zfortadmin, Author at Love TV - Page 33 of 50

Author: zfortadmin

Can a Risky Sex Life, Lead to a Quality Relationship?

by zfortadminin Sex

What makes for good sex? It’s an unusual question for the wife of an Orthodox rabbi to talk about publicly, but Doreen Seidler-Feller has made a career of it.

A clinical sex therapist and professor at UCLA, Seidler-Feller has been married to Rabbi Chaim Seidler-Feller, the campus rabbi at the UCLA Hillel, for more than 40 years, and she’s been talking about sex for about that long.

In fact, the two often host public talks about sex and Jewish tradition, as they did at the Limmud FSU West Coast conference in Pasadena, California, in late January. Theirs is a practiced routine. Chaim, with unruly white hair secured under a kippah, enthusiastically discusses passages about sex in the Talmud. Doreen talks about how to make Jewish sexual traditions relevant in modern times.

When Doreen first met Chaim all those decades ago, it “wasn’t in the script” to marry a rabbi and become Orthodox, she says. The daughter of a Holocaust survivor, she grew up eating pork and shrimp in her secular South African Jewish community. But her family’s history, and being a child of divorce, motivated her to help “shattered hearts” and articulate a new Jewish identity for herself, she says.

Today, that identity means helping couples work on their relationships – and sex. For a relationship to succeed, Seidler-Feller says, there must be a balance between stability and eroticism. That means risk-taking both in the relationship and in the bedroom.

“Where sex is concerned, be experimental,” she said. “Be willing to explore new territory because that’s what gets the neuro-chemicals going.”

Seidler-Feller’s specialty is Orthodox sex therapy, where she is one of only a few clinical psychologists working on the issue. Others include David Ribner, founder of the sex therapy training school at Bar-Ilan University in Israel and author of manuals for sexual intimacy for Orthodox couples, and Bat Sheva Marcus, a modern Orthodox, New York-based sex therapist.

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Succeeding at Dating a Co-Worker

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Office romances are generally not recommended, but they happen all the time, and when they do there are usually three possible outcomes.

When I was 22, I dated a coworker for a year.

Tyler and I didn’t meet on the job. We had been in a relationship for almost four years before we started working together (which, by the way, wasn’t planned). But for about a year we sat three cubes apart from each other and kept our relationship under wraps.

It wasn’t always easy. We were young and worried about our reputations. It wasn’t against company policy to date a coworker, but I didn’t know what people would think if they knew we were involved romantically — so, for those reasons, we chose to keep it a secret.

It was tricky at times. We arrived and left separately. We didn’t acknowledge each other in the hallways. We didn’t eat lunch together. We avoided our colleagues on social media. We worried about running into coworkers on weekends.

It was a bit exhausting, so I was somewhat relieved when Tyler got a new job elsewhere.

Office romances are generally not recommended, but they happen all the time, and when they do there are usually three possible outcomes. The relationship turns sour, and your reputation and career take a beating. It ends, but you’re both mature and cordial and don’t let the breakup affect your work. Or things work out.

Luckily, we fall into the last category. Tyler and I survived our year as coworkers and got married in October.

A new survey by CareerBuilder found that nearly 40% of employees admitted to having a romantic relationship with a coworker, and almost one-third of office relationships result in marriage. Meanwhile, about 5% of workers who have had a workplace romance say they have left a job because of an office relationship gone bad.

I recently asked my Business Insider colleagues about their own office romances. Here are the stories of love, heartache, and regret that seven of them shared:

‘I soon realized I had a fairly debilitating crush on our show’s story producer.’

“In 2008, I landed my first job in television production by responding to a Craigslist ad. Relatively unaware of what I was getting myself into, I accepted a $30-a-day internship offer, happy to have any semblance of employment in the midst of the Great Recession, which was in full swing.

“It turned out that I’d go on to spend the better part of the next year on the road with the Big Apple Circus, helping document the lives of dozens of performers and crew members for the multipart PBS series ‘Circus.’ And though I barely realized it at the time, from then on the course of my life would change.

“Adapting to production life on a circus lot was a unique challenge. Not only was I grappling with how to operate new and exotic camera and audio equipment on the fly, I was also thrust into a touring schedule that involved multiple stops in some of the more unsavory nooks and crannies of the American East Coast. It was awesome, but intense.

“To make matters worse, I soon realized I had a fairly debilitating crush on our show’s story producer, a beautiful but impossible-to-read narrative specialist who was very much my senior and, as I saw it, way out of my league.

“In spite of this seemingly insurmountable challenge, I was persistent about getting to know her. First by ensuring that the shoot notes I sent her after each day were impeccably thorough and detailed (and injected with my own brand of humor and whimsy), then by engaging her in conversation over the course of social gatherings in the trailers of members of the circus troupe (the trapeze artists, in particular, knew how to throw a good party).

“In this unorthodox setting, I’m pleased to report that our love blossomed. We got married in the fall of 2011, and are eagerly awaiting the arrival of our first kid this July. We still work together from time to time, too.” —Marcus Ricci, BI Studios video director

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Are You Just Scratching an Itch or Making Love? Find Out.

by zfortadminin Sex

How do you know if you’re having SEX or ‘making LOVE’?

You wonder what difference it makes whether you call it making love or having sex. Well, if you really think, it makes a whole lot of difference. Having sex is just an act but making love is what puts soul, sense and gratification into that mere physical act. Moreover, sex can just be physically satisfying, but love-making is more soul enriching and makes you feel special and bonded to your partner.

