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Inventive Moments to Have Sex When You Have a 6 Month Old

by Amy Albertin Sex

Here are my three favorite ideas I’ve gathered about how to get that nookie when your kids aren’t looking!

My husband and I have a six-month-old baby. We love the crap out of this kid. She’s delightful and hilarious and for all intents and purposes, a great baby. However, she is, and I feel no remorse in calling her this, the ultimate cock block.

As two working adult comedians it’s hard enough to find time for sex even without this beautiful bundle of distraction, but with a kid it’s almost impossible! I quickly discovered as I asked around to our other be-babied friends, that we were certainly not alone in this sexual conundrum. So here are my three favorite ideas I’ve gathered about how to get that bootie when your kids aren’t looking!

The first is what I like to call “nap time nookie”. This can get tricky as some parents, ourselves included, only have one bedroom which usually means throwing down on the couch (though my husband is 6’4”, so it’s not always comfortable), or as one hilarious parent referred to it, “12 minutes on the den sofa after they’ve gone down”. Sometimes this attempt can get dangerous if you’re trying to squeeze in a few moments to yourselves. You see babies, at least mine, are born with excellent timing. They can sense your unbridled, adult-time happiness so their eyes spring open and they start squealing for your attention, thinking “oh no Mommy, this is not the time to enjoy yourself, it’s time for you to sing to me and let me breast feed until your boobs look like two tube socks filled with sand!” Luckily I’m not alone in this experience, and as one mom revealed she and her husband decided to take advantage of nap time and even though their baby had awakened, they let the little one cry for a few minutes and try to fall back asleep on her own for a bit. This would’ve worked had their neighbor not heard the baby and burst into the apartment to let them know she was up! Thank you neighbor! We know! And also how the fuck did you get in here? Did you make a key for yourself? We’re moving for sure.

Anyway, the moral of this story is, when the kids go down, you can also.

Another tried and true method is utilizing the babysitter. I mean, you’re paying them so why not add a few moments onto your grocery run with hooking up in your car, or as another mommy friend of mine told me, doing their “taxes” in the garage office. Taxes can be complicated, what with all those deductions and donations and what-not, so this seems like something the sitter may have to stick around for a couple times this month. And next…actually, it turns out we’re filing late this year! Maybe we should pencil you in for a few times this week alone! This story also made me realize I now know the true meaning behind product “TurboTax”.

Finally, try referring to the letter of the day, which will always be S, as in Sesame Street. My baby is mesmerized by this magical show, which gives me and her dad approximately five minutes to go the bedroom and jump all over each other. It’s a very efficient five minutes indeed. Some parents may be against TV for their babies, but I justify it by telling myself Sesame Street is educational, adorable, teaches kindness, has fabulous musical numbers, and most importantly enough stimuli to distract even the most active six month old.

The point is, keeping the romance in your relationship can be challenging enough, but taking time, even a very productive five minutes, can keep your partnership strong and full of life!

You Are My Last Alcoholic Relationship

by Virginia Jonesin RELATIONSHIPS

“…I’ve unfriended you on Facebook and blocked your phone number.  You are my last alcoholic.  Goodbye.”

I don’t like to say that my family is all alcoholics, but we have pretty strong numbers.  My grandfather was dead at 45, his liver rotted through, leaving behind a small family and a whole town of party buddies who thought he was really great.  It’s an established fact that alcoholism runs through families.  It doesn’t necessarily breed other alcoholics, but it breeds codependents and nurturers and excuse makers and people who seek out alcoholics as partners.

I’m not an alcoholic, and my sister isn’t, but we find ‘em and we date ‘em.  It’s what we’re good at.  She is of the opinion that there’s no man in the world who’s not an alcoholic, because she hadn’t met one yet.

I can tell when someone is an alcoholic or an addict without ever seeing them use. It is my superpower, because if you are an alcoholic or addict active in your addiction,

