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Romantic Gestures, Do They Pair With Sushi?

by Riley Silvermanin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Freshman year of high school, I had a crush on a girl that we’ll call Julie. Julie and I had gotten to talking a lot on a choir class trip and we had flirted a bit, although I was 15 and dorky, so by flirting I really just mean she was willing to talk to me.  But we had this joke, the kind of cute inside joke that had me convinced that Julie and I would definitely be together.  At the time there was this weird rumor that green M&Ms were an aphrodisiac.  I barely understood what that meant, but we had joked together on that choir trip about it and shared our green M&Ms with each other and laughed and laughed.

So, come Valentine’s Day, Julie and I had a date planned, and I wanted to get her something special to give her as a valentine at school.  I bought one of those little plastic M&Ms dispensers, and sat down one evening with about a dozen big bags of M&Ms, spending careful amounts of time picking out each and every green one I could find, and re-filling the dispenser with just them.  Let me make it perfectly clear that I did not think that this would make Julie suddenly go into heat and have sex with me right in the cafeteria.  I knew it was a joke.  I thought she would laugh, that was the goal.  But it turned out she laughed not with me, but at me.  She thought it was totally lame and not long after that she decided she wanted to date my best friend Andy instead of me.

I can’t really say that course of events has every really changed in my life.  While I’ve landed pretty firmly in the cynical camp when it comes to romance now, I was for decades a card-carrying Hopeless Romantic. I was prone to wild, random, quirky romantic gestures that I can say never ended well.  Some of them were relatively minor, driving across town to bring ibuprofen to a woman who was stuck at work with a major headache, only to have her barely muster up a thank you.  Hunting down an ‘80s Transformers lunchbox on eBay for an obsessed fan who dumped me the day before I gave it to her.

My very last romantic act which I thought was fairly simple, somehow became the most complicated and convoluted, and likely expedited the breakup that happened less than a week later.  In August 2012 I was dating Katie. She had started a new, stressful job that was demanding far more of her time than she thought it would.  One of the complaints she often shared with me was that she could never get away from her desk long enough for a real lunch and was living off of granola bars and such.  So I decided one day when she’d seemed extra stressed that it would be a really good day to go online and order her some sushi sent to her office.  I picked out her favorite rolls, I tipped the driver in the purchase, and I left a note for the restaurant explaining what was going on.

Here’s the problem: the restaurant didn’t get the note that I gave to the online ordering company.  They then sent a delivery driver who only spoke Japanese.  I had put her name on the order but my phone number, and hadn’t told her it was coming because it was supposed to be a surprise (Note to anyone reading: surprises are almost always a bad idea.)  This leads to me getting a phone call from the driver saying “Food is here,” with him then not understanding me when I explained, “Oh, it’s not for me, it’s a gift.” He responded with a very unsure “Okay,” and then continued to wait in the lobby of her building assuming that what I had said to him was some variation of “I’ll be right down.” 

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The Building Blocks of Erotic Intimacy

by zfortadminin SEX TIPS

Regaining intimacy is important for healthy relationship.

Sex addiction is a coping mechanism, much like compulsive eating, gambling or drinking, that works to either augment the addict’s pleasure or numb his or her pain. It’s a defense against overwhelming feelings that the addict cannot regulate, feelings that have their roots in childhood, when primary caregivers proved unreliable at best, and abusive at worst. Having failed to attach in a healthy way within these initial relationships, the addict now struggles to form bonds with others, either due to fear of abandonment, fear of enmeshment or fear of harm. The result of these fears, regardless of their particular flavor, is a phobia of intimacy that pervades the sex addict’s life. In response, he or she turns to relationship substitutes that also function as brain chemistry-altering drugs — porn, affairs, prostitutes, promiscuity. Thus sex addiction is a complex and highly sophisticated “solution” to the addict’s emotional problems. It is not dismantled easily.

What’s needed is an understanding of the building blocks of intimacy, which when worked on individually and as a whole, will gradually allow the addict to learn a new style of relating to others. The goal is for the addict is to learn to securely attach to healthy partners and experience the joy of intimacy, which once tasted, can be so powerful it incinerates all illusions that sexual acting out can ever fulfill the deep inner longing for connection that all humans have in common.

