked out but I realize now that there is nothing wrong with me and that more often than not I’m dating guys who have an avoidant attachment style. These two attachment styles tend to cling to each other. I realized I didn’t need to change myself to please my partner, I just needed to find someone who is secure and can give me what I need.

sexy couple

4. Avoid dating someone with an avoidant attachment style.

Like I just mentioned anxious and avoidant attachment styles are often attracted to each other. I’m almost certain every guy I’ve dated has been avoidant. Now that I’m aware of my attachment style, I’m aware that I need to avoid avoidants. Avoidants typically send mixed signals, disregard your emotional well-being, suggests you are “too needy” or “too sensitive,” gives the indication that he’s still looking for “the one,” doesn’t care what you’re saying and ignores things you want/say that inconvenience them. If you have an anxious attachment style, avoid people with an avoidant attachment style at all costs because they’re never going to be able to give you what you need or change (seriously, it takes five years to completely change your attachment style, and it’s rare to do so).

5. Express your needs.

In so many relationships I’ve tried to be exactly who I thought the other person wanted without any regards to myself and what I wanted. I’d try to change, make myself uncomfortable to make them slightly more comfortable and I’d hide what I needed so that I wouldn’t get called “too much.” I wanted to be the cool girl, which doesn’t fucking exist, btw. I’d hide my wishes, wants and needs because I thought it would make someone else happy. Now that i say that it sounds insane, but for so long I did it and the sad part is I will probably still do it because I still have an anxious attachment style but I have got better at expressing my needs and wants without worrying about if they’ll think I’m needy or not because the right person won’t make me feel that way at all.

6. Give “boring” people a chance.

I’ve gone on a decent amount of dates and I walked away with the same immediate text to my friends, “he was SO boring!” I recently learned that those people I go on dates with who I find “SO boring” are usually people with secure attachment styles – the kind of person I should be dating. But with secure people, there is less drama so my anxious attachment style isn’t activated the same way that it is with someone who is avoidant. It’s typically to confuse the calmness and stability with boredom and lack of attraction. I’ve learned it’s important to give secure people a chance, especially because that’s the ideal partner for an anxious attachment style.

Understanding your attachment style, especially if you’re anxious, is really crucial for having healthy romantic relationships. Learning more about your behavior, why you do the things you do and feel the way you do when dating will finally make you feel not alone, which is exactly what I felt. Relief. Understanding your overall attachment style when you’re anxious will help you find that happy, fulfilling relationship we’re all longing for.  

Recommended next story: 8 Ways to Stop Letting Your Insecurities in Relationships Outweigh the Good.

Financial Questions to Ask Your Partner at Different Stages of Your Relationship

by Jillian Pretzelin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Financial questions to ask your partner at every stage of your relationship

It’s no secret that money can cause tension in a relationship. Couples clash on spending, debt, and financial philosophies all the time. That’s why it’s important to talk about finances with your partner often and make sure you’re on the same page.

The only problem is that talking about money can be stressful for a lot of people.

Some might be embarrassed about their finances and have a hard time opening up. Others might think that talking about money is unpleasant, so might avoid the tough questions.

While leaving some things to the financial imagination is okay at the beginning of a relationship, as you start to get more serious with a partner, it’s important to know their financial background (and spending habits) and it’s important that they know yours too. Together, you’ll create a good foundation for understanding and be able to help each other reach financial goals.

To help start the conversation, here are some questions you should ask your partner, and yourself, at each stage of your relationship.

1. Just dating: What do you like to spend money on?

Everyone has at least one hobby or interest that they probably spend a little too much on.

For me, it’s education. I will drop serious cash on classes and books and conferences to hear certain speakers. I love learning new things and I know that if I have some extra spending money, I’ll have no problem spending it there. For some people, their “thing” is getting detailed tattoos or going to concerts. Others are really into makeup or video games and like to spend their cash on getting the latest and greatest.

It’s important to know, early in your relationship, what thing (or things) the person you’re dating likes to spend money on.

Understanding your partner’s habits will give you an expectation so you’re not blindsided when he or she keeps dropping hundreds of dollars on model airplanes or fine wines. It won’t feel like financial irresponsibility so much as a investment in one of your partner’s interests and financial priorities.

Plus, if you find you have the same interests as your partner, it could give you an opportunity to bond.

I have one friend who loves dogs (and even has four pups at home). She’s never been afraid to spend money on her pets and has been known to drop hundreds (or thousands) on outfits for them, groomings, teeth cleanings, and even special dog foods. Recently, she met a guy who loves dogs just as much as she does and she was so glad to find that he understood the idea of spending a good chunk of change on a fuzzy friend’s care and well-being. It helped the two get to know each other and create a bond early.

Side note: if you’re thinking this might be an awkward question to ask on a first or second date, don’t worry, because you probably won’t have to actually ask. Usually, the answer will be pretty clear a couple dates in. If, for example, you notice your date wears a lot of designer clothes or talks about parts for their car a lot, you’ve probably got your answer.

2. New relationship: Is money important to you?

On some level, money is important to everyone. At the bare minimum, we need enough to pay the bills and buy groceries, but to some of us that’s where it ends.

Some people work just enough to be able to get by and they enjoy the freedom that comes with having just a few bucks in their bank account. Meanwhile, other people can’t stand to live paycheck to paycheck. They only feel secure when they have a heafy savings account to fall back on and panic if they don’t have at least 20k squirreled away somewhere.

Many more are somewhere in the middle: they know that making money will allow them to do things they like and they value that. They work hard at saving but aren’t afraid of a little spending either.

When you’ve been dating someone for a little while, it’s important to know how they handle money—and how that compares to your habits. Someone who is fast to spend might drive a “super saver” crazy. However, two savers together will likely fill their time with work and never spend their earnings on the fun things they deserve.

The key is to find someone who isn’t too different from you in regards to money habits, but isn’t too similar either.

For example, I probably spend a little bit more than I should—but I don’t mind spending money on a day trip or a nice dinner out if I know the experience will be special. Meanwhile, my husband is a little more frugal. He hunts for deals and is a little more hesitant before buying something he really wants. But in the end, we even each other out. He helps remind me of good saving habits and I make sure he knows when it’s okay to spend money on something really great.

3. Getting serious: Do you have any debt?

This can be a bit of a sensitive subject for some people so you should usually save the debt talk until you’re comfortable in your relationship.

The truth is that, these days, most young adults have at least some debt. They might have student debt or credit card debt, but just because someone has some extra bills to pay doesn’t mean they’re financially irresponsible.

In fact, maybe it’s a hint that they actually are good with their finances. For example, maybe your boyfriend or girlfriend needed a new car, and instead of dropping all their rent money on a fancy new set of wheels, they started making manageable payments on a sensible car.

Debt itself isn’t always a red flag. But when someone keeps spending outside their means on things that they don’t need, it can be. When someone buys a house they can’t pay a mortgage for or they rack up credit card debt with no idea of how to pay it off, that’s when it’s a problem.

When my husband and I were really getting serious, we were both lucky to not have a lot of debt. I had a mortgage and was on track to pay off grad school, while he just had some car payments. None of our debt was overwhelming and we were glad to see each other handling debt so well. We were able to talk about our plans for the future while getting to understand each other’s financial responsibilities better.

Of course, it’s easier to talk about debt if you only have a little bit of it, but even if you have a lot and bills are piling up, don’t be afraid to talk about it with your partner. The best thing you can do is make sure you talk about your debts and your plans for paying them off. As long as you’re patient with each other, and there are no secrets, you should be able to work through it.

finances

4. Thinking about marriage: What are your long-term financial priorities?

When you get to the point in your relationship when you start thinking about marriage, you should also be talking about your long-term priorities.

When my husband and I talked about this just before we got engaged, we discussed setting aside money for travel, saving up for a bigger home, and building up our savings account before having kids. We were lucky to find that we had a lot of the same priorities.

But not every couple is so like-minded.

For example, couples who meet later in life might have other financial commitments. Maybe one person already owns their dream home, maybe the other is focused on putting their kids through college. You might not have the same exact goals as your partner, and that’s okay.

However, it’s important to know what both of your priorities are and how you’re going to work together to achieve those goals.

5. Engaged: How do you envision our banking situation after marriage?

In the olden days, married couples had one bank account that they shared. It was simple and a lot of people still enjoy this method today. However, many prefer to handle their money in a different way.

Some couples think it’s really important to have completely separate finances and to pay for things like rent and utilities 50/50. Others might like to have one large, shared account for the bills as well as two smaller individual accounts as well.

There are tons of ways to handle your finances and there’s no wrong answer to how you plan on handling your money. However, you must make sure you and your partner can agree on a method. Some like to have a little privacy on their spending (because who really cares if you spent $30 on a salad if you’re still on budget for the week?) while other couples want that full disclosure to keep each other on track. If you don’t agree on a method together, you might have to compromise or get creative.

When my husband and I got married, we combined everything and decided to simply talk to each other before spending a large amount. We’re good communicators and not big spenders, so it works great for us.

One of our couple friends has a system where they put 75% of their income into one account for their joint bills and 25% into their own separate checking accounts. They like being able to have the joint account to make bill payments easy but they also like having the smaller accounts to make sure they’re not going over budget.

Know that every couple will have a different financial situation for different reasons. It’s important to communicate with your partner and decide what’s going to work best for you.

6. Married: What do we expect each other to spend… and on what?

Once you’re married, you might have to be more involved in each other’s finances. After all, you’re legally bound to any debt your partner may accrue. But, know that since you get to be involved in your spouse’s finances, your spouse might want to have more of a say on your spending as well.

Of course, this can be challenging. When you’re single, you get to spend money on whatever you want, but once you’re married you need to work more as a team.

Consider setting a family budget by talking about how much each of you should aim to spend every day/week/month. Account for necessities (such as groceries and gas) as well as fun things (like dinners out and gifts).

My husband and I like to talk about spending on a case-by-case basis. We decided early on that if we were going to spend over $200 on something, we’d talk to each other about it first. Of course this amount will probably change as the years pass and we get more established in our careers, but we like the idea of checking in before spending a lot of money.

However, lots of couples keep their finances in check in other ways. One couple I know likes to set monthly budgets for shopping and date nights out. They give themselves just a couple hundred dollars each month for new clothes or dinners at restaurants. If they spend their whole “date night budget” in one night, they eat at home for the rest of the month. If they spend their “shopping budget” on just a few items, they don’t buy new clothes or accessories until the next month.

