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Will You Have an Epic Sex Life? Here is the Chemistry Test

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

Find out if you and your partner is a perfect sexual match.

Having a similar sex drive as your partner will definitely keep things hot in the bedroom, but having different sexual preferences is actually the key to long-lasting sex life, says a new study.

The research, published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, examined similar sexual preferences and complementary sexual preferences and how each influenced sexual compatibility and satisfaction within a relationship. (In this case, an example of similar sexual preferences was both enjoying oral sex or both enjoying being dominant in bed, while complementary preferences would look like one partner preferring to be on top while the other likes to be on bottom.) Scientists surveyed 304 heterosexual couples between the ages of 18 to 65 who were dating, engaged, or married. Some had been together only one month, while others had been together for over 30 years. Using the Sexual Activity Inventory, the couples responded to questions about their sexual fantasies and positive and negative aspects of their sex lives, including questions about what their partner did and didn’t like to do in bed. Then, they each ranked their level of sexual satisfaction in their current relationship.

The results showed that having complementary sexual preferences—rather than the exact same ones—correlated to higher sexual satisfaction. Essentially this meant that bottoms liked to be with tops and givers liked to be with receivers. It’s not exactly suprising; it makes sense that someone who likes to take the reins in bed would have better sexual chemistry with someone who is a little more submissive, rather than someone else who likes to dominate. So if your partner loves giving oral and you love receiving it, you’re obviously a match made in sexual heaven. Basically, your favorite sexual behaviors complement each other.

Interestingly, the study also found that men have a pretty big responsibility when it comes to maintaining that sexual chemistry. When guys were better able to predict what turned their partners on, they ranked their sex lives more positively and so did their partners. So why not give them a little help by letting them know exactly what you like in bed? It’s pretty much guaranteed to put your sexual satisfaction—and his—through the roof.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How to Initiate Sex With Your Man

by zfortadminin Sex

Jump-start your love life by learning how to put the moves on your man

You’ve heard all about the benefits of having sex—it can improve your health, help you sleep and, obviously, strengthen your relationship. And the best way to have more sex is to ask for it. But for some women, that’s easier said than done. It may be because you can’t figure out a way to get the message across, or you’re exhausted, shy or just plain out of practice, says Aline Zoldbrod, Ph.D., sex therapist and author of Sex Talk. No matter what the reason, if you’re not sure how to give your man the hint, read on for nine tips to initiate romance.

1. Put it in writing.

Sometimes, saying, “I want you, now” out loud can feel intimidating or embarrassing, especially if that kind of talk doesn’t come naturally to you, says Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., a couples and sex therapist and author of Getting the Sex You Want. But writing down your desires can help shake off your inhibitions, since you can get your point across without face-to-face contact. Pop a note in your husband’s coat pocket before you leave for work, send him an email (to his personal account!) or tap out a quick text message. What you say depends on your relationship, but, “Try to break out of your comfort zone to help build erotic anticipation,” says Dr. Nelson. Texting things like, “Can’t wait until tonight,” or “Having a naughty thought about you right now” can work to build excitement for what’s to come. Or, Dr. Nelson says, you can be more graphic than you might feel comfortable doing in person, saying something like, “Tonight, I’m getting into bed naked and will do XYZ to you…”

2. Establish an “I’m in the mood” code.

Between the two of you, come up with a word or phrase that is a secret call for sex. “Make it something that you can say in front of your kids, or even your in-laws,” says Dr. Nelson. The contrast between how ordinary the code sounds to others and what it really means to you stirs up excitement and fosters intimacy. Try something like, “Honey, can you help me balance the checkbook later?” or, “I really have a headache!”

3. Get—and stay––in the mood.

When it comes to summoning sex, getting yourself in the mood is half the battle. “You are more likely to initiate sex later if you pay attention to your own feelings first,” says Dr. Zoldbrod. Look at some erotic images, such as those in the Kama Sutra, or read a few passages from a favorite romance novel to put you in a sexual state of mind. If that’s not your speed, just spend some time thinking in detail about the last time you had sex, which will help rev your appetite. Dr. Zoldbrod also recommends going for a walk to boost endorphins, wearing lingerie to work or even thinking about your favorite celebrity crush. By reminding yourself to keep sex at the forefront of your mind all day, the positive vibes will last well until bedtime, inspiring you to make a move.

4. Send a nonverbal cue.

If verbal requests for sex are out of your comfort zone, don’t worry: non-verbal initiation can be just as powerful. Try a kiss on his neck or a little ear-nibbling while he’s on the computer or watching TV, suggests Dr. Nelson. Then escalate the gesture by stroking his arm while you’re sitting near each other. Ramping it up slowly like this serves two purposes: First, the element of surprise can boost sexual feelings; secondly, the non-verbal come-on can be unexpected, which could pave the way for spontaneous sex, says Dr. Nelson.

5. Try something new together.

Explore unknown territory as a couple, whether that means attending a free art class at your library, going to see a foreign movie or signing up for a volunteer opportunity in your community. “When couples do new things together they produce more dopamine, the feel-good brain chemical,” which will help make you feel closer, says Dr. Zoldbrod. And if you enjoyed that foreign film or art class and ended up making love when you got home? That tradition will likely catch on, so doing it after any excursion may become a delicious habit.