Here are ten signs that can tell you how to differentiate between the two.

1. There is no foreplay: This is one element that makes your sex life either great or sucky. If foreplay is missing and you or your partner just wants to get into the main action, clearly you are not trying to bond but just satisfy your sudden sexual urge.

2. You don’t talk to each other: Dirty talk might not your forte, its okay. But if you fail to praise your partner or don’t whisper sweet nothings, your main action is going to be really dry and dull.

3. You are scared to talk about your fantasies: There is nothing vulgar between two people who are madly in love with each other and enjoy sex regularly. When in bed, modesty be damned, but if you are not able to talk or enact your fantasies, it clearly says that the action lacks love.

4. You don’t explore each other much: Not everyone gets aroused if you just touch down there. People have erogenous zones which remain unexplored most of the time. If your partner doesn’t make that extra effort to pleasure you and rushes into the act, then there is no question of lovemaking.

5. You want to get over the act really fast: A satisfying sex session isn’t about how long you spend time in bed but how well you bonded. At times, even quickies can be more satisfying if you both are in sync. But if you just want to rush into the act and finish it off, it is purely sex.

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Sexual Reboot Travel, the Latest Trend for Couples

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex

Among the various travel trends that are predicted to rule 2016, sexual well-being resorts are in the forefront.

While wellness is something that most people would focus on this year, sexual well-being becomes an increasingly popular part of vacations and spa treatments for most couples around the world. This could be for reasons like — ignite the fire again, address sexual dysfunction or to explore individual sexuality, without inhibitions. Here’s a lowdown on what you could expect at one of these resorts, or the planned retreats that happen at some of the most sensuous and picturesque locations around the world.

Activities at a sexual well-being resort Sex talk

This is for those couples who are shy and do not feel comfortable talking about sex — be it talking about their sensitive parts or some of their most intimate desires. The activities will encourage them to indulge in talking about their likes and dislikes when it comes to lovemaking. Through active sex talk, this activity is aimed at helping them know each other’s body well and deepen their sexual and emotional connections.

Perfecting the art

There are activities that would help you learn the art of starting a kickass lovemaking session. While men would learn how to reciprocate a sexual action and find ways to help the women feel at ease, women are taught to perfect the art of striptease with a burlesque dance instructor. In fact, there are sessions that also indulge couples to feel body positive around each other, and learn to touch each other at pulse points to ignite arousal.

Massage therapies

Couple massages are a must for most couples, when it comes to leisure travel. It is also an important element of sexual wellness — deep penetrating strokes and pleasurable touches relieve stress as well as releases several pleasure hormones. Massages are a great way to heat up foreplay and boost your sex drive. In fact, most of these sessions allow the couple to indulge in self massage, there are instructors who guide them stroke by stroke to learn effective sequences that could help better their experience. Starting with foot and hand massages to relieve stress, and proceeding to a deep back and shoulder massage for ultimate relaxation and finally the secret butt massage for profound pleasure and incredible arousal.

Overcoming issues

These sessions involve talkers and healers who help couples get over their sexuality issues. Similarly, they also have detailed sessions with experts who advice on therapeutic solutions to the several sexual dysfunctions faced by couples. Most of these therapies are Ayurvedic and based on various tantras of Yoga, which help in their healing.

Kundalini Tantra Yoga

One of the most widely practised form of Yoga, Kundalini Tantra Yoga has a detoxifying effect on the body and mind. It involves a unique set of postures and dynamic breathing along with a serpent-like movement of the spine and pelvis. “The movements make the body enter a meditative space where the body and mind easily surrender blockages and tensions. Tantra is the balancing and union of polarities within the mind and body. And, it is this intimacy and union with the self that allows one to be more intimate with others, which is why it is a great way to ignite the fire within,” adds Kushal Chandra, a yoga practitioner.

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San Francisco Rules for Your Romance and Sex Life

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

In the last month we asked couples what are their favorite romantic things to do in San Francisco or just at their own home… We got many creative and unique responses! Therefore, we collected 15 of the best ideas and summarized them for you. Most of the information we provide below is published online, please check the details when you plan the activities.

Cozy, romantic and fun in your own living room

1. Home picnic

Too cold to go out? Surprise your partner with organizing a picnic… in your home (or plan it together with them).

Preparation: Put a log in the fireplace, or heat up the place, set up a blanket on the floor, throw on some pillows. Place some candles all around your picnic area.

Food ideas:  A loaf of crusty bread, crackers, fresh butter, a sharp cheddar cheese and a soft brie, strawberries and a bowl of whipped cream, an antipasto platter with cured meats such as rolled up salami, large pepperonis, prosciutto and  bowl of olives.

Drinks: A bottle of wine or a good cocktail, also make sure you have a bottle of water ready.

Make it sensual:  Cover your partner eyes with a tie and begin feeding him/her the picnic’s foods ever so slowly with your fingers. Ask them to guess what they are eating. When they had enough, it’s your partner’s turn to feed you.

2. Play a childhood game…

Be cozy in your living room couch, order pizza, uncork a bottle of wine, and teach your partner how to play your favorite old-school card game or board game. Breaking out the old board games or dipping into your child’s stash can actually make you two feel closer.

3. Play sexy….

Ready for some sexy, intimate time? If you want to spice things up here are nine different sexy games…So don’t think too much, be playful. Before you start, make sure you light a candle!

