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Category: Sex

Let’s Face it – Fantasies and Kinks are Normal!

by zfortadminin Sex

We all have deep, passionate desires. Some people hold their kinks close as personal secrets, while others are comfortable with making their fantasy requests real! 

Let’s be honest… Most everyone has some type of secret fantasy, fetish, or kinky desire. They have something in the back of their mind (or tucked in the back of a closet) that they are just dying to share with the right partner. But, bringing up the topic with a date or mate can be difficult. How do you go from “sexual fantasies” to “reality”?

Like most things on this blog, we can find the solution in persuasion and influence! So, break out your kama sutra, BDSM gear, or that little nurses outfit, and read on. Below are 5 steps to introducing your partner to what really turns you on.

How To Get Kinky

1) Realize that Fantasies and Kinks are Normal

Before you discuss your desires with anyone else, you first must be comfortable with them yourself. You may well be your partner’s first introduction into the topic. As a result, you will be leading them. If you are comfortable, they will be comfortable. Besides, despite the often sexually-repressive culture, everyone has something a bit “kinky”. So, embrace your inner desires.

Getting comfortable with your desired fetish or fantasy serves two persuasive purposes. First, you end up modeling the type of positive behavior you hope your partner follows. Second, you “normalize” the behavior and request, making it easier for your partner to accept as part of their worldview. When they see you discussing it comfortably, they come to feel that it is a normal and comfortable topic to discuss (and later take part in). So, to be persuasive, get comfortable with your fantasy and accept it…then share it.

2) Communicate that Your Desires are Intimate and Special

There is an unfortunate misconception that fantasies, fetishes, and kink necessarily “objectify” and “distance” lovers from one another. Usually, just the opposite is true. Sharing your secret sexual cravings with a special partner can increase trust and intimacy. It is a special, private piece of who you are that you are giving to someone else.

As a result, be sure to communicate that you want to share your fantasies or fetishes as “something intimate and special, with a special person”. Highlight the fact that your partner is unique, special, and you desire to share the behavior as an intimate experience with them. This operates on the influence principle of “scarcity” – where individuals value more what is special, rare, or unique. So, when you make the request intimate and special, you also make it scarce…and irresistible.

3) Demonstrate that Others are Enjoying It

Pretty much anything you are into has some coverage in movies, magazines, videos, etc. For some reason Netflix movies seem to be a goldmine for fantasy, fetish, and kink. In any case, lightly expose your partner to a bit of that “culture”. Casually comment about an article you read. Select a movie that features that type of fetish. Show them a video online that a “buddy” happened to send you. Begin to expose them to positive representations of the activities you like.

Yes, this does follow another influence principle – the principle of social proof. Individuals often choose to do what they see other people doing (especially when those people enjoy it). So, showing or discussing positive examples of “other people doing” what you desire will make your partner more interested and agreeable to it.

4) Appeal to Your Partner’s Self-Image

We all have different “sides” or “selves”. The “self” that we have at work is different than the “self” we have with friends. Our “sexual self” is no different…and it changes over time.

To ensure your partner’s comfort and agreement with a topic, make sure to align it with aspects of their sexual self. If they believe they are “adventurous” in bed, then praise their adventurousness and suggest your kink as an adventure. If they believe they are “intimate” in bed, then tell them you love their intimacy and suggest a fantasy as a further way of getting intimate.

The appeal requires that you first get them to “commit” to a certain self-image, where they say the type of person they are. You may do this in the form of a leading question (e.g. “are you adventurous?”). Next, you affirm that self-image with an attribution of your own (e.g. “that’s what I love about you, you’re so adventurous”). Finally, you present your desire in a way consistent with that self-image (e.g. “let’s try something adventurous together”).

This process works on the self dynamics of your partner. It helps them “see themselves as the kind of person” who would engage in a fantasy, fetish, or kink. It also employs the influence principles of commitment/consistency and attribution. Individuals are motivated to remain consistent to a self-image they project (consistency) or an image that others have of them (attribution). Therefore, when their image is in agreement with a behavior…they do it.

5) Start Small and Work Up

When you introduce your partner to a fantasy or fetish, start SMALL. Don’t bring out the latex suit and full body harness, or the entire clown outfit, on the first night. Ease them into it. Just the small toy. Just the handcuffs. Then work your way up!

Starting small allows your partner time to ease in, adjust and get comfortable. It also makes a “yes” to larger requests later more likely. The principle is called the foot-in-the-door effect – where individuals who say yes to small requests initially are more likely to say yes to big requests later. So, be patient. Let your partner ease in, then introduce something more, until you get to the whole fantasy.

Conclusion

Sharing your fetish or fantasy with a partner can be a positive (and persuasive) experience. You don’t have to keep quiet. Just get comfortable with what you want, to ask calmly and confidently. Make your partner feel special and unique to share your desires. Show them positive examples of others enjoying what you like. Align the request with their self-image. Finally, start small and work your way up. Follow those steps…and you both will reach kinky bliss in no time.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

 

Are Sex Toys the Missing Link in Your Relationship?

by zfortadminin Sex

Do you get adventurous with your partner and play with Sex Toys together? JoDivine explores the great benefits of adding some play time with sexy adult toys. If you are still on the fence, we have answers to the common questions that might be holding you back.

Often thought of as a solo activity, the use of sex toys by couples can improve their sexual relationship. Using a sex toy is a fun way to spice up your relationship whilst boosting a couple’s intimacy. The benefits of using a sex toy are numerous, including keeping your Kegel muscles toned and your libido charged.

Why should I use a sex toy?

