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LACK OF LOVE – TRAFFICKING SURVIVOR SEEKS FREEDOM

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS, Watch

Tiffany Simpson is a survivor of child sex trafficking who is currently in Pulaski State Prison. This is her story.

When you feel the ocean water pull you in, it’s warm. A warm that brings you to this peaceful place where all your troubles float away. That is what I have heard. I am Tiffany Simpson, and I am 27 years old. I have never swam in the ocean.

Too Hurt and Empty

My dad was never around. He was convicted of murder when I was six. Neither was my mom. Her real child was the bottle. I came second to her addiction. I know she was hurting.

My grandmother and Aunt got custody of me when I was 13. They tried to raise me, but I was too hurt and empty. So, even that tiny bit of affection that my trafficker offered me, felt like an ocean of love.

In high school, it was hard to fit in. After a while, the only friends I had were the guys who were having sex with me. I didn’t go to school much anymore.

I still craved the whole family thing with a mom and dad and me in the middle. By 16, I knew that was never going to happen. So, I left looking for a different kind of love. That’s when I was introduced to cocaine, and pretty soon guys were trading it for sex with me. Each time the police would find me with another guy, they just sent me home.

I Met My Trafficker

Right after my 17th birthday, I met Sean. He was 34 years old. It really felt like love, like all those butterflies and stuff. Only to him I was just a walking paycheck. My heart was the bank where he deposited all his sweet thoughts and took out all his abuse. Love was my real addiction. I knew, he didn’t love me, but I felt warm when he said it anyway.

He would take me to strange places and force me to have sex with the men there, men who didn’t listen when I asked for help. I just kept thinking, there was nowhere for me to run to, even if I had tried. to go back to a home where I felt no love or to a school where teachers looked at me like I was trash.

Sean said, he loved me, that he would take care of me. Now, I know it wasn’t love.

It was an ocean of fear that drowned me.

Beatings and Death Threats -My Grandmother, My Baby, Me

I started getting sick in the morning. Some people say, it brings a couple closer.  But he said he would kill me and my baby if I didn’t have sex for money. Most of the time when he would force me to have sex with men, he would be in the other room robbing them of their stuff. Things got worse, more men, more beatings and my belly was growing.

One day, I actually called my grandmother to come and get me, but when she arrived, he was behind me holding me by my hair. I told her, I changed my mind. Sean said, he was set my grandmother’s house on  fire, and kill her if I tried anything like that again. I believed him. I was trapped, ashamed and alone. The chains were heavier.

I didn’t have the word then, but I do now. I was a slave. I would go months without seeing my family because my face was covered in bruises. I started thinking of suicide. This started to sound sweet.

When I found out I was having a baby boy, I told Sean, I want out. He dug a knife into my leg and refused to take me to the hospital. I started to lose so much blood that he finally took me but he never left my side. I wanted to ask for help but was so scared. I wish to this day that I had risked it all and spoken up.

CAITLYN

Sean was being nice to me. It turned out that he wanted me to lure a 13 year old girl to him.

I said no, but he beat me again. I had to save my baby.

When she texted me she was going to run away, he grabbed my phone and started texting her to meet soon. Soon, we were driving to pick Caitlin up.

He drove us down a dirt road to a house, where four men were waiting. Caitlyn was scared when they touched her, but she was eventually forced into a room with one of them. He handed Sean the money. I had to have sex with the other three men. I was too scared to try and help her.

When the police came, I thought they were here to help me. I thought that I would have my baby and be a normal girl. Only they treated me like the criminal, and said, I was a child prostitute.

CHARGED and PRISON

The police charged me with sex trafficking. They found me as a bad person. The lawyers and judge did too. My own attorney called me, damaged goods.

I started to believe I was guilty. I felt like I had disappeared off the face of this earth or maybe no one had ever seen me at all. I feel that people see us as statistics unless it happens to them, or someone they love. Society wanted me in a cement box so they didn’t have to look at their mistake.

ASKING A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION

A year later, I read a U.S.A.Today article about sex trafficking. I wrote to Andrea, the woman in the article and asked her, Am I a victim of sex trafficking, or am I, just a prostitute?

It’s been eight years since I wrote to Andrea. Eight years of having Andrea and all of Karana Rising  by my side.

Caitlyn says, someone raped her. I believe her. I guess the mistake Sean made was thinking Caitlyn would stay quiet like me. I believe Caitlyn.

I didn’t know what love was but now I know that love does not beat you, degrade you, or sell your body. I understood true love when I had my baby boy.