Of course, you’ll have to start by talking about your existing habits before you make a spending plan together. So, grab your bank statements and sit down with your partner. Talk about what you usually buy, how much your usually spend, and how you can improve your spending habits to reach any financial goals you may have.

While finances can be a touchy subject in any relationship, it’s important to communicate about money. If you can use these 6 questions to kickstart the conversation with your partner, you’ll feel more secure in your finances and in your relationship.

Celebrate Spring! 15 Great Date Ideas to Usher in Warmer Weather

by Kate Oczypokin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

There’s just something special about spring.

The weather gets warmer, the sun gets brighter and everyone seems to be just a little bit happier.

Ever since I started dating, I’ve always enjoyed going out in the springtime. There’s just a bit more happiness and romance in the air. Here are 15 great date ideas to usher in warmer weather.

1. Rent a convertible for the day

Head out to your nearest airport or rent-a-car place and rent out a convertible for the day (red ones are the most fun!). Drive around your city with the top down and feel the wind through your hair. Make sure your partner and you have ridiculously oversized sunglasses and a headscarf a la Miriam Maisel in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.

2. Try mini-golf

There’s something so pure and innocent and uniquely spring-like about mini-golf. A lot of golf places in colder climates open up again for the season. After the round of mini-golf, share a hot fudge sundae or get a frozen yogurt cone. Who knows, maybe all that seductive licking will make for some fun later!

3. Visit a local carnival or amusement park

Just like mini-golf, many amusement parks reopen for the season come spring. Grab a ride on the Ferris Wheel and kiss when you reach the very top. There’s nothing more romantic than sharing a gorgeous view. I’ll never forget one of the nicest kisses I’ve ever had—at the top of the Navy Pier in Chicago. It was straight out of a romantic movie!

4. Take a spontaneous weekend road trip

There’s no better way to get to know someone than taking a road trip. Find a nearby town you’ve always wanted to visit and get in the car and just drive. Doing something impulsive like taking a road trip with your significant other is a fun way to celebrate springtime.

5. Visit the zoo

With the warmer weather, more animals will be out and about. Stroll through the zoo hand in hand and enjoy watching the adorable pandas, monkeys and more interact.

6. Visit a winery

Ah, just thinking about it makes me want to go—there’s nothing more fun than sipping wine on a breezy spring afternoon. Not to mention, if you take a shuttle there and are able to drink freely, coming back tipsy together could add to some fun in the bedroom later on. I loved visiting a winery with my boyfriend and his family one gorgeous spring afternoon—it was absolutely magical.

Couple Having Fun Man Giving Piggyback To Woman In Park

7. Go to a farmer’s market

A lot of farmer’s markets are back in action come springtime. Look up a recipe in bed together one morning and find a local farmer’s market. Grab your ingredients (this is about as fresh as they come!) and make your meal together.

8. Find an outdoor movie

Come warmer weather, many cities begin screening outdoor movies in local parks and squares. Google outdoor movies near you and arrange to meet up for a screening of your favorite movie. Many cities hold themed movie festivals too, so if you’re up for superhero flicks or romantic comedies, chances are there’s something for you.

9. Visit Washington, D.C.’s Cherry Blossom Festival

Turn a date into a weekend-long affair by visiting D.C.’s annual cherry blossom festival. I have lived in D.C. for the past 15 years and trust me, there’s nothing like seeing the thousands of cherry blossom trees in bloom. It truly is an idyllic spring scene. There’s even a special neighborhood in the city that has tons of blooms. My boyfriend and I go every year to a pizza place nearby, grab milkshakes at the ice cream shop next door and stroll through the neighborhood, gazing at the cherry blossoms.

10. Volunteer at an animal shelter

As the weather warms up, lots of animal shelters find themselves with more kittens and puppies than they can count. Spend a Saturday afternoon with your significant other and some furry loved ones for the ultimate cute date.

11. Dine al fresco

One thing I love about spring is that many restaurants open up their patios and rooftops for outdoor dining. To me, there’s nothing more perfect than having a delicious meal underneath the stars on a warm evening. One of my favorite spring date nights is heading to the local pizza shop a few subway stops away and dining outside with my boyfriend, watching the people rush by.

12. Have a picnic

Speaking of dining al fresco, another spring pastime is getting your favorite gingham blanket, plastic wine glasses, grapes, cheese and more and heading outdoors for a picnic. Invest in a big, glamorous floppy hat for a retro, ultra-romantic feel.

Young Couple Go Picnic At The Park In Summer.

13. Go for a walk in the rain

Sometimes spring can be a bit on the rainy side. Don’t let that discourage you! Have you ever seen Midnight in Paris? Rain can be beautiful. The next time you’re feeling down on a particularly rainy day, head out in your most colorful umbrella and share a walk in the rain together.

14. Go for a run

This may be the easiest and healthiest spring date idea. If your partner and you are looking to get back into shape after a long winter, going for a run on a sunny morning will jump start your plans.

15. Have your own photo session

Head to your nearest public garden or park and take photos of each other. It’s a great way to practice your photography skills and get out and enjoy the weather too.

16. Binge watch a show in bed together

One of my favorite date nights I’ve had with my boyfriend is a weekend night in spring a few years ago. We stayed home and watched a movie but opened all the windows on the warm night. It was so relaxing for the breeze to waft through the window screens while watching the movie. You can do the same but binge watch a show you’ve missed one night instead. Back when The Newsroom was airing on HBO, my boyfriend and I had just started dating. One of my favorite memories was coming over to his place every Sunday night watching the show curled up together in bed, with the spring breeze wafting through his 12th floor window.

Ready for spring? Celebrate the change of seasons with these 15 date ideas to usher in warmer weather.

7 Sweet Anniversary Traditions You Can Do Every Year

by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Whether it be your 1st or a 50th, anniversaries are important to your relationship. It’s a milestone for your time together and an opportunity to celebrate your love.

But, planning an annual celebration (and even finding the right anniversary gift) can sometimes be difficult. My husband and I just came up on our ten year dating anniversary and while we love celebrating our relationship, over the years, we’ve found that planning anniversary celebrations has always been a bit stressful.

And lots of couples, in various stages of their relationships, feel the same way.

If you’re new to a relationship, you might not know what your partner expects and worry that whatever you do will be too little, or maybe too much. If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you might be struggling to think of a gift you haven’t already given your partner in anniversaries past.

To fix this celebration conundrum, we started asking other couples what they do for their anniversaries. We found that the best ideas were the ones that repeat and build off of each other: anniversary celebrations that feel more like traditions. They let you enjoy your milstone without the unneeded stress of thinking of an original gift or date idea.

So, to help you celebrate your love, here are 7 great anniversary ideas that you can do every year. These anniversary dates (and gifts) are meant to be enjoyed over and over again so you can look forward to these celebrations for many years to come.

1. Fun photo shoot

My husband and I have been together for a long time, so of course we have a ton of photos of the two of us: candids taken by friends and lots of selfies.

But it wasn’t until a couple years ago, when we started talking about getting engagement photos done, that we ever considered getting professional photos taken. Between our engagement session, and subsequent wedding pictures, we suddenly had all of these beautiful photos to celebrate us, and I loved it.

When my husband and I reached our ten year anniversary, my sister-in-law gave us the idea to do a photoshoot to celebrate this milestone—and I loved the idea. She and her family take photos every year with their kids and we thought it might be fun to start a photo tradition of our own.

I asked a friend to be our photographer and the three of us walked to a nearby park and had a great time taking pictures together. Later, my husband and I loved looking through the photos and picking which ones to frame. We had such a good time that we decided to make a point to do a little photo shoot (or at least make sure to take a nice picture together) every year.

If you’re interested in taking photos every anniversary, there’s some great inspiration online for photo projects couples have done every year together, such as taking a picture with a printed photo from the year before or holding a balloon for every year they’ve been together. It’s a great tradition and down the road you’ll have a collection of pictures you’ll treasure.

Side Note: While some couples might want to go all out and embrace this photo shoot idea with a new wardrobe, getting their hair done, hiring a dream photographer, and heading to a fabulous destination… it’s also okay to make this a little low-key. My husband and I wanted to keep costs down so we grabbed a friend who was a photographer, picked cute outfits from our closet, and just took photos in the neighborhood. Costs were low but the photos were still great!

2. Scrapbook of anniversaries

While I’m so excited to document my anniversaries in photos, one friend of mine (and her husband) take this idea to the next level with a scrapbook of memories.

While it might be fun to take photos every year, you’ll also want a way to display your memories. Of course, you won’t have room for all your photos on your walls (especially after a few years), so why not start a tradition of a photo book? Each anniversary you could make one scrapbook page with a few anniversary pictures (or even photos of your favorite moments from the year) and add it to your scrapbook. You might even include ticket stubs or other little momentos.

If you want to take it up a notch even more, my friend likes to display their most recent page in a frame until their next anniversary. She likes getting to see it all year, then when she’s done with the next scrapbook page, adding it to the book and make room for another page to put on the wall.

These scrapbook pages can either be a sweet present you give your honey every year, or an activity you do together.

3. Make an anniversary cake

I’m really big on desserts so you can imagine my excitement when I found out that the bakery that made our wedding cake gives customers a free “anniversary cake” for couple’s one year of marriage. This sounded amazing: we wouldn’t have to worry about the tradition of freezing a piece of cake and then digging through dried-out frosting on our anniversary. We’d get to celebrate with a fresh, delicious cake made just for us.

But it got me thinking… who says cake is just a “first anniversary” tradition? And who says you have to be married to celebrate with something sweet? It got me thinking that this could be a great idea for an anniversary tradition, even beyond our first wedding anniversary.

If you’re looking for a fun (and thrifty) activity to celebrate your anniversary every year, make a tradition of baking a cake together. Every year you can come up with a fun design and get together in the kitchen to do your best impression of Cake Boss. You can start from scratch or buy a mix, then practice your piping skills or simply decorate with sprinkles. It’s a sweet (pun intended) anniversary tradition that you both will love!

4. Re-create a special day

Your anniversary is all about celebrating your love and making great memories together. So why not celebrate by re-creating a special day in your love story? I have a co-worker who goes out with her husband every year to the same restaurant where they had their first date and she loves their tradition. She thinks it’s so fun to remember the beginning of their relationship and recognize how far they’ve come as a couple.

