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Better Sex as a Fit Woman

by zfortadminin Sex

Are you fit enough for a better sex?

Over the past few years, researchers have made some important discoveries about the body and brain connections of sex and exercise. “Being physically active seems to be a potent aphrodisiac for women,” says Tina M. Penhollow, Ph.D., an associate professor of health promotion at Florida Atlantic University, who has published research on how exercise affects sexual self-esteem.

Passionate Couple In Bed…BOOSTS FOCUS

All too common: He’s kissing your neck, but you’re thinking about that major work deadline. Exercise can help sync your mind to your body, as well as quiet your racing brain so you can focus on the task at hand, says Lori Brotto, Ph.D., director of the Sexual Health Laboratory at the University of British Columbia in Canada.

…ACCELERATES AROUSAL

Studies have shown that women who frequently exercise become aroused more quickly and are able to orgasm faster and more intensely. University of Texas at Austin researchers found that female study participants were 169 percent more aroused (as indicated by blood flow in genital tissue) while watching a short porn flick after 20 minutes of vigorous cycling than when they watched it without riding beforehand. When you get excited, blood surges into the clitoral bulbs, making the entire region around the vagina responsive to pleasure. Cardiovascular exercise can help blood pump faster to the right parts of your body; it can also reduce chronic inflammation, which can damage blood vessels and decrease circulation, putting a damper on your sexual bliss.

…BUILDS STRONGER PIPES

A healthy pair of lungs helps express your elation with more gusto, of course, but you’ll have a lot more to scream about if you learn to control your breath. Partners who breathe in tandem may create a bigger buildup, which can intensify pleasure. And women who take short, quick breaths as they reach climax—rather than holding their breath—may reduce carbon dioxide in the blood, possibly intensifying vaginal contractions. Yoga can help women focus on their breathing, while high-intensity interval training increases lung capacity—which ensures you’ll be vocalizing your gratification through the grand finale.

…REVS UP YOUR LIBIDO

During a single strength workout, your body produces higher levels of growth hormone and testosterone, hormones that play a pivotal role in muscle growth–and sex drive. A 2013 study found that hitting the weight room regularly (three days a week) keeps levels of these hormones higher. That, along with the stress-busting benefits of pumping iron, can stoke greater sexual desire, says Kim Chronister, Psy.D., author of The Psychology Behind Fitness Motivation.

…ENHANCES IN-THE-SACK ENDURANCE

Some women can take 12 minutes—or longer—to orgasm. If your body fizzles out prior to that, you may be missing out, says sex therapist Denise Onofrey. Regular physical activity improves stamina and trains your muscles to hold out longer by using energy more efficiently. The result? You won’t have to pause prematurely to give your aching arms or tired legs a break during your next epic sex session.

…GETS YOU FEELING SEXIER

Exercise transforms the way you view your body—and how you enjoy sex. Penhollow found that women who exercised frequently and reported higher levels of personal fitness were more likely to rate their desirability and sexual performance high above average. But it’s not necessarily because of a slim physique. Researchers found that women of all sizes who reported greater body appreciation (for their physical abilities, such as progress in the weight room) were more easily aroused, enjoyed sex more, and had more orgasms.

…LIGHTENS YOUR MOOD

Even feeling just a little down in the dumps can weaken desire, says Chronister. Exercise leads to an immediate rush of mood-lifting, stress-dissolving endorphins; it’s such a potent anti-depressant that some research suggests regular workouts are as effective as psychiatric medications.

…HELPS SHED INHIBITIONS

Some women get seriously distracted–even totally turned off–when their partner touches one of their less-than-favorite body parts mid-romp. A consistent workout routine can help: When Italian researchers put a small group of obese women with sexual complaints in a supervised weight-loss program (that included diet and about 10 hours of low-intensity exercise per week), they not only lost an average of 35 pounds but also reported higher levels of lubrication and sexual frequency after 16 weeks. Study authors note that weight loss does more than improve body image: It also helps improve insulin resistance. Overweight women whose bodies can’t use the hormone to process glucose also tend to have lower levels of testosterone, which dampens self-confidence and sexual response.

…MAKES YOU MORE SENSITIVE

And we don’t mean crying during sex. The tissue that forms the clitoris contains 8,000 nerve fibers that extend into the entire pelvic region, including the vaginal walls. Researchers at the University of Texas at Austin found that physical activity was able to prime a woman’s body for sexual activity by making her more sensitive to touch and increasing the efficacy of stimuli, likely by revving up a network of neurons known as your sympathetic nervous system, which controls your arousal, says Brotto.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Are You Thankful for Your Sexual Health?

by zfortadminin Sex

I am referring to more than simply being STD free.

Around this time of year we often think of things we are thankful for like family and friends.  Of course, I’m thankful for my family, especially my beautiful daughter, and friends. In addition to them I’m thankful for having good sexual health and access to reproductive health care to maintain it!