They say that when you die you see the most beautiful things. I hope to see myself with my child by the ocean. If you believe survivors today, then tomorrow there will be less victims.

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For more information visit www.karanarising.org

Love Around The World on Clubhouse

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

In Spring 2021, Karinna Karsten launched the LOVE AROUND THE WORLD Club conversations on the iOS app, Clubhouse several times each month. This club is based on Karinna Karsten’s body of work including books, a tv pilot with the same name LOVE AROUND THE WORLD and subsequent writings and speaking engagements on the ancient and modern traditions of love and intimacy.

The Club conversations include subject matter experts discussing topics ranging from dating and relationships to self-awareness, intuition, food, global, social and cultural topics.

Regionally specific perspectives on love and matters close to our heart, help to open our minds to one another whether we are living across a city, country or the world.

These intimate discussions speak to why and how we connect, engage, build relationships, and nurture love wherever we are on the planet.

You are invited to join the Club and conversations here https://www.joinclubhouse.com/club/love-around-the-world

Our Latest Clubhouse Event:

Join Love, Dating & Intuition Conversation
with Karinna Karsten & Alexandra Hope Flood

Love, Dating and Intuition

THURSDAY, April 29, 
3:00PM EST/12:00PM PST on CLUBHOUSE

Our First Clubhouse Event:

Join “Love Around The World”
with Karinna Karsten, Katharina Baron
& Magdalena Jarosz

love around the world

✔️ SATURDAY, March 20th,
✔️ 8:00AM PST on CLUBHOUSE

Join us at the Love Around the World Club.

Meet Karinna Karsten: Tech, Media and Love Lifestyle Entrepreneur

by zfortadminin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

We had the good fortune of connecting with Karinna Karsten and we’ve shared our conversation below.

Hi Karinna, what role has risk played in your life or career?
I prefer to use the term bravery over risk. It takes bravery and courage to be the authentic you. It takes bravery to start a business and believe in its value before anyone else does. At the same time, it didn’t feel like a risk when I started my business. As a female serial entrepreneur in the lifestyle, tech, and media industry, I have consistently been a trailblazer. I have continued to challenge the status quo of partnership by guiding our audience of members through the rich complexions of building smart, vibrant and healthy relationship lives.

Can you give our readers an introduction to your business? Maybe you can share a bit about what you do and what sets you apart from others?
In 2020, I launched  Relationship A.I. (RAI), our new app on iOS and coming soon to Android. One of the many challenges of COVID is that we are in a crisis of loneliness. RAI helps singles build intimate relationships during the pandemic and beyond. The app can help your social life by making positive dating and relationship decisions. With RAI, daters can evaluate all their dating activity, from text exchanges to video chats to in-person interactions in real-time. We provide dashboard visibility and easy tracking of your dating reflections to learn more about yourself regarding a particular match or matches you are interested in developing further.

RAI Benefits: The ability to organize all your dating and social interactions in one app. Dive deeper into who you are aligned with to develop positive and successful dating and relationship experiences. You can note your first impressions, honor your deal breakers, build clarity, self-awareness, confidence, and monitor and respect your time to create a relationship life you love.
If you had a friend visiting you, what are some of the local spots you’d want to take them around to?
Make a reservation for the Lake Shrine in Pacific Palisades to take a walk and meditate in their sacred garden. Hike in Malibu Canyon and pick up a picnic at Erehwon. See the city from above at Griffith Park Observatory. Visit Bread Bar on Montana Ave in Santa Monica for gluten-free, refined sugar-free amazing goodies!

Shoutout is all about shouting out others who you feel deserve additional recognition and exposure. Who would you like to shoutout?
I give thanks to the ancestors I have never met that have been positively influential to my journey. I also thank all the global elders and teachers I have had the fortune to spend days, weeks, and years learning from. They have all nurtured me and inspire my path to this day. I appreciate my colleagues and team that provide their aligned expertise to our business endeavors in significant ways daily. Importantly, I am genuinely grateful for my husband and partner, with whom I enthusiastically live and walk the talk every day.

A Honeymoon to Remember, 10 Years of Love in the Making

by Micah Carterin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

How our love began?