But, you don’t necessarily have to recreate your first date to enjoy the same effects, re-creating any special day, like the day when you first said “I love you” or the day one of you proposed could be more special to you and your partner. Go ice skating like you did that day, or eat tons of Chinese food and watch Bob’s Burgers like you did that one special evening. The date itself doesn’t have to be fancy for it to be special to you.

One day that is really special to my husband and I is the day after our wedding. (Of course, our wedding was pretty great too, but we were looking for something easier to recreate.) That day, woke up in a fancy beach hotel, ordered waffles from room service, went for a walk along the beach, and finished off the night at dinner. Even back then we decided that we should come back the year after and enjoy a meal at one of the restaurants at the hotel and walk along the beach to remember how special we felt that day- and that’s just what we plan to do!

Whatever special day you choose, you can make it a great tradition: celebrating that special moment every year so you never forget how wonderful your memories are.

anniversary

5. A weekend get-away

While a special date can be the perfect way to celebrate your love, a mini get-away might be more your speed. I have a cousin who works a lot and says he simply doesn’t get to spend enough quality time with his wife. They’re both so busy, so when their anniversary comes around they like to go all-out and plan a weekend get-away.

While my cousin and his wife love going to the same beachy city for their annual get-away, you might want to change it up every year. Think about places that are special to you and what you want to do while you’re there. Do you need a weekend of R&R? Or do you love bonding over water sports and hiking?

Of course, your trip doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive: maybe it’s an annual camping trip, maybe it’s a quick visit to the big city or a mini vacation in the next city over. Then again, maybe you do want to go all out for those big anniversaries, splurging for the all-inclusive weekend complete with the “upgraded view” in your hotel room and visits to fancy restaurants.

Whatever you decide to do, it’s great to have a mini vacation to get to relax and spend time together. It’s a trip you could plan for every anniversary and look forward to all year long.

6. Love letters

While a weekend get-away might sound nice, not everyone has the time or money to plan a trip every year.

I have one friend from grad school who admits that while paying off student loans, he wasn’t always able to plan dates for his girlfriend or get her a grand gift for their anniversary. Instead, they decided to start writing each other love letters and their sweet tradition stuck. He says they love writing each other letters for their anniversary and even though it’s so easy to do, the letters mean so much to both of them.

Their tradition is a good reminder that no matter how big or small you celebrate your anniversary, it’s important to take the time to tell each other how much you mean to each other, and what better way to do that than to put it in an old fashioned, romantic love letter? It’s probably the best anniversary gift to give (and get) and it requires very little time and money to do it. You might even consider making this a tradition and keeping all your letters to each other in a special book to look back on in years to come.

7. Try something new together every year

Wait a second, you’re probably saying, didn’t you say this list would help me celebrate anniversaries in a way that I won’t have to think of something new every year?

Of course it can be hard to think of romantic dates and sweet gifts every year, but when it comes to thinking of something you’ve never done in general… for most of us, that’s pretty easy.

One of the best things about being in a relationship is having someone to experience new things with. Why not make a tradition out of trying new things?

Every year you can plan to try something that’s new to both of you. Maybe neither of you have tried skiing or have never gone skinny dipping. Maybe you’ve never seen all the Godfather movies or have gone to the Grand Canyon. Every year you’ll do something new together, treat yourself to new experiences, and make yourself a more well-rounded couple.

No matter what you decide to do for your anniversary, remember to always have a ton of fun and take this time to appreciate each other. Every anniversary is an accomplishment and a milestone, so celebrate your love as best you can.

I’m About to Celebrate 7 Years with My Boyfriend (and No We’re Not Getting Married Yet!)

by Kate Oczypokin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS1 Comment on I’m About to Celebrate 7 Years with My Boyfriend (and No We’re Not Getting Married Yet!)

This May, I will have been dating my boyfriend for seven years.

On May 10, 2012, I was sitting at a lunch I had to report on for work. I was high on life, having just started dating a really sweet guy. I was daydreaming during the event when I got a text message saying “Guess what?” from the guy. I replied with a simple “What?” and moments later got a response: “I have the best girlfriend ever.” After that, I don’t remember much else from that work lunch.

Now, almost seven years later we are preparing to celebrate another anniversary together. I am certain come May 10th, I’ll get multiple questions as to why we aren’t married yet.

Being a Traditional Person in a Long-Term Relationship

Growing up, I was always a very traditional person. A self-described hopeless romantic, I couldn’t help but adore a good love story. I loved (and still love!) movies like When Harry Met Sally and Sleepless in Seattle.

I always thought I’d grow up and get married and have a couple kids by now. Granted, I still definitely want to marry and have children—just maybe not the five or six I wanted when I was 13!

From Year Two On, Everyone Bugged Us About Marriage

Since I’ve been dating my boyfriend, within about two years we started getting the question: “when are you two going to get married?”. We’ve brushed it off since then every year. People always preach individuality and doing things on your own time, but I can’t tell you how many people have wondered why we aren’t married yet.

I usually post a collage of photos of the two of us on social media every anniversary, mostly for the memories I can look back on when they pop up each year. Now that I’m about to celebrate seven years with my partner, part of me does not want to post a said collage as I know I will get the inevitable ring emoji with a question mark or another questionable comment about marriage.

The funny thing is, those questions often come from acquaintances or friends I’m not particularly close with. My best friends and family, they have every right in the world to talk to me about it (mostly because I occasionally chat with them about my relationship anyway).

People who I haven’t seen in person since high school? Slow your roll. Trust me, my boyfriend and I– We’ve got this.

African American Couple Dating

Being True to Who I Am AKA Not Giving in to Marriage Pressure

To those who are going through something similar, it’s important to remember to be true to your own relationship. Things take time and what’s great for another couple may not be the right thing for you.

I’ll admit from about years four through six, I was that person who bombards me with questions. The self reflection I constantly had made me wonder why I was the “odd one out” and not getting married just yet. My anxiety about the issue climbed as friends and siblings started getting engaged, married and then pregnant.

Within the past year though, I started to realize that if or when my boyfriend and I do get engaged, it needs to be the perfect timing. The spark has to be perfect, the place we are in our relationship, and within ourselves, needs to be right. Without it, the engagement is bound to fail. Call it my romanticism mixed with a bit of maturing realism, I know that things have to feel right for a relationship to work. I used to be all about trusting with your heart—now I have a little bit of my head thrown in too.

Why I’m Waiting to Get Married

I am waiting to get married for a few reasons. First of all, I am still traditional—I am waiting for that magical proposal from my boyfriend. It doesn’t need to be fancy. I have literally told him that I wouldn’t mind if our dog came in with the ring around his harness.

Some have questioned why I’m still waiting. It’s simple: I love my boyfriend. I think there will be a point where I’ll need to make a decision about our future, but for now things are wonderful. We have our own little “family” together with our dog, we share a spacious apartment, I love my job. Why shake things up when I love life so much right now, at this very moment? Not to mention, I shouldn’t (and you shouldn’t!) have to answer to anyone when they ask you why—why are you not married, why don’t you have kids yet?

Happy Young Couple

Learning that It’s Okay to Wait

These days, we have so many pieces of technology easily at our fingertips. Do you want to order falafel from your favorite Mediterranean spot? Click on Uber Eats on your phone—boom, ordered. Our decision making is often split-second in today’s times.

Basically, what I’m saying is, getting engaged is a huge decision. It’s not something to be taken lightly, so if you are dating for enough years you can count on a whole hand (or more) that’s perfectly okay! It’s important to really get to know the person and to make sure you want to spend the rest of your life with them.

If your best friend is married and expecting her first child, just take a deep breath. Remember, that’s great it works for her but it might not work for you at this particular time. I’m glad my boyfriend and I are taking our time with things. It’s part of what makes our relationship unique and special. That is why I’ve decided I may just have to put those hesitant feelings aside and embrace my annual collage again this year.

Who cares what other people think, right? Just be you, enjoy life and have fun doing it—I know I plan to.

Feeling single and frustrated? Take a deep breath and read this.

Spread a Little Love This Spring: 15 Random Acts of Kindness

by Kate Oczypokin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

There’s just something about warmer weather that makes me happier.

I want to spread that happiness, especially in the springtime.

Here are 15 ways to spread a little love this season (and all year ‘round!) with random acts of kindness.

1. Send a greeting card

This is my absolute favorite thing to do to make people happy. I especially love Target’s greeting card section. I sometimes have a special place in my heart for naughty or ridiculous cards—they’re the things that make my loved ones laugh the hardest. Knowing that they enjoy getting mail like a funny greeting card makes me feel happy and fulfilled.

2. Buy the person in line behind you a cup of coffee

I’ve thought about doing this little act of kindness forever and I have never remembered to do it while in line at Starbucks. It is my goal to do it this spring to make someone smile on a typically busy and hurried morning.

3. Bake cookies for your elderly neighbor or friend

I am friends (and a fellow church usher, believe it or not!) with two 80-somethings. I love baking them a plate of warm chocolate chip cookies and bringing them to church as a thank you for always giving me rides and being so nice to me! It was the two of them who helped me feel involved in my church so I love returning the kindness they showed me.

4. Take a rescue dog out for an adventure

Many local animal shelters allow volunteers to take their rescue dogs out for an afternoon “adventure.” Showing a dog whose been in some tough times a day of fun with an ice cream jaunt or trip to the local dog park is a great way to make them feel loved.

happy couple with dog in spring

5. Offer to take a friend’s kids out for the afternoon

As I rapidly continue approaching the age my peers start having children, I know many soon become tired, overworked parents. By offering to take their children out to the movies or to the park for a few hours is a welcome, you are committing a selfless act of kindness many parents would appreciate.

6. Surprise your apartment floor with candy

I love doing this on my apartment’s floor. I think it stems from me being Sunshine Chair of my dorm floor in college. Over the holidays, I used red, green and silver Hershey’s kisses and left them in little Ziploc bags taped to everyone’s doors. I included a little note thanking them for being such great neighbors. This is a simple way to get to know your neighbors and make them (particularly lonely ones) feel welcomed.

