Fall Is the Best Time to Find Someone

October 19, 2018January 22, 2024 by Terri-Jane Dowin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Is cuffing season backed up by science?

According to Urban Dictionary, “Cuffing Season” is the time of year when people are more likely to look for relationships they can settle down into than looking for casual dating scenarios. As the weather turns cooler, staying cosy with someone is a more attractive option, with the added bonus of having someone to take to Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year parties. Running from November until Valentine’s Day (when the cuffing becomes official, or when the weather warms up enough to start venturing out on dates again), we looked at whether this trend had any factual basis, and it turns out that actually… it does. Don’t worry, Cuffing Season doesn’t technically start for a week, so you’ve still got a bit of time to brush up on your science and get some potentials lined up.

Autumnal Aphrodisiacs

We all know that oysters and chocolate act as aphrodisiacs, but we’re well out of oyster season and a way off from Valentine’s Day, so what should we be looking out for in the meantime? Fall means that pumpkins are plentiful, and Jack O’Lantern is an oft overlooked aphrodisiac. Pumpkins are full of antioxidants, and their seeds are packed with zinc and magnesium. Together, those are great for raising testosterone, boosting blood flow, and upping libido. As well as pumpkin carving being a great date idea, the scent of pumpkin pie caused the highest levels of arousal in both male and female participants of a study by Chicago’s Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation. Cinnamon also rated pretty highly, so autumnal scents really topped the test. Bring on Pumpkin Spiced everything!

Rare Flesh

With autumn comes the addition of what feels like an extra layer of clothing every day, but humans might actually be programmed to find each other more attractive as we get more covered up. Researchers discovered that a lack of skin on show in winter made women more alluring to men. Responding to stimuli, the male participants of a trial were more turned on in winter than they were in the summer. It may sound surprising, but those results suggest that the gents in question had become overstimulated to seeing bared bodies just three months earlier. The rumour that everyone looks better in a sweater actually has some truth to it, it would seem. We’re also of the opinion that more men grow beards in the cooler months (to keep their faces warm, we assume), and, like a sweater, every man looks better with a beard.

Don’t be SAD

The nights drawing in are one of the worst parts of the changing seasons. With lower light levels through the day, and darker mornings and evenings, levels of Seasonal Affective Disorder are on the rise. SAD symptoms can be alleviated with special light lamps, or a Vitamin D supplement, but research has also found that physical touch can also provide a massive boost to our wellbeing. As infants, touch is the first of our senses to develop, and science suggests that people who are touch-deprived are more likely to suffer with depressive episodes. Skin to skin contact is vital for humans to feel bonded with others, with benefits starting after just twenty seconds so all the more reason to snuggle up with someone.

Happy Hormones

The seasons have a huge impact on our hormone levels, with testosterone levels peaking – in both men and women – in fall. Studies show that testosterone in men can increase by as much as 31% in late fall and early winter, with sperm counts also rising after taking a dip caused by summer heat. In the US, the highest number of babies are born in August and September, as fertility levels for both men and women are at their peak in November and December. We’d suggest making sure your potential baby-mommy or -daddy have passed the Cuffing Season playoffs before testing out this particular scientific theory, though. Science hasn’t yet shown what it is about the changing seasons that triggers this boost in fertility, but it could be a combination of decreasing daylight, evolutionary survival techniques, and overindulging on the festive eggnogs.

Out with the Old Season In Love

November 9, 2018January 22, 2024 by Terri-Jane Dowin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

How our relationships are affected by the changing seasons

As we turn back the clocks and get ready for winter to really set in, autumn seems like a good time to give our relationships a little bit of a shake too – see what’s working, and what’s maybe getting a little bit stale. It’s easy to get into a cold-weather routine. Nights are longer, it’s cold outside, and it’s really much easier to close the curtains and stay indoors instead of venturing out. But that gets old pretty quickly. It’s a positive practice to let go of old things to make room for new growth, and this goes for relationships too. As the nights draw in, finding balance in your relationships can help lead into winter – creating new habits together and removing any blocks that might be stagnating your partnership.

Pay better attention

Listening to the other person is one of the most important features of a positive relationship. It works not only to make them feel like you care what they’re saying, but also means you both relate to each other more effectively, and that you find yourselves both more actively interested in each other. Paying attention is a quiet way of supporting your partner, and working on this as a skill can only ever be a good thing. Developing your listening skills can be as simple as putting your phone away when you’re talking, and making sure that you aren’t interrupting the other person. It goes both ways too, and you’ll usually find that if you make the effort to be a better listener to someone, they’ll reflect the same back to you. Most of the time, it’s about awareness, so head out to a quiet bar, leave your phone in your pocket, and make sure you’re spending some quality time with your partner.

Darker date nights

In the summer, it’s easy to be spontaneous. The sun is shining, it’s much nicer to spend time outdoors, and it’s easy to set up a last-minute barbeque or trip to the beach. As the daylight hours get shorter, we want to make the most of them, but accepting the darkness is an option too! Check out what’s going on where you live – there’ll be festive fairgrounds opening soon, and wrapping up to head out for mulled wine and fireworks is never a bad idea. When staying indoors is a better idea, check what’s on at local galleries or museums, where you can wander for a couple of hours. If that’s not your thing, lots of restaurants start switching to a winter menu, so you could make a list of places to try out together and find a new favourite spot.

Back to school

For better or worse, years of school mean that even as adults we are programmed to feel like the changing seasons equal new beginnings. This can spell disaster for relationships, especially ones that seem less exciting because you’ve settled in, but it doesn’t have to. Instead of lamenting the loss of learning, invest your time together in teaching yourselves something new. Many colleges offer six-week courses, or you can find all sorts of things on the internet. Enroll on a creative course, learn a language together, or try out something sexier, like a tantric workshop. Couples who participate in activities together find that their relationships are more rounded, and less likely to feel stagnant. Embarking on a new project together will mean you can both support each other as you go along, and you might find a new joint passion.

Build your nest

Of course, there’s always the option of actually embracing the feeling of wanting to stay inside and get cosy – and it’s always much nicer to netflix and chill with someone you love. There are some obvious benefits to staying in bed all winter, but there’s also another bonus: creating a wintery nest for you to hibernate in together! Cohabiting, or even just sharing a bed occasionally, is a good excuse to light some candles and stock up on cosy cushions and fleecey throws. Make a blanket fort for the two of you to hide in, and practice finding a balance together, ready for the winter.

Fall is a great opportunity to spend some time reevaluating your goals, and the best way to build your relationship is to talk through what you and your partner are looking for, together. Don’t be afraid to talk about stripping back old habits, to make room for the next exciting stages!

True LOVE Confessions by Sierra Mercier

November 15, 2018January 22, 2024 by Sierra Mercierin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Time for a confession…

I haven’t always been lucky in love. I mean, let’s be honest, few of us are. Love is a quest that requires training, it requires patience, and usually it involves devastating heartbreak. But it’s how we bounce back, it’s what we do with our circumstances that determines victory or defeat.

#METOO

When I was younger, I didn’t recognize my value, and this caused me to be vulnerable to situations where my value was taken advantage of. I was physically and sexually abused by a peer of the opposite sex, and I was sexually abused and assaulted by someone I trusted, someone in a position of authority, someone I looked up to.

Though the road to healing from these wounds has been long and windy, it’s my outlook, and choice to turn poison into medicine that’s enabled me to really work on loving myself, recognizing my value, and thus attracting the type of love that I truly deserve.