Sooo on July 23, 2011, he likes to say I was bored on Facebook, which is what one is when they decide to scroll facebook lol. Anyway, I came upon his sister Kara’s page and I saw a pic of him so I texted her “your brother is cute.” To which she replied, you saw him? Unbeknownst to me, he was living in GA and only lived about 15 mins from me. She then said that I should send him a friend request to which I responded why, so he can say who the hell are you? Lol, she said no I’ll tell him about you. So I sent the request and a message saying who I was and whatnot, then I laid down to take a nap before I went out later that evening. When I woke up, he had messaged me back with his number. So, I called him and he ended up coming over that day and we sat and talked for a while till I realized it was getting close to the time I needed to leave.  I went out with my friend that night and he sent me pics for his contact photo and that was over 9 years ago!

happy black couple at the beach

Dating👫🏾

One of our most memorable dates if you will, was the very first time we hung out at his home. We were sitting on his couch playing each other music. He asked me if he could kiss me, which was so refreshing because in my 29 years at the time, I don’t recall any man ever having asked to kiss me and I thought it was the nicest thing. Some time later in the evening, he asked me to dance to one of my all-time favorite songs by Musiq Soulchild who also happens to be his cousin.

fun at the beach

Our first trip✈

We took our first trip before we were an official couple in January of 2012, which was 6 mos after we met and a month before we made things official.  We went to St. Thomas; one of the Virgin Islands and had an absolute ball! From touring the mountaintop that has since burned down, walking the island in search of an open gas station,  downing Painkillers at Megan’s Bay to making love in that very bay was a first and highlight!

How he proposed?

It was my birthday on August 28th in 2017 and we were in Australia because I love to travel for my birthday! We took the train from Perth to a town called Cottesloe and went to their infamous beach known for its beautiful sunsets along the Indian Ocean. We were playing music and just enjoying the sights and each other. I started playing Loved By You by Mali Music ft Jazmine Sullivan and I remember hearing him say this is perfect and then next thing I know he was on one knee in the sand. We shared some beautiful words and I said YES! After we took in the moment some more, we went to eat some fish and chips at a local restaurant and then took the train back to our Airbnb and remained on cloud nine for the rest of the trip across Australia to Melbourne, Sydney, Cairns, and then to New Zealand.

happy black couple at the beach wearing towel

👰🏾🤵🏾Fast forward to just under 3 1/2 years to October 10, 2020, our Wedding Day! The whole thing was a blur lol but a beautiful one despite all the drama (losing bridesmaids one after another,  vendors canceling, Covid-19) leading up to it. Our colors were red, black, and bling and it was a beautiful, hot day in Palm Springs, CA. Our wedding party consisted of friends and family we’ve known practically our whole life and some who just stepped in and increased their value in our lives substantially with grace. Our years of being together prepared us for marriage. Our trips to counseling, love for each other, failed 1st marriage for him, and my determination to succeed fuels this marriage of ours. Our day was the perfect blending of friends and family that has blossomed into new friendships and it was a beautiful thing to see. My husband and I don’t have any children together but together we have 5. He has 4 children from previous relationships that live with their mothers and I have a son who lives with us.  During the reception, my son took the opportunity to let Joel know that he was going to start calling him Dad from now on since it was official! That was one of the absolute highlights of the night and my life to see their relationship reach that point of love.

happily married

🏖Happily Ever After

The night after we officially became Husband and Wife we left for Moorea and Bora Bora for our 10-day honeymoon. We spent 5 days and 4 nights on an island called Moorea a mere 30 min ferry ride from Tahiti. We stayed at the lovely Sofitel where we had a beachfront bungalow and the views were to die for. As most honeymooners, we spent a lot of our time consummating the marriage🤣 Honestly we were just happy to be away from responsibility and drama so we took in the views, got a massage, and met a few other guests, and kept it low-key for the most part.

mother and daughter

Most Difficult Mix of Emotions

On our last full day in Moorea, we Iearned that my grandma had passed away and it was THE ABSOLUTE most difficult mix of emotions I’ve ever felt. Here I was, feeling so in love and happy with my best friend that I married just 5 days prior. Then boom came the 🔨 and I’m devastated that the woman who once cooked me breakfast before school, took pics of me in her yard and the reason I fell in love with taking pictures was gone!

Celebrating Our Love and Honoring Life

Thankfully, I had my husband by my side and another beautiful destination on the horizon to take my mind off it somewhat. We headed to Bora Bora the next day; a 45 min flight and subsequent 15 min boat ride and I was in awe! This was the perfect background for my impending photo shoots for the next 5 nights and 6 days. I couldn’t think of a better way to honor her, than by doing something I learned to love with her. The journey that Joel and I took to becoming one was easy in the sense that I never had to force how I felt for him but it was trying to go through all the things one does to see if love is enough. Love is a choice and I would choose him every single day!

