Author: zfortadmin

Dressing Too Sexy…What’s Underneath It?

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE

They do want attention, but if you need to ask, then they don’t want it from you.

I don’t wear sexy clothes. I don’t wear makeup. I don’t shave — anything. None of that stopped me from getting sexually assaulted, catcalled, harassed, and stalked. I have suffered because men are sexually attracted to me, and no choice I make will stop this. Refusing to conform to the norms of sexual attractiveness does not stop it. Binding my breasts does not stop it. Being read as gay does not stop it.

So why fucking bother?

If I’m going to be harassed no matter what, why not look good for the people who are respectful and who I might actually want to fuck?

I have spent a long time blaming myself for the harassment I’ve received, and every time that happens, I cut out another part of myself. I stop wearing things that I think I look good in so that I don’t accidentally turn people on. I stop flirting with people, I stop casually affectionate touch in case it is misread. I even stopped consciously recognizing my own sexual desire in case I accidentally communicated it to other people.

I read the saddest email I sent a few years ago:

Your continued affection makes me uncomfortable. It’s the same feeling as when someone I’m not into holds me in a hug too long, or someone I don’t like enough grabs my boob as a joke. It’s a creepy sort of feeling. I don’t look down on you or think of you as a bad person or a fool, but continued conversation with you makes me feel violated in a small way. And it’s ok, I’m willing to tolerate it if it helps you, but your love does not feel good to me and you should know that.

I told someone I was willing to tolerate feeling violated so that they could feel better. And, that’s how I used to look at the word. I felt obligated to suffer to any degree so that male sexuality would not be inconvenienced. I carried immense guilt for men who were attracted to me and whose attractions I did not return. But, my sexuality completely shut down, and I was left unable to form romantic connections to anyone. Being unsexy led to a miserable, sterile dead end.

Why do women wear sexy clothes?

Because women are fucking horny! Because there are few socially acceptable outlets for women to communicate desire, but how they dress is one of them. Because women are looking to get fucked, just like men are.

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Sex Robots… Are They Ethical?

by zfortadminin Sex

A sexy robot could be in your future.

By 2050, if you don’t have a sex robot, chances are your neighbor will.

In less than 15 years, humans will be having emotional and casual sex through virtual reality (VR), at least that’s the opinion of futurologist Ian Pearson as reported in online magazine Breitbart.

In the meantime, as scientists and programmers figure out artificial intelligence (AI) of these robots to make them socially interactive, others are debating the ethics of this new development to satisfy a basic human need.

Human sexuality and intimacy with robots were discussed at Thursday’s The Human Choice and Computers Conference in Salford, UK.

A contingent of those opposed to robot sex, the Campaign Against Sex Robots, maintain that AI contained in a humanlike synthetic body would never substitute the need for a person’s relationship and intimacy. There are even calls for sex robots to be banned.

Dr. Kathleen Richardson, a senior research fellow in the ethics of robotics at De Montfort University in Leicester, UK, and who heads the campaign told Sky News, “One of the first impacts of something like sex robots would be to increase human isolation because once you try to tell people that they don’t need other human beings anymore, one of the consequences of that is more isolation.”

However, such a ban might be interpreted as denying rights to technology for someone who could benefit from it. Such a person may be anti-social, have sexual phobias or have a medical problem.

In December, the second International Congress on Love and Sex with Robots will be held in London to discuss topics such as roboethics. The event will be for academics and industry professionals to share thoughts on human-computer and human-robot interactions.

Unlike today’s unemotional sex toys, it’s predicted robotic sex partners will be an important part of someone’s life by engaging with that person through AI. “There’s not just going to be two models on the market, you’re going to be able to pick robots where you can customize their appearance…they’ll be customizing the appearance of that so that they find it attractive,” Pearson told Breitbart.

From ethical and social standpoints, questions arise on whether regular human relationships will become less important. Pearson told Breitbart, “I don’t have any reason to expect that people won’t still want human partners, I don’t think we’re gonna just have sex with robots. It’ll be very much human relationships I think that still dominate, people will still prefer humans.”

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

What is Mine is Yours. Right?

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Before the first date, with nearly half (48 percent) of millennials surveyed who have used an online dating service discussing their finances before meeting.

