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Sexy Turn Ons to Heat up Your Bedroom Tonight

by zfortadminin SEX TIPS

Straight from the mouth of men, these tips are sure to make your partner go wild!

Want to know how to turn a guy on? It’s pretty easy, actually….

Step 1: Strap on stilettos

Wear high heels. When 50,000 men were polled about what fashions added the most sex appeal to a woman, sky-high heels topped the list, followed by slit skirts, stockings, and mini-skirts.

Tip –

Good news: the next sexiest thing men like is jeans and a t-shirt.

Woman wearing black leather pants and red high heel shoes in old town
Woman wearing black leather pants and red high heel shoes in old town

Step 2: Cross your legs

If you spy a guy you like, cross and uncross your legs; 70% of men find it sexy. Especially if you’re wearing a skirt – half of men think a woman’s thigh is the sexiest part of her leg.

Step 3: Dab on lavender perfume

Wear lavender perfume. Studies found that the scent of lavender gets a guy going. The aroma of pumpkin pie turns him on, too, so you could also try patting a little pumpkin pie spice behind your ears before a big date.

Step 4: Strive for symmetry

Research on physical attraction shows that people are attracted to symmetry more than size, so wear clothes that balance your body.

Tip –

Work those childbearing hips! Men are most attracted to women with a waist to hip ratio of .7 — in other words, an hourglass figure — because it subconsciously signals fertility.

Step 5: Wear teddies to bed

Wear a teddy to bed. When it comes to naughty nightwear, men rate teddies as tops, followed by stockings and stilettos.Woman with rose

Step 6: Wear your hair long

Wear your hair long; the overwhelming majority of men prefer long hair to short on women. And be stingy with the hairspray; getting his hand caught in your helmet head is not sexy.

Tip –

If you’re a natural brunette, stick with it; three out of four men polled said they’d rather wake up with a brunette than a blonde.

Step 7: Buy some thongs

Consider buying some thongs; men prefer them over bikini panties, two to one.

Step 8: Take up aerobics

Take up aerobics. Telling a guy you’re into aerobics adds instant sex appeal. It will keep your heart healthy, and being physically fit is always sexy.

Did You Know?

Research indicates that men find women sexiest when they’re ovulating, though it’s entirely subconscious.

Curated by Erbe
Original Source

 

“Normal” Sex for a Long-Distance Couple

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS, Sex, SEX TIPS

How much sex is considered ‘normal’ for a long-distance couple?

First off, “normal” is highly overrated. Let your freak flag fly, as I always say. But if you’re trying to figure out whether your sex life in a long-distance relationship is normal, there are a few signs things are easy breezy — and a few things you can add to your repertoire to ensure a healthy and thriving long-distance relationship. “Long-distance relationships put intimacy to the test,” says relationship psychotherapist Rachel Moheban-Wachtel. “Although the physical connection isn’t as prevalent, there are things couples can do to keep the spice alive in their relationship across the miles.”

Some of it is pretty practical: Be sure to have frequent “date nights,” travel to see each other regularly, and keep your sext game on fleek. But she also includes some other concepts — things like trusting your partner and sharing fantasies with each them — that are incredibly important in any relationship, and vital to keep an LDR going strong. It’s never, ever a good idea to compare your relationship with anyone else’s, but if you’re pining for your love from afar and are feeling a little panicky about how your situation holds up, here are a few things that should be present in every healthy sex life of couples who live in very different zip codes.

1. Date Nights

Sure, everyone knows how to Skype, but do you schedule regular date nights with your partner that are a bit more involved than just a “hey, wassup” via video chat? If so, props. If not, perhaps you should consider it. “Technology today makes it easier to have the same type of dates in long-distance relationships as couples do when they live in the same city,” says Moheban-Wachtel. “’Go to a movie’ together by watching a movie at the same time and texting comments,” she suggests. Or “play games together, such as ‘name that tune’ or ’21 questions.'”

And don’t do all of your dates fully clothed. “Schedule a phone sex or Skype date to share desires or engage in sex talk with each other,” Moheban-Wachtel says. This’ll keep things hot between face-to-face visits — and it’s fun! (More on this later.)

2. Daily Verbal Communication

It takes ~two seconds to send a text. And though it’s superfun to lob texts back and forth all day, your romance — and sex life — will take a hit if that’s all you do. “People’s lives are busy,” Moheban-Wachtel says. “Texting is so much easier and faster that many long-distance couples fall into the trap of sticking exclusively to this type of communication.”

Don’t do it, she warns: “Break out of the cycle and reconnect every night before bed by having a phone conversation. You’ll feel more like you’re a part of each other’s lives, and solidify the connection on a daily basis,” which will lead to better sex when you’re face to face — or screen to screen. “Also, if you’re ever upset, verbal communication is the only good way to handle the situation,” says Moheban-Wachtel. “Speak in person or over Skype about these heavier feelings,” she recommends.

3. One Word: Trust

For the best sex of your life, you must trust your partner. One way to foster trust is to be sure to speak to your partner daily — but not just about the quotidian mundanities of life (though those are important too). “Maintaining a daily connection lets you know the other person is thinking about you and vice versa,” Moheban-Wachtel says. “Actively work to maintain the other person’s trust by reassuring them they’re the only one for you.”

How to do this? “Share your lives,” she says. “Make plans. And be as open as you can with each other about your goals for the relationship. You build trust by letting the other know the level of commitment you have, and how you want the relationship to grow.”

4. Lots Of Cuddling

When you fly in for a visit, don’t hit the town night and day. “Face-to-face interaction is vital,” says Moheban-Wachtel, so “take advantage of your in-person time together by staying in and enjoying the intimacy of being together.” Sex will obviously be on the menu, but for the best sex life — LDR or otherwise — make time to snuggle. “Touch, cuddle, enjoy each other physically, since distance doesn’t allow you to experience this part of your relationship,” Moheban-Wachtel says.

5. Sexting Regularly

Couples in a long-distance relationship become expert sexters sooner or later — sextperts, if you will. This is a good thing, Moheban-Wachtel says: “Not only is sexting normal when you’re separated by distance, it’s also healthy. Keep the spark alive and maintain a sexual connection with pictures and shared fantasies.” It’s fun to change it up in this realm by incorporating Snapchat and other photo/video apps, so as to keep things playful and keep each other excited and interested.

6. Love Letters

I don’t know if I would call this “normal” in this day and age, unfortunately, but this is, by far, my favorite method of keeping an LDR sex life fresh: Write hand-written letters to your long-distance love. If you’re already doing it, mad props — and things are likely smoldering in the bedroom too. (Have you ever read James Joyce’s dirty letters to his wife? Caliente.) “It’s easy to get caught in a rut of using the ever-accessible text messaging and email,” Moheban-Wachtel says. “Break away from it once in awhile and surprise each other with a handwritten message.”

So get out the stationery (or go to the store and buy some, because I bet you don’t have any) and put pen to paper to express your feelings. “Old-style traditional letters are great, even with surprise gifts,” she says. If you can get in the habit of sending care packages to your boo every month or so, and vice versa, this will cultivate serious feelings of anticipation and happiness — and you know where those feelings lead. (Hint: in the direction of great sex.)