When I say I am thankful for good sexual health, I am referring to more than simply being STD free.  Though, being STD free is definitely included.  As recently as 4 years ago I was still taking my sexual health for granted. I assumed that as a female I’d be able to get pregnant and carry a child to term.  However, that was not the situation despite getting regular prenatal check-ups. My pregnancy and child birthing experience was anything but how I always thought and had planned for it to be. As a sexologist I am aware that some women have difficult pregnancies and others who are unable to conceive or carry children at all, yet I didn’t think for a second that I’d be one of those women. Don’t get too sad – I have since been told that I can have children in the future if I want to.

I certainly hope that you can also say that you are thankful for your sexual health. If you need more convincing, here are 3 reasons to be thankful for good sexual health:

  1. Ability to reproduce – should you want to. I am not assuming that everyone wants to have children, however, those who do want to have children in the future should consider adding sexual health to the list of things they are thankful for this year.  Women and men can be equally thankful for being able to contribute to the creation of life.  Without such an awesome ability the sexiest species would cease to exist. If we think of it that way – maybe people who don’t plan to reproduce should be thankful for those who do.
  2. Can serve yourself up as a great dessert.  The only thing better than a great meal with people you love and care about is having a great dessert to top it off!  You can be a sweet dessert for one or more others to enjoy. This sexy human buffet is most enjoyable when you are free of sexually transmitted infections and diseases.  Trust me this is only one of many reasons to be thankful for being STD free – though it may well be the tastiest.
  3. Can have pleasurable sex. When we are not feeling well sexually many of us tend to find sex less pleasurable, if we’re even willing to participate in having it. Who wants to have unpleasurable sex? I know I don’t. That’s the main reason to have sex is for the pleasurable experience and relaxation benefits. I’m thankful for being able to have pleasurable sex. I wish I could say I’m also thankful for a partner.

Let’s not forget that thanks to Affordable Care, Planned Parenthood, and in California – the State Office of Family Planning –we can all be thankful for low to no cost contraception and preventive reproductive care.  In many cases this includes access to various type of birth control such as pills, the patch, nuva ring, and more. It also includes access to testing for STIs, HIV, and pregnancy.  You can see from this short list that sexual health would make a great addition to things you are thankful for at this time of year and always.

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Original Article

Better Sex After Childbirth

by zfortadminin Sex

A study of 1,118 couples with children showed that 94 percent said they were satisfied with their sex lives and nearly 60 percent said that it actually got better after childbirth.

London: Resuming sex with your partner after childbirth may be a matter of two months on an average but when passion does return to the bedroom again, it comes with a new vigour, enabling couples to enjoy the act of lovemaking more, new research suggests.

A study of 1,118 couples with children showed that 94 percent said they were satisfied with their sex lives and nearly 60 percent said that it actually got better after childbirth.

But new parents on an average wait for about 58 days before they resume sex with their partner, according to the study.

Although most women fear that their partner would not find them attractive after childbirth, the findings of the survey conducted by Britain-based parenting site Channel Mum showed that men actually prefer their partner’s post-birth figure as it is more curvy and fuller.

Just 14 per cent of new mothers feel body confident after giving birth, Daily Mail reported citing the study.

“Having a baby is the biggest change you can bring into a relationship, so it is wonderful to see it can bring couples closer together rather than drive them apart,” Siobhan Freegard, founder of Channel Mum, was quoted as saying.

The research, however, showed that men are more keen to have sex after the wait than women.

While fathers want sex twice a week on average, mothers remain content with sex just once a week.

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Original Article

How Healthy is Masturbation. Can it Make a Difference to Your Sex Life?

by zfortadminin Sex

It’s a really healthy thing. It releases great endorphins and chemicals into our bodies that help us to feel happier, to feel more creative, to feel braver. It lifts depression and helps with headaches and period cramps.

Smith said masturbation is an important way for women to learn about their own bodies and what they enjoy. She encouraged women to “relax into self love”.

“Carve out a little bit of time and prioritise this because it affects your health, your mental wellbeing and your relationships, both with yourself and with others,” she said. “It’s a really important thing, yet it comes last on our list when we’re knackered and we’ve fallen into bed.”

Smith joined physiotherapist Maeve Whelan, who specialises in women’s health at Milltown Physiotherapy in Dublin, for a conversation about painful sex, the importance of pelvic floor muscles and what all women can do to improve their sex lives.

According to Whelan, there are a number of physiological and emotional reasons women might experience pain during sex.

Smith said: “I don’t know of many women who have an issue with pain that they can do nothing about.”

Also in the sex episode, a discussion about how Irish cultural, educational and social history has shaped women’s sex lives.

Joining that discussion were Dr Mel Duffy, head of the only master’s degree programme in sexuality studies in the country at Dublin City University; Shawna Scott, owner of Sex Siopa, Ireland’s health and design-focused online sex shop; and Hot Press sex columnist Anne Sexton.

According to Sexton, some of the “cultural and economic reasons for prudery and repression” include the country’s Victorian roots, the famine’s strain on the population and the Catholic Church.

The panel also talked about the lack of quality sex education for young people.

“On the one hand, there’s an incredibly massive, overwhelming porn culture which all young people have some experience of. And on the other hand, you have this culture of horrific stories of abuse. There are very few positive messages about sex, and that’s really worrying,” Sexton said.