One of the most important building blocks is transparency. This means allowing ourselves to be seen and known authentically, no matter the consequences. To a sex addict, this can be horrifying. The shame involved in coming clean about the addiction is enough to send the addict right back to the sex club. But transparency is not just about disclosing secrets or divulging details to a partner. It’s about letting other people know when we’re hurting; lettings others in on our humor; sharing our talents; and even just being “boring” when we’re tired or need down time. Transparency is like the clean oxygen needed for relationships to breathe, and it begins in the safety of a therapeutic setting where addicts can risk being themselves, perhaps for the first time ever.

Another major building block of intimacy is vulnerability. Through years of acting out, the sex addict has built of a brick wall of “toughness,” an emotional invincibility that is evidenced in the callous objectifying of others and the ability to stay emotionally detached from partners. Learning to accept that we can be hurt, that we most likely will be hurt from time and time, and that we can be hurt and still be okay is the key to moving towards healthy bonds. To even acknowledge how deeply we can be wounded by a cold look, an unreturned email or a rejected invitation can be daunting, but once viewed in the context of our shared humanity, it becomes easier for the addict to understand how normal their responses are, and to cope with the disappointment in ways that are loving and respectful towards oneself, rather than destructive.

There are many more building blocks and cornerstones of intimacy, and each one is like a key that can open the door to freedom for the sex addict. Throughout the journey, it is essential to having a kind and supportive guide in the form of a therapist or counselor, for this work can unearth traumas too great to be handled on one’s own. Support groups are also invaluable during this stage of recovery, where addicts can share their progress and ultimately begin to grasp that they are not alone.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

 

Many Faces of Romance

by zfortadminin Sex

Love comes in many shapes, sizes and ways of connecting. We should all be free to love and celebrate the love, intimacy, friendship and sexuality of relationships.Many Faces of Romance

 

Curated by Erbe
Original Source

Yoga Sex vs Drunk Sex

by Susanna Leein Mind, Sex

Yoga makes sex even more awesome than booze does.  Already, this entire article sounds like a lie.  I mean, when I come out of the gate with such a grand unbelievable statement like that, it surely must set off your smarty-pants alarm.  With all the things alcohol does to help sex, lowering the inhibitions, acting as a social lubricant, allowing the logic center of your brain enough of a stay-cation that you can bend your perception of reality into pretending that the guy from the barstool next to yours, who is currently flailing around behind you like a Muppet, is the ex you still love…it seems a little incredulous to think that there’s anything legal that could possibly do more to benefit your sex life.  I get that. I too was skeptical.  But it’s been proven true, and here’s a few reasons why:

1. Stress kills the libido, and chaos creates stress.

Yoga calms your mind through attention to breathing.  Smooth, even breaths naturally bring tranquility to the brain.  Our drunk minds aren’t calm they’re just not functioning at 100%, giving you less than your normal amount of chaos to handle.  And sure, that sounds great, but think of your mind as a classroom full of kids.  Getting drunk is basically filling them with birthday cake, root beer, and pixie stix, and letting them bounce off the walls.  Now, of course, a few of them are going to puke and have to go to the nurse’s office, leaving you with fewer to deal with, which seems easier to keep control over; but just because there’s fewer of them doesn’t mean they’ll be able to focus on math any better.  Regulated breathing, however, is like teaching those kids manners and discipline, giving them the tools they need to be able to sit at their desks and read quietly.  Now, I’m certainly no teetotaler, there’s nothing wrong with the occasional sugar bomb, but having the baseline of tranquility makes for a way smoother school year.

2. Being fully present makes for greater enjoyment of an experience.

In yoga, we link our breath with our movements, creating a connection between them, keeping us present in what we’re doing, which, with a regular practice, extends into our lives beyond the mat.  Staying present and attentive during sex lets us fully experience what’s going on, notice what feels good and what doesn’t, which brings us a greater awareness of our own sexual desires, needs, and wants.  I won’t speak for you, but when I get drunk, it’s usually with the goal (conscious or subconscious) of disconnecting, taking a break from reality, and on more than one occasion, I’ve tried something new in bed while drunk, and woken up the next day with no recollection of how I felt about it, beyond a sore muscle or aching orifice, which usually makes me only more leery of trying said sexual feat again.