7. Frequent Visits

Sign up for a credit card affiliated with an airline, because it’s time to rack up the frequent flyer miles: “Too much distance can lead to more misunderstandings, loneliness and possibly an unnecessary disconnect,” Moheban-Wachtel says. “Unless financial stress, exams or major life obligations are a concern, plan to visit each other every weekend or every other weekend. This way, the distance won’t feel quite as stressful.”

In some instances, this is much easier said than done — if you’re in LA and your beau is based in NYC, it’s unlikely you’ll be jetting back and forth every other weekend. If it’s a physical possibility, heed Moheban-Wachtel’s advice by all means. If not, prioritize face time (in addition to FaceTime) as much as possible. “By making the effort and going out of your way to see each other, you show you are working to keep the relationship alive and healthy,” says Moheban-Wachtel. Also, guess what you can do when you’re in the same room as your partner that you can’t do from afar?

8. Skype Sex

You knew this one was coming. Partly because I warned you, but also partly because — duh. It’s 2015 and we can Skype whomever we want whenever we want, wearing whatever clothing (or lack thereof) we want. “Some couples worry intimate dates over Skype is sleazy,” Moheban-Wachtel says. “It’s not. It’s normal, healthy — and necessary.”

As such, “surprise your partner with sexy outfits and different ideas on how to experience virtual intimacy,” Moheban-Wachtel suggests. Now there’s a term you don’t hear every day: “virtual intimacy.” I like it! “Maintain the sexual momentum and romance in the relationship by taking advantage of and embracing the virtues of technology,” she says. The more you trust your partner, the more comfortable you’ll feel — but keep in mind that Skype (or whatever your video chat of choice may be) sex takes practice. The more you do it, the more at ease you’ll feel doing a sexy striptease “with your partner,” aka in a room alone by yourself.

9. Being Present

Here’s an easy one: Find out what turns your partner on and do it, Moheban-Wachtel says. “Is it lingerie? Buy something new,” she suggests, and surprise your partner via video chat or next time you see them. “Is it fantasizing? Make sure to act these fantasies out when you see each other in person.” It boils down to paying attention to your partner: “Every person and couple has their own unique ways of getting excited by another person,” she says. “Understanding these will help you keep things exciting every time you meet.” This is as true outside the bedroom as it is within. If you love when your partner shows up at the airport to greet you with a clean shave, thank him when he does just that. And the same goes for whatever your partner appreciates about you — do it, and notice what effect that has on him.

10. Sharing Your Fantasies

Here’s what’s up, Moheban-Wachtel says: “If your partner is into sex toys [and you are too], embrace it. Use them to spice things up and keep the intimacy alive.” No worry if your fantasies don’t align with your partner’s, though it’s always a good idea to be as GGG as possible. “If toys aren’t your thing, flirt and have phone sex to describe exactly what you want and wish to do to each other sexually,” she says. “This can be just as spicy and sexy.” Whatever the fantasy may be, talk about your desires with your partner and vice versa for a fulfilling and top-notch sex life in an LDR — or just a regular old LTR.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

8 Steps to Having the Best Sex Conversation Ever

by zfortadminin SEX TIPS

Do you have a healthy sex conversation with your partner? Discuss them under the sheets for more excitement.

It goes without saying that you’d like to enjoy making love to your partner; yet, nearly every other aspect of sex calls for a chat. Here’s why: Couples who discuss tricky topics effectively are 10 times more likely to have a happy relationship than those who ignore difficult subjects, according to a study by Joseph Grenny, co-author of Crucial Conversations. “A handful of conversations make the biggest difference in the strength and duration of a relationship,” says Grenny. “Talking about sexual intimacy tops that small list.” Read on for eight issues to broach and how to approach them so you can move on to more interesting things.

1. Limits. Unless you want to end up in a “50 Shades of OMG what are you doing?” situation, discuss boundaries. “While it’s possible to have a good experience trying something new with no communication, it’s also possible to have a big fail,” says Carol Queen, PhD, Staff Sexologist for Good Vibrations, an online sex toy shop. Determine what kinds of play you’re OK with before someone pulls out handcuffs. Also, choose a safe word, one unrelated to sex either of you can say to halt what’s happening. To start the limits conversation, exchange one idea each about something you’d like to experience. “Worst case: Your move stays a fantasy. Best case: There are two new options on your sexual menu,” says Dr. Queen.

2. Ruts. It can be easy to move into patterns in a sexual relationship, “especially if a couple starts out with little sex information or strong opinions about what ‘normal’ sex is, leading them to reject many erotic options,” says Dr. Queen. If your sexual playbook becomes staid, she suggests talking to a sex therapist or coach—or doing some reading. “Some books, like Hot Sex! Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight, are made to be browsed together, giving you spicy ideas and info to boot,” says Dr. Queen.

3. Dysfunction. Failure to launch and premature party ending are touchy subjects. “Most guys don’t want to talk about it while in bed,” says Joel D. Block, PhD, author of Do It My Way. So instead, “ask him to pleasure you—it takes the tension away from his difficulty.” If you have the issue, say, dryness, Dr. Block suggests saying, “I love when you go more slowly” or “I need more foreplay to get me started.” If dysfunction happens repeatedly, acknowledge the problem outside of the bedroom. “You could say, ‘If I’m feeling pressured it works against me, but know that I’m OK. We’ll get past this.” If he elaborates, cool. If not, drop the issue knowing you’ve at least mentioned it in a sensitive, supportive manner.

4. Safety. “It doesn’t matter how many sex partners each of you has had,” points out Dr. Queen. “HPV and other bugs hitch a ride on human genitals, just as the common cold goes for your nose and throat.” It’s best to talk about this matter-of-factly before you have sex for the first time. Try: “This is what I do for birth control” and “These are my standards for safe sex.” “It’s your body, and some conditions are forever—including unplanned offspring,” adds Dr. Queen.

5. Exclusivity. Don’t assume. “If you don’t come to a clear verbal agreement and think, ‘he couldn’t be with someone else,’ you’re lying to yourself,” says Laurie Puhn, couples mediator, author and creator of the nationwide course Fight Less, Love More. “Many women prefer to assume exclusivity because they’re afraid the guy won’t agree to it.” In that case, you should know and make an informed decision about whether to have sex. How do you get into that topic gracefully? “You should both feel comfortable, perhaps in one of your homes or in a dimly lit lounge,” says Puhn. “Just don’t talk about it when either of you has had more than one drink.”

6. Timing. Are you in the mood now? What about now? “If one person is raring to go and the other gives compliance sex,’ it will not only fail to be physically gratifying but also to produce emotional connection,” says Grenny. It’s better to talk about not wanting sex, but how do you say “no” without it sounding like “never”? “Touch your mate, smile and suggest another time,” says Puhn. “This says I love you and want to be intimate, but not tonight.” Be sure to follow through on the follow-up appointment.

7. Feedback. Discuss what turns you on—and what doesn’t—as unnatural as it may feel. “Our partners aren’t mind readers,” explains Dr. Queen, who suggests starting with, “There are things I think about, sexually, that I never mention.” From there, a general “Can we talk about this more?” usually does the trick. During the act, “maneuver into position and make sounds of pleasure to encourage your partner toward a certain behavior,” says Dr. Block. “Men appreciate these nonverbal prompts.” They also respond well to comments that are about you, rather than about him. So instead of “do this,” try, “When you do this, it’s hot for me.”