Also in the podcast, sexual intimacy therapist and Irish Times advice columnist Trish Murphy discussed common sex problems she encounters in her practice and what people can do about them.

The Women’s Podcast question of the week is: Are you making New Years resolutions? If so, what are they? If not, why not?

Listeners are invited to tweet their answers to the question of the week @ITWomensPodcast, post to our Facebook page or email thewomenspodcast@irishtimes.com.

Individual episodes of the podcast are available on Soundcloud, iTunes, Stitcher and on irishtimes.com.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How Making Love in the Morning Makes You Healthy

by zfortadminin Sex

Now, health experts and researchers claim that morning love making is in fact good for health.

At least once in a lifetime, any couple would generally try Sunday morning love making. Now, health experts and researchers claim that morning love making is in fact good for health.Most of us have been totally conditioned. We keep the most beautiful things for the night’s schedule. There is no rule that you need to wait till it is darkness to express your love. As you experience the endorphin effect early in the morning, you will start seeing a beautiful world throughout the day even if the world is ugly and bad.Here are some health benefits of morning love making.

Morning love making health benefits are:

1.You Can Forget About Your Gym:

The calories that are burnt after a 30 minute jog can be easily burnt if you spend an hour on bed making love.

2.A Great Way To Start The Day:

If you start the day with passionate love, your entire day will be a great day and you can take on your life’s challenges with ease.

3.You Can Handle Stress Well:

The stress you experience in the traffic and in the work place look like small things when your spirits are high.

4.You Can Enjoy Better Moods Throughout The Day:

When your day starts with that high, your moods tend to be elevated for hours together and this is the best way to keep depressive moods at bay.

5.You Can Look Better:

Researchers have claimed long back that orgasms can make your skin and hair look better.

6.You Can Enjoy Better Immunity:

When you are travelling to work, if you see other around you coughing, you can consider yourself lucky. Your immunity gets a boost due to the love-making in the morning. So infections stay at bay.

7.Morning Is The Best Time For Men:

The hormonal cycles of men are at peaks in the morning. So, your man will be high with testosterone in the morning. Make the best out of his hormones.

8.You Can Come Out Of Your Caffeine Addiction:

Though coffee is the best thing in the morning, it is addictive and unhealthy. But when you get used to morning love, you can beat that addiction.

These are the health benefits of morning love making.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How to Stay Fit with Good Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

It’s more enjoyable than hitting the treadmill – and there are many documented health benefits. But is making love really an alternative to aerobic exercise?

Research has revealed that sex, which is rated as moderately intense exercise, uses up 4.2 calories in men a minute and 3.1 in women. The study, published in the American journal PLOS ONE, took 21 young couples and used a SenseWear armband to measure the effects of moderate exercise on a treadmill, compared with sex. Sex took on average 24.7 minutes, with men using up 101 calories and women using 70. Almost everyone in the study found the sex more enjoyable than the treadmill. So shouldn’t you hang up your running shoes and try “sexercise” instead?

The solution

Sex is credited with having many other health benefits. They’re not all scientifically proven because it’s difficult for researchers to measure the effects of sex on different health outcomes in a standardised way. Most research is also of heterosexual sex. But claims include reductions in heart disease and diabetes and improvements in sleep, appearance and immunity.

Sex is also credited with reducing period cramps and chronic pain – although both would put many people off having it. Saying “not tonight, I’ve got a headache” may also not be a medically valid reason for refusing: more than one study shows that it might relieve headaches, although it’s less reliable than tablets.

Sex is associated with promoting wellbeing – and you don’t even need a partner –a paper in 1986 found that older men and women who masturbated had reduced rates of depression.

Sex may also reduce stress – a small study looking at the relationship between sex in the two-week period before stressful events found that people who had had intercourse showed the smallest rise in blood pressure when dealing with these events.

Sexual activity has also been associated with longevity – a study in the BMJ conducted in south Wales that followed 918 men aged between 49-59 for 10 years found that those who had been having two or more orgasms a week had 50% lower mortality rates. The authors of the study cite other research suggesting that quality of sex is important in realising the health benefits.

But this latest study really shows that sex uses only a few calories – the treadmill used about three times as many. The sex was also likely to be more energetic than usual because people knew they were being monitored.

Sex is an indicator of good health as well as contributing to it. But the research generally suggests more is not necessarily better and that quality is what matters.

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Original Article

How Eating Tomatoes Can Support Fertility

by zfortadminin Sex

Lycopene, the substance that makes tomatoes red, is known to slow the growth of prostate cancer, and researchers hope it could also help sperm production.

SHEFFIELD, England, April 12 (UPI) — Lycopene, the substance that makes tomatoes red, could be the key to boosting sperm counts in men with infertility, according to researchers launching a study of it.

While it’s known to slow the growth of prostate cancer and lower risk for stroke, researchers at the University of Sheffield will study the effects of lycopene on infertile men.

