Relationships Archives - Page 11 of 11

Arranged Marriages and Problem Solving: Is TV’s ‘Married at First Sight’ on to Something?

September 28, 2018January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

It might seem like just another reality show… but Married at First Sight brings up important points about love and relationships.

Recently I’ve been obsessed with Lifetime’s hit Married at First Sight, now in its 7th season. In this reality show, relationship experts match three sets of strangers who have agreed to meet (and marry) their future spouse at the altar. The show follows the first months of their marriages, and in the final episode, the couples decide if they want to stay married or get a divorce.

At first, the show’s concept sounded absurd to me.

It used to be that reality shows were about answering quiz questions or eating worms… not getting married. Sure, there were relationship shows— but signing up to play The Dating Game or going on NEXT was one thing. Getting legally married on TV? To a stranger? That’s another.

But after watching a few episodes, I started to think that maybe these couples aren’t so crazy after all. It occured to me that maybe this show was on to something. Here are the top four relationship lessons I learned from Married at First Sight:

1. Looks (really) aren’t everything

Over the years, I’ve watched a lot of single friends swipe left on potential matches because, “her hair is weird” or because, “I don’t like his nose.”

With all these dating apps where the picture pops up first, it’s almost too easy to make decisions based on appearance. But Married at First Sight proves that looks aren’t always a good indication of a good match.

Season 1 star Jamie didn’t like her husband when they first met. She wasn’t attracted to him physically and, on day one, considered giving up on her marriage. But it’s lucky she didn’t, because today, they’re one of the show’s greatest success stories. Jamie and Doug are one of the few couples from the show who are still married, and now they have a baby girl.

Meanwhile, Season 2 stars Davina and Sean were immediately attracted to each other when they met at their wedding—but things went bad quickly. They fought about where to live and ended up barely seeing each other over the course of the show. Their passion fizzled out and it was no surprise when they got a divorce.

Whether this changes the way you Tinder (or not) it’s definitely something to think about. It’s funny to think that if Jamie had first seen her now-husband Doug on a dating app, she would have swiped left and that would have been the end of it. But if Davina and Sean had seen each other on an app they probably would have been a match.

It’s proof that looks can be deceiving.

2. It doesn’t always matter how long you’ve been together

When it comes down to it, the show is simply about arranged marriages, a tradition that was very popular for many generations and is still practiced today. While a match maker can’t always guarantee marital bliss, there were (and are) many loving, life-long, arranged marriages.

But even if you’re not up for the whole arranged marriage thing, there’s a lot to be learned by watching these Married at First Sight couples because, as it turns out, their relationships aren’t that much different from many other new marriages.

They still have to worry about finances, their living situation, and family planning. They also set goals together and they enjoy their honeymoon phase… just like any other married couple. Of course, these TV spouses have the added challenge of not knowing each other well, and that can add a lot of stress, but a lot of their issues, problems, and even their joys are similar to ones any newly married couple would have.

When I started watching Married at First Sight, I thought I would have nothing in common with these people who were marrying strangers… after all, my husband and I were together for nearly ten years before we got married. But as it turns out, I definitely saw similarities.

When Ashley and Anthony from Season 5 were decorating their new place together with mementos from their wedding, it reminded me of the fun my husband and I had putting up wedding pictures. When Mia and Tristan from Season 7 first considered moving for Tristan’s work, it reminded me of how hard it was for my husband and I to decide to move.

Like anyone trying to make a life together, these new couples practice communicating, try to account for each others’ needs, and even learn how to best show affection. Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how long a couple has been dating, marriage will always carry new challenges, new perks, and plenty of changes.

3. In a relationship, and especially a marriage, it’s important to not give up too fast

Throughout the show, every couple hits roadblocks. They fight about where they’ll live and how many kids they want. They argue about families and chores and careers—all typical things for couples to clash on at one point or another—but that doesn’t make it any easier. Like many couples who are faced with one of their first big disagreements, they sometimes talk about calling it quits.

Of course, these Married at First Sight couples can’t do that so easily. They’re married (and, I suppose, have a TV contract) so they can’t simply walk out of each other’s lives. But in typical new relationships, a lot of people decide to do just that.

Shawniece and Jephte from Season 6 had some issues early on, mainly about Jephte not opening up. Shawniece would get frustrated and start saying that she couldn’t be in a relationship with Jephte if he didn’t change. There would be a lot of tension, like they were about to break up, but after a talk, or a counselling session with one of the show’s relationship experts, the problem would be solved and everything would be fine.

The problem, which had seemed like grounds for divorce at the time, ended up being nothing. In fact, a lot of times those fights ended up being an opportunity to bond and get to know each other better.

It’s important to remember that sometimes small arguments can seem like a big deal, but that doesn’t mean you’re incompatible or you can’t build a relationship. Shawniece and Jephte ended up staying together after the show ended, and now have a baby on the way.

4. Know when to not waste your time

While Shawniece and Jephte made it work, that doesn’t mean that sticking with a relationship is always the right choice. Some couples are simply not meant to be together, sometimes people change, and often breakups and divorces are the best option.

Season 6 couple Molly and Jonathan had a difficult time from the beginning. Molly didn’t feel comfortable getting physical, they had explosive fights, and it seemed like they never got along. So, it was no surprise when they decided to get divorced before the show ended.

They knew that the marriage wasn’t going to work and they didn’t want to waste their time. They came to the season finale to talk about their decision and left on good terms.

While there is value in not giving up on a relationship, of maximizing the best parts of your chemistry and not dwelling on your challenges, there is a point where a couple has to acknowledge when they’re simply not compatible.

While you may want to put all your energy and time into a relationship to try to make it work, sometimes you shouldn’t. And that’s okay.

These Married at First Sight stars took a big risk when they agreed to marry a stranger, and while most of us would never agree to get married at first sight, we can still learn something from these couples. Their relationships show viewers how to get passed differences, how to find and create love, and how to create a life together. Not every relationship is built to last, but some are worth fighting for, and I think, in the end, that’s all that really matters.

The Best Books to Warm Up With This Holiday

December 11, 2018January 22, 2024 by Ola Faletiin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

If you think you need another body to stay warm, think again.

You never need an excuse to read, but if you do, winter is a whole season’s worth. The frigid temps and abundant snow, for some of us, stir up the need to get into a cozy nook with a good companion. Sometimes that companion is pages bound with a spine and covers. Need a book buddy this holiday? Here are some books that will awaken your senses and keep you warm, all on their own.

1. Like Water For Chocolate

is a rich marriage of food and love. Though adapted to a wildly successful film in 1992, the book holds its own merit. Tita is the youngest of three daughters, under a domineering mother in turn-of-the-century Mexico. When the love of Tita’s life marries her sister, Tita throws her passions into recipes for soups, cakes, and other foods that leave guests reeling with emotion. Tita’s touch in the kitchen is magical. Whether you’ve lost your first love, or still waiting for your first love, Laura Esquivel’s Like Water For Chocolate will certainly leave you steamy…and hungry! Curl up with a good, sharp cheese and a robust glass of red.