  1. I will find you attractive.  I will feel that magical flutter in my chest that only happens in the movies and which I now associate with fear.
  1. Alcoholics will tell you the same stories over and over, and they forget the things you tell them, because they weren’t listening. They tell you things when they’re drunk and they don’t remember when they’re sober.  This is your problem.
  1. Alcoholics may brush with greatness, but sometimes they don’t seem to have achieved very much. Maybe they were nearly in a big band, or they used to be in one, or made some great art when they were younger, but now they’re 40 and call themselves a photographer but the last time they took a picture was last year sometime, or they just keep losing job after job because everyone else is a JERK.
  1. Alcoholics don’t prioritize sex. Personally, I love sex, and if I love you, I really want to have sex with you, lots of it.  Alcoholics might have sex with you if they are able to after the bar closes and if there’s no booze in the house.  And that’s abnormal.  Science tells us that healthy men will prioritize sex over food, over sleep, over personal safety- but not over addiction.
  1. Sometimes you can tell someone is an alcoholic because nothing is ever their fault. If you hang around long enough, everything will become your fault.
  1. Sometimes you can tell someone is an alcoholic because they are so charming and wonderful, and when they are nice to you, it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world, and it covers you in warmth and light, and when it turns off it feels like the planet Hoth. Alcoholics are two different people. You think that once they stop drinking, the bad selfish lying part will go away and the sweet smart creative will stay behind and love you, but the fact is that the second thing is a fiction that allows the first thing to survive.  The mean drunk is who they really are.
  1. My last alcoholic was a super smart very handsome photographer that had been a TA for twenty years and wasn’t sure what had happened. He came to visit me from San Francisco and suggested we go to a bar in LA, and at the bar in a city where he didn’t live, everyone knew his name.  So I was concerned.
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Discover the Benefits Music Has on Sex Study

by zfortadminin Sex

The research found that people who play loud music at home have more sex than those who don’t really have that much interest in playing music.

The environment we are in when we have sex plays a big role on how we are going to enjoy the deed. Some people say they like to do in a quiet room with scented candles. Some want to be in a location where they can enjoy having sex while playing good music.

According to a new study, couples who enjoy having sex at home while the music is on have 67 more sex compared to those who have other ways, Fox News reported.

This should be good news for couples who are planning to rekindle their sexual intimacy and what better way to start it on Valentine’s Day.

The study conducted by Sonos involves 30,000 people from eight different countries. They were asked about the music they listen to and their personal relationships at home.

The research found that people who play loud music at home have more sex than those who don’t really have that much interest in playing music. The study also confirms that folks who listen to a lot of music spend more time with their partners at home than those who listened the least.

Neuroscientist and author of the international bestselling book “This is Your Brain on Music” Dr. Daniel J. Levitin said that those people who have a lot of music in them are always in a better mood, inspired, less stress and more expressive. It appears that music can make a person happy.

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Plants that Express Romance Every Day

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

Cupid has shot his arrows, but love lasts all year. To keep the Valentine’s Day feeling alive in your garden all spring and summer, consider these love-themed plants:

Our first stop is love-in-a-mist (Nigella damascena), a short-lived annual that must be sown more than once to have flowers through the summer. It comes back every year, from seeds it self-sows. The pale, blue flowers, cheery and hopeful, are surrounded by frilly leaves that become puffy fruits retaining some of that frill.

Bolster the charm needed for love’s beginnings with love grass (Eragrostis spp.). The plant is easy to grow and tolerates periodically dry soil. Amethyst flowers cap the stalks in midsummer.

———

EARLY ROMANCE

Even easier to grow is love apple, better known as the tomato. Sow these seeds indoors 6 weeks before the date of the average last killing frost of spring in your area, which you can find out from your county Cooperative Extension office.

Let’s move on to the pink flowers of kiss-me-over-the-garden-gate (Polygonum orientale). At first blush, this plant can be a bit frightening because it looks like a familiar weed, smartweed, which spreads far and wide. Actually, it looks like smartweed on steroids, because kiss-me-over-the-garden-gate can grow 8 feet high. But it is better behaved than its weedy lookalike, self-seeds with discretion and, with much larger flowers held up higher, is prettier.

Now we’re at love-in-a-puff (Cardiospermum halicacabum), more substantial yet fast-growing and potentially invasive. Despite tendrils, this vine might need help growing upward. The small flowers are followed by showy, pale red, inflated fruits. No need to blare out love at this point; you must open the fruits to see that each seed has a heart etched into its surface.

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UPS AND DOWNS

Love-in-idleness (Viola tricolor) is the flower that Shakespeare’s Oberon in “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” recounted was “before milk-white, now purple with love’s wound.” Oberon went on to use this small, wild pansy as the aphrodisiac for a midsummer night’s mischief.

Broken hearts might turn to love-lies-bleeding (Amaranthus caudatus), which drips globs of tiny red flowers from the ends of its stems. Fortunately, it’s not a perennial.

On a happier note, try hearts entangled (Ceropegia woodii), notable not for its flowers but for its lovely, heart-shaped leaves, which are coated with silver and strung along thin, creeping stems. The plant is a succulent that can weather all sorts of conditions if provided constant warmth.