The benefits of using a sex toy are huge. Having great sex can promote health and well being by improving your mood and physically making you feel good. Using a sex toy can spice up a flagging sex life and bring a bit of fun into your life. A sex toy will make you feel great as well as promoting your circulation and the release of the “feel good factors” during an orgasm. It can also increase the tone and elasticity of the vaginal walls and promote the release of vaginal secretions which can decline as we get older, as a result of ill health or side effects of medication.

Sex is not just about having sexual intercourse which is only one way to have fulfilling sex. Using a sex toy can bring great pleasure to both of you if full intercourse is not possible. Many couples are unable to have sex due to physical or emotional problems so using a sex toy may help.

Will it ruin my normal sex life?

When used with your partner, sex toys provide couples with the opportunity to fully express themselves sexually and increase their sexual pleasure, especially when using them to stimulate their partner.

Couples can use sex toys to boost their sexual satisfaction, introduce variety into a relationship which may have become boring and make sex fun. Having sex with the same person for many years can become a bit stale but a sex toy can help to make sexual intercourse more fun, pleasurable and exciting. Becoming aroused with the help of a sex toy is no different to any other way and may increase your pleasure. Your partner may prefer to use a sex toy to arouse you to avoid an aching hand if it takes a while!sexy couple kissing and playing in bed

I want to but I’m too embarrassed

Since the famous rabbit vibrator was mentioned on “Sex and the City” it has become acceptable to own sex toys. According to recent statistics, nearly 60% of women own a sex toy and 75% of those who do are married. You may be surprised at how many of your friends own a toy: it is normally the quiet ones!

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Orgasm Together: You Can Do It!

by zfortadminin Sex

Having a an explosive, passionate orgasm can be the icing on the cake. But orgasming at the same time as your partner can be a very intense and rewarding moment. Cosmopolitan shares 8 ways to have the big O with your partner at the same time.

1. Give yourself the finger. If you need clitoral love during P in the V, buzzing a fingertip vibe—try the Frisky Finger ($11, PleasureChest.com)—on your clitoris during doggie is a game changer.

2. Get in before you start bar-hopping—not after. Alcohol makes you want to jump your partner’s bones, but it produces vasocongestion, down-there swelling that keeps him from going deep, which can make it harder for you to finish. Tequila is a cruel mistress.

3. Sex should not feel like Winter’s Bone. Lube the eff up, please (both you and your partner, before and/or during The Naughty). Almost 50 percent of women say lube makes it easier to orgasm. And forget the myth that it’s just for older women—all the cool kids are doing it.

4. Tell him to slide a finger (or two) into you while he uses his mouth on your Georgia O’Keefe. Internal and external play is twice as nice for your orgasm chances.

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Make Sex Last Longer with Hot Foreplay

by zfortadminin Sex

Lovemaking is a powerful physical connection, but can be even more intense with foreplay.  

If you think “sex” refers only to intercourse, it’s time to reconsider what it means to score. The payoff to slowing down: a longer, stronger, more electrifying orgasm.

When you and your man get together, he’s pretty much guaranteed to hit a home run, right? And likely, the sequence of steps involves little more than a few kisses before leaping into intercourse. But by skipping “bases,” you’re not living up to your pleasure potential.

Extending foreplay can rev up your arousal and your likelihood of having an orgasm. “You may discover things about each other’s bodies you didn’t know or learn new ways to please each other,” says therapist and relationship expert Amber Madison, author of Hooking Up: A Girl’s All-Out Guide to Sex and Sexuality. “Plus, it’s bound to make the experience more intimate, and it can remind you of the early days of your relationship when the sparks were flying.” Follow these tips for holding at each base.

First Base

Focus on making out. With tongue. A study published in the journal Neuro Endocrinology Letters found that couples are happier and less irritated after kissing, and the warm, face-to-face contact boosts peripheral circulating proteins in the body that improve overall health and well-being. “French kissing offers a deep connection in a small moment of time,” says Kristina Wright, author of Bedded Bliss: A Couple’s Guide to Lust Ever After.

Start by planting a closed-lip kiss on him as you straighten his tie or collar. Gently tug on his bottom lip with your teeth before introducing your tongue. (As a bonus, first smear on a mentholated lip balm or gloss for plumper, more sensitive lips.) Or try what Jessica O’Reilly, Ph.D., a sexologist in Los Angeles and author of The New Sex Bible, calls “lip lining”: Trace your tongue around the curves of his lips, paying extra attention to the thin skin at the corners. “It will give your honey a peek into your sexual skills, too,” she says.

Second Base

Holding hands on your way to dinner is cute and all, but copping a feel in the car before you walk in? That’s hot. “Touch is important throughout a relationship, not just in the beginning when you’re learning each other’s bodies,” says Wright. Research in the journal Sexual and Relationship Therapy suggests that couples who caress their partner’s body experience an increase in erotic feelings and overall marital satisfaction.

So if you and your man are feeling a little frisky in a secluded corner of a bar, a dark movie theater, or the back of a cab, don’t swat each other’s hands away from exploring underneath your shirt or over his pants. Better still, channel your adolescence by getting off with your clothes still on: Rub up against each other at a concert or on a dance floor. “Just be slower and more deliberate with your motions, so you can avoid that awkward, sometimes painful humping you did as a teenager,” says Madison.

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Your Questions About Tantra Answered!

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex

Are you curious about Tantra but filled with questions? You’ve come to the right place! The Care2 article takes a deep dive into the sensual world of Tantra and how you can apply it to your sex life.

