Tag: Love

Female Orgasm. Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.

by zfortadminin Sex

‘The orgasm is no longer a mere biological function used in procreation, nor the side effect of casual pleasure … it is the very centre of the human experience and ultimately determines the happiness of the human race.’ says Wilhelm Reich

Sexuality and orgasm are widely influenced by past experiences, relationships with others, the culture in which we live, combined with the biochemical reactions in our bodies.

In western culture these factors are not discussed widely or openly enough and women are left to discover and explore their own sexuality based on the idea that we should be able to reach sexual pleasure and orgasm easily and frequently.

The fact is, no two women share the same experience of desire or even the same orgasmic pattern. Misconceptions about the “right” way to have an orgasm and expectations about normal libido leave many women feeling inadequate.

Education and greater awareness of the importance of sexuality and orgasm is needed in order for there to be less confusion and uncertainty, and more pleasure and understanding.

Women from a young age should be encouraged to talk to their friends and family about their sexuality and have access to holistic information that can help them grow and learn as sexually aware women.

 

 

Curated by Erbe
Original Source

8 Tips for Mindful Love-Making

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex

Here’s how to improve your connection with your partner. 

Mindfulness is being in the present moment with total awareness. But the one area where we can be the least present is in our relationships, and that includes our most intimate ones.

Mindful love-making is a whole new approach to being intimate with awareness, which means having sex not only for the sheer pleasure of it, but with our mind, body, and spirit combined, and as thoughtfully engaged as possible. Loving your partner mindfully will enhance the quality of your sex, and increase the closeness you experience together significantly. Not only will it become the type of love-making you crave, but it will be the only type of love-making you desire to give your partner.

Here are several ways to connect with your partner mindfully, and be as fully present as you can in the bedroom:

The best lovemaking is when two people are 100 percent present with each other, which means they are completely aware and sensitive of one another’s needs. A good way to make that happen is to set aside a special time for you and your partner to have sex. That way, you know that you’re bringing your complete attention to them, and that they are getting all of you in the experience, which is a turn-on.Young loving couple isolated on white

Mindful lovemaking can happen when both people are fully present without distraction. Put your gadgets away. That means no phones nearby, or anything electronic that could go off and distract you. Being fully present with your partner means that you need nothing other than them to satisfy you.

Making love mindfully means being fully attuned to someone else’s body and needs. Communicate to your partner either verbally or through touch how much you want to satisfy them. Giving them all of your attention increases stimulation and satisfaction.

Think of what would make your partner happy or satisfy them. Showing your partner that you’ve taken the time to figure out what would excite them sexually lets them know that you care about them, and that they are very important to you.

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Attract Your Soul Mate

by zfortadminin LOVE

Taking action and self reflection is key!

You have a soul mate. Someone you are meant to share a great love with. If you haven’t found this person already, it’s likely you’re interested in meeting him or her. Good. You can. I’m going to tell you how.

By bringing awareness to what you want in a relationship, you are more likely to receive it. In that sense, you have control over your destiny in love.

Here are five steps you can take to prepare yourself for the greatest love of your life:

1. Believe in love.

Do you believe you can have a relationship that nourishes you, excites you, and keeps you coming back for more?

Do you believe that you have a soul mate?

I hope so, because believing in love is a crucial (and nonnegotiable) step in making it come true.

You can’t have a relationship that you don’t believe exists. Therefore, if you have any limiting beliefs about what is possible in love, you need to start challenging them ASAP.

If you find yourself thinking that an amazing relationship is not possible for you, tell yourself this: “No! This is a false belief. I know I am meant to have an amazing love.”

As you practice distinguishing your limiting thoughts, you’ll believe more and more that a great love is meant for you. And when this happens, anything is possible.Portrait Of A Young Woman Outdoor Dancing

2. Heal old wounds.

It’s necessary for you to get acquainted with your wounds if you’re going to move beyond them. In getting to know your setbacks, you can take steps to heal this part of yourself, allowing a more fulfilling love to come to you.

How do you do this? First, recognize what you struggle with in relationships. This is could be an issue such as feeling abandoned, trapped, or not good enough. Once you know what the issue is, you heal it by taking care of yourself in the way that you’ve felt hurt by others.

Let me give you an example. If you’ve felt rejected in relationships, then you have to take steps to stop rejecting yourself. This means accepting your feelings, being kind to yourself, and making room for all parts of who you are.

As you love yourself in the way that you want to be loved, these wounds will heal. Once they do, you’ll no longer need to play them out with other people in your life.

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Many Faces of Romance

by zfortadminin Sex

Love comes in many shapes, sizes and ways of connecting. We should all be free to love and celebrate the love, intimacy, friendship and sexuality of relationships.Many Faces of Romance

 

Curated by Erbe
Original Source

What Is HOT About a Stable Guy

by MONROKin LOVE

PASSION. Definition: strong and barely controllable emotion. Is passion a good thing? How much do we want of it in a relationship?

Often times, women feel like they have to make a choice between the hot and heavy/ tumultuous relationship and the boring/stable one. The real question is, why is passion paired with feelings of anger and jealousy and stability paired with feelings of boredom and dissatisfaction. What is it about the reliable man that unconditionally loves and supports us that makes us want to run the other way?

We don’t want to be in a relationship completely void of passion, so we might have to rewire ourselves. Here are 5 things about stable men that we should feel passionate about.

He has a job.

This might seem a little obvious, but any person who gets up every day and goes to work deserves some respect. He’s not “figuring things out.” His employer counts on him to be there, and he’s there. That means he is a reliable person. THAT IS HOT. When you call, he answers. He’s not “so high he fell asleep.”

He respects your friends.

The stable man is always down for a night out with your friends. He’s not living for himself and his own pleasure. He likes being part of a team. THIS IS HOT. You don’t want the guy who ditches you last minute because “my buddy wants to watch the game.” You want a guy you can MAKE PLANS WITH, who is capable of saying things like “I can’t tonight, maybe another time.”

He listens.

