Dating Archives - Page 5 of 11 - Love TV

Tag: Dating

Is it Time to Talk or Walk?

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE, Watch

Its the 3 month checkpoint of dating a new partner! Is it time to commit? Or are you ready to leave?

Question: When should you broach the subject of where the relationship is going? I have been seeing a guy for two months and we are having another date this weekend. I know it’s kind of early but I want to know if he is dating other people. I’m also curious why he’s listed as active on the online site we met at and why we really only talk through text. What’s the best way yo handle this?

Answer: After 2-3 months of dating, it’s a good time to make a commitment. Ask yourself: Do his actions say that he’s ready to make a commitment? His actions show more about his intent.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

 

Catching the Love Bug

by zfortadminin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Falling in love can be a magical feeling. Did you know there are lots of natural side effects and exciting uncontrollable changes that happen?

We sing about it, write about it and watch movies about it, but when you think about it, falling in love is crazy and maybe even weird.

It makes us feel and do things we usually wouldn’t under any other circumstances.

First of all, it physically affects our hormones and brain. In fact, scientists have shown that love affects the brain in a way similar to cocaine addiction. Not only that, it also affects us psychologically and behaviorally.

Here are 10 crazy, weird symptoms you may experience when falling in love:

1. Your hormones go wild.

When you fall in love, your cheeks flush, your heart beats faster, your palms are sweaty and your head starts spinning. This is all thanks to a rush of chemicals and hormones that flood your brain and body when you fall in love.

This leaves you with feelings of euphoria similar to an endorphin-induced “runner’s high.”

There’s nothing you can do about this; love physically makes you crazy.

2. You wake up and go to sleep thinking of someone other than yourself.

From the moment you wake up in the morning to the moment you go to sleep at night, the person you love occupies at least some part of your mind. How does your brain even know to think of that person first thing in the morning? Doesn’t it have other more important things to worry about?

The truth is this phenomenon is usually subconscious and automatic, almost like your mind is programmed to do so. Even throughout the day, that person stays staunchly in the back of your mind.

As crazy as it may be, it is nice to think of someone beside you every once in a while.

3. You smile when you’re alone.

We’ve all seen them: the smile texters. Smile texting is the perfect example of what happens when you’re falling in love. You experience weird, giddy feelings of happiness, even when you’re not physically with that special person.

You might smile when he or she texts you, when you hear a certain song, see a picture on Facebook or when you just think of that person.

In general, little things like that will make you smile more than usual because you are just so blissfully in love (and because of all those happy hormones flowing through your bloodstream).

People may look at you funny and wonder why you’re so happy, but you don’t even mind.

4. You become a little obsessive.

I wonder what she’s doing right now. I wonder if she’s watching the game. She loves football, which is cool for a girl. But I forget what her favorite team is … I need to ask again. Or maybe I should ask now. I’ll mention it if she texts me later.

Oh look, a bag of chips. She loves chips. But only the BBQ kind.

People in love, love to think about each other. They somehow manage to relate even the smallest things to the person they love. If your life is the universe, then chances are, your love is the sun, and everything revolves around that.

5. You do embarrassing things.

Ever heard those sappy stories of boys in the olden days throwing rocks at a girl’s window, and playing her songs on their guitar? That was then, but today, there are videos all over YouTube of men proposing to their fiancés with elaborate flash mobs that take place in front of hundreds of people.

Love will make you do embarrassing things because when you’re falling in love with someone, you will do almost anything to make him or her happy, no matter what other people may think.

6. You do things outside of your comfort zone.

Along the same lines, falling in love will make you do things you never even considered doing before. Boys, that may mean taking a yoga class or going to get a pedicure with your girlfriend (they feel really good, it’s okay to admit it).

Girls, that may mean watching “SportsCenter” for two hours or playing a couple games of FIFA. Of course, doing these things can open your mind to new activities you might enjoy. Doing them with the one you love is a great bonding experience, too.

7. You suddenly care more about your appearance.

Before, you may have rolled out of bed and thrown on some athletic shorts and a t-shirt, but you now have a reason to try to look good.

You might comb your hair more often, double check to make sure you didn’t forget deodorant, shave more meticulously and go to the gym, instead of falling asleep on your couch after work.

8. You sing.

When you’re falling in love, you feel so happy and carefree, you can’t always keep it inside. Whether you sound like William Hung or Ariana Grande, sometimes, you just have to sing at the top of your lungs to let it all out.

9. You go out of your way.

You may find yourself driving out of the way to pick up your love’s favorite dinner, or calling in sick to work just to hang out with him or her.

The crazy part is that even though these things may inconvenience you, you’re happy and excited to do them. You actually take joy in making that extra effort to please your SO and show him or her how much you care.

10. You go blind.

As the old adage goes, love is blind. When you’re falling in love, everything your love does and says is interesting and amazing. Every word uttered from his or her mouth, and every move he or she makes, is magical.

Love blinds you to faults and screw ups, and even when you do notice them, you’re quick to forgive because your love can do no wrong. As it turns out, Ke$ha might be right about this one: Love is a drug.

It makes us crazy, but it also makes us happy. Love is exciting; it’s addicting, it’s confusing and it’s weird.

So, cheers to love: both our worst nightmare and our best friend.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

 

Men Speak Out: The Secret to Keeping Him Committed

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

Are you willing to let your Man take the Lead? How adventurous are you in Love to step out of your comfort zone and try out a suggestion from your partner? 

 

Should we help him feel like a “conqueror”? Allowing men to take the lead sometimes helps men stay committed to the relationship. From  Death of the Cheating Man: What Every Woman Must Know about Men Who Stray.

