Are You Unconsciously Sabotaging Your Relationship with Men?

If you’re doing these things, your man may already have one foot out the door.

Ladies, if you think you have relationships all figured out, prepare to have your world rocked.
In a previous article, “Dance With Her (And 9 More Ways To Earn Her Forever Love)“, I spoke to men about ways to increase their chances of sustaining a long-lasting and devoted partnership.

I often read about or hear women discussing the latest advice on how to keep a man, or how to rock his world in bed. Those types of articles have contributed to the continued divide between women and men regarding relationships. That advice has women believing there’s a magic formula to keeping a man interested in you.

But you can’t keep a man who won’t be kept, no matter what magic trick you perform in bed.
It’s your connection to your partner that makes it unique, not the techniques you’ve picked up in a magazine. After all, the next woman he meets probably read the same article.

Women do a few things that ensure a failed relationship, but before you fly off the handle, take a second to look at things from a man’s perspective. You might understand why you and your significant other have quit on each other.

1. You disclose the “dirty details” to your friends.

Women with girlfriends who know more about you than he does are less likely to have a devoted partner. And if you share details of your personal intimacies in your relationship, especially your bedroom activities, you don’t deserve his devotion in the first place.

How would you feel if you knew he was discussing the details of your body or skills with his friends? And please, don’t think we don’t know that you’re doing it. Any guy with a modicum of intelligence knows.

Plus, your friends aren’t really good at hiding the fact that they know more about us than we’d like them to. Interestingly enough, women who are in fabulous relationships tend not to share any details of their intimate relationship with their friends.

Men like to feel that they’re part of an exclusive team; don’t deprive them of that by letting others know what’s going on in the locker room. Instead, do right by your partner and talk to him about how you feel.

2. You think you can change/fix us.

Ladies, we will only modify our behavior if we’re convinced that doing so will make us happier, better men. Any modification to our behavior based on your insistence will not be sustained.

The reality is that you’ll see the best part of us when you start dating us. This is when we’re trying to impress you. From that point on, you’d better hang on because those little habits you sort of don’t care for will later generate a raging wave of resentment towards us.

So, when you consider making a life with a man, look to how his actions make you feel, then listen to his words to see what they make you think of him as a partner.

If his actions make you feel insignificant in his life, cut him loose. And if his words make you think he’s unkind or inconsiderate, head for the hills. Just don’t try to change or fix us — because you can’t. We aren’t broken; we’re just not for you.

Marry the Man that Asks

A comedian friend of mine by the name of Paul Danke, once gave me some very sound advice “Marry the man that asks you to marry him, because the men that want to get married, GET MARRIED.”

As modern day women, independent, self sufficient, and sometimes downright arrogant, we can forget that it takes two people to be in a relationship. We often feel that we are the masters of our own universe, and that our dream guy is just going to fall out of the sky because we “manifested” it. We fail to realize that we can’t actually get married unless someone asks us to be his wife. Yes, feminism aside, the power ultimately still lies with men. We can decline, but they have to ask, and cough up 3 months salary in jewelry.

The problem is, there are only a certain number of men around that are willing to do that. We can date guys, fall in love, break up, have passionate romances, but only a few of those men are ready enough to be adults and step up to the plate. Rejecting them can be a dangerous game.

What is the #1 reason we reject people? Because we think we can do better. Taller, more handsome, better job, different family, bigger penis, whatever. We can dream up an endless list of the things we would like to have. I always thought I was going to marry a French diplomat that loved female stand up comedians. I married an Egyptian talk show host that grew up in New Jersey. AND HE IS JUST GREAT.

The reason so many of us are single is because we are delusional about our own self worth. We think we deserve the world, but what we really deserve is standing right in front of us. It’s what we’ve attracted. It’s the universe presenting us with a gift. Do we open it or regift it to someone else?

Nothing can stop a man that wants to get married and have a family life. They aren’t afraid to take the plunge. Who does that leave behind? Divorcees, commitment-phobes, lifetime party boys, basically not anyone that was on your “list.” These guys can be a lot of fun, but do not be fooled — expect nothing from the guy who cancels plans last minute because they “have a buddy in town.”

“Marry the man that asks you” is basically saying “Marry the man that loves you the most” aka is willing to spend the rest of his life dealing with your mood swings, unprovoked fury and (often psychological) criticisms in an effort to be with you. I’ve often been asked what my “type” is. I don’t have a “type.” My type is anyone that likes me; guys that aren’t into me are a turnoff, because I like myself. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life chasing someone that feels he is “out of my league.”