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Why Are You Thankful For Sex?

by zfortadminin Sex

Thanksgiving!

In the spirit of the holiday, I’ve put together a list of 10 reasons I’m thankful for sex. I’m sure we can all agree there are many more than 10 reasons to be thankful for sexy time, but there is football to be watched, online sales to be shopped and pumpkin pie to be eaten. There just isn’t enough time in this day to say all my Thank You’s.

So, here goes.
My big, fat thank you to fornication!

1. Orgasms. ‘Nuff said.

2. Sex releases endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. They also make your hair shiny and skin smooth.

3. Sex makes babies. Babies are cute (as long as they’re not mine).

4. Sex is free (usually) and fun (usually).

5. Sex helps me connect with people. And not just the people I have sex with. Sex gives me dirty details to dish to my friends, the Internet, or even strangers on the subway.

6. Sex gives me something to write about every week. Which looks good on my resume. Which will help get me a job. Sex will get me a job!

7. Sex gives me something to daydream about during my long, boring biology lectures. (My professor may drone on, but he’s banging and I can only imagine what’s going on under those pleated khakis.)

8. Sex burns calories. Up to 300 an hour! So after today’s feast, it will only take about 25 hours of sex to burn it all off.

9. Sex helps me fall asleep at night, which is a much healthier habit than relying on sleeping pills. Plus it’s more fun. See #4.

10. Sex made me! I’d rather not think about the specifics, but some day a long time ago my parents had (gasp) sex and now here I am. And that is definitely something I can be thankful for.

Why are you thankful for sex?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

7 Intoxicating Sex Positions

by zfortadminin Sex

For those times when you want to get a little bit ~intimate~.

Sometimes all you want is the kind of daring, delightfully dirty sex that would make Christian Grey wonder what the eff he’d gotten himself into. But on other occasions, you may prefer something that feels a little more emotionally raw, like you and your partner have fused into one amazing-sex-having being. Here, seven positions to try when you’re craving the sexual equivalent of the heart-eyed emoji.

1. Spooning

If you’re the big spoon, you get to play the role of the protector. As the little spoon, you feel enveloped in a cocoon of sexiness and security. Another point in this position’s corner: when you’re on the inside, your partner can try manual stimulation, penetration, or both if that’s what you’re into. Double duty is always a winner.

Netflix via shawshankedbylindsey.tumblr.com

2. Wraparound

Change things up from missionary position by wrapping your legs around your partner’s back so you can draw them in deeper. Not knowing where one of you ends and the other begins can translate into sex so good, you’re tempted to walk down the street with a megaphone and broadcast a play-by-play.

3. Sideways

It’s the face-to-face version of spooning, so you have the added benefit of being able to gaze into each other’s eyes, thus getting one step closer to peak sappiness. If you’re feeling inspired enough to turn your session into something sweeter than even the best of desserts, you can caress your partner’s face and whisper all the things that usually feel too intimate to say. Chances are they’ll return the favor.

4. Starfish

Yes, Marnie had a bad experience with a version of this on Girls (remember Booth Jonathan and the sassy doll?), but it can still result in electric sex with the right person. To get there, lie on your back, extending your arms and legs like you know you’re the prettiest starfish in the sea. Beckon your partner over and ask them to lie on top of you, matching each of their limbs up with yours. It’ll feel like you’re touching every inch of each other, and as a bonus, you can do a lot of kissing.

Pixar via mund0-meu.tumblr.com

5. Modified Doggy

This simple variation on doggy style can bring you closer, both literally and figuratively. Lie flat on your stomach and have your partner position themselves between your legs to enter from behind, or reach down with their hand. You’ll get full-body contact, and an easy turn of your head makes it possible to kiss throughout the action.

6. Straddling

Ask your partner to sit with crossed legs, then settle in on top of them, wrapping your legs around their hips. You’ll both benefit from the eye contact, and if you’re having sex with a guy, it’s tough to do regular old in-and-out thrusting. No matter who you’re trying this out with, you can rely on grinding and friction instead. It’s like switching from hyped up hip-hop to smooth R&B, except during sex so it’s way more fun.

7. However you like it!

Maybe you think the above moves are perfectly nice, but what really makes you feel more in love is submitting to someone else during role-play or looking down into their eyes while you do your thing on top. Even more than certain positions, vulnerability is what ups the emotional ante during sex. Something that seems hardcore to one person might translate into major swooning for you, and vice versa. In that case, the only thing you can do to figure it all out is lots of experimenting. Who knew homework could be so much fun?

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Original Article

Are You Paying Attention to Your Sexual Soul?

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex, Wellness

Ignoring this vital source of life has caused a lot of pain and distress for many people. Making peace with it, though, can open you up to deep wells of pleasure.

The human desire for connection runs deep, like a river that winds through an individual’s heart. If this river-like phenomenon can be compared to human sexuality, then it can run through different rhythmic patterns.