It’s simple. When you talk, he listens. “Huh?” and “sorry babe, what?” is not something that happens often after you have been talking for an extended amount of time. Not listening is a sign of disrespect. It is NOT HOT. It means they are prioritizing whatever they are doing or thinking over you. Unless of course, you are a total chatterbox, in that case it is you that might have a little work to do.Love, relationship. Beautiful couple at home

He keeps his place neat.

His place is tidy; he has furniture. He has a box spring, AND A BED FRAME. THESE ITEMS ARE HOT. Who wants to do it on a mattress on the floor whose sheets haven’t been changed in ages? Having your place together means you have your life together and that you aren’t looking for a mother to manage your life, you are looking for a partner to share your life with.

He doesn’t swear at you.

It is shocking to me how many women will put up with this during an argument. It is absolutely unacceptable to use profanity in any way or call your partner names. This is a sign of a person that is not evolved = NOT HOT. Plus, it sets the tone for your relationship. Once you condone this kind of behavior, it is easy to go downhill from there. The balanced man knows how to express his concerns without going to a dark place. His tone may be firm, but he is not disrespectful.

Getting to the Heart of Love

by zfortadminin LOVE

Let’s talk about love. It’s at the heart (ha!) of so many human interactions, yet its mystery is endless. Worthy of a listicle, we think…

1) You can fall in love with anyone

It may sound unlikely but research by the US psychologist Arthur Aron suggests falling in love is a pretty simple – and scientifically predictable – occurrence. Back in 1997, he tested his theory that two people will likely fall for each other if they exchange their innermost thoughts and experiences. Aron got over 50 pairs of strangers to answer 36 questions together, ranging from ‘Would you like to be famous?’ to ‘Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing and why?’. In the last part of the experiment, the two participants have to stare into each others eyes for four minutes.

Not all of the pairs fell in love with each other, but one couple did end up getting married six months later. And almost 20 years later, writer Mandy Len Catron tried out the technique herself – and swiftly fell in love with her interlocutor. Curious?! So are we.

2) We don’t all kiss the same way

If you remember smooching at a school disco, don’t take it for granted that everyone else locks lips only to show their crush affection, or even that they do it in the same way. In fact, the gesture that most people identify as either sexual or affectionate is purely a practical one in some cultures. In parts of Papua New Guinea, for instance, parents chew up food for their baby and feed it to them by the mouth. Before the age of baby food being pre-mashed and sold on supermarket shelves, kiss-feeding was pretty common in human history. Many animals, like apes, still do it.

For other cultures, a kiss has less to do with the mouth and more to do with the nose – Inuits rub their noses together as a sign of affection, for instance. Research suggests this is what the rest of the world’s kisses used to be like – Sanskrit texts from thousands of years ago refer to a ‘kiss’ as a sniff, or a smell.

3) You can die from a broken heart

Heartache and heartbreak aren’t just empty phrases – anyone who has gone through them knows how real they can feel. Losing someone you love can make you feel physically sick, experience chest pain, have a sense of being numb all over. In some cases, it does literally take a physical toll on your organs: ‘broken heart syndrome’ – also called stress-induced cardiomyopathy or takotsubo cardiomyopathy – is a temporary heart condition which can be brought on by some sort of shock or trauma. Usually, patients recover within a week, but there are instances of fatalities in people who are old or already have a heart condition.

4) Men fall in love faster than women do

This might be a hard one to believe, but men apparently fall for a partner faster than women do. According to a study carried out in the U.S. last year by the dating website match.com, men tend to get that loving feeling around three months after starting a relationship, while for women, it takes five. Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher says that’s because women have to create and evaluate a “memory trail” of the man’s behaviour – like remembering what he promised to do – before they let themselves fall in love with them.

5) The power of aphrodisiacs may be all in the mind

Warning: do not attempt to slurp down an oyster as you read this. The food that is said to turn on our ‘I’m ready for love’ switch has not been scientifically proven to have a chemical effect on our sex organs. But there’s no need to go and demand your money back just yet – aphrodisiacs’ arousal powers aren’t entirely made up. People say the oyster’s reputation has come about because of its appearance – take a look and you might notice a slight resemblance to a certain part of the female anatomy – which is believed to get one’s subconscious thinking about sex. Our ancestors used to believe that the wonderful, tear-inducing ONION had similar powers – because it draws the mind to a certain part of the maleanatomy (we had fun in the office trying to decide what part that might be!)

6) We’re not the only ones

Scientists are divided on whether animals experience romantic love like humans do. But they seem to agree that our furry and feathered friends do form strong attachments with each other – like the longtime mate of a female gorilla at a zoo in Boston, Massachusetts. When his love, Babs, died, he is said to have ‘howled and banged his chest (…) picked up a piece of celery, put it in her hand, and tried to get her to wake up’. Animals even form strong bonds across species: a lion and a coyote, a dog and a cheetah, and a tortoise and goose are just some of the inseparable couples of the animal kingdom.

7) Kissing is more important than sex

For those cultures that do see kisses as an erotic gesture (and it’s by far the majority of the world’s population), they are said to play an important role in the long term health of a relationship. The more kissing, the better the level of satisfaction with the relationship – a correlation that apparently isn’t seen with sex. Kissing is also known to lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol. So pucker up.

8) Origins of the word love

Love, love, love. Where does it come from? Well, the modern-day English term apparently dates back to the Latin verb “lubere” which means ‘to please’. It’s also got links to the word “libere”, which can be translated as ‘freely, openly, frankly’. Makes sense…sometimes.

9) We see love in different ways

Love seems like such an established concept that you might expect it to mean the same thing for humans across the world. But research suggests that some cultures define love differently. One study found that Chinese people associate pain with love more than Americans do – a phenomenon that psychologist Arthur Aron thinks may be because of China’s traditional culture of arranged marriages. He conducted studies in both countries and says that people in China “tend to pick more negative traits, words like anxious, scary and depressing,” than American people when they talk about love. Brain scans show that brain patterns of loved-up people are universally the same across cultures – suggesting one’s definition of love really is a cultural construct.