Be playful in your environment

4. Play strangers in your own town

Have you noticed that when you live in a certain place you forget to actually enjoy it? Pretend you are tourists in San Francisco, spend an afternoon exploring the city or your own town, having lunch/dinner at a cool bistro you’ve never been to (because it’s full of tourists) take a tour in one of the neighborhoods or have your picture taken together by a town landmark. If you want to make it more interesting – meet at a certain location and pretend that you are two strangers meeting each other for the first time (be curious and ask all the first date questions, and…be creative). It will be like going back to the beginning.

5. Visit Lands End

Lands End is the best hike in San Francisco, with great views of the bay and Marin headlands. It’s hard to believe you are in the City. Right in the beginning of the trail there is a magnificent view of the Golden Gate Bridge. The main trail is about 1.5 miles and it deviates in some parts -some go up to the golf course and some down to the beach area, so give yourself time to explore…

The Labyrinth is located at the bottom of the stairs out of the main path, so look out for that because you do NOT want to walk past it. It also leads to a ledge that looks out over the pacific and has an incredible unobstructed view of the bridge.

Seal Rock Dr & El Camino Del Mar, San Francisco, CA 94101

6. A Romantic outlook: Grand View Park

Grand view park has stunning views stretching from downtown San Francisco and Golden Gate Park to Pt. Reyes and around to Lake Mercer, where you get a majestic view of the north and west side of San Francisco.

Home of the prettiest staircase in SF; the Funston and Moraga mosaic stairs feature bits of glass and ceramic fish, flowers, bats, squirrels, and birds. Each set of stairs leads to another and you can’t help but stop to admire the view in between. At last your trek brings you to the top of the hill, your eyes wide with delight as you take in the view. Once you climb to the top, you will find benches that are perfectly placed. It gets very windy up there, so don’t forget to take a warm jacket and maybe cuddle.

Moraga St & 14th Ave, San Francisco, CA 94122

7. Cruise the love boat – Visit Stow Lake Boathouse

Is there anything better than spending time on a romantic boat ride with your beloved partner? For an hour you can leisurely make the way around Stow Lake, taking in the scenery…the waterfall, Japanese pagoda, cobblestone bridges, and hundreds of sea turtles, ducks and seagulls. It is highly recommended to bring snacks, drinks and chocolate or go to The café at Stow Lake Boathouse. On the boat ride you can enjoy a cool beer, and discover tons of interesting creatures. It’s also beautiful and relaxing to walk on the hill in the middle of the lake.

Hours Daily 10 am – 5 pm, Boats Rentals stop 1 hour before closing. 50 Stow Lake Dr, San Francisco, CA 94118

8. Get a new perspective – Sailing in San Francisco

Sailing at day time or night is an unforgettable romantic experience. There are many companies in San Francisco that offer sailing services, which you can choose from. Tip: sometimes Goldstar offers great deals for sailing.

9. Rolling together – Golden Gate Part Segway Tours

The Segway tour is a great cool way to explore Golden Gate part, discover new areas that you wouldn’t get to by just walking. This is a fun and active thing to do together. If you are more of the cautious type, don’t worry – the Segway maxes out at 10 mph.  The tour itself didn’t feel rushed and you get loads of time to get comfortable on the Segways, check out different parts of the park, and enjoy the atmosphere. At the end of the tour you can have a romantic picnic AND enjoy each other presence…

Tip: you may found some discounts in Groupon. 70 Hagiwara Tea Garden Dr, San Francisco, CA 94118

10. Trust your partner – Indoor rock climbing

When was the last time you trusted your partner with your life? Rock climbing is a great way to practice trust and communication, some of relationship’s most important skills. Asides from that it’s a fun and exciting activity, so sharing that with you partner is bound to make you feel closer. If you are new to rock climbing you can take a class together and then practice on your own. Here are two locations in San Francisco or beyond Mission Cliffs and Planet Granite.

Indulge your senses 

11. Soak up some advanced sex-ed

Unlike in the past, sex toy stores are becoming a more regular part of the neighborhood scene and plenty offer classes for couples. Don’t worry, you won’t get naked and extra points aren’t awarded for participation; instead, there are lectures on everything from oral sex tips to sexy massage techniques. Good Vibration is well known for its workshops and have few locations around the city but you can call any of your local sex store to check if it offers classes.

12. Romantic and creative evenings with Wine and Canvas

Perfect for couple who never painted! This is your chance to let your artistic skills shine. It’s all about fun, wine, and togetherness! This is not about technique, although you will get some ideas if you ask the instructors you will learn some. And the bonus: you will take home something you’ve made! With a bottle of wine, some cheese and crackers you will have the best evening date.

Here are some possible venues: Art social, Wine and Canvas, Paint nite, Beyond canvas.

13. Eat, love, cook – cooking class

Bring your ideal date for an evening of courtship in the kitchen. Working alongside your special someone, you’ll discover together how fun and romantic it is to prepare a… San Francisco offer many cooking classes. Most of them provides all the ingredients and equipment, and after you finish cooking, you invite to eat enjoy your own creation. Here are some places to check out – Sur La Table, First class cooking, The city kitchen.

14. Open your senses – Wine class

Wine, love, wine. Do we need to say more? A wine class is a wonderful way to spend an evening together with your dear one. Learn more in depth about making wine, tasting, smelling and sensing. Comfortable environment for wine lovers at all levels.

Classes are usually limited to a little over a dozen at a large dining table.