3. On the note of sore muscles, I’ll move into the myriad of physical ways yoga helps sex.

To begin, there’s flexibility and strength.  A regular yoga practice increases that power pair, which helps us be more comfortable in various sexual positions.  For example, a greater range of motion in the hips allows for a wider leg-spread in missionary.  Stronger quads and core lets you enthusiastically stay on top longer.  Downward dog leads to happier doggie-style.  And having more physical stamina in general never hurt anyone (longer rolls in happier hay).  Yoga also improves our circulation, increasing blood flow to the entire body, pink parts included!  Increasing the blood flow enlivens our tissue and nerve endings, making us more sensitive to the tickles, tingles, and other tremendous titillations that come from my personal favorite of our national pastimes.

Yes, being drunk can also increase flexibility, but temporarily, by numbing pain receptors, which explains my sore muscles the next day. The alcohol-related lowered inhibitions led to being careless with preparations, explaining the aching orifices.  I’ve never had more stamina when I’m drunk. And I am only slightly ashamed to admit that I’ve passed out during drunken sex on more than one occasion.

I think that in my attempt to draw comparisons, I may sound really judgmental, so let me clear that up: Since the first time I paired drinking and fucking, I’ve loved drunken sex.  But in a very in-the-moment, life-of-spontaneous-adventure sort of way.  Yoga has just allowed me to have more complete, lasting appreciation of my sexuality.  So I’m not saying we should stop living our beautiful, wild lives, I’m merely encouraging the addition of a bit of balance to the engaging madness that makes us the unique treasures that we are. More mind-blowing orgasms, less face-melting hangovers?  I’ll absolutely drink to that, namaste!

Attract Your Soul Mate

by zfortadminin LOVE

Taking action and self reflection is key!

You have a soul mate. Someone you are meant to share a great love with. If you haven’t found this person already, it’s likely you’re interested in meeting him or her. Good. You can. I’m going to tell you how.

By bringing awareness to what you want in a relationship, you are more likely to receive it. In that sense, you have control over your destiny in love.

Here are five steps you can take to prepare yourself for the greatest love of your life:

1. Believe in love.

Do you believe you can have a relationship that nourishes you, excites you, and keeps you coming back for more?

Do you believe that you have a soul mate?

I hope so, because believing in love is a crucial (and nonnegotiable) step in making it come true.

You can’t have a relationship that you don’t believe exists. Therefore, if you have any limiting beliefs about what is possible in love, you need to start challenging them ASAP.

If you find yourself thinking that an amazing relationship is not possible for you, tell yourself this: “No! This is a false belief. I know I am meant to have an amazing love.”

As you practice distinguishing your limiting thoughts, you’ll believe more and more that a great love is meant for you. And when this happens, anything is possible.Portrait Of A Young Woman Outdoor Dancing

2. Heal old wounds.

It’s necessary for you to get acquainted with your wounds if you’re going to move beyond them. In getting to know your setbacks, you can take steps to heal this part of yourself, allowing a more fulfilling love to come to you.

How do you do this? First, recognize what you struggle with in relationships. This is could be an issue such as feeling abandoned, trapped, or not good enough. Once you know what the issue is, you heal it by taking care of yourself in the way that you’ve felt hurt by others.

Let me give you an example. If you’ve felt rejected in relationships, then you have to take steps to stop rejecting yourself. This means accepting your feelings, being kind to yourself, and making room for all parts of who you are.

As you love yourself in the way that you want to be loved, these wounds will heal. Once they do, you’ll no longer need to play them out with other people in your life.

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Speaking Love through Physical Touch

by zfortadminin Sex

There is power in your touch!

Keeping emotional love alive in a marriage makes life much more enjoyable. How do we keep love alive after the “in-love” emotions have evaporated? I believe it is by learning to speak each other’s “love language.” This week we will focus on physical touch.

For some husbands, when they hear the words physical touch, they immediately think of sex. But sexual intercourse is only one of the dialects of this love language. Holding hands, kissing, embracing, back rubs, or an arm around the shoulder are all ways of expressing love by physical touch.

Physical touch can make or break a marital relationship. Do you know how to speak this love language? To the spouse whose primary love language is physical touch, nothing is more important than your tender touches. You may give them words of affirmation or gifts, but nothing communicates love like physical touch.

