Tag: Lists

The Brutally Honest Phases Of A Man Falling In Love

by zfortadminin LOVE

Looking for an inner peek in to the mind of the guy you are dating? What phase are you in with your date?

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We all, men and women alike, might feel the same emotions when it comes to love, but the journey to finding love is an experience differentiated by gender. When women fall in love, they are filled with bursts of happiness and other mixed emotions, which a man will never be able to comprehend. Men on the other hand, are a completely different ballgame.

You see, unlike women who experience intense surges of affection as soon as they meet a guy, men experience a phase of emotions when they meet a woman. This article will explain the phases and journey a man undergoes before falling in love with a woman.

Phase 1. The “I Like You” Phase

Unfortunately, men are very shallow creatures. This initial stage is all about instant physical attraction. If you ever thought a guy initially liked you as a person …oh boy, were you wrong!  Some women may fall in love during the first conversation, but sadly, in the beginning stages, men are only attracted to a woman’s physical appearance.  Don’t be fooled by the idea of a ‘physical appearance.’

It does not include the whole package. Every man is different and enjoys different things about a woman. For example, most men are attracted by breasts (may it be small or large) and also by your curvy behind (again, may it be small or large). It’s never about the whole package, but more about a man’s specific appeal in a woman. Sometimes, a guy may not even realize what attracts him most in a woman, but if he has such feelings, he will begin the “I Like You” phase.

Phase 2. The Scouting Phase

Most guys find themselves attracted to a lot of women for many reasons, and as a result, they will “scout” to see which one of them will respond to their advances. Yes, men try to bait as many women as we can, at any given time. It’s only when a girl has passed the “scouting” phase (by accepting our small advances) that a man begins to focus his attention only on her.

These advances are very discreet and are not upfront flirting. A man basically needs that little confirmation that if he does start to chase you, something will happen. Even though he likes a woman, in this stage, he doesn’t really care about the outcome, so if she rejects him or doesn’t respond to his advances, he generally doesn’t feel a thing and moves on to another woman that catches his attention. Sure, there are exceptions, but generally, this is how guys think at this point.

Phase 3. The Chase

If a woman a man likes gives even the slightest positive response to his advances, he will start the chase. Sometimes those signs aren’t even obvious; he just believes in himself that you like him back, and as a result, he starts the chase. The chase is all about winning your attention. In this stage, a man’s aim is to get you to notice him and understand that he’s into you. Once this has become clear, and you have given him a shot (by agreeing to go out with him, etc.), he moves into the next phase.

Phase 4. The “I’m Going To Impress You” Phase

By this time, some women are actually starting to fall in love, but us men are not even close to it. This whole stage is all about making an impression on you. A man will do everything in his power to show you that he is a worthy mate. He plans dates; he floods you with gifts, and generally tries to make you happy whilst hoping to really impress you. It’s in this stage that many women (that have held out, until now) give in to a guy’s advances.

Phase 5. The “I Want You To Love Me” Phase

If a guy is having success so far, he wants to know that you love him. Gaining your love and commitment is his utmost highest achievement. Instead of falling in love with you, in this stage, all he worries about is how to make you fall in love with him. He might even show his relationship skills, thus proving that he is, indeed, a good lifelong partner. You might have already fallen in love by this stage, but this is when he needs to see it.

Phase 6. The Decision Phase

If a man makes it into this stage, it means you’ve clearly expressed your feelings, and he knows that he has managed to gain your love and commitment. Now, unfortunately, for both parties involved, all he did up to this point was prove to you that he is “exactly” what you are looking for in a man.

Because of this, two core problems arise:

-He wasn’t actually being himself 100 percent, so the man you’ve fallen in love with isn’t exactly the man you think he is.

-He never wondered if you’re actually right for him, since his desire to impress you was based purely on his INITIAL physical attraction.

It’s at this phase when a man finally starts to wonder if a real relationship may blossom here. It’s at this point when he starts to actually observe you as a real person (and I know this may sound shallow) and see if he actually likes you in this department. Finally, it’s at this stage when a man decides if you are worth trying a long-term relationship with. We ask ourselves: Do I love her? Do I want to be with her? Will I be happy with her? Is she the woman I want?

It’s easy for a man, even at this stage, to dismiss a girl based on some seemingly pointless reasons, but it’s how we are as a species. We are genetically engineered to “spread thy seed,” so the girl that a man does eventually decide to love and be with has to be perfect from his perspective. It’s also the same for a woman …the only difference is that she probably makes up her mind much earlier in the relationship.

Phase 7. The “I Love You” Phase

If the decision stage was negative, it’s at this stage when the guy will either dump you if you had a short relationship, or start ignoring you if it was just a fling. On the other hand, if he decided he does want to give love a try, he is now ready for it. The next three to four months will be the best stages of any relationship. He will give into his feelings and be overwhelmed with love. You will start to see him taking care of you, acting jealous and all the other great things about love.

It may seem harsh and unrealistic that a guy has to DECIDE whether or not he wants to fall in love, but we don’t always rationalize what we are doing. These things are imbedded into us at an instinctual level, and the fact that we DENY love early in these phases is only because it’s our defense mechanism preventing us from getting hurt.

Important Note: This is how a man falls in love if the woman he is after gives into all of his advances. If you want to turn a guy on his head, don’t give in to ALL OF HIS advances. Don’t say, “I love you” when he wants you to say it. Basically, turn his world upside down, and then, you’ll see a man falling helplessly in love, not being able to control his own emotions.

 

Curated by Tatiana
Original Source

How to Regain that Youthful Love With Your Spouse All Over Again

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Long term relationships needs nurturing and care to keep the fire and passion burning bright like Day 1. We love these 5 tips to ignite the empowered love that drew you in to your spouse.

Last month my daughter got married. During the ceremony, she and her husband gazed at each other adoringly and joy seemed to exude from every pore in their bodies. I found myself wondering, Have any two people ever been so in love?

Even as I squeezed the hand of my darling husband of 32 years, I felt as if I could never have been as much in love with him as my daughter was with her man on their wedding day.