8. Planning. This may sound utterly unromantic, but couples should talk about how to fit sex into their busy schedules. “Americans have intercourse an average of a bit more than once a week,” says Dr. Block. “But it’s quality, not quantity that counts.” Dr. Block suggests deciding how much is mutually acceptable, and whether that includes quiet sex while visiting relatives and unexpected quickies.If one of you is a morning sex person and the other an evening sex person, “calendar a compromise: a weekend afternoon delight or an after-work assignation,” says Dr. Queen.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

8 Organic Couples Habits In and Out of the Bedroom

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS, Sex, SEX TIPS

There’s no cookie cutter formula for the perfect relationship. But research does show that a combination of both big and little things—from doing yoga together to sharing meals prepared with organic ingredients—helps maintain happier, more satisfying partnerships.

Here are the mindful habits that connected couples rely on.

Young Ethnic Couple On Kitchen Slicing Vegetables1. They Do Yoga Together
You can probably think of more romantic things than sweating it out in a vinyasa class. But making a date to do yoga or go on a hike through the forest with your partner can bring about worthwhile results in a relationship. The buddy system will not only help inspire you, but it will create a feeling of synchronicity between partners, highlighting a shared passion and common goals. Bonus: Working out together has been proven to help you burn more calories and possibly even spice things up in the bedroom.

2. They’re Open About What Goes On Between The (Bamboo) Sheets
It’s not just about the monkey business that happens in the bedroom. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships concluded that young, monogamous couples—especially the males of these couples—reported both more sexual satisfaction and overall satisfaction with their relationship when they talked openly about bedroom preferences with their partners—right down to what kind of natural linens they like. Getting over fears or anxieties related to sexual disclosure and revealing more may lead couples to a higher level of intimacy.

3. They Stress Less
According to UC Berkeley researchers who tracked conversations between 154 married couples, those who used the words “we,” “our,” and “us” more than “I,” “me,” and “you” reported being more satisfied and showed fewer signs of stress. Strike a healthy balance between individuality and togetherness—whether that be spending an afternoon harvesting backyard tomatoes or engaging with neighbors while volunteering together at the community garden—and you’re one step closer to a strong, lasting bond.

4. They Understand The Value Of Sharing Homemade Meals At The Table
It may sound silly, but get this: A survey of newlyweds conducted by a mattress retailer found that a partner eating in bed tied with snoring as the number one pet peeve distracting couples from bedded bliss. It turns out that conflicting meal etiquette and discord over whether or not to use organic, GMO-free ingredients can lead to a crummy night’s sleep. A UC Berkeley study found that poor sleep can turn lovers into fighters. Even one rough night of sleep can have a negative impact on spouse interactions, causing more discord between couples, poorer conflict resolution, and decreased ability to gauge one another’s emotions the next day.

Mixed Ethnicity Gay Couple Kitchen5. They Give Constructive Feedback About Each Other’s Healthy Habits
Experts have theorized that, in the most contented pairs, the magic ratio may be five positive feelings, efforts, or exchanges for every one negative, such as complaints or criticisms. For example, share what organic habits you like (the new all-natural soap in the bathroom) when telling your partner that leaving the compost bin out with the lid off drives you nuts (it attracts fruit flies!). Think of the former as an antidote to the latter and make efforts to be a good listener, stay calm and non-defensive, and have empathy in times of disagreement. The power of positive thinking (and expressing) is especially potent in partnerships.

6. They Connect Over Nature
Relationship experts at The Gottman Institute (which helps couples achieve lasting, loving relationships through research) studied couples’ reactions to random small talk, like “Wow, look at the sunset.” Researchers categorize this as small but important requests for connection. They found that couples who regularly engaged each other in this kind of nature-loving small talk were the ones who ultimately stayed together.

7. They Share A Netflix Account With Animal Documentaries
You’ve heard that life imitates art, right? A study in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology—in which couples watched one movie each week for a month—documents an interesting finding. It turns out that watching films featuring an intimate relationship as the main plotline (in this case, maybe it’s the monogamous mating habits of penguins) inadvertently sensitized these couples to issues in their own partnerships and triggered the desire to work through their own problems. The films acted as gateways for couples to reflect on their own relationships in a safe, nonthreatening environment.

8. They Emphasize Digital Detox
If your faces are constantly buried in your smartphones, you may be digging your way to a problem. It may seem dramatic, but a trio of researchers at Boston University’s Department of Emerging Media Studies found evidence that frequent use of social media in the presence of your partner—which can feel antisocial—negatively impacts overall relationship happiness and quality. Another analysis even found a correlation between heavy use of Facebook among partners and spikes in divorce rates. Try leaving your digital life to your daily commute and focus on inclusive activities with your spouse—like camping together or taking evening walks around the lake.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

His Reactions Mystify You

by zfortadminin SEX TIPS

Many ballsy women are afraid to say ‘Please do this’ or ‘Don’t do that’ in bed. Here’s what some women are really thinking.

Our sexist culture unleashes many forms of toxic socialization on its inhabitants, but few lessons seem to take as well as teaching girls from the cradle to coddle the male ego, not just with flattery but with a deep unwillingness to speak truths that could cause men to feel uncomfortable or imperfect. And nowhere is this less true than in the sack. Many a woman who feels herself a ballsy broad in her daily life finds herself in bed, afraid to say “Please do this” or “Don’t do that” for fear of confronting a man looking shocked, upset, or disappointed—which can push a button installed in us as little girls labeled Failure As A Woman.

We know we should get over it already. We know we should speak up and take our lumps and men who can’t handle it are bad lovers we should be dumping anyway. It’s not like we’re not trying. The female half of the human race spends an ungodly amount of time and money trying to unlearn passivity and replace it with a dose of speaking up for themselves.

In the meantime, however, there’s a number of things women are thinking about sex that tend to go unsaid, but you men should probably know them anyway.

1. We can tell when you’re doing something because you saw it in a porno.

Most sex in porn is about what’s good for the camera, not what’s good for the participants in it, especially the women. In fact, many things that look good in porn can keep us from having fun in real-life sex. For instance, in porn the only parts of their bodies the actors often touch are their genitals, so that the camera can get a full view of the action. But in real life, sex is more of a whole-body experience, and the genital-only thing can feel cold and masturbatory.

Of course, we know that men know this, and most would deny that they’re doing stuff because it looked good in a porn and not because it felt good in the moment. So we’d rather not bring it up when you do stuff that looks better in porn than it feels in life. We don’t want to argue over whether or not that’s what you’re doing. But when you do something you picked up in a porn that doesn’t add to the real-life pleasure, we take notice and we’re often hoping you get it out of your system so we can move on to activities that are actually fun.

2. Endurance is overrated.

It’s not that cultural jokes about two-pump chumps are completely baseless. Women do like having sex, and most of us can point to at least one or two experiences where a man orgasmed as soon as he touched you, and then rolled over and fell asleep while you wondered if that was all you’re going to get. But just because women would prefer intercourse to last more than 60 seconds doesn’t mean that longer is always better. If you consider a point of pride that you can thrust away for an hour without coming, there’s a high chance your partner is lying under you wondering how on earth she can say she’d have liked to wrap it up 40 minutes ago, but is afraid to say anything because she doesn’t want to stomp all over your accomplishments. The vagina’s ability to continue lubricating itself is limited, which can make marathon sex feel more like a duty than a joy.