TD Bank’s survey shows Millennials talk early and often about money and are happier in their relationships

Couples who talk about money at least once a week say they are happier (78 percent), than those who discuss money less than every few months (50 percent), according to the second annual TD Bank Love & Money Survey.

Money is a hot relationship topic for millennials with 74 percent discussing it weekly (and an additional 19 percent discussing it at least once a month). In fact, these discussions begin even before the first date, with nearly half (48 percent) of millennials surveyed who have used an online dating service discussing their finances before meeting, compared with 36 percent across all generations.

Talking about money can be uncomfortable,” says Ryan Bailey, Head of Consumer Deposits, Payments and Personal Lending at TD Bank. “Establishing a healthy dialogue about finances can help couples get on the same page from the start and result in happier relationships in the long run.”

What’s Mine is Yours? Not So Fast, Say Millennials

  • While more than two-thirds (68 percent) of millennials have at least one shared bank account, they are somewhat averse to sharing credit card accounts, with 60 percent stating they keep some separate or don’t share any at all (compared with 55 percent of Gen Xers and 48 percent of boomers).
  • Across all generations, 76 percent of couples share at least one bank account, including 79 percent of those who said they are happy in their relationships. Moreover, 63 percent of all couples shared at least one credit card, including 68 percent of those who are happy.
  • Credit card debt is a significant factor when it comes to relationships and 44 percent say they are less likely to date someone with credit card debt.
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Why Couples Status Updates Look Like This

by zfortadminin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

We’ve all seen couples who flood our timelines with photos of themselves on vacation, out to dinner, walking around, at home, doing nothing….you get the drift.

A few aren’t an issue, but when it gets obsessive, there may be a psychological reason at play, and this Science of Us video explains why.

You’ve probably seen these types — the ones who change their avatars to a photo of the two of them, who seem to post another saccharine photo update or Instagram video every single day, and you’ve probably been annoyed more than once by them. Here’s the kicker though: It’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Researchers point out that this behaviour is related to what’s called Relationship-Contingent Self Esteem (RCSE). It’s often tied to lower individual self-esteem in general, and, as the video notes, can be more common in people who have difficulty outwardly expressing their feelings to people offline, or people who have higher social anxiety in general. It’s also more common among introverts, who may be less inclined to share their lives in person.

Of course, those things may sound bad, but in reality, all of those status updates may still just be a way for those people to share their lives with the people who matter to them the most, and to reaffirm their happiness with their partner. So yes, they may actually be that happy, and this may just be their own kind of therapy.

So while it may be a little annoying, you always have the freedom to unfollow or hide their updates, and of course, keep in mind that even if it’s clutter in your Twitter feed or Facebook stream, try to be happy that they’re happy, and scroll on by.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Frustrations of the Lack of Clarity and Closure

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

Are you frustrated?

I live with five girls. Well, five girls and a semi-friendly ghost who occasionally knocks stuff over in the night and eats all my fudgesicles, but I digress. We talk about a lot of things in my house, like religion and history and politics and the meaning of life, but predominantly, as much as I hate to admit it, we talk about love. Love and relationships, dating and disaster. We sit on the couch and lay on the floor and drink wine while angrily shaking our fists at the sky and asking why it all has to be so confusing. So far, we haven’t come up with an answer. Love is weird, and dating is hard, and unless you live life locked in your room clutching your box of fudgesicles (the ghost can’t get them if you eat them all in one sitting), you’re going to get hurt and be confused at some point by someone who won’t give you a clear answer on how they feel about you.

I don’t know why everyone isn’t honest about their feelings, but I do know some ways to deal and some things to remember when things get dicey. And since I can’t cuddle you on my couch and feed you chocolate, I’m going to do my best to pass on my hard-earned and tear-stained knowledge here. Good luck out there, and remember, you’re not alone in this thing.

Try to remember that it may not be about you.

It’s easy to start questioning everything you’ve done and said and eaten sloppily when someone you thought was into you starts being distant. Maybe they’re taking longer to answer your texts, maybe they’re forgetting important things you talked about, or maybe they’ve just shut you out for no good reason at all. I’ve learned through a lot of angst and heartache that there usually isn’t just one reason things are off, and it’s possible the person you’re seeing has something personal going on that you don’t understand. Be kind, try not to jump to conclusions, and don’t blame yourself; they may be fighting some demons you can’t see.

Know where your line is.