15. Sexy, hot, and fun!  Salsa / Tango Lessons

Dancing together is another way for the two of you to connect with each other. As you dance together, your eyes meet, your bodies are close together, you can feel one another breathing. Don’t think twice, be sensual! Feel it, move it, love it… Here are some options: Salsa by the bay, Cafe Cocomo, Dance SF, Salsa by Ricardo.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Why a 4th of French Women Are Faking Their Orgasms

by zfortadminin Sex

They found that French ladies (49 percent) were on top … in terms of struggling to reach climax, that is…“once their partner has climaxed, sex is considered ‘over.’ ”

“She tipped back her head, her white throat swelled with a sigh; and weakened … with a long tremor she gave herself up to him,” wrote Gustave Flaubert about Emma Bovary’s surrender to Rodolphe. French novelists have been teasing us with heavy breathing and heaving bosoms for centuries. But from Flaubert and Stendhal to Marguerite Duras, none ever hinted at the fact that women in the City of Lights, and the rest of France, struggle to have their buttons properly pushed in bed. Yet …

A whopping

31 PERCENT

of French women admit to regularly faking orgasms.

That’s the anticlimactic news from French polling institute IFOP, which conducted a study on behalf of the adult website CAM4. Its researchers questioned 8,000 women online — roughly 1,000 each from France, Spain, Italy, the U.K., Germany, the Netherlands, the U.S. and Canada. They found that French ladies (49 percent) were on top … in terms of struggling to reach climax, that is.

But this is the land of Duras and Flaubert, where women feel no shame in discussing their sex lives, or lack thereof, says Pierre-Yves Anglès, a research assistant at IFOP. Outspoken American women, 29 percent of whom said they fake it regularly and 44 percent of whom complained of struggling to climax, aren’t doing much better, but they too may just be speaking up more than Italians or Germans. Fakers elsewhere included 22 percent in Canada, 25 percent in Italy and the U.K. and 24 percent in Germany. Spain and the Netherlands can bask in the warm glow of knowing that only 19 and 18 percent of their women, respectively, are fakers.

Chicago-based psychotherapist and social worker Kelley Kitley says that for many women, “once their partner has climaxed, sex is considered ‘over.’ ” Anglès and his colleague François Kraus, IFOP’s director of research and a well-known sexual-health expert, also point to gender relations. “In countries where women tend to be more respected and where gender relations are more equal, women tend to have more orgasms,” says Anglès. Dutch women are happier in bed, he explains, because this equality encourages them to enjoy more diverse sexual practices.

But sex is still very much the realm of the man in many countries. “Globally, sexual intimacy is more oriented toward male pleasure,” Anglès says, noting that this begins with foreplay, during which “most men pay little attention” to the clitoris. And that inequality, he says, filters down into the sexual positions couples practice, which often don’t cater to women’s pleasure. Kitley agrees, noting how sex is “more normalized for men and shamed for women.” Lesbian couples, by contrast, declare that they have much more sexual satisfaction than women in straight couples, Anglès says.

This isn’t only unfair; it also means straight women are often being cheated out of the psychological health benefits associated with the ultimate release. Climaxing, says Kitley, helps lift mood and fight stress while enabling better sleep. So how can women be as fulfilled as literary heroines? By writing their own destiny, which includes demanding equality in bed, giving in to sensation and, says Kitley, granting themselves “permission to reach orgasm.”

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How to Say, “I love you”

by zfortadminin LOVE

What does it mean to “fall-in-love” with someone? Is it an emotion? Is it a choice? Is it both? Is loving someone a subjective or objective concept?

“I love you.” We have all said those three words with as little effort as it takes to breathe.  Maybe it was to a parent before you left home to drive back to Starkville, or maybe you whispered it into the ear of someone special cuddled up on your couch. Maybe you exchanged that magical phrase this morning over a text message, or maybe it has been so long, you have forgotten what it feels like to hear someone say, “I love you too.” Regardless of who you said it to or how long it has been since you have said it, you have undoubtedly used the word “love” to describe an overwhelming feeling of attachment, desire, joy and thankfulness to someone who means or meant a lot to you.

Love, of course, exists in a variety of different forms, yet I firmly believe the form of love we understand the least is the very form that our culture idolizes the most: romantic love.

What does it mean to “fall-in-love” with someone? Is it an emotion? Is it a choice? Is it both? Is loving someone a subjective or objective concept? These questions are not easily answered, yet they point to the vital importance of understanding both the love that we accept and the love that we give.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines love as “a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person,” or “attraction that includes sexual desire.” The former of these two attempts to balance only half of the love equation, and the latter is the perfect example of why our perverted concepts regarding what romantic love should look and feel like are so rampant.

If love is a “constant affection for a person,” then I assert that nobody is capable of experiencing true love. Our affection for others, be  our spouses, our children, or our friends, can be described in a number of ways, but constant is not one of them. This is not to say that affection stops all-together, of course, but it is to acknowledge the inconsistency of human emotion. Personal intimacy brings forth a beautiful connection unlike any other, yet with this closeness comes the recognition and clarity of character flaws. As the cliché saying goes, nobody is perfect, and because of this, we will not wake up every single day for the rest of our lives and feel like showing unhinged love to the ones we commit ourselves to. That being said, the simple fact that our affection wavers due to circumstance does not discredit or devalue our promise to love that person with our entire body, soul, and mind.