3. We actually do know what will get us to orgasm.

Are you trying this and then trying that and finding nothing works to get her there? There’s a strong possibility she actually knows exactly what needs to happen, because she’s had practice masturbating, but is afraid to say so because her path to orgasm has been perceived by other men or the culture at large as bitchy or emasculating. She might feel that bringing a vibrator in bed will make you feel like less than a man, or she might worry that having you eat her out at length is boring for you. So she won’t ask. If you suspect this might be the case, it’s well worth bringing up. But don’t do it during sex, when fear of judgment is that much higher. While you’re sitting on the couch watching American Idol will lower the stakes of this discussion tremendously.

4. “Getting there” is more trouble than it’s worth.

This is only true for a minority of women, but when I put the call out on Twitter for women to tell me what they don’t tell men, the women who said this were the most passionate respondents. For women who have trouble orgasming, sex could be fun, but it isn’t not because of their lack of orgasm so much as their fear they’ll disappoint their partners. They find themselves avoiding sex because they don’t want to have to endure endless attempts to bring forth an orgasm that will never come, but they still like to masturbate, even if they usually can’t reach orgasm. So, when you’re having that talk explaining that you’re not going to freak out if she starts speaking up about her needs, be clear that you’re not going to judge her if she’s feeling like orgasms don’t have to be the star of the show every time she has sex.

Many women don’t fake orgasms. But pretty much all women turn the volume up on the ones they do have, because they know you like it. This isn’t lying, but embellishment, and it would be nice if men returned the favor. Sex is no time for masculine stoicism. A little verbal appreciation in the form of moaning and groaning makes a nice two-way street.

5. Our bodies are very sensitive when aroused, so err on the gentle side.

When I put the call out for suggestions for this article, this was probably the No. 1 category, with comments like, “That’s a clitoris, not an elevator button.” Nipple-twisting was also denounced, and one woman noted that not every woman is a fan of finger-banging, which can feel rough and sort of pointless. Men who dive at your genitals with their mouths were appreciated for their enthusiasm, but not so much for their technique. Overall, the feeling was that more pressure can be added as needed, but the shock to the system of having someone overdo it can be a major turnoff.

Obviously, every woman is different, and even with these most general of guidelines, you’ll find dissenters. Communication between partners is the ideal. But have some sympathy on women who haven’t read enough self-help books or seen enough therapists to overcome their fear of speaking up. You might find that having patience and understanding will make it easier to draw them out over the long run. To encourage more communication, don’t make faces or act like your ego is hurt when women do push themselves to speak up. It likely took a lot of courage to do so in the first place.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Will You Have an Epic Sex Life? Here is the Chemistry Test

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

Find out if you and your partner is a perfect sexual match.

Having a similar sex drive as your partner will definitely keep things hot in the bedroom, but having different sexual preferences is actually the key to long-lasting sex life, says a new study.

The research, published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, examined similar sexual preferences and complementary sexual preferences and how each influenced sexual compatibility and satisfaction within a relationship. (In this case, an example of similar sexual preferences was both enjoying oral sex or both enjoying being dominant in bed, while complementary preferences would look like one partner preferring to be on top while the other likes to be on bottom.) Scientists surveyed 304 heterosexual couples between the ages of 18 to 65 who were dating, engaged, or married. Some had been together only one month, while others had been together for over 30 years. Using the Sexual Activity Inventory, the couples responded to questions about their sexual fantasies and positive and negative aspects of their sex lives, including questions about what their partner did and didn’t like to do in bed. Then, they each ranked their level of sexual satisfaction in their current relationship.

The results showed that having complementary sexual preferences—rather than the exact same ones—correlated to higher sexual satisfaction. Essentially this meant that bottoms liked to be with tops and givers liked to be with receivers. It’s not exactly suprising; it makes sense that someone who likes to take the reins in bed would have better sexual chemistry with someone who is a little more submissive, rather than someone else who likes to dominate. So if your partner loves giving oral and you love receiving it, you’re obviously a match made in sexual heaven. Basically, your favorite sexual behaviors complement each other.

Interestingly, the study also found that men have a pretty big responsibility when it comes to maintaining that sexual chemistry. When guys were better able to predict what turned their partners on, they ranked their sex lives more positively and so did their partners. So why not give them a little help by letting them know exactly what you like in bed? It’s pretty much guaranteed to put your sexual satisfaction—and his—through the roof.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Giving Kinky a Try with Your Boyfriend

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

Who’s feeling kinky? Frisky, raunchy, saucy? Just me?

Well, my friends, I got my hands on a copy of The Book of Kink: Sex Beyond the Missionary by Eva Christina, and I’ve been doing a little reading. OK, a lot of reading. And I’ve scoped out the least scary, couple-friendly, kinky things to try this weekend. Give one (or more) a go!

0405_kinky-couple_sm.jpg

Behold, my top picks from the almighty kink book to try this weekend and what my trooper (ha!) of a boyfriend, J, has to say about ’em:

1. Acousticophilia:

“Sounds are sexually arousing, whether it’s grunting, music or the simple click of a nail against a desk. Of course, there are certain types of music that are sexually provocative, but some may get more in tune with it than others.”

My take – Maybe I can simply be a little more vocal during sexy time? Or, maybe we can get a little romantic and make a sexy time playlist. J is the music man, he should be able to put something together!

J’s take – Whenever you dull one sense, the others are heightened… I think I’m more into the blindfold thing myself, but I guess this could be interesting.

2. Vincilagnia (or Rope Bondage):

“Tying up someone can be a thrill, for both the tied up and the one who ties.”

My take – I have a set of pink, furry handcuffs at home with J’s name on them. In our relationship, he’s usually the dominant one, but I think this weekend that’s going to change.

J’s take – Is it Saturday yet?

3. Sploshing:

“This fetish is all about doing everything possible with food, from sitting in it, to rolling around in it, or throwing it. The people into this fetish don’t mind cream pies thrown in their faces or sitting in water or juice. Anything food goes, except eating it. Splosh!”

My take – I think I’m a little too much of a neat freak for this one. I hate the idea of getting messy. BUT, J and I have yet to whip out the whipped cream for foreplay…

J’s take – I feel like this is one of those ideas that would look good on paper but in practice it’s just messy and gross.

4. Uniform Fetish:

“It’s not surprising that people get turned on by someone in uniform, whether it’s a fireman, French maid or cheerleader….Much of it stems from the idea that an authoritative or a submissive figure is taking or giving up control.”

My take – OK, I know J will definitely, definitely approve of this one. First of all, he’s a sucker for sexy outfits. Second, he LOVED this schoolgirl outfit I busted out a couple months ago. Maybe it’s time to bring back my best “Hit Me Baby” Britney impression.

J’s take -YES! I am a sucker for the outfits… but who isnt! Again, is it Saturday yet?

5. Balloon Fetish (or Looner):

“Balloons make children happy. They also make many adults happy. Whether it’s touching, smelling, inflating, popping or just playing with them, people get sexually turned on by balloons.”

My take – Umm, yikes! J and I are going to skip this one. But you should check out The Book of Kink if you want to read more options like this!

J’s take – A definite skip… the only latex that hits our bed will be on my junk.