That being said, you shouldn’t feel obligated to stick around and wait for the truth to reveal itself. If you’re feeling neglected, minimized, or like you’re spending more nights crying into your pillow than dancing around to Taylor Swift, you have every right to walk away. You deserve to be happy, and if all the confusion and mixed signals are detracting from your state of mind, then there’s no shame in leaving.

Try to get some new perspectives.

Sometimes we get really tied up in our own biases and hopes and can’t see what’s right in front of us. Maybe past bad experiences are making the present mess seem worse than it is, or maybe you’re so head-over-heels you can’t see that you’re being played. Try talking it out with people you trust and friends who will be honest with you. Consult a diversity of sources. Google “mixed signals,” call your mom, talk to your friends, and if it still doesn’t make sense, go to the source and just ask what’s up.

It’s okay to simply ask for an answer (don’t be afraid!).

One of the most frustrating things about modern romance is the lack of closure. You met someone you really liked, and then they stopped talking to you. You went out with someone who declared their love and admiration and bought you a fat burrito, and then they never called. It’s a never-ending story of unanswered texts and questions all building up and weighing you down with “what ifs?” and “whys?” We’re often taught that silence is the best answer, that reaching out makes you weak and that wearing your heart on your sleeve makes you vulnerable and clingy. But sometimes it’s worth the second text, the second chance. Sometimes you need a conclusive answer to move forward. It’s ok to ask why and assert some accountability, and once you’ve done it once it makes being honest and open about your feelings and expectations so much easier.

Try to look at the big picture.

Not every tryst and encounter is meant to blossom into a relationship. Sometimes we meet people just to lose them, and as much as it hurts, it’s not the end of the line. There’s always another party, another date, another person to sweep you off your feet and make you remember why you bother with this love thing at all. It’s okay to be sad, and it’s okay to take a break if you feel like your heart has been hit a few too many times. But try not to give up, keep putting yourself out there and letting people in, because while you can’t prepare for heartbreak, you can hope for love.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

See Who Thinks Romantic Relationships are Like Having a Job

by zfortadminin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Who would you guess?

People around the world fall in love. That seems like an obvious truth today, but it used to be quite controversial.

In fact, some scholars still believe that romantic love was invented by European troubadours in the Middle Ages, and that people outside of the western tradition don’t really experience it.

“We decided to see if that was true,” says anthropologist Ted Fischer, who teaches at Vanderbilt University.

In 1992, he and William Jankowiak, an anthropologist at the University of Nevada Las Vegas, did a survey of anthropological research on 166 different cultures around the world.

“We looked for evidence of romantic love, and that could have been love poetry, or elopements, or just general descriptions of what we’d consider to be romantic love,” Fischer says. “And we found it in an overwhelming majority of cultures.”

Fischer says in the few places where they didn’t find evidence of love, well, the anthropologists who did the original studies weren’t looking for the factors he and Jankowiak were looking for. So elopements or love-related suicides might have occurred and just not been noted.

“So we thought it’s very likely romantic love is found in all cultures,” he says.

Jankowiak and Fischer’s paper made a big splash, and today it’s widely accepted that people in cultures outside of the West experience romantic love.

But perhaps not all romantic love is the same.

“When you look at cross-cultural research of romantic relationships, you get these very striking cultural differences,” says Xiaomeng (Mona) Xu, a psychology professor at Idaho State University.

For example, when asked about love in surveys, people in some Asian countries are more likely to describe love in negative terms than westerners are.

“The sorts of cross-cultural differences that come out of self-report questionnaires would suggest that easterners, for example, really don’t feel passion, really don’t think about love as a positive thing,” Xu says.

In countries with a tradition of arranged marriage, falling in love is disruptive and dangerous. Historian Stephanie Coontz studies marriage, and she says only recently has there been an assumption that love would come before marriage.

Historically, “falling in love before marriage in India was considered an actively antisocial act,” Coontz says. “In ancient China, the word for love connoted a very socially disrespectable relationship.”

Falling in love is arguably about pleasing yourself, and some cultures put more emphasis than westerners do on serving your family or your community.

When asked about love, many people in China will talk about melding two families, or carrying on the family name. They’re likely to emphasize long-term attachment, rather than Hollywood-style romance. They’ll talk about duty and commitment. When freelance producer Rebecca Kanthor talked to people on the street in Shanghai about love, the word that kept coming up was “responsibility.”