Getting Past 6-8 Weeks

by Anna Morgensternin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

I’ve seen quite a few relationships suddenly end after the first 6-8 weeks for many friends and clients. This is the first of three relationship hurdles. You’re still getting to know each other in the first 2 months and it should be the most fun time of a new relationship. Everything seems to be going great and then all of a sudden it ends and you have no idea why. You were spending more and more time together, making future plans and telling each other your hopes and dreams. Why the sudden cold shoulder?

This is the time where you both are figuring each other out. People tend to overlook some red flags early on because they are happy to have found someone to spend time with, rather than really evaluating the other person. I don’t recommend seeing each other more than twice a week in the first 2 months. While you may want to spend all of your time with this person, it’s good to take it slow and reflect if this is someone you want to invest in. Sit down and journal what you like about the relationship and how they make you feel. Do you feel secure and happy or do you feel confused and unsure how they feel about you? Many times the reason someone backs off early on is because they are feeling pressure from the other person and the relationship stops being fun. Think about why you might be pressuring the other person. Is this someone you really want to be in a serious relationship with or are you just scared you won’t find anyone else?

While you may have lots of questions, look for actions instead of answers. Everyone has experienced a relationship where the other person said all the right things but their actions didn’t meet their words. It’s much better to be with someone who shows you that they care, rather than just telling you. So instead of asking them where things are going and if they like you, look at how they treat you. Do they prioritize you? Do they try to do things to make you happy? Or are they making plans then bailing on you? There are plenty of people you could end up with so don’t stick with someone just to be with someone. If this person isn’t meeting your needs, ditch them and find someone who will. The sooner you get out of an unfulfilling relationship, the sooner you can enter one that will meet your needs. You have to take emotion out of it a bit and really evaluate your relationship. While your heart might be telling you one thing, listen to your brain as well.

A friend of mine once told me to stop dating passively. Take control of your life and make actionable decisions. If you’re unhappy in a situation, get out of it immediately rather than waiting for that person to decide for you. You’re an adult, time to make adult decisions.

So, maybe you were feeling like you just can’t get past the first two months in a relationship but maybe now you’re realizing that the people you were investing in were not right for you. Maybe you’re realizing you were dating passively. Next time you enter a new relationship, take it slow and look at you list of qualities you need in someone and see if they fit that list. If not, let them go so you can find someone who does.

xo,

AM

Redefining Relationships in a Pandemic

by Jennifer Ashley Greenein LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Day 98 of COVID-19 quarantine with my boyfriend…and my parents.

I live in an apartment in Manhattan with my boyfriend and our dog. Fourteen weeks ago, as NYC was rapidly rising to become the epicenter of the Coronavirus, we packed an overnight bag and headed upstate to hunker down with my parents in their house in the country. It meant not only more space for the three of us, but way less possible social interactions than we would have had in NYC.

Note to reader: a single overnight bag for two people does not last 3.5 months.

I prefer to think of myself as an optimist; though admittedly I identify more with the word “realist”, (which the more you say aloud and try your damndest to dress up with positivity, you eventually surrender to the fact that you’re really just a pessimist living in disguise).

Optimism is a hard find these days for many of us. Envisioning life post Covid-19 seems like a daunting task. Hell, remembering life pre-pandemic doesn’t really ring a bell for me right now tbh.

I fluctuate daily on my grasp of this whole quarantine situation.

Some days I wake up and do a mental scan while I lie in bed, running through a list of things I’m grateful for in my head before my feet even hit the floor. These are the days I meditate, work out, take a long walk around the neighborhood, call a friend or two, make 3 healthy meals and probably listen to some country music. I’m the best version of myself on these days.

Other days I wake up with a slightly different mentality. My first thought here is AGHHHHHHHHHH ANOTHER DAY OF THIS CRAP? WHAT THE HELL! I tend to speed right past my gratitude list on these mornings, heading instead directly for the mental list of things I hate about quarantine. Wearing masks and gloves, the lack of any kind of structure whatsoever, sleeping in my parents’ guest room with my boyfriend while we pay an arm and a leg for an apartment in Manhattan that we haven’t lived in for three and a half months, and I could continue but I’m having one of the other days so I’ll pause here for your sake. Days like this are a struggle, and I know I’m not alone in experiencing them.

redefining relationships

Relationships of all sorts are being challenged right now.

We’re spending a LOT of time with some people and barely any time with others. The relationships we have with ourselves, our romantic partners, parents, kids, friends, and pets are all being redefined and we’re all simply trying to manage and figure out how to do life under this new normal. I for one, never thought I’d be living with my boyfriend and my parents simultaneously, but here we are. It’s not easy to take four adults and put them under one roof for an extended period of time, you can take my word on that. We’ve all had to make adjustments to our normal routines to make cohabitating work, and for the most part, we’ve adjusted pretty well. There have been some bumps along the way; trying to give each other space can be challenging, add in the fact that we’re all working from home and that’s downright difficult.