2. How Stella Got Her Groove Back

was also made into a box office success in the 1990s. The star of Terry McMillan’s novel is Stella, a successful, forty-something single mother in Marin County. Her big house feels empty while her son spends the summer with his father. On a whim, Stella books a trip to Montego Bay, promptly becoming enamored with a young local at working at her resort. Who happens to be half Stella’s age. How Stella Got Her Groove Back explores cougardom before it had a word. If images of tropical beaches and bright sun won’t warm you up, you can count on some heated love scenes (tastefully done, might I add.). Grab yourself some pineapple chunks for this one. Or hey, go for the whole pina colada.

3. Peel My Love Like An Onion

has summer written all through it, a welcome reprieve from winter. A disabled flamenco dancer reflects on her long-time love, an established, womanizing legend of the dance world. Carmen also welcomes a new love – her long-time lover’s nephew. Author Ana Castillo paints this love with the expected passion, along with compassion for her protagonist. You’ll be rooting for Carmen too, even as she does questionable things in the name for of love. Who among us hasn’t? Peel My Love Like An Onion is best enjoyed with some spicy hot chocolate. Maybe add a shot or two of Schnapps, if you really want to sink into it.

4. The Poet X

is an explosive read for anyone who remembers the intense yearning of adolescence. High schooler Xiomara butts heads with her religious mother, who seems to blame Xiomara for her fully-developed figure and the attention it draws. Xiomara builds a tough shield to defend herself against her mother, catcallers, and a world that’s often hostile for young girls. She finds solace in her school’s poetry club, penning her own verses. Xiomara also finds comfort in Aman, her love interest. She struggles to keep Aman and poetry club from her mother, but most things don’t stay secret for long. Written by Elizabeth Acevedo, a prominent slam poet, The Poet X is written in masterful verse. The Poet X would go well with your favorite forbidden fruit as a teen. Whether it’s beer or a Red Bull.

5. The Girls Guide to Hunting & Fishing

is a quintessential coming-of-age meets romance. Jane Rosenal spends her life feeling average. We see Jane as a daughter of a renowned surgeon, the little sister of a charming young brother, and later, a lowly editor at a big publishing house. Inferiority complexes follow Jane often, especially in her relationships. Readers follow Jane through her teens, twenties, and early thirties. This book was something of a revelation in the late 90s and early 2000s. While some parts are a tad dated, it still reads fresh today. I can relate to Jane’s search for self-fulfillment, both in her self and in the company of others. Enjoy The Girl’s Guide To Hunting and Fishing with something nostalgic and comforting. Or if you’re feeling like a girl’s night in, something light and bubbly.

Start the Year Off Adventurous: 15 Dates Out of Your Comfort Zone

January 8, 2019January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

If your significant other and you are tired of the same old dates, the new year is a great time to give new things a try.

Does the thought of date night bore you lately?

Here are 15 dates to start the new year off on a bold note.

1. Skydiving

George H.W. Bush went skydiving well into his 80s, even doing a run for his 90th birthday. Going skydiving with your significant other is a great way to have a big adrenaline rush in your relationship. If you’re wondering where to take a dive, here are some options.

2. Taking a road trip with someone you just started dating

If you’re a This is Us fan, chances are you’ve seen this season’s episode where Jack and Rebecca drive across the country to Los Angeles. Rebecca even mentions to Jack how her mother disapproved of her taking a road trip with someone she just started seeing. It turns out, the trip ends up bringing the two closer together. Don’t be afraid to take that chance this new year.

3. Have sex somewhere daring

After a movie, have a quickie in your car. If you’re hiking, find a secluded corner in the woods and get down and dirty. The important thing is, be spontaneous with things and you’ll soon see a new year spark.

4. Get a tattoo

This one’s only if you’re really serious about it. Head to your nearest tattoo parlor and get his and hers tattoos (or if you’re feeling more individual, your own personal design).

5. Go to a Drive In

Yes, they do exist. Find a small town near you that still has a drive in and make it an adventure just getting there. Channel your inner high schooler and steam up the windows. That little bit of rebellion will bring some adventure to your new year.

6. Stay up until the sun rises

I know this isn’t too adventurous but there’s something magical about staying up all night and talking. To me, watching the sun rise with your significant other is one of the most adventurous things you can do.

7. Visit a city you always wanted to go to

Figure out a city you’ve always wanted to visit and plan a vacation there. Make a pact to go before the summer. Ideas for cities to visit include Chicago, Seattle, San Diego, San Antonio, New York, Philadelphia and more.

8. Plan your dream trip abroad—then do it

Sure, everyone dreams about traveling abroad. This year, plan your dream trip (I did it on a budget when I was 25). Vow to do it by New Year’s 2020. Don’t forget to document every step of the way.

9. Go on a ghost tour

If you scare easily, step out of your comfort zone and book a creepy ghost tour in your city. Chances are, you may live in a place with plenty of haunted history.

10. Try out trapeze lessons

Make like Carrie in Sex and the CIty and learn how to fly through the air gracefully (or in my case, not so gracefully!).

11. Take a hot air balloon ride

If you’re not a fan of heights, snuggle up to your significant other and bring a bottle of wine for a romantic afternoon. There’s nothing more romantic than seeing your hometown from the basket of a hot air balloon.

12. Go ziplining

This one could be a great way to take in spectacular views while having a unique date.

13. Go rock climbing

Many cities have opened indoor rock climbing businesses. Check some out in your area for some physical fun. Challenge each other to see who can get to the top first.

14. Stay out all night

If you’ve been feeling too “adult” lately, channel your inner 20-something and go clubbing all night. Finish off your time out with breakfast at your local diner. Don’t forget to Instagram the photos!

15. Try a new cuisine

Pick a type of food your significant other and you haven’t tried before. Getting out of your comfort zone can be a real eye-opener—not to mention, the type of food you try could become your new favorite!

Want to read more about getting out of your comfort zone? Check out this piece about creating holiday traditions.

12 Telling Signs That You Should Let Your Relationship Go

January 22, 2019January 22, 2024 by Becca Martinin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Sometimes letting go is easier than hanging on to someone that no longer serves you.

I’m a relationship person through and through. I will always root for relationships because I know I am much happier when I am sharing my life with someone, but that doesn’t always mean the person you’re with is the right person for you or that it works.

Letting go of a relationship and a life with someone is an extremely challenging thing to do but staying in that relationship when you’re more often than not having thoughts of doubt about it can be equally as challenging. The decision and thought process of knowing when it’s time to let go of your relationship is different for everyone, but here are some signs it might be time to let go.