Or maybe, I mused, love just looks more radiant on young faces. Could love possibly have a shelf life? Does it have “planned obsolescence,” like modern technology?

So I did a little research.

What I learned boils down to this: Even a marriage that’s about to smash up against the rocks (barring physical or emotional abuse or criminal acts) can tack its way back into calm and pleasant waters.

We’re not just talking about doing damage control. “It’s almost never too late to start the process of falling in love all over again,” says James Córdova, Ph.D., chair of Clark University’s psychology department and head of Clark’s Center for Couples & Family Research.

Taking Too Much for Granted

“One of the things that happens in long-term marriages is that the demands of everyday life steal our attention away from our partners — and paying attention to the other is crucial for happy relationships,” Córdova says. This lack of focus on your spouse slowly unravels the fabric of a solid relationship.

Sometimes the disintegration happens over a number of years, during which the couple exist in a kind of emotional limbo. Córdova notes that, statistically, it takes couples up to six years to seek help or advice after they’ve reached a tipping point. And that, he says, only increases the impact on the marriage.

Fritz Galette, Ph.D., a family therapist who hosts the weekly “Ask Dr. Fritz” on New York City’s WWRL, agrees. “By the time I see couples, they’re often in crisis,” he says. “The discontent has been festering for years.”

And yet experts believe that even in cases where the discontent has been on a low boil, there are still ways to revive the old passion.

5 Ways to Restoke the Fires of Love

Beautiful young girl tenderly looks at her lover, isolated on white
Gallete and Córdova both recommend that couples in crisis seek professional help, whether from clergy or family/marriage therapists. On top of that, the following steps — first discussed and then put into practice — can help salvage a troubled marriage.

1. Act like you’re in a new relationship. Gallete recommends that couples ask each other the kinds of questions typical of new daters’ “getting to know each other” conversations.

Jill Kaplan*, whose 28-year-old marriage had been feeling flat, realized that she and her husband, Todd (names have been changed), had fallen so out of sync that the things she was doing to please him were actually annoying him. “I thought he wanted me to watch sports on TV with him,” she says. “I really didn’t always want to, but I kept it up for him.”

It took a close friend, who observed the tension in the family room, to get Jill to ask Todd if he really wanted her company. She got a surprising answer. “It turned out that he preferred not to have me there if I wasn’t into the game!” Jill says.

“That was just the first question,” she adds. “Now we’re on to which family we want to spend holidays with and what clothes the other wears that we really like. It’s like he’s my new boyfriend. It’s like I’ve discovered a favorite old outfit in my closet: Todd looks good to me and yet our relationship has the spark of something new and special.”

2. Pay attention to your spouse. One of the biggest complaints Gallete hears is that couples feel ignored by their mates. Spouses get used to one another and, over time, don’t really notice what they’re each going through.

“Sometimes people think they’re paying attention to their spouses but they really aren’t,” he says. “I advise couples to look into the other’s eyes when they’re having a conversation. It’s much easier to concentrate on someone’s words and share when your partner is looking right at you.”

Gallete also promotes an effective technique called active listening. “When one person speaks, the other can’t interrupt. He must listen completely before he says anything — and then he has to respond.”
3. Share new experiences. For years, relationship experts (and every women’s magazine) have been advising couples to set aside time for “date night.” Córdova says that going out and doing things together on a regular basis and creating romantic rituals is good for a relationship. But it’s even better to try something out of the ordinary. Get creative and step outside your comfort zone.

Gallete agrees. “Doing something new and different together, like taking tennis lessons — which is what my wife and I did recently — enhances your sense of intimacy.”

Karen and Bob Callahan, a couple who had thought their next step was divorce, breathed new life into their marriage when they reluctantly took a kayaking course together. “Neither one of us is particularly athletic, so when our pastor [whom they had seen for counseling] showed us a brochure, we both thought, Why not?” Bob says.

“Actually,” Karen adds with a laugh, “my first thought was, ‘If we both drown, it couldn’t feel as bad as how miserable I am now.’”

It turned out that kayaking didn’t take too much athletic prowess, and the two had a terrific time paddling around a local lake. “We started making up stories about the fancy houses we saw and soon we were laughing so hard we almost tipped,” Karen says. The weekend after they received their “certificate,” they booked a B&B on the lake, where they spent less time kayaking and more time just enjoying being together.

4. Be affectionate — physically and verbally. Research has established thattouch communicates a wider range of emotions than mere gestures. “The science of touch suggests that a pat on the back, a squeeze of the hand, a hug or an arm around the shoulder can save a so-so marriage,” writes Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside. “Introducing more (nonsexual) touching and affection on a daily basis will go a long way in rekindling the warmth and tenderness.”

According to Córdova, however, this prescription for tenderness must also include loving language — and it needs to be heartfelt. “I love you” should be more than a reflexive recitation of syllables at the end of a phone call. Instead, say something affectionate and sweet at unexpected times.

Loving phrases can — and should — be sprinkled generously throughout your interactions. Tell your spouse he’s amazing while you’re eating dinner. Compliment your wife’s problem-solving abilities while trouble-shooting a plumbing problem.

5. Always be kind. “It’s not important whether your partner is ‘succeeding’ or ‘failing’ when your goal is to have a genuinely loving relationship,” says Córdova. “If your partner shows up late, no matter how annoyed you are, you can still respond with kindness.”

“When Bob and I began paying true attention to how we were communicating,” says Karen, “we realized that we were [venting] when we could have easily let the issue roll off our backs.”

So they tried an experiment. One Saturday they left a recorder running. “We were shocked when we listened to it later,” says Bob. “The way we were responding to each other made us cringe. It was exactly the kind of negative communication that makes people uncomfortable when they see it in others.”

To find a remedy for that habitual behavior, Bob and Karen made lists of 10 things the other did that bugged them and wrote down their usual responses. “Then we looked at each other’s lists and discussed how we could communicate our feelings without being hurtful,” says Karen.