So, did you learn any new vocab lessons? Do you think you’d try any of these boyfriend-friendly kinky moves this weekend? Are you a fan of kink or are you a little more conservative when it comes down to it? Do you have any other kinky faves?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Couples Christmas—Make it Sexy

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

The festive season is here and you are concerned about what to do with your spouse and what to buy to make Christmas different yet romantic.

Children often shy away from giving sexy gifts to their parents – as if Mom and Pop’s sex life is dead – but they, like the spouses, should really think outside the box and give gifts that are naughty and nice to spark the couple’s sex life. Sex is to be celebrated, especially in a monogamous relationship in which couples have grown together in the union. This provides the basis for selecting very personal gifts which would also fuel sexy activities over the holiday period. It is even more poignant if couples are experiencing the empty nest with children having grown and moved out.

Sexy Christmas for Two

If you are going to spend the holiday season with your loved one, this is an excellent chance to plan a romantic holiday, probably putting some sparkle back into your love life. The cool temperatures already set the stage for twinkling lights and soft carols as part of intimate, steamy evenings of passion.

Hotel ‘nights out’

If you are tired of the home and the efforts it will take to create the magic of the season, you could spend one or two nights in a hotel with full service. With adequate notice, any hotel should be happy to set the stage for you. This is an opportunity for children to pool funds and send parents off to a nice resort with some sexy items in tow. They should take:

  • Sexy lingerie and silk boxer shorts.
  • Scented candles for mood creation.
  • Music of choice to keep it light and easy (include a CD player).
  • Aromatic oils so you can give each other long, sensual massages.
  • Grapes or strawberries which you can feed each other as you soak in a bubble bath.
  • Champagne for sipping as you enjoy the ambience
  • Your gifts which you can open together and share.

Home together

If you are accustomed to trimming your tree, get a small one for both of you to enjoy. Decorate the tree together in a skimpy Christmas outfit and revert to the old practice of kissing under the mistletoe by hanging them around the house. Place all you gifts under the tree for opening on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.

Home-made dinner for two

A graduate from my cooking course for ‘men only’, boasted that he used his culinary skills to prepare a sensual meal to mesmerise his wife last Christmas, their 10th wedding anniversary. He made plans for lobster dinner, used the rarely-used fine china and best silverware from the breakfront and made sure that his wife and son were busy helping his mother with last-minute baking. They agreed that their son would stay with Grandma that night as the couple would be going out to dinner. When she arrived home to get dressed, she was blown away by the surprise.

Drive out for the Christmas lights

Driving out could be reminiscent of your days of courting. Drive out and look at the Christmas lights and décor in residential and shopping areas, although scaled down this year. You may want to take a blanket and snuggle close in a safe place as you enjoy the lights.

Exchange Gifts

Whether you are at a hotel or at home, exchanging gifts is one of the best parts of Christmas. What gifts can you give for that sex appeal? Naughty gifts are ideal since both of you will be together and no one will see what you got each other.

  • Breakfast in bed is always appreciated and starts foreplay of what is to come later. You can place one exciting gift at breakfast.
  • Sexy robes are easy to slip on and off and they are nice to wrap in as you stroll about the house.
  • You can buy sexy Christmas-themed outfits to wear for the rest of the day while you goof around.
  • Sex games for lovers.
  • Toys are toys, so adult sex toys should not be excluded. These can indulge your fantasies and add variety to your intimacy.
  • Sexy books with a range of topics to suit him or her.

You can search sites online which would provide hundreds of topics you know your partner would like. Also, consider a book for lovers, focusing on how to spice up your love life. It does not have to be explicit or full of photos that make you uncomfortable. Couples can read passionate literature to each other as they may not want to go the mainstream route like watching X-rated movies. Why not give one another passionate books and read passages to one another? You can spice it up by acting out romantic scenes from the descriptive books and you will be able to learn from each other.

Stocking stuffers for her may include:

 

  • A personal coupon for a one-hour massage.
  • Gourmet chocolates.
  • A gift certificate for her favourite restaurant.
  • Bath products like bubble bath, shower gel and lush soap.
  • Her favourite perfume or body spray.
  • Bath toys for couples.
  • A diamond bracelet, necklace, or ring or some other type of jewellery.

Stocking stuffers for him to cater to his fantasies and passions may include:

 

  • Sexy lingerie for you, with a promise that you will model it for him later.
  • A personal handmade coupon for his favourite sexual activity, to be performed on demand.
  • A gift card to his favourite store, hobby shop, car-parts store, or whatever his interests are.
  • His favourite fragrance.
  • A life-size photo of you in a sexy outfit for the bedroom (G-strings and high-heels are exciting).
  • French tickler condoms to provide added stimulation.

Wrap it sexy

To make your gift sexy, use your imagination and wrap it in a sexy way. For creativity and recycling, you can create your own wrapping paper by using pages from a sexy magazine.

Christmas does not have to be boring for you and your lover. Be creative and get stores and gift shops to help you. Make this Christmas one your spouse will never forget by spicing it up with sexy gifts and activities this holiday season.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Be Better in Bed this Year

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

Consider this your better-sex boot camp

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need a working knowledge of 52 sex positions or a background in porn to be ridiculously good in bed. Instead, it comes down to more subtle (and realistic) factors that you may already posses. And if you don’t, we’re here to help you hone the skills you really need to blow your partner’s mind.

YOU’RE NOT JUDGMENTAL

Whether it’s hearing out your partner’s fantasy or allowing yourself to really identify your own, being open to different desires and turn-ons is essential in a partner, says sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First. “Remember it’s all in the realm of fantasy—it’s not something you ever have to do,” says Kerner. So put aside your judgments and really listen to the desires of you and your partner. You may find that you’re into some really interesting stuff. (And if that happens to be BDSM, here’s how to have the “bad girl” sex of your dreams!)

YOU’RE INNOVATIVE

We see the arm of a couch, you see a great prop for doggie style. We see a bra, you see a bondage tool. Being creative and looking for new ways to spice things up is crucial in a lover, says sex and relationship therapist Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., author of The Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples. “Someone who says ‘let’s dress up,’ or ‘let’s go into the closet,’ or anything that’s a bit more interesting is great,” says Schwartz. Get creative with these 11 places you need to have sex at least once in your life.

YOU THINK ABOUT SEX—A LOT

And we don’t just mean while you’re getting busy or whenever you see that so-sexy-it-should-be-illegal guy at your gym. “Sex has a strong mental component,” says Kerner. So pay attention when you have a sensual thought or feel randomly aroused throughout the day, and don’t immediately dismiss it. “Allow yourself to feel eroticized and observe what’s sexy around you,” says Kerner. Still don’t believe your brain and your libido are connected? Check out exactly what’s going on in your brain during an orgasm.

YOU’RE ABLE TO PUT SOMEONE ELSE’S NEEDS ABOVE YOUR OWN

Practicing compassion in every area of your life is clutch, but practicing it in the bedroom can make you a seriously good sex partner. We’re not suggesting youalways put the other person first (after all, your orgasms are important too), but it can be really hot to focus on pleasing your partner every once in a while, just for the sake of satisfying them. “Maybe it’s going for it in the morning when your boyfriend typically wants to have sex,” says Kerner. Or maybe it’s indulging in a position they love or treating them to oral that isn’t just a precursor to the main event, says Kerner. It’s not about being selfless all the time, but rather about treating your partner how you’d like to be treated. We promise, these generous acts will not go unnoticed.

