zfortadmin, Author at Love TV - Page 18 of 50

Author: zfortadmin

12 SEX Tales in the Digital Age

by zfortadminin Sex

Here are 12 first person stories about the often hilarious, sometimes tragic, and often triumphant ways that technology has changed our sex lives.

Enjoy.

“Talk Sex” Skyping

I have long been a purveyor of private email filth. It’s a natural extension of the age that dawned during my college days, when people started writing email all the time about everything; of course messages to people I had sex with might include sexy content. I did think about hacking, but the worst-case scenario didn’t seem that bad: Someone would find out I write pretty good email filth.

But I never took or sent pictures. I pledged an even more adamant hell no when it came to video. So when a meandering video-chat at an early point in a relationship in 2011 turned heavily suggestive, I had my concerns.

The connection wasn’t secure. I wouldn’t know how to get a secure one, and let’s be clear, I have no idea what that even means. But my boyfriend lived in France, and though we’d met in person only three times, we were already in love, goddammit. Without video, we wouldn’t have seen each other for months at a stretch. We became a couple over video. Video was our relationship. As our relationship didn’t exist without video, neither would our sex life.

So there we were, that first time, wearing clothes—and then not. And then there we were on the regular, all our pieces and parts, our looks and sounds and moves, on display. Until one day, mid-act, the screen froze. I froze too. “What was that?” I asked, my heart racing (faster). “Did your screen freeze too? What was that clicking?” We paused, vulnerable. We discussed possibilities. Could someone be … tapping in?

Ultimately we continued on like nobody was watching. As with dancing, it’s really the only way to have Skype sex.

I still wonder sometimes whether an Estonian software engineer or NSA agent somewhere has a recording. If it ever got out, it would be an unspeakable defilement. I would start throwing up and never stop. But love is about taking chances. Currently those include a chance that I may someday have to run away to a country with less puritanism and worse Internet access. But we did it because the pros outweighed the (possibly imaginary) cons. If I ever have to go into Internet exile, I will know that intimacy-enabling technology got me a dream husband who’ll come along.
—MAC MCCLELLAND

The Fitbit Breakup

Ted* and I laughed all the time together. We laughed when I lay on top of him and made our naked bodies touch as much as possible—our noses, our lips, our kneecaps, our palms, our big toes. We laughed when we walked from Tribeca to the Upper East Side to log steps on his Fitbit after three days of eating tiramisu in bed—only to find out he wasn’t wearing his Fitbit.

For Christmas, Ted’s mom had given her kids Fitbits and connected scales. I’d set Ted’s scale up for us. He could step on it and, given his weight (about 165 pounds), it would identify him and send his data to his Fitbit profile. And when I stepped on the scale, the technology knew it was me (about 135 pounds). Each person’s info was inaccessible to other users of the scale.

It wasn’t all laughs: We’d broken up a couple of times, then quickly gotten back together. But after our latest drunken fight, I’d texted, We’re done. The next morning I woke up wondering what Ted had texted back. But there was no text. I decided to wait two more hours. He’d call. I lay staring at the ceiling. Four hours later, still nothing. I wasn’t going to reach out. He was the one who owed me an apology. I’d give him another hour.

He didn’t text. I rented a movie. And then another. Then I ordered food. I spent all day in my apartment, waiting, watching movies, checking my phone. Around 10 pm I turned off the TV, sat down at my desk, and opened my laptop. I clicked around my bookmarks—the Daily Mail for photos of celebrities I’d never heard of, Food 52 for photos of cobblers I’d never make, Fitbit for goals I’d make but never maintain.

But the number next to my profile read 126.6 pounds, logged at 9 pm. Hmm. I was pretty sure I was 136.6 yesterday. But I’d weighed myself around 9 am. 126.6 at 9 pm … today? That was an hour ago! Had the synchronizing gotten screwy? And then suddenly I imagined the naked backside of a 126.6-pound woman standing on the scale at the foot of Ted’s bed, and I realized: He wasn’t going to text, he wasn’t going to call, he wasn’t going to apologize.
—­BREE MORTIMER

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How to Spice Up Your SEX Life

by zfortadminin Sex

This advice about spicing up your SEX life is from an expert on this field (Gloria Brame, Ph.D.). Answer your questions by reading through this article.

My boyfriend and I have been together for awhile. Our sex life has always been good, but lately it feels more like a routine than something we look forward to. What are some new and creative ways we can spice up our sex life and make things exciting in the bedroom again?