It’s hard out there. With Tinder and the myriad of online dating services, it’s easy to feel like the possibilities are endless. It’s a false illusion. Sure, there’s always a penis around the corner, but it doesn’t have a ring on it.

8 Sweet Things to Say to Your Man That Will Strengthen Your Bond

You love it when he says just the right thing at the right time, don’t you?

Boyfriends love to hear compliments, words of encouragement, and other sweet sayings too. So, don’t be shy – let your man know how much he means to you.

Sweet Things to Say to Him

At Behavior and Relationships, Monica Strobel, author of The Compliment Quotient, explains that, “To give a genuine compliment, couples must refocus their attention onto something positive. A compliment interrupts the patterns of common couples’ gripes and resentments.” She also explains that it’s a way to avoid taking each other for granted. Saying something sweet to your boyfriend will strengthen your bond by making you both feel uplifted.

Thank You

It’s simple, and it’s a common courtesy you’d pay anyone after they did you a favor, but sometimes couples tend to take each other for granted. Stop and thank him for fixing your computer or thank you for giving you a ride to work when your car was in the shop. Toni Coleman, psychotherapist and relationship coach, suggested changing up your routine. Instead of using an accusatory tone, ask him nicely to do something and then thank him.

You’re Talented

lovely couple

Some guys come across as confident enough to know that they’re good at what they do, but that doesn’t mean that they honestly feel that way on the inside. Give him a few words of affirmation; let him know that you think he’s a top-notch chef, drummer, or that he awes you with his understanding of politics or history. Be specific in your compliments. Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, explains on his blog that words of affirmation–compliments–can have a tremendous effect on happiness. In his example, a husband is giving his wife a compliment on her writing skills, but it can work on a guy too, regarding any skill he’s practicing. If you’re boosting your boyfriend’s self-esteem and complimenting him on things he cares about, you’ll strengthen your bond.

You Make Me Smile

Telling him how he makes you smile, lets him know that he’s a good boyfriend, and he can cheer you up no matter what. It means he knows the sweetest things to say to you as well, and probably has a great sense of humor. This statement is several compliments wrapped up into one.

You Are a Fabulous Kisser

Men take pride in the ability to sweep a woman off her feet. Stroke his ego by complimenting him on his kissing skills, and he’ll want to practice with you even more.

You Make Me Feel Safe

Most guys like to protect their ladies and make them feel safe and secure. Let him know he’s doing a good job. Playing up the masculine and feminine differences in your relationship help keep your bond strong, as Lana Holstein, MD, director of sexuality and vitality programs for couples at Miraval Resort said in the Cosmopolitan article. This ties into the kissing compliment as well. Saying sexy things to your guy is one of the sweetest things you can do. Holstein recommends that you, “Save the gab sessions for when you hang out with your girlfriends and your sexy energy for connecting with your guy.”

I Love Your Family

It’s important for you to like the people in his life. There could be tension, hurt feelings, and plenty of awkward moments if you actively dislike the people who are close to him. Let him know that you love him and those he’s surrounded himself with.

You’re Handsome

Men don’t always seem as openly concerned with their appearance as women, but most of them do still care. Compliment his looks and you’re sure to see that smile you love. If you want to take it further, you can compliment him on his eyes, the way he smiles, his biceps, or anything else you really love about the way he looks.

You Are Strong

Men love it when a woman comments on their physical strength. John DeVore at says this is a question your guy won’t mind hearing.

Fill in the Blank

Each guy is different and has his own unique qualities to offer, so try to fill in the blanks and see what you can come up with:

  • I really appreciate it when you ___________________.
  • It means a lot to me when you ___________________.
  • Thank you so much for ___________________.
  • You make me happy because ___________________.
  • You really helped me when you ___________________.

Say Sweet Things at the Right Time

You won’t want to compliment his kissing skills in front of his mother, but he might appreciate it if you compliment him on his strength in front of other people. Use your instincts to know when your guy would most like to hear your compliments–some are better for when you’re alone while others can be advertised.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Choosing Between Two Guys… Best Tips

If you don’t know how to choose between two guys, I’m going to enlighten you.