YOU’LL TRY (ALMOST) EVERYTHING ONCE

“It’s hard to be good in bed if you only do what you know and don’t do anything but that,” says Schwartz. “You don’t have to be willing to swing from trees, but you should have that feeling of ‘it could be fun!’ or ‘why not?'” Obviously, if your partner is dying to have a threesome and you’re not into it, then it’s perfectly justified to say no. But when it comes to new tricks, tips, and techniques, we suggest giving it shot—like these six adventurous sex tips from erotic novelists. Hey, you might love it.

YOU ENJOY SOLO TIME

No, not with your Netflix, with your vagina. Someone who is in tune with her body and aware of what feels good will be a better lover and will enjoy sex more. Women can forget how fun and pleasurable masturbation can be, especially when they’re in a relationship; and although some may think that masturbating will make you less interested in sex, very often the opposite is true, says Kerner. So use these self-love tips and check out 21 ways to have even more fun with masturbation. And if you feel like you’re neglecting your partner, there’s no harm in inviting them to watch.

YOU’RE NOT SELF-CONSCIOUS

Think of the best sex you’ve ever had—chances are your partner was passionate, enthusiastic, and just oozing sex appeal. We’re willing to bet they weren’t worried about their body, making sure the lights were off, or complaining about their belly. We’ve said it once and we’ll say it again: Confidence is the sexiest asset you can have. “Someone who says, ‘I’m sexy any way I look,’ pretty much has you believing it,” says Schwartz. For tips, read these 10 ways to be confident, ballsy, and sexy as hell in bed.

YOU KNOW WHEN TO GET A LITTLE LOUD AND CRAZY

Being able to let loose, let go, and be a bit uncensored is a great attribute in a partner. For one thing, you’ll be less inhibited, which is always sexy. Another reason: Men said that one thing they really want in a lover is for them to make some more noise, says Schwartz of a study she conducted for The Normal Bar. “Men aren’t always sure what women want and if she’s enjoying herself if she’s not giving them any direction. They want to use those sounds as direction.” This can be anything from a well-timed moan to words or phrases, like “harder,” “slower,” or “right there.” Get more advice on the art of dirty talk, right here.

YOU’RE SPONTANEOUS

When we asked real men about the hottest thing a woman has ever done during sex, a major theme emerged: taking the reins and doing something surprising or spontaneous. From waking them up with a blowjob or waiting on the bed in lingerie, these are little things that make a huge impact because they’re so out-of-the-blue. Get some ideas with these sex tips from real women.

YOU’RE PHYSICALLY FIT

Researchers know that being physically fit and active is a big aphrodisiac for women, but it can also make you better in bed. For instance, exercise boosts focus, revs up your libido, enhances your endurance, and helps you gain confidence. So pull double-duty with this better-sex workout.

YOU CAN LAUGH AT YOURSELF

Someone who is great in bed can see the fun and humor in any situation, because come on, sex should be a good time. As sex expert Logan Levkoff, Ph.D., recently told us, “You may not remember the strongest orgasm you’ve ever had, but you’ll remember the time you fell off the bed because you were so into it that you didn’t realize you were on the edge.” Weird noises, sounds, and failed positions happen, but if you can roll with it and still enjoy yourself, that’s what makes someone amazing in the sack.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Want to Fall Deeper in Love? Take Up These Sex Habits

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

Sex can be, and can be used for, so many different things. But early in a relationship, once you get through a couple of awkward rounds, sex can play a big role in building intimacy and even falling in love.

There is sex that is straight up sex for sex’s sake— passionate, charged, carnal. There’s awkward, first-time with someone you really like sex. There’s random hookup sex. There’s long-term couple trying to spice it up sex. The list goes on—but building intimacy during sex is one we rarely talk about.

Warning: The following sex acts may lead to the awkward “Oh crap one of us said “I love you” during sex— does it count!?” dilemma. Don’t worry. It happens to the best of us. It’s no need to be embarrassed, even if it is really awkward. Just remember you’re not alone. (And the generally consensus seems to be that it doesn’t really count.) Between a really intimate act that you’re doing, heart racing, hormones all over the place, it’s so easy to let it slip out in the moment.

But what are the more intimate sex acts? The ones that can make you feel so connected to your partner and overwhelmed with emotions? Here are 6 sex acts that help build intimacy.

1. Kissing

I know it may seem basic, but don’t discount kissing as a very important sex act. And maybe the most intimate one. Along with cuddling, a lot of people avoid kissing during one-night stands because of this. It’s something we do all the time, but sometimes we can get distracted during sex and not do it as much as we should. But if you stick to positions where kissing is an option, you’ll really feel connected to your partner.

2. Missionary

Maybe because it’s sort of the classic go-to position, there’s definitely something romantic about it. Your faces and your entire bodies are very, very close, and the weight of whoever is on top keeps you in constant contact. And it’s not just for hetero sex. So whoever you are, there can be all the eye contact, kissing, and intimacy you can handle.

3. Oral Sex

Oral sex is intimate no matter what, because you’re getting up close in personal with parts of the body we’re normally taught should be kept hidden. But while every man I’ve ever met unselfconsciously loves a blow job, a lot of women find someone going down on them incredibly intimate— almost intimidatingly so. Maybe it’s because you end up with someone’s tongue basically, or definitely, inside you, or maybe it’s just that we’re taught to be even more ashamed of our vulva and that people don’t like going down on it. (Both of which are ridiculous.) In any case, for a lot of women getting to a point where you’re completely comfortable with oral sex means a whole lot of trust.

4. Undressing

When you’re new in a relationship it’s probably all about tearing each other’s clothes off, but then it slows down. I’m not saying you need some kind of big cheesy striptease, or to make a whole event out of it, but there’s something really sexy and romantic about building up from just a bit of kissing, to heavy kissing, to feeling each other, and then slowly going beneath the clothing and removing them completely. All of that combined with making out can be a really connect you to your partner.

5. Side-By-Side

Similarly to missionary, having sex facing each other, both of you on your side, has the benefit of all over contact and your faces being close for kissing, or just some sickly-sweet staring into each other eyes. But while in missionary, one person is definitely dominant within the position, when you have sex side-by-side there’s a more even playing field. Especially if you’re having lesbian sex and mutually fingering each other, it’s a really leveling, connecting position.

6. Post-Sex Cuddle

If you are a better person than me and lay there without making a horrible awkward joke, it’s when you kind of bask in a little love halo (if you’re having sex with someone you have romantic feelings for). Taking some time to relax into that and just enjoy it is a sure way to build intimacy.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Have a Sex Talk During Sex. Could You Do It?

by zfortadminin SEX TIPS

Getting comfortable with communicating about sex may translate to benefits in the bedroom — especially if the lines of communication are open during the act.

New research finds that comfort with sexual communication is directly linked to sexual satisfaction. People who are more comfortable talking about sex are also more likely to do so while having sex, the researchers found. Nonetheless, that difference doesn’t fully explain why the sexually chatty are happier with their erotic lives.

“Even if you just have a little bit of anxiety about the communication, that affects whether you’re communicating or not, but it also directly affected their satisfaction,” said study researcher Elizabeth Babin, an expert on health communication at Cleveland State University in Ohio.