Finally, we come to love-tree (Cercis siliquastrum), the most substantial plant on this romantic ramble. Our native redbud tree is a close relative, similar in leaf and flower, to this native of southern Europe and western Asia. Leaves of love-tree are also heart-shaped and each spring, as if reaffirming love, the branches are smothered in flowers. The small flowers are rose-colored, not red-hot but with enough blue to remind us of that love-in-a-mist at the beginning of the path.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

In Love With More Than One Person?

by zfortadminin LOVE

…is it actually possible to love two people at once—or are the tortured souls who think they do just kidding themselves?

The Great Gatsby‘s Tom Buchanan, Jay Gatsby, and Daisy. Carrie Bradshaw, Big, and Aidan (still not sure who to root for in that one). Tons of books and movies feature love triangles for a reason (besides just the drama): Lots of people can relate to having feelings for two different people at the same time. But is it actually possible to love two people at once—or are the tortured souls who think they do just kidding themselves?

The answer is a resounding yup, says Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and a professor of psychology at UCLA. “We assume love comes in one flavor, but it’s really much more Baskin Robbins than that.” In other words, chocolate chip mint and strawberry are different, but they’re both damn good. If only love were as easy as ice cream.

“We are complex and complicated beings, and it’s very possible that two different traits in two different people can both appeal to us,” says Durvasula. As you grow and develop as an individual, you might find yourself drawn to people who complement different aspects of who you are.

“Attraction is a very biological experience,” says Durvasula. You may be in an established relationship and meet someone at work who WHAM!makes your hormones crazy. Or you might be casually dating and find that two different people you’ve been seeing for a while both appeal to you.

That overwhelming, whirlwind feeling people tend to describe as being “in love” is biologically synonymous with a surge in dopamine levels, says Durvasula. (Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that’s connected to your brain’s reward and pleasure centers—so a spike can cause you to feel like you’re experiencing a natural high.) Even days later, just thinking about a great kiss can cause dopamine to release in your brain, and before you know it, you’re falling big time. So while being monogamous or in a committed relationship is a conscious, logical choice, that loopy rush of hormones (and who makes you feel the ensuing effects of them) is entirely physical—and out of your control.

There’s also a particular circumstance under which you’re more likely to fall for multiple people: when you’re most in love with yourself.

“When you’re going through a positive transition—anything from an exciting new job to a physical transformation—and are feeling happy with yourself, you’re more open to new experiences and new people,” says Durvasula. The more you embrace who you are, the more likely you are to explore and celebrate other people for who they are. So the more you fall in love with yourself, the more you fall in love with others, she says.

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Why Sex Can Be More Fun In Winter

by zfortadminin Sex

…apart from the obvious benefits of having more sex, what are some other big benefits of getting naked more often when it’s cold outside?

Just like our moods change with the transition from one season to another, so do our sex drives. In fact, many experts say couples tend to have more sex in the wintertime than other months, both based on desire, availability, and well, boredom (cabin fever, anyone?). Psychotherapist Kelley Kitley says during the Winter, couples have fewer distractions that keep them from getting it on. “During the Winter months you spend more time with your partner, and generally speaking, sex improves the quality of a relationship: women report they tend to feel emotionally closer to their partners after sex and men are more likely to be more complimentary or affectionate to their female counterparts after sexual intimacy,” Kitley explained.

But apart from the obvious benefits of having more sex, what are some other big benefits of getting naked more often when it’s cold outside? Here, experts give you the surprising scoop on the perks of having sex when it’s cold.

1. Sex Releases Endorphins

If you suffer from any of the symptoms of seasonal depression — lack of interest in doing things you normally love, depressed for no reason, sleeping more — combat those blues with a romp (or two!). “Sex counts as exercise. It releases endorphins that make people feel happier, which in turn can contribute to a better-quality relationship,” Kitley said. So if you can’t make it to the gym — or the mere thought of putting on four layers to walk 10 blocks seems daunting — get in your sweat sesh at home with your, um, favorite trainer.

2. Sex Boosts Your Immunity

While an orgasm can’t replace the flu shot, it can give your body a great defensive system against getting sick. Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, PhD, host of Playboy TV’s Swing and author of The New Sex Bible: The New Guide to Sexual Love, says having sex boosts your immune system. According to one study, salivary levels of immunoglobulin A (which has the potential to ward off the common cold/flu) are significantly higher in those who have sex three or more times per week.

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Choosing Between Two Guys… Best Tips

by zfortadminin LOVE

If you don’t know how to choose between two guys, I’m going to enlighten you.

I know this is a really difficult position to be in because it’s confusing to everyone involved. Unfortunately you are going to have to hurt someone that you care about by letting him go and that really sucks. If you need a bit of help on how to choose between two guys, here’s a couple of good ways to clarify that whirlwind of emotions going through your mind.