Previous studies have indicated lycopene supplements can increase sperm counts, including one in 2014 conducted at the Cleveland Clinic that showed lycopene raised counts by up to 70 percent. Roughly one in six couples has trouble conceiving, with half due to poor sperm quality, researchers say, suggesting a treatment to increase sperm count could solve the problem.

“Little work has been done in this area,” Dr. Elizabeth Williams, a professor in the department of oncology and human metabolism at the University of Sheffield, said in a press release. “If lycopene has a beneficial effect on the prostate, it is reasonable to think it might also improve sperm function.”

The researchers plan to recruit 60 people between ages 18 and 30, randomly giving half the participants two 7-milligram lycopene capsules per day, and the rest a placebo.

Sperm and blood samples will be taken at the beginning of the study, six weeks in and then when the 12-week study is complete to measure the effects of XY Pro, an over-the-counter lactolycopene supplement.

The researchers chose XY Pro, which was developed at Cambridge University, because research has shown the supplement is absorbed well by the body.

“Studies elsewhere in the world have shown that the antioxidant properties of lycopene seem to have a beneficial effect on sperm quality and we want to investigate this further,” said Allan Pacy, a professor of andrology at the University of Sheffield. “Production of sperm takes three months. This study will tell us if lycopene improves the quality of sperm already in development by reducing DNA damage, and whether it produces an overall increase in the number of mature sperm produced overall.”

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Original Article

An Inner Dialogue on Sex Challenges in a New Relationship

by zfortadminin Sex

New York’s Sex Diaries series asks anonymous city dwellers to record a week in their sex lives — with comic, tragic, often sexy, and always revealing results. This week, a 30-year-old painter with a job in online marketing who’s trying to sort everything out inside. Straight, in a relationship, Crown Heights.

DAY ONE

3:15 a.m. I’ve been waking up between two and four every morning for months now, usually just to pee, but sometimes from nightmares. It’s kind of both this time. As I stumble out of bed, I try to remember anything from this dream other than merely the image of my pussy-less body: my mons pubis curved down into a Barbie crotch, but made of my skin and pubic hair. No folds, no holes.

9:00 a.m. My phone vibrates on top of a pile of printed spreadsheets. I cancel the alarm because I’ve already taken my pill, dutifully, with my sad desk breakfast.

Venlafaxine is an SNRI, which means it increases the activity of both serotonin and norepinephrine in my brain. It’s used to treat a variety of anxiety and depressive disorders as well as certain kinds of nerve pain. I take it for both issues and often wonder if it’s dulling my sensitivity at the same time. A decrease in libido, as with other antidepressants, is to be expected, but less so with venlafaxine than others, which is why my psychiatrist prescribed it.

I wouldn’t mind that much if I weren’t in the most committed relationship I’ve ever been in. One I’m always worried I’ll fuck up. It’s been one and a half years; we met on OkCupid. I like his parents, he likes mine, everything seems right. But the medication is nonnegotiable. It’s been two months, and although I don’t feel not-depressed, I feel boosted enough to prove I’ve needed it all along.

DAY TWO

12:30 p.m. Tuesday I have therapy, which means I get to leave work midday and battle through downtown traffic on my rusty old bike. Today, as with most sessions, we’re discussing boundaries. How can I explain to my partner that I’m scared of him initiating sex? That kissing is fine, but when his hands travel over my ass I start to panic? That sometimes, even though I’ve gotten naked just fine, when he goes down on me, it somehow hurts all over?

He and I have been through this before, after a triggering event that stopped all sex for us for months. From a television show, of all things. I had fallen asleep watching Netflix and half-awoke to a character being acquaintance-raped — like I was.

4:30 p.m. Coming home from work can be a thrill. These days, I’m dripping sweat from the ride home and we’re really overdoing the A/C; the sensation is a blessed shock on my skin. The dog greets me with urgent excitement, and we head right back out the door. He’s not my dog, really; he belongs to my partner, but I’m happy to do the afternoon walk — for both of them.

At home again, I lie down on the couch and the dog follows, leaning its weight on me. We trust each other, and I’m glad of it. My partner comes home, and when the dog gets up to greet him, he takes its place atop me on the couch. He kisses me sweetly, all over my face, and asks how my day was.

10:15 p.m. I’m very tired, so I shut my book and settle onto my pillow, nudging my ass up against my partner as conciliation for turning away from him. He reads for a while longer, and when he puts his book down, he rolls over to spoon me, to prod me with his erection.

“Are you trying to sex me?” I laugh a little.

“I’m always trying to sex you.”

“It’s too late, I’m so tired.” I wonder why I don’t bring up what was carefully discussed in therapy, but I’m also tired of hearing myself talk about What Was Carefully Discussed in Therapy.

DAY THREE

6:45 a.m. Nothing seems wrong with this relationship; in fact, we’ve been sleeping in later and later just to cuddle longer. We have so much physical chemistry. I never thought I’d be so comfortable with someone else’s body.

11:00 a.m. Again, it’s easy for me to think of him when he’s not here. My therapist says this is because I have the utmost control when it’s just thoughts. I wish I could go home to him right now, and I pre-regret how I won’t have this desire by the end of the day.