Helping a man feel like a conqueror will help him want to stay committed. It may sound odd to women, but it can be easier than you may think.

Why do men love a “ride-or-die woman”? “She doesn’t get in the way,” one of my buddies told me about his wife. It’s true; she allows him to do the things that cause him to feel like a conqueror and that helps him to feel like she’s going to ride with him no matter what. When a man feels that he has this type of woman, he will go the extra mile to stay committed because he sees her as an asset to his life. And ladies, keep in mind that just because you are in a relationship, doesn’t mean that you’re an asset…many women become liabilities.

Men love to feel like a woman will do something out of her comfort zone for us. In other words, she’ll ride, no matter what. It’s all about the little things that help us keep our heads in the commitment.

For instance, a man wants to take on a task that you see is menial. If a woman makes him fight or justify it, then she may cause him to flee. Allowing him to do it without hassle, and trusting that he is a faithful man who simply needs to conquer something, will make all the difference in the world.

I’m not suggesting that women should give men whatever they want all the time, but it’s important for women to know that a man doesn’t always want what he’s asking for; he wants to know that his woman will ride with him if he asks. That makes him feel like a conqueror and that he has a ride-or-die type of woman.

It’s really that simple…the small things make a man feel like a king!

Little do most women know that a small task like pushing the elevator button can be important to a man. We have all been in the elevator when a little boy gets in and wants to push the elevator button and his mom lets him do it. What seems like such a menial thing to a woman can be a task of conquering for a man.

I used to have a girlfriend that battled me on simple issues like where we parked when we went somewhere. No matter where I wanted to park, she’d argue that we should park somewhere else. To her she had just as much right to pick the parking place as I did.

While she was in the right to voice her opinion about the parking decision, battling me over an issue where I needed to feel like a conqueror only served to cause me to try harder to conquer. So we’d argue back and forth and I’d park where I wanted to just to conquer, or I’d reluctantly give in and flee. For a while I pleaded my case to her and tried to get her to understand that little things were important to me as a man. But she decided that it was more important to her that we were equal in all decisions and in the long run, our relationship was lost in her conquest.

However, my next girlfriend saw that this was important to me, so instead, she placed her concerns on making sure that we were always on time and as long as we were safe, she allowed me to choose the parking without hassle. Again, it may sound like no big deal to a woman, but making that small decision helped me to feel like I had conquered, and in return, I made sure I accommodated her desire to always be on time.

Those little nuances serve to remind a man how valuable a woman is in the moments where he may tire of commitment.

On a larger scale, the thing that most faithful men complain about is that they can’t get sex when they want it in a committed relationship. When a man is single or cheating, he can have sex at random or whenever he wants it. But when he’s in a committed relationship, his sexual fulfillment is based 100 percent on the clock of his woman.

As I said earlier what many women may not see is that for a faithful man, being committed to a relationship gives us a sense of entitlement to sex. If we can’t have it at our leisure, we feel rejected and no conqueror thinks he should ever be rejected. If it persists, we won’t cheat, but it can cause us to pull away from the commitment.

Ladies, I understand that men always want sex and that can be inconvenient for a woman. Some women complain that they love having sex with their man, but they can’t keep up with giving it the way a man needs it—all the time.

When a woman shows frustration, she can cause a man to feel that he isn’t welcome to have what he believes is his. Because he can’t take the cave man approach and drag her into his cave, he may retreat in frustration. This causes a lot of men to pull away over time and want to get out of the commitment where he is faced with such restriction.

Instead of completely turning him away, another approach is for a woman to negotiate without him knowing. Let him know that if he’s willing to wait until the more convenient time, he can have it the way he likes it. This helps him feel like he can have it if he wants, but that she will fulfill his larger desire if he nurtures her needs as well.

As women find themselves at these little crossroads every day in relationships with faithful men, they can keep us engaged in commitment by allowing us the small things that make us feel like conquerors. Remember, just because a guy doesn’t cheat, doesn’t mean he doesn’t still have all the desires of a conquering man.

If you help your man feel like a conqueror, then he’ll be less likely to stray and look for other places or things to conquer. So don’t underestimate the power of the small things. Remember that if it seems small to you, it’s probably big to him.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

 

Be a Man Magnet Everyday

by zfortadminin LOVE

Learn flirting techniques from a professional wingwoman. Men paid her to help them make a move, apply her tips close the deal the next time you lock eyes with that sexy man at the bar. 

Do you ever go out sometimes and feel like guys aren’t giving you the attention you deserve, and you can’t figure out why? That used to happen to me too. Then I became a part-time “wingwoman” — a girl who helps guys meet chicks in bars by posing as the guys’ platonic female friend. (Wingwoman services are available in many cities, including New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Dallas, Miami, and Saint Louis.) While earning my wings, I learned lots of little tricks every single girl can use to improve her success with guys. Warning: Once you perfect these moves, you might find that you’re such a powerful man-magnet, you attract guys everywhere. I used to date a guy who asked me out at the ATM!

Wingtip #1: Go out in groups of no bigger than three.

Larger groups of girls are supertough (read: intimidating) to approach. Three is a good number because your two friends can keep each other company when a guy walks up to chat with you.

Group of friends toasting with cocktails in the bar

Wingtip #2: Hold a drink in your hand.

Guys don’t want to be used. Meaning: They don’t want to buy you a drink right off the bat. My clients and I used to look for the girl with half a cocktail. That way, if she finishes her beverage while chatting with my guy, he could offer to buy her another to keep things moving.

Wingtip #3: Smile genuinely.