Luckily, my parents have a finished basement with two bathrooms, otherwise I’m sure by now we would have all gone totally insane. There have been silver linings to quarantining with my boyfriend and parents, believe it or not. For instance, we all love to play games. There have been many fun game nights over the last few months, and I’ve learned that I get my competitive gene entirely from my mom.

Suddenly we’ve been given all this time and we’re all trying to decide what to do with it.

It’s sort of ironic. If you’re anything like me, you frequently have thoughts like (pre-quarantine at least) “there’s never enough time”. Now that we have more than enough time, we’re at a loss for how to fill our days. Much of this is attributed to the fact that restrictions are in place, so our options are limited, but there are still ways to cope under quarantine. What I’ve found helpful is to create a “bucket” list (a small bucket, more of a jar than anything really) of things I want to do during quarantine. Think less skydiving and more learning a new language, but I think Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson would still dig it.

In making my list (and it’s an ever growing one as restrictions stay in place and getting creative is of the utmost importance) I considered the important relationships in my life. I have things on my list that I want to do for myself: write more, speak spanish and practice yoga. I want to read new books to my 2.5 year old niece (thanks to Zoom, this is very doable). I want to get more creative in the kitchen with my mom. We really enjoy making plant based meals together and I get to expand my recipe repertoire while doing so. I have fun ideas for dates with my boyfriend; we’ve done movie nights with popcorn and wine, we did a wine and paint date where we drank wine, listened to Frank Sinatra, and attempted to draw an orchid. This was equally romantic and hilarious. We also recently did a virtual escape room. Look it up. You’re welcome.

We will get through this.

No it’s not ideal, but we can choose to make the most of this time. There will come a time in the future when we wish we had the time that we have now. We just have to get a little creative, stay positive and pick each other up when we are struggling. I’m trying to remember to find the joy in spending this time with my boyfriend and my parents. It’s making me appreciate the relationships I have with them even more than I used to.

Watch How to Date Smarter

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Relationship A.I. can help you advance your dating progress, date smarter, and build a relationship life you can thrive in.

Watch to #Date Smarter.

 

  • Relationship A.I. is Your Solution to Dating
  • See Matches All in One Place
  • Track Dating Activity
  • Schedule Dates
  • Evaluate Dating Interactions
  • Get Friend Advice
  • See Your Dating Progress.

DOWNLOAD Relationship A.I. tracker App

app store download

Get It Girl Interview with Relationship A.I. Founder, Karinna Karsten

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Watch Get It Girl as they interview Relationship A.I. Founder, Karinna Karsten

Learn how Karinna came up with Relationship A.I. tracker app and discover how it will improve your dating life.

Track Your Dating Life. Build Smarter Relationships.

Get It Girl: Welcome to another day of Get It Girl. We have a very cool show for you on today’s Girl Talk. We’re going to speak with the founder of Relationship A.I., Karinna Karsten about the art of loving, because honestly, it’s an art and a science, if you ask me. Yes all of that and more here.

Please welcome, the founder of Relationship A.I., Karinna. How are you?

Karinna: I am fabulous. I’m so happy to be here with you guys.

Get It Girl: Yes you definitely dressed for love.

Karinna: So, Relationship A.I. is a new dating tracking app. So, if you’re actively dating, whether that’s someone you met in person or on an app or more than one app, this is your relationship buddy that you can actually start to make sense of all you’re dating activity, and see your dating progression through adding your matches, adding your interactions and then you evaluate each and every experience from text to a date and we give you data feedback to tell you how well it’s actually going. So, you can make your best relationship decisions.

Get It Girl: We so often just, we tend to just change the facts right? Because we’re emotionally involved. We’re like, but then your app will be like…

Karinna: You can add your friends and they don’t even need to be dating, so that, you can see the process exactly, and they can give you feedback.

Get It Girl: Oh my gosh! Karina, thank you so much. I mean we could talk all day about them.

Karinna: Yes.

Get It Girl: How can people find you online? So, they can learn more about relationship and Love TV.

Karinna: Sure. KarinnaKarsten.com or relationship-ai.com

 

Download Relationship A.I. tracker app.

app store download

 

21 Day Challenge to Improve Your Love Life

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

It’s Spring! Relationship A.I. is launching a 21 Day Challenge to Improve Your Love Life 1 interaction at a time.