The anxiety “might be kind of taking them out of the moment and therefore reducing the overall satisfaction they experience during their encounters,” Babin told LiveScience.

Talking about sex

How people talk about sex is an important topic for public health researchers. After all, people who are uncomfortable asking their partners to wear a condom may be at higher risk of having unprotected sex and exposing themselves to sexually transmitted infections. Communication is also key to having enjoyable sexual encounters, Babin said.

But little research has delved into what keeps people from talking about their likes and dislikes while in bed, she said.

“In order to increase communication quality, we need to figure out why people are communicating and why they’re not communicating,” Babin said.

To do so, Babin recruited 207 people, 88 from undergraduate classes and 119 from online sites, to complete surveys about their apprehension about sexual communication, their sexual satisfaction and the amount of non-verbal and verbal communication they felt they enacted during sex. For example, participants were asked how much they agreed with statements such as, “I feel nervous when I think about talking with my partner about the sexual aspects of our relationship,” and “I feel anxious when I think about telling my partner what I dislike during sex.”

The participants, whose average age was 29, also responded to questions about their sexual self-esteem, such as how good a partner they felt they were and how confident they were in their sexual skills.

Communication without words

The surveys revealed that apprehension in talking about sex can spoil one’s sexual enjoyment, with that anxiety linked both to less communication in bed and less satisfaction overall. Unsurprisingly, less sexual communication apprehension and higher sexual self-esteem were both associated with more communication during sex.

Communication during sex, in turn, was linked to more sexual satisfaction. Nonverbal communication was more closely linked to satisfaction than verbal communication, Babin reported online in August in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. Nonverbal cues may seem safer, Babin said.

“It could be perceived as being less threatening, so it might be easier to moan or to move in a certain way to communicate that I’m enjoying the sexual encounter than to say, ‘Hey, this feels really good, I like that,'” Babin said. “That might seem too direct for some people.”

Babin next plans to research couples to get both sides of the story and to find out how couples’ communication styles mesh with their sexual satisfaction. The end goal, she said, is to give therapists and sex educators tools to help them teach people how to talk about sex more openly with their partners.

Sexual communication “is a skill,” Babin said. “And we’re not all well-trained in that skill.”

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Truly Sexy People Do These 4 Things

by zfortadminin Body, SEX TIPS

Last year, I became acquainted with a man who was truly one of the sexiest people I’ve ever met.

I met him via a friend of mine who had gone out on a few dates with him and was absolutely besotted. She was not alone. Apparently, this man had his pick of many women, most of whom were very physically attractive.

The clincher was he was not particularly stunning looking himself. In fact, if most people passed him on the street, they wouldn’t have given him a second glance. He was at best an average-looking man with thinning hair and a slight pot belly.

Still, he definitely had it—a charisma that can only be experienced in order to do it justice. Within minutes, I understood completely why this man had managed to charm my friend and so many other women: he seemed instinctively in tune to the fact that the biggest and most thrilling sex organ any of us possesses is the one between our ears.

I freely admit that naturally sexy people have been the objects of fascination and envy to me ever since I was 13 and tried (unsuccessfully) to be one of those sexy types by carefully following the tips and advice inTeenmagazine.

I didn’t just fail in my fruitless attempt, but I failed miserably.

Like many, I mistakenly thought that all one needed to be sexy was to have the “right” look, the “right” voice, or the “right” clothing.

I was wrong.

True sexiness often has nothing whatsoever to do with appearance and contrary to what the media tries to sell us, it cannot be bought at the local mall.

While I have yet to harness the magical formula for myself, here are a few things I have noticed after having spent time around the truly sexy.

1. Truly sexy people are comfortable in their own skin.

While we hear the above expression a lot and many of us parrot it, few know what it actually means, much less what it feels like.

Simply put, it means accepting yourself for how you are rather than how you want to be. It doesn’t mean, “I’ll love myself once I lose 10 lbs” or “I’ll love myself once others tell me that I am lovable.” Sexy people don’t need or want anyone’s permission to accept themselves, and the rest of us shouldn’t either. If we do wait, there’s a good chance it’s never going to happen.

2. They don’t put others down including themselves.

In my experience, one of the least sexy things anyone can do is build themselves up by tearing others down.

In the case of the man I mentioned at the beginning of the piece, I cannot recall him ever pointing out the flaws of others or even comparing himself to others.

Granted, I’m sure he was aware of his physical shortcomings just like the rest of us, but he didn’t feel the need to point them out. He was even confident enough to post shirtless pictures of himself on social media sites which again suggested he was at ease with himself.

3. They are smart.

People may lust over “perfect” models or celebrities but the reality is no matter how much we lust for someone, even if we get them we’re eventually going to have to have a conversation.

Smartness is sexiness, and one doesn’t have to be a tenured professor at Harvard to be smart. Smartness is one of those things that can be cultivated.

In many cases, just having an interest or passion for something can be enough. At the very least, it shows that one is thinking about something other than themselves and that is sexy.

4. They are genuine.

Most of us strive by to be genuine and think we are when in fact, we are anything but.

Genuine doesn’t mean being nice all the time. It doesn’t mean never showing ours flaw or admitting that certain people or things irritate us. There is something extremely sexy about being able to show ourselves as the flawed, complex beings that we are and not worrying if it repels others.

While I am certainly not there, I cannot help but admire those who are.

If I could sum up the number one secret of being sexy it would be to be yourself.

Unlike great beauty or wealth, sexiness is something we can all cultivate for free. While it may not be easy to do, it is nonetheless possible.

In the meantime, if you have to be around one of these rare souls, study and observe them the way an apprentice would a master artisan. This is one case where imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How to Feel Sexier in Bed this Valentines

by zfortadminin SEX TIPS

Feeling sexy often has little to do with, well, sex. In fact, building your sexual confidence doesn’t even have to take place in the bedroom. Whether it’s tossing your old, unflattering underwear, finding the right lighting, or taking a yoga class, there are plenty of easy (and fun!) ways to feel hotter than ever. Let these ideas get you started.

1. Splurge on some flirty lingerie.

Who cares what Gisele Bündchen is wearing? The goal is finding styles you feel sexy in. So while a thong might work for one woman, perhaps you’ll feel cuter (and more comfortable) in a pair of boy shorts. If you consider a bold leopard print push-up bra too much, try a more subtle lacy number — it can be just as titillating.

2. Dress the part.

What you’re wearing before you take your clothes off is just as important. For some women, nothing makes them feel hotter than their favorite pair of jeans, whether they’re “skinny” or not. Others may prefer a short skirt or curve-hugging dress. Either way, choose an outfit that flaunts your fave body part — we guarantee you’ll feel bolder in no time.

3. Turn down the lights.

Florescent lighting is nobody’s friend. We’ve all learned this the hard way in many a department store fitting room. On the contrary, the right lighting in your bedroom can make you look and feel like a sex goddess. Light fixtures that illuminate upward are the most flattering, as are lower-wattage bulbs and ones with a pretty blush tint. We also love dimmers, lamps, and candles to set the mood.

4. Wax it off.

There’s something about a smooth bare leg that makes us feel like getting a little frisky. The same can be said for a bikini wax. It may sound like a lot of effort, but you’ll be dying to take your clothes off!