So obvious, right? But I can’t stress it enough — and I can’t believe I ever acted aloof in an attempt to seem sexier. Now I know that women smile all the time naturally (when we’re nervous, when we’re trying to be polite, etc.), so if you don’t do it at all, you look like an unapproachable bitch.

Wingtip #4: Work the eye contact.

To reel him in from across the room, tilt your chin down a bit and flash him a couple of sultry glances. (Guys love it when you look up at them — it makes them feel manly.) If the guy across the room is so gorgeous you have a hard time looking straight at him and are simply too nervous, fake it by focusing on the tiny area right between his eyes. He won’t be able to tell the difference.

Wingtip #5: Don’t immediately ask him what he does.

Some men think all women are gold diggers. A lot of my clients hated being asked what their job is. It’s that fear-of-being-used thing again.

Wingtip #6 Make positive small talk.

Once I started studying other women, I couldn’t believe how negative some of us appear. When you’re out on the town, you’re supposed to be having fun, and any complaint (“It’s hot in here!”), pessimism (“There will definitely be another terrorist attack”), or snarky quip (“Look at that chick’s belt — so 2002!”) pretty much pokes a hole in the fun-girl aura you should be projecting. Some better small-talk topics: recent vacations, favorite bands, hilarious movies. You can hit him with your deep, dark world-view some other time.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

 

Should Relationships End?

by Riley Silvermanin LOVE

Not too long ago I had to listen to a lecture for work reasons that was about the topic of whether or not it was a good idea for a couple to live together before they got married.  The lecture was skewed towards people of faith, so the natural conclusion was that it wasn’t better.  Rather than fall back on the old standard of living in sin, however, the speaker backed his position up with actual numbers, citing evidence that the divorce rates for people who got married after living together were significantly higher for those who “shacked up” versus those who didn’t make Jesus cry. Thus, those who wait till marriage are more likely to have a successful marriage.

These numbers, I should point out, are fiercely debated and a quick Google search on them yields hundreds of different articles questioning what other factors, like age, economics, etc., could have a stronger correlation to the divorce rates than the shacking up does.  I would also argue that a factor to consider is that the very people who would wait till marriage to live together out of fear of their parents or God or both, are the same people who probably aren’t too likely to consider getting a divorce as a really viable option either.  So of course those people have lower divorce rates. But do they necessarily have happier marriages, or are they just more likely to stay in a bad marriage because they won’t consider a divorce?

What if, and just come with me on this, what if we completely threw out the idea that the single greatest marker of a successful marriage, or any relationship, is that it doesn’t end? It seems crazy, I know, but just think about it.  Each and every one of us probably has at least one great relationship in our past with someone who we ultimately didn’t end up staying with.  What if that wasn’t a failed relationship, but was actually a resounding success? …a resounding success that just happened to end at some point.

Maybe, just maybe, the very real possibility exists that great successful but ultimately short-term relationships are not only possible, but in many, many cases they are so by design.  I could think of the amazing, five month long relationship I had with a woman named Hilary that started in 2009 and ended in 2010 when I moved to Los Angeles as a failure I suppose but I don’t see it that way.  I think the two of us helped each other through a strange transitional moment in both of our lives. It was beautiful while it lasted and then it came to an end when it had to.  I can think of the fact that my parents’ marriage, which is going on forty years’ strong, is not my father’s first marriage, and the fact that I wouldn’t exist if he and his first wife had felt they had to make it work.

So often we let the culture teach us that ending a relationship is the result of a personal failure on our part.  We didn’t work hard enough, we didn’t make the right effort, we were too selfish, etc.  And maybe that’s true sometimes.  But I think the reality is that humans are complicated beings with more and more complicated lives and sometimes we’re so complicated that what is best for us one year might not be the next, or five, ten, fifty years down the road.  Sometimes no amount of work, no amount of attention, will make a relationship last.  Sometimes separating from your partner is the most loving thing you can do.

Can a Relationship Be Recycled?

by Susanna Leein RELATIONSHIPS

When it comes to bottles, cans, and men, I like to recycle.  I’ve believed that most of my relationships are like the 6-Million Dollar Man, they can be rebuilt, made stronger.  After a breakup, I usually leave the door open a crack, allowing for second, third, and a thirty-seventh chance at happiness with the same person.  I don’t think it’s a bad idea, though it doesn’t always end up being a good one.  But since I’m a pretty complicated combination of picky and eccentric, I like to really exhaust the possibilities with one person before I begin the arduous task of breaking in someone new.  Just like with a new therapist, the process of explaining myself, making someone understand what makes me tick, is long and hard, so I like to do it as infrequently as possible.  Now, I don’t believe that all relationships should be reconciled, abusive ones should be left as a smoking pile of ashes, but if you truly feel like your life is better with that special person in it romantically, there’s nothing wrong with exploring the possibility of a reunion. However, there’s a few things to do before jumping right back in, that help to set you up for as much success as possible (which varies situationally, of course.)

  1. Take an honest self-assessment.

    Ask yourself why you want to get back together.  Do you genuinely love and miss being coupled with this person, or are you just trying to avoid the painful process of grieving and healing?  Do you want to journey towards happiness together, or do you just not want the other person to move on before you have?  Think long and hard about whether you want this specific person, or just someone, anyone, to end the loneliness.  There’s no sense in getting back together just to be miserable.  A bad relationship will not cure loneliness, it usually just makes it worse.  No one likes being the single rider in line at the amusement park, but it’s easier to enjoy the ride alone than it is when you’re shoved in the roller coaster car next to some jerk who’s all elbows and armpits.  And think hard about whether or not the intimacy is even what you want with your estranged beloved.  The nature of a relationship is always open to evolution.  Do you need them in your bed, or would you be happy with them on the opposite side of your couch?   Imagine the person in a number of different roles, as a platonic friend, casual sex partner, dog walker, writing partner, or distant memory.  The great part about being independent is that no one else gets to dictate what makes you feel good, and it’s okay to be content with whatever you come up with that feels right.