Touches may be explicit and call for your full attention, such as a back rub or sexual foreplay. They can be implicit and require only a moment, such as putting your hand on his shoulder as you pour a cup of coffee. Once you discover that physical touch is the primary love language of your spouse, you are limited only by your imagination. Kiss when you get in the car. It may greatly enhance your travels. Give a hug before you go shopping. You may hear less griping when you return. Remember, you are learning to speak a new language.

When you reach out with tender touch, you create emotional closeness. This is especially true if the primary love language of your spouse is physical touch. You may say, “What if I’m just not a toucher? I didn’t grow up in a touchy-feely family.” The good news is that you can learn to speak this love language. It can begin with a pat on the back, or putting your hand on their leg as you sit together on the couch.Couple Holding Hands Having Sex Inside A Car

Almost instinctively in a time of crisis, we hug one another. Why? During these times, we need to feel loved more than anything. All marriages will experience crises. Disappointments are a part of life. The most important thing you can do for your wife in a time of crisis is to love her. If her primary love language is physical touch, nothing is more important than holding her as she cries. Your words may mean little, but your physical touch will communicate that you care. In a time of crisis, a hug is worth more than a thousand words. Physical touch is a powerful love language.

Have you ever had a time when you were in need of a hug? What do you do to let others know that you need a gesture of physical touch? What do you do if your spouse’s love language is physical touch, but you’re not “touchy-feely”?

 

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Being Sexually Purposeful

by Lexi Notabartoloin Sex

I like sex. I don’t say this in a scandalous, “Samantha-from-Sex-and-the-City” way, but as a simple statement of fact. Sex feels good, I think I’m reasonably “good” at it, and the combination of those two things is a bigger aphrodisiac for me than any sense of victory over a sexual conquest could.

That doesn’t stop my friends from making jokes (lovingly. I think.) about my “man eater” qualities. “Oh, Lex,” they say, “You’d destroy him.” While that might be true, it’s not because I’ve got an arsenal of tricks and knowledge behind me. It’s because when I want to have sex, I do. I act with sexual purposefulness. Anyone, with the right mindset, can, too.

If we’re being totally honest, there is a lot about sex that freaks me out. I grew up in the late nineties, when teen pregnancy was running rampant and everyone had at least one friend that had experienced “a scare.” This made me cautious, but as a natural-born researcher, it also made me endlessly curious. Vibrators? Nipple clamps? BDSM? If all these sex things existed, they had to be enjoyable to someone. Right? Right?!

Once I became an actual researcher, paid to examine things in a systematic and diagnostic fashion, I began to apply the same rigor to my sexual life. The results were fascinating, but ultimately just gave words to processes I was already putting into practice. Some call it sexual confidence, game, or swag. I call it being sexually purposeful. It’s a largely internal process, so like any good researcher I worked from a question set checking in with my subject (me) at multiple intervals.

What’s up with my body?

Sexual purposefulness begins, exists, and ends with the person living it. FYI: That’s you. It’s important to learn how to distinguish between “I want to have sex” and “I want another person touching my body.” They seem similar, but there is a gulf of intent between them. The more in tune you are with what your body is telling you it wants, the more sexually purposeful you can be. Maybe tonight you just want to make out with someone. You know who should know that? The other party in that makeout sesh. Nothing is more engaging or sexy than clarity.

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Can Tantra Improve Your Sex Life?

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex

Sex is one reason couples come to Tantra – either to help put the spark back into their relationship or in the hope of curing some kind of sexual dysfunction. Below are some key principles which can help couples to find sexual fulfillment.

