Sex can be, and can be used for, so many different things. But early in a relationship, once you get through a couple of awkward rounds, sex can play a big role in building intimacy and even falling in love.
There is sex that is straight up sex for sex’s sake— passionate, charged, carnal. There’s awkward, first-time with someone you really like sex. There’s random hookup sex. There’s long-term couple trying to spice it up sex. The list goes on—but building intimacy during sex is one we rarely talk about.
Warning: The following sex acts may lead to the awkward “Oh crap one of us said “I love you” during sex— does it count!?” dilemma. Don’t worry. It happens to the best of us. It’s no need to be embarrassed, even if it is really awkward. Just remember you’re not alone. (And the generally consensus seems to be that it doesn’t really count.) Between a really intimate act that you’re doing, heart racing, hormones all over the place, it’s so easy to let it slip out in the moment.
But what are the more intimate sex acts? The ones that can make you feel so connected to your partner and overwhelmed with emotions? Here are 6 sex acts that help build intimacy.
I know it may seem basic, but don’t discount kissing as a very important sex act. And maybe the most intimate one. Along with cuddling, a lot of people avoid kissing during one-night stands because of this. It’s something we do all the time, but sometimes we can get distracted during sex and not do it as much as we should. But if you stick to positions where kissing is an option, you’ll really feel connected to your partner.
Maybe because it’s sort of the classic go-to position, there’s definitely something romantic about it. Your faces and your entire bodies are very, very close, and the weight of whoever is on top keeps you in constant contact. And it’s not just for hetero sex. So whoever you are, there can be all the eye contact, kissing, and intimacy you can handle.
3. Oral Sex
Oral sex is intimate no matter what, because you’re getting up close in personal with parts of the body we’re normally taught should be kept hidden. But while every man I’ve ever met unselfconsciously loves a blow job, a lot of women find someone going down on them incredibly intimate— almost intimidatingly so. Maybe it’s because you end up with someone’s tongue basically, or definitely, inside you, or maybe it’s just that we’re taught to be even more ashamed of our vulva and that people don’t like going down on it. (Both of which are ridiculous.) In any case, for a lot of women getting to a point where you’re completely comfortable with oral sex means a whole lot of trust.
When you’re new in a relationship it’s probably all about tearing each other’s clothes off, but then it slows down. I’m not saying you need some kind of big cheesy striptease, or to make a whole event out of it, but there’s something really sexy and romantic about building up from just a bit of kissing, to heavy kissing, to feeling each other, and then slowly going beneath the clothing and removing them completely. All of that combined with making out can be a really connect you to your partner.
Similarly to missionary, having sex facing each other, both of you on your side, has the benefit of all over contact and your faces being close for kissing, or just some sickly-sweet staring into each other eyes. But while in missionary, one person is definitely dominant within the position, when you have sex side-by-side there’s a more even playing field. Especially if you’re having lesbian sex and mutually fingering each other, it’s a really leveling, connecting position.
6. Post-Sex Cuddle
If you are a better person than me and lay there without making a horrible awkward joke, it’s when you kind of bask in a little love halo (if you’re having sex with someone you have romantic feelings for). Taking some time to relax into that and just enjoy it is a sure way to build intimacy.
Curated by Erbe