10) Love is literally like an addiction

Scientists say being in love looks the same as being addicted to something in terms of brain patterns – and that’s also the effect it has on us, argues biological anthropologist Helen Fisher. “Around the world, men and women pine for love, live for love, kill for love, and die for love,” she writes. “Moreover, love-besotted men and women show all the basic symptoms of addiction.” Characterizing the addiction impassioned lovers feel, is a ‘stiletto-focus’ on one’s loved one and a tendency to change one’s priorities to accommodate their needs. You might also experience withdrawal symptoms when separated from your love – exactly like an addict parted from a drug.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

 

Romantic Comedies: Love Inspiration or The Dark Side?

by zfortadminin LOVE

Are you a fan of romantic comedies? How much do the elaborate plot lines and character triumphs do you apply to your own dream of romance? 

They’re both really attractive, in a cutesy kind of way. They’re meant to be together. We, mere strangers in a movie theatre, chomping popcorn like witless cud-chewing bovines, know they’re meant to be together. So why in the name of all things Jennifer Aniston don’t they know they’re meant to be together!

Misunderstandings roll, cute things happen, zany best friends glide in and out, you check your watch, no CGI explosions occur (there might be the odd “humorous” fist fight) and finally these two lovable bright-toothed dimwits realize they were always meant to be together. What a relief for all of us. Now we can go home. The Rom Com is over, thank you very much and goodnight. But is that the end of it for you?

Romantic Comedies: The Dark Side!
Personally I feel all rom-coms should carry health warnings because of the testosterone-depleting effects they can have on men. Okay here’s a secret; I admit it. I have enjoyed the odd rom-com begrudgingly. Is that wrong? But it seems these movies really could damage your relationships. Research has found that viewing a rom-com can make people feel less appreciative of their partner and less loving toward them (1). Expectations get unrealistically raised and reality bites and it isn’t sexy. But is this new?

Popular media has always moulded notions of how romance and relationships “should” be. Traditional fairy tales, read literally, seem to propagate an idealized version of romance. On cue with a little understanding from the beautiful girl our frog turns into a handsome prince with a private trust fund. Or the situation seems hopeless, all is chaos with wicked step sisters and the like, but somehow, through destiny, the prince finds his bride, the slipper fits, and everybody gets the “happily ever after” we all knew was coming.

But in real life the “princess” wonders why the “magic” so often happens in reverse. Kiss Prince Charming (plus a little more) and miraculously he’s transmuted into an uncommunicative, belching, couch-hogging frog. “Cinderella” takes to stalking “Prince Charming”, finds he’s married or as faithful as a rooster on heat and it all ends in tears. I don’t remember that fairy tale! So, unrealistic expectations aside where, if at all, is true romance in all of this?

Romance-the forgotten art
Genuine romance, as opposed to paid for at the movie theatre, shouldn’t be about holding perfectionist standards for our loved one or expecting smooth glamor now and always. Romantic feelings should be resilient and override the normal demands of life, up to a point at least.

What is romance? You can have wonderful sex and friendship in your relationship but little or no romance. I think men fall for a woman romantically when she captures his imagination as well as his…err loins. And she will capture his imagination (as long as he has one) by responding to his romance. So romance may be more likely to spark and burn alongside sex and friendship but somehow it’s more than those two things. A meal can be sustaining and satisfying but the “romance” of the meal is in its unique flavours.

It’s often said by women that men, most men, just aren’t romantic. But I wonder whether this is really true. I suspect men feel just as romantic but don’t always know how to communicate their romantic feelings. The flavor needs to be unlocked.

Men will just as often speak of love when honestly discussing their relationships. The idea that men only care about the lust part but not the deeper feelings associated with love is just not true. Romance is a feeling, a sense of unique connection with someone – a merging of spirits, but it is also a behaviour – a way of communicating. So you can feel loving and romantic but not necessarily know how to communicate that.

It’s about the gesture
I know a woman whose ex-boyfriend bought her an electric drill for her first birthday they were together. He’d assumed this would have more utilitarian value than a surprise weekend break or a painting and flowers. And he was right – an electric drill is more useful and will last longer. But romance is about:

    • The gesture
    • The unique symbolic meaning behind the gesture.

So what is the gesture, the meaning behind buying your loved one an electric drill? That you feel neighborly towards her? That you are a post feminist male? That the floorboards need aligning? We men might find it hard to comprehend that the less practical application a gift has the more romantic it can be.

In one survey nearly all the women sampled agreed that flowers meant more to them when they were given for no particular reason at all (2). Go figure! Or rather go buy some flowers! What makes it romantic is precisely that it doesn’t “do” anything, it represents something. It has symbolic meaning.

Here’s an important point. The guy who bought his woman an electric drill may have felt romantic toward her, so it wasn’t that he wasn’t romantic at heart it’s just that a central aspect of what romance really means to many women wasn’t on his radar.

Romance can be learned
Men may not stand around in locker rooms discussing the “lovely romantic gesture” their hot date made last night and guys don’t generally discuss Rom Coms when they get together for a beer. But the fact that men, okay some men cherish their women, love them passionately and actually like them too shows that romance is genuinely part of who they are and how they feel. Many men are amazed how behaving more, just a bit more, romantically with a woman has such powerful affects. Romantic gestures and even words show:

      • That you take the trouble to think about her and the two of you.
      • That you are considerate and feel uniquely toward her.
      • That however tough, manly, macho up-to-the-plate-stepping you are, you are able to be nurturing too.
      • That you are able to think creatively.

Sure some men will learn to counterfeit romance in order to manipulate women, just as some women will counterfeit sexual interest in a man in order to manipulate him. Romance, to be genuine, needs to be congruent, a genuine sentiment. There are and always will be those non transforming toads and the wicked witches of fairy tale lore. But most people, women and men can feel true romantic sentiments and develop ways to genuinely communicate them outside of Rom Com land.