Every Day of the 21 Days we will send you 1 step to take to Improve either Your Dating Life or Existing Relationship, for Free.

Before We Begin:

Answer this Question Are You Single or In a Relationship?
SINGLE
IN A RELATIONSHIP

 

This will allow us to provide the right tips for you during the 21 Day Challenge.

Download Relationship A.I. tracker app.app store download

 

To a Vibrant and Empowering Love Life in 2020!

Karinna Karsten
www.relationship-ai.com
www.lovetv.co

Relationship A.I. Helps Singles Track Activity Across Multiple Apps!

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

As online dating becomes more and more popular it is beginning to have a detrimental impact on millennial singles.

The average dater has upwards of three apps on their phone at any point, and with hundreds of matches on each platform, it is harder than ever for them to keep on top of their love lives.

That’s where Relationship AI comes in. The independent platform is designed to take the stress out of modern dating and makes it considerably less time consuming.

It stores users’ online dating activity in one place and helps them make smarter decisions by tracking all of their interactions, rating their matches and letting them ask friends for advice.

Founder Karinna Karsten created the product after she saw no such tool on the market and wanted to make sure singles have the best possible experience when looking for a romantic partner.

She joined Dom Whitlock on The GDI Podcast to discuss how Relationship AI was created, the specific ways it can help people at any stage of a relationship, and what the online dating industry will look like in the future.

Listen now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and Soundcloud.

Ghosted Lately? Here’s the Cure For Ghosting

by Virginia Jonesin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

It happens to everyone.  Someone we were dating disappears, and we want to know what to do about it.  In a 40’s detective novel, we’d throw on a dirty overcoat and hit the streets and track them down, but now we just want to know…what happened?

Maybe they came on strong, pouring on the charm.  Maybe they were exactly what you’re into. But then, you stopped hearing from them, and you can’t stop wondering about it.

The first time I was ghosted, it shocked me. 

I had been seeing the person for nine months, and I thought if they weren’t responding to me, they must be in prison or in rehab.  Honestly, either one would have been a great idea for that person. Finally, a close friend had to tell me- dude, he’s okay. He’s just gone.  And she was right.

Years later, the same friend asks me- I met this guy at the airport, we had crazy chemistry, we went on some dates, but now he’s gone silent- how do I get him to write me back? 

I gave it to her plain- you gotta stop talking to him.

Exasperated, she told me, “No, you don’t understand, he’s already stopped talking to ME.  Not talking to him is, at best, a moot point.” 

ghosted

“What everyone tells me,” she continued, “is to sit back and play it cool, and to let him pursue me. But what if I don’t want to play it cool?  What if I’m tired of waiting? What if I want to reach out? Why can’t I do that? Shouldn’t I be able to do what I want? I don’t like playing games.”

“You absolutely can do that,” I assured her.  “And you might see him again. But he’ll disappear again, and you’ll be back in this same spot.  You can’t change him or his behavior.”

I see people finding my dating articles online with the same search terms again and again- how to respond to breadcrumbing.  What to do if you’re ghosted. How to reconnect. Just about everyone has had a moment when they wanted to hear from someone that they weren’t hearing from.  I’ve finally figured out the solution, and that is to forget about them!

The truth is this: everyone wants to know how to change someone’s mind.  If anyone had the answers on how to get someone back, they’d be a multi kajillionaire.  They’d be hiring Jeff Bezos to shine their shoes. Turning someone towards you who has turned away- that’s the one thing nobody can really do, despite what the cosmetics, fitness, and apparel industries advertise. They pad their margins based on the hope that we can control something we can’t- “I can’t seem to forget you, your Wind Song stays on my mind!” 

Think about it.  How many times have you heard the story: “We met online.  He came on strong, told me I was beautiful. We went out a few times and it was really great.  Then, he stopped responding to my messages. But I waited it out and really played it cool, and then one day I sent him just the right cat meme, and now we’re getting married at Disneyland.”

Oh that’s right, you’ve never heard of it.  Because that story is rare. Not impossible!  But unlikely.

I told her, the thing is, you’re not playing it cool for this guy.  He’s gone. He’s in the wind. You’ll run into him later at one of those bars that looks like a laundromat until you press the soap dispenser and a dryer door opens into the main room.

You’re playing it cool so he won’t waste more of your time. 

ghosting

You’re not going to get good results from him.  You’re just moving him aside so you can keep looking for the person that will pursue you, who will be consistent, who will be as interested in you as you are in them.