Girls, women, sisters… please hear me! Each and every one of you is a Goddess. Feel into that power, fuel that power with self love, self respect, and then share that love with the world. I promise you that if you do this, you will attract the most loving, healthy, happy relationships.

How I’ve Related to Different Love Actually Characters As I’ve Aged

November 23, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

One of my favorite holiday movies for the past 15 years has had plenty of relatable characters

2003’s Love Actually is an ensemble romantic comedy that has been attempted to be duplicated many times but no other movie has quite lived up to its holiday perfection. Iconic characters like Laura Linney’s lovesick Sarah or shy schoolkid Sam to Mark, whose unrequited love for Juliet was heartbreaking were all memorable. Of course let’s not forget Natalie!

I’ve related to different Love Actually characters as I’ve aged. Here are just some of them.

Sam, age 18

Love Actually came out the Christmas after I turned 18. My newfound college friends from my floor in my dorm all got together and saw the movie at our neighborhood theater. We were delighted to be included in a video clip that the movie PR were filming for previews to get people to see the film.

While all that was fun, and I came out loving the movie, I was obsessed with Sam’s character at the time. The adorable blonde elementary aged child and I had a lot in common—he poured his heart into everything he did, most importantly his romantic interests. I truly felt for him and his love for Joanna.

I remember whispering to my roommate when Joanna was singing “All I Want for Christmas is You” and turns to Sam first. She then continues to point to just about everyone in the auditorium. Sam’s angry and shocked face that Joanna wasn’t serenading him was so me. I told my roommate, “Sam is so me!”

Throughout elementary school and high school I was always a friend for everyone but no one wanted to really be romantically involved. Looking back, I am glad that it all ended up being the way it was. That all being said, I still feel Sam’s pain because that was me growing up! I still wish I had the guts he did to (spoiler alert) kiss Joanna.

Natalie, age 23

Since I bought the Love Actually DVD it has been my tradition to watch it not only the weekend we set the clocks back (as a celebration of the holiday season to come) but multiple other times throughout the season. In my early 20s, I identified so much with Natalie. Sidenote: I’m still looking for a sweater and coat like she wore at the end of the movie!

Anyway, when she was starting out working for the Prime Minister and another female co-worker talked about her behind her back, I remember sighing heavily. That was me at one point when I was working full-time. Having to deal with female co-workers talking behind my back was something that weighed heavily on my self esteem at that age. I’ve since learned to put pettiness behind me.

Not to mention, at 23 I still had a sense of innocence where I still dreamed about what it would be like to be in love with a prime minister.

Mark, age 25

A few years later, I would tear up at the iconic scene where Mark declares his love for Juliet despite her being married to his best friend. While nothing like this has happened to me, I still felt for him. At one point when I was younger, I was in love with my two best friends (at two separate points in my life). While I am much happier with the way things ended up, at 25 I felt deeply affected by Mark and his unrequited love. To this day, I still admire his bravery for going to Juliet’s as a “carol singer” and declaring his love.

Sarah, age 27

As I got older and started dating more, I watched Love Actually and couldn’t help but laughing at the scene where Sarah invites Karl back to her apartment. The complete and utter giddiness of her character as she asks for a minute to freak out in private that a guy was there was so completely me.

Later, as we see them entering her bedroom she kisses and subsequently tosses her teddy bear underneath her bed. I’d be rich if I had a quarter for everyone who’s told me that is me over the years!

I felt like I could be friends with Laura Linney’s character, as I understood the painfully long process of getting to know a man then finally getting him on a date and then to your apartment.

Pageant teacher, age 33

This may be a random one but hear me out—I am a piano teacher and when I watch the movie again a few weeks ago, I identified with the harried teacher at the Christmas pageant in the snowflake sweater. When he introduces the children and says “for this, I am sorry” or something along those lines I couldn’t help but laugh.

You could tell the teacher loved his pupils and understood completely that kids are unpredictable—no matter how hard they may have practiced for the pageant, some of the children might fudge their parts.

I could imagine myself saying that to my own students’ parents at a recital, no matter how hard they practice something there’s always the possibility of something going wrong. However, I will love them unconditionally and am so proud of every one of them—even if Jingle Bells ends up sounding more like Jolly Old St. Nicholas!

Happy holidays, LoveTV readers!

Want to read more on relationships and the changing seasons? Check out this piece on moving on to a new season in love.

6 Things Successful Couples Do to Appreciate a Significant Other

November 28, 2018January 22, 2024 by Terri-Jane Dowin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

How do you show your partner that you appreciate them?

In a long-term relationship, feeling taken for granted sometimes is an easy trap to fall into. Most long-term couples find that occasionally the balance seems to shift, and one person takes on more of the labour, be it due to work commitments or a more gradual move into bad habits which become routine. We set out to find out how couples in long-term relationships stop their partners from feeling underappreciated by asking them “how do you show your partner they matter to you?”

“I do the chores they hate”

Far and away, domestic chores took the medal for being the most common demonstration of partner-appreciation. From taking the bins out, to doing the washing up, to changing the cat litter, household tasks were the biggest response. Not just any household tasks though; specifically the ones their partner most hated doing.

“I cook for them”

An unsurprising runner up – the way to everyone’s hearts, it seems, is through their stomach. Cooking a nice dinner when they’ve had a bad day, making breakfast every Saturday morning, and giving them the best bits of a meal all popped up as answers. It’s not just meals though; people also love buying chocolates for their significant other, or baking loaves of bread at the weekend, or making lunches for them to take to work. In the same vein, there’s also getting a takeout, and having someone else bring the food!

“I take them out on a date”

Ah, date night. This can fall by the wayside in a long-term relationship, especially as the weather cools and it’s nicer to stay indoors. But putting in a little bit of effort can go a long way. Some people said that they planned meals out – a date night with the added advantage of no dishes to clean afterwards. If there’s a film they’ve been wanting to see, you can have a couple of hours distraction-free instead of waiting for it to hit Netflix.

“I take care of them”

Letting the other person sleep in was a popular one, especially with new parents. An extra hour in bed in the morning might be more necessary than it seems, and helping out by getting up and taking care of the kids is a hugely symbolic gesture of appreciation. Imagine this doubled with breakfast in bed too! Care-taking gestures also included running them a bubble bath after a long day, and giving them a foot rub. Looking after someone is a great way of making them feel like they matter, and even more so if the gesture is acknowledging that they’ve had a bad day, or that they’re feeling a bit tired or run-down. Reminding them that they need to take some time for self-care is thoughtful, but going some ways toward carving out that time for them is even better.

“I buy flowers”

Everybody loves flowers, right? The problem is that they’ve come to symbolise apologies for wrongdoing, so flowers are sometimes a fraughtly given gift and have fallen out of favour a little bit. However, ‘Just Because’ flowers always go down well, because who doesn’t love a delivery of fresh blooms? Extra points for knowing their favourite flowers and including them in the bouquet. There were also people buying little gifts for no reason, too. Surprising someone with a gift they aren’t expecting, but that you know they’d love is a nice way of letting someone know that you value them, even if it’s something small.

“I send a text”

In our age of technology, we’re almost always connected, but an unexpected SMS or email is a nice gesture to let someone know that you’re thinking of them in that moment. Having someone pop up on your phone to randomly tell you that you’re on their mind is never a bad thing. It’s nice to be reminded that you’re thought of when you aren’t physically in the same room.

Overwhelmingly, though, it was the thought behind the gesture that meant more than the gesture itself – as much as foot rubs and flowers are lovely to receive, the feeling of being appreciated was far bigger than the action itself, and went much further.