  2. Talk it out.

    A relationship involves more than just you, so determining if it can be rebuilt isn’t exclusively your call.  Talk about everything, the good, the bad, the ugly, and do so with an open heart and mind.  You may not hear what you want to hear, but it’s important to be open to receiving the truth.  Discuss why it ended, and if those reasons are ones that can be worked through together, or ones that will recur and explode again.  Hash out what each of your ideal situations are, and if they’re ones that can actually mesh together.

  3. Build it together.

    Rebuilding a healthy relationship requires effort from both parties. When only one person works at it, it sets up an unfair power dynamic, putting the person who exerts no effort in the position of queen/king, and the other as a servant.  No one is exempt, and regardless of the reasons for the breakup, there’s work for everyone to do, even if it’s just finding forgiveness (which is actually the hardest thing for most people to do).  Be accountable for your part in it all, don’t refute the other person’s feelings, and be aware of whether or not they are extending you the same courtesy and kindness.  A strong relationship is born from a foundation of respect and trust, not denial and blame-shaming.

  4. This is new, go slow.

    Treat this as a new relationship, because that’s what it is.  Even if it feels like just a new chapter in the same book, it isn’t.  Breakups are periods of grieving, and grief changes us.  You are not the same person you were when you first got together with your partner.

  5. Take care of YOU. Pay close attention to how you feel at all times.

    Keep the communication open, and don’t be afraid to change your mind, if you realize that it actually isn’t what you want.  You truly are the only person you’re bound to for your entire life, so give yourself and your emotional health and security first priority.  For a machine to run most effectively, all parts must be in good working order.  You are responsible for keeping up with how the YOU component is functioning, so do what you need to do in order to keep your gears greased and turning.

Giving a relationship another chance is a beautiful and difficult feat, but so is self-preservation.  Above any other tips anyone could give is this: never let the former compromise the latter.

 

 

Romance, Cat photos and Emojis

by Virginia Jonesin LOVE1 Comment on Romance, Cat photos and Emojis

“I go out walkin’ after midnight
Out in the moonlight
Just like we used to do
I’m always walkin’ after midnight, searchin’ for you”
– As sung by Patsy Cline, written by Alan Block and Donn Hecht

In Walkin’ after Midnight, Patsy Cline sings about walking around her neighborhood, thinking about her ex lover and wishing to be with him.  She seems to be hoping that the energy of her desire will draw him out of his house and bring them together.  This song is so sad and full of longing, and it couldn’t happen today.

She’d just send him a text: ‘sup?  And if he was up, he’d write “u up?” and they’d start sexting and eventually hook up at her place, or behind a P.F. Chang’s.

Going back even further, you may not know that the legendary lantern signal one if by land, two if by sea was actually the way that colonist Paul Revere let his mistress know if his wife had gone to bed and she could come over.

Now he’d just Instagram a picture of two lanterns and caption it “Hey ladies”.

Classic romance films An Affair to Remember and Sleepless in Seattle both had a scene where a man waits atop the Empire State Building for a woman to meet him, his heart filled with hope and anxiety and longing, but not today.  He’d wait five minutes and send her an emoji of a clock and an angry face, and she’d text him back with an eggplant and a thumbs up, or something.   The main twist to all romantic films from here forward will always have to include a broken phone, or losing battery and not being able to find an outlet to charge.

Technology has completely changed the way we communicate, and late night communication in particular.  If Lord Byron wanted to send a secret missive, he had to wake a servant up to hand deliver a handwritten note, and that servant had to wake up her servant, and what if your servants are sleepy, or, worse, you don’t have any?  You’re limited to throwing rocks at a window or moaning out on your balcony, “Romeo!  Wherefore art thou?”

Now, it’s almost too easy.  Once you’ve had a couple drinks and watched Magic Mike XXL, you might reach out to a friend or ex or acquaintance in a more direct way than you would at lunchtime on a Tuesday.  That’s ok, or at least, it’s normal- but if you do find that you’re embarrassed by your late night phone behavior, use my friend’s policy:  he doesn’t write anyone between midnight and 7am, less it be construed as a sext.  “Anything I want to say can wait until it’s daylight,” he says.

young couple in kitchen drinking coffee and using smart mobile phone

We communicate via text much more than in any other method.  It’s easier than ever to use messaging to reduce physical distance between people- but be careful once you start dating, because it can make you feel more distant.

In a study published this year, Pew Research found that 25 percent of cellphone users in a relationship believed that their partner was distracted by that person’s cellphone when they were together, and 45% of internet users ages 18-29 in serious relationships say the internet and phones have had an impact on their relationship.

What do we take from all this?  It’s great to get in touch on your phone, it’s great to stay in touch, but try to prioritize the people you’re actually with and have a better connection with them.  Try the following:

Treat your date or outing like a job interview, and keep your phone in your purse or pocket until you’re leaving.  Try leaving it in your car’s glove compartment.  That’s right.  Turn it off and put it in a box.  It’s not your friend.

Try logging out of Facebook, so when you do decide to check it, you have to log back in to see how many people liked your cat picture.  It’ll make you more aware of how often you just check in, and are able to consider how often is really necessary.