Once you start being intentionally kind, says Córdova, “the interaction goes to a new place — the kind you would prefer in a happy marriage.”

But, he cautions, “Being kind when you’re not feeling that way takes practice. It doesn’t come naturally at first, but it can turn into a habit.”

What’s Old Is New Again

While we can’t realistically expect our long-term partner to be the exact same person we married, Córdova says, that may be a positive thing. “It’s like you have a whole new person there beside you — someone you can date, with all the benefits of already being married.” Ultimately, he adds, it’s not so much about going back to what you had before. It’s more about going forward and building something new and better suited to who you’ve each become.

 

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

4 Passionate Ways To Get Your Man BEGGING For More

by zfortadminin Sex

We love these spicy tips!

With these tips, you’ll have him begging for more.

Learning how to satisfy your man sexually is a lot easier than you think. You don’t need to be a porn star or a some sort of sex crazed nymphomaniac to make sure that you give him a good time. In this article I want to teach you how to have sex to give your man the most pleasure he’s ever had in his life. (If you want to learn my best oral sex tips and techniques, you’ll find them in this powerful video.)

1. Find Out His Kinks, Fantasies And Fetishes

Every guy has certain things that are massive turn ons for them. It could be when you wear an extra tight pair of jeans or a pair of sexy heels or that top that reveals your cleavage more than usual. But with that being said, it could perhaps be something a little more wild. He might love the idea of seeing you with another woman or even another man. Or maybe he really wants to try anal sex with you. Or maybe he has a thing for feet.

If you are serious about satisfying your man sexually in the bedroom, then the most powerful thing that you can do is find out what his kinks, fantasies and fetishes are and then do them with him. Doing them with your man is actually the easy part. Finding them out and getting your man to open up is the hard part. Often your man may be slightly embarrassed or reluctant to talk about them with you. To get him to relax and open up to you is not that easy unfortunately.

One way to approach it is to tell him some of yours first. Being the first to share is a great way to get him to reciprocate. Another way is to just say that you want to try lots of different things with him. As you explain to your man each thing that you want to try with him, try to judge his reaction. Obviously he is going to look more keen and excited about certain ideas than others.

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Lingerie Rules for Sexual Success

by Jules Thompsonin SEX TIPS

In theory, I love sexy underwear. I own the requisite number of suspender belts (two), a multitude of thongs, have previously bought crotchless pants (although God knows where they are now), and, occasionally, I even wear these items.  And we all know how sexy underwear is supposed to work: you wear it, he is blown away with lust and gratitude, and you both have the best sex ever.

Except, of course, in real life, things are rarely so simple.

My lingerie heyday was undoubtedly during my student years. Back then, my 20-year-old boyfriend was delightfully responsive to any effort on my part in the underwear department. The merest whiff of stockings and suspenders and he was a shoo-in. My current 30-something man, however, is much less predictable.

Think of it like this: in the world of lighting, your 20-something male is a bog-standard lamp – he has a switch, you flick it, you turn him on. But by the time a man hits his 30s, he has matured into a more complex system altogether, a kind of finely-tuned motion sensor light. On a good day, this means you get to kick back and enjoy his advanced technology. On a bad day, it leaves you standing in the middle of the room, waving your arms around wildly, and wondering how the hell you turn the damn thing on.
Sexy Young Woman Wearing White Bride Underwear

The problem is, when we put on sexy underwear at the start of a night, we are making a firm commitment to both us and them wanting to have sex at the end of it. It’s a down payment on mutual lust; in my experience, couples often buckle under this kind of pressure. And even if our man does want to have sex, he might be totally unfussed by our undies. As my housemate – a relatively sensitive guy – put it: ‘By the time you’re down to that layer, your main concern is getting beyond it; it’s just an extra shiny barrier.’ Such a lack of enthusiasm on their part can easily lead to disappointment on ours.

These pitfalls are only exacerbated by the financial cost of decent lingerie. My boyfriend would probably enjoy an Agent Provocateur basque more if it didn’t represent a 50% reduction in our monthly savings. These days, nothing gives him a hard on quite like the thought of making it onto the property ladder. Conversely, nothing is likely to kill his passion quite like the thought of our future home disappearing in a cloud of lace and tassles. If I splash out on lingerie, then, we’re both going to want to see a pretty high return.

So you can see why my relationship with sexy underwear is not as simple as it once was. But this doesn’t mean I’m ready to quit the game altogether. No, instead I have developed three simple rules to help me (and people like me) enjoy a healthy relationship with my undies.

Rule #1 – No Surprises

One girlfriend of mine has sexy lingerie nailed. Firstly, she does not give a damn about the cost. Secondly, she is in awe of all female beauty, including her own (she sends me links to high-end corsets asking which I think would make her look the most adorable). Thirdly, (and this is key), she involves her boyfriend in deciding when the lingerie should be worn. Last Christmas, she bought ‘him’ a stunning corset. After its first outing, he wanted to know what would happen next, i.e. would she wear it all the time or only occasionally? Was it a one-off thing?

She explained to him, ‘This corset is your Christmas present. And now it can be Christmas anytime you want to it to be. All you have to do is say “Can we have Christmas today, please?” And I’ll make it happen.’

You see, the girl’s a genius.  Because it is the ‘tada’ aspect of sexy lingerie that so often backfires. I ran this theory by my boyfriend, and he agreed: ‘If we don’t know it’s coming, you can’t blame us if we don’t rise to the challenge. At least give us a hint!’

Rule # 2 – Know your Man

In the case of my man, this means sexy lingerie is best aired by day. When we were ‘courting’, our nights out usually culminated in wild, drunken sex. Now, they are more likely to end in wild, drunken promises to do it first thing in the morning.  My bloke peaks in the day; I must use this to my advantage.

