- When you get stuck in that terrible place, feeling anxious or obsessive, do something HEALTHY for yourself. One small thing. Eat some broccoli. Run around the block. Pay a bill. When I was going through a particularly difficult break up, I made myself drink a glass of water every time I was tempted to go on a liking spree of his social media. I peed a lot for a while. But it helped. And my skin was so dewy!
- Recognize the difference between a want and a need. If you’ve spent any time with a 3 year old you might know what it looks like to NEEEED everything. But you are an adult, and can separate the two, right? It takes a little work to figure this out, but it’s incredibly useful to spend some time determining the difference between them. They are very distinct for every person and can, and will, often change. Don’t fight for all your wants because those are negotiable. Fight for your needs. Figure out what they are, and fight for them.
- It’s not about you. Just assume for a moment that the world doesn’t revolve around you. That your crush wasn’t placed here simply to quell your anxiety. Because if you want them only to make you feel loved and comforted and safe and secure every moment of the day and night then you’re not looking for a relationship with a human. Get a pet. They have a life and their own set of needs and wants and sometimes those are going to conflict with yours. Deal with it.
- Stop focusing all your mental energy on them. This is anxiety. This is fear. It’s unlikely that you will ever magically stop doing this completely, but there are ways to rein it in. Try and notice how much of your mind is spent on them and where the relationship is going and what that text meant and when, not if, they are going to break your heart. Be the mathematician of your mind. If it’s over 40 percent them, you need to jump in an ice-cold body of water and chill the eff out.
- Don’t cancel your plans. Your life. You. Don’t cancel you. When you constantly prioritize their schedule over yours you are setting up a situation that will leave you ultimately unhappy and resentful. People that are available all the time are suspicious and weird anyway. This is not about pretending not to care or being false, this crap habit is usually a result of the belief that you aren’t worth waiting for. Do not lie or pretend to be busy. Be busy. Give yourself a life that you enjoy.
- Know when to call it. Be brutally honest with yourself. Some people just trigger weird shit in each other. Blame it on compatibility, call it bad fucking luck, tell yourself they’re just stupid, whatever makes you feel better. If you’ve tried and tried and still can’t seem to connect just quit it and move on. This is hard because you might really like the person, you might even love the person. But if you’re truly stuck being a carer and you don’t want it to destroy you then please believe this; it’s your birthright to care about your damn self more. Giving your heart freely, giving all the fucks about someone you like, is beautiful. It’s a quality that is essential for fostering any type of genuine connection. Be it short term, long term, casual or serious. You don’t have to stop being a carer. You do have to be vigilant about why and who is getting it.
How are you fairing in the caring/non strangling arena?
Pages: 1 2