5. Relax.

It’s difficult to feel sexy when you’re completely stressed and exhausted. That’s why it’s important to make time for you! Ask your husband to look after the kids while you sleep in one Saturday. Take a yoga class or sip a glass of wine with dinner. We promise, your sex drive will thank you.

6. Break out of your comfort zone.

There’s something kind of arousing about living a little dangerously. Plan a more-daring-than-usual activity like rock climbing or surfing — anything that gets the adrenaline pumping. Not the sporty type? Experiment with wearing a shorter-than-usual skirt or a top that shows a little more cleavage. Even better: Send a sexy text to your partner or suggest watching a racy movie together.

7. Hit the gym.

Research shows that exercise boosts your body image — even if the number on the scale is exactly the same. In fact, a 2009 University of Florida study found that people who exercise but don’t lose fat, feel just as good about their bodies as their more fitter peers. So even if you’re still working towards six-pack abs, you’ll still feel hot.

8. Create your dream fantasy.

Why shouldn’t you be the heroine in your own romance novel? Imagine yourself doing all the sexy things you’d like to do… then do them. Try keeping a journal. Who knows, maybe it will turn out to be the next (erotic) best-seller?

9. Get your partner involved.

Ask him to remind you of all the things he finds attractive about you. Knowing what turns him on will help you to see yourself through his eyes. Then, you can do the same for him.

10. Don’t compare yourself to other women.

Just because Jennifer Aniston looks amazing in a bikini doesn’t mean you have to hide under your T-shirt. Measuring yourself up to not-so-easy-to-attain body images is a recipe for bedroom gloom. Look in the mirror, and take note of what you find sexy. You’ll be surprised by how much you really love your body.

TELL US: How do you make yourself feel more confident in the bedroom?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How Often Should We Be Having Sex?

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

Are you having enough sex? You might have wondered if you should up your bedroom activity after reading about other couples’ resolutions to have sex every day or about all the health benefits of getting horizontal.

In what might be welcome news for everyone exhausted from work and frazzled from kids, research suggests you don’t have to get down every day to reap the rewards of sex, at least in terms of happiness and relationship closeness.

A recent study found that, although married people or people in committed relationships who had more sex tended to report feeling happier, the benefit leveled off at a sexual frequency of once a week. Those who said they did the deed four or more times a week did not report feeling any happier than those who had trysts only weekly.

I do think couples can end up feeling pressure to try to engage in sex as frequently as possible,” said Amy Muise, a postdoctoral researcher studying sexual relationships at Dalhousie University in Canada. Once a week “is maybe a more realistic goal to set than thinking you have to have sex everyday and that feels overwhelming and you avoid it,” said Muise, who is lead author of the study, which was published in November in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science.

The study found that sex could boost happiness because it makes people feel more satisfied in their relationship, based on survey data from two separate cohorts, including 2,400 married couples in the U.S. National Survey of Families and Households.

“For people in relationships, their romantic relationship quality is one of the biggest predictors of their overall happiness,” Muise said. “Having sex more than once a week might not be enhancing that (relationship connection), although it is not bad.”

However, there are a couple of rubs with this research, Muise said. One is that it is not clear which came first, sex or happiness. It may be that people who have sex once a week or more were happier in their relationship and life to begin with, and not that the sex helped make them happy. Or both may be true: Sex enhances happiness and happiness enhances sex.

The other catch is that, although a weekly romp might be just what some people need, it might be too much or too little for others. “Certainly there are couples for whom having sex less frequently will be fine for their happiness, and there are couples who will get increases in happiness if they have sex more than once a week,” Muise said.

What’s the right number for you?

One of the best effects of an article like this (by Muise and her colleagues) is that it opens up conversations with couples” about their sex life, said Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist based in Berlin. For some couples, the question of how often they should have sex might not have come up, which could be a sign they feel sufficiently close and satisfied — or that they are just too busy or disconnected to think about it.

Most couples want to be having more sex and I think this is really a result of how busy and full most of our lives are,” Marin said.

Marin avoids prescribing an amount of sex that couples should have, because every couple is different, and instead recommends couples test it out for themselves. “I’m a big fan of having clients experiment, like, one month try to have sex twice a week and see how that goes, or once a week, try to play around with it,” Marin said.

As for those lucky couples that are content with how often they get busy under the sheets, one study suggests they may not want to change a thing. Researchers asked couples that were having sex about six times a month to double down on getting down. Couples that doubled their sexual frequency were in worse moods and enjoyed sex less at the end of three months than couples who had stuck to their usual level of bedroom activity.

Being told you should do something always makes it less fun,” said George Loewenstein, a professor of economics and psychology at Carnegie Mellon University and lead author of the study. That is another reason Marin does not make recommendations to couples about sexual frequency — for fear they could worry they are not living up to expectations and lose their mojo.

However, there’s a far bigger relationship problem than couples worrying they aren’t having quite enough sex — “couples that have pretty much stopped having sex,” Loewenstein said. For these couples, “I think once a week is a good final goal. … It is almost like a natural constant to do it once a week,” he said.

Even if these abstinent couples want to be having more sex, they may lack the desire for their partner. These couples can try conventional strategies, such as scheduling more quality time together or trying a change in scenery. “What couple has not had the experience that you go to a hotel in a new location in a new environment and the person you’re with seems different, and different is good when it comes to sex,” Loewenstein said.

But if these tricks aren’t enough, couples may have to appeal to their rational rather than lustful side and tell themselves to just do it. “These couples might be surprised how enjoyable it would be if they restarted,” Loewenstein said.

Should you schedule your sex?

It might sound like the least romantic thing in the world to pencil in sexy time with your partner. But if you and your partner are game to try, there is no reason not to make a sex schedule.

“For some couples, scheduling sex works really well, it gives them something to look forward to, they like the anticipation, they like feeling prioritized,” Marin said. “Then other couples (say) scheduling sex feels horrible to them, like sex is transactional and just another item on their to-do list.”

Again, Marin recommends couples experiment with scheduling sex to see if it helps them, as long as neither is opposed to it.

A good idea for all couples, whether they like the idea of scheduling sex, is to plan for quality time together — just the two of them. Ideally, this would be about 20 minutes a day with the TV off and cell phones away, but for extra busy couples, it can help to reserve just five minutes a day for a tete-a-tete, Marin said. This time is also the “container for sex,” the time and privacy when sex can be initiated, but you don’t have to feel pressure about it, she added.

Although scheduling sex can help couples that want to be having sex but just can’t find the time, it can make things worse for some. “If there are relationship issues or psychological issues such as stress or anxiety, then scheduling sex might just add to the pressure,” said Acacia Parks, associate professor of psychology at Hiram College.

As for when to schedule the sex, the best time is probably the time when you are least likely to be pulled away by life’s obligations. One of the perks of rise-and-shine sex is that testosterone levels are highest in the morning, and this hormone drives sexual desire. On the other hand, tuck-you-in sex could help lull you to sleep, as hormones released during orgasm could help you relax and feel tired.

According to Muise, the participants in her research typically reported having sex at night before going to sleep, which is not that surprising. But it has to work for both parties. “This is another point of negotiation between partners,” Muise said. “One of them is just too exhausted. That might be something to play around with, is there a time on the weekend that we could try instead.”

Curated by Timothy
Original Article