Sooner or later, even the most passionate couples go through phases when the sparkle seems to vanish from their love life. Those exciting new things you did together are now things you’ve done dozens of times. You find yourself having sex in the same old way, saying and doing the same old things and usually in the same old place too.

As a sex therapist, I can tell you that couples who use these lulls to experiment with new ways of having sex end up happy. And those who let these periods create a rift in their intimacy—by not dealing with it or playing the blame game—end up being ex-couples. So, for the sake of your sexual pleasure and the health of your relationship, my advice is that you view this as an opportunity to try new things rather than a stumbling block in an otherwise good relationship.

Here’s a hot list of five of the best ways for couples to break out of the bedroom blahs and spice up your sex life.

1. Do it in another place. Oddly enough, sometimes just changing the place where you have sex wakes you up from the sexual doldrums. If you always (or only) do it in bed, next time try it on the living room floor or on top of the kitchen table. If privacy is an issue, try a shower-for-two—the running water will muffle your moans. If you enjoy the outdoors, grab a tent and find a quiet spot where you can make love under starry skies. Add a dose of spontaneity (grab him by surprise when he walks through the door and have your way with him then and there) and it’s sure to liven things up.

2. Do it in a different way. How many different positions have you tried? You can pick up a guide to sex positions and try them with your boyfriend. The Kama Sutra lists scores of positions—some may leave you laughing, but you might find a handful that absolutely bliss you out. You could also read up on tantric sex, which focuses on techniques to slow sex down, how to enhance orgasm and how to savor every moment of sexual contact. Of course, you could just come up with your own positions. Try propping pillows under your hips for a better angle of penetration; make love side by side or standing up; have him sit in a rocking chair and lower yourself onto him gently, then let the chair rock you to orgasm.

3. Do special sensual things. A lot of people define sex as intercourse and oral sex and leave very little time for all the relaxing, intimate fun lovers can enjoy together, in and out of bed. Do you give each other massages or foot rubs? Have you fed each other chocolate in bed or sipped wine from the same glass? Has he ever run a rose petal over your body? Have you ever scrubbed his back in the tub? Maybe he could give you a pedicure. Sensual intimacies like these will wake up your passion in a hurry!

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Falling In Love: Best Things That Happen

by zfortadminin LOVE

Falling in love is awesome! More so, if it is your first.

Here are 20 of the best things that happen when you’re first falling in love with someone:

1. The way your skin prickles up every moment they’re around you.

2. The way you never quite get used to them touching you, so that when they grab your hand, your heart lurches (in the best way).

3. The way you can just catch them looking at you out of the corner of their eye and your body goes limp.

4. The way you can’t stop looking at them, as if all you want to do is create a new sense that allows you to properly take them in, because your eyes don’t do them justice.

5. The way the world around you completely dissipates, like you two exist in complete clarity, and everything else is a blur.

6. The way you look back and wonder how you lived your life before them, and how there was a vacant space in the shape of them that happened to be open the moment you met them.

7. The way you fall asleep together in those first love-hazed months, all tangled into one being, feeling safe and loved in a way you couldn’t have even dreamt up.

8. The way their fingertips seem to hold the nerve endings to your skin.

9. The way they smell – no matter what time or day – and how you want to bottle them up.

10. The way they’ll leave an item of clothing behind and you’ll smell it throughout the day, momentarily forgetting that this is kind of creepy.

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7 Tips to Be the Best Lover He’s Ever Had

by zfortadminin Sex

Ladies, if you are serious about satisfying him better than ever before – listen up.

Men aren’t as complicated as they may seem at first. If you want to conquer him and make him go insane over you, you have to give him the best sex humanly possible. You have to give him more pleasure in bed than he got from all the other women he’s been with before you. The thing is that you don’t have to be the best in the world, you just have to better than other women he comes across with. And that’s not that hard, considering that the average woman is clueless when it comes to satisfying a guy completely.

I won’t tell you what you would like to hear, I’ll tell you what actually works, in real life. If you to hear fairy tales, you are free to leave, if you want results, read on.

1. Learn how to give proper blow jobs. Really, this is an almost mandatory skill that you have to master. If he ever got better oral from a woman before you, he’ll expect at least the same quality for you. Men rarely go backwards sexually and if he got amazing oral before, he’ll wish to continue getting it from you as well. Learn the art of oral sex and you’ll immediately be among the top 10% of women that know how to satisfy a man completely. A woman that’s great in bed but has no idea how to give proper oral is just considered as incomplete. It’s worth learning it.