1. DETERMINE THE QUALITIES OF EACH GUY

One of the best tips on how to choose between two guys is to determine what you want in a partner. Make a list and write down qualities that you think makes a good partner. Although we all have a unique criteria when choosing a guy, there are certain qualities that a good guy should have. Qualities like loyalty, kindness, compassion and helpfulness are must-haves. Think about which guy actually has the qualities that you are looking for in a long-term partner.

2. HOW COMPATIBLE ARE YOU?

Figure out who are you most compatible with when it comes to important factors like lifestyle choices, personalities, career goals, finances and the number of children you want to have. Now number each one of these things in order of importance. This list will serve as a roadmap and it will help lead you to the guy that is the best fit for you.

3. COMPARE THE TWO SUITORS

It’s #time to be analytical and compare the two guys trying to win your heart. Write down the name of each guy next to the item that you have on your lists if he matches it. Weigh the importance of each item as you go. It will become a bit more clear which guy is better suited for you because he will match up with a lot of the things that you are looking for in a relationship and in a guy in general.

4. RELATIONSHIP DEAL-BREAKERS

Think about the things that you won’t tolerate in a #partner. Some relationship deal-breakers might be like never compromises, has no passion for traveling, calls you names, tries to control you and gets angry easily. An overly-involved #ex can also be a relationship deal-breaker. Ask yourself if either guy comes with a relationship deal-breaker.

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6 Ways to Be Your Own Valentine All Year Round

by Lorraine Rockin LOVE

Empowering Take Aways from Valentine’s for Singles and Couples

So it’s the week after Valentine’s Day weekend – as the server at our dinner table on Friday called it – and many of us are kind of blue. We either had a less than perfect Valentine’s Day, or none at all! No-one treated us special, and some of us are wondering what the whole point is. Why am I alone? Its spring and I should be in love, shouldn’t I!?

Falling into the trap of believing that the retail sales industry has any part at all in what you should or even could be is a dead end. There is no time-table for Love and Romance, and it’s a bad idea to think you are less of a person because you are alone, or don’t fit into some kind of popular view of what life should be.

Many psychologists have proposed that in order to be a good mate, we each have to learn to love ourselves first. Ask yourself what your perfect Valentine would have to have done to make you feel truly loved on Feb 14th.

6 Empowering Ways to Enjoy Valentine’s through the Year

1-Romance Yourself

Whether you are all into chocolates, self-indulgent spa treatments or a romantic dinner, you don’t need to wait to have someone fulfill that fantasy, if you have the budget you can buy all that “stuff” for yourself, and even invite another single friend (male or female!) to accompany you for a fantasy dinner out. And that works 365 days a year!

2- Galentine’s Day

A practice called “Galentines Day” has popped up in some cities, with single or married friends getting together on February 15th to celebrate just being here. If it hasn’t reached your area yet, how about starting it off yourself, any day?

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The First Moves By a Woman Guys LOVE

by zfortadminin Sex

The first move. It’s a burden that, whether anyone likes it or not, traditionally falls on the shoulders of the guy. But what about when the tables are turned? Are dudes turned on or intimidated by it?

The question reminds me of a work party I attended some years ago. It took place at a nightclub, and as is characteristic of both work parties and night clubs, drinks were being drunk and eyes were wandering a bit more than they might normally. I knew there was sexual tension with one of my coworkers but also knew it was taboo and couldn’t decide whether to make a move. While I was sipping a red bull vodka (apologies—it was five years ago; I’m a different man now) and twiddling my thumbs, she walked right up to me and pointed to another of our coworkers, John.

“John wants to hook up with me, and I would,” she said. “But honestly, I’d rather hook up with you.” It was ballsy; it was funny; it was flattering. But most of all, seeing a girl make the first move like that was extremely attractive. Which was very unfortunate for John.

But I’m just one man. Here’s how nine other guys’ experiences matched up to my own:

“I had a friend who I had a thought of sexual tension with, but we were such good friends that I had never made a move. One day, I walked her to her car, and she gave me a quick peck. I never would have done it, so I was glad she did. We ended up dating shortly after, but it ended quickly. I guess we just had an itch that needed to be scratched.” —Fred C.

“For our third date, my now-girlfriend and I went to a park to have a picnic, drink wine, and take in San Francisco. We hadn’t kissed yet, and I didn’t make a move during the date. I was kicking myself when, as we were walking back to her apartment, she realized that I was incapacitated and defenseless because I was carrying everything she had on her at the time—bag, gym bag, blanket, wine. While I was standing there, holding all of our stuff, my arms completely full, she leaned in and gave me a very memorable first kiss.” —David A.