7. Slip a love note in your significant other’s lunch

My boyfriend likes to make believe he haaaates this but every time I ask him if he got the note I left him in his lunch he smiles from ear to ear. There’s a reason we loved mom’s lunch notes growing up—they made us feel special. Why not do the same for your partner?

8. Send a thank you note

My closest friends and family know I absolutely adore writing thank you notes. The written word is often lost these days and I always joke it’s my own personal goal to bring it back. Sending a written thank you is a special way to make someone feel happy about their original gesture that warranted the note in the first place. Not to mention, it’s fun buying cute stationery!

9. Do a 5K for a cause close to your heart

My boyfriend suffers from retinitis pigmentosa, an eye-related disease that can eventually blind him. A few years ago, I signed up for a 5K to benefit the programs and services of a local organization specializing in the blind, low vision and deafblind. It was the first 5K I ever ran and not only was I proud I did it in a respectable time, I was happy to be helping those like my boyfriend.

happy couple running in spring

10. Let someone go ahead of you in line

This one is a tough one, particularly when you’re pressed for time. I have yet to do it myself, but boy does it make someone’s day, particularly a mom struggling multiple children or an elderly person.

11. Mentor a child

Children from underserved communities in your area always appreciate stability in their life. Organizations like the Boys and Girls Club of America provide that consistency and are always looking for volunteers.

12. Offer a cold drink to those working outside on a hot day

D.C. summers are often oppressively hot—that’s part of the reason I make sure to ask our apartment’s maintenance team any time they come to do repairs for us if they need a glass of water. Many in construction or maintenance type jobs get minimal breaks and are often overworked. A small gesture like a glass of ice water could got a long way!

13. Leave a small gift for your mail carrier

I’ve always lived by the thought that if you befriend your mail carrier, your mail will always be delivered on time. In the six years we’ve lived in our building, I’ve gotten to know our mail carrier Mimi. I admire her so much, she came to the U.S. from Korea, married, had kids and has been working tirelessly for USPS for decades. We’ve become friendly and every Christmas and times throughout the year, I make sure to give her a small gift of gratitude for the countless hours she spends sorting our mail.

14. Donate to those less fortunate

This one is a typical one I know, but there are so many places you don’t even think about. There are plenty of animal shelters in need of blankets for shelter pets and children’s hospitals who would love a homemade card for one of their sick children.

15. Be kind to yourself!

Parks and Recreation fans out there will know Donna Meagle’s (aka Retta) iconic catchphrase “Treat yo self.” Some days, it’s important to do just take a personal day and literally treat yourself! I love deciding in the morning that I’m going to treat myself in some way and just going for it. Yesterday, I decided to take myself to the movies for a solo outing—one of my favorite ways to unwind.

7 Science-Approved Ways to Make a Good First Impression on Your Date

by Jillian Pretzelin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

2018 study found that people form an opinion about someone in just 27 seconds. And boy, does that sound harsh. You’ve barely finished saying “how do you do,” when already, you’re judging each other? Yikes.

Now, of course, this study isn’t saying that it only takes 27 seconds to get to know a person. That would be ridiculous. We’ve all seen enough rom coms and teen flicks to know that sometimes, longtime enemies become friends, and vice versa. First impressions are not always right and it takes way longer than 27 seconds to judge someone’s character.

But in the dating world, sometimes all you have is a first impression.

Think about it: the way modern dating works, first impressions are everything. If you’re on a dating app, you swipe right or left based on an image and a short bio. That’s a 27-second decision if I ever saw one… and that’s if you’re really taking your time.

If you meet up for a blind date and you’re not immediately charmed by your sister’s-friend’s-cousin’s-barber in the time it takes to sip a latte, you’ll probably never call back.

Generally, there isn’t a second chance.

We’re not in one of those rom coms where the cute stranger sits next to you in chemistry every day and eventually, you start to understand his/her charm. This also isn’t a Jane Austen novel where, apparently, there are only about seven eligible men in the town and you and Mr. Darcy keep bumping into each other at parties.

In real life, when a first impression isn’t good, you don’t waste your time. You look for love elsewhere.

On one hand, this quick decision-making is probably a good thing. You know who you’re attracted to and what kind of person you want to date. A strong first impression (especially if it’s negative) can save you a lot of time. Then again, if you’re the kind of person who doesn’t make a good first impression, you could be missing out on love.

While that 2018 study gave us all kinds of anxiety about quick judgements, luckily, the study also gave us a cheat sheet so we know what makes the biggest impression in that first 27 seconds.

Happy young interracial couple

Here are seven things to focus on in order to make a good impression for your next date.

Staying humble

62 percent of those surveyed reported that strangers who acted arrogantly made a bad first impression on them.

Surprise surprise.

We didn’t exactly need a study to tell us that no one likes spending time with an arrogant person… especially on a date. There’s nothing worse than a dinner date where the person across from you only talks about how awesome they are from appetizers to dessert.

Of course, sometimes after a particularly good day at work, we all might get the urge to brag now and then. But if you’re looking to make a good impression, and maybe even land a relationship, it’s important to show your modest side, especially on that first date.

Sure, you can mention your achievements (especially if your date asks), but try to stay humble. It’s okay to show off the great things about you, but remember that your goal should really be to learn about your date—and find out if you two have a connection.

Smiling

Audrey Hepburn once said, “Happy girls are the prettiest” (and that goes for gentlemen too). A smile can be your best friend when it comes to first impressions: it makes your face look warm and friendly. It brightens your eyes and makes people feel more comfortable with you, plus, 53 percent of people said it contributed to a good first impression.

Of course, don’t try too hard and end up with a forced smile (a creepy grin held for too long will probably have your date calling for an Uber). Still, remember the power of your pearly whites.

To enhance my smile, I like to use an at-home teeth whitener. It’s cheap, easy, and if my teeth are looking a little yellow one day, I can get myself looking like the star of a toothpaste commercial—fast. But, if you really want to invest in your teeth, lots of people go professional and get their teeth whitened at the dentist’s office.

Also, before you go out, put on some lip gloss (or chapstick) to bring attention to your lips. Your grin will surely make your date smile too!

romantic date

Being polite

Don’t you hate it when you’re at dinner with someone and he or she doesn’t say “please” or “thank you” to the waitstaff? Do you cringe when a date burps and doesn’t say “excuse me?”

Apparently a lot of people are bothered by bad manners, as the survey found that 53 percent reported that politeness contributed to making a good impression.

Of course, if you’re not the kind of person who keeps your pinky out or puts your napkin on your lap, don’t feel like you need to do an Emily Gilmore impression and follow every point of etiquette for the benefit of your date. Who knows, maybe your perfect match has the same habits as you, and asking for a salad fork might freak them out.

Still, it’s important to be polite, which means being kind and courteous. The rule is simple: be nice and your date will probably like you more.

Making eye contact

49 percent of those surveyed found that eye contact was very important to that first impression. This, of course, comes as no surprise.

Making eye contact means that you’re focused on that person, you’re talking directly to them or listening intently. Eye contact can be intimate, meaningful, and powerful. Failing to meet someone’s gaze can make you seem standoffish, cold, or disinterested.

Keep in mind though, too much hardcore eye contact can be intimidating, so don’t over do it. Make eye contact, but give your gaze a break, too. Sometimes looking away coyly can be flirty. When you’re telling a story or making gestures, it’s okay to look up or around a bit. Plus, if you’re on a dinner date, you should glance down at your food every so often too. After all, you’ll both have to look away at some point if you want to make sure you get your meal to your mouth, and not on your lap.

Dressing to impress

While personality is much more important than looks, when it comes to first impressions, it’s hard to not judge appearance. It might not be fair to judge a book by it’s cover… but sometimes we just can’t help it. Appearance is one of the easiest thing to judge quickly, and as this study shows, people put a good amount of focus on looks: a whopping 49 percent of people were put off by poor clothing choices.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you need to wear a ball gown or start buying designer everything (in fact, for some people, brand names and too much focus on appearance could be a turnoff) but it’s still important to make yourself presentable. Know which colors look good on you, pick out clothes that fit well, make sure that everything you wear is clean and unwrinkled.

Personally, I’m guilty of some sloppy dressing. I wear jeans and jackets too many times in a row without washing them, and am always embarrassed when I find a ketchup stain on my sweater from the day before. I’m also terrible at finding clothes that “go together” and often find myself texting photos of outfits to friends to get their opinion.

If you’re like me and have trouble with style, you might consider putting together a few good-looking outfits to wear on first dates ahead of time. Remember that if you look good, you’re more likely to leave a great impression.

Being a good listener

Wait, what?

Just kidding. Of course you should be a good listener! In fact, the study found that 48% of people think it’s an important attribute when making a first impression. You might be thinking that there won’t be much to listen to within just 27 seconds of meeting, but there’s nothing worse than introducing yourself to someone, saying something pleasant or making a joke, and realizing that they weren’t paying attention to what you were saying.

Whenever I meet someone new, even if I only talk to them for a few minutes, I try to remember something about them. It might be that their birthday is coming up or that they’re planning to go camping. Then, when I see them next, I ask them about that thing I remembered.

It makes people feel good, knowing that someone cared to remember something about them, and it’s always nice to feel like you’re being listened to. Doing this on dates will let your partner know that you’re truly interested in getting to know them.

Young Couple Go Picnic At The Park In Summer.

Smelling good

Say sorry to your Tinder profile for me, because any work you do to make corrections in this category won’t matter there. Still, this will be a big one when you two love birds finally meet in person. As it turns out, 46 percent of people really care about how someone smells and are turned off by someone with a stench.

But don’t take this as permission to lather on the cologne or spritz perfume high and low. A heavy, artificial aroma can be just as bad as B.O.

Your best bet is just to bathe regularly, use deodorant, and pop a mint every so often.

It’s also important to mention that some strong reactions to body odor could be due to pheromones, and if this is the case, there might not be much you can do to help it. If someone smells bad to you, this might be a sign that your immune systems are less suited for healthy reproduction (Smithsonian). I know, I know, this might not be the sexiest thing to talk about on a first date… but it’s science.

You may only have 27 seconds to make a good first impression, but now that you know which features to focus on, you’re sure to rock that first date from the moment you walk in the door. One great first impression can turn into a fabulous first date, and perhaps, the start of a future together.