What about you? Do you buy flowers, or are you more of a breakfast in bed person? What little things do you do to show someone you care?

Sweet Holiday Traditions for Two

December 6, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Fun and Romantic Traditions Just for You and Your Honey

My husband and I got married this year, and ever since we came back from our honeymoon, we’ve been talking about how excited we are for our first holiday season as a married couple. We’ll finally get to introduce each other as husband and wife at those big family gatherings, we’ll get to send out our first Christmas card together, and we’ll get to start our very own family holiday traditions.

There was just one problem: a lot of holiday customs we love (driving around the neighborhood to see the houses decorated with lights, going to the mall to see Santa, and writing up a gift wish-list) seemed more appropriate for a family with kids. I wondered if it would be difficult to find fun and festive traditions for just the two of us.

So, I contacted some friends and family to ask for their favorite “couple” traditions. What we found was amazing. We hear everything: from traditions that were romantic to super silly ones. I heard beautiful traditions that could help any couple grow in their marriage and modern family rituals that can be carried on even after having kids.

Here are 10 great holiday traditions you and your partner will love this holiday season—and for many years in the future.

1. A Movie Marathon…Featuring Any Movies You Want

A lot of people make a tradition of watching the same movies every holiday season, usually it’s something festive, like Love, Actually or The Muppet Christmas Carol, but when it’s just the two of you, you don’t always have to stick to the traditional, kid-friendly movies.

My husband has a friend who sits on the couch with his wife every Christmas Eve and watches the entire Lord of the Rings Trilogy… (or at least they watch as much as they can before falling asleep). He says that every year is a little different: sometimes they order pizza and keep their movie night low-key, sometimes they decorate cookies through the evening, and once or twice they’ve invited friends over for the marathon. No matter what, he says they always have fun and it’s the thing he looks forward to the most during the holidays.

I love this tradition because it’s so easy to make it your own. When my husband and I heard this marathon idea, we were completely inspired. We decided to start our own tradition, every year we’ll watch a different iconic movie series: like Star Wars and The Hunger Games. This year we’re starting with The Godfather. We might not end up watching all the movies in one day, but we’re excited to add to our usual holiday movie lineup.

2. Love Letters to Open Christmas Morning

There’s nothing quite like reading a love letter from your honey, especially during the stress of the holidays.

I have a friend who found, early in her relationship, that she and her husband had more arguments during the holiday season. There would be disagreements about whose family to celebrate with, how much time to spend there, and how much money to spend on gifts. By the end of the year there’d be a lot of tension that wouldn’t dissolve until after the new year.

One year, the husband (then boyfriend) wrote my friend a little love note, saying how much he appreciated her all that year, and wrapped it with her christmas present. She was so touched by it that now, years later, they have a holiday tradition around it. Every Christmas they write each other little notes and leave them for the other to find on Christmas morning. Now they have kids so sometimes they read their letters on Christmas Eve after the kids are in bed, or Christmas day when the baby is down for a nap, but the tradition lives on.

While the love letter idea is wonderful in and of itself, I’d love to steal it and build on it. Perhaps collecting the notes form each year and putting them in a box or a book. Then after some time, maybe twenty years in the future, we could look back on all our Christmas love notes to each other and see how our love has grown.

3. List of goals for the new year

One of my friends from work says she and her long-term boyfriend don’t generally celebrate the holidays. However, over the past few years they’ve been making a tradition of writing a list of goals for the new year.

She says that some time at the end of the year, New Years Eve or maybe the day before, she and her boyfriend sit down together and make a list of things they hope to do over the next year. Some goals will be professional (like getting a new job or a promotion) some are personal (like taking a cooking class or going to the gym more) and they try to always include a few that are more relationship-focused. My friend says that the list-making isn’t always super romantic but she thinks that it helps bring the two of them closer together. They start the year reminded of each others’ goals and dreams, and that helps them understand each other better and continue to support each other.

4. Book Exchange

An old friend from college said that a few years back he learned there’s an Icelandic tradition where everyone in the family gets a new book on Christmas Eve and then spends the evening reading.

He loved the idea, and since he and his boyfriend are “book people” they decided to make a tradition of giving each other a new book every year for Christmas. Their tradition is a little different from the traditional Icelandic one, as they open their books on Christmas morning then sit down to read together on Christmas night, but he says he loves having some quiet time to sit together and read.

5. Christmas socks

My cousin’s family used to always get matching pajamas for Christmas. They’d open their plaid or snowflake covered pajamas on Christmas Eve and wear them all morning. Looking back, my cousin said he thought the tradition was a little “too 80’s” to continue, but I guess he still liked the gesture.

After he got married, he started getting his wife and himself matching fuzzy Christmas socks every year. Now they have kids and they’ve continued with the tradition (though he says he now has to go online to find matching socks that come in adult and kid sizes).

This tradition is so much fun… and versatile! If you and your significant other are sock lovers, this could be a perfect tradition for you. But if you’re a couple who likes to wear matching shirts, or if it’s cold where you live and you’d prefer matching mittens, you can apply this adorable tradition to anything you like.

6. Baileys and Hot Coco

A couple I know moved up to the mountains a few years ago, to a town where they expect snow every year. Being from the high deserts of southern California, they’re always amazed by the snow every winter. While it’s not necessarily an official holiday, they like to celebrate the first snow of the season by making plenty of Baileys and hot coco (with lots of whip cream) and simply sitting by the fire.

Being in a place where it never snows, I think this tradition is easily transferable to any time during the holidays: as a Christmas Eve treat, a drink to serve family after dinner, or even a new year’s toast drink.

7. Getting in the Kitchen Together

I have an old friend from college who would never hesitate to admit how bad her cooking was. She used to say that the only thing she could “make for dinner” were reservations.

Which is why I was so surprised to hear that she and her fiancé have a tradition where, on Christmas Eve, they set aside a few hours to try out a new dessert recipe. She says she always finds a recipe online for a unique dessert and the two of them try to make it. She says it’s so much fun to challenge themselves and she loves having alone time with her fiancé as they bake.

Still, she says that her favorite part of this tradition is saving recipes they like, and practicing making them again through the year. She hopes that one day, when they have kids, she can impress them by teaching them how to make fancy peach tarts or profiteroles.

While it’s fun to try a different recipe every year, it could also be fun to pick one signature dish (one that might be too difficult to make all the time) and make it for the holidays. It doesn’t have to be one of the more traditional desserts, like a pie or gingerbread cookies, either. Think outside the box by frying doughnuts or making apple strudel, it’s a great way to give the holidays your own personal touch.

8. Order In

While some may be trying to get better at cooking and baking, one of my husband’s old college friends has had about enough of it. He and his wife always host a big Christmas party a few days before the holiday and cook a feast for their friends. While they love cooking together, by the time the party’s over, they’re too tired to make anything for Christmas Day. A few years back they made a tradition of ordering a ton of Chinese food on Christmas Eve—and it stuck.

He says that every year he loves the holiday party they throw, but his favorite tradition is always sitting back and relaxing with a bowl full of noodles, watching TV and waiting for Christmas morning.

9. Volunteering together

A woman I used to work with said that she and her wife love to volunteer together every year. One year they helped stock shelves at a food bank, another year they helped plant trees, and another year they walked shelter dogs. She says that it’s so satisfying to give back, but she also loves the opportunity to spend time with her wife and do new activities together.

I think this is such a beautiful tradition that will not only bring happiness to others, but could strengthen your bond as a couple.

