6. Be generous with compliments.
As relationships progress, couples are often less inclined to court and compliment one another. Noticing—and appreciating—each other’s positive attributes not only fosters affection, but will also remind you both of the early days of your relationship, when sex was likely intoxicating and frequent. The key here is to identify those times that your partner looks sexy or really impresses you, and tell him rather than keep it to yourself, says Dr. Nelson. Try something like, “I was looking out the window when you were mowing the lawn. You looked so hot in those shorts!” Or, “Honey, you just look so sexy to me when you’re cooking us dinner.” That kind of appreciation is an ideal segue into sex.
7. Change the timing.
Instead of initiating sex as the two of you are brushing your teeth or settling into bed with a book, make your move during unusual-for-you times, says Dr. Nelson. The idea is that by taking him (and yourself!) by surprise, you may shed a few of your inhibitions, since the experience will feel out of context. “Try anything that’s out of the ordinary, like hugging him from behind when he’s washing dishes and whispering, ‘Wanna do it?’ in his ear,” says Dr. Nelson. Turning the expected on its head sparks excitement—for both of you. Conversely, the same thing might happen when you make the effort to schedule sex; the anticipation—and the habit—all build sexual excitement as you count down towards “go” time.
8. Play the “remember when” game.
As you’re sitting on the couch together, or over dinner, recall your best, sexiest memories. “Saying things like, ‘Hey, remember that time when we went to Jamaica on that vacation and it took us a whole afternoon to even leave the hotel room?’ tells him that you are thinking about him in a sexual way,” says Dr. Zoldbrod. And reminiscing together about past experiences will not only pave the way for a romp in the hay, but will also reinforce the bond between you as a couple.
9. Be straightforward!
Being absolutely direct is natural for some women, and a little harder for others. If you can master it, nothing works better, says Dr. Nelson. What man doesn’t want to hear, “I’m taking a shower. Care to join me?” Or, “Get in bed. Now.” The perks of being direct are that you don’t have to worry about being clever or creative, or expending loads of time and energy conjuring up ways to ask for it. And in this case, practice makes perfect! The more you directly ask for sex, the more second nature it will become.
Curated by Erbe