 A few days passed and my friend calls me again.  She reached out and got a couple of texts from the guy, was exuberant for a minute, but then he was gone again.  At this point, he’s a sunk cost- she can pour more time and emotion into it, but she’s not getting anything back. 

So much of dating is editing.  

Our grandparents, great-grandparents, might have courted, or been courted by, fewer than a handful of people before they got married.  Modern singles can meet that many people in a weekend. Most of those people won’t be the one.

So, all the advice about hanging back and being aloof- it isn’t meant to change the person who has already let you down.  It’s to free you up and find the person who won’t. 

Try Relationship A.I. Dating Tracker to support the cure for ghosting.

Sister Mag showcased RAI, our Sister Company

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Swiping through online dating apps to find (almost) Mr. Right is a daily digital routine for singles these days. Karinna Karsten, a relationship expert from Los Angeles, is the CEO and founder of Relationship A.I. A new and very special dating app that is based on tracking technology. Find out in our sisterMAG interview how this app works and why it is very interesting.

Relationship A. I. – Online Dating Reloaded

Why did you create your dating app?

Years spent working as a relationship advisor and CEO of LOVE TV, I addressed the challenges facing millennials in dating, wellness, and building relationships. I came to realise that dating has become increasingly complicated.

Keeping track of your dating life in today’s app-jungle plus real-life encounters has become a full-time job.

The dating industry was coming up with endless dating apps to meet people, but where do you go from there? We need help in our dating activity and making the best choices around our matches.

Relationship A.I. was born from the accumulation of all my data, research and work in the dating industry over the past 10 years.

What makes your dating app different?

Relationship A.I. is a Dating Tracker app. With RAI, users track their dating activity across multiple dating apps and in real life and build smarter relationships. You have probably tracked your steps or calories for health benefits, now you can track your dating activity to make the best relationship choices.

We don’t do the matchmaking part, we are the next step. Once you are interacting with matches on and offline, that is where Relationship A.I. comes into play.

Relationship A.I. helps you manage, evaluate, and coordinate your dating activity so that you can maximise your ROI (Return on Investment) for the time spent dating. Making sense of your dating life is key to creating the relationship you desire.

How would you describe your app in three words?

Advancing Love Intelligently!

How does your app work?

Once you download Relationship A.I. you will be able to add your matches in a few simple clicks, it doesn’t matter if you have one or several matches. Each match interaction is then tracked and evaluated and you can clearly see your dating progression.

You can also share your progress with your friends who can support you. Dating can be hard and people often don’t know where they stand. When users immediately see what is happening in their dating life and where the relationship is going, then they can identify patterns, deal-breakers, and make smarter relationship decisions faster.

Sharing your dating history with your best friends and tracking what happened on each date is also like a little black book and a valuable insight which can be really fun. RAI brings the joy back into dating and away from feeling alone on a dating app journey. Dating users feel more connected and empowered around the process.

Who should use your app?

Anyone who is dating or in a new relationship where they want to track their progress, however many matches they might have. RAI is an essential dating tool for the overall management and optimisation of your personal life. 

How much effort is necessary to use your app?

It’s very quick and easy to get started with Relationship AI. Just add your matches and choose the interactions you have had in a few simple clicks. Plus it helps you schedule your dates by syncing to your calendar.

Then you are on your way to making the best relationship choices for you based on your own real data.  

Is there a secret recipe for successful dating?

Speaking as a relationship expert, the secret recipe to success is gaining greater self-awareness of what is really happening on your dating journey. We might think we know how to date but our decisions are often myopic and based on past experience. What we think may not be true.

We need full transparency in our dating activity. Relationship A.I. gives you an immediate insight into your dating activity and data feedback to help you assess situations with clarity and confidence and move forward to the best individual relationship outcome.

Are there couples that have found each other with your app?

We are just about ready to launch Relationship A.I. While setting up couples is not the goal of our app, using RAI can support our users to create smarter relationships. For the first time, you can have a 360 degree view of your dating life.

Dating is of course just the first step. Do you have any tips for successful relationships? 🙂

Be mindful of the relationship journey as you start out and continue this thinking during the significant milestones of a relationship. RAI helps to support this process in the early stages of a relationship.

Be aware of your patterns and habits, and slipping into default behaviour like being the sole initiator or consistently available for someone who doesn’t show up for you. That doesn’t build up a quality relationship. Continue to develop your self-confidence, autonomy and demonstrate relationship aptitude -the ability to be present, active in building a relationship, sharing, contributing and loving the person you are with. Love is a journey and the greatest adventure worth taking.