2. Do what other women will not. That’s the second step. To truly satisfy your guy you have to be ready to do what other women find “disgusting” or “yukee”. Show total devotion. If you really like this guy there is nothing that can disgust you about him. Swallowing shouldn’t even be a question. Do all the kinky stuff you can imagine and let go sexually. If you are constantly thinking whether doing “this” or “that” will make him think that you are S-word (you know what), you’ll never end up being the best he could have. Let go and be free, have fun with him and make his satisfaction your satisfaction. Deny nothing. If he wants anal, do it, try it. Be open for new things.

3. Show total devotion by being more submissive. It is natural that men want to dominate in bed, so let him do it. Most men feel more manly if they can take control and have sex with you all around the house, take control over you and dominate you. Let him do this, be his “slave” and submit to him sexually, let him do ( and enjoy it ) anything he wants to do with you in bed. Be flexible and open about new things. Be open for learning new things and experimenting, but don’t force things, make things fun instead of forced.

4. Start talking “sex”, or “sexier”. The right words can be like magic. If you know what to say, when to say it and most importantly How to say it, your man will explode from pleasure instantly. Learn what makes him go nuts and tell the right things at the right moments. Nothing is more boring that a woman that makes no sound in bed and when we have to wonder whether she’s dead or not.

Be active in bed, flexible, let him move you around. Also – if you say the wrong things and are afraid you might sound stupid, you probably will end up sounding stupid. Be confident. If you believe in what you say, anything you say will sound good. That’s why it’s more important how you say it than what you say exactly. Talk dirty to him and Be “dirtier” in every way possible. Be his personal Porn Star and he’ll love you for it.

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Pros-Cons: Is Having Sex With Your Roommate Okay?

by zfortadminin Sex

One word. Don’t. Don’t even think of it. Do yourself a favor.

Sex with your housemate alters the comfortable, familiar, even familial relationship you had before. Really. Sex is like that. There is a reason it is called making love. In reality, there are only two long-term scenarios going forward. One— you live happily ever after as a couple that might as well be married. Two—one of you loses your home.

The first scenario does happen. The second is much more common. Yahoo! Answers are full of young women agonizing about how to handle her feelings for the guy after a night…well, you know… They were watching a movie and he starts massaging and well, you know, one thing lead to another. Or they became very close when they both had relationships break up and, well, you know.. . Or they went out drinking, and, well, you know… Its easy to get caught up in the passion of the moment and to tell yourself, “its just sex.” Better to be wise, put on the brakes and ask yourself, “Is this worth it?”

The problem for housemates who have sex is that the relationship changes. Having carnal knowledge of each other, they are no longer just housemates. They might become a couple. They might even be a happy couple, for how long? How do they manage it if one person wants to break up? You see? Someone moves out.. But probably not before pain and hurt.

More common is that the relationship between the two who slept together goes wonky pretty quickly. One person’s fling is another person’s crush. Emotions are stirred, expectations created, the relationship is no longer easy and comfortable.

There is a loss of independence and privacy. What happens when one makes plans that doesn’t include the other? When you are upset and angry because you are hurt and you encounter each other in the kitchen? What happens when one goes out on a date? Or worse, brings home a different partner? In other words, someone – maybe both people – get hurt. Eventually, one of the housemates moves out but probably not without some stormy and painful experiences.

So if you want to keep your home a comfortable place to be, do not get sexually involved with a housemate.

For housemates to live together comfortably, it is good to impose a complete and utter taboo on sex with each other. I call it The Incest Taboo and it is my fourth principle for living with housemates successfully.

Yes, of course, there are exceptions to this rule. It might happen that two people who get to know each other in the daily rhythms of life find themselves falling in love. I heartily suggest a long conversation about what this means to you and how you will manage it before falling into bed. And if you can’t have a heart-to-heart real conversation about life and love, then you don’t have the communication to manage the changed relationship. If you are going to have a love affair, one of you should move out first, then see if the relationship works. I heard of a couple that did this. They met in a group home and started really liking each other. She moved out so that they could date. They are married now.

Do yourself a favor, have an incest taboo. With a firm taboo in place, a housemate relationship can be wonderful—kind of like having a brother or a sister.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Can Sexual Fantasy Boost Your Sex Life Naturally?

by zfortadminin Sex

The gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge. ~ Einstein

The sexiest part of the human body lies in the brain, specifically our limbic brain, where our libido resides alongside our processing of emotions, memory and scent.