Sexy lingerie woman

Rule #3 – Know your Budget

Sexy underwear can be fun and experimental, but invest too much and the stakes are raised. With this in mind, I recently did some browsing on ebay (‘refine’ – ‘condition’ – ‘new with tags’), and managed to get some rather nice Victoria Secret undies at a 75% discount. They arrived today and, I’m pleased to say, they make my bottom look lovely. My only concern is that the lacing running down my bum crack rather draws the attention to the wrong hole (a hole that is, by long-standing agreement, out of play).  Still, at that price it’s hard to complain. And, as the saying goes, never say never…

Tomorrow morning, my boyfriend and I have a rare shared lie in. I intend to get up, spruce up, put on my sexy budget knickers and one of his shirts (I have it on good authority that this is a winning combination). Then, I’ll come back to bed and wake him up with a hot brew and my own delicious self. He has been duly warned that this is coming. So, this time, he’d better wake up and smell the coffee.

10 Signs He’s a Keeper

by zfortadminin LOVE

He might be falling in love with you

1. He makes a point to check in with you before making plans. The two of you might not yet be at the point where you naturally spend every weekend together, but he checks in with you before making plans to go on trips or away for a day to visit his family. Because you have plan priority.

2. He gets upset if he doesn’t hear from you all day. That “Hey, how was your day” text means not only was he thinking of you, but he’s wondering what you were doing that was so much better than messaging him.

3. He assumes you’re his de-facto plus one. When he says, “Hey, I have a wedding in November” as a way of inviting you instead of actually asking, it means he’s taking things pretty seriously.

4. He makes a point to take you to his favorite places. He takes you to his favorite bar or “the best” (in his mind) place to get pizza. This means he’s letting you into his world. He’s saying, “I trust you not to lurk outside of this place with a knife, waiting for me to show up if I ever break up with you.” That’s a big deal.

5. He sits through Scandal because he knows it’s your favorite. No man would want to sit through a girly show unless he’s either (1) trying to have sex with you or (2) trying to get brownie points. If he’s already had sex with you, then he’s just trying to rack up the points. And no guy cares about getting in your good graces unless he actually cares about your good graces in the first place. If he didn’t see things going anywhere, he wouldn’t waste five hours of his time binge-watching Gilmore Girls with you.

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Six Signs You Are Ready For A Keeper

by Ansuya Nathanin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Yep. You read that title right. There are tons of articles about how to know if the object of your affection is a keeper. But I’m going to go out on a limb and say that whether they are or not is immaterial if you are not ready to reciprocate keeper status. It is difficult to know if you are ready for a keeper. As always, I can only speak from my personal experience, but here are a few things that had to shift significantly before I was ready to keep and be ‘kept’.

1. You Are Looking For Your Equal.

One of the great romantic myths is that your significant other completes you in some way, that one plus one equals a happy whole. That implies that you are each half people stumbling around in the dark waiting for your life to begin once you find that missing puzzle piece. But I’d rather see it as finding someone who compliments you – two complete humans who together form an awesome team.

Here’s another way of looking at it: Why would you want to be with someone with whom the balance is uneven? Why ‘settle’ for someone – it will only lead to resentment. Or, why put yourself in a position of deference, constantly trying to prove your worth to someone? Ultimately, mutual respect will breed relationship longevity. Not as sexy as co-dependency, sure, but absolutely vital if you want something substantial.

2. You Are Able To See Things As They Are.

Forget X-Ray vision – the ability to see things as they are is the true super power! It is one that I have occasionally and one that makes life easier in general. When you can see things as they are (i.e. not how you would like them to be, nor a catastrophized version), then you know what you are working with and have the power to decide whether this person is right for you. An added bonus that comes from being a seer of The Truth Of Things is that you kinda have to give up the idea of changing someone. The ability to accept someone unconditionally is another step on the way to keeper status because you get to practice one half of that romantic ideal – unconditional love.

3. You Would Rather Be Single Than In A Not So Great Relationship

So now that you’ve gained that elusive aforementioned super power and you realize that you can’t change anyone and that the choice is always yours, it becomes pointless to continue pursuing something that is not right for you. Standing on your own takes courage. It can be lonely being single. But in my experience it is so much lonelier being in a relationship that isn’t working. Ultimately, I think it comes down to this – if you are holding on to someone that isn’t making your heart sing, then there is no room for anyone else.  Clear the space and do the work. Which brings me to…

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6 Traits Men Find Incredibly Irresistible

by zfortadminin Sex

He’s looking for these traits and they have nothing to do with looks! 

While a sultry dress and stilettos may make him look, what really gets him going might surprise you.

So you’ve spotted a guy who looks like he could be the man of your dreams across the room, and before you know it, he’s noticed you too. He walks over, gives you a cheesy (but cute) opening line, and now you’re talking to him.

You and I both know that you are all that, but right now he only knows that you look great. So what will make him realize that you really are the girl he’s been waiting his whole life for and make him want to retire his little black book for good? Here are 6 personality traits that will make just about any guy fall head over heels for you.

1. You’re Not Easily Impressed

You’re not the type of woman that gets all dreamy eyed just because an attractive guy has decided to talk to you. You know that you’re the one doing the choosing. Of course, in any good relationship both partners have to choose each other, and for the right reasons, but what we’re talking about here are those first fledgling hours and subsequent dates.

The point here is not to pretend that you aren’t interested while your heart is actually fluttering and you’re secretly concerned that you’re starting to sweat; instead, consciously realize that you’re not sure if he’s all that either — after all, you just met him, how could you possibly know anything more about him than how he looks, walks and smiles?

That’s just not much to go on. So, approach the situation as exactly what it is — you think he’s superficially attractive, but he’s going to have to prove to you that he’s worth talking to, much less giving your number to. Look at this as a chance to find out if he really is a guy that you want to get to know better.

Men love this because they truly want to win you over; they’re biologically wired for the chase, so let him chase you. If you’re interested, and think he’s attractive, that will automatically show through your body language. You’ll be smiling, laughing at his jokes, your eyes will light up, and he’ll notice that.

But he’ll also notice that you’re clearly not desperate, because you know that you’re a great catch, and now it’s time for him to show you why he’d be a great catch. We’re not talking about playing games like intentionally acting uninterested or walking away from him after ten minutes.