You keep trying to go back to the way things were. You more often than not find yourself looking back at the beginning of the relationship instead of looking forward to the future together. You find yourself talking about the way things used to be and you fear you can never get back to that. You avoid questions about engagements, weddings and kids like they’re the plague.
One of you is always trying to change the other. I’ve struggled with this with nearly every partner I’ve had, I go for people who I think I can fix or change, and I can’t. One partner even called me out for it and said, “why can’t you just accept me for who I am? Maybe I have something to offer you.” He was right. Trying to change someone or project your point of views onto them isn’t fair. Having the urge to constantly change someone will leave you with disappointment and them with resentment toward you. You have to accept your partner for who they are and if you can’t you have to let them go. You can’t change people, it’s as simple as that.
The fighting has become constant. You feel like you’re arguing more than you’re talking. You’re always super cautious and filter your thoughts and feelings because you don’t want to set them off. You’re essentially walking on eggshells around your partner, and that’s not healthy. Filtering your thoughts and emotions to keep them from exploding it not ok.
You feel your needs aren’t being met. You no longer feel fulfilled in your relationship and you’ve tried explaining to your partner what you need but it doesn’t seem to affect anything, at least not for more than a few days or weeks at a time. Then things go back to the way they were and you’re finding yourself bringing it up again. Some people aren’t capable of loving you the way you need and it’s not their fault. We all have different needs and love languages, and sometimes you fall in love with someone who can’t meet those needs. It sucks but you have to accept that they can’t give you what you need, and that has to be ok.
You don’t listen to each other. I’ve dated a couple of people where all we do is circle the drain. We have the same conversations which lead to the same fights and the same feelings of disappointment because we can’t get on the same page. We each have different expectations and wants of the relationship, and we simply can’t communicate effectively enough to come to an understanding. It’s like, you hear what each other is saying but you’re not actively listening or at least understanding the information your partner is explaining. You feel like you’re constantly repeating yourself and explaining the same things to them but it just doesn’t get through. This builds more frustration in the relationship which often leads to more fighting or built up resentment.
You make excuses for their behavior. This is always a red flag. I dated a guy once who I realized had a drinking problem. Every time we did anything we drank, even at the dog park he would bring beer, and I’d make excuses for him in front of my friends. I dated another guy who would get angry and make a scene, I’d find myself always making excuses for his behavior, too. If you’re finding yourself constantly trying to make your partner out to be better than they are to your friends and family then it’s a good idea to sit down and reflect on why you’re doing this. If everyone in your life has cautioned you about the relationship then you should reflect on what’s really going on and consider if they’re seeing something you’re pretending isn’t there.
You feel embarrassed by them. You feel like you can’t bring them to work events or family dinners because you’re excessively worried about what they might do. Whether that be to say something wildly inappropriate or get too drunk, you feel like you have to babysit them instead of just knowing things will be ok and that’s not a good feeling to have.
You keep them around because you feel like having someone is better than having no one. I dated someone years ago and the relationship should have ended a few months in. Even though I knew it should have ended I kept it going for another year and a half because the thought of going through the breakup process and being alone again terrified me. Was I happy? No, absolutely not. But I kept him around for the rare good moments and because I thought having someone was better than having no one, which is a terrible reason to stay with someone.
You feel there’s something more for you out there. You keep thinking there’s someone better for you than the person you’re currently with whether it’s because they don’t challenge you or fulfill you the way you need. You’re scared this is all it’s ever going to be with them, and you’re probably right. People get comfortable and the romance can die out, if you’re not feeling hopeful that you can spark it again or you’re constantly wondering if there’s something better for you, that’s a chance you might have to take.
The trust is gone. One of you did something to affect the trust in your relationship and it doesn’t feel like you can do anything to mend it back together. The other person keeps bringing it up and holding it over the other’s head. If you feel there’s no coming back from the broken trust then all you can do is leave, instead of constantly begging and trying to prove yourself time and time again.
You’re not being respected. The foundation of a relationship should be mutual respect because without respect you have nothing. If you’re feeling like your partner doesn’t respect you, or they belittle you, or don’t think you work as hard as them, or don’t appreciate when you do things for them than chances are they don’t respect you and they’re never going to start.
You’re not able to depend on them. You should be able to rely and depend on your partner when they say something to you. If they promise you they’ll be somewhere or do something at a certain time and they never follow through you can’t depend on them. You can have conversation after conversation about how it hurts your feelings but if they don’t respect you then they won’t make it a priority to be there when you need them. It’s as simple as their actions don’t match their words, and as much as they apologize they keep leaving you with the same lousy feeling over and over.

If you see your relationship in a lot of these bullets then it’s probably time to really consider letting go. Ending a relationship with someone you love, despite these points, will still be painful and heartbreaking, but if your gut is telling you it’s the right thing to do, it’s time to listen.

Next article: 11 Relationship Problems That Might Be Sabotaging Your Love Life

An Ode to To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before

February 18, 2019January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Netflix has been coming out with some seriously fun romantic comedies.

Growing up, my first VHS movie I bought (at Sam’s Club!) when I was 10 years old was Clueless. I fell in love with the romantic comedy and soon found myself speaking the fun slang and writing with a fluffy-topped pen. When To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before came out, I was immediately intrigued. When I watched it, I was instantly taken back to my pre-teen love of movies like Clueless. I decided I have to write about all my boys I’ve loved before.

Here is an ode to all the boys I’ve loved before and what I’ve learned from them.

Junior high – Bravery

In 7th and 8th grade, I was so into this sandy blonde haired boy I thought was so cute. Everyone in my small class of less than 30 knew I was into him, so there was of course a lot of the typical junior high teasing. At a pool party in between 7th and 8th grade, a spirited game of Truth or Dare almost landed me my first kiss with him in a giant inflatable space capsule (I kid you not). Unfortunately, he bailed on the dare and I was left devastated.

It wasn’t until the fall of 8th grade during a school dance in our cafeteria that I worked up the nerve to ask him to dance myself. He said no and I quickly learned the terrible feeling of unrequited love. However, I did learn to be brave enough to ask someone I had deep feelings for to dance. I’m grateful for him to teaching me bravery at such a young age.

Early 20s – Men and Women Can Really Be Friends

One boy in my life was my friend for a long time, then we briefly dated (and I mean briefly—about six weeks at the most). He broke up with me the spring of our senior year of college. I was devastated at the time as I was only 21 and really hadn’t had much experience yet.

Now, I am fully aware of how wrong he was for me romantically. Fast forward a dozen years later and we are still friends. He has a wonderful wife that I am now close with and my boyfriend and he are good friends too. The fact that we are still great friends 12 years later shows me that my favorite movie When Harry Met Sally might actually be wrong—men and women actually can be friends.

to all the boys I've loved before — youtube

Early 20s – Supportiveness

I was very much into a guy in my early 20s and we went on lots of (what I thought were) dates at the time. We visited a haunted forest, went to the movies together and went out to dinner. All the while, he never really kissed me. We got close, sure but nothing all that intimate. I was still fairly new at dating and I wasn’t sure exactly what to expect.