One of the quickest and most assured routes to sexual arousal is through fantasy. We use our imaginative capacity all the time during our waking lives as we envision all the possible futures that our daily life could result in…or even in the most negative of circumstances when we allow ourselves to ruminate and overthink bad outcomes for our relationships and aspirations.

Yet when it comes to the mysterious sexual fantasy life that lives somewhere in all of us we often keep the door locked.

In this Green Divas Eco-Sexy episode, I talk about how fantasy turns on our engines. Listen, and then read on for more about embracing healthy fantasy.

Allowing yourself the freedom to explore your sexual fantasies by yourself or with your partner is one of the most common sexual acts we share as human beings. In fact, in a recent research study on sex in America, the majority of men and women reported having fantasies while having sex. Some studies report this percentage to be as high as 60-90 percent for both men and women.

The Kinsey research concurred with this data and showed even higher percentages during masturbation. In fact, using sexual fantasy as the fuel for early eroticism is for most of us our first sexual act. Boys start having sexual fantasies as early as 11-13. For girls, fantasy usually begins later in their teens and early 20s.

Tell your stories

Telling our stories is integral to being human, and sexual fantasies transform and inspire during sex. In fact, mounting research suggests that the ability and freedom to entertain fantasies actually increases the health of both sexual arousal and desire.

Yet many people feel uncomfortable with the stories that spontaneously occur to them in the course of their sexual adventures. This is one of the first and often persistent internal spaces where our doubts about our sexual “normalcy” are instigated. Most sex therapists recommend adopting a “no mind-crime policy” for your fantasy life. I remember the remarkable passion that emerged in my own sex life when I stopped trying to suppress the stories that emerged during intimacy.

Given that our sexuality is one of the most mysterious ways that we relate to our partners, it isn’t all that surprising that our range of sexual fantasies is as rich and diverse as we are. Erotica and pornography explore many common fantasy themes of submission, dominance, and even forms of pain infliction, which can be both arousing and disturbing at the same time.

Just because you have fantasies about being sexually overpowered does not mean that you actually want to have the experience. Even the very common fantasy of having multiple sex partners doesn’t necessarily translate into an interest in playing it out in 3D.

Although I often feel like my husband is interacting with me in my fantasies, I rarely ever verbalize my thoughts. For other couples I know, they have elaborate games where they both share and agree to act out their fantasies together. When it comes to a shared fantasy life, it’s critical to be both conscious and communicative about your comfort level and your boundaries. Being able to speak openly about the role of fantasy in lovemaking and agree on what should and shouldn’t be shared provides a respectful space for fantasy to exist between you.

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Create a Couples Workout

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

The exercises are those couples can do together, and you can even do them at home in just 15 minutes!

With the help of “My House Fitness” in Avon, we’re helping keep love alive with five simple exercises! Co-franchisee owner Pamela Laughlin says it’s all about promoting healthy living and making clients’ lives better.

Pamela says the exercises are those couples can do together, and you can even do them at home in just 15 minutes! Your goal should be to start slow, do as many reps as you can and work up to your maximum potential!

Here are the five exercises you and your partner can start doing right now!

Couples Seated Twist

1) Sit facing each other with your feet touching the floor and a slight bend in the knee.
2) Lean back slightly to keep the core engaged.
3) Keep heels firmly on the ground.
4) Hold this position and move your arms left to right. Your partner should be following your lead.
5) Start with 30 seconds, then 60 seconds, and so on.

Your goal will be to work your way up to two and half minutes of continuous movement.

Tip: If you want to make it more challenging, add a medicine ball. After the first 30 seconds, toss the ball to your partner and repeat.

Couples Plank

1) Get into a push up position facing each other.
2) Bend your elbows at 90 degrees and rest your weight on your shoulders.
3) Place your left hand on your partners right hand, similar to a high-five.
4) Hold this position for 30 seconds, then 60 seconds.
5) Switch hands and repeat.

Just like the seated twist your goal will be to hold on for two and half minutes.

Couples Arm Row

1) Stand facing one another with feet hip-width apart.
2) Hold a resistance band with two hands.
3) Push your hips back and bend your knees.
4) Take your body as low as you can.
5) Bend your elbows and pull the resistance band in one motion.
6) Repeat.
The goal is to be able to work up to four minutes of continuous movement.