At the very least, pop into Airplane Mode to silence the delicious little buzzes and bells that let you know someone somewhere has done something.  Try to live in the moment, and pay attention to the person you like doing that with.

Dating Tips: 14 Signs to Know If a Guy is Really Into the Girl He’s Dating

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Do you want to know if the guy you’re dating is really into you? Check the list below if they’re happening with you while dating.

1. Texts her throughout the day. You just met your boo and you have a good feeling, like, a really good feeling. You can’t stop thinking about her. You’ll text her while you’re in class, you’ll text her while you’re in a meeting, you’ll text her while you’re crossing the road. BEEP BEEP!

2. Loses sleep. By the time you get home, take a shower, and browse the internet for a bit, it’s time for bed. So, you’ll head to your room, switch off the lights, jump under the covers and call her. Because when you’re into someone, you don’t get to sleep for eight hours (unless you skip class or call in sick for work.)

3. Taps her a**. When she’s walking by, just for the heck of it.

4. Plays around. You’re going on the road to grab some dinner, and you ask “Babe, would you like anything?” and she responds “No, I just had something to eat.” But when you get back home, and begin to devour your meal she uninvitingly takes a bite. And, then, she looks at you with that sheepish smirk on her face. So, you pretend to be pissed.

5. Texts “I miss you.” And wait for her to respond, “I miss you too.”

6. Texts “I love you.” She’ll respond “I love you too.” And if you’re the really mushy type, you may take it one step further and say “I love you more.” Damn, that sounds sappy.

7. Cuddles her. At 5:00 am, when you’re half asleep, you’ll roll over to her side of the bed, put your arms around her and pull her close. And for her, that’s the best feeling ever. Every girl will agree.

8. Cleans up. He’ll help out, willingly. And even learn to put the toilet seat down. The toilet thing might take up to 10 years, but it’s a good sign when it happens.

9. Slow dances. You’re in the club, dancing to rap music (or as the older folks say “grinding on each other”) because apparently what we do these days is not exactly dancing. Towards the end of the night, when the DJ switches up the music and plays a song like “All of Me,” you’ll turn your girl around, put your arms around her waist, and look into her eyes. And actually dance!

10. Hugs her. You’re watching a movie and you want to get comfortable. So you’ll stretch out your legs (on a foot rest), inch closer and wrap your arms around her. She’ll then shuffle in your arms and rest her head on your shoulder.

11. Really listens. After making love, she may want to talk a little. She’ll fold her hands and rest them on your chest, using it as a cushion for her chin. And while she asks you all kinds of questions — because women always have stuff on their minds — you’ll stroke her hair and gently rub her arms.

12. Teases her. When she does something silly, he’ll tease her right back. Because it’s kind of cute when she gets worked up over minor stuff.

13. Looks out for her. You’re up late doing work, but you’ve had enough, so you close your laptop and head to your room. And there she is lying across the bed, sprawled out. Clearly, women can’t sleep in a straight line (it’s impossible for them). But more importantly, you don’t want her to get chilly nor be eaten alive by mosquitos, so you cover her with the sheet.

14. Watches her sleep. You finally get into bed, take a second to gaze at her, smile contentedly and then you’re off to sleep.

How many from the list have you experienced?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

What Does It Mean When He Says He’s Not Ready?

by Virginia Jonesin RELATIONSHIPS

We never had a conversation about this, casual or otherwise. Is he hallucinating?

I recently received two questions that had a good amount of crossover, so I’m going to publish them both and address them.

Lady 1 says:

Dear Virginia,

I’ve been seeing a man for six months, and recently I spent a holiday with his family.  We have never had a conversation about our relationship or where we were headed.  In the last few weeks, I noticed that he was frequently not returning my texts, and when I asked him about it and said it hurt my feelings not to hear from him, he said, well, I’m not ready to be a boyfriend, didn’t we agree that we could just stay casual?

We never had a conversation about this, casual or otherwise.  Is he hallucinating?  I am furious that I’m the last one to know that I’ve put six months into nothing.

Also, do I absolutely have to stop sleeping with him?  I’ve gotten used to him.

Lady 2 says:

Dear Virginia,

I’ve been dating a guy for five months, and when I had an accident on the streets of NYC last month, and broke my arm and was rushed to the hospital and called him, he wasn’t sure what I was talking about- the first time I needed anything from him at all, he shrugged and wandered off, telling a nurse that he wasn’t family, he was “just a friend” and he “wasn’t sure he could help.”

When was I supposed to find out I was sleeping with someone who regarded me as only slightly closer than a workmate?  I am furious.

Dear Ladies,

First of all, I am so sorry.  You ladies have been, either directly or indirectly, misled.  One thing about the hookup culture that these guys are missing is that: it is, by its nature, temporary.  To sleep with a nice person once to half a dozen times with no expectation of a future is sort of normal, but to drag it out over half a year and introduce her to family members in an attempt to look like an adult is kind of cruel.  I’ve been thinking for a while about drafting a list of things you can’t get in a super casual modern dating relationship:

  1. You don’t get exclusive claims to weekends
  2. You might not even get to sleep over
  3. You don’t get a date to weddings
  4. You don’t get input on important decisions such as: what to name the dog, what tattoo to get, or whether to go to grad school.
  5. You don’t get to take anyone home for Christmas
  6. Actually, most major holidays are out for you: Valentine’s day, Thanksgiving, New Year’s. You can go out with your casual hookup on Halloween, St. Patrick’s, and Cinco de Mayo: the drinking holidays.

But!  Neither of you get to continue dating without some communication.  If you have expectations in the relationship, you have to keep clear on what they are.  If you want more and they say they’re not ready, you might ask what that means.