Fast forward a few months later to the boy coming out to me. I was shocked but instantly thrown into a supportive friend role. I was there for him during his first same-sex relationship, his mother not exactly understanding at the time and most importantly, having to set aside my feelings to be a supportive and encouraging friend. My now friendship with this man has taught me to be a supportive, loving person and sometimes it’s important to set aside your own feelings for the sake of another.

Mid-20s – Turning success out of failure

I feel like there’s an old saying out there, with failure comes success or something like that. Anyway, in my mid-20s, I fell head over heels for this guy I met at a mutual friend’s birthday party. He was tall, dark and handsome and so fun to talk to. We dated from a spring to a fall of a year and had plenty of romantic moments.

One moment was one of the most romantic I’ve ever had. I was visiting him in Chicago while he was there for school for a summer and we kissed on top of the Ferris Wheel at the Navy Pier. Later, we watched fireworks from the pier in his bed from the giant loft.

Later that fall, things fell apart and he broke up with me—over about six pizzas. I turned that awkward breakup and failed relationship into something successful. I ended up writing a piece for The Washingtonian about the breakup pizzas that got published in their 100 Greatest Restaurants issue. Learning that failure doesn’t always mean the end of the road, that success perhaps could happen in another part of my life, was something I learned from this relationship.

To the boy I love now – Real, deep love

It wasn’t until about six and a half years ago that I started dating the man I’m with now. I have a deep, confident feeling he will be my forever love. We’ve gone through a lot together these past six years. We adopted a special needs English bulldog together, have gone through deaths of grandparents, attended about five weddings together and have spent many holidays with each other.

I love him even when he annoys the you know what out of me. While the other boys I’ve loved before have all taught me something about myself or life in general, this one is different. He’s taught me how to love another human being unconditionally.

Love the Netflix film “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before?” You’ll want to read this author’s ode to the boys she’s had feelings for.

7 Sweet Anniversary Traditions You Can Do Every Year

March 30, 2019January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Whether it be your 1st or a 50th, anniversaries are important to your relationship. It’s a milestone for your time together and an opportunity to celebrate your love.

But, planning an annual celebration (and even finding the right anniversary gift) can sometimes be difficult. My husband and I just came up on our ten year dating anniversary and while we love celebrating our relationship, over the years, we’ve found that planning anniversary celebrations has always been a bit stressful.

And lots of couples, in various stages of their relationships, feel the same way.

If you’re new to a relationship, you might not know what your partner expects and worry that whatever you do will be too little, or maybe too much. If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you might be struggling to think of a gift you haven’t already given your partner in anniversaries past.

To fix this celebration conundrum, we started asking other couples what they do for their anniversaries. We found that the best ideas were the ones that repeat and build off of each other: anniversary celebrations that feel more like traditions. They let you enjoy your milstone without the unneeded stress of thinking of an original gift or date idea.

So, to help you celebrate your love, here are 7 great anniversary ideas that you can do every year. These anniversary dates (and gifts) are meant to be enjoyed over and over again so you can look forward to these celebrations for many years to come.

1. Fun photo shoot

My husband and I have been together for a long time, so of course we have a ton of photos of the two of us: candids taken by friends and lots of selfies.

But it wasn’t until a couple years ago, when we started talking about getting engagement photos done, that we ever considered getting professional photos taken. Between our engagement session, and subsequent wedding pictures, we suddenly had all of these beautiful photos to celebrate us, and I loved it.

When my husband and I reached our ten year anniversary, my sister-in-law gave us the idea to do a photoshoot to celebrate this milestone—and I loved the idea. She and her family take photos every year with their kids and we thought it might be fun to start a photo tradition of our own.

I asked a friend to be our photographer and the three of us walked to a nearby park and had a great time taking pictures together. Later, my husband and I loved looking through the photos and picking which ones to frame. We had such a good time that we decided to make a point to do a little photo shoot (or at least make sure to take a nice picture together) every year.

If you’re interested in taking photos every anniversary, there’s some great inspiration online for photo projects couples have done every year together, such as taking a picture with a printed photo from the year before or holding a balloon for every year they’ve been together. It’s a great tradition and down the road you’ll have a collection of pictures you’ll treasure.

Side Note: While some couples might want to go all out and embrace this photo shoot idea with a new wardrobe, getting their hair done, hiring a dream photographer, and heading to a fabulous destination… it’s also okay to make this a little low-key. My husband and I wanted to keep costs down so we grabbed a friend who was a photographer, picked cute outfits from our closet, and just took photos in the neighborhood. Costs were low but the photos were still great!

2. Scrapbook of anniversaries

While I’m so excited to document my anniversaries in photos, one friend of mine (and her husband) take this idea to the next level with a scrapbook of memories.

While it might be fun to take photos every year, you’ll also want a way to display your memories. Of course, you won’t have room for all your photos on your walls (especially after a few years), so why not start a tradition of a photo book? Each anniversary you could make one scrapbook page with a few anniversary pictures (or even photos of your favorite moments from the year) and add it to your scrapbook. You might even include ticket stubs or other little momentos.

If you want to take it up a notch even more, my friend likes to display their most recent page in a frame until their next anniversary. She likes getting to see it all year, then when she’s done with the next scrapbook page, adding it to the book and make room for another page to put on the wall.

These scrapbook pages can either be a sweet present you give your honey every year, or an activity you do together.

3. Make an anniversary cake

I’m really big on desserts so you can imagine my excitement when I found out that the bakery that made our wedding cake gives customers a free “anniversary cake” for couple’s one year of marriage. This sounded amazing: we wouldn’t have to worry about the tradition of freezing a piece of cake and then digging through dried-out frosting on our anniversary. We’d get to celebrate with a fresh, delicious cake made just for us.

But it got me thinking… who says cake is just a “first anniversary” tradition? And who says you have to be married to celebrate with something sweet? It got me thinking that this could be a great idea for an anniversary tradition, even beyond our first wedding anniversary.

If you’re looking for a fun (and thrifty) activity to celebrate your anniversary every year, make a tradition of baking a cake together. Every year you can come up with a fun design and get together in the kitchen to do your best impression of Cake Boss. You can start from scratch or buy a mix, then practice your piping skills or simply decorate with sprinkles. It’s a sweet (pun intended) anniversary tradition that you both will love!

4. Re-create a special day

Your anniversary is all about celebrating your love and making great memories together. So why not celebrate by re-creating a special day in your love story? I have a co-worker who goes out with her husband every year to the same restaurant where they had their first date and she loves their tradition. She thinks it’s so fun to remember the beginning of their relationship and recognize how far they’ve come as a couple.