Couples Triceps Pass

1) Partner 1 lies on the floor holding partner 2’s ankle.
2) Partner 2 holds a medicine ball.
3) Place the medicine ball between partner number one’s legs
4) Lower your legs to the floor and back up.
5) Partner one takes the medicine ball.
6) Repeat this movement for 60 seconds and then switch.

The goal is to work your way up to four minutes without overdoing it.

Couples Squat
1) Stand facing your partner.
2) Bend your knees at about a 90-degree angle (If you feel any pain in your knee, make sure to adjust your feet).
3) Lower your body into a squat position and then stand.
4) Repeat.

We are looking for two minutes total, but take breaks as you see fit.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

8 Organic Couples Habits In and Out of the Bedroom

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS, Sex, SEX TIPS

There’s no cookie cutter formula for the perfect relationship. But research does show that a combination of both big and little things—from doing yoga together to sharing meals prepared with organic ingredients—helps maintain happier, more satisfying partnerships.

Here are the mindful habits that connected couples rely on.

Young Ethnic Couple On Kitchen Slicing Vegetables1. They Do Yoga Together
You can probably think of more romantic things than sweating it out in a vinyasa class. But making a date to do yoga or go on a hike through the forest with your partner can bring about worthwhile results in a relationship. The buddy system will not only help inspire you, but it will create a feeling of synchronicity between partners, highlighting a shared passion and common goals. Bonus: Working out together has been proven to help you burn more calories and possibly even spice things up in the bedroom.

2. They’re Open About What Goes On Between The (Bamboo) Sheets
It’s not just about the monkey business that happens in the bedroom. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships concluded that young, monogamous couples—especially the males of these couples—reported both more sexual satisfaction and overall satisfaction with their relationship when they talked openly about bedroom preferences with their partners—right down to what kind of natural linens they like. Getting over fears or anxieties related to sexual disclosure and revealing more may lead couples to a higher level of intimacy.

3. They Stress Less
According to UC Berkeley researchers who tracked conversations between 154 married couples, those who used the words “we,” “our,” and “us” more than “I,” “me,” and “you” reported being more satisfied and showed fewer signs of stress. Strike a healthy balance between individuality and togetherness—whether that be spending an afternoon harvesting backyard tomatoes or engaging with neighbors while volunteering together at the community garden—and you’re one step closer to a strong, lasting bond.

4. They Understand The Value Of Sharing Homemade Meals At The Table
It may sound silly, but get this: A survey of newlyweds conducted by a mattress retailer found that a partner eating in bed tied with snoring as the number one pet peeve distracting couples from bedded bliss. It turns out that conflicting meal etiquette and discord over whether or not to use organic, GMO-free ingredients can lead to a crummy night’s sleep. A UC Berkeley study found that poor sleep can turn lovers into fighters. Even one rough night of sleep can have a negative impact on spouse interactions, causing more discord between couples, poorer conflict resolution, and decreased ability to gauge one another’s emotions the next day.

Mixed Ethnicity Gay Couple Kitchen5. They Give Constructive Feedback About Each Other’s Healthy Habits
Experts have theorized that, in the most contented pairs, the magic ratio may be five positive feelings, efforts, or exchanges for every one negative, such as complaints or criticisms. For example, share what organic habits you like (the new all-natural soap in the bathroom) when telling your partner that leaving the compost bin out with the lid off drives you nuts (it attracts fruit flies!). Think of the former as an antidote to the latter and make efforts to be a good listener, stay calm and non-defensive, and have empathy in times of disagreement. The power of positive thinking (and expressing) is especially potent in partnerships.

6. They Connect Over Nature
Relationship experts at The Gottman Institute (which helps couples achieve lasting, loving relationships through research) studied couples’ reactions to random small talk, like “Wow, look at the sunset.” Researchers categorize this as small but important requests for connection. They found that couples who regularly engaged each other in this kind of nature-loving small talk were the ones who ultimately stayed together.

7. They Share A Netflix Account With Animal Documentaries
You’ve heard that life imitates art, right? A study in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology—in which couples watched one movie each week for a month—documents an interesting finding. It turns out that watching films featuring an intimate relationship as the main plotline (in this case, maybe it’s the monogamous mating habits of penguins) inadvertently sensitized these couples to issues in their own partnerships and triggered the desire to work through their own problems. The films acted as gateways for couples to reflect on their own relationships in a safe, nonthreatening environment.