Some spots will be filled with passionate torrents; others will be serene and calm. Maneuvering along this river in a boat named “LIFE” is truly one of the human being’s greatest adventures. From a soul perspective, sexuality is a merging of both masculine and feminine energies into one. We all have these special gifts that lie within us.

Yet there can be so much confusion and angst within a person who is lacking this spiritual, sexual intimacy. An artist has found a way to bring these elements to life through their work. When the creative’s connection to intimacy gets stifled, then there is no energy left for creation. What causes this lack of creativity? It might be that the sexual soul has suffered an interruption in its internal program of love and light.

A picture, it is said, is worth a thousand words. One famous picture of art deftly displays the power of mixing masculine and feminine energy, awakening the sexual soul to life. In the artwork, both man and woman are represented as streams of energy merging together. The male’s energy enters the woman, and flows through her body to the crown of her head. The woman’s energy flows out from the crown of her head into the crown of the man’s head, thereby resulting in a never-ending circular stream of energy between both people.

The sexual soul’s purpose is to keep us alive and vibrant. Honestly, though, the struggle to make peace with this sacred part of our humanity gets short shrift. There are men and women who have suffered deep scars and wounds from sexual abuse and degradation in their formative years. Responsible adults took advantage of them, making these precious young souls their sexual playmates. I use the term “playmate” carefully because the harm that comes from this abusive way of life sends the sexual soul reeling for its own true path. People can get caught up in abusing their sexuality through daily use of prostitutes, pornography or even cutting themselves from the shame, guilt and fear that haunt them.

It is clear to me that some people find using prostitutes and pornography in their sexual lives as no big deal. So be it. Moralists definitely have trouble reconciling anything like this concept within them. Sometimes, it is the moralist who finds themselves engaged in these activities under the shadows of the night.

What does healing from this behavior look like? Certainly, there must be a better way than to cut off all sexuality from a person’s life. Look friends, while monks and nuns take vows of celibacy for their religious orders, it is hard to believe they don’t have sexual energy within them. They are living, breathing human beings. Therefore, they must have this vital source of life flowing through them, too. Of course, you can definitely make the case that this is not so and say that I’m reaching for some nebulous idea that makes no sense. That’s fine. Just remember, though, that the same energy that flows through you flows through me. It can be at different levels because of lifestyle, environment, false beliefs, true beliefs, etc. But I cannot deny the fact that I have a sexual soul. You do, too.

Writing about this subject matter for me is quite challenging. I have to dig deep within my own sexual soul to come up with words. There is nothing wrong with the fact that I have a desire for a healthy, loving, intimate, sexual relationship with a woman. Yes, I know there are men and women who will read this and are my LGBT brothers and sisters. I’d want the same thing for you, too. One theory bandied about among people looking for a more intimate path involves developing this type of connection through acts of service. From being involved with causes that matter to you personally or giving time to charitable organizations and groups, among many other types of service, it gets a man or woman out of their own inner struggle (if there is one) and allows a soul to mend. This can bring a lot of fulfillment and gratitude to an individual while he or she seeks nurture and security.

The sexual soul, again, is a vital part of life. It is the life force that helps bring human beings to life. Doesn’t it make a little sense to take time and really grasp what may cause you from enjoying this aspect of life? It would take another column for me to explain all the ups, downs and circles involving my own sexual soul over my lifetime. There have been relatively few healthy sexual experiences. I’ve delved into, for me, some of the darkest areas around sex that no person should be left to explore by themselves. The atypical “dark-room-and-socks” experience has typified my sexuality for far too long.

Thankfully, I’ve been able to move from this place into a spot where I can deeply appreciate my own sexual energy. I don’t waste it on experiences that deplete this source of love and intimacy. My sexual soul is active and vibrant, despite not having a girlfriend in my life right now. Opening myself up to new ways of intimacy is not easy. It’s scary and frightening, yet I’d rather take this path now than continuing on an internal mission of soulful destruction.

As much as my own sexual soul deserves attention, so does yours. I am definitely not the final answer when it comes to human sexuality, and for that you can be grateful. However it looks and whatever form or destination awaits you, I highly recommend giving your own sexual soul the love, attention, nurturing and grace that it so deserves. You will be a better person for doing so, and the world will bow at your feet.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Is Sex Always on Your Mind?

by zfortadminin Sex

At the most basic level, sex and gender are the first defining factors we notice when we meet someone for the first time.

Sex, in this case, refers to someone’s biological gender, and the most elementary definition of gender is which sex organ a person has, and therefore (we assume) uses.

Of course, biology isn’t the only defining factor in how someone identifies. Someone’s biological sex can deviate from their own gender identity, and both biological sex and gender identity are far from binary subjects. However, our society has taught us to judge someone’s gender by their physical appearance.

Beautiful romantic woman / girl brunette lying on the bed in herIf someone’s appearance seems ambiguous, the next question people will most likely ask themselves is what that person’s sexual orientation is. These categories we put people in are the beginnings of a question that spreads through all corners of life: Is sex all we think about?