 

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

 

Capture his Heart and Go Deeper in Love

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Are you longing to go deeper in your dating relationship but not sure how to connect and take your relationship to the next level? Eric Charles gives a man’s point of view on what your beau is looking for. 

What does it take to get a man to truly commit and want only you? It’s a question I’ve been asked more times than I could ever quantify.

What men desire most is a woman who inspires them to be their best self. Being that woman is a much different mindset than what most women typically do these days.

So what’s the major error that trips women up? It’s their focus. Instead of focusing on the feelings and experience they create for the man, the woman fixates on her own wants, her own worries, her own fears. And amidst this completely self-absorbed mindset consumed by what she wants, it’s no wonder that she’s unable to hook a man’s interest in a significant way, one that goes beyond just hooking up.

Sure, that woman might cook him dinners, perform in bed, and tell him how much she likes him, but none of that stuff penetrates a man’s psychology on a deep and meaningful level. Forget about just getting commitment. When you really understand and master the art of tapping into the deep parts of a man’s psyche, he will want to move mountains to possess you.

Men don’t start out there when they first meet a woman, though. She needs to reach him at that level by recognizing his ambitions, his fears, his motivations, his “mission” in life and where he ultimately wants to “win.”

Here are four ways to reach a man deeply and make him want to commit and devote himself fully to you.

1. Understand: Choice is Everything

I have a confession to make, when I was revising this article to get it ready for publishing, it was three ways to make him commit… not 4.

The original article came off cold, harsh, and even depressing because I had left out the most important element of all.  So in this revised version, I made sure to convey the most important piece of the puzzle right at the beginning.

Who you choose is by far the most important factor in all relationships.  So one of the most important ways to make a guy commit is to get really good at understanding the reality of relationships, love, and your specific guy.

In my personal life, I meet all sorts of people.  Some people are easy and fun to be around… I can spend hours with them, talking about things, laughing about things, and just genuinely enjoying their company.  Being around them doesn’t require effort and I don’t want anything from them.  I would have just as much fun driving in the car with them and chatting as I would doing something “exciting.”

On the other hand, there are people who I meet that immediately make me feel uncomfortable and defensive.  I feel like I have to constantly be  on my toes, choose my words carefully, and being around them is far from pleasurable.

Between those two extremes, there are all sorts of people who fall somewhere in the middle.

As a writer who talks about dating and relationships, what has always amazed me when it comes to relationships is how people completely disregard compatibility.  They describe what it’s like to be with their guy and it almost sounds like they’re talking about their arch-enemy… there is no comfort, no trust, no compatibility.

Sometimes the relationship started out well and then over time disintegrated into something that resembles resentment and abuse rather than love or respect.  Sometimes the relationship was never good to begin with, but the woman wants me to show her “relationship magic” to “make it work.”  This is what I equate to trying to shove a square peg through a round hole.

Personally, I needed to date around and experience several relationships before I had a good understanding of what I really wanted, valued, and resonated with in a relationship.  In my late teens and early twenties, for example, I knew that I wanted a girl that had a hot, fit body and a beautiful face.

Now, in my thirties, I realize how much I value having a woman who really “gets” me… a woman that I can talk to for hours every day and never feel bored… a woman who I can laugh with for hours and hours on end… a woman that I know how to be there for and who knows how to be there for me.

It took me a while to figure that out. When I realized it, I mentally revisited my past relationships and realized something very important that I want to pass along to you…

When I think of relationships that didn’t work out for me in the past (ones where I wanted things to work out and I got dumped), I realize that the woman I was with at the time was never going to be that woman with me.  Even if she wanted it to work.

I can clearly see now, years later after all the emotion and attachment is completely gone, we never would have reached that level of intimacy that is ultimately valuable to me in a relationship.

I couldn’t see past my attachment to those relationships, though, or past my blind desire to make things work because I didn’t want to fail, I didn’t want to be rejected, and I didn’t want to lose someone.

All those emotions have nothing to do with love or compatibility.  They’re just fear, ego, and a false sense of identifying with relationship success.

Real relationship success is not about making a relationship with someone work when, at your core, you and him are ultimately incompatible.  It can be hard to see if you’re blinded by fears of loss, self-doubt and relationship fantasies that you want to come true…

The thing to realize is that people with great relationships don’t have the great relationships because they know great relationship secrets or psychological loopholes of the male mind.  Fundamentally, people in the best relationships all have one thing in common: they don’t have relationships with people who are not a good match for them.  They don’t let them into their life.

And what’s the easiest way to know if they’re a good match or not?  Plain and simple – how do you feel about yourself when you’re with that person? Do you feel better about yourself?  About life? About the things that upset you?

Or… do you feel insecure?  Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells?  Do you feel like you’re suffocating… holding your breath in anticipation of a relationship that you desperately want to come into existence but always seems just out of reach?  Helpless, powerless, and afraid they’ll do something to hurt you?

How you feel with the person you’re with is the best indication of whether you’re with someone who’s compatible or not. How much you want it to work is the worst indicator of a good relationship (in fact, usually the people who tell me how desperately they want something to work are highlighting how incompatible they really are from their partner)

2. Attraction:

The guy you’re into has to be sexually attracted to you. This is not a radical claim, it’s just fact. If he doesn’t feel a sense of biological, physical attraction to you, then nothing else I say will matter. His physical attraction isn’t the end-all be-all of his desire to be with you, but it is a required foundation.

That’s the bad news… if you want to call it that. The good news is that some of the most powerful seductresses the world has ever known were not the most beautiful.

My advice is to strive to be as attractive as you possibly can, and fortunately, this is largely in your control. And for the things you can’t control…. own it.

Too many women kill their attractiveness by walking around with insecurities and no self-esteem because they feel that something about their appearance is flawed and they’ll never be good enough to attract the man they really want.

Whatever your supposed fault is, I can guarantee that your self-doubt is far more unattractive. Nobody is perfect and no man demands or expects perfection. But those who own their imperfections are massively more attractive than those who do not or cannot.

