The second thing love requires is mindfulness
— pure focus, and total engagement in the current activity. “While washing the dishes,” the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh teaches, “one should only be washing the dishes.”
But mindfulness goes beyond the mundane; it is also the key to victory in the most audacious ventures. Emerging research shows that practicing mindfulness changes the structure of the brain in beneficial ways that make people more effective in business. Successful entrepreneurs have the uncanny ability to reside in the present moment even while working toward their goal. Lovers need the same mindful focus.
Unfortunately, mindfulness is missing in our relationships One friend makes this point with his ironic email signature: “Sent from my iPhone while ignoring those around me.”
Ignoring friends and colleagues is bad; doing so in romance is downright lethal. Technology has become a metastatic force for romantic distraction. One survey found that 70 percent of women said cellphones were interfering with their relationship. The culprit is not technology, but we who pursue virtual escape in place of real life.
This Valentine’s Day, don’t be a risk-averse wimp. Be bold. Treat love as if it were a start-up that will change the world. When you find your target, focus mindfully, and push through the fear. In short, turn off your phone, and propose.
Believe me, it’s worth it. After 23 years of marriage and three kids, men still shout to my wife from cars when we visit Barcelona.
“¡Demasiado tarde!” I shout back.
Curated by Erbe