“Being involved in a romantic relationship is a lot like having a job, actually,” says Jessie Chen, 24, a Shanghai accountant. “Both of them are very risky, can be risky. Having a job is risky. Having a romantic relationship can be risky.”

Chen says she’s hoping to find a husband whose parents will get along with her parents.

“Two years ago, I would say getting married is more about loving someone,” she says. “But now I’m getting more and more practical.”

That kind of approach to marriage is still common in China.

“It’s very pragmatic,” Xu says. “It’s based on thinking about whether or not this person is going to fit into your family and if they’re going to be a good financial choice, etc.”

And yet there is love poetry in China, and songs about romantic love. Xu says the surveys that seem to indicate a lack of passion in China don’t ring entirely true.

“The issue is that all of these studies are done using self report,” Xu says. “So it’s really difficult to know: Are people accurately reporting their experiences and there’s this drastic difference between how westerners experience love and how easterners experience love? Or is it that culture is influencing how people talk about it?”

Xu headed the first study to look at the brains of Chinese people who were in love and compare their brain scans with those of people in the US and England.

“We found that they’re almost identical,” she says.

Xu says the few differences her team found may have been because they were using a stronger scanner than earlier studies had used.

This research provides support for what Xu had guessed was the truth: “How we go through the process of love can be very culturally defined,” but the experience of love is really not so different from culture to culture.

And Chinese culture may be changing when it comes to love and marriage.

Nowhere is that more apparent than in the marriage markets that have sprung up in Chinese cities in recent years. As millions of people have migrated to urban areas, old ways of negotiating matches have become impossible. You can’t consult with the neighbors if you don’t know the neighbors.

On a recent weekend in Shanghai, people looking for spouses filled People’s Park to look at personal ads laid out on the sidewalk or attached to walls. Many were parents looking for spouses for their adult children — sometimes without the children’s knowledge. Some opened umbrellas, set them on the sidewalk and clipped laminated sheets of paper to them, listing their children’s vital statistics — age, height, income.

Zhou Yun, senior matchmaker at Shanghai Hongyan Matchmaking Company, was at the market to help arrange meetings, for a fee. She says things have changed since she was a girl.

“In contemporary China, young people put a lot of emphasize on material conditions” when they look for a spouse, she says. “They are quite picky.”

One thing many parents of young women insist upon is that the prospective groom have his own apartment. Not many young men can offer that. Zhou Yun says people want too much, and so they’re not likely to find spouses.

“Many young people are the single children in the families,” she says. “Their parents are concerned about their kids being taken advantage of in marriage.”

Some people in Shanghai say they think Chinese ideas about love are changing, influenced by the West. But Zhou Yun disagrees.

“Actually throughout Chinese history, falling in love hasn’t changed much, regarding how people feel,” she says. “Regardless of Chinese or foreigners, our feelings are basically the same when it comes to love and relationships.”

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

What Sexual Inheritance Did We Receive from Victorians, Romans and the Renaissance

by zfortadminin Sex

What would you like to receive as a intimate inheritance?

Some things never change but sex isn’t one of them. Marcus Field looks back on some surprising episodes in the centuries-long evolution of Western sexual attitudes, from the ancient Greeks to the present day

Let’s start with the Greeks

Aphrodisiac, eroticism, homosexuality, narcissism, nymphomania, pederasty all these terms are derived from the language of ancient Greece which tells you something about its society. The myths of Homer and Plutarch told stories such as that of Aphrodite, goddess of sexual intercourse, who emerged from the foaming semen of her father’s castrated testicles. Then there were the mortal heroes such as Hercules, who it is said ravished 50 virgins in a single night, but who also had an affair with his nephew Iolaus and fell in love with “sweet Hylas, he of the curling locks”.

From the early 6th century to the early 4th century, the culture of pederasty flourished in Athens, with adult men taking adolescent boys to serve as their lovers (although how much physical sex actually happened is a matter of some debate). Women in ancient Greece were generally the property of men and rarely enjoyed the exalted status of the young homosexual partner. But we know that there was a strong culture of female prostitution, with the most successful courtesans often wielding power and wealth and with brothels paying a state tax on their profits. Neglected wives found ways to satisfy their desires. Lesbians (called tribades) certainly existed, and the culture is associated most particularly with the island of Lesbos “where burning Sappho loved and sung”. There are also plenty of literary references to the use of dildos, which in ancient Greece were made of padded leather and anointed with olive oil before use.