9:45 p.m. He has a class today, and it is usually the one day I can depend on a sexless evening. I try to paint, I try to apply to some jobs, but having this freedom from sex worries just leaves me stuck thinking about how to fix this. I smoke a little weed and masturbate in the shower.

I’m thinking about a kinky friend of mine who’s told me she’s thought of sleeping with me before. I always masturbate thinking about women, no matter who I’m sleeping with in reality. I wonder if that’s not also related to control.

DAY FOUR

8:30 p.m. Thursdays I get as stoned as I can and go to yin yoga. It’s a slow bedtime stretching class, heated, in the dark, and taught by a small woman who has one of those dreamy instructor voices that usually drives me insane, feeding us meditation thoughts when I’d prefer silence, but I don’t mind it from her. I am, in fact, attracted to her in every way. She is petite, which I also never thought would be my type, with a muscular ass and tiny tits. Her face is round and happy, a glowing moon in this darkened room.

I am happy when I’m in this class, high. I sit in the warmest corner of the room and stare at myself in the mirror. The truth is, I like everything about the way I look only right now. I look very tanned, my thighs look very muscular. I look athletic. I look like I could be six feet tall, like a giantess, a thought that usually terrifies me. Another thought floats into my mind: that maybe my partner and I are it for each other. I text him: “I want to kiss you when I get home,” before turning off my phone and lying back on my mat.

The class starts child’s pose. This instructor always comes to me first: My back is very stiff, and she runs her fingers firmly from my shoulders to my hips, coaxing my body to submit to the floor. I think about touching her in the same way, think of us alone in this hot, dark room, and what sounds she would make. At the end of class, sobering up, I always wonder whether I’ve made those sounds aloud.

9:30 p.m. I ride home determined to have sex with him; I prime myself with calming thoughts about his face, his voice, reminding myself that I love him and that he is not the enemy. I feel happy about my body, stimulated and calmed from the instructor’s touch.

He’s cleaning the kitchen when I get home. I kiss him as significantly as I can and tell him to come take a shower with me. He enters after I’ve already rinsed, and runs his hands over my back. I pull him toward me and he smiles. I’m happy, too. I kneel down and put my mouth on him for the first time in months; it’s a huge relief to both of us. I twitch when I hear him breathe in deeply, my nipples get hard when he gingerly places his hand on my head. He’s so gentle with me, and I like the way his dick feels in my mouth—it doesn’t make sense why I can’t just do this more often.

“We’re wasting water,” he says. I towel off my hair and we lie down on the bed, touching each other like children, our lips meeting haltingly, until he rolls me onto my back and enters me. God, it is a relief. I won’t come, but it’s a relief.

DAY FIVE

8:00 a.m.  We’re working from home today. I think of kissing him, and so I peek at the door to the office to ask if he’s on a call, wrap my arms around him where he’s sitting. He turns and kisses me and says, “What?”

“I just wanted to kiss you, is all.”

Maybe five minutes later, I call to him from my makeshift desk to ask him a question.

“What,” he snaps back.

I don’t remember the last time I’ve ever said “I’m sorry” with such sarcasm. It instantly slayed me, the tone he used. The part of me that is historically easily rejected hasn’t learned much, and I shut down for a little while.

2:00 p.m. We get neighborhood ramen for lunch; I’m in a happy place. He tells me he’s having a bad day, he’s too busy. I ask him why, but his answers are short. He’s not much for feelings.

DAY SIX

8:00 a.m. Saturdays are wonderful in this house. The permission to sleep in means that the day half-starts in half-sleep; we’re pulling each other closer and kissing arms, backs, necks, whatever’s there to kiss. We ask each other about what we dreamt and we fall asleep again.

9:30 a.m. I make coffee and he walks the dog. We start improvising breakfast from the remainder of the week’s groceries. He puts on a record and sneaks up to hug me from behind and peck me on the neck. This is perfect, until he slides his hands up my shirt.

“I’m cooking!” I try to say as playfully as possible. I know he’s hurt: His response is similarly pained.

1:40 p.m. We’ve had a good day. He has some homework to do, and I go out to the patio to paint. This is another of my uses for marijuana. The dog comes and sits beside me, but my partner won’t. Our apartment is too small for me to have an art space, and maybe he’s internalized how badly I need time for me. I invite him to come out, but he says he doesn’t want to bother me. I smoke and smoke and hum along to Bill Evans, and I feel like this piece is really coming along.

3:15 p.m. I am in such a peaceful place. The air outside is still and hot, the sounds of the neighborhood are happy, the dog nudges my free hand every so often for a head pat. I think to myself how happy I am here, to have moved in with this man and his dog. I wish he were sitting beside me now, playing his guitar. I miss him, though he’s just on the other side of the door.

I go inside, where he’s lying on the couch, reading. I straddle him and kiss his face. He has two kinds of kisses: Firmness leads to nothing, but if I can make his lips soft, he’ll give in. He puts down his book and smiles at me.

“What’s up?”

“I missed you, and I thought I’d come tell you.”