Summer Loving in London

by Terri-Jane Dowin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

London shows another side of itself when the sun comes out. After months of jumpers and umbrellas, the grey finally lifts and London reminds everyone just why the city is so great. The first warm day is marked with a sudden outpouring of milk-bottle limbs lying on every patch of green available. It’s not wholly unknown for Londoners to get their bikinis on for a lunch hour in the park. There’s another definite upside to the welcoming of summer, and that’s that we finally can venture outside for dates in the sunshine. Here’s our pick of London’s best summer date spots.

Primrose Hill

Technically part of Regent’s Park, Primrose Hill boasts arguably the best views in London. You can see the whole of London’s skyline, and you’ll have an almost 360 degree view of the surrounding area. Swing past a supermarket on your way into the park, and you’llhave the perfect picninc date be able to picnic (with a can of G&T) on the hill. Once all the mini sausages have gone, head back down to Regent’s Park, where you can walk along the canal past London Zoo. Depending on the time of day, you can watch the painted dogs from the other side of the river. Regent’s Park also has its own outdoor theatre during the summer.

If you and your date are looking for’re after more sunny wandering, the streets of Primrose Hill are covered in English Heritage blue plaques, and you can spot where Ted Hughes and Sylvia Plath lived, as well as Dylan Thomas and Friedrich Engels. More recently, the Primrose Hill Set – Kate Moss, Sadie Frost, and Jude Law – and other celebrities have lived in the area, and you might spot them (especially around Chalcot Square) if you’re lucky!

Tube: Chalk Farm / Kentish Town

Columbia Road Flower Market

Heading East, Columbia Road’s famous Flower Market is not to be missed. Open from 8am on a Sunday morning until around 3pm, we’d recommend visiting either first thing or just before closing to beat the worst of the crowds. Losing your sweetheart in a jungle of monstera leaves doesn’t lead to the most romantic outing. If you go early, make a morning of it with a wander through the flower market and then up to Broadway Market (about a ten minute walk) for a brunch date. If it’s still sunny, and you’re both feeling like showing your summer bodiesy off, head to the Lido at London Fields.

If you’re planning an afternoon visit to the flower market, Hackney’s City Farm is super close, so you can take your datego there for a delicious lunch and to see the donkeys first, and then head down to buy your beaudate some peonies.

Top tips: never buy from the first stall, always take cash with you, and make sure you go home with a new plant!

Tube: Shoreditch High Street / Bethnal Green / Old Street

Happy couple by Big Ben Parliament, River Thames, London. Romant

The Luna Cinema

What do you mean, you’ve never watched JAWS while sitting in a blow up rubber dinghy in a swimming pool? If that’s your idea of a perfect date night (and, let’s be honest, do you want to date someone who doesn’t think that’s fun?), then the Luna Cinema should be on your list. They’ve got popup venues all over London, but we’re calling Brockwell Lido in South London as the best one. You can share a dinghy in the pool, or there are deckchairs around the edges if you’re not quite ready for the loveboats yet.

Tube: Brixton / Herne Hill

Outdoor Dining

For somewhere so cold and wet for so much of the year, London is surprisingly good at dining al fresco.

Mercato Metropolitano in Borough is one of the best street food markets, open all day every day, and offering everything from pizza slices to jackfruit burgers to raclette. It’s an excellent summertime date night, especially if neither of you can decide what to eat. There’s a great cocktail bar, and a cinema tucked away at the back of the warehouse section.

Tube: Elephant & Castle

Gordon’s WIne Bar is another excellent option for outdoor dating. Thought to be London’s oldest wine bar, it’s tucked away in Embankment, where you can sit out on the river with a bottle of wine and a cheese board when the weather is nice. To ramp up the romance, head back inside and nab one of the candlelit tables downstairs.

Tube: Embankment

romantic couple

Get out of town

London in the sun is great, but it’s also closer to the seaside than you think. Hop on the train at London Bridge and you can be at the Brighton Pavilion in an hour. Brighton is a perfect date location, with winding lanes of vintage shops, quaint pubs on almost every corner to stop for a drink, and a plethora of fish and chip shops where you can get your meal wrapped up to take on the beach. On the pier, you and your date can head into the amusement arcade, or take a spin on the rollercoasters.

In the other direction, head up the Essex coast to Leigh-on-Sea, recently surveyed as the happiest place to live in the UK. With excellent fish restaurants, and a row of perfect pastel cockle sheds on the beach, Leigh is an instagram dream. If you’re looking for a date that’ll look great on your Stories, this is the one.

Trains: London Bridge / Fenchurch Street / Liverpool Street

Places Where Men Will Hit On You On The Internet

by Virginia Jonesin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Venmo Me Dat Azz:

Or, Places Where Men Will Hit On You On The Internet

If necessity is the mother of invention, men are the inventors of using non-dating sites to meet women.  It’s been happening since the first terminal user logged into a message board to ask A/S/L (age/sex/location, young people).

Here’s some stories about creative ways men are connecting today!

You can get hit on from social platforms because strange men think the tiny photo of you is cute, or, let’s face it, they just get it in their head that you’re a woman at all.  These picks are slightly off the beaten path, and a reminder to men everywhere- the world is your Tinder, just just gotta learn how to swipe!

Twitter:

Every couple of days, a dude will direct message me and say “Hi” or “Hello.”  Has this ever led to sex, in the history of the world? I don’t know. I don’t think so, but if it was Chris Evans writing, I might change my tune.

Facebook Business Page:

I made a promotional page for myself (check it out, readers!) and got a creepy message asking that I tell the stranger on the other end “all about myself,” which was funny because that is literally what the page is.  I ignored it for a few days, and then Facebook started nudging me to “keep my response rate up” by answering all queries to the page within two days. Finally, I wrote, “Hi! I’m Jack, Virginia’s manager. Thank you for your interest in her career!  This page posts shows, podcasts, and other promotional info!” No response.

Instagram:

As creepy Facebook friends abate, Insta creeps abound!  It took me a long time to find the little paper airplane that was my message inbox, but when I did I was rewarded with compliments from many randos, followed by some furious insults when I didn’t respond to those same randos.

Social Network Of African American woman

Couchsurfing:

A foreign friend was looking for cheap places to stay in the states, and strangers on Couchsurfing kept offering her “fun weekends”.  I explained to her that these men thought she was maybe going to exchange sex for a place to sleep. She said, “But no women have offered me a space.”  She finally messaged back and forth with a man who didn’t overtly proposition her, but the day before her trip he said that he gave great massages, and ultimately she had to book an airbnb.

Words with Friends:

I was playing with a stranger, and he wrote that my profile pic was beautiful and asked where did I live.  I told him it doesn’t matter where I live, I’m not looking to meet people on Words with Friends. I’m here to play some Scrabble.   He ended the game, and I changed my profile picture to a friendly-looking dog. I still love Scrabble.

LinkedIn:

My sister was job hunting, and a man in her field sent her a message saying that they should meet for coffee and discuss her goals.  She thought this sounded great and they made a plan. The day before their appointment, he offered to take her to dinner instead, and named an expensive restaurant in New York.  She said she’d rather have coffee, to which he offered an introduction to an executive in her field. She looked up his Facebook profile and responded that perhaps he’d like to bring his wife to the dinner, and used her name.  See? Facebook is still good for something.

Yelp:

My friend Lizzie told me, “On my way to work every day, I passed a massage parlor that seemed to be open all hours and looked suspect.  I was very naive, and thought I would post a question about the business on Yelp. Did men really get full service at these places? Men told me.  Boy oh boy did they want to tell me all about it. They wanted to know if I’d like to meet and discuss it. That was ten years ago. I still sometimes get messages about it.”

Smartphone app woman texting

Ebay:

I was selling some used Adidas Gazelles on Ebay, they were worn but in good shape.   I got some messages, as ever, about shipping and auction dates, and then I got one about the wear of the shoes and what I had used them for.  I was happy to reply. The writer asked if I was a cheerleader, and if I ever wore the shoes without socks, if I had ever gotten the liners sweaty, if I could send them pictures of me in the shoes.  I wrote back and said sorry, I’m just a regular lady and didn’t need to talk to foot fetishists too much, buy the shoes or don’t. That person never bid on them, and they sold to a kid in Kansas.

Lyft:

If you’re interested in dating your rideshare driver, the best thing to do is to go home and write it in a notebook and bury that notebook in the woods.  Don’t turn in a fake lost item report and ask them out. That’s creepy and it’s a disturbingly popular go-to. Just go out and meet people!

Venmo:

My friend Amy told me she liked stalking friend’s burgeoning relationships on Venmo.  If people are constantly paying each other for beers and pizza, she knew that they were probably dating.  Sure, you CAN change the settings to private, but few people bother. However, she didn’t reckon that some people would follow it so closely that they would notice when her recent ex was buying a new girl pizza, and that she started getting dm’s from men she knew slightly asking if she was ok, and if she’d like to meet and talk- over pizza.

Do all men do this?  Of course not. But in an app-driven world, some people are ALWAYS looking for a special connection along with their food delivery, movie ticket purchase or money exchange!

meet women

6 Important Questions to Ask Before You Have Kids Together

by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Lots of couples dream of starting a family together. For many, it’s an ultimate #relationshipgoal. But what if you and your partner have differing opinions when it comes to raising your future family?

Maybe your partner is hoping for a way bigger, or way smaller, family than the one you’re dreaming of. Maybe he or she has a different philosophy regarding discipline or has unconventional ideas when it comes to your kids’ education.

This can be stressful because different ideas of child-rearing can mean big conflicts down the line. It can spark arguments about setting boundaries, deciding which activities your children should do, which of you should take on which parenting responsibilities, and more.

And while these differences can cause some disagreements, you don’t want them to put a strain on your relationship. You want to feel supported by each other, especially as you prepare to grow your family. One great way to do that, is to communicate.

My husband and I have talked about having kids for a long time, and now, we’re slowly preparing ourselves for parenthood. As part of our process, we set out asking people we know, who already have kids, which questions they asked their partner before starting a family—and which questions they wished they’d asked.

What we got was a list that’s perfect for a couple wanting to get on the same page before raising children. It’s also a great conversation starter for those trying to decide if they’re with the person they want to start a family with.

So, if you’ve got kids on the mind, or are wondering how you and your partner would do as parents, these questions will help you get the conversation going. Here are 6 important questions to ask yourself, and your partner, before deciding to have kids.