Just be who you actually are — a woman who finds him attractive on the surface, but who needs to find out what’s underneath to be convinced that he’s the right guy for you. You know that it will take more than a few minutes (or even a few dates) for him to convince you of that.

2. You Know You’ve Really Got It Going On

You know you’re all that (and more), but not in an arrogant way. You’ve got that kind of quiet confidence that allows you to feel comfortable in almost any situation because you feel good about yourself and your capabilities.

When you’re confident your body language shows it in the way you make eye contact, the way you carry yourself, and your easy smile. Men can’t help but go gaga over a woman who’s just so sure of herself.

3. You Feel Sexy

It’s not about looking sexy, it’s about feeling sexy. I’m not talking about that low cut dress and stiletto heels kind of sexy — I’m talking about the kind of sensual, self-assured, comfortable in your own skin (and oh what beautiful skin) kind of sexy. When you feel sexy, it will automatically show through your body language, the way you move, and the way you smile.

The best way to feel sexy? It’s not about what you’re wearing on the outside; wear your sexiest lingerie underneath your outfit, even if it’s jeans and a sweatshirt at a spring barbeque. Even though you know that nobody will see it but you at the end of the evening, by wearing your soft, sexy, silky lingerie you know in your mind that it would knock the socks off of the guy you’re talking to, and that shows through. When you feel sexy, you’ll be sexy.

4. You’re Interesting

You have your own life, and wow, it’s pretty good. Guys want to know that once the two of you start dating you won’t be looking for them to be your sole source of a social life and happiness in general. Nobody wants the clinger – the girl who has no social life of her own except for going out with her girlfriends looking for men. Guys know that this girl won’t be interested in doing that once she settles down, and are afraid that then she’ll want to do everything with him.

Most men highly value their alone time, and they need to know that they won’t lose all of it if they’re in a relationship with you. It’s as simple as mentioning a project that you’re working on (non-career related), talking about an interesting course that you’re taking for fun, or a weekend getaway you have planned with your girlfriends. By casually letting him know that you have other interests (you do, right?) and that you like to spend time and have plans with your friends, he’ll feel good knowing that you’ll be ok without him when he needs his alone time.

5. You’re Interested

You want to find out more about this cute guy you just met, right? So you’re asking a few questions about him — where he grew up, how many siblings he has, any pets? Not to the point of it sounding like an interview, and certainly not questions that are inappropriately personal, but generally you’re showing him that you’re interested in getting to know him better (and you are, right?) This makes him realize that once you’re in a relationship together it won’t just be all about you.

6. You’re glowing

People that are happy, exuberant, enthusiastic, and have a great attitude towards life are very attractive to other people. It’s like there’s a light that shines from your eyes and your smile, and surrounds you, bathing you in its translucent beauty.

It’s a of mix of confidence, physical and emotional health, self-esteem, and loving your life. Men can’t help but pick up on this energy and get drawn in by it. It may have been what brought him over to you in the first place, and he’ll be so intrigued by this vibrant gem that he’s found that he won’t be able to tear himself away.

This inner glow is not something you can fake, and I know it’s not always easy to feel when you’ve been dateless for a while and may be starting to feel down on yourself and your life. If you’re not feeling the glow right now, then it may be time to take a break from the search and work on improving your happiness, confidence levels, and self-esteem.

The best way to start feeling good about yourself and your life simply involves doing things that you love, being healthy (physically and emotionally), and getting some accomplishments under your belt, even if they’re relatively simple ones.

Try your hand at something new, something slightly intimidating, and keep at it until you’ve become relatively proficient. Accomplishing things that you were initially afraid to try can be an excellent confidence booster and add tremendously to your excitement and zeal for life.

The key to each of these really boils down to being your best, authentic self. If you can focus on being true to yourself, following your own interests without trying to be something different than what you are, then everything else will fall into place.

Once you stop trying to go against your own true nature you’ll discover your own sense of self, you’ll feel more confident and happy, you’ll be more excited about life, you’ll be more loving, and you’ll start to attract the same into your life. You’ll be nothing less than irresistible.

 

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Newly Coupled: the Learning Curve

by Ansuya Nathanin LOVE

Adjusting from being single to being in a relationship can be difficult, to say the least. Believe me, I know. I went from ten years in a relationship to seven years out – not for want of trying I might add – to now being firmly ensconced in one for a year or so. In honor to celebrate the wondrous feat that is one full year of grown up love, I thought I’d make a list of a few of the dumb things I said early on, in the “getting used to someone being in my life” phase.

Fitting, right? I hope you can learn from my mistakes.

Here goes… This is in no apparent order – chronological, humiliation factor or otherwise.

1. “I hope to be with you as long as I can.”

I’ll come clean with you and say I had a pathological fear of forever. I am less afraid of it now but still don’t really believe in it. It went the way of my twenties. My previous relationship – the one that lasted ten years – had the big FOREVER stamp on it. When that ended, I realized nothing is as certain as USPS stamps, certainly not love.  That’s not to say I don’t believe that love or a relationship can’t last a lifetime. (Triple negative!) In fact, that is what led me to say the stupid thing above. I was feeling those forever feelings – wanting the flush of new love to never end, savoring that deep warm connection between two like souls, desiring nothing more than to bask in his glow FOREV – for as long as I could… Despite what I was feeling, my previous experiences had told me that forever did not exist in the real world. And I did not want to jinx this new love, not after being in the wilderness for so long. Hence the more realistic phrasing of what I was wishing for. I said it more than once. Truth be told I said it so often it could have become my jaded yet feisty sitcom character’s catchphrase. My boyfriend was kind enough to smile, say “me too” and continue to make out with me on the couch each time. It was only months later when I had stopped that he pointed out the absurdity of it all. And by that time I had graduated to saying ‘I love you’ when those forever feelings arose.