We undress as much as we can without changing positions, and he’s inside me almost instantly. I ride him there, on the couch. He laughs when he comes, and so do I.

6:30 p.m. We have a lot of errands this evening, and he orders in some Thai to make up for it. I feel very close to him when we’re being domestic.

10:30 p.m. … And blissful to find I’ve fallen asleep in his arms while watching TV.

DAY SEVEN

10:00 a.m. I go to church up the block, a very austere Episcopal service, in a building made of cold gray stone. I don’t think anymore about whether how I live my life is pleasing to God or not, but I do still cry whenever I take communion.

11:30 a.m. He’s made breakfast and been to the farmers’ market while I was away. We’re both in a pretty good mood, and he tries to capitalize on it, but I have work in our community garden that I promised I’d get done today. He tries to get me to do it later. Maybe he hasn’t caught on that making me procrastinate is not what I’m into.

3:00 p.m. He came to the garden with me, and we both worked up a heavy sweat. We got a lot of work done, as we always do together, and now we’re exhausted, showered, and back to our respective places of yesterday, he reading on the couch and I painting on the front porch.

6:00 p.m. I have dinner with a friend and speak kindly about my situation. I’ve been reading Come As You Are, which this friend had recommended, but I can’t get my partner to believe it’s not a joke book. My friend and I bond over this and drink and smoke and watch some anime because we’ve exhausted our emotional reserves.

10:30 p.m. I come home intoxicated, and he’s reading in bed. I feel good enough that I’m not worried about losing sleep time, and I cuddle into him aggressively.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Almost 50% of British Women Can’t Identify the Vagina

by Sarah Ewaldin Sex

Well, this is alarming. A new study that surveyed 1K British women found that only 56% of women could identify the vagina from a medical diagram.

For those of you who can’t do math, that’s 44% of women who can’t identify the vagina. And that’s way too high.

By contrast, nearly 70% of women could identify the male reproductive organs from a diagram. (Full disclosure: this was me in fifth grade health class. But then I got some knowledge.)

The study turned up some other things to note: Less than 30% of women could correctly identify all six parts of the women’s reproductive system from the same diagram. Also, only one in seven women were able to name a cancer that affects the reproductive organs. (The study was done by The Eve Appeal, a UK-based gynecological charity in awareness of September being Gynaecological Cancer Awareness Month.)

The study also turned up the interesting note that women ages 65 and older were most likely to have scant knowledge of their reproductive organs, with less than one of four women able to name even one part. This might speak to a divide in sexual and health education between generations.

Not to be dramatic, but knowing this information could save your life, or the life of another woman you know.

California Will Now Offer a Year’s Worth of Birth Control Pills

by Sarah Ewaldin Sex

Once again, California blazes the way for the rest of the nation.

Last week, Governor Jerry Brown signed a bill into law that states that women will be able to pick up a year’s supply of birth control pills at one time. Before this law passed, pharmacists were only able to dispense birth control in three-month supplies. (And I know I’ve had trouble with even that.)

birth control pills in California

Worried about if your insurance will cover it? No need: the new law also requires that the new year-at-once be covered in healthcare plans.

The new law goes into Jan. 1, 2017.

16 Women On The One Thing They Appreciate Most From A Man In Bed

by Becca Martinin Sex, SEX TIPS

Your sex life might be good, but here’s how you’ll make it better for her.

Last night I was sitting at a bar with a friend getting drinks. I saw a hot guy across the bar drinking a Coors Banquet, eating chips and salsa, watching the game on TV. He looked completely uninterested in everything going on around him, as he sat there alone, never looking away from what was right in front of him.

“The man in the baseball hat across from us is so hot,” I said to my friend.

“Yeah, he really is. Just by the looks of him though, I bet he wouldn’t go down on a girl in bed, he’d just expect you to do all the work,” she said.

She probably wasn’t wrong, but we’ll never know if the man at the bar drinking a Coors Banquet could please a woman the way she wants to be pleased.

The conversation inspired me to ask 16 women from my life and the Internet what they appreciate most from a man in bed, here are their answers:

1.  “I appreciate a guy that tends to my needs first before he *expects* me to put his dick in my mouth. It shows he cares a little more for me than just the sex and that he also cares about making me feel good in bed.” – Jess, 24

2.  “When the guy actually wants me to orgasm and is turned on by it rather than just focusing on himself getting off. That is not enjoyable and it doesn’t make me want to continue to have sex with him when he’s only focused on himself.” – Lacey, 23

3.  “When you can openly say what you like and they actually listen to you, instead just assuming I like what they’re doing, especially when it’s in the moment. It makes the connection better and it’s way more fun for both of us.” – Sara, 28

4.  ‘“I appreciate when a man communicates in bed. Silent sex is boring and awkward. I want to know that your world is being rocked, what you want more or less of, how good it all feels or asking me to ride you harder or who my pussy belongs to. That’s the kind of stuff that turns me on and makes it WAY more enjoyable.” – Catrina, 27

5.  “Open, honest, raw and real communication about wants, needs and desires without judgement.” – Julia, 36