There’s a scene in my women’s novel where the main character, Lorna, has an amazing sexual experience. It’s not because her partner has any special abilities in bed, but rather that Lorna, on a new quest to live spiritually in her everyday life, opens herself to the energy of source during the encounter. “The expression ‘best sex I’ve ever had’ seems a massive understatement,” Lorna marvels afterward. “This feeling of expansiveness, of being at one with the world, is the best anything I’ve ever had.”

I didn’t know until I recently spoke with Miranda Shaw, author of the book Passionate Enlightenment: Women in Tantric Buddhism, that what Lorna had glimpsed was a Tantric sexual experience. Shaw, an associate professor of religion at the University of Richmond, says Tantric sex is not so much about sex as many of us think. Instead, the intimate act is merely one of many vehicles practitioners use to connect with the cosmic flow. Western teachers who focus on boosting your sex life through Tantra have it wrong, she claims–the emphasis is more appropriately placed on boosting your enlightenment.

That’s not to say sex doesn’t enter the picture. Read on for more about this fascinating practice–and some of Shaw’s tips for bringing a piece of it to your own bedroom.

Can you describe what “Tantra” is?

Tantra emerged in India in the seventh century as a way to weave (that’s what the word Tantra means) every aspect of daily life, including intimate relationships and erotic experience, into the spiritual path. Strands of Tantra exist in the Hindu, Jain and Buddhist traditions, although my study is Buddhist Tantra.

So Tantra involves much more than sex?

Yes, there are many practices: methods for working with energy, images to contemplate, sacred sounds (mantra) to chant. The central goal is to realize the inherent beauty and perfection of the world and sacredness of all beings, including oneself. Romantic partnerships are a focus of Tantric practice because they are fertile ground for revealing the beliefs and emotions–the illusions–that cause us to suffer and act in ways that harm others. The goal is to see reality as it is and respond appropriately, with clarity and compassion, in a way that contributes to the evolution of the planet toward greater well-being and happiness for all living beings.

But sex is also a major part? Why?

Rather than something that detracts from religious life, sexual experience is a prime opportunity for spiritual cultivation if approached meditatively and as a yogic practice. The central purpose is to tap the cosmic energy that flows through the human body, heighten and concentrate the energy through sexual union, and then use the energy as fuel for spiritual transformation.

Tell me a little about a full-blown Tantric sex ritual as practiced by a serious practitioner?

I prefer the term “sexual yoga” to “Tantric sex.”  The practice is advanced and rather technical–a kind of inner “rocket science”–that incorporates mindfulness meditation, emptiness philosophy, yogic breathing, mantra recitation, visualization of deities and symbols, and movement of energy and inner fire (called kundalini) through the subtle yogic anatomy of channels and energy centers (chakras) along the spine.My book, Passionate Enlightenment, describes some practices–-ways to meditate and images to envision–to direct sexual union to spiritual ends.

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Crave This in Your Relationship?

by zfortadminin Sex

What’s Your Perfect First Sequence – Sex or Intimacy?

Men and Sex

Women feel intimacy and closeness when they talk, touch, and share their thoughts and feelings with a loved one. They are usually more interested in intimacy than in sex of and for itself.

A feeling of intimate closeness takes time to develop. Therefore, women want to take their time with a relationship. They want to go through the stages of getting to know the man, becoming friends, touching, kissing, hugging and showing affection. Eventually they get around to sex when they feel closeness and believe they are in love.

If women typically require closeness and intimacy before they experience “good sex,” does that mean they can’t and won’t have sex before they feel intimate? No, it means that sex is often not satisfying, even when orgasm takes place, without that close feeling.

When some women feel pressure to have sex before they are ready, they think, “This man doesn’t love me for me. He only loves me for what he can get.”

They might even develop resentments toward men in general.

Men, Sex and Feelings

Women are probably even more of a puzzle to men than men are to women. Even though women are important to men, they live in this mysterious other world of menses and babies and rampant emotions and even tears that men can’t or don’t want to understand.

This man who is notoriously poor at figuring out his own feelings is even worse at figuring out the feelings of a woman. Just deciding what a woman wants from him in general is fraught with danger.

Many men see sex, though, as a way to get close to women, and possibly, even a way to please them. The fact that they are usually wrong, of course, doesn’t stop a man from thinking sex can make everything right with his woman. A cure-all of great proportions… “All she needs is a good f___ ,” is a common solution to male – female problems for many men.

Very seldom is that what she needs but that is another story…

“Don’t Push Me So Hard For Sex” Women Want Time Before Sex

One young woman told me that she has to have time before sex to get to know and trust a man. She has to see him in different situations, with different people, and talk to him for hours before she will “allow” herself to even consider sex.

She continued, “One guy I dated pushed so hard for sex, that I gave in before I was ready. But that made sex basically unsatisfying. Even though chemistry was there at first, I lost interest sexually. Once I decided he wasn’t a good lover, I was ready to move on. We never gave real love a chance.”

Another women agreed that time is necessary to feel a real desire for sex. She said, “If a man pushes me to sex too quickly, the relationship rarely gets much further than a few trips to bed. Then they (men) are hurt and can’t understand why I don’t stay in love with them. They don’t get it-I never was in love with them.”

Most women agree that men who push for sex before the woman is ready had better be really good in bed. Unfortunately, this is unlikely to happen.

For whatever reason, women are a diverse group in terms of what produces pleasurable sex. It is a rare man that can be a good lover to a woman without a certain amount of experience with that particular woman.

Women can forgive fumbling, partial or non-existent erections, and premature ejaculations when they are in love. They can even call up a certain acting ability in the name of love. But when love has not been given the time it takes to grow for the woman, she often labels the man a poor lover and the relationship is stillborn in the bedroom.