Here are some possible things they mean when they say there’s not ready for a serious relationship:

  1. They’re not ready. When you leave, they’re going to go find another girl to annoy for six months or however long they put up with it, and then they’ll look for another one.
  2. They are ready, but not with you. They might be ready for the next girl they meet, which sucks and which is why it might be a good idea to drop them on social media.
  3. They (and this comes up more than you’d think) Will Never Be Ready. They will always be Single and Ready to Mingle.  I have met men in Los Angeles who’ve had longer relationships with a car lease than they have with a lady, and find this to be Super Normal.
  4. They’re ready, but they won’t know it until you leave them and they have a chance to think about what a special person you are and they’ll cry into their pillowcase and think about how nice your pillowcases smell and they’ll come running back, tripping over their untied shoelaces because they pretty much just woke up and came running over to your house.

I know that number 4 sounds very romantic, but it’s probably one of the other three.  I’m sorry.  I’d like it to be number 4.  Keep in mind that whatever the number is, it’s not your fault.  It’s not the way you wore your hair or how good you were in bed or how interested you pretended to be in fantasy football or garage rock.  You can’t make him ready, and you can’t trick him into being ready.  If after being with someone as quirky and wonderful as you are for half a year, if he says he’s not ready, 1. He’s an idiot and 2. He probably isn’t going to ready.

In any case, your only option is to set them free, back into the dating pool and out of your hair and, lady number one- DEFINITELY stop sleeping with him.

Signs You’re Going to Get That Second Date With Him

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Will he ask you for that second date?

It was 10:30 P.M. on a Tuesday. We’d met for our first date more than an hour before, and now we found ourselves shuffling our feet beside my car, struggling to say goodbye. Instead, Andrew said, “I know it’s late and you have to go home to do work, but I’m not ready for the night to end. Do you think you could stay out for just one more drink?” And that’s when I knew we’d get to a second date, readers.

While they’re not always obvious, men do give off signs they want to see you again. Some, like my now-boyfriend, invite you to stick around, unwilling to part ways so soon. I turned to a few male friends to dish on five more.

restaurant, people, celebration and holiday concept - close up o

1. He’ll feel you out for the future. “I’ll mention an upcoming concert or event and ask if that’s something she’d be into seeing or doing,” says one guy. “I may not ask her right then and there to commit to coming, but I’m definitely planning to.” My guy agrees. “We’ll say something like, ‘we’ll have to try X, Y or Z,'” he says. “Making future plans, however loose, is a good sign.”

2. You made him laugh. “A sense of humor is so attractive, and if I spent the date smiling and laughing, I’m going to want more,” my friend says. A flowing conversation sans awkward silences, one that focused on common interests and lively debate, is also a great indicator you’re cruising toward date No. 2.

3. The time flies by. Have you ever been on a date with a guy who glanced at his watch after two hours only to have a holy crap expression cross his face? When a guy isn’t in a hurry to wrap things up—and is surprised by how time has flown with you—you’ve got him hooked.

4. He follows up within a few days. Any longer and you were likely an afterthought—unless he’s got a great, legitimate excuse. “It’s a balance, of course,” says another guy. “But a guy who’s into you isn’t going to let a week go by before contacting you.”

5. And the follow-up may not be about a seeing each other. “A guy who texts to ask you out for a drink at 10 P.M. on Friday is not actually looking for a second date—he’s looking to hook up,” says one guy. When a guy is into a girl, he says, the follow-up text or call might be about something more general, just to touch base and get to know you better.

What are some other signs a guy is going to ask you on a second date? How did you know you’d get a second date with your guy?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Date With a Social Network

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

google-plus-date-video

What would it be like if you went on a date with a social network?

That’s the question answered in this very funny video, produced by up and coming YouTube star Emma Blackery, and it turns out, Google+ would be very, very needy indeed. So, we should clarify here. In the video, Emma shows what would happen if you were on a date with a person who exhibited the stereotypical qualities of a particular social website. It’s shockingly accurate.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Why a Scary Date May Be the One You’re Looking For

by zfortadminin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

“If she doesn’t scare the hell out of you a little, she’s not the one”

At first glance, this meme might seem to be implying that you need to only date emotionally unstable people. But if you sit with it for a moment, it takes on a whole other (and more important) layer of meaning.

As much as mainstream media would prefer you to think otherwise, the best relationships are not all sunshine and roses.

Relationships are the ultimate vehicle for self-growth… and the best kind of love that you can engage in is the confronting kind. The kind where your partner acts as a mirror to you and they lovingly help pull all of your demons out of you over time. They act as a catalyst for positive growth.

They’ll point a flashlight into every corner of your dark mental attic, and illuminate all of the things that you try to hide from the world. And they will illuminate it with love, patience, and compassion.

Just when you expect them to run away (after having found out about your deepest, darkest secrets), they’ll tell you that they love you even more now that they know more about you.

Intimacy is about truly letting someone see you. It’s also anxiety producing for the vast majority of people. Letting someone really know you, and really see you, can be terrifying. You are laying your heart in their hands and saying to them “Please be gentle with this.” And if they’re the right one for you, they will reply back (verbally or non-verbally) “I wouldn’t dream of ever being anything else to you.”

When I first started dating again after an emotionally traumatic breakup, I was hesitant to let anyone get close to me. I engaged in surface level relationships because I feared the anxiety that intimacy produced for me. Even ‘admitting’ that I’d had a difficult day was enough to make my heart race.

In my emotional closure I didn’t think I would ever be able to open up to someone ever again.

Until one fateful day when I met someone who shook up my world entirely.