There is definitely something attractive about a woman who owns her imperfections and is totally OK with them. Conversely, being insecure is a massive energy drain to you and the people around you. Insecurity stinks of desperation and desperation kills attraction.

So change what you can to be sexier and more physically alluring and appealing. Spend more time at the gym, eat healthier, learn how to apply makeup to enhance your best features, train your voice to be pleasant and seductive (tape recording yourself works wonders), master attractive body language and facial expressions, dress to flatter your figure, you get the point.  And that which you can’t change… own it.

3. Reach Him Deeply


What makes you irreplaceable in the eyes of your man? Your ability to reach deep into the depths of who he is and inspire him. To put it more bluntly, you must offer something that is much more rare and valuable than sex if you want him to treat you as something important in his life. I mean… duh, right?  And yet this obvious truth gets distorted and overlooked.

Ask yourself: what are you bringing to the table besides a physical hookup that he values deeply?

Sex is readily available. Having it isn’t enough to make a relationship and withholding it isn’t enough to cast some kind of “love spell” on a guy (maybe it worked 100 years ago, but withholding sex till X date is just plain obsolete now….he’ll just go somewhere else).

Men have a deep unconscious fear that their life, their contribution to the world and their existence is pointless, meaningless, and insignificant. At the same time, every man has hopes, dreams, and aspirations.

And here’s the major lesson: In order for a man to feel truly alive and truly fulfilled, he needs to be pursuing his deepest aspiration and his “mission” in life.  Your ultimate gift as a woman is to inspire him to do that, to realize his ultimate potential as a man.

4. Put Energy Into the Right Places

Creating the foundation for a strong, healthy relationship comes down tot putting energy into the right places. Worrying and stressing is not putting energy into the right places.

If you’re still stuck in feeling needy and out of control, you’re not going to see the necessity of bringing that value to the relationship because you’ll still be fixated on your own worries, your fears, your insecurities. And with that fixation, you won’t be able to put energy into the relationship, you’ll have wasted all your energy needlessly worrying about stuff.

I understand that after you’ve been continually hurt and disappointed by men using you, you may have formed some insecurities and frustration around relationships. But in the end, those emotions do nobody a favor – they repel men, they waste your energy, and they make everyone miserable.

The only way to get out of that cycle and move towards building a firm foundation that leads to a good relationship is to find your own self-love and fulfillment independent of a relationship.

Remember: a relationship will never fill an emotional void, complete you, or “make you” happy. You have to show up to a relationship “whole” and happy already. If you show up “broken,” the guy will either leave or you’ll attract the type of guy who will take advantage of you… then leave.

The energy you put into the relationship is the only thing that matters. Putting energy doesn’t come from a self-absorbed place, it isn’t attached to feelings of anxiety, fear, worry, anger, rage, resentment. You are outside of yourself and putting energy into giving him that “extra something” that makes you valuable, rare, and inspirational to the guy.

I don’t care if you like it.  I don’t care if you think it’s fair or unfair. It is a simple truth that people value those who bring a unique, special, meaningful value to the table.   If you honestly think that you can have a man want to choose you and only you forever without bringing something deeply valuable to him… then you’re either choosing very low quality men or you just haven’t thought through reality yet.

Sex is not enough. And loving him the way you want to be loved is not enough either. When it comes to him choosing you, you have to love him in the way that’s deeply meaningful to him. Your energy would be better spent figuring out what this is rather than worrying about him leaving you.

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Is Monogamy Over?

by zfortadminin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

What will happen to the unfaithful people of the world?

Social scientists have long known that the majority of men and women choose partners based on the idea that both they and their partner will be monogamous, so monogamy—and monogamists—will be fine. I worry for those people who say they’re monogamous but (through no fault of their own) “can’t help themselves” to helping themselves to sex outside of monogamy’s general parameters.

Cheating may be just as natural as monogamy (after all, both sexes been doing that forever as well), but thanks to our innate preference for monogamy, few of us consciously choose to be with a cheater.

Consider what usually happens when a monogamist is confronted with the fact that their partner is a cheater. Do they squeal with joy and ask to see the used condom? Not often. Instead, the monogamist becomes angry, insulted, and hurt. Their immediate instinct is to detach themselves from the fraudulent monogamist—usually via divorce—while warning the other monogamists that there’s a cheater in their midst—usually via the internet.

Which could mean that in the very near future, for every cheat-ing site there could be a cheat-er site, containing the profiles of all known cheaters. And that’s when I really will be worried for cheaters. After all, the word “cheater” is not on most people’s top ten lists of what they look for in a partner. If we actually had a choice, how many people will choose cheaters? Who will want to partner with them?

Perhaps the cheaters could self-identify before they entered into known monogamist territory. After all, when it comes to cheaters, many monogamists claim that it’s not so much the sex that bothers them, but the lying. That’s what makes the monogamists really angry. They didn’t get to choose.

And so, in the interest of cheaters everywhere, let’s test this theory.

Cheater to monogamist: “Darling, you’re beautiful, intelligent and accomplished. I love you and want to marry you. But one of the things you need to know about me is that I get off on complicated sex moves administered by a sex worker to whom I pay two hundred dollars an hour. I will need to see her once or twice a week. Just like you see your trainer?”

Hmm. Maybe this is not a good example. Why? Because the monogamist probably doesn’t have time to see a trainer.

And that’s another strike against cheaters. Monogamists believe that if you have time to cheat, you have too much time on your hands.

No, monogamy is not obsolete. But you can see why I’m worried about cheaters. In the very near future, they may be obsolete. And that would be a shame. Because cheaters are so darn hilarious.

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10 Ways to Tell You Are Falling in Love

by zfortadminin LOVE

It’s a thin line between love and lust. If you’re crazy about your guy but not sure if you’ve crossed into crazy-in-love territory, there are definite signs you’ve gone off the deep end.

Here are 10 of our favorite tells.

1. You start thinking in terms of the future, and it doesn’t scare you. Do you already have next year’s couples Halloween costumes planned? You’re on the edge of the cliff, my friend.