Some women learn to look at sexual-timing incompatibilities with humor. One lady said, “I used to resent being pushed for sex. Now I get amused at all these guys and their gropings. Most of them end up providing me with a few funny stories to tell my girlfriends. I certainly don’t fall in love with them, but I don’t get mad at them anymore either.”

And still others avoid sex. These women feel if they put themselves in the position to get what they want: affection, touching, and cuddling, they will have to do battle not to have sex.

So some women do without desired affection, particularly in the beginning of a relationship, to avoid pressure to have sex.

Why Women and Men Have Different Sex Timeframes

How can women and men have such different timeframes for the beginning of sex in a relationship? Two reasons stand out:

  1. Our society teaches females that “nice girls don’t.” When society has taught this lesson for years, it is hard to suddenly feel sexual, even when hormones start raging in adolescence.
  2. And, probably because of the lessons of their youth, women reach their sexual peak in their mid-to-late thirties or even later, rather than when teen-age hormones first kick-in.

Age is a leveler

As men and women get older, women usually become more interested in sex for the sake of sex, and most men learn to curb some of their sexual impatience, giving closeness and love a chance to flourish. So, for many single men and women, it can be true: love and sex are both more wonderful the second time around.

Without a doubt, the sexual revolution changed the sex scene for women. Fewer virgins at marriage; more women with multiple sex partners; more women having affairs; more women having sex openly, more women opting for sex only rather than marriage, etc.

Some women felt this was a change for the better. Others saw it as unfavorable.

The Changing Sexual Attitudes and Behaviors of Women

Working outside the home also changed women’s attitudes toward sex.

The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior by Samuel Janus, Ph.D. and Cynthia Janus, M.D., copyright 1993, had some eye-opening observations along this line. They wrote, “Our study has documented many levels of sexual and social changes for both women and men in the early 1990s, but we acknowledge that women’s, not men’s, sexual attitudes and behavior have drastically changed within the past two decades.

“The enormous and ongoing change in women’s social and sex lives has separated women into entirely different groups.”

The Janus’ write, “Work-life and a workplace outside the home have given a new focus to many women’s lifestyles. The innovations transcend income earned or the nature of the work performed; more significantly, they involve a personal sense of identity that sets these women apart.”

They continued, “In the women-C (career women) and the women-H (homemaker women) groups, we found that we had two distinctly different populations, regarding sex life and life-style in general.

“Women who work part-time outside the home offered responses that were almost always between those of the women-C and women-H groups.”

Interesting!

But more interesting still was another observation of The Janus Report, “One of the most striking indications of our data involves the unprecedented levels of agreement between men and women-C (those who work full-time outside of the home), as compared to women-H, who do not work outside of the home at all. New levels of sexual affinity and relatedness can also be observed, in sharp contrast to the stereotypical sexual roles men and women have had assigned to them in the past.”

They concluded, “No longer does the man alone decide the mode of sexual gratification; most often, the couple decides together.”

The sexual revolution was followed by the reality of Herpes and AIDS and the need for safe sex. Many experts predicted a slow down for sex in general and certainly a slow down for those out in the less-safe singles’ world.

Dr. and Dr. Janus found the experts were wrong.

They reported, “Approximately one-quarter of the men (24%) and one-fifth of the women (20%) had much more sex activity. When we combined sex activity.”

They continued, “Perhaps not too surprisingly, the homemakers increased their sexual activity more than the career women did (43% versus 37%). We felt justified in assuming that more homemakers than career women were in ongoing monogamous relationships.”

Certainly a major sexual change has taken place in American society. Assertiveness regarding the “when, where, and why” of sex rather than passive acquiescence to sex is now a prerogative exercised by many American women.

If the Janus’ observations are accurate, much of this sexual change was brought about by women taking jobs outside the home and acquiring a heightened sense of personal identity.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

“Normal” Sex for a Long-Distance Couple

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS, Sex, SEX TIPS

How much sex is considered ‘normal’ for a long-distance couple?

First off, “normal” is highly overrated. Let your freak flag fly, as I always say. But if you’re trying to figure out whether your sex life in a long-distance relationship is normal, there are a few signs things are easy breezy — and a few things you can add to your repertoire to ensure a healthy and thriving long-distance relationship. “Long-distance relationships put intimacy to the test,” says relationship psychotherapist Rachel Moheban-Wachtel. “Although the physical connection isn’t as prevalent, there are things couples can do to keep the spice alive in their relationship across the miles.”

Some of it is pretty practical: Be sure to have frequent “date nights,” travel to see each other regularly, and keep your sext game on fleek. But she also includes some other concepts — things like trusting your partner and sharing fantasies with each them — that are incredibly important in any relationship, and vital to keep an LDR going strong. It’s never, ever a good idea to compare your relationship with anyone else’s, but if you’re pining for your love from afar and are feeling a little panicky about how your situation holds up, here are a few things that should be present in every healthy sex life of couples who live in very different zip codes.

1. Date Nights

Sure, everyone knows how to Skype, but do you schedule regular date nights with your partner that are a bit more involved than just a “hey, wassup” via video chat? If so, props. If not, perhaps you should consider it. “Technology today makes it easier to have the same type of dates in long-distance relationships as couples do when they live in the same city,” says Moheban-Wachtel. “’Go to a movie’ together by watching a movie at the same time and texting comments,” she suggests. Or “play games together, such as ‘name that tune’ or ’21 questions.'”

