Great way to get sparks flying!
Stop reading for a moment, and think back to the first few weeks after you met your spouse or love partner.
Actually try to visualize an early date where you were cuckoo for CoCo Puffs about this amazing person. And they felt the same about you.
Remember how it felt falling in love, how happily distracted you were, how you couldn’t wait to see her — how everything he said was interesting and funny.
Remember how you felt the two of you were special? Meant for each other. Destined to be together.
And now . . . not so much.
Now you’ve been together for a while — maybe years. And the bloom is off the rose. What was once endearing or funny now gets under your skin like a bad rash. The differences you found so appealing now divide you like a knife. It’s past time to rekindle your relationship.
Frustration, resentments, hurt feelings, and unmet needs are always simmering just below the surface. One wrong word, one sideways glance, one exasperated sigh is all it will take to cause the lid to blow. And blow it has — many times. Too many times to count.
Bickering is a daily sport and full-blown fights dot the landscape of your marriage like bleeding soldiers on a battlefield. Whether your particular fighting style is a head-spinning screaming match or a silent treatment freeze-out, both of you are exhausted, hurting, and so tired of living this way.
How did it come to this? What happened to the joy, the fun times together, the great sex, the intimate talks? Where are those two people who fell so head-over-heels in love?
If you spend more time in your love life fighting or feeling angry, hurt, or resentful than you do enjoying the connection, then it’s past time to take action. Right now you must do something about it if you want to save the relationship.
Here are some ideas on how to rekindle your relationship and fall in love again:
Do you really want to stay?
Before you begin working the relationship, be very, very honest with yourself.
Do you really want this marriage to work?
Are you invested in it enough that you’re willing to make some changes?
Do you truly want to have a happy, healthy, intimate connection with this particular person?
If the answer is no, and you’ve been with this person a long time, go to counseling anyway to be absolutely sure it’s not just your anger clouding your judgment. Get professional support to help you navigate this huge decision whether to end the marriage or not.
However, if the answer is yes, and you know with certainty you want the relationship to work, then read on.
Remember the foundational premise
Both you and your spouse or partner must embrace this foundational premise: your relationship together takes priority over everything else in your life.
That includes your children, your parents, your friends, your work, your hobbies, your chores, your television, your computer, and your egos.
The relationship itself must be viewed as a separate living, breathing force that the two of you are charged with care taking. I’m not suggesting you lose your individuality. But as two individuals, you are jointly responsible for nurturing your connection as you would your child.
If your relationship isn’t solid, everything else in your life will be negatively impacted. Your happiness as a couple is essential to the security and happiness of your children, your job performance, and your mental health.