Advertisers sure think so. Everything on the market is sold to us through sexualizing a product, most often by objectifying women and further defining what it means to be masculine or feminine within our society.

Clearly the formula for making the most unsexy object, like a hamburger for instance, into something sexually appealing is just to have a dripping, tan, half-naked woman seductively putting her mouth around a bun. If advertisers think products need to be sexy in order for people to be interested in them, this definitely says something about our society’s priorities.

Sexual culture also plays a major role in defining relationships. Even today as we move toward a more “gender neutral” world (emphasis on move), it is still traditionally abnormal when a man and woman have a completely platonic relationship, or for someone of the LGBTQIA+ community not to have a sexual relationship with someone they are “supposed” to be attracted to.

The images projected on our society about male and female roles cause relationships between people of different genders to be subjected to sexual standards. There is an idea that the “right way” to be in a relationship with someone of the opposite gender is a sexual one and, if that doesn’t happen, it is written off in a negative light as “the friend zone.”

The base of attraction is sexual: Every time we check out someone — or ourselves in the mirror — are we subconsciously thinking about sex? Even using the term “making love” interchangeably with “sex” has created unnecessary focus on the physical act of sex within our society. This terminology suggests love cannot exist without sex, and sex cannot exist without love. Imagine the pressure.

From the first words we hear in this world — “It’s a [insert gender here]” — our biological sex is the basis for how we create our identity. From then on, there are images of sex all around us: images about how men and women are supposed to present themselves, how they are supposed to act in relationships, or what kind of sexual attraction they are supposed to feel toward each other.

The next time you meet someone for the first time, challenge yourself not to create an opinion confined by sex and gender — you might start to notice how ingrained the tendency is.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Giving Kinky a Try with Your Boyfriend

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

Who’s feeling kinky? Frisky, raunchy, saucy? Just me?

Well, my friends, I got my hands on a copy of The Book of Kink: Sex Beyond the Missionary by Eva Christina, and I’ve been doing a little reading. OK, a lot of reading. And I’ve scoped out the least scary, couple-friendly, kinky things to try this weekend. Give one (or more) a go!

0405_kinky-couple_sm.jpg

Behold, my top picks from the almighty kink book to try this weekend and what my trooper (ha!) of a boyfriend, J, has to say about ’em:

1. Acousticophilia:

“Sounds are sexually arousing, whether it’s grunting, music or the simple click of a nail against a desk. Of course, there are certain types of music that are sexually provocative, but some may get more in tune with it than others.”

My take – Maybe I can simply be a little more vocal during sexy time? Or, maybe we can get a little romantic and make a sexy time playlist. J is the music man, he should be able to put something together!

J’s take – Whenever you dull one sense, the others are heightened… I think I’m more into the blindfold thing myself, but I guess this could be interesting.

2. Vincilagnia (or Rope Bondage):

“Tying up someone can be a thrill, for both the tied up and the one who ties.”

My take – I have a set of pink, furry handcuffs at home with J’s name on them. In our relationship, he’s usually the dominant one, but I think this weekend that’s going to change.

J’s take – Is it Saturday yet?

3. Sploshing:

“This fetish is all about doing everything possible with food, from sitting in it, to rolling around in it, or throwing it. The people into this fetish don’t mind cream pies thrown in their faces or sitting in water or juice. Anything food goes, except eating it. Splosh!”

My take – I think I’m a little too much of a neat freak for this one. I hate the idea of getting messy. BUT, J and I have yet to whip out the whipped cream for foreplay…

J’s take – I feel like this is one of those ideas that would look good on paper but in practice it’s just messy and gross.

4. Uniform Fetish:

“It’s not surprising that people get turned on by someone in uniform, whether it’s a fireman, French maid or cheerleader….Much of it stems from the idea that an authoritative or a submissive figure is taking or giving up control.”

My take – OK, I know J will definitely, definitely approve of this one. First of all, he’s a sucker for sexy outfits. Second, he LOVED this schoolgirl outfit I busted out a couple months ago. Maybe it’s time to bring back my best “Hit Me Baby” Britney impression.

J’s take -YES! I am a sucker for the outfits… but who isnt! Again, is it Saturday yet?

5. Balloon Fetish (or Looner):

“Balloons make children happy. They also make many adults happy. Whether it’s touching, smelling, inflating, popping or just playing with them, people get sexually turned on by balloons.”

My take – Umm, yikes! J and I are going to skip this one. But you should check out The Book of Kink if you want to read more options like this!

J’s take – A definite skip… the only latex that hits our bed will be on my junk.

So, did you learn any new vocab lessons? Do you think you’d try any of these boyfriend-friendly kinky moves this weekend? Are you a fan of kink or are you a little more conservative when it comes down to it? Do you have any other kinky faves?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

These Christmas Cookies Increase Sexual Appetite

by zfortadminin Sex

Ever wondered how these Christmas cookies increase your sexual drive?

KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA
Christmas cookies have multiple advantages. (Photo: Clara from Austria / Wikimedia Commons)

Not only do they taste good – they also have a special effect on your brain’s reward system. Therefore, this year you can eat as many Christmas cookies you want without feeling guilty.