1. How many?

For such a simple question, this can be a hard one to answer. In part because, over time, your ideal number can change.

Perhaps you start out thinking you want a big family of six or seven, but once you have your first, you might decide that one is enough. On the other hand, you might set out wanting one, love the experience, and decide that you want more.

This happened to one of my co-workers. She and her husband wanted one or two, but they loved the experience so much, that they ended up with four. She said that if they hadn’t talked about it and planned it out financially, they wouldn’t have been able to find the perfect number for them.

She said that the “how many do we want?” question was an important one to ask before starting their family—and still just as important after they started having kids.

Keep in mind that this might also be a good opportunity to talk about fertility issues. Talk about what you might do if you have trouble getting pregnant. You might consider adoption, IVF, and even surrogacy. It’s important to have all your bases covered, and figure out what feels right to you both, just in case.

happy kids

2. Who’s going to do what?

If you ever feel overwhelmed with chores before having kids, multiply that feeling by a thousand.

You’d think that something as small as a football couldn’t do that much damage, but it’s amazing what a baby can do to your laundry, your floors, bathrooms, dishes, and more. Oh, and if you aren’t already busy enough cleaning everything, the baby needs constant attention too.

And things don’t get easier as your bundles of joy grow up. They still need to be cared for, but they also need to be driven places: to school and friends’ houses and piano lessons. They need help with their homework and cupcakes for bake sales. Yikes.

You have to ask yourself (and your partner) who’s going to do take on these tasks.

This question was really important to a friend of mine. When she and an old boyfriend started talking about having kids, she found out that her boyfriend had a very traditional parenting style in mind: he’d work and she’d stay home with the kids. She hated this idea.

Her career was always important to her and she wasn’t going to leave her job. She said that, learning how some people still value traditional gender roles was enlightening, and this helped her realize what she really needed in a relationship. Eventually, she found the right partner for her and now they share parenting responsibilities pretty equally.

Of course, not all couples can delegate between the two of them and many parents need help with the workload. That’s why it’s also important to discuss how you feel about hiring outside help for childcare and other household duties. Hiring a nanny or housekeeper can help a lot, but there are costs to consider. If the expense is a problem, ask if you’d both feel comfortable enlisting some support from family. Remember to consider the non-baby specific chores too, like: who will make dinner? Who will go to the grocery store?

Having kids will be a lot of work, but if you start talking about responsibilities early, you’ll be more prepared when the time comes.

3. What do you want to stay the same?

They say that everything changes after having kids, but does that mean everything, everything? Of course not.

Lots of things will change (and hopefully for the better) but if there are parts of your life you want to keep the same, plan ahead. Talk to each other about how to work your favorite aspects of your pre-baby life into your post-baby world.

That’s exactly what my cousin and his wife did before they had their son.

Before having their toddler, my cousin loved going to soccer games and his wife loved going to yoga class. So, it was important to them both that they make time to go to occasional soccer games/yoga classes—even as new parents. He says that when he and his wife make time to do something just for them, it makes them both happier, and in turn, makes them better parents and partners.

It’s proof that self-care is important.

Maybe the things you want to keep doing are easy to put on a calendar: like a monthly book club meeting or  tennis games. Write it down and plan ahead with babysitters.

But what if your goals are a little less tangible? Maybe you’re just hoping to keep the passion in your relationship or maybe you want to stay in shape. A broader objective might take a little more work, but setting small goals can definitely help along the way.

Just remember that, of course, you can’t keep everything the same. Sometimes people are disappointed when they become parents and realize they can’t go back to school right away or can’t easily move across the country for a job.

Keep in mind that having kids can mean making big changes and sacrifices—but with some communication and preparation, it’s okay to try to keep some things the same.

4. How do you see your relationship with your child?

While your relationship with your partner is important, the relationship between you and your child should be a priority too. Talk to each other about how you picture your relationship with your children when they’re kids, when they’re teenagers, and when they’re adults.

My friend and her wife talked about this before having kids. She said it was helpful because it forced them to look to the future and ask themselves what sort of goals they had for family dynamics, parent-child communication, and discipline. They knew that they both had very different relationships with their parents but were happy to find that they had similar goals when it came to raising their own kids.

However, not everyone does. Talk about how you both see your relationship with your children and how they’re similar (or different).

Newborn Concept

5. What did you like about your childhood? What would you do differently?

When you look back on your childhood, you might remember a lot of great things your parents did for you: from jolly holiday traditions to fun family football games. But there are probably at least a few things you didn’t love as much: from small things like too-strict curfews to bigger issues like limited affection.

But, just because you’ve lived and learned from your parents, doesn’t mean your partner has come to the same conclusions. Maybe you look back on your “no TV after dinner” rule as too harsh, but your partner sees the same regulation as a parenting necessity.

When one of my co-workers and her husband asked each other this question, they found out that they had very different ideas when it came to whether or not to raise their kids with religion. It took them a long time to find a compromise they were both happy with, but eventually they figured it out.

Choosing to adopt or ignore things your parents did can feel very personal, so these choices can be extra difficult to find a solution to. You have a personal connection to how much you loved or hated something in your childhood and this can make decision-making particularly emotional.

The best thing is to keep these discussions as relaxed as possible and be patient with each other. Make lists of what you loved and didn’t love about your own childhood and set aside time to talk about them calmly. If there are some conflicts you run into, try to see if you can meet in the middle, if there are some points you’re not sure about, set them aside and come back to them. The important thing is to feel like you’re in this parenting thing together and that you can support each other in everything—even if it’s not a decision you favored.

6. How do you feel about counseling?

No matter how prepared you are before having a little one, taking care of a baby and raising a child is stressful and can put a strain on your relationship. Having a child will change both of your lives forever, and you both need to be ready to grow with that change.

My friend from college said one of the important things he and his husband talked about before adopting their baby was how willing they were to go to couples counseling if they needed it down the road. They knew that raising a child would be stressful and they wanted to be prepared if the pressure paid a toll on their relationship.

It’s an important topic to cover because some people are hesitant to get counseling at all. While many people enjoy the benefits of therapy, some couples have a hard time signing up for sessions because they’re afraid to admit when they need help.

Talk about your feelings when it comes to counseling. Maybe you’ve already done some counseling and think it’s a great idea to work on issues when a professional every so often. Maybe you’re new to the idea and are a little afraid of what it means. No matter what, remember that you and your family deserve to keep your relationship strong, even when things get difficult. Talk about what it would mean to see a counselor and be sure you’re both able to accept help when needed.

Parents know that there are so many things things to do—and so much to talk about—before welcoming a little one into the world. These six questions will likely be just the beginning of your journey to parenthood, but hopefully these points will start some good discussions while you and your partner begin growing your perfect family together.

5 Best Romantic Cities in Europe Now

by Terri-Jane Dowin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

We know that Paris is the city of love, but if you’re looking for something less cliched, we’ve got you. Europe has a whole host of surprisingly romantic cities to whirl off to for a weekend.

Ljubljana, Slovenia

Ljubljana (try to say it quickly — it’s “lyoo-bly-anuh”) is one of Europe’s most underrated capitals. The wealthiest of the former Yugoslav states, Slovenia leans far more towards art nouveau than communist bloc in its architecture, with pastel buildings and pretty bridges.

There are boat cruises along the river, and once you’ve disembarked, you can while away a few hours at the riverside cafes. If you’re looking for a slightly different way to explore the city, you can rent Stand Up Paddleboards to go along the Ljubljanica instead.

Tivoli Park is a great daytime date location – there are tennis courts and mini golf, and a promenade which doubles as an art gallery in the summer. Take a picnic with you, and sit in the gardens for as long as you like.

If you’re staying a little longer than a weekend, the trip out to Lake Bled (around 55km from the city) is well worth it.

Istanbul, Turkey

For a really unusual date, visit the Basilica Cistern. It was built to supply water to the Byzantine palace, but now is open to the public. With classical music reverberating around the domed archways, it’s a truly impressive experience.

Hammam is usually a same-sex activity, but some of the hammams in the city now offer couples massages; you’ll need to book in advance, but it’s worth it. Itsanbul’s hammams are some of the best.

Just a short boat ride from the capital city are the Prince Islands; nine beautiful islands where cars are banned and instead you’ll be transported by horse drawn carriage. Buyukada is the biggest island, but you can hop between them, dining on the freshest seafood as you go along.

Porto, Portugal

Just a short train ride from livelier Lisbon, Porto is an excellent alternative for a romantic trip. Find a Fado show, and listen to Portuguese guitar over a shared bottle of green wine, or glasses of Port. The Fado shows usually include dinner, so they make for a great evening out.

Porto also offers some great views across the ocean — there are viewpoints dotted all the way along the coast, and if you wander too far, you can hop on a tram to get back and take in the views as you travel.

Romantic Couple At Sunset In Porto, Portugal

Budapest, Hungary

Built on a series of thermal spas, Budapest is a great weekend getaway spot. Stroll along the Danube before heading into one of the many spas — in the summer, both indoor and outdoor pools are open. The Széchenyi is the largest medicinal baths in Europe, while the Gellert Spas offer some stunning architecture to stare at while you soak.

If you do choose the Gellert, you can walk up the hill above the spa afterwards too, to see the spectacular views of the city. Watch the sun set (or drag yourselves out early for the sunrise, if you’re early birds), and then have dinner in one of the traditional Hungarian restaurants at the bottom of Gellert Hill.

Naples, Italy

Home of Elena Ferrante’s Neapolitan series, as well as Neapolitan ice cream, and (of course) the best pizza in the world, Naples is a much more interesting choice of city break if you’re heading to Italy. Visit the castle fort of Castell dell’Ovo on the island of Megaride (accessible by footpath), and walk up to the village of Borgo dei Marinari for dinner and to discuss the superstitions of the fortress.

You can also visit the ruins of Pompeii from Naples. Preserved by the ash falling after Mount Vesuvius’ huge eruption in 79AD, you can walk through the city itself, and see its amphitheatre and temples. To delve even further into the area’s history, head to Herculaneum. It’s another town that was destroyed by the volcano, but is better preserved, with mosaics and frescos still intact.

If you’re feeling fancy, hop on a boat to Capri — the trip to the island takes around two hours and ferries run fairly frequently. Wander around the harbour and take in the view of Naples from afar.