And don’t do all of your dates fully clothed. “Schedule a phone sex or Skype date to share desires or engage in sex talk with each other,” Moheban-Wachtel says. This’ll keep things hot between face-to-face visits — and it’s fun! (More on this later.)

2. Daily Verbal Communication

It takes ~two seconds to send a text. And though it’s superfun to lob texts back and forth all day, your romance — and sex life — will take a hit if that’s all you do. “People’s lives are busy,” Moheban-Wachtel says. “Texting is so much easier and faster that many long-distance couples fall into the trap of sticking exclusively to this type of communication.”

Don’t do it, she warns: “Break out of the cycle and reconnect every night before bed by having a phone conversation. You’ll feel more like you’re a part of each other’s lives, and solidify the connection on a daily basis,” which will lead to better sex when you’re face to face — or screen to screen. “Also, if you’re ever upset, verbal communication is the only good way to handle the situation,” says Moheban-Wachtel. “Speak in person or over Skype about these heavier feelings,” she recommends.

3. One Word: Trust

For the best sex of your life, you must trust your partner. One way to foster trust is to be sure to speak to your partner daily — but not just about the quotidian mundanities of life (though those are important too). “Maintaining a daily connection lets you know the other person is thinking about you and vice versa,” Moheban-Wachtel says. “Actively work to maintain the other person’s trust by reassuring them they’re the only one for you.”

How to do this? “Share your lives,” she says. “Make plans. And be as open as you can with each other about your goals for the relationship. You build trust by letting the other know the level of commitment you have, and how you want the relationship to grow.”

4. Lots Of Cuddling

When you fly in for a visit, don’t hit the town night and day. “Face-to-face interaction is vital,” says Moheban-Wachtel, so “take advantage of your in-person time together by staying in and enjoying the intimacy of being together.” Sex will obviously be on the menu, but for the best sex life — LDR or otherwise — make time to snuggle. “Touch, cuddle, enjoy each other physically, since distance doesn’t allow you to experience this part of your relationship,” Moheban-Wachtel says.

5. Sexting Regularly

Couples in a long-distance relationship become expert sexters sooner or later — sextperts, if you will. This is a good thing, Moheban-Wachtel says: “Not only is sexting normal when you’re separated by distance, it’s also healthy. Keep the spark alive and maintain a sexual connection with pictures and shared fantasies.” It’s fun to change it up in this realm by incorporating Snapchat and other photo/video apps, so as to keep things playful and keep each other excited and interested.

6. Love Letters

I don’t know if I would call this “normal” in this day and age, unfortunately, but this is, by far, my favorite method of keeping an LDR sex life fresh: Write hand-written letters to your long-distance love. If you’re already doing it, mad props — and things are likely smoldering in the bedroom too. (Have you ever read James Joyce’s dirty letters to his wife? Caliente.) “It’s easy to get caught in a rut of using the ever-accessible text messaging and email,” Moheban-Wachtel says. “Break away from it once in awhile and surprise each other with a handwritten message.”

So get out the stationery (or go to the store and buy some, because I bet you don’t have any) and put pen to paper to express your feelings. “Old-style traditional letters are great, even with surprise gifts,” she says. If you can get in the habit of sending care packages to your boo every month or so, and vice versa, this will cultivate serious feelings of anticipation and happiness — and you know where those feelings lead. (Hint: in the direction of great sex.)

7. Frequent Visits

Sign up for a credit card affiliated with an airline, because it’s time to rack up the frequent flyer miles: “Too much distance can lead to more misunderstandings, loneliness and possibly an unnecessary disconnect,” Moheban-Wachtel says. “Unless financial stress, exams or major life obligations are a concern, plan to visit each other every weekend or every other weekend. This way, the distance won’t feel quite as stressful.”

In some instances, this is much easier said than done — if you’re in LA and your beau is based in NYC, it’s unlikely you’ll be jetting back and forth every other weekend. If it’s a physical possibility, heed Moheban-Wachtel’s advice by all means. If not, prioritize face time (in addition to FaceTime) as much as possible. “By making the effort and going out of your way to see each other, you show you are working to keep the relationship alive and healthy,” says Moheban-Wachtel. Also, guess what you can do when you’re in the same room as your partner that you can’t do from afar?

8. Skype Sex

You knew this one was coming. Partly because I warned you, but also partly because — duh. It’s 2015 and we can Skype whomever we want whenever we want, wearing whatever clothing (or lack thereof) we want. “Some couples worry intimate dates over Skype is sleazy,” Moheban-Wachtel says. “It’s not. It’s normal, healthy — and necessary.”

As such, “surprise your partner with sexy outfits and different ideas on how to experience virtual intimacy,” Moheban-Wachtel suggests. Now there’s a term you don’t hear every day: “virtual intimacy.” I like it! “Maintain the sexual momentum and romance in the relationship by taking advantage of and embracing the virtues of technology,” she says. The more you trust your partner, the more comfortable you’ll feel — but keep in mind that Skype (or whatever your video chat of choice may be) sex takes practice. The more you do it, the more at ease you’ll feel doing a sexy striptease “with your partner,” aka in a room alone by yourself.

9. Being Present

Here’s an easy one: Find out what turns your partner on and do it, Moheban-Wachtel says. “Is it lingerie? Buy something new,” she suggests, and surprise your partner via video chat or next time you see them. “Is it fantasizing? Make sure to act these fantasies out when you see each other in person.” It boils down to paying attention to your partner: “Every person and couple has their own unique ways of getting excited by another person,” she says. “Understanding these will help you keep things exciting every time you meet.” This is as true outside the bedroom as it is within. If you love when your partner shows up at the airport to greet you with a clean shave, thank him when he does just that. And the same goes for whatever your partner appreciates about you — do it, and notice what effect that has on him.