“I was at a bar and couldn’t help but notice this girl who was staring at me. At one point, she said something to the friend she was with, giggled, and literally reached out toward me and pinched the air. As soon as I walked over, she said, ‘Your face—it’s just so wholesome.’ I told her she was entertaining and asked her name before returning to my friends. As she left, she walked up to me to say they were on their way out. I asked her for her number, and she said ‘Sure, what’s my name?’ I’m bad at names, but luckily, she made an impression, and I blurted out, ‘Chloe!’ ‘Great, here you go,’ she said. ‘Lets go for a hike sometime.’ And she was off. The date was insane.” —Garth F.

“I was taking a comedy class and sort of hopeful that I’d meet a girl who had a similar sense of humor to me. When I got to the first class, I immediately noticed that there was one girl in particular who just fit the bill to a ‘T’ in terms of the type of girl I’m into. Specifically, I liked her sense of humor and her tattoos. After a few classes, when I had convinced myself that I was finally going to ask her for her number, another guy came up and got it first. I was so pissed. But she and I were walking the same way to our cars, and we started talking about our respective tattoos. As we parted ways, she said, ‘All right, well anyway, I think I should get your number. To talk more about tattoos and whatnot…’ I was so taken aback. Never in my life had a girl asked me for my number, let alone the exact girl I had had my eye on for some time. It was exhilarating and just made me all that more attracted to her.” —Harrison D.

“I re-connected with a girl from college for coffee and was thinking that I definitely was attracted to her but was on the fence as to whether to ask her out or not. However, as we were reaching a breaking point, she just asked if I wanted to go out some time, and I couldn’t help but say yes. It was nice being openly desired. It was very refreshing and also screams confidence in my mind, which is definitely one of the biggest factors in my wanting to date someone.” —Christopher W.

“I met up for dinner with a girl from college, and it was kind of vague if the dinner was a friendly thing or if it was more of a date. When we got there, she immediately started talking about other dates she’s been on, so I immediately figured it was a friend thing. The next time we hung out was at a dinner at her place. I hung around until I was the last person there, and it was still kind of vague where I stood with her. But I was getting tired, so I left to walk to the subway. On the way, she texted me: ‘You didn’t necessarily need to leave.’ I practically ran back to her apartment.” —Mark C.

“I was at a party during senior year of college, and this cute underclassman that I knew was there. We had flirted a little in the past, but nothing too serious…and I wasn’t expecting anything to come from the situation. I didn’t see her very much during most of the party, but at some point in the night, she pushed me into the empty kitchen and made out with me before disappearing. I found her about 15 minutes later with her head in the toilet; I guess she had needed a little extra liquid courage to make her move. I took care of her the rest of the night, we went out to brunch the next morning, and five years later, we’re still dating. It wasn’t necessarily the most romantic first kiss, but I thought it was bold of her to make the first move—and I was definitely intrigued to find out what this chick was all about.” —Zach D.

“At a bar I was working at last year, a woman sidled up toward closing time and asked me whether I had ever had sex in the bar. I said no. She said ‘Do you want to?’ I did. It was fantastic.” —Cal T.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Wait Before Tying the Knot

by zfortadminin LOVE

Helen Fisher says that if you wait about two years before getting married, it could boost your chances of leading a happy, life-long marriage.

In some ways marriage has taken on a terrifying role in today’s society because of what can come after: divorce. It’s not an unreasonable fear considering an estimated 40 to 50% of married couples in the US have divorced.

But, anthropologist and human behavior expert at Indiana University who’s spent decades studying different aspect of love, Helen Fisher says that if you wait about two years before getting married, it could boost your chances of leading a happy, life-long marriage.

“There was a recent study in which they asked a lot of [dating] people who were living together … why have they not yet married and 67% were terrified of divorce,” Fisher said on Big Think.

“Terrified of not only the legal and the financial and the economic but the personal and social fall out of divorce.”

Interestingly, this fear of divorce is actually giving way to healthier marriages, overall, because people are taking more time getting to know each other before tying the knot, Fisher said.

And time is the only one way to reactivate a part of the brain — responsible for logical decision making and planning — that shuts down when you first fall in love with someone new, which can explain the irrational behavior of two people who are madly in love:

“One of the problems with early stage intense feelings of romantic love is that it’s part of the oldest part of the brain that become activated — brain regions linked with drive, with craving, with obsession, with motivation,” Fisher, who has studied the brain on love, said. “In fact some cognitive regions up in the prefrontal cortex [shown below in red] that have evolved more recently begin to shut down — brain regions linked with decision making [and] planning ahead.”