6.  “The warmth that radiates from their body.” – Macy, 26

7.  “His voice when he cherishes me.” – Emily, 30

romantic couple

8.  “I appreciate when a man acknowledges other parts of my body than just my tits and ass. I know he’s enjoying my ass when he’s grabbing it but it would be nice to be reminded that he also thinks I’m beautiful or that he likes my eyes. It makes me feel like less of a just a body for him to fuck and more like he appreciates me.” – Kaitlyn, 33

9.  “FOREPLAY! I get that he can go from 0 to 100 real quick, but like, I don’t. I appreciate when a man is gentle and slow, instead of just trying to do it quickly (unless that is what we’re going for). I want foreplay, it makes everything feel better and makes me so much more into the sex.” – Bella, 26

10.  “I appreciate when a man takes control. I am strong and independent as hell, but the bedroom is the one and only place I want to be dominated by a man. I want him to be rough, to a healthy extent, and take control. That is so hot to me and such a turn on.” – Nicole, 34

11.  “A man who makes sure I also cum! I’m sick of dudes cumming then just flopping down beside me all out of breath. Like that’s awesome he just got a load off, but he better not think he’s done without making sure I’m taken care of. Not how it works, buddy.” – Rachel, 23

12.  “I appreciate a man who is willing to try new things with me in bed. Routine is boring, even in the bedroom. Doing missionary then finishing doggy style gets old REAL quick. I want some excitement and I appreciate a man who is also into switching things up and experimenting in the bedroom.” – Cheryl, 41

13.  “His praise telling me he likes what I’m doing. I enjoy giving him head but only when he communicates to me that he likes what I’m doing. It makes me feel really good and I appreciate his words of affirmation.” – Kylie, 25

14.  “When a man is aggressive with me, but only after we’ve communicated what we’d like to do to each other and are on the same page. It allows me to feel more comfortable with him and myself in bed.” – Michaela, 29

15.  “A guy who takes things slow and makes me feel special, when he kisses down my neck, whispers in my ear, tells me that I’m beautiful. Those things all make me feel so appreciated and confirms that I’m not just someone he wants to fuck but actually cares about. Sometimes it’s so easy to feel worthless in bed and like I don’t matter so when he does little things like that it shows me he really cares.” – Brooke, 24

16.  “When he stays and cuddles after! There is no worse feeling than when a guy comes over, has sex with you and leaves. When he stays and I know he enjoys spending time with me after it makes me feel so loved and cared for.”  – Suzy, 23

May this information empower you to new and exciting adventures!

For more ways to please women, check out: Tongue-Tied During Sex? Here’s the Sexy Talk Women Want to Hear.

Will #MeToo Spur a Sex-Ed Revolution for American Youth?

by Ola Faletiin Sex, SEX TIPS

It’s not just about learning how to use condoms — and it never was.

When I think of my introduction to sex-ed, I think of weekday mornings in a stuffy seventh grade classroom, with diagrams of male and female reproductive anatomy.

Our teacher was a kind, dark-haired woman who entertained the questions our pubescent selves would anonymously drop in a box before each class. Things like “how much pubic hair is too much pubic hair” and “is it ok to be attracted to older men.”

I feel lucky to say that I actually learned a lot from these sessions. We covered the common and lesser known bodily anatomy (think vas deferens) while talking about our changing bodies.

One subject we absolutely did not discuss was consent. I don’t remember a unit on it, or even discussion of rape except maybe a token, brief no means no mention.

We didn’t have a unit on consent in my high school sex ed class, either. Both classes were over ten years ago.

Over the past five years, talk of sexual assault on college campuses has been covered in various news outlets. However,  2017 was the year when floodgates, seemingly, burst open. With each new account and each new accusation of men in power abusing it in the worst ways, more questions surfaced: what are we teaching our men and boys? What kind of society tolerates, even becomes accustomed to, so much sexual violence?

A patriarchal one. #MeToo is a glaring sign that a greater shift needed to happen. Not just hashtags, and protests, but fundamental education too. Sex-ed is a great place for that shift to happen.

Sex-ed in the United States remains contentious because for one, it doesn’t exist everywhere.

Eleven U.S. states don’t require any sex education in schools. The religious right is adamant in believing that any non abstinence-only education will lead to premarital sex. The U.S. education system is in shambles as is. So why even invest the resources in better sex-ed programs?

More than 20% of children are sexually abused before the age of 8. If anything, it’s more imperative that they learn the consent talk early.

I have clear memories of pre-school, being chased on a playground by a group of boys, with them catching me and attempting to pull down my skorts. This behavior isn’t uncommon. It isn’t even frowned upon. It’s saying “boys will be boys,” to the detriment of all genders.

Consent is not too complicated for toddlers to understand. They learn to share toys and space with others, why shouldn’t they learn the same with bodies?

Teaching anatomy only isn’t enough.

teaching children sex education

The young generation has unprecedented access to pornography and sexual media. In the information age, these kids are “informed” in many ways that previous generations were not. But pornography doesn’t teach consent. Most TV programs don’t teach consent either. And that’s a problem.

