Once you’re in the privacy of your own bedroom, you may have gotten into the habit of rushing through this base—which includes any manual or oral action below the belt, say our experts. It’s a shame, considering that both men and women in long-term relationships wish foreplay would last longer: specifically, for about 18 minutes total, according to the Journal of Sex Research.
O’Reilly suggests performing this move on your guy: After asking him to close his eyes, wet your hands with lube and use them to fondle his testicles while you perform oral sex. The mixture of your slick hands and mouth will give him the sensation of two mouths on him instead of one—and will surely send him over the edge. In return, have him kneel on the floor between your legs (as they dangle off the bed) and roll the sides of his tongue together so it forms a tube. “He should slide his tongue in and out of you while pressing his lips into you in order to create wet suction—starting slowly and then picking up the pace,” says O’Reilly. Try a range of third-base acts like this and you’ll both be more likely to reach a happy ending.
Most of the time, you’re going to go all the way. But sex that’s had this kind of a pregame is not the same as a let’s-get-naked-and-do-it quickie—especially if you, or your guy, have already climaxed. If that’s the case, it helps to call in some reinforcements. “Many couples use lubricants to maintain wetness and vibrators to add sensation to sex if they’re going for orgasm number two,” says Logan Levkoff, Ph.D., a sexologist, author, and sexual-health educator.
If two O’s are unheard of for you, it’s especially important to relax—which means forgetting about the finish. “If you focus on the goal, you may psych yourself out altogether,” says Levkoff. Control your breathing so that it’s slow and deep, and communicate to each other about what spots are too sensitive, or which moves feel just right. Overall, think of revisiting the bases “as not just physically intimate,” says Levkoff. “It’s emotionally intimate too.”
Curated by Erbe