This intense feeling of love can cloud your ability to think logically or rationally about the person you’re with. Therefore, by allowing time for the brain to adjust to the new situation and feelings you’re experiencing, you can recognize whether who you’re dating is actually right for you.

“I think … this slow love process of getting to know somebody very carefully over a long period of time is going to help the brain readjust some of these brain regions for decision making,” Fisher said. “You’re going to get to know how this person handles your parents at Christmas … how they handle your friends, how they handle their money, how they handle an argument … etc.”

Ultimately, you want to get a good sense of your partner’s behavior during these real life situations, which is why Fisher suggests to wait at least two years. That way, you’ve been around the annual treadmill of life twice with your partner, and, therefore, should have a good sense of how they handle themselves under different circumstances.

“I think people should marry when they feel like marrying but from what I know about the brain if it were me I’d wait at least two years.”

Curated by Timothy
Original Article

Perfect Bedroom Tips for Valentine’s

by zfortadminin Sex

Is your bedroom Valentine’s Day ready?

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and we’ve already given you plenty of ideas for gifts for your sweetheart, ways to decorate your home and adorable cards to send to your loved-ones in the mail. But let’s get down to business. Is your bedroom Valentine’s Day ready?

We spoke with a renowned sex coach, Amy Levine of Ignite Your Pleasure to get sexy bedroom ideas and tips to make a few simple changes so this space is a scene for red hot romance.

Amy Levine: Often the bedroom can be a catch-all of clutter, rather than a sensual haven. Look around your room and take note of the sights that cause you to be stressed out, overwhelmed or anxious, and remove them.

Levine also listed the 5 common culprits that turn out to be sources of “sexual sabotage.”

Clothing – This includes both dirty and clean laundry. Put clean clothes away in your closet and dirty clothes in the hamper as soon as you take them off (except the items you strip off in the heat of the moment as you’re getting it on).

Papers and Books – Move any bills that need to be paid, other paperwork, and books that you haven’t had time to read to another room. They don’t belong in your bedroom as they serve as reminders of to-dos, and can prevent you from getting in the mood.

Technology – A computer, TV, cell phone or tablet charging on your nightstand are all distractions.

Photos – Do you really want to look at a photo of family members when you’re having sex? Probably not. Instead, angle these photos away from the bed, or move them to the living room.

Children’s Toys – While your kids may play in your room at times, move their things to their own bedroom or playroom.

Basically, if an item is not in sync with making you feel sexy or allowing you to have a great night’s sleep, then get it out of your bedroom!

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Make Valentine’s Sizzle

by zfortadminin Sex

IF YOU’VE JUST STARTED A NEW ROMANCE..

Body language of desire – Use body language wisely to signal desire to a new partner. Run your fingers up and down your cocktail straw or slowly circle the rim of your glass.

Or trace your fingertips leisurely from your neckline to decolletage – a green light to their subconscious that will give them confidence.

Pucker up – Tempt each other with sensational snogs. Kisses are pleasurable and produce the important bonding hormone oxytocin.

Try the “medieval necklet” kiss, planting kisses from behind their ear, down their neck, around to their other ear. This stimulates nerve endings along these sensitive erogenous zones.

Keep it simple – You may be nervous slipping between the sheets with a new partner but they feel the same too.

Siski Green, author of How to Blow his Mind in Bed (Piatkus, £.9.99), says: “Don’t worry about exotic techniques, turn off the phone and TV then turn up the thermostat.

“The warmth makes you want to get cosy.First stroke their erogenous zones, then lightly rub them, before using a circular motion.

“This makes exploring every inch of them exciting.”

Food of love – Having dinner at home means you can use ingredients that have an added aphrodisiac kick.

A simple stir-fry becomes a sexy dish if you use ginger, garlic and chilli. These seasonings increase your circulation and that in turn sparks your desire.

Spoon-feed each other dark chocolate dessert as it aids the release of feel-good chemicals like endorphins.

Show them the romance – Download or buy a CD of hits from the year they were born.

You may not have known them long but this romantic gesture shows you are happy they were born!

Thrill-seekers – Relationship coach Jo Hemmings at www.johemmings.co.uk, says: “If confident in this lust-filled stage, go Fifty Shades and enjoy a sexy role-play game using a blindfold and a feather.

“If you don’t have these to hand, use an airline mask, scarf or a stocking, plus a soft brush or anything faux fur.

“Take turns teasing, stroking and whispering to each other.”