But, you don’t necessarily have to recreate your first date to enjoy the same effects, re-creating any special day, like the day when you first said “I love you” or the day one of you proposed could be more special to you and your partner. Go ice skating like you did that day, or eat tons of Chinese food and watch Bob’s Burgers like you did that one special evening. The date itself doesn’t have to be fancy for it to be special to you.

One day that is really special to my husband and I is the day after our wedding. (Of course, our wedding was pretty great too, but we were looking for something easier to recreate.) That day, woke up in a fancy beach hotel, ordered waffles from room service, went for a walk along the beach, and finished off the night at dinner. Even back then we decided that we should come back the year after and enjoy a meal at one of the restaurants at the hotel and walk along the beach to remember how special we felt that day- and that’s just what we plan to do!

Whatever special day you choose, you can make it a great tradition: celebrating that special moment every year so you never forget how wonderful your memories are.

5. A weekend get-away

While a special date can be the perfect way to celebrate your love, a mini get-away might be more your speed. I have a cousin who works a lot and says he simply doesn’t get to spend enough quality time with his wife. They’re both so busy, so when their anniversary comes around they like to go all-out and plan a weekend get-away.

While my cousin and his wife love going to the same beachy city for their annual get-away, you might want to change it up every year. Think about places that are special to you and what you want to do while you’re there. Do you need a weekend of R&R? Or do you love bonding over water sports and hiking?

Of course, your trip doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive: maybe it’s an annual camping trip, maybe it’s a quick visit to the big city or a mini vacation in the next city over. Then again, maybe you do want to go all out for those big anniversaries, splurging for the all-inclusive weekend complete with the “upgraded view” in your hotel room and visits to fancy restaurants.

Whatever you decide to do, it’s great to have a mini vacation to get to relax and spend time together. It’s a trip you could plan for every anniversary and look forward to all year long.

6. Love letters

While a weekend get-away might sound nice, not everyone has the time or money to plan a trip every year.

I have one friend from grad school who admits that while paying off student loans, he wasn’t always able to plan dates for his girlfriend or get her a grand gift for their anniversary. Instead, they decided to start writing each other love letters and their sweet tradition stuck. He says they love writing each other letters for their anniversary and even though it’s so easy to do, the letters mean so much to both of them.

Their tradition is a good reminder that no matter how big or small you celebrate your anniversary, it’s important to take the time to tell each other how much you mean to each other, and what better way to do that than to put it in an old fashioned, romantic love letter? It’s probably the best anniversary gift to give (and get) and it requires very little time and money to do it. You might even consider making this a tradition and keeping all your letters to each other in a special book to look back on in years to come.

7. Try something new together every year

Wait a second, you’re probably saying, didn’t you say this list would help me celebrate anniversaries in a way that I won’t have to think of something new every year?

Of course it can be hard to think of romantic dates and sweet gifts every year, but when it comes to thinking of something you’ve never done in general… for most of us, that’s pretty easy.

One of the best things about being in a relationship is having someone to experience new things with. Why not make a tradition out of trying new things?

Every year you can plan to try something that’s new to both of you. Maybe neither of you have tried skiing or have never gone skinny dipping. Maybe you’ve never seen all the Godfather movies or have gone to the Grand Canyon. Every year you’ll do something new together, treat yourself to new experiences, and make yourself a more well-rounded couple.

No matter what you decide to do for your anniversary, remember to always have a ton of fun and take this time to appreciate each other. Every anniversary is an accomplishment and a milestone, so celebrate your love as best you can.

I’m About to Celebrate 7 Years with My Boyfriend (and No We’re Not Getting Married Yet!)

April 5, 2019January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS1 Comment

This May, I will have been dating my boyfriend for seven years.

On May 10, 2012, I was sitting at a lunch I had to report on for work. I was high on life, having just started dating a really sweet guy. I was daydreaming during the event when I got a text message saying “Guess what?” from the guy. I replied with a simple “What?” and moments later got a response: “I have the best girlfriend ever.” After that, I don’t remember much else from that work lunch.

Now, almost seven years later we are preparing to celebrate another anniversary together. I am certain come May 10th, I’ll get multiple questions as to why we aren’t married yet.

Being a Traditional Person in a Long-Term Relationship

Growing up, I was always a very traditional person. A self-described hopeless romantic, I couldn’t help but adore a good love story. I loved (and still love!) movies like When Harry Met Sally and Sleepless in Seattle.

I always thought I’d grow up and get married and have a couple kids by now. Granted, I still definitely want to marry and have children—just maybe not the five or six I wanted when I was 13!

From Year Two On, Everyone Bugged Us About Marriage

Since I’ve been dating my boyfriend, within about two years we started getting the question: “when are you two going to get married?”. We’ve brushed it off since then every year. People always preach individuality and doing things on your own time, but I can’t tell you how many people have wondered why we aren’t married yet.

I usually post a collage of photos of the two of us on social media every anniversary, mostly for the memories I can look back on when they pop up each year. Now that I’m about to celebrate seven years with my partner, part of me does not want to post a said collage as I know I will get the inevitable ring emoji with a question mark or another questionable comment about marriage.

The funny thing is, those questions often come from acquaintances or friends I’m not particularly close with. My best friends and family, they have every right in the world to talk to me about it (mostly because I occasionally chat with them about my relationship anyway).

People who I haven’t seen in person since high school? Slow your roll. Trust me, my boyfriend and I– We’ve got this.

Being True to Who I Am AKA Not Giving in to Marriage Pressure

To those who are going through something similar, it’s important to remember to be true to your own relationship. Things take time and what’s great for another couple may not be the right thing for you.

I’ll admit from about years four through six, I was that person who bombards me with questions. The self reflection I constantly had made me wonder why I was the “odd one out” and not getting married just yet. My anxiety about the issue climbed as friends and siblings started getting engaged, married and then pregnant.

Within the past year though, I started to realize that if or when my boyfriend and I do get engaged, it needs to be the perfect timing. The spark has to be perfect, the place we are in our relationship, and within ourselves, needs to be right. Without it, the engagement is bound to fail. Call it my romanticism mixed with a bit of maturing realism, I know that things have to feel right for a relationship to work. I used to be all about trusting with your heart—now I have a little bit of my head thrown in too.

Why I’m Waiting to Get Married

I am waiting to get married for a few reasons. First of all, I am still traditional—I am waiting for that magical proposal from my boyfriend. It doesn’t need to be fancy. I have literally told him that I wouldn’t mind if our dog came in with the ring around his harness.

Some have questioned why I’m still waiting. It’s simple: I love my boyfriend. I think there will be a point where I’ll need to make a decision about our future, but for now things are wonderful. We have our own little “family” together with our dog, we share a spacious apartment, I love my job. Why shake things up when I love life so much right now, at this very moment? Not to mention, I shouldn’t (and you shouldn’t!) have to answer to anyone when they ask you why—why are you not married, why don’t you have kids yet?