2. His happiness is your happiness. Not only do you go out of your way, instinctively, to make your man smile, but when he’s content, you’re floating on cloud nine.

3. You want him around in good times and in bad. The idea of him taking care of you post-wisdom-tooth-removal doesn’t send you into a freak-out fit, in which your voice takes on dog-hearing-only octaves as you scream, “He can’t see me doped up on Valium, drooling into a pillow!” Instead, he’s the one you want spoon-feeding you.

4. You crave physical contact that goes beyond sex—oh, and sex with him is also amazing. When you’ve had a tough day at work, burying your face in his neck is an instant cure. You sleep better when you’re in his arms. And his chest is way more comfy than your memory-foam pillow.

5. Feeling like an addict? Check. Hours spent together simply aren’t enough, and any empty space you have in your brain is taken up with thoughts of him.

6. You talk him up 24/7. From every sweet text he sends to that new—and very effective—move he whipped out in bed, your gal pals have the 4-1-1.

7. You get jealous. Not in a crazy-psycho-don’t-talk-to-my-man way, but in the sensitive-to-potential-relationship-threats way.

8. “We” and “our” have become regular parts of your vocabulary. It’s not the coffee shop; it’s “our coffee spot.” And when you get invited to your BFF’s weekend bash, you reply, “we’ll be there.”

9. Ex who? If any thoughts of your last love held on at the beginning of this relationship, they’re now long gone. Why would you think about an ex, after all, when a perfect man is right in front of you?

10. Love songs were written for you. When you start relating to the lyrics of your favorite gushy tunes, you know you’ve got it bad.

What are some other signs that you’re falling in love? If you’re in love, how and when did you know?

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Why He Smells So Good to You

by Lorraine Rockin LOVE

I once fell in love with a guy because I loved the way he smelled. He wore Eau Savage by Dior, and it made me swoon. It never had that effect on me when worn by anyone else, just Ben. He was a fellow journalist, and we really liked each other in other ways, but it was his smell that really turned me on.

Scientists have said that the sense of smell is overlooked in romantic encounters, mostly because we don’t notice it. Pheromones are ridiculously important in the animal kingdom, but apart from being clean, and putting on deodorant and perfume we humans don’t think of it much.

In fact, if we are too clean, and wear too much perfume, we may be confusing our olfactory (smelling) senses and confusing our romantic brains. It is said that the Emperor Napoleon would send a message to his lady love Josephine, telling her not to bathe, because he was on his way home from War! Now we probably wouldn’t want to go that far, but should we perhaps lay off on the deodorant a bit?

Some research even suggests that we may even pick our “soul mate” by subconsciously reacting to pheromones that transmit their genetic compatibility. A research study which had women smelling a variety of white tee-shirts worn by unknown males discovered that women consistently preferred the odors of tee-shirts that had been worn by strangers who were genetically compatible with them … and were actually turned off by those who were genetically incompatible. What’s more, the odors they preferred reminded them of their boyfriends.

Scientists are discovering that the hypothalamus plays a critical role in receiving pheromones through the vomeronasal organ (VNO) in the nose, and then triggering an emotion or response.

Until recently, the VNO was assumed to be an important organ in animals, but a vestigial organ—leftover from primitive times and no longer needed or functional—in humans. But in 1994, Dr. David Berliner and his colleagues at the University of Utah discovered that their 400 human subjects did indeed have a VNO, which, as in animals, detected pheromones and sent messages to the hypothalamus, which is linked to the limbic system.

The limbic system, your “primitive brain”, drives your more basic, less complicated impulses – emotional connections, your awareness of the environment and how you interact in it, the “fight or flight” response…your sexual behavior.

So should we all stop bathing and using deodorant? Probably not, but perhaps we should be aware that our own clean natural scent is the best thing to “wear” when getting close to the ones we love, Eau Sauvage notwithstanding!

Are You In Love? Science Will Prove It

by zfortadminin LOVE

Scientists have pinned down exactly what it means to “fall in love.”

Researchers have found that an in-love brain looks very different from one experiencing mere lust, and it’s also unlike a brain of someone in a long-term, committed relationship. Studies led by Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University and one of the leading experts on the biological basis of love, have revealed that the brain’s “in love” phase is a unique and well-defined period of time, and there are 13 telltale signs that you’re in it.

1. “This one’s special”

When you’re in love, you begin to think your beloved is unique. The belief is coupled with an inability to feel romantic passion for anyone else. Fisher and her colleagues believe this single-mindedness results from elevated levels of central dopamine — a chemical involved in attention and focus — in your brain.

2. “She’s perfect”

People who are truly in love tend to focus on the positive qualities of their beloved, while overlooking his or her negative traits. They also focus on trivial events and objects that remind them of their loved one, day-dreaming about these precious little moments and mementos. This focused attention is also thought to result from elevated levels of central dopamine, as well as a spike in central norepinephrine, a chemical associated with increased memory in the presence of new stimuli.

3. “I’m a wreck!”

As is well known, falling in love often leads to emotional and physiological instability. You bounce between exhilaration, euphoria, increased energy, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, trembling, a racing heart and accelerated breathing, as well as anxiety, panic and feelings of despair when your relationship suffers even the smallest setback. These mood swings parallel the behavior of drug addicts. And indeed, when in-love people are shown pictures of their loved ones, it fires up the same regions of the brain that activate when a drug addict takes a hit. Being in love, researchers say, is a form of addiction.

4. “Overcoming the challenge made us closer”

Going through some sort of adversity with another person tends to intensify romantic attraction. Central dopamine may be responsible for this reaction, too, because research shows that when a reward is delayed, dopamine-producing neurons in the mid-brain region become more productive.

5. “I’m obsessed with him”

People who are in love report that they spend, on average, more than 85 percent of their waking hours musing over their “love object.” Intrusive thinking, as this form of obsessive behavior is called, may result from decreased levels of central serotonin in the brain, a condition that has been associated with obsessive behavior previously. (Obsessive-compulsive disorder is treated with serotonin-reuptake inhibitors.)