10. Sharing Your Fantasies

Here’s what’s up, Moheban-Wachtel says: “If your partner is into sex toys [and you are too], embrace it. Use them to spice things up and keep the intimacy alive.” No worry if your fantasies don’t align with your partner’s, though it’s always a good idea to be as GGG as possible. “If toys aren’t your thing, flirt and have phone sex to describe exactly what you want and wish to do to each other sexually,” she says. “This can be just as spicy and sexy.” Whatever the fantasy may be, talk about your desires with your partner and vice versa for a fulfilling and top-notch sex life in an LDR — or just a regular old LTR.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Sexual vs Sensual

by Mike Lousadain Sex

Sex is such a variety of activities, that the only thing they have in common is the energy that arises in us; the felt experience. As suggested, this energy can move from not being felt at all to a highly charged state.  How does his happen?  How do we create the flow of desire that allows us to experience sex as a process, happening over time? The clue is to look at the difference between sensual and sexual energy.

Sensual energy refers to the experience arising from our senses; from smell, touch, taste, sound and a felt sense.  Sensuality is a whole body experience in the sense that all body parts and all senses are able to experience pleasure, and a sensual experience is defined by creating a general sense of wellbeing.  Because sensuality arises from the senses it is experienced in the moment, and it is an experience with no urge to ‘go anywhere’.  This is why we can be sensual, ‘cuddly’ with our friends, pets and children, where sexual energy would be inappropriate.  In relation to others, sensual energy is therefore first and foremost a connective energy. It brings us into embodied presence with the other, which creates a sense of wellbeing. Neurologically, our parasympathetic nervous system is activated, which makes us feel relaxed, loving and open.

Sexual energy is different. Although sexual energy can be felt in the whole body, it has a specific focal point that gives it a particular quality.  This focal point is mainly felt and experienced in the genitals, and even though other body parts can be stimulated, the main focus keeps returning to the genitals.  Also, it is innately charged with an increasing intensity.  Sexual energy gives us the feeling that it wants to “go somewhere”; it wants to peak in the orgasm and discharge the energy. Compared to sensual energy as embodied presence, sexual energy therefore feels much more goal oriented.  In essence it is a drive.  It is the life force energy that wants to express itself.  Connection and pleasure of the moment thus becomes secondary to this urge for the ultimate pleasure.  It can feel like something, the energy itself, is taking over.  We surrender, ultimately, to the orgasm; and in that we surrender to something greater than ourselves.

Fulfilling sex consists of an interplay between sensual and sexual energies.  It is embodied presence with the other as well as life force energy wanting to express itself in the ultimate surrender.  If we think that sex is about genital contact until we orgasm, we get trapped in a reductive idea of sex.  This is very much the reductive focus of pornography.  Ultimately this deprives us from the pleasure and energetic connection that is authentically experienced in the moment.  By consisting of sensual and sexual energies, sex can be a full body, connective experience of flow.  For this to happen we need to allow both sensual and sexual energies to arise and be expressed.  Sensuality gives us the connectivity, and sexuality gives us the urge to surrender.

In understanding our desire, thus, we need to understand that sensual and sexual energies are both part of our sexual expression.  Which one do we feel comfortable with, and which one would we like to express more fully?

Elevate Your Sex Life with Meditation

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex

Are you craving a deeper connection to your lover?  Mind Body Green shows you 4 ways to take your sex life to the next level with meditation. 

Life is indeed like a box of chocolates. But here’s the question: are you fully appreciating what’s inside the box?

In other words, do you pop any of the chocolates into your mouth and finish in seconds? Or, do you take the time to look at the chocolates, figure out which flavor appeals to you most, and then experience eating it completely, activating all of your senses?

The automatic response is to go through life somewhat mindlessly. But when we take the time to look, listen, touch, smell and taste what’s available to us in this life, things get a whole lot better.

Sure, many of us incorporate superfoods like acai berries, maca, and even chocolate into our diets to healthily fuel us, I’ll argue that the most fun super-fuel is sex. Frequent great sex will boost your physical and emotional vitality, mental clarity and spiritual well-being.

The better quality the sex, the more empowered you will feel in all areas of your life. The best kind of sex makes us present, in touch with ourselves, and lets us be vulnerably, fully seen — both physically and emotionally “stripped down.” This is where meditation comes into play — literally!

Whether you’re a novice or expert in meditation, incorporating the practice into your sex life can put the “OM” into your “OMG!” Here’s why:

1. Meditation makes you realize the power of your mind.

And that recognition gives you sexual power. So why have the fast food version of sex when you can have decadent, transformative and energizing sex through your mindfulness practice? An intimate relationship allows us to rest and remove our daily armor and recharge, but too often we get in and out of the zone as if in a race to beat the commercials before resuming Game of Thrones.

When we make the effort to become more present with our sensory experiences, we realize the power of sexual energy. In fact, it’s one of the most readily available, internal forces that human beings have to harness their qi (life force).

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How Millennials View Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

Willing to reject labels altogether?

We live in a new era and new ways of discovering ourselves and our world around sex.
Do you feel comfortable with this or do you feel like a fish learning how to swim in new waters.

Here is a perspective of how millennials view sex.

Bisexual, pansexual, demiromantic, aromantic — the sexual identities with which people label themselves continue to become more diverse and more mainstream. But think back to the days long, long ago, when conversations about sexuality were typically limited to gay or straight and maybe, once in a while, bisexual. (Yawn, am I right?)