Make a memory – Take a flask and some lovely light bites to the best outdoors spot in town and watch the stars come out.

Afterwards you can go for drinks, dinner or back to yours feeling all romantic.

Be playful – New couples need confidence to let go and being playful helps.

Sexologist Dr Trina Read, of VivaXO.com, says: “You should both write down three things you would like to try and slip these into your Valentine’s cards.

“This is a fantastic way to help your partner understand things you would like to try and visa versa.”

New couples can beat inflated Valentine’s restaurant prices by doing something fun and different like bowling or a game of pool.

Finish with candlelit drinks and snacks at yours. Research shows these are the standout memories couples love most.

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Is LOVE Too Risky for You?

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

I went looking for an answer in the data on love and marriage.

SHE was 25. I was 24. We spent only a couple of days together and shared no language in common. But when I returned to the United States from that European music festival, I announced to my parents that I had met my future wife.

Of course, I had to convince Ester first. So I tackled the project as if it were a start-up. I began by studying Spanish. Before long, I’d quit my job and moved to her native Barcelona — where I knew no one except her — in hot pursuit. The market pressure was intense: Men would shout wedding proposals to her from moving cars. But I pressed on, undeterred. It took two years to close the deal, but she finally said yes, and we married.

Today, I have many colleagues in their 20s. When I tell them this story, they shake their heads in disbelief. “That’s crazy,” one told me. “No one would do that today.” The first point is fair: It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been called nuts. But it didn’t seem so crazy at the time, and plenty of people who, like me, were born in the 1960s, have similar stories. This left me wondering: Are people today less romantically adventurous?

I went looking for an answer in the data on love and marriage. First and most obviously, marriage rates have plummeted in recent years. According to the Pew Research Center, in 1960, 10 percent of men and 8 percent of women over 25 were unmarried. By 2012, those numbers climbed to 23 percent and 17 percent. This is because of fewer first marriages, not rising divorce; the latter has been falling for three decades.

You might retort that people are simply marrying later, and that these figures fail to account for cohabitation and same-sex relationships. But marriage has declined in every age cohort, and according to the Panel Study of Income Dynamics at the University of Michigan, the percentage of households headed by a married or cohabiting couple has fallen to 52 percent from 58 percent since 1981. In a decade or less, we could expect that most American adults will live without a romantic partner.

Should we even care? Sociologists can speculate about whether marriage is outmoded, but the answer to that question is apparently obvious to those without partners. In a 2013 Gallup poll, 81 percent of people who had never married said they want to marry.

What can turn these trends around? The conventional response is to decrease the risk and hassle of coupling through new apps that connect friends of friends or algorithms for matching strangers as perfectly as possible. But making mating less frightening and inconvenient should not be our priority. What we really need is more romantic entrepreneurship. And that requires cultivating two core entrepreneurial qualities: courage and mindfulness.

First comes courage.

The most distinguishing characteristic of entrepreneurs is their willingness and ability to take a personal risk for the chance at explosive rewards. This is not the norm. Most people are slaves to fear, and prefer avoiding risk to staring it down. As the author Aaron C. Brown writes in “The Poker Face of Wall Street,” most people wander through life “never consciously accepting extra risk to pick up the money and other good things lying around them.”

This might seem unrelated to love. But ask yourself, what is the opposite of love? The automatic answer is “hate,” but that’s wrong. The opposite of love is fear. As St. John the Apostle put it, “There is no fear in love” and “one who fears is not made perfect in love.” As Paul C. Vitz, a psychologist at the Institute for the Psychological Sciences in Arlington, Va., explained to me, “Fear is the fundamental negative emotion.”

If we want more love, we must conquer fear. We must take personal risks for big potential romantic rewards. Forget test-driving a relationship for 10 years, or searching for someone so perfectly matched as to resemble a sibling.

Love is supposed to be a little scary because it is uncertain. I remember moments when my own romantic venture seemed doomed and foolish. Courage means feeling the fear of rejection and loss but pursuing love anyway.

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What You Seek Is Seeking You… Make LOVE Daily

by Jo Millerin LOVE

“What you seek is seeking you” – Rumi.

It is often said that the way we can get closest to feeling complete, and being whole, enough; is by choosing LOVE.  I have to admit; that this is a concept I so struggled with in my past.  I grew up on a healthy diet of fear.  Fear of what others may think (I’m British, so this is a national dilemma for my people).  Fear of being too much; too happy, too shiny, too chatty, too honest.  And fear of not being enough; not fast enough for the team, not creative enough for art, not coordinated enough for dance, not good enough to make choir, or, as it turned out, not enough to make my father stay.