Bay of Naples, Italy

10 Creative Proposal Ideas Perfect for All Relationships

by Kate Oczypokin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

When the weather gets warm, one can say love is in the air. 

If you’re thinking of getting married, the good news is that these days, it doesn’t matter who proposes to whom. There are so many different types of relationships out there, there are no rules when it comes to proposals anymore.

Here are 10 creative proposal ideas perfect for all relationships.

1. Hide the ring in a pocket.

I just adored this idea when I heard it was how my best friend was planning on proposing to his now wife. He bought her a dress from her favorite store and knew how much she loved dresses with pockets (don’t we all?). He bought tickets to an opera, mentioned he bought her a new dress for the event and it was on the bed and to go try it on. She did, realized there were pockets and stuck her hand right in, finding the ring. Cue the happy tears!

2. Do it at a place significant to you both.

Two of my three sisters are engaged now and their fiancés both proposed in super sweet ways. What tied them together was that the two used places significant to them. My middle sister’s fiancé drove them to my parents’ lake house, took out my dad’s boat (with his permission) and proposed to my sister in the middle of the lake. The lake, called Lake Latonka is very special to us all as it was where my grandparents lived when we were growing up and we had plenty of fond memories there. My youngest sister’s fiancé took the two to Cleveland to celebrate their eighth (!) anniversary (yes they are high school sweethearts!). The fiancé insisted my parents and his come up to surprise my sister while recording the whole proposal from afar. It was too cute! 

3. Create a proposal scavenger hunt.

This one may take a bit longer to put together and may require help from some friends. Think about your partner’s favorite places. Maybe they love Starbucks lattes, jogs in a park or twist cones at a certain ice cream parlor in town. Take them around to their favorite places, leaving clues everywhere until they figure out where you’re hiding, with the ring of course. 

4. Channel your inner child with glow-in-the-dark ceiling stars.

I would honestly love this if my boyfriend took the time to do this if we end up getting engaged someday. This also works only if you live together already or if you are sleeping over one night. You know those glow-in-the-dark stars you had on your ceiling as a kid? Grab a whole bunch of them and spell out “MARRY ME?” on your ceiling. As you get into bed that night, turn off the lights and gaze up at the ceiling. Watch your partner gasp in surprise and excitement.

5. Five words: A picnic and a skywriter. 

While a picnic is relatively inexpensive, a skywriter is not. This is an idea for those who are willing or able to drop a serious amount of dough. Take a romantic picnic—think wine, cheese, a baguette—and head to a romantic spot in your city or town. Have a skywriter write out “Will you marry me?” in the sky.

wedding proposals

6. Utilize your significant other’s job.

If your girlfriend is a teacher, ask permission to have their class help with the proposal by holding up letters that spell out marry me. If your boyfriend is a firefighter, ask the station to help with a proposal using a fire truck and a banner that says “Marry Me?” There are countless ways to use your significant other’s job to help with a creative marriage proposal.

7. Go berry picking and pop the question.

This is a cute way to pop the question. While you’re picking your favorite berry of choice, yell for your partner to come over that you’ve found the best, juiciest looking one. When they run over, whip out the ring!

8. Use your pet.

When our dog was still around, this was all I wanted my boyfriend to do to propose to me. It’s super easy and for animal lovers, they will just melt with joy. Simply tie the engagement ring onto your pet’s collar with a ribbon and ask them to come for a treat. Say “hey what’s that around their collar?” and well, the rest will be history. 

9. Use sparklers this 4th of July.

Surround an area safe for sparklers using either ones with long stems to stick in the ground, or using your significant other’s loved ones to stand in a circle. Bring your partner into the middle of the circle and get down on one knee. Don’t forget to have someone photograph the gorgeous moment.

10. Take a walk on a rainy day and use a big golf umbrella.

Ever since I saw Midnight in Paris, I’ve been obsessed with the romance of walking in the rain. This proposal idea involves a giant gold umbrella and getting your future fiancé to take a walk in a rainstorm with you. Before you take that walk, write on the inside of the gigantic umbrella in waterproof sharpie, “Will you marry me?” Chances are, shortly after that you’ll be sharing a kiss together underneath that umbrella. I am smiling just writing about how beautiful this could turn out.

wedding proposals

8 Fun Ideas for A Romantic Couple Photoshoot

by Jillian Pretzelin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

You’re scrolling through Instagram and come across a photo of a friend and their significant other. They’re holding hands, looking so in love, with the ocean in the background—and the lighting is perfect.

You might wonder how they got such a great photo, you might even envy it. Maybe you get the idea that you and your partner should go out and take some photos too.

In this age of social media, when it’s so easy to show off photos of your loved ones, it’s nice to have a few good pictures of you and your honey. Maybe you want a cute shot to post for Valentine’s or you want some really nice engagement pictures. Maybe you want photos to celebrate your anniversary or you just want some nice pictures to remember this time in your lives.

If you’re ready to dust off your camera and organize a couple photo shoot, consider these 8 themes to make your photo session even sweeter.

1. Visit the location of your first date

For your first date you might have gone to a special restaurant, a movie theater, or maybe you two just went to the dog park with your pups. No matter where you went during that first hangout, you probably feel some special connection to that spot. Why not use it as a photo location? Think of all the cute photos you could take recreating that first coffee date or driving go-carts together like you did way back when.

Of course, if you don’t feel a special connection to the place you had your first date, or if it would be too hard to travel there, this idea could be applied to any location that’s special for you two, such as the place you met, or where you got married, or where you first kissed.

When it was time for my husband and I to take engagement photos, we decided to have our photographer take pictures of us at our old high school, which is where we met and spent much of our time together early in our relationship. It was fun walking around our old school and thinking back on our time there—and the memories made our pictures even more special.

2. Get back to nature

Photographers can build beautiful sets and put up fabulous backdrops, but there’s nothing quite like the beauty of nature. From fields of wildflowers, to mountains, to the ocean: nature can be the perfect spot for your romantic shoot.

The best part is, no matter what part of the world you’re in, you’re probably not far from a great natural background. You might not be close enough to the coast to take pictures on the beach, but if you’re near green forested areas, take advantage of it. If you find yourself in the dessert, use the golden sand and open landscape for glamorous wide shots.

One great tip is to find a spot that has different natural features. You don’t want to take all your photos in front of the one beautiful tree, you’ll want to use different backgrounds to give your photos a good variety.

When my sister-in-law took maternity photos, she picked a location by the beach that she knew would give her a few different looks. She and her husband took some photos by the water, some by rock formations on the sand, and a few on a grassy field nearby. With each location they were able to change the feel of their photos, plus, they took the change in scenery as an opportunity to change their clothes and use different props.

couple romantic photoshoot

3. Take a trip to the fair

While some think romantic photoshoots should be filled with soft colors and long, meaningful looks, sometimes it’s better to show a more playful side. If you’re looking for a fun, vibrant shoot, consider having photos taken at the state fair or a theme park. You can take pictures walking through fun houses or playing fair games. You could pose for photos as you ride the merry-go-round or take candids in the petting zoo.

I knew a couple who had an impromptu photoshoot at the fair. A friend with a photography class assignment met the couple at the state fairgrounds and took out her camera whenever she saw a cute moment. They ended up with a ton of beautiful ferris wheel photos and photographs of sweet moments eating snacks.

While the location made for a fun theme, what really made the photos special was the fact that they were all having a blast that day. If you’re having fun when you’re taking pictures, it’s sure to show up in your photos.

4. Include your pets

If you’re going to take photos together, why not include everyone in the family? Of course, I’m talking about your pets. Adding a dog or cat (or even your pet snake) adds another layer to the photoshoot.

My cousin and his wife are all about their dogs so they decided to include them in a pregnancy announcement photo shoot. They got the dogs little signs to hang around their necks and posed with them in front of their house. The photos were a hit.

Consider making a photo shoot out of a walk with your dog or plan to gather your pets in your living room for a quick half hour of picture-taking. Heck, maybe you’ll go all out and get matching human-pet sweaters.

Of course, you should prepare for excited pets and possible “accidents” but including your animals is worth the trouble and will make the photos all that much more special.

5. Themed for the season

Seasonal photos have been in style for a long time: families posed by the Christmas tree or gathered in a JCPenny studio wearing their holiday sweaters. But, you don’t have to save your portraits for just that one time of year.

When planning a photo shoot, think about the time of year and use it to your advantage. If it’s fall, embrace the crisp air by putting on some brown and orange sweaters and take pictures with the changing leaves. In spring, consider a  flowery theme by getting yourself a flower crown and taking photos in a field of grass. Summer time? Plan a silly shoot by the pool, complete with swim suits, colorful sunglasses, and drinks with tiny umbrellas.

I know one couple who planned a wedding photo session six months after they got married so they could have photos in their wedding location, but in a different season. While they enjoyed a summer wedding with lots of bright flowers and colors, their winter anniversary photos had a whole different flavor. The bride got herself a bouquet made of red and white roses and they snuggled up in warm winter accessories.

6. Recreate old photos of yourselves

While taking new photos is fun, you and your sweetie probably treasure older photos too. For a fun photoshoot, find some of your favorite photos together, perhaps some from when you were first dating, and recreate the photo.

Maybe you have a picture of the two of you at a costume party or a candid picture a friend took on the night you met. Play with the idea of wearing the same clothes (especially if the look is so outdated it’s funny or if you’re recreating a past Halloween). Also, think about going to the same spot the original photo was taken. It might be fun to see what that place looks like now.

I have one friend who takes a photo with her husband every year in the same spot at their old college, wearing the same university sweaters. It’s a sweet tradition and each year the photo they take is even more special than the last.

7. Recreate scenes from your favorite movies

While recreating your old photos is super sweet, it can be just as exciting to have a photoshoot inspired by famous scenes from movies or TV shows. It can make for a fun, and usually silly, photo shoot you’ll both love.

Pick a movie that’s important to the two of you, or that you always watch together, and consider dressing like your favorite characters and play the part yourselves. Your photos can be lightly inspired or you can go for accuracy with your costumes and makeup. Either way, you’re sure to have a lot of fun with it.

I know one couple who dressed up as Juno and Bleeker for a cheeky pregnancy announcement. Another couple I know dressed as their favorite movie couples for a series of engagement photos. Both couples had a great time taking the pictures and their photos ended up looking amazing.

couple romantic photoshoot

8. Take photos at home

Pictures capture a moment in time, and what better way to capture your relationship, and your season in life, by capturing your home as well?