Of course, couples interested in volunteering don’t have to find a different charity every year, and they don’t have to feel like they have to stick with it through the seasons. Simply taking the time to go help at a local food bank, or pass out flowers at a retirement home at the end of the year, can make all the difference.

10. Decorate Your Tree With a New Ornament Each Year

One of my husband’s cousins says that one year she heard about a tradition of getting an ornament from wherever the couple vacationed that year. While she like that idea, she decided to do one better, and make their own ornaments that represent their favorite memories from that year. One Christmas they got a round piece of wood, drilled a hole in the top to put a string through, and wrote down their favorite memories from the year on the front and back of the ornament. The year they got married, they used two small glass panes to preserve a single flower from her bouquet.

She says they have so much fun getting creative and making ornaments every year, but what she loves about this tradition most is knowing that one day the tree will be full of dozens of amazing memories from years past.

There are so many ways to celebrate the holidays, and these traditions are only the beginning. You can change and update these traditions, or even combine some to make something completely new. The best part about creating your own holiday traditions as a couple, is your traditions can be uniquely… you!

The Best Books to Warm Up With This Holiday

December 11, 2018January 22, 2024 by Ola Faletiin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

If you think you need another body to stay warm, think again.

You never need an excuse to read, but if you do, winter is a whole season’s worth. The frigid temps and abundant snow, for some of us, stir up the need to get into a cozy nook with a good companion. Sometimes that companion is pages bound with a spine and covers. Need a book buddy this holiday? Here are some books that will awaken your senses and keep you warm, all on their own.

1. Like Water For Chocolate

is a rich marriage of food and love. Though adapted to a wildly successful film in 1992, the book holds its own merit. Tita is the youngest of three daughters, under a domineering mother in turn-of-the-century Mexico. When the love of Tita’s life marries her sister, Tita throws her passions into recipes for soups, cakes, and other foods that leave guests reeling with emotion. Tita’s touch in the kitchen is magical. Whether you’ve lost your first love, or still waiting for your first love, Laura Esquivel’s Like Water For Chocolate will certainly leave you steamy…and hungry! Curl up with a good, sharp cheese and a robust glass of red.

2. How Stella Got Her Groove Back

was also made into a box office success in the 1990s. The star of Terry McMillan’s novel is Stella, a successful, forty-something single mother in Marin County. Her big house feels empty while her son spends the summer with his father. On a whim, Stella books a trip to Montego Bay, promptly becoming enamored with a young local at working at her resort. Who happens to be half Stella’s age. How Stella Got Her Groove Back explores cougardom before it had a word. If images of tropical beaches and bright sun won’t warm you up, you can count on some heated love scenes (tastefully done, might I add.). Grab yourself some pineapple chunks for this one. Or hey, go for the whole pina colada.

3. Peel My Love Like An Onion

has summer written all through it, a welcome reprieve from winter. A disabled flamenco dancer reflects on her long-time love, an established, womanizing legend of the dance world. Carmen also welcomes a new love – her long-time lover’s nephew. Author Ana Castillo paints this love with the expected passion, along with compassion for her protagonist. You’ll be rooting for Carmen too, even as she does questionable things in the name for of love. Who among us hasn’t? Peel My Love Like An Onion is best enjoyed with some spicy hot chocolate. Maybe add a shot or two of Schnapps, if you really want to sink into it.

4. The Poet X

is an explosive read for anyone who remembers the intense yearning of adolescence. High schooler Xiomara butts heads with her religious mother, who seems to blame Xiomara for her fully-developed figure and the attention it draws. Xiomara builds a tough shield to defend herself against her mother, catcallers, and a world that’s often hostile for young girls. She finds solace in her school’s poetry club, penning her own verses. Xiomara also finds comfort in Aman, her love interest. She struggles to keep Aman and poetry club from her mother, but most things don’t stay secret for long. Written by Elizabeth Acevedo, a prominent slam poet, The Poet X is written in masterful verse. The Poet X would go well with your favorite forbidden fruit as a teen. Whether it’s beer or a Red Bull.

5. The Girls Guide to Hunting & Fishing

is a quintessential coming-of-age meets romance. Jane Rosenal spends her life feeling average. We see Jane as a daughter of a renowned surgeon, the little sister of a charming young brother, and later, a lowly editor at a big publishing house. Inferiority complexes follow Jane often, especially in her relationships. Readers follow Jane through her teens, twenties, and early thirties. This book was something of a revelation in the late 90s and early 2000s. While some parts are a tad dated, it still reads fresh today. I can relate to Jane’s search for self-fulfillment, both in her self and in the company of others. Enjoy The Girl’s Guide To Hunting and Fishing with something nostalgic and comforting. Or if you’re feeling like a girl’s night in, something light and bubbly.

Preparing for my First Christmas as a “Mrs.”

December 18, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

How the holidays have changed after getting married.

Just five months ago, my long-term boyfriend and I finally got married. After a big wedding and an extended honeymoon, we’ve been looking forward to a relaxing holiday season.

We spent nine Christmases together as boyfriend and girlfriend, so we thought we knew what to expect of the celebrations. But as Christmas approaches (and with holiday parties getting underway) we’re starting to realize that this year, the season will be a lot different than before we were married.

From starting new festive family traditions, to tackling holiday time-management challenges, there are a lot of changes newly married couples should expect over the season. Here are some of the biggest changes to look out for.

1. Spending time with not two, but three, families

Lots of couples know the difficulties of splitting time between two families over the holidays. You and your honey are either stuck doing your own rendition of The Parent Trap by each spending all your time with your own family (but then missing each other all though the holidays) or you stick together but struggle to drive from your parent’s house to your partner’s, trying to save room in your stomach as you jump from feast to feast.

My husband and I faced this conundrum for years when we were dating, but now that we’re married it’s even more complicated. Not only do we feel pressured to see both sides of our family, but now there’s a third family we want to spend time with: our own.

Now, the two of us are our own family—so we want to spend time together on the holidays and maybe even start our own holiday traditions. This might include making breakfast at home on Christmas morning or watching holiday movies on Christmas Eve, but either way, more time at home will mean less time at our families’ and less time to travel from house to house. And while this might make for a challenge, taking the time to enjoy just being together is important, and will surely make for an extra special Christmas.

2. Expect questions about marriage (and babies) at family gatherings

Remember how you didn’t quite get enough time to talk to your great aunt Sylvia or your crazy cousin Bob at your wedding reception? Well, this holiday get-together is the moment they’ve been waiting for to ask you all kinds of questions about married life…and this time you don’t have a bouquet toss to escape to.

Not only will EVERYONE ask you when you’re going to start having babies (or, if you already have one, when you’ll have another) but they’ll also want to know about your marriage. Don’t be too surprised if questions get personal or if it seems like someone’s digging for gossip and first-year-of-married-life drama.

Most of my holiday party conversations go like this:

My family: “How’s married life?”

Me: “It’s amazing!”

My family: (slyly) “Good answer.”

Me: “But saying anything else would be a lie.”

My family: (slyly) “Another good answer.”

Me: “Okay…”

My family: “So, are you pregnant yet?”

People are just curious and want to hear updates on your lives together. Don’t let this bother you. Grab a glass of wine, enjoy time with your spouse, and enjoy telling stories from your first months as a married couple.

3. You’ll give less lavish presents

Before my husband and I got married, we saw gift-giving holidays as a great (albeit expensive) opportunity to impress each other. We’d both try to find the most fabulous gifts for each other and wrap them up in fancy paper.

But now that we’re married, it would be irresponsible to spend much money on things we probably don’t need. We share bills and expenses, and while we still want to find wonderful gifts for each other, cost does matter.