8. They Emphasize Digital Detox
If your faces are constantly buried in your smartphones, you may be digging your way to a problem. It may seem dramatic, but a trio of researchers at Boston University’s Department of Emerging Media Studies found evidence that frequent use of social media in the presence of your partner—which can feel antisocial—negatively impacts overall relationship happiness and quality. Another analysis even found a correlation between heavy use of Facebook among partners and spikes in divorce rates. Try leaving your digital life to your daily commute and focus on inclusive activities with your spouse—like camping together or taking evening walks around the lake.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Is Monogamy Over?

by zfortadminin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

What will happen to the unfaithful people of the world?

Social scientists have long known that the majority of men and women choose partners based on the idea that both they and their partner will be monogamous, so monogamy—and monogamists—will be fine. I worry for those people who say they’re monogamous but (through no fault of their own) “can’t help themselves” to helping themselves to sex outside of monogamy’s general parameters.

Cheating may be just as natural as monogamy (after all, both sexes been doing that forever as well), but thanks to our innate preference for monogamy, few of us consciously choose to be with a cheater.

Consider what usually happens when a monogamist is confronted with the fact that their partner is a cheater. Do they squeal with joy and ask to see the used condom? Not often. Instead, the monogamist becomes angry, insulted, and hurt. Their immediate instinct is to detach themselves from the fraudulent monogamist—usually via divorce—while warning the other monogamists that there’s a cheater in their midst—usually via the internet.

Which could mean that in the very near future, for every cheat-ing site there could be a cheat-er site, containing the profiles of all known cheaters. And that’s when I really will be worried for cheaters. After all, the word “cheater” is not on most people’s top ten lists of what they look for in a partner. If we actually had a choice, how many people will choose cheaters? Who will want to partner with them?

Perhaps the cheaters could self-identify before they entered into known monogamist territory. After all, when it comes to cheaters, many monogamists claim that it’s not so much the sex that bothers them, but the lying. That’s what makes the monogamists really angry. They didn’t get to choose.

And so, in the interest of cheaters everywhere, let’s test this theory.

Cheater to monogamist: “Darling, you’re beautiful, intelligent and accomplished. I love you and want to marry you. But one of the things you need to know about me is that I get off on complicated sex moves administered by a sex worker to whom I pay two hundred dollars an hour. I will need to see her once or twice a week. Just like you see your trainer?”

Hmm. Maybe this is not a good example. Why? Because the monogamist probably doesn’t have time to see a trainer.

And that’s another strike against cheaters. Monogamists believe that if you have time to cheat, you have too much time on your hands.

No, monogamy is not obsolete. But you can see why I’m worried about cheaters. In the very near future, they may be obsolete. And that would be a shame. Because cheaters are so darn hilarious.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Will Same-Sex Couples Boost Marriage?

by zfortadminin LOVE

Despite fears, same-sex marriage will boost American marriages.

My friend Mark says he is against gay marriage – but it’s the marriage part, not the gay part he finds objectionable. Mark is a confirmed bachelor who marvels that anyone would want to get married. Still, he says, if gays and lesbians are crazy enough to want to tie the knot, they have as much right to do it as anyone else.

Plenty of same-sex couples are, indeed, crazy enough to desire marriage. This is a recent revelation for quite a few Americans, and I include myself in that number. Over the years, I have counted quite a few gays and lesbians among my friends, acquaintances, colleagues and relatives. It was always clear to me they had not just made a lifestyle choice; their different sexual nature was the way God made them. But, like many progressive, tolerant people – including, most notably, Barack Obama — I figured legal marriage for same-sex couples was not especially necessary, as long as there were domestic partnership laws that gave them equivalent rights and benefits.

Part of this assumption was attributable to the conventional gay mystique. The more flamboyant members of the gay community appeared to be having way too much fun being single. Why would they care to saddle themselves with the mundane responsibilities of marriage and forsake the endless party?

Well, the reality is different from the stereotype, as I could easily see with my gay friends. Even the party boys eventually wanted to have what their parents and brothers and sisters had: a home, a constant partner with whom they could share life and even kids. A couple of years ago my attitude toward gay marriage finally flipped from why to why-not. Reading a wise and moving essay by maverick conservative columnist Andrew Sullivan is what did it for me.