I know this is a really difficult position to be in because it’s confusing to everyone involved. Unfortunately you are going to have to hurt someone that you care about by letting him go and that really sucks. If you need a bit of help on how to choose between two guys, here’s a couple of good ways to clarify that whirlwind of emotions going through your mind.


One of the best tips on how to choose between two guys is to determine what you want in a partner. Make a list and write down qualities that you think makes a good partner. Although we all have a unique criteria when choosing a guy, there are certain qualities that a good guy should have. Qualities like loyalty, kindness, compassion and helpfulness are must-haves. Think about which guy actually has the qualities that you are looking for in a long-term partner.


Figure out who are you most compatible with when it comes to important factors like lifestyle choices, personalities, career goals, finances and the number of children you want to have. Now number each one of these things in order of importance. This list will serve as a roadmap and it will help lead you to the guy that is the best fit for you.


It’s #time to be analytical and compare the two guys trying to win your heart. Write down the name of each guy next to the item that you have on your lists if he matches it. Weigh the importance of each item as you go. It will become a bit more clear which guy is better suited for you because he will match up with a lot of the things that you are looking for in a relationship and in a guy in general.


Think about the things that you won’t tolerate in a #partner. Some relationship deal-breakers might be like never compromises, has no passion for traveling, calls you names, tries to control you and gets angry easily. An overly-involved #ex can also be a relationship deal-breaker. Ask yourself if either guy comes with a relationship deal-breaker.

You Are Into Him and He’s Not….How to Say Goodbye

We’ve all heard the saying ‘If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.’

We’ve read this quote in countless magazines or books, or heard it in movies. What we didn’t know then, was how utterly painful it is. Those who have been through it and came out in one piece will tell you they feel they’ve been to a war. Hold on girls, it’s not that morbid, really. I can understand your situation; you love him, he loves you, all is well. Then comes that time when he no longer returns the feelings. That’s got to hurt, but making matters worse is the fact that you can’t seem to stop loving him. Well, here’s some good news, you CAN stop loving him. Just follow our guide, where we’ve laid out the top 12 ways you can get over him-for good especially if you are in a open-relationship.

Fall in love again-with yourself

Remember that person who loved the outdoors, but gave it up for the guy who hated it? Oh, and remember that girl who was the most popular in high school but had to drop out of her social circle to make time for the ‘love’ of her life? Yeah, that’s right. I’m talking about you. When we are with someone, we automatically put our single selves up on a shelf, transforming and molding ourselves into a person who’s easier to date & last but not the least, we try to save the relationship even to impossible extents. Now would be the best time to go back and reach out to all the friends you cut off for your guy. All the stuff that made you happy once when you were single is still out there, waiting for you to come back to it. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, get out there and become the amazing person you used to be. Love yourself first; the rest will fall into place.

Get rid of excess baggage

This one might seem exceptionally hard to do, but once done, you’ll feel like a huge chunk of weight has been lifted off your shoulders. It doesn’t matter how many questions you have asked your boyfriend during the relationship. Delete and get rid of all texts, pictures, emails and anything else that is a constant reminder of him. You’ll question yourself whether you should, but believe me, you’ll thank me later. This doesn’t just apply to your cell phone. Go ahead and delete all your pictures together on Facebook, Instagram or anywhere else you can think of. Believe me, if there’s one thing we girls love doing, its torturing ourselves by going down memory lane, and that is exactly what you’re going to avoid. It was nothing but an abusive emotional relationship.

7 Life Lessons I Learned About Men From My Two Best Friends

Some of my greatest life lessons about men I’ve learned from two of my greatest friends.

From tough love to being emotional to not caring about what other people think, I spent my 20s figuring out who I was and learning a lot about the opposite sex, all because of the great relationships I forged with my two best friends, who happened to be male.

Here are just a few of the many things I’ve learned about men from my two wonderful friends.

1. Tough Love

I grew up with three sisters, so I know the art of tactful criticism. While they helped me decide what outfits looked best (or chuckled as I went out of the house in atrocious getups), it was my two best male friends who really got me out of my comfort zone to try new things. While women are encouraging and plenty do provide such “tough” love I write about, with men it was a blunt sense of me facing my fears and a simple yes or no if I was going to conquer something.

I’ll never forget when we were all just a few years out of college. One of my friends and I met for burgers at a local place we enjoyed when we were in school. Afterwards, we walked up into the parking lot and he got into the passenger seat of the car. I questioned what he was doing and he said “drive around the parking lot and then I’ll take you home.” He knew that I had never really learned how to drive when I was 16 and was always too scared. He knew I had my permit and had never bothered to keep trying for my license.