Gone are the days of buying fancy jewelry and tech gear. Instead, we’re getting creative: giving each other $15 or $20 price limits for presents or getting creative and crafting gifts. While it might not be as lavish as opening a pile of fancy presents, tt’s cost-effective and personal, which to me means it’s pretty perfect for a couple of newlyweds.

4. You can send out your own holiday cards

I used to think holiday cards were old-fashioned and unnecessary. I’m sure that in a time before Facebook it would be have been exciting to get a Christmas card from my cousin or old work friend. I could’ve learned what they did that year and gotten a family picture so that I could say “wow their kids have gotten tall.” But this isn’t the 80’s and if I want to see a picture of my extended family next to a Christmas tree, I’ll just open Instagram.

Then one day, my wedding pictures came in. I scrolled through them all on my computer and stopped on one particularly cute one of my husband and I looking at each other. “This would make a perfect Christmas card,” I thought. Before I knew it, I was ordering and addressing fifty cards. Maybe I didn’t think of myself as a big Christmas card sender before, but I love it when friends and family say “hey, I got your card! It’s so cute!”

Remember that a first family Christmas card is a fun way to use those wedding pictures, plus, it’s also a cute way to kick off your first holiday season as your own family.

5. Creating new traditions and ignoring others

Perhaps the most important part of celebrating the holidays after you’re married is creating your own traditions. It’s a time to embrace customs you love and ignore the ones you don’t like so much.

The tradition of decorating gingerbread cookies? Heck yes. The tradition of eating fruit cake? No thank you.

While before, you may have gone along with your family (or your partner’s family) traditions, now that you’re officially making a life together, you and your spouse can start thinking outside the box.

If you’re having trouble making up your own traditions, practice saying, “for christmas, my family does…” and then end the sentence with whatever you want. Do you want to rent bouncy castles every year? Do you want to watch Steve Martin movies and turn all the furniture upside down to make forts on Christmas Day? It’s your family and your chance to make the holidays your own.

After you’re married, the holidays can certainly be different, but they can also be amazing. You’ll have a partner to celebrate with and lots of memories to make. Look out for these changes, but most importantly, appreciate this happy time together.

The History of the New Year’s Kiss

December 30, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Why do we feel the need to smooch someone on the last night of the year?

When I began to think about New Year’s Eve, I wondered about why it’s customary to kiss a special someone while Auld Lang Syne plays in the background.

Here is a brief history of the New Year’s Kiss, with some personal anecdotes thrown in.

The Beginning of the New Year’s Kiss

New Year’s kiss traditions began in ancient Rome. They would throw a party on New Year’s Eve for the Festival of Saturnalia. Kissing and lots of reckless behavior would ensue. Sound familiar to New Years past?

Speaking of Saturnalia, the festival is partly to blame for the kissing under the mistletoe tradition. People would kiss under the plant in ancient Greece as it was associated with fertility and in Rome, it represented peace.

Later, English and Germans would kiss the first person they met at midnight on New Year’s Eve. The story behind this is that the first person you came across in the new year sets the tone for that year. This thought scares my anxious mind! If you knew your New Year’s kiss back then, superstition was that your smooch would sustain your new romance and made you closer to your loved one.

Europeans have also held masquerade balls on New Year’s Eve. Back then, masks were symbols of evil spirits from the previous year and when they were removed and the person was kissed, it was a cleansing act.

If you’re single and often feel left out on December 31st, you could always head to Scotland. Their celebration, called Hogmanay, involves kissing everyone in the room. The effort is to have people meet each other and perhaps might make single people feel more involved.

My Thoughts on the Tradition

I must confess, I’ve never been that big of a fan of New Year’s Eve. I think there’s always such anticipation for something huge and it almost always ends in disappointment. I’ve found so much more love and coziness at home. In fact, I’ve spent every New Year’s Eve at home with my family.

The last few years, my boyfriend has joined us and there’s nothing more romantic to me than curling up by the fire with him and our bulldog Moe as we watch the ball drop in Times Square. We do have a quick New Year’s Eve peck (hey my parents are usually there too!). That laid-back type of New Year’s has become my favorite way to spend the evening. I feel very loved on those New Year’s Eves surrounded by family.

However, that being said, my dream is for one year (just one!) to attend a New Year’s party much like the two Harry and Sally attended in my favorite movie When Harry Met Sally.

Movies and New Year’s Eve Kisses

Speaking of When Harry Met Sally, the New Year’s Eve scene will always hold a special place in my heart. It was the scene an ex-boyfriend used back in college to tell me how he felt about me. It always made me keep some magic alive about New Year’s Eve—and to understand the romance of it all.

Then there’s Bridget Jones’s Diary. I have always had a soft spot for the big end scene with one of the most romantic New Year’s Eve kisses ever. When Bridget Jones runs out half naked to Mark Darcy to finally share a passionate kiss, it’s everything. I’d like to think any New Year’s cynics are changed when they watch this scene.

Movies and New Year’s Eve Kisses

New Year’s Eve 2018

If there’s one thing I learned about New Year’s Eve is that you don’t have to be with someone to feel love. I have spent approximately six December 31sts in a relationship and the other 27 single. When I was old enough to date and single, I loved spending the last night of each year with people I love. Kissing someone like your parent on the cheek can be just as meaningful as kissing a significant other. Sometimes a little reminder about how much you are loved, no matter who the person is all you need. Happy New Year, LoveTV!

Want to read more on relationships? Check out this piece about not letting your insecurities get the best of you.

2019: The Year You Manifest Your Love Life Into Existence

January 2, 2019January 22, 2024 by Ola Faletiin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Don’t leave everything up to fate.

How was your love life in 2018? Mine was, for the most part, quiet. Really quiet. Save for an unexpected vacation fling, I had a lot of solo time. I don’t lament over this – there were a lot of moving parts in my life: management changes at my day job, living alone for the first time, navigating mental health challenges….much of it felt like work I needed to do on my own. With the new year here, I think about the one thing I never plan for – my love life.

The start of the year is a natural time to consider wins and losses from the previous year. So I think about the things that went well for me in 2018:

I got out of my comfort zone. Casual sex interests me a lot less than it used to, so I don’t seek out hookups anymore. When I went to visit an east coast friend over the summer, I met someone. We hit it off really well, exchanged numbers, and saw each other one last time before I went home. I had a spectacular night and morning.. I causally follow my fling on Instagram, but it’s not that serious. And that’s okay. Because now, I’m thinking about all the things that would happen if I made more of an effort to do stuff I typically wouldn’t. I would certainly meet more people, or at least have some good stories.

I’ve been on a self-imposed app hiatus. I still prefer to encounter people IRL, but that doesn’t happen too often. So what’s the harm in getting back on Tinder (gulp) and scheduling a date? I’m not going on there to hook up, which may present some added challenges, but better than my go-to Friday night standard (i.e., wine and celebrity gossip channels. Yes, I’m that boring).

I wouldn’t say that my romantic life was a failure in 2018, simply because I didn’t set any goals.

Life overwhelmed me. If not for my summer fling, 2018 would have been a totally dateless and celibate year – not always a bad thing, mind you. But I know that’s not what I want for 2019. I know I want meet new guys – on dinner dates, dive bar hangouts, movie outings, and other low-key commitments. I don’t believe in setting deadlines on when to find the love of my life. But I do believe in timing. I do believe that things happen when they are meant to happen. I also believe that life only gives you as much as you put in, and I put very little towards my love life in 2018.

So, if you’re like me, thinking about ways to shake up your love life in 2019, I have some ideas:

Figure out your long-term dating goals.