So what is it about millennials, who are both open to sexual fluidity and willing to reject labels altogether?

Curated by Timothy
Original Article

Eros Energy

by Mike Lousadain Sex

Our sexual energy is commonly also called erotic energy.  The word erotic derives from the Greek god Eros.  Eros was the god of love but it is the love of life that he celebrates.  The word erotic has come to be reduced to meaning sexual but its true meaning is far broader.  Since the term “erotic” has too many modern cultural limitations I prefer to call it Eros energy.

To the ancient Greeks, Eros energy was wild, passionate, fiery and fierce.  Eros It was the raw power of life force itself.  That power may express itself in many ways, of which sexuality is only one aspect.  When we allow our bodies to dance without limitation, when we roar with joy at a sporting victory, when we throw ourselves into any physical activity with our totality, this is Eros energy.  When we are total in our lovemaking, this is Eros energy.   Eros energy gives rise to pleasure.

When we feel pleasure we feel it in our bodies.  It is this Eros energy that we are feeling, whether it is sexual pleasure or simply the pleasure of some delicious food or the pleasure of having done some really good exercise.  These pleasures are of the body, felt and experienced in the senses, which we may feel as sensual or sexual, depending on the nature of the experience.

However, pleasure and the accompanying Eros energy can feel dangerous.  They may feel uncontrolled or unpredictable.  Eros, for the ancient Greeks, was something to be embraced cautiously, mindful that it could get out of control.  The raw potency of uncontained Eros energy could be disruptive and destructive.   It became important then to contain and control this energy, to ensure that stability and order are maintained in society.  Too much Eros energy and too much pleasure could mean that people do not go to work, they do not honour their relationships, they become focused selfishly on their personal hedonistic pleasure without thought of others and their boundaries.  So the pleasure principle and this Eros energy were suppressed.

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Sex Adventures: Awesome for Every Couple

by zfortadminin Sex

Are you looking for more excitement and fun in your sex life?

Sometimes as a couple we encounter boredom in our relationship with our partner and that includes sex and intimacy. One of our solutions is to ask the help of relationship experts or do counseling.

Oftentimes, some solutions can be found from many different sources such as this video.

In this video you can find a list of sex adventures for every couple to try and spice up their sex life.

xoxo

How to Be Confident in Bed

by zfortadminin Body, Sex

As a woman, do you know what it takes to be more confident, ballsy and sexy as hell in bed? Find out more.

Let’s face it, sometimes feeling sexy can be hard. Like, really hard. You might ooze confidence during a work presentation, but it’s a totally different ballgame when it comes to sex. “It’s hard to be open with your sexuality—for anybody—because you feel vulnerable to rejection,” says sex expert Jane Greer, Ph.D., author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship. “The trick is to know your comfort level and then to push it just a little bit—that’s all you need.”

Now, we know it can be intimidating to make the leap from tame girl to sex goddess overnight, but a few small tweaks can make you feel wilder and more self-assured in bed. “There’s a misconception that taking charge has to be something big,” says Greer. But in reality, tiny acts can give you a major confidence boost. Test out these 10 feel-sexy-right-now moves tonight. Samantha Jones would be so proud.

Splurge on racy lingerie. Sure, you look great in a bra and underwear, but wearing something that is totally not you (like bright red lace or a sexy-as-hell corset) will make you feel like you’re actually playing into the role of a seductress, says sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First. You don’t need to break the bank for a pearl thong—just get sexy-wear that’s a bit more risqué than your normal tastes. Find the hottest looks for your shape right here.

Play an unfamiliar character. We know, we know, we know: Sexual dress-up is so been-there-done-that. But we’re not talking about dolling up head-to-toe in a French maid uniform. Step outside the box and portray a totally new persona whose sexiness you want to emulate—like Nicki Minaj with an awesome neon wig, says psychologist and sex therapist Brandy Engler, Ph.D., author of The Men on My Couch. You’re basically channeling your sexual spirit animal (whether that’s Katy Perry or Rihanna), which will help you get into character and mask any insecurity from your everyday personality.

Make dirty talk dirtier. It is possible to make a no-brainer even sexier. Use your finger to trace a word on your partner’s body—like “kiss” or “blowjob”—and have them guess, says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., author of NeuroLoveology: The Power to Mindful Love & Sex. If they’re right, perform the move. If they’re wrong, well, use your best judgment.

Blast a libido-pumping song. It doesn’t have to be as slow and romantic as John Legend’s “All of Me.” Listen to something that makes you feel a little wild and sensual, says Kerner, like something that would make you lose your inhibitions and dance like crazy in a club. Not only will it drown out any nerves (and any awkward noises), but it’ll also create a vibe like you’re actually sneaking away in a crowded party to hookup. What’s hotter than that?

Dim the lights. According to our recent survey, both men and women prefer dim lights for sex. It’s pretty obvious why—it’s just enough light to see what you’re doing and it gives you both a soft, flattering shadow. Use these tips to install a dimmer switch—trust us, once you have one, it’s like a two-second way to set the mood and feel so much sexier.

Spritz a special perfume. You know the bottle—it’s the one you only spray for weddings, first dates, and business dinners. Engler recommends applying this eau-du-jour before you get it on to give yourself an instant confidence boost.

Lather on oil. Essential oils make your skin look smooth, shiny, and so damn sexy. It’s the perfect alternative to lingerie that requires little to no effort (or money), says Engler. Just rub a little on your body and take a glance at yourself in the mirror. Yep, you basically look like a swimsuit model.