Sullivan wrote about his extended family. They were very accepting of his sexual orientation. They welcomed his longtime partner into family activities. And yet, Sullivan said, there was something not quite complete; something that made his relationship different from the relationships other family members enjoyed. Then, marriage became an option in a few jurisdictions, and he and his partner were finally able to make their pairing more than a love affair. Immediately, the rest of Sullivan’s family looked at his husband as a person with far greater significance – not a boyfriend who might easily go away, but a true member of their tribe, a real relative who was joined to the story of their family.

I think anyone can appreciate that transformation. Many of us have made the transition from being a boyfriend or girlfriend to being an in-law. If we are old enough, we have felt the shift in our own feelings when our son or daughter told us the person he or she has been dating is now joining the clan and pledging to be a permanent part of the family. It makes a dramatic difference, and it is no wonder gay and lesbian Americans long for this status they have been denied.

Marriage is a transformative relationship. That is why the passions about the issue of same-sex marriage run so hot. The deep concern of traditionalists is not just a matter of homophobia or bigotry; they believe marriage is such a vital part of our social fabric that it must be nurtured and protected. They are right about that. Marriage is a social stabilizer that is dangerously disappearing among disadvantaged socioeconomic groups that desperately need stability. But traditionalists are mistaken when they think allowing gays and lesbians to marry will undermine the institution.

Same-sex marriage will strengthen American marriage. Bringing an outcast group into the fold will be a positive social step. When we meet gay and lesbian married couples at Little League games and school plays and community fundraisers and church potlucks, we will see that they share the same concerns and joys. Eventually, even those who doubt it now will realize they have new allies who understand the virtue of leading responsible lives of committed love.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

When It’s Okay Not to Have Sex

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

Have you ever asked for a sex break?

How do you tell a married couple to abstain from sex when there is no health or physical challenge in the way? It sounds suicidal and so wrong, right? After all, sex is a key aspect of the beauty of the union.

In fact, marriage is the only place that sex is legally and morally allowed without the familiar backlash of society. So what could make anyone counsel a married couple to abstain from sex? It sounds like a ridiculous suggestion.

There are times when married couples practice impromptu abstinence due to health or spiritual reasons. Not having regular sex in marriage could also be caused by long distance, that is, when your spouse is away from home for a long period of time. This type of waiting game has its resultant effect -good or bad- on marriage depending on the duration.

As bizarre and ridiculous it sounds, the practice of abstinence in marriage in this sex-crazed world is important. It is important that couples stay away from under-the-sheets for a period. The Bible has already given spiritual reasons for abstinence from sex but more than that, abstinence helps to build a deeper intimacy with your spouse.

There is so much emphasis on sex in marriage that couples have relegated other forms of intimacy to the background. Sex is seen as the ultimate way of having a lasting relationship but this concept is so wrong. While sex is important, it is not the bedrock of relationship. Too much concentration on sex could leave cracks in a marriage.

For example, some people cannot communicate with their partner unless sex is involved. When this becomes a ritual in marriage, then the value of sex is abused. Instead of a bonding, there is bondage. Sex becomes a manipulative tool in the marriage, a bargaining chip to get your spouse to do as you desire.

An extreme fall-out of too much sex in marriage is when your partner is addicted to porn and uses you as his tool of release.
If you find yourself in such scenarios, then you need to practice abstinence in your marriage. Abstinence comes with its advantages and disadvantages but if well informed, it yields the desirable results. Before you embark on this journey, it is important to know the following facts:

1: Abstinence is a mutual agreement: Couples who intend to use the abstinence therapy must be willing to do it. The decision should not be one-sided. Both parties have to talk about it and see it as a means to a healthy relationship. If one party is in disagreement, then it is no longer abstinence. There must be clear understanding by both parties on the necessity for such a practice in their relationship.

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10 Ways to Tell You Are Falling in Love

by zfortadminin LOVE

It’s a thin line between love and lust. If you’re crazy about your guy but not sure if you’ve crossed into crazy-in-love territory, there are definite signs you’ve gone off the deep end.

Here are 10 of our favorite tells.

1. You start thinking in terms of the future, and it doesn’t scare you. Do you already have next year’s couples Halloween costumes planned? You’re on the edge of the cliff, my friend.

2. His happiness is your happiness. Not only do you go out of your way, instinctively, to make your man smile, but when he’s content, you’re floating on cloud nine.

3. You want him around in good times and in bad. The idea of him taking care of you post-wisdom-tooth-removal doesn’t send you into a freak-out fit, in which your voice takes on dog-hearing-only octaves as you scream, “He can’t see me doped up on Valium, drooling into a pillow!” Instead, he’s the one you want spoon-feeding you.