Learning that It’s Okay to Wait

These days, we have so many pieces of technology easily at our fingertips. Do you want to order falafel from your favorite Mediterranean spot? Click on Uber Eats on your phone—boom, ordered. Our decision making is often split-second in today’s times.

Basically, what I’m saying is, getting engaged is a huge decision. It’s not something to be taken lightly, so if you are dating for enough years you can count on a whole hand (or more) that’s perfectly okay! It’s important to really get to know the person and to make sure you want to spend the rest of your life with them.

If your best friend is married and expecting her first child, just take a deep breath. Remember, that’s great it works for her but it might not work for you at this particular time. I’m glad my boyfriend and I are taking our time with things. It’s part of what makes our relationship unique and special. That is why I’ve decided I may just have to put those hesitant feelings aside and embrace my annual collage again this year.

Who cares what other people think, right? Just be you, enjoy life and have fun doing it—I know I plan to.

Feeling single and frustrated? Take a deep breath and read this.

15 Things People with Anxiety Want Their Partners to Know

June 21, 2019January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin Mind, Wellness

I, like many other people in this world, have anxiety.

My generalized anxiety disorder can get super frustrating at times. I imagine it can be even more frustrating for my boyfriend.

Here are 15 things people with anxiety want their partners to know.

1. You don’t need to understand—just respect what we have.

My boyfriend has a retinal disease. When I occasionally find myself getting annoyed at him being slow while we’re out walking somewhere, I stop and think about what it must be like to have his disease. I’m not ever going to understand it completely, but I have to remember to respect it. That is exactly how I feel about my anxiety. I don’t need my boyfriend to understand it at all, he just needs to respect why I might be feeling a certain way.

2. We miss you more than ever during your business trips and we call often because we worry.

My partner travels fairly often. I can’t tell you how often I miss him during his business trips. Our dog passed away a few months ago too, so when he’s away it’s even harder without anyone here to keep me company! Granted, the alone time is nice for a bit but then I start getting anxious and wondering how he’s doing. I call him often because I worry about whether or not he’s enjoying the trip, getting dinner okay or occasionally, (in the darkest corners of my mind) if any woman is hitting on him.

3. Sometimes all we really need it just a hug—nothing more, nothing less.

There’s nothing better than a hug from my boyfriend when I’m feeling anxious. Sometimes having the person we love just simply hold us is all we need to feel calmer.

4. We’re so grateful for what we have, particularly our significant others.

Being an anxious person, I am so grateful for my boyfriend. He is someone I can always ask for reassurance when I’m making big decisions, or even little decisions. Sometimes, all the reassurance we need is just a simple hug, as I mentioned before.

5. We know we shouldn’t be scared of our fears but part of us still is.

Sometimes, a lot of people with anxiety have irrational fears or phobias. There’s lots more information about this here, but in the meantime, I know that my boyfriend understands my fears and phobias are mostly illogical. We know they are illogical, but part of us, that irrational part, is still frightened beyond belief.

6. Anxiety is a part of us but isn’t all of us.

Anxiety is a part of who we are yes, but it isn’t all of us. We don’t let it define us nor do we let it hold us back in any way (if we can help it!). I know that I am a writer, a teacher, a good friend, former dog mom, movie lover, magazine devourer, book lover, dog lover, sunshine lover and more. Anxiety is just a small part of the bigger picture of me.

7. We often worry about anxiety being a burden.

A lot of times when I have panic attacks, the first thing I always do is apologize to the person I’m with (which is almost always my boyfriend or a family member). We often worry about our anxiety being a burden on our loved ones. Apologizing for me helps me feel just a little less worried about being an annoyance to my loved ones.

8. Anxiety, and many other mental illnesses all depend on the individual.

Anxiety can be helped through medication and therapy, as well as meditation and trauma therapy (for those with trauma-related anxiety, the book The Body Keeps the Score could be an interesting read). Exercise and yoga are also great stress and anxiety relievers. Perhaps going to a yoga class or for a walk or run with your partner could be a great way to spend some time together and lessen some of life’s stresses. The bottom line is, mental health problems are very individualized. You wouldn’t treat someone the same way for other physical health issues, why should mental health be any different?

9. Sometimes we may not experience anxiety and other times have full-blown panic attacks on the daily.

This piggybacks off of number eight. Just like life’s ups and downs, anxiety has its terrible times and not-so-bad instances. It all depends on what’s going on in our lives at the moment. For me, the months of June and December are always just a bit worse because those are transitional in terms of a lot of my students leaving for the summer (I teach piano as well) and then the December holiday break where as a freelancer, I don’t get paid.

10. We absolutely need you to communicate with us.

My boyfriend and I are still working on this, seven years later! Where I love to express my emotions every time I have them, my boyfriend tends to guard his. I am working on gently reminding him that I need to sometimes be reminded that things are all good between us. Sometimes I also need him to express why he’s being quiet a certain day. He may be tired but as an anxious person, my mind tends to wander if it’s other reasons involving me.

11. Change is really hard for us.

I’ll never forget the day I moved in with my boyfriend. He was downstairs with the movers and I just slumped against the wall in the empty living room and cried. I was so unsure if I was doing the right thing and was absolutely terrified of the change. Now, no matter what happens with the two of us, I’m glad I did. Partners just need to remember that change can be really hard for us, no matter how big or small.

12. We know we’re not being logical, and it’s hard for us.

Our worries and neuroses are not logical most of the time and we know that. The thing is, anxiety defies logic and we are always constantly trying to overcome that. Partners who have a spouse or significant other with anxiety should never yell at them for “not thinking straight.” We’re trying to!

13. Remember anxiety can give us physical symptoms.

I am just recently discovering this. I grind my teeth at night and have TMJ. I have suffered from IBS throughout most of my life. These physical symptoms are manifestations of my anxiety. I am starting to recognize and acknowledge this, because when my anxiety is controlled, my TMJ and IBS are a lot more controlled as well.

14. You can’t fix us, but therapy might be able to help.

Sadly, mental health still is somewhat treated poorly in our country. We don’t have adequate access to mental health professionals in our country. Many see those in therapy as weak. If your partner seeks out help for their anxiety that’s a good thing! If you can make it work, even if it means less dinners out or you maybe taking on a bit more of the rent for awhile, it’s be worth it in the long run, trust me.

15. We always welcome lots of questions, if you promise to be patient with us.

We love helping you learn about our anxiety! We just ask that you promise to be patient with us. Sometimes it can take a bit of time for us to open up about our issues. We’re just grateful you want to listen.

10 Creative Proposal Ideas Perfect for All Relationships

July 10, 2019January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

When the weather gets warm, one can say love is in the air.

If you’re thinking of getting married, the good news is that these days, it doesn’t matter who proposes to whom. There are so many different types of relationships out there, there are no rules when it comes to proposals anymore.

Here are 10 creative proposal ideas perfect for all relationships.