Just because you’ve been single for a while doesn’t mean you don’t want to get married someday. It doesn’t mean you don’t want to build a family with someone. As a woman who’s used to being single, I get stuck in the mindset of “I may be single forever. And that is ok.”

Is it really okay for me? Living alone is great right now, but I don’t want to live alone forever. Buried in layers of practicality lies a soft romantic inside of me. Get real with your inner romantic and get real with your hopes and dreams. Sometimes just writing out the love you want for yourself will make it feel more real.

After that, you can set clear goals for yourself next. They don’t have to be time-sensitive, like “find a boyfriend by June.” Good luck with that. But they can be smaller, more attainable things. Like go on a date a month. Or sign up for a foreign language class. Or fit more sessions at the yoga studio into your calendar. These are all measurable things, and things that will get you to meet more people.

All goals don’t have to involve meeting people. Look inwards too. If you have some personal baggage that’s been holding you back, work on that. Find a therapist online or in-person. Reflect on past relationships and the mistakes you won’t make again. Therapy has forced me to be honest about the love that I want for myself, but don’t feel like I deserve (ouch). Working on personal hang ups will only make you a better person – and romantic partner — in the long run.

The universe listens to us when we’re proactive about what we want. Love is all around us. We just have to prioritize it. One of my favorite self-love affirmations is “I Choose Love.” Remember that in 2019. Choose love more often.

How to Make Friends As an Adult

January 17, 2019January 22, 2024 by Meg Scanlonin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Making friends as an adult can be a challenge, but you can do it. Here’s how.

When you are in high school, college or grad school you are surrounded by people in a similar life stage. But once you are out in the working world or living in a new city, making friends can be more challenging. But don’t fret, it can be done. Here are some great ways to meet new friends.

Work Friends

Work can be a great place to meet new friends. You are spending a lot of time together and already have the common interest of being in the same field. Try spending your lunch break with your coworkers and see who you click with. Go to work happy hours and holiday parties, even if you may be tempted to skip them. Once you find someone you think you have friendship potential with, ask them to meet up outside of work or invite them to a get together you are hosting. If your co-workers are not very social or don’t share your same interests, then no worries, you can meet people in many other ways.

I am very fortunate that I get to meet a lot of new people through work and work related events and it’s been a wonderful way to bring new friends with shared interests and goals into my life.

At A Class

Taking classes can be a natural place to make friends. It could be an academic class to further your career. It could also be exploring a passion that you have like learning a new language, writing or cooking. The other people in the class may be in the same boat as you and are looking to make new friends and widen their social circle You have this shared interest and the willingness to try new things. Suggest getting food or drinks after class to get to know each other better.

I took improv classes and met some funny, awesome friends this way. After my improv classes and shows, we would go out as a group and get food and drinks. We would go see comedy shows together and kept rehearsing together as a group after the class ended. We also started performing some of our own improv shows and had an amazing time together.

Join A Group

You may want to continue hanging out with the fun people from your class after it ends. So forming a group, such as a Spanish practice group or a writer’s group can be a great way to keep the companionship going. You could decide to meet weekly at the same time and place or rotate who hosts the event. Maybe meeting up monthly is more your speed. But it provides a social support that can be really fun and can also help you continue to explore your interests.

I took a children’s book writing class and we decided to keep in touch and form a writer’s group to critique each other’s work. It motivated me to have new work each time we met and to also hang out with the group.

Sports

Many of us played sports when we were younger and may miss the team aspect as adults. It a great way to exercise and a team sport can open your social circle. Many cities offer social sports or more competitive leagues for soccer, flag football, basketball, volleyball or even kickball. Or maybe join a running group to find others to train with for a race or marathon. It can also offer you someone to support and motivate you to achieve your health and exercise goals.

I did flag football with my sister, brother-in-law and some of our friends. We got to meet some fun new people both on our team and the opposing team. It was a fun way to spend a Saturday morning, get some exercise, fresh air and catch up with friends old and new.

Friends of Friends

If you are relocating to a new city or maybe just feel like you need to expand your social group, mention it to your existing friends. They may have a childhood friend or a college friend who they think you would really hit it off with. Often times they are right because they know both of their friends so well. Even though it may feel a little awkward and like a blind date, do it anyway. If you two hit it off, then you are on your way. Family members may also be able to get you in touch with their friends.

My mom introduced me to my great friend and fellow Love TV writer Kate Oczypok. My mom met Kate and told me she thought Kate and I had a lot in common and would get along well. My mom told me that Kate is also a writer, loves music and also has a dog. Kate and I went on a blind friend date to get coffee and immediately hit it off. We have since had playdates with our dogs, Moe and Jack as well. Since we are both writers, we often share job opportunities that we find with each other. We also found out we share the same birthday!

Go To Parties and Get Togethers

If a friend invites you to their holiday party or birthday party, say yes. You can meet their other friends and colleagues and may find similarities with them too. Even if it can be tempting to stay home and veg, getting out and socializing is important. It may be a little overwhelming the first few minutes or so, but once you’ve been introduced to a few people you should feel more at ease. An easy ice breaker can be asking them how they know each other. This may provide a whole new friend group and support system for you. Two of my close friends regularly have get togethers at their home. I have been able to meet their other close friends and not surprisingly get along well with them.

The Awkwardness

Asking a new friend for their contact information or to meet up can feel a little scary. It can feel similar to asking someone out on a date or going on a blind date. But much like dating, you have to put yourself out there and get out of your comfort zone. Acknowledge that you are afraid of rejection and that’s natural. Then pat yourself on the back for doing it anyway. After you meet up once, the hard part is over and then you can plan your next activity together. All of these ways to make new friends can also be great ways to meet a romantic partner. Bringing new people into your life will bring in positive energy and fun opportunities.

12 Telling Signs That You Should Let Your Relationship Go

January 22, 2019January 22, 2024 by Becca Martinin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Sometimes letting go is easier than hanging on to someone that no longer serves you.

I’m a relationship person through and through. I will always root for relationships because I know I am much happier when I am sharing my life with someone, but that doesn’t always mean the person you’re with is the right person for you or that it works.

Letting go of a relationship and a life with someone is an extremely challenging thing to do but staying in that relationship when you’re more often than not having thoughts of doubt about it can be equally as challenging. The decision and thought process of knowing when it’s time to let go of your relationship is different for everyone, but here are some signs it might be time to let go.