Her eyes penetrated through me. There was no hiding around her. She never had to say it out loud, but I knew that she saw me.

My ego’s first self-protective instinct was to run away and revert back to my old unproductive habits. Run away before she finds out all of the messy things about your past. Push her away before she has a chance to see past your self-deceptions. Avoid any contact with her in case she might make you feel big, scary emotions again.

My ego resisted her every step of the way. I told myself she wasn’t my usual type. I tried to hide behind things like “She’s too young/inexperienced/small town/etc. for me.” But it was all bullshit. Every thought that tried to keep me away from her was just my ego’s sad excuse to stay closed down emotionally. It was a defense mechanism and I knew it.

When I really started to show up and tell her how I was feeling (namely, scared shitless to even be around her) she received it with grace and compassion. Because even before I had verbalized it, she knew. She already saw me.

As terrifying as intimacy can be, the process of holding up our demons in the light is deeply therapeutic. Shame cannot continue to exist or thrive in the loving context of a close intimate relationship.

Was I fixed forever for having her met her? No. It’s a process like everything else. I had to repeatedly breathe into the deeper layers of anxiety as I let myself be seen more and more by her.

But I’ll be eternally grateful that I did meet her. Because her scaring the hell out of me was my ticket to a positive transformation that I never could have anticipated.

So if you’re at a place in your life where you are starting to see someone who challenges you, confronts you, and scares you on some level, take stock of whether or not you think they might be a force for positive change in your life.

Don’t date someone who scares you because they are controlling, angry, violent, or abusive in any way. That’s the bad kind of fear and it’s an unhealthy relationship to engage in. But date someone who scares you because they encourage you to face all of the things you’ve tried to suppress for so long. Date someone who lovingly pushes you to become more who you are at your core as a person. Date someone who nudges you outside of your comfort zone regularly and helps you level up in life.

It might just be the best thing you ever did for yourself.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

He Is Interested If…

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Male thoughts decoded. What are the signals he is giving?

There he is, the man of your dreams. He’s sitting across from you at the coffee shop or standing at the opposite side of the bar. His eyes meet yours, a quick glance, and then it’s back to his drink. Was he giving you a signal?

It’s not easy to decipher the mind of the modern male, but learning to decode what his nonverbal communication truly means is an invaluable asset in the game of love. So in order to be sure you’re reading him right, look out for the following 10 signs.

Leaning into Love: If a guy is interested in you, you’ll find that his body will lean forward toward yours. This move can be either very subtle or extremely “in your face” (literally!). It’s his way of letting you know he’d like to get even closer. Once his interest is piqued, you’ll both find it hard to pull away!

Keeping It Even Closer: A vital aspect of the physical nature of romance is reciprocity. Translation: meeting his advances with your own. This not only signals your own interest, but also serves to keep his.

The Eyes Have It: We’ve all heard the proverb, “The eyes are the window to the soul.” If he’s interested in you, he’ll focus on you with those piercing peepers and hold it. Return his romantic gaze with a quiet smile and let him know that you are interested. He’ll be at your side in no time.

Touching Is a Good Thing: If a guy is interested in you, then he’ll want to be near you. He’ll also want to take every opportunity to touch you. Maybe it’s your arm, your leg, your knee — it doesn’t matter, as long as his presence is physical and affectionate. It’s his way of letting you know he likes you.

Funny Meeting You Here: Coincidence is out. Serendipity is in. Those so-called “happy accidents” may not be so accidental after all. Perhaps his “surprise” appearance at your favorite Starbucks or hangout is a signal that he’s trying to connect with you (but doesn’t want you to think he’s a stalker!). Take this as a positive sign and make the most of your next encounter. You may find that you share more in common than just an addiction to double lattes.

Listen Closely: How do you know that you have a guy’s attention? When he’s not talking about himself. It’s that simple. The next time you’re in a bar, listen closely to any table full of men and you will hear them speaking rapturously about their favorite subject: themselves. For a man to shut up and really listen to what you have to say, you know it must be love (or at least a strong attraction). He’ll put that male genetic ADD to rest once and for all after he’s found his Miss Right.

The Guy Who Liked Chick Flicks: Okay, we all know he’d much rather be watching the big game, but it’s an important sign if he shows an interest in the things you like as well. If he’s happy to watch a movie you picked out or doesn’t complain when it’s time to hit the mall for a little shopping trip, you’ve made a serious leap forward in the dating game! Give him extra points if he makes the popcorn.

Funny Lady: Can’t tell a joke to save your life? Does he laugh at it anyway? Men are very in touch with their sense of humor (women often complain that men never take anything seriously, right?), so if he’s sending some hearty laughter your way, it’s a good bet he’s looking at you as relationship material.

Confidence, Man: If a guy’s into you, you make him nervous. He’ll get goose bumps or a rapidly beating heart just from being around you. Look for signs like unexplained laughter, sweaty palms and fidgeting. Guys always want to be in control of their emotions — we like to be in charge. If he has trouble doing that around you, it’s most likely because you make him nervous and excited. Don’t take it for granted; help him to relax, and he’ll thank you by being a great guy you can depend on.