1. Hide the ring in a pocket.

I just adored this idea when I heard it was how my best friend was planning on proposing to his now wife. He bought her a dress from her favorite store and knew how much she loved dresses with pockets (don’t we all?). He bought tickets to an opera, mentioned he bought her a new dress for the event and it was on the bed and to go try it on. She did, realized there were pockets and stuck her hand right in, finding the ring. Cue the happy tears!

2. Do it at a place significant to you both.

Two of my three sisters are engaged now and their fiancés both proposed in super sweet ways. What tied them together was that the two used places significant to them. My middle sister’s fiancé drove them to my parents’ lake house, took out my dad’s boat (with his permission) and proposed to my sister in the middle of the lake. The lake, called Lake Latonka is very special to us all as it was where my grandparents lived when we were growing up and we had plenty of fond memories there. My youngest sister’s fiancé took the two to Cleveland to celebrate their eighth (!) anniversary (yes they are high school sweethearts!). The fiancé insisted my parents and his come up to surprise my sister while recording the whole proposal from afar. It was too cute!

3. Create a proposal scavenger hunt.

This one may take a bit longer to put together and may require help from some friends. Think about your partner’s favorite places. Maybe they love Starbucks lattes, jogs in a park or twist cones at a certain ice cream parlor in town. Take them around to their favorite places, leaving clues everywhere until they figure out where you’re hiding, with the ring of course.

4. Channel your inner child with glow-in-the-dark ceiling stars.

I would honestly love this if my boyfriend took the time to do this if we end up getting engaged someday. This also works only if you live together already or if you are sleeping over one night. You know those glow-in-the-dark stars you had on your ceiling as a kid? Grab a whole bunch of them and spell out “MARRY ME?” on your ceiling. As you get into bed that night, turn off the lights and gaze up at the ceiling. Watch your partner gasp in surprise and excitement.

5. Five words: A picnic and a skywriter.

While a picnic is relatively inexpensive, a skywriter is not. This is an idea for those who are willing or able to drop a serious amount of dough. Take a romantic picnic—think wine, cheese, a baguette—and head to a romantic spot in your city or town. Have a skywriter write out “Will you marry me?” in the sky.

6. Utilize your significant other’s job.

If your girlfriend is a teacher, ask permission to have their class help with the proposal by holding up letters that spell out marry me. If your boyfriend is a firefighter, ask the station to help with a proposal using a fire truck and a banner that says “Marry Me?” There are countless ways to use your significant other’s job to help with a creative marriage proposal.

7. Go berry picking and pop the question.

This is a cute way to pop the question. While you’re picking your favorite berry of choice, yell for your partner to come over that you’ve found the best, juiciest looking one. When they run over, whip out the ring!

8. Use your pet.

When our dog was still around, this was all I wanted my boyfriend to do to propose to me. It’s super easy and for animal lovers, they will just melt with joy. Simply tie the engagement ring onto your pet’s collar with a ribbon and ask them to come for a treat. Say “hey what’s that around their collar?” and well, the rest will be history.

9. Use sparklers this 4th of July.

Surround an area safe for sparklers using either ones with long stems to stick in the ground, or using your significant other’s loved ones to stand in a circle. Bring your partner into the middle of the circle and get down on one knee. Don’t forget to have someone photograph the gorgeous moment.

10. Take a walk on a rainy day and use a big golf umbrella.

Ever since I saw Midnight in Paris, I’ve been obsessed with the romance of walking in the rain. This proposal idea involves a giant gold umbrella and getting your future fiancé to take a walk in a rainstorm with you. Before you take that walk, write on the inside of the gigantic umbrella in waterproof sharpie, “Will you marry me?” Chances are, shortly after that you’ll be sharing a kiss together underneath that umbrella. I am smiling just writing about how beautiful this could turn out.

Gratitude for Non-Romantic Relationships: Embrace the Love in Your Life

November 28, 2019January 22, 2024 by Clementine Francesin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Sometimes we don’t have love like in the movies and it gets us down. You know?

Big sweeping, ring on fingers, declarations of happy ever after, or even someone to come home to each night. It’s natural to want something that you have been told you should have and something so many people around you have, but not having it does not mean there isn’t an abundance of love in your life.

For a very long time I could not see the love in my life, and I felt very alone. But, over time my brain started to clear up and I looked around and saw that I am surrounded by people who want me in their life. In accepting that there are people who love you, it opens you up to BE love to those around you.

Love doesn’t always look the way we expect it to. Here’s how to see the love you already have in your life.

Invitations

Your roommate who invites you to their game night. Sometimes we are annoyed by people who invite us to things we aren’t interested in instead of realizing that there is someone who wants our company. I’ve definitely made every effort to disconnect from people who want me to engage with them because sometimes it’s draining, but the overwhelming sense of despair that comes with the thought that no one cares about you is also draining!

So, say yes to game night.

Of course, you do not have to go to every game night you’re invited to, but what if you did just this once? Maybe it’ll be the most fun night or maybe it’ll be an okayish night but maybe it won’t hurt. I’ve made every effort to decline Dungeons and Dragons invites, but next time my roommate asks me I’m going to say yes!

Road Trips

Your co worker who you’ve known for years and are pretty friendly says they are going to Maine and they ask you if you want to come.

Now, you’ve never been to Maine. Heck, you’ve never been to The Bronx.

Your first instinct is to say no, because that is always your first instinct, but you’ve known this person for a while and you actually trust them enough and they’re sort of like your family.

Stephen King books are set in Maine and you love Stephen King. You tell yourself you don’t have enough money but maybe you do for a two day trip because you never spend the money doing anything else anyway!

The friend who invites you to Maine is saying to you, “I value your company and I value you enough to go on an adventure with you.”

Embrace Friend Fans

You’re a talented artist. You have an art exhibit coming up. Actually, you’ve had several art things over the years and your peers say they want to come see. You tell them no because “your work is not that good”, or “it’s uncomfortable having people you know judging your work” not realizing that ultimately they just want to support you.

Since you have art shows all around town maybe you’re actually quite good and your friends just want to be a part of something that matters to you. Even if you aren’t good it’s nice that people want to be apart of something that matters to you because they want to know what you care about and care about it too.

Let friends celebrate you.

Receive the Gift of a Playlist

Your sister keeps recommending artists she likes to you, but you really hate Jazz music. But, it’s kind of cool that someone says here are somethings I like I want you to like it too. Of course, you may never like Jazz, but maybe the sound may not be your forte but could the lyrics be? Maybe you can recommend your K-pop faves to your sister? She doesn’t like K-pop? That’s fine. You don’t like Jazz. But maybe knowing what each other loves is a step closer to bonding. Perhaps, you find that music is not where you click, but your both big fans of crochet and voila you’ve found a friend in your sister!