2. “ I don’t believe in missing people”

I can’t remember the exact words but the sentiment was the above. Let me set the scene. We were about three weeks into going steady and my beau was driving me to the airport. Before we met, I had booked an awesome trip to Toronto to see friends. It was my treat to me and I was very excited. He, however, was less than enthusiastic about the prospect of me leaving for ten days and had already told me a few times before how much he’d miss me. From my Zen-like high horse, I gently implied that missing people is a sure sign of not being in the present moment and that I tried to live my life in the present. He looked a little forlorn. Clearly, not the response he was hoping for. But I was proud of myself for not feeling forced to say something I didn’t feel at the time. The irony, of course, was that I ended up missing him intensely, which was super confusing for this fiercely independent woman. We would talking for an hour each day and I even told him I loved him for the first time on the phone from three time zones away. The longest three seconds of my life was waiting for his response.

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101 Practical Ways To Improve Your Relationship with Ease

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

This list goes in to great depth on ways to make your relationship better! 

How to reconnect, strengthen your relationship, improve communication, intimacy, and more.

All relationships need a little pick-me-up sometimes, even the best ones. To that end, we’ve compiled a list of 101 ways to reconnect with your significant other right this moment. These actions will make your partner feel loved, appreciated and desired and will, in turn, make you feel more connected to him/her. Whether you’d like to increase intimacy, find a thoughtful way to say “I love you,” or just show your honey some gratitude, we’re sure you’ll find something useful in the list below.

And since the world (and our site!) is full of loving, creative souls, we hope you’ll share with us in the comments section below the special ways you share love and strengthen your bond with your significant other. Read the whole list, or skip to your favorite category from the list below.

CREATE INTIMACY

1. Lie down on the bed … and spend two minutes looking into each other’s eyes without saying anything. (Blinking is OK.)

2. Next time you’re in bed pull the covers over your head and have a whispered conversation. If you whisper first he’ll probably whisper back—it’s incredibly intimate.

3. Listen to each other. Think you already do that? Try active listening. Ask your partner to talk about something and after each sentence (or paragraph) repeat what you heard. Start with, “I heard…” You don’t have to repeat back the words verbatim, just say what you think she said. If you misinterpret or leave out anything, your partner will correct you. Take turns doing this. It’s great for intense discussions, arguments, or just a weekly ritual to improve communication.

Couple Listening To The Music From A Smart Phone

4. Pray together. If you’re comfortable talking about it, discuss what you pray about.

5. Do the wonder intimacy exercise. (From The Marriage First Aid Kit.) Free associate and list sentences starting with “I wonder” on a piece of paper. (I wonder if I’ll ever learn to cook. I wonder if I’ll ever cook for you. I wonder if I could love you more than I do.) Take turns reading your wonders to your partner, without judging, commenting or analyzing. This may feel silly at first, but just try it and see what happens.

6. Do the nostalgic memory exercise. (From The Marriage First Aid Kit.) Pick a shared memory from “the honeymoon period” of your relationship. Discuss the memory and take turns talking about a) sensory memories (sights, sounds, smells) b) what you were thinking and c) what you were feeling.

7. Set time aside every day for mutual silence.

8. Give each other pet names. Sure, you can call each other baby, boo, or schmoopy but coming up with a nickname only you two get is cute and provides a little laugh. Studies have shown that nicknames are a sign of a strong relationship. Others might not think “Bomboushay Yaya” is endearing but if it means something to you then that’s all that matters.

SPEAK

9. Say something positive — anything at all. Researchers have found that happy couples have a ratio of five positive comments to each negative comment.

10. Think of one quirky thing she does that you love and tell her about it.

11. Ask him what he was like when he was a little kid.

12. Tell him he looks sexy in that shirt (pants, shorts, insert the appropriate item of clothing).

13. Compliment something that he’s improved upon.

14. Tell him he makes you a better person. And then tell him how.
Couple having picnic on beach

15. If you’re feeling anxious about something, ask your partner to be your stress absorber. Ask him to listen as you explain what you’re worrying about. The catch is that he doesn’t have to say anything — no reassurances or offers of assistance. He just has to pay attention to what you’re saying and offer you a hug or hold your hand. As you’re talking, imagine your stress dissipating as the words leave your mouth.

16. The next time she does something that makes you angry … before you say something about it stop and ask yourself, “What am I really mad about?” Little things can often be masks for deeper issues. If you decide it’s a larger issue, hold your tongue and bring it up when you’re not mad.

17. Accept her apology. If you’ve been fighting and she makes an attempt to reconcile, don’t rebuff her.

18. If she holds a notable position in her field … (or even if not) remind her of how awesome she is at her job and how it intensifies your amazement of her.

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How to Find Real, Lasting Love Without Looking for It

by zfortadminin LOVE

We love this approach to finding love! 

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” ~Carl Jung

Often when people want a new relationship, they either look for someone to complete them or they imagine sharing their life with someone just like them. So they try to present themselves in the best possible light for their imagined future partner—either as one perfect half of a whole or as an ideal version of what they believe their future partner will want.

In my experience, finding your soul mate requires a different, far more soul-enriching approach. Here are six steps that worked for me:

1. Stop looking for your soul mate and find the missing parts of you.

This may sound counterintuitive, but it’s exactly how I met my husband. I stopped looking for “the one” after a two-year relationship ended, which I had believed was the one. I decided to turn my attention inward—to get to know and accept myself, to heal past wounds, and to explore and develop new parts of myself.

Previously, I needed to be with someone in order to feel content, to have someone love me in order to feel loved. Breaking up with past boyfriends was so painful because it felt as if I was breaking up, as if I was being torn from a part of myself.

What I discovered was that I had to learn to be whole. And when I started to work on that, my life changed.

2. Live your life as you want to live it.

When I started to discover more about myself and to follow my own path, I started to live a life that was meaningful to me. I was no longer following someone else’s rules and ideas about what I should do.

This can disappoint some people close to you, such as your family. But if you want to find fulfillment in your life, you have to fulfill yourself, not someone else!