Accessorize. There’s something surprisingly hot and novel about keeping just one or two things on during sex, says Engler. So strip down to just your jewelry—like dangly earrings, bangles, or a long necklace—to keep that feeling of wearing an “outfit.” (If you go with fancier jewelry, make sure the clasps are tight—you wouldn’t want to lose grandma’s diamond pendant.) Or keep on those super-hot red heels that always make you feel like walking sex. These are pieces that make you feel ballsy and confident on an everyday basis—why not let them pull double duty?

Take the reins. Experts say that taking initiative is one of the top things men crave in bed—so feel free to get a little bossy. Use a soft, sensual voice and tell your guy exactly what you’re going to do to him (or what you want him to do to you), says Engler. When someone’s very specific about their demands, it can make the other person feel desirable—like they’re the only person who can satisfy these needs.

Strip in slow motion. Performing a choreographed striptease takes your focus from feeling smokin’ hot to making sure your audience has a good show, says Engler. (Not to mention, who has time for dance rehearsal?) So tone it down a notch and focus just on taking off each item of clothing in a slow and sensual way. Maintain eye contact while you gradually show hints of skin, says Engler. And don’t let your partner touch you until every piece of clothing is on the floor. This painfully slow build will make you feel totally in control and completely irresistible.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Sex Tips: Women Share Intimate Tips on How to Make Them Orgasm

by zfortadminin Sex

Best ways to make her orgasm: WOMAN share honest advice on how to give them better orgasms. Read more.

Making a woman reach the big-O can be a daunting task for even the most experienced lover.

Female orgasms can also be a subject that people find incredibly hard to talk about.

So a group of women have anonymously written a collection of 72 shorts essays enlightening men on the key to a great orgasm.

Simple named ‘How to Make Me Come’, the blog speaks openly about how to pleasure a woman.

Women were asked: “Imagine you could give this essay to a past or future sexual partner, free of judgment or repercussion. What would you want them to know?”

The results are some extremely frank sex tips that combined create a wealth of knowledge on how to be a stallion in the sack.

Many of the posts have humorous titles, but each of them make pleasurable points.

Here are some of the top sex tips shared on the blog:

GIVE HER ORAL – BUT BE GENTLE

One woman said: “When you are going down on me, begin by just making out with my pussy. Just lay sweet kisses all over it, then focus on my clit. Be gentle. I repeat, be gentle.

“Circles with your tongue are great. I hate flicking. I see it in porn all the time and I don’t get it. Let your tongue be wide and slightly firm, I HATE that thing when a tongue gets all hard and pointy at the tip.”

While another expressed the importance of oral sex.

“I dated a man for 6 months. He went down on me a total of 2 times and I didn’t orgasm once,” she said.

“Oral sex is the Mecca, it’s the feeling to end all feelings.”

BE PATIENT WITH HER ORGASMS

In a post titled ‘The Closest I’ve Cum to Cumming’ an anonymous, 32-year-old woman reveals that she’s never had an orgasm and invites people to ask her questions about it.

She writes: “Be kind to yourself. Don’t focus so much on climaxing during sexual experiences try and focus on sensations, what feels good.”

“Choose generous, loving partners who are patient and warm. Be honest with your sexual partners and let them know where you’re at.”

“If they are good guys or girls, they will stick around and explore with you. There can be no intimacy if you’re faking it or performing.”

While another pointed out that, when it comes to the female orgasm, patience is key.

“It takes a while. Sometimes I’ll masturbate for 45 minutes before I get anywhere,” she said.

STAY FOCUSSED ON HER

In one post a woman described how her ex would look visibly bored while attempting to pleasure her.

“You would finger me and would clearly be so annoyed by how long it was taking. It made me incredibly anxious. Every. Single. Time.”

TALK TO EACH OTHER

A lot of the women said they were too nervous to tell their partner what they really wanted to their face.

“Somehow the idea of a man being told what to do to please a woman sexually has come to be seen as insulting,” said one woman.

While another wrote: “I would be too ashamed to say, ‘Hey, this isn’t working for me’ because I would want them to think I was easy going and had had tons of experience.”I’d be so concerned with their finishing that I’d ignore my own. I would be too frightened to admit I wasn’t sure I knew what I wanted.”

These essays are just a tiny glimpse into the female orgasm and each woman is different. However, if you ask her what she wants, really listen and have patience you’ll get there in the end.

Curated by Karinna
Original Article

SEX: 13 Things Only Married Women Understand

by zfortadminin Sex

He actually wants you to come first.

1. You know that sometimes you have unexciting sex and that’s OK because you have approximately 5 million more times to get it right. ​You know that sometimes sex isn’t always a magical roller coaster ride of puppy dogs riding on unicorns and that’s cool. You don’t obsess over it because you know it’s no biggie. Besides, you guys will just crush it next time because you’re amazing like that.

2. He knows not to push your head down because he does not want to die. That’s just Married Science. He doesn’t want his story to end up on an episode of Law & Order​, so he knows not to be a pushy weirdo.

​3. He actually wants you to come first. This should be nos. 1–50, for real. Its importance cannot be overstated.

​4. He’ll never make you feel weird about not being ready to try anal. Which in turn makes you feel a lot more chill about trying anal with him. The world works in mysterious ways.

5. He treats your smaller boob with respect. Just because she’s tiny doesn’t mean she is without needs! He knows you have nerve endings in both your breasts and uses his mouth accordingly.

6. You’ve come to mutual agreements about which positions are just too hard. I’m looking at you, 69. Now that you’re married, you can drop the facade that it’s super fun and sexy to twist yourself into an actual pretzel just to put a dick in your mouth.

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