And then along came the Romans…

In Rome, as elsewhere in the ancient world, wives and children belonged to the man of the family. A woman caught in the act of adultery could be killed by her husband on the spot, while a wife who drank more than a moderate amount of wine gave grounds for divorce. Despite this, the orgiastic culture of legend certainly existed during the Bacchanalian festivals, when all restraint was abandoned. Such was the hedonism and lawlessness of these rites, with rampant couplings of both heterosexual and homosexual nature, that public worship of Bacchus was finally outlawed in 186 BCE. Prostitution was widespread and legal, and the Greek tradition of pederasty was significant enough to cause concern when the Roman birth rate dropped. Much attention was given to the development of contraception.

Pliny recommended “mouse dung applied in the form of a liniment” or pigeon droppings mixed with oil and wine. Much more successful was the method devised by the gynaecologist Soranus of Ephesus who suggested a wool plug for the uterus impregnated with gummy substances. However, it is more likely that outbreaks of plague and disease led to the catastrophic fall in the population of the Roman empire than the success of primitive contraception.

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How to Save Your Marriage from Becoming a Sinking Ship

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

What are you avoiding in your relationship that can kill it?

Watch out for these silent relationship threats.

Forget about infidelity or lying to your spouse about your finances: there are other, less-talked behaviors that are just as destructive to a marriage ― and you and your partner are probably guilty of some of them.

Below, marriage therapists share six behaviors that can silently kill a marriage.

 

 

Spending time together as a couple is important, but don’t let your friendships fall to the wayside in favor of yet another night of takeout and Netflix. It’s unrealistic to depend on your S.O. to fulfill all your socialization needs; giving each other space by heading out for girl’s night out or a meetup with the guys could do your marriage some good, said Ryan Howes, a psychologist in Pasadena, California.

“It’s so important for both of you to build and sustain friendships with others,” he said. “Through your friends, you can gain other experiences, perspectives and support that may actually enhance your relationship. You have to have confidants outside the relationship.”

 

 

If you rarely reach out and touch each other ― or have reached the point where you only have “special occasion sex” (birthdays, anniversaries and vacations) ―it may be time to address the elephant in the bedroom: You’re well on your way to asexless, passionless marriage, said Debra Campbell, a psychologist and couple’s therapist in Melbourne, Australia.

“You don’t have to be having sex every day, but some kind of near-daily sexual or erotic acknowledgement is important in relationships,” she said. “It might be the slightest touch; it’s not always about orgasms and getting hot and sweaty.”

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Identifying as Non-Binary

by zfortadminin LOVE

Some people feel like they are not a she or a he. Have you heard of Ze?

Leo is 10 years old. For most of his life he’s lived as a girl, but this summer he began to speak openly about his sense that this didn’t feel quite right. With research help for his parents, he’s decided he is non-binary – in his case, both masculine and feminine – though for the moment he dresses as a boy and has taken a male name. This is Leo’s story in his own words.
I’m not a boy.

I thought I was a boy, because I’m not entirely a girl. We tried that for a bit, and I thought: “No, this is not right.”

Then we did some research and we found the word is gender non-binary… and it really works, it’s just me.

I don’t know what age I was when I identified that I wasn’t feeling right.

Actually I told my teacher first. I got really frustrated because I asked why none of the girls got boys’ parts in a play that we were doing. It wasn’t right.

I pulled her over and said: “I’m not a girl.”

She didn’t think I was lying. But because it’s not very common at all, I don’t think she entirely thought that was how I was feeling.

I brought up the conversation with mum. I knew that mum would be totally supportive, but because I didn’t know if this was actually how I was feeling, it felt like I should wait until I was sure. But then I didn’t think that would do any good either.

I was quite nervous.

Mum was completely on board. Totally interested.

“What would be your name if you were a boy? You’ve always been more attracted to boys, would you be gay man or a straight man?”

In some families, they’re just going to laugh, they’re not going to believe. Or they don’t know how to react, so they don’t react. I don’t how I would cope.

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Through Thick and Thin …Your Biggest Argument Before and After the Wedding

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

There is one fight that all couples have before they tie the knot.