And doing what is right for you means you will be in places, jobs, and near people that are aligned with your life path, and with you. So you will have a much better chance of meeting your soul mate, because your soul mate will also be connected to your life path.

3. Stop trying to appeal to an imagined, potential partner.

A side effect of leading the life you choose is that you automatically become more attractive. You become more real, authentic, substantial, valuable, passionate, happy, and present. This makes you more beautiful in a natural and effortless way, and it will also make you attractive to your soul mate.

Whereas when you try to make yourself attractive in order to find someone, you alter the way you behave and present yourself so that if your soul mate were to show up, he or she might not even recognize you.

So just be yourself, whether that means you dress in corporate attire or resort wear, or casual clothing or more formal, or if your preference changes at different times.

You don’t need to be a particular weight or have large biceps or wear uncomfortable shoes if you don’t like them. Go to the gym only if you love it, do yoga if you love it, walk or surf or cycle if you enjoy those activities.

A partner who you will be with over the long term will not make a decision about your worth based on a superficial aspect of your appearance. So tap into what feels right for you, do the activities you enjoy, wear the clothes that suit you and in which you feel comfortable.

You will be far more attractive to your soul mate if you look like yourself when you meet them.

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17 Reasons to Definitely Have Sex Tonight

by zfortadminin Sex

Who is getting lucky tonight?

1. It’s, you know, sex. And one of only a couple ways to have an orgasm, which is pretty great in and of itself. For most people, this is pretty high on the list of reasons to have sex. In some cases, it’s all about the journey, but the orgasm is a pretty great destination regardless of how you arrive there. If I need to explain to you why an orgasm is great, then get off this website and go tell your parents to install parental controls on your computer.

2. It’ll be the happiest you are all day. Sex releases endorphins, which are a great cure for a bad mood. Bad day at the office? Bang. Just feeling sort of down? Bang. You really can’t be that upset after sex.

3. Your power is out. Your options are basically read by candlelight or have sex. Guess which one isn’t going to be a strain on your eyes.

4. You’re about to go on vacation and don’t want to get sick. Studies show that sex can actually strengthen your immune system. So if you’re worried about getting sick, just have sex. It might not be as efficient as a flu shot, but it’s definitely the more fun way to have something stuck inside you of the two.

5. You haven’t done it in a while. You don’t want to get rusty. Make sure you still got it.

6. Your boss was so mean to you today. If it’s stressing you out, have sex. Getting it on can actuallylower your blood pressure and alleviate stress. Plus, getting naked yourself is way more fun than picturing all those weirdos at work naked anyway.

7. Your vibrator is out of batteries. This is the better alternative even if your vibrator isn’t out of batteries.

8. You didn’t go to the gym but you don’t want to be completely lazy. Sex counts as exercise, so if you can’t be motivated to drive there and spend an hour lifting weights, have sex instead. You won’t even realize you’re exercising.

9. There’s a knot in your shoulder you can’t work out. Sex can actually relieve aches and pains, so if you’re feeling sore or you slept on your neck weird, have sex.

10. You just got out of the shower. You’re already naked! You’re pretty much halfway there (though you might want to jump in the shower again afterward).

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What’s Your Risk Factor for Not Orgasming?

by zfortadminin Sex

Great tips and a fun quiz! 

Feel like you’re playing orgasm Russian roulette every time you get busy? Yeah, you’re not alone. Those sneaky O’s can come easily on some days, take sooo freaking long on others, and just not show up at all when they feel like it. So what the hell is up with that?

One of the biggest reasons why women aren’t climaxing every single time is because they don’t realize they need clitoral stimulation before and even during sex to reach an orgasm, says Mary Jane Minkin, ob-gyn, M.D., clinical professor at the Yale School of Medicine.

We scoped out other factors that are blocking your big O on the regular to help your assess your risk, switch up your sex game plan, and reach sweet, sweet victory.

Read through the risk factors below, and tally up how many you frequently deal with. Then, see what your no-orgasm risk is.

1. You don’t spend enough time with foreplay. If you think that penetration and G-spot action are all it takes to get to the finish line, you’re sadly mistaken, says Minkin. Since the clitoris has more nerve endings than the vagina, stimulation there is more likely to result in an O, she says. Here’s how to prolong your foreplay and have the best sex ever.

 

2. You’re not speaking up when something feels off. Many women aren’t vocal about what feels good to them, says Minkin. And if he’s not doing it for you, you’re not going to reach the end zone—or it could take forever, she says. Find out how you can tell him what gives you the goose bumps.

 

3. You’re not wearing socks during sexy time. Seriously, getting cold feet might be keeping you from feeling warm and fuzzy all over, according to a Dutch study. Apparently, only 50 percent of women were able to have an orgasm at the beginning of the trials, but when the women wore socks, 80 percent had an orgasm.

 

4. You don’t pee before sex. “If a woman is thinking about how she might have to go to the bathroom, she’s more focused on controlling that function than enjoying the sensation,” says Minkin. “It’s a distraction.” So go pee before the action heats up.

 

5. You’re not in a relationship. Sadly, an exciting one-night stand doesn’t always end in the fireworks you imagined when you first made eye contact with that random hot guy. Research shows that you’re less likely to orgasm when hooking up with someone you’ve just met than when you’re with someone you’re dating. Womp. But giving one of these positions a shot might up your chances.

 

6. You worry about having an orgasm during sex. When you’re anxious about not having an orgasm fast enough—or anything else going on in your life—it can make reaching orgasm more challenging, says Minkin. But don’t let a little thing like stress keep you from getting busy.

 

7. You’re not masturbating. “If you know how you like to be aroused, you can guide your partner when you’re having sex,” says Minkin. Learnhow to make getting busy with yourself so much better.

 

8. You’re not using sex toys. “I always encourage people to use toys together because it can make foreplay more fun and make it more likely that you’ll orgasm,” says Minkin. Check out these crazy, sexy, cool gadgets for couples.

 

9. You usually have sex after several cocktails. “Having one glass of wine or cocktail to relax is fine,” says Minkin, “but if you have two or three, it starts to dull your senses and makes it harder for you to really feel the stimulation.”