  • Make time for love: Busy couples often make love at the end of a tiring day. Make special time for your love-making. Have a bath, exchange a massage, take a walk or meal together beforehand so you can let go of the day and spend time simply being together before making love.
  • Create a sacred space: Make your bedroom your temple. Clear away all the clutter, light candles, burn incense, place a special cloth on your bed – do whatever you need to do to create an atmosphere of sacredness and love.
  • See sex as sacred: When we are able to experience awe and wonder for the miracle of sex, we are in tune with godliness. To jump start this process, imagine your partner is a god or goddess – be creative! You could wash their feet, stroke their skin gently with reverence or gaze into their eyes – whatever helps you see the divine in them.
  • No goal: Forget about the goal of orgasm. Learn to just be together in a timeless zone. This becomes more orgasmic than any genital release can ever be.
  • Be total: breathe deeply and totally from your belly as much as you can – aliveness and let go are essential for the flow of sexual energy to become ecstatic.
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From Fun Best Friend to Loving Boyfriend

by zfortadminin LOVE

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a guy friend who I was into who I kiiiind of thought was into me too but I couldn’t really tell. Not because I’m oblivious but because it’s so easy to see those signs and not want to be That Person who assumes someone is totally into her when he’s actually just being a really good friend who happens to be a guy.

Because I tend to lean toward “maybe he’s just being nice!!!” and usually need to be beaten over the head with mixtapes, picnics, and quirky flower arrangements before I start to think, “Wait, does Jeff like me?” while everyone around me rolls their eyes and says, “Yes, are you kidding?” I can save you some of that time.

1. Your friends ask if you guys are a thing yet. One time I had a guy at a bar tell me he didn’t ask me out because he saw I had a boyfriend. The guy he saw was not my boyfriend, but he was a guy friend I thought might be into me. If total strangers and friends think you guys are giving off couple vibes, it’s because he’s absolutely wishing you two were a couple.

2. When he hugs you, it feels like he’s making out with you using only his arms. If your hugs used to be kind of standard, and now they’re longer and more affectionate, it’s because #feelings are there. New, or maybe not new, but definitely more intense #feelings. And not just of the “oh man, our connection as two platonic humans has truly intensified” variety.

3. You hang out one-on-one all the time doing, let’s be honest, couple-y things. Oh yeah, you’re just friends. Friends who go to lunch together, museums together, and movies together with just the two of you, hanging out for hours, with him silently wishing at some point he could hold your hand.

4. He brings up your inside jokes like they’re quotes from his favorite movie. Whether it’s conscious or not, he’s telling you he loves the connection you two have and is trying to slowly tell you, “Look at how much fun we have! Man, we have a cool connection. Possibly of the boyfriend/girlfriend variety. Just sayin’.”

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No Need to Worry: 6 Things Men Never Notice During Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

It’s only natural to be a little insecure in bed. (Let’s just be real for a moment, OK? We’ve all tried to duplicate our O-face in the mirror and walked away horrified that’s how we look in the throes of passion.) But the beautiful thing about men is they not only don’t notice our oddities mid-act, they have no memory recall of them afterward either. They just had sex—what more could possibly be on their mind?! So the next time you let something you’re doing to your face—or something you didn’t do the night before—get in the way of your pleasure, read this and forget about it!

1 How loud you are. As long as you’re not bellowing in pain or stone silent, it matters little at what decibel level you express yourself. So scream in ecstasy or clam up in time to concentrate on your orgasm—either way, they’ll understand.

2. How your boobs bounce. If you’re well-endowed, it may feel as if your girls are going to hit the ceiling, and watching them jiggle about may make you long for a bra. But while you’re worrying what they look like, a guy’s just enjoying the show!

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Keys to More Intimacy in your Relationship

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

Q: We used to make love at least every other day, then it dropped to once a week and now it seems like we barely do it once a month.

We both miss it, but we have lots going on and making time for sex has fallen by the wayside for a multitude of reasons.

When we don’t have time for sex, how can we still feel close and connected?

Is there anything that can make us feel like a couple, the way sex does?

A: Ah the blissful morning after making love: you’re smiling, you have a spring in your step, you sneak meaningful, secret glances with your lover, your partner feels more like your seductive lover than your significant other and/or co-parent, you can’t keep your hands off each other, and you’re sure the sun is brighter and birds are chirping louder because all is good and sweet in the world and in your life – oh happy day.

Post-sex contentment hits every person differently, but it is true that after lovemaking, couples feel more connected, more attuned to each other’s needs, communicate more effectively, and the body chemicals flooding through one’s veins and brain is enough to make one feel, well, very loved up.

But some couples don’t have as much time for lovemaking as they would like.

So they may miss out on this blissful morning after glow.