As far as the definition regarding “sexual desire” goes, people often buy into the idea that sexual attraction and love are heavily linked as is evident by the way teenagers and some adults treat the foundation of love like it is little more than an emotion rooted in attraction. While some certainly cherish sexual intimacy as the ultimate physical display of love, sex, in and of itself, has absolutely nothing to do with loving someone. Having a strong physical attraction to someone while also finding them to be nice and funny is no more a spark of true love  than finding someone sexually attractive at a frat party constitutes a marriage-proposal. Furthermore, if your desire to be with someone is primarily contingent on that person’s physical or sexual attractiveness rather than who they are as a special, unique person, the foundation of your relationship was built on lust, not love.

This idea of love being centered around constant affection and sexual desire completely misses the mark. To say, “I love you,” is to say, “I choose you today, tomorrow, and everyday thereafter because you are the one that I want.” To say, “I love you,” is to say, “I see the good and the bad in you, and still, I choose you.” To say, “I love you,” is to say, “I choose to have these eyes for you and you only.” Loving someone is a constant, conscious choice to show kindness, respect, loyalty, compassion, forgiveness and appreciation for that person regardless of circumstance. The moment we begin to understand love as having a clear element of choice to its composition, we become capable of truly experiencing love with a heart of devotion and personal accountability long after the honeymoon-phase has dissipated and reality has set in.

I know that some of you are in serious relationships, engaged or married while the rest of you are either going through a heartbreak, trying to stay single while you focus on your education or waiting to feel the magic of falling in love. Perhaps, like myself, you told someone that you loved them, yet you stopped choosing them when the reality of the cost of love replaced the butterflies, or maybe you were on the opposite end of the pain and someone told you they loved you, yet after your first big fight, they chose to find comfort in the arms of another. Regardless of your experience with love, it is my sincerest hope that you all understand love for what it truly is, that you find it in the heart of someone who understands it too and that you both choose to cherish the love that you share, forever and always.

Falling in love is certainly an emotional experience, but staying in love is a privilege of choice. Loving someone goes far beyond emotional and physical attraction and demands that a choice be made daily to guard your heart, body, and mind from the forces coaxing you to jump-ship. If you are unwilling to make the daily choice to honor the promise of such a serious commitment, save their heart the pain of a meaningless, “I love you.”

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Why Sex on a First Date is Passe

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Not sleeping with someone on a first date is the number one rule of dating, but why? Well, we’ve discovered there are are many, many reasons, so listen up, ladies.

In the new book, The 30-Day Love Detox, CNN Human Behavior expert and former co-host of The Doctors, Dr. Wendy Walsh, writes a research-supported prescription for slow-love. Her mission: to help single women compete for a narrowing market of men who will make a commitment in a high-supply sexual economy. Here’s why we, apparently, should not be getting it on after a first date.

1. It reduces chances for real love

Sex is lust over love but it’s still a hugely intimate act. It can be fumbling, awkward, and frankly, more than a little embarrassing when normal bodily functions happen in front of a stranger. The way the brain deals with this awkwardness is to disassociate a bit. It creates emotional distance keeping the physical intimacy in one tidy little box and the heart in another, safely under lock and key. Attempting to have both emotional and physical intimacy on a first date would be too much for our psyche’s to tolerate. And once you’ve set up the two-box system, it can be hard to break. Therefore, in one study, participants who moved fast sexually, had the worst relationship outcomes later.

2. It can bring feelings of regret

Think about it. Most women want sex for the first time with a new partner to be a mind-blowing special experience that brings them closer to a mate. And in one study called “the passion turning point” study, participants who expressed feelings of love and/or had conversations about commitment before that first-time sex, found the event to be positive passion turning point. The sex made them feel even more connected and secure. But if they didn’t have these conversations, sex became a negative turning point in their relationship, evoking feelings of regret and needs for apologies. And, who, on a first date is ready to talk about love and commitment?

3. You Can Get Really Sick

Oh yeah, that part. Most women wouldn’t give the keys to their apartment to a man they’d just met, to water her plants, yet plenty would expose their bloodstream and precious eggs to the same man. Let’s face it. Women’s unique biology makes us far more susceptible to STD’s than men. We, after all, are the ones who accept deposits. And if you think, using a condom is enough, think only about the new stat that the HPV virus one of the biggest causes of throat cancer.

4. Women don’t as often, ahem, get off

Yes, I must mention the big “O” here. Many women report that first date sex is so awkward and run on a man’s timeline, that her body doesn’t receive the necessary warm up time needed to reach climax. Men’s sexual arousal pattern is like a microwave oven. Women are more like a crock-pot. And way to put sex on slow boil is to move slowly and wait until you’ve grown close enough to have good sexual communication.

5. It can make a man run for the hills

Here’s a study I hated to read. Groundbreaking work by David Buss at the University of California, Los Angeles, showed that the more sexual partners a man has had, the more he perceives “diminished attractiveness” in each new mate. It’s a race to the bottom for him. Each new woman disappoints him more. It’s as if he is looking for some princess of a woman whose sex will tell him he’s in love. And you can be sure, if he’s pressuring for sex on the first date, this man has had many partners. But, real love, of course, is something that takes while to grow.

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Digging Into the Past to Discover Best Tips for Mating Development

by zfortadminin Sex

The rise of dating apps coupled with the rise of more liberated sexual norms has created numerous opportunities for one of the world’s most beloved past times: casual sex.