I set out to seek LOVE and acceptance in the world as a way to compensate for my self-perceived flaws.  I traveled the globe, looking for LOVE and finding what I had defined as LOVE in a multitude of experiences, yet frequently managing to come up short.  I had great jobs, created a great business.  I set up lovely homes and met amazing people.  I fell in LOVE and married a man.  But my subconscious fears of not being enough was mirrored back to me by my mate, and I would ultimately become someone else’s “more” to compensate for their “less”.  We both fell short.  From the outside looking in, you might think I was running a pretty awesome LOVE story, but my sense of dread was omnipresent and the burden of being responsible for another’s happiness had drained my heart to the point of collapse.  It wasn’t until I was living the terrifying day-to-day reality with a partner who looked anywhere and everywhere outside of themselves to feel good inside, that I realized this LOVE story was missing one critical character; its’ heroine.  For in the act of seeking LOVE, I had lost my true Self.  I had done a spectacular job of giving to others, but not to my Self, and the experience had left me beyond exhausted and numb.

In times of adversity, there is much gold to be mined.  And buried amongst the rubble of my broken heart, marriage and family; lay the shiniest, most radiant, yet simplest truth of all.  That LOVE began with loving me.  When I began to choose LOVE for my Self, my life would be forever changed.  And I would finally feel complete, whole and enough.

The compassion of my truth led me to the understanding that I was in need of redefining my relationship with LOVE and to begin living the answers to my questions.

Why am I here?  To learn how to LOVE, and be Loved.

What makes the world a better place to live in?  LOVE.

What am I seeking? LOVE.

What could we all use more of?  LOVE.

What can I give and never run out of?  LOVE.

What’s the language of the Universe? LOVE.

What connects us all?  LOVE.

What is the answer to all my questions?  LOVE.

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Ireland Sex Survey… Here are the Findings

by zfortadminin Sex

A striking finding in our research is that women are more likely to express satisfaction with their sex lives: 41 per cent say they are “very happy”, compared with 30 per cent of men.

Sexy CoupleOur online sex survey, with more than 12,100 valid responses, gives us a glimpse into how people of all ages genders and and sexual orientations feel about their sex lives. To read the full results and analysis, see irishtimes.com/sexsurvey

Why do a survey that glimpses behind closed doors? As sex therapist Margaret Dunne says: “Such surveys help people address the ‘Am I normal?’ question, which I am constantly asked by my clients . . . This survey will assist readers to answer those questions by themselves.”

A striking finding in our research is that women are more likely to express satisfaction with their sex lives: 41 per cent say they are “very happy”, compared with 30 per cent of men. According to our survey, lesbians are the happiest of all.

Other studies have also shown that lesbians and gay men are having better-quality sex. Heterosexual men and women are less satisfied and seem to be divided about what happiness and enjoyment mean. In our research, more than two-thirds of heterosexual males “really enjoy” sex, compared to under half of heterosexual women who “really enjoy” sex. So women are “happier” while men are having more “enjoyment”.

“This is interesting, as usually men are found to enjoy their sex lives more than women do,” says sexologist Emily Power Smith. “I wonder whether the men in this survey may have been describing their lack of satisfaction regarding the amount of sex they are having rather than the quality of the sex.

“Straight men tend to find the quality of sex better than their female partners do,” Smith adds. “Quantity tends to be more their concern.”

According to Trish Murphy, psychotherapist and Irish Times agony aunt, “Women generally report greater sexual satisfaction the more comfortable they are in the relationship. I wonder whether men want the excitement of the new and the chase and wonder if they are missing out. I doubt if porn ever portrays long-term relationship sex.”

Considering lesbian and bisexual women report having the best sex, Murphy suggests that “it’s worth asking why lesbian women enjoy sex the most: [it’s] probably the sex least likely to be on the dominant-submissive continuum. Is the fact that heterosexual men enjoy sex the most related to the fact that sex is mostly constructed on heterosexual male grounds? If this were extended, perhaps more people would report satisfaction.”

Satisfaction is what good sex is all about. So what makes good sex? Women were most likely to say said “trust” (26 per cent) while almost one in four men answered “feeling desired”.

“Trust seems to be a more important factor for female respondents than males. I think this is probably true of the general population, as women need to be able to bond and connect that bit more than men in order to be sexual,” comments Teresa Bergin, a psychosexual therapist.

“What’s striking here is the difference between heterosexual men and women in the importance of trust creating good sex,” says psychotherapist Brendan Madden. “Feeling desired is an important aspect of sexual attraction for both, but trust – which is about feeling safe and secure and an ongoing commitment – is highest for women.”

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