Some couples believe that if they don’t have time for sex, they don’t have time for much else together, either, so intimate shared time becomes a luxury, or left to be experienced infrequently and rarely in a couple’s life.

But it doesn’t have to be. Couples who feel they don’t have time for sex, or are just too tired or too busy with other competing important priorities don’t have to neglect their intimacy altogether.

Couples can certainly feel bonded, giddy and loved up through other means, not only sex.

Yes, sex is a powerful magnet between partners, but if you’re strapped for time, energy or have other reasons you can’t get enough sexy time together (perhaps one person travels or you work varied hours from one another or have small children or others living with you etc), there are other ways to get your gooey loving exciting thrilling feelings more often.

1. Dance. Hold your partner close. Next time your partner is in the same room and you go to open a social media app on your smartphone, stop, and use the minutes you would have spent swiping a screen with your thumb instead swaying to a song on one of your music apps with your love.

2. Whenever you are out together, hold hands. Public displays of affection make you feel close, and make you proud to be together as a couple. Take every moment, no matter how small, to connect and to remind yourselves that you choose each other, every day.

3. Laugh. Lots of people are only witty and entertaining to strangers or company outside their relationship and family. Be funny. Find humour in life together. Reminisce about shared good times and hilarious memories. Build your foundation in part by holding on to the good things that keep you together and make the ride together worthwhile. Feeling light and laughing together is an important part of your shared life together.

4. Have a conversation, just the two of you, every day. Okay so you may not have time for sex, but you always have time to talk, about something interesting or intimate, for at least 10 minutes, whether it’s on the phone or in person. You’re adults who share a connection and fell in love with each other’s minds as well as bodies. Don’t forget to nurture that!

5. Shower together. Yes, it might lead to a quickie. But either way, it’s sensual couple time together, and it’s skin on skin contact and you may even squeeze in a conversation too!

 

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How to Argue–From a Debate Professor

by Lexi Notabartoloin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Couples argue. When two people share a life (and thus a lot of time) together, it’s unavoidable. Whereas you might feel totally comfortable telling a coworker or friend where to stick their unsolicited opinions, the stakes feel higher with a partner. You care about them. You want them to be happy. But sometimes… you just want them to see that you’re right and they’re wrong and to stop being so difficult. I hear you.

Arguing can be a good thing for a relationship if you do it right. Now, I’m not a psychologist, relationship expert, or professional mediator. What I am is a former internationally competitive debater and teacher of debate. Since this is a safe space and we’re all close, personal friends I’ll be honest: I love to argue. I love the pace and exchange and demand that I think on my feet. My partner — a truly wonderful and patient human — does not find this to be my best quality. I’m here to tell you that there are approaches to contentious moments in a relationship that ensure your voice is heard and can even strengthen your connection.

“The Pregame”

Many arguments are rooted not in the topic being argued, but the perception of what the argument says about one of the involved parties. The best way to mitigate this kind of dynamic is to make a habit of being supportive and constructive in common conversation with your partner. When they say something insightful, tell them you find it interesting. When you glean new information from a discussion, let them know you learned something. The goal isn’t a flattery-off, so don’t force these moments. Saying the little things you think in your brain as you talk with someone you care about can have a big impact when emotions run high. Even a simple “Huh. I hadn’t thought about that. Super interesting” can go a long way when you need it later on.

“The Mind Buck”

When it comes to a loved one, there is no such thing as “stuck” in a conversation. Weird Gene cornering you at the office at the holiday party is “stuck.” Changing the way you think about a situation has powerful implications for how your brain will allow you to process information. Often times we can feel an argument coming on, based on past experience. This generates stress, which does some pretty interesting stuff to brain chemistry and function. Most notably, stress can decrease activity in the parts of the brain that allow for higher level reasoning. If you feel like your critical thinking skills get worse as you get steamed, you might be right.

In this instance, you need to give your brain something else to focus on. Some people try a basic counting exercise, where counting backwards from twenty of fifty, (if you go from zero to Michael Bay in no time flat) de-escalates a situation. I found that a mantra, practiced in calm times but invoked prior to big debate rounds worked well for me. When it comes to fights with my partner, I’ve got a few choice mantras that relate to our connection that I cycle through. “My eyes sparkle when you laugh at my jokes,” reminds me of one of the best small shared moments we have. “You bring me coffee and smell my hair every morning,” is a more practically-focused meditation, and keeps our familial rituals at the forefront. “No matter what you say right now, you’ll still fart in the bed,” pulls double duty as a very true thing that makes me laugh but also something that keeps the situation in perspective. You might really want to, but don’t let your brain freak out or shut down.