You keep trying to go back to the way things were. You more often than not find yourself looking back at the beginning of the relationship instead of looking forward to the future together. You find yourself talking about the way things used to be and you fear you can never get back to that. You avoid questions about engagements, weddings and kids like they’re the plague.
One of you is always trying to change the other. I’ve struggled with this with nearly every partner I’ve had, I go for people who I think I can fix or change, and I can’t. One partner even called me out for it and said, “why can’t you just accept me for who I am? Maybe I have something to offer you.” He was right. Trying to change someone or project your point of views onto them isn’t fair. Having the urge to constantly change someone will leave you with disappointment and them with resentment toward you. You have to accept your partner for who they are and if you can’t you have to let them go. You can’t change people, it’s as simple as that.
The fighting has become constant. You feel like you’re arguing more than you’re talking. You’re always super cautious and filter your thoughts and feelings because you don’t want to set them off. You’re essentially walking on eggshells around your partner, and that’s not healthy. Filtering your thoughts and emotions to keep them from exploding it not ok.
You feel your needs aren’t being met. You no longer feel fulfilled in your relationship and you’ve tried explaining to your partner what you need but it doesn’t seem to affect anything, at least not for more than a few days or weeks at a time. Then things go back to the way they were and you’re finding yourself bringing it up again. Some people aren’t capable of loving you the way you need and it’s not their fault. We all have different needs and love languages, and sometimes you fall in love with someone who can’t meet those needs. It sucks but you have to accept that they can’t give you what you need, and that has to be ok.
You don’t listen to each other. I’ve dated a couple of people where all we do is circle the drain. We have the same conversations which lead to the same fights and the same feelings of disappointment because we can’t get on the same page. We each have different expectations and wants of the relationship, and we simply can’t communicate effectively enough to come to an understanding. It’s like, you hear what each other is saying but you’re not actively listening or at least understanding the information your partner is explaining. You feel like you’re constantly repeating yourself and explaining the same things to them but it just doesn’t get through. This builds more frustration in the relationship which often leads to more fighting or built up resentment.
You make excuses for their behavior. This is always a red flag. I dated a guy once who I realized had a drinking problem. Every time we did anything we drank, even at the dog park he would bring beer, and I’d make excuses for him in front of my friends. I dated another guy who would get angry and make a scene, I’d find myself always making excuses for his behavior, too. If you’re finding yourself constantly trying to make your partner out to be better than they are to your friends and family then it’s a good idea to sit down and reflect on why you’re doing this. If everyone in your life has cautioned you about the relationship then you should reflect on what’s really going on and consider if they’re seeing something you’re pretending isn’t there.
You feel embarrassed by them. You feel like you can’t bring them to work events or family dinners because you’re excessively worried about what they might do. Whether that be to say something wildly inappropriate or get too drunk, you feel like you have to babysit them instead of just knowing things will be ok and that’s not a good feeling to have.
You keep them around because you feel like having someone is better than having no one. I dated someone years ago and the relationship should have ended a few months in. Even though I knew it should have ended I kept it going for another year and a half because the thought of going through the breakup process and being alone again terrified me. Was I happy? No, absolutely not. But I kept him around for the rare good moments and because I thought having someone was better than having no one, which is a terrible reason to stay with someone.
You feel there’s something more for you out there. You keep thinking there’s someone better for you than the person you’re currently with whether it’s because they don’t challenge you or fulfill you the way you need. You’re scared this is all it’s ever going to be with them, and you’re probably right. People get comfortable and the romance can die out, if you’re not feeling hopeful that you can spark it again or you’re constantly wondering if there’s something better for you, that’s a chance you might have to take.
The trust is gone. One of you did something to affect the trust in your relationship and it doesn’t feel like you can do anything to mend it back together. The other person keeps bringing it up and holding it over the other’s head. If you feel there’s no coming back from the broken trust then all you can do is leave, instead of constantly begging and trying to prove yourself time and time again.
You’re not being respected. The foundation of a relationship should be mutual respect because without respect you have nothing. If you’re feeling like your partner doesn’t respect you, or they belittle you, or don’t think you work as hard as them, or don’t appreciate when you do things for them than chances are they don’t respect you and they’re never going to start.
You’re not able to depend on them. You should be able to rely and depend on your partner when they say something to you. If they promise you they’ll be somewhere or do something at a certain time and they never follow through you can’t depend on them. You can have conversation after conversation about how it hurts your feelings but if they don’t respect you then they won’t make it a priority to be there when you need them. It’s as simple as their actions don’t match their words, and as much as they apologize they keep leaving you with the same lousy feeling over and over.

If you see your relationship in a lot of these bullets then it’s probably time to really consider letting go. Ending a relationship with someone you love, despite these points, will still be painful and heartbreaking, but if your gut is telling you it’s the right thing to do, it’s time to listen.

Next article: 11 Relationship Problems That Might Be Sabotaging Your Love Life

Original Date Ideas for a Valentine’s Day to Remember

February 1, 2019January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

7 date ideas to make this Valentine’s Day different

Valentine’s Day: that special time each year for couples to celebrate love and romance. It’s a beautiful day for sweethearts all across the country to show their appreciation for each other.

But there’s just one problem with the holiday: every year, we celebrate in the same way.

There’s always a nice dinner, maybe some flowers, a card with a bunch of pink hearts on it, and (hopefully) a big box of chocolates.

And don’t get me wrong, all of these things are great. Everyone loves going out for dinner. My whole week can be made with a bouquet of flowers and a few caramel-filled chocolates. And getting a card saying how special I am? Especially when it’s pink and covered in glitter? It’s the best.

But at a certain point, the holiday starts to feel a little forced, a little unoriginal, a bit… stressful. If you’ve been with your sweetie for a while, you might start to feel like you’re competing with yourself every February 14th. You try your best to top the year before but feel like you’ve run out of ideas.

If you’re new to a relationship, it’s often the same feeling, except instead of competing with yourself, you’re up against every Valentine’s day your partner has had before, and that can be just as stressful.

The problem is, we’re told what Valentine’s should be like and do our best to stick to what’s expected. For a holiday that is supposed to celebrate your relationship, a mass-produced expectation can seem pretty impersonal.

This year will be my 11th Valentine’s Day with my husband (and our first one as a married couple). I feel so lucky to have such an amazing Valentine’s date and I want our day to be special. That’s why we decided that from now on, we’re going to do things a little differently.

We sat down and made a list of extra special dates we’ve done (and loved), plus dates we’ve always wanted to do. We’ll use our list to plan for this coming Valentine’s and for many more in the future.

Below are seven of our favorite date ideas for Valentine’s (that aren’t the typical dinner date). Hopefully some of these ideas will help you and your honey break away from the expected like we did, and plan a Valentine’s to remember!

1. Take a walking ghost tour

There’s nothing more fun than acting as a tourist and learning about the little-know history of your own home town. That is—except for acting as a tourist and learning the little-known history about ghosts in your own home town.

A good ghost tour will guide you (and a small group) on a walking tour around local parks and neighborhoods. The tour guide will point out some old houses and historical sights, and of course, tell you about the local criminal history (and rumored paranormal activity) that occurred there.

I know you might be thinking that scary things should be a “no-no” on Valentine’s Day, but think of this date as a two-for-one. You and your honey will enjoy the romance of a evening stroll while also getting the benefits of an it’s-a-scary-movie-hold-me-close date as you listen to the spooky tales.

My husband and I did this once in the city we live in, once on vacation, and we can’t wait to do another one. We’re absolutely determined to find all the ghost tours in our county.

2. Second first date

While past Valentine’s Days may blend together, your first date probably stands out. Whether it was a super romantic evening, or if something embarrassing happened, you and your honey probably look back on it fondly.

This Valentine’s, try recreating your first date. You could go out to the same restaurant (or same type of restaurant) you went to that first time, and try to order the same thing. Whether it was a fancy sit down place or a Taco Bell doesn’t matter, in fact, you might find that the sillier the place, the better.

If your first date was seeing a movie, you could rent the film you saw together in theatres. If your first date was ice skating, you could slip those skates back on. You could even go through your closet to find the same outfit you wore that special night (bonus points if your first date was at a costume party).

Get creative. Re-create your memories in the truest (or funniest) way possible.

Then, sometime during the evening, talk about your first date and how far you’ve come since then. Even if you’ve only been dating for a few months, this is a great time to think back on your favorite milestones and best moments together.

As a momento, you might even write out a list of your favorite dates or memories together and save the list to look at next Valentine’s Day.

3. Laugh together at a comedy show

So many couples think that Valentine’s should be about serious romance: fancy clothes, expensive dinners, tall candles… but Valentine’s can be the perfect opportunity to simply share a laugh.