However, the new “hookup culture” has its fair share of haters who ask the question, can casual sex or friends-with-benefits lead to serious relationships? It’s no secret that strangers love inserting their opinions into others personal lives — especially when sex is involved. People are judgmental of those who include casual sex in their bedroom habits, labeling them as commitment-phobes and sluts, or shaming their assumed reluctance to be in a “real,” “grown-up” relationship. But casual sex is a common, normal activity. And in an interview with the Washington Post, Helen Fisher, famed biological anthropologist and Chief Scientific Adviser at Match, says that casual sexual relations serve an important purpose, can have wonderful outcomes (when safe and consensual), and can often develop into serious partnerships.

Every year, Match conducts a survey on unwed Americans to gather data on sex and dating habits. This year’s survey produced some results that should be very interesting for the casual sex haters out there. The Washington Post reports:

…A quarter of singles have converted a one-night stand into a long-term relationship.The Match study also found that, while online daters have sex more frequently than offline daters, they’re not more promiscuous. Both groups, on average, had the same number of sexual partners. When compared with offline daters, online daters were twice as likely to ‘imagine a committed future with someone while on a first date’ and 58 percent more likely to want to marry.

Additionally, the annual survey from 2012 found that 44 percent of those surveyed had been in a FWB relationship that evolved into a long-term relationship. In the interview, Fisher attributed these facts to her theory of “slow love,” meaning “singles are looking to make a connection quickly and commit more slowly.” Engaging in sex casually and quickly does not mean that you are closed off to love, Fisher argued, but that you are trying to learn as much about a potential life partner as soon as possible.

She continued, “Early sex means: ‘I’m interested in you. I want to know who you are. I don’t want to spend my life trying to figure out who you are’… “I think people are so scared of divorce that they are putting off marriage until they know everything about this person,” and learning “everything” means learning about compatibility in physical intimacy.

Fisher has similarly written about casual sex and long-term relationships in her book Anatomy of Love. The text referenced a study from 2008 in which 51 percent of 500 surveyed undergrads engaged in casual hookups with the specific goal of finding a serious partner. (As an aside, the data found no difference in response from any gender, men or women.) Friends with benefits and casual sex relationships, writes Fisher, allow you “to learn a great deal about a potential mate before making a formal commitment, marrying and divorcing.” A person’s behavior and attitude during sexual activity, she elaborated, helps you learn a lot about another person – like their health, patience, and willingness to listen to your needs. All of which help you to learn enough about someone to want to enter into a long-term relationship with them.

I talked to 22 people whose casual sex relationships have turned into serious, committed, long-term partnerships (and even marriages).

1. Gina, 26

My partner and I met in LA, flirted for a week, and then had a one-night stand. We figured it was going to be just sex. Shortly after, he had to fly back to Australia, where he’s from, and we ended up staying in touch. A month later, I sold all my belongings in Boston and flew over to Australia to be with him. It’s been 2 years since we’ve been a couple.

2. Kelly, 22

Our relationship began strictly as friends with benefits. I had recently gotten out of a long relationship and wasn’t interested in pursuing something serious. After about a month of frequent hookups though, I felt myself falling for her. A week into these more serious feelings I came clean, and shortly after we began dating officially. We’ve been together over two years.

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Is Pornography a Modern Crisis?

by zfortadminin Sex

Pornography is becoming a primary sex educator for boys and young men, displacing explanations from parents, formal instruction in schools, and even conversations with peers.

A committee in the Utah legislature has voted to classify pornography as a public health crisis. Although this is merely a resolution and not a law, it could mark a new stage of awareness of the harms of pornography.

“Everything in the resolution is supported by science and research,” said the state senator who introduced the resolution, Todd Weiler. “It’s not just a kooky thing that some politician from Mormon Utah came up with. It’s bigger than that.”

The news was ridiculed across the internet and on social media by people who asserted that pornography is neither addictive nor harmful.

“I personally believe it is,” Weiler responded. “I think the science shows that it is. I believe that’s a discussion we should be having because it’s impacting divorces, it’s impacting our youth, it’s undermining the family”

“Public health crisis” is a term which has been used to describe Ebola, SARS, the Chinese milk scandal and smoking. Is porn really as destructive as these?

Pornography is a huge industry, although hard figures are difficult to obtain. According to a report in The Economist, there are possibly 700 to 800 million individual porn pages, 60 percent of them in the US. A portal for pornography, PornHub, claims that it had nearly 80 billion video viewings in 2014 and more than 18 billion visits.

It’s obvious that we live in a pornography-saturated culture. The figures vary from study to study but across national boundaries, the story is the same: young people are consuming lots of pornography. Michael Flood, an Australian researcher in the sociology of pornography, notes that in one Swedish study from 2007, 92 percent of young men and 57 percent of young women aged 15-18 had watched a “porno film”.

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Why Do You Really Have Sexual Experiences?

by zfortadminin Sex

Sex isn’t just something we humans occasionally think about. Sex is as important to human beings as the need to sleep, eat and live.

In today’s mainstream American culture, individuals think about sex, fantasize about sex, have sex, and spend an enormous amount of time and energy in the pursuit of sex. Why do we do all this?

First what is sex? According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, sex is defined as “physical activity in which people touch each others’ bodies, kiss each other, etc.: physical activity that is related to and often includes sexual intercourse.” Sexuality consists of values, society, learned messages and biology.