 

Three or fewer issues: Orgasm over-acheiver
You know how to go from zero to a mind-blowing O in no time, and you should be proud of that! Keep up the crazy-good habits; you’ve got this under control, girl.

Four to seven issues: C O-face student 
So maybe you’re not hitting the high notes every. Single. Time. But you could get there with just a few simple tweaks to your routine—now that you know where to start. Once you’ve got those down, you’ll be on your way to O-town on a more regular basis. Enjoy the ride. Wink.

Seven to nine issues: Bliss beginner
The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Okay, so maybe your lack of orgasms isn’t quite that serious, but bliss is still important, right? Use the helpful hints above to knock out the random things that could be ruining your roll in the hay. May the odds be ever in your favor.

4 ways to Navigate Your Feelings for Someone

by Robin Tranin Mind

It can feel like absolute turmoil if you don’t have the tools to know how to manage your emotions when you develop feelings for someone, from agonizing despair, to intense euphoria, and everything in between.  These are likely signs of love addiction, which can be a result of an overly romanticized social view of “romantic love” as the greatest virtue one can achieve.

If you’re one of the rare people in the world who knows exactly what to say and how to act when you develop feelings for someone, consider yourself lucky.  For the rest of us, it takes conscious effort to figure out what to do and what not to do in these situations.

Through many years of missteps and mistakes, I figured out the healthiest ways to manage the development of feelings for someone, and most of the work is internal.

Here are the steps that have worked for me:

1.  Figure out how to be happy when you’re by yourself.

If you’re able to find happiness from within, life becomes easier, but achieving this level of independence takes hard work.  I read several self-help books and made a deliberate effort to treat myself like my own best friend.

We tend to use the word “alone” when we describe being by ourselves, but using the word “alone” implies that you are not a person.  The fact is, you’re technically never alone because you’re always with yourself.  You’re the only person that you’re around all the time, so you have to figure out how to start seeing yourself as a person and learn how to love that person.  It’s an everyday struggle, but once you feel like you deserve to be treated well by yourself, a whole world of opportunities will open up for you.

In addition to that, you become more attractive to others because there isn’t as much pressure for other people to make you happy.  The foundation of most–if not all–healthy relationships begins with people that can be happy by themselves so that when they find someone they’d like to spend their time with, they do so because the other person is a complement to their lives, and not a necessity.

2.  Lower the stakes.

There’s a tendency to live inside our heads when we begin developing feelings for someone.  Maybe you begin fantasizing what your lives would be like together, or how happy this person will make you.  But once you start going down that road, you begin idealizing a person that you don’t know that well.  You haven’t lived with this person.  You don’t see this person everyday.  You haven’t witnessed this person’s undesirable qualities or bad moods.

You’ve created a person who is perfect, a standard that no human can live up to.  You’ve cast this person as a life-preserver instead of an actual flawed human being like everybody else.  This person is not a magic pill for eternal happiness.

Also, contrary to what most television shows, movies, and books will have you believe, relationships actually take hard work with years of compromise and communication.  It’s not some finish line to happiness.  Once you’ve lowered the stakes, it’ll help you gain some perspective and realize that while it would be nice to spend time with this person, it won’t be catastrophic if you don’t, because you won’t be missing out on a perfect relationship that doesn’t exist.

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Rekindle Your Relationship And Fall In Love Again

by zfortadminin LOVE

Great way to get sparks flying!

Stop reading for a moment, and think back to the first few weeks after you met your spouse or love partner.

Actually try to visualize an early date where you were cuckoo for CoCo Puffs about this amazing person. And they felt the same about you.

Remember how it felt falling in love, how happily distracted you were, how you couldn’t wait to see her — how everything he said was interesting and funny.

Remember how you felt the two of you were special? Meant for each other. Destined to be together.

And now . . . not so much.

Now you’ve been together for a while — maybe years. And the bloom is off the rose. What was once endearing or funny now gets under your skin like a bad rash. The differences you found so appealing now divide you like a knife. It’s past time to rekindle your relationship.

Frustration, resentments, hurt feelings, and unmet needs are always simmering just below the surface. One wrong word, one sideways glance, one exasperated sigh is all it will take to cause the lid to blow. And blow it has — many times. Too many times to count.

Bickering is a daily sport and full-blown fights dot the landscape of your marriage like bleeding soldiers on a battlefield. Whether your particular fighting style is a head-spinning screaming match or a silent treatment freeze-out, both of you are exhausted, hurting, and so tired of living this way.

How did it come to this? What happened to the joy, the fun times together, the great sex, the intimate talks? Where are those two people who fell so head-over-heels in love?

If you spend more time in your love life fighting or feeling angry, hurt, or resentful than you do enjoying the connection, then it’s past time to take action. Right now you must do something about it if you want to save the relationship.

Here are some ideas on how to rekindle your relationship and fall in love again:

Do you really want to stay?

Before you begin working the relationship, be very, very honest with yourself.

Do you really want this marriage to work?

Are you invested in it enough that you’re willing to make some changes?

Do you truly want to have a happy, healthy, intimate connection with this particular person?

If the answer is no, and you’ve been with this person a long time, go to counseling anyway to be absolutely sure it’s not just your anger clouding your judgment. Get professional support to help you navigate this huge decision whether to end the marriage or not.

However, if the answer is yes, and you know with certainty you want the relationship to work, then read on.

Remember the foundational premise

Both  you and your spouse or partner must embrace this foundational premise: your relationship together takes priority over everything else in your life.

That includes your children, your parents, your friends, your work, your hobbies, your chores, your television, your computer, and your egos.

The relationship itself must be viewed as a separate living, breathing force that the two of you are charged with care taking. I’m not suggesting you lose your individuality. But as two individuals, you are jointly responsible for nurturing your connection as you would your child.

If your relationship isn’t solid, everything else in your life will be negatively impacted. Your happiness as a couple is essential to the security and happiness of your children, your job performance, and your mental health.

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