Mike reared his wide eyes toward Julie. “That is NOT the reception budget that we agreed on last week!”

Julie, dumbfounded, blinked back at her red-faced betrothed. “We’ve discussed this at least three times already. You always go back on your word about these things.”

Lacy: “Which color do you like better for the boutonnieres, pink or teal?”
Robert: “Sure. Whichever. I really don’t care.”
Lacy: “Why can’t you act like you care about this wedding for five seconds??”
Robert: [Blank stare]
Lacy: “Pick your own colors. I’m done.”

Jake: “You do realize that once we’re married, you can’t go to your parents every single night for dinner.”
Josh: “Um, dear, you knew you were marrying my whole family when you said yes.”

It is the fight for control

Although this fight is usually subdued, it can be emotionally reactive and masked by the denial of both partners. Engaged couples are especially at risk of mishandling this pattern because greater issues are often disguised as wedding planning stress, or the conflict is avoided altogether because of the myth that premarital couples shouldn’t fight.

Behaving in controlling ways – either overtly or covertly – gives a person a semblance of certainty and comfort, usually as a way to manage their own insecurities about the relationship or their own self-worth. In the moment when we should team up with our partner and share our vulnerabilities with them most, we wall ourselves off to emotionally protect ourselves.

Marriage is about bringing two completely different worlds together to create a shared experience of life and love. It makes sense, then, that this transition often consists of friction, disagreements, and a normal resistance to change – like a “my way or the highway” mentality.

Underneath all fights for control are deeper questions of:

“Can I really trust that we are a team? That you will stand up for me to the rest of the world above all else? Do you really, truly GET me? Will you still love me, even if I completely disagree?”
Dr. John Gottman’s research revealed that couples wait an average of six years before seeking help. So, what can you do to tackle the pattern of control before it starts?

Do not wait until things get worse to address them. Learn how to manage these patterns in a healthy way for your relationship right now.

Here are some ways to avoid getting caught in the fight for control:

1. Don’t sweep it under the rug

Avoidance will only prolong conflict and make it messier and harder to deal with the next time. When you are experiencing frustration, resistance, or insecurity with your partner about something, bring it up by using a softened startup. A trap that couples often struggle with is the “I was waiting for you to bring it up first” paradox. Be assertive, be brave, and be respectful of your partner’s otherness when it comes to conflict and differences.

Control is about winning. If 69% of the things couples fight about are completely unsolvable, then the goal should be less about being right and more about understanding, validating one another’s point of view, and maintaining respect.

2. Know yourself

Become aware of how you tend to fight for control. Do you put others down, shame your partner, or shame yourself? Do you play the victim role or manipulate through blame or entitlement? Do you hide your emotions from your partner but feel lonely, disconnected, or anxious about certain aspects of marriage?

Self-awareness takes mindfulness, vulnerability, and a willingness to accept responsibility for your part in the conflict. It is not your partner’s job to uncover your tactics. Accountability will allow you to be more assertive and honest in those moments when you want to shut down or lash out the most.

3. Check your connection

How are you doing at staying connected to each other? Feeling validated by your partner through the thick and thin of wedding planning holds so much value. Dr. John Gottman’s research has shown the importance of maintaining intentional connection by creating shared meaning and responding to your partner’s bids for connection. Prioritize date nights and quality time together with no wedding talk allowed.

As marriage and family therapist Terry Real, author of The New Rules of Marriage, says: “control is just an illusion.” You will never be able to control, change, or know with complete certainty that your partner will be there for you and show up for the relationship at all times. There is no guarantee that your marriage will last. This is the risk of being in a relationship.

What you can guarantee is your own willingness to show up, to resist the need to be right or to control your partner, and to turn towards the opportunities to address your differences in order to build a strong foundation toward lasting marital vitality and success.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Stress Relief and Self Pleasure …How to Reap the Benefits

by zfortadminin Sex

Personally, I’m not particular about when I masturbate, but I would say it’s most often at night, just before I go to bed.

Everyone has a different masturbation routine. Some do it daily, some weekly, some in the morning, some in public bathrooms … the list goes on. No matter when, where, or how you do it, there are so many positive effects of masturbating — and it’s fun! It can help you stay in touch with yourself and your sexuality, and is also an extremely satisfying way to pass the time. Whether you’re horny, frustrated, stressed, or just plain bored, masturbation will always be there for you.