TEXT & INTERVIEW: SOPHIE SIEKMANN

Original Article: https://www.sister-mag.com/en/magazine/sistermag-no-55-january-2020/relationship-a-i-online-dating-reloaded/

New Year’s Resolutions for Better Friendships in 2020

by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

I love New Year’s resolutions. They’re an excuse to challenge myself and set new goals for the year ahead. I’m pretty serious about sticking to them, too. I like to write my goals for the year on a piece of paper and tape it to the fridge so that I always remember my plans, and can cross them out as I accomplish them.

Usually, I make goals for my career, exercise goals, and plans for how many books I want to read that year. But this year my goals are a little different.

After a big move this year, I realized that friendships are really important to me. Not only do I miss my friends back home, but I had to make all new friends in my new city. I learned how important friendships are to me, so this year I’m making resolutions to be a better friend and have better friendships.

Here are my resolutions for better friendships in 2020.

1. Set aside time for friendships

To have better friendships, you have to be a better friend. And part of that is making friendships a priority.

Being in a relationship for so long, I’ve found that I often put friendships on the backburner, preferring to spend time with my husband rather than make plans with friends.

But I realize that I need to maintain friendships in order to keep them. When you don’t make time for a friend, they can start to fade out of your life. You both forget to call, don’t think to invite each other over, one of you moves, and suddenly you don’t know each other anymore. It’s the worst.

Of course, there are exceptions to this. I have some friends who I can not see for years and when we do finally get together, it’s like no time has passed. But especially with new friends, if you don’t spend time developing a friendship, the relationship can crumble.

One of my biggest resolutions this year is to make more time for friends. For me, making time to go out to dinner with just one friend, one time a week, is a great improvement. But maybe you’re more flexible and can make more time for friends.

Maybe your resolution could be calling 5 different friends a week. Or maybe you want to go to lunch with someone new from your office every day until you’ve met everyone. It’s easy to cater this resolution to your friend goals and no matter how you do it, you’re sure to have lots of fun.

2. Remember birthdays

One way to show your friends you care is to remember their birthdays. And I’m not just talking about about posting on their Facebook wall.

It means so much to people when you remember their birthday. It shows that you care and that you want to celebrate them. When my friends have reached out to me before my birthday, asking if I wanted to go out for a drink for my special day, it has meant so much to me. Even when friends follow through and show up for birthday celebrations means a lot.

That’s why one goal I’m making this year is to remember my friends’ birthdays. I’m looking up everyone’s birthdays and writing them down in my calendar. I’ll try to make sure we make time to celebrate but even if I just end up sending a card or even a text to friends for their birthdays, I know that it will probably mean a lot.

3. Planning activities your friends will like

I love planning hang outs with friends. But I especially love planning hang outs at places I love.

I’m always asking friends if they want to go to the local wine bar or go and see a comedy show. But somehow I never seem to be free when friends ask me to do things they like to do. I almost always turn down requests to go to restaurants I don’t like and for activities I don’t particularly enjoy. Funny how that works.

But this year, I’m changing that.

I’m making a goal to try to do more things that my friends like. When I know I’m going to see my craft-loving friend, I’ll offer to go to a knitting class and when I’m planning to see my outdoorsie friend, I’ll ask her to go on a hike.

It’s a great way to show that I value our friendship (and my friend’s interests), plus, it’s a good way to expand my own interests.

friendship

4. Double date

Hanging out with friends is a great way to bond. But going out on a double date? That’s a whole new level. It’s one thing to talk to your friend, but a whole other thing to get to know their partner (whether they be short term partners or long term relationships), and let your friends get to know who you’re with.

It can be a great way to get to know each other better, and if your partners get along too, it could be a great way to expand your friendship to include “couple activities.”

5. Be a great conversationalist

It’s so fun to talk to friends, except when it’s not. I’ve definitely had friends who were not always super fun to talk to. I know a few people who always seem to be complaining about work or complaining about other friends. I also know a few people who practically zone out when I’m talking. They’re the kind of people who wait to talk, instead of listen.

And don’t get me wrong, I can complain about stupid stuff and I can also sound like a broken record when talking about work. But it’s nice to talk to friends about interesting things, intellectually stimulating things, and to have fun when we’re talking.

So, this year I’m determined to be a better conversationalist. I’ll keep myself updated on interesting news stories, but I’ll also try to be more engaging and be a better listener.

If you’re looking to make better friendships in 2020, sometimes you have to be a better friend. These tips will help you to improve your friendships skills and friendships in the new year!