During Christmas, we eat a lot of good food and gingerbread, sirupsnipper (syrup collars) and spiced cakes are common in Norwegian homes. However, researchers have found that the taste can give you more pleasure than just good coffee bread.

– Because of the spices, the cookies increase your sex drive, says Associate Professor of Pharmacology at the University of Tromsø, Aina W. Ravna to NRK.no.

Affects the Brain

Many of the spices used in traditional Christmas cookies such as cinnamon, ginger, cardamom, cloves and nutmeg contain substances that increases your libido. It also has an affect against depression.

The brain has a reward system where the molecule dopamine plays an important role. When you have a positive experience the level of dopamine increases. This also happens when you eat food containing the typical Christmas spices.

– The spices contain substances that affects the dopamine levels. This means that gingerbread can get you in a better mood and increase your sex drive, Ravna continues.

Moreover, in combination with chocolate the effect is even better.

– Chocolate contains a substance similar to dopamine that makes you feel horny and in love, she smiles.

Cinnamon Is the Winner

Cinnamon contains cinnamaldehyde – a substance with chemical structure similar to the body’s own dopamine where low doses stimulates and high doses makes you sedative. Modern research confirms that cinnamon boosts the sexual appetite.

– Research shows that freshly baked cinnamon buns was the smell that had the most effect on men’s libido, Ravna tells.

Good for Depression and Colds

The Christmas spices are also beneficial for those affected by the dark season, and for people with a cold.

– Mexican hot chocolate is brilliant. It is common cocoa added cinnamon and cardamom among other. It is a very good drink for the season, she concludes.

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Original Article

How Long FOREPLAY and SEX Really Last

by zfortadminin Sex

Ever wonder what real women in real bedrooms are doing under the duvet covers?

Glamour surveyed 1,000 young women for their answers on a typical night in, timed. Here’s how many minutes you say foreplay and sex last:

15-couple-kissing-in-bed

Average Length of Sex and Foreplay

Less than 5 minutes:

    • Foreplay: 23%
    • Sex: 8%

5 to 9 minutes:

    • Foreplay: 33%
    • Sex: 25%

10 to 14 minutes:

    • Foreplay: 24%
    • Sex: 28%

15 to 19 minutes:

    • Foreplay: 12%
    • Sex: 17%

20 minutes or more:

    • Foreplay: 8%
    • Sex: 22%

So, according to our survey, the majority of you spend 5 to 9 minutes on foreplay and 10 to 14 minutes on sex. How many minutes do you spend?

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Original Article

6 SEX New Year’s Resolutions for Couples

by zfortadminin Sex

These resolutions sure beat dieting and promising to go to the gym.

Enough with the resolutions about diets and gym memberships. As midlifers, we know there are more important changes to make in your life for improved health and well-being, stronger self-esteem and better relationships. And while a few may involve the kitchen (wink, wink), nobody is talking about dieting here. H/T to Leah Millheiser, Nuelle’s chief scientific officer, for these marvelous Sexolutions:

1. The bedroom will not be used for electronics unless they vibrate.

No, we don’t mean your phone on vibrate mode. Bedrooms are for sleeping, relaxing and love-making. There is no room for smart phones, iPads, laptops or televisions. Bedrooms are sacred spaces and should be afforded their due.

2. Exercise all your muscles.

Working out stimulates the body and the brain and of course helps burn calories and releases endorphins. All good stuff, notes Millheiser. But, ahem, aren’t you forgetting something? The Kegel muscles — AKA the love muscles — wrap around the vagina and anus. Working them helps strengthen the pelvic floor, which supports the bladder, rectum, uterus, and vagina. Kegel exercises can improve your general health, give you better control over urinary and bowel functions, and also make sex sensational again because strong Kegels heighten your arousal, enhance your orgasms, improve blood circulation to the genitals, and increase vaginal tone and lubrication.

3. Think arousing thoughts.

Be in touch with your sensual self. Building self-confidence in your sex life will only improve it, Millheiser notes. Build a mind-body connection. News flash: You won’t be the first person in the world to see George Clooney when you close your eyes.

4. Install a bedroom door lock.

Maybe Millheiser has met your Golden Retriever who moves from the foot of the bed to between Mom and Dad when things start to get interesting. She says it is wise to keep the kids and pets at bay and distractions to a minimum. Clearly she knows from whence she speaks.

5. Talk more, fester less.

Let your partner know what you want. The more you discuss your likes and dislikes, the easier it is to have your needs met. Nobody is a mind reader. Being upset because you think your partner “should know” something makes no sense — and won’t improve your relationship or sex life. Tell them, not your best friend, when things aren’t happening for you.

6. Make it fun.

Sex toys, role-playing, whatever gets your engines revving — go for it.

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Original Article

Be Better in Bed this Year

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

Consider this your better-sex boot camp

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need a working knowledge of 52 sex positions or a background in porn to be ridiculously good in bed. Instead, it comes down to more subtle (and realistic) factors that you may already posses. And if you don’t, we’re here to help you hone the skills you really need to blow your partner’s mind.