Personally, I’m not particular about when I masturbate, but I would say it’s most often at night, just before I go to bed. This is partially out of convenience; I sleep naked, so of course it’s easy to make that transition to sexy-time when I’m already lying in bed sans clothes. There’s almost nothing more exciting after a long day than the thought of crawling into my giant, comfy bed, where my vibrator is patiently waiting for me.

Even if you’re typically a morning orgasm kind of person, consider switching to a nighttime routine to reap some of these awesome benefits. The worst thing that can happen is more orgasms; and come on, how bad can that be?

1. Better Sleep

Releasing endorphins is a well-known way to help you relax, which is why working out regularly helps you sleep better and more deeply. Sure, sex is physically exhausting in and of itself, but the act of having an orgasm can also cause sleepiness. If you’re anticipating a toss-and-turn kind of night, it might behoove you to consider having an O before you start counting sheep. Bonus: If you have long-term issues with sleeping, masturbation may also help with insomnia!

2. Stress Relief

Is there anything worse than going to bed with your head full of negative, stress-filled thoughts? For a quick fix, treating yourself to some me-time before bed will release chemicals like endorphins (mentioned above), as well as dopamine. The combination of the two can make for some seriously stress-free slumber. That feeling of euphoric pleasure is sure to wipe away any nasty residual stress from your day.

3. Sexy Dreams

This may be a long shot, but if you spend some quality time concentrating hard on a sexy scenario, you may be fortunate enough to have that situation, person, or feeling reflected in your dreams. Just lay back, relax, and think about Ryan Gosling (or whoever, I guess) while you pleasure yourself. If you’re #blessed, you’ll see him again in your dreams all night long. Who wouldn’t want to wake up with those memories fresh in mind? Talk about waking up on the right side of the bed!

4. Treat Yo’ Self

What more reason do you need? If it’s been an especially long, grueling day at work or school, think of a late-night pre-zzz’s masturbation session as the perfect reward for all your hard work. At the end of the day, masturbation is all about self-love. If you’re feeling down, who’s to say that you can’t offer yourself a sexy pick-me-up? You do you, girl.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Protecting from Dangerous Cyber Encounters

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

The UK’s National Crime Agency recently reported that sexual assault associated with online dating had increased by six-hundred percent. That’s a shocking statistic at odds with what has become an accepted way to meet people romantically. And while many individuals have had pleasant, or at least neutral experiences with online dating, those promoting the activity are often simultaneously selling it.

Mary Aiken sees herself as a bulwark against the commercialism of romantic encounters. Her aim is not to tear down technology that has widened our social circles marvelously, but merely to balance what she calls “the army of marketers” telling us that cyberspace is good. What is not good, says Aiken, or at least very different from normal behavior, is how quickly we disclose personal details online.

Called “hyper personal interaction,” it is well documented that people disclose personal details at double the rate the normally would when they are online. What results is a false sense of intimacy between two people, and while this feeling may aid the romantic connection promised by dating services, it can equally result in misunderstandings. And sometimes those misunderstandings occur over serious matters such as one person’s desire to become physically intimate.

Of the sexual assaults documented by Britain’s crime agency, “71 percent of these assaults took place on the first date and either in the home of the victim or the offender,” says Aiken. It is not the case that sex offenders have migrated en masse to online dating platforms. Instead, navigating new social rules introduced by the Internet is complicated. Though to be clear, sex without consent is a crime.

When a cyber encounter moves offline into the real world, there are four identities parties must navigate: two real identities and two cyber identities, i.e. avatars that present an idealized version of an individual often for the purpose of attracting a mate. Unfortunately, sex crimes that result from online dating are likely to be unreported, partly because victims fear their online exchanges will compromise their case. If anybody has been a victim of a sexual assault associated with online dating, however, it is essential to report it immediately.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How Peace Directly Correlates to Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

The evidence is clear: The best predictor of a state’s stability is how its women are treated.

In the academic field of security studies, realpolitik dominates. Those who adhere to this worldview are committed to accepting empirical evidence when it is placed before their eyes, to see the world as it “really” is and not as it ideally should be. As Walter Lippmann wrote, “We must not substitute for the world as it is an imaginary world.”