Kristen Mark, an assistant professor of Health Promotion and the director of the Sexual Health Promotion Lab at UK, has spent time and energy into researching one of the most common questions regarding sexuality: why do we have sex? From her research, Mark has compiled a list of 237 reasons for why men and women have sex.

The top 10 reasons women reported having sex were 1. Physical pleasure, 2. Feels good, 3. Show affection, 4. Express love, 5. Sexually aroused/wanted release, 6. Felt “horny,” 7. It’s fun, 8. In love, 9. Swept up in heat of moment, and 10. Please partner.

The top 10 reasons men reported having sex were: 1. Attraction, 2. Feels good, 3. Physical pleasure, 4. It’s fun, 5. Show affection, 6. Sexually aroused/wanted release, 7. “Felt horny,” 8. Expression of love, 9. Orgasm, and 10. Please partner.

These lists find that men and women are not that different when it comes to why they have sex. Results from the study found that 8 of the top 10 and 20 of the top 25 reasons men and women have sex were similar, and that the top 3 reasons for both sexes to engage in sex had nothing to do with arousal or love; the top 3 reason were based on attraction and pleasure.

Similarities were seen in the priority given by both men and women in the following areas: “horniness” (number 7 for both men and women), expressing love (number 5 for women and number 8 for men), and feeling closeness and intimacy (number 12 for women and number 14 for men).

However, men and women are not the exact same when it comes to sex. In Mark’s results, the top 10 biggest differences between men and women for having sex were:

1. Person wore revealing clothes, 2. Wanted to feel more masculine, 3. Wanted to relieve “blue balls,” (pain caused by prolonged sexual arousal in males without ejaculation) 4. Wanted to feel feminine, 5. The person had a desirable body, 6. The person was available, 7. The person’s appearance was arousing, 8. It’s fun, 9. Wanted to have an orgasm, and 10. The opportunity presented itself.

When thinking about the complexities of sex, consider this quote from sexuality expert Lonnie Barbach, “Sex is perfectly natural. However sex is not naturally perfect.”

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Divorce Lawyers Share What to Do to Stay Married

by zfortadminin LOVE

The best source for marriage advice? Divorce attorneys. Before you protest, just think about it: Every day at work they see the types of marital problems that lead otherwise happy couples to split up.

With that in mind, we recently asked 11 family law attorneys to volunteer their best love and relationship advice. See what they had to say below.

1. A sustainable marriage is not about love, it’s about tolerance.

“Can you tolerate all your partner’s quirks? Even the ones that you don’t like, are they tolerable? Don’t marry your partner thinking that any of his or her quirks are going to change, improve or wane. As we get older, your partner’s quirks will only magnify. So if you can’t tolerate it now, you for sure are not going to be able to tolerate it in the future. Tolerance may not be romantic, but it is the key to a long lasting marriage.” — Melissa B. Buchman, an attorney in Beverly Hills, California 

2. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. 

“Unfortunately, many couples I see going through a divorce ascribe bad — or sometimes terrible — motives to everything their spouses do. What is the harm in assuming or presuming the best? Even if you’re wrong, it hurts no one. And it may be the start of a better relationship.”  — Randall M. Kessler, an attorney based in Atlanta, Georgia

3. Don’t be afraid to feed your spouse’s ego now and then.

“Silly as it may sound, your spouse wants to feel strong, sexy and attractive. I have seen spouses cheat because someone else showed them attention and made them feel good.” — Christian Denmon, an attorney in Florida 

4. Put your spouse before your kids. 

“This may not be the most popular piece of advice, especially for parents, but after watching countless people get divorced because they allowed themselves to slowly drift apart over the years, I honestly believe it’s true. We are all busy these days. It’s far too easy to put your job, your house, your activities and your kids before your spouse. Don’t do it! While many people believe that their kids have to come first, if they don’t put their spouse first and their marriage eventually sours, it’s not going to be doing the kids any favors. If you value your marriage, choose to put it first.” —Karen Covy, an attorney and divorce coach based in Chicago, Illinois 

5. Don’t wait until it’s too late to work on your marriage.

“Work on your marriage while it’s still a good marriage, don’t wait until there’s a problem. ‘Work’ does not have to mean counseling, it can simply be having a set date night once a month.” — Carla Schiff Donnelly, an attorney based in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

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Do Priests Need Intimacy?

by zfortadminin Sex

I was 16 when I watched The Thorn Birds. Riveted hardly describes it. Rachel Ward’s softly beckoning breasts, Richard Chamberlain’s torturous conundrum between God and girl. To my teenage hormones, the romance was captivating and the sexual tension thrilling.

If the Catholic Church is to survive its sexual assault scourge, it needs to cease denying intimacy and insisting on celibacy as a prerequisite for ministry.

But after four episodes and a speed read through Colleen McCulloch’s 692 breathless pages, I came to a single blinding conclusion: How dumb is it that priests can’t have sex?

I raised it with my maths teacher. How can you concentrate on trigonometry when there’s a nonsensical rule called celibacy preventing the lovely Rachel from getting it on with gorgeous Richard? (Somewhat concerning was the priest being called Ralph, but I digress).

Mr Thomas, as well as teaching Grade 11 maths, also headed up the school’s Christian Fellowship club. Poor man. Imagine having your benign little lesson in tangents hijacked by 20 teens pouring scorn on a central tenet of your faith. From memory, Mr T had a crack at convincing us of the merit of abstention but, as I say, we were 16 and throbbing to the beat of Culture Club. Not having sex for your whole life seemed utterly illogical.