YOU’RE NOT JUDGMENTAL

Whether it’s hearing out your partner’s fantasy or allowing yourself to really identify your own, being open to different desires and turn-ons is essential in a partner, says sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First. “Remember it’s all in the realm of fantasy—it’s not something you ever have to do,” says Kerner. So put aside your judgments and really listen to the desires of you and your partner. You may find that you’re into some really interesting stuff. (And if that happens to be BDSM, here’s how to have the “bad girl” sex of your dreams!)

YOU’RE INNOVATIVE

We see the arm of a couch, you see a great prop for doggie style. We see a bra, you see a bondage tool. Being creative and looking for new ways to spice things up is crucial in a lover, says sex and relationship therapist Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., author of The Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples. “Someone who says ‘let’s dress up,’ or ‘let’s go into the closet,’ or anything that’s a bit more interesting is great,” says Schwartz. Get creative with these 11 places you need to have sex at least once in your life.

YOU THINK ABOUT SEX—A LOT

And we don’t just mean while you’re getting busy or whenever you see that so-sexy-it-should-be-illegal guy at your gym. “Sex has a strong mental component,” says Kerner. So pay attention when you have a sensual thought or feel randomly aroused throughout the day, and don’t immediately dismiss it. “Allow yourself to feel eroticized and observe what’s sexy around you,” says Kerner. Still don’t believe your brain and your libido are connected? Check out exactly what’s going on in your brain during an orgasm.

YOU’RE ABLE TO PUT SOMEONE ELSE’S NEEDS ABOVE YOUR OWN

Practicing compassion in every area of your life is clutch, but practicing it in the bedroom can make you a seriously good sex partner. We’re not suggesting youalways put the other person first (after all, your orgasms are important too), but it can be really hot to focus on pleasing your partner every once in a while, just for the sake of satisfying them. “Maybe it’s going for it in the morning when your boyfriend typically wants to have sex,” says Kerner. Or maybe it’s indulging in a position they love or treating them to oral that isn’t just a precursor to the main event, says Kerner. It’s not about being selfless all the time, but rather about treating your partner how you’d like to be treated. We promise, these generous acts will not go unnoticed.

YOU’LL TRY (ALMOST) EVERYTHING ONCE

“It’s hard to be good in bed if you only do what you know and don’t do anything but that,” says Schwartz. “You don’t have to be willing to swing from trees, but you should have that feeling of ‘it could be fun!’ or ‘why not?'” Obviously, if your partner is dying to have a threesome and you’re not into it, then it’s perfectly justified to say no. But when it comes to new tricks, tips, and techniques, we suggest giving it shot—like these six adventurous sex tips from erotic novelists. Hey, you might love it.

YOU ENJOY SOLO TIME

No, not with your Netflix, with your vagina. Someone who is in tune with her body and aware of what feels good will be a better lover and will enjoy sex more. Women can forget how fun and pleasurable masturbation can be, especially when they’re in a relationship; and although some may think that masturbating will make you less interested in sex, very often the opposite is true, says Kerner. So use these self-love tips and check out 21 ways to have even more fun with masturbation. And if you feel like you’re neglecting your partner, there’s no harm in inviting them to watch.

YOU’RE NOT SELF-CONSCIOUS

Think of the best sex you’ve ever had—chances are your partner was passionate, enthusiastic, and just oozing sex appeal. We’re willing to bet they weren’t worried about their body, making sure the lights were off, or complaining about their belly. We’ve said it once and we’ll say it again: Confidence is the sexiest asset you can have. “Someone who says, ‘I’m sexy any way I look,’ pretty much has you believing it,” says Schwartz. For tips, read these 10 ways to be confident, ballsy, and sexy as hell in bed.

YOU KNOW WHEN TO GET A LITTLE LOUD AND CRAZY

Being able to let loose, let go, and be a bit uncensored is a great attribute in a partner. For one thing, you’ll be less inhibited, which is always sexy. Another reason: Men said that one thing they really want in a lover is for them to make some more noise, says Schwartz of a study she conducted for The Normal Bar. “Men aren’t always sure what women want and if she’s enjoying herself if she’s not giving them any direction. They want to use those sounds as direction.” This can be anything from a well-timed moan to words or phrases, like “harder,” “slower,” or “right there.” Get more advice on the art of dirty talk, right here.

YOU’RE SPONTANEOUS

When we asked real men about the hottest thing a woman has ever done during sex, a major theme emerged: taking the reins and doing something surprising or spontaneous. From waking them up with a blowjob or waiting on the bed in lingerie, these are little things that make a huge impact because they’re so out-of-the-blue. Get some ideas with these sex tips from real women.

YOU’RE PHYSICALLY FIT

Researchers know that being physically fit and active is a big aphrodisiac for women, but it can also make you better in bed. For instance, exercise boosts focus, revs up your libido, enhances your endurance, and helps you gain confidence. So pull double-duty with this better-sex workout.