Well, here is some robust empirical evidence that we cannot ignore: Using the largest extant database on the status of women in the world today, which I created with three colleagues, we found that there is a strong and highly significant link between state security and women’s security. In fact, the very best predictor of a state’s peacefulness is not its level of wealth, its level of democracy, or its ethno-religious identity; the best predictor of a state’s peacefulness is how well its women are treated. What’s more, democracies with higher levels of violence against women are as insecure and unstable as nondemocracies.

Our findings, detailed in our new book out this month, Sex and World Peace, echo those of other scholars, who have found that the larger the gender gap between the treatment of men and women in a society, the more likely a country is to be involved in intra- and interstate conflict, to be the first to resort to force in such conflicts, and to resort to higher levels of violence. On issues of national health, economic growth, corruption, and social welfare, the best predictors are also those that reflect the situation of women. What happens to women affects the security, stability, prosperity, bellicosity, corruption, health, regime type, and (yes) the power of the state. The days when one could claim that the situation of women had nothing to do with matters of national or international security are, frankly, over. The empirical results to the contrary are just too numerous and too robust to ignore.

But as we look around at the world, the situation of women is anything but secure. Our database rates countries based on several categories of women’s security from 0 (best) to 4 (worst). The scores were assigned based on a thorough search of the more than 130,000 data points in the WomanStats Database, with two independent evaluators having to reach a consensus on each country’s score. On our scale measuring the physical security of women, no country in the world received a 0. Not one. The world average is 3.04, attesting to the widespread and persistent violence perpetrated against women worldwide, even among the most developed and freest countries. The United States, for instance, scores a 2 on this scale, due to the relative prevalence of domestic violence and rape.

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The Love and Kisses That Are Motivating Sports

by zfortadminin LOVE

“If kissing us on the cheek before games gets us wins, then it works.” ~ Garrett Davis

ANNAPOLIS, Md. — When the University of Houston’s football players arrive for a game, they know what to expect as a prelude to the coming hours of brutality as they file into the stadium: a kiss on the cheek from their head coach, Tom Herman.

It is an unusual ritual in a sport that embodies America’s most rigid ideals of manhood.

“A kiss on the cheek is when he shows his love for us,” Houston safety Garrett Davis said, adding, “No one here is thinking, ‘Oh, I shouldn’t let him kiss me.’”

Physical expressions of affection certainly exist in big-time sports. Nothing says “Good job!” in baseball like a firm pat on the behind from a coach, and in international soccer it is not uncommon to see teammates peck each other on the cheek after a big play.

But kisses in football’s gladiatorial culture seem as incongruous as a Gatorade shower at the ballet.

For Herman, 41, there is no better way to demand the painful sacrifices of the game than to forthrightly convey his affection for his players.

“How do you motivate a human being to do things against his own nature?” Herman said in an interview. “There’s two things: love and fear. And to me, love wins every time.”

Davis said the players were taken aback early last season, Herman’s first as the head coach, when Herman planted a kiss on the strength coach Yancy McKnight during practice. Then he extended the ritual to all his players before their first game.

“I’m a bit confused as to why it’s garnered so much attention and why it’s seemed so odd,” Houston Coach Tom Herman, 41, said of his ritual of kissing and hugging players.

“I was not expecting it, but knowing him, I was not surprised at all,” tight end Tyler McCloskey said.

Alluding to that first game, a 52-24 victory over Tennessee Tech, Davis said, “If kissing us on the cheek before games gets us wins, then it works.”

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Across the World, He Rode for Love

by zfortadminin LOVE

The story of Dr. Pradyumna Kumar Mahanandia and Charlotte Von Schedvin looks like every a Bollywood potboiler, except it’s real.

In this cruel world of instant makeout and instant breakups, this love story will reinstate hope in true and selfless love.

pradyuman
Image Credit: Satyanarayan Patri/Facebook

Pradyumna Kumar was born in a poor family in Orissa, which supported themselves by weaving clothes. Pradyumna did not let his poor financial condition come between his love for art and education. In 1971, he joined the College of Art in New Delhi and became a renowned artist who made stunning portraits.

His popularity reached Sweden, and a 19-year-old Swedish student decided to come to India to get a portrait done from him. While making her portrait, Pradyuman fell in love with the beautiful Charlotte Von Sledvin. Charlotte too, saw the goodness in the artist and fell in love with him instantly.

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