4. You crave physical contact that goes beyond sex—oh, and sex with him is also amazing. When you’ve had a tough day at work, burying your face in his neck is an instant cure. You sleep better when you’re in his arms. And his chest is way more comfy than your memory-foam pillow.

5. Feeling like an addict? Check. Hours spent together simply aren’t enough, and any empty space you have in your brain is taken up with thoughts of him.

6. You talk him up 24/7. From every sweet text he sends to that new—and very effective—move he whipped out in bed, your gal pals have the 4-1-1.

7. You get jealous. Not in a crazy-psycho-don’t-talk-to-my-man way, but in the sensitive-to-potential-relationship-threats way.

8. “We” and “our” have become regular parts of your vocabulary. It’s not the coffee shop; it’s “our coffee spot.” And when you get invited to your BFF’s weekend bash, you reply, “we’ll be there.”

9. Ex who? If any thoughts of your last love held on at the beginning of this relationship, they’re now long gone. Why would you think about an ex, after all, when a perfect man is right in front of you?

10. Love songs were written for you. When you start relating to the lyrics of your favorite gushy tunes, you know you’ve got it bad.

What are some other signs that you’re falling in love? If you’re in love, how and when did you know?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Women Want Sex, Too

by zfortadminin Sex

Although we have come pretty far as a society in understanding that women are just as sexual as men, the cliché still exists that when it comes to desires men have more of them and more often, too.

But, of course, that’s far from true and any woman who’s embraced her sexuality can confirm that wholeheartedly. But because stereotypes surrounding women and sex still exist, Kindara, a fertility awareness app, set out to see what stereotypes could be confirmed and what could be finally thrown out.

The survey by Kindara researched the sex lives of 500 women between the ages of 18 and 65. They examined sexual desire, orgasm frequency, and just how important women feel sex is to their relationship. Overwhelmingly, although not surprisingly, Kindara found that women do put some heavy importance on sex with the majority of them wanting it more than they’re getting it. Apparently once a week just won’t cut it for the majority of ladies out there.

What the results of the survey reveal, among other things, is that women are equal to men when it comes to sexual desires and to assume otherwise is wrong. Thinking that women are somehow less interested in sex is simply a decades-old thinking that needs to cease. Here are six facts about women’s sexuality that Kindara uncovered in their survey.

1. The Majority Of Women Think Sex Is Very Important To A Relationship

According to the survey, 89.2 percent of women think that sex is “very” or “somewhat” important to their overall relationship satisfaction, which makes perfect sex. Happy relationships are the ones where sex and intimacy reign supreme.

2. Over Half Of Women Want More Sex

Although we’re supposed to believe that it’s women who are holding out in the bedroom while men want more sexy times, Kindara found out something else: It’s the ladies who want more. Of those surveyed, 53.2 percent of women want more sex than they’re currently getting from their partner. In fact, less than half, at 46.8 percent, felt satisfied in having their sexual desires fulfilled.

3. Over 60 Percent Of Women Want Sex Three To Five Times A Week

In findings that really blew archaic stereotypes out the window, 60.8 percent of women desire sex three to five times a week. But for some women even that’s not enough! According to the survey, 10.2 percent of women want sex six to eight times a week ― who has enough time in the week for such a thing?!

4. Majority Of Women Put Emotional Connection Above All Else When It Comes To Sex

We hear a lot about how women love foreplay ― and we do! ― but as Kindara found what we like even more than foreplay is having an emotional connection. Of those surveyed, 53.2 percent felt that an emotional was essential for great sex, 23.6 percent believed foreplay was a deciding factor in awesome sex, and 10.4 percent rated communication as most important.

5. Most Women Orgasm At Least Once During Sex

Although women reaching orgasm still remains a struggle for many, the good news is that the amount of women who are able to orgasm at least once during sex is at 72.6 percent. Within that range, 38.6 percent had an orgasm once, 10.2 percent had multiple orgasms, and 23.8 percent could report that they had an orgasm “often.”

6. Stress Is The One Thing That Can Mess With A Woman’s Sex Drive

For 39.2 percent of women, stress is the top factor that can negatively affect their sex life. The other top culprits that can make a woman not want to get it on are being out of sync with their partners at 28.2 percent, not being in the mood at 20.2 percent, and struggling with their self-image at 20 percent. For 18 percent of women, there are no factors, like none at all, that stand in the way of them having sex.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article