What a validation it is to fledgling adolescent instinct to therefore learn that the Pope at the time was enjoying, if not a sexual relationship, then certainly an intimate one.

Pope John Paul II had a close relationship with a married woman lasting 30 years according to letters unearthed by BBC documentary makers. “I would say they were more than friends but less than lovers,” says Edward Stourton, the journalist who has pored over more 350 letters between the Pope and Polish-born philosopher and writer Anna-Teresa Tymieniecka.

There’s no need to go into what the relationship was or wasn’t. What matters is that it was something. That this man of greatness, the revered mouthpiece of God, needed something that we all need: intimacy. And if we can acknowledge that, we can acknowledge so much more.

At a time when our nation is broken and angered by the Catholic Church, when a cardinal so many upheld stands quivering on the other side of the world, this insight into the church’s humanity should serve as a guiding star to the faith and all who follow it.

Because it’s one of the great mysteries that we have chosen and anointed as our moral and spiritual shepherds men who have half the emotional experience of your average 22-year-old university student.

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How to Stay Fit with Good Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

It’s more enjoyable than hitting the treadmill – and there are many documented health benefits. But is making love really an alternative to aerobic exercise?

Research has revealed that sex, which is rated as moderately intense exercise, uses up 4.2 calories in men a minute and 3.1 in women. The study, published in the American journal PLOS ONE, took 21 young couples and used a SenseWear armband to measure the effects of moderate exercise on a treadmill, compared with sex. Sex took on average 24.7 minutes, with men using up 101 calories and women using 70. Almost everyone in the study found the sex more enjoyable than the treadmill. So shouldn’t you hang up your running shoes and try “sexercise” instead?

The solution

Sex is credited with having many other health benefits. They’re not all scientifically proven because it’s difficult for researchers to measure the effects of sex on different health outcomes in a standardised way. Most research is also of heterosexual sex. But claims include reductions in heart disease and diabetes and improvements in sleep, appearance and immunity.

Sex is also credited with reducing period cramps and chronic pain – although both would put many people off having it. Saying “not tonight, I’ve got a headache” may also not be a medically valid reason for refusing: more than one study shows that it might relieve headaches, although it’s less reliable than tablets.

Sex is associated with promoting wellbeing – and you don’t even need a partner –a paper in 1986 found that older men and women who masturbated had reduced rates of depression.

Sex may also reduce stress – a small study looking at the relationship between sex in the two-week period before stressful events found that people who had had intercourse showed the smallest rise in blood pressure when dealing with these events.

Sexual activity has also been associated with longevity – a study in the BMJ conducted in south Wales that followed 918 men aged between 49-59 for 10 years found that those who had been having two or more orgasms a week had 50% lower mortality rates. The authors of the study cite other research suggesting that quality of sex is important in realising the health benefits.

But this latest study really shows that sex uses only a few calories – the treadmill used about three times as many. The sex was also likely to be more energetic than usual because people knew they were being monitored.

Sex is an indicator of good health as well as contributing to it. But the research generally suggests more is not necessarily better and that quality is what matters.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How LGBT Youth Face Challenging Emotional Terrain

by zfortadminin LOVE

Insight into the daily challenges facing lesbian, gay, bixexual and transgender college students.

Learning to be yourself and dealing with other people’s perception of you can be hard for anyone. This process can be especially stressful or tough for students who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT). In fact, they can face unique issues when it comes to mental health. The discrimination LGBT students may face or the pressure they feel from their family or community, can put them at greater risk for emotional health struggles like depression, anxiety, substance abuse and even suicide.

If you or someone you know is struggling with issues related to sexuality or pressures of not being accepted by family, friends or community, it’s important to speak up. By developing strong coping skills, creating a positive social network, and seeking help if needed, LGBT students can protect their emotional health during college and beyond.

Overcoming Stigma

LGBT individuals who are dealing with mental health conditions like depression may have to contend with even more stigma because of discrimination or misunderstandings related to their sexual orientation. Having to deal with the additional stigma can worsen mental health conditions. Here are some tips for overcoming stigma:

• Surround yourself with supportive people. Check to see if your campus has groups for LGBT students. It’s a great way to find people who can relate to what you’re going through.

• Seek help. If you’re experiencing sadness, anxiety or stress that is interfering with your ability to get things done and live a fulfilling life, make an appointment with a mental health counselor on campus. It’s the first step toward feeling better.

• Remember it has nothing to do with you. Society creates and perpetuates stigma about many groups. Remember that others’ reactions to your sexual identity or orientation are not your fault, and say nothing about the person you are.

• Join an advocacy group. To further fight stigma, it might help you to participate in a mental health or LGBT advocacy group on campus.

Helping Your Friend

If you have a friend who’s told you about their sexual orientation and/or emotional health struggles, there are various ways you can support them. Here are some suggestions.

• Listen and empathize. You might experience a variety of emotions — like confusion, surprise and sadness —when finding out about a friend’s sexual orientation or emotional health issues. This is to be expected. They are normal responses. When talking to them, don’t interrupt and remain open to what they’re saying. Avoid judging them, and try to put yourself in their shoes.

• Get educated. Learn more about mental illness and the concerns that LGBTindividuals might have. This helps you better understand what your friend is going through and know how to help them.

• Challenge the stigma. Try not to make derogatory comments about LGBTindividuals. Even jokes just further stereotypes and stigma. And speak up when others make comments or jokes.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article