Sex education can only work if its teachings are being enforced by society at large. With an alleged rapist occupying the highest U.S. office, the recent near-election of an accused child rapist, and dozens, thousands, millions of victims whose voices go unheard, sex education in this country will need a stronger support than grassroots organizations.

On the other hand, can there even be a curriculum for teaching consent? While it’s easy to think of it as a black-and-white area, it’s not. Not when consent (or lack thereof) is non-verbal, and not when both parties or intoxicated, or not when one party regrets the sex in the moment but does not communicate that to their partner.

I wish my sex ed classes covered how to say no when you’ve changed your mind about sex, and how to communicate what you’re willing and not willing to do. At the very least, discussed it.

Those are good starting points for teaching young people about consent. My hope for this generation is that it will be the last to be silenced by sexual trauma. I believe a sex-ed revolution is on the rise, but it’s more of a question of whether or not a sex ed revolution is enough.

More like this, A New Way to Help Teens Foster Healthy Dating Habits and Relationships, A Consent Uprising and My Own Sexual Assault, or What You’re Getting Wrong About Sex Positivity

10 Ways to Cultivate Your Sexual Energy and Self-Worth Without Actually Having Sex

by Kate Oczypokin RELATIONSHIPS, Sex

Developing your sexual energy and self-worth without actually doing the deed can be quite the journey.

When asked to write about this subject, I at first found it daunting. Then I began to realize just how many times I felt sexually alive without actually having sex.

Here are 10 ways to cultivate your sexual energy and self-worth without actually having sex.

1. Buy yourself sexy lingerie.

Do a little online shopping or make like the ‘90s kid you were and head to your local mall. Find a gorgeous, lacy, risqué and utterly sexy bra and panties set and purchase it. By having something sexy on that’s just for yourself, you create a fun mystery that only you know about.

2. Experiment with masturbation.

If you’ve never masturbated, I encourage you to give it a try. It took awhile to figure out exactly what I liked. Once you do though, embrace it. Buy a vibrator if you think you’d enjoy one—Amazon sells a ton, believe it or not! By experimenting with what you like, you’ll be better able to direct your partner to do what makes you feel good.

3. Do something spontaneous.

There’s just something innately sexy about doing something spontaneous. If you’re with someone, grab a deck of cards and play strip poker, but stop before things get too intimate. If you’re single at the moment, book a flight to your closest beach for a long weekend with your best girlfriends. Being spontaneous feels so invigorating that one just naturally feels sexy doing something so spur-of-the-moment.

4. Explore how sex is more than just the physical deed.

Yes, sex is a physical act but it is so much more than that. There are deep emotional ties to having sex with someone, and there is also a mental act. Journaling about how you feel when you do have sex may be helpful to figuring out where you are physically, emotionally and psychologically. Sometimes extra stress from work can cause your sexual prowess to take a hit. Perhaps you’re super self-conscious about a part of your body. Writing about what’s bugging you when it comes to sex can ultimately help you get through your issues and come out with better self-worth overall. 

sexy lingerie

5. Educate yourself.

Read up on sex! If you’re trying to grow your sexual energy or realize just how worth it you are, read anything and everything you can when it comes to sex. Sometimes reading about sex can be funny too—one of my favorite evening pasttimes when I’m bored is perusing Urban Dictionary, looking at all the ridiculous names kids have for sex positions these days!

6. Watch a film or read an erotic romance novel.

Watch a sexy film to figure out what turns you on, or if you’re a reader, grab an erotic romance novel. If you haven’t read the 50 Shades of Grey series yet, you could always give it a try. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed the books–both laughing at them and fantasizing a bit as I read the sex scenes. Watching porn or reading romance novels are great ways to continue to explore your sexuality.

7. Take control next date night—without the sex.

Taking control of date night and what happens when it’s over is a great way to channel your sexual energy. If your significant other and you don’t live together, end the night at the goodnight kiss, leaving him or her wanting more. If you are living in the same place, have a super steamy makeout session. If you end that session before sex, you can claim your sexual self-worth—it will serve as a great reminder to your partner that you are indeed worth waiting for.

8. Take a pole-dancing class.

I know it seems cliché, but pole dancing classes have popped up all over the country. Release your inner stripper and sign up for a class near you. If you’re shy and a bit self-conscious, pole dancing is a great way to overcome that. Take a few of your friends and get ready for some serious fun.

pole dancing class

9. Take up yoga.

Yoga ultimately makes you more flexible, which would therefore make for better sex, right? The easier you can move, the easier sex will be. There’s no need to take things to contortionist levels, but the earlier you start a practice like yoga, the easier sex will be as you age into your 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond.

10. Practice self-care.

One of the easiest ways you’ll be able to make sure your sexual energy and self-worth are at the utmost level is to practice self-care. Sex usually makes you feel good. Why not do what else makes you feel good, like getting a blowout at your local salon or reading a good book outdoors on a gorgeous day? By assuring your happiness and mental health, your sexual health should thrive as well.

Want to read more on sex? Check out this piece about natural or holistic ways to increase your libido.