A year or so later, my other friend offered to give me driving lessons. I was so scared one evening to drive on some main roads back to my apartment but my friend refused to do it. He said I had to try at least once. He even played Miley Cyrus’s “The Climb” to make me laugh and feel more at ease.

If it wasn’t for these two pushing me to do something I was terrified of, I would’ve never gotten my license (at 27, but still!).

2. Men can be deeply emotional.

There are so many stereotypes out there that men aren’t emotional creatures. There are countless shows and movies where men don’t share their feelings and instead just feel like sitting in front of the television and would rather “watch the game” instead.

I learned that is definitely not true. In the simplest of moments, men can be very emotional. On the way to get frozen yogurt years ago, one of my friends picked me up and told me to check his glove compartment; he wanted to get my opinion on something. I opened it up carefully and saw a ring box. He was so excited about asking his girlfriend to marry him that he relayed what he was going to do and wanted to show me how the ring looked. It was beautiful (and so was the proposal!) and five years later they are still deeply in love.

My other friend also had quiet moments of emotion, whether it was calling me in tears when his grandfather had passed, or being on the phone with me for hours in college and just out of school, talking about everything from relationships, our thoughts on the opposite sex, adoption, our families and more.

3. Men don’t care what other people think.

I spent my 20s constantly worried about what others thought about me. I wanted to be like the women I saw in magazines and would constantly compare myself to others. More often than not, when my friends would comment that they thought another woman was attractive, I would start obsessively wondering what made her attractive and how I could emulate that. My thought process was “they’re men, they like that, that’s what men want.”

It wasn’t until they finally blurted out “we like you for who you are!” (more than once) that I woke up. They told me part of what made them like me was that I was true to myself and my own person. I realized I shouldn’t change for what I think is a standard of attractiveness. After all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right?

Cheerful african woman holding smartphone and looking her boyfri

4. Men can be more weary of men than women are.

Any date I went on, I knew I could count on my two BFFs to have my back. Whether questioning why a guy I was with wouldn’t get too close (he turned out to be gay) or warning me not to get too close because “guys can be stupid,” I knew I could rely on them to help me navigate my love life.

One particular example was when I met a guy at a Christmas party and later got drinks with him after the holidays. It was late, after a work event, and the guy walked me back to my apartment. He tried to go farther than I wanted so I ultimately ended up sending him away and he ghosted me. When he left that night, I remember checking my phone and seeing lots of missed calls and text messages. The two were wondering if I was okay because I hadn’t texted or called. When I filled them in, they both were relieved and said they knew he seemed a little shady. Leave it to my guys to be a better judge of male character than I was that night!

5. Sometimes men just need to be by themselves.

This lesson has helped me immensely in my current relationship. As a young woman, I frequently craved social interaction. I wanted to over-analyze everything and chat about nothing. At first, I would get upset when my friends would say they needed time to be by themselves. I would be frustrated and upset if they would cave on plans and instead I’d find out they went somewhere by themselves.

My one friend nicknamed some of his solo outings “solo creeps.” He explained that they helped him clear his head and just get out and away from people for a bit. He would come back refreshed and happier. I began to understand and now have adopted the outing a bit for myself—I often see movies alone or go out for breakfast by myself.

6. Men care more about how they look than you think.

Before I became so close to my friends, I spent my teenage years thinking like Cher Horowitz in Clueless, that men don’t care about how they dress. This is indeed not true—I can’t tell you how many conversations I had about different articles of clothing, a certain haircut they had and more with my guy friends.

7. Men don’t sweat the small stuff.

This was a huge one in my 20s. I remember getting a horrible haircut and being so upset, I swore I’d wear my hair in a ponytail for weeks—it was already bad enough my head was too big to wear a hat. I took my hair down from my ponytail and my friends both agreed they couldn’t tell a single difference in my appearance. My mouth dropped in disbelief.

Sometimes when little things would go wrong in our plans, I would get so upset. The easy, breezy air my friends had made me realize that little things are really not worth worrying about.

Now I remember back to those days whenever little things start getting under my skin. By not sweating the small stuff, I’m ultimately a lot happier.

Want to read more on relationships? Check out this piece about not letting your insecurities get the best of you.