6. “I wish we could be together all the time”

People in love regularly exhibit signs of emotional dependency on their relationship, including possessiveness, jealousy, fear of rejection, and separation anxiety.

7. “I hope we stay together forever”

They also long for emotional union with their beloved, seeking out ways to get closer and day-dreaming about their future together.

8. “I’d do anything for her”

People who are in love generally feel a powerful sense of empathy toward their beloved, feeling the other person’s pain as their own and being willing to sacri?ce anything for the other person.

9. “Would he like this outfit?”

Falling in love is marked by a tendency to reorder your daily priorities and/or change your clothing, mannerisms, habits or values in order for them to better align with those of your beloved.

10. “Can we be exclusive?”

Those who are deeply in love typically experience sexual desire for their beloved, but there are strong emotional strings attached: The longing for sex is coupled with possessiveness, a desire for sexual exclusivity, and extreme jealousy when the partner is suspected of infidelity. This possessiveness is thought to have evolved so that an in-love person will compel his or her partner to spurn other suitors, thereby insuring that the couple’s courtship is not interrupted until conception has occurred.

11. “It’s not about sex”

While the desire for sexual union is important to people in love, the craving for emotional union takes precedence. A study found that 64 percent of people in love (the same percentage for both sexes) disagreed with the statement, “Sex is the most important part of my relationship with [my partner].”

12. “I feel out of control”

Fisher and her colleagues found that individuals who report being “in love” commonly say their passion is involuntary and uncontrollable.

13. “The spark is gone”

Unfortunately, being in love usually doesn’t last forever. It’s an impermanent state that either evolves into a long-term, codependent relationship that psychologists call “attachment,” or it dissipates, and the relationship dissolves. If there are physical or social barriers inhibiting partners from seeing one another regularly — for example, if the relationship is long-distance — then the “in love” phase generally lasts longer than it would otherwise.

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Doctor Who Taught Me 6 Things About Love

by Riley Silvermanin LOVE

I live as the intersection of a hopeless romantic and die hard geek.  So as obsessed as I am with Doctor Who and as much as I tune into the long running British sci-fi series to watch an anachronistic man fight off salt shakers armed with plungers and egg beaters, sometimes I learn a thing or two.

Here’s just a few things I’ve learned about relationships from the travels of my favorite Time Lord.

  • You can survive your partner’s “regeneration.”

So just about fifty years ago, the partners that be at the BBC concocted a strategy to continue the massively successful series without William Hartnell, the actor portraying him.  His health had begun to interfere with his performance, and they were left with the issue of having to replace the main character.  Their genius move, later dubbed “regeneration,” was to give the character the ability to regenerate, taking on a completely different face and personality.  This move gave the show the ability to grow and change with eras, and is directly responsible for its longevity.

Now, there’s no scientific evidence that human beings can regenerate, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t change.  We grow, we evolve, we discover different things about the world.  We go through profound experiences that alter our personalities.  On the show, companions who witness the Doctor they knew change faces have difficulty adjusting to the new Doctor, unsure if he’s the man they once knew.  This is a pretty relatable sensation for anyone who has known or loved someone for a long time.  How many times have you heard the phrase “He’s not the man I married.”? But just like the characters on the show, we can actually survive the changes in our partner.  When we love and care for someone, we learn to love the way they grow as a person.  If we plan to enter a long term relationship, this is exactly what we’re signing up for, to grow together on a shared journey through time and space.

  • Bow ties are cool.

Every Doctor has his wardrobe eccentricities, and the Eleventh Doctor, portrayed by Matt Smith, had his bow tie. He felt they were cool and he made great effort to make sure we knew that at every opportunity. It was a silly little embellishment that may or may not have been well received by his companions.  Or his wife. Like the Doctor and his bow tie, we all have some little quirks, interests, and hobbies that drive our significant other absolutely bonkers. And our partner has some that do the same to us. But love isn’t about having someone who fits the absolute perfect package and hits every mark on some cosmic checklist. Love is about finding someone who may have a thing or two that doesn’t quite click with you and loving them anyway, or even because of those quirks.

  • The past isn’t always great but the future is in flux.

Anyone who has gone back and tried to watch the classic episodes of Doctor Who prior to the 2005 reboot may discover something: a lot of them are really, really hard to sit through. It can be tough talking to someone who grew up watching the series, because their memories are painted by the nostalgia of their childhood, while my viewing is hard to always reconcile with the modern show that I love. When we meet someone new and develop a relationship with them, sometimes we learn a thing or two about their past that gives us pause.  There may be some things about their history that they aren’t proud of or even regret.  It’s important to remember though that the past is exactly that.  We don’t have a time traveling police box that will let us change history. What’s important instead is to see the person you love now as a result of those old growing pains, and maybe eventually love them as the building blocks they are for who that person is today, and for the future you’ll have together.

  • I just want a mate.

All talk of friendzones aside, sometimes it actually is better to be friends with someone than to have a romantic relationship with them.  Doctor Who returned in 2005 with the early seeds of a romantic subplot between the Doctor and the first new companion, Rose.  As epic as that love story became, and as much as it tied back into the 50th Anniversary special that aired years later, there’s something to be said for the power of a great friendship.  Rose has her place in Doctor Who history, as does the unrequited pining Martha who replaced her, but when things got too dark for the Doctor, what he needed was “a mate,” and he got it in Donna Noble, the brash temp from Chiswick played by Catherine Tate.  The next few companions all moved along the same lines, Amy Pond flirted occasionally but her heart belonged to Rory, and Clara Oswald was shakily written as a romantic interest for Matt Smith’s Eleventh Doctor, not truly shining until she bonded as the closest trusted ally of Peter Capaldi’s Twelfth.  Romantic love is amazing, but sometimes what we need is a friend who we can trust, and have unwavering faith in.

  • The Girl Who Waited and The Last Centurion, aka Patience, Patience, Patience.