What I’m saying is love comes to us in many ways through many people and even if we don’t have romantic love, we can find good love in our lives: if we see it, if we accept it, if we engage.

I give thanks for love.

New Relationship? Take This Quiz to See If You’re Ready to Spend the Holidays with Your Significant Other

December 23, 2019January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

With the holidays fast approaching, you’re probably wondering if you and your new honey are ready to spend the season together. But going to your partner’s family home over the holidays can be a big deal.

Not only is there the stress of getting to know your partner’s whole family, but there’s the added pressure of what it means to take this momentous step. For some, bringing a partner to their home for the holidays is a way of saying you’re “serious,” some might even see it as a sort of pre-engagement. It’s a big deal.

So, how do you know if you’re ready?

Answer the questions below to find out if you should spend the holidays with your sweetie.

1. Do you see yourself spending the next year together?

It’s a simple question, but at the same time, not so simple. There’s no relationship crystal ball. You can’t know for sure if you’re going to be together in a year, six months, or even a month from now. Especially in new relationships, it’s hard to anticipate what will happen next.

But two things you can track is how you feel and what your intentions are. Start asking yourself how the relationship has been going so far. Have you seen any red flags? Or has everything been smooth sailing? Do you want to be with this person in the long term, or do you see it as just a fling?

Just because a relationship is new doesn’t mean it isn’t serious. If you find yourself wanting to be together 6 months from now, or even a year from now, go ahead and spend the holidays together. You might even end up feeling closer over the holiday season, and bonding even more.

If, on the other hand, your not sure if you see each other together in the coming months, if things are already rocky and you’re not sure if this person is a potential for, say, marriage—maybe skip it. Spending time with a partner’s family probably isn’t going to make a relationship better, so don’t waste your (or your partner’s) time.

2. Do you talk about your families all the time, but haven’t met them?

For some people, family is a big deal.

Have you noticed your partner talks about family often? Does he or she mention the crazy things their sister does or the sweet things their dad used to do when they were growing up? Do they look forward to visits with their nieces and nephews?

If this sounds like your partner (or even if it sounds like you!) meeting the family might be a bigger deal than you think.

If family is a big deal to one, or both of you, meeting the family may be a make-or-break scenario. Some people consider it a “deal breaker” if their family doesn’t like, or get along with, a partner. While this certainly isn’t the case with everyone (I once had a friend who more or less stopped talking to his entire family because they were rude to his wife) if your partner really cares about their family’s opinion, it could affect your relationship.

If this is the case, meeting the family (and seeing how you get along) is probably a good thing to do sooner rather than later.

3. Do you want to move forward in your relationship?

Maybe you, or your partner, aren’t particularly close with your families. Maybe you’ve been out on your own for a while and whether or not your family “approves” of your partner isn’t that big of a deal to you. And yet, meeting family over the holiday might still be a big deal to both of you.

Meeting family doesn’t have to be a big to-do or have underpinnings of a “test.” Spending time with family doesn’t have to be about whether or not the family likes a new partner. Sometimes, it’s just about you two, and wanting to show each other that you’re serious about your relationship.

Going to a partner’s house for the holidays can be a big step, and being willing to do that together can mean a lot to some couples.

Of course, spending the holidays together shouldn’t be a way to “prove” your commitment, and agreeing to go to Christmas at your partner’s family home doesn’t take the place of having that good old fashion “where are we?” talk. But spending the holidays together, and with each other’s families, can be a good way to show each other that you’re really taking the relationship seriously.

4. Do you want to go for it?

Perhaps you simply want to go to your partner’s family home for the holidays.

Spending time together doesn’t have to have an ulterior motive—like moving forward in a relationship. Maybe you want your relationship to stay the same. Maybe you just don’t have anywhere else to go for the holidays. Or maybe you simply think it would be fun.

While some couples think spending the holidays together is a big step, it doesn’t have to be a big deal. Talk about it beforehand, and if you both seem like you’re on the same page, go for it. Even if you’re not thinking your relationship is very “serious” now, maybe you two have the makings for something more. No matter what, wanting to spend time with your partner is a good sign.

On the other hand, it’s when you’re feeling a sense of dread about going to his or her home for the holidays, that you have to look out for.

If your partner asked you if you to come over for the holidays, and your immediate reaction was panic, you may want to consider the possibility that this may not be the right relationship for you.

Whether you’re hoping to take your relationship to the next level this season, or are just hoping for great company over the holidays, spending time with your new partner’s family can be fun and exciting. But before you pack your bags, make sure you’re ready for this big step.

Watch How to Date Smarter

June 9, 2020January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

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Getting Past 6-8 Weeks

July 22, 2020January 22, 2024 by Anna Morgensternin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

I’ve seen quite a few relationships suddenly end after the first 6-8 weeks for many friends and clients. This is the first of three relationship hurdles. You’re still getting to know each other in the first 2 months and it should be the most fun time of a new relationship. Everything seems to be going great and then all of a sudden it ends and you have no idea why. You were spending more and more time together, making future plans and telling each other your hopes and dreams. Why the sudden cold shoulder?

This is the time where you both are figuring each other out. People tend to overlook some red flags early on because they are happy to have found someone to spend time with, rather than really evaluating the other person. I don’t recommend seeing each other more than twice a week in the first 2 months. While you may want to spend all of your time with this person, it’s good to take it slow and reflect if this is someone you want to invest in. Sit down and journal what you like about the relationship and how they make you feel. Do you feel secure and happy or do you feel confused and unsure how they feel about you? Many times the reason someone backs off early on is because they are feeling pressure from the other person and the relationship stops being fun. Think about why you might be pressuring the other person. Is this someone you really want to be in a serious relationship with or are you just scared you won’t find anyone else?

While you may have lots of questions, look for actions instead of answers. Everyone has experienced a relationship where the other person said all the right things but their actions didn’t meet their words. It’s much better to be with someone who shows you that they care, rather than just telling you. So instead of asking them where things are going and if they like you, look at how they treat you. Do they prioritize you? Do they try to do things to make you happy? Or are they making plans then bailing on you? There are plenty of people you could end up with so don’t stick with someone just to be with someone. If this person isn’t meeting your needs, ditch them and find someone who will. The sooner you get out of an unfulfilling relationship, the sooner you can enter one that will meet your needs. You have to take emotion out of it a bit and really evaluate your relationship. While your heart might be telling you one thing, listen to your brain as well.

A friend of mine once told me to stop dating passively. Take control of your life and make actionable decisions. If you’re unhappy in a situation, get out of it immediately rather than waiting for that person to decide for you. You’re an adult, time to make adult decisions.

So, maybe you were feeling like you just can’t get past the first two months in a relationship but maybe now you’re realizing that the people you were investing in were not right for you. Maybe you’re realizing you were dating passively. Next time you enter a new relationship, take it slow and look at you list of qualities you need in someone and see if they fit that list. If not, let them go so you can find someone who does.

xo,