YOU CAN LAUGH AT YOURSELF

Someone who is great in bed can see the fun and humor in any situation, because come on, sex should be a good time. As sex expert Logan Levkoff, Ph.D., recently told us, “You may not remember the strongest orgasm you’ve ever had, but you’ll remember the time you fell off the bed because you were so into it that you didn’t realize you were on the edge.” Weird noises, sounds, and failed positions happen, but if you can roll with it and still enjoy yourself, that’s what makes someone amazing in the sack.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Want to Fall Deeper in Love? Take Up These Sex Habits

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

Sex can be, and can be used for, so many different things. But early in a relationship, once you get through a couple of awkward rounds, sex can play a big role in building intimacy and even falling in love.

There is sex that is straight up sex for sex’s sake— passionate, charged, carnal. There’s awkward, first-time with someone you really like sex. There’s random hookup sex. There’s long-term couple trying to spice it up sex. The list goes on—but building intimacy during sex is one we rarely talk about.

Warning: The following sex acts may lead to the awkward “Oh crap one of us said “I love you” during sex— does it count!?” dilemma. Don’t worry. It happens to the best of us. It’s no need to be embarrassed, even if it is really awkward. Just remember you’re not alone. (And the generally consensus seems to be that it doesn’t really count.) Between a really intimate act that you’re doing, heart racing, hormones all over the place, it’s so easy to let it slip out in the moment.

But what are the more intimate sex acts? The ones that can make you feel so connected to your partner and overwhelmed with emotions? Here are 6 sex acts that help build intimacy.

1. Kissing

I know it may seem basic, but don’t discount kissing as a very important sex act. And maybe the most intimate one. Along with cuddling, a lot of people avoid kissing during one-night stands because of this. It’s something we do all the time, but sometimes we can get distracted during sex and not do it as much as we should. But if you stick to positions where kissing is an option, you’ll really feel connected to your partner.

2. Missionary

Maybe because it’s sort of the classic go-to position, there’s definitely something romantic about it. Your faces and your entire bodies are very, very close, and the weight of whoever is on top keeps you in constant contact. And it’s not just for hetero sex. So whoever you are, there can be all the eye contact, kissing, and intimacy you can handle.

3. Oral Sex

Oral sex is intimate no matter what, because you’re getting up close in personal with parts of the body we’re normally taught should be kept hidden. But while every man I’ve ever met unselfconsciously loves a blow job, a lot of women find someone going down on them incredibly intimate— almost intimidatingly so. Maybe it’s because you end up with someone’s tongue basically, or definitely, inside you, or maybe it’s just that we’re taught to be even more ashamed of our vulva and that people don’t like going down on it. (Both of which are ridiculous.) In any case, for a lot of women getting to a point where you’re completely comfortable with oral sex means a whole lot of trust.

4. Undressing

When you’re new in a relationship it’s probably all about tearing each other’s clothes off, but then it slows down. I’m not saying you need some kind of big cheesy striptease, or to make a whole event out of it, but there’s something really sexy and romantic about building up from just a bit of kissing, to heavy kissing, to feeling each other, and then slowly going beneath the clothing and removing them completely. All of that combined with making out can be a really connect you to your partner.

5. Side-By-Side

Similarly to missionary, having sex facing each other, both of you on your side, has the benefit of all over contact and your faces being close for kissing, or just some sickly-sweet staring into each other eyes. But while in missionary, one person is definitely dominant within the position, when you have sex side-by-side there’s a more even playing field. Especially if you’re having lesbian sex and mutually fingering each other, it’s a really leveling, connecting position.

6. Post-Sex Cuddle

If you are a better person than me and lay there without making a horrible awkward joke, it’s when you kind of bask in a little love halo (if you’re having sex with someone you have romantic feelings for). Taking some time to relax into that and just enjoy it is a sure way to build intimacy.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Quizzing an Ex-Lover with 30 Poignant Relationship Questions

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

There can be many frustrating questions left unanswered when a relationship ends, but what if you could have them all addressed once and for all?

Seven brave former couples took part in Cut.com’s new Truth or Drink video and asked each other 30 questions ranging from funny to poignant.

The clip sees the exes play a game where they either reveal how they tried to get over each other, what their family thought of them, or if they still fantasise about each other – or take a shot instead. 

The clip sees them play a game where they either reveal all to each other - or take a shot instead

Cory and Karen, Michael and Mai, Nikki and Evan, Skylar and Kathleen, Ty and Ian, Kelsey and Taylor and Timothy and Christopher sat down opposite each other for the quiz.

They explain what the relationship was – from those who were a summer fling to those who dated for a year and a half – and then how long ago it happened.

Most ex-couples are now friends and are seen laughing at each other’s bad behaviour and take the game with a pinch of salt, even doing body shots off each other or even kissing on the mouth.

When it comes to asking each other why and how they broke up, some reveal it was tough while for others it was light and mutual.

Cory says he and Karen were ‘both worried we would catch feelings’, so she sent him a termination letter.

Karen reads it aloud off her phone: ‘Dear Cory, it is with sincere regret that I must inform you that you have been officially demoted to “guy I used to hook up with”‘.