For photos you’ll love to look back at, take some pictures in front of your house or on your doorstep together. If your home’s exterior isn’t especially photogenic (or if you’re in an apartment), consider posing for photos on your couch or sitting on your stairs. It will let you capture cute pictures of the two of you, and help you create a memory of where you live and what your life is like at this point in time.

When my husband and I moved into our first condo, we decided to celebrate by taking pictures in our new home. We didn’t do anything fancy, just made sure we were both wearing something nice and set a timer on our camera. Still, we loved taking photos in our new home, on the steps leading up to our door, and even on the patio. It made for one of the best early memories we have in that condo.

Taking photos with your sweetie is sure to be a fun and memorable experience. And when it’s done, you’ll have some sweet photos to look back on. Hopefully these eight ideas will help you capture amazing photos you and your honey will love.

15 Staycation Ideas to Have a Fun and Sexy Summer with Your Significant Other

by Kate Oczypokin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Once August hits, I get serious FOMO when it comes to summer vacations.

As a freelancer and piano teacher, it’s often hard for me to go on vacation, with student loans, rent payments and just the general cost of living in D.C. looming. Every August, when so many take vacations, whether it be to the beach or somewhere more extravagant like a whirlwind trip to Europe, I get serious fear of missing out. I decided this August, I’d like to try some staycation ideas with my boyfriend.

Here are 15 fun and sexy ideas for a fabulous staycation in your hometown with your significant other this summer.

1. Have an at-home spa afternoon.

You don’t have to have lots of cash to have a relaxing afternoon. Bath and Body Works has an aromatherapy line I love that’s perfect for massages—I use the Sleep: Lavender and Vanilla every night!

2. Have a date night to a drive-in close to you.

I loved going to the local drive-in when I was in high school. At that point, I wasn’t dating anyone but I always thought it would be super romantic to have a Grease–style date night there. Drive-ins are mostly a thing of the past, but if you look hard enough, you may find that your state houses one of the approximately 330 left in the country.

3. Go mini golfing.

Mini golfing is a great place to be extra flirty. Think about it—there’s lots of bending over, friendly competition and playfulness with your club. Add a cute outfit and some soft serve afterwards, and you have a perfect nostalgic date.

4. Unplug for a weekend and camp out in your backyard.

There’s something very freeing about not getting on social media for a weekend. Leave your phones in a bedroom and if you have a house, set up a tent in your backyard. Sit under the stars and talk to each other. Chances are, you may learn new things about each other despite years of dating. Afterwards, snuggle up together in your tent.

staycation

5. Create your own honeymoon suite.

If you’re married, recreate your honeymoon in a few simple ways. Head to the mall and purchase ultra-soft towels and fancy chocolates and sneak off to buy some new seductive lingerie. Light some candles and get ready for a romantic evening together. Doing something like recreating your honeymoon reignites a certain sense of desire.

6. Spend the day at your local pool.

I adore swimming with significant others. I miss it, as my longtime boyfriend unfortunately does not enjoy the pool and has very fair skin, making him burn nearly instantly. Anyway, in the past there has been nothing more fun and flirty than play wrestling in the pool with a boyfriend or lounging side by side on oversized rafts.

7. Role play at a local bed & breakfast.

One of my favorite shows is still Modern Family. Some of my favorite moments are Phil and Claire’s role playing as Clive and Juliana. Not only are they hilarious, but they also show that after years and years of being married, Phil and Claire are still very much in love. Book a night at your local bed and breakfast and role play a la Phil and Claire for a fun staycation overnight activity.

8.Go hiking then shower together afterwards.

The next gorgeous weekend that comes up, research local popular hiking trails near you. Go check out the great outdoors with your partner. After all, research shows that being in nature is a great way to reconnect with family and friends.

9. Tackle a home improvement project you’ve been meaning to do.

I know my siblings who own homes are always meaning to do certain home improvement projects. Even if you rent like my boyfriend and me, you can still use your staycation to tackle a home improvement project you’ve been putting off. If you have a balcony, redesign it and toast with cocktails together. When my partner and I found out we needed a riser for our new TV last year we turned it into a project. Our reward when we were finished was a snuggly night of Netflix and chilling.

10. Add a new furry friend to the family.

Adding a dog or cat to your home can be a great way to spend your time off this summer. Teaching an animal how to behave and live in their new home is a great bonding experience with your significant other. Sites like petfinder.com and adoptapet.com make it ridiculously easy too!

11. Volunteer for an afternoon with your local charity.

There’s nothing sexier than helping others. Spend the afternoon volunteering at your favorite local charity. My boyfriend and I are hoping to get involved with our favorite local dog rescue this fall and bring dogs on “dogventures.” There are also lots of clean-up opportunities in the summer for parks too.

12. Visit somewhere campy.

No, I’m not talking about places in the woods. Campy, as in exaggerated and humorous, often with a sense of irony. Check out any outdoor movie festivals in your city, or make a day trip to a bizarre museum nearby—like the Mutter Museum in Philadelphia. Here is a list of 51 weird museums across the country.

staycation

13. Have a sexy or romantic movie marathon.

Log on to your favorite streaming service and pick a couple romantic or sexy movies to watch together. Pop some popcorn and settle in together underneath your favorite blanket. Act like teenagers in your parents’ basement and get handsy underneath the quilt for some old-time fun.

14. Spend the entire day in bed, experimenting with new positions.

If one of your staycation days ends up being rainy, spend the entire day in bed. Google some new sex positions or try some of these for a lazy, perfectly snuggly day.

15. Have your own at-home wine tasting.

Visit your local liquor store and grab some wine you haven’t tried yet. Don’t forget to stop at the grocery store for cheese, crackers and some prosciutto. Grab your favorite wine glasses and get tipsy together at home with a relaxing at-home wine tasting.

Have an epic staycation with these 15 summer staycation ideas.

7 Ways My Boyfriend and I Built a Relationship Living Apart in a Big City

by Kate Oczypokin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

When my boyfriend and I first started dating, we lived in separate places about 20 minutes from each other.

Washington, D.C. is a pretty big city. My boyfriend and I were excited when we met that we actually lived closer than some—often some couples we knew would have one half in Virginia the other in Maryland.

Before we moved in together, we had to cultivate our relationship to know each other. Here are seven ways my significant other and I built a relationship living apart in a big city.

1. Cooking for Each Other

One of the first things we did for each other was cook. In fact, our second date was me inviting my boyfriend over for baked ziti, garlic bread and salad. Later, he would invite me for chicken with his signature barbecue sauce. We had a failed attempt at chicken pot pie and a perfect attempt at our own spaghetti sauce.

We bonded through making our favorite recipes for each other. Now, years later, I learned how to make that from-scratch barbecue sauce and my partner has learned that baked ziti will be on the dinner menu at least a few times each month!

2. Spending equal time at each other’s apartments

Sometimes it’s hard to figure out a routine that works. My apartment was right off a Metro stop, so it was a lot easier to spend more time there. However, it was studio compared to my boyfriend’s more spacious one-bedroom.

After dating a few weeks, we found a schedule that worked for us. My boyfriend would often stop after work for dinner at my place on weeknights. Weekends we’d spend at his place as it was bigger and allowed for more room to hang out for longer periods of time.

The important thing to remember is that everyone’s different—what may work for your best friend and his or her partner may not work for your boyfriend and you.

relationship living apart in a big city

3. Lots and lots of texts and phone calls

We kept in touch a lot in the first year. From the text after the first three weeks that said “I’m lucky I have such a great girlfriend,” a cute nod to asking him to be my boyfriend, to phone calls at the end of a work day, we always made an effort to contact each other.

Some of the sweetest phone calls where we got to learn a lot about each other were falling asleep at night. Good thing cell phones hang up automatically when someone says goodbye, because I can’t tell you how many times one of us accidentally fell asleep!

4. Well executed date nights

When we were living apart, date nights had to be very well planned out. Given that we both didn’t have a car, most of the dates involved my boyfriend Ubering to me then us both heading out on the Metro from my place.

When we took the Metro home, we would settle into my bed, but if we took an Uber home, we often ended up at my significant other’s place.

No matter where you end up at the end of a date night, definitely discuss the question before you head out. No one wants to deal with debating where to crash for the night if you’re headed home from a fun and romantic evening.

Romantic Couple Dating In Pub At Night

5. Sweet and thoughtful gifts

The sweet and thoughtful gifts I’m referencing in this one aren’t particularly expensive or showy, but they were very considerate. The gifts also helped our relationship grow. For example, once on his way home from a business trip, my boyfriend met me at my place with six red roses from a flower cart at Union Station. It was so meaningful to know he thought of me on his trip.

I would sometimes do things like bake chocolate chip cookies and wrap them up, head over to his place while he was working from home and leave them at his door. Once I was back at my apartment, I would text my boyfriend to say check outside your door. These little surprises were just enough to keep us thinking about each other while also cultivating the romance.

6. Showing each other our mutual interests

As a native Pittsburgher, I loved football growing up (go Steelers!). I wasn’t all that into hockey, unlike many Pittsburghers who love the Penguins and Steelers equally. It wasn’t until I met my boyfriend and we went to a few hockey games together that I became a huge fan. Now, dates to the local arena to see the Pens vs. the Washington Capitals are some of our favorite nights out.

While I got into hockey, I expressed to my boyfriend how much I loved movies and TV. We both realized we loved a good HBO show. The show The Newsroom ran from 2012 through 2014, when we first started dating, so it ended up being the perfect show to get into together.

By sharing our personal interests, we got to know each other more and were able to have our relationship evolve. We found mutual interests that we love to share with each other now.

7. When the relationship got serious enough, discussing moving in together

About a year into our relationship, my boyfriend and I knew that things were pretty serious. We thought about how much money we were blowing on bus and cab/Uber fare to see each other. We ended up having a serious discussion about moving in together.

After touring places around the area, we eventually ended up where we are now. It was tough to explain with our both equally traditional parents but in the end I’m glad it happened. We’ve been living here since June 2013 with no plans to move anytime soon. I credit the steps we took in our relationship while living apart for a smooth transition to living together.

Want to read more on relationships? Check out this piece about fun ideas for a couple photoshoot.