My husband and I love going to stand-up shows because they’re different every night and they always leave us laughing all the way home. We keep an eye out for when our favorite comedians come to town and we always have fun looking forward to our night out.

Look up the events calendar for your local comedy club and see what’s scheduled. Sometimes clubs even have special Valentine’s events or deals.

Just remember that if you haven’t seen a comedian before, give them a good YouTube check to make sure they match your, and your date’s, sense of humor.

4. Go glamping

While my husband loves camping, I love hot showers, so we don’t spend a lot of time in the great outdoors. However, a glamping trip can be the perfect Valentine’s date.

Look online to find some great local glamping sites or, if you have a backyard, make your own. You could rent a tent and fill it with blankets, pillows, a bottle of wine, and maybe even a cheese plate.

You can spend the evening snuggling and looking at the stars.

5. Take a fitness class

You might be thinking that exercise sounds more like a chore than a date, but I’ve learned that taking a fitness class can be a whole lot of fun, especially when you’re with your partner.

My husband and I love taking workout classes because it’s something healthy we can do together—and we always have a ton of fun doing it. This is no different on Valentine’s.

This Valentine’s, consider signing up for a fitness class you’ve never done before. You might consider goat yoga (or whatever crazy yoga variation you can find), paddleboarding, a ballroom dance class, trapeze class, or kickboxing.

All those endorphins (not to mention the boost of pheromones) are sure to make your Valentine’s extra fun.

6. Volunteer

Not many people think to volunteer on Valentine’s day, but it can be a great date for any couple. You can pick a cause that means a lot to both of you (maybe you both love animals or are really passionate about helping the elderly) and pick a charity together.

You could help walk dogs at the local animal shelter, help to plant trees, clean up trash at the beach, read to the sick or elderly, and so much more.

You’ll get to work together to do something meaningful, and not only will it make you feel good to help your community, but it will probably make you and your partner feel closer.

7. Plan a group excursion

When we think of Valentine’s, we always think of a romantic evening alone… the keyword being “alone.”

But there’s no rule saying it has to be just the two of you. In fact, you might have even more fun if you plan a double (or group) date.

You could put together a group bonfire night (complete with s’mores) or a bowling competition. You could invite your couple friends to go on a Valentine’s morning hike or head to the local zoo.

Think of it this way: your friends and family are a part of you too, and in some ways, a part of who you are as a couple. Celebrate together for an extra special holiday and a Valentine’s Day to remember.

No matter how you choose to celebrate, whether you borrow a few of these ideas, or have a few other ones up your sleeve, remember that the most important important thing is to show your partner how much you care, to celebrate your love, and (of course) have a ton of fun.

Decide What You Want

February 7, 2019January 22, 2024 by Sierra Mercierin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

This lesson can be applied to more than just your love life, but since this is True Love Lessons, decide; what kind of relationship do you want?

This was a key component in attracting the type of relationship I wanted.

A few years ago I decided that I was ready for a long term, committed relationship. I was tired of dating around, and annoyed with the wishy-washy types, so I proclaimed to the Universe exactly what I wanted.. I also decided that I would be upfront and honest about what I wanted with any prospective partners. (see episode 4) Within a year’s time, that long-term committed relationship manifested!

If you’re thinking, “But what if I don’t feel ready for a relationship, I just know I want more love in my life?” Whatever it is you want, be clear, be specific, and be honest.

When you paint the picture of your desired relationship, it opens the doors for you to meet the right mate.

An Ode to To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before

February 18, 2019January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Netflix has been coming out with some seriously fun romantic comedies.

Growing up, my first VHS movie I bought (at Sam’s Club!) when I was 10 years old was Clueless. I fell in love with the romantic comedy and soon found myself speaking the fun slang and writing with a fluffy-topped pen. When To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before came out, I was immediately intrigued. When I watched it, I was instantly taken back to my pre-teen love of movies like Clueless. I decided I have to write about all my boys I’ve loved before.

Here is an ode to all the boys I’ve loved before and what I’ve learned from them.

Junior high – Bravery

In 7th and 8th grade, I was so into this sandy blonde haired boy I thought was so cute. Everyone in my small class of less than 30 knew I was into him, so there was of course a lot of the typical junior high teasing. At a pool party in between 7th and 8th grade, a spirited game of Truth or Dare almost landed me my first kiss with him in a giant inflatable space capsule (I kid you not). Unfortunately, he bailed on the dare and I was left devastated.

It wasn’t until the fall of 8th grade during a school dance in our cafeteria that I worked up the nerve to ask him to dance myself. He said no and I quickly learned the terrible feeling of unrequited love. However, I did learn to be brave enough to ask someone I had deep feelings for to dance. I’m grateful for him to teaching me bravery at such a young age.

Early 20s – Men and Women Can Really Be Friends

One boy in my life was my friend for a long time, then we briefly dated (and I mean briefly—about six weeks at the most). He broke up with me the spring of our senior year of college. I was devastated at the time as I was only 21 and really hadn’t had much experience yet.

Now, I am fully aware of how wrong he was for me romantically. Fast forward a dozen years later and we are still friends. He has a wonderful wife that I am now close with and my boyfriend and he are good friends too. The fact that we are still great friends 12 years later shows me that my favorite movie When Harry Met Sally might actually be wrong—men and women actually can be friends.

to all the boys I've loved before — youtube

Early 20s – Supportiveness

I was very much into a guy in my early 20s and we went on lots of (what I thought were) dates at the time. We visited a haunted forest, went to the movies together and went out to dinner. All the while, he never really kissed me. We got close, sure but nothing all that intimate. I was still fairly new at dating and I wasn’t sure exactly what to expect.

Fast forward a few months later to the boy coming out to me. I was shocked but instantly thrown into a supportive friend role. I was there for him during his first same-sex relationship, his mother not exactly understanding at the time and most importantly, having to set aside my feelings to be a supportive and encouraging friend. My now friendship with this man has taught me to be a supportive, loving person and sometimes it’s important to set aside your own feelings for the sake of another.

Mid-20s – Turning success out of failure

I feel like there’s an old saying out there, with failure comes success or something like that. Anyway, in my mid-20s, I fell head over heels for this guy I met at a mutual friend’s birthday party. He was tall, dark and handsome and so fun to talk to. We dated from a spring to a fall of a year and had plenty of romantic moments.

One moment was one of the most romantic I’ve ever had. I was visiting him in Chicago while he was there for school for a summer and we kissed on top of the Ferris Wheel at the Navy Pier. Later, we watched fireworks from the pier in his bed from the giant loft.

Later that fall, things fell apart and he broke up with me—over about six pizzas. I turned that awkward breakup and failed relationship into something successful. I ended up writing a piece for The Washingtonian about the breakup pizzas that got published in their 100 Greatest Restaurants issue. Learning that failure doesn’t always mean the end of the road, that success perhaps could happen in another part of my life, was something I learned from this relationship.

To the boy I love now – Real, deep love

It wasn’t until about six and a half years ago that I started dating the man I’m with now. I have a deep, confident feeling he will be my forever love. We’ve gone through a lot together these past six years. We adopted a special needs English bulldog together, have gone through deaths of grandparents, attended about five weddings together and have spent many holidays with each other.

I love him even when he annoys the you know what out of me. While the other boys I’ve loved before have all taught me something about myself or life in general, this one is different. He’s taught me how to love another human being unconditionally.

Love the Netflix film “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before?” You’ll want to read this author’s ode to the boys she’s had feelings for.