“Okay kid, this is where it gets complicated.” Amy Pond was a little girl who met a mad man with a box called the Doctor, who she didn’t see again until she was an adult, making her “The Girl Who Waited.”  Adult Amy has a boyfriend, later husband, who was turned into a plastic double of himself and then also waited outside a box for her for over a thousand years dressed as a Roman Centurion, aka “The Last Centurion.”  What does all this mean? Simple: Patience.

Sometimes we feel an immediate need to rush into something or feel the intense desire for instant gratification.  But I know speaking from personal experience, I’ve ruined many a good thing by being too eager, or by being unable to wait patiently.  Love can’t be rushed.  Even if you had an actual time machine, you couldn’t skip right to the end because the journey, the anticipation, that’s all part of.

  • “The name you choose, it’s like a promise you make.”

The Doctor’s real name is not The Doctor.  The line above is what he tells his companion Clara during the season 7 finale episode “The Name of the Doctor.”  He talks about his name like it’s an ideal, a reminder of the person he’s supposed to be.  Many of the other things on this list have to do with external expectations and actions.  This one is all about ourselves.  For years when I was younger, I wanted a girlfriend.  I wanted to be in a relationship because the concept of that appealed to me.  But I was young, foolish and someone who was silly enough to let her ideas of romance be influenced by the movies and TV shows she watched.

Now I’m 33, probably still a bit foolish, but I know that love is not about having something.  Love is about being something.  It isn’t that I should want to have a girlfriend or a wife, it’s that I want to *be* a girlfriend or wife.  That I want to be the kind of person worthy of someone’s love, that I want to take on the responsibility of sharing their life, of joining it with mine. Being someone’s partner is a promise you make to them, but just as importantly, it’s a promise you make to yourself.

My Name is Sunah and I am a CARER

by Sunah Bilstedin LOVE

To Care, or Not to Care, that is the question every person actively dating is forced to ask themselves daily.  However if you’re a carer you’ve probably already realized there is exactly zero point in going through this daily test because you have no choice.

My name is Sunah Bilsted. I am a carer. And I don’t know how to stop.

Managing the percentage of care or not care is one of the more elusive challenges when it comes to getting to know someone. Care too much and a fragrant waft of desperation flies around you like a gaggle of zombie cartoon birds. Care not enough and you feel like a robot living in fear, mechanically pushing people away with rationalized aloofness.

Carers tend to have a habit of falling in love with people who prefer dating people who don’t love them.  And in a confusing turn of events, so do the NOT carers. EVERYONE seems to love a not carer. Oh, the gladiator like challenge you take on, to be so wonderful, so amazing, so fucking cool, that you alone can change their distant nope persona into a loving hells yes persona. Society idolizes not carers too because for some peculiar reason, apathy mimics confidence. It’s almost as if caring is an insecure act of weakness and I’m so above caring cause I’m too busy being awesome, it is an act of high self esteem. We’ve all heard that feeble nugget of advice: “Just act like you don’t care” or “Just act like you have somewhere else to be”.  And you see it work for them.  They act like they don’t care, they get the job.  They win the relationship.  They win life.

What do you do if you just can’t fake it? What if you have nowhere else to be??

Everyone has a friend that excels in not caring and they have an endless stream of suitors. Who cares if they’re actually fulfilled, you’ll simply revel at their effortless ability to snare people into their web, I mean lives. And you’re secretly or perhaps not so secretly jealous, but you have long accepted that they’re perfect and are incapable of insecurity and you; well you drink insecurity like whiskey. Or diet coke. Or whatever shitty thing you slurp down in a desperate attempt to pad your void. You sit there and listen to their advice, breath held, eyelids wide, almost fluttering, but you know that their addictive wisdom will never work on you. Like an iPhone that drowned in toilet water for one precious moment too long. There ain’t enough rice in the world to dry out your need to care too hard, too soon.

But nah, screw that! You’re real! You don’t play games. And if people want to play games then you don’t want them! But you do. You do want them. Can you have them authentically? Can you be yourself and also create healthy boundaries? Yes!

But only if you address your own anxiety. Because maybe, just maybe, love and anxiety feel like the same thing to you.

“Anxiety is love’s greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.”

– Anais Nin

You don’t want to be a strangler! You just want to love. How is that a bad thing?

If you’re early on into getting to know someone, and you’ve spent one or more days wondering about how their day is going instead of yours, then you care too much.

Pointers to Maintain a Healthy Carer “non-strangler “ balance:

  1. You’re not in control. So stop trying to be. So often we reach out, call, text too much, or make it your part time job to ‘like’ all their dumb Instagrams, because in some weird way, we are trying to control the outcome. You feel vulnerable just being, just living with your feelings, so an action, any action, temporarily alleviates the worry. But action borne out of trauma, will usually result in more trauma. When you feel like you need to connect or you might actually die, check in with yourself first. If it feels like a game, an attempt to get the imaginary upper hand, or even if you just want attention. Stop. Do something else. For yourself.  Like your own Instagram pictures if you have to.
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Crying Couples—Did they pass the LOVE TEST?

by zfortadminin Mind

How would you and your partner fare at this test?

Get your tissues ready, people.

What if you could love yourself as much as your significant other loved you?

Tatia Pilieva sought to answer that question with “Love Test,” in which she talks to couples about their relationships — and each woman’s insecurities.

For “Love Test,” Pilieva filmed the couples in two different sessions: In the first, the couples are on screen together, describing their love stories. After that, Pilieva prompts them to indulge in treating themselves to a ritual created by Dr. Timothy de Waal Malefyt, a clinical associate professor at Fordham University​. In the second session, the women are on screen alone, describing how the ritual helped them and their relationships.

The short film helps illuminate Revlon’s findings, in a recent study conducted by Dr. de Waal Malefyt, ​that ​97 percent of women reported a significant change in themselves within the first week of adopting the aforementioned beauty ritual.

​​”I wanted to create a film that celebrates women. All women,” Pilieva said. “I wanted to show that our love runs deeper than our doubts or insecurities.”

Did they pass the LOVE TEST?

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