“Listen, Breathe, Repeat”

The hardest but most effective rhetorical tool I’ve encountered. Even if the information being presented to you is incredibly objectionable, let the speaker run their course. Then, prior to your response, breathe deeply. Like, I’m talking diaphragm expanding, theatre warm up levels of deep breathing. Then, repeat what you’ve heard as best you can recall it. This does three things:

  • Let’s the other person feel heard;
  • Regulates your heartbeat, avoiding that “rage tremble” feeling we’ve all experienced;
  • Gives your mouth a second to catch up to your brain.

The kinds of people I used to debate against were not ones for brevity, so you’ll have to develop your own ways of remembering points you want to hit while they run out their words. I would pop a knuckle when I heard something I wanted to respond to, which was probably not great for my joints but effective in connecting a sensation to a statement I’d hear. I’d then try to pop the same knuckle and magically find that I was able to recall whatever point to which I’d wanted to respond.

“The Trump Card”

The bottom line is that for most people, anything is preferable to arguing. If your goal is to navigate the shortest distance between contention and drinking an IPA on the couch and laughing about your dumb tiff, nothing beats honesty. “I love you and want to enjoy our time together” tends to throw folks for a loop. That’s okay. So long as you stay levelheaded (see “The Mind Buck”) the relationship world is your oyster.

8 Tips for Mindful Love-Making

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex

Here’s how to improve your connection with your partner. 

Mindfulness is being in the present moment with total awareness. But the one area where we can be the least present is in our relationships, and that includes our most intimate ones.

Mindful love-making is a whole new approach to being intimate with awareness, which means having sex not only for the sheer pleasure of it, but with our mind, body, and spirit combined, and as thoughtfully engaged as possible. Loving your partner mindfully will enhance the quality of your sex, and increase the closeness you experience together significantly. Not only will it become the type of love-making you crave, but it will be the only type of love-making you desire to give your partner.

Here are several ways to connect with your partner mindfully, and be as fully present as you can in the bedroom:

The best lovemaking is when two people are 100 percent present with each other, which means they are completely aware and sensitive of one another’s needs. A good way to make that happen is to set aside a special time for you and your partner to have sex. That way, you know that you’re bringing your complete attention to them, and that they are getting all of you in the experience, which is a turn-on.Young loving couple isolated on white

Mindful lovemaking can happen when both people are fully present without distraction. Put your gadgets away. That means no phones nearby, or anything electronic that could go off and distract you. Being fully present with your partner means that you need nothing other than them to satisfy you.

Making love mindfully means being fully attuned to someone else’s body and needs. Communicate to your partner either verbally or through touch how much you want to satisfy them. Giving them all of your attention increases stimulation and satisfaction.

Think of what would make your partner happy or satisfy them. Showing your partner that you’ve taken the time to figure out what would excite them sexually lets them know that you care about them, and that they are very important to you.

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Female Orgasm. Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.

by zfortadminin Sex

‘The orgasm is no longer a mere biological function used in procreation, nor the side effect of casual pleasure … it is the very centre of the human experience and ultimately determines the happiness of the human race.’ says Wilhelm Reich

Sexuality and orgasm are widely influenced by past experiences, relationships with others, the culture in which we live, combined with the biochemical reactions in our bodies.

In western culture these factors are not discussed widely or openly enough and women are left to discover and explore their own sexuality based on the idea that we should be able to reach sexual pleasure and orgasm easily and frequently.

The fact is, no two women share the same experience of desire or even the same orgasmic pattern. Misconceptions about the “right” way to have an orgasm and expectations about normal libido leave many women feeling inadequate.

Education and greater awareness of the importance of sexuality and orgasm is needed in order for there to be less confusion and uncertainty, and more pleasure and understanding.

Women from a young age should be encouraged to talk to their friends and family about their sexuality and have access to holistic information that can help them grow and learn as sexually aware women.

 

 

Curated by Erbe
Original Source