Most ex-couples take the game with a pinch of salt - like doing body shots off each other or even kissing

When asked 'How long did it take you to get over us and what did you do to get over it?' one guy downs a shot and says he is still getting over it

Cory then reads his reply: ‘Dearest Karen Nicole, What can I do to re earn a position doing many different positions?’

The pair share a lingering smooch when dared to kiss, even prompting applause from the crew.

 I can’t go there. I’m getting over it right now by doing this

One bold participant, Nikki, asks her former flame Evan if she ever pops into his head when he is masturbating.

He takes a long pause before looking towards the crew and announcing loudly: ‘Yes.’

Nikki is shown looking clearly surprised and laughs out loud before the pair high-five.

A man who asked his ex the same question replied with ‘you know you could call me when that happens’.

For many others, the question is too embarrassing and they take a shot instead.

When asked ‘How long did it take you to get over us and what did you do to get over it?’ one former boyfriend attempts to dodge the question.

He said: ‘I can’t go there. I’m getting over it right now by doing this’, before taking a shot.

Nikki and Evan are in agreement that the thing they miss most about them as a couple is the sex, and that they would become lovers again if they were the last people on Earth.

Nikki asks her ex Evan if she ever pops into his head when he is masturbating

Nikki asks her ex Evan if she ever pops into his head when he is masturbating

Some, who clearly make a bad impression on their exes’ families, were left hanging when they asked their ex what their friends and parents think of them.

Timothy and Christopher, who dated for a year and a half, asked each other where they see their relationship going in the next decade.

When one said to the other that he sees them growing apart, he is met with the reply: ‘That’s a sad thing to say.’

With moments of lump-in-the-throat poignancy and evident sexual tension, it’s a gripping watch for anyone who’s been left guessing.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Passionate Sex Every Day for The New Year—Here is How

by zfortadminin Sex

Three couples make the vow to relight their fires in January … but which of them can keep it?

MANY couples feel their sex life flagging after the festive season left them feeling tired, stressed, broke and overweight.

But the three here have made a New Year vow to relight their fires in January by making love every day.

DIANA APPLEYARD hears how they got it on, or not, during week one.

‘It’s passionate and wild and we both orgasm loudly before each collapsing in a heap’

HOUSEWIFE Heather Banks and her builder husband Wayne, both 39, have sons of six and four in Shepton Mallet, Somerset. Their busy life had seen them having sex weekly, if that. Here’s Heather’s take on their sexy 2016:

JAN 1: Both hung over, and I’m depressed about us both turning 40 this year and the fact I put on half a stone over Christmas. Wayne snuggles up to me to remind me of our pledge but I push him away. I feel fat and tired. But then I take a deep breath and pop open the top button of my nightie. That’s all Wayne needs and, as he buries his head in my breasts, I feel turned on. The act doesn’t last long but we feel much closer and later sleep in each other’s arms.

JAN 2: We are back on form, recovered from New Year. The kids are asleep by 8pm and, after a couple of glasses of wine, I go upstairs to get all dolled up, in sexy lingerie and full make-up. Wayne pulls out the sofa bed in the living room and, when I return, he is lying naked but for a giant foam finger protecting his modesty. I stifle a giggle then jump on him. There is not a lot of foreplay but it’s passionate and wild and we both orgasm loudly then each collapse in a satisfied heap.

JAN 3: Wayne makes dinner and I ask him to wear nothing but the apron. He’s got a great bum and treats me to a sexy dance. This time we focus on foreplay more. When we first got together, eight years ago, I impressed Wayne with my oral skills. Sadly, they got rusty. But tonight I’ve still got it. I pull tricks out of the bag from my student days, he’s groaning in ecstasy and I love the fact I can still turn him on. I pretend to be a porn star and my confidence grows. We have our best sex yet.

JAN 4: I am just not feeling it tonight. The kids go back to school tomorrow and, despite Wayne trying his hardest, I can’t stop my mind wandering. “Are the lunchboxes done? Did I set the alarm? Are the PE kits washed?” Wayne notices I’m distracted and it is made worse for both of us by the fact we’re trying to cut down on booze this month. We feel awkward. Eventually we have sex but it is an effort.

JAN 5: To get in the mood, we discuss other people who turn us on. Top for me is David Beckham, while Wayne astonishes me by saying he fancies Miranda Hart’s screen mum on her TV show. We also discuss fetishes that turn us on. We haven’t spoken like this for ages. The sex is great, fuelled by our fantasies.

JAN 6:Once Wayne’s on top of me and we really get going, I start talking dirty and it gets him even more aroused. I say things I’m going to do to him and what I want him to do to me. We both orgasm – then eat chocolate. Perfect.

JAN 7: Wayne comes home for lunch today, the kids are at school and . . . bingo! This week has put flirtation back in our marriage and I was sending him sexy texts all morning, teasing him about what I was going to do for him when he came home – and it did not involve shepherd’s pie. I even sent him pictures of sex toys I have ordered online. This is going to be quite a year.

— SHE SAYS: This has brought back the fun. We’ll definitely keep this up.

— HE SAYS: We’re back on track. But Heather is so kinky, I never know what she’ll suggest next. I’m excited but scared. I’ll just have to man up.

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