The Feeling Is Mutual: Men and women have very different brain chemistries: She is verbal; he is not. He is driven by visual desires, while she is guided by her deep emotions. Women are taught to rationally express their feelings and feel no shame in crying, and men punch things. Therefore, if you get a guy to actually open up and express his emotions, consider it a major achievement in your relationship. Discussing your feelings for each other is a powerful bonding experience for the two of you and serves to strengthen a relationship for whatever challenges the future may bring.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Tinder – The First 48 Hours.

by Susanna Leein DATING ADVICE, LOVE

I’m kind of an insular socializer.  I tend to stick to the group of people I know, occasionally branching out to the people they know, but mostly just staying in my comfort zone.  But here I am, heartbroken for the millionth time, same guy as always, same story, too.  I know that the only way to change patterns is to actually do things differently, so I decided to try out Tinder.  I have a ton of friends who use it, and though none of them have formed solid relationships with the guys they’ve met, they’ve at least gone out with new people and gotten unstuck from their ruts, which is exactly what I need.  Now I’m not totally new to Tinder, but I’m pretty close.  I’ve had it on my phone 5 times, 4 of which ended in app deletion within 10 minutes.  It just hit me wrong, when the app would ask if I’d like to “keep playing” after I matched with someone, it always felt weird. The admission that the hunt for intimacy is just a game makes me sad, and then I’d feel bad for swiping left so quickly, so much so, that I’d lose any recognition that all these faces blurring together were actual people sharing the same city, sidewalks, air as me.  I thought it wasn’t fair of me to deny the possibility of a connection with someone just because I found their photo on a boat or mountain, or crouched in front of a graffiti wall (as though they had anything to do with it) embarrassing, and I’ve always deleted the app almost as fast as I’ve installed it, never giving it any sort of actual chance to grow on me.  So I decided to commit to 48 hours on Tinder, and reply to any and all messages I receive.  Here’s the diary of my first 48:

Hour 1:

I’ve downloaded the app. Can’t bring myself to open it. I don’t want to find a date on my phone, I want to find one face to face.  Maybe I don’t even want to find one at all.

Hour 2:

Ugh. Why does it have to say my age? I hate this. Changed my profile pics. Hard to find the right ratio of good-weird, cats to tits..

Hour 6:

Opened the app to find that someone “superliked” me. Closed the app, took a Xanax.  Didn’t realize “superliking” was a thing, that’s a pretty bold claim to make.

Hour 8:

Reopened it. Left swiping like there’s a pot of gold at the end. Dude in a business suit sitting in full lotus position? Left fucking swipe. Cop with tattoos superliked me? I hate this. Guy on a boat, guy on a mountain, guy on a jet ski proudly wearing wrap around shades, another guy on a boat, and another. All left swiped. And now they won’t show me any more matches. They say I have to swipe on someone to see more matches. Maybe if you gave me ANY acceptable choices, but this has been shit so far.

Hour 12:

My phone tells me I have a new superlike. I throw my phone.

Hour 12.25:

Curiosity is killing me. So many new superlikes, none of them fuckable. I swipe right on a guy who says he likes dark humor, and that nothing’s off limits. We match, whaddya know. I’m not going to reach out first, I’m not at all invested or intrigued, I just don’t want the machine to make me stop. Keep letting me play mystery date!!!

Hour 16:

Two bulging handfuls of matches, no messages yet.  I’m okay with this.  I’m finding it kind of therapeutic to embrace my pettiness without consequence, mocking the photos with wild abandon.  Doubting loudly one’s age, another one’s actual blood relation to the child on his lap, yet another one’s sincerity in general.  Score one point for the hidden benefits of this terrible, terrible social experiment.

Pages: 1 2

Challenges of Dating as a Man VS. a Woman

by Robin Tranin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

“I went from receiving zero attention on dating sites and Facebook for years, to all of a sudden receiving many unsolicited messages from strangers and acquaintances”

I still have vivid memories of the loneliness I felt when I lived my life as Robert.  I’d drive around the city at 2 a.m., listening to Jimmy Eat World on repeat, looking for a 24/7 fast-food drive-through.  I didn’t care about my health.  Actually, I didn’t care very much about anything.  I was ready to die.  I simply didn’t have the motivation to kill myself.

I spent five years without any physical contact with another woman.  No kissing.  No hand-holding.  No cuddling.  Nothing.  I would try to lament about my debilitating loneliness to my female friends and they didn’t seem to have much sympathy for me.  They were too worried about dealing with men who would harass them.  At the time, I was actually jealous of the harassment they endured.  “At least somebody’s paying attention to you,” I’d think to myself.  It wasn’t that I didn’t sympathize with what they had to go through.  I was just too lonely to care about anybody other than myself.

My perspective has broadened since.  I came out as a transgender woman earlier this year, and my experiences as a woman named Robin differ greatly from my experiences as Robert.

I went from receiving zero attention on dating sites and Facebook for years, to all of a sudden receiving many unsolicited Facebook messages from strangers and acquaintances requesting sex.  When I don’t respond right away, I’m met with anger and transmisogyny.  “Hi beautiful” turns into “f— you, you’re ugly and not even a real chick” within seconds.  Some of these men I vaguely know.  Some I never met at all.  Some have wives and children.  And none of them seemed to care that my relationship status showed that I was in a relationship with a woman.

I’ve been asked if it’s flattering to receive messages seeking sex, and my truthful answer is that yes, it’s about 5% flattering, which means it’s 95% creepy and scary.  I now have to worry about potentially running into one of these men in real-life, and I live with the very real fear that one of these men might hurt me physically because they have had it with rejection.

(Please note:  I realize that there are men out there who receive unsolicited scary messages from others, and I also know that there are women who struggle with loneliness as well.  I’m speaking in a broader sense of the paradigm that we, as a society, are accustomed to, which is that men “hunt” for the women, and women “choose” their suitor.  I am speaking in very general and heteronormative terms and am not including other types of relationships.  I am not implying that other relationships are less valuable.  I am merely focusing on traditional male/female relationships for the purposes of illustrating this particular point.)

Pages: 1 2